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cipheress-to-k-pop · 4 days

Text

bluetooth j.t.

Pairing: Jason Todd x Reader

Warnings: A little suggestive if you squint

Word Count: 1.2k words

You don't know how you allowed yourself to get manipulated into being a girlboss and moving out of your childhood home to live in your own apartment. While it was nice to have your own privacy and decorate your home however you liked, you realized just how many privileges you lost now that you weren't in the care of your parents.

There was no one there to make sure you woke up on time in the few cases where you slept through your alarm, no one that you could call on your way back from work to ask to switch on the water heater so you could take a steamy shower immediately.

You didn't have your mother's homecooked meals and you didn't have your father to pick you up snacks from the grocery store.

And one of the biggest thorns in your side was the reason you were dreading the entire day. Car maintenance. The auto shop was one of the most daunting places in your life as a girl who knew nothing about cars. Never once had you regretted not learning how to take care of your car or even the procedure required when you eventually take your car down to the auto shop.

But now standing in the hot and dusty garage, you were seriously rethinking your life choices. You should've scheduled these things for when your dad was visiting so you could ask him to take it instead. Or, even better, you should've gotten a boyfriend.

You were complaining in your head, dragging your feet about having to be here in the first place and whined about handing your car keys, with a bunch of adorable keychains attached to some rando.

But when Jason Todd, 6'2 man with biceps that were larger than your own head and a body that looked like he was shaped out of marble by Michelangelo himself walked out with a form for you to fill out, you were all too happy to be there.

Perhaps you'd be leaving here with a boyfriend after all.

"I have to admit, I don't really know much about cars so please don't scam me."

Jason chuckled, a deep, hoarse laugh that made you a little weak in the knees honestly and the boy-crazed fraction of your brain began to imagine how he would sound as soon as he woke up next to you, after a night of—

"A bit of advice, you probably don't want to let scammers know that you have no idea what they're talking about."

You giggled, scolding yourself mentally for finding that funny.

'Come on, (Y/N), pull yourself together it wasn't even that funny. His face is just great delivery.'

"Or I could keep coming here and have you check my car, since you're so trustworthy." You mused, sparing him a teasing smile.

Jason was completely picking up what you were putting down, giving you a coy smile of his own before responding, "Or perhaps this is just a tactic to get you to keep coming back."

You narrowed your eyes playfully, "Devious."

Looking back at his little clipboard, a thin metal rod of some kind tucked behind his ear instead of a pen, Jason asked, "When was the last time you got your car checked out? If your battery and brake pad was replaced recently, we could probably skip that and just do a routine check to make sure everything's running smoothly."

You winced, "I couldn't tell you, honestly. My dad usually handles this kinda stuff for me, I'm still kind of a new lamb when it comes to taking care of my car."

Jason raised his eyes from the clipboard for a second, "Your boyfriend can't do this kinda stuff for you instead?"

"I don't have a boyfriend."

He perked up immediately and you ducked your head to hide your smile, "I'm sure you probably have a record of it in your glovebox or something. Most places keep a little sticker with the date of your last service under the dash. I'll check it out for you, do you have somewhere to be, or do you have a couple minutes so I can make sure?"

You shook your head, shrugging your shoulders with a carefree smile, "It's my day off so I'm free as a bird."

He grinned, "Noted. Just give me a second."

You watched his back receding as he walked toward your car, shoulders looking like they could span the entire ocean and it was only when he was sat in the car and had turned on the engine did you whip out your phone at lightspeed.

"Ohmygosh Julie, I think I just met my future husband. Holy shit. He's so cute—gorgeous actually. He's working on my car right now and God, those arms, wow. And those eyes? God, I feel blessed just by looking at his face." The end of your message was interrupted by another mechanic running the engine.

You waited patiently for the sound of the engine to die before replaying the voice message so you could re-record the part that got cut off. Only you couldn't hear a thing.

Confused, you increased the volume, taking a sip from your coffee to soothe the inhumane squeal that you had let out while sending Julie the voice message. Once again you heard nothing.

You bit your lip at this, swiping down at the corner of your phone at access your control center and realizing the reason you couldn't hear anything was because it was connected to the Bluetooth on your car.

Wait.

THE CAR?!

You whipped around in horror only to find Jason smirking at you from the front seat of your car. If the world were fair, you'd be struck down with lightning right then and there. Or, since you were at an auto shop, a sentient car might run you over.

Alas, you continued to stand there in horror, completely unharmed no matter how badly you wished to be reduced to a puddle on the ground.

You called him your future husband. The ground should've swallowed you then and there. Instead, you just stood there in complete mortification and embarrassment while you stared at his amused expression.

Something startled him out of his gaze for a second and he pointed at your console, making a gesture like he was taking a call. Confused, you glanced at your phone.

'Incoming call: Julie'

Ah, saved by the bell.

"How much do I owe you?" You asked, quickly popping open your purse to fish out your credit card. You had stretched out the conversation with Julie as long as possible, begging her not to hang up and only interrupting her tangent when Jason finally came up to you, saying that your car was good to go.

"It's on the house." He gave you a charming grin, leaning an arm against the counter, "Can't have my future wife paying for anything, can I?"

Your cheeks flared red, still holding out your card for him to take, "O-Oh, I couldn't, really."

"If you insist, then you can always repay me with dinner. Today's your day off, right? Think you can pencil me in for 7?"

A shy smile grew on your face, your body so warm you had to resist fanning your burning cheeks, "Sounds like a plan."

Forever Taglist:

@simonsbluee

@notslaybabes

@superheroesaremyjam113263

@writers-whirlwind

DC Taglist:

@emmacata

@p--e--a--c--h--e--s

@sometimeseverythingsucks

@sokkas-honour

@unstable1902

@lostgirlheart

@missdisapear

@tadpole-san

@isawachickeninatree

@uxavity

@battlenix

@capricorn-stark

@evermoore580

@dumbbitchgalore

@fuckingjinkies

@some-lovely-day

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junnieverse · 8 months

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— DRUNK BOYFRIEND JAKE ! 💭

➙ drunk boyfriend jake thoughts

pairing: jake sim x gn!reader

genre: fluff, some humour/crack

request: " hcs abt clingy drunk jake bc he seems like a clingy drunk LOLLL "

warning: mentions of alcohol and drinking, not proofread, lowercase intended, reader accused of being a 'kidnapper' by drunk jake

a/n: I honestly wouldn't mind drunk jake, clingy cute jake is my favourite, thanks for this request anon, hope you enjoyed it :)

jake was already clingy when he was sober, but he becomes 100 times clingier when he's drunk be it around you or his friends (mostly with you though)

so much more affectionate with you, always wanting kisses and hugs and gets pouty when you don't give him

extremely talkative

like he's a motor and he will mention the most random and silly things that most of the time are slurred and don't make sense

definition of talking just to talk

probably singing Justin Beiber songs at the top of his lungs on top of a chair

"WHEN I WAS 13, I HAD MY FIRST LOVE SHSGDGGSJSISNDB ABOVE! SHE HAD ME GOING CRAZY- what's the rest again?"

starts from the top singing another pop song and turns the entire place into a jake karaoke session

super giggly and out of it to the point where the others are concerned and they end up calling you to come get him

when you do come around he may forget who you are in a daze

"STRANGER DANGER! HELP ME, THEY'RE TRYING TO KIDNAP ME!"

"Jake baby, it's just me, have some water to sober up."

also a stubborn and pouty baby

accuses you of ruining the fun and being a party pooper

when he does give in and starts recognising you he will be all over you with the sloppiest kisses

"Guys, my lovely (y/n) is here! Hi baby, when did you arrive?"

you'd been there the entire time but he was too drunk to notice

"Crazy story though, I almost got kidnapped before you got here but you came to save me." he says with a sheepish smile

"I'll always save you angel." you tell him kissing his forehead laughing softly at your drunk boyfriend

jake is glued to you now with his arms around you and his head on your shoulder

he ends up going from 100 to 0 real quick

all that energy he had before disappears and he becomes quieter and sleepier

in the end he probably just passes out and one of the other members has to help you get this big boy into the car for you

he wakes up to find a whole bunch of embarrassing photos and videos of him doing the oddest things

I'm talking about a video of him sent by sunghoon hugging a streetlight claiming it was you

he will never hear the end of it from both his friends and you for the next coming weeks

jake learnt his lesson and he'll be sure to be more watchful of his drinking now

#junnieverse.zip #jake sim #sim jaeyun #enhypen jake #jake x reader #enhypen #enha #enhypen x reader #enhypen fluff #enhypen scenarios #enhypen headcanons #enhypen crack #enhypen reactions #kpop #kpop fluff #kpop scenarios #kpop headcanons #kpop crack #kpop reactions

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silverskye13 · 11 months

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"So I'm about to say something really... Hmm... Weird," Joe said as he leaned against the building, arms crossed.

"Is that supposed to be news to me?" Cleo asked, rifling through her bag and pulling out two apples. She passed one to Joe, and he took it.

"If it were, I don't think we'd be friends."

"I figured."

"Anyway it's a little weirder than normal."

"I'll be the judge of that, I think."

Joe shrugged, took a bite of his apple and said, "So, one of the arguments against a benevolent God -- don't look at me like that I told you it was weird -- anyway, so, if God was so nice, would he have put a bomb in the Garden of Eden?"

Cleo blinked at Joe for a long moment.

"Sorry, I'll back up a little," Joe smiled apologetically. "How much do you know about human theology?"

"I've been human before Joe," Cleo glowered, pulling a knife from her pocket and cutting a small piece away from her apple. "That's just a really strong lead."

Joe shrugged. "Did you expect anything different?"

"No, it's just a little early for theology today."

"We can talk about something else, if you want."

A shout interrupted their conversation. Grian sprinted past, laughing maniacally and apologizing in the same breaths. Doc followed quickly after him, shouting curses and insults. Joe and Cleo both took contemplative bites of their apples and watched the two run.

