Tumgik
#I'm still trying to put my finger on how and why it was so cathartic. like I was warned repeatedly that this show sure does have an ending
castielscarma · 1 year
Text
Breaking cycles softly
Already from the beginning, there's this friction between John and Mary. He has the audacity to think he's gonna protect her from a life that she's been living forever and he's known for what... is it even a month? Dont avoid your issues, John. But that's easier said than done. Side note: I gotta say, I really enjoyed watching Drake play evil and possessed John. xD There are a lot of subtle things that remind me of Destiel. That barn made me think of them, especially with the added bonus of that hand print on the door that the soucouyant left. It's not a surprise that John's dad was abusive. It's this cyclical curse that affects not only John but his children and a curse that Dean broke. This is how it works in the SPN universe, Generational trauma and how it possesses you, only to ultimately destroy you. Because its legacy is so often death and violence and destruction of self. This is ironic because the person who has endured the trauma really wants to protect themself. But in doing so, only cause harm, to themselves and others. As Lata says as she bravely steps in front of John to protect him from getting shot (more so when she said earlier that she has nothing to offer, she's not a hunter, only the brains and in doing so questioned her worth in the group) she says: "More violence isn't the answer, not when you spent a lifetime with it, when it's touched everything you ever had", as she steps in front of John, shielding him. So yes, it's John who fights back but Mac (the possessor) realizes that truth and lets go, freeing both himself and John. In an earlier meta, I said that these episodes, the writing feels more hopeful, almost cathartic and I couldn't quite put my finger on why... I think it's this: Many of the conflicts are solved by acknowledging the pain the characters have and the wrongdoings they did (or that happened to them) in the past. When fellow hunter Tracy said she was sorry for what she did to Mac (for blowing up the cave with c4 and killing him) ... that she hadn't known how to help him, that's what finally made him let go. Not a gunshot to the head or a blade to the chest. Lata essentially said to Mac, that it's not too late and that he can break the cycle. She used her words and non-violence in an episode where she questioned her worth and value within the group as a non-hunter. And her strength and her bravery, her words saved them all affirming that there are more ways to fight than with guns and knives. We end with John being honest when pushed as he talks to Mary. He admits to her that what she said was true. That he had used her (and his concern for her safety) as an excuse to avoid his own problems. And later he goes to Lata to ask her how not to live with anger and violence. This all speaks of hope and love and trying to break free of damaging cycles and anger and the past. But I have to say. Although I really love it (and I do lol, it heals me) I'm still suspicious af. Is this really our world? How John is so willing to admit fault and growth is making me question again if this is the same world or timeline as the one where our Dean and Cas and Sam and Jack were in? Are TCF in the same world as TFW or... maybe in some parallel universe. I hope we'll get some definite answers. It's not something I'll really think too deeply about and write meta about but...that feeling won't leave me.
4 notes · View notes
Note
Okay...so wow!
You mentioned things I hadn't thought about before and so let's talk about it.
1. Corruption- absolutely
I mean, I'm inexperienced myself so it kind of goes hand in hand.
Plus most people who are attracted to the idea of an inexperienced partner will definitely have a corruption kink so I feel it's just something that automatically comes with the package.
2. Dollification- absolutely
I love makeup and fashion in itself and so the idea of having someone who loves putting makeup/ or lets me put makeup on them is just such a rich fantasy in my mind.
Plus I'm a very visual person so seeing the make-up run and eyeshadow smeared just adds to the beauty of it.
3. Shibari/bondage- Nahh
Idk why rope bunny was so high on the list because I've never actually been attracted by the idea of it.
I wouldn't mind using restraints but rope itself just seems kind of... scary tbh.
4. Dacryphilia- kinda??
I feel crying during sex is very cathartic and intimate, to be so overwhelmed and just lost in each others touches (god I'm such a romantic).
So idk if that counts because it's not sexually arousing per say but it's just a beautiful shared moment of vulnerability.
5. Experimentalism- 100%
Like I said, I'm very inexperienced (the last person I made out with was 3 years ago)
When I mean inexperienced, I MEAN inexperienced.
Oral and fingers are the closest I've come too for physical intimacy.
The likelihood that at my age my partner will be more experienced than me is quite high.
So, I wouldn't be opposed to trying out ideas they're into and just exploring different kinks/fantasies.
I've received a lot of comments about how I write such accurate smut when I have limited experience and it's just because I've taken the time to experiment on myself with toys, smut, audio porn etc.
R.I.P Professor Cal, you brought me comfort on some very lonely nights.
So yeah, let me know what you think!
And I'm glad you loved the fic, I loved writing it.
It's fun being mommy's precious little bunny isn't it? 🐰🐰🫶🫶
i'm interested in knowing which kinks i brought up that you hadn't really thought about before
so seems like i was 4/5 with my analysis (cause yes i would still count you having a ✨nuanced✨ interest in dacryphilia). and the only one I got completely wrong was based on incorrect data from the chart you shared, lol
though i am surprised cause shibari sounds right up your alley! it's very artistic and pairs really well with dollifciation, and shibari is one of the few forms of bondage that doesn't necessarily have to be restrictive either! there are some really intricate designs that allow a person to still have full range of movement. but i can understand being intimidated by ropes
ropes are probably the restraint i'm most comfortable with, personally. i don't like metal cuffs because they can't be cut off in an emergency like rope can, and while i love the feel of leather restraints they're also much pricier to cut. there's also all different kinds of rope that feel very pleasant on the skin, like silk or cotton rope, and it can be dyed to come in a variety of colors
circling back to the corruption kink, it's def gonna be more common in people who specifically seek out inexperienced partners. but it's not inherent to all of them. there's plenty of people who are also inexperienced themselves who are looking for a partner with similar levels of experience or those who are more vanilla and not looking corrupt anyone, lol
but from the sound of it, you have a lot more experience than you give yourself credit for! you have a lot of experience with solo exploration, and things like oral or fingering def count as experience as well
aasdghjjk ;-; yes it's fun being mommy's precious little bunny
3 notes · View notes
satiatingthevoid · 10 months
Note
Hey maybe this is a little invasive so feel free not to respond but how did things go last weekend? Was it ok?
It went...fairly well.
I suppose I am still a bit tense because there were two incidences where I think that even if they obviously couldn't put their finger on it, for a moment... I was noticed, and seen. Well. Maybe that's saying too much, I think at bare minimum they believe that the Host may have something going on. Doubtful they actually realize the extent, but. I was seen, and it felt strange. There's not much online presences for adults with DID, who are older. In their later 20s, 30s, 40s, ect. People are often in this mistaken belief that it's something one can grow out of, that ohhhh everyone will just integrate and the core/the host will all be put back together again by late adulthood and it'll be fine. Or else maybe they just don't have the time, don't have the spoons, don't care to blog much anymore or think any of these day-to-day mundane things are worth talking about. ... Obviously that isn't the case with me. ... There are reasons why I think I was seen, of course... and it would take quite a bit to explain the circumstances of these two, small situations. Which naturally, I hesitate to do because I can never be completely certain what my Host talks about on his own socials. ... I will say though, that the time spent was quite pleasant for everyone. And I am grateful, that I wasn't noticed because I genuinely tried very hard to avoid any detection. The person (sourcemate) who came to visit is a very ... unique, very pleasant person and I do mean that with all sincerity. I suppose at this point it doesn't do much harm to mention who... They are also something like a... spiritual kin, with Grelle (not a fictive) so you can understand why I was just a ... tad nervous. I adore (sarcasm) my Host. Sometimes I think he's on to me and he invites these 'friends' into our lives on purpose knowing I am there. Never in my entire existence... did I ever think I'd willingly hug them in any form or lifetime, but here we are. Maybe one day lifetimes from now I'll tell them it was me. It did give me a huge rush because while this Grelle isn't the same one that I feel that I remember, I get the sense that... the way they were put together is quite different from most, and while they have a lot of hope to find partner/s who can accept them as they are... they've grown to find this place of acceptance that 'true love!' might not happen for them in this life, either. And they seem at peace, with being independent and being in love with themselves even if they weren't the one who did the breaking up. They are a very different creature, from me. In their words, they're "channeling that...Flowers by Miley Cyrus energy!" and "girlbossing their way to the top" and I genuinely wish them the best. I am sure this wont be our last encounter but that's the very last thing I am going to say on the matter because it was made known to me they have a blog here somewhere (not source related, thank goodness). They recently left a relationship that was rather intensive you see... and it felt very bittersweet to see them in such a similar boat as myself. They seem to be doing much, much better than I and it was strangely ... cathartic, seeing them in general although. Being around sourcemates of any kind in person, has a way of getting to my head a bit. I'm trying to find more distractions so I can stop focusing on the past, and tumblr keeps recommending me posts about abort1ons. Sincerely a part of me wonders if this isn't the universe mocking me. Ah, well.
