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guilty-pleasures21 · 3 months

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Yooooooooouuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!! You SUCK!

Ahh! I'm sorry it took so long! You don't know the MILLIONS of times I've re-written this scene 😭! I hope you guys enjoy it!

0. The slow burn

1. There's too many. TOO MANY!!

2. It NEEDS to be EVEN sssslllllooooweeeeerrrrrr.

3. Sometimes, I really hate myself.

4. Don't even look at me ever again.

Warnings: explicit descriptions of sex including fingering (f & m receiving) and blowjobs (f and m receiving).

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“Do you think it'd be enough? Or too much?” Miguel asked, rubbing the back of his neck as he waited for Peter's response. But she'd waited: she'd waited so patiently for him, nothing could ever have been too much for her. Peter shook his head quickly, waving his hands in disagreement.

“No way, man!” he objected. “I mean, you know her better than anyone else, right? Better than anyone here, at least.” He gestured to the building of Spider people surrounding them, then turned back to Miguel, an encouraging smile on his face.

“If that's what you think she'll like, then who am I to say anything about it?”

Miguel thought about it for a moment, quickly realising that Peter was right: he did know her, better than most other people. But of course he wasn't going to let Peter know that - he'd never let it go otherwise. Miguel raised an eyebrow, feigning disinterest.

“That's a first: Peter B Parker, not giving advice?” He turned to Lyla, hand on his chin as he thought about it. “Lyla, are we in the right universe?”

Peter frowned, opening his mouth to respond. But then he stopped, stunned. “Wait. Did you … just make a joke, Miguel?!”

Lyla flickered over to Peter, eyes equally wide with surprise.

“You heard it too?!” she asked before breathing a sigh of relief. “I thought my code had a bug in it or something!” Miguel rolled his eyes at their teasing, his stomach fluttering with nerves as he pulled up his message thread with X. He typed out a few words, then deleted them, replaying their last conversation over again in his mind. What could he say to convince her to see him again? He'd been such an idiot - again - and it wouldn't be as easy as saying ‘sorry’, not this time. He slid his gaze over to Peter, wondering if he should just ask him to send X another distress call. She did like surprises - odd for someone who suffered from anxiety. But then again, she'd never been one to follow the norms; it was one of the reasons he'd fallen in love with her, after all. He cleared his throat.

“Uh, Peter,” he called him over, trying to look as not guilty as possible. “Do you … think you could send X a distress signal? To the rooftop?” Peter flashed him a reassuring smile.

“Sure.”

She stumbled through the door onto the rooftop, a million situations running through her mind. Was it Miguel? He was the only one who ever came to the rooftop besides her - after she'd shown him, of course. And Peter had never asked her anywhere besides the control room. And that was only because Miguel was mad at someone and they needed her to calm him down. Oh God, what if someone was seriously hurt?!

“Hello?!” X called out into the night, searching her surroundings. “Peter?!”

She walked over to the edge, her heart thudding in her chest at the lack of response. Then suddenly, without warning, all the lights in the city went off, casting the world into darkness. It stayed like that for a moment before a cluster of lights appeared, quickly joined by another, and another, until the entire world looked like space, she herself floating among a sea of stars. She grinned, delighted by the beautiful sight, and watched eagerly as more lights came into view, the beams racing across the buildings and crashing into each other until: ‘I love you.’ Just like in that movie she'd gotten him to watch. She clasped her hands together and bit down on her lip, the happiness bubbling up from her stomach and flowing into her chest and spilling out of every fibre of her being. Was it really him? Could this really have been his doing? The lights flickered back to normal again and the world resumed its daily routine, even as hers felt like it had just stopped moving. She held her breath, counting the beats of her heart as she waited. Then finally, “¿Arañita?”

She turned around to find Miguel, standing at the other end of the rooftop with a guilty expression on his face, plush Green Lantern toy squished between his large hands. She glanced at the toy then back up at him, knowing that he'd gotten it just for her - it was the last toy she was missing in her Justice League collection and he'd actually gone back to the arcade and kept at the stupid claw machine until he'd managed to get it. For her. Because it made her happy. She covered her mouth with her hand, muffling the disbelieving laugh that fell from her lips.

“I, uh … Here.” Miguel walked over to her and shoved the toy into her hands before stepping back again. He rubbed the back of his neck as his gaze flitted between her and the ground, trying to build up the courage to speak. Then he cleared his throat and straightened.

“I know I … I haven't said it … back, but … I've tried- I mean, I hope I've tried, at least, to show you, maybe, that …” He looked up at her again, at the hope written all over her face, and his heart stuttered. “That …”

“X, I …” he trailed off as his gaze roved over her face. Her lips were curled into that pretty smile that he could never say no to, her eyes creased at the corners as she looked up at him. She’d complained about them a few times; about how dark her irises were, but he loved how they always reflected whatever she was looking at - how he could look into them and see the exact reason for the smile on her face. His stomach curdled as she looked up at him now, her gaze adoring like he was her entire world. But how could she still look at him like that after he'd been so stupid; so selfish, doing absolutely nothing to stop himself from falling in love with her? Even when he'd been afraid that it would only end in the both of them getting hurt? He dropped his gaze back to the ground and pushed on, determined to let her know his true feelings.

“Uh, Miguel,” she began, her tone teasing as she took note of how nervous he was right now. Nervous! The Miguel O'Hara! Because of her! But he looked so sincere right then, standing on their rooftop, trying so very hard to pour his heart out to her. “Would you prefer it if I turned around? Then maybe you can-”

“No!” he exclaimed quickly, grabbing her face between his hands. He swallowed hard, but didn’t pull away, resolute in his decision. Because he loved her - because he was in love with her. “I want to look at you. I want you to look at me when I say it.”

She gazed up at him, her lips still curled into that mischievous smile. “When you say what, Miguel?”

He took a deep breath. Then finally, finally, “when I tell you that I love you. Too.”

Her watch started buzzing, the gadget going crazy with how high her vitals were rising. But she just grinned at him even harder, her elated face still clasped between his hands. “Really?”

It struck him like a knife to the heart, her uncertainty - her disbelief - that anyone could ever love her like that. He straightened and set his features into a resolute expression. “Yes. Really. I love you, arañi- I love you, X.”

How gentle she’d been with his heart, holding it painstakingly close, like glass ready to shatter at a moment’s notice. How easy she’d made it for him, falling in love with her, like sleeping in on a lazy Sunday morning. He felt his lips quirk at the corners at the look on her face and reached up to brush a strand of hair away from her face. “Only you, mi arañita.”

She curled her fingers around his hand, feeling the tears starting to gather on the edge of her eyes. “Thank you.”

His eyebrows scrunched together in confusion at the unexpected response. Was she thanking him for loving her? That wasn’t what he’d been expecting her to say. Or do. Not that … Not that he’d been expecting anything in particular from her. “¿Qué?”

“Um,” she hesitated, trying to come up with an appropriate response, “thanks for … for, um…” She shifted uncomfortably in position, then shot her gaze back up to his, narrowing her eyes in suspicion.

“Wait. Do you mean, like, in a platonic way?” she inquired. “Or, like, a romantic way?”

He’d just blacked out the whole damn city to tell her that he loved her and she was still asking him that?! But of course, no one had ever told her that they loved her before: how could she be sure unless he made it explicitly clear? He curled his hands around her waist, his stomach flipping over as he tugged her towards him.

“I love you in every way you could possibly love someone. Platonically, romantically, all of it. I just want you, X. No one else. Ever.” She bit her lip against a smile, still a little scared to let herself fall the last few feet for him. There was no way - no way - this could possibly be real. Right?

She wasn’t saying anything, why wasn’t she saying anything? He pulled back and bent over to meet her gaze, nervous again now. “If that’s what you want, of course. Consensually, right?”

She rolled her eyes affectionately at how he echoed her words, then sank back against his chest. “You’re such an idiot, Miguel. Estás un grande tonto, mi araña.”

He smirked at her words, hugging her tight. “You know, that’s not usually how you respond when someone tells you that they’re in love with you.”

She wriggled against him happily, pleased to hear those words exactly. Then she pulled back from him slowly. Her eyes flickered up to his, dark as the night sky, then she glanced away again.

“Are you … Do we kiss? Now?” She gave him a shy smile and his heart stuttered in his chest. “Do you … want to kiss me? Right now?”

He sighed and cupped her cheek in his hand, tilting her face up to his. “I’ve wanted to kiss you for so long, arañita.”

And then his lips were on hers, soft and warm, his tongue sliding into her mouth to sweep across it. She heard herself let out a soft moan, then felt his hand on her back, supporting her as she went weak at the knees. She gripped onto his shoulders as he arched her back, bending her over so that he could kiss her even harder. He was so large and so strong, but also so gentle and so careful, his hand stroking her back carefully, his mouth slowing its movements to match hers. She loved him, she really loved him.

Ay, carajo, she was soft, her chest, her waist, her lips. She was so cautious in the way she tasted him, her tongue gliding around his mouth slowly. He groaned as she wrapped her arms around his neck and grazed the tip of his spine with her fingernails. Eventually, she slid her hands back down his chest, her eyes blinking open as she pulled away from him.

“Wow,” she whispered, awestruck. “So that’s what it’s like to kiss someone.” He shot her a wry smile.

“You’re really taking all the romance out of it, arañita.” She grinned and wrapped her arms back around him.

“Are you insane, Miguel?! That was the most romantic thing that’s ever happened to me in my entire life!” She squealed with excitement, then started fidgeting with her toy, shy now. “Can we … Do we, like, go back to your place now? Or something?”

She peeked up at him from beneath her curly lashes and his heart stuttered at the thought of all the things he would do to her once they were alone in his bed. Finally. But he swallowed the thoughts down and reminded himself to take things slow. For her. “Do you … want to go back to my place?”

She nodded, her lips still curled into that shy smile that had his blood heating up and redirecting itself to his core. F*ck, he needed her so bad. He let out a shaky exhale and released her to open up a portal, then ushered her through it quickly. They landed in his living room and he guided her to the kitchen first, going over to the fridge to pull out a box of chocolates that he set down in front of her.

“I got these for you,” he revealed, moving around the counter to stand behind her. She opened up the box and picked out one of the chocolates, then held it up for him to try. He grabbed her wrist and turned her hand to her own mouth instead, gesturing for her to try it first. She bit half off, then popped the rest into his mouth. Her eyes lit up with delight as she chewed on the gooey centre and she turned around to slide her hands back up his chest. “Mmm. I love it! What do you think?”

He pursed his lips in thought as she wrapped her arms around his neck, considering the question. Then a mischievous look overtook his face. He gripped her chin in his hand and lowered his mouth to hers. “I think I’m going to need another taste, mi amor.”