"No, I want to see where this conversation is going," Cleo said finally, slicing another piece of her apple off.

"Okay, so, some people believe God is all-knowing, all-powerful, and also, all-benevolent," Joe continued, twisting his apple stem with every adjective. "But if He were all of those things, why would He make a bunch of curious humans, tell them they could touch everything except one specific big red button, and, knowing they would definitely press it, just sit back and watch?"

"I wasn't aware buttons and bombs existed at the same time as the Garden of Eden."

"One could argue the whole Soddom and Gammorah thing was bomb-like."

"That was definitely, definitely meteors, Joe."

"Also the bomb thing is an analogy, and you know it's an analogy."

"What are we analogy-ing?" Mumbo asked, flaring his elytra as he landed beside them.

Cleo pulled a third apple from her bag and passed it to him, "Pretty sure Joe is comparing you to God."

Mumbo took the apple, looking incredulous. He gave a laugh that was half nervous, half confused. "I-- well that's-- that's very flattering Joe. I didn't realize you thought so highly of me."

"You would think that," Cleo smirked, slicing off another piece of apple.

"What?"

"So the question stands," Joe continued as though neither of the interruptions took place. "If God is good, why did he put a big red button in the Garden of Eden?"

Mumbo opened his mouth, and then deciding he had no idea what this conversation was about, actually, he closed it again.

"Maybe God was feeling optimistic that day," Cleo offered. "Or maybe even gods need to screw around and find out sometimes. For instance, I know this apple is definitely going to rot in me later, but I'm also definitely still eating it."

"Fair point," Joe said, twisting off his apple stem and flicking it to the ground. "So maybe God can make mistakes, or He was curious, or there was something ineffable going on at the time. But if God did it twice," Joe gave Mumbo a sideways glance, "would that be screwed up or what?"

Mumbo opened his mouth again, closed it, opened it again.

"Mumbo a fly is going to buzz in there if you aren't careful," Cleo said.

"Okay, okay. I can see where -- okay. So, first off, I'm not God," Mumbo said, and then paused, because Scar was screaming and running past them now, followed shortly by Grian, who was followed shortly by Doc. Then he continued, "Also this isn't Eden."

"It's an analogy," Joe reminded him unhelpfully, smiling warmly.

"Also how was I supposed to know this would happen again?"

"That Grian would push a button, or that Grian would push a button specifically to mess with Doc?" Cleo asked innocently.

Mumbo opened and closed his mouth again eloquently.

"You've gotta admit, at this point it is starting to look intentional," Joe pointed out.

"What's starting to look intentional?" Jevin interrupted, landing amidst the group standing on the fringes of the shopping district. Cleo offered him another apple.

"A malevolent God," Joe answered.

"My button," Mumbo grumbled at the same time.

"The hubris of man," Cleo added, because it seemed relevant.

"I HAVE BEEN STANDING HERE FOR THIRTY-SIX HOURS GRIAN. THIRTY-SIX." Doc screamed, passing so close to the four onlookers in his chase, they could no longer talk over his yelling. "I WANT THAT CROWN IT BELONGS TO ME."

Grian slid across the grass, narrowly dodging Doc's thrown axe. He threw the gaudy purple crown he'd stolen to Scar, who sprinted off in another direction with it. Doc roared angrily, "I LET YOU TOO OFF EASY LAST TIME BUT NO MORE! I WILL RAIN TNT AND FIRE ON YOUR BASES! I WILL TEAR THEM APART BLOCK BY BLOCK I WILL--!"

"I'm sorry Doc!" Grian cackled, not sounding sorry at all, "It's just -- you're so fun to mess with!"

He and Scar spread their elytras and leaped into the sky, followed shortly by Doc, who was still shouting.

Jevin, Cleo and Joe all turned to look at Mumbo, who rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Okay so... Maybe it's possible, yes, I could have foreseen this happening," Mumbo said begrudgingly. "But I mean, it's not all that bad, is it?"

"We do have a lot of fun fighting wars," Jevin agreed, shoving his entire apple into his face. It hovered blue-tinted in his opaque slime for a moment before rapidly dissolving.

"You would, Jevin," Cleo smiled.

"Sleep with one eye open, Cleo," Jevin replied conversationally.

"Some of our best mini games came out of the Mycelium War," Joe observed, taking one more bite out of his apple.

Mumbo looked down at his apple contemplatively.

"So the question still stands," Cleo said, after a long pause had passed between them, "is Mumbo evil for inflicting The Button Game on us the first time, or the second time?"

Joe shrugged, "I think like all religion, the answer is subjective. Doc would argue yes. Grian would argue no."

"That wasn't a yes-or-no question," Jevin said.

"I would argue I'm still not God, so this is a terrible analogy, actually!" Mumbo shouted defensively, and then took a bite of his apple, closing the subject.

#the barking writer #hermitcraft #joe hills #zombiecleo #ijevin #mumbo jumbo #docm77 #grian #goodtimeswithscar #the button game #theology #kiiiiiind of #anyway this popped into my head this morning like a fever dream lol

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ddejavvu · 9 months

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Reader who makes Aaron blush!!!!! Maybe the bau are out together after a case has wrapped up, and the reader says sm cute to him and he starts blushing and everyone starts teasing them <3

There's a woman that nearly walks into a table while passing your own in the bar, and you can't really blame her. Your team is a gorgeous bunch, but you suspect the woman's eyes had been singling out the tall, dark, and handsome figure of your boss.

Her friends helps yank her out of the way before she can topple the table, and she seems too embarrassed at her near-spill to come over, if that had been her intention in the first place. You're glad, because even if you can't blame her for finding Aaron handsome, you can be jealous.

"Poor thing," Emily tuts, "Derek, button your shirt up a bit, you're causing traffic jams."

Morgan grins at her observation, but you down the last of your drink for the courage you need to speak.

You attempt it casually: "I dunno. Seemed like she was eyeing up Mr. Smokeshow over here," You nod towards Aaron, then glance around at everyone's glasses, "Anyone need a refill?"

"Me, please." JJ recovers quickly from her barely-masked delight, having clocked your not-so-subtle crush on Hotch from the beginning. She slides her glass over to you and you catch it before it can hit the ground, looking back up at everyone else.

"Mine, JJ's, anyone else?"

"We're good." Reid decides, his smile tight-lipped, "Thanks, L/N."

You take your leave with a nod and a grin, hoping they don't notice the slight tremor in your hands as you turn away with the glasses. They barely wait until you're out of earshot to round on Hotch, and he's glad he hadn't given you his drink so that he can bury his burning cheeks in it.

"Mr. Smokeshow," Derek kicks him beneath the table with a shit-eating grin, "Hey, bet no one's ever called you that before."

"Derek-"

"Maybe you can have it engraved on a plaque for your desk," Rossi goads, "You can just throw out the one you've got, your name doesn't matter anymore."

"Dave. She was kidding." Aaron scolds, and JJ thumps her fist on the table.

"She was not kidding! Oh, my god, you are absolutely impossible! She likes you," JJ levels him with a knowing stare, "What is it going to take for you to believe it, her dropping to her knees?"

"Well what if she's just tying his shoe?" Emily frowns in mock worry, "You have to be careful about that sort of thing."

"I do have to be careful," Hotch insists, keeping a wary eye on you to be sure you're still occupied and out of earshot, "Expressing interest in a member of my team would be disastrous if they didn't feel the same."

"Yeah, but she does feel the same," Reid gives Aaron a pitying glance, "I'm not exactly the BAU's matchmaking expert, but I know that."

"She's coming back," Penelope elbows Reid, and the man winces as her arm hits his slender side, "Everyone shut up!"

"Here," You slide JJ her drink back, taking your seat beside Derek and across from Hotch, "What did I miss?"

"Oh, the usual," Emily shrugs, but there's delight dancing in her eyes, "Just talking about blowjobs."

Your eyes shoot wide in surprise but you stifle a laugh into the rim of your glass, "Oh, yeah. That's what I thought. Who are we blowing?"

"No one." Aaron clears his throat, nearly choking on the last of his drink that he downs, "I changed my mind, I'll go for a refill."

He seems much more calm and collected as he beelines for the bar than you had, but you try not to stare too long at his departure lest someone catches on. Apparently, though, they already have; you turn back to the table and six pairs of eyes are on you, all accompanied by identical grins.

You don't let them get a single word out as you raise your glass to your lips, "Shut up."

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iamcalmdammit · 1 year

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Sleepless night || [Simon "Ghost" Riley x f!reader]

note: this was supposed to be something completely different but then simon turned into a lovesick puppy somehow. what do you think?

Simon could only hear the sound of an explosion nearby and see the smoke from where he was, but Soap was close, he reported it was the same building you were in. His heart was racing, his thoughts wandering a little too far as he thought about the worst case scenario.

"Echo 3-7, come in," There was no response. "Echo 3-7, do you copy?" He forced himself to sound calm, but in reality he was everything but calm. He was losing his mind, getting into a thought spiral he was afraid he wouldn't be able to escape until you finally said something. "Y/N, please, say something," he tried again, this time sounding desperate.

"Lt., I have a visual on her, she seems to be okay," came Soap's voice through his earpiece.

"Are you sure it's her?"

"Positive. From here it seems like she's trying to use her radio."

Right, it must be it, it just doesn't work properly after you being so close to the explosion. Maybe you didn't even hear him calling out for you. "Must be the result of the blast," he noted eventually.

"Probably. I'm on my way there." Some time passed in silence which made him think Soap didn't feel like chatting this time around. But he was wrong as the sergeant broke the silence not a whole five minutes later. "So her real name is Y/N?"

After letting out a long sigh, Simon closed his eyes. "Yes," he replied, knowing well enough what was about to come.

"Why did she tell you?"

"She had her reasons."

"You two are close, aren't you?"

"Not anymore."

