#I'm getting mad at a children's book about cats

[not-the-cheese]

one sentence summaries of every TMA episode

(1-60 i'll add more soon)

part 2 up!

world's most effective anti-smoking PSA

man DOES NOT open coffin. everyone claps.

woman is judgemental towards neighbor even though she has hobbies that are just as weird.

book makes multiple people fall off chair.

man finds bag of teeth and decides he absolutely needs to fuck around and find out.

worm sti.

there was a SCARY MAN in the WAR.

fuck this tree

well at least ted bundy was a great father :)

i'm like 55% sure vampires are real and i'm willing to take those odds

bitches be dying. you're next.

we kill this man because he made the soda too warm.

sorry ur husband's dead. maybe get some help.

Unbox with me ! (GONE WRONG)

hah i'm safe from this one because i have decided to Never Go Into a Cave Ever.

man is so annoying about this spider that even his cat can't be bothered

man's bully finds a book about a Bone Turner and subsequently begins turning people's bones.

this guy sucks at DIY home improvement

aw maybe this priest didn't do anything THAT bad!

oh fuck nevermind

THE SKY ATE MY SON.

the worms stole my identity. i haven't left the house in days.

man beats german children at game of bravery and wins a coin (he later loses this coin)

my ex boyfriend gets casted in the muppets and dies

sorry mom, i've abandoned jesus for a new religion : jesus in the dark.

tall squiggly and HANDsome

old man arm wrestles demon through door knob

the buzzfeed unsolved guys finally catch a ghost but it's their sound tech

immortality but at what cost

working at the big meat factory was so traumatizing it made me vegetarian

i go to america and get almost killed by a furry

well if you love that wasp nest so much why don't you MARRY it (and then she did)

antisocial boat crew bands together to exclude one guy from a midnight party. he dies from the rejection.

bone apple teeth

remember when that norwegian guy threw a tantrum about us not digging a hole? turns out we were right to not dig that hole.

babe come over my parents have taken ill and passed away

man fucks around and it costs him everything

HOMOPHOBIC CHINESE VASE

oh god oh fuck the worms are here

thank you for participating in worms! please rate your wormsperience from 1 to 10.

the wormsperience has left me deeply scarred. i'm going to get lost in a tunnel about it.

🎸music makes me loose control🎸

spooky stories to tell at the next police slumber party

child threatens to run away and join the circus one too many times, and now the circus has come to cash in.

these mosquitoes are mad sus

man frequents local barnes and noble and then dies(?) after liking a book too much.

realtor gets eaten by the backrooms twice. it's a terrible shame.

both me and this weird goth dude have an unsatisfying italy vacation

guy who turns people's bones gets a new job where he continues to turn people's bones.

man who should never be allowed to build prisons builds a prison.

Something Big Is In The Water.

what if u heard me about 15 feet behind you fumbling around and calling out ur name 😳 (and we were both prison guards)

i'm going to be honest i didn't retain anything from this episode except that this guy has the silliest old man voice ever

everybody hates the tax man, including these creepy taxidermy animals

hmmgh. ant house.

so turns out being only 55% sure that vampires are real in my career as a vampire hunter has had some consequences.

the only thing keeping you company in space is your abandonment issues

🎶 the snack that smiles back 🎶 (my husband!)

maybe the real treasure was the house siblings we encased in spider web along the way.

your dead brother wrote books about ancient myths and WHAT

Part 2

#i hope this convinces you to listen to tma #podcast #the magnus archives #martin blackwood #tma #jon sims #sasha james #podcasts #gay podcasts #tim stoker #elias bouchard #peter lukas

[nalyra-dreaming]

Heey, I've finished Memnoch, and I'm evidently among those crazy people who enjoy it a lot. Although it would land differently if I didn't read ahead. The further I go, the more this wet cat of a man entices me. PL Lestat did something to my brain, I will probably love all the mad shenanigans now. + The ending made a lot of sense after TVA and Blood and Gold. I kiiind of regret I've skipped this part at first, though, because now I'm curious what the ending would do to me without spoilers 🤣

So, a question. How did Armand's religious frenzy look for you when other novels haven't come out yet? I'm not sure I would have understood it the same way only with his TVL chapter. And what did you think in general with the context of what Anne was saying at the time? It kinda did feel like she didn't want to write about them anymore and wanted to explore something else. So I get why people would be confused.

By now I enjoy it a lot as well!! It grew on me on second reread, which is not that far back actually, and was followed by a pause and then a third. There is a lot in there and a lot that makes one think, and a lot... crazy stuff *laughs*

So this was, by statement, supposed to be the last book. Then. She did not want to write them anymore, indeed.

Which, you might imagine, was devastating, with that ending.

Armand gone up in flames, others, too. Lestat mad, jaded and slinking into obscurity.

I didn't touch the books for the longest time.

I'm not sure I can answer your question wrt to Armand and his religious frenzy. It's... been a while (maybe others want to add on with their experiences here?!) - I just remember that reading it all... was devastating.

Louis, crying and begging at the locked doors. The absolute despair in it all, in the grief of losing Armand.

Lestat saying: "Adieu, mon amour." the last thing in the book.

The whole book screams for some answers. Answers that are still denied in the end. Was it the Devil? Was it God? Was it purgatory? Did Armand sacrifice himself there for anything that is true? Or was it just a futile gesture, which brought only pain, no relief... I can understand the utter shock to the system actual proof had to produce in Armand - him, a child of the Children of Satan, being confronted with the actual proof within this universe.

It must have been devastating as well, emotionally, and for his soul.

So much of what he believed he had left behind and overcome... crushing him now.

Now, TVA followed. Merrick. Blood and Gold. Pandora. Blackwood Farm. Blood Canticle. I picked them up at some point, somewhat disbelievingly.

I did not really enjoy them the first time, after Memnoch the wound was still open, the yearning to get back to Lestat for some kind of resolution for him and Louis quite strong. The blow had been intense, and Merrick promised... and then the other books did not deliver. And Blood Canticle felt absolutely OOC, though I find it has its place now in his arc. Now.

Because back then I could not have dreamed that Anne would finish the arcs. Or some at least. Would pick up the threads for Louis, Lestat and even Claudia once more, reshape them. I had not dreamed that the last trilogy would give them resolution.

Would close so many wounds.

I'm older now. I understand a lot more about trauma, and pain, and loss, and how these things shape us.

I read these books now quite differently. Their voices sound differently in my mind. I know why Anne had to let Louis go, and why she struggled so hard. I can feel the pain of loss and the wish to find a higher purpose in the tale.

So yeah^^. Reading it back then without the other books... was indeed something^^. But I do enjoy rereading it now too. :)

#bark-han #asks #ask nalyra #memnoch the devil #vc #the vampire chronicles #armand #lestat de lioncourt #louis de pointe du lac

[bonefall]

GOD THE ERIN'S THING WITH BIO PARENTS I'm rereading the series and I just got to Hollyleaf's death in The Last Hope and it makes me so mad how Leafpool is the only one who comforts her. Jayfeather only gets to shake and Squirrelflight is just fucking vibing in the background in a battle patrol. Fallen Leaves is more upset than her. SO mad so mad so mad

MAN LIKE... Please understand that I'm saying this with Leafpool love in my Leafpool heart. But it frustrates me immensely that the books went in the direction they did with the parentage of the three. There's SO much wrong here

The plot seems to believe, just post-reveal, that Squilf has to pretend like she doesn't love them so that Ashfur won't kill them (the fuck??)

As if Firestar would just ALLOW an attempted fucking murderer to hang out in his Clan???

Like, go back and read it, she says, "Go ahead Ashfur, kill them, you won't hurt me if you do. They are not my kits." LIKE??

Ashfur: "Wow I totally believe you! I just tried to murder 3 people including a medcat in cold fucking blood and all of you are witnesses now, but rats! I've been foiled! Fire scene cancelled!"

I remember reading this as a kid and being like "This scene sucks. Ashfur would never. Squilf loves her children. 1000000000 lionblazes kill this man now" and little Bones was SO correct

Brambleclaw ABANDONING HIS CHILDREN is just never properly addressed. He was willing to cover up murder earlier in the book for Holly but the minute he finds out they didn't come out of Squilf he's like "nevermind"

He throws a tantrum for all of OotS and then, only at the end, when Squilf calls out that he's throwing his whole family away because he's mad at her, does he reconsider any of his actions.

I think he's entitled to being upset and having his negative emotions, but NOT in how he ended up treating all these people who have been nothing but adoring and apologetic towards him. But nope, no deeper reckoning with that, Squilf does a Cosgrove ass "Hey! Cut it out!" and that's it.

