#I'd reblog that too but i wouldn't even know what to say about myself honestly
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Honey Girl. Chapter Six.
Chapter One. Chapter Two. Chapter Three. Chapter Four. Chapter Five. Chapter Seven. Chapter Eight. Series Masterlist. The Playlist.
Chapter Synopsis - You finally start to appreciate the happiness that having a soulmate brings.
Pairing - Dad'sBestFriend!Bucky Barnes x Female Reader - soulmate au
Warnings - smut. cursing. alcohol consumption. so much fluff.
Age Rating - 18+
Word Count - 5k
Author's Note - the sixth installment!! thank you to everyone who voted in my poll - I listened, and decided to make this chapter as sweet as pie, because I think we all need it. it's nice to have a little break from the angst. just a liiiiittle break though. a tiny one. as always, thank you for all of your love and support and enthusiasm and patience and kindness towards this story. so much love for every one of you. <3
as always, reblogs, comments and feedback (even anonymous feedback) are immensely appreciated!! your reblogs are the only way to circulate my fics, which keeps me going <3
Masterlist. Inbox.
"Are you happy?"
You stretch your feet further into the sand and sit up, wiggling to get comfortable on the picnic blanket.
"That's a big question to start with."
Stella laughs and closes her notebook, deciding to take a different route than originally planned.
"I just mean... be honest with me. I'm not gonna be offended if you say no."
"Do you think I'm gonna say no?"
"Do you always have to answer my questions with questions?"
You tilt your head and watch her, smiling softly.
"I thought this was supposed to be an employee performance review."
"You're not my employee and you know it."
Both of you laugh, the sound whipped away by the sea breeze.
"Then what am I, Stella?" you chuckle.
"You're basically my partner. Come on, we've done all of this together. You helped me build this business from the ground up - I couldn't have done it without you."
You go to protest, so she continues.
"I think you should be. My partner, that is. Obviously there's logistics to work out, but it'd be fifty fifty. You and I, co-owners. It doesn't feel right to me that you're my 'employee'. I'm not your boss. We're equals."
Your mind is running a mile a minute, trying to process what Stella's asking of you. Being her business partner is an opportunity you know is rare and incredibly special - and it could potentially set you up for life - but you can't help but think about the fact it's a big commitment. About home. About Bucky.
"You don't have to answer me right now - I just want you to think about it. We always talked about opening up businesses of our own. I should have asked you to be my partner at the beginning, but honestly... I didn't know if you were gonna stick around. It kinda felt like you had one foot out the door when we started."
You take a deep breath, nodding.
"Yeah. I, uh - I think I did. Don't get me wrong, I was super excited, but the idea of moving away when I felt like I'd just got home was a lot to process. I'd just settled back there, and then I was gonna be packing up all of my stuff again and shipping myself across the country. "
"I didn't realise it was so tough for you, you know. I just assumed you wouldn't mind moving. I mean, you were always up for it, back at school."
"Things changed, after I graduated. I got home, and a couple of things happened and I guess it just... turned everything upside down. Home is different now. In a good way, I think."
"You're different now, too."
You look at her carefully, half attempting to read her mind.
"How do you mean?"
"You're... more grounded. More careful. You think through everything way more than you ever did. Almost like you've realised you're not invincible anymore."
There's a feeling, when you're young, that you're indestructible. Unharmable. Broken bones mend, cuts and bruises heal, hearts and minds forget about their aches if you give them long enough.
Then one day, that feeling is gone. And you realise that you're mortal - made of flesh and blood and bones that will one day be returned to the Earth, whether you like it or not.
Meeting your soulmate is like having that realisation again, but bigger. Again, and again, and again. You don't live for yourself, anymore. You live for them. The pain they'd feel if they lost you is unfathomable, completely unimaginable.
So you become more careful. Less reckless. You drive a little slower, take things a little easier, quit your dangerous hobbies and unhealthy habits. You need to be alive for as long as possible. And you know your soulmate will do the same.
That's how you can tell a Tethered person from an Untethered one. Ask two people to go skydiving with you, and the Tethered one will tell you no. They can't risk it. It's not worth it.
Stella's right. You have realised you're not invincible anymore. You're a little more cautious when you climb ladders, you don't balance precariously on the kitchen counters anymore. You look twice when you cross the street, and don't risk it if there's a car coming and you could maybe get across.
You're also painfully aware that Bucky's older than you. He'll be turning forty in less than two years. Sure, he's not ancient, but it does mean you'll have less time together than Lacie will with Cameron, for example. And that hard truth makes you live a little less recklessly, every single day.
"I guess I just... grew up."
You're honestly not sure why you don't just tell Stella about Bucky. You know she'd understand. But there's a part of you that feels protective over what you have - territorial, even. Your Tethering is sacred, almost, and you feel the primal urge to guard it with your life. To lock it in a box and keep it away from anything that could harm it. The less people that know, the less damage that can be done. Maybe.
"I did too. The world is kinda scary now we're not in that little culinary school bubble, huh?"
"Yeah," you laugh. "We thought that was hard. Little did we know."
"Take your time, thinking about my offer. But just know that I really, really appreciate the fact that you're here. That you believed in me enough to move across the country. It means a lot."
"Of course," you say, reaching across to grab her hand. "I always believed in you, Stella. I always knew you'd do something great."
"We'd."
"Hmm?"
"We'd do something great. The two of us. Together."
"I always knew that we'd do something great," you correct.
You're starting to believe that, as time goes on. You were born to do this. You deserve to live your dreams.
Let the happiness seep through, you'd told yourself.
It finally feels like it is.
✵ ✵ · ✵ * · ✵
"There's a guy here to see you."
Isabel pops her head around the door, grinning at you like she knows something you don't.
"Again?"
She nods, giggling.
"Let me guess... he's hot, tall, brown hair?"
"Bingo."
"Thanks, Isa. I'll be right out. Is it busy out there?"
"It's quieter than it was. There was a pastry rush this morning, but we're good now."
You laugh and hang up your apron, washing your hands quickly before making your way to the café.
You feel like you're having déjà vu, this situation oddly familiar.
Just like Isa said, he's stood waiting with his back to you, broad shoulders filling out his powder blue short sleeve button up.
You're excited to see Rafael again. You've been trying a new cookie recipe for his sister, and you're eager to get him to try it. You're mentally making a note to buy a nice box to put them in when you feel it.
The lights get a little brighter, the colours a little more vibrant. The tightness in your chest eases, allowing you to take a full, deep breath. You can suddenly hear the birds outside singing, melodies drifting through the open doors like a summer breeze.
The man turns around, and it's not Rafael.
It's Bucky.
You're moving before you can even process it, running and jumping into his arms. You inhale, revelling in his familiar scent. He's here. Your happiness has arrived.
"Surprise," he laughs quietly into your ear. "Miss me, honey girl?"
You beam a grin at him, pulling away to look at his handsome face.
"More than you'll ever know."
"Oh, I know. I feel it."
He places a hand over his heart gently, looking at you with pure adoration.
"What are you doing here?"
"It's been a month since your Mom's birthday. A month since I've seen your pretty face. A month too long."
You roll your eyes jokingly, so he continues.
"You don't mind that I'm here, do you? Because I'll go, if it's too much for you. I know me showing up unannounced is a lot to process."
"Don't go," you reply quickly, grabbing his hand. "I want you here, Buck. More than anything."
He leans in and presses his lips to yours, cradling your face in his warm hands. The background of the café melts away, the man in front of you the only thing that matters.
You pull away and smile at him, pressing your forehead into his gently.
"Come back to the kitchen with me. Let's get away from all the noise."
You grab his hand and pull him with you, ignoring the excited giggling from Isabel behind the counter.
Bucky perches against a counter, leaning back to allow you to stand in between his legs. You wrap your arms around his neck and peck his lips, stealing kisses in between giddy smiles.
"I hope you weren't expecting a day full of super exciting adventures. I've got a list full of stuff I've got to get finished by closing."
"Honey, I'm more than content to stay here and watch you work. There's nothing I love more than watching you bake."
You run your fingertips over his face carefully, gently tracing his features as you look at him.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes, I'm sure. I don't care what we do, as long as we're together."
You wrap your arms around his middle, holding him as tightly as you can.
"I feel like I hit the soulmate jackpot," you whisper.
"No one's as lucky as I am," he whispers back. "Now, come on. Let me see you work your magic."
✵ ✵ · ✵ * · ✵
Bucky, it turns out, makes a damn good assistant.
Instead of just watching, he volunteers to help in whatever way he can. You set him onto weighing your ingredients, so you can focus on making and decorating. He takes his job very seriously, measuring down to the precise gram each time. You can't help but grin as you watch him concentrate, determined to get it right.
At lunch time, Isabel brings you both coffee and sandwiches, entering just as you're teaching Bucky how to properly fold in ingredients.
"Sorry, I hope I'm not interrupting anything."
"You could never. Isa, this is Bucky. Buck, this is Isabel. Our best waitress."
He holds out his floury hand for her to shake.
"It's nice to meet you, Isabel. I've heard a lot about you."
"You have?"
Her eyes light up as she looks at you, fighting the smile off her face.
"My honey talks about you all the time."
Isabel glances between the two of you, clearly trying to figure things out.
"And you two are..."
"Soulmates," you say at the same time as Bucky does.
Her jaw drops for a moment, before she laughs.
"Yeah. That makes a lot of sense, actually."
You roll your eyes at her lovingly before Stella's voice calls her name from out front.
"I better go. But me and you are gonna talk about this later."
"Fine," you laugh.
"Nice to meet you!" Bucky shouts after her, pressing a kiss to your temple. "I like that we're just telling people now."
"Yeah, me too, actually. I thought it'd be scary, but... it feels right."
He slings an arm around your middle, pulling you into his side.
"We've still got the two most important people left to tell."
Your muscles tense and Bucky feels it instantly, running his thumb in patterns over your hip gently.