"I bet she has seen you without the mask," Soap said and it was clear through his voice that he was smiling to himself.

"She has."

"You were dating, weren't you?"

Okay, this was getting out of hand. "Don't push your luck, sergeant," Simon warned him.

"Okay, fine, I'll stop, sir."

"Thank you. What's your status?"

"Almost there. No sight of the attackers."

Good. At least you weren't in danger now. He could only hope you had no injuries of any kind, like a nasty internal bleeding you didn't notice due to the spike in your adrenaline level. He couldn't lose you, not now and not like this.

There were so many things he wanted to say after what had happened between you. He fucked up big time and it was by now crystal clear to him that you had to talk about your relationship. You had to fix it. He had to fix it.

"She's fine, Lt., only has a couple of bruises and cuts," Soap's voice came through the earpiece again. "Her radio is dead, we'll stay together from now on."

"Copy. I'll get the car and pick you up. Stay where you are."

"Understood."

The car ride back to the team's temporary base passed in complete silence. You didn't say a word, mostly focused on the city around you instead, while Soap was clearly torn between asking a bunch of questions from the two of you and keeping silent as it was none of his business. In the end he kept his eyes on your environment, making sure no one was following you.

You didn't talk to him. Aside from a short thanks back when you had gotten into the car in front of the building, you said absolutely nothing. He didn't mind as having a conversation in front of the others now would have been torture. It was hard to control his emotions and since you didn't want the rest of the team to find out about your history, it was best to keep quiet for now.

Late at night, around two or three in the morning, Simon woke up. He was staring at the ceiling for a while, thinking about you. Again. But this time he had enough. He couldn't wait any longer. So he quietly stood up and walked over to where you were sleeping.

"Hey, Y/N, wake up," he said, gently putting a hand on your shoulder.

"Why?" you asked groggily.

"Let's talk."

"Now? What time is it anyway?"

"Late, but it can't wait."

"All right."

The pair of you walked to a room far from the others and he quickly put his hands on your shoulders as he looked you in the eye. "You sure you're okay?" he asked worriedly.

"Yeah, I'm good."

"I'm glad to hear that." Biting on his lower lip under the mask, he thought about how to proceed. It was a dangerous conversation that could go wrong any second. "After seeing the place explode I thought I'd lost you," Simon admitted after some thinking.

You let out a short laugh upon hearing this. "It's not that easy to get rid of me."

"That I know."

Silence fell between you and he could see you were struggling to figure out what to say. "Is this why you woke me up?" you asked in the end.

"No, I actually wanted to tell you something," he quickly replied before gulping. "I fucked up, I know that now."

"Took you long enough."

You were right, he couldn't argue with this statement. "Every time I saw you with Alex, knowing how much he knows about you--the real you," he began uncertainly but didn't finish the sentence just yet. After inhaling and exhaling, he eventually said, "It was too much and I definitely misread the situation."

"And?" you asked expectantly.

"You're just friends, more like siblings. I get it, I have no reason to be jealous."

"Thank you. What changed your mind?"

"Time," he said. "I thought a lot about what went wrong after we broke up. Also… Yeah, it probably helped that Alex came to talk to me about it. He told me how badly I hurt your feelings."

Letting out a groan, you put a hand on the back of your neck. "I'll have to talk to him about boundaries," you said quietly.

"He was just worried about you."

A few months ago he wouldn't have thought of protecting Alex, but here he was, trying to do it. He was important to you and Simon didn't want to stand between the two of you. He had to get over his stupid jealousy.

"You know, I was wondering if we could start again," he spoke up again. "I miss you. I never thought I would ever say something like this, but I can't sleep without you next to me. I can't eat, I can't breathe, I can't focus. I can't live like that."

"I know the feeling," you noted quietly. "You left me, Simon. You said things that really hurt me. I spent days blaming myself, that maybe you're right, that maybe I let him too close."

Shaking his head, he quickly stepped closer to put a hand on the side of your neck, caressing your jawline with his gloved thumb. "You need a friend you can talk to about the things you do on the field, I didn't get that back then, but I get it now," he explained with a smile you couldn't see now.

Smiling yourself, you reached out and took off his mask. "You're lucky you're cute," you told him.

"You think I'm cute?" You nodded. "Marry me," he blurted out.

"What?"

Yeah, what? But as he thought about it, it wasn't a joke or anything. "I'm serious," he told you. "Let's get married."

Shaking your head, you stood on your toes to kiss him gently. "We barely agreed to give our relationship another shot, I think it's too soon," you said with your hands on his chest.

"Come on, in our line of work we shouldn't wait with things like this. Let's celebrate that we found someone who can understand why we do what we do, someone who wouldn't judge the other for the things they do on the field," he tried.

"How long have you been thinking about this?" you asked with your head tilted to the side.

"For a couple of hours, I guess." You laughed and put his mask back on. "Hey, I know it's not that long, but I'm serious. Think about it. Please." Before you could say anything, you both turned to the door when you heard footsteps. "Not a word!" Simon warned him.

Soap opened his mouth, but in the end decided to put up his hands and go back to the others without saying anything.

#simon ghost riley x reader #simon riley x reader #simon riley #simon ghost riley #call of duty #modern warfare

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findafight · 1 year

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Okay I kept thinking about this post and Steve being a BNF of Corroded Coffin message board of the internet of yore.

Alright so way back in the nineties Suzie hooks everyone up with the internet, yes? Yes. Eddie and Steve got together in '92 after some mutual pining and a few disastrous relationships that couldn't handle 1) Steve and Robin's general QPR clinginess 2) Eddie's intensity 3) the secrecy required if having multiple years of monster fighting and subsequent NDAs and the trauma associated therein. They're older and more settled and ready for an Adult Relationship.

Corroded Coffin is gaining traction and doing really well and the internet is still a brave new frontier, so Steve says to Eddie something like "I'm going to see if there's some message boards about you 🥰" and find them he sure does. So he makes accounts and posts under the username EddiesOnlyGroupie because he's hilarious and also the mods banned him from using EddieMunsonsHusband (he figured it was fine on the internet because nobody actually knew who he was but APPARENTLY NOT homophobia lives on in the digital age). He gets pretty well known in the Corroded Coffin fandom, most assuming he's a woman because he will go off on how hot Eddie looked at a gig. Like. Saying unhinged internet shit because 1) true and 2) he and Eddie think it's so funny. Everyone kinda believes the groupie thing too because of all the performance pics he's able to post and how he'll sometimes offer tidbits if knowledge about the band.

When they transition from chatrooms to livejournal etc he follows, with the same username. He's kind of a legend by the mid aughts. EOG is the acronym people use when discussing theories on his identity, and he's like "guys I'm literally his only groupie it's self explanatory. Guys why don't you believe me Eddie hasn't slept with anyone but me since 1992. We're basically married". He goes "it's not a mystery we literally are in love and Jeff and I go to Cubs games and cry when they inevitably lose together. Gareth is Godfather to my cats" (Eddie is still offended that he was not named Sassafras and Moonshine's godfather when Steve and Robin adopted them in '89). No one believes him.

Possibly because he still thirsts after Eddie and whenever someone posts a new Eddie pic those in the know wait for him to pop up with comments like "I want to bite his neck omg" "he has no ass but nobody is perfect I'll settle between his thighs anyway" and "literally a crime I am not married to him right now what the fuck" As twitter grows he swoops in to grab his handle, and follows a bunch of other CC fan accounts (some of them old friends, some of them new to the scene)(EOG 100% has his own fanlore page, which also has speculation on who he is and how he gets all the bts pics. It also doesn't believe when he says what it says on the tin. He's Eddie's only groupie.)

tumblr and tiktok come round and Steve is like. Openly horny on main. He's seen some shit go down on the internet but he's still commenting on Eddie fan edits that are title shit like "why am I attracted to this middle-aged white man" and "retro cc fancam" with things like "I'd let him lick the inside of my ear and only bring it up to tease him on special occasions" "his FINGERS" "back in '89 Jeff and Howie and Claire staged a mutany over this song because they were 'sick of Eddie only writing about biting bats' lmao" and "Jeff is my favourite member of cc"(just to stir the pot)

Eddie comes out in the 2010's and he's like "yeah I've been in a long term relationship with someone who is usually mostly a man kinda (gender is fucky) for the past twenty years, lol. His name's Steve. I love him a lot even if he mocks me online." and of course EOG comments "the mods of that old message board should have let me keep my original handle of EddieMunsonsHusband. When're you gonna make it reality, Munson? smh" and everyone is like Huh?? EOG is a MAN? And he's like yeah? Sometimes?? Not always?

(He 100% thinks this is him telling people he's Eddie's Steve. They don't get the message)

Anyways life goes on Steve continues to thirst under pictures of Eddie, he has his pronouns and name in his bio on twitter (Steve, he/him, she/her, Eddie Munson's first and only groupie 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍⚧️ ) and continues to post behind the scenes photos that shockingly few people question (she always says "because I'm his groupie" though. He and Eddie think this is VERY funny and also true. Robin groans. They've been making the same joke for two decades.) and people believe it because Eddie has interacted EOG sometimes, liking photos or videos, commenting sometimes. (Steve has a more professional realname account that he rarely uses but Eddie usually tags Steve there)

And THEN Internet user EddiesOnlyGroupie says he's taking a few weeks off for her honeymoon because "I'm finally marrying the man of my dreams!" And people are happy for him but also bummed because Eddie is also taking a two week hiatus but EOG promises wedding and honeymoon photos. (Face reveal! Sorta!)((he doesn't get why people are excited because he's pretty sure he's been in a lot of Eddie's recent pictures, but whatever)

Imagine the Internet's surprise when Eddie Munson posts a collection of pictures spanning '86 to his 2016 wedding of him and Steve, including one of Steve looking seriously at an old desktop computer, captioned "Steve starting his internet career" and tags EOG.