And Leafpool gets put through this too. Leafpool is now completely and fully considered their mom, comforting them as their parent post-reveal. She didn't raise them and yet it's just considered normal that she's the one with a bunch of emotionally soothing scenes with her biokits

Like... I love the idea of her finally being able to acknowledge something she's hidden for so long. But, these cats never saw her as a mother. She was their aunt and their whole life has been rearranged, the emotions they're facing towards this reveal are nothing but negative. Their "father" has also disowned them, treating their mother like shit, and Squilf is keeping her distance believing this is all her own fault.

The feelings here should be SUPER complicated, and that's really JUICY!! We were ROBBED of something waaaay more emotional because of this bizarre commitment to treating bioparents as always better than adopted ones.

OotS kills meee mannn

OH and don't even get me started on how they needed to make Squilf pregnant with Bramblestar's kits in the end because they don't believe adopted kids are equal to bio ones, but also couldn't commit to making their precious Bramble into a bad person who remained adamant about cutting off all his old "family." Alder and Spark should have been Jessy kits and I'll die on this hill

(and also jessy should have cat divorced him after. and also commit to bramble being a toxic parent.)

#bone babble

[nanistar]

may i ask why you hate mapleshade? like is it more of a fandom thing/author thing or do you just not like her character? sorry if thats a weird question lol

i think the idea behind her character is cool but the erins are the erins and they fucked it up imo. also the way the fandom treats any discussion about her and other characters in her book is so annoying i cannot stand going into the mapleshade tag on tumblr

which is a shame cause like i said, i really like the concept of her character and i feel like it had alot of potentional

not a weird question, i get it. i gotta start by saying i have no ill will against people who like mapleshade or even like the points i'm about to say. btw! sorry this is long i got really into it

starting chronologically (according to canon, not publication)(publication order is: all ivypool darkforest books (2011 and prev) crookeds promise (2011), great battle (last hope 2012, she permadies here) and maples vengeance (2015)

i actually really liked mapleshade's vengeance, all things considered. it comes last in the mapleshade storyline according to publication date, and up until then we really didn't know much about her, and i believe this is where she gets a personality other than "random DF lady" and "rude ghost villain". the erins are not good writers by any means, but i felt that mapleshade's internal monologue and the way she saw the world was genuinely pretty decent. they portrayed her as obsessive and manipulative and as an unreliable narrator. it was one of the first books i read upon returning to the fandom in 2018 and it was a thrill to read, because i hadn't been spoiled on it.

the erins have a habit of writing surprise/accidental pregnancies as plot points, which has the implication of like… flings/one night stands. it's best not to think about it. it's pretty obvious upfront that appledusk is not as in to her as she is in to him, but she doesn't see it. she talks about him in her narrations as a sweet and loving man and talks about their family and future together, but when we the readers finally see him, he's calloused and doesn't really care about her. i think she even sees him with reedshine at a gathering and gets mad before she thinks "oh he's just doing that so no one gets suspicious" (not quoting or anything, i havent read the novel since 2018) girl. their relationship was obviously just a fling to him, but to her they were in love. i liked the way this was written as opposed to all the other times in warriors weve seen a man have a hissy fit because a girl rejected him. (ashfur is the glaring example but also crowfeather, brambleclaw) her denial and refusal to accept what she was seeing (that she was the side piece) was the interesting part.

she has her children and then ravenwing spills the beans. why on earth would he do that? why would it benefit the clan or anyone? from a logistical standpoint, thunderclan lost 3 potential new warriors and mapleshade never implied she was going to riverclan. anyway, he didn't even have proof. he just assumed. i think he rightfully got what was coming for him, since if he would have kept his mouth shut, 7 cats including himself wouldn't have died. sorry mini rant i don't like him. anyway we know the rest of the story. kits die, maple kills ravenwing for telling her secret, she kills frecklewish for not helping (no, she couldn't have jumped in to save the kits without probably dying herself but she COULD have stood up for maple in thunderclan, and she was upstream so she could have yelled out and warned maple of the flood but im NOT getting into that and i dont care) and then she goes to kill reedshine but kills appledusk instead. did he deserve it? he was kinda a dick but mapleshade was like stalker-obsessed with him (i think she uses the phrase "my appledusk" in her narration but i might be wrong) after what was ostensibly a one night stand. perchpaw wounds mapleshade to the point where once she flees the scene, she dies of blood loss. cool

the story of a mothers love (and a mother's loss) is an age-old tale. in a franchise where all female characters are doomed to become boring cookie-cutter mothers, this loss and violent rage was awesome.

everyone told me to read crookedstar's promise, because it was the best super edition. i.. do not agree with that. tbh i thought it was long and boring and went nowhere. crookedstar suffered many tragedies in his life, and he lost everyone he loved, and then the book suddenly ends with him going "im ok (:" and dying. (i was reading a pdf and not a physical copy so it was VERY abrupt for me. i legit sat there like.. so that's it? i read 500+ pages for that?) i can't really blame mapleshade for this (since shes not real) but it does factor in. her idea of revenge against appledusk was to torture an injured baby? who then grew up and had no idea who the fuck appledusk was? why not raise him and give him the love he craved so that when the time came, he would be more likely to do her bidding?? her motives here make no sense. not super important. anyway.

and then she's seen occasionally in the dark forest and she tries to drown ivypaw for no reason once. idk she was obviously just a background character in these scenes (since they came first) but the fans saw a female in the dark forest and were like. thank god a woman. can you blame them. then the erins built her up from that.

anyway mapleshade has this generations long story of manipulating younger cats, and a POV book where she's obviously obsessive, controlling, stalkerish and chooses brutally uncommon violence as a way to get back at those who wrong her. (she unburies ravenwing's body so crows can eat it, and she uses adders to kill frecklewish, despite the fact the snakes could easily go for her.) she puts HERSELF in danger to do these things because she's impulsive, she justifies all her actions to herself by saying its revenge for her children and in the end, she pushes the last remnants of the kittens she thinks she's fighting for away. this is a cool story about a woman who's pushed to the edge and takes everyone down with her. for ONCE its not a man with deadwifepain.

and what does the fandom do

they girlbossify her. they fight over if she's in the wrong or not (she is. she killed people.) they take everything about her that made her compelling and turn her into "grr my husband cheated on me and me kids are dead. sad." she gets turned into the most basic, boring, cookie cutter "evil" lady. she kills people for fun and not because she had a reason to or a goal (in her mind). she suffers the most tragic kind of loss that there is and gets no time to grieve before she is run out of her home, and her reaction to this is pure RAGE, and the fandom turns her into this boring, slay QUEEN!!! (not the pregnant cat kind), always been evil, always been hardcore, ~So CrAzY~, "my eyeliner is sharp to stab men" girlboss. where's the nuance. where's the passion!!? she's a miserable, impulsive, manipulating failure. she blames others for her mistakes and bad judgment and punishes others for her shortfallings. she can't be vulnerable and broken, she can only cry because dead kids and then kill evil husband and evil husbands wife. she's even sometimes portrayed as like "boss" of the dark forest, wrangling all the men. barf.

so to answer your question, it's the general fandom* portrayal that i hate, but i honestly wouldn't trust the erins with her at this point. (the erins are influenced by their fans, for example (old person voice) back in my day, firestar and scourge being brothers was just a fan theory.) i'm glad they permakilled her in the great battle so they cant bring her back to ruin anything. actually thinking about her to write this out and reflect on why i don't like her made me sympathize for her. i like text mapleshade with a little bit of fanon sprinkled in for flavor.

and hey. usually when the fandom adopts a character, they're right. the fandom likes to get really in to random bg/side characters and give them lives they would never have in canon. but sadly (or not, depending on your opinion), when those get popular and breach containment, they spread everywhere and suddenly people think this IS canon. look at how many of us thought that brambleclaw killed hawkfrost directly after he killed hollyleaf, because that was the easy way to portray the great battle in MAPs, only to have someone point out, years after this has become the common sequence of events, that brambleclaw actually hunts him down, brings him back to camp, and then murders him POW style!!!

