#I'm also not sure whether I should just... Go for the vessel now

[voxofthevoid]

I kind of feel like this *can't* mean Megumi is dead, because wowie. If he gets basically off-screened with absolutely zero resistance or death scene immediately after Gojo dies with "no ragrats :D" that's just next level bad writing for so many reasons.

I absolutely agree it'd be bad writing and just straight-up bullshit, but I'm no longer sure that's enough to make it...not happen, ya know?

I don't think it's 100% certain that Sukuna assuming his OG form means Megumi's gone for good, but the evidence so far does heavily favor that interpretation. In Chapter 199, the Angel states that her rationale for wanting to purge the incarnated players is that most of them will suppress and destroy the host's consciousness when they take over, consciously or otherwise.*

Suppression seems reversible. Destruction is another matter. Given how JJK keeps emphasizing the link between the body and the mind, plus their unity, I've assumed that the physical form changing to match the incarnated sorcerer indicates that the host soul is destroyed. Two elements in the narrative also support this: the Yorozu-Tsumiki affair and Sukuna retaining Megumi's appearance until now.

If Tsumiki had been utterly lost from the moment Yorozu incarnated, there wouldn't have been much of a point in Sukuna killing her using Megumi's body and CT. But since Yorozu retained Tsumiki's appearance, the implication seems to be that Tsumiki's soul was still there, suppressed, leading to Megumi's despair when Sukuna kills her.

Sukuna retaining Megumi's body reads similarly. The in-universe explanation may be a mix of practical and psychological—more the former, probably, since Sukuna is Sukuna. He needs the body to use the Ten Shadows and thus counter Satoru. At the narrative level, it leaves saving Megumi as an option for us readers and the other characters, and we know that, at least at the beginning, Satoru was trying to do that. Now that Sukuna no longer needs Megumi's CT (and most of the shinigami are gone anyway), he's back in his true form. Following the above line of logic, it means Megumi's gone.

But these are more inferences than concrete facts. As far I know/remember, it's never been explicitly stated that the vessel's appearance changing indicates their soul is destroyed. That said, I do think these are strong enough implications that negating them would read as a retcon.

This then leads to a situation where (i) if this isn't the case and Megumi can be restored somehow from Sukuna's OG form, it's bad writing, and (ii) if this is the case, and Megumi really is gone without any meaningful resistance, it's bad writing. This particular facet of the narrative is fucked anyway...along with many others, as we saw recently.

There's the secret third option that Megumi is buried inside Sukuna (heh) and will resist but ultimately die, but it'll still be in line with point (i) in terms of the writing, though more satisfying overall.

I think the best indicator of whether or not Megumi's still kicking is seeing if Sukuna can still use the Ten Shadows in this form. It should tell us whether the body and the CT engraved in it are still Megumi's or if Sukuna has wholly supplanted both.

*I'm going by the TCB translation since I can't access the Viz ones online and don't have this volume in print. Feel free to correct me if the official translation or the original Japanese adds further nuance.

(Also, "no ragrats :D" got a laugh out of me. We stay salty 🤝)

#ansimplegoose #i love my anons #i want to see megumi again #i am however too wary to hope #jjk 237 #jjk spoilers #jjk leaks

[braywashed]

I think the thing that's fucking with my brain the most is the separation of fact and fiction because it's like... we spent years being told that Bray was this unkillable character that would always come back no matter what, and now it's just like...I have to remind myself that in reality he was just a normal guy, it's weird.

It's..... yeah.

Okay - I'm gonna get real wordy and wax poetically and I'm so sorry I'm incapable of just talking and crying like a normal person.

It's like a big old layered burrito of denial on all fronts, right?

Because on the surface, we have a guy who was so young, and that seems so hard to get past in itself. We also have the fact that he was prone to injury at points and disappearing for... months at a time. He had been released and came back, what, a year later? In the meantime there were always a billion headlines with his name, speculating the worst, and it never had any accuracy or mattered. We were always *looking forward* to him returning and he always inevitably did because he had half his career ahead of him still and it always seemed like the best was to come.

And we have all these stories of what a beautiful person he was, a side we roughly knew of but never got to really experience ourselves as an audience.

But the person we saw was, as you said, this unkillable character. Literally unkillable. He told us from day one he could never die and would persist 5000 years from now when *we* were all gone. Because he was this personification of all the darkest bits of humanity and American society come to force us to face our sins. We watched him, silly as it was, get burned alive and come back a shambling heap of melting flesh and be completely restored. He was forever, he was a god, you could always find him and you could never, ever kill it.

And like, as fans, we kindle that kid in us that wants to believe in superheros and villains and we grow over the years with them. We go to events, and we sing his songs, and we thrust ourselves into that role ourselves of characters in a way. Like we were always *his*. Even if you didn't love him, you played into that for his entrance at the very least because it was such an undeniable experience. He talked and you, and every babyface, listened - whether you wanted to or not.

I'll never forget that one match on Raw, still early on, when the whole crowd was first singing "He's got the whole world in his hands" and just swaying, and then turning around and chanting "Bray is gonna kill you." Like, I remember Big E was in that match, and I'm pretty sure he was on the receiving end of that chant. He was over. He was beloved. And the whole crowd was singing hymns and calling for his demise for this literal cult leader that would speak in tongues and Exorcist walk across the ring, holding his heart and smiling with some masked sinister joy at it.

It's really really hard to reconcile he's not actually some biblical force of nature looming over everything and everyone even though we know better. And like, that fan in me that's that eternal kid in a way, is just stomping my feet screaming "but he CAN'T die!"

The end of Smackdown did, and still is, really fucking me up because I kept waiting for the lantern to go out. And like, I couldn't decide if I wanted that. Because on one hand, there's a symbolism there, and a kind of sad beauty, in the light going out. He was with us, and he's gone now, and he can rest (ahahaha I'm going to start crying again). The light fades. But ultimately I'm so glad it didn't go out because A.) I don't think I could've fucking handled it and was already bawling, and B.) It shouldn't go out. Or fade. His spirit of everything he brought to that world should stay with us and with every single performer who goes out there every night and throws their hearts into playing these characters.

And like... maybe, even though it's so hard now, maybe eventually there's comfort to be found in the idea that even though the vessel is gone - *He* will, somehow, always be there haunting us. Because "I have a thousand faces and a million names." We might not see him, but we can choose to believe every time a hero is forced to face their fears that he's there behind it - silently whispering into our ears, willing us on to indulge in every second of it.

#this is dumb maybe #i guess on a less dramatic note anon #i cant remember where it was - probably jo's instagram #there was a pic of them together and he was wearing those stupid glasses he wore in that last segment for the bobby feud #the ones with the gold side frames that look like he stole them from someones mom #like no homie really had those glasses #and i had this moment of like 'oh god he's such a fucking dad for real' #i dont think anything ever threw me through a loop more than that lmao #like 'no i need to repress this imagery immediately i can't believe the eater of worlds looks like someones quirky uncle at the bbq' #now its like im glad for that stuff and the stories and pics and videos etc because it makes me smile seeing that side of him and how he #touched so many people and made people so happy to be around #but it doesnt help the confusion of it all or make it make any more sense #and i have this awful feeling a year from now im still going to be waiting for him to pop up #feeling lonely because no one else is talking about him anymore #oh it got dramatic again im a dumbass im shutting up now

[3vocatio]

Hello!! I saw your tags about Simeon discovering what it means to be human; how the devs won't go there even though it's such an interesting topic.

And just!! Yeah!! There's no way the transition from angel to human could or should be anything but messy!!! There should be grief and horror and the whole slew of complicated emotions accompanying the transition.

He has to learn how to exist in a body that looks the same but is so so different!! The human body is so needy and so fragile.

What's it like to suddenly need to sleep every night, to need to eat multiple meals per day? What's it like to sleep wrong and now there's pain in your neck (and now you can't just hand-wave it away), what's it like to trip and now your ankle is fucked up and you can't walk on it?

And I mean,, the way humans experience emotions must be completely different to how angels and demons do, even if they're technically the same emotion!! There's the whole mood being dictated by how well you've slept or whether you've eaten enough recently, and there's also feeling things so intensely you cry, but then there's also like,, fear??

I get so caught up on the fear!! Angels and demons are so powerful compared to the average human!! I'm not sure if I've forgotten some lore but it seems to me that their biggest existential threat is just members of their own species that are stronger than them?? Surely their fear must exist in a different way to human fear because they're so comparatively untouchable.

(Yes I know Mammon is canonically a scaredy-cat but I like my interpretation better 😔)

But my point is like.. humans are so afraid all the time. There's a phobia for everything!! We get spooked constantly!! How does it feel to suddenly get a rush of adrenaline because there was a sudden loud noise, when before that wouldn't have garnered a reaction?? Simeon must be so aware of how helpless he is to his environment now.

Akdjsks actually no idea how coherent any of that is or how useful?? The ideas are but umm. Yeah. Simeon just being sorta fine with becoming human is thee most boring route they could've gone with it.

Also while typing this I wanted to say something about like, the discomfort of being permanently stuck in a physical body, and how immutable the physical body can feel while you're in it, but it occurred to me that I don't think it's canon that the angels and demons physical vessels are in any way temporary to them? Or that they spend any time outside of their bodies or anything so ://

What even is the canon difference between angels and demons and humans in om lol <- rhetorical, you don't have to try to answer that skdkd

thank you for thinking that my tags are worth the read, despite how nonsensical i can come across ^^;; warning...! i have Many thoughts.

i believe that simeon has shown signs of being more human than angel ever since we met him in season 1, but it's especially evident in season 2 before he stole the ring of light. he fulfills the diplomatic role for the celestial realm, standing up against two demons with the intention of passive aggressively directing the conversation in his favor. while this was most definitely favorable for the celestial realm, i think that it's within his personality to act like this, too.

this might just be me acting desperate and reaching out for any semblance of the simeon that i love and cherish dearly, but i think this translates well into what being an author means for him.

rather than being duplictious as diavolo stated, i think that simeon simply guards his heart in the same manner that solomon does. he isn't one to hide—he's one to know who will understand him on a level that he wishes to be understood, which is why i think solomon confronting him first meant so much to him. he wants to be known in the way that others such as solomon or satan wish to be known, but cannot allow just anyone to see their vulnerability.

personally, i always start writing with something i know. sometimes it’s a memory, sometimes it’s a thought, other times it’s an emotion or an observation or a fantasy, but it starts from something i know. i write from the heart, and most times, i like it. it means everything i’ve written is a piece of my heart; some are deep and dark and personal while others are lighter and softer, but everything i’ve written is heartstuff, and that’s the scary part of it all. the thing that makes me pause before writing. it’s all personal. it’s all revealing some small microscopic part of me. with fiction, it’s easier to stay anonymous. to inject parts of you in your characters but also making a lot of it up. but... there’s still no hiding. you either write your secrets bold and plain or it works its way into metaphors. either way, it all comes out with the wash. a piece of your heart was there all along. with simeon being an author, i believe that this may be the case for him, too.

simeon focuses so intently on everyone around him and it inspires him to write, and i think you'd be continually impressed by how honest someone is by how their perception of someone is a direct reflection of who they are as a person. he recognized that asmodeus' behaviors were ultimately ruining him, he questioned diavolo's friendship to lucifer and boldly declared what it actually meant, and he cleverly constructed requests for his initial birthday that were clearly tied to each of the brothers' virtuous counterparts to their sins as he indulged in their respective sins. he seems to have a good grasp as to who he is as a person, or rather, is actively learning.

this is a common theme for simeon.

“this is the terror: to have emerged from nothing, to have a name, consciousness of self, deep inner feelings, an excruciating inner yearning for life and self-expression and with all this yet to die.”

unlike the other angels we've seen—luke with his yearning for adhering to duty and being as dignified as michael or mephistopheles, or raphael playing carefully by the rules and refusing himself to voice his opinions that are inherently connected to his self-worth—we see simeon exploring so deeply within his own identity. i believe that this is a human trait more than anything else.

while angels can certainly hold compassion for humans, i don't believe they pity them. they're only messengers. protectors. they dont formulate extravagant stories like humans do.

except for simeon.

he forms a legacy through his art—why would an immortal angel engage in such a human act?

because art is fragile. you can spend months working on a drawing, a piece of writing and it can so easily be destroyed. a broken canvas, a deleted file, the swift press of the backspace key and it’s gone. the same can be said about anything that’s created by hand, but it’s different with art. there’s the physical work and the mental work of art but also the emotional. art is all about expressing the inexpressible and that takes a lot of complicated emotion to do; i think about all the things that are too hard or too scary or too much to express otherwise. emotions that we shield and protect from being seen, but then they transform into art, into physical things. we don’t think of them as vulnerable anymore but they are, in a different way. they are still the raw edges of us put to paper or music or ink and they still hurt, they still break.

simeon already bore the humanity that the rest of the celestial realm was forbidden to tamper with, and he has ever since he learned what it meant to grieve. he was never a part of lucifer's family, but he loved them so deeply regardless. he saw the violence that was engraved within celestial values, and he saw the violence that would ensue down below in the devildom, too. both realms would've chained him down and he would have no way of freely expressing himself, of having free-will. he was never meant to fit in either the celestial realm, nor the devildom (my condolences to everyone who enjoys fallen!simeon sdjfncksd).

i think that turning human is both a blessing and a curse for him. a near immortal being whose never truly felt the capacity of the vast range of emotions that most humans would be able to feel is then turned into a human would most likely create a trauma unlike any other. the sheer tidal wave of emotions of the new physical existence, especially against his will, most definitely created a HUGE mental and spiritual scar that would never be healed; i believe that this was the turning point for simeon. everything seemed so right because this is how he has been acting since the celestial war, and yet so off because he finally became human, no longer an angel. he no longer held his previous identity, and now, he must forge a new era for the identity he holds now.

i love the idea of simeon speaking with barbatos before it even happens, speaking about what time might truly mean for him. i love the idea of simeon feeling time in his body for the first time and it scaring him to his core because he finally knows human fear. we know as angels to be pure and righteous, and that is what simeon must've thought of himself before reality truly struck him where it hurt the most. i love the idea of simeon breaking down in front of solomon, who knows the heavy burden of having your humanity being such a huge vulnerable thing to caress and hoping that no one strips you of it.

even if simeon turns back into an angel, it will only add onto his complexity of his relationship with being human; i believe he would truly be the most tragic character in obey me.

“I have been mortal and some part of me is mortal yet. I am full of tears and hunger and the fear of death, though I cannot weep, and I want nothing, and I cannot die. I am not like the others now, for no unicorn was ever born who could regret, but I do. I regret.”