"I've been thinking about it a lot. I'm almost ready, Buck. We can't avoid it forever. Next time I'm home, I think we should do it. We should tell them."
Bucky hooks two fingers under your chin, forcing you to look at him.
"Are you sure? Once we tell them, we can't undo it. We'll only do it if you're one hundred percent sure."
"I'll be ready when the time comes. It'll be a huge weight off of both of our shoulders, which I think we both need."
"Okay then," he says, kissing your forehead. "Next time you're home."
Isabel clears her throat from the doorway, smiling sheepishly.
"I can't believe I'm saying this again, but... there's a guy here to see you."
You laugh, untangling yourself from Bucky with a kiss to his cheek.
"Send him through. Thanks, Isa."
The man you were originally expecting to see this morning walks into the kitchen, envelopes in his hand.
"Hey!"
"Hey, Rafael."
He gives you a quick hug, before waving at Bucky.
"Hey, man. You've gotta be the soulmate, right?"
Bucky chuckles, coming over to shake Raf's hand.
"Yeah, that's me. How'd you know?"
"Are you kidding? You can feel it the minute you walk into the room. There's like, electricity in here."
You laugh, hiking yourself up to sit on the counter. Bucky stands next to you, arms crossed over his broad chest.
"Here," Rafael says, handing you an envelope. "We're having a gala next month, for the charity that has supported my sister. We'd love it if you could come - and bring your date too, of course."
"I'd love to," you say as you read the invitation. "Do you need me to bring anything? You know I'll happily make something, if you guys need it."
"You would?"
"Absolutely! I could bring a cake, if you like? I haven't done a proper, three tiered cake in forever. I'd love to."
"That'd be... amazing. Seriously. We just want to raise as much money as possible."
"Of course. Thanks for these, Raf. How is she?"
"She's okay. She's getting a tiny bit stronger every day, and that's all we can really ask for."
You reach a hand out to squeeze his in support.
"You know where I am if you need anything."
"Of course. Thank you, so much. I've gotta run - I've got like a hundred of these invites to deliver. But I'll see you at the weekend?"
"For sure. See you, Raf!"
"Nice to meet you, Bucky."
"You too, man. Take care."
Isa shows Rafael out of the door, winking at you on her way out.
"Damn, he's handsome," Bucky laughs.
"Isn't he?" you giggle. "Nothing on my soulmate though, I'm afraid."
"Shut up," he blushes, leaning in to capture your lips. "You wanna get dinner when you're done here?"
"Yes, please. I'll show you around my new apartment too."
"Can't wait."
There's not an ounce of tension in your muscles as you finish up your bakes for the day, gliding around the kitchen while Bucky stands and watches your every move.
If you could pause time, this would be when you'd do it. You'd be content to live in this moment forever.
✵ ✵ · ✵ * · ✵
The minute Bucky walks through your front door, he inhales deeply. The entire place smells like you, cosy and golden.
"You like it?"
"It's gorgeous, baby. I love the windows."
He makes his way over to your kitchen, where the glass panes run from floor to ceiling. Sitting on the bench pressed against it, he takes in the view, savouring the feeling of the sun on his face.
You sit down on his lap, draping your legs over him and wrapping your arms around his neck. Nuzzling your face into his jaw, you press a kiss to the stubble, resisting the urge to lick the salt off of his skin.
"Come on," you murmur. "Let me show you my bedroom. The sun sets in that direction, so it's always beautiful in there."
You grab his hand and walk him across the apartment, swinging open the door to your room and pushing him inside.
He takes in the space for a moment before turning in your direction, striding over to smash his lips to yours. You tangle your fingers into his shirt and pull him closer, letting him slip his tongue into your mouth with ease.
Bucky leans in to trail kisses down your neck as he slips your shirt over your head, making quick work of unclasping your bra with skilled fingers. He grasps your chest in both hands, massaging gently as he nips at your throat.
"So fucking pretty," he murmurs. "Haven't stopped thinking about you since you left me."
You whine and unbutton his shirt, shrugging it off his shoulders. You're desperate to see more, desperate to feel his skin on yours, desperate to bare every inch of him.
Your fingers make deft work of his belt, sliding it from its loops and throwing it to the ground. You unpop his button and slide down the zipper, pulling his jeans off his legs in no time. You shimmy out of your skirt, leaving you both in your underwear.
The evening sun seeps through the window panes, illuminating the room in hues of orange and gold. The light hits Bucky's skin, making him glow in a halo of love and adoration.
He walks you backwards, wrapping an arm around your back to throw you onto the white sheets of your bed. Crawling over you, he settles in between your legs, pressing gentle kisses from your ankles to your inner thighs.
"The way you look when you come has been burned in my mind," he whispers. "Need to see it again. It's been too long."
He slides your underwear down your legs and wastes no time, diving into you like a man starved. He devours you, tongue never ceasing it's movements. His hands pry your thighs apart, one arm thrown over your stomach to keep you still. When your muscles start to shake, Bucky doubles down on his efforts, lapping and sucking at you like you're his lifesource.
"Oh, Buck, I'm-"
You see stars as you come, white and silver shapes flying through your vision. Bucky never stops, prolonging your release for as long as he can. When you go boneless, he ceases, pressing kisses to the inside of your knee.
"You okay?" he murmurs, moving so his body smothers yours.
"I'm good," you smile, leaning up to kiss him. You groan when you taste yourself, wrapping your legs around his waist.
"Need you, baby. Please, Buck."
"You sure?"
You smile at him, cradling his face in your hands.
"Couldn't be surer."
He dips down to lick into your mouth once more, shucking his boxers off and throwing them across the room. Slipping a condom on, he lines himself up, eyes meeting yours.
"I need you more than I need air to breathe," he murmurs. "You know that, don't you?"
"Buck," you breathe. "I've been going crazy here without you."
He goes to speak, but stops himself, instead leaning down to kiss your forehead.
"I know," you whisper. "I know."
Bucky slides home in one smooth thrust, both of you gasping. One of his hands finds your hip, the other resting against your throat as an anchor. You wrap your legs around his waist, arms snaking around his shoulders.
"Fuck me, please."
"Fuck," he groans. "I'll be replaying that in my head forever."
You chuckle breathlessly, gasping when he draws his hips back and forward again. He sets an even pace - not too fast, not too slow. He has you right where he wants you, both of your bodies in perfect synchronisity. It feels like the stars have aligned. Everything's fallen into place.
Bucky dances his fingers from your hip to your clit, rubbing firm circles. He plays you like a violin, your muscles tensing as you get closer.
"That's it, pretty girl. Fuck, you're so good for me. You close, honey? Gonna come for me again?"
You nod frantically as he picks up his pace, hips colliding with yours. He groans as you tighten around him, head dropping to rest against yours.
"Come for me, honey girl," he whispers. "Please."
Your back arches as you find your release, nails scratching at the skin of Bucky's back. The pain tips him over the edge, spilling inside of you with a deep groan. He collapses on top of you, both of your chests heaving.
"I think we're naturals at that," you chuckle hoarsely.
"You think it's the soulmate thing, or are we just that good?"
"I think we're just that good," you laugh, pushing him off your body so he lands next to you. You link your fingers with his, resting your head on his chest.
"I need a drink."
"I was just thinking that, actually. You wanna go out? Know anywhere?"
"There's a cute little bar that looks out over the cove - it has good food and good cocktails. You wanna go there?"
"I'd go anywhere with you," he affirms, pressing a kiss into your hair.
"I'd kill for a pineapple margarita right now."
Bucky sits up suddenly, bringing you with him, arms wrapped around you.
"Then let's go get my girl a pineapple margarita."
✵ ✵ · ✵ * · ✵
The golden lights adorn the beams of wood above your head, the deck illuminated in the gentle glow. The ocean waves break the shore in a comfortingly repetitive motion, a calming soundtrack to the evening. You sit across from Bucky at your table for two, the sunset casting orange hues across the horizon.
"It's beautiful out here."
"Yeah," you agree, smiling. "The view is pretty good."
Your eyes haven't left his, lost in the sea blue of his irises. He chuckles, running his thumb over the back of your hand where it rests atop the table.
"This is our first date, you know."
"Really?"
"I mean, we've been 'dating' this whole time - but we've never gone out and had dinner like this. Held hands and all."
"You're right. Our first date of many, huh?"
"Our first of countless," he grins, brushing his lips over your knuckles in a gentle kiss.
"Where do my parents think you are?"
"Visiting a cousin in Nevada."
You laugh, and the sound makes Bucky light up, electricity running through his veins.
"You're a scarily good liar."
"To everyone but you."
"I used to think I was a good liar. Until I met you, that is."
Just as he's about to respond, your waitress appears, two pineapple margaritas in hand. She takes your orders and leaves, smiling at you.
"Oh, shit. She forgot to give us straws. I'm gonna grab some - be right back."
You chase her inside, tapping her shoulder gently.
"Excuse me - could I get a couple of straws, please?"
"Of course. Sorry!" she apologises, handing them to you.
"Thank you! Your shirt is so cute, by the way."
"Thanks - it's thrifted! You're gorgeous, girl. And your boyfriend is stupidly hot too. You're a pretty couple."
You thank her and laugh, returning to Bucky with a grin on your face.
"What's got you smiling?"
"The waitress called you my boyfriend."
"Huh. As much as I love the commitment... boyfriend kinda sounds like we're in ninth grade, doesn't it?"
You throw your head back, laughing with your entire being.
"That's what I thought. There's gotta be a better word. Partner? No, that makes us sound forty."
"I am almost forty."
"Oops."
Bucky rolls his eyes, but he can't wipe the blinding grin from his face. He takes out his phone and snaps a quick picture of you, admiring the way the breeze caresses your face as the setting sun beats down.
"Sneaky," you tease. "Let me see?"
