#I'm so damn emotional today

[sensitiveheartless]

i love the difference in how you draw flustered soukoku, like chuuya always looks so pretty whereas dazai just looks like A Creature, as he should

Since I am still stuck mostly bedridden and coughing and sniffling up a storm, I went down a rabbithole of looking back at my drawings of them and…yeah you're 100% right anon, this is a noticeable pattern all the way back to the beginning XD

Flustered Dazai:

Flustered Chuuya:

I feel like this is slightly indicative of my view of their characters in general lol—I could never pick a favorite between them because I just enjoy them in very different ways, but when I was first getting into BSD I looked at Dazai and instantly went "okay yup, he's a stinky bastard man, got it" whereas with Chuuya I have been rotating him in my head for more than a year to try to figure him out and also just to appreciate him aksdjfksdfjksdfj (and reading Storm bringer made the speed of rotation become that of an overpowered spinning teacup ride)

...Although that said, Chuuya does get the gremlin treatment whenever I draw him angry XD

#dazai just fills me with the urge to subject him to Situations and Emotions #he's like a stress ball to me #and I want to give chuuya a damn break #also I was perpetually dissatisfied with how I drew Chuuya for way longer than Dazai #because he supposed to be pretty! #anyway this was a very fun ask to get anon thank you :D #it's distracted me from my coughing and sniffling #(although I am feeling a bit better today! Not nearly so sleep deprived lololol and I'm not aching all over anymore) #bsd chuuya #ask box #bsd #bsd dazai #my art

[fourteenthz]

LOVE AND PEACE ON FUCKING PLANET EARTH

#kelly plays ykz #yakuza 0 spoilers #I'm stopping now its like 7am I prefer to believe they are going to have a dinner and plan a trip to Europe and never come back actually #IM SO OBSESSES WITH THEM IT'S MAKING ME SICK IN THE HEAD #i didn't start this game expecting anything other than brother^tm but you know what. IF #they every single one of majima's old boss can say tell this guy has feelings maybe i can too. yeah. YEAH. #OBSESSED SO BAD with chapter 16 first cutscene... he has absolutely NO hesitation in running up to her. #and the second she goes past him he immediately refuses to let her go. #ITS SO INSANE how he has been so lifeless the last chapter and accepting his fate as a pawn for the next one #to show that fucking face he makes while looking at her. ITS SO WEIRD IN A FANTASTIC WAY my man is having too many feelings he can't #she** can't even see it and it KILLS ME bc he is making the world's puppiest eyes at her IM SO AUAAGAHHAHH SLAMMING MY HEAD ON THE TABLE #I NEED THEM. TO BE. SO NORMAL RN. I NEED THEM TO HAVE SUCH NORMAL DINNER RN. #I'm stopping playing bc i'm not sure that's going to happen so enough tears for today but I JUST. REALLY NEED THEM. #TO HAVE DINNER. HOLDING HANDS. AND THAT'S IS. CAN SOMEONE HEAR ME. #she really is like my top3 favorite characters in this damn game I adore this woman to death. #feeling so majima by his sigh in realief as soon as she stopped walking away when she tripped. the way his damn face changes from pained to #'IDEA!' and imediatelly offers to take her out........................... i'm so unwell at this momento. #I thought if they met again I wouldn't be able to trust majima bc he was so set in being a damn pawn in the previous chapter but man..... #the amount of thoughts behind his eye everytime he looked at her. if they end up playing that as him bring in pain #bc he has to win her over im going to kll a guy. there's no way NO WAY U HEARD ME #thry are literally my everything. there is NO way she is going to survive this game and I'm trying sk damn hard to get #used to that idea but it just sucks i love her so much. and thw worst part i have no idea what's up with majima on the other games #is her dying being his villain storie??? his hero redemption? HELL IF I KNOW. IS SHE EVEN DYING FR?? #i truly think they could get away wih shipping her to another country. and it would make sense for majima to insist her to go. #but oh I doubt so hard they are giving me anything but pain with my favorite relationships in this game. i really do. #until then..... lying down in bed.... thoughts abt majima soft expression at her.... abt the weight her voice #carries rn.... abt the way he said 'hey' and she said 'you think I'm emotional because I'm hungry again'..... they. are. so. #the way they dont even give a choice to walk faster when she is accompanying majima. #I have such low standards at this point. if they don't at least hold hands again i will cry. #he doesn't need to guide her around anymore so... u see my vision? him asking for her hand bc he wants to... hello?