*btw. im in no way saying that all mapleshade-based projects or aus or whatever are bad, even if she is sexy girlboss in them. some of my favorite maps portray her like that.

anyway. TLDR:

everyone say "i'm sorry mapleshade"

#mapleshade #sorry this is long and if i got facts incorrect i dont really care #apologize to mapleshade for what weve done

[howdoesagrapewrites]

𝙇𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙛𝙖𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙨𝙤𝙣

"That demon butler looks familiar"

A/N: Like I've said as grape anon, I have this headcanon that Sebastian Michaelis is MC's and Barbatos kid. So here's some family fluff <3 Also Sebastian isn't his real name, but for the sake of this, it is now

Barbatos x female!afab!reader (reader gets pregnant and is referred to as "mom")

>You didn't want to rush kids, after all, Barbatos work was absorbing, you were always aware and comfortable with it, but raising a half demon was a tough job to do without help

>However, because of his powers, Barbatos knew you were getting pregnant soon, so you talked about it in all seriousness, and to be honest, the most excited party was Diavolo

>Diavolo even started working harder so Barbatos could be there for you through your pregnancy

>While your husband was making sure the castle would be baby proof, the prince was buying cute little onesies

>The naming bit was... Complicated, As a human, you saw no problems with names like María, or Fyodor, also the demons assured you that they wouldn't take the meaning in consideration, but your life in the Devildom showed you God wasn't the nicest of guys, so naming your baby something like "gift from God"... kinda awkward

>"I like Gabri- shit, that's an angel"

>In the end, there was one name that caught your eye and Barbatos: Sebastian

>"Sebastian" meaning "revered and honorable", inspired by the city of Sebastia (now Divas)

>Even though Barbatos didn't want to use his powers to know the gender of the baby, there was something telling you it would be a boy

>When baby Sebastian finally arrived, you had never seen Barbatos look so joyous, he looked at you and the baby like you were the most precious thing he had ever seen (bc you are)

>He didn't want anyone seeing you two for the first hours after the birth, he just wanted to be with you like nothing else in the world mattered, like there was nothing outside of your room

>"Would you allow me keep you two all to myself just for now? I just need a moment with the most majestic beings in the all the three realms"

>He cries, doesn't let anyone else see it, but he cries. And still tears up a little when he remembers you two made a whole entire being just because you love each other. It's a lot, specially because he was never a child

>Of course he is a pro at children, he raised Diavolo. But sometimes he does feel like he can't be the best parent because of this

>And of course he wants to be the best parent, he has the best child and the best wife

>Sebastian always looked up to his father, but he was the role model, he's a total momma's boy

>Doesn't like when Barbatos does butlery things for you, he gets all pissy and says "I'm mommy's butler! You're dad!"

>Treats Diavolo like a sibling, but he acts like they're close in age

>Runs to his office with candy and tells him "shhh, don't be loud, or dad will get mad"

>Says he likes mommy better but literally squeals when he gets to "help" his dad do something

>Thanks to the constant exposure to Barbatos, he talks really formal, the kid's five and saying "Dad will be most displeased if he finds me eating these cookies" but kind of switches when he's near you or the brothers and a talks like a normal child

>It's not that he feels unrecognized by his father, but because of Barbato's nature, he's always trying to prove that he can do things (even small ones) by himself

>He's eight now! He's a big boy! He can tie his shoelaces!

>It's you that always thanked him saying "Thank you Sebastian, you're one hell of a butler" and he just... Kept that, forever

>Was literally born a perfectionist and will throw a tantrum if someone messes with his toys, only Barbatos can calm him when he's like that

>Out of everyone, his uncle Satan is his favorite, he's always borrowing books from him and Satan was the first one to show him the world of cat loving

>Likes Lucifer but thinks is funnier to mess with him rather than to spend time with him

>Ages very fast for demons, his parents know this but still it's really weird for most demons

>I headcanon that every demon has a particular sin (Barbatos being greed because of his lightstick) and he's a wrath demon

>His "true form" it's actually him using his powers to scare the shit out of Diavolo

>When he's working for Ciel, he still visits, but he tries to get his professional life absolutely distant from his personal life

>So he's much less perfect prim and proper in reality, that's just him being professional

>Talks shit about EVERYONE during the holidays in the devildom

>"I mean, how can you forget to prepare a bath?! That's servant 101! It's like these humans aren't good for anything!"

>"...Sorry mom, you and me both know I'm not referring to you"

#barbatos x you #om! barbatos #shall we date barbatos #obey me barbatos #Obey me x reader #obey me x mc #Barbatos x mc #barbatos fluff #sebastian michaelis

[artist-issues]

As much as I adore Lilo & Stitch: The Series and Kim Possible, I don't think my brain returns to any Saturday Cartoon Adventures more than:

Aladdin: The Series - Remember the one where the cat goddess is kidnapping children and turning them into monsters? Or the one where there's a prophecy that Aladdin will die? Or the one where Genie is being hunted by the last of a race of magic-vampires? Or the one where Aladdin is being possessed by the vanquished sorcerer Mozenrath's (what a name) spirit through his magic glove? Or the one where Aladdin literally crosses over with Hercules?

The Little Mermaid: The Series - I think about that episode where she gets sucked down into the trippy, surreal Wonderland trench and can't escape probably every week. Go to Disney Plus and find that episode, it's called "Charmed," it's worth it.

The Legend of Tarzan - Like every episode is burned in my brain forever. The Opar episodes where he'd rather die than choose anybody but Jane, even after he thinks she's dead. The one with the Mad Elephant where Tantor thinks he's contracted the same illness. The one with DINOSAURS. The one where the new radio tower makes every animal go insane and try to kill Tarzan and Jane. The one where a different ape challenges Tarzan for leadership and WINS. The one where Jane's friends come to the jungle to rescue her. The one where Tarzan gets locked in like a prison camp with Teddy Roosevelt?! The one with a magical healing albino gorilla?! The one with Kerchak's old rival Tublat coming to try and take over the gorilla family in a series of traps? ! The one with the giant snake?! The one where Tarzan gets bit by a spider and almost DIES?! The one where Clayton's sister comes and forces Tarzan to choose between saving himself from poison or saving all of his loved ones from several death traps in time?! The one where the African tribes from the Tarzan books help Tarzan find a cure for a deadly disease in special two-part episodes?! The one with a WWII spy coming and trying to steal Jane's affections while simultaneously looking for war information he left in a music box he sent to her?! WHY IS THIS NOT ON DISNEY+?!

Buzz Lightyear of Star Command - Skilled. Courageous. And ever-vigilant. Leaping into action, it's BUZZ LIGHTYEAR, of STAR! COMMAND! I'm tired of having to dig around the Internet to watch episodes like The Wirewolf where an old Space Ranger buddy gets turned into a machine-mauling cybernetic wolf monster by the light of a radioactive moon, or the one where an "energy vampire" named N0S4-A2 tries to eat Buzz's robot friend.

Come on. We got The Little Mermaid: The Series. That Tarzan & Jane movie isn't enough! WHERE ARE THE REST OF THEM, DISNEY

#The legend of Tarzan #Tarzan #Disney tv show #Disney cartoons #Disney satam #the little mermaid #the little mermaid the series #Aladdin the series #Aladdin show #Tarzan show #Buzz lightyear of star command #buzz lightyear

[4rainynite]

Scooby Doo x Goosebumps

This better be some universal foreshadowing that we're getting a Scooby and Goosebumps crossover or I'll be so mad!

This week while I was in Barnes & Nobles I came across this and almost cried from joy. I'm a huge fan of Scooby- Doo and Goosebumps so this was just perfection. I know this was most likely a setup from leftover Halloween stuff, but I love it (also give the person a raise for the idea)!

Headcanon Time/ Scooby Doo x Goosebumps AU:

The Mystery INC is called by an anonymous benefactor to help find some missing people (mainly children) in a small town.

The gang jump to it since they love mysterious, but they love helping people more.

Once they arrive in the small town they begin investigating and hear strange stories around town for example: an evil dummy coming to life, a witch who grants terrible wishes, haunted mask that attach to people and turn them evil, cameras that predict omens, and so on.

At first the gang thinks it's another hoax and real estate plot, but the stories sound eerily familiar like something out of a 1980's -90's children horror book series.

The townsfolk don't trust Scooby - Doo due to his abilities to do things a normal dog can't possible do: speak human language, cook, dance, the works. This hurts Scooby and makes him start doubting himself (how dare you townspeople!).

The gang then investigate a writer who half the town think is responsible due to the kidnappings are similar to the horror novels he writes. When they meet the writer it's none other than *drumroll* R.L. Stine (who plays himself in the movie fanfic).

Mystery Inc: It's famous children's horror writer, R.L. Stine!

At first Velma is excited to meet the famous R.L.Stine, but after her encounter with Ben Ravencroft, she fears he'll be the same as Ben. Until -

R.L. Stine: So, you've met Mr. Ravencroft. How was he?

Velma: (Gloomy) I was excited to finally meet one of my favorite writers. Only to be disappointed when he turned out to be evil.

R.L. Stine: Yep! I met him before, he's a huge jerk! You should've met Stephen King aka the 'Adult horror writer of Goosebumps'.

Velma: *Perks up*

R.L. Stine reveals that he called them, and he is the cause of what is going on due to bunch of works he never finished/ can't find the ending for a current story from his old typewriter he had since he was nine, and if he can't come up with an ending soon things will get worse. The gang don't believe him and think all the rumors around town about him being the kidnapper are getting to him. The gang stays with R.L. Stine's place during the investigation and Scooby and Shaggy come across certain items from the Goosebumps, Fear Street, The Nightmare Room, and The Haunting Hour franchise. Scooby and Shaggy come across Slappy in his inactive state and unknowingly read his spell.