0 notes
mrs-lockley · 1 year
Note
hi!!!!!!!!!!! 🍭 🤲 📡 and 🍉 for the writer ask!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you darling! @evillkan
🍭why did you start writing?
Not to age myself, but I've been writing fanfiction on an old ancient website called ff.net when i was in junior high during my anime days 😭 but mostly I've always been a reader. I have a creative imagination, and I want to write a story that I would want to read because I want to create a world that resonates with people. I also get self-conscious of my writing sometimes because writing can be so vulnerable and shows what you yearn for, and there's a common theme in my fics that sometimes I cringe at because of how raw it can be. It's a way to express myself and my emotions, but it can also be healing.
🤲what do YOU get out of writing?
I love my readers who tell me their thoughts and reactions on my fics! But it's also cathartic and therapeutic- it's a way of putting myself into a world I want to live in. I say this about every fic I write, but each fic is an indulgent self-insert for me because what's wrong in wanting to live in a world where you're loved, flaws and all? It's a plus when I have readers who love my works, and I want people to often felt excluded from fics to be included, too. Particularly for WOC (I'm trying to get better at writing gender neutral fics). But as a Southeast Asian woman, I still find myself feeling alienated when reading WOC fics. That's mostly because I've got internalized racism and colorism I need to work on, because even when i find Asian reader fics, it's usually an East Asian reader and not Southeast Asian. So I want to create a space for people like me to feel included. Most of my fics are WOC-coded, but moving forward I'm going to try to make them more Southeast Asian-coded not only for myself, but for other SEA readers out there.
Plus, I like to add my take on certain characters! That's what makes them fun- we all see and love our favorite characters in a different way. I think you'll notice a theme in how I write my fics in how i perceive their love interests not that they're reflective of my type in men . Especially since I write for Latino characters, I try to be mindful of the stereotypes and steer away from that. Sometimes I myself get tired of seeing them written or interpreted a certain way when I see there's only one type of fic (no I will not elaborate, i'm not going to point any fingers) where they're stereotyped. i want to make them more nuanced, more soft, more vulnerable and human. I'm not perfect and I know I will make mistakes, but let men be soft. Let men be vulnerable and romantic, especially men of color.
📡why is writing and sharing your writing important for fandom?
I sort of touched upon this in my last answer, but I want to feel included. There's so much diversity in fandom and ofc sometimes you are only limited to what you know and your own personal experiences (my experience as a WOC is going to be different from other WOC, and as a SEA woman my experience is going to be different from South and East Asian women). It's a way for us to be seen and heard and for us to be loved, in my opinion. What's empowering for one person may not be the same for others. For example, I don't want to read a fic where the reader is female and can fight. It's not because I think it's a bad trope, but that's not empowering to me where WOC are always seen as the "tough" ones. Let WOC be diverse- let us be soft, let us be weak. As someone who also has a chronic illness and medical condition, I can't relate to fics where the reader is a badass agent (as much as I love them). And that's okay, because we all have our own stories and can share them. The more, the merrier! It's like an ice cream sundae- we all get ice cream but we customize it with our own toppings
🍉in what ways has writing helped you process trauma and/or navigate through your own life?
Now we don't have time to unpack all this 🤡🤡🤡 I'm a fairly private person, but I've been hurt before. There's a common theme in my fics where the reader is always hesitant to open up and love again. Actually i was rereading my first fic, Like Real People Do and even though I wrote that 3 years ago, I couldn't get over just how young i sounded because at that time, I was just recovering from a bad situationship. I thought I had everything together, but as you see my later fics, you see I'm a little messy. I want to be vulnerable but i'm scared of what that will entail. A friend of mine read excerpts from LRPD and compared it to a clip I wrote in Where the Spirit Meets the Bones, and told me that LRPD reads like first, young love, but WSMB reads like someone who has been hurt but is willing to try again. I think that's reflective of where I'm at in my life right now because I pour a piece of myself into each reader, but I'll leave that up to you to decide.
Plus I don't think I can top that line in LRPD, that's the most romantic thing I've written
Tumblr media Tumblr media
1 note · View note
buildingbirbhouses · 3 years
Text
So I finally finished that one podcast
I think this is one of those stories that I’m going to be thinking about until I die and I’m going to start with spoilery ranting in the tags sorry
#tma#this might be an unpopular opinion but: the ending was absolutely perfect#I've been trying nonstop to reverse engineer how and why it worked so well for me it's just. so good#like I have a hard time liking tragic endings sometimes because it's really easy for them to end up making it feel like character agency#and growth and struggle didn't really matter in the end but somehow my boy jonny pulled off this impossible beautiful trick where#the stakes were impossibly big and there was no way to win and everyone's fatal flaws got 'em in the end BUT#the very last choice that the characters had the power to make. in the middle of all this horrible huge uncaring awfulness. was this just.#painfully beautifully HUMAN choice to not be alone#it was this incredible crown jewel on the series-long character arc of the archivist getting more human as he gets less human yknow?#on the wider scale of the world it should have felt insignificant but y'all the WEIGHT that that had? the way that it Mattered so much?#shit's gonna haunt me. the magnus archives sure is a podcast huh#I'm still trying to put my finger on how and why it was so cathartic. like I was warned repeatedly that this show sure does have an ending#but when it happened I just felt. light#I realized that there were birds chirping in the background of the last scene and THAT is when I happycried#(which makes. no sense in the wider context of the world. like cosmically technically that's not *really* a good thing)#which comes back to!! when there are no good choices and no way to win and nothing you do will avoid causing more suffering!#letting the choice come down to one last tiny rebellious grab at human connection?? fuck y'all this shit is going to hAUNT ME I TELL YOU#also. you'll always get bonus points from me when the last shot of the horror movie implies that the spooky thing is still out there#and between the whole. yeet the tapes somewhere else and the fears will follow thing and the fact that the last lines of the whole thing#were. if anyone is listening to this I'm sorry and good luck#I'm listening to this ohoho the tapes have landed in MY universe ohohohoho well played#it's that creepypasta thing of like. Now that you've read this the curse has passed to you ooohoho spooky#I'm a big sucker for that. just a little creepy knock on the fourth wall. delightful#overly analytical rambling about podcasts on MY blog?? in the year of our lord 2021?? it's more likely than you'd think#the magnus archives#tma spoilers#<that should have come earlier but I was having a moment and I'm not retyping all of that ^ lets hope this hellsite doesn't still do the#thing where only the first few tags are search/blockable sorry
22 notes · View notes
severelytalentless · 3 years
Text
Chemistry Part 1
FlirtyFuckboy!Gojo x VirginLabPartner!Reader
Tumblr media
I have the fattest crush on this idiot. This is mostly me fantasizing about interacting with him in college. I'm obsessed.
Probably going to keep this going. Maybe get Suguru involved later.
18+ Content: sexual scenarios and strong language, sexual harassment?, exhibitionism, teasing, dirty talk, dubcon, fingering
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(swoon - beach weather)
"Gojo, please. We have to focus." you plead with him, exhausted, as he plays around on his phone. The stick of his lollipop rolls around to the other side of his mouth. He shoots you a sideways glance over those trendy shades and smirks.
"Do you have a mouse in your pocket?" his eyes track down the scrolling screen in his hands.
"What?" you furrow your brow in confusion. You don't have the energy for his games right now. What is he on about?
"You said WE need to focus," he leans the chair back onto two legs, kicking his feet up on the table, "who is we? You and the mouse?" his nose wrinkles as he snickers to himself. His snarky grin is giving you a headache.
You huff and fix your glasses back on your nose.
This is absolutely pointless.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
When your chemistry professor pulled you aside after class, you expected to chat about your senior thesis. Instead, he all but got down on his knees and begged you to work with Gojo on the midterm lab.
"I have no one else for him." You groaned and turned away.
"That's not my headache." You stuffed books into your bag, ready to leave this conversation.
"Listen, I know he's a bit troublesome but if you just-"
"Troublesome? A bit troublesome? Really, professor?" he sighed at the look you gave him.
"Y/N, can you please just do me this favor? You owe me for pushing that late submission through last trimester." he's still holding that over your head?
