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beardedjoel · 8 months

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closer | part twenty two - finale!

joel x f!reader. non-apocalypse au.

series masterlist | main masterlist | ao3

chapter summary: in this final chapter, you and joel reconnect and discover just how deep your feelings for each other run. 8.6 k words. chapter warnings: 18+ MDNI, age difference (joel is 42 and reader is 25), soft!dom joel, cockwarming as the whole show, unprotected piv, sweet slow in love sex, dirty talk, praise kink a/n: I'M EMOTIONAL AS FUCK RIGHT NOW AND IDK WHAT TO DO ABOUT IT. i love love love these two lovesick idiots so much, they've helped me grow as a writer and i'm so happy so many of you have loved reading this story also. as much as i've written it for myself i also wrote it for all of you who encouraged me along the way, so THANK YOU SO MUCH! i could never express just how thankful i am for how much love this story has gotten. i promise this won't be the very last of this reader and joel, i would love to do a small epilogue or drabble sometime soon as well. anyways this has been such a rant THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU and please enjoy this final chapter!

You bound down the stairs giddily, happy to take in the familiar sights of Joel’s house in the light of day. You had missed its cozy comforts, the way it had been a second home to you, how Joel had been home to you. You’re practically vibrating with happiness, the feeling warm and radiating from the middle of your chest outwards. You’re tingling with anticipation to see Joel again, even with the fact that you’d just spend the entire night next to him. You couldn’t wait to interact with him, look into his eyes, and give him a good morning kiss. It nearly felt surreal, like you weren’t sure if this could have ever happened again.

You hear the soft drone of the TV, and when you don’t see Joel in the kitchen, you make your way to the living room, where he’s seated, sprawled out on his cushy couch. His eyes look only half-focused on a sports channel, running highlights and going into detail on all the recent games, and you immediately tune it out. When you enter the room, Joel looks up and his eyes widen, his coffee halfway to his mouth. He finishes the sip, slurping purposefully and setting the mug down on the side table next to the couch with careful hands, not once taking his eyes off of you. You stand in the doorway, stark naked, not having bothered to even put on one of Joel’s shirts this morning.

“Isn’t that a sight,” he says quietly, one hand still wrapped tightly around the warm mug, as if he doesn’t know what to do with it. His tone seems controlled, but you can tell this is having more of an effect on him than even you’d expected. You try to not wear too big of a smirk as you stand, inspecting him.

“Y’better be comin’ right over to this lap if you're gonna walk in here lookin’ like that.” He cocks his head, making purposeful, long movements of his eyes to roam over your entire body, stopping longer to admire your tits, nipples slightly erect already from the chill of the air and your anticipation for Joel this morning. You close the space between you, padding over to the couch, where Joel adjusts his legs, making room for you.. You stop short, drumming your fingers on the edge of the table where Joel’s mug sits.

“Coffee first,” you declare, turning to walk back over to the counter, making sure Joel has a clear, impeccable view of your ass as you go. Joel gets up to follow you, and you hear a distant groan, no mistaking that it’s his back still bothering him.

“Where d’ya think you’re goin’?” he asks impatiently, standing across the island in the kitchen, watching you. “My lap was ready for you, darlin’.”

You twist your lips to the side, purposefully ignoring him. “Now where were those mugs…” you mutter, reaching up on your tip-toes to look through cabinets, stretching your body out and offering an even better view of all your assets.

“You know damn well where those mugs are, sweetheart,” Joel growls out from across the room, arms folded in front of him. “Ignorin’ me… can’t believe this,” he mutters under his breath, but still loud enough that you can make it out.

“Silly me, you’re right,” you reply airily, immediately opening the correct cabinet and getting a mug out before filling it with coffee. When you glance at Joel before opening the fridge, the look on his face is odd, unreadable.

“I, uh… still have the creamer. A new one. Stupid, I know. I bought a new one when the old one went bad. Jus’ in case…” Joel pulls his lips into his mouth and avoids your gaze for a moment.

Your heart beats harder for a few seconds, a hole opening in your chest that you feel like you might fall right through. It feels like your heart breaking in real time, realizing that all this time, Joel still cared so much, so fucking much. You clutch your chest, fingers brushing over your bare skin there, and give Joel the softest, warmest smile you can conjure up.

“Thank you,” you say, wanting to deliver it with sincerity and show the meaning that it has for you. Joel gives you a simple nod, knowing nothing more needs to be said about it, that you both understand what it means and what you both went through. You move along, pouring the creamer in your coffee and walking back to Joel, letting him guide you back with a rough hand on your lower back.

“Gonna jus’ ignore my questions, now?” Joel asks, in the half-teasing, half-irritated way that can only mean he’s brewing up all kinds of ways to punish you. He lowers himself back onto the couch with an equally loud groan, and you lift your brows, wondering if you should question him about it.

“You wouldn’t want me to be without my coffee, would you?” you ask, your voice syrupy sweet as it comes out of your mouth. You blink, fluttering your lashes for affect and Joel simply narrows his eyes at you, clearly not pleased with your teasing this early in the morning.

“How do you want me, then?” you ask, hands on your hips as you stand before him. Joel’s eyebrows shoot up at the question and he smirks wildly.