#obey me #obey me shall we date #omswd #obey me simeon #obey me spoilers #﹒❝ birdsong #dearest anon ♡ #my posts

[thesherrinfordfacility]

would love to know your thoughts!!! ask and ye shall receive; i have many! your responses are great food for thought.

firstly, please accept my humble apologies for the late-late answer to this!!! i got into a hyperfocus with an amv first things first, i'm pretty sure given the length of my ask your answer doesn't qualify as late. i'll take the dance though lol. also the amv is fantastic! meat loaf is one of my favourite artists and your editing is amazing. p.s. should you decide to do another meat loaf song at some point may i cast my vote for original sin? imo his best song and well. on the nose title is on the nose.

im firmly of the opinion that god in GO is omniscient, but strictly amoral. anything else has rather concerning implications i think. i mean, if it's all just god's plan then free will - which angels and demons do act as though they have - is fictitious and if she doesn't approve i'm not really sure how aziraphale and crowley are a) still alive and b) ever going to be able to have a happy ending because i don't think you can exactly defeat an omniscient omnipotent being.

especially if anyone subscribes to some variant of the scapegoat theory - that being crowley, aziraphale, lucifer, or any combination of them. i think i might just subscribe to every variant of this theory. including the possibility that some of the stuff you noticed is relevant not to the fall but to the modern day. really hoping something like this'll be true. (also really hoping for a pieta; those promo photos are ominous and they have me in a chokehold.)

now, i can see metatron's rationale going in two different directions (so far, and might be both or neither): this was definitely helpful for parsing my own thoughts on the metatron. i'd be inclined towards a mix of both but with the former weighing more heavily: less 'i follow what i think is god's plan and if it benefits me then that must be part of it without considering the subconscious influence of my desires' and more 'i do what i want and since i am an infallible vessel of god's plan my will must be hers'. i find that would make a more compelling villain but that's just me. i'm not exactly sure how and whether this fits with my fall theories though. i do think crowley's fall was something personal which makes me think whatever he did be it just asking the wrong questions or also finding the wrong answers - i prefer the latter because i'd love to see the forbidden knowledge thing pay off but i think the wrong questions are plenty dangerous enough for my speculation to still work - it threatened not just god's plan/authority but also specifically the metatron's. although this does open the question whether he sees taking over heaven as subverting god. you could probably make an argument that the two aren't necessarily equated. i'm still intrigued by the demons discussing the final victory of hell over heaven - and following the plan they believed to be god's to do so?!

hell are short-staffed - irrespective of why, we know this is an issue. which. how did that even happen? as of the airbase there are 10 million demons around according to beelzebub. assuming they're not lying what happened in the last four year to change that?

i think there's something there. something something if it happens twice it's an institutional problem. there can't be another rebellion because of what that would say about heaven so all issues are neatly swept under the rug before anyone finds out about them. crowley's extremely public execution vs aziraphale being quietly made to disappear. *

well, it's actually somewhat understandable how they regard aziraphale. it makes sense i'm just not sure it doesn't make it worse. harking back to what i said about the metatron antagonists who fully believe they're doing the right thing are chilling.

so, to watch as aziraphale presumably treads the same path must be terrifying, because of what it could precipitate. * sweeping issues under the rug before anyone finds out and the situation escalates.

all of this to say that i don't think it's inconclusive at this time to implicate the archangels in what, as the hypothesis above indicates, is entirely metatron's doing. i'm not sure what you mean with this sentence, sorry! would you mind clarifying? trying to give as vague a response as possible so it fits in any case: i don't think the archangels are completely innocent, but the metatron clearly outranks them and presumably has plans that they're not privy to.

bear in mind that despite the recent trial, uriel and michael don't even recognise metatron. which is distinctly odd. wonder if there's something going on there.

it might not necessarily change anything about the fall retrospectively, but it does inform on how they punish angels, that step out of line, in a post-fall era. those dynamics could also end up being relevant to season 3's plot it's just that i was trying - and let's be honest failing - to stay at least somewhat on track.

and in any case - im not convinced that either of them, or indeed anyone(?) fully remembers the fall. hmmmm. the metatron might have blurred everyone's memories a bit especially regarding the specifics of how falling worked, but you'd think if a full wipe happened to every single angel, fallen or not, there'd be more awareness of it as a phenomenon? based off dagon's rallying in season 1 the other demons do seem to recall fighting and aziraphale also remembers details from the war with the halo thing. while we get crowley quite specifically and directly emphathising with gabriel's situation there's no indication aziraphale relates in the same way. an institutional scale wipe makes sense from the metatron's perspective but i feel more like it's being set up more as a directly targeted at crowley thing - maybe aziraphale if that version of the scapegoat theory is true - which would fit with knowing something he shouldn't have, which is probably still my leading theory on why he fell. i think if the scapegoat theory shows up it's more likely to be in the form of how the narrative was framed afterwards and not with that being the actual reason for him falling. but i will fully admit that my speculating is heavily influenced by what i would like to be true and my brain sank its teeth into the thematic-ness of the angel who would become the serpent of eden falling for acquiring forbidden knowledge fall of man style and won't let go.

but i am still fairly convinced that crowley is going to own a lucifer-ish narrative as concerns his fall. fingers crossed that you're right! i want this so badly. although my ideal scenario if i'm not theorising but just going by what i'd find cool to see is that the lucifer-ish narrative is something that was at least partially imposed on him afterwards after he got mind-wiped to distract him from the real reason (see above, i'm trying not to repeat myself too much lol).

but i think he massively downplays his part. and if the memory loss theory is true, i really think that might be the reason why he does it. he can't consider that he might have done something a little bad because he's scared he did something that would horrify him *. brace yourself tangent incoming. i started thinking about whether you can exend that to the present day and i think you just might be able to. he's stuck in a very strange in between where he can't admit to any of his positive traits or softer emotions because hell would come for him but he also can't acknowledge his flaws because for all that's he's got plenty he's not bad or evil or whatever which is precisely why the thought that if he started digging into his flaws he might find out exactly that about himself terrifies him so much. he did something bad enough to warrant falling and apparently he himself was/is so bad he didn't even realise how bad it was (thank you job!) so if he starts with self examination what if it just keeps going and going and he finds out he's no better than hastur or ligur or dagon or any of the other demons he reports to who all delight in suffering. feeling sorry for him.

i think perhaps lucifer and the gang start to panic, panic at the concept of falling (regardless of who is dolling out the sentence, god or metatron), and they pin the blame on AWCW. i hadn't even considered that the scapegoat aspect might come from the rebels. i always figured that if such a narrative was implemented it was the archangels who did so. there's a post floating around talking about what happened that crowley stopped being friends with the other rebels and i don't think i like what i get when i put your and their ideas together. ouch.

but that would potentially be a big chunk of his character core that once realised could make a lot of things about him suddenly make sense. i mean you saw my ramble on the psychological ramifications of something like that in the lucifer theory interlude. how the fuck do you reconcile six millenia + however much 'time' elapsed between the fall and the beginning living with the knowledge that you're essentially the root of all evil and suffering in this universe? (* aka the even more painful alternative explanation for the downplaying.) if this is true i'm amazed he isn't more messed up. feeling even more sorry for him.

in terms of crowley's rank... sigh. i know i did argue for it in my last ask but honestly? i have pretty mixed feelings. if i'm trying to simplify them they mostly boil down to that i think there's a case to be made in either direction and that on the whole i can really take or leave the theory. high ranked characters who are nonetheless regarded as utterly irrelevant is a very specific dynamic that i really enjoy, i think at some point you move past red herring into 'well now you do have to deliver something' territory and there are some interesting character/narrative implications this opens up. on the other hand there are other character/narrative possibilities that would get shut down and i can offer a counter argument for all the hints. so. overall i think it's probably the theory that affects the circumstances of his fall the least. if he was an archangel then the metatron's disdain is because someone he disliked anyway nearly exposed him. if he wasn't then it's because some nobody nearly exposed him. he can still have been a threat without needing the clearance. the scapegoat theory isn't changed. like it works if he was an archangel but it also doesn't really matter all that much if he wasn't.

but my understanding is that a lot of his themes work with the concept of being "ordinary" which... this theory would arguably shoot out of the park i've seen a few people argue this and i have to say i disagree. his power is clearly tied to his imagination and not his rank so that wouldn't be affected. and so i personally feel it would actually reinforce the ordinariness. he protested the end date of the universe as a high ranking angel and achieved nothing beyond a sulfur bath for his troubles whereas as a demonic nobody he successfully helped avert the apocalypse. he accomplished things as someone ordinary that he didn't manage when he was still somebody.

we know that shax is not the sharpest of demons in this respect *snorts*

in which case, i personally think gabriel was just being sarcastic and childish, and simply reinstating "hey, im the top dog here, im the only one at my level, so what i say goes'. i mean you may very well be right. but, and maybe it's just because of the way it made me do the mental equivalent of slamming face first into a wall on my second rewatch, i can't shake the feeling that there's something going on with this line. of course the cut to crowley could just mean that he knows something to contradict it; not necessarily that he is the contradiction. (or it's just a very painful piece of foreshadowing that aziraphale's going to take the metatron's offer but i'm hoping there's more to it than that.)

there's a whole, obviously interesting, conversation missing there, and i dont think that's inconsequential... potentially. oooo i hadn't even gotten around to considering the potential content and consequences of that conversation yet. the whole thing felt oddly like there was some kind of history there to me. that doesn't have to mean he was an archangel but i did find it noticeable. did the circumstances surrounding his fall warrant the entire council of archangels getting involved as well as the metatron? could be a point in favour of the scapegoat theory and/or my forbidden knowledge thing.

so morning stars... might just be morning stars? probably lol. even in a show with as much to discover as good omens i'd imagine a good third of the things we find didn't actually mean anything deeper. so yes most likely answer. the more boring one too though. i will say that despite my suggesting the more literal meaning i'm pretty sure that if it does somehow end up pertaining to crowley then it's just metaphorical: a nod at a lucifer reminscent fall narrative. 🦭

p.s. you certainly didn't forget or ignore anything (your responses are amazingly thorough!) but i did figure since you've been, as you say, biased towards being more critical of crowley, i figured i'd have a shot at tempting/challenging you to analyse a positive aspect of his character to balance it out again ;)

p.p.s. obviously only if you want to; i don't mean to pressure you or anything!

resending this because i think the wifi might have eaten it (you do not want to know how often that happens); apologies if that wasn't the case and you've now got it twice!

hello again 🦭 anon!!! hope you're good!!!✨ i did get your first one but no matter! i ended up having to make notes in order to be able to plan my response to you - literally 5 pages, but i think better pen to paper - and just as i was about to start typing it all up, you re-sent!!!✨💕

also thank you re: the amv, haha!!! i ended up doing another using The Darkness, but your suggestion of using Original Sin is inspired, ive put it on the list!!! as for being on the nose... well, i did one to lewis capaldi's heavenly kind of state of mind, so make of that what you will!

anyway!!! once more unto the breach✨

(previous ask)

i completely agree with your remarks on the implications of god - i discussed this at some length with LWA, but i'll say it again; i have some major reservations about the God Ships It trope in the fandom for this very reason. now, don't get me wrong, in the world of fic etc., i totally get it's just for fun, and i 100% stand by the notion that everyone should just get to write what they like for the purposes of entertainment (and they're legends for doing so!!!), but in the case of discussing god in general in GO, and her involvement in crowley/aziraphale, i simply... can't get on board with it, nor with the idea that god created them specifically to find each other, or that they were meant to work together/fall for each other. it, for me personally, just feels incongruous with other aspects of god's characterisation or indeed the theme of the story - to my interpretation, anyway.

i do however consider that aziraphale may perhaps - however funny the idea is and therefore the plethora of jokes that have been made about it - may have somewhat of a special place in god's esteem. i still consider the thoughts that:

aziraphale was a cherub at the time of and before eden, and if we consider both hebrew and christian angelologies, cherubim are consider to be the throne-bearers of god, and attendants to god, respectively

obviously this is not confirmed in GO, but if we work with the understanding that humanity is god's greatest creation, built in her image, it indicates some level of trust and prestige that aziraphale would be working on building them

aziraphale seems to understand the ineffable plan on a profound level, even if he doesn't quite consciously realise it. let's go with my rationale that ineffable plan = no plan = free will of everyone else, aziraphale has shown repeatedly that he follows this, and is never punished for it. examples: giving the sword away, lying to god about it, lying to the archangels, preventing armageddon. all instances, i'd wager, all directly contravene the Great Plan, and yet aziraphale is - to my recollection/understanding - never once punished for it.

so essentially, in my eyes, aziraphale is sort of the embodiment of god's will; again, even if he doesn't realise or know that, his decisions made out of the Right Thing To Do all indicate him thinking for himself, going where his moral compass is pointing him. he arguably resists it, finding it hard to reconcile this with what he thinks god's plan is (ie he thinks he's disobeying her - and by extension heaven's - will), but that's where crowley comes in. it's all a little main-character-ish, even for me, but it's currently the only thing that makes sense for a lot of god's actions and inactions in the narrative; that free will is her greatest gift, if only her creations would use it. i also love the metaphorical imagery, the poetry, of crowley being the question, and aziraphale being the answer (this sparks narrative analytical joy).

so let's segue back to the metatron; i know i said it in my previous answer, but personally my thinking on his motive is the other way around 😂 i really like your thoughts, especially on 'infallible vessel', and whilst that certainly speaks to me as being his behaviour, im not personally convinced that is his motive. imo (so please do ignore this if preferable!!!), i don't think it's narratively compelling in GO to actually have a villain, so to speak; obviously metatron fulfils the role of it, he's the Big Bad, but i can't help but feel that "blur the edges... something to said for shades of grey" speaks about more than just crowley and aziraphale's grapple with their moral identities, or indeed that of hell and heaven; for me, it's the specific, simplified concept that moral absolutism doesn't exist. noone is completely evil, just as noone is wholly good.

it would make sense, to me, for this to extend to metatron; whilst his actions are - to the audience especially - objectively immoral, i can't help but see the angle where if your whole purpose as you understood it was to be the voice of god, and to enact her will as she left it in her handover (ie. the great plan) before FO'ing out of heaven, i don't think it's beyond comprehension that his actions to preserve that will are understandable... to some extent. i want to see metatron's arse kicked as much as the next person, but at the same time i interpret GO as posing the dichotomy of conflicting morality, of good and evil, and exploring how far the two are intertwined... it therefore doesn't personally make sense to me that metatron would completely fall outside of this. his actions are detestable, but i want to see a story that makes me think about why he does what he does, and question my evaluation of whether - in context - he did the right or wrong thing... or maybe a bit of both. every villain is a hero in their own story.

as for his beef with crowley, well... i think it depends on what you (general) would consider personal. i think it could totally be personal in the perspective of 'im doing what i can to follow god's will and preserve the sanctity of heaven, and you're getting in the way of that - you are therefore a threat', and also the alternative of 'im the voice of god, im literally the highest authority, and you are directly challenging me". i think both absolutely could be correct, a mix of them - for me, the former being personal against metatron's motive, and the latter against his character.

where crowley/AWCW is specifically concerned re: his questions, i think again for me it makes for a more compelling character arc that crowley has existed throughout his fall and being a demon as not getting any answers, constantly questioning, and instead in s3 he gets the answers (albeit, i have a feeling that the answer will essentially be that there are no answers, and it's 'up to each of you to find your own ones'). AWCW not getting any answers to his questions would, imo, also make more sense for the dialogue on the wall of eden (again, reluctant to chalk everything up to a memory wipe).

right, ten million demons!!! this one is absolutely boggling me, and i did, at some point in a shitpost, question this - someone quite logically said that the demons were pushing for armageddon so that everyone dies and demons wouldnt have to work anymore, and that as the human population kept going up, so did the number of the damned (compared with the static number of demons to govern them), but im still... undecided. crackpot thought: perhaps in contrast to how aziraphale is treated post-retiring from heaven in s2, demons have taken inspiration from crowley, especially as armageddon 2.0 kept getting postponed after s1, and they've gone AWOL?