"Oh come on! That's nowhere close to a fair trade." You have too much going on right now to have Satoru Gojo dropped onto your plate.
He crossed his arms, "I've already paired everyone up."
You scowled at him and threw your bag over your shoulder.
"He's yours."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You look at your watch. 8:30pm. Jesus.
"That's it." You drop your pen into the spine of your textbook. He raises his eyebrows as you push back your chair and stand up.
"Wai-wait, where are you going?" He watches you let your hair fall out of the bun on top of your head and you walk out of the library study room without another word.
You run your fingers through your hair and sigh, releasing your frustration. You have a long list of problems in your life and he will not be making that list tonight.
"Not so fast tiger" he strides up beside you out of nowhere. You roll your eyes and keep walking.
"Where we goin'?"
"I need coffee."
"Oh, when did this become a date?" he straightens the collar of his button-down and puffs out his chest.
'Insufferable' you keep your mouth shut. You refuse to react, turning the corner towards the library cafe.
"Slow down babe" he pops the sucker out of his mouth and takes a couple big steps with those freakishly long legs to catch up to you.
"Not your babe." Your face feels hot.
"You could be.." he leans forward and flashes you a flirty grin as you walk side by side up to the counter.
"Ugh" you scoff and shoo him away, stepping up to order. He clears his throat and nudges in front of you.
"Yes! Good evening, I'll have a large hot chocolate with extra whip," he gestures to you, "and for the pretty lady?" you glare at him.
"...macchiatto, double shot, please." You turn and spit fire at him, "this is not a date, jackass."
He smugly whips his card from his wallet, "And yet, I'm paying for your coffee.." The wink he throws at you is lethal.
There's no way he isn't pleased by the blush in your cheeks. You try to convince yourself that it's the rage...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You just cannot stand him. Always disrupting class with stupid jokes. Erupting into obnoxious laughter out of nowhere in the back with his buddies. His whole devil-may-care attitude might pull other girls, but there's no way you have any feelings for this idiot other than irritation.
You've seen him in action all over campus. Tickling some little freshman under the chin outside the dining hall, making her giggle and flip her hair. Another poor clueless girl falling headfirst into his trap. You roll your eyes and go about your business. You don’t need any of that from him. You have purposely kept your distance for the last 3 years, doing your best to stay off his radar.
That didn't stop him from trying to peek under your skirt last week in lab. You were leaning over the table, reaching up for a beaker. You didn't notice him tilting back in his chair to lift the fabric with his finger until Suguru snorted out a squashed laugh. You whipped around and swatted at his hand. He shook his fingers and sucked his teeth,
"Ouch..I was just lookin’ honey..wasn't gonna touch.." that nasty little smirk pulling at the corner of his mouth.
"GOJO. GETO. Knock it off!" Your professor barked from his desk, hearing the laughter.
"Sorry teach! She just looks so cute in this skirt today." He called out with absolutely no shame, eyes trained on your flustered face,
"GOJO! That's enough."
“really fuckin’ cute..” he added under his breath, rolling his lollipop on his tongue.
You'd never been so embarrassed. You flipped back around and snatched the beaker, holding the back of your skirt down, before rushing to the other side of the lab bench. Your cheeks burned through the rest of class. You will not be wearing that skirt to lab again.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
He stares after you. Your hair sways back and forth as you strut down the hall away from him. It brushes just shy of your belt loop. He bites down on his lollipop watching the way your hips swing.
You’re so fucking hot when you're mad...
He hums a groan under his breath and jogs to catch up.
"Okay stop.." He grabs your icy shoulder to try and slow your roll. You sip your coffee and shrug his hand off, you don’t even look at him.
“Look, I’m sorry, okay? I know I tease you too much.” You’re not buying it. Gojo is many things, but sincere isn’t one of them.
“Hey! I was just messing with you, you don’t have to be so-“ he trips a few steps past you when you stop dead, leaving him to spin back around.
“SO WHAT? So serious? So mean? Do you think I’m a bitch? How would you like me to act Gojo? HUH? What would please you? I’m not a little freshman play toy. I’ve had ENOUGH of your bullshit! We need to get back and get this fucking midterm done because I will NOT let you drag my grade down! Is that clear?!”
Your shoulders heave and your hands feel shaky from the cathartic release. That felt good. You’ve never raised your voice at someone like that. You tend to avoid confrontation, but he just brings the fire out of you. You glare at the open-mouthed dumbstruck look on his face.
Silence fills the hallway. He’s stunned. You’ve never seen him so still, or quiet. He finally shuts his mouth and you see his eyes flick to your left.
He moves toward you with a stern look on his face. Your stomach flips.
Is he mad? He’s never mad.
“Come with me.” He takes your arm.
“No, why?” You yank away and furrow your brows. He takes his hand off you and raises both in surrender. He lets out a heavy sigh, walks over, and opens the door to your left.
“Just come on.”
You stay put and examine him, weary of his change in demeanor. It’s not anger. Almost smells like defeat. You relent and pass through the doorway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
(drew barrymore - bryce vine)
You look around to find yourself in an unfamiliar, dimly lit area of the stacks. The school library is a labyrinth and you’ve never been in through this door before. The nearest light sits on a desk by the windows about 6 or 7 rows down.
You turn to see him placing his coffee cup in a gap on the shelf. You swallow hard, suddenly nervous and regretting the way you shouted at him. He doesn’t seem like himself. He steps forward and you step back, maintaining distance. You try to step back again but the shelves block you. You clutch your coffee as he gets closer than you’d like him to be.
“I’ve never heard you swear before.” His remark surprises you. He takes the cup from your hands and sets it on a shelf. His voice is hushed and you're not sure you like the way he's looking at you.
“Well you were pissing me off..” he’s in your personal space and you’re suddenly conscious of your breathing.
“Mm, that’s fair. Just didn’t know you used those kinds of words.” He gently teases you again and your face grows hot. You roll your eyes at him for the millionth time, trying to shake off this weird tension between you.
“Gojo, what are we doing in here?”
“You were making a scene.”
“I wasn’t, you just wouldn’t-“
“Have you ever been fucked?”
Your heart dives into your stomach.
His eyes flick down to your lips.
“I bet you haven’t.”
Is he messing with you again? This is outrageous.
“That’s none of your business.”
He clicks his tongue and drops his chin, leaning forward just a little more.
“Nah, I can tell. No one’s ever touched you.”
You hold your breath as his fingers ghost over the goosebumps on your arm. Sparks fly off your skin and your heart races around in your chest. His words tie a dirty little knot into your guts.
“Have you ever touched yourself?”
You huff at his audacity. Now he’s just being rude. He hums back and lightly bumps his hips into yours. You bump back into the stacks.
“Mhm, I bet you do it all the time. Does it make you feel good?”
Your eyes dart away to escape the intensity of his eye contact. He really has no shame. You see his grin widen out of the corner of your eye.
"D'you make yourself cum?"
Heat surges up into your face and down between your legs in the same instant. You try to hide it but you're completely flustered. He can see it all over your face. His cock throbs against his zipper, picturing you touching your own body.
His hand comes up by your head and he leans against the shelves, caging you in.
“Wonder what kind of pretty sounds you can make.” He just keeps going, you shift your weight, and flinch when his hand lands on your waist.
“What d'you think about with your fingers in your cunt?” Your eyes jump back to him at the vulgar words. He squeezes your waist and the little knot twists again. You pull a quick breath when he leans in next to your ear.
“D'you think about me?” He whispers too close, it triggers a wash of chills over your skin. Your walls tighten inside you. His hand starts sliding up the curve of your waist and slips under your shirt. Your exhale catches his ear as he cups your bra.
“Is that a yes?” He squeezes and his other hand moves to skate around your shoulder and under your hair. He blindly unclasps your bra through your shirt like he’s done it a thousand times. His fingers then quickly find their way to your nipples and start to play.
You bite hard into your lip to stifle your moan but he hears it in your throat. He smirks. This is your first time and it fucking shows.
“Your imagination ain’t enough, is it?”
His impish sneer wrinkles his nose and he bites down on the stick of his sucker before pulling it out of his mouth. Your mouth falls open with a sigh when he pinches a little harder and he drops it on your tongue. It’s cherry-flavored and you don’t think twice as you fold your lips around it.
Gojo likes what he sees.
“Pretty girl, I can think of so many things to do with that mouth.”
His knee nudges between your thighs and pushes up against your heat. You hum and your tongue curls around the lollipop. His hands leave your breasts to squeeze your hips and rock you on his thigh. You crunch down on the candy and grasp at his shirt at the sudden friction. Your breath comes out hot and you look up at him with big puppy eyes.