He slipped his tongue back into her mouth and groaned as he licked up the chocolatey taste of her. Mierda, she was sweet. He pulled back after a moment, his lips stretched wide as he smiled down at her. “Deliciosa.”

She grinned at his teasing and he returned his lips to hers, his hands moving to grip her waist as he kissed her. God, he felt good, his broad shoulders, his wide neck, his soft hair. Her stomach flipped as he groaned against her, the vibrations rumbling out of his chest and into hers. Then he pushed her back against the counter and it was her turn to moan. He tilted his head as he bent her backwards, sliding his tongue even deeper into her mouth. She gripped onto his shoulder as he arched her back, her leg lifting off the ground as she spread them apart around him. He grabbed onto her thigh and wrapped it around his waist, then lifted her up onto the counter. She yelped in surprise and giggled when he moved his mouth to her neck, the sound of his satisfied moans causing her to shudder.

“Arañita,” he murmured against her skin, his lips brushing along the delicate column of her throat. He couldn’t wait to taste her; to please her and make her come for him, her smooth skin sliding against his, her soft flesh bare beneath his hands, her small body rocking with uncontrollable pleasure as she bucked and writhed against him. Joder, he wanted to taste her so badly: her breasts, her ass, her p*ssy. F*ck, her p*ssy, her tiny little p*ssy leaking that delicious, intoxicating liquid that drove him crazy every time he caught a whiff of it. He moved his lips back to hers, his body heating up at the thought of having sex with her; first in his bedroom, then his living room, and maybe even in his kitchen, staking his claim on her over and over again until she collapsed from the exhaustion, finally falling asleep in his arms. But he’d have to take it slow tonight - he’d have to: he wanted to make sure she’d enjoy each and every delicious second of his hands all over her, his mouth, his tongue, licking her up and devouring her whole. He pulled back from her, reluctantly putting some distance between them so he could regain control of his thoughts.

“What do you want to do, arañita?” he asked her, his chest already heaving with shallow breaths. “We’ll go at your pace. Lo que quieras, cariño.”

She smirked at him, trying to catch her own breath as the adrenaline continued to race through her body. Sex! She was going to have sex with him! Just the very thought of it had her leaking into her underwear. But she had the upper hand this time, and she wasn’t about to give in to him so easily. “Oh, so now we go at my pace?”

He sighed, flashing her an exasperated - but slightly guilty - look as he waited. It drove him crazy, of course, every second that they still had their clothes on. But he deserved whatever torture she decided she wanted to inflict on him. X pursed her lips and slid her gaze to the side, pretending to think about it. Then she hopped off the counter, an alarmed expression crossing her face.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, trying to push past him. “‘To the moon and back’ is on now! Right?! I have to see if Johnny-” She stopped as she crashed right into him, his powerful arms trapping her against the kitchen island so she couldn’t put on that ridiculous reality show she’d gotten so addicted to.

“Arañita.” He frowned, the hint of warning in his tone letting her know that he knew exactly what she was trying to do. She grinned and slid her hands back up his chest, admiring the broad and hard planes of it beneath her palms.

“What? You said we’d do whatever I wanted. Right, Miguel?” He sucked in a breath at the feeling of her hands gliding across his body. Then he frowned, trying to remain stern in the face of the irresistible mixture of cuteness and mischief on her face.

“That’s not what I meant,” he told her, his hands coming around her waist. Of course he didn’t want to pressure her into anything she wasn’t comfortable with - but he swore he’d literally explode if she made him wait any longer. Especially with the way she’d wrapped herself around him, her deliciously soft breasts pressing into his hard chest.

“Then what did you mean, Miguel?” X fluttered her eyelashes up at him, knowing exactly what he intended to do tonight. With her. In his bed. “What did you want to do, mi araña fuerte?”

P*ta madre, that ridiculous phrase again. He tightened his grip on her, his frustration growing as he remembered the last time she’d teased him so badly. “X.”

She took a step back, her eyes travelling over the defined lines of his muscles as her hands slid over them. Then she lifted her gaze to his and pushed past him gently, heading for the stairs. She bounced up a few steps before turning to look at him, a questioning expression on her face.

“Well?” she asked, gesturing to his bedroom. “Are you coming, Miguel?”

He followed after her, trying so hard to maintain his pace and keep that slightest bit of distance between them. But then they were in his bedroom and she was giving him that same shy smile that drove him crazy. He stepped forward and tugged her back to him, bending over so he could begin kissing her again. His hand drifted down her body as he moved his mouth against hers, his fingers tangling in the waistband of her tights before pulling it over her ass. He knelt down when she didn’t say anything, pulling her tights off and casting them aside. Then he reached up to undo the buttons of her bodysuit, his hands sliding over her skin and pulling it off as he stood up again. He sucked in a breath at the sight of her finally exposed before him, his eyes glazing over as they travelled across her body. She was so beautiful, he marvelled, stepping forward to cup her breasts in his hands, so soft and so perfect. She shivered as he began absent-mindedly circling her nipples with his thumbs and he licked his lips at the way her head fell back to expose her throat.

He was so careful and sweet in his gentle appreciation of her body, his hands taking their time to brush over her curves and familiarise themselves with the soft planes of her body. And the way he licked his lips at the sight of her? That dazed expression overcoming his handsome features as he admired her body? Shit, he was making her p*ssy throb just by looking at her.

“Miguel,” she giggled, reaching up to cup his cheek in her hand. He gave a questioning grunt, then dragged his gaze up to hers, bewildered. “You … want to take those off too? Querido?”

F*ck. “¿Qué? What did you just call me?”

“Querido?” she repeated hesitantly, wondering if she’d gotten it wrong. “Doesn’t it mean ‘darling’? I like it ‘cause it makes you sound like you’re my husband or something.” She bit her lip after she said it, her cheeks heating up at her admission. And f*ck if he wasn’t going to come just from hearing her saying that. He turned her around and crushed his lips to hers as he moved her towards the bed, his movements harsh and aggressive as he pushed her down onto it. She gave him a surprised look from where she lay beneath him, and her eyes widened even further when he finally deactivated his suit.

Shit. She couldn’t figure out where to look: his brawny shoulders, his burly chest, his hard abdomen, each of his muscles so carefully outlined beneath his tanned skin. He pulled his underwear off and she let out a little squeak when she saw his c*ck, huge and twitching, already stiffening at the sight of her naked in his bed. He climbed on top of her and pulled her back off the mattress, his hips grinding into hers as he kissed her hard. God, he felt good: his warm tongue tangling with hers, his hard body pressing down on top of her, his thick c*ck rubbing up against her clit. Shit!

She was so cute, the way she kept moaning and whimpering into his mouth, her p*ssy already so wet from the way he kept teasing her. He slid a hand down her body and dragged his fingers along her folds, his long digits scissoring her length and circling her entrance. Her legs twitched at the feeling and he moved his mouth to her neck, nibbling and sucking on her skin as he continued to play with her p*ssy.

“M-Miguel,” she whined, her body stretching herself out and then contracting again as she started to reach her edge. She was so cute, he thought to himself, eyes closed, head turned to the side, blissful expression on her face as she wriggled against his hand. Coño, he couldn’t wait to see what she would look like with his d*ck inside of her. But that would have to wait until another night - until he wasn’t so overwhelmed with desire that he’d be able to stretch her out before slipping himself inside of her. F*ck, he wanted to be inside of her so bad. She let out a delighted squeak as he nipped at her ear and he growled in response before pressing a tender kiss to her cheek. She whimpered as her body began to tighten, and he pressed his fingers harder against her, stroking and scissoring until she couldn’t take it anymore, her body shuddering against his hand as she came for him. He pulled himself off of her, sitting back to admire the rosy glow on her cheeks and the glistening liquid splashed across her thighs.

“Querida,” he began, his pupils dilating as they fixed on her centre. “Let me … Let me clean you up, arañita.”

He moved down the bed and began licking and kissing her thighs, his hands holding her legs apart as he took his time making his way to her centre. She pushed herself onto her elbows, wanting to see the way his mouth closed around her p*ssy. But then he licked a line up her length and she was collapsing back onto the bed with pleasure. She whimpered as he rubbed his thumbs along the sides of her vagina, pulling her apart so he could push his mouth deeper into her folds. Then her legs began twitching again as he hummed against her, the low vibrations running along her skin and adding onto the pleasure of his tongue dribbling up and down her length.

“M-Miguel,” she breathed as he pulled his folds into her mouth and sucked on them before releasing her again. “I-I thought … you were s-supposed to be … cleaning me up?”

“Coño, arañita. You’re so small,” Miguel informed her, relishing the helpless moans that fell from her lips. She clutched onto the bed sheets as he suckled on her clit, her fingers tangling in the covers as her body twitched and writhed with pleasure. He flicked his tongue at her centre, circling her entrance teasingly, then chuckled when she let out a desperate whine. “Sabes tan bien, mi amor.” (You taste so good, my love.)

She tried to laugh, to tease him as he was teasing her, that devilish smirk on his face as he gazed up at her with his fiery eyes. But how could she possibly think of anything else besides the feeling of his mouth on her vagina? Of his tongue licking her p*ssy like he was trying to drink her up? Her legs twitched again and Miguel held them down, his grip on her firm as he continued to play with and pleasure her.

“But you just taste so good, mi amor,” Miguel moaned, the low timbre of his voice causing another chill to run down her spine. “So f*cking good. Muy bien, mi arañita. P*nche bien, mi querida preciosa.” He paused to grin up at her, his mouth and chin covered in a mixture of his saliva and her c*m, and she whimpered at the sight.

“You're so small, querida,” he told her, his attention returning to her p*ssy. “I can fit all of you inside my mouth.” He closed his mouth around her to prove his point, his tongue swirling around her clit as he groaned against her. X squeaked as her hips raised off the bed, her body approaching another climax, and Miguel cupped her ass in his hands, holding her above the mattress and licking her all the way from back to front.

“H-Holy shhit!” X exclaimed, writhing against his mouth as the contractions wracked her body. Miguel kept his eyes fixed on her as she came, his pupils dilating to swallow the red of his irises as he watched her take her pleasure. Then he lowered her back to the bed and crawled up over her, stopping to suck on her breasts before he buried his face in her neck.

“¿Estás bien, mi amor?” He nuzzled her neck with his nose, then pushed himself up to look at her, his chest warming at the thrilled look on her face. “How was that?”

He raised an eyebrow and smirked at her as he said it, and she felt her stomach do a full three hundred and sixty degrees rotation at the sight. She grinned and pulled his mouth down to hers, her hands running all over the muscles in his shoulders and back as she kissed him. Her hips pressed into his as he squeezed her ass, and she felt herself starting to get wet again at the feeling of his large c*ck rubbing against her folds. She whined in protest when he sat up quickly, but lost her train of thought when he moved her to the head of the bed and flipped her over onto her stomach.

