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#I've been dealing with this for 6-7 years it's not my fucking shoes
time-is-standing · 3 months
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top 10 songs of december
- aka a real Wilbur-heavy month. stay with me for the last one of the year. happy new year btw.
1. Prada - Acoustic Version by cassö, RAYE, D-Block Europe
I found this version on tiktok and somehow fell in love with the whole vibe of the song. I had a few months, when I could afford the big brands and went looking after special perfumes, shoes, even was into looking for balenciaga hoodies etc. but I soon realized saving up money would be more beneficial for the future. it was fun while it lasted though. I'm happy I could afford these things and felt so special for a while.
2. Mine / Yours by Wilbur Soot
the new Wilbur album?? it was such a great suprise! I LOVE every single song on there and I'm listening every day & night to them. this was the absolute fav as you can see, such a vibe! love the bittersweetness of the album.
3. Eulogy by Wilbur Soot
this is a close 2nd fav from the album's tracklist. I actually have strong feelings about this whole album from the minute I first listened. I firmly believe even if not whole songs, but lines are about technoblade. it hurts me deeply to this day, but I can sense so much grief and heavy emotions in these songs (this one specifically).
4. Breathe Me by Sia
a sadder song for the month. I'm always going through it around christmas. I was alone upstairs one night after having spiraling thoughts but I started thinking: actually nevermind, if I have someone that could help me get out of this bullshit, I'm going for it. I knew my bf was playing with friends so I planned on sitting beside him, but as I arrived and he noticed how bad it was, they invited me into the game and had so so much fun that night. I'm real thankful for them but mostly him.
5. Amazon Standing Lamp by Wilbur Soot
this song... I have a strong love-hate relationship with it. I love-love-love the message, the sad undertones, the whole mood of the song, but I just can't seem to be able to stomach the vague helf sentences about their sex life. I just froze when I realized the meaning behind thise words and have been stuck there ever since.
6. Harag by Anchorless Bodies
one hungarian fav. I have issues with dealing with anger and this song somehow connects to me on such a higher level. it's all about anger, it has a distinct atmoshpere that I love when it comes to dealing with my never ending rage.
7. Si No Estás by iñigo quintero
I have a soft spot for this song. I don't even know the meaning of all the words, but it has a charming, calm vibe to it, that I love. I don't know how it happened, but I fell in love when I first listened to it months ago, and it stayed with me.
8. Youngblood by 5 Seconds of Summer
a bit of 5sos never hurts. I was having trouble finding new music that I liked, so I went back to the only artists I never get disappointed by: 5sos, bmth and this month still a bit of loic nottet. I'm trying to deal with these workplace struggles, but no matter how far I move, I never seem to be able to outrun depression and the way I always tend to stay sad for longer periods of time.
9. Dropshipped Cat Shirt by Wilbur Soot
I don't remember listening to this song as much, but it seems like I was enjoying the whole album a bit more than it seemed. I don't think I can understand this song, but I'm totally sure the ending is the most dramatic change I've ever heard in music. must be because I'm so invested in tecno, but I still remember the first time I've heard those last lines.
10. Deathbeds by Bring Me The Horizon
I love this song and And The Snakes Start To Sing so fucking much. somehow these are my all time fav bmth songs and I can be listening to them any time, they always get me. actually I went to the bmth concert earlier this year and it was so fun but I'm still quite sad that they never played too much of the older songs - as a hardcore fan from 2014.
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paulisded · 7 months
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The Ledge #584: Birthday Week!
When I put together each and every episode of The Ledge, I try really hard not to repeat myself too much. If I play a new single one week, the next I'll more than likely air a b-side or album track. Certain songs do end up appearing in multiple shows, but more than likely due to whatever themes I've selected.
That fact has always been in the back of my mind whenever I put on birthday shows. Obviously, during my birthday week I want a show of nothing but my favorite songs of all time, but at the same time I don't want to repeat that same show each and every year. But it dawned on me earlier today that repeating myself once a year is no big deal! Who remembers what I aired a year ago?