couple of things in this: it has the potential to tie into the various nina/maggie theories. we also have a lot more insight into demon dynamics in s2, and a common theme im seeing is demons... asking questions. eric (my beloved) in ep5, beelzebub's PA/bodyguard, furfur, even shax... they all feel very different to hastur and ligur in s1 in terms of characterisation, and even very different from dagon as we see them in s2, and i wonder if this has any correlation - any cause and effect relationship - with the decreasing demon population. it also seems to follow the trajectory of beelzebub losing interest in ruling hell; again, i wonder if essentially demons have had mass walk-outs and they're basically floating around earth, staying under the radar... similar to crowley. thoughts?

re: the archangels... i meant 'conclusive' haha!!! (edited on the previous ask, apologies!!!). what i mean is that i don't think we can necessarily, at this time, assign the same level of culpability or blame to the archangels as we do to metatron. it's the 'following orders' thing again, but put it this way - aziraphale arguably has the benefit of being assigned to earth, and being around crowley, to fully realise that he can think for himself and according to his own sense of morality. the archangels have not known anything other than heaven, god's plan, and the metatron's voice. they're not innocent by any stretch, but the bottom line - as i see it - for them is to preserve heaven. we can view their actions as deplorable, and that is true, but in their unique circumstances, what other action would, could, or should they have taken? i refer back to my thoughts above on moral absolutism and its place - if it has any - in GO and its characters.

re: memory of their time as angels, this is where i largely fluctuate on how much i subscribe to the memory wipe theory - but i don't think it's a full wipe, but potentially partial? im soooo not sure because there are so many counterpoints to each eventuality, but here are some scattered thoughts:

im personally not 100% convinced that metatron necessarily has anything directly to do with the memory issue thing. i know michael and uriel don't remember him (saraqael presumably does, same as crowley, because they had just watched the trial footage), and that is one part i can't quite get my head around... but i think perhaps that the memory wipe is attributable more to the BOL than to the metatron himself - i do think there's potentially a link between falling/erasure of grace and divinity, and to memories of being an angel

as i said (iirc) in the last response, there's the question of how crowley and - we can assume from the dialogue - beelzebub both remember the detail of frightening cherubs with the extreme sanctions threat. this makes me wonder if it's a case of them forgetting the fall specifically rather than their entire time as angels - or if their ability to recollect some memories is linked to their particular levels of power or rank. ie. the higher the angelic rank/individual power, the more they're able to remember? idk

as for demons not being aware of a wider issue, that's a fair point - but do demons really talk to each other? wouldn't that indicate a weakness, vulnerability? if there is a large-scale memory problem going on, which is a very tentative thought anyway, im not sure that any of the demons would in fact talk to others about it. also - quite right to point out dagon's rallying speech, but (and im probably flogging a dead horse here but im trying to work stuff out, so bear with me!!!) if the war occurred before the fall, the 'rebels' lost and fell, ending up in hell, i don't think there's any reason why the fall specifically might not have been wiped. idk, this whole thing needs so much more thought and research in general

one thing that i do think is interesting is that aziraphale hasnt ever spoken about his experience in the war, except to nina and maggie. this could just be how the narrative evolved organically, sure, but could it also indicate some level of guilt? some level of aziraphale feeling like he was to blame, the fact that he remembers the war where crowley doesn't fully seem to? i have my #halo theory wherein i wonder if aziraphale was the specific angel to actually declare the war in heaven - and this kind of links in with a couple of recent asks ive had where aziraphale may have had a judas iscariot-type role in the fall itself... (discussed here and here) i think him carrying some degree of shame and responsibility for the fall on his shoulders could make a lot of sense in regards to his characterisation after the fact, particularly on the wall of eden (this could arguably negate any scapegoat theory for aziraphale pre-fall, but i also think it could work concurrently. hmm.)

i absolutely love your interpretation of crowley's inner conflict, i think that's so well put, and i like it a lot!!! i certainly don't think crowley is willfully ignorant or in denial of his potential part in his own - or the wider - fall, but perhaps just doesn't want to examine or confront it, as you said... or perhaps doesn't remember altogether, and has just cobbled together why he thinks he fell. but similarly, i think it's also fair to assess crowley as having some measure of the same mentality as he did before he fell; that he can be quite blinkered, self-assured, and at times quite arrogant. there are quite a few instances where i think, to some degree, that he shows this, but i think that's another post!!! (and please, please do not think im hating on him - critique of a character does not mean i dislike him or find him reprehensible, i promise; it's quite the opposite honestly!!!)

last couple of bits, re: AWCW's rank - i think there's a distinction in the conferment of importance on AWCW by way of rank, vs by way of power, and that the two are not necessarily the same. you're exactly right - AWCW had an imagination, same as crowley does, and i too think this is the source from which all his power stems; nothing to do with his prospective rank in heaven. personally, i think it reads more poetically to have, essentially, a nobody be the one to precipitate an event that rocks the stability of heaven, and being the first (?) to question the system. but ultimately, like you said, it's immaterial, and the narrative would still hold and be profound if it were the other way around. just personally i like the idea of him being a heavenly Nobody to becoming a hellish Somebody is rather compelling!!!✨

#good omens #ask #ill sort out the tags in a bit

[psychewritesbs]

Yaaayy, I'm the shounen-parody anon. Thank you so much for replying and it was so good hearing someone else gush about jjk too, you really made my day! Now I'm gonna ramble on again, if that's alright with you.

Yeah, about the dickmeasuring contest, the Sukuna-Gojo fight is an outlier and shouldn't be counted because I don't respect either of them 😔 (just kidding)

Okay, now back to main events, I don't think (only hope) that Gojo can survive this. EVEN if he manages to defeat Sukuna, he wouldn't stand a chance against Kenjaku in that state and let's be honest with each other, Kenny isn't a honorable man, he wouldn't just let a golden moment like this go by. (Gojo originally declared war on him afterall, and if he actually went and singlehandedly took out both of the big baddies then that would also suck storywise).

I fully agree with you on the Sukuna-Kenjaku-Tengen triad, altough I'd never REALLY considered Tengen in that way up until now. In my opinion it's all connected and I think Gojo dressing up as Toji is a lead up to Kenjaku and Yuuji's final fight. Kenjaku is Yuuji's mother (Gojo is Megumi's "foster father", currently donning the clothes of his actual father, whom he killed. Just as Kenjaku donned the "clothes" of Kaori, who was also presumably murdered by Kenjaku) and Geto is the equal but opposite of Yuuji, just as Sukuna is to Gojo. Megumi and Gojo's techniques are interlinked (Infinity vs Void, seemingly the opposites, but actually rather similar to each other. Also both Mahoraga and Gojo are symbols of balance) and if Yuuji's technique is confirmed, then switching places (whether it is his inherent technique, Sukuna's technique or one of the death paintings' he has swallowed is up for debate) is also similar, yet inherently different to Kenjaku's body-snatching.

Perhaps... perhaps if it's all (or somewhat) true, then maybe... just maybe... there could also be something more about the Tengen-Shoko-Nobara triad too? Or what if it's not Shoko, but actually Yuki, we should consider into the equation? Just thinking about the possibilities makes me dizzy. (Okay, so here is how Nobara can still win). What if Nobara was a Star Plasma Vessel and since she couldn't survive her injuries, she had to fuse together with Tengen as a last ditch effort? Or what if she was saved by Shoko and then Tengen realized the potential in Resonance (it could be highly effective against someone like them) and hid her away until the true(tm) plan was set into motion? If Nobara could somehow manage to take out Tengen once they were fused together with all of the cursed spirits, then they could fulfill both theirs and Yuki's goals in the end. (Sort of a Reverse Uno Technique)

But that doesn't matter now, what matters is that I'm 90% sure that Kenny and Tengen were hate-fucking back in the good old days and I can't stop thinking about it. Also, what if it's Tengen who drove/pushed Kenjaku to madness, intentionally or uninentionally, like in Yuki's and Geto's case? Both Geto and Tengen took on the role of religious leaders (I mean... one directly lead to the other) and both Kenjaku's and Yuki's main motivation was "evolution". Geto consumed and was consumed, Yuki refused to be consumed. Aaaah, there is just so much there too. Damn you Gege.

(If any of this is incoherent or incomprehensible, that's not just the language barrier, I am simply incapable of being normal about JJK even in my native language, so it's a challenge either way)

ok, I'm going to give this another try. let's hope my cats don't jump on my laptop again.

HOLA shonen-parody-anon! Listen... gushing with others about jjk is like one of my favorite past times, so thank you for nerding out with me.

Let's ramble away under the cut.

Yeah, about the dickmeasuring contest, the Sukuna-Gojo fight is an outlier and shouldn't be counted because I don't respect either of them 😔 (just kidding)

ARE YOU THO?! Are you really just kidding?!!!!!

ok no but for real I'm curious as to what you mean by this bahaha. I feel like there's a story that is not being disclosed here that I want to hear more about...

I don't think (only hope) that Gojo can survive this. EVEN if he manages to defeat Sukuna, he wouldn't stand a chance against Kenjaku in that state

Yeah, I think Gojo is either a goner or at the very least will be badly damaged after this battle. As you say, if it isn't Sukuna who does him in, Kenny has been killing 6 eyes users for fun for a thousand years too.

Can you imagine tho?!!!! THE DRAMA! Kenny killing Gojo using Geto's body on December 24th would just be...

think Gojo dressing up as Toji is a lead up to Kenjaku and Yuuji's final fight

ok sooooooo... I must admit I didn't follow your theory very well but I fully support it lol!

both Mahoraga and Gojo are symbols of balance

OK! Do tell me more about this Maho-chan symbolical connection to Gojo as symbols of balance. I haven't researched Maho very much if I'm honest. All I remember having read is that a Mahoraga is summoned by a passionate/angry youth and likes music... something like that.

(Okay, so here is how Nobara can still win)

I continue to applaud your commitment to Nobara's non-confirmed death meaning she's defo still alive.

But in all seriousness, the questions you pose are very interesting. After all, we haven't been told what it is that makes a star plasma vessel so special, and, as you mention, Nobara's ct directly affects the soul.

what matters is that I'm 90% sure that Kenny and Tengen were hate-fucking back in the good old days and I can't stop thinking about it

🤣 and this is how you've installed a hc in my brain looool. So to me, more than Yuki/Tengen and Geto/Kenny parallels, I am wondering if it's more of a Gojo/Kenny and Geto/Tengen parallel?

I can't wait to find out either way!

Aaaah, there is just so much there too. Damn you Gege.

I feel like this is so relatable LOL!

This feeling is what fuels all of my rambles actually.

(If any of this is incoherent or incomprehensible, that's not just the language barrier, I am simply incapable of being normal about JJK even in my native language, so it's a challenge either way)

I feel like I just need to copy this disclaimer and use it moving forward lol.

ANYWAYS! Thanks again for dropping by shonen-parody-anon!

#ask the mental gymnastics anime girl

[bonesandthebees]

The heat’s melting my brain a bit, so I’m just going to skip most of the rest of the chapter and pray I find the energy to go back to it at some point, because there’s some great mental shifting in there, my brain’s just not having it.

Anyway, the political reveal. This one is very interesting for a few reasons. 1. It catapults Wilbur straight into political mode. That’s been his life for 10 years and he’s instantly able to put together what Schlatt’s doing. Of course this is because Wilbur knows how he works. He probably knows his thought pattern better than anyone else with all the vision meetings and Schlatt brushing him off. It’s also a fun way to give us more exposition. We get to know something serious is happening, but we don’t know what.

2. The Deathlings plan to make use of this. Whether it’s using the chaos or making new allies. This is an opportunity for them. And 3. Wilbur doesn’t care. He’s supposed go be Clara’s vessel and aid the empower for the good of the country, but Schlatt never listened and now Wilbur doesn’t even have the opportunity to tell him should he get a vision about this. He feels no responsibility. In fact, he’s so angry at Schlatt he feels no guilt or worry. It’s such a stark difference to the first chapter, where Wilbur was constantly stressed out about the Deathling attack and Schlatt not listening.

Now the question of course is what would happen if he got a vision. If it’s one that’s good for the Deathlings, he’s probably going to keep his mouth shut and maybe have a crisis. Though the real crisis would be if he gets a vision that’s bad for the Deathlings (if Clara would even give him one of those). That would be full mental mayhem. The question would then also be if the Deathlings would believe him if he did somehow tell them. Or if they would think it was a ploy to get them to not attack. It would be fun, but this is all speculation, so alas, you can not answer.

Also, genuine question now that I brought up chapter 1. Do the Deathlings know that Wilbur had a vision of the night of the ball? I know he had a big explosion about Schlatt not listening, but I don’t remember if he brought up that specific vision. Actually, I’m not even sure if Tommy knows that. Tommy is the only one who knows about the vision the night Wilbur ran, I think? Which is part of why he’s so confident Wilbur won’t run without a vision. Though he can never be sure Wilbur didn’t have one. (At least, that’s what Phil would argue in that situation.

-🌲

I'm so sorry you're suffering in the heat spruce manifesting cool breezes for you soon

YUP wilbur actually does know his politics in this! he's been involved with them for the past ten years so of course he's got a pretty good idea of how this stuff works, and more importantly, he knows how schlatt works. I've definitely been wanting to get more into talking about the political situation outside the temple, but I just haven't been able to until we got to a point where phil felt he could say that to wilbur and not put things at risk. but even then, he's not telling wilbur everything.

the deathlings are certainly going to take advantage of this situation :)

wilbur doesn't even realize the choice he's making by not caring about what's going on. technically, according to his duties, clara wants to keep their country as safe as can be and it's wilbur's responsibility to see that through. wilbur not caring is just another sign of how much he's changed since he got there.

yes that's all very fun speculation but nothing I can comment on </3 good thoughts though!

yes, wilbur actually did let it slip that he had a vision of the ball at one point! it happened back in ch 11, when wilbur, niki, jack, tommy, and techno were all chatting and techno started grilling wilbur about what was going on in the palace. and yes, in that conversation wilbur did explicitly say he had a vision about the night of the ball and schlatt refused to listen to him about it. however, you're right about tommy being the only person who knows that wilbur had a vision when he tried to kill him. no one else knows that except him.

#ask #spruce anon #through a glass divine

[jinkieswouldyoulookatthis]

Point of No Return (5x18)

Okay, I saw someone comment on my post about Dean apologizing to Sam in Fallen Idols (5x05) that Dean's apology was negated into mere lip service because of what he did in episode 18 (also 8x06 and 8x23 but I'll address those two when I get to them on this rewatch).

Let's review exactly what Dean says to Sam in Point of No Return. But first, as a quick recap, Dean has said over and over that he is tired, that he just wants to stop fighting, but as Michael's sword/vessel, and a Winchester brother, he's not allowed to give up. Famine told him that he was already dead inside ffs, so he is in a bad headspace. Okay, so what happens in this episode?

Sam: What the hell, man? This is how it ends, you just walk out?

Dean: Yeah, I guess.

Sam: How could you do that?

Dean: How could I? All you've ever done is run away!

Sam: And I was wrong! every single time I did! Just, please, not now. Bobby is working on something.

Dean: Oh really? What?

Sam: ...

Dean: You got nothing and you know it.

Sam: You know I have to stop you.

Dean: Yeah well you can try. But just remember you're not all hopped up on demon blood this time.

