#I'm hoping I'm able to get back on a daily schedule but I'm not sure yet

[ahgasegotarmy116]

He Doesn't Deserve You | A Jeon Jungkook Series | Chapter Five

Summary: Taehyung gets careless and breaks your heart yet again. Pairing: f!reader x Jungkook Word Count: 4.7K~ Warnings: Implied yändere and mentions of signs of trauma because of it. (nothing too extreme) a/n: It's taken me so long to get this chapter out I'm sorryyy but I hope it was worth the wait! Thank you so much for your continued support on my stories and I hope you'll look forward to the next part!

Jungkook's visit last week really had me thinking about the choices I make on the daily. 

I stopped stressing about what Taehyung might be doing when he's away and started thinking about ways I could improve myself.

It wasn't anything major but I wanted to take baby steps.

For instance, setting up a schedule for when I wake up and always making sure to not stay up past midnight. Along with promising myself to at least sit and write for a couple of hours per day but also taking breaks when I felt I needed to. I would come back though and finish only when I was satisfied and came to a proper stopping point.

Implementing these little changes in my life has worked wonders on my confidence and peace of mind. I feel like I'm accomplishing something and getting some sort of fulfillment in the day to day which I haven't been able to say for the past few years.

I guess all of this can be chalked up to Jungkook. 

I know I'm ultimately the one who's implemented these things into my life but if he hadn't given me that push, I don't think I would've ever gotten to even see these small victories.

While I'm in the kitchen pouring myself a cup of coffee I hear a faint chime on my laptop and I smile knowing exactly who it is.

'Good morning Noona, did you sleep well?'  I read from the all too familiar jkjkjk.97  and smile seeing that my suspicions were correct.

'I slept like a baby, who knew going to bed before dawn would do wonders!'  I send back and when I try to stand up to walk back over to the kitchen I'm met with another email popping up from him.

'That's good! I'm happy to see that you're feeling a bit better these days :)'  he sends and I smile at the fact that he's just as eager to reply to me. It's been like this ever since that day he dropped off my groceries. He would send me emails first thing in the morning almost like clockwork.

I'm surprised that he manages to keep a similar schedule to mine but I don't really know what he does most days except work. 

I know he works at the grocery store but it seems to me like he's always working at odd hours. Most days even well past closing so it's got me thinking about what else he could possibly do for a living.

It's none of my business but I can't help but be curious about it since when I ask him how his day went, he usually says he's still working even though it seems like he's been working since dawn. 

I really want to ask him but I don't want to pry. He seems like the kind of guy that keeps to himself and open up when he's ready. 

I'm just hoping that there will come a day where he'll trust me as much as I have grown to trust him.

My thought process his interrupted by the sound of keys jingling in the door and my heart sinks to my stomach when I'm brought back to reality.

"Hey baby" Taehyung greets while taking off his shoes. It's Saturday so he doesn't have work which means he might be hanging around here for a while before no doubt heading out again. 

"Hey" I respond quietly, feeling as though I'm retreating back into myself, not really being able to relax until I know what kind of headspace he's in.

"Where's my welcome home kiss from my gorgeous wife?" he asks while walking over to where I'm sitting at my desk. He leans down and kisses me on the lips, moulding his mouth against mine while I crane my neck up and return the kiss, placing a hand on his cheek to keep him connected.

"Welcome home" I let out after he pulls back, panting slightly as he nudges his nose against mine before standing up straight again. "Have you been up long?" he asks, him having gone out late last night and surprisingly turning up here again bright and early.

I hum in acknowledgment, "I've been waking up earlier these days so I can get a jump start on my writing and trying to go to bed earlier" I respond while watching his back as he walks over to the kitchen.

"Oh really? How's that going?" he questions, pouring himself a cup of coffee and walking back into the living room, waiting patiently for my answer. 

"Well it's been nice to implement a bit of a routine since my days and nights have kind of been all over the place for a while. Plus, I feel like this story is really coming along. I even started mapping out ideas for the next book in the series!" I say and he looks at me as if he's almost falling in love with me again, making me shy under his gaze.

"That's amazing honey. I feel like I haven't seen you smiling like this in a really long time. "Looks like all you needed was a little discipline to really get your life back together huh?" he say while giving me a knowing look, cocking his head to the side and letting his eyes roam my body for a second. No doubt looking at the faint bruises he'd left from last week.

"I guess so" I say, awkwardly rubbing my bicep where he had grabbed me. "How are you feeling?" he questions, coming a bit closer and ghosting his fingers over the marks. "I'm fine, they don't hurt as much anymore" I say, slipping my arm out if his grasp.

"That's good, I'm sorry I got a little rough with you. I was frustrated with some work stuff and I took it out on you. That wasn't fair of me" he apologizes while brushing the hair out of my face and tucking it behind my ear. "It's okay" I say quietly, looking down at the floor to avoid his gaze. 

"No, it's not okay" he says tilting my chin up and making me make eye contact.

"I haven't been treating you well and I wanna make it up to you" he says, caressing my face with the hand that he used to tilt my chin up. "Okay" I whisper as he leans down to connect our lips again but before they're able to touch his phone rings. 

He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone and the name Tiffany flashes across the screen with a kiss emoji at the end, giving me a name to associate as to why he's actually never home. 

"I've gotta take this" he says and I nod my head to show I don't mind even though my heart is breaking more and more with each ring. He gives me a quick kiss to apologize before answering the call and walking into the kitchen. 

I take that as a sign that he'll be leaving for the night again and head into the bathroom since it's the one place he won't question as to why I've shut him out. I close the lid of the toilet and cover my ears so I can't hear him but curiosity gets the best of me and I hold my breath to see if I can make any words out despite my whole motives of coming here in the first place.

"No I ca-. Well I just got here I-. Okay, okay fine I'm coming. Let me just come up with an excuse to tell her and I'll be there soon. Okay? Alright, love you too. Bye" I hear him say and he ends the call. I cover my mouth, trying to stop any sounds of heartbreak that might come out and listen as he walks down the hall to our room. 

"Y/n? Honey where are you?" he asks, barely bothering to look for me. "I'm in here" I say, turning on the sink to drown out the sound a bit to prevent him from hearing how wobbly my voice sounds from the emotions I'm trying to keep at bay. 

"I've gotta head out for the day but I'll be back tomorrow night. You gonna be okay?" he asks as if he cared about me. "Yeah I'll be fine don't worry, I'll see you then" I yell above the sound and he says a quick goodbye through the door in return and leaves soon after. 

Once I hear the front door close I let some of those choked sobs go.

He's never been that obvious before. Does he just not bother to hide since he sees that I don't question him about it? I don't even know why I still care since it's very clear that he doesn't care about me.

At that I look at my phone and see that there's another email from Jungkook that came in a little while ago which gives me motivation enough to dry my eyes and get myself together so I can head back out to my laptop and get lost in this safe haven we've created for each other. 

'Did you forget about me already?'  he questions, seeing as it has taken me a while to respond. I couldn't risk doing it and Taehyung finding out about us. Even though there is no 'us' when it comes to Jungkook and I, unlike that Tiffany girl he just left me for today.

'I'm sorry Taehyung came home. He just left though...'  I send and get a response back immediately, seeing he's been waiting for my response.

'Are you okay? Did something happen?'  he asks and I smile at the thought that there is someone out there that cares enough to ask. 

We've been emailing each other everyday since he came over and I've opened up to him a bit more about my relationship with Tae and he's been really good at just letting me talk and just being there for me. Always talking me through things and helping me process no matter if it's problems with Tae or even other more mundane things like writer's block. 

He's just there, no matter what.

'Can we meet up today?' I type out but hesitate, letting my hand hover over the mouse. 

Watching, waiting, worrying about if this would be a good idea but before making that decision myself I accidentally hit send when I try to put my hand down to rest it on my lap. 

"Shit" I say out loud but before I can figure out how to unsend the message I get a response back. 

'Sure :) Did you want to meet at the Blue Pearl? Or should I come over?'  he asks and I hold my breath, weighing the pros and cons to this whole situation and decide to just say fuck it and do what I want for once. 

'Can you come over?'  I send and close my laptop, too nervous to look at his reply. "What the fuck am I doing inviting a younger guy to my apartment when my husband is gone? What am I doing?" I say out loud and pace back and forth until I hear the chime come from my phone this time. 