“You bad fuckin’ girl,” Joel tuts with a shake of his head, seeming to instantly forgive what transpired in the kitchen. “Why don’t you sit on down, put your back right here,” he says, patting his chest gently, clad in a classic Joel look of a faded sports tee. You do as he asks, climbing onto his lap with your back to him, scooting your ass all the way back until it’s flush with his torso. Joel’s arms go around you, his legs falling to the side slightly to make room for yours to dangle in between them.

You both sigh in contentment at the feeling of being close to each other on top of the sexual temptation you’ve quite literally just placed in Joel's lap. He reaches a hand to the side to grab his mug, bringing it to his lips over your shoulder. Once he takes a sip, he quickly nuzzles the side of your head.

“Y’sleep okay?”

“Better than I have in months,” you say with a breath of laughter, and Joel nods in agreement.

“Me too, darlin’. Wore each other out,” he says.

“So much pressure off of both our shoulders. I don’t know if you feel that too, but I do,” you tell him.

“Mhm. Feels like… all is right again, huh?”

“Mhm,” you nod, reaching for your own cup, precariously perching yourself to keep your balance on Joel’s lap, your ass rutting into his crotch a bit more. Joel groans quietly at the sensation, which you definitely don’t miss. You both went pretty hard last night, and you’re not sure what Joel will be feeling up for today if his back was any indication.

“How’s your back?” you ask, while the topic is on your mind. “Promise I won’t tease,” you add on lightheartedly.

Joel grumbles a little bit but then sighs in resignation. “I’m not in good shape here darlin’, if I’m honest. But hell, what’s a man to do when a pretty girl sits in his lap naked as the day she was born, but his back hurts? Be a fool not to take advantage of this,” he says, frustration cropping up in his tone. You realize Joel must be feeling touchy about his age these days, especially considering his birthday was yesterday.

“Hey, it’s okay,” you turn slightly and reach a hand over your shoulder to stroke Joel’s face gently. “I just want to spend time with you, whatever you want to do. I don’t want you to mess you back up even more.”

Joel finds it in him to grumble a bit more, but he places a kiss on your bare shoulder, murmuring a thank you into the skin. You two sit and drink your coffee in peace for a little while with the TV as background noise, but you feel the unmistakable bulge of Joel’s cock hardening underneath you as he absentmindedly runs his fingers along the soft skin of your thighs and arms.

“Hmm,” he mumbles quietly to himself, as if he’s trying to decide what to do - absolutely ravage you or keep his back from being completely fucked and sending him out of work for a few days.

“Joel… your back…” you say before he can even get any ideas.

“I know… I jus’...” he starts

“I have an idea,” you announce, cutting him off. “If you let me take care of you a little - get a heating pad, all of that stuff.l, I’ll sit right back here and let you do whatever you want to do to me. You’ll barely have to move. No pressure to do anything that’ll hurt you.”

Joel cocks an eyebrow, intrigued at your offer. “Y’shouldn’t have to take care of me like that…” he starts, and you immediately want to stop that train of thought before it derails completely and leaves him feeling bad about himself.

“Said I wanted to take care of you, so let me,” you say, and Joel starts to protest, but you cut in again. “How many times have you taken care of me, done so much for me? And for so much more than a day of nursing a bad back. Let me do this for you, Joel.”

Joel’s lips turn into a contemplative half-frown as he makes another thoughtful noise, and he then smiles a little. His fingers come up to touch your shoulder, tracing so gently along the skin that you get goosebumps immediately.

“Alright, it’s a deal,” Joel asks gruffly, giving in.

You have him instruct you on where he keeps the heating pad, insisting you know he has to have one around along with icy hot patches, Advil, the entire works for someone like him who complains about his back often enough. He grumbles at how correct your guess is, hating that it makes him feel old and weak in front of you, but you’re quick to remind him the only reason his back is hurting today is from ravaging you within an inch of your life last night. That seems to satiate him well enough, a proud grin slapped across his face at the recollection.

“Yeah, yeah, all in that closet outside the bathroom down here,” he tells you. “Y’better not go putin’ on any clothes while you’re away.”

You laugh, putting your hands on your hips as you stand up in front of him. “Got a naked nurse fantasy, or somethin’?”

Joel scoffs out a laugh, amused. “When it comes to you, darlin’, everything’s a fantasy f’me.”

“Smooth talker.” You give him a dramatic eye roll but feel your heart jump at his words. ”Okay, just sit back, I’ll be right back with everything,” you assure him, rushing to the closet and digging out all the supplies you think you’ll need.

You smile to yourself at the old, worn down heating pad Joel has, something that looks like it’s been passed down and gotten nearly too much use, the old blue and pink plaid pattern faded and tattered. You make a mental note to buy him a new one at some point, knowing Joel’s practical brain won’t allow him to purchase something brand new since “this one works just fine”.

You catch Joel struggling to sit back and get comfortable, a grimace on his face, and you frown. You’ve never really seen Joel in pain until now, and it’s harder than you’d thought it would be. You feel a sinking feeling, just wishing you could take this pain away from him immediately. At the least, you’ll do everything you can to help him feel better.

“Hey, let me help. Let’s get the heating pad behind you,” you tell him, rushing over and trying to get everything set up. “Take these,” you say, barely looking as you try to hand Joel a few Advil while plugging in the heating pad at the same time. He grabs the pills from your hand and swallows them dry, and you glare at him before handing him the water you’d set on the side table for him.

