#I'm kind of....feeling a little down

[inkskinned]

there are a lot of posts out there that are positive and healthy coping mechanisms for handling the holidays. this is not one of them :)

i think there's like. going to be times in your life you will be stuck in a social situation that you cannot escape from gracefully. i do not know why the internet doesn't believe these times exist. it's not always just that your physical safety is at risk - sometimes it's legit like "i just don't currently have the energy or time to put in the effort of responding to this." sometimes it's a coworker you hate so much. sometimes it's just like, fine, you know? like you know you can handle your aunt when she's cheerily horrible, but if you actually set a boundary around her, it's going to be weeks of fallout with your father.

i don't know why people think the answer is always just "cut them out!" or "don't let them get away with that!" because ... the real world is tricky and complicated. i think kind of a lot of us have an internal "radiation poisoning" meter for certain people. like - i'm talking about the ones who are absolutely giving you gradual ick damage. like, you can handle them, but you'll be exhausted.

and yes. you absolutely should listen to your therapist and the good posts about handling others and set good boundaries and take care of yourself. prioritize peace.

HOWEVER :) ...... since im often in a situation with a Gradual Sense of Ick person i cannot just "cut out" of my life (without losing someone else precious to me) - i have sort of developed the most. maladaptive form of mischief possible. because like, if i'm going to have to listen to this shit again, i like to have a little bit of private fun with it.

now! again, i am physically safe, just mentally drained by this man. you should only do this with people you are not in danger with. which leads me to my suggestions for when your Unfortunate Acquaintance shows up and says oh everyone pay attention to me.

my favorite word is "maybe!" said as brightly and happily as possible. whenever the Horrible Person starts in on a topic you do not want to go further with, particularly if they make a claim that you know to be inaccurate, do not respond to it. you and i have both tried to actually argue with this person, and it hasn't gone well, because this person just wants the drama of an argument. however, "maybe!" gives them literally nothing to go on. it is incredibly disarming. they are used to people having some response. they know they can't prove what they're saying, and maybe! treats them like the child they are. it dismisses them in the politest way possible.

i like to say maybe! and then, in their stunned silence, immediately change the subject. this is because i have adhd and i will have something unrelated to talk about, but if you can't think of topics fast enough, i recommend just pointing to something and saying, "isn't that lovely?" because fuck you let's bring in some positivity.

by the way. that second trick - of pointing to something and stating an opinion about it? - that just works on its own, like, 70% of the time. i picked it up from teaching preschoolers. it's an intentional "redirect". it stops children crying and it also stops grown adults from finishing their explanation on why women belong in kitchens. dual wielding!

keep it silly for yourself. i absolutely do not care if people think i'm fucking stupid (it's more fun if they do) and as a result i will purposefully misunderstand things just to see how long it takes them to realize i've completely removed them from the subject at hand. when they say "women aren't funny" i get to be like. "which women." "all women." "all women in america?" "no in the world." "like the mole people? the people in the world?" "what? no. like, alive." "oh are we not counting the mole people?" "what the fuck are you talking about." "you don't believe in the mole people?"

similarly, i play a personal game called "one up me." my Evil Acquaintance literally knows this game exists (my family & friends caught onto it and now also play it) and it always fucking gets him. i don't know why. you have to be willing to be a little free-spirited on this one, though. the trick is that when they make one of those horrible little bigoted or annoying comments they are always making, you need to go one unit weirder. not more intense, mind you - just more weird. "you don't look good in that dress." "yeah, actually, my other dress was covered in squid ink due to a mishap at the soup store." "you shouldn't wear such revealing clothes." "wait, what? oh shit. sorry, your son tears off strips when no one is looking and eats them. i swear it was longer before we left the building."

the point of "one up me" is to completely upend this person's narrative. we both know this person likes setting up situations where you cannot "win" and then they really like telling other people how badly you handled it. in a usual situation, if you respond "please don't say something that rude", you're a bitch. but if you let it happen, you're letting yourself be debased. they are not usually expecting door number three: unflappably odd. because what are they going to say when they're telling everyone how badly you behaved? "she said my son eats her dresses" ".... okay?"

if you can, form an allyship with someone whomst you can tagteam with. where they can pick up on your weird "soup store" story and run with it.

the following phrase is amazing and can be deployed for any situation: "oh, be nice :) it's the holidays!" i do not know why this works as often as it does. i'll say it for the most random shit. i think this is bc most of the time these people know they're being impolite, they just like to fight.

godbless. when in doubt, remember that you could always start stealing their pens.

the whole point of this is - if you can't escape. maybe see how long you can just be. like. a horrible little menace.