Plus, honestly, while I have not doublechecked, I'm sure this year's birthday celebration of my favorite songs is quite unlike previous editions. My tastes are ever-evolving. Some artists have emerged as new favorites. Others have maybe dropped down a peg or two. Plus, I'll admit to purposely selecting different tunes by perennial favorites. Let's be real. I can play almost any song by bands like The Clash or The Ramones...or almost every band in tonight's show.
As for the "52 weeks of Teenage Kicks", I've got a relative rrity from Hagfish. Originally released on 1995's Happiness EP, it also appeared on European versions of their second album, Hagfish Rocks Your Lame Ass. (And since this was my birthday show, I ended the episode with The Undertones original.  
And like I do every week, I must again plead with y'all for more versions of "Teenage Kicks". If you are a musician, or have any contact with artists that could record their own take on the classic, please contact me!
CLICK HERE TO DOWNLOAD THE SHOW!
1. Hagfish - Teenage Kicks
2. The Kinks - I'm Not Like Everybody Else
3. Rolling Stones - Loving Cup
4. The Pretty Things - L.S.D.
5. The Creation - Making Time
6. The Monkees - (I'm Not Your) Steppin' Stone 
7. The Flamin' Groovies - Shake Some Action
8. Big Star - September Gurls
9. Jonathan Richman & The Modern Lovers - Roadrunner
10. The Only Ones - Another Girl, Another Planet
11. Wreckless Eric - Whole Wide World
12. The Velvet Underground - I'm Waiting For The Man (Mono Version)
13. New York Dolls - Personality Crisis
14. Johnny Thunders & The Heartbreakers - One Track Mind
15. Johnny Thunders - You Can't Put Your Arms Around A Memory
16. The Ramones - I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend
17. Sex Pistols - Lonely Boy
18. The Clash - Stay Free
19. Elvis Costello - (The Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes
20. Nick Lowe - They Called It Rock
21. Graham Parker - Discovering Japan
22. R.E.M. - I Believe
23. X - The New World
24. Superchunk - Slack Motherfucker
25. Archers Of Loaf - Wrong
26. The Saints - I'm Stranded
27. Hoodoo Gurus - I Want You Back
28. The Church - The Unguarded Moment 
29. The Jesus & Mary Chain - April Skies
30. Runaways - Cherry Bomb
31. The Patti Smith Group - Dancing Barefoot
32. Liz Phair - Fuck And Run
33. Lydia LovelessReally Wanna See You
34. The Replacements - Color Me Impressed
35. The Replacements - Satellite
36. Bash & Pop - Never Aim To Please
37. Paul Westerberg - 2 Days 'Til Tomorrow
38. The Undertones - Teenage Kicks
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dans-den · 1 year
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Air Review
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Hey what's going on everyone? Dan here and today I'll be reviewing the Air movie.
Warning!: May contain spoilers
Now this is the success story of how Nike not only sign arguably the best player in Basketball history, but became the most dominant sports brand in history. This is also Ben Affleck's first movie he's directed in a long time, the movie is alright but I do have some critiques on how it could have been done better.
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The cast itself is quite literally an A-list cast in Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Jason Bateman, Chris Tucker and Viola Davis. Funny enough, Jordan himself wanted Viola Davis to portray his mother specifically because his mother loves Davis which I think is nice. The cast did a good job portraying the people of Nike and the Jordan family. I think the acting turns into over acting at times where it gets overly dramatic with some lines. I understand it's a dramatization of what happened, but I still think it should have stuck more to the true events for that realism. I forgot to mention that Marlon Wayans is in this film too but his role only lasts like five minutes somewhere in the beginning and never appears in the movie again except a brief mention about the person Wayans portrays.
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The writing itself reminds me of Winning Time from HBO MAX, the Lakers series. This movie is rated R only because of the profanity used, it's almost the same as Winning Time where they use the words "Fuck" a lot. It reminds me of the 2022 Saint Rows game dialogue where they cuss a lot and it feels written by a 14 year old. I don't have a problem with profanity because this is likely how they actually talked or reacted, but when it's overused like in these shows or movies, it gets dull real quick and loses the comedic factor. Alex Convey is the writer of this film and Apparently this is his first piece of major work according to IMDb. Alex if you see this, this is decent writing, but I feel if you focus more on clever writing rather than heavy profanity use, you'll do great. Don't know where Affleck found this guy but not bad.