His eyes widen with guilt, and he takes several long gulps from the glass, trying to hide a groan that escapes with the effort of setting it back on the table.

“You’re in worse shape than I thought,” you say, frowning deeply, eyes full of concern.

“Stop your worryin’, meds and the heating pad’ll have me right as rain in no time, okay?” Joel assures you, letting you place the heating pad on the couch before easing him down onto it. He sighs deeply as he relaxes into the steadily growing warmth of it.

“There we go,” you say gently, giving him a smile.

“Now hold up your end of the deal, darlin’.” Joel’s eyes are expectant and mischievous - at the least you’re glad he seems to be feeling slightly better already.

You simply smile, biting your tongue from giving him some kind of snarky comment and sit back down, returning yourself to his lap, sitting yourself between his legs and resting back into him.

“All yours,” you say quietly, craning your neck back slightly to lean your head onto his shoulder. His lips gingerly touch the skin there, sucking right where your pulse comes through, and you moan, back arching slightly, but you’re careful to keep from putting too much weight on Joel’s hurting body right now.

“Wanna be my little plaything so bad don’t you?” Joel murmurs as his hands come to your chest, groping gently at your breasts, testing the weight in his palms before he squeezes them again, running his thumbs over both of your nipples simultaneously. You squirm, thighs rubbing together as the sensation from your nipples seems to go straight to your clit, sending it throbbing for him already.

Joel is gentle and calculated with his moves now, lips soft as they ghost along your neck and shoulders, thumbs barely brushing your hardened pink buds. You whine over and over, already feeling like you could reach your high if he keeps this up.

“Open those legs f’me, sweetheart, Joel says, hands on your thighs, softly nudging them apart. You spread your thighs slightly, but Joel tuts. “Wider than that, darlin’, all the way, please,” Joel asks, and his use of ‘please’ catches you off guard, but you find you kind of like it for a change of pace. You slide your thighs over top of Joel’s, settling so that your legs are now spread open over top of his, landing on either side of his thighs.

“Much better,” Joel coos in your ear before slowly sliding a hand down your front, tauntingly, teasingly making its way between your legs. You writhe, your breathing picking up when Joel slides a finger between your legs, groaning as the wet heat envelops it.

“So soft n perfect f’me already,” he says shakily, finger traveling up your seam, sending you shuddering as it passes your clit.

“Mmm,” you moan out. “Feels so good when you play with me.”

“I know it does, baby, this lil’ hole is just weepin’ for me, ain’t it?” Joel asks, lewdly playing with your wetness, sending squelching sounds throughout the otherwise quiet room. “Needs to be stuffed full of me so bad, poor baby.”

You nod eagerly, breath coming out more staccato now as Joel teases you. He pushes two fingers inside of you, sliding them in effortlessly and beginning to pump in and out. You moan breathlessly, squirming on his lap as your slickness coats his fingers and starts to run down onto his hand. Joel lets out a pleased hum near your ear and you whine in response. He increases the pace, grunting quietly with the effort as you try not to writhe too much on him for fear of hurting him.

“Fuckin’ Christ, baby, can’t take this. Need to fill you up,” Joel whines, his breath hot on your neck, movements becoming more erratic. “Feel so fuckin’ good, missed you too much, darlin’.”

You cry out as his fingers hook inside of you, a ‘come here’ motion that has your legs wobbling instantly as you shake on top of him. “M-missed you so much, Joel. Can’t get enough of you…” you breathe out, barely able to focus on anything but Joel’s thick fingers absolutely ruining you right now.

“W-wait. But you can’t hurt yourself,” you add on, coming to your senses for a moment, worried about his back. “I’ll take care of you, I’ll let you use my mouth.”

Joel sighs, his fingers grazing your g-spot and you whimper. His free hand slides up your belly to your chest, cupping one of your tits, using his hand there to press your back into his chest a little more.

“Can I just…” Joel says, a gruff and quiet voice coming out of him now. “Let me just put it in, I fuckin’ need this sweet little pussy wrapped around me.”

He pulls his fingers out so suddenly that you yelp quietly with the loss before he cups your needy cunt with his hand, pressing his palm down into you. You squirm a little, trying to get some friction from his rough skin on your clit.

“Fuckin’ ruin myself to feel my cock in here, but y’know that already,” Joel says, grunting as he squeezes you tighter, your nipple between his fingers being pulled taut.

“Joel…” you cry out, “I’ll sit on it, make it all better for you, promise.” You turn your head to try and meet his eyeline, going in for a long, deep kiss that he meets eagerly.

You lift your hips up, balancing yourself on either side of his thighs. “You won’t even have to move,” you assure him, “Just get to enjoy me.”

Joel’s hands wrap around your torso and his mouth presses to your back. “Always enjoy you, but I swear to God darlin’, I can barely move right now, got it? So no funny business here.”

“Right.” You nod a little too enthusiastically, further setting off Joel’s doubts that you won’t be able to just sit quietly on his cock. “Just wanna make you feel good.”

“My good girl,” Joel murmurs into your skin, peppering it with kisses. “How’d I deserve this?”