“You like that, hm?”
You nod automatically. Waves of pleasure radiate from your clit, and tug on the knot in your core. You drop your weight down onto him against your will.
What has gotten into you?
"D'you want me to play with you? Want me to show you how good this can feel?"
"Hng..ah.." he pushes into you, pressing you against the stacks. You paw at his shoulders to steady yourself as he adds even more pressure between your legs.
"There we go.." he sweeps your hair off your neck and his lips hit your skin. Electricity hums through your nerves.
"Ohh.." a hushed little moan rolls off your tongue. His hands slide back up under your shirt and continue groping your breasts.
"Such a frustrated little virgin.."
"Mmmh.." that moan came out a little louder, your whole body feels like it's resonating. He drags his tongue up your neck.
"I can fix that.."
It's just too much. Your head thumps back into the books.
"Oh my god.."
You've never felt anything this hot. It's similar to the times you've laid in bed exploring your own body, but this just feels so much better. You don't even care that it's him.
Maybe it's better because it is.
Gojo can’t believe the sounds you’re making for him. He’s finally caught his mouse and you aren’t even putting up a fight.
Little do you know, he's been simping over you since freshman year.
There’s something about you. The sweet innocence is there, but you also have this sharp little attitude that he just can't resist. The combination has always intrigued him.
And you don’t even realize what you do to him. You don't know how much you turn him on. He can't stand it when you walk into class wearing those overall shorts that hug your ass just right. That headband you wear is ridiculously sexy. And you’re so damn smart.
He daydreams in class about fucking you on every surface in the lab.
You’ve deflected every one of his advances, yet you always storm off with a flush in your cheeks. You’re the one thing he’s not allowed to touch. The toy on the shelf that he hasn’t been able to reach.
Until now.
"Don't play coy with me anymore," he whispers in your ear.
"Be honest. You liked it when I lifted your skirt last week, didn't you?"
You hum as he squeezes your ass.
"I saw those lacey little panties, y'know.."
He moves his thigh out from between your legs and you're embarrassed by the needy feeling that hits you. He looks at your desperate blushy face and grins.
"Are you wearing them right now?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
You blink and he's already unzipped your fly. Your heart punches at your ribs when you feel his hand slide down inside. His fingers start rubbing into your slit through your panties and your entire body shudders. Your hands fly onto his forearm when he bumps into your clit. He pauses there and eats up the fervent arousal painted on your cute face.
“You can tell me to stop..” He knows you won’t. He keeps rubbing.
The sexual frustration is radiating off you like a heater.
He's so right. You’re dying to be touched like this.
Your mind is running in a hundred different directions, trying to decide what to do, but the way he's massaging your throbbing clit is melting your focus and dismantling your will.
He pushes in on your sensitive bud and you gasp, gripping his arm and shaking your head.
“Use your words, what d'you want me to do?” He rolls it around under his finger, pulsing pleasure through you like you've never felt before.
He bites the end of the stick hanging from your lips and takes it back. He rolls it to the corner of his smirk and waits for you to give in and answer him.
You know what you should do but the aching twist in your core won't let you.
“Mmph...don’t stop..”
“That's what I thought..”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Part 2
548 notes · View notes
peachiimilquetea · 3 years
Note
heyyyy :) can i get an angst scenario (fem!reader) for your event, with tenya and the prompts, "fuck you for making me love you.", "i'm sorry that i was never enough" and "i just want to understand why i wasn't enough." please?
your writing is *mwah* chef's kiss <3 thank you!!!
“𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮” + tenya iida
ft. “i’m sorry that i was never enough” + “i just want to understand why i wasn’t enough”
a/n: PLS WHY DO YALL ENJOY ANGST SM IT MAKES ME SAD WHEN I WRITE IT EVSJSBSJSSN. this one was just… damn. i hope i did the prompt justice tho! check out my event here!
contains: infidelity, tenya CURSES????, fuck mc ion like her in this one, breakup, overall just a shitty time, hakagure is a real one even after graduation
length: 1.2k
a/n ii: tysm for the kind words abt my work!! 🤍
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Tumblr media
hey iida, i hope this email finds you well given the circumstances,
i’m really really sorry…
tenya’s eyes scanned over the contents of the email and he could feel his world crumbling around him as he read. he had to remember to give hakagure something for all her troubles, as he was appreciative of all her help.
he had suspected something was going on for a few months, he wasn’t stupid. he saw the way you had started leaving your phone face down and picking up “extra shifts” at your job.
he noticed the way you smiled, how hollow it looked now when he said something to you or how you tensed up whenever he touched you, almost like an aversion to his affections.
so he pulled some strings, reached out to his old classmate from high school, now one of the top heroes that specialized in stealth in the country. he asked her to tail you on the way to one of your shifts and see what she could find. all he needed was confirmation.
i’m really really sorry…
you had decided to surprise him by coming home early from work that day. the guilt of sneaking around was eating at you and you knew he was suspecting something you made the snap decision to try to throw him off your trail.
you had decided to surprise him by coming home early from work that day. the guilt of sneaking around was eating at you and you knew he was suspecting something you made the snap decision to try to throw him off your trail.
“ten ten? baby i’m home!” you called, putting your stuff down at the door and striding into the room.
“why are you home so early?” he clipped out, initial devastation turning into anger the longer he looked at your face.
“what, i cant surprise, my boyfriend, anymore?” you attempted to joke, picking up on how tense the air was becoming.
“oh now i’m your boyfriend?” he chuckled in disbelief.
“what are you talking about? you’ve always been my boyfriend, ten, we’ve been together for like a year.”
“don’t bullshit me right now, _____. how long?”
“excuse me?” your smile started to slip, hoping he was angry about something else. anything else.
tenya turned the laptop sitting next to him around and your voice caught in your throat as you tried to answer him. high definition proof sat in front of you, a testament to how little you cared anymore. the look on his face told you everything.
he knows, you thought but used all your energy to keep your face as neutral as possible, opting to play dumb.
“how long, _____? answer me.”
you stayed silent, still trying to figure out a way out, but you knew you had reached the end of the line.
“how long have you been doing this _____?”
“s-seven months,” your voice was small. you were scared and ashamed- knowing you had been stringing him along for all this time and never seeing him react to anything like this. not when his brother was attacked or when his father died.
tenya didn’t think he could feel any worse. 7 months was more than half of the time you had been together officially, meaning you had checked out of this relationship a long time ago. you had been lying the whole time. having your cake and eating it too. it made him want to scream, cry and throw up all at the same time.
“im sorry tenya… really i am, but youve been so busy with hero work and your father left you in charge of everything, i’ve just been feeling really neglected, you know?”
“and you didn’t come to tell me about it? you went outside the home, outside of us to get your needs met?”
“it wasn’t like that-”
“then what was it like?” he pressed.
“i..”
“answer me, _____, what was it like?”
“you want the truth?” he gestured for you to go ahead, “i was bored.”
everything you said after that fell on deaf ears. you were rambling, and he wasn’t even sure if you were coming up with excuses for your own sake or for his.
you cheated because you were bored- bored of him and his unwavering love, bored of the late nights you stayed up to imagine your future, and bored of the way he treated the ground you walked on like gold. he absolutely adored you, and you got bored.
tenya’s mouth felt dry as he tried to articulate exactly what he was feeling. he wanted to go for a run and let the world blur into the background as he cleared his mind. he wanted to cry, one large cathartic release of everything that had been building up for the past few weeks. but most of all, he wanted to know why.
“you... got bored of me?”
you breathed out, exasperated, “yes, tenya, god! i needed some excitement, something different. you’re always so uptight, i just wanted to let loose sometimes, it was suffocating!”
iida flinched, the truth stinging more than he anticipated it would. he didn’t even recognize the woman that was staring at him, trying to explain away the betrayal of a lifetime.
“fuck you," he spat, even surprising himself with how hostile he was.