'Be there soon :)'  "I'm fucked" I admit out loud before running around and quickly getting myself and the house ready.

 ~~~~~

A rhythmic pattern of knocks plays and puts my mind at ease while I walk towards the door and open it. 

"Noona!" he greets with a smile before giving me a hug that catches me off guard making me take a step back to help me stay balanced. "Thank you for coming" I say while returning his embrace and letting go a second later so I can step aside to let him in. 

"Are you okay?" he asks after having taken off his shoes and taken in my form to what I don't realize is to look for any signs of harm. "Yes I'm fine" I say with a sad smile yet know for a fact that even if I try to deny it he can read me like a book. 

"Then why were you crying?" he asks, looking at my red eyes and flushed cheeks. "I heard Tae talking to one of the girls he's cheating on me with" I mumble and at that Jungkook takes my hand and leads me over to the couch without saying a word.

"He didn't even try hard to hide it. Like he has a stupid kiss emoji next to her name and everything. He had only been here for like twenty minutes tops before he left" I spill out. He keeps a hold of my hand, looking down at it while I let out all the things I've been holding in. 

The worries, the doubts, the fear, the stress. I don't know when it started and I can't figure out how to make it stop. 

"I don't know what to do" I admit, looking down at my lap, watching as the tears fall from my eyes and onto the fabric of my jeans. 

"Do you want me to be honest and tell you what I think or do you want me to just listen?" he asks, rubbing circles on the back of my hand. "Be honest?" I pose almost as a question, knowing this is the ugly truth I've been hiding from. 

"Can you tell me more than one reason as to why you should stay with him? Besides him being your husband" he asks, sitting silently and waiting for me to respond, giving me time to think it through but when I shake my head he goes forward with posing his argument. 

"If you can't manage to come up with a reason as to why you should stay with him then what's keeping you from leaving? I know you said that you're scared and you don't know what to do but the fact that you're not doing anything is hurting you more than if you decided to leave him" he states, I just nod my head and listen, letting him say his piece.

"He's hurting you. He's hurting you physically" he says while ghosting his fingers along the bruises that run up my arm, "Mentally" he continues brushing the hair off of my face and rubbing his thumb up against my temple "And sexually" he finishes, taking note of the hickeys and the way I flinch away from him when he tries to lay his hand on my neck. 

"That's just how Taehyung is, he likes things rough" I say, making excuses for the marks that are clearly beyond rough sex. 

"But do you like it?" he questions, catching me off guard with an intimacy of the question. "He keeps me satisfied if that's what you mean" I answer curtly, hoping he'll take that as an answer. 

"That's not what I asked. Do you enjoy the way he has sex with you? Is that how you want to have sex?" he continues, not backing down from getting an answer out of me. I look up at him to see if he's seriously asking me that question and all I can see is a serious expression on his face.

"I don't mind it" I say, dancing around my answer. "Noona" he warns in a tone of voice he's never used with me, catching me off guard. 

"N-no. No I don't like it. It's too rough for me and I don't like it" I admit. He nods, casting his eyes down as if he's lost in thought before asking his next question. "Have you ever told him?" he questions and I shake my head only to realize moments later that he can't see me. "No I haven't told him" I respond quietly and he nods again before looking back up at me. 

"Why?" he asks and I'm left with one answer. "Because I'm afraid of what he might do to me if I say no" I explain. "I figure it's better to say yes and take it instead of saying no and having him force himself on me" I cover my mouth not realizing the fact that I said the thing that I was even too afraid to admit to myself.

"Has he ever forced himself on you?" he asks while clenching his jaw, clearly upset at the thought. "I didn't tell him no but I tried to make him see that I didn't want it but he didn't care to pay attention" I answer, getting rid of the filter seeing as it won't do either of us any good if I were to hold back. 

"That's one of the many reasons that you shouldn't even be with him anymore" he starts, his whole body tense, anger just bubbling under the surface. "You shouldn't have to be with someone you're scared of. I just don't kno-" 

"That's just it, you don't know. You told me that before, that I shouldn't be with someone that I'm scared of but you just don't get it. You've never been married. You've never had to deal with struggles like this. You make it sound so easy, that I could just leave and never look back but it's not that simple" I spout off, defending myself and my decisions. 

"Noona I just want to he-" "I know, I know" I say cutting him off but gaining a softer tone at the end, shrinking back into myself, ridding myself of my defensive behavior. "I'm sorry Jungkook, I shouldn't have said that. I asked you to come over and then I just yelled at you and I just..." I trail off, hating myself for doing that to him.

He tilts my head up and looks at me, studying my features and I cast my eyes down, too nervous to maintain his strong gaze. "Look at me" he says in a soft tone but I keep my eyes down, focused on my hands that I have balled into fists. 

"Look at me, please..." he whispers and at that I decide to do as he says and I see how his eyes have glossed over, the stars in them wavering. "He doesn't deserve you" he whispers cupping my face, running his thumb along my cheekbone to brush off a tear that I didn't even realize had fallen. 

"I don't know what to do" I let out in a choked sob, letting the tears that I've been holding in fall, never letting myself cry enough to feel better. He pulls me in and I latch onto him, burring my face into his shoulder as he holds onto me tighter, further showing me that I'm safe with him. 

"Whatever you need I'm here for you. Just tell me what to do and I'll do it" he says, the deep rumble of his voice brings me comfort. "I-" I start but cut myself off with another sob. "It's okay, just let it all out" he says and cling to him harder. 

After having sat there and cried with him for what felt like hours my sobs slowly die down to sniffles and my breathing patterns return to normal. "You okay?" he questions, more so asking if I had finished crying versus how I'm feeling about my current reality. I nod my head but nuzzle in closer to him, not wanting to let go just yet. 

"What's wrong?" he questions. "I don't want you to see my face" I complain into his shirt and he laughs at (from his perspective) how adorable I am. "Aw come on why not?" he chuckles and I nuzzle my face into his neck, making skin to skin contact without paying any mind to it. "My face is probably all red and my eyes are puffy from crying" I mumble against his neck. 

His body goes stiff but I don't take too much notice and move a bit closer to him, not realizing how I'm making him feel and only realize it after he clears his throat a few times. "Is something wrong?" I ask finally taking in how uncomfortable he seems. 

"No, nothing's wrong I just- no it's nothing" he says trying to backpedal out of this. "It's obviously something if you're reacting like that" I press, wanting him to be as truthful with me as I have been with him. 

"I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable" I say, pulling away from him. "No! Noona no, it's just that. Your lips were on my neck and you were really close and..." he trails off, hoping that's explanation enough. 

"I didn't even realize I was doing that, I'm sorry..." I trail off as well, hating that I made this situation even more awkward than it already is. "It's okay Noona I just, well I just want to make sure we don't cross a line and it was making it hard for me to do so" he explains.

"What do you mean by that?" I ask, wanting to know exactly what he's thinking. "It's just, well you're married and I think you know that I'm attracted to you by now so it was just making it hard for me to think straight" he admits and I nod my head and look down at my lap, not really knowing how I'm supposed to respond. 

"I hope this doesn't change things between us. I really do want to be your friend but I understand if I've made you uncomfortable. I just thought you should know" he finishes and waits with bated breath for my response. 

"Would things be different?" I question, not fully asking the question since I'm not sure if I want to know the answer. "Would things be different if what?" he presses. "Would things be different if I wasn't married?" I ask and I close my eyes, scared of seeing his reaction. 

"You can't just ask me that" he says and I look up at him to see his face turned away, showing how pink the tips of his ears have gotten and how his jaw is clenching. "Why not?" I press, needing to know based off of the kind of reaction he's giving me. 

"You don't know how hard I've been holding myself back" he says and tongues his cheek, making me widen my eyes at the motion. "Holding yourself back from what?" I press further, needing to know what's running through his mind right now. 

"From kissing you" he says, finally looking back at me, making eye contact before his eyes flicker down to my lips. "I-" "I should go" he says, cutting me off before I can say anything further. "Wait, no you don't have to go. I'm sorry" I say, trying my best to keep him here. I can't let him just run off after a confession like that but he's giving me no other option as I watch him stand up. 

"You have nothing to apologize for Noona. I shouldn't have said that. I do have to go though, my family is waiting for me back at home" he says and I widen my eyes, never having heard him talk about his family as of yet. 

"Family?" I question, my curiosity peaked. "Yeah I live with my mom and my three siblings" he says while walking over to put his shoes on. "Three?" I question and he nods his head not bothering to give me much more than that. 

"That's a topic of conversation for another time though" he says after he stands back up from tying his laces. "Oh okay" I say and hug myself, providing myself some comfort, hating to see him rushing out of here already. 

"They really are waiting for me. My mom has to work tonight so I'm stuck taking care of the kiddos" he says, giving me a soft smile before turning to open the door and I follow behind him. 

"Let me know when you get home okay?" I say, leaning up against the door frame. "I will" he says and reaches out to pull me in for a hug, accepting it right away. 

"I still want you in my life so please, don't disappear" I mumble into his chest and he hums in acknowledgment. "You can't get rid of me that easily. Not after I fought for that title of best friend" he says pulling back and looking down at me fondly and I smile back up at him before he places a hand on the side of my neck and leans down to place a kiss on my forehead.

"Bye Noona" he says, giving me a soft smile. I smile back up at him and return his sentiment before he turns to walk away.

I watch as he goes, waiting for him to get in his car where he looks back up towards my apartment, not expecting to see me waiting for him but smiles when he does. I smile back and wave and watch as he pulls out of his spot and makes his way out of the parking lot. 

"I'm really fucked" I mumble to myself and turn to walk inside my apartment. 

"He gets more and more handsome each time I see that young man" Mrs. Mitchell says, making me jolt back from the scare of being caught. 

"Mrs. Mitchell we didn't-" I start but she waves me off. "You don't need to make excuses to me love. Like I said last time, I wouldn't blame you if you did" she says and places a hand on my arm, noticing all the mixed emotions I have written all over my face. 

"Why don't we change the subject and have you sign those books we had spoken about the other day" she says, turning to walk towards the stack she had waiting by her front door like she had told me she would. 

I smile at her enthusiasm for my writing and and am thankful that she doesn't address what had happened between Jungkook and I anymore. 

"There you go" I say putting the cap on the pen and handing the last book back to her. "Thank you dear! The girls are going to love these!" she says placing the books back in their place. "Girls?" I question, chuckling at her reaction, so happy a simple thing like this could make her happy. 

"Yeah! The other women in my book club. I recommended your books to them and they've been begging me to get them a signed copy from you ever since" she says, turning back to face me. "Well I hope they enjoy them!" I reply happily, embarrassed still that woman of their age are reading it but thankful nonetheless. 

"We're all meeting together here next Sunday so maybe if you're not too busy writing you could stop by and have tea with us. I just know they would love to meet you!" she says, practically glowing with excitement. 

"I'll have to get back to you on that one but it sounds lovely" I smile, my heart swelling at the thought of meeting some of my readers. "Wonderful! But I'll let you get back to your day dear. Make sure to set aside some time to take care of yourself and relax tonight okay? You deserve it" she says placing a comforting hand on my arm before we both go our separate ways. 

As I close the door behind me I'm met with that all too familiar chime and I walk over to my desk, this time a bit more tentative than before, being nervous as to what I might find from my familiar friend jkjkjk.97

Home :) is all he sends but I decide to respond, nervous of the result if I don't, scared that he might shut me out or fade away.

Have fun with the kiddos tonight! And thank you for coming today, it really meant a lot to me  I send back, hoping to make things sound normal.

Anytime, let's see each other again soon. Okay?  he asks and I can tell he's waiting earnestly for a response. 

Okay. This time at The Blue Pearl so we can say 'Hi' to Rae. I miss her :(   I say, hoping that he won't take that as a way of me keeping him from coming over when I really do miss Rae. 

The Pearl it is! Goodnight Noona he says, ending the conversation early tonight, no doubt having a lot to do to manage three kids for the night. 

Goodnight Jungkook  I send and close my laptop, vowing to do as I had agreed upon and take the rest of the day to take care of myself. 

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[femmefatalevibe]

Hello darling! I’ve tried several times to do time blocking and have my app calendar organised but it never works. I have adhd so it’s like I don’t know how to keep it up because I never found a method that it works for me. Can you share how you do it in case you do it? And some tips? I feel like it’ll help me to organise my life but I feel stuck every time I have to do it. Thank you <3

Hi love! Sharing my method below. Hope it's somewhat useful xx

To-Do List Planning:

Spend an hour or so on the weekend to list all of the important assignments/errands, etc. you need to complete during the week. Fill your calendar with your school/work/activity obligations first see an overview of how you will need to spend a considerable amount of time dedicated to each non-negotiable activity. Use this overview to help you map out the "free" time" you have and pre-schedule when you will do specific work projects, study for a particular exam, when you will run certain errands, engage in leisure activities, etc.

Before bed/dinner, use this weekly framework to finalize the next day – your agenda for the upcoming day. Determine the big 1-3 tasks you want to complete the following day and when throughout your day you will focus on these specific tasks. Giving yourself this pre-assigned schedule will eliminate decision fatigue and allow you to go into a more "autopilot" mode by completing the action you've already planned to take at any time of the day.

Important Date Reminders:

Utilize your Google Calendar and sync it to your iCloud (make sure it's private!) to allow you to write down any important dates available for viewing on your phone, computer, etc. at all times.

Create a color-coding system to organize your calendar (i.e. make any big projects due in blue, regular/smaller assignments to complete in red, important job reminders in yellow, errands tasks in green, family/friend obligations in purple, appointments in orange, etc.)

If you need to remember to submit certain paperwork, run an errand, etc., use your Reminders app to alert you at the time when you're able to complete this task before a deadline, going home, etc.

Use the location function or invite other participating members on a specific Google calendar event for any obligations where you need to be at a certain place at a specific time and/or are working on a group project, having a meeting, or need to be at a location with someone else.

I'm very into my "bookend" routines aka the rituals I do before I start my tasks for the day and how I wind down at night.

In the morning: Skincare, outfit, makeup, 2 big mugs of black coffee, reading articles & newsletters

In the evening: A long walk outside or a 15-30 minute YouTube workout/dance party session when the weather isn't optimal. Shower, skincare, get into sweats, make dinner, clean up around the house

To plan out my work week/days:

I use the 3-Month Productivity Planner by Intelligent Change (linked here). It's been my holy grail while building my business for the past 3-4 years. I also love having a physical "To-Do" list notepad next to me for tasks that come to mind or come up throughout the day that I want to organize/come back to later. (I always try to plan my week out on Sunday evenings and for the next day either before my evening routine or after dinner) I was gifted this one from The Daily Edited a few years ago and love it. Very much worth refilling the inserts.

For meetings: I use Google Calendar that's linked to my iCal. The notes section is essential for me.

For small tasks/bills/errands: I set scheduled Reminders for the day/time I need to pay a bill, write an email, schedule something for work or life, create a reminder for something I need to take before heading out to a meeting or appointment, something I need to buy at the pharmacy, etc.

As someone who in certain ways completely embodies the stereotypical "creative" type, my brain naturally goes in a million directions at once, so streamlining everything has become an important, deliberate habit and way of life for me. People think I'm naturally organized at this point in life, so I hope this system works for someone else out there too! x

#productivity #healthy habits #goal setting #life skills #femme fatale #organization #life design #dark femininity #dark feminine energy #it girl #queen energy #higher self #high value woman #high value mindset #that girl #self improvement #self development #day in the life #female power #female excellence #female entrepreneurs #successhabits #femmefatalevibe

[kitashousewife]

I don't know if this counts as a prompt but how about the "Only One Bed" trope with Hinata~?

nonnie this is perfect!! thank you sooooo much for the idea heehee i hope this turned out okay!

brazil!hinata, fluff, friends to lovers

-

hinata's bubbling with excitement all day long. through his morning shower, while he took out the garbage, during the practice games this afternoon, and the entirety of the evening, he's been giddy. riding the transit to the airport and dealing with the tense flow of travelers didn't phase him one bit.

now he stands in the airport holding a ridiculously large and vibrant sign with your name in massive letters, right above his head.

the two of you had planned this trip a little over three months ago. hinata had almost reached his two-year mark in brazil, and was getting ready to move home. he asked you to be his travel buddy, even offering to pay for your travel if you would be so kind to accompany him. you couldn't say no, of course, and made plans to fly to see your best friend.

you and hinata met when you were first years, both in the same elective classes. you've been inseparable ever since. you watched every game that you could, despite your own busy schedule. even while he's been gone, weekly facetimes and daily chats have kept you closer than ever.

you'd be lying if you said you weren't a little nervous, though.

over the past two years, you've watched hinata grow from a bouncy, excited teenager into a confident and strong man. he's honed his skills to perfection and it shows. you've seen the streams. you thought he was incredible in high school, but he's got to be the best volleyball player you've ever seen. it's amazing, and you're so proud.

but this confidence has affected more than just his performance.

hinata carries himself in a way that exudes confidence and pride. he's tan, dusted with freckles, and toned muscles that prove the hours of volleyball he's endured. he smiles often, a bright and toothy grin whenever he speaks. hinata is sure of himself. he knows who he is, speaking with a clear voice and tone.

which is much more attractive than you had thought.

you've found yourself thinking about him more, lingering thoughts of his happy grin that follow you throughout the day. you think about his pretty hair and how it shines in the sun during your morning commute. you think about his cheery voice and the nicknames he calls you on your lunch break.

and as you step off of the plane, those thoughts come to a screeching halt.

once off the terminal and into the building, you're hit with the heat of brazil. that combined with the disorientation of it all, you are a little overwhelmed. until a near fluorescent pink sign held up by tan, strong arms and an orange mop of hair catch your eye.

"sho!"

you run, carry on dragging behind you until you meet your best friend. hinata picks you up, squeezing you as tight as he can before setting you down.

"god, i'm so glad to see you. was the flight okay? did i get you good seats? were you able to sleep?"

hinata tucks the sign under his arm, picks your bag up for you, and leads you to the exit. you follow behind him with a laugh.

"yes, yes, and a little bit," you answer while the two of you wait in the shade of the large sign, being put to good use in the evening sun. "did you wait long?"

he shakes his head. "less than twenty minutes. but you know that i would've stayed all day for you."

as the bus pulls and the two of you find a seat, hinata can't sit still. he's been feeling the same way that you have, but he's been able to distract himself until now. the way you say his name feels special, something that he looks forward to on every call. he counts down the hours until your weekly facetimes, heart pounding in anticipation everytime the call rings through.

"so, what's on the agenda shoyo?"

thankfully, that snaps him out of his thoughts and back to you as you rest your hand on his knee to get him from bouncing it.

"sorry," he stills. "well, i figured we could grab something to eat at my place. i don't have any practice until tomorrow, so we can relax tonight and head to the beach tomorrow. i figured you would want to rest after flying all day."

you can't help but smile. years of beach photos and now it's finally your turn to run into those waves he gushes about every day.

"sounds perfect to me. after the house tour i'll change and we can relax."

hinata snorts. "can't wait to show you everything, it will take a whole two minutes!"

you push into his side with your shoulder, rolling your eyes. the bus slows to a stop and hinata stands up, nodding his head towards a set of apartment buildings.

"this is our stop," he sighs, grabbing your hand to lead you off of the bus and across the street. as soon as you are en route for the building, he lets go of your hand. a small wave of tension washes over the two of you, but you're quick to move on. the excitement of seeing your best friend after two years outweighs the newfound feelings.

"okay, first part of the tour," hinata mumbles as his fingers fuss with the lock on his door. he cheers to himself as he finally gets it open, and runs into the middle of the room.

"ta-da!" he puts his arms out and waves his hands. "here's...everything!"

it is quite small, but it's just what he needed. a small kitchen with a couple of bar stools, a large window with an AC unit, and a few photos taped to the fridge. a couple volleyballs sit in what must be the living room, along with his goggles and extra water bottles. he walks to a door adjacent to the front door and laughs.

"so that's my kitchen, obviously. and then this was my living room, but i already sold my couch and chairs,"

you stop walking and give him a confused stare.

"wait, you got rid of your couch? what am i going to-"

"here's my room. that's the bathroom," he points towards another door which is next to a large map of japan taped to the wall. the other walls are decorated as well, with photos of friends and family and other photos he enjoyed. some scenery from home, photos he snapped at the beach, and some volleyball posters as well. hinata scratches his head. "i know it's pretty small, but i didn't need much. but, if you need towels they're in here, and-"

"shoyo."

"the AC unit is perfect, too. if you need it turned up just let me know-"

"shoyo."

he stops finally, hand reached towards his small closet door when he turns to you.

"what's up?"

"you got rid of your couch?"

he laughs, flopping onto his bed. "yeah! two days ago. it was a pain in the ass to get down the stairs," he shakes his head, remembering how ridiculous the whole thing was.

"why did you do that?"

now he returns your confused look. tilting his head to the side, he looks at you. your arms are folded across your chest, your boarding passes still in your hand from earlier. a habit you clearly haven't let go of.

"what do you mean? i'm moving home next week, and i can't take it with me."

"shoyo, i was going to sleep on the couch."

hinata's smile falters slightly as the realization sets in. you're right, he was going to sell it the day before the two of you left. the busyness of the past few days caused that to slip his mind, selling it to his downstairs neighbor.

he swallows. normally, this wouldn't be a huge deal. the two of you have had tons of sleepovers before. but something is different now. something that he doesn't want to ruin.

"you can take my bed. i can just sleep on the floor, i don't mind at all!"

you shake your head, shuffling to join him on the bed. "it's your bed, sho. i'm not going to do that to you!"

"you're my guest, what sort of host would i be to make you sleep on the floor? c'mon, it's my fault i sold the couch to begin with. you can take the bed, i promise."

you play with your fingers for a moment, deciding what you're going to say for a bit.

"we could share," you suggest, voice quiet. when you look up at him, hinata's cheeks are dusted pink. he clears his throat.

"i-if you're okay with it, of course."

you nod. "i don't mind. it would keep us both comfortable."

hinata nods, hoping you don't hear the pounding of his heart in his chest. honestly, he would like nothing more than to keep you close. many nights, especially over the last few months, he's awake with thoughts of holding you, keeping you tight to him as you count the stars.

"well, i'll start dinner. feel free to shower, change, whatever you want."

"is that your way of telling me that i stink?"

hinata laughs out loud, throwing his extra pillow toward you before heading to the kitchen. god, he missed you. he missed your wit, your laugh, and the way your nose scrunches when he tells a bad joke. he missed everything about you, but he can't find the words to tell you.

the two of you spend the night playing cards on his living room floor, sharing stories of silly things that occurred over the last few weeks. hinata showed you a few photos he took a couple days ago, and laughed as he retold the stories behind them. before you knew it, it was almost 2:30 am, which meant it was time to go to bed.