“Miguel!” She chuckled as he slid himself on top of her, the hard planes of his body brushing against her back so deliciously. “How can you just throw me around like that?”

“Because! You're so f*cking small, mi amor,” he told her, lowering his head to her shoulder to suck and nibble on her skin. “And besides, isn't that what you wanted? For your big, strong boyfriend to pick you up and throw you around?” He shoved his hands under her, gliding them up her abdomen to take hold of her breasts as he licked the side of her neck. Her eyes rolled back in pleasure at the feeling and she flopped over his arm, giving herself over to him as he stroked and squeezed her tight little body.

“S-So you're … officially … my boyfriend … now?” she asked him, delighted by the thought. Her boyfriend! Her very own boyfriend! One who would look after her and take care of her and be there for her when she needed it; just like she would for him.

“Of course!” Miguel replied immediately, cuddling her against him. “You think I'd ever let anyone else have you, mi arañita preciosa?” He pressed a kiss to her cheek and nipped at her ear before sliding his hand around to her back to pinch her ass.

“You're mine now, querida,” he informed her firmly. “Solo mía - toda mía. You're going to have to marry me, remember? You've got absolutely no choice, cariño.”

She whimpered and moaned as he continued to glide his hands all over her body, taking his time to marvel at her smooth skin and her soft curves. “S-So now … you want me to marry you?”

She gasped as he moved back down her body, his lips and tongue kissing and licking their way along her spine. He chuckled at her helplessness, then pushed himself up to a seat, his hands rubbing the backs of her thighs and kneading her ass.

“You're gonna have to work on a better proposal than that, Miguel.” X sighed, collapsing onto the mattress as he allowed her a brief respite from the constant stimulation.

“Oh, I will,” he reassured her, flipping her over onto her back. He grinned wickedly, his fiery eyes sparking with mischief as he loomed over her. “I'm gonna make it so damn good, you won’t be able to say no.” He grabbed her by the waist and lifted her onto his hips, his features melting into a smile of delight. She reflected his expression back at him before leaning forward to press her lips to his, her fingers sliding up the back of his neck to tangle in his silky hair. Then she pulled back, thinking.

“Miguel,” she began carefully, her mind swirling with questions. “What changed?”

Miguel shook his head, not understanding what she was asking. So she tried again. “Why did you … I mean, you were so, like, scared before. So, I was just wondering what happened to change your mind?”

He reached up to twirl one of her curls around his finger, then let his hand drop to her shoulder and slide down her body. He sighed, the guilt curling around his bones as he thought again about how selfish he'd been. “I'm sorry.”

“For what?”

“I …” he trailed off, trying to find the words to express what he wanted to say. “I spent so long just taking and taking from you and never giving anything back.”

“But you didn't,” she argued quickly, her arms coming around his neck. His brow furrowed in confusion. “You were always there for me when I needed you. And even when I didn't - just to hang out. Maybe you didn't say that you loved me, but you always showed it.”

He took a moment to contemplate her words, images flashing in his brain of all the times he'd conveyed his feelings to her: admitting to her when he was scared, letting her touch him because she liked it, checking up on her when she was feeling lonely.

“People have different love languages,” X said, shrugging away his apology. “I like verbal affirmation, but you’re better at physical affirmation. It's not a big deal, Miguel, you don't always have to say it.”

“I love you,” he told her quickly, wanting to say it, to hear the words come out in his own voice and see the delight on her face as she heard them. “I love you, arañita. I love you, X. I love you, I love you, I love you.”

She giggled at his insistence and leaned forward, repeating the words back to him before kissing him again. He moaned as his hips began to move against hers lazily, searching for some friction, and she clutched onto his shoulders as she wriggled in his lap. She climbed off of him after a while and sat back to get a good look at him, studying him curiously. She'd felt him getting hard a while back, when he'd been grinding his hips against hers as she lay back on the mattress, and she didn’t know how he’d managed to control himself for so long - especially given the way his c*ck stood to attention now, just waiting for her to show it some affection.

“Miguel …” she began softly, her eyes fixed on his centre. “Can I … Can I try?” She looked up at him, her eyes wide and questioning, and he almost came just at the sight of her.

“Go ahead, amor,” he acquiesced, nodding in confirmation. She licked her lips and took hold of him, her fingers curling around him and pumping him slowly.

“Is this okay?” She looked up at him again when he didn't respond, and he had to dig his claws into the mattress to stop himself from grabbing her head and guiding it to his c*ck. Dios, she was cute.

He nodded, his lips pressed together tight with the effort it took to contain himself, to give her the space to explore. But then, ay carajo, then she was lying on the bed, her lips brushing softly along his tip before her tongue was wrapping itself around him. It had been so long since someone had touched him like this; since someone else had pleasured him in this way - because as long as he'd made her wait, he'd waited too. Even before he'd met her, in fact, his mind entirely focused on his goal of keeping everyone safe. But then she'd come along, with her pretty eyes and her beautiful smile and her delicious little body, and the more she'd teased him - the more she'd joked around with him and taken care of him - the more he'd found himself unable to resist those urges again. So, of course he'd thought about her, standing by himself in the shower, the warm water raining over his aching muscles, the heat warming him to his core. He'd thought about her, small and soft beneath him, her arms coming around his shoulders so she could bury her slender fingers in his hair, her lips gliding all over his skin and electrifying him with their touch. He'd thought about her sliding her hands down his body as she lowered herself to her knees, her fingers taking hold of him delicately and curling around his length to pump him up and down. And then he’d thought of her lips, pulling apart to take him into her mouth, her big doe eyes gazing up at him as she pressed her tongue against his tip, licking on him slowly as she eased him into her mouth. But then a wave of guilt would overcome him, the shame of having such filthy thoughts about her causing him to release himself abruptly, his chest heaving with shallow breaths as he worked to calm himself back down again. She was so innocent, after all, so inexperienced and so sweet, completely oblivious to all the dirty places his mind went to everytime she teased him with that mischievous grin of hers. It wasn't fair of him to think of her like that when she'd never even been kissed before. But now … He glanced down at her, sucking on him carefully, her tongue tracing over the veins in his shaft as she brought him deeper and deeper into her mouth. F*ck.

“Cariño,” he breathed, panting heavily as the arousal took over his body, “you sure you've never done this before?” She shook her head, moving his c*ck from side to side so that the tip slapped against her cheeks. And f*ck if he wasn't going to come undone right there. He gave another loud groan and X sat up, replacing her mouth with her fingers.

“I haven't!” she insisted, her cheeks heating up at the very thought. “Why? Am I good?” A gasp escaped from his throat as she gripped him in her fist, her thumb circling his tip teasingly. And then he felt his body tighten, his muscles straining as he relieved himself in her hand.

“Yes,” Miguel sighed when he'd finished. X grinned, delighted by the ropes of sticky, white c*m that coated her fingers. Then she slung her arms around his waist and pressed her lips to his chest, her tongue tracing the outlines of his muscles as she licked the sweat off his skin. She nipped at his collarbone when she got to it, then lay back against the pillows, leaving a space beside her for him to settle into.

“Arañita,” Miguel began carefully after a moment. She tilted her head slightly, raising her eyebrows in question as he stroked her back. “You won't … You won't leave me, will you?”

He knew she wouldn't - they'd get married, after all, and have their own little family together. But he wanted to hear her say it, just to be sure.

X smiled and ran her fingers through his hair, her eyes travelling over the apprehensive look on his face. He so rarely allowed himself to be vulnerable, and it was like a badge of pride for her, to be someone he trusted enough to be so honest with.

“Of course not!” she confirmed, her tone incredulous. “You said you'd propose to me so good that I wouldn't be able to say no, right? So that's that. And remember what I told you? That first time you got scared I could leave you?” She paused to let him recall that first day she'd been away, when he'd had to re-learn how to live without her. How far they'd come since then.

“You're stuck with me forever now, Miguel,” she warned him, a gleeful expression on her face. “I love you and I’m gonna stick to you like a leech. Like a leech that's constantly starving and is just going to latch onto you forever.” He pushed her hair out of her eyes as she pulled herself on top of him, his chest warming at how ridiculous she could be sometimes.

“And then,” she continued, grinning down at him mischievously, “when you finally realise how insane I actually am, I'm going to turn into a villain. And then you're going to have to hunt me down. But you'll still be so in love with me that you'll have to let me go everytime you catch me!” She sighed dramatically at the thought, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder.

“What a tragic story of star-crossed lovers, mi amor!” she finished, not sounding very tragic at all. Miguel chuckled and scratched his nails along her back lightly.

“I think I'm already starting to realise how insane you actually are.” He pressed a kiss to the top of her head and she wriggled happily against him before tilting her head back to shoot him a questioning look.

“And? You still want me to stick to you forever?” she asked.

“Yes,” he decided, cuddling her against him. “Otherwise I might turn into the villain.”

“Mmm, don't tempt me, Miguel,” she warned him, tickling his shoulder with her fingernails. “You know I have a weakness for a good villain. And you'd be such a frickin’ hot one too.”

He sighed at her dreamy tone and pushed himself up to a seat, holding her upright on his lap. “Don't even think about it, arañita.”

She pursed her lips to the side, pretending to consider the idea. Then she turned back to him and grinned, her arms coming around his neck as she brought her mouth closer to his. “Too late.”

She gave him quick pecks on the lips until he pulled her to him and slid his tongue into her mouth, kissing her deeply. She moaned in satisfaction and sank into his chest, relishing the feeling of his naked body against hers. She pulled away after a while, curling herself back around him and resting her head on his shoulder as he leaned back against the headboard.

“If I bite you here,” X asked, her finger drawing small circles on the side of his neck, “would everyone be able to see?”

“I'd wear my mask until it healed,” he replied drowsily, starting to drift off at the feeling of her warm body snuggled against his. She was so warm and soft in his arms, and he couldn’t figure out how he’d managed to fall asleep without her every night. She pushed herself off of him and straightened, letting him see the disappointed look on her face.

“But I want everyone to know how much I love you!” she joked, her lips quirking at the ends despite her best efforts. Miguel chuckled.

“I think they already know, querida,” he assured her, tucking a loose curl behind her ear. She lay back down on his chest, relaxing into his embrace.

“Good. I want everyone to know that you're mine. Mi Miguelito.” He frowned at the nickname and pushed her back up, his hands gripping her waist as she gave him a confused look.

“So now you think I'm small?” he asked, turning her over and climbing on top of her. “What happened to 'you're so big, Miguel, with that freakin’ huge brain of yours'?” She laughed as he nuzzled her neck with his nose, his fingers tickling her side while he pinned her beneath him.