“Hush now, and get your cock inside of me,” you retort, and you can practically feel the surprise radiating off of Joel from behind you at your demanding attitude.

He tuts quietly and blows out a breath. “Yes ma’am,” he says with a chuckle.

You reach in between your legs, where Joel’s hard length is only covered by his boxer briefs, and your fingers itch with need as you wrap your hand around the fabric hidden heat of him.

“Shit,” Joel hisses through his teeth at your touch, arching his hips up into it before groaning in pain.

“Shh, just relax, baby,” you tell him, stroking him several times before pulling the waistband down, letting his cock spring out - red and throbbing, dripping precum for you already and you salivate instantly at the beautiful sight.

“C’mon, now, sit pretty on this cock f’me,” Joel says, patting his lap impatiently. His cock juts up, immediately pressing against your slick folds when you lower yourself slightly, and you bite back a moan, lip pulled between your teeth. You position yourself over top of his bulbous head, just letting it touch your entrance and swirl your hips, letting your warm arousal start soak his tip.

Joel moans unashamedly right in your ear, hands now clenched around your hips, squeezing tightly as you tease him. You rub back and forth, gathering more of your slickness onto him, letting it drip down until you know he can barely take it anymore from his labored breathing and tensing muscles.

“Not - n-ot fuckin’ nice to tease,” he grits out, barely able to speak through clenched teeth.

“You’ll have to teach me a lesson when you’re feeling better.” You smirk, and sink down slowly so that you can feel each bit of him entering you. Your breathing hitches as you get more and more full, and you hear Joel let out a sigh of his own as your wet heat surrounds him.

Joel’s breathing comes out shaky as your hips press flush with his again, seating yourself completely on his cock. You never fail to be surprised at just how full he makes you - it makes you feel equally insane in the moments you have it and in the ones you don’t.

“Oh, darlin’... fuck,” Joel whines, and you grin wildly, loving the way you’re affecting him right now. You lean back slightly, relaxing onto his chest in pure bliss as Joel keeps you full, his cock throbbing inside your equally pulsating cunt. Joel’s head dips to your shoulder, resting there, and his stubble sends goosebumps across your skin.

“Feels nice, don’t it?” he asks, his voice continuing to shake. He’s trying to keep it together, and you’ve rarely had a chance to see Joel fall apart quite like this, and it’s absolutely beautiful. His body is trembling below you, breath uneven as it fans across your neck, and you swear you can feel every inch of his cock throbbing inside of you, so much more so now that you’re just still.

“I-it’s hard to keep still,” you say, biting the inside of your lip.

“I know, I know, me too,” Joel replies soothingly, his palm rubbing up and down your spread thigh. “Let’s just enjoy it, hm? Distract ourselves,” he suggests, trying to turn his attention to the TV. You nod a little, trying to shift slightly to get more comfortable, the movement jostling you just enough that Joel lets out a sharp hiss, and you suck in through your teeth in sync.

“S-sorry,” you choke out, biting your lip again, harder this time.

“No you ain’t,” Joel snarks, and you both chuckle softly, little movements of your bodies following with it and you both still immediately, eyes widening. A moan threatens to pass your lips as you feel a build up of pressure inside of yourself from Joel’s cock pressing on your walls, and you’re desperate for movement, desperate for friction in your clit as it throbs.

“Fuck…” Joel breathes, his hand trembling slightly as he continues rubbing your thigh. “You- you're so wet, darlin’, I-I can feel everythin’.”

Your arousal coats his cock, a seemingly endless slickness pouring onto his shaft, starting to want to leak out around him, and you’re only getting more turned on, more antsy to start moving and grinding your hips.

“Just focus on the TV, lemme enjoy ya,” Joel urges, and you take a deep breath, centering yourself despite the only thing you can feel being Joel inside of you, rock hard and wanting. You manage to glue your eyes to the screen, the droning voices of sports broadcasters reaching your ears, but you can’t hear a word they’re saying. You decide to close your eyes, continuing to rest back on Joel. A small whimper escapes you after a few minutes of trying to ignore the pressure inside of you, but Joel’s hands are all over your body, only making you ache deeper for him, a place deeper than he’s even filling right now that you aren’t sure how to reach. Joel’s own breathing has sped up, and you can feel him, warm and now damp with sweat, a wall of muscle behind you.

“Baby… fuck…” Joel says, fully panting now, “Makin’ me crazy, can feel your little hole flutterin’ f’me honey….” Joel pants for a few more moments, unable to catch his breath completely. “Oh you’re too good, baby, not gonna last like this.”

“Please, I wanna feel you come like this. I’ll feel everything.” You urge him on, your hips absolutely screaming at you to move, to do something. Your hand reaches behind you to his cheek, cupping it and scraping your fingertips along his beard. He buries his head in your shoulder, turning his lips towards your neck.

“I- shit,” Joel groans out, sweat coating his forehead, and you feel his hips twitch underneath you so you double down, pressing your body down into his, trying to give him as little room to move as possible.

“Just like this. Don’t move,” you assure him. You feel him nod into your shoulder, and a whimper passes through his lips that you’ve never heard before. You feel yourself clench around his length at the power trip you’re on, and Joel’s sounds become louder as you cunt tries to milk the orgasm out of him. Your own quiet moans intermix with his and you feel your walls squeeze him, a reminder of just how god damned full you are.