“tenya…”
“no. fuck you for making me love you, and fuck you for not having the integrity to break up with me when you knew you didn’t want to be here anymore.”
you deflated, feeling sick to your stomach at what you had done. initially, you hadn’t meant for it to get this far, but that didn’t matter now. “i know, i’m in the wrong and i’m sorry, but i think we can make this work and-”
he raised his hand at you to stop you. he didn’t want to listen to any more of what you had to say. he wanted you out of his house and out of his life.
he wanted to make you leave, and that’s exactly what he did, helping you pack up the things the two of you had gleefully moved in 3 months prior, and kicking you out.
he told you explicitly to never contact him again, much to your anguish. you knew you fucked up but you still wanted to be selfish, you still wanted access to him in ways that you didn’t deserve.
the rest of the day didn’t feel real. tenya went ghost, turning off his phone and sitting on the couch staring at the wall, unable to sit in the bedroom he once shared with you.
he thought about the ring he had asked his mom for, the ring he had already planned to give you, and heaved out a shaky sob. it was probably burning a hole in the nightstand drawer now, never to be used for its original purpose.
his eyes scanned the room, landing on a photo of the two of you that sat on the tv stand. getting up, he walked over to it to get a closer look. such a stark contrast from the way things were now. the two of you were all smiles in the photo, faces flushed and rosy from the cold air. he ran his thumb over the frame, finger caressing your face.
“im sorry i was never enough… i just want to understand why i was never enough.”
68 notes · View notes
suckishima · 2 years
Note
okay for the character asks, gotta ask about tsukishima!!
Tumblr media
Hahaaa thank you! I was gonna be disappointed tbh if no one asked about Tsukki considering my over-analysis of him knows no bounds, you all know me so well 😆
First impression: tbh i was pretty neutral. the first time we see him and he's all rude i was just like "okay he's the mean one." and then he says the bit about not liking over enthusiasm that comes from no basis and i was like "hm wonder if that'll get explained," but tbh i didn't give it or him much thought. he was just there lol
Impression now: god idk if i can even sum it up lol. i've never related to a character like i relate to tsukishima and his character growth is one of the most cathartic things i've ever watched/read and it really hit home for me on a personal level. he's scared and insecure, which manifests as apathy, but despite that a large part of him still urges to strive for more—and that scares him too. he's scared to want anything at all, and yet he learns to try anyway. he's quick witted, always thinking, skeptical, oftentimes too harsh on himself and others, but still tries to do everything with careful thought and intention to produce the best results. i really love the way he's written, feels very human
Favorite moment: the end of the shiratorizawa match! yes yes i can talk about The Block for days and his scream put tears in my eyes, but what really hit home for me is how immediately after his finger gets dislocated, he's not even off the court yet and he's already thinking about what he'll do when he gets back out. he never stops thinking, his hand is in pain, he's pissed about it, and even confused at himself for wanting to keep playing. but want he does! the inner conflict of not fully understanding why he's doing it but doing it anyway and enjoying himself is so so beautiful, i honestly will cry if i think about it too long lol.
Idea for a story: dear lord i have so many. but! pretty sure next fic i'm gonna start working on is gonna be focused on his time at the miyagi prefecture first years camp! really wanna explore more about his drive and motivations during that time and how he functions in a non-Karasuno team environment
Unpopular opinion: (most of my unpopular opinions are probably gonna be about fanon stuff lol, i like canon too much) but uhh, i don't like the "salt-shaker" moniker. mostly it's just a pet peeve, but i feel like too often people who use the phrase boil his personality down to nothing more than "snark" and like yes, he does have that, and he is mean but i sort of don't like the way the idea of that just being "salty" is kind downplaying 1 the actuality of how rude tsukki can be, and 2 how that rudeness is coming from a lot of deep-seated insecurities. it's just more nuanced than that, ya know. (not saying everyone who calls him that thinks that, it's just the vibe i get in certain contexts)
Favorite relationship: this was actually really hard for me to choose between akiteru and yamaguchi, but ultimately i think it's yamaguchi. the way they both grow together throughout the series is really well done. i've surely said this before, but they're integral to each other's growth, without the other neither of them would end up how they do and the way the series shows that and the way it culminates is seriously so fucking good. watching the way they both fall (back) in love with volleyball by pushing each other almost solely through their actions is one of my favorite things in the entire series, it's so satisfying
Favorite headcanon: he wears his headphones/listens to music not to block out other people's noise but to block out his own! he's more comfortable when he isn't aware of how loud his existence is.
21 notes · View notes
iwaasfairy · 3 years
Text
anon said: fairy i jus cried four times in a two hour tutorial class on zoom,,,, rly wanted some comfort rn so i came to your tumblr to find some hq love :( if its not too much trouble (i know uve been writing so much and answering so many asks im sorry :c) can i ask for how meian/iwa would take care of us when we’re feeling down? i hope this is cathartic for u too since u havent been feeling too good lately too <3 🌼
i didn't include your explanation bc i wasn't sure if you wanted me to but i'm so sorry you've been having such a tough day :(( it's totally okay to be upset or to cry about what happened, i probably would've too. that all sounds super overwhelming. but it's okay,, you'll be okay ♡ your teacher sounds like a lovely person so that's a good thing, and don't feel too bad about those girls bc you'll forget about them by the end of the day and so will they!
and i'm not great with fluff but i'll give it a try ( ⌯◞◟⌯)♡ hope it helps a little
iwa
you've both been having a really long day by the time you get home
usually hajime makes food himself but he's already got takeout
so when you stand in the hallway for a few seconds and take off your shoes, he instantly knows something's wrong
he quickly puts the plates aside to walk over to you, carefully opening his arms just a little in case you want a hug
and when you slump into his hold and wrap your arms tight around his waist, he'll softly rock you on your feet
"Hey baby," he breathes, pulling back a little to watch you. But you hide your face into his chest, just letting it all out as he rubs little circles on your back. "You're okay, I've got you." After a few minutes of silence he'll kiss your crown. "Here, wanna come up?"
You let him pick you up to his body and wrap your arms around his head, feeling his kisses on your neck as he walks you past the living room into the bedroom. "The food," you mumble, but he just pulls you closer.
'We can heat it later. Let's get you a nice shower before anything else. And while you do that I'll-"
"Stay with me," your voice is small when interrupting him, but it doesn't take much for him to agree when you're like this. So he only chuckles when putting you down on the toilet, and letting out a breath.
"Okay, we'll both take a shower then. You can wash my hair, would you like that?" A nod. "Good. Now come here, I'm not letting you out of my sight for tonight." Even though he's just as tired as you are, the smile he gives you is so genuine, leaning down to give you a few gentle kisses and brushing his fingers along your jaw. "We're cuddling after this."
"I love you, Hajime."
And a little blush still comes to his cheeks and ears when he looks back at you over his shoulder, turning the shower to warm. "I love you too.
meian
shugo comes home at weird hours sometimes, really early or really late if practice ran out that day
it makes you miss him a lot, definitely if you didn't get to call him at all
and when you have a tough day you usually deal with it on your own, though you know he'd love to help he just can't
you're so physically and emotionally exhausted after your day that you just toss your bags aside and collapse into bed, only thinking of a nap
it's not even dinner time yet, but you already want to curl up and sleep the rest of the day away
When you wake up it's to a few kisses to your lips, feeling pressed into the mattress like there's a weighted blanket on you. You open your eyes, meeting your huge boyfriend's pretty ones. "You're sad." It's no use trying to deny it, and a pout comes back to your face when he frowns. "Aw baby, c'mere. Why didn't you call me?"
He shoves the blankets aside to pull you onto him so you can rest on his chest, then tugging the blankets back over you. 'Hm?' he mumbles, and you rest your face into the crook of his neck. "Didn't wanna bother you when you're busy too." You feel the tears at the corners of your eyes again, his heavy hand on your head keeps you in place.
"S'not, I wanna help my pretty girl. 'S easier to deal with when ya've got your big, strong boyfriend to help ya. Unless ya think 'm too old to work and help you in the same day?" A little chuckle falls from his lips, and it makes a little laugh come through your tears too. "Gonna nap some more?"
"Mhm, but I gotta take off my make-up first."
"On it, little lady." He sets you aside in the bed, pressing a few kisses to the bridge of your nose and your forehead, before disappearing into the bathroom. When he comes back he's got all your skincare in his arms, balancing them carefully with his tongue out, and you can't help but laugh at that too. "Okay, instruct me, 'cus ya've got a lot more than I thought."
"Thank you."
"Yer welcome."
59 notes · View notes
Text
Why do we like this clown so much?
Change the "we" for "I" and you get an usual tag I use whenever I post my content in Tumblr. And it sounds funny at first but whenever you start diving into that phrase, the deeper it becomes. So, I finally have decided to share my thoughts about this strange but wholesome attraction to this deeply flawed character. It's not something I usually do since I don't know how to write down my feelings properly and also in english so please forgive any typos (I'm from Chile so don't be surprised lol).