“'You want five burgers or six?’” he continued, repeating the jokes she'd always make about his size. “‘Will that be enough for you, Miguel? Or do you want more?'” He growled and nipped at the soft spot between her neck and her shoulder, prompting a squeal out of her in response.

“Stop! Stop!” she exclaimed, trying to curl into herself to hide from him. He let her go againand she frowned at him this time, her brows crashing together as she pushed herself up to a seat. “You're so mean, Miguel.” She hit him on the shoulder and turned away from him in irritation, but he just pulled her back into his arms, falling back onto the bed and tucking her into his side.

“Okay! Okay! I'm sorry!” she panted, trying to push him off of her. He sat up, loosening his grip on her, and she treated him to a sweet smile as a reward. “Your ego is still massive though.” He dug his fingers back into her sides.

“Te amo, mi arañita.” She smiled, her eyes already falling shut as she felt the exhaustion overtake her.

“I love you too, Miguel.”

Tags: @leahnicole1219 @heubstr

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am-i-the-asshole-official · 8 months

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AITA for being mad at someone for accusing me of trying to steal their girlfriend?

(tw grooming mention)

So I (NB20) am friends with two teenagers (Tiffany F17, Alex NB17; for the sake of anonymity, I'm using fake names). We met in a fandom space and we game together. I have past experiences with grooming so I try to keep everything we do and talk about age appropriate and respectful.

Tiffany and Alex don't have the best relationship. Tiffany is rather insensitive to Alex about their feelings and problems, and Alex tends to blow small things out of proportion and has little control over their emotions. Alex vents to me about their and Tiffany's relationship, which is a bit awkward for me being friends with both of them, but Alex needs someone to talk to while they're not in therapy and I don't mind being there for them as a friend.

I offer support and give Alex my honest opinion: Break up, you're both incompatible. I've always been more of a blunt and honest person, so maybe getting involved wasn't my place, but what's done is done. However, Alex can't exactly break up with Tiffany since they're staying with them since their parents kicked them out.

Alex vented to me again recently and I gave the same response. Truthfully, I was fed up with the lack of communication and being Alex's impromptu relationship therapist, so I said that if Alex isn't going to at least communicate with Tiffany to stop venting to me. Once or twice, I get it, but it's happened so many times with no change or action that I was just tired of it.

Then Alex types something along the lines of "I bet you just want me to break up with Tiffany so you can have her to yourself." So I'm like, "Whoa, back the fuck up, what?"

Alex immediately deletes the messages but I'm like, "No, I fucking saw that, what the fuck?" Looking back on this, I could've handled it with more tact, but I was just so shocked at being accused of something like that, especially with my history of being groomed, that I just snapped.

Alex then apologized, said it was out-of-pocket, and told me that Tiffany apparently started developing a crush on me. Tiffany never admitted to that to Alex, but Alex "could just tell by the way she likes talking to you more than talking to me".

I'm just baffled. I told Alex I need a few days to cool off cause that was so just. triggering for me. Alex respected that. I haven't talked to them or Tiffany since.

I've sorta of been stewing in this weird guilt/anger/resentment phase. Guilt because I might actually be an difficult factor in my friends' relationship. Anger because Alex would accuse me of something like that. Resentment towards them and myself for ever having gotten involved.

I'm still angry and I don't know if I have a right to be. I don't know how to move forward with this and I haven't talked to either of them in two weeks. AITA?

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

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jevilowo · 4 months

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I have an idea for an Omari Au

Instead of being a roleswap where Mari kills Sunny, it's like. Canon divergence.

So canon happens, Mari gets mad at Sunny for screwing up the song and throwing his violin down the stairs and Sunny accidentally pushes her. BUT! She doesn't land on the violin.

Basil still took photos and is still like "omg you killed Mari quick let's do an overcomplicated plan where we pretend she hung herself" and Sunny still goes along with it. But while they're setting up the noose, Mari wakes up.

She still got a massive bang on the head, but she didn't land on the violin so it wasn't fatal. She sees Sunny and Basil carrying her but she doesn't really know whats going on so she just mumbles their names. The two boys fucking PANIC and drop her and lowkey have breakdowns over how she isn't dead and oh my god we nearly actually killed her.

They drop Mari and Sunny tells Basil to go back inside and call an ambulance while he watches Mari, who in the meantime went unconcious again. Sunny sees the noose, still swinging there and he feels nothing but guilt over what happened.

On the spur of the moment, he decides he should punish himself. After all, he nearly killed his perfect older sister who did nothing but love him unconditionally. He hates himself.

He wonders what it would have felt like for her, and before he's processed what he's doing he's stepped up on a box and put his head through the noose.

He doesn't actualy mean to kill himself, but he slips off the box and the noose does its job. Mari comes to again, and what she sees of Sunny's hanging body from her angle on the ground becomes her Something.

When Basil sees what happened, he fucking skedaddles in panic. He has no idea what to do. So he does nothing.

Eventually the ambulance arrives and takes Mari and Sunny away.

Mari spends the three years Sunny spend hiding in canon in a coma. She had dreamspace explained to her enough by Sunny, and as the last things she saw were her brother, dreamspace kind of takes over her mind.

She still plays the role she did in canon: supporting from her picnic rug while the others go on adventures. In canon, Mari tries to make Sunny forgive himself, and in this Sunny is trying to make sure Mari stays oblivious to what happened as she doesn't remember and hate him.

However, Mari wakes up in the real world after the three years and that's where things start Occuring.

I haven't actually beaten the game yet myself (my puted deleted my progress when I was in Sweethearts Castle and I haven't felt like putting in another 6 hours since) but when I do (or watch a playthrough) I can develop further.

The dream before she wakes up is the same as canon, except as it's from Mari's picnicy POV the player doesn't see much. It's kind of similar to White Space in canon, Mari just roams between a toy piano, a computer and Mewo and there's a few cutscenes where she wonders why she's confined to the Picnic. Basil disappears (she sees this in like a vision sort of thing) and then she wakes up! Gasp!

She wanders her room in the hospital for a while, picks up an oversized syringe and even heads out into the corridor, but she's stopped by a nurse and she falls unconscious again.

Mari is still stuck at the Picnic back in the dream, saying nothing and smiling while her friends and Sunny talk (yeah he gets to talk here lol) about how they're going to help Sunny surpass his fear of heights, and then she's left alone again.

In this, whenever the party aproach a canon save point, the Picnic blanket crumples up with Mari and her things inside it, and it's dragged through a tunnel of sorts before popping out at the save point.

So on her second night, she decides to use her syringe to cut through the blanket and she does. She holds onto Mewo and the basket so while the blanket rolls off, she still has the cat and the ability to save her progress.

I'm not entirely sure what goes on from this point, but it likely involves Mari going on her oen adventures in these mysterious areas below the Headspace, maybe even having Stranger join her party at some point so they help each other figure out what's going on.

At the end of every night, Mari emerges from the tunnels and is found by her worried friends who take her back to the playground and she wakes up

The secon time Mari wakes up, Hero visits her in hospital where Kel did in canon, and he offers to sneak her out so she can see everyone. Really he's just desperate to talk to her again, and she isn't saying anything now and he thinks going outside may help. I'm thinking maybe he started interning at the hospital over the summer if he still was forced to go to medical school, and so knows how to sneak her in and out.

Like I said, not sure what happens from here but Basil feels even more guilty from contributing both to a death and a serious accident, Aubrey hasn't dyed her hair yet (she's waiting for Mari to wake up first) and Mari still doesn't say anything. She's amnesiac to be fair, and only remembers who Hero is from her dreams.

This whole au thing was inspired by me thinking about Mari as a character. We barely know anything about her other than that she was the perfect sister/girlfriend/mother figure to everyone. Maybe that's why she was a perfectionist. She was seen to be so perfect all the time and felt pressured to act that way.

Sunny's entire life revolved around her, they always spent time together and she's the reason he had friends in the first place. But what if Mari wasn't 100% fine with this? She loved her brother, sure, but maybe she just wanted something that was just hers. Not her boyfriend's, not Aubrey, Basil or Kel's and not even Sunny's.

Thus, the piano, and subsequently the recital. She got to be on her own for five minutes every day doing something she enjoyed (...to an extent, she got very frustrated when she fucked up) while her parents were forced to actually pay attention to Sunny for a while.

It's implied they were quite neglectful (didn't see Sunny drowning that one time, was away from the house long enough that the stairs and hanging incident went off without a hitch) and I'm sure this only added to Sunny's clingyness to Mari.

Which was why he got so upset that he couldn't spend time with her every second of every day when she started up with the piano. I'm not villainising him, obviously he was just a kid with neglectful parents, but I am saying that maybe he overreacted a little. Mari couldn't have been spending hours and hours at the piano everyday and even if she was he still had his other friends like right there, and he'd have more time with her after the recital.

So of course when he got upset and their friends started pointing it out Mari was all but obliged to include him somehow. Thus, the violin. And, perhaps, just a little resentment on Mari's end.

The violin that Sunny kept missing notes on. Mari was better at the song because she had practiced for longer, but it was easy to forget this when it kept happening. Over. And over. And over. And...

Eventually the resentment built up. Sunny was going to ruin her performance, the one she had put so much effort into practicing. Was he even trying?!

And so they argued, the violin was thrown, Mari shoved Sunny and he shoved back and–

We all know what happened.

So yeah the au idea came from my long long train of thought. Hope this ramble makes sense lol.

Oh yeah I'm thinking I might call this au like Kyojakuna (infirm), Konsui jōtai (comatose) Yowai (fragile, frail) or some variant bc Mari isn't a Hikikomori she's literally just stuck in hospital lol.

#omari #long post #like really long post #teehee #omori au #omari au #omori mari #omori stranger #omori sunny #omori basil #omori hero

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circular-bircular · 2 days

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Sup! I’m not a part of the whole be nice to persecutors squad, but I do rehabilitate persecutors sometimes as an ex-persecutor myself and I would like to hear your thoughts on my opinions (genuinely I am open to change. Ik I'm harsh). This is going to be a long one and I’m sorry if I sound dismissive of other feelings it’s more of a how it all feels to me.

This is all persecutor discussion that may be upsetting. Please read with caution or delete from your inbox as you see fit.

So yes of course persecutors should not be treated like monsters they are a part of a system. They are people (or whatever word refers best to one’s conscious collective) and they deserve love and respect like anyone else. So are the people they hurt though. I feel that’s really forgotten in this positivity around the guy that hurts people.