“You’re so big, feels so fucking good…” you murmur, letting your fingertips trail along your leg. You snake a hand between your thighs, letting your finger just rest on your clit, the pressure heavenly in its aching state. You squirm enough that Joel notices, and his hands fly to your hips in a death grip.

“Stop movin’, honey, fuck, please,” Joel begs, his panting, growling breaths stuttering out against your shoulders.

“I can’t… it’s too much,” you whimper, squirming a little more. You’re close too, you can feel it, the overstimulation of Joel’s cock just pressing in the same devastatingly perfect spots inside of you is starting to get to you, a steady build of pleasure swirling in your stomach.

“Come for me, Joel,” you whisper with a heady voice, turning your neck as much as you can to see his face.

He lets out a soft whimper that trails off into a little moan, and you feel it all - his hips bucking up slightly into you, trying to press deeper even though there’s no more room left to give, his warm ropes of cum spilling into you, coating you, marking you as his.

“Jesus,” you whisper, feeling your cunt clench around him as it tries to pull out everything he’s got. Joel breathes heavily against your back before flopping his head back with a satisfied sigh. You follow suit, resting back against him in exhaustion, and Joel winces and lets out a yelp.

“My back, baby, careful,” he cries out with a grunt, and you sit forward instantly.

“Shit, s-sorry.” You begin to lift your hips, Joel’s cock wet and heavy as it slides out of you, leaving you so much more empty than you’ve ever felt before. You could’ve lived just like that, full of him, held by him, for the rest of your days.

“‘M sorry, honey, should’ve been able to…” Joel starts, his cheeks flushed and forehead shining still, but you shush him.

“That was perfect,” you say, smiling brightly to reassure him. You sit next to Joel on the couch, letting one of your arms drape around his torso.

“Alright, that’s all you get today. Strictly resting the back from here on out, okay?” you say more sternly, rubbing his chest.

“Oh, yes ma’am,” Joel chuckles, and pauses for a beat, deep in thought. “Look at you, honey. Can’t even believe sometimes this is the same girl I met in June. Bossin’ me around, now.” Joel’s eyes flash mischievously at you.

“N-no, I just… I want you to feel good - feel better. Not bossing…” you stammer out, the sudden, unconventional compliment from him sending your mind scrambling and face going pink. You shrink down onto the couch slightly, feeling exposed.

“See she’s still in there,” Joel chuckles as you nervously fall apart in front of him, and you give him a shy smile reminiscent of the ones you had when you two first met. “‘S’okay, just givin’ you a hard time. I’ll be a good patient now.” Joel pinches your cheek quickly before letting out a long sigh, leaning back further into the couch and wincing slightly.

You spend the rest of the morning and afternoon coercing Joel into letting you take care of him, and by the evening, he’s complete putty in your hands. He’s fully accepted your care at this point - letting you remind him when to take the heating pad off again without any grumbling, throwing more Advil his way, reminding him to walk around every so often to keep the muscles moving. By the evening, when you offer to run out to pick up dinner for you two, Joel immediately protests with an uncharacteristic whine, swinging an arm around you to hold you down onto the couch.

“What if we jus’ ordered in, hm? Then y’don’t have to leave me,” he asks you, brown eyes going into full begging mode. Joel Miller giving you puppy dog eyes might just be your new favorite thing, you’ve decided, as you smile widely at the sight.

“Oh, you can’t look at me like that, then I’ll never leave,” you reply, tilting your head as you study this completely new expression on Joel’s face.

“That’s kinda the idea, sweetheart,” Joel says, smirking a little now, letting up on the absolutely soul crushing look he was giving you.

“Well it’s working,” you snip teasingly. “I’ll stay with you then, won’t leave for even a minute.”

“Good,” Joel sighs in relief and relaxes back onto the couch, a satisfied grin on his face.

Joel hardly lets go of you the entire night, arms wrapping around you in any way he can, always pulling you back into him. Even while you’re sleeping, you stir several times when he presses you close again, the heat of his broad chest radiating into your back. You realize that he’s still awake, a restless energy radiating off of him. Your eyes flutter open and you see his eyes cast down, studying you as you turn your head to look up at him.

“What is it?” you whisper hoarsely. “Your back?”

“No, no, that’s feelin’ much better. Jus’ lookin’, go back to sleep now, darlin’,” he replies, smoothing a hand down the side of your head. You raise an eyebrow but feel too half asleep still to pay him much mind or find a retort to tease him with. Instead, you find yourself turning in his arms to face him, burying your head in his chest, warm and steadily moving with his breaths. His dusting of salt and pepper hair tickles your skin just slightly, not enough to bother you, just enough to remind you exactly who you’re close to right now.

You suddenly feel restless as well despite your heavy eyes and the late hour, the image of the way Joel was just looking at you burned into your mind. Your heart lurches a little and peek your eyes open, yearning to catch him again as you tilt your head up to find his eyes meet you again in the dark of the room.

“Why aren’t you sleeping?” you mumble accusingly from his chest.

You feel Joel shrug a little bit around you. “Jus’ cant right this minute. Feelin’ like… I could lose you.”

“Lose me… wh-“ you stutter, trying to blink the sleep out of your eyes a few more times. “No, you aren’t. You won’t."

