Timothy Bradford, tell me you did NOT invite your ex-wife to come see you at your girlfriend's apartment?
42 notes
·
View notes
Baldur's Gate 3 is letting me do things again
(I'm meandering around Act 3, guessing I'm roughly 2/3 of the way through it?)
First it let me fuck Patricia Lockwood. I have no in-character justification for Miette to do this, but the opportunity presented itself, and I refuse to turn in my monsterfucker card, so here we are.
Then it let me fuck a bear, so Miette's checking that one off her bucket list.
GOTY, etc.
(Related: sorry, Wyll. We accidentally ended up dating, which somehow, tragically, made Lae'zel dump me, and then I accidentally, tragically stumbled into Karlach's platonic BFF zone and just as accidentally, but not tragically, stumbled into a foursome with Astarion. And then there were tentacles in my mouth. I love you, Wyll, but your monogamous ways wreaked havoc upon Miette's opportunistic sex life, and this is why she left you for literally the first person to make a pass at her and be open to non-monogamy. thank u, next)
Then it let me dye armor that I genuinely did not think it would let me dye:
I keep wanting to call them jorts, but they're not just jorts now, they're a whole jutilated jarapace
Anyway the party's having a slumber party now and everyone gets to try on the jutilated jarapace
12 notes
·
View notes
OMG OMG OMG OMG I'M FINALLY FUCKING IMPORTANT!!!! I GOT THE CHECKMARKS! PFFFFAAHAHHAHHAHAH
40 notes
·
View notes
The philosophy department is doing this event where professors bake things and we have to guess who baked what. Anyway one of our professors is very well known for having a Socrates finger puppet and you would not believe what's on top of one of the cakes. I think I know who made that.
4 notes
·
View notes
This listing on Mercari might be the funniest Barbie movie tie in I've seen.
It's clearly not a Barbie (it's look around Velvet from the Crissy line circa 1972) . Being marked down fron 400$ to 34$ and the description clearly isn't convinced she's haunted but "just buy it anyway". Gold, just gold
3 notes
·
View notes
the offensive thing I would yell: NONE OF THE PEDRO BOYS EAT PUSSY AND IF THEY DO THEY'RE BAD AT IT (xoxo v)
THE MOST OFFENSIVE THING I'VE EVER HEARD!
It warms my heart that we as a fandom adopted that all of them kings at this. It's canon for all of us at this point, I think.
Yell something offensive to get my attention
48 notes
·
View notes
They're a 10, but they're heartless. (SaltyUnordinaryPrincess)
"...no comment"
2 notes
·
View notes
You've heard of CRIME. ALLEY. Now get ready for SESAME. STREET.
^ loaded his gun with skittles instead of rubber bullets. Now everyone gets to taste the (biodegradable) rainbow ✨
EDIT - now featured in the second chapter of @darlingatlas's super funny fic, here!
Amazing prompt from @jarro-stan-account below cut!
7K notes
·
View notes
I just farted on the toilet and the lady next to me heard it. But that same lady didn't wash her hands. We both have secrets.
0 notes
CRAB CATASTROPHE AT THE ASIAN SUPERMARKET
11K notes
·
View notes