#I'm really confused here

[cozylittleartblog]

worst way to start my new year, thanks. i have a lot of things to say about these companies but i'm tired and just keeping it focused to the pin side of things for this one. do not ever buy pins from these companies, literally ALL of them are stolen from small artists like me. if you want to buy enamel pins, check out etsy, and artist's personal websites and shops! (though even Etsy has some bootleg pins that ship straight from china, so tread carefully…)

Every pin I've designed is, thus far, EXCLUSIVE to my etsy. if you find it anywhere else, it's been ripped off! and once these stupid bootlegs pop up, it's basically a never ending game of whack-a-mole trying to get them all taken down...

#psa #art theft #pin theft #aliexpress #shein #wish #temu #deltarune #the bootleg pin is just over an inch tall. do you know how BAD this design looks at that size?? i'd know. i tested it. #they didn't even use the black nickel of the pin for the black parts of the design. and the listing says copper for some reason. what. #some people never even get their designs taken down. its really sad #so i might just have to deal with bootleg queens out there forever :( i hope nobody confuses the ripoffs for the real thing.... #my pin is so much nicer! its almost two inches big and it has two posts on the back so it doesn't spin #because spinning pins are the bane of my existence #im out here working my ass off out of my bedroom in my parents place trying to make a living and here come these pricks #i watermarked all my listing photos exactly so they Couldn't steal my fucking pictures so at least there's that #my new years is just full of bad luck so far i hope this isn't a bad omen #if my registration isn't accepted by the aliexpress copyright department I'm SOL and this will just. stay up i guess #i'm sad #bootleggers kys

[morrigan-sims]

And I forget sometimes I'm just flesh and bone.

As he stands in the ruined bathroom, all Rook can think is, At least now I can breathe.

#ts4 #ts4 edit #the sims 4 #sims 4 edit #my edits #ts4 render #my renders #blender render #oc: Rook #dnd sims #ts4 dnd #please I beg of you open this in a new tab and look it it. it's 2080px across and I spent way too long on tiny details. #(like the blood on the shards of glass on the sink. and the mirror alone took well over an hour...) #augh I love my boy so much #he's really going through it right now tho #poor bby #but when he's going through it I'm having fun playing him so... #yeah #blood tw #tw blood #so this is scheduled to go up right as we're starting our session picking up from exactly this point. #I thought that would be thematically fitting #please listen to this song it's so good and it's very Rook. #I almost put the lyrics right after this line (''I saw my reflection on the street that night / he said I got something to change your life #/ he said you don't look wrong but you don't look right'') #bc yk mirror shit. But I ended up going with this line instead because it's VERY VERY fitting for the conversations going on w/ Rook. #specifically about his reckless endangerment of himself to the point where some of his party members consider it to be self-harm. #(and obviously punching a mirror intentionally is self-harm.) #but like Rook doesn't see it that way and he's so confused as to why the party is so upset with him. (esp. his mentor and the gunslinger.) #god I could talk about this ridiculous man for hours so I'll stop here.

[hyperfixiation-station]

Life, Liberty, and the Pursuit of Information Pt.3

TW: Blood, Torture, Violence

Summary: You get rescued(finally)

Part 1, Part 2

Silent. From the moment Price had found you in that dingy cell, broken and bleeding, that was all you had been. You were silent when they moved you, though it had to have hurt with how many broken bones and lacerations you had. You were silent when the medics asked you where you were injured, how you had been hurt. You were silent through the debriefings, through the desperate attempts to find out what you had been through, what secrets you had spilled. You were silent through all of it. 

It wasn’t your fault, not really. A mental barrier you had constructed during months of torture to keep secrets from spilling, a dam built with a mantra of DON’T TALK to keep your thoughts at bay as your captors repeatedly tried to draw them out of you. 

Even now, when the rational part of your brain knew you were safe, knew that these men, the men you served with, the men who had tracked you down and saved you, were to be trusted, the barrier would not fall. 