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The story of Nike and Jordan is as old as time itself, I like to think that Jordan himself had some involvement besides wanting Davis as his mother since this movie is based around his big deal with Nike that changed the industry of sponsorships and sports players. I do wish they had mention other things like how Nike pursued Magic Johnson for Nike and he turned it down (they referenced this in Winning Time and Magic has gone on record saying he regrets not taking the Nike deal) or how Adidas said they couldn't make a shoe for Jordan (this was referenced in The Last Dance and The Company Man Video on Nike. Link: Company Man: Nike ).
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The movie is good, but I feel like this would have done better as like mini-series. I say this because I feel we didn't really get enough time to soak in all the movie pieces and effort it took to get Jordan signed. If this was broken off into like a 5 or 6 part mini-series, we'd get e better idea on how it crucial it was and what was at stake to get Jordan signed and how this revolutionized the industry in terms of sponsorships and deals. The movie got the cliff notes down and managed to stuff just enough into the movie but at times admitting felt rushed.
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Overall, the movie was fun to watch but I felt they could have added more details to it on all the moving pieces. acting was good, the writing was decent enough for an R rated film and it was a fun watch. I may have my critiques about it but it is serviceable and gives people a better idea on how the Jordan/Nike deal came to be.
Rating this film, I give it:
7/10
I recommend this film to watch with friends or if you're a basketball or shoe guy, this is definitely your movie. That's all I've got for today.
See ya!
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dzpenumbra · 1 year
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3/13/23
I made up for 4+ hours of conflict yesterday with 6+ hours of streaming today.
I can't even explain how... delusional it feels... to stream a story game that is intentionally being streamed as essentially a set of dynamic prompts for me to tell a story... to no listeners... The traits, characters, setting, plot tools, all that... they're all delivered by the game. Select choices and making all the pieces fit together? That's up to me. And it's very difficult to... bring your 100% when you're telling a story to a handful of bots. When no one shows up. For hours.
I switched over to art after about 3 hours. I opened Krita and just started drawing this organic abstract stuff I've been doing lately. The work I did on the prayer beads, and the Be Here Now sign. Kinda like an organic membrane with voids or like... cell pockets. It's a type of design I've been doing for like 20 years. I did that and listened to the entirety of Periphery's new album. It's fucking good, really weird, really out there, really pushing their limits. Super different from anything I've heard from them. Very impressed.
So I did a live album review - to no one. At some point someone came by and said "long time no see"... and then nothing else. I engaged with them immediately... crickets. I looked at their profile, they followed me when I drew the owl (my profile picture) back in 2021, but I guess never came back since. And just went silent or left. People are so odd. Then someone new came in, and... same story. Just said hello, and I tried to strike up a conversation... crickets. It's so frustrating.
Honestly, it feels really sad. It feels like I'm just pretending to have friends, which really doesn't make the idea of actually making friends more real. It makes it feel farther away. I just... I fucking suck at this.
Daylight savings really fucked me up. I didn't get up and moving until like 4. That shit is so fucked up. Because I didn't get to sleep until like... 7! I'm genuinely surprised I'm getting this journaling done at such an early hour.
So... I missed the mixer at the board game shop. Never showed up, it got late too quick. I got yoga done. I skated up to the gas station up by the highway and got some food and snacks. The woman who worked there was laughing about some guy who came in twice saying that he got his turban stuck in the tire air pump thing, like it got sucked in or something... and she was just scoffing at him and laughing him off. And... I just kinda laughed at the absurdity of it, because I had this Looney Tunes cartoon of it happening in my head and it was pretty slapstick funny. But... inside... I was like... that's a religious garment, that's like... he's gotta feel really panicked that he doesn't have it. That's a big deal to some people, like real big. Like "lost a wedding ring" big. And they didn't even try to take him seriously and help him, they just laughed him off and told him to leave, they just said "it doesn't work like that, it blows air, I don't know what happened to your turban but our machine didn't suck it in" or something. And... yeah, in hindsight... poor guy, you know? I wish I had been a bit more present, I could've probably offered to help him.