So in my villain era I just chose to be an asshole. I was pissed at the system and wanted to make their lives hell. Letting me front was a mistake I was purposefully off putting around our friends (no they didn’t bloody deserve it I knew what I was doing. I also wasn’t mean I was off putting, to be clear). I wasn’t a confused protector. I wasn’t protecting us. I made the conscious decision and effort to hurt or disturb anything I came into contact with because I was mad. Not all persecutors are like this but my annoyance is at the whole persecutor positivity that includes people like me.

I didn’t change because the system was nice to me. I wouldn’t have changed because someone got me an ice cream or sympathised with me (and they tried) I changed because I happened to be fronting one night and someone was vulnerable in front of us. I’d been nothing but an asshole up until them but I was trusted because in that moment I wanted to change and trusting that I would try I was allowed to. I masked and helped the guy.

That’s not advice btw that’s just, what happened. No one being nice to me or trying to get me to change made me change it was having room for the decision to change that changed me. Getting mad at me for being an ass, making me say sorry for being an ass and treating me like someone who was an ass didn’t stop me from recovery. I whole heartedly believe that you don’t owe all persecutors kindness.

I was reforming a dipshit and I’ve been nothing but kind to her and she was still a dipshit. She understood she was being a dipshit but was fulfilling a role she thought had to be fulfilled and while I slowly undid that the person she was “tasked” with being a dipshit toward was allowed to be angry and upset and hurl insults back. You should be allowed to feel like you’re protecting yourself.

And finally my most controversial statement. System jail is fine. Locking up parts of your system for being assholes isn’t good for them but when you can no longer take the constant abuse or you have too many other problems that’s fine. I don’t understand the weird obsession with being nice to the bully. In my experience that wont stop em and sometimes there is no space to give them room to change all you can do is protect yourself until there is space.

I’m not a persecutor hater. I’m just an internet guy that says the online advice f being nice ignores the people that get hurt. It’s a nuanced and individual situation. Internet advice does not fix that. I am nice when there’s room to be nice and I believe that prosecutors will heal but the shit they fucking did should not be overlooked.

& If any recovering persecutors are reading this. I see you. You’re on a difficult path. You deserve love and respect and to live life.

This wasn't one of the eaten asks, but I've honestly been trying to work out how to respond to this for a long time. I'm gonna try and break this down for myself. And by that I mean, here's Debbie with the weather.

Absolutely, anon. The people we've hurt need to be rewarded for the shit they've survived from us. I was a complete and absolute bitch, and I apologize for how much of a bitch I was -- but not for the reasons why I was a bitch. I'm not going to apologize for my trauma. For any persecutors reading this, nobody here is asking you to apologize for who you are. We're just saying, acknowledging that you hurt someone is a good place to start.

Anon, take this whatever way you want, but that to me sounds like protecting your system. I purposefully made myself unpleasant to be around. I fucked with my friends and purposefully pissed them off, not "to protect us UwU" but because they were fucking stupid to be friends with these idiots. The other fuckers in my head were weak, pathetic, and pointless. I pretended to be other parts, just to pull the rug out from under my friends, because god was it easy to, and it was absolutely hilarious to see their reactions. I tortured my other parts innerworld, because god was it fun to make them realize just how pathetic they were, just how much better I was than them. My goal was to get the other parts to kill themselves (what I understood as dormancy after some time) and let me just take charge, because I wanted to live.

And yeah. That's me protecting my system.

Because the more I bashed us, the more I said, "let me take over because I'm better than you," the more I pushed away all my friends... It was the more I "kept us safe" from getting hurt from the outside. Rice won't be hurt if she doesn't exist. Rice won't break down from trauma memories if fill her brain with trauma memories 24/7. Rice won't lose her friends and break down if she has no friends to begin with.

I didn't do that on purpose, of course. I didn't look to help these assholes. I wanted them GONE. But now that I'm reformed, now that I can look back at what a mess I actually was, instead of the perfect being I thought I was, I can understand that all of that was my misguided way of protecting us. Even if I didn't understand that at the time.

I made that conscious decision to hurt, and it was influenced by the unconscious decision to protect.

Now, maybe you really were just a pissy lil bitch who wanted to hurt people, whatever, I really couldn't care less about you. But at the end of the day, alters in DID systems split for a reason -- to cope with trauma and make it bearable to survive through. So regardless of what edgy pre-teen bullshit you're spouting, if you're an alter, you're a form of protector in some way. At least in my eyes.

Cool! Glad you worked your shit out. I started getting better because someone was really fucking mean to me. I mean, I had food poisoning, was running out of the room to vomit, and my friend still sat me down for like a 2 hour or so lecture about how I was a fucking awful person and she wouldn't stop lecturing me until I shaped the fuck up and understood why she thought I was bad. That fucking BROKE me.

Being nice to your persecutor is one way. Torturing them after fucking cafeteria mozzarella stick induced food poisoning is another. To each their own, y'know? (Side note, I know you don't follow me here bby but I love you, thank you for slapping the shit out of past me with your words and anger <3)

I wholeheartedly believe nobody is owed kindness. Kindness is a choice I make -- one that can easily be decided against if it is no longer beneficial to be kind. I owe no loyalty to kindness. I choose to be kind, because why the fuck wouldn't I be, you fucking idiot?

Ok but that was a kind thing to do. Like. That's what I mean when I say to be kind to your persecutors. Letting them BE ANGRY IS A GOOD THING???? So confused why this isn't seen as being kind. You took the time out of your fucking schedule to help give that person a space to be upset and angry. That's kindness. That was a choice.

God you're so fucking hilarious tbh.

Yeah, sure, whatever, system jail is fine, esp in cases like. Where you're still in an abusive situation. That's because you're allowed to make mistakes, and system jail is a mistake. It's perfectly valid and fine while also being really fucking awful and stupid.

The "weird obsession" with being nice to the bully isn't "it will stop them." It's "that's an entire ass part of yourself, stop fucking airing your self-hatred out in public for everyone to see, it's nauseating."

TL;DR: Being kind to your persecutors is a choice. Obviously, it's not one you HAVE to make, but it's highly suggested. The issue is, "kindness" looks different for everyone. For me, it was "kind" to have someone do the equivalent of a guttural scream for 2 hours. For others, it's fru-fru shit that makes them feel all warm and fuzzy. For you, it was just giving someone the time and space to be angry. Making mistakes is okay. Do what you want forever and who even gives a shit? And FFS, OBVIOUSLY, LET'S NOT IGNORE THE VICTIMS OF OUR ABUSE. (But yknow, let's not ignore the fact that persecutors are also victims of abuse and they get blamed for literally every fucking thing jfc).

#Shadows In The Petunia Garden #Persecutors #Syscourse #I imagine I was incredibly rude here #But whatever #asks #anon

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thedarkestknights · 1 month

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OOC: A bit frustrated with the RPC

(( The downside to the RPC is I've been wanting to be around more but stuff keeps happening, people being weird on my posts, or saying stuff to me that's just out of pocket.

I'm tempted to just delete my blogs, or put them on hiatus permanently and leave the RPC and rp on Discord. Now I probably won't do that, I have had more good experiences than bad, but sometimes it's too much. You know what I mean?

I've made the friends I'll make here, but honestly, someone just straight up replying to my humorous post trauma dumping about super gross stuff, with 0 tags and 0 warning

It really just... does it for me. Like I am doing everything I need to do to make my time in the RPC comfortable. I am blacklisting and blocking and giving others grace and if I can talk to people about setting boundaries I do.

I won't dictate what people should write or how they should write their characters, and you think people would respect there are spaces where they are not wanted. However when they DO breach boundaries I am immediately disrespected, and If I retaliate I am making too much of a fuss after having my stated boundaries disrespected

A lot of people complain that there isn't a wide enough pool for RP and it's the same five people, and this is why. You can't talk about issues or set boundaries you want without people being disrespectful.

"It's a public website" yes, but this is my blog and I am allowed to handle it and use it as I please. I do not tell people how to handle their blogs or what they write and I should be able to be on my blog with peace of mind someone won't trauma dump triggering shit on my posts. Then have them double down, act like a piss baby, and post about it ic how they can't trauma dump cause it's so wrong despite being fucking weird to a complete stranger in the first place.

I'm by far not a very decent person myself, I am stressed out, mentally ill and I can't afford therapy right now.

But God damn it is not hard for me to respect boundaries and also log off when I'm stressed. People need to grow up and go outside.

Also RPing a Na/zi is fucking weird. Reblogging Ne/o-Na/zi posts is weird! Reblogging posts about whit/e surpre/macy is fucking weird! Joking about child murder, in/cest, etc is fucking weird. And doing it on a complete stranger's post and being surprised they're mad is WEIRD. Go outside holy shit.

#;out of action [ooc]#rant #tbd probably #Had to get this off my chest cause of how miffed it made me #tw for heavy topics about the RPC under cut.#This is about what happened on my other blog #but because that is on a HS blog and not my DC blog Im talking here.

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byierficrecs · 1 year

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not sure how it's possible but your work keeps getting prettier and prettier! can i ask what your process/method is for creation?

hello! sorry it's taken me a little to reply :S first of all, thank you!! that's very sweet ^-^ anyway, i'm not sure this will be particularly insightful :( but here goes nothing:

step 1: check the form for new submissions!

and then delete them all >:) ,,,but not without copying the information to a variety of spreadsheets. behold the madness:

in this one i copy the information that was submitted as it is.

these are where i rearrange the information so a) my brain can understand it and b) so that i can copy/paste stuff while making graphics and at the time of posting.

the first one is for the captions i attach to every tumblr post, and the second is the alt text for the images. there's a third one for twitter, but it's the same as the tumblr one.

and this one is where i keep track of all the steps i follow!

spreadsheet: copying the information from the forms

proofread: open the ao3 work to quickly check that someone didn't sneak explicit stuff or something like that

read and graphic: self-explanatory

captions and alt text: registering the information in the tables i showed before

twitter and tumblr: scheduling the posts to go up

(3 and 4 are inverted, but i'm too lazy to change it now x.x also, notice how they are (mostly) arranged in groups of three; before i even proofread things, i roughly decide the general aesthetic of the graphic: dark, pastel or colourful)

i do this almost every night. since people usually submit stuff in bulk, i often spend one or two hours simply sorting through the forms.

step 2: read the stories!

i usually read a story, then make the graphic immediately after. this is so i don't mix things up and the story is fresh in my very-forgetful mind~ while i read, i try to imagine things as they happen and pick at least one element i want to include in the graphic.

for instance, for this one (post), i wanted a duck somewhere. evidently, it ended up being a very minor detail but there they are! ducklings! :]

step 3: try to imagine the graphic

this is admittedly the hardest part tbh. i stick to my statement: i am not an artist. give me a minute and i will come up with a decently fleshed-out story idea. art or visual aspects are a different tale x.x some days my creativity leaves me altogether and i just stare into space for hours with absolutely no clue of how to make a graphic for one story.