#this is objectively bad advice #don't listen to it protect yourself and do real work on yourself find one of the good posts i've made about this #but also. u know. if u want to have fun while u do the work of setting boundaries #.... it IS fun #i will say that my fear of him went SO down after i just started. fucking with him. #bc i used to get SO fucking upset #i'd spend WEEKS arguing with him. tearing my hair out. sick with anxiety and dread and anger about all of it #and now i just LITERALLY do not engage #instead i'm like '' haha :) mole people" and get the HELL out of any tense conversation #i kind of think some of these people are literally addicted to drama as a form of connection #they like the rush they get from arguing #but those arguments are incredibly damaging for me #so like..... i am in the process of literally rehabilitating this person to figure out how to find connection thru #NORMAL CONVERSATION #he doesn't get it yet #i also do talk to them like they're preschool kids lmafo . ''are you using a safe and kind voice right now?'' #'' do you need a snackie? you sound a little upset. let's have some hummus and come back to playtime when we feel ready''

[cinna-bunnie]

was drunk at my friend's place yesterday and her bf was given some throwing knives, played around for a bit and i still got it 🧐 that was my last push to get back into knife throwing, haven't been into it since i was 17/18 lol. i ordered these ૮ ᴖﻌᴖა

edit: if ur here from my top posts you can see me throw them here!

#throwing knives is so fun... #i do the no spin technique and he was tryna see if i was as accurate by having me move back and he was like ur scary 💀 #“you're so accurate and u don't have to calculate the distance for the spin to make it stick‚ u can just go straight for it frm anywhere” #i sure can buddy. I'm gonna get even better at it thanks 👍🏾 #briefly considered a foot long throwing spike but feel like i cannot be given that kind of destructive power #i am going to obliterate something that is an outdoors toy 💀 #i can make it stick most of the time but we drew little targets and pictures on a board and i could hit the smaller ones w mixed results #i wanna hit bullseye 🎯 #my favorite flexes from last night were the times where Id throw the second knife in the same spot as the first n knock the old one down 😈

[uncanny-tranny]

Every time you think, "Oh, I don't have [x condition], I'm basically cured!" that is the devil talking. You aren't cured, you are likely going through periods of your symptoms waning. Don't cease whatever you're doing to help yourself, like medication, for instance, because it's likely you still have the conditions or symptoms, even if you aren't noticing them as frequently or severely.

#disability #this is a callout post about myself #i genuinely thought my GAD was cured because my symtoms had lessened significantly since i've transitioned #turns out my anxiety is just as killer and awful - it's just muted slightly #i am currently laying down with my brain convinced that i'm About To Have a Heart Attack #(and not in the fun demi lovato kind of way) #(that song is a little over a decade old... what the bingle) #anyway please don't do what i do whenever i experience ANY level of symptoms getting better because it will shock you... #...when those symptoms come back and remind you that you Do Indeed have [x condition] #i now know how a wolf girl feels when they say they are Actually Feral because that's how i feel rn 💀 #even I'M not immune to the idea that the things i suffer from are things that can Disappear Magically 😭 #it's wishful thinking and almost like... imposter syndrome because you're *so* desperate to prove to yourself you're Fine or A Faker #and you become hyperfixated on picking every tiny little waxing and waning of symptoms like you're a fortune teller #and honestly it's really stiffling and it's a lot of work to kill the cop in your head that says you are secretly Not All That Affected... #...that you're either exaggerating to the Extreme or you're just a bored faker who's trying to Get Attention (bad somehow)

[sysig]

i want to go on a big and elaborate date with papyrus SPECIFICALLY bc of the way u draw him bc he’s so bbg cutie patootie

PapyrACE 💚💜 Happy Valentine's Day!