the two of you had been putting it off as long as possible. but, with the way you rest your head in your hands between games, hinata knows it's time.

"i have extra blankets in the closet if you need them," he points from the bathroom, toothbrush hanging from his lips. you nod, moving your things out of your suitcase to keep busy. you're hoping to distract yourself as much as you can. "i'm going to shower really quick, but make yourself comfortable. i'll keep quiet," he closes the door all but a crack, the warm light escaping onto the bed like a spotlight.

you do as he says, getting comfortable underneath the blankets as far to the side as possible. as soon as your head hits the pillow, you begin to fall under. hinata's warm scent envelopes you and you feel safe, the hours of travel finally catching up to you as you shut your eyes.

you're not sure how long it's been before hinata joins you, sliding into bed as carefully as he can. he lies on his back for a while, trying to decide if he should hold you or keep his distance. the smell of his body wash causes you to stir a little, and without thinking hinata pulls your back to his chest.

you hum, very groggily as you feel the warmth of his bare skin on you. after a moment your eyes snap open as you realize the situation.

"i didn't mean to wake you, i'm sorry," he whispers, voice close to your ear in the position the two of you are in.

"it's okay," you breathe, scared if you move that he will push away.

a few minutes pass, the two of you unmoving and listening to the sounds of your rapid heartbeats, slowly beginning to beat as one.

"i'm sorry about the couch," hinata whispers once more, voice raspy with sleep. "but i like having you close."

your lips part slightly at the confession. your mind is swimming, shocked at the fact that he feels the same. you start to speak, but nothing comes out. instead, you reach for his hand with yours, softly pulling it wraps around you in wordless accord. hinata pulls you closer, a silent reassurance that he feels the same.

"goodnight, shoyo," you sigh, leaning back into his chest. shakily, he leans forward to place a kiss on the back of your head.

"goodnight," he says into the night. the two of you drift off to sleep, feelings pushed aside for the time being. for now, hinata finally holds you close, and falls asleep with a smile.

#hinata x reader #hinata shoyo x reader #hinata fluff #hinata shoyo #shoyo hinata x reader #hq fluff #hq x reader #haikyuu x reader fluff #haikyuu fluff #shoyo hinata

[azurlily]

Dont ask just read, this is what a bored and horny mind can come up with. Yes, this woman needs a name so for now we will call her LSM. What does that stand for? Lets find out together. Completely UNEDITED.

Lesbian Sugar Mommy

You had a daily schedule, a routine. You followed this routine everyday for years. For years. So you being poor as hell at only 24, being barely able to afford food and rent. It was an all time low for you, and an embarrassing one at that. Recently your friend recommends you try a sugar dating app. At first you thought it was stupid, but mulled it over and remembered how broke you were. You made a profile and it took a couple days before you matched with a woman. At first you were incredibly awkward when texting and felt embarrassed. She seemed like the kindest woman you've ever met. She understood you and was better than any man or woman you had previously dated.

You were honestly pretty enamored with her, she has dark green eyes. Like a forest green, god they're beautiful, and you swear they change color depending on what she's wearing. Her hair is long and dark, contrasting her lightly tan skin. Her hair is slightly curly, definitely not straight. In the many pictures she's sent you, you notice all her nails are perfect manicured, but two on each finger have been cut down completely. You didn't bother asking, weren't a virgin or stupid, simply poor. You two began talking a bit more about finances after a couple weeks. She listened to you talk about your financial situation, how you could barely keep a roof over your head. By the end of your two and a half hour conversation, you found yourself being wired $10,000. It wasn't as if it was out of nowhere considering what the conversation was, but it was surprising. LSM had said she wanted to give you a bit of money to keep you going for the month. She had not said she was give 10,000 fucking dollars! You didn't know what to do with the money. Other than pay your bills and let the rest sit.

For a couple days you were worried she'd want it all back, but no, instead she asked if you wanted more.

"Well I didn't give you that much...so I'm just making sure it's enough. I can give you plenty more, sugar."

You had reassured her it was enough, much more than enough. In the following days you were finding her flirting with you more, being more straightforward. You blushed everytime she made a crude joke, but you almost wished it was a statement.

When LSM had asked if you wanted to have dinner at her place you agreed. You wondered how the night would go, if you would fuck up and she'd be mad. You hoped the night went as well as possible, and if not, that she'd at least tell you.

The night went a lot of different ways. At first she was playing the kind and gracious host, then she was flirting with you. Finally you had both drank a little too much of her expensive red wine, and she fucked you against her king size bed.

You dont remember the first little bit, but you certainly remember how your night ended. Well not all of it, that woman has the sex drive of a beast. She continued until she couldn't, until you couldn't walk and she couldn't see straight. If nothing else; your legs will remember this until you die.

"Good morning sugar, how are you feeling? I hope I wasn't too rough on you, although I can't say it was entirely my fault. You kept begging me to keep going, and who am I to deny you?"

You whined, talking hurt, and you couldn't move without some part of your body below your waist hurting. You sit up just a enough and look at yourself in your phone mirror. Oh she knew exactly what she was doing, theres a massive bite mark on your shoulder. Everywhere else there's hickeys, like they're changing color.

"Before you get mad- please look at my back!"

She turned and you saw large scratch marks running down her back. From her shoulders to her ass, you can also see quite the array of bites on her shoulder. One looks like it was actually bleeding. Your reaction must be funny because she's laughing like crazy. She gently cups your face and kisses your lips.

"So pretty. My girl is so pretty arent you? Mommy's little girl."

You just laid in her arms for a while, letting her talk about whatever she wanted. You were tired and her touch made you weak. You began thinking about your job, did you have to call in to work today? Were you working today? You asked LSM, but she just smiled and shook her head.

"You wont need your job anymore, at least not this one. I've already sent your monthly allowance over to you. You can quit that job anytime, it'll give you more time for me."

Monthly allowance? You pulled away to check your bank account. Sure enough she had transferred over $40,000.

You stared at the number for a moment a then looked back at her. You assumed she was some sort of big millionaire, but now that you're looking around. Really looking. You dont want to know what this woman does for a living.

"Pay no mind sugar, now come here. I'll have someone bring breakfast and we can stay in bed all day!"

#wlw #lesbian #im bad at this #women are hot #i cant write #sugar mommy #lesbian sugar mommy #lesbian sugar mommy x reader #rich #unedited #i tried #she might be in the mafia but i am not confirming nor denying that #maybe shes a mafia boss #maybe she is just really really rich #i dont see this as smut

[lapis-lights]

04 | I Love You For Infinity

'Falling From Grace' Series Finale

[Vendetta!Leon Kennedy x Reader]

Song Title: Infinity by Jaymes Young

Content Warnings: Near death, Lots of gun violence, Experimental Stuff, They finally get to be happy :D

Word Count: 13.9k

Author's Notes: Here we are at the finale :') I really really hoped you guys liked this series as I spent such a long time on it. I know some things were out of character but hey! We live and we learn, yeah?

I'm working on drafting up potential ideas and blurbs for the next big story project so I hope you guys will stick around for that :D

Posts are scheduled for 8 a.m. EST every day until the series is complete!

Series Masterlist

Ao3

Summary: You and Leon have finally found common ground as you take your final stand against the J.I.E., but not everything comes up roses. Though, no matter what, Leon's hand is in yours and it was something you would face...together.

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

'Cause you're the reason I believe in fate, you're my paradise. And I'll do anything to be your love or be your sacrifice. 'Cause I love you for infinity....

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

The next days are spent meticulously losing yourselves in the files you’d recovered from the J.I.E lab but also losing yourselves in each other. 

A switch had flipped in the atmosphere between you two and the abrupt shift from avoiding Leon to not being able to stand being away from him for more than a few minutes was enough to give you emotional whiplash. 

There are nights where he takes it nice and slow, worshiping your body and rolling his hips deeply into you just to watch your face contorted in pleasure. There are times he fucks you so desperately that all you can do is hold on for dear life and let him do all the work. There are days where you tug each other away from papers and reports and bioweapons to relax, offering up the suggestion of stress release that usually ends with one of you blissed out while the other takes gentle care of them. 

Sometimes Leon will go on errand runs that leave you regrettably on your lonesome, until he returns and catches you by surprise. You don't even get a chance to greet him at the door before his head is between your thighs, licking hotly into your core eagerly while you mewl helplessly above him. You're sure housekeeping is frustrated with your constant requests to change the sheets daily. 

It's not just sex, though. There are times you doubt that this is as permanent as he promises. There are moments where you stare listlessly and wonder when Leon will realize that you're not what he wants before leaving you in a cold bed one morning. While it never happens, he's always quick to soothe those fears with a gentle kiss and an offer to make cups of coffee for the both of you. Never does he berate you for thinking so sillily as your past partners had done, but rather he listens and quiets those thoughts with a tender press of his lips to the back of your hand. 

You're hopelessly in love with him, it's not even funny. You try and give back tenfold of everything he does for you, holding him during restless nights and staying up as late as you can when he can't find the strength to go to sleep. 

One night, you had read to him, voice laced with sleepiness but persisting nonetheless because you wanted to help him. Leon's head rested against your chest, reading along with you but not really doing but more than staring at patterned ink on the page. In reality, he would later tell you he was simply listening to your voice.

"Death is of happenstance, when we ebb and fade from the minds of others long after our indestructible destruction. We live and die in memories," you read sleepily, having selected a random book from off one of the shelves in the room. "The bittersweet taste of your absence on my tongue is nothing compared to the confectionary hope that you will be in my arms upon reunion."

Leon makes a noise of recognition, moving to look up at you. "I like that."

"Yeah? Do you read much?"

“Nope,” he says candidly and rolls so that his nose is buried in the slope of where your neck connects to your shoulders. One of your hands keeps a hold on the book as the other starts running mindlessly through his hair. “Love it when you do, though, sweet thing.”

That’s the other thing: his nicknames. Leon’s oddly obsessed with calling you anything sweet–sweet girl, sweet thing, sweetheart…While he does use others, those types happen to be the most common occurrence. They never make you fail to feel giddy, something like a schoolgirl finally getting the popular boy to look her way. Only for you, he seems to be just as obsessed as you are.

Admittedly, Leon's said he prefers you saying his name just because he likes the way it sounds alone, but you don’t pass up the chance to give him nicknames of your own. 

Things don't always go smoothly, though.

There are times you shy away from him, unfamiliar with his efforts. Times you question if what he promises is really true and try to not flinch away every time he reaches for you. Leon never hurts a hair on your head and while you know this, old habits do tend to die hard.

It's one night when it's raining lightly that Leon pulls you away from your analysis on one of the J.I.E.'s version of regenerators that the Los Illuminados cult created. You go whiningly, complaining that he was being too needy but secretly exhausted in a way that was probably all too easy for him to spot. 

Leon holds you in place on the bed next to him like he's afraid you'll try and run away back to the desk if he doesn't, but you don't necessarily complain since he's warm and the proximity is enough to make your heart do backflips in your ribcage. 

"You work too hard," he mumbles as the weight of the world settles into your bones. "Try and get some rest."

"Yes, dear," you mock, but kiss him all the same to let him know that you weren't truly mad. 

He makes a nice satisfactory noise, pulling you closer and kissing wherever he can reach, hands rubbing along your skin gently and leaving sparks of electricity in its wake. Just from his touch and warmth, you already feel yourself anchored down and sleep touching your eyes.

Leon lulls you, hands starting to mess and play with your hair as you allow yourself to be anchored down and down until the images fly behind your eyelids and sift through your unconscious memories.

You roll over and your face hits the sand. 

You stumble to your feet, the familiar weight and feel of a gun in your hands as the sound of helicopters roar in your ears as they fly overhead, shooting down the infected natives of the island you'd been sent to investigate. Nearly all members of the team assigned to you lie dead at your feet, crimson blood flowing in rivers from explosions, gashes, and bullet wounds. There's no time to worry about them, though. 

There's mixed screaming all around you, and aiming is second nature. A clean headshot and a well-charged kick is all it takes to take down the guy in front of you, and you swap out your handgun for a shotgun as multiple people form into a small crowd. 

You pull a grenade from your pocket, pulling the pin and throwing it into the sea of people. Stepping some paces back, you wait for the explosion before picking off the rest of those who survived the blast. It's then that your earpiece clicks and a voice comes through from your field managers back at headquarters.

"Come in, Python," they say, "according to our data, the source of the virus is right through the jungle. You need to gather whoever else is alive and head that way."

You grit your teeth, chest pricking with annoyance as you press on the earpiece and snap, "That's practically a suicide wish. We will not be doing that."

"May I remind you that you're not the director of this mission," the person on the other side snaps but their voice sounds fuzzy–muffled. "You follow whatever orders you're given and right now, you need to get to that virus."

You reload your submachine gun, and open fire. "Are you crazy?! There's only ten of us, maybe less. Who fucking knows how many are protecting the virus?"

"You signed up for this. We're expecting results."

They really were trying to work you to death.

The line cuts and you mumble a curse under your breath. A back hits yours and you glance to see one of the other team members has covered you from behind–a talented sniper who has played a role in more than a few of your successes in the past. It's a relief that she's been assigned here too and together, you mow down the bodies that are continuously shuffling and moving towards you.

There's too many coming close to her and enough that were far away from your side. You duck, twisting around her to shoot at the oncoming attacks at point blank while she props the muzzle of her rifle across your back to stabilize her aim. She takes out the ones that were a good distance away. You motion to her and together, you take off towards the heart of the island. 

"F.O.S. is insane," you grumble to her, swapping the magazines in your gun. "Sending two people for the virus."

"Better get a hell of a paycheck out of this one," she agrees. "When we get back, drinks are on me."

The two of you trek for what seems hours and time bends and warps in on itself. The next thing you know, she's not next to you anymore and nothing but the sound of nature and the wind blows through your ears. Confused, you whirl around and call out her name in hopes of a cheery response. You're met with silence and the creeping sense that something is watching.  

Your stomach drops as you aim your gun, anticipating an attack from any direction. 

Instead, a rumble is heard from far away and a flock of birds flies from the top of the canopy, squawking in distress.

A force knocks you off your feet as the island begins to undergo an earthquake. The ground sinks beneath your body as you fight to get back up, panic settling deep in your bones as your arms refuse to cooperate. You scream out for help, to see if anybody was alive left from the bloodbath on the beach, but you know the irrevocable horrible truth.

Everybody but you died that day on the island. The sniper had jumped in front of you to take a hit and sacrificed her life to give you a chance to get the virus. You had shown up at the J.I.E. with a small vial that contained a strain along with the blood of your innocence staining your hands.

The earth seems to try to swallow you whole, opening up as if to send you straight to hell. The heat is enough to burn the flesh off your bones and it feels like you're melting from the inside out. Another scream claws its way from your throat as the tears cascade down your cheeks in wet rivulets. You know you're going to die the way you should have with everybody else on that damn day. It was unfair, leaving you to be the lone survivor and the target of the trainers who worked their agents to death. 

You wait for the burn, for the fire to sear you alive when you feel that familiar touch. It's the same one that causes that controlled blaze inside of you–that melted the ice and saved you. 

It pulls you from that earthquake and right into reality, a sob escaping your lips as you scramble to upright yourself. You're sweating, eyes still leaking and your throat on fire as if you'd been shouting. Your whole body is numb and cranked to a hundred all at once, shaking like a withering leaf on an autumn day. 

Then, "Sweetheart? Are you with me?"

You flinch away, curling up before you realize who it was and what was happening. 

The bedside lamp turns on and bathes the room in a gentle yellow glow and you see Leon worriedly glancing over you, hands twitching like he didn't know if he should touch you or not. You've only had one episode before in front of him. When the night terrors bled into real life and he had woken you up then too. Back in the motel, it was nothing but awkwardness and the assumption that he didn't care whether you were suffering subconsciously or not. 

Now, things are different. They had to be. 

You sniff, trying not to look more puffy and bloated than you already do before reaching out, fingers searching for his own in a way they never have before. Leon sighs in relief, threads his hand around yours, and urges you closer. You fall against his chest and he tucks you into his body as if he could shield you from the outside world and hide away from all the distresses of your life. He doesn’t say anything–doesn’t ask for an explanation–just holds you and stays throughout the whole thing.

Once the adrenaline faded and you’re left with the exhaustion that comes after crying, Leon finally pulls away to get a good look at you. The care is more than enough to make you burst into tears, but you hold them back in favor of not sullying his shirt more than you already had.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, voice hoarse from sleep and screaming. 

“Don’t be,” he affirms, cupping your face and checking you as if making sure you weren’t hurt. “Bad dreams?”

“They usually are,” you admit and lean into his touch. Leon laughs gently when your eyes flutter shut, the warmth emission from him more comforting and grounding than anything else. 

He brushes strands of hair away from your forehead before twisting to grab the water bottle from the nightstand on his side. Leon doesn't pry into what happened–just stays with you as you drink to soothe your throat and settle down. You look at the digital numbers glowing on the clock. 

3:45.

"We should go back to sleep," you wince and fidget with the sheets beneath you but the reluctance is evident just by your body language and tone alone. "We should."

"We don't have to, baby," Leon soothes. "We can just stay up and do whatever until the sun comes up."

You don't want to return to that bloody beach–the start of many missions that would leave you in shambles and with less humanity than you started out with. It's almost laughable that once upon a time, you'd been a bright starry-eyed girl dreaming of changing the world. If you could rewind time, go back to when you were thinking of what you wanted to be when you grew up, you'd tell yourself to be an engineer or a veterinarian. 

Anything but this. 

Has Leon suffered through the same thing? How many people under him has he lost due to stupid mistakes and things that could have been prevented? You two really had to be so similar yet so different, but somehow, you'd found solace in each other.

"I got your shirt dirty," you frown, eying the dark patch that was no doubt a gross mix of your tears and maybe even snot.

He shrugs, pulling it by the hem and over his head. "Don't sweat it. I got a million more like it."

You can't help but stare at his perfectly sculpted chest that your hands have run over so many times. You can almost feel the heat of his skin beneath your palms. However, Leon's breathy chuckle pulls you out of your light fantasy. He flicks your forehead lightly, and you squeak as he rolls off the mattress.

"Quit staring, perv," he snorts, rummaging through his bag for another shirt. "My eyes are up here."

"We've literally fucked," you grumble, earning a surprised laugh from him. 

Upon getting another shirt, he disappears into the bathroom before returning with some tissues and picking up another water bottle along the way. You graciously blow your nose and clear all that gross mucus from your system. He allows you to finish off the rest of his old water bottle before tempting you back into his arms to lay back down.

You don't hesitate to get comfortable, breathing out serenely once you finally settle down. Reluctancy lies in your mind just thinking about going back to sleep and having to carry another gun or watch another person die, and Leon seems to catch on just as quickly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asks gently, open to a yes or no. 

Gosh, you never would have expected the grumpy guy that used to insult you freely would be this caring. If you'd known that this is how he really was, you would have cut yourself off early, though it's a miracle something like this hadn’t happened sooner.

You take a deep breath in and blow it out. "It was years ago," you begin, picking up Leon's hand and starting to trace his palm lines in an act of distracting yourself. "I was sent to an unnamed island just off of Cuba where Umbrella had set loose a virus as an experimental field run. It was my first time giving commands."

Leon hums, shifting your position so that he can rest his head on your chest, listening to your heart and your voice while you continue brushing your fingers along his skin. 

"I was sent with a fairly large team but they overestimated us. There were infected natives that we were instructed to take out, but there were so many." You close your eyes and frown. "I remember the bloodshed–the screams of anguish of all the people I couldn't save in that first fight on the beach"

"Oh, (Y/n)." 

You open your eyes and smile, albeit a little watery. "I was the only one to get on the chopper that left the island that day. Stealth became the foundation of our training from then on and I was the one who bore the brunt of it all since I was able to make it out."

Leon scowls, all dark and lips curling back into a near snarl. "So they worked you into being their perfect little soldier." 

"Like a dog." You cup his jaw and run a soothing thumb across his cheekbone. "But, I'm here now with you. That's what matters, right?"

He breathes out, regaining his sense of control and nods. "Yeah. That's what matters."

You sit there throughout the night, holding and soothing each other through touches and the occasional kiss that borders on something more if the two of you weren't tired from being woken in the early hours of the morning. Instead, you relish in the presence of him. There's many things that go unsaid, including what your relationship is labeled now, but that's a worry for another day.

The next time your face hits the sand, your eyes fly open as you find yourself in an unmarked place that you can't identify. 

No longer is the feeling of silky sheets and Leon underneath your hands, but rather the rocky grains of sand that have already begun to stick everywhere. The sky stretches with the Milky Way, white stardust streaking across a navy canvas that seems to shudder the longer you look at it. Behind you is an island, the silhouette of trees rising up like a daunting wall and tittering with the sound of nocturnal animals. Somewhere, a bird squawks. 

Water rushes up the shoreline with puffy white seafoam before receding gently and restarting the cycle all over again, but its efforts never even come close to where you were sitting. You imagine it would be cold. The sound of waves crashing calms you and on this beach, things are peaceful. It's quiet, and soft. 

There's no blood, no voices, no guilt. 

You lay back down, let the sand pillow around your head, and smile.

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

“Babe, come look at this.”

Leon perks up at your call, immediately getting up to join your side on the bed where multiple files scatter across the sheets. You’ve been drawing links between experiments for a few hours now while Leon makes sure you take a break every once in a while to clear your thoughts and make sure you aren't working yourself into a hole.

“They’ve been tampering with copying DNA strands,” you point out, reading a paragraph on the top of a page titled ‘Somatic Cell Nuclear Transfer’. “‘Multiple test subjects have been shown falling apart or melting into a pile of unidentifiable yet useless substances. Dr. Walker theorizes that this may be a result of unstable skeletons and has proposed we build the structure akin to that of a machine. However, development would take too long so for now, we must continue perfecting the process’.”

Leon’s eyebrows furrow as he takes the paper from your hands and scans over the rest of the report briefly. “They’re trying to clone something.”

Your blood turns cold. “But what? They’ve been bulk creating bioweapons so surely that would be pointless.”

“Unless it’s not a bioweapon they’re trying to replicate,” he points out. “They could be trying to create a replica of a political figure or something.”

“But how would they have the sources to pull that off? They can’t get close enough to someone with power for a DNA strand or something of the likes.”

