mojo dojo casa house
Howdy folks! Sorry for the delay, I was, uhhhh covering the Tour de France. Anyway, I'm back in Chicago which means this blog has returned to the Chicago suburbs. I'm sure you've all seen Barbie at this point so this 2019 not-so-dream house will come as a pleasant (?) surprise.
Yeah. So this $2.4 million, 7 bed, 8.5+ bath house is over 15,000 square feet and let me be frank: that square footage is not allocated in any kind of efficient or rational manner. It's just kind of there, like a suburban Ramada Inn banquet hall. You think that by reading this you are prepared for this, but no, you are not.
Scale (especially the human one) is unfathomable to the people who built this house. They must have some kind of rare spatial reasoning problem where they perceive themselves to be the size of at least a sedan, maybe a small aircraft. Also as you can see they only know of the existence of a single color.
Ok, but if you were eating a single bowl of cereal alone where would you sit? Personally I am a head of the table type person but I understand that others might be more discreet.
It is undeniable that they put the "great" in great room. You could race bicycles in here. Do roller derby. If you gave this space to three anarchists you would have a functioning bookshop and small press in about a week.
The island bit is so funny. It's literally so far away it's hard to get them in the same image. It is the most functionally useless space ever. You need to walk half a mile to get from the island to the sink or stove.
Of course, every McMansion has a room just for television (if not more than one room) and yet this house fails even to execute that in a way that matters. Honestly impressive.
The rug placement here is physical comedy. Like, they know they messed up.
Bling had a weird second incarnation in the 2010s HomeGoods scene. Few talk about this.
Honestly I think they should have scrapped all of this and built a bowling alley or maybe a hockey rink. Basketball court. A space this grand is wasted on sports of the table variety.
You would also think that seeing the rear exterior of this house would help to rationalize how it's planned but:
Not really.
Anyways, thanks for coming along for another edition of McMansion Hell. I'll be back to regular posting schedule now that the summer is over so keep your eyes peeled for more of the greatest houses to ever exist. Be sure to check the Patreon for today's bonus posts.
Also P.S. - I'm the architecture critic for The Nation now, so check that out, too!
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I don't now if your done one like this but could you do one with like Lando and Zak Brown's daughter? Like there sneaking around but everyone just knows and finds it cute?
Also your writing is just AMAZING 👏
Not Very Discreet - LN
No part 2 requests please
Y/n Brown has joked publicly about her dad loving Lando more than he loves her. Joked but she also meant it quite seriously.
"Y/n, are you on babysitting duty for Lando? Or are you getting in the karts with us?" George jokes as they make a 2019 rookies video and he spots y/n dressed in a red and black karting suit.
"Actually the team is all karting together, I was invited to join in." Y/n smiles while George nods then flicks his gaze to Lando who looks like he might be containing the urge to throw a fist at the fellow Brits face.
"Is that you camera she's stolen there mate?" George questions making Lando look at y/n.
"She's keeping it safe. I hardly trust myself to have it, you'd probably smash it." Lando states trying to continue as if no one has caught onto the relationship.
Most of the drivers suspect even Zak knows but won't say anything on it because he's just letting them get on with it and move at whatever pace they are happy with.
Y/n stays out the way, trying not to end up in any shots or be a distraction to Lando. Though every time she glances up at him, he's catching her gaze for a moment before redirecting his attention.
Eventually they finish up and Alex and George take off while Lando sticks around smiling as he steals a kiss that she's definitely not expecting.
"Oh-Lando. The team is going to be here any second." Y/n gasps gently stepping back from him while he looks slightly saddened from her withdrawal from him. She does manage a weak smile and handing his camera back to him. "Ready to watch me destroy the team?"
"So long as you beat Oscar." Lando shrugs while she smiles more brightly at him.
"Get some good pictures of it?"
-
Feeling jealous about y/n isn't fair, but it is exactly what's going on with her and Oscar being so close is sparking some fire in his chest and a new urge to absolutely wreck Oscar in.
But when Zak appears, he distracts Lando from his focus of trying to shoot lasers from his eyes to his teammate.
"Y/n, sweetheart. We're getting going. Are you coming back with me or getting a lift?" Zak asks making y/n turn from where she's been laughing with Oscar and a couple of the others.
"You want to give me a lift?" Y/n questions since despite her constant presence, Zak rarely remembers to actually pay enough attention to her. Though she can drive and she often just gets a ride with someone within the team, 100% of the time it's Lando.