[mu1tiverse]

i just wanna pop on here and talk about how much i love this silly little community we've all made here. i appreciate and admire every single one of you, and i just wanna thank you for making my days just that much brighter. constantly witnessing all the love and care you all put into your muses is incredible, and i just think taking these characters that mean so much to us and sharing those parts of ourselves that we see in our characters is such a fucking awesome thing to do. i love creating with you all (even when it may just be yelling in dms) and i've truly made some of the best friends i've ever had in these rpcs.

#delete / #just got back from my bday dinner w my friends and family.. feeling insanely loved and emotional on main #i just... you guys are amazing and the things you do are amazing and i'm constantly giving each and every one of you so many virtual hugs #i've been in the indie scene since i was abt 18.. i just turned 25 today. it's Crazy but i just.. Damn.. yknow? #anyway ily all so much thank you for coming to my sappy little ted talk

[daz4i]

started looking for apartments like as a haha goofy thing to pass the time (and bc i wanna move out soon so may as well) and Hm. found one that seems almost too perfect for its price. like the only downside for me is that it's not in a neighborhood i wanna live in but it's still considered a good area, and it's the neighborhood i grew up in so i know the area well (like literally, 2 minutes walk from my old house) which is a bonus. one of the sites i found it on said the owner also signed some guarantee thing? which is a good thing apparently ig idk real estate terms. i kinda wanna go look bc i'm scared someone else will take it lol but i. am too scared to take any step there. Sad!

#i looked through like 5 different sites and this was the only relevant option to my needs btw #i could maybe go for a higher price but :/ i don't wanna rely on my parents TOO much #i'm still gonna need their help for this price but like my disability funds thingie can cover it as is too (it'll just be tight. yknow?) #for an apartment with an elevator that's still a sick price tho. an ac in every room? and it allows animals. damn #the location thing is. like i said it's a good neighborhood. but it's also religious which for me is... uncomfortable #(this is one of the reasons my parents were eager to move away from there actually) #still the public transit there is relatively good and within walking distance. so. Hm #I'd say it's sus that no one took it yet but it was posted today. within the last few hours even. bc the site said january 3rd #idk ig i'll talk to my parents abt it tomorrow maybe. see if they can help me with making calls too. hm #anyway sorry for the ramble i just got hit with a wave of emotions with no name i needed to turn somewhere outside of myself

[ceruleanfuckup]

So I had a fantastic date tonight.

#it was a gym date and the first time we were meeting each other so i was nervous about it but it turned out to be really really nice #he's new to the poly stuff and the way that he spoke about it told of an emotional and intellectual intelligence that was so fuckin hot #he's really cute and we have a kind of shocking amounts of crazy passions that are exactly the same #he can quote scott pilgrim as much as me #he has dice tattoos #he got really excited when i gave him the origami ball i made while bored in a meeting today and wouldn't stop fidgeting with it #we got dinner afterwards and talked a lot about a lot of different things about each other and it was just really nice #and he told me i have the prettiest brown eyes 🥺 #he also said that he showed his husband my pictures and he was like 'damn he looks like he has a strong stomach.not abs but like a strongmn #and i got SO EXCITED #i pointed out my gym crushes to him because i wanted to test the jealousy waters and he reacted very well #he answered my questions with a level of thoughtfulness and contemplation that i felt deeply attracted to #i just think I'm going to fall for him really hard and I'm very very excited about it #my love life has been... lackluster recently for a lot of different reasons #and I'm so fucking excited to have someone that i can be excited about who is just as excited about me #I've been craving that for so long #I'm just thrilled and looking forward to the next date #we're going to be talking a lot #I'm gonna be a little sad for a second. the person who i thought was my stream of consciousness has shown me that he doesn't really care #and that's been hard for me to come to terms with. we haven't even had a conversation about it #but he's been the only person that I can tell things to when i get excited about something #and i don't feel like i have that. so I'm writing in a Tumblr post about this because I don't feel like i have anyone #to get excited with me about things #hopefully that will change soon. I'm very hopeful about him. #just please. whatever deity is out there. please let me find some happiness here. i have been craving and wishing for way too long #personal #edit: another very very good sign is that he's much smaller than me and a trans man who is getting back into the gym #but he didn't seem intimidated by my size and was even comfortable taking flexing selfies with me after. #if existing around me or in that setting triggered any physical insecurities #he didn't show it. which was a big change from the ball of anxiety i saw when walking into the gym. I'm just impressed in a few ways