Steve qrt with "I told yall. I'm his only groupie, and they should've let me keep EddieMunsonsHusband even if they WERE homophobic. Because now it's TRUE"

Niche internet community drama chaos ensues.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #rockstar eddie munson #rockstar!eddie #cc bnf steve #stranger things #this is cleaned up from a version i word vomited in a discord group lol #also Sassafras and Moonshine are steve and Robin's rescue cats they got when they went to adopt one but then found out they were bonded #and stobin had already agreed that theyd eventually get two cats and call them sassafras and moonshine after Stone Soul Picnic #so when faced with platonic soulmate Cat Edition with the names they already wanted. it was a sign.#finda's rambles #finda writes stuff #genderqueer steve harrington

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allocnddits · 3 months

Text

welcome to my new obsession: F1

long ass thoughts about daniel x alonso!reader (daughter) im talking like 4k

warnings: SMUT (oral – M and F rec–, fingering, anal fingering, PinV, danny being kinda rough) with barely any plot, danny and reader being sluts, not proof read in lazy, AGE GAP (reader is like 20) size kink

"Are you not gonna kiss me?" you asked after dancing with him for what felt like the entire night.

"How old are you?"

"Old enough to be in here"

"That's good enough"

He lowered his head to reach your lips and kissed you hungrily. It was messy and you both tasted like alcohol but you couldn't care less.

You weren't so sure of how you ended up waking up in his hotel room with your dress unzipped, bunched up around your waist and no underwear. You sat up for a second, trying to remember who you left the club with, luckily, an alpha tauri racing shirt was laid on the chair next to the bed. Considering that you had a 50/50 chance, you were pretty lucky to get it right. "Daniel?" you called from the bed.

"Good mornin" he smiled as he came out of the bathroom, still damp, hair wet and a towel around his waist.

"Not so sure it's a good morning when I don'tremember what happened last night. Did we fuck?"

“You better hope not cause i don't see any condoms around here."

"Daniel, are you fucking serious right now?" you ask, before putting on the t-shirt he just threw at you.

"I'm kidding, alright?"

"Then what the fuck happened? Why aren't my panties on my body?" you asked almost angry at how calm he was about this.

"Hey, hey, no need to freak out. I just ate you out, alright? But I guess you were too drunk because you fell asleep almost instantly after you came on my tongue and told me I was 'too fucking good'

"Oh god, I'm sorry, this is so embarrassing. How can you be sure that happened? You were drunk too"

"Well, you were quite unforgivable, babe, pulling my hair and grinding on my face. That and the fact that I can handle my alcohol." he chuckled.

"Don't fucking laugh about this, s'not funny" you hit his stupid smile with a pillow. "God, my dad is gonna kill me. He was afraid i'd get with stroll, you know, but this? This is so much worse"

“Why am I worse than stroll?”

"Cause you're like, almost 20 years older than me. this is so messed up. How am I gonna get out of here, there are people outside." it was your home town after all, people knew you.

“I'll figure this out, okay? just wait a second and stop freaking out."

You got up from the bed, taking the rest of your dress off before walking to the bathroom. the second you saw yourself in the mirror you started washing all that old make up off, you looked destroyed. as you looked through daniels things, trying to find a face wash or a moisturizer, you heard him on the phone

"Hey, Lan, can you do me a favor?"

"Sure, mate, what's up?"

"Is your girlfriend with you?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Do you think she could borrow yn some sneakers and like, training shorts or something?"

"Why on earth are you calling about yn?"

"Well, we kinda had a thing last night and now she's like, stuck in here, only in her party dress."

"Are we fucking talking the same yn mate?"

"I would think so, yeah"

"Are you taking a fucking piss?"

"Not at all"

"Oh this is so messed up. you fucked your coworkers daughter?"

"Kinda, and i don't see how this is messed up"

"Mate, how old is she?"

"She was old enough to be in the club"

"Can you just cut it? who the fuck are you telling about us?" you came out of the bathroom, done with his conversation.

"Just Lando, I'm trynna help you out here" he told you before talking back to his phone "can you just please ask your girlfriend for the clothes? Thanks, I'll be right there." he ended the call, laying his phone on the bed as you stood right in front of him. "Don't be mad at me, alright?" he pulled you closer, in between his parted legs, and kissed your love handle, over the shirt. you ran your hand through his wet curls, locking your fingers in them when he grabbed your ass. "Dan?"

"Yeah?" he looked up at you with bright brown eyes.

"Think i can make up to you for last night?"

"Would love that, yeah"

You straddled him, hands meeting his cheeks as you kissed him. His arms wrapping around your waist, making you grind down onto his towel. You could feel him growing against you as you let the texture of the towel catch your clit. You really tried to drag out the making out but after a couple of minutes his tip as aggressively poking your thigh. “That was quick" you tease and you slide off his lap, going on your knees in front of him. You unfolded the towel that hung around his hips and almost didn't believe what you saw. "Fuck" you sighed.

"What's wrong, baby?" he teased, looking down at you and brushing your hair off your face.

"You could've given a warning" you joked before wrapping your hand around his base, leading it to your lips, you spit on the tip, using your other hand to smear it all over him, his cock so thick he fit perfectly in your fist. You started pumping slowly, looking up and holding direct eye contact with him, starting to feel hot under his stare. Your hand moved loosely around him, your palm feeling all the prominent veins of his cock before stoping at the base so you could leave a kiss on his tip.

"Stop teasing, love." he complained, slightly bucking his hips up so you took his head into your mouth. You did, gladly, sucking hardly on it before going all the way down. You couldn't quite take all of him in your mouth but you came close, the move making you slightly gag around him. You pulled away, pumping your hand while you recovered from it. You swirled your tongue on his tip, watching as he threw his head back, hands becoming fists that propped him up on the bed, you let your mouth slide down on him, always taking everything you could. Every time you had to pull away to breathe, your hands made up for it, either pressing your thumb down on his slit or running your palm against his sensitive head.

"Fuck, baby, feel so good, 'm so close" he groaned as you popped off his length with a disgustingly erotic sound, string of saliva connecting your bottom lip to his tip. "shit"

"Want you inside me. please?" you asked, taking your spot back on his lap.

“If someone ever says no to that question, love, they're going insane." he smiled against your neck before kissing down to your shoulder. His hand went back down to your ass, lifting the shirt you wore and spreading your cheeks apart, his long finger reaching for your opening. he circled it, spreading your wetness around before dipping into you, making you wiggle your hips till you got used to the feeling. As much as you just wanted him inside you, he barely fit in your mouth so you knew this was necessary. When he slipped the second finger in, your head fell onto his shoulder and as a gagged moan fell out of your lips you felt him smile against the skin of your neck.

“Think you're ready, baby?" he whispered in your ear and you nodded. Daniel pulled his fingers out of you, reaching for a condom on the bedside table and putting it on before lifting your hips till his tip tapped your hole. His hands on your ass started lowering you onto him, you were unbelievably tight compared to his girth and it had you squeezing him so good.

"Dan" you called, face buried in his neck, hands running through the short curls at the back of his head, "so fucking big." you sighed as you tried to make him bottom out inside you. he couldn't help but chuckle against your neck, he already knew he was too big for your petite figure but you were not giving up on taking him whole. You felt bad enough for using him the previous night, you needed to make him feel good.

"Don't need to take it all if you can't, baby" he said before laying back on his elbows, watching you struggle as you took him in, a smirk never leaving his face. When he finally watched himself bottom out in you he sat back up.

"Doing so good, didn't think you'd be able to take it." he whispered to your lips before crashing them against his.

Daniel lifted your shirt till he met your tits and started to give them attention, kissing and sucking, kneading and bitting, all of it borderline overwhelming as you were still getting used to him inside you. He had both of his arms wrapped around your waist, holding you as close as he could as you started grinding against him. He was sucking on your tits so hard, making you wetter by the second, as he moved his hips to meet yours.

"Dan, fuck, feel so good, so big" you whispered against his lips before kissing him, it being so deep and intense that you slowed down your hip movements. Daniel, however, made sure to increase his movements, fucking up into you. even though you were the one trying to make up to him, he was the one who seemed to be doing everything in his power to make you feel good.

With a particular thrust, you let a moan out into his mouth making him part the kiss and take his lips down your chest again. the attention he was paying to your boobs was driving you insane, all the kissing and sucking being almost too much. your moans becoming louder with every thrust of his as he let out groans against your skin.

"fuck, so fucking close, cmon, baby, don't stop." he said in your ear, making you shiver. you sped up your bouncing on his lap and started clenching on purpose around him. it wasn't long before he came with a deep moan in your ear. Barely taking time to enjoy his release, he flipped you over onto the bed, one hand beside your head, holding himself up and the other right down to your clit, circling it as he trusted a few last times into you, his softening dick still making you feel full. "come for me, baby, need to make sure you're done too" he whispered.

"so close, just a little more, please" you begged and he thrusted into you one last time, making you cum. he immediately fell on you, burring his face in the crook of your neck as you came back from your high. “‘kay, get off, still need to get out of here."

"yeah, okay. i'll just get dressed and i'll get you some clothes." He flipped off you, pulling his towel to cover himself again.

"have you seen my phone?" you asked, looking around the room. he handed it to you, along with a charger and pointed to the outlet by the bed.

You watched him get dressed as you waited for your phone to turn on, his muscles on display for you, gradually being covered by some shorts and a tshirt, leaving most of his tattoos uncovered. You couldn't help but let your eyes wander around his body, his muscles, his hair and his nose, you pressed your thighs together at the thought of riding his face and pulling his hair, having his beard scratch your legs, god, you wish you weren't so drunk the night before to remember how good he was.

"be right back" he warned, pulling you out of your daydreaming before leaving the room. as he left, you decided to get up to take a shower, you still smelled like alcohol and daniels cologne from the night before.