The next day Stine's home is trashed with a message in blood (or ketchup) reading: SLAPPY'S BACK!

Slappy (played by Jack Black or Cal Dodd) plans to possess Stein to bring a new era of horror to the world. He's been bringing all the monster/villains to life and the real world and framing Stine for the crimes.

Slappy: Hello papa, I'm back!

R.L. Stine: Slappy!

Slappy: That's right. Ooh! I see you got some friends and their dog.

Scooby: Rog rhere?

Shaggy: Check it out Scoob, the puppet really is haunted.

Daphne: Yeah, I guess we were due an evil dummy sooner or later.

Slappy: (Flabbergasted) W-what? You're not scared of me?

Fred: No offense Mr. Slappy, but we've dealt with real monsters before.

Velma: Zombies, cat-people cultist, witch's ghost, aliens, virus monsters, the list goes on and on.

Shaggy: Me and Scooby here even taught at a monster school once.

Scooby: Reah!

Slappy: Wow! I just met you people and I hate you already.

The gang and Stine recruit now adults Carly Beth, Danny Anderson, Hannah Fairchild (ghost child), and a few others to help end Slappy's reign.

There's an epic battle and the find a way to defeat Slappy and return everything to normal. R.L. Stein and the gang are cleared of all charges and are now heroes to the town!

It wouldn't be Goosebumps without a twist - Slappy survives and with his own typewriter he begins writing his own series. His first book is of the original Goosebumps series with an image of Mystery Inc. and R.L. Stine in the Mystery Machine with looks of terror on their faces.

#my art #art #scooby doo #scooby gang #rl stine #goosebumps #goosebumps series #mystery incorporated #mystery machine #barnes and noble #mystery gang #shaggy rogers #fred jones #velma dinkley #daphne blake #slappy the dummy #mystery inc #jack black #cal dodd #scooby doo au #goosebumps au #scooby doo x goosebumps

[possibly-in-mordland]

May I request hcs for Nathan, Toki, and Charles (seperatley) with an s/o who has panic attacks? I really enjoyed your Pickles one. Its ok if you dont want to do this !

Dethklok (+ Charles, Magnus, Knubbler) x GN!Reader | Reader Who Has Panic Attacks

Masterlist

Post Type: Headcanons

Warning(s): Anxiety/Panic Attacks

A/n: So, I went ahead and did all of them (separately), so everyone's happy. Sorry this is late, holiday stuff y'know? lol

==========

Nathan:

Nathan's pretty shit at talking about feelings (but at least he admits it)

BUT! This doesn't mean he doesn't notice when something wrong

Quite the contrary, if you've been with him for a while, he picks up on it in a flash

It's like a sixth sense he develops

"Somethings wrong. What's wrong?"

If you don't feel like talking, it's cool

He doesn't always feel like talking either, he's more of a quality time and (only with you) a physical touch person

So, he'll often sit down with you (insert word here) (most of the band uses (insert word here))

If you're in a crowded place, he'll try to find someplace secluded. And if he can't? He'll find the least crowded spot and just sit with you.

Will try to sing for you, he's not the best singer unless he's growling, but he tries

Dood's built like a bed (affectionate), so be prepared to lie down on his chest

Pickles:

Done Here

Skwisgaar:

Oh, boy

He doesn't look it, but he has panic attacks quite a bit

Especially, when his mother is brought up

The second he notices the onset of YOU having one, he subtly tries to hint at things

He'll pull a Klokateer aside and tell them to bring you water periodically throughout the day

Or, he'll bring you to his room and, instead of playing hardcore riffs, forces himself to slow down and play some soft blues (something akin to what you'd hear Michael Schenker play)

And it's under the guise of "Hyguh, Come ons Y/n, lets goes to my rooms and has some funs~"

Over time you come to learn all his secret code words

His bed is perfect for curling up and attempting to calm down

Will try to get your mind off of whatever caused your panic attack by teaching you guitar

Toki:

THIS MAN IS TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD

"Takes this cats." He will force you to hold the cat to your chest, if there's one thing he's learned, it's that science has proved that cat purrs can heal (he likes cats, okay?)

Or, he'll sit you in his lap and get you to straddle him while he works on his model planes

Totally gets a Klokateer to bring y'all sugar-free cookies

Much like Pickles, he puts on your favorite movie/tv show in the background

If you're in a crowded place, he gets defensive and hauls you off somewhere

And if someone tries to make it worse?

Well, we all remember that one scene. Where beats the shit out of that dude? Yeah, that happens again.

Murderface:

"Welp, theresch only one thing to do! Get the icesch cream and watch tv."

He's not wrong tho

He doesn't often deal with panic attacks, he's more of a "I'm worthless, and I want love, but I don't deserve it" person (not to say that doesn't occasionally lead to a panic attack) (projecting a bit here: his is brought on by his grandma)

Probably gives shitty advice, probably gives good advice

"Letsch play lascher tag. That might get your mind off it."

"I alwaysch schleep mine off."

He is trying though, so you can't be mad at him

Charles:

He's basically the dad to five death metal children, most of which come from terrible households, so he knows a thing or two about anxiety/panic attacks

Water? Check. Blanket? Check. Him? Well, don't expect him to take long breaks from work, but you can sit on his lap while he does business (so long as it's not a meeting)

I have decided that his favorite book/movie is the princess bride, and chances are you like it (I assume everyone enjoys the movie/book), so when he has the time, he'll read to you

plays cute cat videos for you

honestly, you're probably seldom in public if you're with him so i don't think you'd have to worry about that

Knubbler:

Believe it or not, he's a whizz when it comes to dealing with this

If you're up for it, he'll cuddle on a couch or bed with you

"Tell me what's wrong, I'm all ears." (i made myself laugh)

And he'll listen

He probably can't help as much as he wants aside from breathing techniques

But he'll grab your favorite food, so that's a plus

Defo has a cat, defo brings it to you for cuddles

Magnus:

"I'll get the wine."

And he does, it's probably not the best idea (but then again, he never said who it was for)

He tells you to breathe in and out, and to focus

Count the breaths

Genuinely has good advice (not for the right reasons, but they help)

If this is post-doomstar, he tells you the truth on how he knows so much about psychology, and mental health

If this is pre-doomstar, he just says he's interested in psychology (not wrong, but also a little white lie)

Shows you cat videos in hopes that they work

Also reads to you

If you're in public, he'll pull you in an alleyway and tries to talk to you, and helps with the breathing

==========

#metalocalypse #original post #request #magnus hammersmith #nathan explosion #nathan explosion x reader #magnus hammersmith x reader #pickles the drummer #pickles the drummer x reader #skwisgaar skwigelf #skwisgaar skwigelf x reader #toki wartooth #toki wartooth x reader #william murderface #william murderface x reader #charles foster offdensen #charles foster offdensen x reader #dick knubbler #dick knubbler x reader

[thisisnotthenerd]

and now for our 2022-23 intrepid heroes season:

quick episode descriptions:

no place for a prince or princess: first level one battle since the corn cuties. an army of constructs plus the fairy. buttoned up. crit to pull attention. the first of the red gems. running screaming puppet boy. ylfa's bottleneck. pib and alphonse. pib facing the fairy godmother. murph's bad turn. gerard is almost insta-killed. ylfa getting overwhlemed as everyone dies around her. gerard rolls an 18 and pulls the shard out of the fairy into himself. total party kill. ylfa is the only one who doesn't elect to fail.

the curdled web: trying not to fall off the web. first crit with a death blow mechanic. faerie fire on pinocchi-crow. spider drops from the ceiling. ylfa eats a spider. look alive, wet, naked spiders on your 10, 11, 12, 1 and 2 and behind the and the 10 and the 11. senator! we're all on our own in the dark, little boy. weird spider goo. ylfa crits. monster girl bonding.

trouble in tuffeton: cleaning up. mayor harold hopps. adult sleepover. gerard assisting crits. finding the ritual. the wicked fairy clawing her eyes out. you are seeing something you absolutely should not see, the face of a divinity you don't worship, the fucking smile of a devil that you never believed in. the children look into the face of horror. the stepmother eats grandma. pinocchio crits on cutting his strings. going to the lines between.

the baron of bricks: split narrative and battle episode. you came with a handmaiden, a butler, a jester, and a second butler. how do wolves like sex. the book is tugging. he's in the fucking stew. huff and puff, little girl. heat metal on the copper. stay mad, baby. giant moving spoon. the soup is lava and does 18d10 damage. he has eaten of the soup. mother goose goes down. spilling stock on the fires. little red riding hood successfully grapples the third little pig. 51 damage from the spoon. just another blue collar little cat working his job at the factory. full nelson. the culmination of pinocchio's story.

