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#I'm SO tired

First world problems:

I teach at three different middle schools, have five co-teachers, teach all three grades in each school, teach 18 different classes each week, each school uses a different textbook, class sizes range from 2 students to 32 students, I have to plan out each lesson and keep track of what I’m teaching in each class, the schedules been changing randomly at all three schools because of the coronavirus, each school has exams and tests and extracurricular activities at different times and days. I’m also studying part-time for an honors degree in genetics online (for fun), I complete my really tough assignments during free periods at work, I’m also dealing with depression, anxiety, PCOS, being exhausted all the time and having a ton of tasks to complete. At this point of the year I’m basically running on fumes and my brain is just:

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Prompt: Stiff
(seperation au: some angst, not too heavy)
——————-
“And it scares me, because I love you!”
When those words left Henry Jekyll’s mouth, the mysterious Edward Hyde’s body went rigid.
Stiff.
He breathed. In. Out.
Let go.
His mind wandered for a moment, like his head was underwater, but he knew he was breathing, because he was forcing himself to.
Love.
“No. No, no, no, you don’t-”
Edward’s eyes were saucers. Jekyll’s were filled with pity.
“Edward-”
Edward collapsed in Jekyll’s chair. Even as his body crumpled, it stayed rigid. Stiff.
His heart felt stiff.
He was just……
Stiff.
“You’re angry,” Edward started, as if he had a right to explain. “You’re angry, and you’re just trying to win. You always win, Jekyll. You always want to.”
Jekyll shook his head slowly. He was poised. Regal still. Not like Hyde. Hyde was broken, you could see it in his face. In his hair, the way he spoke, the way his posture changed when Jekyll said those fucking words.
Yet Jekyll was pained, he was tired, he was angry and he was infatuated. Horribly so. He never showed it, though. Not like Hyde.
“You are a wretched, horrid beast, and I’m…… utterly in love with you.”
It felt good, to have Jekyll say it again.
Just a bit.
Edward laughed.
His shoulders slumped.
“Stop.”
“It’s the truth.”
He sighed. “And you shall do nothing about it. Continue to ignore me. I shall except it all the same.”
“Not this time.” He heard Jekyll’s footsteps, but Edward did not look up. His neck would not move. “I’ll make this one right.”
Edward Hyde believed him, for now. He was not so stiff anymore.
(this is SHORT and BAD because it’s late and i don’t feel good. feel free to request prompts and fics, doesn’t have to be jekyll and hyde, anything you please. have a good night/day/afternoon!)

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got to listen to somebody explain that marriage is under attack and that gay marriage was legalized by changing the definitions of man and woman in my book club y'all

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Y’all I feel like I’m struggling with school and a bit life in general right now. 

Like how do I tell my professors I have no motivation to do the work aside from it just being the requirement to take their class, and if I could have taken this semester off I would have & wouldn’t be wasting their time. Some days, it seems like it feels better, but honestly, I haven’t been making a lot of progress this semester with my academic goals.

I tell myself that I’m doing my best, but I’m not doing my best because I don’t have the motivation to do my best to begin with. 

Some days I just want to send this picture to them and hope they’ll understand. Understand enough to grant me an extension for a deadline or make up a quiz. But I know that’s not enough and it won’t end there. I just don’t want to be tied to school work anymore.

Anyone else feeling this way?

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Post credit: @impact on IG

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Inktober Day 19: Dizzy

Strange. Why are the trees so flake? Why are they moving like tentacles? Why is so path so curvy.? I could have sworn all those were supposed to be straight…

Okay, I honestly don’t like this one but I couldn’t find better and was too tired to try to think too much about it. You don’t even know what you’re looking at lol.

This is someone walking on a forest path and everything is distorted because they are fizzy.

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I really don’t have the energy to be upset anymore. I need all of my energy to come up with feasible solutions in this pandemic. I cannot change a virus. I can only change some of the circumstances it affects by coming up with pragmatic alternatives.
I am so tired of some of the rants in my friend group irl. I am so sorry about this. I see your problems. I understand why you are upset. It’s not that I don’t sympathize. It is just that this way of acting is how I deal with the real hard stuff. I am sorry I cannot yell and shake my fist anymore. I have to come up with ways how to navigate this thing and that’s simply taking up all the energy I have. I spend hours at work every day to design new, safe solutions to completely new problems. It’s how I take charge of things, it’s how I gain the semblance of control over something I cannot control in it’s grand entirety. And when work is done I deal with private life in a similar way.
Wear a mask, stay at home, go shopping at 8 a.m. to avoid crowds, get a flu shot, use a daylight lamp, sit on the balcony for fresh air, take my meds. Use every trick in the book to stay sane.

Above all, try to be kind.

“She told me that late, one autumn day when she was at her lowest, she watched a squirrel storing up nuts for the winter. One at a time he would take them to the nest, and she thought, “If that squirrel can take care of himself with the harsh winter coming on, so can I.” Once I broke my problems into small pieces, I was able to carry them—just like those acorns—one at a time.” - The White Stripes - Little Acorns

Be like the squirrel girl, be like the squirrel…

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