Let's unpack that scene. Sam is upset that Dean ditched him and ran off. This is a reasonable thing to be upset about. Unfortunately, Sam has a history of doing exactly the same thing, something that massively triggers and has added to Dean's abandonment issues, so of course, Dean hurls that right back at Sam. It's not the mature thing to do, but it is a normal reaction given the fact that Dean just recently found out that all those times that Sam ran away, effectively shattering Dean's world? Yeah, those were the happiest times of Sam's life. Couple all that baggage with Dean not really being the most mature person and this becomes a much more understandable position for him to take. And the dig about the demon blood at the end there, that was more to remind Sam that Dean is fully capable of beating him in a fair fight, not so much about rubbing Sam's nose in his mistakes, although I'm sure that was a little part of it. Okay, let's jump to the next pertinent scene that starts with Dean once again stating that he is tired...

Dean: I'm tired, man. I'm tired of fighting who I'm supposed to be.

Sam: Well you think maybe you can take a half second and stop trying to sacrifice yourself for a change? Maybe we could actually stick together?

Dean: I don't think so.

Sam: Why not? Dean, seriously, tell me, I want to know.

Dean: I just, I don't believe.

Sam: In what?

Dean: In you. I mean I don't, I don't know whether it's going to be demon blood, or some other demon chick, or what, but I do know they are going to find a way to turn you.

Sam: So you're saying you don't think I'm strong enough?

Dean: You're angry, you're self-righteous, Lucifer's going to wear you to the prom, it's just a matter of time.

Sam: Don't say that to me, not you. Of all people.

Dean: I don't want to, but it's the truth. And when Satan takes you over, there's gotta be somebody there to fight him and it ain't gonna be that kid. So it's gotta be me.

Okay, so ouch, harsh. Should Dean have said this? Probably not like this, but it was also true. And this isn't just unfounded feelings either, Dean was sent to a near future reality where Sam did say yes to Lucifer and then killed Dean and destroyed the world. That was horrifying, like truly, terribly, horrifying. Then there is also the problem of the demon blood. And while Sam's relapse was the fault of Famine, you know who Dean likely really blames for it? I bet it's not actually Sam. Dean's entire worldview revolves around keeping his kid brother safe, but he can't protect Sam from that, and I would bet cold hard cashy money that Dean feels like Sam's relapse is actually Dean's own failure. It adds to the overall hopelessness he is drowning in. So while this wasn't a good way to express what he was feeling or thinking, he is expressing it, which is better than not talking about it, hiding it, lying about it, whatever. Okay, next scene...

Dean: Whoa, whoa, wait. You're going to take on five angels?

Castiel: Yes.

Dean: Isn't that suicide?

Castiel: Maybe it is, but then I won't have to watch you fail. Sorry, Dean. I don't have the same faith in you that Sam does.

I mention this one because it sets things into better perspective for Dean because the weird, nerdy angel verifies Sam's faith and trust in Dean. For Dean, that's not nothing. Okay, last scene...

Sam: So.

Dean: So what?

Sam: I saw your eyes. You were totally rocking the "yes" back there. So, what changed your mind?

Dean: Honestly? The damnedest thing. I mean the world's ending, the walls are coming down on us, I look over to you and all I can think about is "this stupid son-of-a-bitch brought me here." I just didn't want to let you down.

Sam: You didn't. You almost did, but you didn't.

Dean: I owe you an apology.

Sam: No, man, no you don't.

Dean: Just, let me say this. I don't know if it's being a big brother or what, but to me you've always been this snot-nosed kid that I've had to keep on the straight and narrow. I think we both know that that's not you anymore. I mean, hell, if you're grown up enough to find faith in me the least I can do is return the favor. So screw destiny, right in the face. I say we take the fight to them and do it our way.

Sam: Sounds good.

Hey, look at that! Another apology. Again, Dean doesn't make excuses for what he's done, he admits he was wrong, and gives Sam what he needs -- validation that he is deserving of Dean's trust and faith, even when Dean is struggling to do it. The fact that Dean fell back into his old way of thinking between ep 5 and ep 18 does not negate either apology. In the moment, he honestly means what he is saying and in between the moments he is trying to change. But change of this level isn't like simply flipping a switch in your mind. It's relearning how to relate to someone who has been so present in your life that you've patterned your entire identity around your relationship to them. That level of change is fucking hard. It takes persistent work and you will most likely backslide at times. Dean is a flawed guy, he is emotionally immature and repressed, but he is legitimately trying to do and be better. Sam is, for all of his own flaws, more emotionally mature. Ironically, this is because Sam had Dean to mother-hen him growing up, while Dean lost his mom when he was four and there was no one to step n and take on that role for him. Sam's life was no picnic, but he had Dean as a constant caring presence, something that Dean did not have. So even though Dean is older, there is a lot of stuff that Sam is further ahead on, which is why Sam accepts and seems to appreciate Dean's apologies.

Dean is not perfect, far from it, but he IS trying to be better, to do better. So is Sam. Our boys are trying.

"This is my family. I found it, all on my own. It's little, and broken, but still good. Yeah, still good." - Stitch

#spn 5x18 #dean winchester #sam winchester

[diminuel]

So I saw aus of “Sam and Dean are Michael’s sons au” and “Sam is actually Michael but Michael was a female au” and I decided to loosely combine the two. Set in S1-S2 what if Sam and Dean were actually female archangels created by Michael with the help of Chuck charged with protecting the Earth on Heaven’s word but after the whole apocalypse they took their grace out and died and Azazel thinking he would get back at Heaven turned them into human males to hide them so he and his demon buddies could roam the Earth and maybe he could throw over Lucifer and have the power of Hell for himself. But after a while Sam and Dean start to experience strange dreams and not to mention feeling like their slowly dying til they meet the angels and the demons and Lucifer eventually gets Azazel to reveal that Sam and Dean were the angels that were supposed to protect the Earth and that them in human forms will slowly kill them and Michael eventually returns them to their true forms as archangels. How would Sam and Dean try to get used to not being human in the first place? How would they now react to a female form or just being female in general? How would they have to explain they were actually female archangels all along to Bobby, Ellen, Jo, Pastor Jim and even John. (On a side not Dean would sure make a ton of Sailor Moon/Princess serenity references as I imagine she/he secretly loves that anime)

I don't understand what the connection between this scenario and the Sailor Moon is that would make Dean comment on it. (We also have to remember that Dean was born in 1979. Sailor Moon didn't air in the US until 1995, then it got cancelled after two seasons and brought back only in 1997. Now, also remember that this is the 90s, if you miss an episode you have missed it until a rerun was aired. So would he, a 18 year old tune in to watch Sailor Moon on motel TVs for a disjointed story about magical girls? Anyway, that was my little curiosity excursion into wikipedia *lol*)

And I don't know, I'm struggling a bit with the scenario because female angels Sam and Dean (especially Dean) is not exactly in my niche (I'm the girl Cas "specialist"). I feel generally a scenario that leads to Dean and Sam being angels, instead of human, does "unsettle" me to some extent unless it is temporary and they can ultimately chose to be themselves again. I think Dean and Sam would choose humanity or should choose humanity (in order to please me, personally and make the creatives wheels in my brain turn properly. I know this is your fic scenario but if you ask me to answer questions about it I will have to go on canon interpretation and personal preference *lol*)

I don't think they'd enjoy being turned or being forced to turn. It's the same old situation as in the other scenarios. It happens against their will, here it is even linked to the threat of death. And it is not only a turn from human to supernatural but also from male to female body. They're not gonna like that. It's not like they have angelic minds, like Cas for example, who can switch vessels and not think too much about it and not have it affect how he sees himself. (Well, that's also up to interpretation of course.)

And I don't know if they would have to explain much, it's not like this is their personal choice. This is something that was "done" to them, so just saying "this demon messed with us" might be enough and it would probably mobilize their families to "fix it". (Again, with the assumption that we are operating with the underlying assumption of Supernatural that humanity is the goal, that being human is superior to being supernatural. I think whether that is a truth still in this scenario or not determines how the characters would approach being turned (back) into something non human. But I would say it's how it would work for Sam and Dean. They're monster hunters, it is season 1/2. It's pretty black and white still.

[an-android-in-a-tutu]

I think I know what I want Cas' relationship with the angels to be after season 9 and it's like.

Okay I think the collecting rogue angels with Hannah thing is kind of dumb because like 1) "All angels should be back in heaven/under heaven's control." is like a weird and hypocritical stance for Cas to take. Like you could make it work if say, seeing what having all of them ejected caused on earth made him feel like it just wasn't worth the potential destruction but like. We don't get to see him coming to that conclusion and his motivations are never examined so it's dumb. Why is Cas doing this.

(Side note I actually feel similarly about the like. Original goal of Cas and Metatron to close the gates of heaven like. It's not that I think it's dumb that he got tricked I'm just not sure why Cas would agree that closing the gates lf heaven would be the way to fix things? It's been implied that Heaven was insular and isolationist for thousands of years before canon and that's what lead to the current fucked up situation. Like I can see Cas jumping on the first solution offered to him without thinking it through because he's just. Desperate for redemption, that's a thing he would do. So I don't view it as wholly out of character I just feel like. The show never really explores what Cas actually wants for heaven and other angels and so his motivations end up kind of incoherent. Like we know what he wanted in season 6, and we know how that turned out so it's entirely possible that he's done a complete 180 on it afterwards. But like the bad things that Cas did to the angels as Godstiel were not an extension of the philosophy he was espousing at the time, in fact That was a complete 180 on what he was trying to get the angels to adopt, so it seems like the whole thing affected his trust in himself way more than any like actual ideas he had about how heaven should be and how to help the other angels. Which I guess leads in a roundabout way to why he latched on to Metatrons idea without even bothering to consider whether or not it would be a right or good thing to do because he doesn't trust himself to determine that. The solution only works because it comes from outside of himself otherwise it would be untrustworthy. Oh fuck I have gotten distracted.)

Anyway point 2) is that we barely see any of it and nothing comes of it so it bores me.

So instead in season 10 I think the angels should split into two factions (that are actually secretly a lot of factions but shh) there's the angels that want to consolidate and rebuild heaven and the angels that want to stay on earth and experience what the world has to offer.

There's some push at first to consolidate and force the angels that want to stay on earth back in line but instead of just going along with that, Cas vouches for them. He's like. Maybe it's finally time that we can just let each other be and make our own choices or whatever. He gives a little speech. And the angels in heaven are like. Okay well if you decide to stay down there, that's it, you're not coming back, and we'll let the other angels who decide that go too, but you're responsible for them now.

That's the big thing for me: Cas gets left in charge of the angels on earth, but the angels on earth are not one faction, there's a bunch of them, tons of them are just alone doing their own thing, and Plenty of them do not like or respect him at all. He's responsible for them in the eyes of Heaven but he's not their leader.

Then he can do the angel roadtrip thing with Hannah but instead of forcing people back they're just giving them the option. Maybe it's made explicit that like. The ultimatum they gave Cas is not in play for other angels. They can all come back any time, they just can't go back to earth if they do.

And then when Hannah has her chrisis of conscience about her vessel it's even more impactful because instead of just reigniting Cas' guilt about Jimmy it's also about like. All of the vessels of angels Cas vouched for getting to stay here, and the fact that for any angel to get the chance at freedom and a life on earth a human has to be sacrificed and like that's something to grapple with! There could be themes! There could be a Claire Novak revenge arc!!

And then later seasons when we keep running into angels on earth even though all the rogues were supposed to be rounded up in season 10 that would make more sense and could even be made an even more common thing! Because angels are just around now. And Cas can have varied and nuanced relationships with them even if his relationship with heaven deteriorates because the angels on earth are largely just individuals with individual and different opinions on him. And him having some kind of position of authority tennuous though it may be could have it so other angels actually turn to Him for help more often which would be a refreshing change of pace.

Also and this is a small thing but I think it would be fun if the policy in heaven became that once you're back in you have to give up your grace if you want to leave. To play into the idea that heaven is losing power and failing as they lose more angels & as a chekov's gun for the folks who want Cas to end the series human. Then when Cas breaks Metatron out of jail and removes his grace there's a scene where he returns it to the angels guarding the gate as a peace offering. Which doesn't mend fences between them but like maintains the sort of wary truce they have at that point in spite of his actions.

#supernatural #spn #Castiel #spn angels #long post #anyway just some thoughts I had while at work #this si structureless and incoherent #but I like saying things #I

[shtish]

Eyyyy got the Lost Kin sorted out! Who knew that the winning combo had the Dung Defender charm in it lol

#Hollow Knight #Hollow Shtish #This must be terribly interesting to y'all haha #I'm just having fun over here #I'm at like.... 60 hours now? #I think? #I need to find the last few pale ores to get my nail upgraded all the way #It's difficult to find em all but it's okay #I'm also not sure whether I should just... Go for the vessel now #I'm avoiding the Black Egg Temple like the plague lol #...I should still help out the grey miurner anyway #I'll do that... Sometime #I just awakened the dream nail and got into the palace #It's gonna be GREAT #....oooooh wait maybe I should try talking to the moss proohet #And the mask maker #Wonder what they think when I dreamnail them #If I even can #I'll try and we'll see!

[ichorai]

pearls and pastries ; j.jk

pairing ; pirate!jungkook x baker!reader (gender-neutral)

summary ; a crew of pirates have been pilfering your village for several weeks now and one particularly keen buccaneer has stopped by your bakery practically every visit; whether it be for the delectable pastries or for the sweet baker he's taken an interest to, jungkook couldn’t say. but there’s a catch - the baker doesn’t know that he’s a pirate.

themes ; fantasy, angst, fluff, pining, slight action, pirate au, baker au, medieval au

words ; 3.6k

warnings / includes ; descriptions of weaponry, stealing (from the rich), jungkook being a sad lovesick sap, pirate!bts, poetic sadness but when do i not do angst lmfao everything i touch turns into written sorrow </3

a/n ; written for the @ficscafe fic exchange event for @sunshinerainbowsbts !! i hope you like it <3 i'm definitely considering writing a part two to this :D

Jungkook wasn’t quite fond of parrots. Well, his mislike wasn’t necessarily directed towards the multi-hued rotund bird itself, but the fact that the wretched thing was squawking out a poor rendition of what Jungkook had announced earlier whilst clambering down the crow’s nest.

“I’m going to the bakery! I’m going to the bakery! I’m going to the bakery!” the winged devil screeched from atop Jimin’s shoulder, ruffling its bright feathers as if taunting him.

Shooting it the nastiest of scowls, Jungkook reached behind his head to untie the vermilion bandana holding his overgrown locks away from his narrowed eyes. “You better shut that bird up before I toss it to the sharks, Jimin.”

“If I let you do that, I’d also have to throw you overboard. The both of you are equally annoying,” the other pirate snorted in contempt, glancing up at his younger friend striding across the ship before moving his gaze back to the knapsack he was emptying for the pilfer. Out fell several empty bottles of rum, a few gold pieces glinting in the harsh midday sun, two jewel-encrusted daggers, and a worn eyepatch that suspiciously looked to be the same as the one Yoongi always wore over his left eye. “You seem to forget that we’re here to steal from the rich, not buy fancy breads! You’re lucky that Namjoon has half the decency not to kick you off the boat. Jin, however fond he is of you, still calls you a moocher.”

