#I'm just doing whatever I want my bad

[hazeism]

THERE IS A HOLE IN THE WORLD, AND THE LIGHT IS RUNNING OUT OF IT. THERE IS A HOLE IN THE WORLD, AND THE SEA IS RUNNING OUT OF IT.

Ursula K. Le Guin’s THE FARTHEST SHORE && angelo musco  / isabel allende / franz kafka /  marina tsvetaeva / anastasia ax / simone de beauvior / linda vachon / alexandra chu

#web weaving #the farthest shore #Earthsea Cycle #I'm just doing whatever I want my bad #some of this is good but some of it's not as good as the rest so maybe I'll just make it. again sometime. #visual #text #it doesn't fit but also imagine this being there #On Kaltuel I saw villagers killing a baby on an altar stone and on Ingat I saw a sorcerer killed by his townsfolk throwing stones at him. #Will they eat the baby think you Ged? Will the sorcerer come back from death and throw stones at his townsfolk? #earthsea

[egophiliac]

happy new year Ego!!! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely adore your twst fanart and the tags are just an absolute pleasure to read! You are my greatest inspiration for my personal twst art and I just wanted to thank you for your wonderful masterpieces <333 if possible, may I ask what are some of your headcanons for the diasomnia family? If not for diasomnia then any other characters are fine as well!

thank you, and happy new year! 💚💜💚 that is amazing to hear; it's always a little bewildering but super flattering that other people like my silly little doodles so much!

I don't think I really have any really solid headcanons and also canon keeps validating me left and right (FLUFFY DOMESTIC DIAFAM IS REAL). mostly just kind of...impressions and general thoughts, if that makes sense! lately though I've been kind of obsessed with thinking about Lilia's hair, and specifically when/why he ended up cutting it. (l-look, we're bouncing around the timeline and I gotta make decisions about these things when I draw, it's relevant) (I mean I would probably be weirdly fixated on this anyway, but.)

I think I've settled on the idea that he kept it long until he went to NRC, partly because 1) I like drawing The Ponytail, and 2) I think he thought of NRC as a chance to reinvent himself a bit! he gets to go and be a wacky carefree teenager for a few years and have fun! (officially he's there to keep an eye on Son #1, but how much trouble could he get into, really.) so he gave himself a Cool Teen Haircut to go with his fresh new Cool Teen Persona!

also maybe he had some reflection on his hair's troubled past with three kids...

...and had to weigh his vanity versus the fact that he was going off to be around hundreds of kids on a daily basis, and. the choice suddenly seemed obvious.

#art #twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland episode 7 part 6 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 spoilers #twisted wonderland book 7 part 6 spoilers #this is my blog and i'm going to write a million words about lilia and you can't stop me #but anyway i do genuinely get the impression that he's using Pretending to Be a Teenager as a chance to be even sillier than usual #he's a very silly man he's just being EXTRA silly #supported by his recent birthday card where he says he was specifically trying to cast himself as an adorable little brother-type #because he wanted the other students to give him free shit and save him seats and things like that #it worked for about a week before he turned out to be way too good at stuff and everyone just kind of ended up in awe of him instead #and he was like DANGIT. I'VE RUINED IT FOR MYSELF. #(then he and epel went on to talk about their hypothetical vtubersonas because the birthday cards are INSANE but anyway) #i'm bad at headcanons :( sorry! #unless it's dumb things like...what pokemon they would have or whatever #(malleus would have some kind of special fancy-colored dragapult) (but i digress) #i have a hard time putting things into words. just know that i love the grampa bat and his weird kids very much. #my brain is also still kind of fried from the last couple of weeks #i am however starting 2024 off the way i intend to continue it: in deep contemplation of anime hair #(sorry if these look weirdly aliased) (i realized about 3/4 of the way through i was using the wrong brush and i didn't want to restart :U)

[mintjeru]

rough day?

open for better quality | no reposts

#kaveh #alhaitham #kavetham #genshin impact #genshin #fanart #myart #doodle #i'm fine!! probably. i just wanted to draw alhaitham being comforted #while it is funny that he became acting grand sage despite not liking leadership positions- #i do feel bad for him just bc those positions often entail much more stress and work #kaveh gives him hug hugs and patpats and chu chus to help him feel better! and they will talk about whatever's bothering him #while i would love to wish for alhaitham this coming update i think we all know my priorities lie with a certain adeptus #i will have him eventually though #for kvthm reasons and personal reasons #unrelated but i also got k.hadein b.yleth in feh this morning. if anyone plays #snagged two 4 stars early into pity and decided that was a sign to stop #it's good though i have feathers so he's a merged 5 star now #didn't even have to whale 😌 #'whale' meaning i spend the 2k orbs i've been saving since forever