terror on toy island: a soft little touch. mer-king's insect plague. no daddy. pib getting the little guys. i'm so fucking scared! the water surges around the mer-king. the terrible dogfish is here. daddy-meter is spinning. pinocchio crits to figure it out. pinocchio screaming to wake the dead. with the eyes! you were about to instantly die. gerard is wearing full chain mail in the ocean.. rosamund & ylfa are swallowed. the sea witch shows up. murph causes a nat 20. call of destiny. rosamund gets the eye with a seven. i'm a lion in the water. pib's acrobatic crit. one v. one.

leap of faith: using the code word. red and la bete. pivot after pivot after pivot. gerard giving the note to elody and failing so hard. 🎶 her hair is everywhere! 🎶 pib succeeding by not being social. pinocchio starting off drinking whiskey with bubblegum and telling cinderella they have her book. timothy with rapunzel truly fucking it up so hard. rosamund and snow white. attempting to put cinderella in her book. jumping out the window. getting attacked by dwarves. nat 20 perception as they leave. nat 20 to repel the gander. we're the giants.

in the land of giants: we might be the giants. ice knife. princess or bully? a bunch of tiny wizards. jack 1v1ing timothy. get in the crevice. animate objects. fuck alphonse. a really sharp bird. gerard lands some hits. shatter on some birds with a side of existential crisis. ylfa critting twice to carry tim and take so many opportunity attacks. the goose is loose! pinocchio is attacked by alphonse and goes down. goose casts heal. failing on insight. you have collected all of the golden belongings of this battle. nat 20 save for alphonse a cricket shot a rocket at me.

the trials of baba yaga: the aftermath of pinocchio's persuasion. my hot form. pinocchio select. i'm always pissing. stray from the path, but stray together. gerard sees rapunzel, gives up his name for elody's, and goes full frog with a crown. rosamund encounters the fairies, gives up her true love, and takes on the briars again. ylfa meets her grandma, and walks her great-great grandma to death, having replaced the wolf. pinocchio eaves-peeps on the stepmother, gives up his chance at being a real boy, and gets the stepmother's name. timothy pulls artifacts & puts them in the book, and gives the baba yaga a full page. pib sees the tricksters, goes from a 33 stealth to an 11 performance, and somehow still tricks the giants, after giving his book away. piss stew. i cast banishment on the actual man murph.

the ending of all things (part 1): geas on scheherezade. pib crits immediately on rapunzel. the bird is dead. bad persuasion checks. scheherazade be normal. pinocchio persuades mira. i'm a fucking frog, elody. no one liked that. she poked me with a d4. ylfa drops la bete into oblivion. rosamund goes down, gets revivified and consumes thumbelina. gerard eats rapunzel. breaking concentration with vicious mockery. rosamund crits on snow white for an insta-kill.

the ending of all things (part 2): a friendly platonic kiss. ylfa gets scheherazade's book. crit on the blue fairy. animate objects. flat william. firing a rocket to knock a hat off. the concept of beaky. pib's very good turn. elody hits the hand. ocd boyfriend, add girlfriend. the stepmother appears. you're a dumb motherfucker and I'm going to kill you. using so much pc creep to get the orange hat fairy. crit on the stepmother. baba yaga is banished. pib kills god. almost everyone goes down. all rise to roll for the fate of the universe. 18 from zac. you've thrown the orange hat in the Box of Doom without any permission. stealing everything back from the baba yaga. determining their own stories in the end.

#dimension 20 #battle episode of all time #neverafter #d20 poll #dimension 20 spoilers #d20 spoilers #feel free to add your reasoning/propaganda as you like

[canon-notcanon-warriorcats]

"We need more female villains in warrior cats! Ya'll coulnd't handle mapleshade and she was a rather decent villain. Most of the time people just pick two sides: everyone but maple was wrong or everyone was right and maple was wrong. When, in fact, it's a much more deep and complex situation. More like everyone was an asshole expect for like, the kits, Myler and nettlepaw (there are more but like, i don't really remember). The thing with the book is that it is not black and white, most of the characters are morally grey with light or dark tendencies, but still in a grey area. Like, I can understand where Ravenwing is coming from, he's interpreting a sign from starclan and telling his clanmates about it. Oakstar and Frecklewish are deeply wounded due to being lied to about the kit's being Birchface's. However, does that justify the treatment towards Petalkit, Larchkit and Patchkit? Of fucking course not! It's not their fault who their father is. To Mapleshade? Understanble, to literal kids? Never. So much so, that I believe that if the kits got to stay in thunderclan, with Maple being the only one exiled, she would've not turned into revenge. After all, we all know that the thing she loved the most was her kits, and them being taken away from her forcefully, with her having little to no time to properly mourn their deaths, was what led her into the path of murdering those who wronged her *and* her kits. I feel it usually falls flat on the fandom that they were what mattered the most to her, and Appledusk's open denial about the kits was another trigger for her revenge. That and, let's be honest, Appledusk was one of the biggest assholes in the entire book, not only he was cheating on Reedshine with maple (who neither of the two were aware existed), he didn't give two shits about his kit's deaths. And one more thing, people used to shit so much on Reed, when she was right?? I know we are seeing Maple's pov and she sounds like an asshole but, she's not wrong, in the end Appledusk would always stay with her whilst maple was a fling. It sucks and it's bad but she isn't wrong. That sucks for maple but yeaah. As for Maple herself, a liar, a murderer, and a blame shifter. But also a mother, one that due to grief, rage and feeling betrayal over the death of her children, went down a path she would never be forgiven for. She definetly deserved her end, don't get me wrong, She is a very unreliable narrator too, but every narration of her has some truth to it. She's also stubborn and will get what she wants under all costs. But that's what makes her a good villain. I love her slow descent into quite literal madness over the grief and pain, how she feels that each of her kits live's should be paid back with more death and grief. I fucking adore this character ya'll don't understand. But yeah she's not a 100% Sauron evil character nor an "UWU baby girl wronged by the masses". She's a villain, she fucked things up, and she was a mother who loved her kids and her kids only. We will never get a villain like her again and we should be praising this book for how good it actually is. There won't be any other tragic villain stories like this. And if we do get another female villain, let's hope it's at least a decent character and not just a more worse attempt like sleekwhisker 2.0 Please correct me if my assesments are wrong but I'm having Mapleshade feelings and how everyone does her dirty with interpretations.

nah, mapleshade's story is really good and 3-dimensional (or as 3-dimensional as warrior cats has really gotten)

almost everyone in the story does something wrong, the situation is multiple people's faults, every single character (except those you listed) made mistakes, very tragic mistakes, but also very REALISTIC mistakes

mapleshade became a villain because of her society's rules, because of a merciless leader who decided to also punish toddlers for their parents' crimes (whether oakstar was like that throughout his life or if it was out of grief for his son) and because of her own bad choices

mapleshade is (or could have been) one of the most complicated and 3-dimensional villains the series has had because most other villains are "they were just born like that" or "they were bullied" or "daddy issues" i do wanna correct one thing though, i think the implication is that appledusk cheated on mapleshade with reedshine, not cheated on reedshine with mapleshade, since reedshine had been pregnant when mapleshade and her kits were exiled (unless appledusk and reedshine had been mates before he started seeing mapleshade and they just had kits later, i dunno), but that doesn't really matter in the end, appledusk cheated and was an asshole

i think the problem is that sometimes people just don't really... think critically about what they read, or don't have reading comprehension skills, as well as possibly they haven't read the book since they were a kid who did not have reading comprehension skills and they just still go off of what they remember thinking as a kid (part of why i wanna re-read through the series now as an adult to freshen my memory as well as to see how i feel about everything that happens in the series as an adult as opposed to how i felt and what i thought reading through the books as a kid) i also think it would've benefited to have seen mapleshade before she had gotten pregnant or before she had even become mates with appledusk, because we don't really get to see who she was BEFORE all of that tragedy, before she started lying to all her clanmates, we don't get a baseline of who she was before shit hit the fan

also i wanna mention that i do love sleekwhisker and raven as female villains because i DO like them literally just being evil for fun, like they just don't care they're just assholes

but i do want more complicated villains, i want complicated villains with 3-dimensional characters and backstories, and also i would love if we had a villain like that that was female and also the backstory didn't have anything to do with them being a mother

#warrior cats #long post #like female villains but their villainy has nothing to do with their gender #also maybe a villain who becomes a villain that has to do with them being a dad #no onestar does not count with that... probably

[chronurgy]

10 characters, 10 fandoms

Thanks for the tag @rowanisawriter!