hence why i rely so much on inspiration. some days i ravage my bookshelf, some days i google "spider book cover", some days i browse spotify and look at the album art and many days i end up scrolling through the canva templates section for hours until i see something that sparks an idea.

this one (post) is random. i was stumped on what to do and then i glanced at the video i had on the background and that was that.

i look at anything and everything for inspiration,,, again, i have no idea how artists do this x.x not to imply that they don't struggle (i'm sure they do), but i'm genuinely bad at this,,, especially since i try to make all the graphics as unique as possible; i like flowers, they are pretty and go well with most stories, but i think it'd be quite boring if everything i made had flowers :S

step 4: make the graphic

anyway, when i (finally) have an idea, i go on canva and get down the first element i had in mind, or the colour i want to use, or the general composition,,, anything. sometimes the only thing i've thought about is the text.

and then i just go from there, often with no plan or ending idea in mind :S

some graphics are simple and i can get them done in two hours, some are complex and i get them done in ten hours. perfectionism is how my brain is wired and i always feel like i need to bring things to perfection, so i tweak everything a lot even if i know i could get away with leaving some stuff as it is.

alas, i try to have fun during the process and sometimes i surprise myself with making something i am super proud of!

like this one! (post). as you can see, there are a bunch of layers and details. i went in with literally no plan but i kept adding stuff until it felt good :]

it's not as simple as just sticking some of canva's assets together, though. i often have to do a lot of editing. everything in that tunnel, for instance, was just lineart (?) with no option to give it a background colour, so i had to go in with my limited artsy knowledge and paint things until they looked the way i wanted.

these are all the different canva assets i used in that one + a finn silhouette. i'm trying not to use too many silhouettes because, like flowers, it's easy and i often gravitate to that but no >:( i shan't fall prey to the impulses.

speaking of silhouettes,,, there must be an easier way to do it, but the software i use (gimp; it's free x.x) is a little confusing to me so i just end up "tracing" over the outline of photos i like.

in the process, i tend to go all,,, frankenstein.

i chopped off finn's arm in the first one :( but then i gave him a jacket for the second one because his silhouette looked cold ^-^ (also gave noah will-hair). third one i just,,, mirrored the other arm x.x 1st story || 2nd story || 3rd story

other minor changes i often have to do is recolouring stuff and the like

again, these are edited with gimp and i'm sure there are weird errors, but i felt the story needed something softer (post).

some elements i actually find from other free source (?) websites, but it's rare.

last, but not least, sometimes i do try my hand at art x.x i'm not sure i'm good in the slightest, but it's been somewhat fun to try. i tend to look at artists i like, mainly for colour palettes because i never struggle with the graphics but i get stuck when trying to draw :S

for instance, the colours in this one (post) are all inspired by the second artwork in the tweet.

step 5: double check before posting

confession: yesterday i forgot to add the author's name to a graphic. there are at least three graphics in this account that are missing the "ratings" altogether. sometimes, there are minuscule mistakes that could've been easily spotted and fixed and i just,,, didn't see them.

i often catch a million things like that while making the graphics, but things do slip at times and i end up thinking about them for weeks x.x so i double and triple check everything and i never catch everything, but i try :S

i try to get my brother to help me a little, but the dingus always says everything is okei and goes back to his shenanigans >:( he is an actual artist so it's all the more frustrating but alas, there's nothing i can do about it x.x

step 6: schedule things for posting

uh,, not much to say about this. i just add the graphics, copy the information from the spreadsheets i showed you, then add all the links and tags and leave things be :]

except,,, i don't. i move on to something else and then i go back to check for mistakes and i keep looking for errors and i sometimes change things last minute x.x

the little detail in the corner where mike is screaming? that was added a minute the thing went up,,, (post)

it's uh,, overwhelming. i know i overthink way too much (about my writing, too), but it's been ten years of getting anxious about these things so i'm not sure it'll stop anytime soon :(

the little comments you guys leave really help though! so thank you for that :]

step 7: post the thing and "rest"

again, i continue to search for errors after i post, but unless it's a big thing (like the aforementioned "i forgot to add the author's name" moment from yesterday) i force myself to leave the post as it is. my brain hates me for it, but it's the one thing i manage to do to ease my anxiety x.x

so, with the post up and big errors mended, i get to rest! for a bit! and then i have to do it all over again!

this entire process (step 1 excluded) takes around 4-6 hours (or more) so by the time i post something, i'm already late at making the next graphic :S hence why i usually take a couple free days every few graphics.

i've also been really sick lately (covid + randomly passing out because of overarching health issues) so things take a bit longer :(

it's fun though! i'd never tried my hand at any visual stuff and some graphics are admittedly lackluster, but sometimes i surprise myself with some very pretty things i make :]

in addition to the ones i've already shared, i'm quite proud of these graphics~ 1st story || 2nd story || 3rd story || 4th story || 5th story || 6th story

plus, i get to talk to a lot of nice people, read/share wonderful stories, and more importantly, do something nice for authors! so it's all worth it, i think :]

random, but i'm not sure i'll ever get to use this little guy so i want to share him :D

anyway, i could continue to procrastinate for quite a while but i have to (gues what!) go make today's graphics x.x shoutout to all the authors whose stories i randomly featured here; please check all their stories as they are all amazing.

@itsromeowrites, @ghoulsanderson, @wiseatom, @eggo-owl, @smoosnoom, @byeler, @bookinit02, @lilacline001, @astrobei, @voulezvulcan, @sevensided

i'm going to take a nap now. apologies if, after all this, i didn't even answer your question.

personal blog || support me on ko-fi x.x

#💌

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itzsleepintime · 13 days

Text

"Hey.... Don't let go, okay?"

Hello, everybodyyy!!! This is my side blog (I'll consider putting my main blog here in the future), which is going to be for roleplaying, and a bit of art then and there!

Here's something about me :]

You can call me Jayden/Jay/Sleepy!

I'm an [age regressed!] adult with ADHD/who is Neurodivergent! I consider myself a hikikomori, asocial fella who suffers from social anxiety T0T also a bit touch starved hehe 👉👈

My regressed age is about 7-10! But my true age is 19 ^^

I'm genderfluid, and use any prns (She/He/They)! I'm also Greyromantic, Demisexual, Polyromantic and Bicurious!

I'm in a constant state of sleepiness, and a bit of a softie, who likes plushies, fresh/flowery/soapy/baby scents, soft blankets, feeling clean and warm, and comforting pampering ^^

I love to draw, read and listen to music in my free time! Oh, and play with my favorite plushie lol XD

My favorite animal is raven! My favorite color is red, white and black! My favorite food/drink is pasta, chocolate and coffee! My favroite music genres are classical/dubstep/breakcore/vocaloid/electronic (im srs yall i like everything💀)

Some of my icks/dislikes: feeling cold, being in public, talking when I'm sad/angry, bugs, feeling tired, (which is always😒), little children, people touching my plushie, feeling lonely, loud noises/yelling, people being inconsiderate/non-understanding/judgemental, feeling dirty

It will mainly be self insert/OC roleplays with other characters! Slowly but surely, I will be introducing some of my characters as time goes, who I ship with and which fandom they belong to! It will be either platonic or romantic themed!!

Fandoms I'm interested in for roleplaying: Transformers, Cookie Run, JJBA, OMORI, FNAF, Call of Duty, Sonic The Hedgehog, LOTR, Skyrim, Dragon Ball, Demon Slayer, Jujutsu Kaisen, Attack on Titan, Friday Night Funkin', Madness Combat, Deltarune, Naruto, Chainsaw Man, Monsterverse, ENA, Marvel, The Stanley Parable, HALO, One Punch Man, TADC, Fran Bow, Little Misfortune, Honkai SR, Pizza Tower, Ace Attorney (yes, a long list i know💩)

WARNINGS!!!

⚠PROSHIPPERS /COMSHIPPERS /RACISTS /LGBTPHOBICS /HATERS /ZOOPHILES /PEDOPHILES /FURRIES (SORRY) /TOXIC PPL /SEXISTS /NAZIS /TERFS /ZIONISTS /AI ART USERS DO NOT INTERACT!!!

⚠ I have age regress, so I may act brash and not so 'adultey' as I'm expected! the tone I use may be a bit too energetic, so, if you find it annoying or uncomfortable, feel free to block me!

⚠ I cuss a lot!

⚠ I can be quite forgettable! If I happen to ghost you/forget to answer/don't remember some of the things you said, I'm really sorry, it was never my intention🙏

⚠ My OC and S/I lore is very... Unrealistic, which means, they are usually non-human and/or immortal beings with a bit of overemphasized powers and such. If that bothers you, feel free to block me!

⚠ If you are easily triggered by dark themes such as d3ath/overal depression things, do not interact, it's for your own safety. Out of coping mechanism, I might reblog some jokes about those themes, so, again, feel free to block me if that is triggering for you!

⚠ Because of that, this blog is 15+!!!

⚠ It is a safe space for any LGBTQ+/Neurodivergent person, and any Race/Ethnicity/Age!

⚠ Sometimes, I will post my OC/Canon art here! If OC x Canon/Canon x Canon art bothers you, no hate, just block please!

RULES!!!

⚠ This blog is SFW!!! However, since I am an adult, I might be following blogs who can be BOTH SFW AND NSFW!!! I WON'T be posting anything NSFW here, but, if you are a minor, please do not interact with them, be warned.

⚠ I won't do SA, incest, minor/adult, zoophilia, etc.

⚠ If I didn't answer your ask, that only means two things: I deleted it because I felt uncomfortable answering it, or I'm too busy to answer it.

⚠ If you approach with pure hate/toxicity and act like a creep, you will be blocked and/or reported.

⚠ No drama, please. I don't want to be part of anything related/unrelated to me. Trying to start any drama results to an instant block.

⚠ Do not spam in asks/messages. Have in mind that I, and any other roleplayers, have life outside these blogs, and can be busy quite a lot if it happens.

TAGS!!!

(Nothing here yet!!! It will be updated in the future!!!)

[Thank you for reading <3]

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discluded · 1 year

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Hi, what is your pov on some of these comments about mileapo fans being “delulu” and naive bc it’s “just fake bl fanservice”?

Because idk if I’m going crazy but like as a gay person this shit seems borderline homophobic? On the one hand I kinda get where they’re coming from with like the concert “plot” (idk what else to call it 😭), but otherwise seeing how they interact with each other in off-screen/stage moments and their chemistry and the huge ass difference with the entire cast, how they interact with each other vs others, the side couples energy with each other, it’s not that big of a leap… and to imply that it’s dumb or naive for ppl (lots of them queer themselves) to perceive that smells like homophobia to me… idk

I’m not even trying to be mad abt the mileapo thing bc frankly i don’t give a shit what people do or don’t believe about two actors but it’s the dismissive tone of such comments that pisses me off, and I was wondering if maybe you or any of your followers have some thoughts about this too.