Every ‘what did they want from you, what did you see, did you recognize them, how many of them were there’ was met with silence. Anytime you opened your mouth you were hit with a wave of fear so strong it sent you into a panic attack. 

They understood, in part. They had seen recordings, seen the rooms, seen your broken body at the time of rescue. 

It took them 2 days to get to you after figuring out your location. They went in guns blazing, and tore the place to the ground. They split up, Price and Gaz taking the left with Soap and Ghost taking the right. They shot at anything that moved in their quest for vengeance, breaking down doors and checking every nook and cranny for where you might be locked up. 

Price found you about a quarter of the way into the camp. He took the bottom floor and Gaz took the top as they cleared the building. He had stopped before a door that was different, metal and welded shut with a small little flap in the middle, instead of solid and wooden like the others. It took him and Gaz some prying and metalwork, but they got the door open. 

Price almost cried when his eyes adjusted to the change in light. You lay curled in the corner, back to the wall as you shied away from the light. Your hair was tangled and matted with dried blood, your clothes were torn and dirty and your skin was crusted with so much blood and grime that he couldn’t even see you underneath it. 

“Y/n?” He had called, but there was no response. He crept slowly toward you, keeping his movements as open and relaxed as possible. He crouched in front of you, taking note of your dilated pupils, sunken eyes, obviously malnourished form. He winced at the weird bulges in your skin, indicative of broken bones. 

“Sorry love.” He whispered to you, taking a steadying breath as he slid his arms under you and lifted. Hise expected you to cry out, the action no doubt causing unspeakable pain, but you didn’t. In fact, you didn’t react at all. He didn’t dwell on it then, opting to get you somewhere safe and secure. 

“9 broken ribs, a broken left femur, both shoulders dislocated, pneumonia, dehydration and severe malnutrition, multiple lacerations that required stitches, broken wrists, all 10 fingers broken, right kneecap dislocated, multiple concussions, and a hairline fracture on their skull.” The doctor had said. It hurt all of them to hear how badly wounded you were. 

They gave you two weeks to recover before asking any questions. The first week you were unconscious, in a coma as your body tried to heal you. The second week you spent in worrying silence, saying nothing to anyone, not to your doctors, not to your teammates, not to your friends.

Price sent Ghost in first. He had had similar experiences and Price figured he would be able to relate. However when Ghost came storming out an hour later, slamming the door behind him, he came to regret that decision. 

“I got over it.” He had said, “Why can’t they?” Price reminded him that not everyone responds to trauma the same way and sent him away.

Soap tried next, and came out near tears after sending you into a panic attack after calling you ‘Little Bird’. He was confused until Ghost not-so-gently reminded him of the video they had seen, of the words ‘Pretty Bird’ being used over and over. Ghost pretended not to hear him throwing up in the toilet later. 

Gaz tried, to no avail. He ended up just sitting in silence with you, showing you videos of his cats. He counted it a victory when your busted lips twitched into a tiny grin for a few seconds.

And on and on it went, with refusing to speak to anyone. They were losing hope until the psychiatrist finally spoke with you. 

“GIve them time.” She said gently, “You trying to force a response will just make this worse.” 

So they do. The higher-ups still want answers, of course, but Price manages to dissuade them from asking until you are out of the hospital. They spend the weeks treating you as normal as possible, stopping by to give you updates on missions, show you a video of Soap absolutely biffing it in training, tell you the latest gossip of which recruit is sleeping with who. But even though they are trying, they still handle you with kiddie gloves, afraid that the wrong word or look will make you shatter irreversibly. 

Which brings you to now. It’s nearly 2 A.M, and visiting hours are long over as you stand unsteadily in the bathroom, staring at your pale, pathetic form in the mirror. You open and close your mouth, trying and failing to get words out, the barrier cemented in your mind by blood and tears too strong to break down.  