“I don’t know anymore about that than you do, sweetheart,” Leon mumbles, focusing on the report as his chin hooks on your shoulder and rests there. “Can you think of anybody that they’d get an advantage from?”

“Nobody else that you can’t think of,” you parrot, going through every person that they’ve targeted in the past. “Mostly I’ve been sent out to intercept the progress of rivaling companies and shadowing after you for information so your guess is just as good as mine.”

“We have to go back to the lab,” he sighs, rubbing a hand down his face and tucking it into your neck. His breaths tickle your skin. “Can’t catch a fucking break.”

“On the contrary, Mr. Kennedy,” you shrug your shoulders a little so that it jostles him enough to emit a mock aggravated groan. “I think you’ve had plenty of breaks since our last breach into the lab.”

He glances up at you, a red tint glowing on his face and you would have made fun of him for it if you weren’t going through the exact same emotions as he was. 

There’s a tense moment as your thoughts align on the same page for a minute.

“Wanna make it one more?” he prods suggestively and you have to laugh now, reaching up and patting his cheek affectionately.

“As much as I’d love to, I’d rather be able to walk when we head out. You really seem to enjoy folding me like a damn pretzel.” you tease.

“Start stretching more.”

“Give me time beforehand then.”

He falls dramatically onto his back, making a pitiful little noise as if you’ve wounded him. You snort, pick up the map, and begin marking down the route the two of you had agreed on but not yet finalized. The safe rooms are already circled in blue, and the major areas to avoid are in red. The best course of action was to pull an alarm and cut through the offices to the labs that connected to the computer room, and there, you could find the information you needed.

It was risky, and there were a lot of factors to be considered before the two of you immediately dove in. 

“That’s another cause for concern on the list,” you note, “along with the other ones we’ve listed down.” 

“Perfect,” Leon retorts. “As if the all-seeing heat detecting monsters and the eyeball motherfuckers weren’t bad enough.”

Throughout your view over of the list of bioweapons they’ve created, you managed to narrow down the ones they’ve deployed as a means of defense. One attracts to that of thermal senses and another that purely uses sight as it’s only dominant means of living, which means they’re going to be your biggest problems alongside the potential undead waiting to pop out. 

It’s also possible each one of them was injected with a variant of Las Plagas to make things even more fun. Total obedience was needed for them to function as a reliable defense system, and if they went rogue, it would cause too many heavy casualties. 

“This sucks.”

Leon huffs. “You can say that again.”

“We need to settle on a date,” you tuck everything back into the binder neatly before snapping it shut. With no grace, you fall onto Leon’s chest and he grunts as his arms circle around your waist instinctively. “Do you have any ideas?”

“Sure. We could go to the movies or take a walk in the park–”

“I will sleep in the other bed tonight.”

“I’d say a week’s time.”

You laugh gently, resting your chin on his sternum. He sighs, exasperated but lovingly all the same, and in this tender moment, it’s easy for the daunting mission to fade away. The outside world doesn’t exist when you’re with him and some part of him mourns that you’ll never be able to return to this suite when everything’s said and done. 

The future is terrifying since there’s no telling what’ll happen when he has to report back to the government.

Leon had explained to you that he was able to prod his bosses for an extended vacation after his former one was rudely interrupted by their request for his aid in dealing with the situation with Arias. You have no doubts that they wouldn’t hesitate to call him back though, so it’s a miracle he’s lasted this long. He assures you there’s nothing to worry about so you try not to be too bothered by the unnatural radio silence. 

“What are you thinking of, sweet girl?” Leon asks, running a hand through your hair and beginning to gently work out the tangles that bind together some strands. 

“You.” The answer is simple yet honest. He’s always on your mind nowadays, isn’t he?

“Yeah? What about me?” He tests and you know exactly what he’s trying to instigate.

“I’m gonna have to teach you some self-control, mister,” you chide, closing your eyes and reveling in the soothing motions through your hair. “You’re worse than I am.”

"Is that a good or a bad thing?"

"Whatever you decide," you say while stretching, yawning in the midst of the afternoon glow through the suite windows. "I wanted to ask you something, though."

Leon tilts his head and begins weaving a section of your hair into a braid. "I'm listening."

"Where do you see yourself in the future?"

He pauses, his motions stuttering before resuming almost cautiously this time. "What brought this on?"

"I was wondering what your plans are when we finally can rest," you close your eyes and make a noise between contentment and hesitancy. "We can't be worked forever and that pension's gonna be fan-fucking-tastic."

"Well," Leon breathes in like he's confessing a secret–like the two of you are children whispering things into each other's ears and pinkie promising not to tell, "I'd like to move into a suburban house–maybe one with a picket fence–that's in a small no-name city. The community would be nice but know how to keep to themselves. Maybe I'll have a couple kids running around. Work never really allowed me to think about having a family."

"That sounds really nice," you say wistfully, imagining it behind your eyelids. 

"I'd like to be able to paint and alter the walls however I'd like since I can easily afford something like that," he keeps on going. "A kitchen space just big enough to cook with someone and maybe even a window where I can watch the sun. I'd like a nice, cozy bedroom that's not neat or messy so I can bury myself in bed no matter what time I come home."

He wants such an idyllic life–one that you see in movies that everyone lives vicariously through because in this society, it was practically unachievable. Would you be so willing to have such a peaceful way of living as well? You can't fight forever, but all you've known for years is blood and gunpowder and pain. Could that world be something you deserve after everything you've done? 

Leon stops, rests his hand on the back of your skull thoughtfully, and says, "...And I want you to be in it."

You open your eyes and look at him, caught off guard. "Me?"

"Who else, sweet thing?" He laughs. "I hate to break it to you, but I'm not letting you go after this."

“Stockholm Syndrome,” you hum. “Are you really sure you want me there for all that, though?”

“There’s nobody else,” Leon says seriously. “Only you.”

You breathe in, then out and focus on the heat of his touch and the weight of his words on your heart. “Okay, Leon.”

“Okay?”

“Okay. We’ll have a house together away from this all and you won’t have to worry about the monsters anymore.”

His eyes crinkle with joy when he smiles and you’ve learned what it’s like when he expresses any genuine happiness. It’s a sight to behold but surely, it’s one you would never ever forget.

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

Your heart beats in your ears harshly, finger twitching to pull the trigger on your handgun as you watch carefully for any signs of movement around the corner. 

The world around you sucks a breath in, watching and waiting for any possible movement that would trigger an event. 

Nothing but the hum of electricity can be heard, a constant drone in the background as sweat accumulates on the back of your neck and your stomach rolls nervously. Your arms shake and you're already aching for the welcoming feeling of the hotel suite. Unfortunately, things aren't that simple.

You and Leon had left early in the morning, once again, focused solely on making it out alive by the end of the day. Following the route and plan the two of you had finished up and agreed on, it wasn't hard to find and trip the fire alarm to the offices. People came rushing out–as predicted–but what you didn't expect was for the monsters to be roaming freely among the workers.

You and Leon had done the best you could, using the walls of the cubicles to hide away from the eyes of the monsters who could only see, with ugly pink bat wings and the body of a fleshy larva. It was only when the thermal searching bioweapons came in that you were positively fucked. Computers came crashing down, wires fizzing electricity and the lights overhead spark angrily as bullets were shot with desperation.

There were so many of them–so much that the rubble and the amount of monsters combined separated you and Leon.

You panic when you can't see him anymore but hope that you'll regroup soon enough, running through a doorway and barricading it with a quick glance at the room and seeing that he's nowhere you can find.

Hence your position now. You have to be careful since you're in an uncharted section of the laboratory that you didn't study in depth like you had for the rooms that you planned for. Carefully, you get up from your position and walk. The atmosphere is not helpful, and it feels like the walls have eyes. You shoot down any security cameras you see and somewhere along the way, there's a safe room. 

There's nothing but a few boxes of ammo, a dusty old typewriter, and a plant that smells suspiciously like the vials of herbs that Leon had made you take all those weeks back. The thought makes your frown as you root out the plant from its pot. 

Your time in that snowy motel seems like such a lifetime ago. It's hard to believe that just last month, you were ready to kill him on sight. Between everything that's happened and all the emotions that have purged, this story of yours seems like just the beginning. Catharsis–or something like it. Now, you're ready to have a life with your sworn enemy just because you were stupid and fell in love. 

Who knows if Leon really was playing the long game or not?

Once you've checked and reloaded all of your guns, you step out of the safe room and back into the long hallway. The door at the end leads to some kind of boiler room and the heat only makes you more inclined to collapse. However, you push forward and take in the environment. 

There's a large pod-shaped machine in the middle exhausting steam and monitoring its pressure on the side, which would be the heater. All around is a metal platform that winds up upwards with stairs at every level, and there's no telling where the top door might lead to. Instead of dwelling too hard on it, you begin climbing. 

The lack of any enemies or things to shoot lets you know that any destruction to the boiler would probably be too large of a causality so they didn't want to risk the chance of the thing exploding. You're about halfway there when the hairs on your neck stand up and your gut pangs. 

You grab your knife and parry the incoming attack. 

The woman backs away, clearly surprised that you managed to sense her despite the silent stealth she employed. It takes about two seconds to recognize who it is and your blood runs cold. Ada blinks innocently, sheathing her knife and jutting out a hip. Expertly applied make-up refuses to run even under the heat and humid steam of the boiler room and infuriatingly, you understand why Leon might've been attracted to her in the past. 

"Ada," you say, hesitantly putting away your own weapon. "To what do I owe this pleasure?"

"I see he's told you about me," she tuts, moving to walk past you. "All these years and he still can't let go of me."

You think she's just trying to get under your skin, and you follow her just to see what she might say. "How long have you known Leon?"

"Mm...We have a history. One I wouldn't expect someone like you to understand."

You clench your jaw, reminding yourself that if it's a fight she wants, she'll have to work harder for it. What was the point in taunting you like this? Was it because of personal feelings that she had tried to get the jump on you earlier or was it part of a mission that she was on as well?

"You know," Ada begins, climbing another flight of stairs. "He's gotten good at acting–lying. He's not as predictable as he was before."

"So?" You reply irritably, ready to get away from her. 

"So you never know," she looks up wistfully, "he might be using you for information. When this is all said and done, Leon will get his hands on the data he needs and you'll be free from your contract. The business deal will be done and you can go your separate ways."

"Is that what you really think?" 

She looks back at you, something like pity or sadness in her eyes. "Maybe. I'm just trying to warn you before you do something you might regret."

You can't say anything about that. 

The two of you continue up the stairs until you finally reach the final door at the top. Upon opening it, you sigh in relief at the cold air and turn to find Ada isn't following. She only shakes her head slightly, backing away like she's disappointed or something.

Ada takes a deep breath in like she's trying to steel herself. "You're good for him. Better than I would've ever been. Don't fuck it up."

You open your mouth to retaliate, question what she means, promise you won't–maybe say something. You don't get the chance when she swivels around and vaults over the railing of the platform falling down and disappearing. You gasp, rushing forward to see call out for her, but the words die in your throat when you realize she's nowhere to be found. 

Left confused by the brief interaction, you glance back at the open door that leads into a narrow corridor. A lone door lies on the other side of it, and you try to remember if there was anywhere that it would lead to. However, you fail to, and decide that there’s really nowhere to go but ahead. You press forward, and the door to the boiler room slams shut behind you. 

You whip around, hearing the harsh click of a lock echoing through the small space.

You yank on the handle but to no avail. The thing’s bolted tightly.

An intercom crackles overhead and that voice that had spoken to you before when you and Leon had faced off the spider audibly clears the static.

“What do we have here?” they muse. “You two had better get to the main lab with all our fun little experiments. I’ve got a surprise–and perhaps you’ll find your way back to each other eventually. Don’t keep me waiting. Oh! Try not to die on the way, will you? It’s been a while since our animals have had a good hunt so I do hope you’ll be good sports and provide some much-needed entertainment.”

The static cuts off and rapid banging erupts from above. The sounds of the ventilation stagger and a shriek emits from the ceiling. You swap out your handgun for your reliable shotgun, making a beeline for the exit at the end of the corridor just as the door to the vent crashes down and you hit the floor to dodge the tentacle that comes flying at your head. 

You get a good look at what you’re up against–a pile of wet flesh that has eyes embedded into it like gems encrusted on a globe. Multiple limbs stretch outward from the main hub, wriggling hair-like tendrils spreading across the floor towards you rapidly. You get to your feet, breath coming out in ragged gasps. Your hands pump your shotgun and aim. When the hit lands, the thing screeches and puss explodes outward from its body. 

Being in such a confined space barely provides any advantages for you, and coupled with the fact that the mass of the bioweapon nearly takes up the entire corridor along with the lack of any environmental resources, it’s up to your combative prowess to get out of this one.

You grab an incendiary grenade and pull the pin. The fire is quick to make work of the thin tendrils on the floor and you sever the tentacle inching towards you from the side. You’re not quick enough to pivot around. A limb bashes into your torso and sends you flying, your ribs pulsating in pain as you slam on the ground. The concrete scratches your knees as you get up shakily, and you see your shotgun has landed a few feet away.

Upon not seeing you dead, the monster screams and focuses all of its efforts into trying to kill you. 

“Goddamnit,” you curse. “This isn’t good.”

You evade an oncoming attack, crying out when one tentacle wraps around your ankle and yanks. You fall on your back with a harsh thud and it begins dragging you towards the center where the monster opens up to reveal a mouth full of lines of rotating teeth. Your heartbeat pounds in your ears as you pull your knife and hack away at the restraint on your leg. The grip tightens enough so that you can feel the monster trying to crush your tibia and fibula together.

You have enough of it, dangerously close to the heated saliva of the bioweapon’s mouth. You stab your knife into the tentacle, and it splits  apart with a gush of hot blood. The shriek that emits from the mouth is enough to make your ears ring, but there’s no time to think about that now. 

Swapping out your submachine gun, you roll to your feet and begin targeting the spots where the tentacles source from. When they explode, the smell is so horrendous that you have to take the time to gag before reloading and letting the bullets do all the work. 

“You need a bath, buddy,” you mumble under your breath, wrinkling your nose in disgust. “Fuckin–this is what being an irresponsible pet owner does to a bitch.”

You sidestep another swipe and work on getting rid of the last few joints. Blood pours down the main body of the bioweapon and stains the floor beneath it, and as the last tentacle has been disarmed and popped, all that’s left is the main hub. 

It’s really unfortunate that you assumed it would be easy, but as the mouth closes suddenly, gurgles, then hurls a ball of acidic saliva at you, it proves that it won’t be as simple as you had hoped. 

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me.”

The saliva leaves a burn bark in the ground and you know that it would be hot enough to melt the flesh right off your bones. You duck and roll, barely managing to avoid another shot for your head.

“I thought I wouldn’t have to play dodgeball after PE in highschool,” you groan, trading out your submachine gun for your hard hitting reliable magnum. “Alright, I’ve had enough of your bullshit.”

The next time the mouth opens up, you can see the glowing heart of the monster beating behind a thin wall of translucent flesh just at the back of its throat. You only get a few sections to work out a plan before it spits at you again, you use the time to jump out of the way before firing a couple of shots right into the heart. 

It shrieks but persists and you take the period after the next attack to reload your magnum as fast as you can. Fingers dance quickly as you push every bullet into a designated hole in the round, aiming, and emptying all of it into the heart as quickly as you can. Just to be safe, you take a hand grenade and launch it into the still-open mouth,

The monster seems to swallow it, trying to prepare another acid attack, but it doesn’t get the chance. You duck, shielding your head as the grenade detonates and erupts. Guts and eyeballs go flying everywhere, and blood spatters across your clothes and skin. The monster finally rolls over limply and stays down this time as you finally stand to breathe in gulps of air.

It feels like you’ve just run a marathon, and your ribs ache from when you had been thrown across the corridor, but at the best, it might have been bruised. It doesn’t feel like they’ve been broken at least, which really was the only positive side to this whole thing. The bad part is the fact that this gives you a taste of just what the J.I.E. had been working on this entire time, and that didn’t bode well if they managed to get farther along than what you just encountered.

You pick up your discarded shotgun and find you’d only been two bullets away from being empty. You’ll have to manage your inventory better the next time. Taking the time to reload everything and check through your belongings, you observe the cuts and scratches you obtained during the fight. It doesn’t seem too bad, all things considered, and you decide to wait on trying to eat the mysterious herb you had picked up before.

The lock clicks again and you try the door again to find that this time, it unlocks easily. 

On the other side, you find a more open space. The room holds large test tubes that line along the far left wall with bodies of people floating inside of them, and tubes connect to various points on their limbs. On the right are monitors that track the progression of every corresponding subject and you go to the nearest one.

You walk slowly, realizing that every one of them were incredibly similar in terms of appearance. They hold the same face shape, the same nose, the same skin color. There’s only minor differences between each of them like the curve of the upper lip not matching or the varying heights by a couple of inches, but in general, they remain fairly similar.

You travel to the other side of the room and work one of the monitors that list it’s for test subject number six. There were a few tabs you were able to access, including the general review of the experiment as a whole. The computer screen casts blue light as the report loads and your stomach drops upon seeing the title. 

"The (L/n) Project - Molecular Cloning Process

Two weeks since Agent (L/n) escaped the facility. She has left behind all devices and managed to disarm the tracking chips installed within her weapons. We suspect that the tracker we injected into her has been damaged as well–Mr. Williams theorizes it must have occurred during her fight with T-X108 and therefore, had rendered us unable to pin down her exact location. The search parties sent out have not managed to find her.

However, she has allowed us to go forth with the cloning process. Her rebellion had greenlighted the project, appropriately named The (L/n) Project as we try to replicate her favorable traits and create a bioweapon capable of her abilities and more. 

This project utilizes a mix of the T-Virus as well as the Las Plagas parasite to ensure total and absolute control over the subject. Many defects have been formed due to the incompatibility between the mix of the virus and plagas, however, Dr. Stills remains optimistic and claims that we need only to find the right combination. Our last resort only banks on the chance that (L/n) will return and will ensure her capture and re-initiation. 

Should we apprehend her within the lab, she will immediately be injected with a plagas egg. From then on, she will be kept in confinement until the parasite reaches full maturity. 

Until that time comes, we will continue the cloning process in hopes of favorable outcomes. We have already gotten this far. All it needs is time."

The files about the J.I.E. dabbling in cloning flash through your head, and your stomach jumps into your throat. You return back to the test tubes and swallow harshly, now seeing that those are your features being reflected back at you through the glass. Those things are supposed to be replicas of you–formations that they took of your DNA strands and molded into your image in hopes of replicating your performance on the battlefield but better. 

They've had plenty of chances at getting your DNA through blood work and any hairs you might have misplaced or left behind. Think about it, you had willingly provided them all the resources to your genetic code on a silver platter simply because you believed you were working for the greater good.

You back away, shaking nervously as terror fills your system. You need to find Leon and you need to do it now.

You start running, stumbling out of the room into one much larger. It's like a factory, walls whitewashed and outlined in varying glass containers that hold a multitude of different bioweapon shrieking and clawing to get out. In the center is a control board that seems to operate a giant claw. Whatever this shit is, it meant no good. 

A door flies open ahead and you gasp, looking up to see none other than Leon stumble through. You're about to call out to him until you see him hold the door just in time for somebody else to follow after. A woman, it looks like, and your chest boils with something sharp. She's not wearing the same red get up Ada had been in, so she must be somebody new. At least, you hope that's the case.

You back away, watching as they head down the stairs together and go straight for the control panel. Before one of them can touch anything, you come out, gun securely held as you nervously shout out to him. 

"Leon?" 

He whirls around immediately, but instead of his expression twisting into relief like you thought it would, it morphs into one of confusion. His features set into harsh stone as he loads his gun and aims it at you.

You stop in your steps toward him, slowly putting your own weapon back into its holster and putting your hands up in a surrendering position. Wondering why he would turn the gun on you now if all times, you think with a pang that this is where he might betray you and has alerted an accomplice to aid him in this final stretch of the mission. 

This is soon cleared when the person walks out from behind him and you find you staring at yourself. 

"Leon," the fake you says, all nervous and matching your pitch perfectly. "This must be what they were talking about–with the cloning."

A bitter taste fills your mouth, insulted that this copycat would even have the audacity. "You would know since you're one of them," you snap, turning your attention to him. "Please, you've got to believe me–you've been traveling with a clone."

"Stop trying to manipulate him!" The clone's eyes shine with fake tears and you scowl. 

Leon hesitates, strung between two identical people and you can't believe they somehow created the perfect replica. How they even managed it is beyond you, but what matters is that there was a chance Leon could accidentally kill you without knowing it until it was too late. How could he handle it if his intuition is the very thing that had kept you alive and killed you all at once?

“Don’t fall for it,” the clone frowns, forehead wrinkling just in the same way yours did when you were determined about something. "She's just trying to trick you so we'll get separated again."

"You're one to talk," you seethe, knowing that losing your temper right now was akin to fighting a losing battle.

"Leon," she croons, circling around to look him in the eyes earnestly, "don't you remember all those nights we spent together? How free it felt to finally love me openly after all this time?"

He softens but only slightly, the grip on his gun loosens as he hears her recount the events of something so recent. 

"I've loved you for so long and didn't even know it," she says, so open and vulnerable like a mirror to your own emotions. It was eerie and creepy in a way you loathed, unsettling just how it was to see a reflection of yourself sweet talking the man you love. "Shall I tell you when I first admitted that I love you so that I can prove it really is me?"

She doesn't even wait for an answer before she's leaning in and whispering in his ear. Whatever she says, it must be something wild judging by the way his face flushes so violently crimson. Usually, it's you doing all that work, knowing what subjects will make his face burn in such a way that it's nearly impossible not to cradle it just to feel the heat beneath your palms. However, it's not you this time, and the fact makes you want to throw up and gag at the sight of it.

When the clone leans away, she scrutinizes his face before letting her expression fall. "You still don't believe me fully."

"I can't make a mistake."

"Then ask us a question," the clone suggests suddenly, matching your tone and body language down to a T as if you really just had a bright idea. "One only the real (Y/n) would know."

Leon's eyes turn focused, looking between the two of you trapped in front of him in similar stances. Really, what could he ask that the clone wouldn't know? She had apparently inherited all of your memories–all of the time you spent in the motel leading up to this second had been meticulously recorded. 

"When did we first meet?" He finally asks. "When did we really first meet?"