Tagging: @weavewithshadow, @bhaalsbabe, anyone else who wants to play!

Oooo this is going to be hard because I tend to get really into multiple characters from the same thing, but let's go! In no particular order:

1. Essek Thelyss - Critical Role

He's a war criminal. He's a prodigy. He's a traitor. He's a time and gravity wizard. He's a heretic in a theocracy where his mother is a living saint. He floats everywhere instead of walking. When the gang asks if they're going to have to kill him, he laughs and says "I'd like to see you try". He crushes someone to death with gravity simply by closing his fist. "My reasons [for treason] weren't good, but they were important". He goes from not having cared about anyone in 120 years to caring so much about a bunch of weirdos in like, 6 weeks. He made his father so mad during an argument that the guy stormed off and died. What's not to love? He makes me so insane.

Honorable mention: Caleb Widogast

2. Anders - Dragon Age

My favorite chaotic bisexual disaster man. The contrast between awakening anders and da2 anders is so fascinating for me. He's this carefree guy, except he isn't really that carefree, is he? He escapes over and over and over, swimming across the lake even. He hates the circle and hates the Templars just as much, he's just funnier about it. When you start adding up the year in solitary, Karl, the fact that he must have seen all the injuries in the circle as a spirit healer, it starts becoming very clear why he is the way he is. He also sucks! He's petty, he's mean, and he's so up his own ass about how right he thinks he is about everything. But he also runs a clinic for the poorest of the poor, dodging Templars and freeing mages all the while. He does the excellent wizard hubris thing of taking the future into his own hands, even if it kills people (suck my nuts elthina). He loves a romanced Hawke so much, even as he experiences this greater calling. Plus Grey wardens are cool as hell and he loves cats.

Honorable mention: mage!Hawke

3. Merlin - BBC Merlin

This show manages to be both ridiculous and sad. Merlin is such a happy go lucky, cheerful character at the beginning, then we watch as things just keep getting worse. He cannot seem to win. By the end, that cheerfulness seems much closer to a mask he's desperately clinging to than anything else. He's an expert liar and manipulator, he's a killer, and he's so, so alone. If he ever tells anyone that he's a sorcerer, he'll be executed. And he lives in the shadow of that for years, unable to be himself even with the people he's closest to. Also characters who have their eyes change colors when using their powers my beloved.

4. Daenerys Targaryen - ASOIAF

I love her chapters - there's so much interesting and human depth to her struggles (even when her struggles are fantastical). She struggles to know how to rule, and rule well. She takes hostages but loves them too much to kill them. She struggles to create and maintain a peace for her people even as that peace asks things of her she cannot bear. She worries what it says about her that her children are monsters and she both loves and fears them. She desperately wants a simple, loving life but is also so, so doomed to never have that. She's a queen and a dragon rider and a young woman trying to understand the world. She's great. (I don't care about the tv show I'm talking books here)

Honorable mentions: Jon Snow, Cersei Lannister

5. Gale Dekarios - Baldur’s Gate

Oh yeah, another hubris wizard. He's funny and has this easy, good natured charm that makes it possible to ignore that he's an absolute FREAK. He's got one of my favorite wizard traits - a strong ends justify the means streak. He points, very genteelly, at all the ways power and knowledge drive and corrupt. He's a sweetheart but he brags all the time. Except it isn't bragging, because he can back it up. He can really, genuinely, become a god. His relationship with the dark urge also makes me insane, because I think in some ways he's both the clearest eyed about what will happen to them and the one most willing to meet them where they are and also desperately wants to believe they're a good person, even when it's clear that they aren't. His line about how their life is no longer theirs to lead, only to follow to a dark urge who embraces Bhaal is incredible. The diverging paths of who he can become over the course of the game are fascinating and there's so much depth to him. He's great. Oh, he also excuses his cat's crimes. Love that in a man.

Honorable mentions: Enver Gortash, The Dark Urge

6. Camilla Hect - The Locked Tomb

She's the most composed, controlled, meticulous batshit fucking crazy woman in the world. Unstoppable force vibes. Instead of moving on after her necromancers death she pieced together tiny fragments of his skull and then shared her body with him. She's a genius and she can't let go of her insanely codependent relationship, even when it kills her (but honestly Paul seems pretty cool and I'm excited to learn more about them)

Honorable mention: Palamedes Sextus

7. The Jovial Contrarian - Fallen London

A little more niche, this one! I sometimes find that characters in fallen london can sort of pale in interest compared to the overall lore and happenings, but the Jovial Contrarian is one of my favorites. He loves arguing and will argue with anyone about anything at any time. If you have regular debating lessons with him, people will hide behind couches rather than face you. He's part of the calendar council and hates the masters but also wants a solution that isn't the liberation of the night. Anytime his name is mentioned you know you're about to read something ridiculous. Fun guy!

Honorable mentions: Poor Edward (incredibly narsty. great villain), The Eagle, Ascendant (they have like, 3 lines of lore and they're all fantastic)

8. Midna - Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

I remember playing twilight princess for the first time and I just immediately fell in love with Midna. She's snarky, she's mean, her design is cool as hell, and I really loved her arc as she grew to really care about people over the course of the game. She remains firmly the best Zelda companion in my mind.

9. Elim Garak - Star Trek

You always knew it was going to be a great episode when Garak showed up. He always feels 30 seconds from chewing on the scenery and it is fantastic. He's an exiled spy and maybe a little bit of a monster and he never pretends otherwise. His lines to Sisko in "In the Pale Moonlight," telling him that he must have known what Garak would do, and that if the price of winning the war is Sisko's self respect then he'd call that a bargain are some of my favorite in an episode that already has a lot of really good lines. Aw man I wanna watch DS9 now.

Honorable mentions: Julian Bashir, Captain Picard, Tasha Yar (but wasn't she lame and poorly written? Yes. But young me was extremely taken with this aggressive short-haired woman for reasons I could not articulate at the time 🥴)

10. Morgan Yu - Prey (2017)

Okay so if you haven't played Prey stop reading right now and go buy it. Don't look up any spoilers or plot or anything just do it. If you liked dishonored or deathloop you'll love it. Now: who IS Morgan Yu? Who WAS Morgan Yu? Are they even the same person any more? How culpable are they? How culpable were they? Part of the reason Morgan is so endlessly fascinating to me is because we'll never know. How integral are memories to the continuity of the self? Why did you do what you did? Did you, the person standing here right now, even do it? The game just delivers gut punch after gut punch to Morgan and I love it and I love them (whoever they might have been).

Overall honorable mentions: the outsider from dishonored, garrus from mass effect, vimes and vetinari from discworld, and all my dnd characters (shout out especially to Hermès Montclair who fucked a dragon, died (unrelated to said dragon fucking), then came back wrong and fucked the dragon again! No one's doing it like you baby)

#Ask games #Thanks for tagging me I had a lot of fun! #Picking just one character from each thing was soooooooo hard

[mvshortcut]

i need to know whether you think each member of the society goes snork mi snork mi or snork mimimimimi snork mimimimi. this is very important to my current situation

Anon I've sat on this question for a while to reflect, as I believe it is a very weighty issue that has great relevance to our world today.

Here are my opinions as of now but I welcome discussion/friendly debate and am open to changing my mind:

Nicholas Benedict: "snork mimimimimimi ... snork mimimimimi..." etc

Milligan Wetherall: dead silence interrupted intermittently by the loudest and most frightening Dad SnoreTM you've ever heard in your life.

Number Two: doesn't get a ton of sleep, but when she does, she sleeps rigid, flat on her back with arms glued straight to her sides. usually silent, but if she snores, it's "snork mi snork mi" but in a very aggressive manner. Sounds like a wild boar preparing to charge.

Rhonda Kazembe: very soft "zzzzzzzz." curls up like a cat with her hands folded under her cheek. honestly kind of cute

Miss Perumal: "Honk shoe honk shoe" but somehow makes it sounds peaceful

Kate Wetherall: "HONK SHOE HONK SHOE" (loud. not peaceful.)

Reynie Muldoon: just. the most average, normal sounding snore you've ever heard. basically, "yup, that's a snore."

Sticky Washington: usually pretty silent, but also I think it would be funny if for some reason he snores loudly whenever Constance is sleeping in the same room. She would be so mad about it and may attempt to smother him with a pillow.

Constance Contraire: deceptively cute snore. alternates between "zzzzzz" and "snork mi snork mi." Sleeps with her eyes wide open.

Martina Crowe: is she snoring or screaming at a tetherball match in her dreams? experts are unsure.

Jackson and Jilson: Jillson says "snork," Jackson responds with "mi."

SQ Pedalian: generally pretty quiet, just a soft "zzzzz" that you can only hear if you get close.