#DDoodles #UT #Papyrus #AroAce Papyrus Supremacy #Lol #I'm actually really delighted to see how much aroace positivity there is around the skelebros :D #I was a little on the worried side since y'know - Sans especially. I've been in the fandom for a while lol I'm Aware #But genuinely there's so much lovely energy towards the bros being aroace which I - unsurprisingly - am very inclined towards lol #Me constantly: And you're ace! And you're ace! And you're ace! Ace for everybody! #I'm tongue-in-cheek about my Projecting Constantly lol but I do try to base my headcanons on The Actual Text haha #I think Papyrus is kind of a no-brainer lol he literally turns you down if you go on a date with him that's pretty textual #And you have the option to completely avoid going on a date with him and he still clarifies platonic affection! #I like him very much haha <3 #As for Sans I know some of it stems from my Handplates filter lol - their codependency points to an interesting interplay with romance #I'll start thinking about the Vargas Dating Sim again if I keep on that train of thought tho lol #But to me it feels more than just ''He's too busy'' or w/e - Feels Different #It's all speculation anyway haha - I'm glad you like how I draw Papyrus! :D He's the sweetest boy and I love him!! #Wanted to try something a bit Extra hehe ♪ I keep wanting to make animatics and the like! #Storyboards - animations if I can swing them lol - but I'm very impatient :P And perfectionistic >.> #So have something a bit more sloppy and silly :) It's good practice for me! #All told it wasn't too bad! :D I had fun making it and I'm fairly pleased ♪ #Hope you enjoy hehe <3 Happy Valen's! :D

[crescentfool]

having the hc that minato is ace is incredibly funny sometimes when you think about how ryoji is oh so very bi because it's like. "ah. death stole my ability to be attracted to people," in the same way that ryoji stole minato's eye color and energy level. like wow, thanks ryoji, you just keep finding things to steal from minato!

#persona 3 spoilers #minato arisato #hc and au nonsense #lizzy speaks #happy international asexuality day to my fellow aces out there i hope you know that you are loved!!! 🎊🎉🥳 #i like viewing minato with the lens of him being gay / ace. esp bc it stems from my own experiences so it's fun to look at- #him from that perspective even if that's not what was intended by atlus y'know? #and im sure others have other hcs from me that are informed by their own life experiences and i think that's great ^_^ #something that i found interesting while playing FES was how. stilted? minato's animations felt when hugging the girls #you could definitely go with the perspective that it's a graphical limitation or they didn't have time to polish the animations #and that's def true!! but sometimes i see the hug @ yakushima beach + the other hugs and then i compare it to the sou/yo hug in p4 #and there's like... a noticeable difference to me with how intimate and close together the hugs are... #that said i do know that the animations for reload are updated and the hugs are much more natural (good on them tbh!) #the other thing is (pensive sigh). the way you couldn't reject any of the girls when doing their social links in FES #objectively speaking i'm glad that they did away with that and i like how the rejections were handled in reload. it feels naturally written #but also a part of me enjoyed looking at the “hey atlus what the FUCK” moment and thought of how to interpret it differently #specifically with the idea of minato having like.. little to no autonomy and kind of going along with the relationship #it kind of reminded me of myself tbh with like going along with the rship without considering what you want bc #it's what others want or expect out of you... LOL. i dont think atlus intended for someone to interpret it this way but #eh i think that's the fun part of hcs and looking at characters with certain lenses! #regardless of how you perceive minato i do think there's something to be said about him being the kind of guy who molds himself- #into someone that is needed. not wanted. but needed. important distinction here. #the one caveat my brain runs into when im like “minato is ace!” is when i remember thanatos exists and i go #“you know what these ideas can exist simultaneously” GKLHFHDFHD when in doubt schrodinger's headcanons #anyway that's all i've had this thought in my brain in awhile and haven't sat down to share it properly until now 👍 #have an excellent weekend everyone !!! lizzy loves you all lets all nurture our inner yippee!!! 🥺💙

[carlyraejepsans]

i might actually post the rough of this because the first scenes are just enough info to keep u guessing and introduce the actual plot and like, 99% a ridiculously fluffy, sans-centric character study of theway he feels about frisk post pacifist that's been rattling around in my head forever

#IT'S JUST!!!! this really quiet moment of uninterrupted flow of consciousness where he's like. woah. just silently metabolizing #how important this kid's become to his happiness in very much the same way that tori and papyrus are. and like sitting with that feeling #i keep putting my phone down to put my face in my hands i need to take breaks. bc I'm feeling too much #what if he was dad. what if he was. a little bit dad. like teensy little bit. just a pinch. as a treat. #IIII WANTTT to show you so bad there are some PARAGRAPHS there. that i am so proud of #props of having a brain (sometimes) that can write (SOMETIMES) is it's specifically engineered to write the kind of shit that makes u insan #FOR FREE #(sweat and tears not included) #ANNIEHWAY

[mayasaura]

When it comes to John, I have zero interest in condemning him. First of all, it's boring. You mean destroying the world and lying to your friends about it is bad? Shocking. Groundbreaking character work.

