#I'm asexual myself and I appreciate that there's a romance without sex involved | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

shychick-52 · 11 months

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My boi Jughead and how I discovered I was aspec (long post)

(Reposted from my defunct blog)

So, to start off, I'm cishet. But all my life, I've felt different. Even as a teenager I never had the desire to have a boyfriend, or so much as date anybody. I never even crushed on anybody. I've never kissed anyone in my life. And... yeah, I'm a- yeah, you get the idea. I've never been turned on by anyone or anything in my life.

Well into my adulthood, I stopped thinking I was a late bloomer and that something was seriously fucking wrong with me. I felt like a robot or an alien. I felt like a freak. I always hated myself for it, but at the same time, I could never force myself to fall in love or feel attraction or even try hooking up with anybody (as tempted as I've been, just to feel like a normal human being), let alone get married. I always knew, as abnormal as it was, I was happier single and free. I just never cared about it or wanted it, period. But I still hated myself, and felt like a total abnormal weirdo.

On the other hand, it's not that I fail to appreciate that somebody's good-looking. I can sometimes appreciate somebody's looks, but without having any desire to get to know them, let alone sleep with them. But it's not like I even always notice a person's looks; sometimes it stands out to me, sometimes not. And my eyes or thoughts never gravitate to their ass at all.

And here's the interesting thing, and this is important for later. I actually enjoy scenes in media (even fanfiction) where a couple is dating or snuggling or talking cute to one another- I'm a total sucker for fluff in fiction, I admit! It's sweet, it's adorable, it gives me all the feels! And even though it's never been a priority at all in my life, I admit that if I got to know somebody well enough- very well- maybe I could see myself dating them and experiencing those sweet, special, fuzzy moments too (which is why I identity as demiromantic).

...But for the most part, I draw the line at sex (including foreplay), whether in fiction or my own life. ESPECIALLY pure smut or anything hardcore.

I've always related very strongly to Jughead Jones from the Archie comics. Even as a kid, he was my favorite character. He never cared about romance or dating; in fact, it totally repelled him. He literally ran from girls! Hormone-driven the boy was not, unlike his friends! And... unlike me, he totally didn't question it. He was comfortable in his 'weirdness', he embraced it, he totally accepted himself. I always envied how he was so cool with being so out-of-place in society and not caring what others thought of him. Like me, ol' Juggy was much happier enjoying food or a good nap. I used to wonder if Jughead was gay, except he never wanted to be involved with anybody.

Then in 2015, Archie Comics rebooted their flagship title. And Jughead- who'd been around since the 40s like the rest of the Archie gang, LONG before being ace or aro was even a thing- was officially established as ace in the rebooted comic (but nothing was mentioned about him being aro too/aroace, oddly enough, but it was still strongly implied he is).

That was the very first time I'd heard of the term 'asexual.' I was intrigued, as well as curious. So, I looked it up... and suddenly, EVERYTHING. MADE. SENSE. About Jughead, and more importantly, myself. Around the same time, I also discovered the term 'aromantic', which equally applies to Jughead. Jughead is, and always has been... aroace.

On the aspectrum, I'm demiromantic and sex-repulsed. I'm more tolerant with sex scenes in media- and maybe the idea of sex for me personally- if it's deep and meaningful in a long-time relationship already built on love, trust, and respect. And tbh, I think I'm a little demisexual too (although mostly ace) because of those strong values of mine. I don't ever want to have sex with anybody, but if I did, I would only want it to be with somebody I've established a real bond with and have known/trusted for a long time.

To this day, even after learning that I'm aspec and that I'm NOT alone, I still struggle with accepting myself. It's not nearly as bad as it used to be. But it's still something I go through.

Oh. And here's a perfect example of how they could've totally brought in more ace/aroace representation in Hollywood, but fucked up... on the worst level imaginable. CW's Riverdale, which came out in 2017. You'd think they would've stuck to the decades-long source material with Jughead, right? Especially after he'd been officially established as aroace in recent years, right? WRONG. They put him in a relationship with Betty. And a few other women on the show, but mostly Betty.