[maomango-doodle]

Playing around with the color wheel WEEE

#self-indulgent doodles babyyy #mostly a mix of pose studies and chibis #my fave color is green but im rly into pink lately #color palettes based on pride flags btw. except for the last doodle page #gender is like clay. its whatever i want it to be 🫶 #half op vash and no op knives are so important to me #love me some relaxed/silly vw. sharing clothes or glasses #SOOOO normal about ww wearing vash's coat :DDD #and vash being comfortable enough to let his wings and feathers out around ww and not cover up his scars #also tryna come up with a name for legato-vash-midvalley trio. not even a romantic trio theyre just a couple of buffoons annoying each othe #midgatovash? legavashvalley?? VHS as in vashhornsummers?? valleybluestyphoon??? #god im so bad at coming up with names..... #i'm mainly thinking of their dynamic in '98 but trimax also works #so much flavor to this trio imo #anyway. it's fun playing dress up with characters and trying to find what would fit their style and all. i wanna do more of that #trigun #vash the stampede #nicholas d. wolfwood #vashwood #millions knives #legato bluesummers #millionsummers #midvalley the hornfreak #shinxo art

[pa-pa-plasma]

hey i feel like we're really sleeping on that time Danny possessed Vlad & framed him for assaulting a minor

Editing with the clip because people don't believe me. Episode is 41: Eye for an Eye.

#Danny Phantom #i think this ties into my other post i made a long time ago about Danny siccing the GIW on Vlad #like we KNOW in CANON that if Danny was even a tiny bit more like Vlad he would literally become a supervillain #villain is such a stupid word i hate how it's spelled. why is it like that #anyways i need to like. rewatch DP cuz i remember shit & then i'm like #did that actually happen. because that sounds too insane #but like. he Did That. didnt he #i think that's what i love about this character. but a lot of people ignore it #Danny is like. gritting his teeth going ''do good do good'' it isnt effortless it isnt easy he doesnt even want to do it half the time #& sometimes yeah he WILL do crimes or get back at people who've been assholes to him or whatever #he WILL use his powers for bad sometimes #he'll be like ''dont do that it's bad'' but like. he WILL do it himself #the whole ''i'm a hero'' thing he's got going on is like. more of a. how do i put this #it's like when you're drawing or writing & saying ''it doesnt have to be perfect it just has to BE'' #like Danny isn't a hero sometimes. he's got morals & has a general understanding of good & bad #but also he's 14 & being attacked every day #i would start saying bad words & threatening people that annoy me too man #okay i glanced over the scene again for the first time in years & Danny was literally in the middle of outing Vlad to the whole town??? #hello?? are we really ignoring this????? #VLAD TORNADO VLAD TORNADO VLAD TORNADO #this show is so stupid i love it #love how Sam & Tucker immediately backed him up yeah fuck Vlad all my homies hate Vlad #okay you know what. maybe i will do a DP liveblog. i think it would be fun #on daddyplasmius. only posting this on pa-pa-plasma cuz it's kind of just a. weird rant post? kind of? idk

[aoxizu]

i have another 2.1 character dynamic post in the recesses of my brain but i need to get this out first

star rail's 2.1 update main plotline leans a lot more into existentialism and absurdism than i thought it would which is a really nice surprise

like i thought before 2.0 that at most it was just going to be some "oh no capitalism bad ipc bad cults also bad" thing but honestly what we got is so much more interesting. the spoilers start now

also massive disclaimer i am not a philosophist and actually i really don't like philosophy because it makes my brain hurt and i would much rather just look at logical nice things like math and plants so. if i get anything wrong please correct me

acheron's past and how she became an emanator of nihility reminds me somewhat of the absurdist theme of how people always look for meaning when there isn't any, until they finally realize that the universe is meaningless

and the entire path of nihility basically is a road towards that realization that people tread on, and the difference between the real world and star rail is that in the real world here we have people who will see that and then go write a book about a guy not crying at his mother's funeral, whereas in star rail it seems that just accepting that the universe is meaningless turns you into a pathstrider or even emanator of the nihility (not sure if i remember the details, correct me if i'm wrong)