He hands you the phone, letting you look through. You swipe right one too many times, and accidentally land on a picture of a blueprint laid out across a kitchen counter. His kitchen counter.
"Babe... what's this?"
You don't miss the way Bucky's cheeks heat up, blush creeping across his chest that's exposed by the V neckline of his blue button up. He stutters for a moment, before finding his footing.
"They're blueprints. Plans for a house."
"A house?"
"I want to build a house."
When you keep looking at him softly, he doubles down.
"I want to build a house for us."
Your breath hitches in your chest, the world going silent momentarily.
"You... you do?"
"My Dad worked in construction my entire childhood. I watched him build houses, apartment buildings, bungalows... everything. I've always wanted to do it, but never had reason to. Until now."
You squeeze his hand, urging him to continue.
"I've been planning it for upwards of ten years. But I'm taking it more seriously, now. Those blueprints are the final ones. It's all mapped out, down to the square inch. I've made some modifications for you, obviously."
He zooms in on the picture, pointing out areas on the plans.
"I've added a big island in the kitchen with a tonne of storage in it, for all of your supplies. I know you have that huge mixer, so I've made sure there's enough space for it to fit underneath with the doors closed."
You take a deep breath, lump in your throat forming unwillingly.
"Up here, there's a window at the top of the stairs. I've added a sketch of a bench which I'll upholster, so you can sit and read in the sunlight."
Tangling your legs with his under the table, you urge him to continue.
"I've also made sure there's a balcony off the master bedroom that overlooks the garden. I know how much you love sitting on yours in your apartment at home. There's probably like a hundred more little modifications for you, but those are just a few."
Tears are running down your cheeks freely, emotion escaping you like a flash flood.
"Bucky..."
"If it's too much too soon, please tell me. I won't be offended, baby. I know it's a lot."
"It's perfect."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah."
You jump up from your seat and around the table, throwing yourself into his lap to kiss him happily.
"I can't wait to build a house with you, Buck."
He grins at you, joy radiating off him in waves.
"Buck?"
"Hmm?"
"I love you."
He blinks back tears for a second, processing the words he's been waiting to hear for what feels like an eternity.
"I love you too, honey girl. My pretty baby."
He leans in to kiss you tenderly, the rest of the world melting away. It feels like it's just the two of you, floating on cloud nine.
Suddenly, you get it. You understand why people say this is the greatest thing that'll ever happen.
It is. They were right all along.
✵ ✵ · ✵ * · ✵
After several pineapple flavoured cocktails and a taco or four, you and Bucky take a slow stroll home, hand in hand along the sidewalk.
"You wanna have a sleepover tonight?" you ask, digging your heels into the ground to stop yourself from skipping with glee.
"Can't think of anything I want more," he chuckles.
You walk a little while longer, content to bask in the comfortable silence.
"Guess what happened a few days ago."
"What, honey?"
"Stella asked me to be her business partner."
He stops where he is, turning to face you but never letting go of your hand.
"Wait, really?"
"Mhmmm."
"And how do you feel about that?"
"I was unsure, at first. But I'm going to do it. I've been thinking about this for a while, actually. We had to take a business class in culinary school, and I actually learned a lot. I've had a business plan for the future of the café drafted up for months. Numbers, locations, investors, everything. I'm really serious about this, you know."
He's gazing at you like you hung the moon, eyes bright and adoring.
You sit down on a bench, looking out over the coastal path. Bucky joins you, arm heavy over your shoulders.
"I can't stay here."
His head whips around.
"Baby..."
"I mean it, Buck. I like this city, I do, but I just can't settle. It feels like a placeholder until I can go home. And it's not fair to Stella, if it feels like I'm half in half out."
He goes to speak, but you're on a roll.
"I'm suggesting that we franchise the business. It's the logical next step anyway, it was just a matter of choosing the right location. I'm proposing somewhere a hell of a lot closer to home. To you. To my parents. And that means we'll have one branch on the east coast, and one on the west. We can start filling the middle, in the future."
"Are you... are you sure?"
"I've never been surer of anything, James Buchanan Barnes. I wanna start my life with you. Telling my parents, building a house, furthering my career. I'm ready, now."
Bucky grabs your face in his warm hands, kissing you with more passion than you ever thought possible. It's all the answer you need.
"I want you to read over my plan, when we get back to my place. But it's tight, Buck. I've been perfecting it for months. There's no way Stella can say no - I've made it so she won't want to. Besides, she just wants me to be happy. And this... this will make me happy. Happy beyond words."
Bucky stands up, wrapping his arms around your middle to bring you with him. He spins you around, laughing when you squeal in surprise.
"I'm so proud of you, honey baby. I love you so much."
"I love you," you grin. "More than I ever thought possible."
Bucky practically carries you home, both of you giddy on excitement and hope.
You wake up tangled in his arms, sunlight beaming down onto your skin through the open window. Happiness, you think. It's finally here.
Happiness. It's finally here.
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do you still genuinely believe jikook are dating even after you said you had to re-evaluate your opinions/thoughts about their relationship after the video of (seemingly) jungkook in his apartment with the woman?
i'm asking this in good faith and honestly curiosity, because i saw your reblog about the key thing and it's quintessentially shippers discourse (one side wanting to prove they're dating and the other wanting to prove they're not, or that it isn't as obvious). and would someone even defend jimin not having a key (or people's opinions on it) unless you were on the "they're dating even if he doesn't have a key" side. usually ppl who don't care if they're dating or not, just don't care to defend a side or the other. so that's why i got curious.
Ah, this is about last night when I was commenting on a bunch of ppptm's posts while being a bit tipsy, hahaha.
Anon, you're reading a bit too much into this. I wasn't talking from a position of either believing or discrediting. I just thought the argument itself is stupid. It's so ridiculous, I can't imagine myself having a conversation in real life with someone about it and not getting laughed at. The entire idea of Jimin having a key or the code as some relationship proof or not having it which is then seen as a gotcha moment are equally dumb. I can't subscribe to any of that because I don't care for trying to (dis)prove anything.
I don't remember if I actually said I had to re-evaluate my opinion on jikook in the light of that video. That would mean I'm in the business of actively trying to connect dots that they are together or they aren't. Which I'm not doing. At least not anymore, lol. This is no longer 2020 for me. I do remember though saying more recently that they could sleep with half of SK and I wouldn't matter to me, I'd still like them and the shit they're up to each time they are together.
That's why I don't care anymore about reading lengthy essays on trying to prove their relationship and I certainly couldn't give 2 fucks about those who believe they are fucking other people. So what? They are just two guys that I see on my phone and that I like watching for various reasons. I don't hang out with them, I don't know them personally so why would I believe I have the answer? I can't stand fans' superiority complexes on this matter cause none of them is wiser than the other. And to be honest, it doesn't look like fun at all. Which is what I'm here for. For me, I enjoy shipping in a fun way. Don't throw tomatoes at me cause I'm not into preaching the supportive sermon which is a bunch of nonsense. But nonetheless, interesting to watch how fans are writing their own definitions of shipper vs supporter, how they stick in a community and how the meaning changes throughout time. Now that's another talk.
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Tagged by @watercolor-hearts, I'm actually surprised someone remembers my @ to tag me in these! quite heartwarming tbh, thank you lovely, hope you have a nice day/evening/morning 🤗💙
Name: my true name starts with a. m. but since i'm a person on the verge of mixing reality w/ virtual i rather be just called goggles lmao (not to be too vague, my second one is miguel, a quite common latino name, but the first one is quite unusual and it feels too real to be called like that so im hiding it lol)
Sign: Leo (i copied from the op who tagged me and yes this is my sign as well)
Time: 19:16 (i definetely spent too much time elaborating and correcting my own answers lmao)
Favourite band/artist: the short version or the long one? cause honestly im kind of into music as a whole, but to select just a few, i'd say Fiona Apple, Joanna Newsom, Beyoncé and Björk. yep, all ladies, dont ask me why but i just connect with female vocalists more
Last movie: ooh.. this one is quite been some time actually... i think it was Knives Out: Glass Onion! just a little bit of silly fun entertainment and cause i was honestly curious cause i liked watching the 1st knives out.
Last show: Drive to survive 🤷♂️ im not a very series person tbh (even dts i only watched the eps i actually was curious about lmao)
When I created this blog: this kind of has 2 answers idk. because this used to be a ziam - yes you read that right - a ziam blog lmao but i didnt put much thought into it tho. then i just stopped using for years, and i just came 2 months ago back to delete it and replace with this actual blog cause i discovered the charlos side of tumblr and wanted to interact w the blogs i discoveeed, reblog and all that jazz.
Other blogs: other than the one i deleted, no, i just have this active blog.
Do I get asks: no i turned them off lol but i dont mind actually i get kind of peaceful thinking im just a dot in this vast virtual world of internet, at least here
Followers: 125 accs (i guess, i dont check bots but i dont think there are too much of them)
Average hours of sleep: i guess it varies on 6-8? there are days a sleep a little bit later but tbh i dont keep track of these lol but i can tell i've been pretty okay with my schedule lately, at least my insomnia stopped
Instruments: nope. i have a shitty keyboard but i just gave up on learning, but i do plan on trying again, just dont know when
What I am wearing: green shorts and an ugly printed but comfortable t shirt
Dream job: i mean, it says dream job... so i might go full in... singer/songwriter 🤓
Dream trip: actually i'm not really obsessed about trips anymore... but if i had to pick one i'm just saying Madrid cause its where carlos jr was born 🤓 (i still want to go there and investigate in person to find his official time of birth btw, so yep im picking madrid)
Favorite song atm: i have a lot of songs being my faves simultaneously and it changes fast depending on the moments/moods but im going with In California by Joanna Newsom cause the chorus when she sings "cuckoo cuckoo" its freaking amazing tbh. for my more upbeat side tho i'm picking Those Eyes, That Mouth by cocteau twins.
