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#I'm not dealing well

i  would  write  ???   because  i  do  have  the  time  right  now  ???   but  its  so  hot  right  now  that  my  body  has  a  feverish  feeling  and  i’m  not  sure  what  to  do  with  my  limbs  ,   so  i’m  just  gonna  spend  my  day  on  photoshop  i  reckon

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there are so many things that i promised myself i would get to doing - get to writing, first and foremost - after skam ends, yet here i am. skam is over. and i just feel empty. i can’t even bring myself to write about the experience, everything feels so dull. especially after the instagram pictures stopped it feels as if the characters vanished from this world. like a portal closed.

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Today is not my day…. really this month in general. So me and boyfriend were supposed to get a new apartment together. We’re almost at the end of our 3rd year we’ve been living together for a year. But then he tells me he might be allergic to the cats and thus will be moving in with his mother. Ok I guess. I’ll just move in with a friend for a while see how it goes. Kinda sudden. So warning signs. He’s been more distant. Has stoped saying his “I love you” s. And doesn’t really tease me joke around with me anymore. Things have changed. So a few days ago I send him a message asking if he even still wants a relationship with me. No response. It’s ignored. Today he sends me a message about us needing to talk about what’s been going on and decide what we wanna do. I’ve already packed up our entire apartment all of our stuff is mixed up together. And I’m terrified he is going to break up with me. I know I won’t deal well and it’s already hurting I feel like I’m breaking. I know in time I will be fine but at this moment I am not. I’m stuck at work struggling not to start bawling since I don’t have the means to just go home. Since I do home health and thus am the only one who is here. I just don’t know what to do right now….

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So you guys remember how I got a kitten a few months ago? Little Gwendolyn, such a sweetheart, half-blind but always wanting to be held and loved and cuddled?

She’s dying.

We’re not completely sure, because she still has some chance, but…it’s slim. She has an infection in her brain and/or her spinal cord. She’s losing control of her back legs, and last night she lost control of her bowels. It’s not looking good.

I’m lost and I’m scared and I’m grieving for a kitten I haven’t even lost yet and I don’t know what to do. I need help. Please. I don’t know what to do.

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  • the last time a guy she loved died Felicity was devastated. a few weeks ago (the show is still doing real time-ish right? so 3x05 would have been like 4-5 weeks before 3x09) she found out HE WASN’T DEAD AFTER ALL. Sound familiar????? now please tell me that any reaction she may have, whether it be anger (probable) or anything else, is wrong or ‘ooc’ just fucking try me.
  • The last time a guy she loved died Felicity literally changed her entire outward identity. So please, try to tell me that it’s 'ooc’ for her to make a rash decision in her grief to be done with TA. Please explain how that is ooc????? because it’s actually incredibly in character given it’s basically the SAME THING SHE DID WHEN COOPER DIED. 
  • Felicity did NOT join Team Arrow for Oliver. When Oliver left in between S1 and S2 Felicity did not fall apart without him. She did not give up on the mission, she actually worked harder to make it more efficient and better for when he came back. Difference between now and then? HE WASN’T DEAD. The fact that she has (momentarily) given up doesn’t mean she was never in this for her own reasons and beliefs. It is part of her grieving process. 
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Day 2 of being in a long distance relationship and I’m lying in bed, hugging his jacket, and trying not to cry myself to sleep. Still, I suppose it’s an improvement from last night when I actually had a mild panic attack and considered breaking off our relationship completely. I wasn’t made for this. If there’s anyone out there in the tumblrsphere who has gone through this before or is going through this same situation now it would help me out a lot to know how you deal with it.

And thank you to all of my amazing followers who haven’t unfollowed me yet, and continue to listen to me be sad and angry with life. I’m not usually this unpleasant.

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