and then aventurine's whole motivation is trying to understand why the universe is so cruel to him, and to find meaning when you have everything except freedom, both of which are absurdist themes

the leap of faith argument often attributed to søren kierkegaard claims that even though there is no rational logic for believing in god, you should do it anyway because the alternatives are madness, suicide, and ignorance. this was one solution to the problem of confronting the universe's meaninglessness: choosing to believe in a higher being regardless

later world wars i and ii both contributed heavily to the rise of absurdism as people returned from the war, having seen so many others die around them, and then just going back to a normal society with none of what they as individual soldiers had contributed seemingly doing anything. and then it happened again, but on a much greater scale with even more deaths. both wars and the destruction they brought led many people to start questioning why a supposedly moral god could allow this suffering, and this is where camus comes in and says that actually religion and nationalism both aren't good solutions, and instead we should just accept meaninglessness and keep living despite the absurdity

and i think dr ratio's scroll thing kind of relates to that

he tells aventurine to open it when he's about to die, or when he's completely out of answers for the question of how to confront absurdity

and dr ratio's answer for aventurine is to just tell him to keep living, good luck

which is. yeah

it's the argument that there are more answers to nihilism than just 1) going insane, 2) pretending like it doesn't exist, and 3) dying

it's the bold claim that despite everything, you can still choose to live

sure nothing makes sense but that does not detract from your life. it doesn't need to make sense at all

and with the understanding that things do not need to fit our human definition of meaning, we can continue on knowing our true place in the universe

and with that aventurine walks into the very big black hole like look at that thing you cannot tell me there is no symbolism there

let's go back to acheron.

in the part where you get a snippet of acheron's conversation with some guy just before this cutscene, the other party states that "[IX] leave[s] woven strands of fate for humans to walk, and together THEY weave a great shadow...And this shadow silently envelops them."

which to me sounds like a statement on how people across time and space have again and again come to the same question, what is the meaning of life?

and acheron's whole color thing seems to mean that she is one of the few who, after walking so far on the path of nihility, somehow have not died yet, be it from madness or something else

like it seems implied that many many more have seen the meaninglessness of the universe and have not reacted as well as acheron has

ok i have more to say about the elation and how it in turn relates to the nihility but that will have to come later but there is. a lot of interesting things there to explore

once again disclaimer: I Am Not A Philosophist And Do Not Know What The Correct Definitions Of These Words I'm Throwing Around Are. thank you for coming to my ted talk that was more of a longwinded ramble

#hsr #honkai star rail #2.1 spoilers #hsr aventurine #dr ratio #(briefly but i think i might have more to say about him later once my brain gets working) #acheron #hsr analysis #i should make a tag for that because this is probably not the last time i'm going on a wild tangent about star rail #but bad #bad hsr analysis #someone save me and take me back to the luofu i don't want to be doing english homework while playing a supposedly relaxing upbeat game #or whatever it was that shaoji promised in the 2.0 livestream #i just want to go back and see dan heng and jing yuan and qingque and bailu and you get the point #get me out of this dreamscape.

[lunarharp]

pretty & cute witch men

#witch hat tag #orufrey #i'm not drawing as much or as well as i'd like to be doing. i'm trying to get through a comic i've been really wanting to do #but i'm just finding it so hard. disheartening. btw the 2nd one relates to some official art of qif wearing a dress like the girls #and the 4th one relates to how i've been drawing EXTREMELY SMALL for years. idk how to explain it but i always clicked 'fit to screen' #and so all my art EVER has looked bad when you zoom in bc it's already like size 1 zoomed in to the MAX pfhgguguhfpfhGHAHHHHH #i was so confused allll this time why brushes always look different for me than what they're supposed to #'wow this brush is so jaggedy..really rather jaggedy...calling it the Jagged Cai Special..bringing it out for those jaggedy moments.. #really quite jaggedy i must say...' and it's literally not jaggedy #but now i have to get used to how all those brushes that i'd gotten used to indeed look how they're supposed to finally. Alarming #I have simply been working out absolutely everything by myself for years and that's why my technical progress is slow #ppl say my progress is fast and i certainly have improved much since i began doing all this but #like..it took me a year and half to start using a program where i could Colour In The Lines aka the..whatever it's called. whatever.. #just on my lonely confused solemn journey to express gay love better than yesterday.. -_- *picks up my pack n continues through the snow* #btw thank you sm for people's kind words enjoying my narumitsu art & fic over the christmas & new year period <3