Tagging:@leclercsbf and @leoramage (tagging you two cause you were the ones to start a conversation w me so i think it wouldn't be too awkward lol but hey, feel free to ignore if you dont want to or dont like these, no hard feelings, were just dots in a virtual space)
(ps: i was actually very defensive about these kind of posts but i tried this one for fun and hey it is fun! it was kind of cool to talk about myself freely without my face or name plastered on it so thanks for that, person who tagged me)
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Hi there!!!! I've seen on some of your other socials pictures of the Steiff Snorry wolf. I'd love to hear more about him (if you're comfortable sharing, of course!) like how you got him, and how he's changed since you've got him and whatnot. If you ever made a blog just for plush stuff, I would definitely follow :^)
Hello!! It was actually requested so much that I make a blog just for teddies I did just recently. I used to post them to my personal blog but figured it would be better to seperate it so people didn't have to see my reblogs if they're there just for my teddies. It's @rainbowredcrayon
And thankyou so much for taking the time to send me a message, especially about teddies because they are my favorite thing and I am so excited to talk about my best friend with you!!! I'm gonna answer this under a cut since it's not art related and will probably be long haha.
I had wanted Snor for a little while before getting him. I actually discovered him / the Steiff brand because one of my friends is really into Charlie Bears and she was saying I should get one. My partner and I were on holiday in London and went into Hamleys there where we felt the Charlie Bears and I determined that they were just too hard for me ( I like to cuddle my guys ). I never knew Steiff as a brand before then but they had a large display of guys there and afterwards I went to look online to see if there was any that might take my interest that I could save for in the future and that's when I saw Snor!
Fast forwarding to January 2022 and I was feeling very sad over having not seen my parents ( or any of my family / friends ) since immigrating to Scotland. It was planned for us to go over for my birthday but due to Covid it ended up being cancelled and that made it much harder too. A couple of my followers on Twitter sent me donations in return for art so that I would be able to afford this new special wolf friend.
The purchasing process of him was also it's own adventure! I originally purchased him off of Amazon, but the next day devastatingly they cancelled my order due to there being no stock of him. I was very upset because all the other websites online had him listed for well over the price he was supposed to be. I was already very attached to him despite not owning him yet and I honestly thought that I was just out of luck. But my partner found a very small pharmacy here in Scotland, that just happened to have a small selection of Steiff teddies for sale, and I purchased him. The website was very old, I honestly wasn't even sure that I would get him. It was a big risk to take!
On January 17th he arrived. I originally told myself that I wouldn't open him until my actual birthday ( the 30th ) but I opened him that day. The place he was ordered him had him wrapped in rainbow birthday wrapping paper and it felt so special like they had picked it just for me! When I took him out of the box it was very clear he had been in this shop for a long time. He was dusty, his original tag was crumpled up, and the little Steiff "collar" tag had a bit of a stain on it like someone had spilled something on there, his yellow ear tag was frayed. It really felt like he had just been forgotten about in the shop until the universe brought us together - and I know that sounds so silly but I do truly believe that!!
Here are pictures I took of him on the 21st of January 2022, so not so long since he was fresh out of the box.
To be completely honest when I first got him I wasn't even sure if I liked him! The whole process was kind of stressful and I felt a lot of guilt over having spent almost £100 on a teddy. At first I really didn't like the texture of his fur because it felt so "real" and he is much thinner than what I like normally. I'm super glad that I took the time to bond and hang out with him though.
Until I look at old photos, or of other peoples photos of their own brand new Snors I don't even recognize that he's changed at all. Even since before I had him I felt as though he was my soulmate just in the form of a teddy ( I don't care how weird that sounds!!!! ) and he just fills me with so much love in my heart. He means the world to me. He has also helped me a lot in coming to terms with self-acceptance of my body, Therianthropy, and just being happier as a whole.
Anyways I hope this answers all that you want to know!! If not you're free to send another message in, I am always down to talk about teddies haha.
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it's weird i honestly dont think i'd ever get along with you but i kind of like that about you in that i like hearing your opinions on stuff i genuinely dont care about ordinarily. idk.
I know I say this a lot and I assume people think it's a bit, but I absolutely do not think that I am everyone's thing. I am, especially in real life/in person, where we cannot so easily craft an idea of who we wish we were, think I'm a really smoky scotch, or something. I am a REAL DISTINCT FLAVOR, and either you're down with it or you're not, and it rarely surprises me to hear someone doesn't like me even if it hurts my feelings a bit. (Not that it always does. But I, like all humans, sometimes like someone who does not like me as much, and it does sometimes hurt, because though it can be easy to forget, I'm human too)
Anyway, but I do think that an important part of learning critical thinking, and of developing a complex and interesting worldview, is to keep smart people you don't agree with in your orbit, and listen to what they have to say. I wouldn't necessarily call myself smart, bot as compared to some of MY friends, but I am relatively thoughtful, and I rarely say something I don't have any knowledge of. I have a decent sense of scientific literacy, and really good historical literacy. I'm also fine with admitting i'm wrong, which is a big one. So, not to kiss my own ass, but you could do worse.
But yeah, i am deadass serious when I say you should NOT agree with everything I think. You shouldn't agree with everything anyone thinks! I think one of the worst fucking developments of the internet is because we don't have to face each other and we have such a wide net, we find ourselves surrounded with people who fall into lockstep, which is a bad bad idea. I have friends, that I love, that I find to be so so wrong, and sometimes borderline fucking stupid, about some things. I am ABSOLUTELY sure they feel the same way about me, with something. But, they're in earnest, and they are the kind of people who I believe want good things for this world, even if we disagree about means and motives and certain issues. Even if our interpretation of a media or event is different.
Doing actual work to help affect actual change in actual person is not only more effective than reblogging shit, but will also teach you this skill.
But yeah, I hope that if I do nothing else for people--my goal is not to be everyone's favorite, that ship sailed long ago--I make people think about stuff, and not even Big Issues, but like, how we approach stories, how we approach food, how we approach OURSELVES.
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I posted 721 times in 2022
That's 147 more posts than 2021!
92 posts created (13%)
629 posts reblogged (87%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@lillotte17
@miss-grey
@keturagh
@hawkeshep
@cl0udb3rry
I tagged 661 of my posts in 2022
Only 8% of my posts had no tags
#pretties! - 231 posts
#solas - 69 posts
#solavellan - 57 posts
#lavellan - 47 posts
#rambles - 45 posts
#dragon age - 23 posts
#artwork - 17 posts
#smooches - 17 posts
#dragon age inquistion - 15 posts
#aili lavellan - 15 posts
Longest Tag: 122 characters
#ace so i wouldn't bang any of them but all my lavellan boys are hot and fun and i might have a tiny crush on juniper arley
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
Time for another round of: Lotte Thinks Too Hard About Elvhen!
So, I've been standing around in the Exalted Plains for days trying to get all the dialogue I want to trigger to happen (while working on commission stuff. It's weirdly soothing. Like those background nature sound tapes, except every now and then there's NPCs chatting or a wolf attacking you.)
Anyway, we get to that talk between Solas and Sera where she makes the comment about "who wants to think about stepping on dead elves?"
Solas mutters in reply, sounding extremely angry/upset: Din elvhen emma him?
And I swear I thought I had read a translation for that on the wiki somewhere? But it said the meaning was unknown. So, I was trying to work it out myself.
Din- death or end or ending
Elvhen- elves (duh)
Emma- doesn't have a solid translation anywhere, but seems to be possessive. 'Your' or 'our' depending on context. Possibly even 'my', since I'm pretty sure 'Emma lath' was 'my love'?
Him- make/making
He sounded so upset, I thought he was saying some kind of insult/threat aimed at Sera. I'm pretty sure the translation I read before was like, "I'll make you a dead elf." (which in retrospect is not his MO at all. Even when he's furious with other companions, he never threatens to hurt them physically.)
I'm pretty sure the loose translation is actually more like:
"Dead elves of my own making?"
As in "How could I not think about them every place we go, when it's my fault that all of them died?"
And just...oh buddy. 🥺
95 notes - Posted March 12, 2022
#4
See the full post
100 notes - Posted February 1, 2022
#3
*sits down across the table from you and leans across real far *
You know, I love DAI. It is possibly my fave comfort game. Top tear. Very replayable. Lose myself for hours in the Hinterlands fighting bears and have a grand old time.
But the inconsistency with Lavellan and their understanding of Elvhen drives me bonkers.
Like, I get that Ancient Elvhen and Modern Elvhen have to be different. It's impossible for them not to be. Even the Elvhen spoken in the Dales would be different from Ancient Elvhen, because hundreds of years + slavery. Lavellan admits during Trespasser that Dalish cannot read Ancient Elvhen.
It makes sense that Solas can understand Modern Elvhen, because he apparently took the time to learn Qunlat at some point, so one would assume that a language derived from your native tongue would be easier. But it does not make sense that Lavellan swings back and forth between understanding Elvhen perfectly and not having a single clue what he's saying at all.
Lavellan understands the entire conversation he has with Wisdom before it dies. And one would assume it was not speaking Modern Elvhen for the sake of the other people there besides Solas, because it could have just as easily chosen to speak Common.
But later, Lavellan does not seem to understand what he and the Nightmare are saying to each other at all. Likewise, they don't seem to notice the discrepancies between what Solas tells Abelas and what Solas says he told Abelas. And they don't understand the random bits of Elvhen he throws at Sera either.
Like, I dunno about you, but if we were just walking along and my buddy just randomly said that he was responsible for all of the dead elves in Thedas...I think I'd pull over for a bit of a chat, yeah??
The Dalish honestly get so little credit for what they have managed to preserve from almost nothing, tbh. It makes sense that Lavellan wouldn't understand everything Solas says in Ancient Elvhen, but they should almost definitely understand more than a single conversation. At the very least, they should be able to know when he's switching to Ancient Elvhen instead of the modern form the Dalish use. And that by itself should be suspicious af.