"You are my daughter."
"You never usually offer." Y/n hums before narrowing her eyes as if to sus the man out. "Am I in trouble?"
"No. You're not in trouble, why would you be in trouble?" Zak laughs looking at Lando who just shrugs. Though he knows the exact reason she is so untrusting, Zak is somewhat inconsistent as a parent and his attention to his daughter comes and goes like he's on a merry-go-round.
"I'm getting a lift...but thank you."
"Alright, no problem. Well I'm heading out. We will have lunch tomorrow instead." Zak states opening his arms and making the young woman smile lightly as she accept the hug from him. "Be good, if you're getting a lift from Lando again don't encourage him over the speed limit."
"You act like I'm the bad influence."
"You are." Both Lando and Zak laugh while she looks at Lando as if he just betrayed her.
"Alright, I'm going back to Oscar. He's nicer than the two of you. Get back safely, dad. don't go speeding over the limit."
Zak does take off and the team seems to clear out leaving Lando to head over to the unit to change out of his fireproofs and racing suit.
"Um, I'm going to get this suit off and I'll catch up." Y/n smiles earning a small nod and for a moment he leans in but quickly catches himself, moving back and jogging off.
Y/n sighs saying bye to the rest of the team and returning the karting suit before she heads off, texting Lando that she'll meet him in the car park because there's no point in walking all the way back to the paddock just to walk back to the car park.
"Hey, baby." Lando smiles then kissing the young woman with no thought. Sometimes he just doesn't care to hide it. "Are you ok?"
"Better than ok."
-
Y/n and Lando walking through the paddock, is caught in the background of a Sky segment with Will Buxton and of course, despite the two not stopping. Y/n does give Will a polite wave.
"There's Lando Norris and Y/n Brown, Zak Brown's daughter. Those two are always glued at the hip." Will comments making Laura hum with an expression that is almost telling something without saying a word. "Something to say?"
"No. Nope."
Y/n is actually in team uniform today, always liking to dress as part of the team when it comes to being there with them all. Lando does think it's sometimes a little more so she can blend in and be closer to him without it looking suspicious.
"I like Bahrain." Y/n comments suddenly making Lando look at her for a moment.
"You like Bahrain?"
"Yeah, we've got all the series here. It kicks off the season perfectly." Y/n explains while looking at his helmet and tracing the blobby shapes with her finger. "I'm going to be watching that Kimi kid...if he's good enough that they weren't willing to cater to Lewis' contract demands."
"You are a menace. Watching Kimi just so you can know if it was worth losing Lewis."
Y/n grins before he looks at her a moment, his eyes looking heavy on her. An expression she's almost too familiar with, it's the same expression he makes when he wants to kiss her but obviously he's not going to.
"I'm surprised your dad hasn't clocked you for a job on the team."
"Don't they say to never mix family and business."
"Family businesses aren't supported by you then?" Lando teases earning a sigh from the young woman.
"More like my dad complicates things unnecessarily. I think if I worked for him, he'd just...put me in a permanent headache." Y/n states then smiling. "I know you have stuff to do, so I'm going to go watch the babies in cars."
"Babies in cares?-F3. Right, have fun." Lando nods while she grins and takes off blowing him a kiss which isn't even halfway to what he really wants.
"Alright, mate. Let's get to work." Will states earning the F1 drivers attention.
-
Y/n ended up not only getting lunch with her dad but got dinner then messaged Lando that she was going back to the hotel with her dad because apparently Zak "just had to spend time more time with her before the season really picked up".
By the time Lando gets back to the hotel, he puffs out a breath only to find Y/n is lying back in the bed, unexpectedly half-naked.
"Y/n, baby...if you're trying to request sex. I hate to say I'm too tired but please don't-"
"I'm sweating, and I think my dad thinks I've lost weight. He wouldn't let me leave without finishing like a 5 course meal." Y/n groans rubbing her stomach which is looking slightly bloated. "You looked good out there in practices."
"We have a lot to work on really." Lando shrugs earning a small smile from the young woman before he strips down to his own underwear and lies with her, smiling when she shifts to cuddle into him while seeming to be careful of not pressing on her stomach. "How was lunch and dinner with your dad?"
"It wasn't bad. He's trying...I know." Y/n states while Lando and shifts kissing the top of her head while she lies her head on his chest. "I think he knows."
"I'm beginning to think a lot of people know." Lando laughs making her look up at him. "We're not exactly the more subtle."