[kenobihater]

of all the star wars movies, which of them do y'all 1) enjoy the most 2) consider the best quality and 3) think you've rewatched the most. add your answers in the reblogs or replies, i'm genuinely curious how much of an overlap there is within everyone's three answers. mine don't overlap at all! they're revenge of the sith, empire strikes back, and the force awakens :^)

#len speaks #star wars #revenge of the sith #empire strikes back #the force awakens #not tagging more films than that bc i cant b bothered. incoming tag ramble ahead bc i have sw brainrot rn and im making it everyones prob❤️ #i rlly struggled 2 remember if id watched tfa or aotc more. i went w/ tfa bc it was formative to me as a teen and ive seen it probably 6ish #times? whereas aotc was the first sw movie i remember (specifically the scene of obiwan serving c*nt in the bar lmao) but i've only seen it #for sure 4.5 and maybe 5.5 times. the .5 is from when i got bored after obi-wan's scene ended and ran off to go play in the mud or smthn 😭 #i'm sure tfa will eventually get surpassed in number of rewatches by aotc and rots bc i don't fw the direction of the ST but that's my #current ballpark estimate of my total number of rewatches #as an adult tho if i just wanna watch a star war i'll go with aotc bc it's fun and ends semihappily and i can turn my brain off for the #spinny lightsabers. it's great background noise or for if you're sick or whatever. rots on the other hand? i won't talk through that unless #i'm quoting it with my brother and i am LOCKED IN 100% entirely entranced by it all #i almost picked rogue one for the best quality answer but i think the character writing is weaker and the facial cgi is creepy. esb beats #it by a hair imho bc of that. the vader hallway scene goes hard tho!!! #also i'm not covering shows or games or books or anything else in this post - simply the films. might ask abt shows later but that might #also give me hives bc so many of the shows suck ass and i don't rlly want ppl extolling the virtues of t.bb in my notes 💀 #and yes i do think one's enjoyment and one's opinion of quality are two things that often overlap. but sometimes you just like something #bad and that's awesome. like rots is the best of the prequels by a large margin and i adore the opening and characters and many of the #scenes but that doesn't mean it's the best star wars has to offer ykwim? it's my specialest most favoritest sw movie but that doesn't blind #me to the dialogue lmfaooo

[kvt1]

lynx day....

#hsr #hsr lynx #i don't remeber my art tag but lynx... #i just had the most dogshit pulls #first of all lost my 50/50 to e1 welt #e2 + 6 hook 0 pelas and 1 lynx #the rest were 4 star light cones 😭😢 #hoyo wants me to build welt sooo bad i have his lc too #tch..... whatever... i'm changing my pfp....... #ummm anyways.... please pray for me that i get fu xuan soft pity #i don't want jingliu or topaz either #i really wanted a quantum character and fu xuan is really cute....... #i'm going to go do her story quest.....

[pallanophblargh]

You know what the worst feeling I've been having lately is? Wanting more than anything to get back into Actual Art again but finding a sudden anxiety that stops me. Even if I'm still as capable as I was, it's the mental block. It's why I've all but kept commissions closed for this whole time: this overwhelming fear of letting people down. Especially in times as troubled as these, where money is tight, and patience is thin. I've always been blessed with such patient and considerate commissioners, but I would hate to test people because of my malfunctioning brat of a brain.

I just wish it came to me as easily as it did before the massive burnout/medication. But it's up to me to come up with my own motivation. And it's ME.

Anyway. Thanks as always for sticking around despite... all of this. I'll get back on the horse soon.

#text post #april rambles #it's stupid because I WANT to do it #but even wanting to do things doesn't trick my jerkass brain #the meds helped some things and fucked other things #I'm still trying to reshape my relationship with watercolor #I haven't touched it enough and yet I'm trying to learn more #which sounds dumb #but so is anxiety am i right? #so i've been poking linocut because i don't feel bad being awful or unskilled at it or whatever #it's no pressure #and I'm disproportionately afraid of pressure now #which is something the medication can't fix #now if only I could purchase motivation and courage #I'm just so worried I'll disappoint people forever #you know how vicious cycles are #anyway i'm gonna get things done one way or another

[triaelf9]

sees a post that's like "LOOK, LOOK AT ME I HAVE TERRIBLE MEDIA LITERACY LOOOOK AHAHA ISN'T THAT FUNNY"

Checks bio

"I'm 21"

Ah, yes. You're in the age group to have been hit by the resurgence of purity culture. I'm so sorry.