Hello friend.

Thank you for trusting me with this delicate ask. Hopefully I can do a good job with it.

I'm hearing a couple of things in your question, part of which I'm guessing is just being able vent (glad to provide the space!) but the crux of which is commenting on the irony of homophobia in Kinnporshe / BL fandom. And yeah. You're not imagining it.

CW: Homophobia. I'm serious, this is your only warning. Some of this really upset me today and I'm pretty good at compartmentalizing.

I saw this after I got your ask and already spent some time thinking about how to respond, but these comments were in response to Tong coming out at KPWT Manila on Tiktok. I hate looking at them, but I'll embed them in case the tweet ever gets deleted as a reminder that EQUALITY IS NOT REAL IN THIS WORLD.

I won't lie, this hurt my feelings a lot and it's not even about me. I spent half a second being mad before just being sad about this for hours.

I've been into BL for so long, I am tired of this round-about argument we keep having over women, many of whom are queer or questioning, enjoying queer stories where the characters are male. There are culturally-adept literary and queer studies scholars who do research on this.

That being said, a not-small proportion of the fan base is made people who are genuinely homophobic and use BL as their fantasy. Just like watching lesbian porn doesn't make straight men allies, neither does watching BL make straight women allies. I am too exhausted to explain why they do but it's basically a mix of misogyny in not wanting to see other female actors opposite an actor you like but also using queer men as placeholders for your fantasy. Sometimes in fiction, but other times in reality.

I'm with @mirrorofprinces, we need to attack more homophobes for this. 😒😒😒 no more fighting over gay rights, time for KPTS-inspired gay wrongs and gay violence on the gaygenda.

The "delulu" and "it's just fanservice" comments are...indeed kind of homophobic. I respect people who don't want to comment on or interpret their relationship, like you said, or interpret it differently. And it kind of sucks to be like "well some people will be homophobic and you have to share a space with them" in fandom about a queer story, but how do you confront people, some of whom are happy to be openly homophobic, about homophobia that is more nuanced?

But I think one thing that undermines MileApo's authenticity is that BibleBuild do so much fan service despite also claiming not to. Fan service is a Thai BL industry standard with other actor pairs. And as a reality check to myself, I have looked at some of those pairs interacting and yeah. Definitely brotherly or fan service there.

The other part of the problem is young people, especially after the pandemic, genuinely do not seem to know what normal human interaction looks like, including the difference between what's fake and what's real AND what's platonic vs. what's flirty or romantic affection.

As for what my friends/moots think, here's @mellowroxy and @cookiedoughfiesta's thoughts from August about Mile saying he was in love with Apo about the "delulu" comments. (Though let's be real... sometimes the fandom is also... a bit much 🤣🤣🤣)

When I talked to Yams (@mellowroxy) about this earlier, here's what she had to add on to the point:

Me: fans were freaking out when Tom called Zendaya 'my MJ' on his birthday wish to her, and that's way more subtle than what Mile and Apo are doing

Yams: There wouldn’t be this much push back if it was a guy and girl. Most people would be like “oh another on set romance” and call it a day. On the Zendaya and Tom topic, if this was decades back when interracial couples were taboo as fuck then they wouldn’t come out as well.

A conscious reminder equality has always been hard-fought for.

But trust me, this paradox of people who watch BL who are homophobic have not escaped Mile and Apo's notice either.

"Equality isn't real in this world."

Apo's comment at KPWT Bangkok day 2, which many people have noted was likely about complaints over them reenacting Kinn and Porsche's first kiss live. I'm not going to look for it but @soft-husbands mentioned she saw a fancam that blurred the kiss out on Youtube 😑 (Why did you watch KPTS in the first place then.)

"People say that they are open minded, But they are actually not."

And isn't that the crux of it.

As I always say, you haven't have an opinion on the truth. So in the end, no one's opinions on the situation matters except for Mile's and Apo's. But it does suck to bear the brunt of people's negativity doesn't it.

Hopefully this didn't make you feel more sad... but you're not alone in noticing it at least.

#cw homophobia #mileapo #kpwt #kpwt bangkok #kpwt manila #mileapo and pride

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causesciencethatswhy · 2 months

Note

ok i can understand that they may not have been in the right mental space (whether personal things or things with jk antis) and the fandom only making it worse for them, but PERSONALLY, i can never understand letting fandom bs persuade you into speaking badly on the members.

and imho mimi hasn't properly addressed it, so when people keep bringing it up (bc it's a bit concerning that they're in jkk spaces while having said the things they did about jimin (this goes for those who do this with jk too btw)) bc "deleted it" or "changed my mind" isn't always enough or true (for whoever, not just mimi).

instead they got mad and started turning anons into jk antis just bc they (anons) called them out about being weird about jimin.

their frustration was geared towards the expected reaction to jkks words from the fandom

some of what they have said didn't feel like it was fandom influence, it felt like that's how MIMI feels towards jimin and jikook

this kind of annoys me about jikook and have for years, like they always downplay their (assumed) friendship. if you're best friends why not act like it? like honestly. makes it hard to defend their friendship when they themselves downplay it.

in the past they’d do or say something that would make it obvious how close they are (at least good friends) but not so much these days. i’m just tired of the weirdness.

i always said (to myself) if they were acting as proper best friends at least it would be easier for me to not be delusional. but are we really expected to believe that jimin would fly to the us for jk’s debut when he didn’t have to but he can’t make it on his bday when jk is doing nothing?

and this comment is just disrespectful

jimin refusing to do a live for who knows what reason but now he wants to copy the kind of lives jk has been doing. none of this weirdness ever happens with any of the members.

if they truly regret their words and care for jimin, that's great!

i really do want more jk biased jkkers or even just jkkers that stand up for jk and don't use him as a shipping tool, but i'm not going to allow people to speak weirdly about jimin to do so.

hope you and mimi are doing well 💜

Okay, anon I feel like this ask can be answered better by mimi themselves than I, so I'm just going to redirect you to them to clarify.

@mimikoolover

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currentlyfckingurmom · 10 months

Text

Her Song part 13

"I needed to talk to you," I reply steadily. She stands from her makeup chair and leans against the counter, facing me.

"So talk," she says with a defensive shrug. Her guard is up—that much is obvious.

"I, God, I don't even know where to start," I pause, laughing breathlessly. "Why are you so mad at me?"

She scoffs, shaking her head at me. "You seriously don't know? You go on a date with some girl, don't answer my texts and then start ignoring me. You're so hot and cold, Y/N. So, sorry if I needed to step back for a minute," she snaps angrily.

"Okay, first of all, it's none of your business if I went on a date. Second, I answered your texts as soon as I saw them. And then you didn't answer me. And I'm not ignoring you, Florence! God, did you even listen to the voicemail I left you?"

"What, so I'm the bad guy for not wanting to think about you getting in another girl's pants? I can't believe you right now. Just, for a second, can you try to think about how I feel?"

"That is exactly what I said when I called you! And, once again, you didn't answer. Besides, you don't get to be jealous when you're the one with a boyfriend. This isn't easy for me either, Florence."

My soaking wet clothes are sticking uncomfortably to my body, water dripping down my face. I can't tell if I'm shaking from the cold or from the tension of our argument, but either way my heart is racing in my chest.

"So why now? Hm? Why show up on set just to start a fight? You couldn't just text?" she shrugs, shaking her head bitterly.

I pace back and forth in front of her, scoffing as I shake my head. "No, I couldn't just text."

"Why not?" she shouts in disbelief.

"Because your boyfriend is a douchebag," I spit.

"You don't get to say that. I get that this is a messy situation but don't take it out on him. He didn't do anything to you," she says coldly, effectively stopping my pacing.

"Oh really? How would you know if he did? It's not like he would tell you," I state flatly.

"What the hell are you saying, Y/N? You can't just throw accusations at someone I- someone I care about."

"I left you a voicemail, Florence. I'm beginning to think you didn't hear it."

"You didn't leave me a voicemail. I would've listened to it if you had."

I pause, my eyebrows furrowing. "Of course you didn't hear it," I realize. "Because Zach heard it first and deleted it. Before he came to the shop," I declare quietly, more to myself than anything.

"He went to your shop? Why? What did he say?" she asks, pushing herself off the vanity and walking closer to me.

"He told me that he heard the voicemail I left you. And to stay away from you."

She swallows thickly, her eyes darting between mine as she clenches her jaw. "Is that it?"

"No."

"What else?"

"It doesn't matter, Florence. I'm here to talk to you. I won't spend forever chasing someone who won't even talk to me."

"What did the voicemail say?" she whispers.

"I really like you, Florence. A lot. And I know this is hard for you, so I'll give you space if that's what you need. But that's not what I need. I know what I want, and I'm willing to wait for it—boyfriend or not."

"What is it that you want?" she rasps, stepping even closer, to the point where only a few inches separate our desperate lips and pounding chests.

"We both know the answer to that, Florence."

"I want to hear you say it," she demands, eyes locked intently on mine, only wavering to briefly glance at my waiting lips.

"You. I want you."

She runs her hand up my arm before fisting the front of my soaked-through shirt. She pulls me closer, and I can feel her breath fanning across my lips. Her pupils are blown, the black lust devouring the hazel innocence.

I run my fingers through her blonde hair, pulling her face even closer to mine. Our lips haven't even brushed yet, but the close proximity of our desires sends electric jolts through my body. She closes her eyes and I follow suit. Just as we begin to lean in, I come to my senses and pull away, resting my forehead against hers, breathing deeply.

"I told you I'd wait, Flo. I meant it. I can't do this when you have a boyfriend. I'll be here when you figure things out," I tell her softly.

I gently kiss her forehead before turning and leaving the makeup room. Scarlett is waiting outside, and gives me a wide-eyed 'what happened' look when I exit.

"How did it go?" she questions eagerly as I lead the way back to the parking lot.

"Honestly? I have no goddamn idea."

She grabs my arm, stopping me as I go to leave through the back door we used on the way in. "Are you okay?" Scarlett asks sincerely, a worried crease forming between her eyebrows.

"I just wanna go home, please," I mumble defeatedly. I'm so exhausted. Drained. My only wish is to go home and put on some warm pajamas, then curl up in a ball and sleep until this all goes away.

She nods and walks me outside to the SUV that drove us here. "I'll have them drive you home. Lizzie and I need to stay here. Text us, okay? We're here for you, whatever you need."

I nod, giving her a small thank you before the driver takes off. It could've gone worse, I guess. But we didn't exactly solve anything either. We just argued...and then almost kissed.