Second of all, I'm just not all that comfortable with condemnation in general, not when it comes to whole-ass people. Actions, for sure. I am ready to wholeheartedly condemn pretty much every decision this man has ever made, but I'm only comfortable doing that with a side of compassion for the man himself. Tamsyn said once in an interview that some of the discussion she's seen about Harrow is unintentionally very cruel to people with mental illnesses, and I feel similarly seeing a lot of the discussion around John. If I'm going to try to figure out where he's coming from, why he did the things he did, and what he thought he was accomplishing by doing them, I'm not at all interested in coming at those questions with contempt or disgust.

To me, the main question when it comes to John is: What do you do when you feel that you're unforgivable? That you've fucked up so completely no one will ever love you again, unless you lie and trick them into it? How do you deal with shame? And while part of the answer is definitely "Holy shit, not like that," what I'm most interested in is: what should he have done instead? At what points in his narrative could he have changed his course? And at what point, if ever, did he become right about it being impossible for him to dial it back and turn around?

#I'm not sure I ENTIRELY grock where the series is going with this #because the philosophical framework centering forgiveness is a little strange to me #but I can roll with it #it seems like the same assumption that people are generally by nature neutral to good and always capable of change #just with an external actor providing an extra step #the locked tomb #ntn spoilers #john gaius #emperor john gaius #anyway maybe it's a strange distinction to make but I'm absolutely down with talking about how incredibly fucked up he is #how outright evil most the shit he does is #and how it's poisoned the cultures of the Nine Houses from the top down #but when it comes to like.... reading him as if he's incapable of human feeling that kinda skeeves me out #and when it comes to how he fails to live up to every single one of his ideals #and destroys every relationship that's ever meant anything to him #I can only kind of pity him y'know #sooo long story short I promise to never claim that being unable to relate to other people or not feeling empathy makes you evil #pinky swear

[fraye-complex]

I was Not made to do taxes! I was made to get high and kiss another boy on the mouth and sit up in his lap all comfy and melt into him, kissing lazily at his neck and shoulder until I'm so foggy I start to fade in and out of consciousness against him and then I can just be his toy! That's what I was made for 💛

#this post brought to you by trying to do my business taxes #but i got a little freaked out and took a xanax #(more than a little freaked out. the numbers were not kind) #feeling pretty good #pretty sleeby #somebody should definitely come sneak in and treat me really softly #right up until you want me too bad and have to pin me down and take me #have me however you want while I'm too weak to even struggle #might squirm and cry a little #i hope you'll make me #cnc kink #intox cnc #cnc somno #nblm #nblm nsft #mlm #mlm nsft #t4t mlm #intox kink #somno k!nk

[httpiastri]

dear everyone,

a while ago, i hit 1.5k followers on this blog.... i didn't want to get too sappy but i really wanted to write something, so:

the fact that over one and a half thousand individuals follow me is truly insane and too much for my little brain to grasp. i want you to know that i'm so extremely thankful for each and every single one of you and this makes me so so so happy. this is way more than i ever had expected when creating this blog.

i made this account back in june purely for my own enjoyment; i created it mainly because i was disappointed in myself for having stopped writing, since writing has been such a big part of my life since forever. ever since i stopped writing about kpop, i had barely written anything at all... i made this account just for fun with no pressure and no expectations, and before i knew it, this blog turned into something so special for me. the blog, all of the people i've met through it and all of the moments we've shared, all mean the world to me.

honestly, i'm not sure what i would do right now if i didn't have this blog and this community. these last few months have been pretty rough for me, but i've always been able to come back on here and gain a smile or some laughter. you've all helped me so much, even if unintentionally – every single interaction helps me push forward. i'm eternally grateful for every single like, comment, reblog and ask i've received on here, and your kind words really do mean the world to me. i don't know where i would be without you.

i hit 1k a while ago but didn't celebrate it properly, so i decided to make an 1k/1.5k-celly that i will be releasing soon (when i have more time to actually write)(hopefully at the start of december). please stay tuned!

and once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you all so so so much. you truly are the best. 🧡🧡