#nuance is lost on them #9 times out of 10 it's this #I'm so crushed that a whole generation of queer younglings got poisoned #all you have to do is be mature enough to look at a piece of media and say “this isn't my jam” #and not be like IT'S BAD B/C THIS IS PRoBlEmATIC REP or whatevs #maybe something didn't speak to you #but it's okay #if the non queer crowd can have garbage reality TV and shitty dramas #we can have garbage too #just don't watch it if you don't like it #There are a few things out there right now that I can look at and say“eh” #I see what it's doing and that's great for it #but it's not up my alley #and I move on and create what I want to see out there #my tags are longer than my post LOL #to be clear this is not scorn #this is genuine disappointment and sadness

[demodoggonetired]

" I'm Batty 4 U "

For the @steddiemicrofic September Prompt: Charm || 548 Words || Rating: T || Warnings: implied verbally absuvie parent, implied period-typical homophobia

It sweeps through the group like wildfire after the whole Vecna ordeal. Something about everyone trying to go back to normal, re-engaging with non-world-ending topics.

Out window shopping, El happens upon a charm bracelet display and within the week convinces Hopper to buy one for her and Max. And who’s to deny the girl that's suffered through so much. 

El states it as her “momento of who she is, and those who helped her find that definition.” All while thumbing the rainbow and sunflower charms. 

So it’s no surprise when Robin, Nancy, and Erica are seen wearing their own charm bracelet designs after Girl’s Night. Then through a spidering chain of conversations and convincing, the rest of the party soon each have custom bracelets.

For Steve though, the issue is that he’s just not a bracelet sort of guy. The occasional pinching when it doesn’t sit right. Constant jangling and shifting every time you move. It’s not for him.

(Plus he knows his Dad would make him throw it out if he ever saw it. “Jewelry isn’t for men.” and all that. (Of course I don’t agree, Robin. But I still don’t want to risk it getting tossed.))

Until Robin solves the problem for him. Turning his bracelet into a keychain for his car keys. And he didn’t realize just how much he’d come to care for said keychain once it’d stop pinching his wrist. 

Exactly as El had painted it from the get-go; a constant reminder that he’s more than the harsh words his dad sneers as “encouragement”.

Of who he matters to and of who matters to him. His family. 

But it’s not for another few months that his keychain gains a companion.

“Hey, uh. Hey, Stevie.”

They’d danced around one another for weeks. From exchanged glances at the hospital, to touching under the guise of lending a hand, pulling excuses to spend time together.

“Yea?”

Finally culminating in Steve getting fed up and testing the waters with a kiss ‘hello’. 

“I know we’ve only been technically dating for a month now. But I’m pretty sure I remember you being a big relationship guy back in high school, and I figured well ‘Stevie probably never had someone buy him the cheesy anniversary gifts he bought for others’-”

“They weren't cheesy, they were well thought out-”

“And so, I got you something as a faux sort of ‘Happy One Month Anniversary’ gift.”

Eddie shoves the little trinket into Steve’s hands, forcing him to drop his book. 

“Small towns, especially Hawkins in particular, suck and so I figured this is as public as we’d be able to be. And I know the bat was maybe a bold choice considering the bites and all that shit but- Actually maybe this was a bad idea- Ya know what, give it back right now, Stevie. This was stupid- I’m gonna do something else.”

Deftly leaning away, Steve hooks his arm around his boyfriend so he can’t lunge for the keychain again.

“Oh hell no. My boyfriend gave this to me, it’s mine now. You can’t take Ozzy from me.”

“Ozzy? What?”

“Yeah, the little bat charm. His name’s Ozzy, he told me so himself.”

“What-?? Shit- Jesus Christ, you’re so lame. Come here so I can kiss your lame, adorable face.”