‘Speak, you stupid fucking bitch!’ You scream mentally at yourself, ‘You have to speak! If you don’t you'll be discharged and you'll never be able to serve again! They already think you’re broken, and if you can’t tell them different they’ll never treat you the same. Stop. being. So. Fucking. Pathetic.’

Tears streak your cheeks as you slide down the wall. You draw your knees up, hiding your face in them as your shoulders shake with silent sobs. Rationally, you know you are safe. Rationally, you know that if you were to speak, nothing would happen. But it’s not the rational part of your brain that is keeping you from speaking. 

Going dark in that hellhole you were trapped in had saved your life, and you couldn’t seem to get past it. Sure, not responding had almost killed you right at first, as Kravchenko became more and more ruthless in his attempts to get you to speak again, but eventually he grew bored. His little plaything had lost its sparkle, and he locked you in a cell and threw away the key as soon as he lost interest. But starving to death was still a better alternative to the all-consuming agony that had been your day-to-day. 

And now, the subconscious, irrational part of your brain was convinced that if you spoke you’d be dragged right back and strapped to a table, that you’d wake up to find that your rescue had all been a dream. That you-

“-/n! Y/N! Y/N!” You flinch, startled out of your reverie. You look down to see rivulets of blood running down your arms, your nails having gouged holes into your skin. You look up to see the eyes of a worried nurse, holding your hands in hers. 

“There you are. We lost you for a minute. Do you mind letting me bandage you up here?” Her voice is soft and gentle and you find yourself nodding, letting her lead you back to your bed where she cleans and bandages your upper arms. 

“What are you doing up so late sweetie?” Her voice is calming, almost hypnotic, “I mean, I’m awake cause I get paid to be, but you should be sleeping all your injuries away, shouldn’t you dearie? If I was you, I’d of been cryin’ too, being awake at 2 A.M. for free.” She laughs, the sound echoing through the room, “Course, I suppose you probably think I’m crazy for agreeing to work this shift anyways. Did you know I was supposed to have this shift off? But Roberta’s kids have the flu and so I agreed-” She keeps talking, her voice soothing your fears and helping you relax. YOu can’t help but mentally thank Roberta’s kids for being sick, for sending this wonderful lady who does not treat you like you're going to break at any moment to you tonight. 

“And that should about do it dearie. Just press that little call button if you need any more help, alright?” She says cheerfully. She squeezes your hand and heads to the door before pausing. 

“Make sure to get some sleep.” She leaves, gently closing the door behind her. Something about her makes you feel safer than you have since falling off that helicopter. Maybe it was her motherly demeanor, maybe it was the fact that she treated you like a normal human being, maybe it was the fact that she could have put you on a psych hold an ddin;t, but whatever it was, you loved her for it. 

And as the door closes and the room stills, you whisper a quiet “thanks.” 

Part 4?

~tags~

@louthedino @scarletdfox @dangerkitten1705 @warenai @spineless-spino @rainy-darling

#cod fanfic #ghost x reader #cod x reader #simon ghost riley #angst #no beta we die like men #ghost fanfiction #john soap mactavish #cod #tf 141 x reader #call of duty #kyle gaz garrick #cod modern warfare #look I finally made anothe rpart #i'm sorry yall #should not have taken me this long but here we are #a month later #does this make sense? #I don't really know #sorry if its confusing

[starflungwaddledee]

this is a long shot and i'm sorry to ask, but if you don't mind, can mutuals (or contacts or regulars... just... this community) of mine who aren't jumping ship like... let me know? will any of us still be here? is it over? i'm trying to know if this really is it or what's... even happening. i hate to reassurance seek but i'm feeling pretty miserable and confused.

edit: felt like i was being really pitiful and fragile making this but everybody is being so nice to me and responding so patiently with all your thoughts and i'm in tears of gratitude thank you thank you thank you 💖

#i glanced and thought they brought out a feature so that we could turn off ai access #that seemed... okay? i thought? but now i'm really confused. i don't know. i'm so tired and scared. i just can't... keep doing this #i know this is stupid but this feels like it's my fault. #it happens every time i find something. if i'm happy somewhere. it just.... poof. goes away. i'm sorry. i'm sorry. i'm sorry #on the edit: i would only *ever* think this about myself. double standards that i hold for myself are high. i expect emotional control #& performance from myself only. i would never think badly of anyone else being stressed about this or anything. thank you for your kindness #this community has been so beautiful and kind at every turn. i'm so grateful to get to be here and meet you all #okay... being really sappy now. y'all get to see my anxiety first hand today!! whee!! anyway. i'll get it together. haha! thank you.