Rouge faintly dusted across Jungkook’s cheekbones as he coughed into his fist, lifting his shoulder in a half-shrug. “I steal stuff sometimes,” he muttered under his breath. It was useless to defend himself against someone who saw straight through him.

“Sometimes, my foot!” Jimin scoffed, hiking the bag over his shoulders. “Bringing back a goblet you found rolling down the street doesn’t count, you know that, right?”

Jungkook rolled his eyes to the cloudless sky, far too stubborn to admit that Jimin was right. With not another word, the young pirate clambered off of the large vessel and onto the rickety docks, grunting upon landing. It didn’t bother him much that Jimin was irked at his lack of contribution. They were rich enough as it is; what was the rush?

The air was tangy with sea salt and damp wood as he inhaled a deep breath, setting off for your bakery. Walking there took exactly three hundred and seventy two steps. Jungkook had memorized the shortest route to your little shop, mumbling the numbers under his breath with a growing grin blossoming across his lips. He subconsciously rolled the sleeves of his white tunic down, the fabric concealing the pirate tattoos inked all over his arms.

When the youthful sea wolf stepped foot into your store, a familiar chiming of the bell hooked atop the door echoed across the cream-walled room. At the reverberating sound, your head peeked out from the kitchen situated in the back. An illuminating beam danced on your features, eyes lighting up with mirth at the sight of Jungkook.

It made the muscle within his chest slam against his ribcage, desperate to be freed from its confines because it belonged to you, and only you. He wasn’t quite sure when the sudden fixation for the village baker his crew was stealing from started, but he had acclimated to his own change of heart by visiting you as often as he could.

“Fancy seeing you here today. Are you coming in or are you now my human door stopper?” Your heavenly voice floated towards Jungkook, snapping him out of his thoughts. Sheepish, he shuffled inside, engulfed by the warm scents of chocolate cakes, powdered pastries, caramelized fruits, and toasted almonds. His stomach gave an impatient snarl at the sight of tempting desserts. You had also walked to the front of the counter, dusting your flour covered hands on an apron. Some of the white powder had managed to smudge on your cheek, and Jungkook had to resist the urge to reach over and thumb it away.

“Hi,” he said with the brightest of grins. “I’ve missed you.”

At his bold statement, you suppressed a chortle. “I think you missed those chocolate cream puffs you like so much, not me. What’ve you been up to while you were gone?”

Jungkook hesitated at that. For the short amount of time he’d been visiting you, not once had he mustered the courage to tell you of his true origins. A savage pirate like him shouldn’t even be around the likes of you. You had no idea that he was part of the crew that was robbing your village, and the very thought of you finding out had him terrified. You were a taste of all the goodness in the world, and Jungkook was afraid you’d crumble into ash if he dared touch you. The sinner had no rights touching an angel, after all.

“Visiting family,” he hummed, quick to move on. If you noticed his strange demeanor, you didn’t say anything. For that, Jungkook was grateful. “I brought something for you.”

There was something about your smile that seemed to expel any and all feelings of gloom in a room. Jungkook was no exception to this feat, his knees almost buckling against the soft pink counters. He righted himself by leaning his elbows on top and propping his chin up with a palm. Gods, he didn’t know he was in this deep.

“Oh?” you set your hands on your hips, tilting your head to the side. “To what do I owe such pleasures?”

The corners of his eyes crinkled. “For those cream cheese tarts you made me last time I visited. Thought I’d repay you.” Whilst saying this, he used his free hand to reach into his back pocket, fishing out a string of authentic pearls, adorned with a glimmering clasp of gold the same hue as the sun.

Your smile melted into a confused pucker, brows knitting together in a muted painting of hesitance, yet you ogled the expensive necklace dangling by one of his spindly fingers nonetheless. Where on earth had he gotten such a valuable treasure? “But you already paid me with money. I really can’t take that, Jungkook.”

Disappointment was easily detected as he slanted his lips to the side. “Alright, then.” He tucked the pearls back into his pocket. It surprised you how easily he had complied.

The worrisome atmosphere was quick to dissolve when the bell jangled once more. A small child meandered in with a toothy beam, holding a small pouch of clattering coins in their palm. They were no taller than Jungkook’s midriff, and he liked it a little more than he should have watching a certain softness adorn your features at the sight of the kid.

“I recommend the cinnamon apple pie. Or maybe the brown sugar crepes if you’re looking for something sweeter,” Jungkook said, gesturing to the treat behind the display glass. The child angled their head to stare at the taller man with wonder. “Anything Y/N makes is to die for, though.”

The child excitedly babbled something in return, but you didn’t quite pick up what they had said. You were far too focused on Jungkook’s animated features when he kneeled down to point at some more desserts. Sure, he was a handsome man, you’ve known that since day one. You’ve never really looked at him in this light. It was as if he were carved from pure luminosity, whittled by the hand of the most skilled sculptor. Everything about him was practically perfect; the gentle slope of his nose, the angles of his raised eyebrows, the dappled rouge of his lips, the beauty marks mottling his dewy skin, the dangerous cuts of his jaw, the twinkle of gaiety you found in his irises. With the sunlight filtering through the windows, it basked Jungkook within a golden radiance, the shadows casted along his face only highlighting his best features, doing nothing to aid your fluttering pulse. Has he always been this beautiful?

“I’ll have a slice of apple pie!”

The sudden clinking of coins being dumped onto the counter snapped you out of your trance, and you kindly wrapped up what the child ordered and handed them the paper bag. Both you and Jungkook watched as they smiled in thanks and trotted out of the bakery. Curse his handsome physique.

A little flustered by your earlier thoughts, you busied your hands by sorting the coins the kid had coughed up. Jungkook, ever the kind soul, merely stood with you as you worked, engaging you in entertaining conversations to keep you occupied while your store was empty. Where did the sun go once it disappeared down the horizon? Why did everybody else seem to enjoy the bitter taste of coffee except him? Why did his heart beat so quickly when around you? The last question he couldn’t muster the courage to ask, and much to his perturbation, he already knew the answer. You enjoyed Jungkook’s company very much; to the point where you couldn’t quite remember what it was like before he had sauntered into your life.

Before the both of you knew it, the sun was already setting. Jungkook noticed the way you deflated just slightly when red kissed the sky. It was a telltale sign that Jungkook was long overdue to go back to his ship. Yoongi would have his ass if he was late again. The whole situation was ridiculous, really. He felt like a fairy tale princess running away from the ball before his clothes grew into tatters. Well, in his case, he supposed it’d be pirate-wear.

Your smile betrayed only the gentlest hint of disappointment as you thrusted a bag of warm cookies into his arms. “Take this for the road,” you had said.

And so Jungkook did, smiling like an idiot the whole way back. A part of him absentmindedly wondered what your face would look like when you noticed that he had left the pearls on the countertop for you.

The ship rocked as the young pirate scampered across the deck at a startling speed, flinging the doors to the cabins open. Six older pirates stared at his panting form, a few looking on with unsurprised indifference, most glaring at him in disappointment. Jimin merely stuck his tongue out, his childish way of saying I told you so. There was expectancy in the captain’s eyes, but it waned away at an instant upon seeing that Jungkook carried nothing of value. Namjoon pinched the space between his brows in mild frustration.

Stiffly, Jungkook jerked his arm to thrust the bag in his hand forward. “Cookie?” he asked. Nobody said anything. Jungkook slowly brought his appendage back down, guilt roiling in his abdomen. “I take it you guys don’t want the cookies?”

With a huff, Namjoon stalked forward. “Of course we want the cookies, give me that.” He snatched the bag out of Jungkook’s hands and tossed it to Taehyung, who caught it with eagerness vividly splayed across his ruffled features. “I do have to admit, we’re getting tired of you bringing back nothing but sweets every time we go on raids, Jungkook. C’mon, kid, this is a team effort here. Look, just today Yoongi managed to steal a dozen coffers from a nobleman. The least you can do is try.” True to the captain’s word, there was a mountain of chests and boxes full to the brim with gold coins and shimmering jewels piled to the side of the cabin.

Swallowing down the lump in his throat, Jungkook nodded in understanding, though not without a miniscule frown twinging his lips. What was a pirate without his treasure, right?

Taking note of his glum demeanor, Namjoon clapped a hand to the younger man’s shoulder. “We’re not mad at you—”

Yoongi snorted at that.

“We just… want to help you help us,” Namjoon finished, ignoring the salty pirate’s quip from behind him.

The youngest man on deck raised his hand to his forehead in an awkward salute. “Yes cap’n!” Shame prowled within his chest; just thinking about the dishonor he brought to the pirate reputation by loitering in a bakery all day, ogling at sugary treats (and the sweet baker, but Jungkook digresses).

A part of him felt even worse knowing that he’d see you less and less, what with the other pirates breathing down his neck. He could only hope that you’d still look forward to his visits, though few and far in between.

Authentic bottles of expensive wines were shoved into his knapsack by Taehyung, lacing chains of aureate crammed into his hands by Hoseok, bars of cold silver wedged into the pits of his arms by Jimin, and more treasures thrown at the youngest pirate to hold as they lithely ran across the village. Being one of the stronger and more agile ones of the group had its downfalls, after all. He was being treated like a pack mule, hauling all the treasure for them. Not that he was going to complain; Jungkook knew that he deserved the rough-housing.

“Hold onto these for me, will you?” Yoongi gruffly uttered as he slid the thick hilts of gem-encrusted daggers into his belt. Jungkook complied hesitantly, but not without a suppressed groan of annoyance. “They’ll sell for more than a pretty penny, so don’t lose them.” The older pirate seemed to be in a grumpier than usual mood, considering he lost his eyepatch and the mottled scar crossing over his eye was on display for anybody to gawk at. It would’ve been worrying to Jungkook if he wasn’t aware of the fact that Jimin was merely prolonging his juvenile game of ‘keep away’, attempting to dance away from Yoongi’s inevitable wrath.

Perhaps being a pirate wasn’t his true calling, because Jungkook found that his mind kept wandering off to the matters at hand—running away from the guards. Though it was a relatively easy task (the guards were quite thick-headed in this village), he thought about the pretty plants dangling from the balconies of a building they jogged by, or the scents of exotic spices carried by the souq market not far from where they were. Most of all, much to his expectancy, his thoughts were centered around you. Had you gotten many customers for lunch rush? Were you lonely without him? How many times have you smiled today? Jungkook was all too fond of your smile.

Blinded by his unsaid affectionate ramblings, he only barely caught on to Namjoon’s quiet, “We shook the guards off for now. Be careful next time, Seokjin. The sun’s about to set soon; we should head back to the ship before it gets dark.”

Jungkook hissed out a small sigh of relief, bending over to catch his breath. Jogging across the village would have been no problem, but running with treasures twice his weight draped all over him was a different story.

When he righted himself back to standing, the sudden pit of shocked trepidation unfurled within his abdomen. There you were, beautiful as ever, but a terrifying sight to see. Normally you’d be the only person he would want to see, but as of this moment, you were the absolute last person he fancied bumping into.

Why now? He had the most rotten of luck.

Today you weren’t wearing your regular apron, but a pair of fitted grey trousers and a soft beige blouse far too large for you, hanging off of one of your shoulders as you cradled a basket of breads and cheeses and other groceries in your arms. It was a simple outfit, but one that made his heart clench nonetheless. The glinting of iridescent pearls draped over your décolletage had his breath stolen away from him as raw sentiment overtook his form. You were wearing the pearls he left for you and you never looked more beautiful. Jungkook, on the other hand, was clad in clothes that practically screamed pirate; a golden-clasped corset tightened about the small of his waist, a tattered white button-up tucked into his dark trousers, worn sea boots covering his feet. A large gun was also slung over the belt cinched around his hips, along with multiple daggers of the like, and not to mention all the riches and jewelry the other boys had thrown at him.

You couldn’t see him. No, it would absolutely ruin Jungkook.

Perhaps dropping everything he was holding in a panicked effort to dash away as quickly as he could was the worst possible thing he could have done to not warrant any attention.

The concerned and confused questions erupting from the other pirates as they whipped their heads towards their youngest comrade went completely ignored. He scampered away from them, lunging towards a shadowed alley and hiding behind a teetering pile of musty boxes. A stray cat nuzzled against his leg, but Jungkook merely shooed it away with a frustrated glare and not-so-subtle shushing gestures.

What a fool I am, the young buccaneer berated himself, pressing a knuckle against his temple in frustration. He waited for another minute, before slinking out from the shadows, peering around the corner to see if you were still there.

No sign of you. Relief seized his chest, but not without the gentlest flower of disappointment staining whatever solace he felt, a weed amongst the roses. Jungkook’s mind was still reeling from the fact that you were wearing his pearls.

Treading carefully, he strode out of the alley, turning the other direction before halting in his tracks completely. A queer, garbled noise tumbled past his lips.

It was you, a confused smile gracing your features, and all Jungkook could think about was how the sunlight was made for you, how you glowed in front of him, how he wanted to cradle you into his chest and murmur confessions of his pure, unadulterated love into your ear. But Jungkook didn’t do any of that. Instead, he merely stood there, as if he was imitating a statue in all of his pirate glory. Terrified, regretful, and ever so angry at himself.

Fate was a cruel game.

The pearls shone prettily on your skin. A reminder of the best mistake he’s ever made.

Your eyes had yet to wander down to fully take in his appearance, for your expression still held fondness for the man that’s visited your bakery so often, still having no idea that he was a filthy pirate, locked into his molten gaze. “I think you dropped something…?” The golden chains dangled loose between your fingers as you held them out to him. Jungkook didn’t take them, frozen on the spot.

It was as if he could pinpoint the exact moment you found out his true origins. Your brows furrowed upon seeing the weaponry strapped onto him, one of his pirate tattoos on display (Jungkook cursed himself for not thinking of rolling his sleeve back down), and the six other men watching in silent despondency behind them. You had always been a sharp one, far too smart for your own good.

Or, perhaps, it's always been obvious. Jungkook was only wishing for the impossible.

“You’re a pirate.”

The statement wedged a stake into his chest, splintering his heart into pieces. When you stepped away from him, confused horror marring your beautiful features, Jungkook knew that it was over.

He lost you.

A flurry of emotions, overwhelming and tumultuous, evidently took over you at his lack of denial. You looked to be just as heartbroken as he was.

“You’re a pirate,” you repeated, dazed. You wanted him to say something, anything. Much to his surprise, you didn’t sound angry. You took several steps back this time. The weight of pearls around your neck suddenly felt choking.

The sudden calling of his name had his head whipping around to look at his captain, watching the brutal exchange with gentle sternness. “We have to go.” The guards’ll be coming soon, no doubt.

Jungkook looked back to you, any and all words lodged in his throat. Despite the fear in your irises, a soft expression of acceptance folded over your visage, for under all his pirate exterior, he was still the same man that you thought so fondly of from your bakery. The look was short-lived however, quick to fade away when Jungkook reached out for you hesitantly. A part of him pondered how a simple baker managed to steal from the stealer. You had robbed him of his heart, and Jungkook didn’t even try to stop you.

Upon seeing you inch away in mortification at your new revelation, Jungkook retracted his arm and pursed his lips. The agony clawing at his stomach was begging to be set free. He wanted nothing more than to get onto his knees and plead for your forgiveness.

I’m sorry I lied. I’m sorry I’m not the man you thought I was. I’m sorry I fell in love with you.

His name came out again, this time from Yoongi. That meant it was serious.