(and they should absolutely know more than fucking Morrigan, but that's a whole other kettle of fish)
126 notes - Posted March 20, 2022
#2
See the full post
261 notes - Posted June 8, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
I am definitely half asleep, which should tell you about the quality level of this post straight out the gate, but i was going through my old saves and watching the romance scenes for my different PTs (as one does) and like...
Everyone else has this slow build up to the Love end of things. Some of them don't even get there until Trespasser (looking @ you Dorian- yes yes he feels it but he doesn't say it.) And that's not a complaint! That's normal! You start with affection and attraction and see where it goes, and lbr all of the DA companions have some...Things to work through before nailing down Big Feelings.
And then we have Solas.
One kiss. One (1) singular kiss, and that man is gone. Lost. Sunk. Out to sea. Lost in the Sauce. Flung into the depths.
And I would argue that he's actually gone before that, but that's when he knows it. And he freaks out because 'oh no oh no this is literally the absolute WORST timing for this to happen holy SHIT.'
And he tries to fight it off, or figure out if there is some like...magical mark-induced reason for why he's absolutely banana-grahams for this mortal woman he has only known the tiniest fraction of his impossibly long life, but there isn't one except that he's lonely as fuck and her genuine awesomeness is just apparently the kryptonite to his rational thinking power.
This man, who is so so careful with the way he says everything always just... Once he caves, it is his first admission. In his native tongue, no less, as though he cannot help himself.
I cannot lose you. I love you. You are my heart. I love you, I love you, I love you.
Back in ye olden fandom days, there was a whole bunch of fights about the sincerity of Solas' affections, since he 'lies' and dumps you, but like...things are a mess because this whole-ass man is a mess and he doesn't do anything that is NOT a mess, but just...fucking hell. He has loved her for so long. He doesn't strike me as love-at-first-sight kinda guy, but like I'm giving him like...a month at Haven tops before he's a goner.
Solas is the one who falls first and hardest out of all of them.
552 notes - Posted July 24, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#a;slkdjfa;sdka I REBLOGGED MORE POSTS FROM MYSELF THAN ANYONE ELSE#i know it is because of the commission posts but STILL 😂
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YES YES YES I WAS WAITING FOR YOU TO REBLOG IT :DDD
Obviously I gotta ask about Lucretia and then Julia and I'm also gonna ask about amber :>
:DDDD
You can find the ask game here!
So for Lucretia:
I almost put deeper than she seems top, but then I thought about it, and in the podcast, while we don't see a lot of her at all, including the Stolen Century, she's still portrayed as a very deep character obviously with everything she's got going on and that she did lol
And honestly, the reason why I would be afraid of her is because, upon first meeting her, I would definitely be intimidated because I'm always intimidated by people I see as authority figures no matter what context it is or how I meet them, and I feel like on top of that, she would have a pretty intimidating aura post stolen century, and even through a lot of the latter years of the stolen century, particularly after cycle 65. And then once I'd get to know her or if I was in the balance universe and met her after Story and Song and heard the story, I would also be afraid of her because I see so much of myself in her (like now irl! Lol) and like, her whole deal and the decisions she made being a reminder of some parts of myself that I'm not too proud of and having her be a mirror as I think about what I would have done in her situation and wondering if there would be a reality in which I wouldn't do what she did even though I know it's wrong because of the thinking and behavioral patterns I constantly have to fight and sometimes fall back on without being in a apocalyptic situation 24/7 for countless years
How do you look someone in the eyes with the love you feel for them when they've deeply hurt the people they're closest too and countless others in the crossfire and being angry on the victims' behalf while also knowing that she was just doing her best and trying to mitigate the hurt they were already feeling and fix things the best way she knew how and tried her best to make them happy and safe while also knowing the aftermath and why it was wrong while also knowing that if put under the exact same circumstances having the exact same experiences, you would have done the same thing, so you have no room to judge?
How do you look at yourself after coming to that revelation?
Anyway, I just love her and am angry at her and hurt for her and have complicated feelings about her and myself and yeah *arm wiggles*
Definitely mentally I'll over her ghfkajflJxk
For Julia:
There's like, no information about her in canon, so while I do like the things about her that's stated in canon, most of everything has to come from head canon and fanon ghdlajflJsl
And honestly, I never really had much to say about her because like, no one basically knows anything about her, but now I'm like, writing this whole AU where I have to make stuff up about her based on the bare bones Travis gave, and it's gotten a lot easier to do that as time has gone on, but I feel like she's basically more of an OC at this point?? Which is fine I guess since she only showed up for 2 scenes, and Travis' main descriptor of her is that she made Magnus into a "good man" instead of a "good person", whatever the fuck that's supposed to mean fjslahflKcjal
But I love her and I desperately wish she had more screen time, both because I want to know more about her as an audience member because she seems cool and she and Magnus were happy together and they deserve the best and also because it would make my life as a fanfic writer so much easier!!! Lmao like, I worry about whether she's in character or not all of the time beyond my normal can't keep any character consist, but also like, there is virtually no canon to stick to which should be freeing but AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
For Amber:
I don't really have too much to say about her rn; I think that's mostly because it's been a while since I listened to Ethersea or thought about it and her all that much. But I did put a slash through they've never done anything wrong in their life because that's most of my feelings toward her, but I do feel like she was a little hard on Devo in the end there (though I can't really blame her for snapping just... when he just lost his mother figure? That's when she snapped? Really?) And I really wish they had been able to resolve that.
I also put a slash in they got done dirty by the fans because, while most of the posts I had seen about her during the last arc of the campaign were okay, there were a few that were harsh on her about her reactions to Devo and all the reasons why they hated her now when like, she had reason to be upset with him? I'm not saying that her being hard on him right after he lost Guidance was right, but Devo wasn't right in how he was treating people then and for the entirety of the podcast either tbh, and that argument and resulting tension for the rest of the season was a long time coming. And even though she was done with his bullshit, she still cared enough about him to go after him in the tower despite not wanting to and to make sure he was safe and even got to see the surface of another world before she dived head first into it.
Like, neither of them are perfect characters, far from it actually, and that's the point, and I think there were some people who were too harsh on both of them. Myself included at times tbh
Most of the other posts about her were fine though, so that's why it's only a slash lol
Thank you for sending this in!!! :D
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KNOWING YOUR PARTNER WELL CAN POTENTIALLY MAKE WRITING TOGETHER A LOT EASIER.
repost don’t reblog
NAME: Steph
PRONOUNS: she/her
PREFERENCE OF COMMUNICATION: discord is the easiest and honestly, the fastest way to get a hold of me. dms here works too but i forget to check them
NAME OF MUSE(S): oh gosh i have wayyyy too many
RP EXPERIENCE/HOW LONG (MONTHS / YEARS?): i jumped into the tumblr scene around 2013 so it's been about ... wow, 9 years! before this, i used to run two forums and rp'ed on a chat site so, a good solid amount of time.
BEST EXPERIENCE: honestly, the first one that comes to mind is the first full circle story i did with one of my very first partners here (@sxmnus). the story of ayana and aomine touch my heart in so many ways and having been able to befriend my sweet cookie (yesss that's what i love calling her) even well afterwards is just so special. same thing with kitty kat (@vacuitas) and the stories we've made through the years especially satine and nolan. and the stories with angie (@cxrsedsouls) just live rent free in my head! i mean, i can honestly just gush about the amazing people i've met here like kris (@arcxnumvitae), niko (@strawberryxdreams), and blue (@bottleofbabes). y'all are the real mvps and why this has been the best experience
RP PET PEEVES/DEALBREAKERS: hmmm ... i guess it would have to be forcing things on me? it doesn't happen often thankfully, so i had to give this some extra thought but i'd say that is the biggest pet peeve. i mean, i'm all down for doing things but i'm a 'let's see how things go first' type of rp'er. we can chat about it and give it a shot but if it doesn't mesh, then yeah, it doesn't mesh. and i guess the last one is not really caring about my muses (but i mean who wouldn't be upset about that happening to them???) and claims about one's muse without bothering to ask??? not really the same as an assumption but more like statements about the muse, as if its a fact without bothering to learn???
FLUFF, ANGST OR SMUT: i am an absolute sucker for all three! the trifecta are just **chefs kiss**
PLOTS OR MEMES: both! i love plotting but know that sometimes it can be hard to get the ball rolling so in comes the memes! plus right now with the move coming up, memes help. oh and it does make things pretty entertaining to see the in-between pieces with the mix!
LONG OR SHORT REPLIES: it depends on what's happening. i prefer to match quality vs quantity. not to mention the amount of muse i'm feeling but yep, it varies. love them both!
BEST TIME TO WRITE: so the last year or so, i found that morning is the best time for me. mainly because that's the time i have to myself before i head out to run errands and do whatever else is on my list. sometimes i might hop on at night if i can but i do make notes on my phone and ipad so i don't forget what caused inspiration.
ARE YOU LIKE YOUR MUSE(S): a couple of them! i mean, i feel like we all put a little piece of ourselves in each but yes, i am. some more than others (but you'll find out as we go along!)
tagged: by the sweet resident green bean (@strawberryxdreams)
tagging: anyone who wants to do this!
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I posted 319 times in 2022
That's 41 more posts than 2021!
33 posts created (10%)
286 posts reblogged (90%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@skiaismadd
@fallingmaddlyinlove
@heartofdaydreams
@daydream-ideas
@amateur-madder
I tagged 116 of my posts in 2022
#maladaptive daydreaming - 74 posts
#immersive daydreaming - 41 posts
#actuallymadd - 39 posts
#immersive dayadreaming - 20 posts
#actually madd - 15 posts
#madd - 12 posts
#paraportal - 10 posts
#paracosm - 9 posts
#madd memes - 7 posts
#maladapting daydreaming disorder - 6 posts
Longest Tag: 125 characters
#and by random i mean i'm forcing my friend to help me chose which paracosm i daydream with but without explaining i have madd
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
So like I started writing about my paracosms and I think I finally cracked the code on how one goes about that. There's that huge meme going around the community about how if you tell someone about your madd good chances are they're gonna tell you to write about the plot but like how???? How plots often time are so confusing and massive with AUs out every crevice and if you were like me and wanted to write about your paras but also had a confusing plot of was kinda of frustrating. And then I had an epiphany while thinking of a new thing to write.