I seriously... I hate how scared of people I am here. Just... in general, I guess. Like... crossing paths with a homeless person who was just yelling out loud in the street the other day. It's hard to really... empathize with that. It confuses me. It's alien. I'm super self conscious, it's like... the complete opposite, just like... ultimate not giving a fuck. Hard to put myself in those shoes. And that kinda freaks me out, I guess. Encountering people from different cultures at the gas station, it made me feel bad. Like... it made me feel like a bad person. Because I just... didn't know what to expect, really. Like... I didn't know what they were thinking, because I didn't know how I appear in their eyes. If that makes sense, I'm finding this hard to articulate clearly. Like... 3/4 of the people I run into I'm scared are going to try to steal my skateboard. Which is fucking stupid, because it's like 35 lbs and the controller for it is strapped firmly to my wrist and I'm going at least 8mph at the time... But my anxiety just tells me I'm gonna get a knife or a gun pulled on me and they're taking the board, my earbuds and my phone. And I just... I guess it's because I'm alone.
It's weird. It's most people. I just... assume I'm pissing them off, they're going to yell at me, they're going to call the cops on me, they think I'm stalking them, they think I'm creepy, they think I'm dangerous, they think I'm annoying or making a lot of noise (the board can be a bit loud on brick, but it's a really fun texture to ride on), they think I'm a hipster dad trying to reconnect with a lost youth (not far off, minus the dad part...). I have no idea what others see when they look at me. And I clearly assume the worst.
And over the past few years, I've heard some nasty things. Nasty things that people think of me. And... I'm afraid a lot of that might've gotten beaten into my head?
I'm having trouble wording this right, I think. I don't trust the people around me... because I don't know what they think of me, I don't know how they perceive me. Because I very rarely get social feedback, and the overwhelming majority of it is either avoidance or conflict. So it sorta stands to reason that the most likely perception of me is... negative. Or suspicious. Which means people will be guarded around me. Which means... I'm not safe.
God... what a mess. What a mess my brain has devolved into. Looking at this, no shit I don't go out in public. And all I've been begging for, for years now... is someone to just wingman. So it's safe for me to meet new people and branch out. Ugh.
How many times do I need to have this panic attack, good lord, I'm such a broken record on this! Every anxiety response I have - "I went to the store and I ran into people that must have been suspicious of me because I'm a white dude with a shaved head in his mid-30's wearing black" - and it always catastrophizes and then resolves at the same damn lament... "if only I had a friend. Someone to have my back."
I hate living like this.
Last time I'm hitting this point, I promise. Just... picture this. Instead of me going skating alone with earbuds in trying to ignore the thoughts of people staring at me and judging... or the cops pulling up and ticketing me for riding on the sidewalk or some dumb shit... Instead, me meeting up with a friend to go cruise and explore with. Exploring my new city, with another person, so it's... you know... fucking safer. So if I crash, I'm not fucking stranded alone. So if I get mugged, I at least have someone to help me out after the fact. Someone who knows where I am and can get help. Someone to just... keep me company, and tell me I'm doing a great job, and laugh at my jokes and shit.
Oh, and since we're basically sending wishes to the gods here, might as well ask for my flexibility back in my hips, and whatever weird shit is going on with my neck, if we could get that straightened out, that'd be dank. Thanks Lumbyx, God of Spines, love your work. Praise be.
Welp. That was like... my whole day. Didn't even shower. Just wake up. Grababrush putonalittlemakeup. Yoga. Skate to the shop, hit the riverside and see geese (which was cool) and head home. Watch youtube and eat and... stall. Then stream for 6+ hours.
And here I am.
I'm upset because... it didn't feel like an accomplishment. It was, there were several large accomplishments today. But they didn't feel like accomplishments. I have that feeling where I'm going "man, I want a cigarette" and I just came back inside from smoking a cigarette. Like a hunger. Dissatisfied. Discontent. Uneasy. Wanting. Longing. Craving. It really is like a hunger. I mean that. Like I could easily see others (myself even) trying to sate this hunger with... food, or water, or alcohol, or nicotine, or benzos, or pain pills, or weed, or sex, or like... anything, really. It's a very generic hunger. A very general, deep hunger. So vague and general that I really can't define what it is or where it is.