So...Why do we like this clown so much?
Why was it that a character precisely designed to scare and to disgust the fuck out of us ended up unchaining a series of feelings that shouldn't have taken place in a beginning?
Let's take a look at the background: Joaquin Phoenix was cast as Arthur Fleck/Joker in 2018. The first image of him as the aforementioned character revealed a deeply disturbed man. We knew the plot. A man driven to insanity after a brutal history of abuse, creating concern in people if the upcoming film would inspire real life violence. Incel violence and mass shootings, more specifically.
Tumblr media
(the image in question)
As 2019 arrives, the two trailers generated so much hype that media needed to fuel its concern about it. Since it wasn't your typical comic book film, media basically bombed our minds making us believe this film was going to be a total disaster, an excuse to cause harm to others among other nonsense, as if the film would justify everything Arthur would do in the film, eventually. As the release date is closer, the film receives thunderous applause and unanimous praise from critics. At this, fans rejoiced and expressed impatience to watch the film.
October 5th.
People left the theaters amazed, shocked and genuinely moved by the inhuman treatment Arthur received in the film. The fear media tried so desperately to infuse in us with all the incel bullshit and such turned out to awake one of the most positive, best feelings in humans:
E M P A T H Y
The word that so gloriously cleared away any dark thoughts or actions not only proves media was wrong but it turned out to ridicule it in way nobody will forget: Hundreds of people advocating for mental illness, calling out to the kindness that could change a person's bad day and questioning how politicians and rich people are indifferent to social problems proved how much as a society we have changed in comparison with the one shown in the film.
However, since we are on Tumblr, I'll get straight to the point and try to explain why the fuck does this clown has us dying out of love and compassion (and lust).
I. Background.
As nurturing as we women are for a biological matter, we see a man deprived of a good job, is on seven different medications, working like a slave to sustain his ill mother, putting aside his own health and well-being to look for her, struggling to make his dream of being a comedian despite everyone stepping on him, underpaid and treated like a freak for a disorder he did not ask to suffer, which makes it impossible to be indifferent to all the horrible ordeal that eventually will reach the limit of what he can tolerate without going insane. It is impossible to not say or think, at least, that someone (even if it's just one person) should stand for him just as it is impossible not to feel the need to throw ourselves at him to shield him from people who hurt him or simply offer him our shoulder whenever he has had a bad day, specially when he learns he was sexually assaulted by his step father.
This horrid behaviour terrifies newer generations because they get a taste of what being a social outcast was like more than thirty years ago in comparison with today, where there's more acceptance and treatment for mentally ill people like Arthur. We see in him someone who could have been saved with a proper education and emotional support instead of descending into madness as a criminal. Others simply saw themselves being treated like him at some point in their lives and couldn't help but put themselves in his shoes.
Tumblr media
II. Personality.
TRUTH BE TOLD:
There's something called "attraction by proximity". It is the explanation to the eventual love you feel whenever someone doesn't catch your eye at first terms of physical attraction but his/her personality does attract you. This happens to be the base of this situation. His shyness, introverted nature, tenderness and innocent desire to make people laugh and put on a happy face awake some kind of tenderness we cannot resist. This combined with the gloomy background increases our understanding (but not justifying) of the bad decisions he'll eventually take during the course of the film. This traces a line of harsh, almost hurtful contrast of the violence he shows later on the film. Once again, it is not justified in any way but it is certainly understandable.
III. Appearance.
Arthur Fleck is unconventionally attractive.
This happens to be a plus for most women. He is out of the male beauty standards (no abs, not too muscly or particularly tall), which makes him even more unique. It is precisely the fact that he's not a model one of the reasons women love him. He could easily be your man next door or your colleague or the guy you always see but never dare to talk for fear to bother him Because it's about proximity. Arthur looks like your common neighbour. He's not meant to be your typical desirable male protagonist at all.
... And yet.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Jesus Christ, he's so fucking hot I can't even---
It's not about how beautiful his green eyes are, his long slender fingers, his hair or his smile only. It's the charm behind it.
Another "magnet point" is the way he dresses. I know he's impoverished and his wardrobe tend to be repetitive but it is so unpretentious, so simple that is hard to not fall for. The modesty of the shirts, ironed trousers reminds us of a mature man deeply withdrawn into himself, love starved and longing to be seen and loved by others, like a war veteran who still fights the most important war: with himself. Is someone who needs to be listened and understood.
AND OF COURSE WHAT'S NOT TO LIKE ABOUT IT?
He's also brought back the old gentleman outfit, white shirts, red/yellow vest, red suit and elegant dancing moves and the retro style of the film boosts this attractiveness.
Tumblr media
People keep comparing him with the previous interpretation of Joker (Leto's) whose costume appealed to young women with a tattooed, gangster, mumble rapper crazy-guy wannabe which didn't connect with the audiences (young people in general). This supposedly was to match or even have a sexy, tormented and desirable villain like Marvel's Loki. We all know how that story ended but it's the link for the next point below.
IV. Transformation
This is a particularly strong point considering how much we loved to watch the process of this weak, powerless, forgotten caterpillar into a beautiful and visible butterfly that will gracefully stir its wings for everyone to see its colours.
When Arthur transitions to the Joker, it's so cathartic to see taking revenge on those who wronged him (even when we're not supposed to root for him) like seeing his shyness fading away into a vivid confidence when dancing half naked in the bathroom, or witnessing him making way to make his name known to people in Murray Franklin's Show:
Tumblr media
Adding to this newly gained confidence, there's another turn on: the way he walks.
Tumblr media
At the beginning, his pace is hunched and limping, displaying his submission to violence, which makes the viewer more satisfied to see his broken yet beautiful soul turning the past pain of his existence into art: he lets music guide his moves as a way to tell the world he's a new man by cutting most of the sick, evil roots that harmed him, that he's invincible, that no one can stop him. Watching this cathartic display of euphoria was the most iconic scene in the film, following his speech at the TV and the inevitable meltdown that caused Murray's death.
Going to further appreciation, even his clown make up is beautiful. Why? Simple. The combination of colours, shapes and the intimidating glare just embellishes even more the character.
Tumblr media
The dark blue triangles in his expressive eyes makes the light green colour to highlight, specially in dark backgrounds, giving the impression he's piercing your soul whenever he stares directly at the camera. Same can be said about the red smile and emerald green hair. They boost an already intimidating look.
The cold and warm colours paint a picture of a man full of intense emotions, mirroring it in a simple yet masterful artistic way.
Another interesting point is the way Joker dresses. Usually we had almost every single live adaption of this character in purple coat, hat, etc. But this particular version is not following any comic, which gives more freedom to creativity and once again, out of the standards of what we could have expected.
Red is a colour related to passion, action, love, strength, motivation and excitement. As for yellow, it indicates freshness, happiness and enlightenment and finally, green. Green is renewal, growth and regeneration. Colours that represent a new stage in his life, a mirthful chapter at last. We finally get to see our battered, always humiliated protagonist (or hero) descending into madness, but finally free from his repressed man who held his soul captive like a bird to fly away, to never come back. An insanity that despite being his downfall, turned out to be his ticket to freedom as he walks to the light in Arkham Asylum dancing at the end.
Tumblr media
Ladies and gentlemen: behold the film nobody asked... But the film we fucking deserved.
Thank you for coming to my TED talk
❤️💚💛
Tumblr media
427 notes · View notes
asongofhopeandjoy · 2 years
Note
💔✌👎💦💣 hehehehe
I decided to put my answers under a cut because this got long, lol. 
Also if you haven’t watched season one of Jujutsu Kaisen, the A Silent Voice movie, the Heroes Rising movie, read the Chainsaw Man manga, etc. - I recommend not reading this post so you don’t see mild to detailed spoilers. 
If you do enjoy spoilers though... have fun! 
Ship that makes me sad: Yuji and Junpei from JJK. 💔 I won't go into what happened, but I will say we could have had it all. 💔
I am also in denial about what happened to Reze and Denji in Chainsaw Man, even though I also like the tragic aspect of their relationship. It hurts so good. <3 
Ship that you find cute but you don't ship: Rei and Nagisa are adorable and would probably make a good couple, but during my time in the Free! fandom I always saw them as just friends and I don't know why. Ironically, they were the only ship almost everyone in the Free! fandom agreed on.