If you wanna write about your paras instead of writing down your plot and all that stuff why not instead write about the stuff that rarely gets mentioned. Like maybe it's how 2 paras met/started dating, maybe it's the backstory of a para that you don't think about much. If it's an action packed paracosm write about what they do when things are calm, if it's a calm paracosm right about them dealing with something more exciting.
I don't know if this makes sense or helps anybody but I figured I'd share what I figured out with everyone else, also maybe writing about the stuff you don't think about might help you come up with new daydream plots
TLDR; if you wanna write about your paras but your overarching plot makes too little sense to write down write about the smaller events you haven't fleshed out yet
61 notes - Posted February 4, 2022
#4
I just realized something... It doesn't matter if someone out there is reading your mind (even if you're having sexual/violent daydreams) because what are they gonna do???? Out you? Tell someone about it? That would require them to not only tell people that they're a mind reader but also have to say out loud whatever it was you were thinking. So like who cares if someone is reading your mind while you're having weird daydreams, in fact make them even weirder, make sure that mind reader is terrified to repeat anything from your mind out loud
89 notes - Posted November 6, 2022
#3
Explain your paracosms but badly, go!
119 notes - Posted September 14, 2022
#2
I saw a post talking about how losing MADD would suck because it's sort of become apart of their identity and that even though it's "maladaptive" it feels like it would genuinely suck to lose it and like I totally agree.
Like personally I wouldn't be bored if I stopped daydreaming (mostly cause I've been using madd to avoid my responsibilities and hobbies) but I would feel like I've lost a part of me. Thinking about not daydreaming feels scary cause like I'd be opening a hole that madd was filling and by getting rid of my daydreams I'd never be able to close it
I'm like honestly frightened about losing my paras. At this point they are a permanent part of me and who I am and to lose them feels like losing me
170 notes - Posted May 16, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
I hope that wearing masks is still normalized if the pandemic does end because I can't stop myself from laughing at my paras jokes but I don't want people to notice me busting out laughing randomly
216 notes - Posted March 22, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
#tumblr2022#year in review#my 2022 tumblr year in review#your tumblr year in review#I'm glad people like my posts#Especially the mind reader one cause I understand paranoia sucks
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16.04.2024
i asked a guy i've been interacting with on tumblr for like the last 8 months, if he wanted my number and boy do i regret it [but not for the reasons you may think]
so, as i mentioned we've been getting to know each other and messaging for like 8 months. i remember the first time he messaged me... it was completely random. he'd liked a couple of posts/reblogs and followed me before reaching out and sending a simple greeting. i was naturally very suspicious as it had been years since anyone had messaged me on tumblr and since it was so out of the blue, i was very cagey and cold. he persevered another 2 days before caging up himself when i asked for his name. then he dropped off for about a month.
when he returned again, it was to apologise for clamming up. i told him not to worry as he was entitled to his privacy. and then he did something that really surprised me. he gave me his name and a little snippet of his story. he told me that he was feeling lonely and wanting to make friends and that he was going to try chatting to people on here again and sort of freaked out. i let him know that i understood, as i was also being cagey. once we both were on the same page, things were okay.
we would checking in every now and then, ask basic getting to know you questions and chat about our day. i got more and more comfortable with the idea of him as a friend and opened myself up to him little by little.
sometimes i would reach out to him and not receive a message back for months, bc he would take breaks from tumblr [i'm assuming for his mental health, which is understandable]. he would reply when he next came online and we would chat more. he ended up seeing what i looked like through my side blog and began complimenting me on my looks. occasionally, he would ask a sexual question and i would answer it as honestly as i could. [normally, i wouldn't tolerate that shit, but i was starting to like him.]
his line of questioning got more personal as time went on and it felt like maybe we were connecting.
so as the months progressed, naturally, i thought maybe i wasn't delusional and that he liked me for me [i sent him a full body pic and it was received relatively well, i think] so i thought that maybe he would be interested in continuing this outside of the confines of this website and decided to work up the courage to ask him if he wanted my number. this is where it goes wrong.
he meets my question with a question and i start to think that this is already a bad start and maybe i misread the situation.
am i wrong for thinking that a man who's called me pretty and cute and hot would want my number? am i?
well apparently, because he never ended up saying yes. this felt as good as rejection and immediately the walls came up and i started being short with him. I even wrote "i'll take that as a no then" to which he replied some bullshit like "i twasn't a no at all" and all i could think was "yeah but it wasn't a yes either", which is as good as imo.
he wanted an explanation for why i wanted this bc he always assumed he was bugging me [which btw is another thing i want to touch on. in the past, he has mentioned feeling like he bugs me quite often and i thought i'd been doing enough to let him know that that was simply not the case but ofc that was his reasoning this time too] and i explained that i liked talking to him and wanted to respect the time he takes off from tumblr bc ik it can be disruptive and it was met with an "im sorry if..." and that shit makes my blood boil so i havent responded back to him.
it's been over 24 hours since he replied to me.
i spent that afternoon absolutely bawling my eyes out. then i spent the evening upset too. i was having big feelings, for sure and couldn't deal with them.
i feel maybe i was too harsh but he was too.
anyway, i've been listening to sad music and crying abt anything and everything lmao...
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🎭 How do you feel about comedy in RP? Do you have a particular genre of comedy in RP you prefer more? 💭 What does your creative process look like when creating a character?⚠️ Are you cautious about who you RP with or do you just dive right in and see where it takes you?
Another Munday Prompt
🎭 How do you feel about comedy in RP? Do you have a particular genre of comedy in RP you prefer more?
Comedy in RP is GREAT. When we can just joke around about whatever is always fun. I am an avid fan of puns and dad jokes. Just generally bad comedy that is hilariously good! I used to run a 'Punday' on this blog where a few of my goofy muses would just post with bad Puns. The worst culprit being Alastor the Radio Demon. He loves him some puns :)
💭 What does your creative process look like when creating a character?
Oh gosh...Ok it's sort of all over the place? Like, I have an idea of something I want to do. Say Trigun, since that's a hyperfocus, if I want to put an OC into that verse I first consider what sort of person they'd be in this world. I know a few no-no's in the community, but I do tend to toe that line with my ideas...Like Independents. I think, if written well, there could be a chance for others -- Ahh that's off topic though.
Basically I look at the world I want to throw them into and proceed from there. I ask myself what kind of muse would be fun to play in this setting? What kind of feeling do I want to give off? Should they be goofy or do I want a bitter asshole? It's a series of questions that I just check off in answering. It's the same for world building too, as I do a lot of DnD and have designed my own campaigns/world's. It's funny because a friend was joking about wanting to do a campaign and my brain just took that snippet of convo and ran off with it. Within hours I had already drawn out a map and decided what sort of cities would exist in the world, how magic would work...
I honestly have a world of muses in my own head too with more that just kind of...appear? I think it has a lot to do with my ADHD, but world building and character creation has always come easy to me. Sorry, not sure if this answered your question or was just me rambling.
⚠️ Are you cautious about who you RP with or do you just dive right in and see where it takes you?
I can be. I think it depends what sort of feeling I get from someone's blog? Or just a general feeling someone gives off in OOC when chatting. Some people seem super easy to approach so I fling my nervous ass at them. Others?
There are some people who are Selective that I'd love to interact with, but I haven't even followed them because I don't feel I would be good enough. And that's not to say that they aren't nice people or wouldn't accept me, I just have my own pre-conceived notions about my blog that I think it scares people away? Being a chaotic multi-muse blog like this means it's not for everyone. My energy can be all over the place too. It just doesn't jive with everyone.
But if you ever wanna try poking me? Just feel free to shoot me a message or send a prompt. I reblog so many to try and encourage people who have followed by haven't poked to come say hi! They're good ice breakers.
And I just fricken LOVE answering prompts vwv
#ooc;; time for tea#mun;; the confused potato#anon asks;; the grey ones#ask;; and you shall receive#munday#sorry this got rambly#long post
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Who else among my dearest mutuals reblogged that association post my thumbs are ready tap tap tap
#sorry if i missed anyone i just got here#sorry if the vibes i ascribe to you are completely off and do not correspond to reality i was just listening to my gut (and my heart) shdjs#love you guys 💗#I'd reblog that too but i wouldn't even know what to say about myself honestly#erola.txt
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this post is not a statement. this post is not for people outside of spn tumblr. and this is barely a post for people inside of spn tumblr. mostly. this is a post for me. it's also a post for the people i care about.
two of my friends have recently left tumblr because it became an incredibly unsafe place for them. (which isn't to say it wasn't outright hostile and incredibly performative before, because it absolutely was. see any number of posts being made or circulated by any number of people right now, contributors and non-contributors alike). i've actively chosen not to leave tumblr as a whole in spite of the fact that what happened to my friends happened to me too.
any control we might have had over our narrative was stripped away from us. god willing, no one cares and nothing will come of it, but knowing that some unknown number of people's opinions have changed of you for the worse and knowing that there's nothing you can do to change that or tell your side, and not knowing who's been affected by this information is both a deeply frustrating and terrifying experience.
it was a secret that was not theirs to share and because of the fact that they did not fully understand it, they would be absolutely incapable of properly representing it and what it says about us as people.
i won't go into further detail out of genuine fear of retribution. i am being as careful as possible, but i still also worry that this post is saying too much.
i just want to say. you don't know me. you don't know who i am. you don't know my motivations, and if you were to guess, you'd honestly probably be wrong. this is probably true of most people here on the internet, and a lesson i think we all ought to remember the more our lives get moved online.