[five-wow]

who (according to canon) has the keys to the camaro and, indeed, the camaro itself, is a very interesting question to me at any given time. we know that theoretically it's danny's car, but also that steve keeps driving it, so if they carpool to work, does steve drop by danny's place and lay claim to the keys before danny can get at them? or does danny drive to steve's place and surrender his driver's seat to steve's dictatorial inclinations? this is a post brought to you by roughly three seconds of season 1 episode 12, in which danny (at home) gets a call, says into the phone "okay, i'm here, pick me up on the way" and then, confusingly, we get a short overhead shot of the camaro on the road before we cut to steve and danny walking into iolani palace... which implies steve may have been out on the town (or at the mcgarrett home), with camaro but sans danny, and had to pick danny up from danny's home in danny's own car.

#'i'm here' is also a confusing choice of words to convey 'i'm at home' but i really do think he says here #which sort of. implies a familiarity? it's like a place equivalent to 'it's me' #i didn't set out to make a season 1 mcdanno argument on the basis of awkward scene transitions but. i think you could if you wanted #* #h50 #mcdanno

[dykefaggotry]

me every few years swinging between using bisexual and lesbian bc I thought a middle aged actor was hot

anyway. this is a coming out post. again. lesbian 👍

there will probably be more every few years and at this point that's just my lot in life

#sexuality and gender aren't real I don't fucking know yall! #but we are trying on lesbian again I feel like I'm more settled w myself and understand lesbian history better to feel comfortable here #last time I was pushed into identifying as a femme by my ex and that felt so bad that I took issue w calling myself a lesbian in general #and then michael sheen comphet hit and it was over #as well as not being able to conceptualize wanting to transition and still be a lesbian #but we've come back around into the endless confusing circle of gay to pan to bi to lesbian to bi to queer to lesbian again dhajshdj #it's fine you know? all I know is I'm always a fag and that's all I really need #plus there was the factor of my girlfriends comfort but we have Talked #anyway that's all to say. Who Fucking Knows #but I always wind up back here at some point lmao

[softesttangerines]

As someone who LOVES a good old time travel au, and after seeing amazing fanart of kid!Mihawk i have to let it out!!

I just wanna read a time travel fic where baby Mihawk wakes up and finds himself in the world of adult Mihawk and he's like wtf is going on?

And word goes around that a kid that looks exactly like Hawkeyes and carries the same cross knife as him is roaming around this island and rumors say it's the son he abandoned to fend for himself.

And so, marines and every pirates he ever wronged come after him for revenge and the little guy is just thinking why is everyone trying to get me? While doing his best with his cross dagger to rid of them.

And Shanks, good ol' shanks could have sworn that if his old rival had an 9years old, he would know about it (also he refuses to let the bitter taste in his heart take over unless his own eyes see) so he's skeptical about the whole thing and that's the only thing that gets him to leave his hideout in a reclused ghost island waiting for whatever is his big plan to take place.

News say Red Shanks is on the move after being mia for a few years and everyone got their panties in a twist, what could have raised the emperor from the dead.

He follows from island to island because apparently the young boy knows how to avoid the marines and pirates coming after him.

Till one night, on their stop at some bar on an island that wasn't really on the plan, he sees the boy. Just outside the bar in an alley, where he went to empty his guts from the booze overfilling his body, there stood bloody faced, cross dagger in one hand, a tiny version of his old rival with a bounty hunter's body at his feet.