#bad news: he did not actually solve the jangling #but he has come to accept it #a little bit of reclaiming your character motifs in this one #also don't think about eddie putting little charms on his belt chain btw it's too cute #enjoy another fluffy prompt fill because the other idea I had was so angsty #I'm still considering doing the second fill since I already drafted it tho but we shall see #anyone else get possessed with the sudden urge to draw a set of keys with 21 semi-realistic little metal charms? no? just me? #(while zoomed into the image. right click the image and open in a new tab if you want full resolution for whatever reason) #also naming this microfic after my favorite charm because i couldn't resist (still kicking myself for forgetting the dice charm ahh) #steddie #stranger things #steve harrington #eddie munson #steddie microfic #my posts #my writing #my art

[irregularbillcipher]

DO YOU KNOW WHAT SPAWNED YOUR EXISTENCE?

[ID: Two lineless, digital paintings, both with warm, dark gray backgrounds. Both canvases are shaped like exact squares.

Painting one shows an adult Bill Cipher, a bright yellow triangle with a top hat, bow tie, cane, singular eye, and long lashes, reaching out to shake hands with the Axolotl, a pink axolotl with an electric blue tail. Bill is looking at the Axolotl casually, and his outstretched hand is engulfed in blue flames, while the Axolotl is smiling at Bill gently, reaching out to take his hand. There are stylized stars, similar to sparkles, in the top right and bottom lefthand corners of the painting. The painting is textured so that you can see the gray of the canvas very faintly through the brush strokes.

Painting two consists mostly of a short passage from Edwin Abbott Abbot's Flatland, written in light gray over the dark background. The passage is the beginning of chapter 7, and reads as follows:

"7. Concerning Irregular Figures

I for my part have never known and Irregular who was not also what Nature evidently intended him to be-- a hypocrite, a misanthropist, and, up to the limits of his power, a perpetrator of all manner of mischief..."

Below the quote, near the very bottom of the page, is a tiny illustration of a very young Bill Cipher. He is drawn completely in grayscale, and is looking down at the ground angrily, fists clenched. He is wearing a pauper's cap and has bandages wrapped around his rightmost angle, which is noticeably longer and more acute than his other angles.

End ID]

#flatland #flatland: a romance of many dimensions #bill cipher #my url was almost irregularbillcipher for a reason I have… thoughts! #i do wanna say for anyone who hasn't read my fic uh me making bill irregular is not one of those #'what if the oppressed person was the REAL bad guy and went Too Far' type deals. at least that's not my intention #i always like to write bill with a bit of a square in him where he's not too bothered by people Not Having Rights #'till it impacts how people see HIM (and the few people he's grown to care about) #things will get to him sometimes but it's always through a lens of like... himself if that makes sense. he simply does not care about other #he's the living embodiment of 'do you believe in gay rights?' 'i am gay' 'he's dodging the question' but for irregularity #to be fair with whatever the hell is going on with him and kryptos he's also sort of that for gay rights too #... also i have birth defects and just wanted an excuse to write about victorian ableism so i hit bill and kryptos with the disability ray #woe... birth defects be upon ye #anyway this is some old art but i'm still very fond of the bill n frills drawing

[icewindandboringhorror]