“I’ll come back,” Jungkook said, tears rimming the bottom of his warm doe eyes. You watched him start to trek backwards. “I promise.” The words felt heavy on his tongue, like he was swallowing down a knot of thorned ivy.

Before you had the chance to say anything back, he was gone, bounding back to his ship with his comrades. Not long after, the distant barks of guards pursuing them rang throughout the village. You took that as your cue to leave. Swallowing down the urge to cry, you forced your eyes away.

You hoped he wouldn’t uphold his promise, for the both of your sakes.

#ficscafe #kdiner #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #bts angst #bts fluff #jungkook angst #jungkook fluff #bts fantasy #jungkook fantasy #pirate bts #pirate jungkook #bts fanfiction #jungkook fanfiction #bts fanfic #jungkook fanfic #bts x you #jungkook x you #bts scenarios #jungkook scenarios

[saltymongoose]

May we haz our Christmas present of the Part 2 of meeting the Bois :3

Of course you may. :D Here's my Christmas present to you all, hope you enjoy it. ❤

[Part 2] They Meet the Player in Person ft. Hank, Deimos, Sanford & 2BDamned

(TW: Yandere, Obsessive Behavior, Violence)

While still in the warehouse, you had brought up the mission 2BDamned and Hank received from the Employers (much to Deimos and Sanford’s confusion. They were working for the Auditor?!?). Truthfully, 2BDamned questioned whether to continue working for them, but he suggested finishing the mission to destroy the Nexus Core anyway. In his eyes, it would be better to continue as if nothing had happened, to not arouse any suspicion from the Employers. At your hesitant expression (and Sanford and Deimos’ obvious distaste for even associating themselves with the Employers after what happened), he swore that it was the only order they'd follow from them.

They may take missions from others, but their loyalties were to you first and foremost. It'd been that way since you started selflessly helping them. Besides, giving up on the mission now would throw away all of your hard work, regardless of who gave it.

In the meantime, it was agreed that you'd stay with them. You had actually been the one to suggest it; it made the most sense to stay with the vessels you trusted the most. (The way they all visibly brightened at your words was kind of amusing. It made you feel more at ease as well, you could never really tell what the Employers were thinking.)

Actually getting to their base took some time, as it was deeper into the city. They could've walked back, but you were in no state to continue after running for so long. You were very shaky when you stood up from the floor (they rushed to help you up even when you tried to wave them off) and the way you leaned heavily on them plucked at the heartstrings. (It also made them even more angry at the Employers. You were the last person who should be this exhausted.)

Doc hummed in thought, gazing at you for a moment before stepping a little closer. "We should get a car to head back, it'll be faster," he declared, then turning to speak to you directly, voice softening the slightest bit. "Would you be alright with being carried for a while? I don't want you moving around too much."

While you weren't exactly enthusiastic at this, you appreciated that he had at least asked. That's more than some others had done.

You gave a noncommittal shrug, "Sure, as long I'm not being a burden on you all. I could also just float too."

"That won't be necessary," he quickly replied (even if he was surprised that you could do such a thing). "You're already tired, you should be resting instead of using your abilities when you don't have to. Sanford-" Said grunt perked up from his place beside you."-Pick them up, carefully. You two, come with me."

After a few minutes of the others protesting (Deimos was verbal while Hank decided to just leer at Doc to intimidate him. He was stronger than the others, why shouldn't he carry you?), you found yourself scooped up in Sanford's arms. He was gentle, careful not to scratch you with his claws as he held you tighter to him. (Though, if you looked up at his face, you'd see how red he was. He's been fantasizing about holding you for a while, but this was better than he imagined. The way you looped your arms around his neck only made him more flustered, and he felt a purr rising in his chest.)

Deimos had quickly found a vehicle to use and managed to hot-wire it in record time (whilst grumbling about how unfair it was that he couldn't be with you), all the while Hank got rid of any other grunts in the area. (Doc may've only meant immediate threats with his instructions, but it's not like anybody else would know if he decided to go a bit farther. Anything to keep you safe and away from everyone else.)

They all kept an eye on you when you all were returning to the base. (Well, save for 2B who had to make sure not to crash into anything. Didn't stop him from taking glances at you from the rear-view mirror though.) Sanford didn't notice Hank's glare or the way Deimos pouted on the other side of you, too focused on how you'd dozed off with your head on his shoulder.

From then on, you had a permanent place by your vessels' sides. It took you a while to get used to it, but the change was welcome compared to what you went through with the Employers. For one, they were a lot more open with you, answering any question you had to the best of their ability. And they wouldn’t shy away when you would press for more personal details, in fact, they were happy that you were so curious about them. They adored having your attention, and the fact that you wanted to know about them specifically made them unbelievably excited.

(They loved everything about you. Surely your desire to find out more about their personal lives showed you reciprocated these feelings, right?)

They were all pretty physical with you as well. It was very weird, especially since you hadn’t been expecting them to be so human-like. Their bodies looked so different to the grunts you’d played as in your world. You knew that they were tall (at least Hank was, according to Krinkels), but you were more used to the limbless beans with floating hands. It was easy to explain the appearance change with the Employers; the Auditor could change into a dragon, it wouldn’t be difficult for them to transform into something like you. But it seemed that wasn’t the case at all.

They were more imposing because of this, but you never felt like you were in danger around them. Their presence wasn’t unsettling like with the Employers (maybe because you knew more about them or because they weren’t secretive about anything).

You were comfortable around them, which made it easier for them to initiate their affectionate gestures. It's common to find you pressed against one of them on the couch, or for them to give you a tight hug after missions as thanks (Deimos was especially fond of this).

This also allowed you to really explore the intricate differences between your species. Their skin, for example, felt oddly soft (save for the callouses on their hands). You first noticed it when you'd been inspecting Hank for injuries, after your first in-person mission together. He had helpfully taken off his mask and goggles, stooping down to press his face into your palms. Much to his delight, you weren't exactly phased by his metal jaw, your small hands reaching up to softly run over it as you scrutinized him. (You were more concerned than anything. You hoped he wasn't in pain.)

You had paused when you reached his cheeks, thumbs rubbing slow half-circles under his visual cross as you questioned why he felt so odd. It wasn't a bad thing by any means, it was actually quite nice. It was just different.

Hank tilted his head slightly in question (also an intentional move to lean further into your touch). He definitely wasn't opposed to your prolonged caresses, but he wasn't sure why you zoned out. This snapped you out of your concentration, and you flushed in embarrassment, making a quick apology. But when you tried to remove your hands, he just grabbed your wrists and pulled them back, burying his face deeper into them while loudly purring. Point taken.

You'd expected them to have paws, so you weren't surprised by the appearance of their hands. That didn't stop you from being curious about how they felt, however, and all of them would be willing to indulge you. 2BDamned distinctly remembers watching in amusement as you fiddled with one of his hands, squishing down on the soft pads and tracing their faint edges. He found the way you blushed when he moved to intertwine your fingers really adorable. He should do this more often. (The way he got to silently gloat while the others glowered at him was a bonus as well.)

Purring was probably the most noticeable factor, just from how often they do it around you. Deimos would start up as soon as he saw you, and you'd be lying if you didn't think it was the slightest bit cute. (The others noticed the way you grinned fondly at him when you heard it. They all made an effort to do it more often, much to his annoyance.)

Naturally, they were also fascinated by you as well. Your blunt nails and teeth made you appear weak, a direct contrast to the power you held as the Player. (They wondered if this was some sort of evolutionary mechanism? Something to make your opponents underestimate you, maybe? Though, surely you were more powerful than anyone else in your world. You were the Player, after all.) Then there were your eyes, which were far more colorful than anything else in Nevada. The way they reflected light and shined differently depending on your facial expression and mood was mystifying. Combined with your otherworldly beauty, it didn't come as any surprise that the Auditor wanted to keep the sight of you to himself. The pictures they snagged didn't do you justice.

You caught them staring at you on several occasions, but passed it off as simple curiosity. They'd never seen a human before, it was to be expected. You were interested in some of the details you saw listed on Doc's computer. (You didn't mind that he kept some records of observation, as he generally wasn't as invasive as the Employers were. Not to your knowledge at least.) You'd have to remember to question him on how he knew about the small fading bruise on your upper hip area, did your shirt ride up or something?

Given that you were the Player, and that they still had a mission to complete, you often tagged along to provide your help. They were worried about how you'd fare, but as it turned out, they really had no reason to be concerned.

Luckily, nothing can actually injure you, the “game” simply won’t allow it. As the Player, you aren’t supposed to take any damage; the way bullets harmlessly ricochet off the strings that converge around you like a shield (and right into the heads of the grunts foolish enough to aim at you) only confirmed this. However, just because you can’t be hurt physically doesn’t mean that there wasn’t a mental strain when dealing with missions.

It was a lot easier to pass off the blood and gore when you were controlling little grunts from the safety of your bedroom. But watching Hank tear grunts limb from limb, listening to the sounds of bones snapping and flesh tearing as the offender fell into a messy heap on the floor was more than you were prepared to handle. You could only give Hank a shaky thumbs up when he turned to you for approval, stomach churning uncomfortably while you fought the urge to throw up.

Even worse was seeing them get injured. You were really good at the game, but you still took a couple hits here and there. It didn’t matter much before because you couldn’t see the way they flinched back and gritted their teeth in pain. The voice lines didn’t do justice to how much agony they showed when an enemy’s weapon cut deep into them, or when a stray shot made its mark. And yet, they still would grin at you like nothing was wrong. It worried you immensely, and you'd always be hit by a wave of distress when you saw blood staining their skin. But this was Nevada. It'd take time, but you'd have to get used to it.

They didn't really understand the reason for your level of concern; they've had worse injuries before and came out just fine. But they appreciated the care you had for them. (Especially when you helped clean the blood from their skin after healing them. If they played into the pain a little bit to keep your hands on them, prolonging your soothing motions, it's not like it would hurt anyone.)

You did everything in your power to mitigate any damage taken, from increasing their stats to giving them the best weapons possible. With your mod you could also just heal them instantly and/or apply God Mode to your current vessel to stop them from being in pain. There was no need to use the med-packs stationed around facilities when you kept a watchful eye for any injuries.

It also happened that your healing methods felt far better than anything they've experienced before (save for your touch). The constant warmth that bloomed from you at all times turned into a surge of comforting heat, almost like stepping into a hot shower after a cold rainy day. They much preferred it to the typical methods of taking care of injuries. It was also a lot faster.

(They really liked it when you activated it through your hands instead of the strings. It was great either way, but there was just something about your touch that was to die for.)

The grunts who had the misfortune of coming across you and your vessels would be met with the sight of an almost eldritch-looking being floating a few feet off the ground behind their actual targets-who, with your help, had become nigh invincible.

(You had settled on floating just to get a better view of the battlefield, even if it did remind you a bit of creative mode from a certain block game. It also allowed you to detach yourself enough from the situation to not be that affected by the violence, while still remaining close enough for your vessels to see you. It was important to them, for some reason (mainly so they could see if your attention was on them).)

If your vessels thought that being under your control was good before, it truly paled in comparison to the sheer amount of happiness they felt when under your control now. They reveled in your protectiveness over them, it must be a sign that you held deeper feelings for them as they did with you. And in return for your care, they did their best to make the missions as fun for you as it was for them.

Deimos continued with his wisecracks and jokes, and was subsequently overjoyed at how much better your laugh sounded when you weren't so far away from them. He'd often glance back at you with love-filled eyes while you tried to regain your composure, smiling widely while you instructed him to hack another terminal. And he made sure to talk to you a lot (he never forgot that comment you made about how nice his voice was).

Sanford generally didn't have much of an ego, but it didn't stop him from showing off his strength here and there. He'd offer to carry you if you showed any sign of fatigue, and would straighten up proudly whenever you made a comment about how impressive he was with his hook. (And really, it was impressive. Seeing him use it in person, pulling grunts far larger than yourself across entire rooms with simple motions, really hammered it in.)

Hank is another one who's always seeking to impress you, whether it be through destroying your enemies as efficiently as possible or doing little tricks with his guns or knives before putting them away. Of course, he plays it off as something he does without thinking most of the time. (The others know better; he only does it when he knows you're looking.) Hank really just wants to show you how powerful he is. He considers himself the only one really deserving of being your vessel, he was better than the others. Stronger, faster, far more capable at getting you whatever you needed. But (unfortunately) you seemed to like them, so he'd let them enjoy your presence. In the meantime, he'd continue his efforts to make you realize that you didn't need anyone else.

Doc is a bit of an anomaly here. He can't go on missions as often as the others due to the nature of his role. But, now that you kind of took over the whole medical aspect of their group with your abilities, he could spend time with you instead of stitching together the others. He'd call you over to do his own little inspections of you, which are usually rather short. He wants to make sure you're okay, but knows painfully little about human anatomy. But this gives him the opportunity to start asking about it. The conversations will eventually devolve into just talking about you (which may've been his intention the entire time, at least partly). You were surprised about how great of a listener he is, always looking at you with interest and asking questions to further the discussion. He also enjoys it when you sit next to him when he's working, in fact he'll even motion for you to come closer to him, pulling your chair so your legs touch. He just likes being in your presence.

They all consider themselves your tools to control. They were just as protective of you as you were of them. (Though maybe a bit more. There's a reason that no grunts could be found within a few miles of their base. It took a lot of work to clear them out, but it was worth it. Even if they despised how disposing of the bodies wasted time that they could've spent with you.)

It seemed as though they'd have a lot more work to do with you. Ordinarily the AAHW steered clear of Nexus City, but they'd begun to invade it for some reason. (It never happened in the campaign when you played it, so why now?) The boys were quick to quell your worries about it. Interfering in Nexus City was likely a move by the Auditor to try and get you back. It'd be a cold day in hell before they'd let that happen.

Unfortunately for the Auditor, his actions had proposed another main objective for the group. After the Nexus was finished, there'd be nothing stopping them from eliminating the AAHW. They'd been a thorn in their sides for long enough, but this was a whole other level of provocation. They would take on anyone who dared try and take you away.

And, hey, it gave them more time to spend with you, right? You had a bone to pick with the Employers as well for their treatment, and they'd be happy to help you make them understand how badly they fucked up. (With any luck, it might be the last thing the Employers manage to comprehend before being sent to whatever version of the afterlife they go to.)

If eradicating everyone else is what it took to stop them from trying to intervene with their pursuit of your affections, then that was fine. So long as you remained with them, they'd be happy.

(Perhaps they should confess their feelings to you after this Nexus business was through? They were sure you felt the same, after all. It was only a matter of time before you were truly theirs.)

#tw: yandere #tw: violence #doc: okay sanford you pick them up #hank: *angy* #agents watching hank be a simp for you: ??? what? #self aware m:pn au #samau #player!reader #yandere madcom #yandere madness combat #madness combat x reader #yandere hank j. wimbleton #hank j. wimbleton x reader #hank j. wimbleton #yandere sanford #sanford x reader #sanford #yandere deimos #deimos x reader #deimos #yandere 2bdamned #2bdamned x reader #2bdamned #my writing

[csykora]

I am not happy with medical staff right now

quick thoughts, not about whether the hit was good or what the fuck ever, just medical stuff:

I don't know why Marchand was cleared to go out ('he probably said he wanted to', sure--I'm a big believer in not listening to your patients about that) because I really do not like the area that he's holding right now.