The boy furrows his eyebrows even more at the new arrival and strikes another pose in case the new guy tries something funny. But Shanks, drunk ass Shanks, who knows his rival by heart is a 100% sure the little guy is in fact his rival for whatever magical reason, there he stands in front of him in the form of an 9years old and Shanks giggles at that -to which the child takes great offense- and just say "hey kid, i'm a friend of your dad's, want me to take you to him?"

#mishanks #Ok so here I'm running with the fandom's theory that rayleigh is mihawk's dad #And after getting all these murder attempts on his person he's just so fckn tired of anyone that approaches him So he's completely on guard #when this red haired dude comes out of nowhere n tells him he knows his dad #Which no one did before all they did was charge at him screaming HAWKEYES YOU'RE GONNA REGRET WHAT YOU DID #And here's the thing #he may be inclined to believe the red haired guy because no one knows his relation to rayleigh #so this guy must really know his dad and he's tired of running all the time he just wants his bed and parents #so cut him some slack when he follows a random one armed red haired pirate #On the other hand the crew is equally creeped out and charmed by the little fella because even young he still installs the chills in them #How can he be as equally as skilled as he is cuuuuute #They try their best not to say it to his face because he threatens to stab them at any given chance but they cant HELP IT #it's Dracule Fucking Mihawk as an 9years old!!!! Ofc he's cute #Shanks cant fucking wait to get his adult Mihawk back to tease the shit out of him about the little version of him lol #When they got him to rayleigh he fckn cried because that's his fckn son znd the last time he saw hus baby that way was more than 30years ag #Mihawk is just confused as fuck why is his dad's grey n have much more wrinklesBut it's still one familiar face so he just sticks to him #The red haired pirate keeps telling him that he should look for him when he gets home but he doesn't understand!!! #He also keeps challenging shanks on a duel once he discovers he's a swordsman and keeps on losing #And truth be told shanks is embarrassed as fuck because it took him his rival being a child for him to win over mihawk #opla #one piece #mihawk #dracule mihawk #red haired shanks #shanks

[pilferingapples]

really for an extremely pro-equality book LM has a surprising number of characters who desperately want someone to utterly dominate them

#Hugo's like ''every human soul longs for freedom! except cops. #and whatever is going on with Grantaire. #and I'm really confused by cloistered religious figures #and MY PERSONAL LIFE IS NOT ON TRIAL HERE #but as I was SAYING--''

[fortyfive-forty]

i've been ruminating a lot on it because i think i'm bad at putting my thoughts into words but i need y'all to understand that while there are absolutely a lot of Not Good Things about the finals being held in saudi arabia for three years...the way people seem to treat is as morally black and white is shortsighted and unhelpful.

realistically the players traveling there will be protected. it may be uncomfortable, it's certainly not ideal, but they will travel there for a few weeks, play their tennis, then leave. there are a lot of women, a lot of queer people who actually live in saudi arabia who cannot just leave, who are actually subjected to laws and social climates...and to me it just seems very disrespectful to that actual lived experience, for everybody to sort of turn their noses up and get on their high horses. of course, if the players wish to opt out, that is their choice, but that is their choice to make. that's their judgement. not ours.

and then, what about a tournament like miami? florida is literally experiencing one of the worst active regressions that i've seen in the us (granted i'm young). things like critical race theory and lgbtq+ ed are being removed from curriculums, rights for trans youth, trans healthcare, etc. are going backwards. abortion rights? gun violence? and yes i know that the laws and climate in saudi arabia are different gravy, i understand that, but my point is, no one would ever DREAM of arguing against hosting a tournament in miami despite all of these issues. and we can extend this to a lot of other tournaments! i mean, all the outrage about fifa hosting a world cup in qatar, but we don't have any of these sentiments about doha? i've seen other people bring up that the finals were hosted in singapore when gay marriage was still illegal there. we've already talked about italy's fascist prime minister. and i could go on and on and on about the war crimes of countries like the us or the uk - is the us not participating actively in genocide right now? where is the standard? if you argue against hosting the finals in saudi arabia for the reason of human rights, to me it seems you have to uphold that standard for the location you do land on. and i can guarantee, you will not find a single country in the world with clean hands.