if you want to know me just a tiny bit more, then know almost everything i do, i do for love, kindness, the joy i get from helping others, and for curiosity and the joy of creating things. i'm also incredibly private and not particularly social. i hate drama, and yet i have found myself in it time and time again. i will take what little power i have left to make sure that this isn't the case anymore.
i am no longer looking for community. i have found the people whose values align with my own. i have found the people that i want to talk to. i will be limiting my own interactions with people around the supernatural community because i want to respect anyone who might not be comfortable with me interacting with them. i don't know who they are so i will simply have to assume that it's everyone. this is an internal boundary that i am putting in place because it aligns with my own personal courtesy guidelines. you can interact if you want. i'll probably just be reblogging more birds.
all this isn't a play for pity. i don't want it. i would like your understanding, since that's the thing that's been taken from us, but i won't beg you for it. there's not enough time in the day for all this, and if you decide you're better off just moving along, then that's absolutely your prerogative. you really only should be following blogs that post content that you enjoy anyway. ultimately, i am only asking for one thing.
if you know the secret, as incomplete and misrepresentative as it is, keep it that way. don't spread it. don't cause potential for further harm.
at the end of the day, i'm not even worried for myself because my main priority is and will remain to be the emotional wellbeing of the uninvolved people who could be hurt by this. i'd still feel violated, but it wouldn't keep me up at night. not like this.
and if you think i'm overreacting. then i really am sorry for putting the potential for others' emotional pain above my own ability to let things go, but unfortunately for me, i care about people. more importantly, i care about individuals and that's a distinction with a very strong difference.
#do not reblog#? spn#for filtering#my absolute apologies to anyone who sees this that isn't involved or doesn't like drama.#this is the last time my interpersonal issues will be expressed publicly on this blog
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ahsjshshs I love fanfic writers, they are providing more service to the LGBTQIA+ community than many countries ~
I'm glad you're okay with yourself too, the feeling of "feeling broken" is the worst thing. Like, we can't do anything about it *puts on sunglasses and pink shaggy coat* I'm a Diva Ace, I can't change that!
Oh, In my case I found myself here on Tumblr!
I don't particularly have any aversion to sex… but I've always had the impression that I and the people around me experienced it differently. When I kept yelling like a fanboy about One Direction and how I loved Louis (😆) I wasn't exactly saying that I wanted to date him or that I had any attraction to him... I loved him differently. Okay, I wrote questionable fics involving him, but I swear I loved him.
I followed all possible tumblrs of my 1D ships and at that time (2015/16) people were talking about their sexuality and gender identity in the descriptions. I saw the word "ace" and I was like, "why did you put that in the description? Why is someone knowing you're the best at, I don't know, basketball or volleyball important?" 👁👄👁
After being stupid for months I finally put my brain into something useful and went researching and in the end I found that "oh my god I'm not broke". My mom wasn't as excited as I was. I told her
and she said that I was being weird, that I was too young to think about it, and that in the future I would find someone who would fix me.
Poor thing, she barely knows that I'm evolving as a Digimon, I'm getting more "weird" every day and one day I'll be a stunning peacock 😗
ejwjwjw thanks, you're sweet, when I'm ready you'll see a lot of mine fics around 🥰
my fics stevetony will chase you 👀
"they are providing more service to the LGBTQIA+ community than many countries" IM DYING AT THIS, bc as much as it's sadly true it's also funny af. but yeah!! I totally agree with you, I feel that they really are doing divine work. I feel that I found out so many things about the queer community in general through being in fandoms, which is something I wouldn't be able to bc my country's not very progressive on it :///
AND YESSS, I hope every asexual (and aromantics and/or both) feel the same way or are in the process of getting there, bc that feeling sucks as hell!!
OMG, BRUH I WAS A LOUIS-GIRL TOO!???!!! and yeah actl now that u said it, same!! i read a lot of Louis-centric ships fics (i don't anymore okay SDFGHJHGFDF but i was YOUNG), but back when i was lurking on 1D tumblrs i remember people talking the same way as what you're describing ... when I just wanted to be his friend ded
DFGHJHDSFGH OKAY BUT I CAN SEE WHY U MIGHT THINK THAT WAY, and honestly, that's not as stupid as me thinking "reblogging" and "reposting" is the same thing here on Tumblr ... which is why I lurked on Tumblr for literal years without being active myself ded
oh man I'm sorry your mom feels that way :/// i don't even want to tell my parents bc uhh they're not exactly big on other more "known" sexualities like gay/lesbian etc. sooooo i don't even know where to start on me being asexual bc i feel that they wouldn't understand. and yikes about that comment on someone "fixing" you in the future :///
anyways, it's okay! I feel that I've found a lot of asexuals through fandoms actl and though I don't exactly talk to them ... somehow knowing that they're out there and are obsessed with stevetony too makes it a less isolating experience? idk if you feel the same way, but yeah, as much as I love my friends and everything (they know that I'm ace), they don't always understand what I'm feeling either! which is fine, and I don't begrudge them for that! but yeah, I think being queer can be such an isolating thing when you're not in an environment that embraces them especially! but it's nice to feel that way whenever I'm on Tumblr :''))
SURE, I'd love to be chased by stevetony fics lmaooo
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Tyson Jost - Wake up - Pt. 2
Part 1
hey guys! here with part 2 of the Josty fic💜thank you so much for the reblogs and replies on the first part, it really means a lot to me when I know that someone actually enjoys something that I wrote, you know? anyway, I hope you won't be disappointed😂💞
I'm sorry in advance for any possible mistakes, feel free to correct me if you find anything😊
genre: sad at first, then it goes📈
warnings: some swear words
word count: 1.4k
*not my gif
_________________________________________
Tyson's pov:
"Hey Tyson, you wanna go for drinks tonight?" Mikko asked and as he, Andre and I exited the locker room after a game.
"Yeah, you should come, you haven't been out with us in forever." Andre agreed with him as we began walking towards the exit into the parking lot.
"I can't. I'm going to see Y/n." I told them, looking down at my phone, missing the way they glanced at each other.
"Tyson.." Andre said in kind of a nervous way, making me look up at him. "Bro, it's been two years. According to the doctors, the chance that she's ever going to wake up is small.." he trailed off, leaving me confused.
"Where exactly are you going with this?" I stopped walking and narrowed my eyes at him and he looked at Mikko for help.
"Tyson, it's just.. we think that maybe you should.. start moving on." Mikko said sadly, placing his hand on my shoulder.
I was shocked. I knew the chances of Y/n waking up weren't too big, but still, the thought of moving on and finding someone new never even crossed my mind for a second.
"What?" I asked him, not believing what I just heard one of my best friends say.
"Come on Tyson. If you're not at practice or a game, you're at the hospital. You can't live like this forever." Andre said.
"Are you two fucking serious right now?" I asked them, angrily shrugging Mikko's hand off my shoulder.
"Tyson-" Mikko started but I cut him off as I gave both men in front of me an angry look.
"No, no, I've heard enough. I'm not going anywhere with you. Enjoy your fucking night." I snapped at them before leaving them behind to go to my car and driving to the hospital.
~~~
I walked into the hospital, saying hello to the lady at the front desk before walking straight into the direction of Y/n's room.
After I got to her room and closed the door behind myself, I let out a sigh and rubbed my face with my hands before looking at Y/n and sitting down on the chair beside her bed, taking her hand into mine, bringing it to my lips and kissing the back of her palm - it has become kind of a habit by now.
She looked better now. The bruises and scratches were long forgotten, her leg was healed too. She looked as if she was sleeping. A pretty deep sleep indeed.
Every free minute I got over the last two years were spent here with her, hoping that God would hear my wishes and that she would finally come back to me.
I desperately needed her to wake up. I haven't felt genuinely happy in the last two years, the fact that she's not gone forever and that she still might wake up one day being the only thing keeping me sane. Still to this day I cry myself to sleep, thinking about what it could've been like if the accident never happened.
I looked at her face as my tears start to flow freely down my cheeks. Her lips, there's nothing in this world I wouldn't do to see them smile again. Her eyes, those beautiful eyes that held this little twinkle every time you looked into them. I would kill to be able to look into those eyes right now.
"Why are you doing this to me Y/n?" I asked her through my tears, well aware that I won't get an answer. "I always told you I wouldn't able to live without you. I can't lose you, you know that." I stopped, taking a shaky breath, trying to keep myself from breaking down completely.
"You can't leave me. Please don't leave me Y/n. The boys told me today that I should move on. But I don't want to move on. I love you and I always will, I don't want to spend my life with anyone but you." I croaked out, a few sobs escaping me. "Please come back to me. Please, please wake up. I need you to wake up my love." I whispered and hung my head low, still holding her hand as I let it all out, the only sounds heard in the room being the steady beeping of the machine showing her heart rate and my quiet sobs.
Suddenly, I felt her fingers move. I picked my head up to look at her face, but her eyes were still closed. Was my mind just playing tricks on me?
I looked back down at our linked hands and I felt it again. This time a little more firmly, her fingers grasped mine. My heart started beating incredibly fast and I looked up again, only to see those gorgeous eyes I thought I'd never see again looking back at me.
"Y/n?" I whispered, tears falling, hoping this wasn't just a dream. She couldn't speak due to being intubated, so she just grasped my hand a little stronger and gave me a soft, tired smile as tears started escaping her eyes too. I quickly pressed the button behind Y/n, alarming the nurse that something happened and then reached my hand up to her face, caressing it gently. She closed her eyes and leaned into my touch.
"Oh angel.." I said quietly and leaned closer to her, closing my eyes and placing a long kiss into her hair. "I thought I lost you." I added after I put my chin on top of her head.
Seconds later the door to her room opened and a nurse came in, stopping in her tracks once she saw that Y/n was awake.
"Oh my god" she said before quickly running out of the room to get a doctor.