While you were in the shower daniel headed to landos room, knocking on the door when he reached it. "mornin' mate"

"did you fucking do her again?" Lando accused as soon as he opened the door, noticing his friends smile and his flushed cheeks

"none of your business, dude." he pushed lando on the shoulder. "thanks for the clothes, though, really saving my ass here. see you later, yeah? still coming with me?"

"sure, see you" he said, clearly just trying to get rid of daniel.

and he did leave, walking back to his room with the shorts and shoes in his hand. "m back, got your clothes" he laid it on the bed before starting to collect his things from the room.

"thanks" you said after coming out of the shower in your towel. you got dressed, annoyingly going commando since you couldn't find your underwear anywhere in his room, and started collecting your stuff too. “think i'm good to go"

"wait" he stopped you "here" daniel placed a cap on your head, tightening it and handing you sunglasses. "ll make sure you get your dress and shoes back, 'kay? will you be in spain?"

"course, but only on saturday. ill text you the place when i get there, so, like, check your dms or something" you commented already going out the door and checking your phone to know where you'd be meeting your dad.

the next time you saw daniel was on monday afternoon.

you went to a coffee shop at the airport after saying goodbye to your dad for a week. he was walking past and stopped immediately when he saw you, approaching your table and asking if he could sit.

"sure, go ahead" you weren't exactly happy about the situation, still afraid this would get to your dad, he wasn't opposed to you dating anyone but, this was his coworker and he was 15 years older than you.

"i got something for you. was gonna wait to give it to you later but i thought you might be needing it." he pulled a small piece of fabric from the pocket of his jeans and bunched it inside his fist before giving it to you.

the second you realized what it was you kicked his leg under the table. "daniel! for fucks sake, have you completely lost your mind?"

"just thought you'd wanna be wearing this again next time you throw yourself at me at the club."

"don't worry, won't be doing that ever again. wasn't really worth it, too much effort, not enough pleasure, you know?" you teased before taking a sip of your coffee.

"sure, keep telling yourself that. listen, i gotta go, see you in like, what, three days?"

"five" you corrected, also getting up from the table.

your next encounter was on saturday night.

Daniel had gotten pole position on quali and as of mandatory gone partying. It was actually insane to you how he managed to end up in the same club as you in a city as big as barcelona. maybe he saw your story and found out where you were but you didn't mind to check.

You were just sitting on the bar, mindlessly flirting with some guy that didn't have a single chance when you saw him. You decided to ignore, not minding his presence while you talked to someone else, but he reached you first. He walked over to you from behind so you didn't notice till his hand was discreetly on your waist, the guy your were taking to left as soon as he realized who daniel was.

"You gotta be fucking kidding me" you said, loud enough so he could hear it, slipping out of the stool

"Hello to you too." he smiled

"what are you doing here?"

"Celebrating. Got fucking pole position" he said, taking a sip of his drink.

"Are you gonna be able to maintain it drinking like this?"

"First and only" he lifted his beer bottle. "Wanna dance?"

Now Daniel wasn’t the best at dancing – though he did love to –, but when your hips caught his he knew exactly what to do, they followed yours to the rhythm of the music and his hands roamed through your body with yours on top. You danced through a few songs as Daniel tried kissing you, you denied, knowing that as soon as you kissed him, you’d want to go home with him.

“Just a kiss, c’mon” he whispered, beard scratching on your neck.

You shook your head, turning around to face him and taking his hand. “Just dance with me, yeah?” you smiled, starting to fold your knees and using his handhold as support, in seconds you were on the floor, twearking as you stared at him. You caught his lips moving as he cussed at the view, now if he didn’t go home with you tonight he would go insane. Daniel helped you up, watching you come up from the floor while swaying your hips.

“Stop playing me, we’re gonna do this or not?” he asked you with some level of dominance, something you found extremely hot on that moment. You nodded, pulling him away from the crowd by the hand, when you got out he just looked at the valet and in matter of a minute his Aston Martin was by the door. Daniel helped you into the car before settling himself.

“We can go to my apartment, it’s a bit messy cause i just got there today but, no cameras.” you suggested

“Is it close?” you nodded “lead the way.”

In about 15 minutes you were inside your house, he looked around as you kissed what you reached of his neck, his hands sat on your ass cheeks. “Danny, come on” you groaned against his chest as you unbuttoned his shirt.

“Just looking for somewhere i can fuck you, baby. Think i just found it.” he picked you up from the floor, caring you over to your couch and laying you on it. Daniel easily climbed on top of you, kissing on your neck and visible parts of your chest. Your legs wrapped around hism, making your dress ride up and pool around your waist.

“Dan” you whispered in his ear, hoping it would make him act faster. It just made him quickly grind down on you before going on his knees.

“Gotta make sure you remember how good i make you feel in the morning this time, baby.” he teased as he spread your legs, placing himself between them. Daniel hooked his arms underneath your thighs, settling you to be face to face with your heat. He blew against your aching core, sending shivers down your spine making you close your knees. “love the reactions your body has to me, baby, but keep these apart, wanna make you feel good.”

You threw your head back as your hands went to his hair, you ran your fingers through the curls and pulled him closer to you.He kissed your clit through your thong, smirking as he pulled it to the side and swiped his finger between your lips, guiding it to his lips and sucking on it. Your eyes rolled to the back of your head as you watched him do it.

“Daniel, stop teasing. Just eat me out already, please” you cried out.

He smiled as he pulled your panties down your legs. Daniel kissed and licked your thighs, ignoring your wish, the teasing driving you insane. Two of his fingers split your lips open, your wet cunt now completely exposed to him, he kissed around it, the creases between your thighs and your middle and the bottom of your stomach before planting a kiss right on your lips, anticipation killing you by the second.

“Danny, please. Need you now” you groaned not even thinking about how desperate you sounded, when he had barely touched you.

“You talk a lot less when you’re drunker, love. Maybe I should get some more alcohol in you before fucking this pretty cunt” he whispered as his fingers circled your hole, a sigh of relief leaving your lips immediately.

He grinned at your reaction before his lips met your heat again. They kissed your hole, tongue slightly dipping into you before making its way up. His flat tongue traced from the bottom of your vulva all the way up to your clit, lapping at it. His hand made their way up your waist under your shirt, trying to reach your chest but your shirt was too tight. “Off” he mumbled against your skin.

“what?” your question made him lift his head, letting you catch a glimpse of his lips, glistening with your wetness.

“Off. Take your shirt off.”

You pulled your top over your head, throwing it to the side before your hands made their way back to his hair. His fingers tweaked your nipples between them before palming your boobs entirely. He started fucking you with his tongue, penetrating it slowly as the bridge of his nose caught your clit, giving you the lightest of pressure whenever he moved his face around. His tongue left your hole when you stopped giving him reactions, mouth now working on sucking your clit.

“Danny, please” you moaned when his lips left your clit and started teasing by sucking on your lips. Your begging made him give up the teasing.

The tip of his tongue circled your clit before liking up and down your hole, his nose hitting your sensitive nub again. A soft moan left your mouth as he moved his head side to side, using his nose to stimulate your clit but he stopped as soon as you did. You looked down at him, about to complain but you caught a challenging look in his eyes and understood what he wanted. You started grinding your hips against his face, the pressure of his nose just perfect and in a couple of seconds he had you uncontrollably humping on his face.

“Dan, ‘m so close” you sighed.

He let you use him for your release as his tongue lapped at your dripping hole, the noises his mouth was making so unholy. His pants were getting uncomfortably tighter by the second, he needed you on his cock. Gladly, you, too, were desperate to have him. You came the second he penetrated you with two fingers, ridding down your high as he curled them inside you. His head left the space between your legs and came up to face you.

“Don’t go sleepy on me this time” he joked “wanna fuck you so bad.”

“Fuck, Dan. Let’s go to my room, please, need you.” you mumbled as he kissed your neck, hands snaking under your ass to lift you up. he effortlessly carried you inside, opening the door he guessed was the main bedroom and threw you on the bed. You giggled, watching as he unbuckled his belt and undid his pants before pushing his already unbuttoned shirt off his shoulders and taking off the tshirt he had under it. His hands looked for the zipper on your sparkly skirt and pulled it down, sliding it off your legs, leaving you completely bare in front of him. You pulled him down making him lay over you, holding his torso up with his forearms beside your head.

“Wait, wait, wait” he mumbled into the kiss, getting up again to take off his pants for good after kicking his boots away. He then laid over you again, kissing every single inch of your neck as you tried desperately to grind up onto him and feel his hardness. “so fucking impatient, you are. Have you got any condoms here?”

“Probably” you turned on your side, reaching for your bedside table and found a single one, handing it to him after checking the expiration date. You watched as he opened and put it on, mesmerized by how hot he looked in agony. Seconds later he was lowering his hips, finally penetrating you, his thick cock spreading you up and making your walls burn. “Fuck, Dan, so fucking big” your legs wrapped around his hips, driving them deeper inside of you.

Daniel groaned in your ear when he bottomed out inside you, the feeling of your cunt swallowing him being ridiculously overwhelming. His lips met yours as he started to grind onto you, hips building up the pace till he was pounding into you. All you could do was moan uncontrollably, if you saw the state you were in you’d be embarrassed but when you had his dick buried inside you it really didn’t matter.

“Daniel, please, faster” you begged, making his hips start snapping against yours. You smiled, feeling every thought slip out of your mind as he fucked your pussy, it hurt so bad but so good, you could feel the tears running down your cheeks.

When he lifted his face up from the crook of your neck he finally saw the state you were in. His hips slowed down reluctantly as he starred at your face. You were about to complain but he cut you off. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, shit, don’t stop, Daniel, please.” you kissed him to show that you were fine, making him speed his movements again. He tried carrying the kiss but your mouth started falling open in pleasure, just whining and mumbling in his ear, you needed more, apparently. So Daniel lifted his body up and threw your legs over his shoulders, shoving a pillow under your hips, you cloud feel every single inch of him as he snapped into you.