LD Curtain: okay, I'm honestly stuck on this one. I do think it would be funny for Curtain to be sprawled in his evil silk sheets in his evil silk nightgown with his evil silk sleep mask and his evil 14 silk pillows going "snork mimimimimimimi" after a long day of trying to take over the world, brainsweeping children, and terrorizing employees. On the other hand, I just have this image of SQ coming into Curtain's room one night like "dad I frew up" and he's just hit with the loudest and most frightening/undignified "SNOUGHHHUHGUHHUGHHHHH" noise ever. SQ finally wakes Curtain up after 10 minutes of violent shaking and he's just [dignified sniff] "oh. hm. what do you want." Next morning at breakfast is unbearably awkward. Neither of them ever mentions it again.

Jeffers: "snork mimimimimimi." sleeps with his beloved childhood teddy bear. (same, Jeffers. same.)

Dr. Garrison: literally somehow just says the words "Snork. Mi. Snork. Mi." in a flat tone in her sleep

+ Bonus: I know he's a book character and I answered for the show versions, but I absolutely have to include:

Moocho Brazos: the physical embodiment of "snork mimimimimimimi ... snork mimimimimi..." Wears a striped nightgown with a flowery sleeping cap with a tassel. Probably carries a candle around if he needs to wake up in the middle of the night. Fluffy bunny slippers. Definitely drinks chamomile tea every night. Canonically goes to bed at like 7/8 PM.

#anon thank you for entrusting me with this I hope it lives up to the task #like I said I'm open to discussion #but Nicholas Jeepers and Moocho are def snork mimimimimi and I'm gonna stand by those #the mysterious benedict society #tmbs #mysterious benedict society #also so sorry this took me forever to respond to! #ask #nicholas benedict #milligan wetherall #rhonda kazembe #number two #ms. perumal #miss perumal #kate wetherall #constance contraire #reynie muldoon #sticky washington #martina crowe #sq pedalian #jackson and jillson #ld curtain #jeepers #jeffers #dr. garrison #moocho brazos

[warrior-cats-rewritten]

Please tell me somwthing good happens to Hawkwing! I know a lot of his writing is crappy (with Pebblepaw especially, but the writer's views on romance in general is... iffy) but he is one of my blorbos. I love what he says about grieving, that he likes remembering her.

I just... wish he and Pebbleshine wwren't first cousins.

Well, quite a few things are going to happen to Hawkwing.

I need to properly read his super edition, but with the actual books?

He and Plumwillow are becoming mates! Sandynose is still the father of Plum's kittens, but they break up. She has fallen out of love with him. They get together during Squirrelflight's Freedom, noted by the Allegiances. Though, they aren't having more kits. They agree they have enough collectively. Also, side note, Plumwillow doesn't mentor anyone but Sunnypelt much later on. Just makes me feel a bit better.

He is featured more during The Broken Code, as he is Rootspring's grandfather, and I want Rootspring's family to actually get some focus instead of being props. He is a proper grandpa and spoils his grandchildren rotten whenever he can.

He gets a horrible wakeup call during his super edition, Hawkwing's Flight, when his father Sharpclaw joins The Kin. He is forced to kill his own father to protect those he cares about.

He and Pebbleshine have a different relationship story now. He is very awkward around her when they are young, but very kind to her. When he saves her, she is filled with guilt, but he lets her cry and grieve with him, as she and Duskpaw were incredibly close friends. His feelings are more consistent with what we see later on in AVOS. It hurts to lose his brother, but his brother would want to be remembered in a happy way, and his mentor helps him with that too. He isn't perfect, of course, and part of him WANTS to be mad at Pebblepaw. Hawkwing's Flight is about grief, and moving forward with it.

Speaking of Pebbleshine, no! He and Pebble are no longer related! Pebbleshine and Parsleyseed are now the children of Tinycloud and Canyonfang, an OC who joins the Kin... Or he would have if Tinycloud hadn't absolutely BODIED him. Tinycloud ain't no soft momma. (Also, while Sharpclaw x Cherrytail gives me the ick, Sparrowpelt x Tintcloud does as well. Age gap is shorter but unless it's a specific circumstance such as same age but one is just teaching the other, I'm never pairing apprentices and their mentors)

Hawkwing, Blossomheart, and Duskpaw are now the children of Sharpclaw and Ebonyclaw, who permanently joins Skyclan, but got into a very toxic relationship with Sharpclaw. He used her to appear better, as if he took a 'kittypet' mate, no one would suspect his hatred for them. (By the way, Cloudmist is now Cherrytail and Shrewtooth's kit, in case you wondered. She is so close with the SharpEbony litter she may as well be their sister though.)

He sadly is gonna have a rough go of thing's during A Starless Clan. Leafstar suffers a sudden heart attack due to the Starless Clan Curse activating, along with the fall from an incredibly high branch taking her final life. And just as he is about to step up and announce that he will take her place, Waspwhisker and the other missing cats enter the camp. So... Who has the rightful claim to leadership? Hawkwing has been deputy for a while now, sure, but it was always stated in the beginning that if Waspwhisker came back, it would go back to him...

Skyclan begins to split itself down the middle. One half vouching for Hawkwing, the other for Waspwhisker. The issues down in Riverclan and Shadowclan reaching their peaks as Hawkwing and Waspwhisker desperately try to keep the peace...

#hawkwing #pebbleshine #plumwillow #violetshine #waspwhisker #rootspring #twigbranch #skybranch #sharpclaw #ebonyclaw #duskpaw #warrior cats #warrior cats rewrite #wcr #warriors #asks #anon

[bonebabbles]

First Battle Aftermath

For the first battle itself go here

lol. Lmao, even.

Not, "Oh my god what have I done," but "I'm so weak. I can't even kill," while wearing Rainswept Flower like a new pair of fur boots

first Adoption Win in 3 books. What's the tally on that one-- 1 to 10?

Clear Sky doesn't understand the point of burials lmao. Dude did leave that dead mom he killed out in the open for the flies to find, until Wind Runner and Gorse Fur came across the corpse and put it in the ground.

And he can't remember killing Rainswept Flower either, in spite of the fact he was coherent enough to justify his actions to Gray Wing, because the Clear Sky chapters aren't meant to be a glimpse into the mind of a detestable character. They exist to garner your sympathy.

Was that enough regret for you? Hope you got your fill because it's RIGHT back to Gray Wing's Excuse Hour

WE?!

WE LET IT GET TOO FAR

We Let It Get Too Far

"My brother :(((( He's a good man :(((((((( He's a good guy even though he just starved Jackdaw's Cry before trying to murder everyone and told Thunder he shouldn't exist and slaughtered Rainswept Flower in a fit of rage :((((((((((((((((((( He gave up some food after I asked him to when we were like 17 so that means he could never be a bad person"

It's right there on the goddamn page, Clear Sky wasn't BORN EVIL so he's GOOD ACTUALLY because NO CAT CHANGES THAT MUCH.

It's EXPLICIT, am I going crazy here?! The narrative says EXACTLY that because he was good when he was young, he can't possibly have changed into a monster. "No one changes that much"

FEAR OR GREED. GOOD OR EVIL. The writing is SO BAD that they attempted to tell a story with an ounce of more nuance than usual and just ended up re-inventing a Light vs Darkness dichotomy with different nouns!

And just when you thought we'd hit rock bottom, StarClan arrives with the reinforcements needed to DIG DEEPER

Enjoy Clear Sky being called a fool once, just a silly little slip-up, an Oopsie Daisy. "I only wanted--" goes UNADDRESSED as Turtle titters about "killing only ever leads to more killing" because they have to find SOME way of getting mad at Tall Shadow too.

Turtle Tail says some romantic schlock to Gray Wing about the kits and thanks Thunder for scraping her pancaked body off the pavement where she died, and then Gray Wing decides that actually he's mad that her magic ghost came down from the heavens because it's Too Painful to see her again or something. Because he's a GREAT character.

"We came to spread the Good News Gospel, Gray Wing. You need to know that god is real to live here peacefully."

DOTC is about to say that the cats need StarClan to avoid these sorts of massacres, because actually Clear Sky is fearful, NOT greedy, and believing in God means he won't be so scared that he feels the need to abuse women and children

(But also that everyone's kinda responsible for the First Battle because Clear Sky is a good boy and WE let it get too far)

Anyway, Fridge Wife 2 starts interrogating Clear Sky. They do this incredibly insulting chapter transition where Gray Wing goes, "idk if he wants to listen to herrrr..." and Clear's chapter opens up with "LOVE OVERWHELMS HIM" because, AGAIN, Clear Sky's chapters exist to garner your sympathy.