"Operation Counterpoint," the clone says immediately as if this were some twisted game show. "You caught me on an espionage mission gaining intel on Umbrella through your own mission. You almost killed me that day."

Leon looks at you and the raw emotion in his eyes as he waits for your answer makes you falter. You always knew him better than anybody–knew the things that made him tick and do the things he did better than you know your own quirks. You hope that intuition doesn't fail you now, needing it more than ever in this bizarre situation. Leon asked a simple question, but something underlined it. He was looking for something else–something more.

You understand what he's asking and you duck your head.

"When you saw my scars," you say quietly and nothing but the hum of electricity could be heard like the atmosphere had sucked in a breath and was holding it. "When you found out what the J.I.E. had been doing to me–how they were hurting me, that's…that's when we met. When we really first met."

Leon pivots and shoots the clone in the head, the throat, then the heart and as she falls to the floor, he reaches for you.

You sag in relief as you let yourself fall into his arms. The tension drains from your body as you find yourself in the clear once again. Leon–your rival, mortal enemy, and savior–pulls you to his chest in a real hug that you melt into. You haven't felt the warmth of an embrace from anyone but yourself in years before him–didn't allow yourself to. You suspect that he's just the same, or perhaps even more, starved of the touch than you were

His arms wrap across your back, pulling you right into the space that has become reserved for you against his body. His hold on you is so firm that it would take an army just to get him to release you from his sweet embrace. To be fair, you're not keen on leaving it anytime soon.

"Oh, sweet girl," he mumbles against your hair, grip tightening as if he'd rather die than let you go. "Angel, is it you? Tell me, please–please."

"It's me," you reassure as genuinely as you can. "Leon, you did good–you did so good. Thank you, oh my god."

The tension from the situation dissipates as you relish in the feeling of being alive and well. You can feel him shaking and you pull away only slightly just to get a good look at his face. Leon never cries even though he's seen a fair share of your tears and you've seen the nightmares that plague him every time his insomnia lets up and allows him to sleep. Now, you see that familiar well of hot saltwater welling beneath his eyelids and your heart hurts for what confliction he must have gone through while making his choice. 

You wipe them away before they even have the chance to make a track down your cheeks and his forehead presses onto yours desperately. 

“Leon, we have to keep going,” you prod, however just as reluctant to let him go. “We have to make it out of here together, okay?”

He lingers stubbornly and you think you might have to walk with him wrapped around you but he manages to pull away all the same and nods. You know he’s back with you now on a level head and that things were very possibly going to be okay again. You’ll live to see the day, and that was a true promise that passed wordlessly between the two of you.

Together, you approach the control panel and begin operating the system to tell you what has been happening.

Every single creature on the wall is registered to a number and every one contains at least one or more virus or parasite. Some of them mix together the T-virus and Las Plagas, even going as far to see if the plagas and Uroboros could be compatible somehow. The creatures maintain some sort of semblance of what they once were, ranging from rats to dogs to humans. 

This is more fucked up than you could ever have imagined. While the binder you had gotten had prepared you somewhat, even then, they only had one page of review and. This was the whole report, elaborately written for each of the bioweapons they had been creating.

“What the fuck could they be doing this for?” Leon mumbles angrily under his breath as he sifts through file after file.

“They wanted to take the bioweapon war to Umbrella,” you reply, nudging aside his hands so you can pull up the command prompt for the system. “With enough power, they could take down the pharmaceutical company and be revered as heroes for the anti-terrorism.”

“But the government would’ve shut them down the same way they did Umbrella.”

“Not quite.”

You enter in the string that brings up an overview of the J.I.E.’s plans, letting Leon read through it as you pull out an external hard drive to plug into the USB port hidden discreetly away from the open. Beginning to copy the information that was showing on screen, Leon sighs and catches your attention. 

“They’re gearing towards the favor of the public,” he realizes and you nod. “And this whole plan is why…”

“Why I left, yes.” You select all of the creature reports and start uploading them on the drive while talking. “They think that bringing a whole entire war to the companies is the only way to deal with them–they don’t think about civilians or people or the moral justice of those who do wrong. They want the advantage, which makes them no fucking better than Umbrella or Tricell or anybody else.”

“Who’s behind all of this? Do you know?”

You take a deep breath, trying not to think about what names or relations meant to you–especially higher ups who didn’t know how to keep their nose out of other people’s business. “Mr. Williams is the head of the J.I.E.–the one who made the company and announced its making under the false pretenses of making the world a better place. He built it on the trust of those who witnessed him jailing a couple criminals until he successfully apprehended an Umbrella team member. He was revered, and the J.I.E. received a lot of funds for his deed.”

“But?”

“But he’s been disillusioned ever since.” You look up at him seriously, taking his hand and clasping it between your palms. “Leon, promise me that if he manages to make an appearance, we run. He’s charismatic and knows how to get underneath your skin–you won’t get anything out of talking to him.”

“You’re sure about this?” he asks, squeezing your hand back gently.

“One hundred percent.”

Leon nods, trusting you. “Then we’ll run.”

The next moments are spent analyzing the creatures in the glass cases. You can see the wriggling parasites beneath the bronze flesh of some of the animals, stretching from Las Plagas to Uroboros to other possible variations. The animals with viruses don't have any wriggling tendrils but they do still snarl and rot from the inside out. It's disturbing, knowing that this was all right under your nose while you'd been willingly working for the J.I.E. 

When the hard drive is finished uploading the reports, you navigate away from the experiments and instead turn your focus onto the U.S. government. Leon makes a noise of confusion upon seeing you type in the buzzwords, but is effectively silenced when you open a file that introduces the world of hacking. There were so many files about getting through firewalls and securities that it's almost impossible to believe that they kept track of all of it. 

"This is how they're bypassing the protections the government has been putting up," you tell him, cutting and pasting all of the files. "With this, you can fortify it."

Leon doesn't say anything, just simply pulls you closer by the wait and kisses the crown of your head. You can't tell what he's thinking right now, but if anything, you're glad you can help him. He looks like he has something on his mind and you almost ask what he's thinking about, but instead resign to let him have his moment instead.

When you have all the information you need and have stopped needing to upload things to the hard drive, you unplug it and tug it into your bag. Together, the two of you start making your way to one of the exits you theorized. Sure, you might not be able to find the entrance you came through by means of the dressing room but at the very least, you could find a way out.

There's a dizzying amount of doors to get through and everything seems to be going fine. Nobody's come for your head yet and there's no monsters that have fallen from the ceiling looking for blood just yet. 

It's only when you make your way to one of the first floors that a strange clicking sound is heard and you and Leon halt to pull out your guns. It's reflectively dark so you have to click on a flashlight just to be able to see a small portion around you. The mysterious noise seems to be coming from ahead behind a crate of boxes and since there's no telling what it might be, the two of you proceed with caution.

Your footsteps are light, breaths even lighter. You monitor yourself in the way a doctor might, and the adrenaline already begins building. You approach the crate, lift your leg, and kick it in.

When the boards crumble, a shriek is heard, and you barely manage to dodge and roll out of the way of the humanoid that lunges for you. The figure screams, dressed in rags and streaked with dirt. One good look at it makes your heart twist harshly upon recognizing it: it's one of the failed clones, evident by the way her cheek is rotted away to show the inner workings of her mouth and her eyes are a stained color that vaguely reflects yours. Larvae wriggle within her gums and she stumbles to her feet, groaning incoherently as she sets her sights on you. 

"The fuck?" Leon hisses. "What is that thing?"

"It's one of the failed clones," you provide, aiming your gun again. "C'mon, let's get this over with."

You shoot the clone in the eye, blood spattering outward from the socket. She feels back with a mangled noise, clutching the wound as Leon takes his chance. He approaches rapidly, plants his foot, and roundhouse kicks the clone into the wall hard enough that her neck completely snaps from the impact. 

You whistle lowly. Showoff. 

"Overkill," you tut, shining the flashlight over the dismembered body that refuses to move even when you prod it with the toe of your boot. "It's probably safe to assume they've got a million more of these just lying around so let's proceed with caution, shall we?"

"Roger that."

The two of you press forward, coming across more defects that are bursting through the seams with incompatible parasites. Some explode outward with grotesque flesh and wriggling limbs that you have to shoot down while others seek to take a bite from your neck. Leon covers your back and you watch out for his, and together, you fight your way through the failed mirrors of yourself. 

You come upon a main lab that's circular in shape, guns held defensively and on high alert. It's strangely silent considering you'd just come from a room full of monsters and shrieking clones with skin melting off their bodies. 

You walk forward, finding a circular platform in the middle set up like a stage and metal stairs line around the whole thing. You're about to turn around to ask Leon what he thinks this room could be used for but you're suddenly grabbed from behind. A scream leaves your throat as you thrash, and Leon shouts your name. The cold barrel on a gun presses to your temple and an arm clasps around your neck as a sleazy yet familiar voice spits in your ear. 

"I suggest you stop struggling or I'll kill you right fucking now."

You stop, but choke upon seeing Leon being apprehended by a bunch of soldiers dressed in gear marked with the J.I.E. logo. He's strong, but certainly not enough to break from them as they pull and hold his hands behind his back. 

"Please," you whisper, barely able to breathe from the grip that's across your throat. "Don't hurt him."

"You know I don't run things like that," Williams snears. "Especially from dogs like you. You just couldn't sit still and be obedient, could you (L/n)?"

You scowl, fighting against him to breathe in before he shuts off your airways again. "You know I'd rather die than lick the boots of some greaseball who thinks he's some big head honcho hotshot."

"You never know when to fucking shut up, do you?!" The gun presses harsher to your temple and you squeeze your eyes shut. "Drop your weapons and this will all go a lot smoother."

This situation seems too against you, too harsh. Maybe you should comply for now, give them the ultimatum of taking you and sparing his life. You'd do it without question, but who's to say they won't kill you before he can make it back to you? You drop everything from your bag to your guns to your knife, and completely give up. Upon feeling you give up and going slack in his arms, Williams lets you stand, slowly letting go as to make sure you won't run. After all, he's got six soldiers pointing automatics trained at your body to make sure you don't try to do anything. He scoffs, laughing at your pathetic state before turning his attention to Leon who's refusing to remain still or quiet.

“Stay away from her!” Leon screams, pushing against the arms that hold him back, barely able to restrain his lean muscular body. Your chest tugs as if magnetizing you to him and your eyes sting with hot tears. “You put one fucking finger on her, I’ll kill you!”

“Oh?” Williams taunts and he raises a quizzical eyebrow. “Leon Kennedy defending (Y/n) (L/n)? My ears must be deceiving me.”

If looks could kill, everybody in the room would be dead with the way Leon’s eyes darkened. A hand touches back and you instinctively jerk away before roughly being tugged closer. Somewhere, chains clink and your whole posture goes rigid.

“The perfect soldier we could never replicate,” Williams muses, pressing a firm hand to the scars that shape your backside. “Not without discipline, of course.”

The room falls silent as Leon processes his words. 

"You're dead," he spits venom, dripping with promise. "I'm going to kill you and I'll make it fucking hurt, motherfucker."

"Don't listen to him," Williams waves Leon off as if he were just some bothersome fly before focusing his attention on you. "Haven't we taught you anything, Agent (L/n)? This fool doesn't love you. At the very best, you're just some lively entertainment for him before leaving you in a cold bed in the morning." 

Leon thrashes even more violently than before. You keep your eyes on the concrete beneath your feet. 

"You can't save him the same way you couldn't even save yourself."

"Shut up!" Leon's desperation leaks so candidly though his voice. "(Y/n)! Don't listen to him!"

"Oh, she'll listen to me," Williams circles around, forcing your head up with an iron clasp around your jaw as his face comes into view. "Dogs don't like to be chained up and beat, after all, don't you know?"

You curl in disgust when he lets go, and he continues up the steps to look down on the spectacle beneath him. Just as you told Leon, it's always power he wants, and now is more apparent than ever. 

"Mr. Kennedy, listen to me." You know he doesn't want to hear another word from the man's mouth. "I don't like to do things like this, you know. But, the girl you act like you love so much is more than just the foolhardy agent you've met on the battlefield."

Leon knows you better than that. He knows the way you cry and laugh and love. He knows how willing you'd be to take a bullet to the heart for him in the same way he'd put his head in a guillotine for you. Williams doesn't know the extent of your love, doesn't understand it. He might still believe you hate each other given your past passive aggressive reports on him–but it's clear as day that those feelings have changed since you attempted to cut ties with the J.I.E.

"She's special, isn't she?" Williams croons as if he thinks praise will have you sitting at his feet like a loyal little lapdog. "However, she still has killed so many of your allies–even almost you. Is that something you'll let go of so easily? She could be a traitor trying to get under your skin. She could be our specially engineered clone and you had killed the very real one. How do you know that she's loyal? Certainly, if she wasn't loyal to the very company she agreed to contract to, she'll never be loyal to you."

"You're insane," Leon spits. "Of course she wouldn't want to stick with the guy who's ordered her to be fucking abused into submission. Do you treat all your agents like this or just her?"

"(L/n) is special, like I said. Every special agent deserves special treatment, don't you think?"

Leon glowers. "You'll regret saying that."

Williams just his chin out. "And what makes you think that?"

The lights power down with a groan. The insistent humming drone of electricity stalls and goes silent. The emergency lights fail to come on. The darkness is black enough that you can't even see your hand in front of your face. 

A gun cocks and your heart drops. 

"Get down!"

You hit the floor as bullets start ringing through the air. It's wild, confusing, and you don't know what's happening or why. Your breaths start coming out in panicked puffs as you cover your head, and stay on the ground. Somewhere, someone screams and the blast of a shotgun is heard. The soldiers are commandeering orders and radio static voices are heard all over the place. 

Somebody touches your shoulder and you gasp, scrambling away from them, feet kicking blindly until they're held down. You almost scream before a comforting voice talks to you in a low tone and cuts all those defenses short.

"Sweetheart–baby–it's just me, don't worry,” Leon's thoughts run a million miles a second and they translate easily to his tongue and out his mouth, “C'mon, get up, we have to go. I can carry you if you can't walk on your own. Shit, he didn't hurt you too bad, did he?" 

You can't form a coherent thought but merely wrap your arms around him with a sob, too keyed up and overwhelmed with everything that's happening around you. Why did the power go out? Did Williams escape in the mess? Who was behind everything that was happening?

"It's okay," Leon soothes, gathering you up in your arms and you feel the floor leave from beneath you, "C'mon, we're getting out of here."

"What…"

"You can ask later. For now, we're leaving."

You bury your head into his chest and let him take you away to wherever he chose fit. The world seems like a blur as more men start shouting over the blasts of gunshots and Leon does his best to get the two of you out. You hear a hum running as lights dance behind your eyelids. Time seems to drag on and flash by in a second as Leon's body jostles beneath yours until eventually, you feel him jump and the roar of an engine fills your ears. 

You open your eyes as he sets you down on a stiff bench, vision blurry as you watch him leave. You don't know where he had taken you or if he'd ever be back, but weakly, you want to reach out for him. There's no energy in your body, exhausted from fighting for so long. People are still shouting and the smell of gunpowder invades your nose. 

You fight to stay conscious, afraid that if you sleep, you might not be able to wake up. Before, you'd been vehemently unafraid of death, but now? Now you're terrified of it. 

Leon comes back into your view, and he seems conflicted, but nonetheless is here. He gently moves your body so that you rest on his lap comfortably, your head nestled against his collarbone as he starts rubbing the palm of his hand across your head. You can still hear the screaming, the gunshots, the blood and pain. 

It feels like you're staying between life and death, back on an island and being with Leon.

"Sweet girl," Leon says just loud enough for you to hear against your hair–the first nickname he ever seriously used with you. "You've been fighting all on your own for too long. Let me take care of you."

Unable to hold back, you allow the tears to spill over at the weight of the truth his proclamation holds. How long has it been since someone's held you like this? Has anybody ever held you like this?

"You can rest," he croons gently. "I've got you, baby. You can let yourself go." 

A lifetime ago, it would have sounded like poisoned words from a wolf in sheep's clothing. But now? 

Now it kind of sounds like he loves you.

And that's perfectly alright with you.

✧ ˚ 　· 　　 .

During the entire time since you showed up at the motel, Leon had been in close contact with the president back at the white house. You feel like you should have known, would’ve thought it was obvious, but he was very good at distracting you at the best of times.

Leading up to your final stand against the J.I.E., he’d been arranging a squad to be ready on standby in case anything went wrong. When you’d been grabbed, he’d sent out the signal for them to be able to track him down just before he’d been apprehended. The B.S.A.A. was ready, and they successfully cut the power and utilized their nighttime equipment to navigate the sudden battlefield. 

Williams had been captured and taken in for questioning. That much had put your heart to rest.

Leon had ordered an escape chopper, which is what he had carried you into in those final moments. Surely, things must have been more intense for him but you’d been so out of your element that you had completely shut down. A trauma response, maybe, from having to face the possibility that you would die that day.

You stand in the waiting room, wearing a nice little dress as you fiddle with the dark black hard drive in your hands. Your nerves won’t allow you to sit down or rest to any capacity and you anxiously blow out a breath. This moment would determine your future for the rest of your days. Maybe you’d be sent to jail for a lifetime to atone for your crimes against them, but you know Leon wouldn’t let that happen.

The door unlocks and a young man in a stiff suit waves you in. “Miss (L/n). They’re ready for you.”

You nod nervously, take one more deep breath, and enter the office.

The president is already there, hands folded stiffly on the desk as Leon stands to attention behind him. Right now, it was nothing but business, and you shakily nod your head. Reminding yourself that this is a lot more than the times you reported to Williams, you wipe your clammy hands on the back of your dress.

“Good morning, Mr. President,” you say, and thank the heavens when your voice doesn't crack.

The president only smiles non-threateningly, and motions to a chair in front of his desk. “Have a seat–and do loosen up, please. We’re just here to have a conversation, nothing life-changing.”

“Sorry, sir.”

He laughs not unkindly as you take your seat and clasp onto the hard drive in your lap for dear life. 

“From what I understand, you’ve been working with Agent Kennedy for the past month or so, yes?” 

“Correct,” you answer. “The Justice for Inhumane Experimentalists had been keeping me under a contract to pledge my mind, body, and soul to them and when I differed from their plans to begin a bioweapon war, they nearly killed me. I managed to escape and track the coordinates Mr. Kennedy was at."

"I see." The president nods to the hard drive in your hands. "May I?" You slide it over to him and he turns it over in his hands briefly before smiling. "You've done us a great service today, Miss (L/n). For that I would like to formally pardon you from any and all offenses."

A huge weight is lifted from your shoulders as you breathe out in relief. "Thank you."

"Although…" he interjects. "We would rather have you put under watch, which is why you'll be staying with Agent Kennedy for a couple of weeks. I'm sure there's no objections?"

"None at all, sir."

"Good," the president smiles. "There's one more matter I'd like to discuss before I let you go."

You steel yourself for the worst. "Yes?"

"I'd like to personally extend an invitation to you to join the D.S.O. as Agent Kennedy can show you the ropes and you'd fit right in." Your mouth drops open. "Of course, you don't have to accept, but it would be the best option for you right now and we'd hate to lose such a capable soldier who's survived enough things that would kill the average person."

"I…" You look at Leon who only looks back at you with a blank expression, but you can practically hear him begging in your head. 

"You'd be helping people–for real." The president looks at you earnestly. "And surely, you'll get many more benefits than the J.I.E. had granted you. From what I hear, you didn't even have time off."

You think about it, about how the trajectory of your life is changing now. What would happen if you said yes? If you said no? Surely there was no life for you outside these four walls, but could you really afford keeping on going with agent work? You look at Leon again, biting your tongue. You're a ruinous person–scum of the earth. But…if he thinks you can be redeemed then…

"It would be an honor to join, sir," you answer.

The president smiles. "Then you're dismissed. Do be sure to rest up, will you?"

You get up as Leon walks forward and motions you to follow. Dutifully, you trail behind him as the president waves a little goodbye on your way out. The weight of the world lifts from your shoulders as you breathe out in relief when the door closes behind you and Leon immediately slips his hand into yours.

"That wasn't so bad, now was it?" He chides.

"Actually, it was horrible," you correct. "I don't think I've ever been scared shitless in my entire life."

Leon laughs, pulling you along to where his little sedan is waiting in the parking lot. You’re sure that if you hadn’t been driving, he would've crashed it upside down in a ditch somewhere while he walked out fine. It seemed like something Leon would do.

He takes you to his home, an expensive apartment overlooking the District of Columbia that he claims he only had because it’s near the office and that meant less driving for him. You call him a dork and roll your eyes but feel that adoration for him simmer just under your heartbeat. 

While you shower, he orders food and claims he’ll help you settle in after you’ve had something to eat. 

When he finds you staring listlessly out the window to his balcony, he comes up from behind and rests his head on your shoulder, arms winding mindlessly around your waist and sighing peacefully when you lean back into him. It’s oddly domestic and comfortable, and it’s something you don’t want to let go of.

"This is temporary, isn't it?" You mumble brokenly, thinking about what Ada had said back at the lab. "You don't really…you don't."

Leon's eyebrows knit together in confusion as he cups your face and turns your head so that you're forced to meet his eyes. "What gave you that idea?" 

"If you just want me for the pleasure, you can say it," heart twisting painfully as tears well hotly in your eyes. "You can tell me. I can let go."

"No, no," he chastises, holding you close like the nonexistent distance between your bodies was enough to kill him. "When our job is done, we'll go wherever you want. No matter what."

"You don’t get it, Leon," you sigh, pulling away from his grasp. It feels like you're tearing your soul apart. "I've always been unlovable. No matter what I said or what I did, I always ended up alone–and I can't bear to get attached to someone who doesn't reciprocate the way I want them to. I can't do that to you."

He doesn't talk for a moment, frowning upon seeing your hands massaging into your upper arms. Self-soothing, and the feeling of your own touch makes a sad sort of feeling gather in your chest like dew collecting on leaves on crisp early mornings.

"(Y/n)," Leon murmurs your name with so much emotion behind it that you almost start crying all over again. "You know I love you, right?"

The whole world seems to stop.

"For infinity. Forever," he turns you around from your position and reaches out, hand waiting for your own. When you hesitantly rest your palm in his, warmth radiates from his body into yours. "You're not unlovable. Never in a million years. Not if I have anything to say about it."

You really can't hold back the tears now and his other hand comes up, thumbing them away as they cascade. 

You throw your arms around his neck, pulling him close enough to kiss him properly, unable to vocalize just how much his affirmation meant to you.

Leon kisses you like he needs you to exist. His hands rake across your body and your skin tingles with anticipation. When had you gotten to the point where the line between hatred and need blurred so intensely? When did you start needing his touch to be able to function properly? When did you start craving Leon in the ways that you would have loathed just a few months prior?