“Do you ever shut up?” he teased, annoyed with all the options you had to give on his performance. He then took his two middle fingers and pushed them past your lips. The sight of you sucking on the fingers of his tatted hand driving him crazy. Daniel felt possessive and controlling and you weren’t complaining, felt great having someone wreck you completely. His right hand traveled down from your thigh to your clit, circling it ferociously because he could see and feel how close you were. You came with a embarrassingly loud moan just after a few seconds of his fingers on you, squirting on him and yourself. It dripped down your folds wetting his cock and down the back of your thighs that stamped on his as he still snapped inside you.

“God, you’re gonna be the death of me.” he admired the view in front of him. His fingers were still in your mouth but not sucking anymore, your hands loose above your head, all your muscles shutting down as you let go of the tension that had been building up inside you. He pulled his fingers from your mouth, and his cock out of you before straightening his back “Flip” his hands each side of your hip helping with the transition.

He pushed himself inside you again, the burning sensation less intense now that he had already stretched you on his cock. His thrusts started slow, taking his time to pick up the pace and fixate his eyes on your body. Your head was laid flat on the bed as you arched your back to the maximum, he took notice of your hair splattered out on the covers, of your waist and how small it looked with his hand around it and lastly of your asshole. It was wet from your arousal and release, glistening under the lights and calling for him, he could see it clench around nothing.

Daniel moved his hand from your waist, taking it to his mouth and sucking and spitting on his thumb before folding over you, your back to his chest as he circled the finger around your hole. “Breathe” he whispered in your ear watching you nod before pulling away to watch as his thumb entered you. “Shit” he moaned, felling how tight you were around him, the overwhelming sensation of penetration making your cunt and asshole clench around him in a synchronized motion.

“Daniel, please, just cum, can’t do it anymore, too much.” you groaned against the pillow, feeling overstimulated and used. “Fuck, cum on my ass, Daniel” you whispered, knowing it would drive him insane.

“Fuck” he sighed before he pulled out and ripped the condom off of him, watching your gapping hole clench. The hand that had a finger inside you pulled you closer by the ass, making it rest against his thighs and he pumped his fist around his cock till his cum painted your back with ropes of white. “Shit, shit, shit. Don’t you fucking move” he reached for his pants and pulled out his phone, his thumb immediately making its way back to your hole so he could snap a picture. “That might be the prettiest sight of all, babygirl.”

Daniel pulled out completely, pushing your hip so you fell on your side, your body immediately curling up and shutting down on the mattress. You were a mess, spit covering half of your face, your thighs slippery with arousal and now your back covered in cum.

“Dan?” he hummed “there’s a small towel in my suitcase, right on top. Can you wet it a bit and bring it to me? Please?”

“Yeah, don’t worry i’ll clean you up. Just let me sort myself out first.” he was slightly out of breath too, you could hear it in his voice “Fuck, baby. You okay?” you nodded against the pillow. “Too week to shower right now, yeah? We can shower in the morning.” he said after seeing that your thighs were still quivering.

He got up from the edge of the bed where he was sitting and grabbed the towel from your bag before leaving the room. He came back a few minutes later with a bottle of water and the dampened towel. He dragged it against your thighs, lifting the right one so he could get to your messy middle. Being extremely careful with it he cleaned you up entirely, making sure to leave his cum for last to not spread it all over you.

“Here, got some water.” you sat up against the headboard taking the bottle from his hands. As you drank your water you watched him put his boxers back on and pick up his clothes from the floor, folding them messily and putting them on top of your dresser, his keys and wallet beside them.

“Daniel, just leave it. Turn off the light and come here. ‘M tired.”

He did what you asked and got under the covers, bringing them up to your chest as you laid with your back turned to him. He scooted closer and pulled you in easily with an arm around your waist.

“I’m a cuddler, gonna have to deal with that.” he smiled against your neck, leaving a small kiss before tucking your head right beneath his own so you were comfortably fit in his embrace.

#daniel ricciardo #daniel riccardo x reader #daniel ricciardo smut #f1 #a writes

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vaspider · 2 months

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Friend of mine from RL reached out like "hey I logged into Tumblr and went to try to find you so I searched vaspider and uhhh are you okay" and I'm just like, yeah, man, I have no idea what you're talking about.

So I'm gonna say this bc I have to say it every so often: Yeah, I know there are a bunch of people on here who have me living rent-free in the haterade brew of their brains.

No, I don't care.

It doesn't actually matter. Please understand that. It doesn't affect my actual life in any way. Every so often, people make me aware of someone who is stirring up a particularly noxious batch of haterade. And then?

I block them. I block their buddies who piled in on the post. I block the people who mindlessly reblog posts calling me whatever words are supposed to incite Tumblr's favorite current moral panic. I block all of them. This process takes maybe five minutes. At most. Usually, it takes a lot less.

And then - and this is the key part - I never think about any of those people ever again.

Nobody is required to like me, or to read what I write, or anything of the sort, and I'm not required to recognize that they exist. One of those two things happens, and it isn't me recognizing or remembering any of the people who spend so many thought cycles thinking about how I'm a [current scary word here].

I recommend this method for dealing with people who have nothing better going on in their lives than running around sending I SAW VASPIDER DANCING AT THE DEVIL'S MASS asks to anyone who reblogs a post with me in it or whatever. Try it. Genuinely. Just block anybody where the vibes are even slightly off - including me, sure. I assure you that if I ever notice - which is highly unlikely - I will not care. The only way I'd ever notice is if I try to like one of your posts and can't, in which case... I block you, bc if you don't want to talk to me, then cool, I'll respect that and make sure it's mutual.

And I move on with my life, and I never think about that person again.

So like, who wins in this situation? Some old dyke just minding his own business, or the people investing lots of time and energy and emotion in hating someone who doesn't remember that they exist?

#🤷🏻‍♂️

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convolutedblasphemy · 2 months

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I wasn't shitting you guys btw I actually made the one-sided radiostatic playlists

here is my lyrical masterpiece. both the vox version and the alastor one. done my best to make it as lyrically accurate as possible. @styrofauxm @onesidedradiostatic i hope you enjoy this (go check out the full lyrics for the songs on google if you can't listen to it but i recommend it because all of these are bangers) feat. my stupid commentary and vox's pathetic wet cat energy

Click to listen to the Vox one on YouTube

1. the hearse — matt maeson

thought this one fit so well lyrically. the "what was it like to feel in love" part i interpreted as vox asking himself that rather than alastor

❞ i am the man we both couldn't stand, i can't wash off the dirt from my hands, what was it like to feel in love? [...] i will never go backwards, i will never be free, i will never run faster; will you sink down to me? ❝

2. i'm just ken — ryan gosling

i'm not even adding lyrics to this one, everyone should have seen the barbie movie and this song at this point. this just HAD to be in there. can you feel the kenergy?

3. too many friends — placebo

less about alastor, more about vox's existential crisis

❞ my computer thinks I'm gay, i threw that piece of junk away on the champs-elysées as I was walking home. this is my last communique, down the superhighway. all that I have left to say in a single tome... ❝

4. creep — radiohead

i mean isn't this literally his theme song?

❞ when you were here before... couldn't look you in the eye. you're just like an angel. your skin makes me cry. you float like a feather in a beautiful world. i wish I was special. you're so fuckin' special. but I'm a creep, i'm a weirdo, what the hell am I doin' here? ❝

5. where evil grows — the poppy family

y'all seen the sonic movie? we need to see vox do that dance.

❞ i like the way you smile at me, i felt the heat that enveloped me and what i saw i liked to see. i never knew where evil grew. i should have steered away from you, my friend told me to keep clear of you but something drew me near to you ❝

6. one of us — ava max

i had to edit this one a bit in the video and cut out the part about the kissing because that for sure didn't happen

❞ one of us would die for love; one of us would give it up. one of us would risk it all; one of us won't even call. one of us could say goodbye, never even bat an eye... ❝

7. colorblind — amber riley

more pathetic wet cat energy brought to you by yours truly

❞ i don't think that i'll ever find that silver lining or reason to smile. you know i used to paint such vibrant dreams, now I'm colorblind, colorblind. when did my heart get so full of never mind, never mind? did you know that you stole the only thing I needed? ❝

8. arcade — duncan lawrence

more pathetic wet cat energy brought to you by yours truly

❞ a broken heart is all that's left. i'm still fixing all the cracks. lost a couple of pieces when i carried it, carried it, carried it home. i've spent all of the love I saved. we were always a losing game; small town boy in a big arcade, i got addicted to a losing game... all i know, all i know: loving you is a losing game. ❝

9. if i can't have you — skylar astin

i picked the version from zoey's extraordinary playlist on purpose because the context of this scene is that the dude who sings it hires a bunch of singers and dancers to confess in a public space as you, the viewer, sit there and cringe at him as he gets rejected. if that doesn't have vox energy, i don't know what does.

❞ i'm good at keepin' my distance (lie), i know that you're the feelin' I'm missing. you know that I hate to admit it but everything means nothin' if I can't have you. i can't write one song that's not about you, can't drink without thinkin' about you. is it too late to tell you that everything means nothing if I can't have you? ❝

10. do you want me (dead)? — all time low

when vox asks himself whether alastor wants him or wants him dead it's definitely the second option.

❞ i let it ride on a bet, i doubled down on a sinking ship; need a second to catch my breath: do you want me? or do you want me dead? oh, give it up for at least a second; i'm getting sick of your bullshit attitude and how you walk around like you shine brighter, it's killing me, so what do you say? do you want me? or do you want me dead? ❝

11. push — ryan gosling

i can't just put one musical number from the barbie movie in and not include the other one that fits equally as well.

❞ said, i don't know if I've ever been good enough. i'm a little bit rusty and I think my head is cavin' in. and I don't know if I've ever been really loved by a hand that's touched me, and I feel like something's got to give and I'm a little bit angry, well, this ain't over, no, not here, no; not while I still need you around. ❝

Ice-cold rejection & vicious mockery: Alastor's version

the contrast of this is the best part.