[barkingangelbaby]

very hard day today :(( hoping that taking a nap resets me.. fuck

#it just feels like I'm fucking up so badly on my low days #i don't want to keep sinking it's starting to feel like I'm drowning in my emotions #I'll be okay but damn dude.... #i upset N today too and /: that's been very hard to accept #my brain is screaming horrible things to me and I just want it to be quiet #so we're going to sleep before 5pm today #rAMbles

[frostycatblr-fandom-files]

Fives, about Tup: He's my best friend, sir.

Me:

#frosts fandom freakouts #star wars #tcw #the clone wars #clone wars season 6 #I'm rewatching 'The Unknown' today and I forgot how emotional that line makes me #tcw fives #was just so damn kind and caring about all of his brothers and he calls #tcw tup #his best friend and this is after he lost Echo on Lola Sayu and #he's about to lose Tup too 😭

[savage-rhi]

I'm very much a, "fuck yeah and fuck you, I don't need validation! I'm me, cunts!" kinda fella, but sometimes I could use support.

#today i fucked up by reactivating my fb account which i haven't done in 2 yrs just to check on some folks id been sending good thought to #place is depressing everyone is miserable and everything feels fake and my mind is like #LOL this is why we left bitch byeeee #so i deactivated again went to work and idc what anyone says there are folks like me that can and do feel the energy and emotions coming of #people and it can fucking suck especially when so many are disregulated so i got a sensory overload and boss was nice enough to let me take #a bunch of breaks today and even scream in her office cause She Gets It (TM) #the weather is rainy and cold i'm getting so many fibro flares idk how i'm moving anymore #ive missed so many days of work already and it's not even fully winter yet i still have my job and im thankful i have an understanding team #but that doesnt pay the bills im still trying to find a way to pay for that doctor appointment coming up #graduate courses began for college and i think i'm gonna be okay but damn did they throw too much info all at once at me and that made #my adhd brain go WELL SHIT #ive been feeling incredibly lonely and not wanted in so many spaces that im struggling to even communicate with the few that i know do #love me for me and nothing else im trying so so so hard to keep being there for people and to keep loving #people that need it cause i don't ever want another human being to ever feel as miserable and unwanted as i have felt #but im also tired because i feel like thats all anyone ever sees me as just this being that can take their woes away and make them feel #amazing and i love that i can do that and listen to so many traumatic stories and help folks process that trauma my boss and many throughou #life have told me i have a gift for healing people and a vibe to me thats different than most and it feels good being around me but today i #just felt like people keep taking and taking and taking and i dont expect anything back thats not who i am id rather give than receive #but damn it i just wish someone could just give me the biggest hug in the world dont even have to say a thing just hold me and be present #and hold space for me to just feel weightless id cherish that more than anything in the world right now #on a positive note... #my dinosaur vo stuff got traction im getting a new cosplay put together i havent done that in 4 years i got to pet a wild deer i made #a coworker laugh so hard his juice went out his nose and my boss peed a little #im slowly taming another wild flock of turkeys and i got a bag of my favorite takis the guacamole flavor #i got a lot to be thankful for and i acknowledge it #but damn it im tired #thank you for coming to my Ted Talk rant and rave #if you made it this far: you're an incredible human being and i love you #please go treat yo self to something nice and know i love you for you

[104thsquadfam]