i want to be clear i am not arguing that hosting the finals in saudi arabia is a good thing, especially for three years, especially because it's definitely going there because of money, and not for any of the "good" reasons i think some people want us to believe about "improving the region" (which is very weirdly white savior-esque anyway). i don't really have an official "conclusion" to this discussion.

what i am arguing is that i think a lot of the protests against saudi arabiahosting the finals are more an example of implicit anti-arab bias and islamophobia, rather than genuine discussion. key word implicit: i don't think most people are purposefully trying to be anti-arab/islamophobic. or at least, i'd like to believe nobody is. but i also think, particularly in the west, there is already so much of this xenophobic sentiment ingrained. and this is why i think it's really really REALLY important to check ourselves when we talk about it instead of just jumping straight to the human rights conversation without a second thought.

i'll say it plainly: i don't think the finals should be held in saudi arabia. but for me, it has more to do with sportswashing, with the dangers of the way money is thrown around in sports, and because i think it's more evidence that the wta doesn't care about player welfare but rather about making a profit (what else is new). human rights are absolutely a concern of mine, but how is it fair to hold saudi arabia to a standard that we don't seem to care about for literally anybody else?

literally look at the us's ugly ugly history, past and present, and tell me why we deserve to host a tennis tournament.

#long post #idk. this is not even all my thoughts #this is long and confusing and convoluted and i'm sorry #but i need y'all to understand it's not as easy as just saying 'oh we can't host it there' #'oh the players should boycott' #it's more complicated than that #and again i'm not really arguing one way or another #i do have my own opinion but i'm not positing that as The Right Choice #i'm definitely open to a lot more discussion on it #because i know i don't have the full perspective either #but i'm tired of seeing takes talking about how 'evil' it is to host the finals there #the way that it's happened and my suspected reasons for it (money)? yeah that's fucked up! #but just the fact that it will be hosted there...hold your horses. slow your roll #saudi arabia is like. a real country with people who actually live there and experience their own regime #god forbid they get to watch some tennis #and again. i just don't think you can ever really talk about these kinds of things and not bring up #the way countries like the us ALWAYS go unchecked #also like. gay marriage wasn't legal federally in the us until 2015. so. were do we go from here

[skeletoninthemelonland]

cw // possible eyestrain

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Sound Sensitivity

#here is some unrelated artwork i'll be posting occasionally for now on #this might seem confusing to you (and I'm not talking specifically about the drawing) #i don't usually bring up anything about my personal problems but this one really is a thing #all i have to tell you. person reading the tags. is that sound sensitivity really fucking sucks. #and if someone reading this has sound sensitivity well i do hope the people around you are understanding of your condition #and that you find efficient ways to diminish the impact it has on you #whether if it's by using noise cancelling headphones. by leaving the loud environment or by learning to focus on something else #/// #this christmas i'm receiving a noise cancelling headphone from my bsf #im very happy and so thankfull for them #this gift is appreciated by my younger self #who. during birthday parties. couldnt stand anywhere close to ballons #who cried at the sounds of fireworks #who cried in class numerous times because it was too much #who was accused of faking it and blamed for ruining everyone's fun time #i remember being very confused and scared #my art #eye strain #artists on tumblr

[moeblob]

Out of any character in any piece of media that says “___ is my middle name!” this is the only one I would believe. Thanks, Alfred.