Click here to listen to the Alastor one on YouTube

1. little big boy — madds buckley

he doesn't go easy on him. this is 0 compassion and 100% roast.

❞ brimstone fire and eyes aglow, little big boy's making the whole world know his name. raised on pillars and shining lights, breathing smoke for the right to keep his place. never satisfied 'till they all see how big this little boy can be. well the water's rising; tide's comin' in. does little big boy know how to swim in a pond filled with fish bigger than him? ❝

2. i help you hate me — sunrise avenue

he's so helpful fr but it's not working unfortunately

❞ i broke many hearts throughout my days. yours was the hardest one to face. though, I've never been a saint, i still love you every day, just not the lover kind of way. i know you wanna see me falling out, falling out the window. i know you wanna see me crashing down, crashing with my plane. baby, i'm way too young to die but I'll help you get over me. ❝

3. no surprise — daughtry

this is one of my favorite bands, i'm glad i got to include this.

❞ it came out like a river once i let it out when i thought that i wouldn't know how. held onto it forever just pushing it down, felt so good to let go of it now. not wrapping this in ribbons, shouldn't have to give a reason why: it's no surprise i won't be here tomorrow, i can't believe that I stayed 'til today. there's nothing here in this heart left to borrow. there's nothing here in this soul left to save. don't be surprised when we hate us tomorrow. ❝

4. go screw yourself — avery

i can picture him 1:1 delivering a swing version of this when vox confesses to him

❞ i know i've been holding it in, the way i feel about you. something i've been dying to say but I don't know how you'll take it; oh please don't go; you should know these three words i've been holding back; trying to fight, i'mma let 'em out... these three words, gotta let you know, here I go: go screw yourself. i've had enough, yeah, now we're done. ❝

5. the audacity — emelyn

this one's such a bop honestly. had to cut it in the video because i can't picture alastor realistically crying over anything vox-related.

❞ think your opinions should be broadcast... even though no one's subscribing, listening or liking but by all means, keep whining. must be tough if life's so rough. you should buy a mic, start a podcast, even though, wait, nobody asked. [...] where do all these men find the audacity? no actually, i'm stunned by your stupidity. ❝

6. friends — halocene

this one had to be on here.

❞ have you got no shame? you're looking insane turning up at my door. it's two in the morning, the rain is pouring, haven't we been here before? [...] so don't go look at me with that look in your eye, you really ain't going away without a fight. you can't be reasoned with, i'm done being polite. i've told you one, two, three, four, five, six thousand times. haven't I made it obvious? haven't I made it clear? want me to spell it out for you? f-r-i-e-n-d-s ❝

7. can't catch me now — olivia rodrigo

he likes the attention def especially after his return

❞ bet you thought i'd never do it, thought it'd go over my head. i bet you figured i'd pass with the winter, be somethin' easy to forget. oh, you think i'm gone 'cause i left but i'm in the trees, i'm in the breeze, my footsteps on the ground. you'll see my face in every place but you can't catch me now. through wading grass, the months will pass, you'll feel it all around. i'm here, i'm there, i'm everywhere but you can't catch me now ❝

8. take a hint — victoria justice & elizabeth gillies

this is on every rejection playlist and it's gonna be on mine too. a bop even after all these years.

❞ ask me for my number, yeah, you put me on the spot. you think that we should hook up, but I think that we should not. you had me at "hello", then you opened up your mouth and that is when it started going south. [...] what about "no" don't you get? so go and tell your friends i'm not really interested. it's about time that you're leavin', i'm gonna count to three and open my eyes and you'll be gone ❝

9. no — madilyn bailey & megan nicole

more rejection for y'all. the world needs more mean aroaces and this playlist is my contribution.

❞ first you gonna say you ain't runnin' game, thinking i'm believing every word; call me beautiful, so original, telling me I'm not like other girls, i was in my zone before you came along, now i'm thinking maybe you should go ❝

10. oh no — marina and the diamonds

a classic.

❞ don′t do love, don't do friends; i′m only after success. don't need a relationship, i'll never soften my grip [...] i know exactly what i want and who i want to be. i know exactly why i walk and talk like a machine. i'm now becoming my own self-fulfilled prophecy. ❝

Reblogs are appreciated!

#hazbin hotel #hazbin #alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #the radio demon #aroace alastor #hazbin hotel vox #one sided radiostatic #onesided radiostatic #staticradio #radiostatic #hazbin vox #vox

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bunnypeew · 2 months

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Wicked little thing - Alastor x Gn!reader NSFW

warnings: NSFW, MDNI pls thank you,, possessive Alastor, pet names, established relationship, doesn't really have a plot just smut dom!Alastor, sub!reader

okay so this is gonna be NSFW I am aware that Alastor is ace but Id like to say that it is a spectrum and a lot of people who are ace themselves also write NSFW of Al, but in case anything happens I'll be happy to take it down also the outfit is primarily like shorts/miniskirt and a shirt with a boob window

Today was a peaceful day, well at least as peaceful as it could get in hell anyway, Y/n was getting ready in their room in the hotel, they weren't sure of what to wear so they opted for a pretty open outfit since it was hot that day, not thinking one bit about what other people might think, the important thing is that they were comfortable. So they went down to the lobby to get some errands from Charlie for the day, she was hanging out at the bar with Husk and Vaggie talking about god knows what but as soon as she saw Y/n coming in her direction she perked up ready to say hi to them

''Oh hi Y/n!! Good morning!! You came down to get some errands I presume?,,

she said excitedly taking them by the hand to greet them even more, they couldn't help but smile at her excitement

''yeah ahah, hope I'm not interrupting anything tho,,

she shook her head smiling looking back at them with kind of a serious face even tho it was still filled with excitement

''Okay so I need you to do some errands outside in cannibal town, you know how the people helped us and everything id like for you to give this to Rosie! sadly I'm too busy to do it myself I hope Its not a bother,,

''not at all, don't even worry about Charlie I will go there right away,,

they say taking said thing from Charlie's hands and heading out of the Hotel. As they arrived at cannibal town it took them a while to remember where Rosie's emporium was but as soon as they found they sighed in relief. It's not like they didn't like cannibal town, hell Alastor was a cannibal so it wasn't that, it's just that being outside with a bunch of people around made them uneasy.

As they enter the emporium they hear Rosie talking to someone so they walk towards the voices to find Alastor is the one she was talking to, they weren't surprised at all, Rosie was one of Alastor's dear friend so it was usual for them to be talking. They put all their attention towards Rosie not even noticing how Alastor was gripping his staff a little too tight

''Hey Rosie! I came here to give you something Charlie wanted you to have! here!,,

they say giving them the thing from their hands, Rosie was really happy and thanked them profusely also asking them if they wanted a pinky finger or something, but they declined kindly. It was at this point that Alastor got up from his seat, planting a hand on Y/n waist a little roughly

''My dear Rosie, it was a pleasure speaking to you but it seems that me and this little thing have to be going! till next time!,,

and like that shadows engulfed them making them appear in the shared bedroom they had at the hotel. Alastor then with one hand rotates them around roughly, putting one hand under their chin and pulling their head up to look at him while the other one digs in their waist. Y/n was confused at this little aggression that Alastor was displaying, it was not like it at all

''Don't I always tell you to be careful my dear, mh?~ what is going on with this distasteful outfit you are wearing, how many people looked at you,,

Y/n looked him in the eyes understanding what was going on: He was jealous and nonetheless possessive they didn't say anything, wanting Alastor to get even more worked up over how they looked today. Seeing this Alastor pushes them onto the bed and places himself between their legs, one hand digging into their hip while the other one is around their pretty little neck

''not replying now are we, pet?~ Let's see how much you can hold in your words, shall we?..

with that, he roughly took off their pants and slipped out his cock then pushed it all in one thrust, this made Y/n whimper with their mouth closed not wanting to give up on being a brat just yet. Alastor was going rough, hard and fast savouring every thrust, still holding on to their neck, the other hand claws digging deeper in their hip with each thrust

''you belong to me, do you understand that pet?~,,

he says waiting for an answer from them, when he doesn't get one he slaps their ass making them moan out loud, he then gets his face closer to theirs to whisper in their ear

''I want an answer my love~,,

they moan putting both their hands around the hand that Alastor had around their necks, they decide they've been a brat enough, after all they didn't want the radio demon to get even more aggressive

''Yes Alastor,,

he then smirks and kisses them on the neck going back to his pace now a little slower and softer

''Good pet,,

he says now kissing them on the neck and savouring every moan that comes out of their mouth. He then starts going even faster when he starts reaching his climax, his hands both on their hips digging into their skin, and finishing in them with one last hard thrust. He then flops himself on their chest breathing heavily

''Sorry I made you mad Al~,,

they say now in a soft voice, putting their hands in Alastor's hair to stroke at his deer ears, this makes him hum softly

a/n: I LOVE ALASTOR WITH MY ENTIRE BEING!! and him being possessive wowie sign me in!!! hope you guys liked this and remember my requests are now open in case anyone wants to suggest a prompt!!

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin alastor #hazbinhotel #alastor x reader #alastor smut #alastor #alastor hazbin hotel #alastor the radio demon #radio demon #the radio demon #writing #creative writing #writer #writeblr

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becausegoodheroesdeservekidneys · 2 months

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routine vibe check: what’s the best starter pokemon and why are you right (pictures and long paragraphs of evidence welcomed and appreciated)

Gonna get a good grade in vibe check, normal to want and inevitable to achieve because I have objectively correct Pokemon opinions and will block naysayers

OKAY LET'S GO

I decided to do, like, a top 5 list or something, because I'm bad at picking a single favourite of stuff. And then even that overwhelmed me, so I found one of those tier ranking list sites and produced this:

It was done in less than a minute, so if I wanted to get really picky, I don't know if I would be fully wedded to it (not sure if maybe Sceptile should be one higher) BUT it did help to highlight the important ones.