"I was scared my heart would break if I had to see someone else die, which is why I wanted to kill orphans, threw disabled people out into the wilderness, clobbered a kitten, told my son he shouldn't exist, performed public humiliations, and beat 3 women to death"

Wanna take a break and go check out the tally of things he did in the past 3 books, and compare it to his self-defense? Be Storm! Go check that out, keep everything he did in mind.

Ask yourself this; were his actions truly consistent with someone who was just scared he would see someone die of starvation, OR, were they consistent with a domestic abuser who enjoys the power he has over people?

Storm buys it.

"FEAR IS WHAT DROVE YOU," she said with relief.

If you're AFRAID then ABUSE IS UNDERSTANDABLE. IT'S OKAY! It's all fine in the end if your motivator wasn't greed, AKA "BORN EVIL"

"Now you see there's no need to be afraid because God is real, death isn't the end, and the assurance of religion with an eternal afterlife will make you a better person"

They're saying pain is less painful if you believe in God and this is why Godless Heathens are bad in the Warrior Cats series. When Gray Wing decided to proselytize to Wind Runner and tell her it was good that her weakest child died, because it meant he was in a "better place", THIS is what that was building to narratively.

PIETY will fix Clear Sky's abusiveness. YAAAAAAY!

ALSO THIS IS TALL SHADOW'S FAULT TOO SOMEHOW?!

DIE AGAIN, SHADED MOSS, BEFORE I BEAT YOU INTO COSMIC DUST. I HOPE THERE'S MORE TRUCKS IN HEAVEN

"how did you know he was going to kill-" CONTEXT. CLUES.

SHE MADE AN EDUCATED GUESS BASED ON ALL THE CATS POKING HOLES IN EACH OTHER AND SHOUTING "it's murderin' time!!!"

She was a female Warrior Cats character in the general vicinity so they had to make sure to shame her because god forbid they imply that Clear Sky is the only one to blame for this bloodbath

In fact they do it again, Clear Sky snaps and starts barking at River Ripple for being a foreigner in his presence, right in front of God, and they don't skip a beat,

It CANNOT remain about Clear Sky, EVER. Storm whips over to GRAY WING and accuses HIM of bringing death to the mountains too, closing out the whole rant with, "ALL of you need to make amends"

This is like when a bully spits on you, calls you insults, and slaps and hits you where the teacher won't see, all while you keep trying to negotiate, but then YOU punch back and you both get equally punished because retaliation is just as bad as being attacked.

The book ends on the cats deciding it's time to bury the dead. Thus concludes The First Battle, and Clear Sky's Redemption Arc begins in Blazing Star. Because this means they nonsensically get rid of their main antagonist, they have to conjure up an Evil Foreigner to take his place.

"Unite or Die" isn't a message about actual peace and unity, that thing that the Non-Clear Sky cats have been hopelessly committed to, it's actually a message about how they're about to have a very convenient common enemy.

Y'know, someone who isn't "scared," just "greedy," one of those evil Godless Heathens, so we don't have to 'feel bad' about murdering him. One Eye time!

#bonefall reads dotc

[lesbian-warrior-cats]

The thing about the Crowfeather Nightcloud and Breezepelt situation for me is that I like all these characters. Like I like Crowfeather as a character, I like Nightcloud as a character, and I like Breezepelt in concept as a character (until Crowfeather's Trial anyway). And it is SO MUCH more interesting to like Crowfeather if you read him as the bad person he is. Like I don't like Crowfeather as a person but I find him so interesting as a character. Take the way he treats Breezepelt and Nightcloud. It makes so much more sense and it much less hairpulling to read it as it is. Crowfeather bottom line is an awful dad and awful husband. But he THINKS he's good at both of those things and deserves to be told he's doing a good job. Reading him as an asshole who, because of the events of the Journey, never had to outgrow the spiteful and selfish apprentice role he played. He's perpetually stuck in that place he was when Feathertail died. And he SUCKS as a person because of that! Like their is literally zero going to bat for him, he treats everyone around him Terribly!

But I like that nuance in his character. Like the reading of him in my head as this awful person who thinks he's better than everyone and gets told off for his actions. And Nightcloud in this reading is so interesting as well from the perspective of someone who WAS used and is being treated badly anyway. Like she has every right to be mad and hurt because at least at first, their discussions in Crowfeather's trial are to be believed, they worked together nicely as a pair! Just not romantically. Then Breezepelt gets put in the picture and on top of the issues that loosing children brings he also has an emotionally absent father who can also very easily be read as abusive in the few interacts we see of them through other cats eyes, though the clans culture of physical reprimandment is something to talk about another time.

That just creates a shitstorm of a person! Like I saw another person say that we can acknowledge that Crowfeather was an awful father and is not a good person and that Breezepelt is the way he is becayse of that but that Breezepelt also has things he needs to account for and did shit that neither Crowfeather or Nightcloud could have done anything about or had a hand in. And that has the ability to be INTERESTING! Like I would have liked Crowfeather's Trial so much more if Breezepelt hadn't done a complete one-eighty in the first ten chapters. Like imagine a book where Nightcloud goes missing just as Breezepelt is brooding over the events of the Dark Forest battle and Crowfeather is left to pick up the pieces and acknowledge that this was his fuck up (or completely shift blame and have a true unreliable narrator if that's more your speed). Breezepelt has the ability to be such an interesting character to mirror Hollyleaf in his desperation to just be heard for once and where he's left in Dovewing's Silence, basically getting away with what he did being the only trainee to still be on the Dark Forests side, gives the chance for that dirty laundry to be aired out and for Breezepelt to demand that Crowfeather acknowledges that was his fault for just flat out pretending him and Nightcloud didn't exist minus being the picture perfect Windclan family for Crowfeather. What I'm trying to say is stop blaming Nightcloud for Breezepelt's "bad parenting" it is literally all Crowfeather's fault and Crowfeather is a bad person. But I like thinking about him anyway he's my favorite little pathetic manchild who deserves none of the wives he got. Goodnight tristate area

#warrior cats #crowfeather #nightcloud #breezepelt #discourse #ig? is this whole Crowfeather Breezepelt thing discourse? #I could not tell you #ollie mews #text post #long post

[arcplaysgames]

Okay I am fucking around in the Kamoshida Palace rn so lets recap.

Went back to meet with the doctor lady because she felt like an SLink I mean Confidant (which is frankly a WAY BETTER TERM for SLinks, they should backport that shit).

Punk Doctor will hook Reverie up with the good shit but only if he acts like a test subject for her. This is extremely inethical! I love it! Lets do it.

lmao okay having a doctor as the Death arcana is pretty funny even if that isn't what Death means. But given the nature of Death as an irrevocable transformation, a back-alley doctor is great for that. Hopefully the transformation isn't going to be organ failure or her selling my kidneys.

Reverie The Fifth has so much personality tbh and I love it. Even if I'm kinda cold on my team so far, he's vibrant enough to actually carry this story so far. I'm gonna need some ffffcuking weirdos soon tho.

these gym uniforms are bad, can we all agree on that

So far Ryuji is not thrilling me but I do like a book-dumb-emotionally-smart boy who loves his mother.

Also, finally getting the background on what the fuck Kamoshida did to Ryuji. It feels stupid at this point to say "jfc the lack of professionalism" but wow, telling your other students about one athlete's abusive father, you'd think that was a breach of SOMETHING. Goddamn.

anyway Ryuji literally says something like "well that's in the past now, we need to look to the future" so he's Chariot as fuck so far.

Morgana I don't like heights okay they are scary, what if i fall???? and crack my head on the shelf and bleed out and Sojiro already left for the night so I would die?????? did you think of that?

Sojiro would probably get mad at me lbr

I DUNNO HOW Y'ALL CAN HATE MORGANA. THEY ARE A TALKING CAT WHO SLEEPS IN MY DESK OR SITS NEXT TO ME WHILE I READ. Like, the degree to which Reverie is living the fucking Sailor Moon dream here is amazing. He is a fucking Magical Girl.

do i get petting rights someday. will morgana permit pets. i wanna pet them. is that like a rank 8 confidant thing.

god i fucking hate the VR. there's no one to flirt with in there.

I DO LIKE THAT OUR PERSONA ACTUALLY FUCKING HAS A RELATIONSHIP WITH US? Like, Arsene stops to talk to Reverie before fusion, which is a nice touch.

Sorry did I say fusion

what in the everloving fuck

YANNO Persona 3 had to endure years of jokes about how edgy it was for having the summoning being a fake gun to the head. EVERYONE OWES PERSONA 3 AN APOLOGY. FUSION IS NOW EXECUTION AND THE COMPENDIUM IS THE INMATE REGISTRY.

B R U H.

man i don't wanna advocate violence on children but also i want to punt caroline through a goal post, what do.

anyway I'm working on the palace, bbiab.

#p5 #persona liveblog