#fe engage #alfred #i love this boy so much ??? #also I saw someone on twitter being like yeah im gonna do an fe engage challenge run next #and was listing things to consider a challenge and one was Actually Use Alfred #and I'm like ??? and people in the replies were basically unanimous about YEAH MY ALFRED STATS SUCK #and I am sitting here in confusion cause people are whining about him getting doubled and im like yes but #my alfred gets doubled at a 51% chance of hit and 0 damage #why does it matter if he is doubled when the boy takes NO DAMAGE #and i once again am convinced its my love and affection for my son that allows him to grow up big and strong just like he wants #i am only ch15 so it could change but??? hes .... really.... good and i love him?

[sauriansolutions]

A kinky thought that's been bugging me for two days straight, is that J.amil sometimes gets these really low, throaty burps that he can't really stifle or hold in.

It almost sounds like he's growling under his breath. Or like a groan of annoyance huffed out between gritted teeth... but there's just a slight gurgliness, so if you happen to be standing close enough, you can tell it's a burp. The onomatopoeia would just be all "r's."

He gets an especially pissy expression whenever this happens. It's like, "Ohhh great, now my body is going to betray me too? This sucks."

The burps are probably going to keep happening, too, unless J.amil has the actual time to make himself some soothing tea, or brew a potion for indigestion, and relax a little.

Needless to say, he almost never has this luxury. So instead he just soldiers on, doing whatever he was doing, looking slightly more irritated than usual.

K.alim (or whoever you like to ship with J.amil) might notice he's covering his mouth, or rubbing his stomach or chest a lot, and try to offer help. But Sea Snakey is a stubborn pain in the ass, and will inevitably refuse all offers of help, and even refuse to acknowledge he's capable of getting stomachaches.

I just *rolls around on the floor* have a thing for angry guys, for whatever reason? And the idea of anger in response to a burp is a real fun new thought I've been batting around in my head like a cat with a new ball of string 😻

#twst tummy stuff #belly kink #bellyache #burping #burpcanons #i have burpcanons for every twst character now except the diasom lads #waiting till i play ch 7 to really get to know them #I'm new here and confused about censoring and tags so sorry if i mess stuff up

[werewolves-are-real]

I keep promising myself that ONE DAY, I will do enough research into 1800s China to write a proper Temeraire fic taking place there. But there's sooooo much I would want to research first. Even if I skimmed over court details as much as possible - which I don't want to do, tbh - it would just feel very shallow. And it's hard to properly flesh out any characters without any understanding of court life, dynamics between different classes... also just, you know, common beliefs? Attitudes? Religious beliefs too, etc etc.

One day! Hopefully. And we just get so little of Mianning (much less the other Chinese characters) it's hard to do them justice :( Doesn't help that no one really wants to tell Laurence or the aviators what they're actually thinking lol.

#I have some small bits from a fic I want to do #basically with confused amnesiac pre-Temeraire Laurence #who saves the prince's life and gets basically adopted into the royal family #then formally adopted when Temeraire hatches #right around the time his memory comes back and he gets to go back to England #hey I'm alive and a prince now here's my dragon #making his introduction to the Corps 100x as wild #and also after China Laurence disapproves SO much of barbaric England dragon-rearing #what do you mean you don't even cook their food?? #Raw meat? Xiang is a prince too thank you #- But I want to do a LOT of stuff in China first and really build the relationship with Mianning as a main character #(and a growing complex dislike of Yongxing who loathes him at first sight) #but also not wholly without reason become missionaries opium etc etc #suspicious amnesia backstory etc #and I can't write any of that properly without! So much research! #I am too lazy for this sigh

[dirty-trash-mongrel]

*running around the room*

aaaa

hi im j

aaaaaaaaa

guh?