"WE? You're the one who gets jealous the moment I laugh at another man." Y/n giggles before she groans and rolls away from him. "Ugghhh...this is awful."
"Food baby?"
"Huge food baby!" Y/n groans as Lando sits up and looks at her for a moment. "So should we just stop hiding it?"
"I never wanted to hide it. I only did because you wanted to." Lando states since he would've happily been gatekeeping y/n from the entire paddock if he could.
"Alright, no more hiding...I hope I'm right about my dad or this could have a very different outcome." Y/n smiles while Lando hums and kisses her softly.
-
There's a sense of relief for Lando as they walk into the paddock and y/n's hand is gripping his own with a cripplingly tight hold.
"Relax, baby." Lando soothes pulling her hand up to gently squeeze it between both of his own. "Don't worry."
"I'm not worried." Y/n lies before finally smiling when Lando stares at the side of her face. "I'm good. I promise."
Zak obviously knows about Y/n and Lando, and as bad or risky as it sounds he thinks the two are great. But not only because he has nothing he can hold against Lando and nothing he can hold against his own daughter. But also he thinks it's going to look great in the media, always a business-minded man.
"Well, look at the two of you, you seem very happy." Zak comments earning an eye roll from his daughter and a grin from his driver, though y/n is somewhat trying to hide a smile.
"That's all you have to say about it?"
"Well, if you've been better at hiding it then maybe I'd have more to say." Zak chuckles earning a hum. "Don't worry sweetheart, you did your part to hide it. It was Lando who gave it away."
"I know." Y/n sighs then looking at Lando. "You're the worst at hiding jealousy."
"It's true." Zak confirms while Lando rolls his eyes. "Anyway, so long as you're not getting in the way or causing trouble together. Then I don't see any problem."
"Ok, well this was fun. I'm sure you've got some stuff to do." Y/n hums while trying to walk around her dad.
"Alright, be good to him, y/n." Zak jokes earning a grin from Lando while y/n's jaw drops at the fact he didn't jump to say that Lando should be good to her. "I'm joking. Lando, be good to her or we'll have to relook at your contract."
Y/n laughs when Lando places a hand to his chest in mock offence before pushing y/n into the unit.
"You think he'd be so happy about how good I am to you if he heard how you scream my name?" Lando asks making her gasp and turn her head.
"Behave."
"No, I definitely don't have to behave anymore."
Taglist: @namgification @hiireadstuff @jsjcue @geniusalpaca @itsjustkhaos
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When at work - Lando Norris x UniStudent! Reader
Plot: Lando has known you since you were born, literally childhood friends. You went to every karting weekend with him until he started to travel more. As childhood lovers who have been dating for 8 years what happens when the general public find out about you?
Credit to landooscurls for the GIF
You'd known Lando since you were born just two years after him, and so until Year 4 when you excelled in your academics you were a school year behind him, you were moved up a year to his year. You followed him to the karting tracks when you were little being his biggest supporter and if you go back and look at interviews you'll always be spotted talking animatedly to his family about the race.
You had very strict parents about schooling and they wouldn't let you miss any days off, you could go to karting with Lando, after school or on the weekends but you couldn't take days off school for his races.
"Mum please! I want to go support him!" you cried when she told you that you couldn't have the day off to go watch Lando kart in one of his first proper championship races.
"No Y/N, Lando has found something he is good at... you are a smart girl and school is where you should be!" you mum had refused, smiling at you sadly.
"Dad?" you cried looking over at your dad, who would normally say yes to any request you had, especially if it involved Lando and his dad Adam, as they were friends.
"Sweetheart, I'm sorry but I'll have to agree with your mum on this one" he sighs pulling you into a hug. Those days at school that Lando wasn't there were lonely to say the least, Lando's friends wouldn't hang out with you if it was only you and you didn't have any of friends.
Eventually Lando quit school when he got to British Formula three, there he made lots of new friends including Max, who he introduced to you. You would miss Lando in school, and tried to branch out to make new friends but nothing felt as close as the bond you shared with Lando.
"Y/N, this is my friend Max I met him in karting" he smiles pulling you closer to Max.
"Erm, hi" you had smiled shyly at Max, who smiled back at you. With Max it felt like he was genuinely interested in getting to know you unlike Lando's school friends who just sort of acknowledged your existence because of Lando.
You and Max of course made fast friends after this.