#ooc #don't mind me talking in tags #i am so exhausted today #i just wanna sleep but i'm stuck working #i just wanna clock out #my emotions today are all over the place #one minute i'm fine and the next i'm fucking crying #you'd think someone died today jeez #i just kinda wanna sleep and not wake up again thats just how i feel today but i dont #know WHY #it's just random emotions today all i want to do is lay down and cry #but at the same time i dont #whyyyyy #why cant my brain be normaaaal #i am so damn sleepy #i'm only confident writing in tags cause aint no one gonna read this shit and i just need an outlet #and my damn journal is like in another room and i cant leave my pc rn cause work #so its just piling and i just aaaaaaaa #WHY TODAAAY

[keeponquinning]

Being an adult and realizing, you DID have comfort characters. That's still a new concept for me. Like I had characters that I latch onto, but on the assumption that like, "I just think they're really neat." I listed Margaery Tyrell as well, but, I don't know if she gave me comfort or I just, once again, thought she was really neat. Eddie.... Eddie I like and want to GIVE HIM comfort more than anything.... Though yes, I suppose he gives me comfort as well.

Flash to me being on my fyp on tiktok, and an Eleventh Doctor edit comes on.

And I........

That's him.

That's he.

He is the one that gives me the most comfort. He is the one if I'm in my darkest, would be the beacon of light. He is the one that would spark something in me and I would believe him if he looked at me and held my hands and said that everything is as it should be and that everything will be alright. He was such hope. Such care and such love. He had his darkness and would show it, when he needed to protect the ones he loves when enemies would use that love against him. I just..... There are so many versions of him, but, the Eleventh Doctor? He is my favorite. He's my rotten soldier. My home boy. My good time boy. And whose regeneration scene I still regard as the best there is, because it was so him, acknowledging his time has come, but not being sad about it. Because change is inevitable, every body changes, we're not the same as we were a year or more ago, but, as long as we have the memories of the person we once were, that version of ourselves will always be a part of us and never forgotten.

"We all change, when you think about it, we're all different people; all through our lives, and that's okay, that's good, you've gotta keep moving, so long as you remember all the people that you used to be. I will not forget one line of this, not one day, I swear. I will always remember when The Doctor was me."

I think, as parting words, that was the most fucking beautiful line of dialogue I had ever heard and it still remains so. I don't watch the show anymore, I got burnt out after Thirteen regenerated and got tired of not being surprised anymore with the storylines and maybe I'll pick it up at some point again. But that was it for me. This is really not the blog to write all this lmao But, I was just struck by it, seeing those edits and just.... I loved him so much. He was my favorite, along with the Fourth Doctor. And if you know.... The 50th anniversary special? Had me crying for joy. If you know....

Anyway, if you read this, thank you. I'm done.

#i'm not even tagging this #this is just for me and the dash #from me to you #what got yve so damn emotional today on not great sleep lmao

[saintedbythestorm]

Reminder to self:

You don't need to know if they've gotten better or worse, they were bad enough that you had to cut them out and that is all you need to know.

#hello we are self doubting today.. #i know i did the right thing to tell my toxic family that it was enough and I'm done with it #but sometimes that damn doubt creeps in. #they wouldn't even bother saying sorry to you for fucks sake. they were willing to call you useless before they said sorry. #like that is all you need to know. you didn't lose anything of value if they thought that was ok. #you do deserve to have your feelings respected and lying for 15 years isn't ok actually. #and it especially isn't okay to be abuse when someone gets upset you lied for them for 15 years. i shouldn't even have to say that. #wait this is working. hm... well maybe I'll leave it here anyway #maybe one of you need one of those tags too. 🤷‍♀️ #you're worthy of love and respect and to be treated with kindness. you're allowed to feel what you feel. #yes despite what some bitch said - idgaf what they said. they were wrong ok. #and extra points for it being a damn parent. they bloody chose to have a kid so step tf up #it is NOT fucking selfish to want to speak with a parent alone for 10 minutes omfg. #it is also perfectly normal for a kid... well anyone really but extra for kid.. to not always be able to control their emotions #remember that it was YOU who called to try to resolve the fight - and all you had done was be upset cause they lied #and told you gruesome details about an animals death while laughing. yes that was extra fucked. #so no don't you damn doubt yourself. there ain't no openings for interpretation on this #and remember... you were a kid throughout like 90% of this shit. You shouldn't be the adult. #ok done spitting facts imma play stray bye #rant #ryder speaking

[dogin8]

listens to "The Winner Is - DeVotchka" and looks out the window as it rains.