#woopsie i'm a little confused sorry #typically don't rp here #unless it's like #really silly and not serious or character focused :) #don't think i'll really stay in a character either tbh #idk #when it's not with a mutual i feel weird doin it but i'll still respond probably but hello anyways ? #murder drones #serial designation j #j murder drones #alley scribbles #ask #mongrel behavior

[yohankang]

also i didn't tell you guys but i was supposed to get a raise this month when i sign a new contract but they already sent it to me and there was no mention of the raise. so i felt horrible and almost cried at work and it took me a few hours but i actually went to talk to them and i will probably get a raise after all

#LIKE WHAT IS THIS WEEK. WHY DO I HAVE TO CONFRONT PEOPLE LIKE THAT AND STAND UP FOR MYSELF!!!! #i was like hey.. you mentioned a raise after the probationary period when i signed the first contract so i'm confused now ?? #and they were like we genuinely don't remember but it's alright we can talk about it and change it so just tell us how much do you want #which. is also shitty bc i know the girl who's been here for 3 months longer got it without asking #and i feel like i'm asking too much when it's not even 10%.... #but hey!!! i did that instead of just sitting there feeling wronged and waiting 2 years for my contract to end #i'm literally so brave but it doesn't even feel good 😭 #as a reward i bought myself train tickets to see my friend next month agjsfjsj and they were really cheap! #and now i'm trying to just. not think about All That. yk #that's why i'm rambling on tumblr dot com ahmsgjsdn #k.txt

[best-enemies]

I've reached season 5 on my CSI rewatch and I'm a few episodes past "Swap Meet", where a woman is murdered after attending a swing party with other couples from the neighbourhood. Near the end of the episode there's a moment that made me jump from my seat:

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two cups. He hands her a cup of tea.)

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - BRASS' OFFICE]

Erin Brady: Everybody fantasizes about other people. (She glances at Grissom.)

Even you, Mr. Grissom. A neighbor, a friend ... girl at the office.

[INT. POLICE DEPARTMENT - HALLWAY]

(The door opens. Paul Brady walks out of the hallway. Erin Brady walks out into the hallway. Sara is sitting in the hallway chair watching them. She watches as they meet and kiss.)

(Grissom walks up to Sara and takes the seat next to her. He's holding two culps. He hands her a cup of tea.)

LIKE!!!!!!!

Right after Erin ends her sentence with 'girl at the office', the first time Sara and Grissom meet again, he brings her tea. This might be an innocent interaction but to me it seemed like a nod to this relationship they have where both are into each other, know about the other's feelings, but can't/won't do anything about it (although Sara has kind of given Grissom an ultimatum). I don't know if it was intentional - I'm guessing it is, because I picked it up immediately. I might or might not have squealed in delight.

#csi #gsr #i'm very Normal about them btw i don't think about them 50 times per day or anything #need to talk more about these two here #because im obsessed about them in a Normal way #sara is like. my dream wife. i totally get grissom being in love with her for years and barely holding it together #i would not though #i'm 1000% sure she's bi. but the writers have been cowards so far #also she and i dress THE SAME. yes i love 2000s clothes so what #i could talk about her forever she's everything to me #and grissom. oh grissom. i also get why she's been in love with him forever #i mean what the FUCK went down in san francisco did they hook up and sex was so good it scared them #and now they have to live with that tension and they're scared of crossing that line #nah i'm guessing with these two they just REALLY clicked. like. they were an instant match and they knew it #but grissom didnt want to lose focus on work or whatever and they lived in separate states you know #but oh my god i totally get sara. grissom is such a silver fox. he's like one of the hottest old men i've ever seen in my life #you know what i 100% get tumblr sexualizing old men it's completely valid i'm in this now too #he has this LOOK. whenever he's angry at a suspect. and he looks angrily at them. i'm chewing on my keyboard just remembering it #and his smirks #AND THE WAY HE LOOKS AT SARA #im losing my mind #i love all of gil grissom but seasons 4-5 jesus fucking christ #ok enough with the sexualizing i love him as a character SO MUCH. he's absolutely fantastic #one of the things i love the most about him is that he doesn't judge people. whenever the team is confused about someone #or this persons' lifestyle #he's always trying to understand them and not judge them #like a true scientist he wants to understand the nature of things and people #and he's such a sweetheart i love him so much #like there are so many things i love about him i can't fit them all in the tags. same for sara #they're a perfect match for me