“Did it once,” Joel says solemnly.

“You never really lost me, though.”

Joel remains silent, his brow furrowed slightly, and you can see the deep set lines on his forehead through the little slivers of moonlight streaming in through the curtains.

“You know that, right?” you ask, and Joel’s continued silence answers it for you before he gives a small shake of his head.

“I was always yours… I knew I’d never get over it, even if I had moved on, I couldn’t move on from what you left me with, if that makes sense.”

“Suppose it does,” Joel says quietly.

“You’ve had…” you swallow, trying to push back tears that seem hellbent on escaping from your eyes. “A profound effect on me, Joel.”

“Oh, darlin’,” Joel responds, placing a kiss on your forehead. “Never would have moved on, either. Never…” he stumbles on the last few works, his mouth trying to work in as many kisses as he can on your hairline.

“So we’re really doing this, right Joel? We’re… us again?” you ask, seeming like the answer is already sitting in this conversation you’d just had, but needing to hear it anyways.

“As long as it’s what you’re wantin’, sweetheart. I was all in last night… still am. Been all in since you let me into your life again. This ain’t just a one time lapse in judgment or somethin’, if that’s what you’re worried about. This is the whole damn thing for me.”

You swallow heavily, a knot stuck in your throat at Joel’s words. “You are, too,” you whisper hoarsely, burying your head into his chest again. “The whole damn thing.”

“God…” Joel whispers, his voice cracking underneath the hoarseness of it. “Thank you,” he adds on in a murmur, and you’re not sure who he’s even thanking at this point, but you can just feel the relief sink into his body as he relaxes, melting into you.

After a while of laying in a comfortable silence, you finally start to doze off again, but Joel’s hand moves up your back to the back of your head, jostling you awake slightly. He’s sending loving strokes along your hair, his touch the most tender you’ve ever felt it somehow. It’s no softer physically than other ways he’s touched you, but the intention behind it shines through, flowing out of his fingertips and warming your skin. You can sense the thickness in the air, the way he’s looking at you with the care of still unspoken words, and you finally get the courage to blink sleepily up at him.

“Sweet girl…” he whispers, the ghost of a smile tugging at his lips, but his eyes are too entranced, mind too busy with his thoughts of you to fully commit to it. You give him a bright, closed lip smile, feeling the corners of your eyes crinkle as you sigh into the way he’s still delicately sliding his hand along your hair.

He murmurs your name like a prayer on his lips and you know the next words out of his mouth, but you still buzz, the anticipation of watching his lips part in what feels like slow motion as you await the inevitable, world changing sounds that will fall from them.

“I love you.”

The words reach your ears in a kind of haze, as if they’re far away, quiet, and taking their sweet time to get to you. Your head suddenly spins, not realizing how deeply you’d needed to hear those words uttered from Joel’s tongue, and for how long. You’d known for months now you were madly, deeply, irrationally, infuriatingly in love with Joel Miller. It made you want to pull your own hair out some days, and others made you want to crawl as close as you could possibly get to him, to mold you into the same person, share the same skin. It was a sickening, panicked love - one you knew you could never live without unless you wanted a whole part of yourself to be missing. Rough but sweet, calloused but soft, all of the things that were you and Joel separately and you and Joel together. It hurt so badly that it started to feel good, to know you were loved by Joel.

“I -” you mumble, the surprising sting of tears behind your eyes instantly brimming and threatening to fall. You blink quickly and suck in your breath, an added pressure to a body that already feels close to bursting with the whirlwind of emotions you feel right now.

“I love you.”

Joel lets your return of his sentiment sink in for several quiet moments, simply him breathing heavily with his forehead pressed against yours, eyes closed.

“I-I’m not always good with sayin’ things how I need them to come out, so… c-can I show you?” Joel says, voice low as he shifts his body to turn so he’s completely facing you.

“Show me?” Your heart picks up at his movement, the change in his tone, the tense air that surrounds the two of you.

“How much… I love you.” He pulls you flush, your warmth mingling with his, your bodies close to practically becoming the same person.

“J-joel…” you gasp out, feeling your lungs constrict and heart ready to burst out of your chest. He’s hard and soft everywhere, his muscles holding you tightly but lovingly - you’re so safe here, so beloved. His cock aches against you already, nothing separating the two of you since you’d both fallen asleep naked, the length of him pressing against your thigh.

“Can I?” he asks again, not impatiently, but simply that he’s desperate to give this to you, for you to know what he’s feeling.

“Yes,” you breathe out, nodding. “Show me.”

“So much… so much…” Joel’s words trail into a whisper as his lips meet yours, passionate but gentle, mouth immediately opening into yours. Long, sensual kisses as his tongue begs for entry and you permit it, nearly gasping at the way he feels right now - a tense control over himself, wanting to show you everything sweet he has in there, that his roughness can be loving, too. You can barely breathe, moaning into his mouth as your hips grind into nothing, seeking out more of him.

Your bodies meld together at once, his cock sliding between your legs as you both quickly solve the puzzle of the best way to interlock your bodies together, barely having to put any thought into it. It’s so natural with Joel, it always has been. Your hand slides under his neck and around to his back, leg thrown over his hip as he lays on his side, pulling you in closer.