... why he sit like this

#in this position his face is extremely 'cartoon cat' shaped.. like the perfectly round cheeks and little #rounded bump of a snout.. big round eyes. etc. stretched over the arm of a chair like a weirdo #cats #It's still Hot Evil Summer time and I have so much to do so am just aimlessly hopping between various projects but not actually #getting anything done. as usual. Also so so so so tired. I almost fell asleep in the middle of the floor like 3 times today lol #Trying to finish some costume photos and also another poll adventure thing. plus I do really want to do a sculpture sometime #I haven't finished one in a while. Hopefully my tiredness is nothing bad. #Maybe I'm anemic again so that's making me tired. Or maybe it's just a Listless phase. not that I'm ever really THAT productive considering #all of the health problems and etc. always holding me back. but still. I'm not usually 'sleep or just stare at a wall literally all day' ty #e unproductive.. at least not for multiple days in a row so. hmm... Sometimes especially in the summer though I will have periods of time #that are listless like that. I am under low level phyiscal stress for months at a time due to summer heat so I guess it makes sense #that would eventually take a toll. I just have SO MANY THINGS I WANT TO DO!!!!! AAUUGhhh #I also came up with a new idea for a game that is so so cool and I wish I could make it but I have to finish the other one first lol #which I will NEVER do. if I spend all day just sleepy unfocused barely able to do anything #I also really need to sell some clothes and sculptures because I'll probably have to buy a new computer soon so I need money. (plus still #recovering the costs of having to euthanize my other cat.. wehh) There's nothing clearly wrong with it right now but it's getting gradually #slower and there's more weird glitches happening randomly and idk.. just weird things that make me think 'hmm... bad.. possibly.' #ANYWAY... I just have so much to do that I both REALLY want or need to do - so it's perpetually frustrating that I just can't for whatever #reason like. Time is always mving forward. every day I waste is a wasted day. The year is already almost half over. I havent finished #any of the projects I wanted to .. and there's only more and more things to do each day. It's overwhelming and stinky #and thats not even considering having to do all of my tasks also with the background noise of economic inequality. everything increasingly #going into an even scarier political direction. active climate change crisis. pandemic that still exists and is insane to act otherwise. et #etc. HOW am I supposed to solo make two whole games . write 3 book series. finish sculptures. do costumes. make outfits. game videos. make #stable network of social connections. do my little side crafts. take care of myself and cats. pay rent. manage health issues. keep a routin #.try to make some sort of money. go to doctors appointments. handle regular maintenance like cleaning and cooking and self care #and buying new plates when old ones break or etc. make sure to do other things like backup my computer data regularly. do shopping lists. #take care of plants. pursue like 6 different academic interests. do the other side side projects I have for fun (like music or carving avoc #ado pits). eat in a healthy way thats okay for my Special Health Issue diet. exercise so i don't die early. etc. etc. etc. AND all while it #82F in my apartment all the time and I have tiny income and also need to move to another country/climate somehow??? lol...... #ANYWAY.. ..very frustrated today over my chronic Tired Sleepy.. time for Cat Photos - which cure all of life's ailments lol

[da-proti-toku-grem]

noooooo i just remembered i actually wrote a short fic about Nace making a flower crown for Jan (and Jan failing to make one for Nace hshshs) while they sat like in this pic in front of each other and now i'm going to cry :(

#life imitates art or whatever i guess /j #the reason i'm crying is because nace looks so precious in the pic and i love him so much okay?! #the pic is making me want to sit just like that in front of him and cup his face in my hands and give him a sweet tender kiss :( #(well i always want to do that but ykwim) #he's just a precious human-sized teddy bear i want to hug him so bad #like. that would fix me fr #joker out #nace jordan #jance #maca speaks

[uncanny-tranny]

Okay, see, I understand the reason why people believe "testosterone is so powerful and estrogen, by comparison, is useless and weak", but guys... please stop. It's not helpful, it's inaccurate, and frankly, it's just... transphobic (and misogynistic).

Yes, estrogen and testosterone (in different levels) are different, and do different things. But to say that one is useless - esteogen, more often than not - is so inaccurate. I've seen so many trans women on estrogen express just how much they have changed - some even remarked that their shoe size changed. Estrogen isn't inherently weak. Testosterone isn't inherently powerful. They do different things in different peoples' bodies, which is why transition timelines vary so much even if some of us take the same medications.

Additionally, please recognize how hurtful this can be to those either seeking transition, or not looking to medically transition in this way. How does it look when people are bombarded with the idea that their transition isn't going to be successful, and that there's no point? If I were told again and again that there isn't any point in something I need, I know I'd be miserable on top of the misery I'd feel for being unable to transition how I needed. It's unnecessarily cruel.

You can certainly speak on the affects of different hormones. That is completely okay! But to moralize or even scandalize hormones isn't the way to go, I think.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #mtf #nonbinary #there's also the assumption that testosterone mulilates a person because of the affects... #...and i just. it upsets me because i'm on testosterone... #...and i can rag on estrogen and whatever because of the affects of them which i never asked for but it's just... #...it feels needlessly cruel to say that a hormone makes you bad or makes you weak or makes you ugly... #...i understand where this is coming from. there is genuine pain when some people say this... #...my critique is NOT on the pain. it is a critique about the ways in which we express it... #...there are healthy and productive ways to express this type of pain... #...but i don't think equating morality to hormones will be helpful in the long run... #...and obviously what i say won't resonate with everybody but i invite you to just sit with this. roll it over in your mind perhaps... #...you are not a bad person for feeling distress or pain. not at all. not ever. but i do want people to be mindful of this... #...this is NOT a post to shame you. thoughts ≠ actions