You love him, infinitely and eternally. Who knows what the road ahead holds for you both? But, as he carries you to his bedroom and closes the door tightly, you find you’re not as afraid of the future as you had already been.

An angel, fallen from grace. 

But, if this is the consequence, then hey.

You’re not one to complain.

#leon kennedy x reader #leon kennedy #resident evil x reader #leon s kennedy #leon s kennedy x reader #resident evil #resident evil fanfiction #leon scott kennedy #leon scott kennedy x reader #leon x reader #leon kennedy imagine #leon kennedy x you #leon kennedy x y/n #resident evil leon #resident evil fic #resident evil x you #leon kennedy fanfic

[thebestpumkin]

- title - love letters.

- pairing - yuta okkotsu x reader

- characters mentioned - Toge Inumaki, Panda, Maki Zen'in, Satoru Gojo, Rika Orimoto

- word count - 361

- summary - a valentine's day letter from your darling Yuta.

- tw - reader is referred to as pretty, mentions of food, lmk if there are any to add!

- a/n at the bottom!

- For Yuta Okkotsu's darling's eyes ONLY!! -

- Please refrain from opening until February 14th. Sorry! <3 -

Hi darling!

I know this letter must be odd, considering our daily video calls. But it is a special occasion after all! Happy Valentine's day, my love. I wish I could be there to spend it with you, but it's hard to get much time off while training over here. But I'll make it up to you, I promise.

On that note, I really really miss you, pretty. I can't wait until I can be back in your arms, and I can finally fall asleep with you again (side note: Melatonin has some side effects I do NOT recommend. I think it messed up my sleep schedule more...).

Inumaki, Panda, and Maki told me you all are going out to dinner to celebrate. Please make sure to eat well and stay hydrated! And please take lots of pictures for me. I can't wait to hear all about it during our call tonight.

Anyways...with your permission, I'd like to get a little mushy with you. Mostly, I just want to tell you how grateful I am for you. For how you've shown me just as much love as if I was there with you. It means the world to me. And well...I also wanted to tell you that I love you. A whole lot. And I really do mean it when I say I miss you. I'd do just anything to be able to wake up next to you again (despite Gojo's teasing about "whatever came the night before,") and spend today with you - every day, for that matter. And, if you'll have me, I'd love to spend Valentine's day with you properly next year. And the year after. For forever...if you'll have me. Forever...just as our souls are entwined for just as long.

I have to go now, but please know that every word written in this letter comes straight from my heart, and I'll repeat everything for you later, or as many times as you need to hear it to be able to understand just how much I love you. Thank you for everything, darling. Kisses!

Forever yours,

Yuta Okkotsu

P.S., Rika says hello!

pumkin speaks: hello, hello! hope everyone is doing well and enjoying the fact that i'm ACTUALLY writing! it's nice to get back into it. shoutout to my 6 followers who stuck it out fr. not much to say this time...except that i really really love yuta sm. hes so 😍💖💖 okay thats basically it. thanks for reading!

likes, reblogs, requests and feedback are vv appreciated! divider credits go to r0se-designs. have a nice day!

#x reader #pumkin writes #jjk #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen x reader #jujutsu kaisen #okkotsu yuuta x reader #okkotsu yuta x reader #yuta x reader

[daceydeath]

A Work Proposal (Interlude)

Pairing: Chan x Female Reader Word Count: 4.6K Genre: Angst, Smut Warnings: 18+, minors DNI, swearing, bullying, oral sex (m receiving), unprotected sex (don't be dumb), hair pulling, slight degradation (if you squint), breeding kink.

A/N: This interlude is different from the other parts of this series it's more emotional and angst driven so you can skip it if you like. It is also dedicated to @christopher-bangnaldoskzz who is literally the only reason any of this series got written.

You had been working with Stray Kids for a while now and after a long day at work turns into a very unexpected but intriguing proposal. Will this change your world or end your career?

Work had become incredibly tedious when it came to the end of the year, it was the same for everyone who needed the end of year break to help recharge their batteries and catch up with family and friends. The only thing that you had that was not making work seem like a grind was the boys who did everything in their power to show how appreciated you were without anyone else noticing, mostly. One person at least had noticed and you were sure she hated you for being part of the team even though she herself had only been around for a short time.

As the year drew near new people often came and went from team to team, stylists, make up artists and security were often juggled depending on which team needed what or who would be touring and who would be mostly domestic the following year. The kids had gotten two new make up artists, a new stylist and four more security which was desperately needed after another year of airport crowds and near miss incidents.

The stylist Binna had instantly fallen in with the team that had already been assembled once she got herself set up she took to the kids schedules and ideas like a duck to water which had made your job incredibly easy you could send her any additions or changes and she would be all over it and able to adapt on the fly. However, this was not so for Eui, one of the new make up artists she was quite difficult for you to speak with and constantly not able to follow the instructions that you had sent through for looks leaving Binna and you often scrambling to fix the outfits or get one of the other make up artists to adjust what she had done. The chip on her shoulder seemed to only be directed at you with snide comments and remarks being directed towards you on a daily basis.

The kids had remained always your biggest supporter and your agreement hadn't changed each of them seeming still very happy to have you around them but as the stress wore on you they started noticing your unease with how things were going.

"Princess are you doing ok? you seem really down at work" Hyunjin smiled hopefully as you sat waiting for Seungmin and Jeongin to join the rest of the guys from vocal training and Chan to come back from a meeting.

"I'm having a bit of trouble getting the team to run smoothly for you, it's nothing to worry about I'll get it sorted out" You sighed wearily patting his hand where it sat next to yours on the couch, talking full advantage of the situation he pulled your hand into his and interlaced your fingers with his squeezing affectionately.

"What trouble are you having?" Minho asked taking his focus of the steps he was practicing with Felix and looking at you in the mirror.

"It's probably nothing just some teething issues while the new people get used to how we do things in this team" you smiled half hoping you could fool them.

"Kitten" Minho warned, raising an eyebrow at you seeing through you instantly.

"Who is giving you trouble and we will have them booted" Han offered instantly hoping that would help not knowing that he would actually make you feel worse. You knew the adoration you had for the boys was not wise on your part you were far too attached to them, and even though it was not just sexual, you knew that you could become disposable to them over time.

"It's nothing' you whispered retracting your hand from Hyunjin's grip and looking down at your tablet again, you didn't notice the looks between them or the alarm that crossed Han's face when he thought he had upset you. Eui had been making life harder than it needed to be she injected herself into any space where the boys were if she was working with them, it didn't matter if you were meeting with Chan going over costuming or going over the choreography changes she had to push herself into the conversation as though her opinion mattered, and the guy let her, which annoyed you and left you wondering if they doubted your competence now that you were also a kind of toy for them to play with. You weren't even jealous, not job wise at least, you knew that there was no way she could have your job and you knew that as long as the agreement stood there was no way she could take that place either, but the agreement could be ended in a moment by them and if they began to prefer her to you there was little you would be able to do beside leave the team.

"Jagi?" Felix whined making you look up at him immediately concerned.

"What do you need Felix?" you tried to smile at him as convincingly as possible.

"For you to tell us what's going on" he pouted knowing he could get away with anything when it came to acting cute for you, you sighed almost relenting when the door opened and Seungmin and Jeongin appeared looking like they were up to something.

"You will never guess what we just saw" Jeongin almost shrieked between fits of giggles.

"Chan was getting bailed up by Eui again" Seungmin explained bemused by Jeongin's giggles.

"He wasn't bailed up! They were standing very close with his hands on her waist!" Jeongin giggled again, you shook your head trying to maintain a look of bemusement instead of disappointment that had heavily made it's way into your chest.

"You know shrieking things tends to make them less of a secret right" you asked dryly knowing that this was a good way to get the attention off of you.

"Um..." Jeongin just flushed realizing his mistake.

"I'm all for embarrassing him but don't actually get him in hot water you little troublemakers" you chided exaggeratedly which just made them both flush then break into giggles.

"That girl is just obsessed with Chan" Changbin agreed wrinkling his nose.

"Yeah I'll be so annoyed if he is interested in her" Minho added "It's annoying enough having her around all the time as is".

"Minho!" you scolded lightly "You can't talk about the team like that" although his comment did make you feel better about the fact that you yourself didn't like her.

"But she is annoying, I know she annoys you when she does make up wrong just so she can spend longer fixing it" Hyunjin pouted.

"She does it wrong on purpose?" you blinked looking at Hyunjin confused and annoyed.

"Yeah why else do you think Chan and Minho's make up is always needing to get fixed up? Binna complains about it all the time" he replied looking at you slightly amused by your confusion.

"I didn't realize it was just Chan and Minho's that was always being messed up. I'm usually busy with other things while you guys get ready for performances" you concluded "I'll pay more attention next time, I didn't realize it was becoming a problem for you, I'm so sorry"

"No, don't you apologize, it's her fault" Han added looking worriedly at you as you frowned at the floor.

"It's my job to make things run perfectly for you and I haven't managed to do that so it is my failure Han" you replied tiredly picking up your tablet and quickly standing to leave "Excuse me" you sniffed leaving them all confused as to what was going on with you.

Chan had made it to the studio eventually and you had been called back down to go over the things that needed to be seen to with one of the other managers which would make it easier for you to avoid any questions they were bound to throw at you about your previous reactions. On your way back down to the dance studio you ran into the make up team Nali, Hyo and Eui making their way from the stylists rooms you greeted them before continuing on your way to the studio not missing the way Eui whispered shouted two the other two at what a fat bitch you were and how could any of the kids look at you without being sick. You were reaching the end of your tether with her and when the others failed to respond to her at all she simply huffed and started following them again.

"Now that the details for the fan sign event have been agreed on we need to broach something far more serious" their manager started awkwardly as you continued quickly typing the few notes you needed for things to follow up with to make sure everything was prepared well in advance. "There has been a complaint about inappropriate behavior among some of the team members made by another team member" he pushed on carefully through the shocked looks from the others and your own horrified look that you gave him.

"Who are these allegations about?" Chan demanded instantly looking angry.

"There isn't any proof of these allegations but it is being taken seriously by higher up since we do not want that sort of scandal on our hands" he explained gently stalling Chan's question.

"Should I advise the legal department?" you asked looking more stressed than you already were.

"No that won't be necessary at this point I don't think" he sighed looking back to Chan who looked angrier than you had seen him since the allegations against Han and Hyunjin came about.

"The allegations are that their is an inappropriate relationship between some of you and your artist manager, that you are too friendly for it to possibly be a platonic relationship that it therefore must be sexual in nature which you know is frowned upon" he finished still looking at Chan as the blood ran from your face and you felt you head spin, you could hear them arguing that it was utter bullshit, you were pretty sure you heard Felix say that it was fucking insane but you were no longer sure as blood filled your ears.

"Woah, she is going to faint" you heard Changbin shout as you struggled to look at them your vision going slightly hazy.

"I'm alright" you muttered as you sat yourself up straighter blinking rapidly and looking back towards the manager.

"No you aren't" Chan scolded still looking angry "We can continue this later she needs to see a doctor" he had already rounded on the manager to move schedule around so that you could be taken to the nearest doctors office.

You stewed the entire way to your appointment with two of the kids security to make sure you were safe and didn't have another near miss, after being cleared of everything she diagnosed you with exhaustion and stress suggesting that you take it easy and rest for a day or two before returning to work which you knew you were going to ignore until Chan called you

"The guys say you are going to need some time away which is a good idea at this time" he began casually.

"It was a suggestion not a direction Chan" you laughed hoping that meant everything was still going to plan.

"No, you will not be back until Monday" Chan instructed harshly making you flinch even over the phone.

"Of course, Bang Chan" you replied trying to still sound professional as you felt tears burn your eyes, you heard him take a deep breath but you hung up before he replied.

"Would you be able to drop me off at home please, I've been ordered to stay home until next week" you faux smiled as you sat back further into your seat and silenced your phone.

The texts started coming in as you let yourself back into your apartment but you ignored them most were from the kids and some were from your staff team. You wandered into your room not even making it to your bed when the voice note from Binna popped up telling you that Eui had been bragging she had got you fired so that she could be with Chan. You felt sick all over again it was bad enough that she insulted you daily, didn't do her job properly to make you look bad and now had started spreading rumors about you. With all that on top of the realization that Chan was probably being so dismissive of you because he had gotten bored of you and wanted Eui you just broke down.

You ignored the kids for as long as you could but when Felix and Minho showed up at your apartment you couldn't ignore them any longer.

"How can I help you" using your professional voice and smiling politely as you let them both in keeping your distance from them.

"Jagi?" Felix whispered looking worried at your blotchy face and puffy eyes.

"Kitten whatever we have done to hurt you we are so sorry, none of us ever want to cause you pain" Minho continued for him knowing that his younger brother was deeply worried about you.

"You haven't done anything, you have only ever been far too good to me but Chan has made it very clear that I am not wanted around at the moment so I'm not sure what else there is to say" you sighed tearfully turning away from them so that they wouldn't see you cry.

"Not wanted? No Chan misses you so much" Felix yelped eyes wide "He feels responsible that this is happening that the company came after you" he shuffled towards you and when you didn't move he hugged you tightly trying to convince you that he meant it.

"I have now become the cause of a scandal for you" you continued sadly "I probably won't even be able to keep my job after this".

"Of course you will, we all met with the other managers and we have found a whole lot more information. One of the make up girls has been making up rumors for some reason and once we have gotten to the bottom of it she will be the one losing her job" Minho soothed.

"You mean you know about Eui?" you sniffed.

"Its Eui doing this? we knew she had been harassing Chan constantly" Minho screwed up his nose annoyed that they should have noticed it before.

"Binna overheard her talking about it" you confessed relaying what she had told you.

"Fucking bitch" Felix growled his voice getting impossibly lower and making you shiver against his chest "Like we would ever choose her over you, must be deluded" he muttered.

"How long has she been bullying you?" Minho asked guiding Felix to take you over to your couch to get you comfy.

"Pretty much from the end of the first week" you admitted wiping at your face. Minho frowned deeply heading into the kitchen where you heard him banging about and turning on the kettle. Felix just continued to hold you to him kissing your temple and your fingers as you calmed down.

"Alright kitten, drink this and I will call the others and we will talk about this, I'm pretty sure we all have misunderstood things" Minho soothed placing a hot cup of tea in front of you, you simply nodded untangling yourself from Felix and picking up the cup. "Guys?, yeah we're both here and our little kitten is upset so I'll put it on speaker".

"Angel?"

"Pretty baby?"

"Princess?"

"Hi" you sighed the chorus of soft voices made the corners of your mouth lift slightly momentarily.

"What's happening? Why do you sound so sad?" Han whined you could tell by his voice he was pouting at the phone.

"I am sad Hannie, it's been a long few weeks and I'm not allowed to come back to work until Monday" you sighed.

"What do you mean not allowed?" Minho frowned looking at you.

"Chan was very clear when he told me not to come back" you breathed not meeting Minho's soft eyes.

"Angel did he yell at you?" Jeongin questioned caringly.

"Chan didn't yell he was just very....stern don't worry Jeongin" you explained carefully.

"Can we do anything for you?" Hyunjin chirped

"What we really need to do is get rid of Eui this is all her fault" Minho grumbled as you looked at the floor "she's been bullying our kitten since she started and it was her making up the rumors"

"Of course it's her she's obsessed with Chan, she's almost on sasaeng level at this point" Felix groaned still holding you to him.

"Please don't do anything silly I can't deal with another scandal right now" you chuckled mirthlessly.

"We have to go our make up girl is here for some reason" Hyunjin drawled and your could clearly see the disgusted look he would have crossing his face in your mind making you smile.

"Ay a smile" Felix cheered as Minho ended the call as they both got ready to leave you and head back to the company so that they could figure everything out together.

"We will have dinner sent over to you so you can just relax" Minho smiled at you placing a soft kiss to your lips.

"Bye Jagi" Felix whispered before pulling you into a passionate kiss holding you tightly against him "If anything happens we will look after you Jagi, don't worry" he mumbled against you lips letting you go after Minho cleared his throat.

"Please don't get in any trouble" you sighed as they left.

Your days off went past faster than you expected each of the kids, beside Chan, face timed you to see how you were or show you funny things wanting to keep you entertained, food arrived constantly and Jeongin went so far as to send you a few new clothes that he claimed would make you look fierce when you returned to work. You had been spoilt and happy when you were talking to each of the kids but it still gnawed on you that Chan hadn't bothered to contact you, even if it was just to check on you that was until Sunday night when your work calendar chimed with a new appointment that had been made for you at 7:30am a good hour before you would normally start and a good few hours before the kids would start. The attendants were listed as various managers and Chan, it made you sick to your stomach that this was potentially a way of getting rid of you when there would be so few people in the building you could be ushered out without anyone else the. Sleep did not find you well that night.

Stepping up to the meeting room door you were not surprised but filled with dread at the sight of all the blinds being pulled, taking a deep breath to steady yourself you knocked then let yourself in finding the room empty despite it being the exact time for the meeting. Frowning you looked back over the meeting invite to double check that you had the right time and room but you had looked at it so many times you knew exactly what it said. The door opened quietly and you dropped the hand holding the phone and lowered you head waiting for the inevitable dressing down you would get prior to your dismissal.

"Baby?" Chan whispered making you snap your head back up to look at him shocked that it was him and not a manager.

"Chan, what are you doing here?" you murmured smiling in relief at him.

"I didn't think you would be happy to see me since last week" he admitted softly walking closer to you his hands coming to rest on your hips.

"I know that I haven't done my job properly lately and it's fair that you are angry at me about it" you conceded looking down again. He lifted one hand brushing it up your side before lifting your chin softly with his fingers to look at him again his eyes warm and soft.

"I wasn't angry with you, I was angry with management for putting you through that and at fucking Eui for starting all this shit" he sighed cupping your cheek and leaning his forehead against yours "Can you forgive me for snapping at you baby?".

"You knew it was Eui, all this time?" you breathed confused.

"Not all of it but I knew she was causing trouble for you on purpose" Chan tucked some hair behind your ear still holding you close to him "I didn't know about her bullying you, or that she would start such malicious rumors about you but I have sorted it all out for you now" he smiled beautifully at you his dimples appearing right before he brought his lips to yours in a tender kiss.

Your heart soared with the hope that he wasn't going to just throw you away that you did mean something to him like you felt you meant to the others. His plump lips continued to caress yours as he pulled your body closer to his and the heat from him radiating into you.

"So you aren't ending this arrangement so you can be with Eui?" you gasped as he kissed down your jaw to your ear.

"Why would you think that baby?" Chan chuckled lips against your skin.

"You were seen in the hallway with her I thought you might have wanted her and not me anymore" you mumbled feeling shy at admitting you were jealous.

"She's obsessed with me baby and I only want you" he smirked "I didn't think you would get jealous but I love that you don't want to share" he kissed you again more forcefully as his tongue delved between you lips tasting you, making heat bloom under your skin. You let your hands wander his body while he pushed you against the table, his admission made you feel more confident again you made him groaned into your skin as you wandered your hand down to squeeze him through his sweats.

"Let me make it up to you then Channie" you purred kissing his lips again and pushing him into one of the meeting chairs and sinking to your knees.

"You don't need to make up for anything baby, but fuck you look so good on your knees" he grinned running his hand through your hair, you started teasingly your hands running up his thighs making his muscles twitch beneath your finger tips before licking you lips seductively and freeing him from the sweat pants and boxers that separated him from you.

"But I want to" you murmured taking him in your hand and pumping the velvety flesh gently causing him to moan lowly before teasingly licking a stripe from the base to the tip making his legs tense again either side of you. Taking him into your mouth you swirled your tongue around him enjoying every sound that left his lips even though he tried his hardest to muffle them. You continued to slowly torture him taking him as far as you could into your throat and humming around him when he started slowly bucking his hips in time with the bobbing of your head. Tightening his hand around the roots of your hair you moaned as he began using your throat to bring himself pleasure.

You thought somewhere in the back of your mind you heard the door but you knew Chan would have stopped if that were true but when you heard Chan moan you actual name, not a pet name, you knew something had changed and when you heard the loud gasp and sob you pulled yourself away from Chan who covered himself quickly and pulled you up to protect you.

"Channie" Eui whimpered looking thoroughly devastated, tears forming in her lashes, you paled instantly knowing this was the end of your career.

"It's Bang Chan, how many times do I need to remind you" he sighed holding you in his arms tightly as you looked at him in vailed panic "What are you doing here anyway you were let go yesterday?".

"I wanted to see you before I left and I got a message to meet you here, why is she here? why are you doing things with her?" she hissed looking at you "She's just another stupid bitch who can't love you like I can".

"You and I were never going to happen, where as she and I are very much together" Chan snapped making her reel at his tone "Now get out you don't work here anymore". Eui fled the room in tears which Chan seemed utterly indifferent to and he turned you in his arms to face him again, kissing you soundly again.

"What happens if she tells someone?" you mutter still feeling panicked but quickly becoming increasingly needy for him as his words sunk in making your heart beat wildly.

"Don't care, I just need to fuck you" he groaned grinding his still very hard length against you as he slid you onto the table and pushed your skirt up to your hips.

"Did I mention how fucking hot you look in this fucking outfit" he smirked tearing your underwear down your legs and swiping his fingers through you already wet folds.

"Fuck, Chan" you gasped clinging to his arms so you didn't fall backwards.

"Did you get this wet sucking my dick? or was it me claiming you that did it? Huh?" Chan groaned again pulling himself from his pants and lining himself up with your entrance, sheathing his cock fully inside you and moaning your name. It took all your strength to not just scream his name as he fucked into you roughly pulling your lips back to his to kiss you desperately. "Shit you are so tight baby"

"Channie" you groaned loving how full he made you feel as you stretched around his cock "ruin me please"

"Oh fuck my slutty little baby" he snapped his hips into you furiously holding your hips in place with one hand while the other tangled into you hair pulling your head back and making you whine "I want to look at you while I ruin your pretty pussy".

His words making you nod furiously lost in the feeling of his dick sliding against your walls, feeling you climax approaching at the idea of him just using you you muffled your cries by biting into your lip. Chan's gaze flicking between where you were connected and your eyes his pupils blown wide with lust.