This was 2015, and he asked you there and then to be his girlfriend. At first you laughed and said no, because you thought he was joking and one of the boys from karting had dared him as a cruel joke. But after lots of groveling on his behalf you said yes.
In 2016, you managed to exceed in your GCSE'S getting 6 A* to B grades. Lando had come just to celebrate with you. The next year you did the last of your GCSE's getting 7 more A* - B grades making you come out with 13 GCSE's in total. Lando had come to celebrate with you, while you had gone to celebrate with him that he had won the Formula 3 championship.
He of course, was promoted to Formula 2 for the 2018 season and became a test and reserve driver for Mclaren, which made you so proud because this was his way of being able to get into Formula One. You went on to do your Alevel-s, which were Maths, Physics, Design and Technology and Law. You were now just turned 17 and looking at universities you could go to, and looking at what degree you wanted to go into.
He came second in Formula 2, just behind the other British Racing Driver George Russell. And was promoted to F1 for the 2019 Season and would be in his rookie season.
Halfway through his first season which had gone pretty well with only 2 DNF's and him coming 6th highest, you'd finished your exams and had got offers back from all 5 universities you'd applied to. It was sad really, you'd applied to the University of Surry and University of Royal Holloway just to be near the Mclaren Technology Centre so you could be closer to Lando in the off season.
You'd ended up choosing Cambridge University in the end and spend the rest of your summer until the end of September travelling to races with Lando, you went with his Dad, having his other spare pass. You saw him in Monaco, Canada, France, Austria, Silverstone, Germany and Hungry before you spent the summer break in Greece together along with Max. Then you came with him to Belgium, Italy and Singapore before you had to go home to move into student accommodation.
As a rookie there wasn't too much focus on Lando, but when a girl was spotted with him in the paddock for 10 races, people had questions. After they did some digging they worked out that you were childhood friends with Lando and you were in his older and definitely cringier Instagram pictures, and they checked his tagged photos which led them to your account that he was following.
Luckily it was private but you were shocked at the influx of follow requests.
Rumors spread and people deducted that you must be his girlfriend. It made you nervous but Lando promised to go at your pace.
Your first year of university was cut short, everything went into lockdown, and you were alone in your little dorm room with 5 other housemates. It was a month until you finished all your exams online, and made the decision to travel to Lando's to live with him.
You ended up staying with him for the whole lockdown, and then travelling around with him for the whole of the 2020 season. You managed to do this while studying as your campus was shut for the whole of 2020 and most of 2021. You had an amazing second year grade passing with a 92 overall school having a 1st in your second year. So when 2021 came around you'd applied for Formula One internships so you could keep travelling around with Lando and almost all of them as they already knew you accepted you, you had a difficult time deciding who to go with.
Eventually you went with Red Bull, of course Lando had made jokes about how betrayed he felt, but was happy for you being in a top constructor. You joined them for the 2021 Azerbaijan GP, on the 6th of June you were there for 17 races in 2021 and learnt so much from the team.
You spent until September 2022 with them having major input on the build of the 2022 Red Bull to the point Christian Horner ask for you to be shown on the Instagram. 14 races you spend with them and it was a wild ride before you had to go back to University for your final year.
At this point you and Lando had been together for 7 years strong now. People worked out how long you'd been together a while ago and it had really shocked them. They expected you to be engaged and ... well they weren't far off.
He proposed to you in the winter break of 2022 on a ski holiday he'd taken you on. All of your's and his family were there too see and it was beyond magical. You were going into the 2023 season with a Fiancé and your soulmate.
You let your Instagram go public during this time, the fans had been asking for more content from you. You appeared on streams, and Lando always posted you on his accounts. Now it was time for them to go and stalk you account, instantly people went back through your photos finding old pictures from when you and Lando were younger and then the more recent pictures that everyone thought were cute.
Now Lando had gone back to racing and you were starting revision for exams that would happen in May.
However, you didn't tell Lando, that money was getting a bit tight. You'd always been funny when it came to how much Lando earned and how he always insisted that you lived rent free with him and to not worry about it. So at the start of 2023, towards the end of your degree you got a little side job as a barista in an independent coffee shop.
Lando of course being busy now that it was the start of the 2023 season and he had a new rookie team mate to meet, he was none the wiser.
It was just a typical day at the coffee shop when you were with your college, making yourself a drink when a girl and her friend came in.
"Oh my gosh, your Y/N!" a voice says making you look up, you smile happily not thinking much off it because you were wearing a name badge so you assumed she got it from there.