FRIGGING WHAT? JUGHEAD'S ALWAYS BEEN A LONE WOLF, HE DOESN'T DO RELATIONSHIPS- THAT'S HIS BIGGEST TRAIT (aside from eating). To break decades worth of canon is just inexcusable, but especially after they FINALLY establish him as aroace and give some much needed representation... I can't fucking even. Just. WHAT. And Archie Comics was actually behind the show, so they REALLY have no excuse. Even Cole Sprouse, Jughead's actor, was pissed.

#aspec #asexual #aromantic #demiromantic #demisexual #aroace #jughead jones

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feverwildehopps · 6 years

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OK so I know you said not to bother you about that, but I don't think this ask is actually about _that_. If it is, then ignore the question and answer "do you prefer pencils or pens when writing notes?". --- I thought you were ace? Are you not _romantically_ ace, or...? Is a crush different than, ahem... "love"? I'm just a little confused here. One of my friends said he's ace and has no interest in personal romance or intimacy; he's my only basis for "ace", though.

This question is fine. Ok so, to clarify some common confusion: asexuality isn’t a black and white issue - meaning it varies from person to person, (which is why how I define myself as ace sounds different from how your friend defines himself) but what we have in common is only a lack of sexual attraction to males, females, or any other gender. However this does NOT mean aces CANT be attracted to any gender in alternative ways:

Do aces experience sexual attraction? No. Greys/Demis can. Do aces experience romantic, platonic, sensual, and aesthetic attraction? Yes, yes, yes, and yes, they definitely can (all and/or some of those at least) because those aren’t sexual attraction - like I said, they are just other ways to show affection. Asexuals are free to fall in love, desire a romantic relationship, and marry because if sex without love can exist in some non-aces, then a loving relationship without sex involved can exist too (like what I want). Can aces be in a romantic relationship and have sex without desiring the sex part in particular? Yes, they can. See, it’s all about the ‘desire’ that defines whether or not someone is ace. Asexuals are free to have crushes, because that’s a romantic attraction to someone and a desire for a romantic relationship with them. Asexuals are free to have 'squishes’, which is an aromantic crush; a desire for a strong platonic relationship with someone. [Example: imagine this being how non-shippers see Nick and Judy’s relationship with each other. They said they love each other, (”-you know you love me” “-do I know that? yes, yes I do”) but it isn’t seen romantically to the non-shippers so Nick and Judy are basically each other’s 'squish’ to them]Asexuals are free to have sensual attractions. They can desire sensual, non-sexual things with certain people. Take hugs, cuddles, kisses, and even making out for example. Aka “tactile sensuality”. Asexuals are free to have aesthetic attractions. They aren’t attracted to/desire a person romantically or otherwise, they simply really appreciate their appearance. They can find some people aesthetically pleasing. In other words “pretty”, “hot”, “beautiful”, “handsome”, “gorgeous”. Being ace doesn’t make us blind to someone’s good looks or simply hate people… unless you are a legally blind asexual who hates people but that’s besides the point ^^;Back to regarding your friend, the way he describes himself sounds more accurately like being “aromantic” than being “asexual” but I /could/ be wrong! That’s just how it sounded to me at first when you described him. Anyway,,, to elaborate an “aromantic” person is someone who doesn’t experience romantic attraction. (asexuals can and that’s what makes aces different from aros) There’s no need for an aromantic to pair up with/marry another person for romantic reasons. (sometimes they do it to help pay bills/taxes or something) and that’s totally okay. Aros can’t help what they don’t feel. Though aromantics are capable of feeling love - platonic love like as that between a parent and child or best friends is still love.Also yes, it is totally possible for someone to be both asexual and aromantic. (I’m not explicitly saying your friend is this, I’m just saying being aro/ace is a thing) Sexual orientation and romantic orientation are two separate types of orientations. Finally yes, I am romantically ace. I have crushes, I fall in love, I like sensuality, and I find certain people attractive. Mostly I want to show someone I love them and for them to love me back. Soooo there you have it.

#long post #lgbt+#ask the fever

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