He teases you only a few times, dragging his hard length through your slit with a few lazy thrusts of his hips to gather up your arousal. At your whimpering noises he pulls his mouth off of yours to gaze at you with a heady stare.

“Lemme look at you,” Joel says, his hand coming up cup your cheek, a sense of home right in his fingertips. You lean yourself into it, sighing as you look into the familiar sight of his eyes, pupils blown out with need, but there’s a delicacy there, a desire beyond his usual hunger. His fingers curl around the back of your head as they gently grasp your hair into his hand. His eyes search your face, bouncing around your features, and you’re unsure of what he’s looking for, what he’s thinking.

“Never looked more beautiful, baby,” he marvels, his voice a hoarse whisper as he slowly pulls his hips back and then pushes them forward, letting the head of his cock sit at your entrance for a moment before tentatively pushing in further. You gasp, clutching onto his back and digging your nails in at the slow, gorgeous stretch of him moving into you. You both breathe out shakily, a long sigh of relief at feeling the other’s body fitting so perfectly together.

Joel’s lips find yours again with slow, tender kisses as he starts to move his hips. Your entire body shudders at the unhurried movements of his cock dragging in and out of you, slow and messy. His lips lose some of their accuracy now too, catching the corners of your mouth, inching down to your jawline and neck as he buries himself in you. You’re both letting every sound you need leave your lips, little moans and whimpers filling the room accompanied by the noises your bodies are creating together as you get impossibly more wet, coating him, leaking around him and down onto both of your thighs.

“Jesus, Joel,” you whine, barely able to take just how heavenly it feels to be wholly his in this moment.

Your eyes flutter as your pussy clenches around him, the gentle thrusts making you absolutely wild. Joel was right - you can feel every morsel of his love like this - the way he’s pouring everything he has into you now.

“I’ll give y’everything, angel, make you so happy if you let me, oh f-fuck,” Joel stutters out, splaying his hand out on your lower back to help press you closer with each inward push he makes into your pussy. “Make you all mine, always, if y’let me, if y’want me to…” Joel sounds like he could nearly start to cry with the intensity of the moment, caught up in the way he’s expressing his emotions to you.

“Always, always… want you, Joel,” you whisper back as you pant with need, starting to feel a warm heat coiling in your core. “Forever,” you say without a care, not bothering to think about the heavy meaning of the word, knowing you mean it well past the heat of the moment you’re in right now. Knowing you’d say it to Joel again and again in the light of day, the heat of the night, and any time in between.

“Forever, angel.”

Joel’s thrusts gain speed, not much, but enough that both of you are edging closer to a climax by the second, the both of you panting promises to each other through all of the moans and whimpers. You’re both drenched in sweat, sloppy and wet all over, your bodies not offering an inch of space from the other as your lips clash over and over, barely even recognizing where any of your movements together begin and end. It’s pure perfection - beyond anything Joel has shown you before, reserved and only possible in a moment like this one.

Everywhere Joel presses inside of you starts to ignite, your entire body becoming desperately taut as you feel a warmth tingling throughout you, spreading from where Joel is hitting so perfectly.

“I’m gonna come, Joel, make me come, j-just like that,” you manage to say, your brain starting to go blank with thoughts of only Joel, only this pleasure.

“Oh, honey, so good, lemme feel you,” Joel encourages you, keeping the exact pace he was on to get you over the edge.

You cry out, long moans as everything snaps suddenly, and Joel’s arms wrap tightly around you, shielding you and pressing you into his chest as you shudder, your entire body overtaken by this pleasure.

“Good girl, good girl, good girl,” Joel chants, pressing himself as deep as he can repeatedly, helping you ride out your high. He watches your face intently, the way your eyes are screwed shut and mouth agape, gasping and moaning for him. His hand grips tightly around your face, dwarfing it underneath his long, thick fingers. “Love my good girl.”

His words send you whimpering in ecstasy as you feel seemingly never ending waves of your climax hitting you, your cunt fluttering and squeezing Joel’s cock over and over. Joel gasps and you can feel his body shaking against yours, urged on by the way yours is responding to him.

“Gonna come too… squeezin’ me so good like that…” Joel says, panting harder now. “Let me fill you up, get you full of me, baby.” Joel rambles on, his body purely concentrated on climaxing as he sloppily ruts his hips into you a few more times before burying himself to the hilt with a long grunt.

“Fill me up,” you whine as you feel him spilling into you, nearly wanting to come again at how good it feels to have him give himself to you like this. A final groan and then Joel collapses, his body rolling further into yours and you sigh out a sound of pure contentment, letting yourself press back into Joel. He kisses your face, peppering you with languid, lazy presses of his lips, and you can feel his mind is scrambled, elsewhere right now.

“D’you see? What you do to me?” he asks quietly in between kisses.

You nod into him. “Same as what you do to me.”

He gives an exhausted chuckle and you can feel the smile tug on his lips as they sit against your skin.

“I found your note,” you blurt out, unsure of where the thought even came from so suddenly. You feel Joel stiffen and then open your eyes to see the flash of recognition on Joel’s face and he softens even further.

“‘M glad you did,” he replies, his hand starting to stroke along your back. You feel goosebumps tickle you at his touch even with your skin still blazing and damp from the way he’d just fucked you. “Hate that y’read it at such a bad time, but I swear, meant every word of it.”