THE WORLD IS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!

#SOMEDAYS I'M A CHARACTER OR EXPERIENCING SHRIMP EMOTIONS #BUT TODAY I'M JUST SOME GUY #AND THINGS ARE GOOD #AND LOVE IS REAL #AND PEOPLE ARE SO DAMN PRETTY

[hazel2468]

Fuck it I’m tired time to make memes out of my mommy issues

#personal #my mom texted me today and I'm pissed about it so #have this #LITERALLY all they have to do is fucking like #give me an actual pology #and NO #saying we're sorry for the situation #is not an apology #WHEN YOU CAUSED THE FUCKING SITUATION #and then capping it off with a pathetic little gaslighty line #oh we didn't see what happened the same way you did #bitch how DID you see it? #cuz I laid it out pretty damn factually #honestly they see it any way that allows them #to continue thinking that they're these amazing parents #and if only their stupid child would stop being an oversensitive problem #everything would be FINE #except this oversensitive child is a fucking adult #basically 2 years from 30 #who's got more emotional maturity in my pinky than they do combined #apparently

[noxtivagus]

i seriously love music & stories so much

#🌙.rambles #i did not mean to ramble i told myself i'll be productive today but as usual i have a lot of thoughts. n it is my wont to just. #forget everything else n write.... #sigh i love listening to music sm n stories n words n wtvr just everything in the world. i take in everything. observe n analyze it all #i love. music. i love stories i love music sm as a form of story-telling & then w the emotion in it too? the way it cld be interpreted n #everything. yeah really just everything oh my god i cld ramble on n on. I HAVE SM TO RAMBLE ABOUT OH NO #the endless possibilities n opportunities in this world. the unknown future that fascinates me so much. the depth n beauty of creation 🥹 #for one i admire like. video game composers for making the ost fit so well into the game n #i'm so gay wait i looked at discord rq n looking at my silva pfp.... she's so pretty i lov her sm #hmmm thinking about some stuff n while i've always had a sort of interest for theatre n. appreciation ofc n. fondness for its aesthetic #i wna get more into it >< #me remembering i also really did love to paint when i was a kid i wish i cultivated that into a bigger skill :c #i remember i really did read so much books back then damn. i wna read n write again aaaa #i started piano when i was 7 n i had lessons for a few summers consecutively then stopped for a while n it's been so long now #but i remember my teacher then saying that. soon if i really cultivate that skill i really could've #i have regrets regarding that bcs in gr3 apollo n i also had this invitation to this math thing advanced lessons n all #i overshare too much on social media wait the words really flow when i get started this is why i don't rlly talk to others w these stuff :< #i'd love to i really do but i'm afraid of being too much or too little where it matters #that said though i really love. yk creation. this world being so full of creators making their own creations in their own way #i love thinking about how. there's so much things in the world that affects n influences. yeah. #help i am making no sense with my phrasing #infinite possibilites in life. surely there's no denying how daunting n intimidating n scary it may be #but god i live for. that. yk the. my curiosity hdfkdfjdlk #i cannot word nymore but :< i really love life so much thinking about all these sort of things give me so much comfort from #all the cruel pressure in this world. the burden of regrets. the feeling of loss and failure. #with. these as my wings. these moments these. emotions n thoughts i can indulge peace n time n comfort in. for my own self #perhaps i can fly free in my own way in my own time.

[universalcarnival]

you ever just. really miss someone?

#with my mental health advances lately there's been a lot of looking into the past #I'm very happy to be progressing and finding good ways to help myself but also like... damn me. #remembering good people. good friendships that just... died for some reason #and my heart has a hard time letting go #sometimes i wish i could have just said goodbye #y'know? #but yeah uh. #big emotions rn i dont know how to process #so. probably lack of writing for today? #idk. maybe more in the evening. #I'm just... i dunno. nostalgic on old times. #I'm okay btw! i am okay. I'm just... head full.