#i never got near this much support on my old blogs (or wattpad accounts for that matter) #my most liked fic on my kpop blog had a little over 300 likes #and now my most liked fic here has over 3k notes #its all so insane to me #i'm so incredibly thankful for this community #i truly do not know how i would've stayed sane if i didnt have you all and this all #the support and sweet words i've been receiving is so so kind and i'm so so thankful #i read through every reblog & comment & ask i get and they make always me feel so warm #i get so giggly and kick my feet even at someone writing like “this was alright” in the tags of a reblog #i have a photo album saved for my fave tags & comments for when i feel down :((( gives me so much happiness #i love every person who's ever even shot a glance at my blog #hope everyone has a wonderful day 🤍🤍 #thank you again!!!! from the bottom of my heart

[madamescarlette]

don't you love when you're like, okay now I'm going to leave this sorrow in the old year so I don't turn into a crotchety bitter person over it, and then you walk on feeling all refreshed and bright no longer carrying it on your shoulders, but then the sorrow wanders after you like a child who was lost in the supermarket weeping its eyes out and it says to you where did you GO I was lost! I was lost and I missed you!!! and you can only sigh and take it by its hand and say to it very well. here's your seat. I'm sorry I left you behind, I promise it was with the best of intentions, but I want to do my best by you, so let's sit together and try to figure out what you're saying to me.

#thinking out loud #i'm truly like. ok i'm mostly fine i'm a little bit going through it because it's harshest month of winter and it's always weird this month #but i just think it's so funny that i have to be like OH you don't suddenly stop....hurting over something because you decided to! #if you were missing someone who was important to you two months ago by golly you probably still will two months from then!! #weird how that be! anyway #it's funny to me because it's like the opposite of object impermanence #i used to think i was all heart no head and that there's a part of me that went hard in the opposite direction to counteract that #but i am still as much as heart as i ever was except now i have my logical side going yip yip girl we gotta go!!! let's go!!! #and the heart is like holding up a shakey hand going oh lads you go on without me...i just need to catch my breath for like....15 years #anyway anyway. the narrative is indeed kind but that doesn't mean that it doesn't sting sometimes #but! we can do the best that we can and take our troubles by their hands and learn what we can from them and it will all be okay in the end #(i hope this post isn't too complainy or miserable. i may take it down later but i feel the need to say it somewhere.) #regardless of that. happy Friday my friends I love you all dearly bless you for being near me <3 <3

[wispforever]

god is dead

#naruto #hidan #kakuzu #kakuhida #hidan strikes me as the kind of person who cries when they get really really overwhelmingly angry #and he also appears to have pretty big emotions a lot of the time so #it's bound to happen #the first time kakuzu made fun of him and got his head bitten off #now he just waits in silence for hidan to calm tf down #i don't know the exact lore of jashin #but I'm a big fine of the idea that hidan made up the whole thing cuz he was immortal and had fucked up urges and was so angry at everyone #that he needed an outlet to just get all of this violence out #an outlet he could justify and use to make himself feel a little better #anyway i picture him getting highly upset any time anyone calls attention to the fact that #there arent any other people who have heard of jashin #or practice that religion #maybe this is the day he confesses everything to kakuzu in a fit of tearful rage #who knows #can you tell i have religious trauma

[thebirdandhersong]

sometimes (very often) I just sit there like ?????????

#mother has asked once again in all seriousness if i'd consider mr knight if he were to ask me out a second time................ #mother the answer is you couldn't pay me enough money to do that. i'd literally rather be single for the rest of my life #between mr knight and the engineer boy ive learned quite a lot about what i'd like/DEFINITELY would not like in a potential boyfriend #and personally. PERSONALLY. i can't do this no more <3 i CANNAE HANDLE that kind of anxiety sadness insecurity confusion! #the anniversary of the day i wrote mr knight a ten page (occasion: valentine's day) love letter for the first time #and received a random Facebook meme and two weeks of radio silence in return is coming up and i must say #that kind of experience is enough for a girl to put her foot down and declare: that's enough. i can't do this no more :-) #anyway father too was like well all things considered mr knight's not the worst option. he's okay. he could turn out okay #to which i say. father. i may seem and feel desperate at times but i'm not THAT desperate. #no offense to mr knight he simply isnt the right person for me and im simply not the right person for him #i wouldnt be offended if he said you couldnt pay me enough money to date her again either (well. maybe a little. but still)

[disdaidal]

I wanna thank my irl friends who follow me here and also my beloved mutuals as well as followers who still send me kind messages and try to interact with me and my stuff even if I'm bad at doing it myself.