“I know you did. It… made me realize…” you say, trailing off into your own thoughts, remembering the mixed emotions of the day you’d read his words scrawled out for you, seeing on paper for the first time that he loves you.

“What, hm? Realize what?” he presses you, quiet and soft.

“It’ll always be you, Joel.”

He’d hardly let you out of his sight the entire week other than work, bringing you back home with him every night, and dropping you off to work in the morning. A man possessed, or re-possessed, you supposed, his hands finding you every chance they got - a commanding hand on your thigh the minute you got in his car, his grip tight around your waist the second the front door closed behind the two of you, lips finding any part of your skin he could see.

He was frenzied yet controlled, somehow always a paradox of some sort with Joel. His fear of experiencing the loss he’d felt when you two were apart was too much for him to bear, too painful to even consider possible again, so he kept pulling you close, “I love you”’s whispered in the most mundane of moments - you’d heard it countless times over the last week, always happy to return the words.

Now that you’d both said it, you were unstoppable. I love you I love you I love you. You think the words whenever you see him, a constant loop playing in the background of your mind. You speak the words when he catches your eye too long, falling like a mantra from your lips over and over, making sure he understands the truth of it all. You’re both desperately trying to make sure the other knows the depth of your obsession, your love, for each other.

You find yourself lost in your thoughts as you sit in the shade provided by the house’s shadow in the mid morning sun, feet tucked up under you on one of Joel’s cushy outdoor chairs. After practically keeping you at his house the entire week, today Joel insisted on mowing the lawn despite him complaining about his bad back the rest of the entire week. You’d done your best to keep him from overexerting himself, but if you’ve learned anything at all about Joel Miller, he’ll always be a stubborn man with a mind of his own.

You clutch the most recent book on your to-be-read list in your lap, your other hand on a warm mug of coffee. Joel’s made another pot of it, just because you yawned one too many times, insisting that you needed more caffeine if you were going to keep up with the plans he had for you later. You take a long sip, savoring the flavor, the coffee tasting better only because the man you love made it for you. You peer up from your book, the loud buzzing of the lawn mower breaking through your concentration again, and you’re met with a sight you’d gladly let steal your attention any day.

Joel’s white shirt is soaking through with sweat, an unseasonably warm autumn day that had prompted Joel to do yard work in the first place. He pauses mowing the lawn to lift his shirt up, wiping the gathering perspiration from his forehead quickly, and as he grips the lawn mower again, he catches you watching him. His face instantly lights up, a sweet little smile that he only shares with you, like a secret language you’re learning to read better each day. When his expression suddenly turns a bit more devious, he makes sure to wipe his face off once more for good measure, giving you a free show of his glistening torso. His eyes taunt you after, brows raised expectantly for a few moments, and you return the gesture with your own brows, letting Joel know exactly how you feel about what you’re seeing.

Something about the whole scene feels familiar, that odd sense of déjà vu creeping up on you and making the hairs on your neck stand up a little bit despite the heat in the air. You try to put your finger on it, and it’s not until your roaming gaze lingers across the fence, catching on the large oak tree in your parents back yard that it strikes you.

The way you used to lay right there and watch Joel do the exact thing you are right now, and relishing in the sight all the same. Trying to be inconspicuous, thinking he’d never notice the neighbor girl trying to catch a glimpse as he sweat and glistened under the hot sun. You’d let your mind wander as you watched him, questioning what things would be like if you’d ever get the courage to speak to him, if he’d ever even give you the time of day. Oh, how wrong you’d been, how completely wrong to think Joel couldn’t look at you that way.

You can’t help but marvel a bit at the memories, seeing where you are now, across that fence and having Joel go so far as to want you to watch him so blatantly now. Some things never change, but you realize that you surely have. You hardly recognize the girl you were back in June - so unsure of herself, wondering what she could be worth to anyone, let alone a man like Joel. But you now realized that while you’re certainly intent on keeping Joel around for… well, the rest of your life, at the least he’s left you with so much to carry on inside of yourself.

Joel catches your daydream-like expression as he finishes his mowing and approaches you. You now get a closer look at just how god damned handsome he is, and you feel lucky all over again, tears coming to your eyes unexpectedly. It nearly feels like a dream - the way the sun lights him up from behind, his broad form and muscles shining so delightfully, so pleasing to the eye. The way his face, every feature loved by you in its own special way, has already gone softer at seeing the tears in your eyes as he walks towards you.

Everything about this little moment in time feels indescribable to you, nostalgia and tender heartedness and love overflowing inside of you. You grasp onto your current reality and hold on tight, wanting to live inside this day over and over if you can, wanting this one truth to stay feeling perfectly clear to you - you’re simply… happy.

taglist: @paleidiot@mumma-moonchild@soph55 @chicville03@joelsversion@feliciab1990@fellinfromthetop@gossipgirl-03@sarap-77@blueseastorm @akah565@pattwtf @scarletthefierce

i'm so sorry if ur tag doesn't work, i really don't understand why tumblr does this ><

#i'll miss them so much #my emotional support couple for sure #joel miller #joel miller fanfiction #joel miller smut #joel miller x reader #joel miller x f!reader #x reader

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