Tbc, I am not speculating that he does have any particular injury, I do not think this is likely, just explaining why upper chest injuries should be screened carefully:

most people really don't understand how high up in your chest your lungs go. that area right under your collarbone/at the corner join of your shoulder is the apex of your lung, and it has relatively little protection. If a player has cracked, broken, or dislocated their collarbone, there is a risk of the bone going into the lung there (or into the significant blood vessels and nerves nearby). That risk is lower for, you know, normal people, but a hockey player who is going to be taking more impacts to the chest, which could cause an injured bone to shift and go into that lung, really shouldn't go out with potential rib or collarbone injuries until they've been screened.

I think people also often don't understand how difficult bony injuries to the ribs and collarbone can be to identify without some kind of scan--the muscles over them and the anatomical arrangement of everything around them work to 'brace' them in place, which can make it pretty hard for the clinician palpating the area with their hands to feel a break, especially before swelling develops, which it won't have that early after the injury. I, personally, would not be confident that just because I couldn't palpate or auscultate a break (sometimes you can hear the clicking of bone ends) that was enough to rule bony injury out so soon after the injury would have occurred, and at least for my profession, it legally isn't enough to rule it out, based on the other evidence--I would have a duty to send them for scans to confirm my assessment.

This is also one of the reasons I think 'but was it a shoulder-on-shoulder hit???' is a frustrating hill for hockey fans to agree with the league to die on. Sure, if it's a Good hit that means the guy who laid it was trying to be good--I don't really care, for a variety of reasons, but the one that's relevant here: the hit being Good really has nothing to do with how badly someone might be injured off it. The 'shoulder' and 'chest' are really, really complex anatomical areas. There's some important stuff in there! Yes, head hits are dangerous, but organized hockey's agreement to finally call hits to the head dangerous seems to distract many of us from how they still haven't really examined injuries. The head is not some kind of insta-death target that's objectively and inherently worse than all other parts of the body to be injured on; that would be a really complex ranking, if it could be done at all, and the NHL has not done it. the assumption that all 'shoulder' injuries can be categorized together and that shoulder hits are always lower risk than head hits and therefore don't need the same level of response belies the fact that they don't know what all injuries carry what risk.

#hockey injury

[lightrises]

"Only in allowing her to pass..." — Hornet, The Radiance, and the means by which Hallownest turned its victims against each other

A quick note: I read Hollow Knight as an anti-colonialist text. As such I'll be touching on topics related to colonialism as it's depicted in the world of the game, and said analysis will reflect both a sympathetic take on The Radiance and a critique of The Pale King that won't pull its punches. If this sounds up your alley, hello and thank you for the read! Let us be sad about these bugs together.

———

So!! A while back I realized something about pre-canon that felt rather... "curious" is one way to put it, I think. To wit: for all the effort and scheming and determination The Pale King poured into trying to get rid of The Radiance, neither of his plans involved directly killing her.

Was that his long game? Well, sure, that seems clear enough. His tack changed from luring the moths away from their god and creator to a more literal form of incarceration once the infection became a factor, but at its core the end goal never really changed—The Pale King very sincerely wished to destroy Radiance via obsolescence. The Seer lends us foreshadowing to confirm as much:

[Image descriptions: Two screenshots from Hollow Knight, showing the Seer and Ghost in the Seer's alcove at the Resting Grounds. Across both screenshots, the Seer tells Ghost the following: "None of us can live forever, and so we ask those who survive to remember us. Hold something in your mind and it lives on with you, but forget it and you seal it away forever. That is the only death that matters." End description.]

(Which, by the way and given the context, talk about an extremely unsubtle allusion to cultural genocide huh!!! Whew.)

In any case, we're left with a whole bunch of machinations which build up to... well, two very roundabout attempts at committing deicide. That's kind of weird, all things considered! Why not just do the deed in one fell swoop and get it over with?

This could be for any number of reasons. Maybe the king was devoid of the means to instantly kill another higher being. Maybe his personal sense of scruples stopped him short of signing off on MURDER murder (although, y'know, the aforementioned genocide + eternal imprisonment = still cool and copasectic apparently!). Maybe the long drawn-out cruelty was the point. Maybe the idea of playing fuckign 4D chess with the circumstances was too delicious for him to pass up—that man did love to tinker and stick his claws where they sure as hell didn't belong—or maybe it was a little bit of All The Things. Who knows!!

But interrogating The Pale King's methodology on this count isn't what I'm here for, at least not really. The main reason I raise this question at all is that in her own way, Hornet did too.

"I'd urge you to take that harder path... "

See, going by The Pale King's actions and what The White Lady explicitly says, they both foresaw two outcomes wrt the infection: it can be allowed to spread, or it can be contained. At Teacher's Archives, Quirrel acknowledges the fact that Ghost is expected to do... something about this, but he doesn't elaborate on what HE thinks that's supposed to be apart from the obvious "Gotta bust into Black Egg Temple first". Hornet is the one person who presents to us—to Ghost—what's framed as a third option: confront and destroy the infection at its source.

And she doesn't bring it up like it's just another tactic for Ghost to consider, prim and indifferent to what they would do. She nudges them towards it, actively, up to the point where she throws herself into the fray against Hollow at a juncture that's uniquely dangerous to her and her alone just to make that option feasible.

Even when she's couching it in disclaimers that this is still Ghost's decision to make (and let's be fair, she's extremely not wrong about that lol), no one can pretend Hornet is unbiased. It's obvious in that buttoned-down Hornet kind of way that she is way the hell done with the increasingly tenuous stalemate that's kept Hallownest's desiccated corpse from collapsing in on itself. Personally it's hard for me not to read some Toriel Undertale-esque "My father was too entrenched in his own foolishness to pursue any course of action that would have DEFINITIVELY ended this" shade into her stance here, regardless of whether that's strictly true in canon.

And that bit—Hornet's hopes for an end to Hallownest's stasis, moreover her grim calculation of what needs to be done to get there—that's the bit I find super interesting but likewise tragic and depressing as shit, on multiple levels. In no small part because a) canon itself gestures towards Hornet feeling conflicted about the very plan she's pushing, and moreover b) she has at least two (2) damn good reasons to feel that way.

So, what do I mean by that? Let's look here first:

[Image description: A screenshot from Hollow Knight, of Hornet and Ghost inside the Temple of the Black Egg, standing in front of the unsealed egg itself. Hornet has been struck by the Dream Nail and her dialogue is displayed as follows: "... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?" End description.]

As the curtain is about to drop on things one way or another, Hornet thinks,

... Could it achieve that impossible thing? Should it?

Now, looking at that last bit it's easy to go "Oh no, Hornet's worried that Ghost won't survive killing The Radiance!" And I do think that's part of it: Hornet is, categorically, not her father. By endgame it's clear she's not content to view her Void-borne siblings as tools to be used then disposed of. She's also well aware that as a healthy autonomous Vessel amongst the countless dead, Ghost is the only person left alive who has a fighting chance against The Radiance. Knowing someone is the only qualified candidate for the job doesn't make encouraging them to embrace a probable death sentence any less of a bitter pill to swallow, though. And odds are on that this sentiment extends to Hollow too, who IS going to die no matter what happens here. To put it bluntly, it's more than reasonable to conclude that Hornet hates the absolute fuck out of this.

But I don't think that's all there is to it either. Remember what I said earlier about The Pale King's bids for genocide? Well, it's not like the man deigned to limit his efforts to just the moth tribe.

"We do not choose our mothers... "

On top of everything else—an infected Hallownest being all she's ever known, the fact that she only exists because of the infection, the list goes on—Hornet has spent her life wedged into a position that's been uncomfortable and terminally unglamorous at best: she is both a daughter of her father's kingdom and of Deepnest.

Deepnest, which like the moths and many others was here long before the wyrm and his lady wife swanned onto the scene and the God Become Bug laid claim to everything the Light touched plus a considerable amount of change. THAT Deepnest, which has fought claw and thread to retain its sovereignty against same-said settler king, and for which Herrah not only surrendered her life but also agreed to bed her worst enemy, all in hopes of securing a viable future for her people (put a pin in that last part by the way, I'll come back to it soon).

Two Worlds, One Family (Ft. An Indigenous Woman Trying Her Damndest To Work With What She's Got Versus An Imperialist Who Only Signed Up For This Because He Needed The Political Favor THAT Badly, So It's The Height Of Dysfunctional Actually). Fun times!!!!

The baggage this entails for Hornet is gnarly enough without implications made by The White Lady and the pre-canon timeline of events and even Team Cherry's dev notes that the king may well have looked at baby Hornet, gone "YOINK", then ensured she spent the lion's share of her childhood reared within the pearly auspices of his Pale Court*. That would be rather advantageous for Him Specifically after all, the potential to mold a born foe into a future ally and even have her trained in combat under the same tutelage as her doomed sibling. And far be it from him to stop a grown Hornet—his own flesh and blood too!—from making Deepnest her forever home if she so pleased. He totally wouldn't be reneging on his "fair bargain made" by doing this one simple thing until Hornet came of age, not t e c h nic c a l l y.

If that is indeed the case, there's a non-zero chance Hornet's formative years were a hot mess of cultural alienation and being a good deal more privy than most to just how much of a bastard her father could be. There's an equally non-zero chance that at some point she stood or sat within earshot as The Pale King finally, finally dropped all pretense and euphemism to name the Light for precisely what (for who) it was.

See, in conjunction with the question that started this whole dang train of thought I've been asking this one too: Does Hornet know? When she speaks of confronting "the heart of [the] infection" does she know she's talking about not just a literal person but someone very specific? The Radiance, who god though she may be shares skin in the game alongside Hornet as a native woman screwed over by the same settler king, likewise deprived of her kin and saddled with a life gone horrendously pear-shaped?

I'll assume for the sake of exploring the possibility and because I think it's a likely one anyway that yes, Hornet does know. She knows, and despite everything can't help empathizing. She might even look at Radiance and see bits and pieces both reflected and slightly inversed in her own mother: Radiance was forced to the sidelines while her people—her children, the brood she was meant to lead and care for—died out under The Pale King's rule, and it's no stretch to assume she's at least as upset about that as she has been about everything else; Herrah too took drastic measures for her people's sake, trying to head off annihilation by relegating herself to the sidelines in an act that was as much calculated risk as an attempt to find wiggle room and leverage in the face of a nasty proposition.

A calculated risk that, if things continue as they are, might well amount to nothing as the rest of Deepnest gets eaten alive by the infection. It survived The Pale King's advances for so so long, only to fall here. Herrah's sacrifice would be for naught; the other tribes—themselves the king's victims—would keep succumbing to the infection too.

And this is where things fall apart.

"... or the circumstance into which we are born."

Let's be clear: I think Hornet is wise enough to know what's what here, that all the carnage and suffering falls on her father's head for starting this slow-motion trainwreck in the first place. Hallownest wasn't always Hallownest. This domain was Radiance's home first, along with many others. It was the worm-turned-king who rolled up on the scene unsolicited and decided this was a ""'problem""" that had to be """solved""".

But the fact of the matter is that he's gone and The Radiance is here, raging, seemingly inconsolable. Above and beyond being Deepnest's rightful heir, Hornet isn't in a position to countenance more splash damage even if the grief and fury fueling it makes perfect sense. She can understand without ever bringing herself to love Radiance, and she can bend her knee to practicality even if she hates the everloving shit out of it because the fact that it "has" to end this way isn't fair.

This lends itself to one last awful conclusion: that Hornet has probably considered and (rightly or wrongly) discarded the possibility that Radiance can be saved, at least not without dragging more collateral along for the ride. If even her mother and every other enemy to the king seemed to dismiss talking Radiance down as an option way back when... well. Why should Hornet hope for any better after things have escalated so far?

Again, it's practical. A practical net good is what Hornet strives for. And again, it fucking sucks.

For extra tragedy points, this makes Hornet's extended crypticness around Ghost followed by her last minute casting about for a reason to tell them "Wait, don't; not just yet" that she never voices even more of a gut punch. She can't bring herself to burden Ghost with the context that haunts her so, least of all when it might weaken their resolve to go through with what (she thinks) needs doing.

It's the "same song, different verse" which led to the mantis tribe and Deepnest being pitted against each other: Hallownest rigged the game so that two women who could have been powerful allies—who have a mutual vested interest in driving out settler rule—wound up poised as enemies instead. And how awful is that? The king for all his being extremely fucking dead still gets the last laugh, because outside of a miracle the game never manifests Hornet can salvage what her mother started and look forward to a future where Deepnest pulls itself back from the brink if and only if The Radiance dies.

Resolution comes at the price of a completed genocide. Add two more dead siblings to the unconscionable pile thereof, while we're at it. That's what it boils down to whether or not Hornet can bear to articulate it as such, and there's no grace or even a properly bittersweet ending to wring from this clusterfuck. And that is rough.

———

* This has been better explained elsewhere, but a quick rundown: The White Lady tells Ghost that Hornet and Herrah "were permitted little time together." On its surface this can be taken to mean that Hornet was still very young when Herrah was shipped off to Eternal Dreamland—except this doesn't jive with the fact that we meet Hornet as an adult. If the stasis kicked in once the Dreamers went to their rest, which in turn halted the aging process for every living bug in Hallownest, AND before all this Hornet experienced little by the way of quality time with her birth mother... I think you can see where I'm going with this.

To top it off we've got Team Cherry weighing in ominously from their dev notes on Herrah: "As part of the agreement for her alliance and her role as a dreamer, King gave her a child (Hornet). Was she allowed to keep this child or was she taken away?" This isn't confirmation by itself of course, but given additional canon details (see above): Can I get a "yikes" in the chat fellas.

#hollow knight #hornet (hollow knight) #hornet hollow knight #hk hornet #the radiance #hk radiance #herrah #hk herrah #hollow knight meta #sup folks it's been a minute since i dropped a whole dang essay but Here We Go!!!!!!

[simon-egg]

Benthan Week Day 1 - Hurt/ comfort

Title: Digging In

1873 words fic with art. TW for blood, torture and injury. Physical hurt followed by comfort with a happy ending. Benji is taken and physically tortured in an unusal way.

~○~

Benji lurched forward as something connected with his torso followed by another sudden movement which caused pain to shoot up his side. His eyes snapped open.

“Get up.” Spat a voice from above.

The agent realised he was on a cold, hard floor in a dimly lit space. His chest was bare and he shivered with short gasps. With no recollection of how he got there and a dizzying feeling, he realised he had been drugged. The last thing he remembered was driving home after a long day writing up mission reports which could have been minutes or hours ago. Before his mind was clear enough to fully assess the situation he was in, he was roughly dragged to his feet. Whatever drug they had given Benji had sapped his energy and he sagged, unable to control or defend himself. Benji registered one person holding him firmly upright while another, a man with thick clothes and gloves, began to unwind a roll of barbed wire. Without hesitation, one of Benji's arms was pulled forward and the wire was pulled over his palm and roughly bent around his wrist. The barbs began slicing into his skin and Benji let out a shout of agony to which seemed to spur his captors on. Over and over again, the wire was roughly twisted around his arm at various angles, each coil bringing more barbs puncturing his skin. Grimly, Benji noted that the drug which kept him from fighting back did nothing to stop the pain. As soon as Benji thought the pain was growing too much to bear, the wire was looped through a ring bolted to the ceiling and his other arm was subjected to the same torture. This left him standing upright with his arms trapped above his head. By now whatever drug he was given had worn off enough that he could hold himself up straight. The two men stepped back and in front of Benji, seeming to gleefully eye up the state that they'd put him in.