Oh my god. I almost kissed Florence Pugh.

~ I'm holding onto pieces of us that I just can't let go. I know this is a desperate kind of love, but it feels like it's home.

#florence pugh

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seeingivy · 9 months

Note

hii!

im sorry for bothering you and i hope this is not offending, but i was just wondering when will you release labor of love? i miss satoru soo much and that series really hooked me up and i miss it too. i hope ur doing fine and im not trying to force you to write it, im just wondering. luv ya<3

hi anon! thank you for asking in such a respectful way, I truly really appreciate it. for interest of transparency, I most likely will not be continuing labor of love.

there's a few reasons, that i'll briefly address because I feel like I owe it to the people that were genuinely excited to read and support the story but also as a way to kind of assert my boundaries with my stories moving forward. none of this applies to you anon, but more to other people, because you really are one of like five people who have respectfully interacted with me about this story. i'll just use your ask as my way to address it, kind of a one and done if you will.

one thing I kind of love to do with my stories is like an insane amount of fan service. the last few chapters of my fic roommates that I wrote were just me trying to include all the little things people wanted - things that people had mentioned to me like I want him to kiss the scars, I want this taylor song mentioned, etc. etc. because I knew it would make people happy to read it and I loved the ideas.

that being said, the feedback I received about labor of love kind of turned me off from the story all together. I had multiple people asking me not to include angst (which was a major part of that story in particular), asking me to make them kiss early on (which I did even though that wasn't in my plan), then other people getting mad at me for rushing it (are we seeing a pattern) - it just kind of got to a point where I would go to write the chapter of the story and in the back of my mind get so frustrated/sad with it because I knew I would get a barrage of comments that would make me feel horrible.

and I know that criticism is normal and that this is a me problem and im the one who needs to fix myself, but really I started writing these stories as a way for me to kind of escape and enjoy myself from the normal stressors of life. as a raging people pleaser, my stories are the one place where I get to have control and see things work out the way I wanted. I don't want to take that away from my writing because some part of getting to control things the way I do is so healing for me personally, after things I've been through, and I don't want to be controlled into doing something I don't want ever again.

all in all, I kind of just lost all my drive for writing labor of love. i do want to write gojo fics in the future, and hope that people will be more receptive to it, and i do still write for gojo. another thing is a lot of anons just usually send me messages like right after I post something eren related usually that "omg you don't write for gojo anymore" or "I post too much about eren" which kind of just makes me guilty writing on here. it kind of got to a point where I fully had fics ready but I literally had to wait until I posted a gojo fic in the middle just so I wouldn't get comments like that.

in general, just be kinder to the writers on this app - me and others - because it can genuinely be discouraging and offputting to feel this way in the place I intended as a safe space for myself. and please don't take this as a message to not send me requests or ideas for stories that i'm writing, because I do really love them. just don't ask me to change the entire plot of my story or to delete a chapter I literally just posted because you didn't like it.

#ok #I do love you all also I hope you know that #just wanted to get it off my chest #asks!#ronnie talking to herself

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six-of-ravens · 1 month

Text

aloha friends and people who left annoying incorrect opinions on my posts, raistlin is a waif he is the waifiest waif it doesn't matter if his twin is a brick shithouse you are WRONG I am kinda sorta back. maybe only for one tipsy night, but who knows. listen, I'm 1.5 ciders in and feeling Properly Tipsy as opposed to last night when I drank jack and cokes for the first time in a while and just felt nauseous, so I'm Thriving atm. ANYWAY.

i feel like i have cleared some cobwebs from my brain. kind of. mostly i redownloaded bc i have the irresistible urge to natter about my life. tbh i considered deleting tumblr for a while bc there are some things about this site (but also social media in general) that annoy the absolute shit out of me, and also i feel like I dedicated too much ~mental energy~ to this site in the past (not to sound like some new age crackpot) and I need to cut down on how much scrolling and getting mad about other people's incorrect opinions I do. However, there are a few beloved mutuals on here that I miss talking to and also tumblr is kinda Home, y'know?

anyway TLDR I'm back, kinda. might still delete the app during the day so I can focus on IRL shit instead of being a zillennial social media addict, so I apologize if I miss messages etc but. yeah. for the sake of my mental health I have to be better at self-policing. Also, no longer going to allow myself to use the For You tab, so sorry if I don't see your posts bc tumblr only served them there. I can't control it lmao. frankly the algorithm here just ain't good enough and I don't want to cry AGAIN bc a video of a naked woman jiggling her stomach with a caption about how much she hates herself and wants to lose weight came up on my feed. Frankly since this is tumblr I'm not sure if that's porn or self-harm, but either way, fuck off with that shit, man! I kinda hate my body too and I don't wanna see that!! I don't want that in my brain!! Hence why I quit and went to ig-only for a while. My IG is all pottery and miniatures and painting and European travel vlogs it's so PEACEFUL!

now onto the fun stuff, a list of things I consider interesting that happened in the past 3ish weeks:

have done a whole lot of reading lately: Homesick for Another World by Ottessa Moshfegh which is weird and off-putting by very worth reading, then a reread of the Unicorn series by Vicki Blum (always a delight) and finishing Princess Jellyfish (there's quite the plot twist in the last few books but overall it's a delightful series), then my hold for Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History of Punk came up (extremely interesting and worthwhile read, especially after listening to the No Dogs in Space punk series, very sad ending though bc of course a lot of the punk musicians passed away young), and now I'm rereading The Mermaid's Secret and The Dragon Prince by Vicki Blum as a palate cleanser, and then hopefully I'll start the LoTR reread I've been meaning to do for a while. So yeah I read like 16 books in 3 weeks. this is the power of quitting social media.

Also I've kinda discovered that I'm just pretty... disenchanted with all book-fandoms online. it's just so...kinda annoying? nowadays? just the same old drama over and over and I don't caaaare lol. Read what you want, at whatever speed you want, idc, none of it matters. I read for funsies after work. Some people read 24/7 because being a book blogger is their career. Some people are 17 and still have the mental stamina to read a 500 page book in 2 days. Idgaf if you read Maas or Austen or Sanderson or whatever, there's no moral high ground (except maybe not giving Sanderson money bc WOW BYU is a shitty organization). Also I don't necessarily want other people's opinions on what I read or if a book I just bought has "mixed reviews" or whatever (unless the person is a mutual whose opinions I value lol). So I might start posting on the book blog again but just....not interact with booklr. Torn between the desire to communicate with others and the desire to keep my hobby all to myself and free from unnecessary judgement or bullshit.

Finally rearranged my bookshelves, by ~vibe or whatever~. Might post photos tomorrow but the living room is once again in a state of chaos since I started gardening today.

On that note, started my garden! planted some veggies, herbs, and a whole boatload of tomatoes in seedling trays (listen, MacKenzie seed were on sale 3/$5 today at the store and I'm weak for weird tomato variants and herbs. Still need to find rosemary and fennel though). Have more stuff to do, but I'm going to give the seedlings a couple weeks to get started and then maybe plant everything else Easter weekend. Last year was nice, garden-wise, but this year I really hope we don't get 30C weather in May. My allergies cannot handle it 😭

saw the Alien/Aliens double feature our cheap theatre put on and it was a DELIGHT

we also got a record snowstorm that weekend, which sucked bc it was the same week I'd had a random friday booked off (previously for traveling with my aunt, very glad that was cancelled now) so I basically did none of the other things I had planned.

also after said double feature, had to make my first 911 call. luckily I rot my brain with true crime All Day Every Day so I handled it like a pro 😤 (i am fine it was for another person, and uh, it turned out to not be so serious once the emergency people were able to get them to stop crying hysterically and realized this poor person was just intoxicated, underdressed for the weather, and a bit lost)

discovered the health foods store near my place has a bunch of funky herbal teas for like $5.50 a box so I've been going a little nuts there. I LOVE FENNEL TEA IT'S SO GOOD. ALSO LAVENDER MY BELOVED! they also have a bunch of local coffee blends, and I'm seriously considering getting a coffee bean grinder so I can try them

saw Lisa Frankenstein the week after the Alien double feature at that same theatre, it was fucking excellent I laughed my ass off, also at that theatre you can get your ticket and snacks and drink for the same price as a Cineplex ticket, it's excellent

finally watched Saltburn, which was great. love the Donna Tartt vibes. i watched it while somewhat drunk off Soju, which I think is how it's meant to be viewed.

also started a Ghibli rewatch, to justify not cancelling my Netflix just yet (I know I know, I should but I technically can afford it and it's my emotional support streamer you know? how else am I going to instantaneously watch Gilmore Girls on a bad day?) So far I have only watched Kiki's Delivery Service lol

Also, funny anecdote: last week I got my period and was VICIOUSLY craving alcohol. like I went to the store and bought the most bizarre range of random things (soju, honey jack, and mead...and then proceeded to drink them at my normal rate lmao). Realized afterwards this is a combination of my usual craving for sweet things + my very stressed coworker constantly joking about how we need to crack a bottle of something when this stressful project is finished. At the time however I thought my uterus was trying to make me an alcoholic.

Did my budgeting with my new rent and discovered that I'm actually fine, because I had DOUBLED A NUMBER SOMEHOW! and I basically had $150/month freed up. I'm so smart. I continue to procrastinate my income tax though (shhhh I have another month....)

Started writing a vague story about two women hiking to a portal to elfland, which is located near an abandoned train station. There are cultists called vampires living at said train station who are such a fucking delight to write (not real bloodsucking vampires tho, they are currently eating paella 🥘). It's fun and weird and I'm having a good time with it.

started listening to a podcast called No One Should Believe Me about cases involving Munchausens by Proxy, which is very interesting. the host has a sister with (alleged) MbP and genuinely wants to get her (and of course her kids) help, so it's actually a really good, compassionate take on an issue that's usually played for shock value. I have to listen to it slowly though bc it's Heavy

started knitting again! made 1 dishcloth and started a second. have decided I'm going to take these into work when I have a few done. If my boss won't buy us proper cloths then I'll pawn my knitting practice off on them lol

there is a lot of early road construction near my office since, aside from that random snowstorm, it's been a mild early spring. be glad you haven't had to listen to me rant about that lol

finally bucked up and got a duvet cover for my comforter that was lowkey falling apart at the seams. it's a good comforter aside from some light "my washer is evil" damage so I'm happy I can stuff it into a (less expensive) duvet cover instead of having to replace the whole thing

#hey hi hello #also goodbye and goodnight if my sober self decides to not redownload this app tomorrow #i will probably post less and interact less than usual and i apologize but you know how it is.#i feel SO MUCH BETTER when im just doing my irl stuff during the day and only on socials during certain times

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