So!

5. Bulbasaur

It's. Just. So. Nice.

Like you can find cooler, more beautiful, cuter, fancier... there's a whole bunch of ways for a Pokemon to be great. But you will never ever find a nicer Pokemon than Bulbasaur. It's so lovely. Look at it. Look at its face.

I can't put it higher, because the rest of the line is fairly bland in terms of development. It's good and logical and fun, don't get me wrong, but Ivysaur and Venusaur just look like bigger versions with More Flower and Less Cute rather than creatures in their own right. To be honest, if it weren't a starter requiring a three-stage evolution, you could do away with Ivysaur. Something I don't like about a lot of lazy three-step lines is that the middle step just looks like a transitional mid phase rather than a Proper Creacher, like they were artificially inflating the Pokemon number count. Meanwhile it took us until Paldea to get a Girafarig evo that would actually make the giraffe tall. Madness.

However my first ever Pokemon was a Bulbasaur I called Daffodil, and I have traded him forward onto every single successive generation since. He is, quite literally, my First Ever Pokemon. I love him desperately. I still have him. Not many people still have their First Ever Pokemon. But I do and I love him. So, Bulbasaur gets the fifth spot.

4. Snivy

Again, a victim of the Banal Transitional Middle Evo, but both Snivy and Serperior are incredible, and as Meatloaf took such pains to tell us, two out of three ain't bad.

But Snivy! It's so snooty! I was super lucky with mine, too, because I beat the 12.8% odds and got a female, and I loved her. Normally the initial baby starters are designed to be cute but Snivy has SO MUCH PERSONALITY, she's great. And the design of Serperior is utterly gorgeous. She keeps the expression, but rather than the Animal Crossing-style snooty-cute vibe of Snivy you get this thousand yard withering stare of an empress whose servant (you) has just turned up dripping mud in her throne room and asked her for money. Her green and gold colour scheme is exquisite. Her filigree design, including her high collar, give off the air of wealth and sophistication befitting her immaculate pedigree. And all this! In a simple snake. Incredible design work, 10 out of 10, no notes.

Begone, you miserable peasant. Have him boiled.

3. Torchic

Now I'll be real with you, lads, but Pokemon design hit its stride with Hoenn and then got better.

It's partly a fashion thing, of course - you look at some of the Kanto designs and they are remarkably 90s, because that's when the franchise launched. Others are clearly a product of what the 1990's were capable of producing in pixels on an already over-stretched cartridge medium. Like we like to clown on Red and Green/Blue now, but my god, those game designers performed a miracle with Pokemon. Every single square inch of space was used to make that game, and complex designs weren't going to cut it.

(With that said, there is still no excuse for Dragonite.)

And then Johto came about and its Pokedex sucks ass. It's mostly new evolutions for existing Kanto stars, useless babies to inflate the dex number, or poorly thought out single-evos like the inexplicably short Girafarig and the unacceptably dreary Dunsparce (our greatest thanks to Paldea for fixing both of those).

BUT THEN CAME HOENN (trumpets intensify)

And we get habitats! Biomes! A different regional climate, gifting us a brand new area of Pokecology! And therefore a brand new flush of creativity in Pokemon design across the board; less dated, and more inclined to be unique rather than a rehash of Kantonian stuff.

Which brings me nicely to this lad:

Now, I mean. Just look at him. Fucking hell. Cute starter stage, check. LOOK AT HIM FACE

AND THEN he became, at the time, a brand-new unique typing: Fire/Fighting. I realise that is now the norm for like, half of the Fire starters, but that's because of Torchic, actually. He was super popular. In fact if you ever play Ruby/Sapphire/Emerald and you do what my husband and I like to call a Mynci Dave run (use one Pokemon almost exclusively, meaning it gets all the experience points and therefore over-levels to a terrifying degree, allowing you to sweep the game; so named after the noble Primeape we first did this with, Mynci Dave), Torchic is the PERFECT Pokemon to choose, because almost everything is weak to either Fire or Fighting in that region.

Anyway, Combusken is, again, kind of mid (although props for the inverted colour scheme and the fact that it actually does look like a teenager.) But Blaziken, on the other hand... Blaziken is a six foot ninja chicken with wings for hair whose Pokedex entry describes it as able to leap tall peaks in a single bound, a feat it achieves after strengthening its legs by hoofing Geodudes down mountains like they're fucking footballs

Also an impressive bulge.

My first was called Gilgamesh, and he was fucking great. For a long time, this mad lad was my actual favourite Pokemon, not just starter. Brilliant. Love him. Five stars out of three. King.

2. Fuecoco

It would probably surprise you to know I've not actually used one. I chose Sprigatito, and I do really like Meowscarada, actually. But pretty anthro cat boys have been done in Pokemon quite a bit at this point; cats, dogs and rabbits are over-represented in terms of Poke-taxa. Possibly this is another reason for a toad, a snake and a chicken being 5, 4 and 3 so far (ooh, basilisk ingredients, I've just realised.) They're new and unusual! I like an Eeveelution as much as the next person, but they're a whole family of cat-dog-rabbits, like.

However.

Nintendo has tried its hand at Pokecrocodilians three times (Feraligatr, Krookodile, Skeledirge), and they have gotten so much better at design each time that the three of them are basically a scale proxy for ongoing design improvement. Look, I've made a diagram:

EXCEPT

(Strap in)

This one is that rare thing: a three step line that deserves to be a three step line. Let's talk Fuecoco first:

SO CUTE. It's charming, it's charismatic, it's adorable.

It also has hints of its evolutionary end goal, but not like an undeveloped middle evo. It likes singing. The white face hints at the eventual calavera, and it looks a bit like a lil chilli pepper - a ghost pepper, probably in reference to the eventual Fire/Ghost typing. But the colours and shape right now also look a bit reminiscent of a babygro, because this thing is a cute starter. Lookit them teefs. That tuft. Its lovely smile. Beautiful.

And then, at the point you expect it to turn into just the awkward teenage version of the adult, instead we get Crocator:

Oh boy. Oh there's so much to say. Okay okay:

The region it's from is based on Spain, but this thing is incorporating Hispanic elements from across the board. It's a mariachi in a sombrero, except the sombrero also looks kind of like a ring of Mexican marigolds and kind of like a Catalonian Easter cake called Mona de Pascua that has an egg (or egg-shaped confectionary) in the middle. Body shape and markings look kind of like a piñata. The white face is now on its way to a calavera, with the cheek and nostril markings more defined. And it sings, with its open mouth (also how crocodiles release heat, appropriate for a Fire type) and signified by the mariachi theme.

THAT IS A LOT.

And then it becomes Skeledirge. A Fire/Ghost crocodile.

Now the obvious design here is the calavera and the Día de Muertos theming, which is part of it. But there are also many examples of crocodile figures in Spanish folkloric ghost stories: the Catalonian Cocollona, the Lizard of Magdalena from Jaén, or the Drac de Na Coca, or even the Cuca - that one is Portuguese, but turns up in both Brasil and the Iberian Peninsula including in parts of Spain. It's got a Gaudi vibe (like Barcelona). It's got an alebrije vibe (like Mexico).

And the bird! Nile crocs have a cleaning symbiosis with Egyptian plovers; it also sits at the tip of the snout where male gharials have a sort of bulbous bit to help them make sounds (the singing thing).

But this is what the bird does when Skeledirge uses Torch Song:

youtube

It becomes a microphone, then grows in size and attacks the opponent in Phoenix form. Phoenix: Fire/Ghost. Resurrected from the ashes.

Quite simply, your fave could never.

5. Rowlet

My god. (My god)

gasp

Look at this lovely creacher. He is so round and so soft and so lovely. He looks like that baby Yoda meme. He looks like that cat that someone's landlord said they would make an exception for because he looks very polite. Look!!! At his lil bow tie!!! He is a smartly dressed young man and he is kind and he is... well, a bit vacant behind the eyes. A himbo, if you will. But he is all the better for that. What a lovely owl.

He looks a little like a barn owl, perhaps, and those were imported to Hawai'i, where Rowlet is from. But I think he looks a little like a Pueo owl, and given that he will eventually be a Ghost type, that seems right - pueos are one of the physical forms assumed by ʻaumākua in Hawai'ian culture, as I understand it.

And then, hang onto your tits, lads, because this is another banger - THE MIDDLE EVOLUTION IS ITS OWN DESIGN!!! (confetti cannons)

I said earlier that boring middle evos are like just awkward teenagers of the adults. Here, I present to you, a very deliberate Awkward Teenager, in Dartrix:

IT'S A DANDY

I love him I love him I love him

He plays with his fringe and if you touch it without permission he has a tantrum. God, he's so charismatic. Also, that fringe further suggests the pueo - they have pronounced outer rims around their facial disks like that. Look at his bow tie and tail coat. So smart and handsome

This one is so good that it could be the final evo. This is actually my issue with the Delphox line - Braixen is amazing, and then it becomes the bland boredom of Delphox. Braixen should have been the final stop. Here, Dartrix is much the same - good enough to be a high-quality end goal.

Where they differ is that Decidueye is better again.

IT SHOOTS ARROWS MADE OF ITS OWN QUILLS

Also, fun fact - This line is the only starter to change secondary typing. Dartrix is part Flying; but on evolving a second time into Decidueye, it switches to Grass/Ghost. In this evolution, it's definitely mostly a pueo, so the ʻaumākua reference is IN, but actually barn owls also have their associations with the dead in various cultures.

The crown of feathers around its head are also reminiscent of an ayaigasa - a hat worn by Japanese samurai archers. And yet! AND YET!

It still has its lil bow tie look. Bigger now, more of a cravat; but there it is.

A perfect Pokemon, and a perfect evolutionary line. No notes.

Anyway, thank you for this chance to waste three and a half hours writing this essay

#asks #pokemon #long post #gif

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