Benji recognised the men as members of the Apostles who had not yet been tracked down. The one who had used the wire began to speak.

“You're going to die here.” He stated matter-of-factly. “Whether it takes hours or days, it doesn't matter. Just know that all you'll know until you die is pain-“

Benji tried to kick at the men which only caused himself more pain. “Why would you do this?” he choked out.

“You and your friend, Ethan, shouldn’t have tried to stop us. We may not have been able to cause mass suffering but If Ethan finds you strung up here, dead, knowing there will have been nothing he could have done to save his precious friend. That. That is enough for us now.”

Before Benji could think of a reply, the men turned and left.

He could smell his own blood which coated his arms and dripped down past his elbows, some splashed onto his chest and further to the floor with a barely audible wet sound. As time passed, his vision adjusted and he understood from the corrugated iron walls that he was in an old, rusting shipping container but with little light and no windows, he had no idea where he was or how long he had been there. All the while, the barbs caused searing pain and his muscles began to ache as he was forced to hold himself in position.

Light coming through cracks in the door and walls had brightened gradually, indicating to Benji that the sun was rising outside of the box. Some of his blood had dried to a brownish crust while fresh blood occasionally oozed. Hours continued to pass and the only thing keeping Benji from giving up completely was the hope that Ethan might find him. He had to try and stay alive because his captors were right; the thought of Ethan finding him strung up and dead was almost worse than the physical pain he was in. It was peculiar to Benji how those around him, even those he fought against seemed to immediately pick up on the bond between him and Ethan but then again, maybe it wasn’t so odd after all. They had so much faith in one another, kindness, loyalty and shared experiences that Benji found himself growing ever closer to the other agent. In fact, the feelings he had for Ethan had begun to develop past friendship after Kashmir and into something else. Benji made a promise to himself that if by some impossible miracle he was to get out alive, he would tell Ethan how he felt. With his eyes screwed shut against the pain, Benji found comfort in picturing Ethan talking to him, reassuring him, laughing at his jokes and smiling with that kind old smile that he might never see again.

The cruellest part of this torture, Benji came to realise was that despite the exhaustion, blood loss and agony which coaxed him to pass out, he simply could not allow himself to move or relax. He knew that doing so would make the barbs to twist deeper into his flesh. For now, he noted that no barbs were deep enough to hit any major blood vessels or the blood loss would have killed him by now. Despite this, he was still loosing blood and Benji began doubting that he could stay awake and tears began to sting, threatening to spill. Maybe he should give in, even if he died there, at least the dead don’t feel pain.

Benji was jerked from his thoughts by the sound of metal scraping against metal as the door was forced open and light flooded into the container.

“Benji…” Ethan’s voice echoed.

Ethan rushed closer but Benji didn't move, too physically and mentally drained to respond. He simply stared down with dull and unfocused eyes. Ethan’s gaze flicked over Benji's form, horrified at the situation Benji was in. A gentle hand was on Benji's face, and Ethan's thumb caressed his cheek.

Softly, Ethan whispered "Look at me" and after a few seconds, Benji's eyes flicked up to meet Ethan's.

“i'm so, so sorry Benji...” Ethan felt a rush of anger. He wanted to cry but he had to hold himself together for Benji. He was lucky to have found Benji alive. The two Apostles who took Benji did not anticipate just how determined and fast Ethan would be with the help of Luther who had tracked Benji's location by hacking security cameras. Luther was waiting nearby in a van.

"I can't remove the wire from your arms, it could cause more damage but I promise you, this will be over soon. I'm taking you home"

Benji was too weak to hold himself up and Ethan knew that if he simply cut Benji free, he could collapse and cause more injury. Ethan also understood that removing the barbs there and then would only cause more pain and bleeding too.

He used his left hand to steady one of Benji's arms in place above his head, careful to avoid pressure on the wire, then used a pair of cutters with his right to cut through the wire that held Benji's arm up. Ethan then slowly lowered that arm to Benji's side. He did the same to the other arm then awkwardly shuffled closer to Benji's side and manoeuvred an upper arm to rest across his neck, attempting to steady him. After failing to shuffle forwards holding Benji up like this, it became evident that Benji did not possess the strength to walk at all and Ethan didn’t want to put any pressure on his arms.

“I- I can’t, Ethan, I just-“ Benji coughed out.

“It’s okay, I’ll carry you” and Ethan resorted to gathering Benji up and carrying him out. Benji noticed the bodies of the two apostles outside and the last coherent thought he had before he passed out was thinking of how warm Ethan's arms were.

~

Benji woke up again to find himself in the back of a van. Pain continued to flare up his arms and he groaned, his chest throbbed and his head pounded. A reassuring hand stroked through his hair and realised his head was in Ethan’s lap.

“i've got you, you're going to be okay" murmured his friend. One of Ethan’s jackets had been draped over Benji's upper body to try and keep him warm for the journey and a quick glance up he could tell Luther was driving. “We’re not far from a hospital now, you’re going to be just fine.”

Luther had called ahead to notify the hospital and upon arrival they were met by a team of paramedics. Benji was taken inside and immediately given some strong pain killers along with fluids. The rest of the day passed in a haze, scans were taken of the tech’s arms to determine how close any barbs were to blood vessels, tendons and nerves. Then, Benji was sedated and the painstaking process of removing the wire began.

~

The next time Benji awoke he was relived to find that the wire had been removed from his arms and hands which were mostly covered in bandages. The painkillers had worked their magic and he mostly just felt subdued and so, so exhausted.

“I’d hold your hand if I could” Ethan murmured, catching Benji’s attention. The older agent sat in a chair next to the bed and Benji could have sworn he looked like he had been crying. The comment and Ethan’s expression caught Benji off guard and he briefly wondered if he had imagined it.

“I’m sorry.” Ethan paused, contemplating what to say. “I’ve just… come to realise how much you mean to me, I care about you so much, more than you know and it shouldn’t have taken me so long to realise and tell you that. I understand if you don’t feel the same-“

Before Ethan could continue, Benji quietly interjected “Thinking of you while I was in that place kept me going, kept me from giving up, so yes, yes I feel the same.”

“Are you sure?”

Benji perked up slightly “of course, I’m bloody sure!" He chuckled "I love you Ethan Hunt and can not be more relived that you feel the same!”

Ethan beamed and moved closer to the bed, then pressed his lips to Benji’s gently, a sweet kiss that Benji smiled into and a promise of many more in their future.

When Ethan pulled back he spoke again, “I was thinking, if you’d let me, once you are discharged from here, can I come back with you? To your place? You won’t be able to do much without full use of both arms for a while and I want to help you. I want to be there for you and if I’m with you I’ll be able to make sure you’re safe. Not that you’re not capable of looking after yourself I just-, while you recover which I know will take some time, both physically and mentally”

Benji grinned, feeling a wave of affection for Ethan “of course, I’d love to have your company… and maybe you could stick around with me after I’m mostly healed?”

“That sounds like a plan.”

#benthan #benji dunn #ethan hunt #my fic #my art #I will post this to AO3 later but I am at work right now so can't. i'm not finishing until past 10 pm and want this posted today. #I know it's far from perfect. i've published one other fic in my life and know i'm not a great writer it's okay to not like it I understand #and I don't plan on being a writer or anything #but I did put effort into this and hope people enjoy it!! I just lack writing experiance y'know. #benthanweek2021

[topweeklyupdate]

TØP Weekly Update #142: A Formidable Album (5/21/21)

So... how 'bout that album release week?

There's so much to cover; the release of nine new songs, the hype that's building for the World's Best Band to return to the stage, and (if we're able to come up for air) the massive speculation of what the future brings for our band.

I'm gonna get right into it, laying out my thoughts regarding this bold new album and covering all the most notable news from the week. I'll be sharing my (mostly) positive opinions about Scaled and Icy under the Read More line; I hope they're the start of a fun conversation with all of y'all who have stuck around through this last year.

Scaled and Icy Review

First, my general thoughts on the album: It's good! Really good. Do I think it's a no-skip like Vessel or a cohesive piece of art like Trench? Absolutely not! But it's also not the potential misfire that I worried that we might be getting when I first heard "Saturday" (more on that later); I think all of the songs are at least good, and some of them are downright great tracks that hold up with anything else that our band has ever released. It is also indisputably very different, but I think that generally works pretty well. Many of the songs evoke '60s rock or Britpop sounds and structures that you can tell Tyler is still trying to navigate, but I think he does a very solid job at adapting them to suit his strengths- namely his lyricism and knack for melody- rather than change to suit them. Unfortunately, this does result in a bit of square-peg-in-round-hole syndrome at times; most of the rap verses on the album feel like they're here just to fulfill an obligation to fans who would be mad if they weren't here, and most of the songs that use them are the weakest ones in the project.

"Good Day" plays a major role in getting the rest of the album to work as well as it does. Its gradual ramp-up, introducing the sound that will be used throughout the rest of the album. Its playfulness belies its message about how one can project a somewhat false optimism for oneself in the midst of tragedy: the type of dark stuff in a bright package that Tyler is so so good at. It's perhaps not an instant classic, but I am excited to see how it comes across when it's eventually used as a show-opener. 9/10

I've of course already discussed "Shy Away"; an anthemic, inimitably catchy track that I just wish had a bit more going on under the hood. Still going to be so good to hear thousands of voices scream "An 'I LOVE YOU' that isn't words!" someday. 9.5/10

"Choker" definitely took a little bit to grow on me. I think part of that was a bit of disappointment from over-inflated expectations and the environment I was in when I first heard it. With further listens, I fall more and more in love with the melody of the song... well, most of it. Like the rest of this album, the biggest weakness in the song is when Tyler tries to tick the box of having a rap verse; it just feels really out of place, unfinished, and almost amateurish, and it doesn't end the song on the note that it really should. Without it, it'd be one of my favorites on the album; with it, "Choker" is a solid 8.5/10.

Speaking of unfinished-sounding songs really hurt by their rap verse: "The Outside". There's a definite something to the vibe of the song, but that seemingly nonsensical verse is one of the two weakest parts of the entire project for me. The way the song meanders only adds to the feeling that there wasn't as much energy and attention paid to it compared to other parts of the project. It's pretty easily my least favorite track on Scaled and Icy, and the only one I might regularly skip. I've also seen plenty of people saying it's the best song on the album, so please tell me why I'm wrong! 6.5/10

"Saturday", as mentioned above, had me really nervous about this album. Like "Choker", it's grown on me a bit since I first heard it, in part because it fits better with the context of the rest of the album. However, this one really does feel undercooked lyrically and overreliant on the novelty of using a disco-inspired sound that seems to chase trends more than almost any other TØP track. The inclusion of that very sweet audio clip from Jenna boosts the song in some ways, but also adds to the disappointment in others; there are many other songs on this project that would be more worth surrendering time watching Friends. Thankfully, those come next. 7/10

"Never Take It" is fascinating. I never thought I'd hear a Rolling Stones-style song from Tyler Joseph featuring a gd guitar solo of all things, and it actually sounds pretty great. However, I also predict that this song will see some of the greatest critical scrutiny out of all the songs on the album. The lyrics seem to be Tyler's criticism of the media for playing up division in our society, but he's extremely vague when discussing which entities are spreading said division and ultimately recommends that people "educate yourself, but never too much". I'll be honest: maybe it's the fact that it sounds like something my dad would listen to, but it feels like this would get tons of play on Fox News. Since it makes specific reference to the events of last summer, it's hard not to feel like song is at least partially inspired by Tyler's brush with cancellation last year. Maybe I'm reading too deeply into it, but those reservations come from the song's lack of specificity, which is an issue of songwriting more than politics. They hold me back from truly loving a song that still manages to be one of the most exciting the band has ever put out. 8.5/10

"Mulberry Street" seems like the perfect realization of the entire album's intended tone. It is so pleasant, so lush while also simply produced, full of great lyrics, metaphors, and imagery. It really brings the whole project together, even if it's missing That One Line to really move this up to the top tier of the canon. 9.5/10

"Formidable" is the best song on the album and one of two songs I would truly rank in the top tier of the band's canon. Extremely pleasant and brimming with well-crafted lines to make your heart swoon. Jenna (and Rosie) is (are) a lucky gal(s). Or is it about Josh? Who's to say? 10/10

"Bounce Man" is just plain wild. I think Tyler's smuggling someone to Mexico to escape the feds? The playfulness of it all really covers up any frustration I might have with the clarity; it makes it clear that there's not really stakes here, just vibes. 8.5/10

"No Chances" sees the album take a turn that I'm sure the Reddit Clique is going to have an absolute field day with; it and "Redecorate" both sound quite different from the rest of the album and evoke enough elements of Trench to make me think that's it's actually possible that all this 'SAI is Propaganda' stuff might actually have something to it... until I actually pick apart the lyrics, then I'm even more confused. The song has some of the best rapping on the album, though that's not saying much (the feng shui line is a groaner right out the gate) and the gentle pre-chorus is really pleasant. I still haven't made up my mind on whether the chorus is effective or just plain goofy. This one might get worse or better on repeat listens, impossible to say for now. 7.5/10

"Redecorate" rounds out the album by opening with a Clancy quote (Tyler, you bastard), firmly setting this as a coda to Trench more than the album we just listened to. The rest of the song is really storytelling, with Tyler describing a bunch of people who are struggling deeply. The idea of "redecorating" here stands for how they are faced with the option to clean and resort their own spaces and lives or leave that to their loved ones to do after they're gone. By the time it gets to the album's name drop, you begin to wonder how much of this is potential autobiographical of the last year. It's moving stuff, a callback to some of the great strengths of the band's discography. 10/10

If I average those scores all up, this project ranks below almost every album among the Pilots discography on my rating scale, very narrowly edging out Self-Titled. That's still a very solid 8.6. Scaled and Icy is a very good album on first listen. We'll see how I feel about it after having a little more time to sit with it, but I've rambled enough: let's move through the rest of the week's news.

Other News

Of course, there was a lot else going on this week! To accompany the release of "Saturday", Zane Lowe over at Apple Music dropped an interview with Tyler. As usual, Zane did a pretty solid job of getting to the heart of the craft and the creation process. However, Tyler also wound up skirting a lot of the questions to just talk more about how much he loves being a dad, which makes me happy; if the cost of getting a little less attention and mental energy devoted to the music is that little girl getting all of his attention, that's honestly preferable for me.

The album rollout is not even close to over. Later today, the concert will be streamed live. It's our first real performance that we've gotten from the band since 2019, but the previews that we've seen have completely exceeded any of my expectations, and really anything that we've seen from the band. It appears that they've transformed the entire arena (which I think is the ol' Schott at Ohio State) into a whole TØP world, with different sets laden with Easter eggs and a cast of backup dancers. If the website can hold up to the traffic (and I acknowledge that might be a big ask), this could really live up to Tyler's promise of this being the best livestreamed concert ever.

Oh, and this guy dyed his hair pink.

What a time to be a fan. Catch you all tomorrow.

Power to the local dreamer.

|-/

#twenty one pilots #scaled and icy #tyler joseph #josh dun #good day #shy away #choker #the outside #saturday #never take it #mulberry street #formidable #bounce man #no chances #redecorate #top weekly update