"Yes, hello how can I help you today!" you ask politely stopping making your drink and walking over to the till.
"You're Y/N Lando Norris Fiancé right?" she asks and your mouth drops open in shock. You had been noticed around the paddock, of course you had... but this was the first time someone had come to you in public.
"Ah yes I am!" you smile shyly. The interaction was relatively normal, you served them their drinks and made conversation with them before having to go back and serve more customers.
You didn't notice them take pictures and videos of you interacting and serving customers, which of course made their way onto social media. Suddenly and influx of customers came, which was strange for a Tuesday afternoon.
As well as the influx of customers you had people come in with cameras, starting to take pictures.
"Y/N what is happening all of these people are asking for you" Rhianne your co-worker asks and that's when the blender turns off and you can hear people calling your name.
They were fans of F1.
"Hey Y/N Lando deserves better than you"
"Y/N why are you working minimum wage when you have a boyfriend with a net worth of over 10 mil"
"Y/N break up with Lando"
"Oh my god, how did they all know this is where I work" you say asking your college not sure what to even do.
"Okay, let's get you out the back. Call the police and I'll try keep up with orders" She says pushing you towards the exit, the staff room was on the other side of the shop so you were going to have to tackle your way through the mound of people.
Eventually after people shoving phones in your face and grabbing at your wrist. You manage to get into the staff area and lock the door. You were crying as you called the police, who said they'd send bodies to you immediately.
After you hung up, your phone started to ring and Lando's face popped up.
"Hi baby" you say trying to sound like your not crying. Your camera was facing up so he couldn't see you.
"Y/N show me where you are right now. I swear to god, if what I'm seeing on twitter is true" he huffs out making you pan down the camera to show the back room you were in. He was in Australia right now and had heard from Oscar that you were trending on twitter and looked scared.
"Are you safe?" he asks worried, making you burst into tears. You could suddenly feel everyone's hands back on you and your breathing goes shallow.
"Mmm, I had to call the police there was so many people" you cry, wiping your tears.
"Baby, I'm so sorry. Look after Australia, I'm coming to you okay! Why the fuck didn't you ask me if you needed money" he asks looking at you with that disappointed look you hated.
"Lando, you know how i feel about that" you say.
"Baby, your still in Uni. You shouldn't have to work. Do you parents know?" he asks, and you shake you head.
"Hey Y/N! How are you?" Oscar asks coming into view of the camera.
"I'm okay Oscar, I cant wait to meet you next week!" You smile at him, blinking away the tears that were still trying to come out.
"Oh, I think the police are here, but I'll call you when I'm home!" you say hearing a knock at the door.
"Ask them to take you home. You shouldn't walk round the streets alone! I love you darling" Lando sighs.
"I love you too Lando, thank you!"
A/N: I feel like this isn't very good, I'm sorry this feels like its so info dumpy and not much fluff!!
Taglist:
@littlesatanicassholebitch @hockey-racing-fubol @laura-naruto-fan1998 @22yuki @simxican @sinofwriting @lewisroscoelove @cmleitora @stupidandunnecessary @clayra-g @daemyratwst @honey-belden @moonypixel @lauralarsen @vader-is-hot @ironcowboycopnickel @itsjustkhaos @the-untamed-soul @beebo86 @happylittlereader @ziejustme @lou-larcher5 @thewulf @purplephantomwolf @chasing-liberosis @chillyleclerc @chanthereader @annoyingmoonballoon @summissss @evieepepi08 @havaneseoger08 @celesteblack08 @gulphulp @fandom1ruined2me @celebstories @starfusionsworld @jspitwall @sierruhh @georgeparisole @dakotatankbig @youcannotcancelquidditch @zzonsbeek @tallbrownhairsarcastic @mellowarcadefun @ourteenagetragedy @otako5811 @countingstacksandpanicattacks @peachiicherries @formulas-bitch @cherry-piee @hopexcroc @mirrorball-6 @spilled-coffee-cup @mehrmonga @bigsimperika @blueberry64857959 @eiraethh @lilypadlover @curseofhecate @alliwantisadonut @the-fem1n1ne-urge @21stcenturytaegi @dark-night-sky-99 @spideybv28 @i-wish-this-was-me @tallrock35 @butterfly-lover @barnestatic @landossainz @darleneslane @barcelonaloverf1life @r0nnsblog @ilove-tswizzle
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