#I'm just generally doing okay!! And I'm completely fine not studying drama for a lot of reasons

[one-abuse-survivor]

hi there! I have found out about this blog for 3-4 days and ever since i couldn’t stop thinking about it because it may be the best place for me to vent, sorry if i don’t specify the tw ahead, i don’t properly know how to classify which type of abusive parents i have so, it’s indeed a long ride and, before it gets too long, here i go:

lately, I have been feeling like I am nothing but a broken child although I'm almost 20 years old(and I feel like a 90 years old granny sometimes) because of how deprived I was to live and experience my teenage years to the fullest due to an overwhelmingly strict household that constantly prohibited me from doing things or told me all my life I wasn’t capable, won’t make it, I'm too weak and now that I'm an adult, I feel like I'm like a decade behind my peers since all I have is crappy mental health and addiction to social media. besides that, I feel extremely insecure about quite every single adult responsibility since I hardly can accomplish anything, and I'm permanently frightened that my parents were right, I am nothing but useless. seriously, I wish I was fearless and just went there and get things done but I'm stuffed with fear and self-consciousness since I don’t even remember if my family in general ever had a glimpse of faith in me. at 14, I thought it all would pass and I would figure out my life far away from them while enjoying my youth but now I still feel the same if not worse because the time is passing too fast and I threw my “golden years” away. no friends, no job, no nothing. anyways, thank you very much for making a room for people to vent and it saddens me to say that because I won’t wish it on my worst enemy but I hope someone can resonate with it so I can feel less lonely.

stay safe, thank you.

Hi! I'm glad you found this blog. Don't worry about being unable to specify the tw, it's completely optional ❤️

If you'd like a label for your abuse, I would say your parents constantly calling you useless and weak and telling you you'd never make it in life, as well as being controlling to the point you couldn't experience your teens like your peers, is emotional abuse. And I'm really sorry you had to go through this, nonnie :(

I can relate to this in a way, although I feel like I've luckily grown out of the feeling that I've "thrown away" my best years and now I'm finally able to feel like the best is yet to come. If it helps you at all to hear this, I'm 23, I moved in with my (non-abusive) dad this year, and I've never had a job either. It's pretty normal where I live if you're a uni student, but I still feel terrible about it from time to time.

Western societies tend to put youth on a pedestal, and this can be very damaging to everyone, but especially to people who spend their teens and/or early twenties struggling with undiagnosed disabilities, trauma, or mental illness, and also to marginalised youth. But even people who don't particularly struggle with any of these things often feel like they "threw away" their teenage years because they didn't look like "supposed to"—ie, they didn't look like they should according to mass media stories, where characters live their best adventures during those years, or find "true love" or success in those years, and then settle down in their early or mid-twenties and never have something exciting happen to them again.

I know at least one person my age who has expressed very similar feelings to yours. I've heard them say things like: "my life is over. I'm almost in my mid-twenties and all I've done is lose all my childhood friends and be mentally ill. There's nothing in life for me anymore." And I'm sure many, many people sadly feel this way too. So you're definitely not alone, sadly 😔

What I usually tell myself is that all those stories about characters having their golden years from ages 15-20 are just that—stories. Fiction. In real life, being a teenager sucks. High school is usually nothing more than a fever dream full of drama and stress that you forget a few months after you graduate and would never go back to. Your 20s are... weird, because it's the first time no one is telling you what path to follow and you suddenly find yourself racing against your peers to reach this imaginary goal called "success" that doesn't really mean anything. And even though I haven't reached those ages yet, I know for a fact life keeps bringing things your way in your 30s, 40s... All the way up to your 90s and 100s.

You can make incredibly close friends at 50 who are by your side for the rest of your life. You can fall in love at 30, at 60, at 80, or never in your life. You can find a new career path or hobby at 45 and change your life completely. Some queer people come out of the closet at 60. Some people in their 30s and 40s don't have a stable job and just work wherever they can. You can move to a new country and adopt your first pet at 65, and you can get married for the first time at 70. And, if you ask people of any of these ages what the best years of their lives were, I'm sure the vast majority of them would NOT say the 15-20 age range was their favourite. Because at 15-20 you barely have control over your life. You're still dependent on your parents for most of that time, almost always still studying, and still trying to figure out who you are and what you want in life.

I know it's really hard to believe, but it's normal to not keep your school friends in your 20s. It's normal to not have a job yet. I've met people in uni who had never kissed anyone and were fine with it. I'm 23 and I've never tried alcohol, and I'm fine with that, because it's just not something I'm interested in. My dad met his current wife when he was in his late 50s and this is the happiest relationship he's had in his life. Life doesn't end at 25. New things, good and bad and unexpected and life-changing, will come your way for as long as you're here, because we never stop growing, changing, learning, discovering ourselves, meeting people, and finding new things that bring us joy. We never stop having first times in life. Most importantly, there is no point in life where you can safely say "okay, the rest of my life is going to look exactly like it does right now."

There is no happily ever after in real life. There is no “if you haven't succeeded in life at this age, you never will”. You've got time. You've got your whole adult life ahead of you. And I may not know you, nonnie, but I have faith in you.

I hope some of this helps to hear, even if I'm sure you already know a lot of this rationally. And I really hope you can feel a little bit less lonely. I'm sending the biggest virtual hug your way ❤️

#Ask #Abuse #Abuse tw #Abusive parents #strict parents #Emotional abuse tw #Trauma tw #Alcohol mention