"I'm going to fucking breed you baby" he growled pulling you back to his lips by your hair to kiss you messily, his tongue swiping across your bottom lip and into your mouth to swallow each of your moans.

"I'm going to knock you up baby, keep you mine always". You couldn't stop how overwhelmed he was making you with each word out of his mouth mewling loudly your orgasm washed over you hard making your walls convulse around him, grunting hard Chan followed you over the edge painting your walls with his seed. Breathing hard you looked at his perfectly pink swollen lips and half hooded eyes hoping this wouldn't be the last time you would get to see him look at you like that the worry must have crept into your face as his face changed.

"Don't worry baby, she won't be able to hurt you the company already knows how many fake allegations she has made here and at the previous company" Chan whispered leaning in to gently place his lips against yours "I will always keep what's mine safe".

A/N: So this was a little different to what the rest of the parts have been and will be but the idea was too good to pass up. I hoped you liked it and as always your comments and reblogs make my life xx

Taglist (open): @christopher-bangnaldoskzz, @symptoms-of-moonlight, @septicrebel, @ayoitschannie, @krishatumblernow, @tangerminie, @elizalabs3, @armystay89, @septemberkisses, @stay-bi, @seolaflare, @damnyouficc, @eastleighsblog, @wohaku,

#bang chan x reader #stray kids imagines #skz imagines #stray kids fanfic #skz fanfic #stray kids smut #skz smut #lee know #seo changbin #hwang hyunjin #han jisung #lee felix #kim seungmin #yang jeongin #a work proposal

[365-days-of-taylor-swift]

❣️IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENT❣️

To all my fellow swifties and lyric lovers 🫶 I have something special planned for this december that I hope y'all enjoy! It's called the:

❄️ Back to December - Challenge ❄️

What's the idea?

This lil end of year challenge will include the tradtion of a good ol prompt list for each day of the month ! Every prompt is focused on a reoccuring word in Taylor's music and our fave lyrics including it!

Who can particpate?

Literally anyone who wants to create for this challenge or has in the past created smth that fits the prompt list!

I would of course love and be immensly honored, if any of you get inspired to create smth new for this! However! The whole idea behind this "back to december" challenge, is also that you get to revisit your past work that might not have gotten the recognition it deserved, or that you would simply love to show ppl again! ❄️

I'd love for anyone who likes this idea or is even considering joining the challenge, to rb this and spread the word! 🫶❣️

Promptlist and more details under the cut

❄️ Back to December - Challenge - Daily December Promptlist❄️

One/once 💚

Two/twice 💛

Three 💜

Four ❤️

Five 💙

Six 🖤

Seven 💘

Eight 🤍

Nine 🧡

Ten/hundred/thousand/ 💯

Week 📅

Rose 🌹

Birthday/party 🥳

Drink/Alcohol 🥂

Light 🕯️

Fire 🔥

Water 🌊

Stone 🪨

Air 🌬️

Twenty 2️⃣0️⃣

Gold 🪙

Sun ☀️

Family 👩‍👧‍👦

Star 💫

Christmas 🎄

Moon 🌕

Animal 🕊️

Card ♠️♥️♦️♣️

Month 📆

Year 🗓️

Midnight 🕛

What are the rules?

So as I've mentioned you don't need to create new stuff for this challenge! If you've ever done smth featuring lyrics that involve a word on this list then you can join just as easily as someone who wants to create smth new!

What types of media are allowed?

Any you can think of! Whether you have drawn/painted smth, made a lyric edit, did an lyric analysis, wrote a piece of (fan)fiction, made a video or if you crafted anything irl (like embroidery or collages for example); anything is allowed as long as it fits a taylor lyric featuring a word on the list!

How do I participate?

Well there are multiple options that will all lead you to a similar result!

1. You want to create smth for this challenge or have simply never posted about the work you're considering for this? then you can either

a) You can make your own post, tag this blog in it and schedule it to post on the day of the prompt

b) You can submit it to this blog and I will post it on the corresponding day

2. You've already created and posted about smth that would fit within this challenge?

-> then you can just tag me in it anytime until the day of the prompt and I will schedule my reblog of it for that day!

-> work you did on other challenges like inktober etc is ofc welcome as well! (as long as it's alright with the og creators of the respective challenges)

❣️IMPORTANT NOTE❣️

No matter which way you choose to participate in this challenge, I will post/reblog your art to this blog and add commentary on everything I loved about it!

Everyone deserves to get recognition for their beautiful work and I'd love to be able to spread some joy to y'all during 'tis damn season!

I'd love to participate!, but I can't think/choose a lyric for a day I like...

No worries, I got you! If anyone wants some inspo, just dm me. I have a huge google doc with all the lyric examples for this challenge and I'd be happy to share it 🫶

Or if you don't feel comfortable dming, you can send an anon asking for about inspo for a specific day and I will post the lyric examples there ♥️

I might want to participate but I'm not sure (if I'll remember) yet...

First of all no worries or pressure with this lil challenge! If you're unsure about whether you'll have the time/want to participate, you can:

send me a dm asking me to remind you about this challenge again before november ends

ask me to tag you when I rb this post once a week etc

-> asking me to do this is in no way binding to you! I simply want to offer a little help to those who (like me 🙈) struggle with forgetfulness even with stuff they might like to do! ❣️

If anyone has additional questions about this challenge, feel free to comment or sent me an ask/dm I'll be happy to answer them!

Additional Q&A

What if my creation features lyrics that fit multiple days?

That's totally okay and you can submit one piece of work/art for multiple days at once! More info here

What happens to this blog during december?

Besides hopefully <;3 rbing and posting your wonderful submissions, I will be posting polls featuring the lyrics I found for these prompts as polls on each day!

Bonus (aka some explanations why I chose those specific prompts for that day):

12 = Roses bc I couldn't just leave them out, since they feature in btc and "a red rose grew up out of ice frozen ground"

13 = ofc the birthday of our lord and savior

15 = Lights bc it's the last day of Hannukah this year

22 = Sun bc of the winter solstice

26 = full moon that day!

27 = apparently it's national zoo day and I lowkey love that

28 = same as above but with card games lmao

#365 days of tswift #taylor swift poll #polls #taylor swift lyrics #lyrics #back to december challenge #taylor swift #1989 #fearless tv #midnights #speak now tv #folklore #lover #evermore #embroidery #reputation #1989 tv #eras tour #debut taylor swift #red tv

[bridgeportbritt]

Storytelling Poll Results

Hi! So recently I did a couples polls to see how we feel about the new way I'm telling my story which is basically storytelling vs. gameplay or some kind of mix.

This is a long post and I'm sure not that relevant to everyone so my thoughts are under the cut!

Poll #1: I love how the winning option was that you don't mind either.

I just appreciate the support from you all! It warms my heart and keeps me going. Okay back to the poll. From my perspective, while I love both styles. It's been a lot more fun and easygoing to do gameplay. With storytelling, I felt a lot more structured and limited to posing (which I don't love to do). My story started as a gameplay so it's felt good to get to my roots.

But, I of course, want to acknowledge the few folks who prefer the storytelling way which was the second highest voted option.

I also got an awesome ask that affirmed that my storytelling is appreciated which made my day. I definitely don't plan to abandon my story in anyway.

Poll #2: I asked a second question to dig deeper. Pretty much everyone picked, the story flow is better with storytelling.

I will also say to the few folks that voted for more frequent updates. I understand! I was definitely more consistent with storytelling. But, you know life has been lifing so I haven't quite been able to keep up. I definitely think posting daily like I used to just isn't realistic for me. But, I think as we get into fall/winter, I'll be able to be more consistent so yay! I will also add that gameplay is much easier for me so it's helped me post even through my hectic schedule whereas if I were storytelling, I probably would have just taken a hiatus.

So, back to the winner of the second poll. I honestly wasn't sure how or why the story is feeling like it doesn't have as good of a flow as it did before.

But, I did get a great ask that clarified some of this for me. I definitely do not want my story to lose it's flow. I think a large part was just me figuring things out. But, I think you'll find in the coming days that things are getting more structured as the plots continue to come through. I've even done a bit of outlining that is manageable but not restrictive. So, thank you for your feedback!

Overall, I think my story will be a mix of both. My storyline and plots are not going away. We have to see what happens with Ella's love triangle, what happens to KBE, and how Diana deals with the genetic defect issue running through her family!

But, I also want to incorporate the fun things that happen in gameplay and use it to help me plan things out and rely less on posing. So, I hope you guys enjoy where it's headed! I may ask this question later on to get more feedback! But I will say I'm very jazzed about my story again and excited for what's to come! And I really do appreciate you for sticking with me! <3

#blog stuff #long post #poll results #im also working to fix the text issue on images! #although I do miss just writing it on tumblr lol #we'll see where we land on that haha #thanks again for your feedback!

[minniethemoocherda]

Iridescent: Chapter 16

A/N: I'm not really happy with this chapter. I've been thinking about this scene basically since I came up with the fic and I perhaps because I've been imagining it so long I'll never get it exactly how I want it. IDK. Anyway I hope you guys enjoyed it! XXxxxxx

FF.net

Ao3

Jazz had barely been gone for a week, but Prowl hadn't noticed the role the spy played in keeping up base morale until it was gone. 

Many of the mechs on board the Ark had known Bumblebee since he was a newspark and their overwhelming distress with no immediate outlet had lead to Prowl having to throw more than one mech into the brig for fighting. 

Prowl was surprised to find that he himself was affected by Jazz's absence. He hadn't realised how much the spy had become part of his daily routine what with all their shared reports and overlapping responsibilities. That was until his HUD alerted him to his dangerously low fuel levels as he had spent an entire day in his office without Jazz to trick him into taking a fuel break. Prowl was even surprised to find himself disappointed that they would miss their scheduled chess match. 

His relief when he learnt that Jazz had returned with Bumblebee was short lived as Prowl had quickly been forced to set up an impromptu security detail around the med-bay so that Ratchet could work in peace without being stormed by an army of worried soldiers. Thankfully, by the evening, news had spread that Ratchet had been able to stabilise the young mech and Prowl finally had enough free time to complete his post mission check in with Jazz. 

Or at least he would if he could actually find the mech. 

Prowl had checked his office, the rec room and even the med bay again. But there was no sign of the spy anywhere. Using his powers of deduction, Prowl calculated that there was only place left that Jazz could be. His room. 

Prowl knocked on a door that had been adorned with old band stickers and movie posters who's stars were all long dead by now. There was no answer. Prowl knocked again, more firmly this time. But still there was no reply. 

He tried Jazz's comm link for what felt like the millionth time that day and was unsurprised when this too wielded an unsuccessful result. 

Prowl was about to knock again when he heard a crash from the other side of the door. 

"Commander?" Prowl called out. 

The responding crash was not a good sign. 

At worst fearing that a Deception had managed to track the spy home and attack him in his quarters, Prowl entered his emergency override code and barged the door open.

Prowl had never been to Jazz's room before, so he wasn't sure what he expected it to be like. Perhaps covered more in of the band and movie posters like it had been adorned on the outside. But he certainly had not expected it to look like this. 

Jazz's room was beyond a mess. It was a wreck. It appeared as though someone had literally been tearing at the walls and the stench of highgrade was palpable even from the door. It didn't take a genius to determine that it was emanating from the broken cubes and empty bottles that were smashed all over the floor

Although the wrecked state of the room that was nothing compared to Jazz himself. The spy was shaking as he huddled in the corner, somehow smaller than Prowl had ever seen him before. In his obviously over-charged state, he must not have heard Prowl previous attempts at communication.  

“Are you alri-” 

Before Prowl’s processor could even comprehend what was happening, Jazz had him pinned against the wall, vibro blade stabbed into the metal next to his head. 

The first thing that Prowl's brain registered was that the edge of the blade was coated in the crystals of spilt energon. He did not know who's it previously belonged to. 

Prowl forced his attention back to his fellow commander. Jazz’s eyes were hidden under his visor but even with it being barely two inches from his face, Prowl could tell that whatever the spy was glaring it, it was not at him. It was looking at something that neither of them could see. 

This was not the first time Prowl had been witness to what was now obviously an episode of PTSD. Bluestreak had suffered from many such attacks times after the destruction of Praxus. Although Bluestreak's usually resulted in an uncharacteristic silence, not an attempt at violence. Still Prowl determined that following a similar routine to what he previously did with Bluestreak was the best cause of option. 

“You are on the Ark. You are in your room. And you are safe." Prowl stated, trying not to gag on the stench of waste that overwhelmed him after he opened his mouth. 

Jazz didn’t respond the first time, his visor glassy as coolant leaked from under its rim. He didn’t respond the second time either But by the third, the glassy look had lessened, and despite not being able to see his optics, Prowl could tell that Jazz's eyes were actually looking into Prowl’s even if what they were seeing was still someone else. 

Suddenly Jazz shoved him away and threw the knife so hard it embedded itself to the hilt into the wall. 

Prowl watched as Jazz stalked back and forth across the room, growling nonsense to himself like a caged animal as energon leaking between his seams, splattering the floor in a illuminated coat of pink. 

It wasn't until Prowl's battle computer informed him that Jazz had whether intentionally or not blocked the door, that Prowl realised how much danger he was in.

He had vowed that he wouldn't be swayed by they spy's charisma like the rest of their army had. However, it was now apparent that he too had unwittingly been left defenceless in the wake of Jazz's charms. 

Prowl couldn't help glancing at the knife embedded into the wall. He calculated that his chance of survival relied entirely on it. 

“Have you ever been tortured mech?” Jazz asked suddenly, startling Prowl from his thoughts. 

“No.” Prowl replied.

“Wouldn’t recommend it.” Jazz laughed without any of his usual warmth, the noise coming out delirious and fake. “I did recommend Bumblebee though. I didn't even realise that I had been moulding him into the perfect agent. I sent him on his mission. And I-” Jazz looked down at his fists, balled so tight that Prowl worried the joints would snap. "I did this to him." 

“Megatron was the one who hurt Bumblebee. Not you.” Prowl reminded him, keeping his sights trained on the spy as he tried to creep slowly to the opposite side of the room. 

Jazz gave no outwards appearance that he had heard his words. But he also gave no indication that he hadn't either so Prowl took his chance.

“What do you need Jazz?" he asked "Do you want me to call someone for you?” 

“I can’t fuck Mirage.” 

“Okay”. Prowl was not even going to attempt to decipher the meaning behind that. “I can call Rung?”

As Prowl went to look up the ship’s therapist on his wrist screen, the knife appeared again. This time at his throat. Jazz’s other hand surrounded his wrist. That glossy look returning to his visor. 

“You can’t!" Jazz begged. "If you tell Rung, he’s gonna take me off missions again and he can’t- I can’t- I need-" Jazz struggled to find his words as his vents tripped over each other in a fight to breathe. "You- you can’t tell anyone about this!”

One trait that Prowl had to reluctantly admit he had always admired about Jazz was that no matter the situation, he always exuded an aura of being in total control. That semblance of an aura was now shattered at the sight of the pleading, crying mess of a mech in front of him. 

Prowl clasped his free hand over were Jazz’s was currently wrapped around his arm, hoping it would ground him to their reality. 

“What friends am I going to tell?” Prowl replied in honesty. 

Jazz barked out a laugh. It was harsh and shrill to Prowl’s audio receptors but it was real. 

“Was that a fucking joke? Commander Prowl making jokes? Primus the world really is collapsing in on itself.” That glassy look hadn't entirely gone from Jazz’s visor. But it at least appeared to have shocked him back to this plane of existence as he finally backed away, dropping the knife and letting his other arm go limp, even if his hand still clung to Prowl’s wrist. 

Prowl waited a few minute as Jazz’s breath caught up with his vents, until his breathing was relatively even and the room was almost bathed in silence. 

“What do you need Jazz?” Prowl asked once again. 

“I don’t know.” They were barely above a whisper, but those three words were probably the most truthful Jazz had ever been with him. 

Jazz seemed to finally realise that he was still holding onto Prowl's arm as he snatched his servo back, eyes widening at the small crack in Prowl’s wrist screen. 

To be honest, Prowl hadn’t even noticed it cracking. It didn't even hurt. He’d done more damage accidentally bumping into a desk before. And it wasn't as if this was the worst injury Jazz had ever given him. The scar on his arm stung with the reminder. But drawing attention to that would be more likely to unsettle Jazz further which would not be good for Prowl's odds of survival. Before Prowl could try to diffuse the situation on his own Jazz spoke. 

“You should go.” He said, now refusing to look at Prowl at all. 

Despite his battle computer telling him that he should run, Prowl hesitated. 

Jazz was far still from function at a state of normality but thankfully he was more stable then when he had arrived. 

Yet for some reason, a part of Prowl that didn’t belong to his processor, didn’t want to leave the mech alone. 

However it was impossible to argue with his logic circuits and Prowl knew that leaving was the only way to ensure his spark kept beating.

So with one last look at the mech that Prowl now realised that he knew next to nothing about, he left. 

#transformers #jazzprowl #jazz #prowl #tf jazz #tf prowl #transformers jazz #transformers prowl #prowljazz #jazz x prowl #bumblebee #bluestreak #iridescent #transformers fanfiction #rung #mirage

[secretlyawitch]

The legacy

Pairing: Wednesday Addams × Fem Reader

Summary: You were Infatuated by Wednesday Addams. Little does she know you have a dark past.

Author's note: This is my first fanfic. It was inspired by "First Kill". There are going to be multiple parts. I will try to post daily so I hope you guys enjoy. Please give me feedback.

Warnings: None.

Part 7

Part 8

The next morning, you were woken up by slight movement. You open your eyes and try to adjust to the bright lighting, but before that you notice that you were not laying on a pillow, but instead on something a little harder, but much more comfortable.

You look up to see that you were laying on Wednesday's shoulder while she is leaning against the headboard, one arm around you and the other one clutching a book. You take a glance at the title of the book. 'The encyclopedia of funerals and mourning.' The title read. Why is she reading that? Oh yeah, she's Wednesday Addams. You smile slightly to yourself.

"Morning Y/N." She says softly, closing the book and putting it on the bedside table.

"Morning." You smile at her while sitting upright. You immediately start to miss the warmth and comfort that her shoulder brought you.

"How long have you been awake?" She asks, her dark eyes looking deeply into yours.

"Not long, what time is it?" You ask lazily while rubbing the sleep out of your eyes. You also feel a headache forming, probably because of the events of last night. You immediately start blushing, remembering the important moment you and Wednesday had shared.

"8:34, but there are no classes scheduled due to the full moon tonight." She says, a hint of concern in her voice.

The full moon. You completely forgot about it once more, you always seem to forget about the worst night of you life when you are around Wednesday. She fills you with a sense of calm and serenity. "Oh, right." You answer her.

"Shall we lay down a little longer?" She asks you. You nod your head and lay down next to her. Keeping a little distance to avoid causing her any discomfort. "That is not exactly what I meant Y/N." She stated. You look up to her, not sure what else she could have meant. She looks to her shoulder and back to you. You heart jumps in your chest as you catch the hint. You adjust your position and lay your head on her shoulder, her arm slowly snakes itself around you. You smile softly, trying to ignore the pounding of your heart in your ears.

"You never told me why you came to the party after telling me you're not going." You say.

She sighs. "That night when I was in Weems's office, I was asking her about information about descendant witches, I found a book on how to control visions, and I have nearly perfected the ability, so when I had a vision about you getting hurt, I immediately came to get you before that can happen." She states matter of factly, causing the butterflies in your stomach to awaken. Before you can answer, she changes the subject.

"Do you wish to talk about tonight?" She asks, but the tone in her voice tells you that she is not forcing you to say anything if you don't want to.

"I'm just afraid. I know that I'm going to be chained in a tremendously strong cage, but I'm still scared that...the monster will be able to break free and hurt everyone in it's way." You say, your voice shaking a little. Wednesday notices that you detach the monster from you, talking as if it is separate from you.

"Chained in a cage?" She asks. You can't tell whether she is curious or concerned.

"Yes. I requested it from principal Weems. She usually stays at the cage with me to keep an eye on things. It's completely separate from the rest, so no one knows where it is and no one can find out what I am." You say, sadness evident in your eyes as you look up at Wednesday.

"I want to come with you." She says all of a sudden.

"What?" You ask her, not believing what she just said.

"I wish to be there with you, for you. I care about you, all of you. I do not care about what you are. It will not change my mind, thoughts and feelings about you. Allow me to there. To take care of you." She says. Tears are welling up in your eyes. You look at her, complete adoration in both her and your eyes.

"Can I kiss you?" You ask softly.

She nods her head. You lean in and she cups your face with one hand. As your lips meet, the grip you have on her waist tightens. Just as you were about to deepen the kiss, the door swings open. You pull away quickly as Enid stands at the door looking at you suspiciously.

"Okay even if it physically hurts me, I'm not gonna ask. Not now anyway. Y/N, principal Weems said she wants to talk to you, as in like, right now." Enid says, you can see she is trying not to freak out. You look at Wednesday as you get up from the bed.

"Okay thanks Enid. I'll be right back." You glance at Wednesday and she looks at you anxiously.

You make your way towards principle Weems' office. You knock on the door and hear her voice telling you to enter. You enter her office, greeting her as you turn to close the door.

"You wanted to see me..." You freeze in place and your eyes widen, staring at the two familiar figures seated in front of her desk.

"Mom, Dad?"

Part 9

#wednesday #wednsday addams #netflix #wednesday x fem!reader #enid sinclair #wednesday × reader

[thecatinthestacks]

Last year I made a log of my daily thoughts during the book fair and completely forgot to share them.

So please enjoy this extremely belated post about 2023's book fair! :D

DAY ONE

New year, new secretary. I have tactfully requested that she not call the library to ask if I'm ready for customers when the schedule says I'm open. (If the fair opens at 7:30 and it's after 7:30, then it's super-duper obvious I'm open.)

Because EVERY YEAR the secretary calls the library to ask "you ready for customers?", and EVERY YEAR after I wade through a huge crowd of kids to get to the phone, it gets harder and harder to answer politely.

-

This year, we're open before the bell. Completely dead in the morning, not a single pre-bell customer. Exactly like I told the principal, who appeared to be disappointed that there wasn’t a rush on the very first day.

-

Good news: I finally remembered to ask for seed money before we opened the fair!

Bad news: I forgot to ask for fives and tens and my first customer of the entire fair is paying with a hundred dollar bill.

-

Kids used to Scholastic fairs find out that Literati doesn’t sell books with cheap necklaces and erasers attached. Stunned to have to choose books based on their interests. I edge inexorably closer to my “the kids these days” phase.

-

Me: “Teachers, please call ahead before you bring your entire class at once.”

Entire Fifth Grade: *turns up at the same time unannounced*

-

Fifth grader paying with his own Apple watch asking to return Stranger Things: Kamchatka because “it’s not really Stranger Things, it’s just a ripoff!”

-

Me: “Please remember the library is closed because I had to physically remove the check-in computer to make room for the registers.”

Teacher: [keeps sending kids to get new library books anyway]

DAY TWO

No, you can’t use my phone to call your mom to ask for money.

-

No, you can't go to the office to call your mom to ask for money.

-

How to summon customers- sit down to do one (1) thing. This instantly activates a shopping frenzy.

-

Honey, how about you just give me all of your change right now instead of handing me yet another handful every time I finish counting?

-

Honey, how about you ask me how much things cost instead of buying one item at a time and seeing how much change you get back?

-

Kindergarten Music Program lets out, SWARMS OF PARENTS AND FAMILIES APPEAR! IT'S SUPER PROFITABLE!

-

Had to yell at a kid in front of their own mother. (It's okay, she agreed with me that kicking stuff is bad.)

-

Kid who returned the Stranger Things book annoyed that his refund hasn't reached his Apple Pay account yet. Purchases a poster instead. I suggest cash next time.

DAY THREE

Principal and counselor bring the webcam in to promote the fair during morning announcements and do the pledges.

Me: *slowly and quietly finishes ringing a child up during the moment of silence, hoping nobody notices*

-

I am eternally grateful to my parent volunteer who is able to be here for hours on end and I wish nothing but the best for her and her daughters.

-