Honestly, things haven't been that great with me lately, so... it means a lot to me. Honestly. <3

#personal #i had to make the tough decision to drop out of school last week #i didn't exactly want it if i'm being completely honest here #but certain stuff was preventing me from getting further so i knew the teachers are gonna ask me to quit over at our teams meeting #i instantly contacted my nurse about my situation. and she got me a doctor's appointment which was yesterday #where i kind of broke down a little. not because she didn't grant me the sick leave i thought i was going to get #after feeling down and sleeping terribly for weeks #but because she actually *got me*. like. she actually listened to me and figured out some stuff and told me that #what i'm going through and what i've been going through for years would make anyone depressed #so i couldn't help but cry a little because yeah. i'm so tired of never being enough no matter how hard i try #because my brain's wired a certain way and it makes me slow and kinda clumsy and inattentive at times #which. you might guess is not ideal at today's work environment. or studying-wise even #so instead of granting me sick leave (she did say we can change that at anytime though) she told me to wait for that phone call #from the unemployment office. which i should be getting tomorrow. or well. later today #and talk to them about this. to see if they can offer some solutions. or if we can figure something out #'cause i'm getting closer to my 40s and not getting anywhere and it's wearing me out and tiring me out #because i clearly can't help myself or change my ways on my own #i managed to get some work last week though. at the local youth house. one shift though but money still #but i haven't been getting those offers a lot during the past few months so it's not enough to support me obviously #so i definitely need something else. and i hope i can get help. that someone could help me #i should finally get tested for adhd next month too. i don't know if i even have it or if it's gonna change anything but #at least i'd know #anyway i needed to get this off my chest. cause i'm kinda crying a little bit even now just thinking about this whole thing #sorry

[unopenablebox]

unfortunately those Cutting and Deep h3ather havril3sky ask polly "here's why you're lonely/here's the empathy failure holding you back" excerpts everyone loves to post

are just permanently recontextualized for me by her series of op-eds about how everyone in her family is an incomprehensible one-dimensional pod beast with completely unlovable preferences for things like "starbucks drinks" and "conversations about their lives", which she tolerates, with enormous difficulty, only through a sense of duty and a bunch of rationalizations about how actually it makes her sexier and cooler that she's willing to endure it

#like. i don't actually know enough about the typical content of one of her Actually You're Failing To Do This Empathetic Basic Mental Action #And That's Why You Have No Friends In Your Thirties and/or Are Constantly Beating Yourself Up For Things columns #because i'm a little generically allergic to that kind of thing #but the excerpts seemed pretty reasonable? sensible people i respect like them? the written content was always the kind of thing that seems #like something a reasonable person might form as a generalized observation based on their social experiences? #but uh. she DOES have an op ed about how listening to her husband tell her about the walk he went on is an experience she only gets through #by imagining that tolerating it makes her beautiful and feminine by contrast to his grizzled broken-down Man Nature #so i. feel like that should have some ramifications for her likely ability to do social modeling and give actually good advice #box opener

[xskyll]

I just need to vent. Someone made a podfic of one of my fics a short while back. Yesterday, they told me they were monetizing their channel and asked permission to put ads on their podfic of my story. I'm very glad they asked permission, so I could say no, but all the same, I can't help but feel so angry. I would never go to someone and say, "Hey, do you mind if I make money reading aloud your story that you spent months and months slaving over, while you don't make a single cent? Do you mind if I throw ads on this thing you poured your soul into, turning your love letter to fandom into another cog in the capitalist money machine?" I just imagine someone listening to my description of Shouto fighting Bakugou and listening to him bare his soul about his toxic behaviors—I scene I tried to craft with such care—and just before Izuku kisses Shouto's black eye, an ad for a Kia plays.

Part of me is wondering if I'm overacting—I know some people would say, 'it's just fanfiction, calm down'—but a larger part of me is like, "The absolute gall! YOU making money using MY heart???"