Ship that you can never see happening: While bakudeku could most definitely be canonised and not hurt the story or characters at all (especially due to recent developments between my boys in the manga), the world is unfortunately not ready for two male bisexual or gay protags to kiss in a popular shounen manga. 💔
This may sound a bit cynical but I think Shounen Jump will always put the male, straight audience they have first as long as that audience keeps paying their bills. So unless significant parts of that audience start to get really cool with a lot of things really quickly, I don't think Shounen Jump would take the creative risk, even though I'm sure it would be received well by a lot of people, including myself. 
It sucks that this is the state of the world right now, but I have made my peace with the fact bakudeku is unlikely to be canon by the time the series ends because at least we have the Heroes Rising movie. Parenting small children and arguing about how to raise them? Risking their lives to save each other? “It’s fine if it’s you”? It’s *chef’s kiss*
Also... one day in the future a bakudeku shipper is gonna make their own manga and make their male rivals kiss and it will be glorious! Bakudeku fandom if you ever get a book or comic published, call me! I want to support you.  
Ship that is taboo: 
Tumblr media
I almost didn’t answer this one because um, yeah... Even though I’d say my tastes are pretty vanilla, that’s still no guarantee someone won’t want to put you in jail for shipping crimes. 
That said though, I’m one of those people who don’t mind bully x victim ships on the condition that the the bully atones for what they did. 
I love the movie A Silent Voice, where Shoya unfortunately bullied Shouko for being deaf as a small child and the movie is all about him making up for what he did. Sign language is very hard and can take years to learn, and a lot of the kids in their class didn’t want to be bothered to learn it and this obviously upset Shouko who was trying really hard to make connections. But then Shoya studied it on the very off chance that he would get to see Shouko again and apologise to her and I was like: “Poetic cinema!”. I’m absolutely weak for big emotional and thoughtful gestures like that and it’s an absolutely fantastic way to get me to ship something. 
Maybe it’s also because I was bullied as a child for being autistic, but there’s also something satisfying and cathartic about seeing a former bully victim have their former bully wrapped around their finger. *insert good for her gif here* 
So yeah not very exciting but even the most vanilla ships can be problematic if you try hard enough! 
Ship that pisses me off: Some members of the A//TLA fandom will want to look away... It’s k*taang, ma*ko and z*kka. And water is wet. 
Tumblr media
I don’t have a lot of NOTPs anymore because I’ve chilled out a lot about shipping, but the first two ships committed the cardinal sin of being problematic AND boring. You only get to be one or the other and only if the writers have taste and know what they’re doing!  
I think it is hard to screw up the friends to lovers or childhood sweethearts trope but somehow these white men keep doing it by using the cursed “will they won’t they” device in story telling, then get mad when we don’t praise them for creating a romantic subplot we have seen done horribly a million times before. There’s also some questionable ma*ko and k*taang scenes that never get called out by the series’ narrative and they make me not want to ship the pairings on principle. Told y’all I was vanilla, lol.
Z*kka is just boring to me because both the characters have much more interesting romantic possibilities with most of the other characters around them. And S*kka’s romantic relationships are so tied to his fantastic character arc that I don’t want to mess with them. I won’t deny that the fandom also ruined the potential of me ever liking the ship, and that helps me move onto my next point...
These three fandoms encapsulate everything wrong with modern shipping culture. The obsession with their interpretation of canon to the point they will outright refuse to understand other people’s perspective or appreciate transformative works, the refusal to curate their online experiences and inability to understand they can’t control others, the unhealthy ways they tie their identity to their ship, the hypocritical morality policing, the bullying, the harassment, etc. 
Canon was already a big hurdle for me to ever like or appreciate these ships and the fandoms just make them outright intolerable so on the block list they go. 
1 note · View note
aliceslantern · 6 years
Text
Nocturnal Memory, a Kingdom Hearts fanfiction, chapter 10
[Summary:  Dying takes a lot out of you, it's true, but when Demyx wakes up for the first time since his fight with Sora nothing's right. His memories are fragmented and he's missing his true name. And he's not the only one. An incomprehensible mystery and an inevitable war make him question what, exactly, he would do to become whole, and reclaim the music lost to him.
on FF.net/on AO3]
"Well, what are you sitting there for? I mean today," Even snapped.
Demyx got up too fast, and vertigo rolled through him. He put on his shoes and followed them out the door. He still felt weak and struggled to keep up with their brisk pace.
But they didn't leave the castle. Instead they went straight into some office Demyx never had been to. The room was round, with low bookshelves all along the walls, and a massive picture frame leaning against the wall had been covered by tarps. Even and Ienzo breezed right through to the room behind it.
Demyx barely had time to take the room in. There was a console computer overlooking a gaping hall. It looked like there were massive glass containers on the wall—containers more than big enough to fit a person. He exhaled sharply. "What—"
Even turned to face him. "Tell me something, Nine," he said. "What do you feel now?"
"What?" Demyx repeated.
"How did you know it was darkness?" He pressed.
"Well…" He could barely tear his gaze from the glass containers. Even, Ienzo, the rest—they had been scientists—their experiments dealt with darkness in the human heart—he took a shaky breath. "I… felt wrong for a few days when I worked with the committee," he explained. "Like, tired, like my muscles were burning, and even when I slept I never got my energy back. I thought it was just because I was using my powers too much, but yesterday… it was worse than usual."
"Can you describe how?" Ienzo asked gently. Demyx saw Even pacing back and forth, mouthing words to himself.
He clasped his arms around himself. "The burning was like all over, and then my teeth started going numb. And it reminded me of when I became a Nobody. I had thought that maybe it was a toxin in the water, from sitting stagnant for so long right above those crystals, but…" His throat was still dry and he swallowed. "It made me feel… dirty, kind of… itchy…"
Ienzo came towards him. He put a finger under Demyx's chin and looked deep into his eyes. He checked his pulse as well. "You seem unharmed," he said. "I don't even smell the darkness on you."
"It didn't touch me. I felt it in the water. I didn't make it up, I swear, I—"
"We never thought you made it up," Ienzo said, as Even's muttering increased in volume. "Still… curious, how were you able to feel it without being exposed?"
"My powers," Demyx tried hopelessly. "I can feel bodies of water in my consciousness. I used to be able to figure stuff out about them—if they were contaminated, or drinkable, or how deep or far away from me they were. I hadn't gotten that back yet, but I think the darkness, for whatever reason, gave it back to me for a little while and I wasn't ready for it."
"We already know darkness does not confine itself to any logic," Even said. "You must be very careful and tell us in an instant if you begin to feel that way again."
Ienzo dove towards the computer console and began to hammer away at the computer. "It won't let me in," he hissed. "They must have changed all our passwords."
Demyx had never seen Ienzo this close to losing his cool. Nausea began to curdle in his stomach.
"Remember the backdoor, Ienzo," Even said in a voice that was probably supposed to be soothing. He went over to him. "We will fix this."
"We've done enough," Ienzo said bitterly. He slammed on the keys. "Damn it!"
Demyx flinched.
Even put an arm around him. "Take a deep breath, Ienzo. We need you to be calm."
He did so several times. Demyx swore he saw tears beading in the corners of his eyes.
"This is not something we can do on our own," Even said to Ienzo. "We can do some damage control for now, but we need the boy."
"Me?" Demyx asked faintly.
"No, Nine, but we need you to sense the extent of the damage. We need…" he grimaced, as if he tasted something bitter. "We need Sora."
Demyx's blood ran cold. "No," he said through his teeth. "No, I… I can't…"
"You felt how strong the darkness was. Do you want to risk exposing the townspeople to it?" Even asked.
His hands started to shake. "How long will it take him to get here?"
"Depends on where he is in his journey," Ienzo said in a shaky voice. He kept his eyes on the floor. "It could be minutes, it could be hours."
"I will go and explain the situation to the committee," Even said. "Both of you need to stay here and field the situation. That is, if you believe yourself capable of keeping it together."
He's coming. The words jumbled together in Demyx's head. He was coming and even worse Demyx would have to work with him. An ache sprang up in his chest and his lungs constricted. He slid down against the nearest wall.
The battle. The blood. The bluntness of the Keyblade scraping against his chest. A tight, pained sound left his mouth.
"He won't hurt you," Ienzo said tiredly. He leaned against the console for support. "If anything, he'll be looking to make amends."
Demyx clutched his knees to try and stop his hands from trembling. Breathe. Count to ten. Was it darkness or pure fear making him feel this way? Slick, cold sweat gathered on his back. And then when he'd woken up after dying nothing was the same, nothing was right—
"You're not the only one who faced defeat at the hands of Sora," Ienzo said. His voice was still faint and his eyes faraway. "Perhaps you should talk to Xal—ah, Dilan. You might find it somewhat cathartic."