Pretty sure this fifth grade boy is buying little trinkets to woo the crowd of girls following him. I should probably touch base with his teachers about that.

-

I can tell you didn’t even try to read the book you picked. Because it’s in Spanish, that’s why. No, I know you don’t speak Spanish. Because I know your mom, that’s why.

-

Kid walks in, instead of shopping waits patiently by the register to ask me “Do I give you my money now?”

-

Kid who bought and returned Stranger Things book wants to return poster that is now dinged up.

-

To the kid who only has $5 for the week- I feel ya, but no matter how many times you bring me an item and ask "how much?", it doesn't change anything. I've already told you which items are in your price range.

-

Have to cut off the Stranger Things kid because he keeps wanting to return things that are no longer in sellable condition. Sorry, bro, this sale is final!

-

First Grader: *smugly buying a chapter book she can't read because she knows I can't do anything to stop her*

Me: *sells her the chapter book because she'll be able to read it eventually and maybe the spite will motivate her to practice more*

DAY FOUR

That's it, I’m making a list of basic financial lessons we need to start teaching the kids:

YOU HAVE TO ACCOUNT FOR SALES TAX

No, change is not “extra” money you get as a treat. No, you don’t get to decide how much change you get.

You can’t ignore the numbers after the decimal point. $2.99 does not mean $2.

When a price includes cents, that doesn’t mean you have to have exactly that much in coins. You can simply give me more dollars and then you will get change back.

The answer to “How much can I get with $20?” is “it depends on what you’re buying”.

The answer to “How much do the books cost?" is "it depends on what you're buying".

If you don't have enough money to buy the book you want, you can simply NOT buy anything today and bring the correct amount tomorrow.

...or you can bring three bucks every day, be surprised that the book still costs $10, then spend all your money on erasers and go home and ask for more money...

...okay, seriously I need to make a chart or a TikTok or something to explain this. You're sad you don't have enough money for that Dog Man book, but you brought $3 EVERY DAY and instead of saving it you bought trinkets that you keep losing! I WENT OVER THIS WITH YOU EVERY DAY, I DON'T KNOW HOW TO MAKE IT ANY EASIER!

-

To the 5th grader who only had $5 for the whole week and keeps buying and returning various items and is mystified that this hasn't resulted in him making a profit- I'm cutting you off for your own good, and also I'm sending an email to your math teacher to let her know you may need extra tutoring.

-

Book Fair Gift Card: *can only be spent on books*

Kid: *only wants a spy pen*

Me: *agrees to buy him the spy pen myself if he will pick a damn book already!*

-

Girl: "I have $15. How much is this?"

Me: "Let's see...with sales tax, it's gonna be ten dollars and eighty-one cents."

Girl: "Oh...I don't have any cents."

Principal: *aghast choking noise*

Me: *quickly defuses the incoming lecture with a Fun Math Lesson!*

DAY FIVE

Time to deploy the annual "We have nothing left under $X. Please don't send kids shopping if they have less than $X." email.

-

Gently turning away three dozen kids that have less than $X.

-

"If I bring $10, can I come shopping tomorrow?"

"Honey, tomorrow's Saturday."

"Oh. I mean next week."

"Next week is Spring Break."

-

Annual tradition of kids being shocked that this is the last day of the book fair despite all the posters and flyers saying the book fair only lasts a week.

-

Bonus points for the same kids being shocked every year that the book fair is not permanent addition to the library.

-

Volunteer Mom letting her daughters pick out some books to buy.

Her: "How about this one?"

Kid: "No! It's too learny!"

Me: *picked the wrong time to drink water*

-

Tracking down teachers to get them to pay for the books they set aside for themselves and their children. Finally down to the last teacher who was going to get a book for her kid. I open the library door to hear him in the middle of a tantrum and her yelling at him...

...I close the library door like "okay, guess he's not getting that book..."

-

Re-doing the final accounting because I forgot to factor in the startup cash.

-

Re-re-doing the final accounting because I forgot to pull books to purchase for the library

-

Going home to put on jammies and sleep for 12 straight hours!

#library things #book fair #kids are fun

[growandrecover]

hi,

im really scared bc im officially ✨overweight✨ and my ed has just been #triggered. any tips on how to avoid relapse?

Hey, anon.

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. I'm really proud of you for reaching out and actively trying to avoid relapse. That's wonderful.

First up, if you can, stop weighing yourself, measuring, body checking, or anything else you may be doing. Your weight does not say anything about you. Absolutely nothing. If you're concerned about your BMI specifically (which I know a lot of people with eds get caught up in), it's all a bunch of garbage. It was made based off of cis white men, and does not take muscle mass into consideration. Even if you happen to be a white amab person, it's still a joke. If you can't stop completely, try to limit what you're doing.

Next, please make sure you're eating all your meals and snacks. My therapist has told me to do this, and I'm passing along the information to you guys. If you have to, set a schedule for yourself and stick to it with the best of your ability.

If you're someone who used exercise to lose weight in the past/if you exercise currently, you may want to lay off that until you're in a better headspace. Going along with this, if you wear a Fitbit or Apple Watch of any kind, taking it off may help avoiding triggers like your daily step count, calories burned, and your other exercise levels. I wore one for almost a year and took it off a few months ago. Surprisingly enough, my quick dips back into some of my ed behaviors have stopped. I finally realized that those triggers sitting on my wrist 24/7 had been messing with my head.

If you're able to/not already, get an adequate amount of sleep. I think we all know what happens when we stay up too late, letting our minds wander into our ed thoughts in the middle of the night. Low levels of sleep interfere with our mental health, which, in times like these, needs to be extra nurtured.

Try to look at it from someone else's point of view. If someone you knew came to you with this exact problem, what would you say? Would you want them to be kind to their body, to fuel it, and to take care of it? Probably, right? Or if that's hard for you to say to yourself, wouldn't you just want them to be free of their eating disorder?

This is pretty harsh, but your ed is trying to hurt you. It's trying to kill you. Whatever it needs to say to get you to engage in those behaviors, it will. It'll tell you that you're not as [adjective of your choice] or [another adjective of your choice] when you weigh more than you have in the past, but that's simply not true. As I said earlier, your weight is just a number. You deserve recovery. You deserve happiness. You deserve a life free of food rules and that nasty voice in your head.

If you're scared, I'm here to tell you: your ed will not fix anything. Losing weight will not fix the idea of yourself you have in your head, and won't make you magically like your body more. It wants you to think it will, but it won't. It only makes your life worse.

Something that helps me is looking at recovery posts on Pinterest or Tumblr. I love being able to see other people's thoughts and encouragement. It always inspires me to keep going, and I hope it'll do the same for you, too.

Whatever it is that triggered you is not worth all the pain and suffering that comes with an ed. I don't care if it was something somebody said or just a thought you had. Nothing is worth going back to your ed.

You can do this. I believe in you.

I really hope this was at least a little bit helpful, and I hope you're okay, anon. If you're not right now, you will be.

If I missed something, or you need someone to talk to, feel free to send me a message! ♡

#asks

[bmscribbles]

If I may, I'd like to start off the New Year by being very honest with you guys

Heads up, this is going to be long. It's not going to start good. I try to keep these things off of this account, but I think I need to say it for a few reasons that I hope makes sense as I go

I'm not around much and keep being slow with a lot of things because I am not doing well. I have not been doing well for quite some time. I frequently shrug off my absences as being busy, but I'm not busy so much as I spend most of my days wrestling with freshly planted and frequently, almost daily unintentionally, reinforced trauma while simultaneously adjusting to this being a part of my life in the first place. It has only been some months since one of the last major sources of these scars had stopped, and it has been an uphill battle against the fear responses I've learned over the past 10 years from multiple traumatic experiences being reinforced in my day to day life

This is why I don't have a regular schedule for things, why I swing between finishing art pieces quickly and taking so long to make progress, and why I suddenly vanish for chunks at a time. I don't beat myself up about these things and I continue to do my best around the issues, to be clear with people about my accessibility, but, as I'm sure you all have seen with reoccurring absences, I don't always win those daily battles

I ended up taking a break from a couple of spaces I'm in to try and really focus on what's going on in my head and what I need to do. My winter was primarily trying to make myself look at things I never wanted to look at again in order to resolve them while also keeping it together the best I could during the bustling holidays. When I came back, when mention of how long I've been gone came up, I got many pats on the head and told that "they know I get busy." People made the excuse for me before I could even try to say the truth, then carried on. It made me realize the depth of the hole I've put myself in, with how good I am at keeping my problems to myself

I don't know if this is appropriate. I don't know if this is the right thing to share in this sort of space, but I feel like I'm at a point where I need to stop pretending and taking advantage of how people make excuses for me if I play the right act just enough to seem like I'm fine, "just busy." It leads to me getting left alone a lot. I get left behind and projected onto about unexpectedly invasive things a lot. I don't think it's that people need to get their shit together, though. I need to figure what to do with myself from here, with the baggage I now have not just being tugged behind me, but nailed to my legs

This isn't meant to be a Woe Is Me post or me looking for attendance to a pity party. I wanna wipe my table clean of everything I've put on it to cover its damages, and I want to start by being transparent, and to better apologize to anyone who might feel dismissed or deemed unimportant by my radio silence with friendships and stop-and-go pace with work

With this transparency though, I'd also like to talk about the good things that have happened and that have realy helped me through these years. There isn't only bad things on the table.

I'm estatic there's folks who like what I do so much that they want to support me in the ways that they do. I don't think I'll ever be able to properly put to words just how much that means to me. I know I've said it before, but not once have I meant it lightly, even if said on a laugh. I'm honored. Seriously.

I've been trying to focus on directly approaching my issues instead of trying to do them on the side of other things happening, putting them first and foremost, and as painful has it's been it HAS been working. For the first time in a very, very long while I have been able to reach out and ask for help with problems that have completely overwhelmed me and reinforced what has happened in those ten years. I've started being able to feel like I can be there for others around me again too, not as a measurement of usefulness, but in recognition that I have the energy to so again. To do something as deeply important to me as to be there for those I care about.

I'm starting to get back to how I naturally make art over what I feel people are more interested in seeing, and I actually look forward to sharing them someday. I have a much better idea of how I'd like to approach my work in the future as my job and have the energy to start seeking out others with experience where I don't for consulting. I have projects planned out that I'm excited to jump on sometime this year, including a full comic and maybe starting to write a book I've been picking at for some years.

I'm working to get back in touch with my family and have been able to be more open with them than I've ever been in my life. I'm working to be my authentic self outside of certain circles and make it more of my everyday life over only in spaces where I only kind of fit in.

The past number of January 1sts have been harrowing as I reflected each time on the years that preceded them, with no actual end to the spiraling cycle in sight, but I find myself eagerly excited about whatever this year may hold. So yeah, I'm roughed up to hell and back and I'm still pretty battered, but there's a future, and despite everything I'm still one of the strongest people I know. I'm exhausted, but I'm getting better. I'll get back on my feet and not hit the floor as hard. One day I won't hit the floor much at all.

I don't plan on making another post like this ever again. I know I'm actively doing it, but it goes against a few principles of mine. It feels inappropriate to share so much in what is technically my professional setting, but I think this is one of the few times where I find an exception for transparency.

I'd like to spend the beginning of this year tending to my wounds so I can start putting all I've learned over the years of doing what I do as a business, as well as entertainment, to really do something spectacular this year. Both to really start getting the ball rolling with what I want to do, but to also give back to everyone that supported me all this time. Not out of obligation, but because that's something I have always wanted to do.

If you've read this far in, thank you. Thank you for your time, your attention, your patience, and understanding. It's been hard as sin and it's going to continue to be such for some time, but it's getting easier. I'm not looking for anyone to swoop in and try to save me. I'll ask for help if I need it. I promise.

I'm excited to get the show on the road, not just with work but with doing better and spending time with folks more, but please bear with me while I still sort these things out back behind the curtains. I'll be around, hit me up if you wanna hang or anything, I'm down to vibe. Hell in all honesty I'd actually love the company, regardless of if the faces are new or old.

I hope everyone's had as good of a start to the year as they could.

#important #about

[thisisawonderfulusername]

a lifetime of firsts

first fallout

tasm! peter parker x reader

summary: you have a hard time after breaking up with peter.

warnings: angsty angst

word count: 1k

a/n: yall i am so so so so sorry that this has taken so long. not sure if anyone is even still interested in this, but i want to see it to the end just because of the ideas i have. i hope at least a few people want to read it to the end with me lol

after you kicked peter out of your room, you didn’t go back to sleep. you couldn’t. you couldn’t believe yourself. complaining to him that you lost sleep over constantly worrying for him and still not sleeping when that shouldn’t be your problem anymore. but it would never truly go away.

the excuse that you had to get up within a few hours anyways creeps through your mind as you stare up at your ceiling, forcing tears away.

in the nights following when you still couldn’t sleep, you make the excuse that your sleep schedule was messed up. staying up past midnight had become a daily thing, and soon it would change. soon you would be able to get through the night without staring up into nothing, pretending that the worry of his wellbeing was not still walking through your mind.

every once in a while- more than once in a while- you think you see him on his patrol. when you were walking home later than usual, a flash of red and blue would strike the corner of your eye. when you looked in its direction, nothing was there. 

you convince yourself you’ve been imagining it all. your mind was creating illusions, begging the thought of him to be the only thing it wrapped around, for it to never think about anything else in the world.

but you can’t keep on dwelling. you did this. you had a reason to do this. being with him took a toll on you that you couldn’t handle. continually thinking about him and only him was terrible for you.

gwen and mary jane noticed the change.

the very first day you came back to school, they saw that your eye bags were heavier than usual. other students in the halls either gave pitiful gazes or averted their eyes, able to see the emotional turmoil going on behind your eyes, even if they didn't know what actually happened.

you had taken to sitting in the back of the library during lunch. you would weave through all of the bookshelves to get to the wall and throw your bag down, using the wall to slide yourself down to the floor.

for weeks, it was like you were stuck in a nightmare. your parents asked where peter was, why they haven't seen him in a while. your eyes immediately flooded with tears as your mom looks at you in sudden concern, quickly pulling you into her arms and rocking you silently until you could calm down. they never asked about him after that.

but after a while, you felt better. the weights on your chest slowly lifted, and you returned to a normal lifestyle.

sleeping at night was the best part of it all. while you would occasionally have dreams of peter coming in through your window, or nightmares of him being hurt beyond repair, it was mostly okay.

gwen and mary jane were happier to see you sitting with them again and going out on small girl's nights when possible.

by the end of the year, it was almost like everything was behind you.

but it was never that easy with peter.

after you had walked the stage on your graduation day, previous students were milling about the field the small stage was set in to take pictures with family and friends. 

your parents took you to the side, snapping many different pictures. when they got distracted talking to your friends' parents, a hand grabbed at your wrist.

a small yelp escaped you as you were pulled to the side, almost dropping the cap that you now held in your hand.

when you looked at your abductor, you saw the face that plagued you.

"peter-"

"y/n, please listen to me." the pleading tone in his voice stops you from interrupting him, trying to show annoyance instead of the aching in your heart.

"i'm sorry," he starts, head shaking a little, "i know, you don't like it when i say that, it's not enough. but i really am."

you have to avert your gaze from his as you let out a shaky sigh. "peter, just tell me what you want."

"i want you back. i've missed you so, so much." he tries to keep your eyes on his, "i know everything i did was wrong. i know that i can't change what i did, but i want to be better. i want to be better just so you'll come back to me."

tears are threatening to spill from your eyes, and you know that what he's saying is true. ever since you were children, he had done everything you ever wanted him to do. he said he always would.

but you can't change your mind. not now, it's too late.

"peter, i'm leaving." you stare down at your feet, finally pulling your hand from his to play with your fingers.

"leaving-" his head shakes, "what do you mean you're leaving?"

you have to breathe in deeply to finally look into his eyes. "i'm leaving queens." you tell him, "my dream college accepted me."

of course he couldn't have known that. acceptance letters came after you had broken up, and it was almost as exciting as it would have been if he had been there to open it with you. especially since he was the reason for what you wanted to do in life. after all those nights helping him, you wanted to become a nurse.

"it's- it's not far, is it?" he asks, voice quieter now. 

your volume follows his as you look down at your feet. "i'm sorry, peter."

before he can say anything else, beg you any more to just stay with him, you walk away. a few tears manage to escape your eyes, but you quickly wipe them away as you make it back to your friends.

who knows what you would have said to him if you weren't planning on leaving. you didn't want to think about the possibilities of what could happen if you did stay, because then you might go back on your decision.

but you won't, because you won't allow yourself to think about him any longer. soon enough, you'll be out of the state and onto better things in life.

taglists

main: @horrorklaus @megasimpleplan4ever

marvel: none yet

peter parker: @elfvomit @spidergraph @rattdonovan @cupidoll @lup1nslOv4 

a lifetime of firsts: @kominnfyrirkattarnef @kiwi5335

#marvel x reader #tasm x reader #tasm!spiderman x reader #spiderman x reader #peter parker x reader #tasm!peter parker x reader

[moodyclouds89]

Yandere ran haitani x fem reader [part 8]

[A/n: I should really make a schedule on when I update my series😭 sorry for the wait!]

"Are you serious!?" 

You just nodded and took a sip of your drink.

You called Yuna over the next day and told her everything about the call you got last night.

"I was thinking of reporting it to the police."

"I don't think that would do much. Isn't bonten hard to trace and catch?" You sighed knowing she was right. 

If the police couldn't find any traces of them throughout the years then how would they be able to trace yoshi now?

"I feel so useless now! I can't do anything to help yoshi get back and have to just sit here and wait while the police tries everything they can"

Yuna felt her heartbreak seeing you so stressed and worried. 

"Don't stress yourself too much y/n, let's just hope that the police will manage to catch them and bring yoshi back safe and sound" you nod at her words and hold onto that little hope you still have.

Yuna left soon after and you were once again left alone, well not exactly since ren was still here with you.

You got up from the couch and decided on taking a nice warm shower. 

-

Days have passed since that call. And during those days you felt scared living alone.

You don't feel comfortable around your own home now. The feeling of someone watching you while you do your daily home activities makes you want to crawl under your covers and hide. You couldn't eat without looking around and still feeling like something is there.

And your belongings, they sometimes go missing. For example your favorite perfume that you bought not so long ago has gone missing for weeks until later it randomly appears again.

At first you didn't pay any attention to it. But it suddenly got worse to the point that you're scared about your safety.

And you know that its ran and his co-workers.

You've seen them wandering/driving around your neighborhood and sometimes you see those exact same black cars you saw months ago follow wherever you go.

You never knew ran would be this crazy. But you wonder.

Why is he doing this? Does he not want you to be happy? Does he want to ruin your life?

What does Ran Haitani exactly want from you?

Does he hate you so much that he will do anything to make your life miserable?

But you got it all wrong.

The reason behind all this is not because he hates you but it's because he still loves you. Of course you don't know that, you still don't know that your ex still has feelings for you and that he would do anything to get you back and love him like old times.

Ran will make sure that nothing gets in the way of his love for you. He hates seeing you happy with someone that isn't him. He doesn't care what he has to do or the consequences that will later come.

All he wants is you

You and only you

So what he comes in the middle of the night when you're sleeping just to watch you sleep peacefully not knowing he is there?

He doesn't care that he sends rindou or sanzu to watch over you when he can't. Or follow you around when you shop for groceries or cat food.

And yoshi?

Well he has other plans for him. 

But now his main focus is you.

So what a surprise it is when you hear a knock at the door late at night. You open it thinking it was yuna dropping some things off only to find him.

Beautiful lilac eyes staring right back at you. The same eyes you fell in love with back then but soon moved on.

The first time you saw him again after years was on that date with you and yoshi. But now seeing him up close you could feel shivers down your spine.

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Is that a way to speak to your lover?" He teases with a smirk.

"Ex lover you mean?" 

His playful expression instantly fades away and morphs into one you couldn't understand.

He walks inside your house and you follow right behind him with a scowl.

"Hey what are you doing? Get out!"

"I just want to talk"

You stared at his figure as he sat down in the living room. 

"Come sit and let's talk"

"I'm good I'll stay over here"

He hums and looks around the place.

"What a nice place"

"Thanks, yoshi help with decorating" he bit his lip and grip the seat when you mentioned your lover's name.

"Is that so?"

"Mhm, speaking of Yoshi, where is he?" He rolled his eyes.

"I came here to talk to you and all you do is whine about him. Yoshi this yoshi that C'mon stop worrying he's fine!" You flinch at his outburst. You could tell that the mention of your boyfriend pisses him off. He leans back on the couch and looks you in the eye.

"Now let's talk about us"

"Us? What about us ran?"

He sighs and takes out a cigarette and lit it up.

"You know, our relationship. You know I was really dumb back then" he says before exhaling the puff of smoke. 

"You were" you mumble underneath your breath. You sighed and looked at him.

"What about our relationship?"

"Well, I was thinking about us. And how we could've worked out if I wasn't-"

"Ran…listen you broke up with me first. You made it clear back then that you didn't love me anymore and now I've moved on and I'm happy with someone-" 

"Are you?" 

"Yes"

"Y/n I know I was a dumb teen back then but I have change. And I love you and want you back, so how about leave yoshi and be with me instead!" You looked at him like he was insane. You scoff and glared at him.

"But I don't love you anymore ran! Just please give yoshi back and leave me alone!"

It was silent for a moment. He didn't utter a single word and you felt uneasy.

You don't love him anymore?

What kinda sick joke is that?

"Well then…" he says and gets up from the couch. He drops the cigarette before stomping on it.

"I really wanted to talk it out with you but I guess I have to get you back another way."

You step back as he starts walking closer to you.

"What do you-" you bump into someone's chest from behind you and you feel your breath hitch.

"I'm sorry love"

Before you could say anything else you felt something hit your head which caused you to fall on the floor and blackout.

"She really doesn't like you huh"

"Shut up sanzu and get her in the car"

He watched as his brother and sanzu carried your unconscious body away.

"I didn't want to use this on you but you didn't leave me no choice love" he said before following right behind the two and getting in the car.

Ran haitani truly is obsessed and deeply in love with you.

-

Taglist: @luno614 @q-the-rockaholic @no-signal @wakasagurl @crown5 @cosmo-infatuation @jelly1ce69 @jhohannamae @gulfkfl @thevillagehiddenintheinternet @yeosatinyngz @shouaddict

#tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers x reader #tw: yandere #yandere ran haitani #yandere tokyo revengers #tokyo revengers ran #ran haitani x reader #ran x reader #tokyo revengers angst