#i'm just #ahajahdjshhwjsjd #i feel like an ass complaining in a public space #but it's also not like i'm a huge account or anything #i'm just so mad!!! #and i feel like i shouldn't be because they did ask permission and didn't fuss when i declined #when they asked permission to do the fic i felt really complimented #but now it feels like it was all just a scheme to make money down the line #did they even like my fic or did they just notice it was a little bit popular? #and i hate that i let myself stew over these kinds of things #this is literally a stranger making me mad with a sentence #that's dumb #i might delete this later #i just needed to scream into the void #get it off my chest and whatnot

[the-words-we-sung]

While I (not so) patiently await season 3...

I think being on Tumblr is gonna be tough this week: I've blacklisted sp*ilers because I wanna watch the new season with my mind as free as possible (like I did for the first 2 seasons) but it means that right now my dash is 99% empty, just an endless list of blocked posts 😅 So 1. it's boring and 2. the temptation to check these hidden posts is growing bigger and bigger by the minute >< I'm not entirely sure I can make it spoiler-free 'til next Monday... But anyway, I was just thinking tonight how lucky we are to live at a time when shows like Young Royals are being made, and well-made, and successful, and so so loved by so many people.

Earlier tonight I got struck by a faint memory of a scene from an old TV show I watched when I was (way) younger and so I went on a deep search to find it. It was an old French TV show that I watched with my parents growing up and it made me laugh to check some bits of some episodes: but I ended up watching a scene where a (secondary) character comes out to his best friend (a main character on the show) and it was awful. The best friend reaction was terrible and homophobic, but treated as if it was totally normal and acceptable. And it made me so so sad, because I grew up with that, I grew up watching that. And it's probably not the only scene, the only show, the only movie with that kind of message that I've watched when I was young. I grew up in an environment, a family, that was quite close-minded. The mere concept of not being straight, not being cis, was not at all something that I was aware of at the time. We didn't talk about that with my parents or at school. And the little representations I got on TV (like this one) were pretty awful. It makes sense that it took me so long to really realize that I was neither straight nor cis, to be able to actually put words on what I had been feeling my whole life (and I'm not even done questioning it all). But yeah, growing up then meant not being exposed to the amazing representation that we have now. And I am so so so happy that young people now can have that!! That we can all have that! I am sometimes incredibly frustrated by the idea that my life would have been so so different if a show like Young Royals existed when I was growing up, when I was a teenager... Where would I be now? Who would I be now? Most of the time I'm just happy and grateful that I still managed to get where I am today, but yeah, the frustration over what feels like wasted years can rear its ugly head sometimes...

Glee was my first "Young Royals", my first fandom, my first show with a good and real and strong LGBTQ+ representation. It's the show that will always have a special place in my heart because it made me see, made me realize things about myself. It's the show that pushed me head first into queer culture and told me to "look look here! Look at these people, look at this history!". The show that took me by the hand and told me I could be strong and brave and myself. And that I was not alone. Blaine and Kurt will always be the fictional characters who helped me the most, who made me start the process of becoming myself, who started healing me.

At the time I didn't participate in the fandom life as I do now with Young Royals, because I was quite introverted and not comfortable talking to people, and still trying to figure things out about myself. But Young Royals changed that. This show arrived at the perfect time, when I felt ready for more, ready to take a step further in my healing process. Anyway, such a long rant just to say that Young Royals is incredible. It didn't change my life quite as radically as Glee did, but it is making it incredibly better! Part of it is of course due to the show itself, and Wilhelm, and Simon, and the cast (Omar!!!!). But it is also this fandom, and the people I've met and chatted with. You all have no idea how incredible you've been, how happy you've made me. How healing you've been for me. I'm realizing that I've written a whole novel in this post >< Which was not really my intention! I was mostly just thinking about how awesome our little show is, how lucky we are that we're gonna have 3 incredible seasons to watch and rewatch. And how happy I am to be part of our little fandom family 💜

So I hope you're all enjoying the season 3 content that we've been getting today (even though I don't know what it is 😱) and I'm excited to be there with you all next week to be happy and sad and unhinged as usual about our dear dear show 💜💜

#Young Royals #Glee #L goes on a giant rant #you don't have to read it all #gonna put a read more so I'm not invading too much of people's dashboards ^^" #it's quite personal #just going down memory lane a little bit #and feeling sad and happy at the same time #representation matters #I will always say it and believe it #I'm happy to be in this fandom with all of you guys #(even though I cannot see a thing that you're posting today #because I'm torturing myself by choosing to not be spoiled further about season 3 😭) #it's a nostalgic kind of evening I guess #personal