After the doctors came in and checked on Y/n, unintubating her while I called her mum to let her know Y/n was awake, we were left alone together once again. The doctors let me know that she wouldn't be able to talk for some time, but that honestly didn't matter to me, I was just happy that I finally had her back.
"I'm so happy you're awake, my love. I really thought I lost you forever." I told her, looking at her lovingly as I tucked some of her hair behind her ear.
"I missed you so fucking much, you have no idea." I said sadly and she looked at me apologetically.
My thoughts suddenly wandered to the little box that I have been carrying around with me for the last two years, having promised myself that I would use it as soon as I got the chance.
"I have something to ask you." I said as I reached into my pocket, Y/n looking at me curiosly. As soon as she saw the little velvet box in my hands, her eyes widened as she looked at me.
"Listen. The two years without you have been fucking hell on earth for me, you know? Everything sucked. I didn't get to look into your eyes or see your beautiful smile for so long and I swear that if I had to go without it much longer, I'd go crazy. I love you so much and I realized just how quickly can everything change, so I promised myself I would do this the first chance I got." Y/n was now full on crying and covering her mouth with her hands. I stood up from the chair, kneeling on the ground beside her bed, opening the box that held a diamond ring, and looked into her eyes. I took a nervous breath before asking the question.
"Y/n Y/m/n Y/l/n, will you make me the happiest person in the entire universe and marry me?" I asked hopefully. Y/n smiled and nodded her head vigorously at me. I took her hand and slipped the ring onto her finger before she grabbed my face and pulled me up to her level so she could kiss me. We kissed for a minute and then pulled away, leaning our foreheads on each other.
"I love you. And I'm never, ever letting you go."
_________________________________________
thoughts? 💜
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Hi so I came across your Femto punishing both Guts and Casca meta and even tho I kinda like it I found myself at odds with a part of it.
I think punishing Casca and feeling mad she picked Guts over him and considered leaving him wasn't really a consideration at all. In the thoughts he has after the weird trippy hallucination thing they put him through during the eclipse his only thoughts are about Guts. How he was the only one who made Griffith forget his dream. And when he forgot this torture happened and his body was broken.
Guts was the one he risked life for by going to save him from Zod. Guts was the one who managed to get close to him despite his attempts to keep his distance from his men. Griffith was at that point after all only human. Humans need close relationships which he was denying himself and that led to his overattachment to the one he had which caused him to end up in the situation he got tortured in. He had to blow off steam he was so upset by Guts leaving and the concept alone made his fight with Guts more erratic.
But Casca leaving isn't reflected on at all during the Eclipse. Griffith said once that a true equal was what he considered a friend and while he was talking to a royal at the time that might still be true. Griffith who was human, and despite being in denial about it, craved friendship.
An equal who didn't leave him might be something he wanted. But Femto who has thrown away his humanity doesn't want a friend he doesn't want a equal. A power play is required to prove that Guts is beneath him. He needs to disempower Guts to feel empowered. To feel that Guts isn't a equal that Guts is beneath him.
The scene where he pushes down Casca is a parallel because it is also about power but in a different way. The sequence of events is Griffith asks Guts to put on his armor he wants to be able to put it on fight again. Guts obliges excited to see Griffith recover.
Elsewhere Casca is told he will never recover enough to hold a sword again. A demon attacks them rips off Griffiths armor and mocks him and his group over how he's already broken. Afterwards Griffith hears his group come apart as they come to terms about his condition. Casca berates Guts for expecting that recovery when it not possible which Griffith also hears.
Griffith then pushes Casca down I think because Casca used to be someone he was stronger than her. It's just a desperation to show he has even a bit of the strength he used to possess.
He manages to stay in the position she doesn't try to push him off he doesn't try to do anything and just puts his effort in maintaining position. Flopping on her and groping would probably be less physical effort but I don't think that what he trying to do . His mouth is open like he's trying to say something but no words come out. She hugs him pulling him close and as he's no longer holding up his own body weight his trembling stops.
I think its supposed to contrast with Femto later and his mentality in this moment vs that one.
The first scene with Casca is desperation to show he has even a bit of the strength he used to possess. That it'd not over for him.
The second one where he attacks Casca in front of Guts is to show no one is equal to him everyone is beneath him. Guts is beneath him. In this world where Griffith reigns Guts has no power to stop anything to do anything and he wants to mock and hurt Guts. That it's his time to rule.
When Griffith is rescued his immediate reaction is to lash out attack Guts. He is mad at Guts for leaving because in his mind Guts leaving led to this. But it only led to this because Griffith cared enough about him that he would be upset at not having Guts around. Its because they were friends. So when he sees Guts crying over him that anger dissappears and he puts his hands on Guts hand in a almost comforting gesture. He can't go as far with his anger or hatred because he loves and cares too.
Which is why that first scene with Casca is only her being pinned. He wouldn't go that far because even if he doesn't see her as a equal he still gives a shit. Its why he attempts to move to her when she attacked by demons after they escape with him. Maybe he wouldn't even consider doing something like what Femto does to her.
But that caring and giving a shit is the humanity he gives up. Femto still has emotions he had feelings Griffith used to have. If he didn't making Guts feel disempowered wouldn't matter. The idea of Guts as a equal in anyway wouldn't occur. Femto is just that anger and rage he felt when he tried to strangle Guts without the caring he felt when he put his hand on Guts hand.
Casca only mattered when Griffith cared about people who he thought he was stronger than. When he sacrificed that Casca ceased to matter. She was never a target of his anger or frustration. But Guts continued to matter. Because Guts was a target of that. He wants the target of his frustration to suffer, and he knows this will make him suffer.
Just my opinion thought I'd share. Still love your meta tho!
Well, damn, that’s a long ask. xDD Next time, just reblog and add your thoughts, I also answer that way, hahaha!
Also, not sure which post of mine you’re referring to, by the way. I’m thinking this one, but I honestly can’t be sure because I also reblogged posts on the subject?
Anyway, if I sum up your take: Griffith was out to punish Guts only and not Casca, because Guts >>> Casca in terms of significance as far as Griffith is concerned?
Thank you for your input :) but see, I disagree, because this is exactly why I once said that...
I don’t understand why some fans somehow reduce Berserk’s plot to being about Guts vs Griffith, Casca often becoming some random secondary character. For me, no matter how you look at the series ever since the Golden Age, it just ain’t the case. :))
However, all I ever wrote was that Griffith punished both of them; I never implied that their “betrayal” amounted to the same significance for Griffith, because it’s indeed not the case.
After all, as you said, we know Guts always had a bigger impact on Griffith since the day they met...
...but, while we will never know for sure, I for one am quite convinced that if Casca (who was Griffith’s right-hand woman) was the one who had left in the same fashion as Guts, it would have triggered Griffith in a similar way.
Because Griffith is a man of influence: he knows that and how to use such charisma on others. That’s why he totally means the words he said to Charlotte about what kind of people he would see as a friend.
So he uses people’s feelings for him in a way that would serve the path to achieving his dreams. Casca herself said that, as a leader after he was gone, all she did was "try to protect the dream of someone who might not even be alive”.
The Band of the Falcon lived and worked to help Griffith achieve his dream, because they saw him as special, since they had no achievable big dream of their own (kinda why Griffith said they’re not “friends”).
So yeah sure, Guts’ actions would always leave a bigger impact on Griffith, as you showed he said it himself, but Casca falling in love with Guts and envisioning a future far away from Griffith’s schemes still clearly stung.
After all, everyone in the group knew of Casca’s unrequited feelings for Griffith, meaning that Griffith obviously knew too and, instead of telling her it would never happen, he entertained the possibility so that Casca would entirely devote herself to him.
Take Judeau, as a counterexample: he too had some feelings for Casca, but he urged Guts several times to take her with him and away from the group, because he couldn’t stand her unhappiness. Griffith said nothing about her feelings, because he knew that’s how Casca would do everything for his sake.
Still, Casca was not any random member of his Band so, when she emancipated from Griffith by falling in love with Guts, in my opinion it’s why...
...she also was on the receiving end of his jealousy.
It’s distasteful but, otherwise, why did Femto rape Casca instead of killing her? Again, we will never know, but if Guts had left Griffith behind for a future with any other random girl, I think Femto would have just killed her in front of Guts. Raping Casca, when she used to long for Griffith’s affection, was revenge against both of them for choosing each other instead of him and his dream.
You can see it in the way he stared at both of them so many times, coming to the realization that he was not at the center of their little trio anymore. So yeah, Guts > Casca in terms of significance since day 1 as far as Griffith is concerned, I never discussed that, but Casca was not such a random member of Griffith’s band either that her actions of emancipation would not taste bitter to him. That’s my opinion. :)
Additional points: I never said he was trying to grope her in that scene when he fell on top of her as she was changing his bandages, just that “he was trying to gauge or reenact Casca’s old devotion to him by showing some affection”.
And finally, Femto who was entirely reborn as a Godhand has no emotion left about Guts or Casca, he said it himself. Thinking he’s only anger and revenge would be confusing Femto with the Skull Knight or Guts as the Black Swordsman.
Friendly reminder that Femto is not human anymore so, while Griffith thrived on thinking that he didn’t bother with overwhelming bonds to anyone and that only his dream ever mattered, it is actually the case for Femto.
I hope I answered your points. Thanks for reading and have a nice day Anon! :))
#berserk#guts#griffith#casca#gutsca#femto#berserk theory#anon#answers#my analysis#tw: rape mention#not gonna lie i'm not a fan of people thinking berserk is about dudebros' clash of ego#when the entire story since vol 22 has been about Guts being afraid for Casca and trying to find her the best hiding place#sure SK then told him Casca could be brought back but Guts never envisioned goingafter the Godhand again ever since#he even literally told Zodd to fuck off even tho Grif was super near because Casca's safety was way more important to him#even right now Griffith is not chasing after Guts : he's out there building his empire like he always wanted
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