Cold tears snaked down his face, but at least he seemed able to breathe again. "Why are you so afraid?" Demyx asked.
Ienzo shut his eyes. "Because," he said. "All of this—Xehanort, the world falling to darkness, Nobodies, the Organization—it's because of me."
"…What?" Demyx said.
A long moment of silence. Ienzo's breathing became more labored, and he was trembling, but Demyx couldn't bring himself to go over and comfort him. "When… when I was a young child, studying under Ansem the Wise," he began. "I was quite precocious—precocious enough for them to introduce me to their own research. Ansem the Wise was always a man who was interested in the heart, but he didn't dare put any of his ideas into physical practice. The ethics, you see. The people of Radiant Garden used to be so strongly moral. With the arrival of the boy—Xehanort in Terra's body—it reawakened his curiosity. And I chose that moment to strike. I convinced him, and the others quickly backed me, to build a laboratory and put some rudimentary experiments into practice. It was all to try and heal the boy's memories; he was an amnesiac. He had replaced me as the favorite, the protégé, and I was jealous. I thought—if I could help him, then… We only had good intentions. And then…"
Demyx swallowed. "…And then?"
"Because of the psychological and emotional rigor of the tests, the darkness within the subjects' hearts spread like flame and devoured them. And we learned about the Heartless." His voice was level but his face was splotchy and tears coursed steadily down his face. "Whatever came next-inadvertently it was all because of me. And I wanted to spare him pain. Him. All along."
Demyx didn't know what to say.
"I am trying my best to try and make up for what I did," he said. "But I can never undo it. I can never go back in time. I… must take my leave." He strode briskly out of the room and left Demyx there alone to contemplate the new meaning of the bottles on the wall.
He came quietly, and he came alone.
Demyx associated Sora with theatrics and loud bravado; not to mention those accursed friends of his. When he heard the knock on the wall, he assumed it was Even or one of the others, but then he looked up and saw the spiky hair and sky-blue eyes. Demyx's heart flew into his throat and choked him.
Demyx was still alone, as well. Ienzo's breakdown must have hit him pretty hard. Instinctively, he took a step back and raised his hands. He tried to breathe, and tasted bile.
Despite panic Demyx noticed that Sora looked different. Not just the outfit, or the hair, but the slump in his posture and the exhausted glint in his eye.
"I thought nobody was here," Sora said in a quiet voice. "Where is everyone?"
He dropped his hands. Sora expected an answer, but he couldn't speak.
Sora took a step forward. He was smaller than Demyx, and looked like he needed a good night's sleep. "You were the one who first sensed it, right?"
He nodded.
Sora walked past him over to the computer. "I'm not gonna hurt you," he said to the wall of bottles. "I can feel how tense you are from here."
The voice was uncanny, but Demyx was certain this was a different Sora. Still, he couldn't feel all that sorry for him. "Where are your friends?" he asked in a tremulous voice.
"They have other friends they need to help," Sora said. They made eye contact for the first time, and a chill shot down his spine. "It's just me. If that's okay."
You killed me, Demyx thought, but the words didn't leave his mouth. He shrugged.
"So I guess that means," Sora continued awkwardly. "That you turned out okay? After… our fight?" His hand flicked up to the back of his neck. "You're helping the committee. That means a lot to me."
"Not really," Demyx said. "I mean, I'm not."
"Not helping the committee? But Yuffie said—"
"No. I am. But I'm not okay."
"Oh," Sora said. "I'm… sorry. Is there anything I can do?"
Is there anything he can do? A blazing anger scalded away the rest of the fear, but Demyx was speechless.
The sound of footsteps in the hallway interrupted any stillborn expletives. Lea swaggered into the room, Keyblade akimbo. "Hey, you made it!" He called to Sora. "You know, you look terrible." Demyx watched in morbid fascination as they high-fived. "Oh, hey, Demyx," Lea added neutrally.
Sora squinted at him. "You still go by that name?"
"He has no other," Lea said. "It's a long story, right?"
"Right," Demyx said through his teeth.
"But he knows," Sora said quickly, and with a trace of panic. "He knows about the-?"
Lea put a hand on Sora's shoulder. "We still waiting for the others?"
"They think it has something to do with the lab," Demyx said. "And I have no idea how to get there."
Lea's smile faltered a little. "Well, don't worry about that, because I do."
"It's going to be dangerous," Sora said. "Can you fight?"
He had no weapon and his powers were unpredictable at best. He shrugged.
"I've got him covered," Lea said.
"I only sensed darkness in the water," Demyx said. "That doesn't mean I can face it."
"Maybe we should leave him here, then," Sora said.
It was irritating to be referred to like an object. Demyx grit his teeth.
"That may be so, but the boy might be our only indicator that the problem is solved." Even came from the doorway. Ienzo was not with him. "The laboratory's placement… was unfortunate in that regard. Connected right to a massive underground reservoir. Hello, Sora."
Sora squinted. "Hey, there."
"You don't remember me, do you? No matter. It's for the best."
Lea exhaled. "All right, old man. Let's get going."
The four of them went through a doorway to the south of the room. The lighting in here was dim at best, and a long, spiraling ramp proceeded down as far as Demyx could see. "Where is Ienzo?" He asked.
"He wanted to come, but he was unwell. I insisted he remain behind and lie down. He's let himself get all torn up about it. Things have changed. It will take him a while to realize that this burden is not his alone to bear, but all of ours."
Demyx noticed Lea look away sulkily. He drew his Keyblade.
"I don't like this place," Sora said. "What happened?"
"Are you sure you want to know?" Even asked. "Really, truly sure? I would be glad to address it another time over tea. You must keep your head."
"I know it had something to do with… hearts," Sora continued. "But all the information I have is vague."
"I never realized you cared," Lea cut in. "Since when do you gather intel?"
Sora shrugged. "It helps," he said weakly.
As they proceeded down the staircase, it grew darker and colder. A thick, acrid smoky smell filled the air. The faint lights couldn't fight the gloom. Sora gathered a small ball of light in his hands, and Lea created one of fire. Demyx and Even huddled close behind.
"We're getting close," Even said.
Demyx could see his breath. A shudder crawled across his skin, but a hot bubbling sensation started in his peripheral, accompanied by a massive pressure. Even was right; the reservoir was huge. He gasped out loud. He felt like he was being squeezed.
"Nine?" Even asked through the darkness.
"I feel it," he said.
"I do too," Sora said.
"I'm afraid it's gonna get worse before it gets better," Lea said. "We're barely halfway there. Will you be okay?"
"I think so," Sora said. Demyx couldn't be too sure. An overwhelming nausea gathered in his stomach and he kept his mouth shut.
The stairway emptied out to a flat floor full of doors with slotted windows. Overhead fluorescents popped on, but it didn't do anything to ease the gloom. They all tensed at once; Even and Lea both wore tight, drawn expression. Sora's eyes flooded with tears and a hand fluttered over his mouth. "Their pain… I… what happened, here?"
"I believe we can discuss it later," Even said firmly.
"No." Sora's voice was sharp. "I have to know. Pain like this—it's not natural. Can't you hear that?"
All Demyx heard was a pressing silence and the simmering of the water roiling with darkness. He leaned against a wall to keep his balance.
"Look at where we are, Sora. What do you think happened?" Lea asked in a harsh voice.
Sora stepped back. He glanced at the cells. His eyes widened and he turned even paler. "Why?" He asked. "Why? How?" He spat the last word at Even.
"Sora, you have to keep it together so we can fix this," Even said.
He turned. "I have to—I have to help them," he muttered.
"It's too late for them now," Even said. "But you can keep the people above from reaching the same fate."
"It's not too late for them," Demyx said faintly. He was feverish. "If we fix this, we'll be helping them."
"Them?" Lea asked.
"Not all people who become Heartless become Nobodies," Demyx said. "Their souls and bodies have to go somewhere. And the darkness keeps them here."
They all looked at him. Finally Sora nodded. "All right. Enough is enough. Where do we have to go?"
"There's only one more level," Lea said. "If they're not here, they're going to be down there." He gestured with the flame in his palm.
Sora bobbed his head again. "I'll go alone," he said.
"What? Are you crazy?" Lea barked. "You could still get slaughtered down there."
"It won't help them go in peace if their perpetrators are the one taking them down. Again." Sora's gaze was fierce. "So I'm going." He turned to Demyx. "Will you come with me?"
1 note · View note