This, in the past, was why I made those Rimworld-style "Needs meters". Right now: Food - 7/10? Rest - 2/10 Recreation - 9/10 Beauty (of immediate environment) - 5/10 Comfort - 5/10 Outdoors - 7/10
(7+2+9+5+5+7)/6 = 35/6 = 5.8/10 total Mood
So... why am I in such a shitty mood then? Why am I so upset? 5.8 is really not that bad! What's the hunger about? Welp, in Rimworld, that would be one of the Mood modifiers. Not a biophysical thing... like base human needs, the stuff above. It's more of a... thought kinda thing. Psychological effects.
Which is what has brought me to this revision lately where like... I feel like Rimworld should have a need bar for Social. Because it really does feel like a basic survival need. And shit gets really fucky in your life if social just... disappears, or is all bad.
This is where I randomly and suddenly end the journal entry because I'm tired and I notice it's getting a bit late. I wish I had something useful to do with this Rimworld RPG self-help method. It really fucking upsets me that like... I presented this specifically to 3 professional licensed psychologists, one the head of a psychology department at a college, and all of them nodded and smiled and rolled their eyes and tuned out like I was a 5 year old telling them how I was going to be an astronaut someday. Because I found this game mechanic that, in staggering detail, not only maps out both the human psyche and Mazlow's hierarchy of needs, but creates a simulation of that system in a simulated environment. You can see it functioning in real-time. You can alter it. You can see the effects it has on mood and health and relationships and shit, you can see where mental breaks hit and what causes them. It's like... the foundation of the entire game. It's like... it's fucking psychology and self care in a nutshell. It's like a roadmap for self-therapy. And I made a 45 minute video breaking this down in painstaking detail for these people and they didn't even fucking watch it. YOU CAN MAKE YOURSELF IN RIMWORLD, IN PREPARE CAREFULLY. I fucking did it myself to show them! Not even kidding, I made myself in Rimworld, my house, my cat, my dog, and screenshotted the needs tab with the bars and the thoughts list and everything. And I gave them the screenshot to show them, on fucking paper, precisely every goddamn moving piece of what was going wrong in my life. And they did that whole move that shitty parents do when they go "oh wow, that's a wonderful dog you've drawn, let's put it on the fridge a little later" and then the slip it into the trash.
I swear to god, this system helped me immeasurably in being able to get out of my head and actually identify my problems specifically. Like... look what I did here! Up above. Like, my problem is clearly not a base human need. I'm tired, but the rest is doing surprisingly well. It's a craving for social contact, or a craving for... emotional comfort? I'm sure if I tallied out my big mood modifiers, it'd paint a much more detailed picture. But identifying that this hunger is not a biological component is a really important factor for me, because it really feels like a biological factor... and that can be enough for someone to start binge eating or drinking or smoking or whatever, just to make that mysterious hunger go away.
I would love, more than anything, to share this tool with others. This could like... really help people. This could be the kind of tool that people in my generation that just... struggle to connect with therapy... they can do as homework. In an approachable context. Imagine this as an app. And you plug in your stats, and your modifiers. And if you hover over negative modifiers, it can give you suggestions of common remedies to help ease them and boost mood. Shit like that. I mean... come on... Just as a day-to-day self-care kind of thing.
Maybe someone will listen to me someday and see the value of stuff like this. This idea has lasted over 4 years now and I still hold the value of it, its value to me has increased. All because some phenomenally talented indie game developers wanted to make a game that simulates the function of human mood/psychology/biology in a survival scenario. What fool would not use such an advanced and well-crafted tool?
Okay. This is where I end the journal entry. But reset the vibes first.
The highlight of the day was... seeing the geese by the river. There was a guy filming them, no idea what for but it made me so happy to see it! And the river was beautiful, my first time down by the riverside at that part of the river, above the waterfall. And the light was beautiful, and the ancient brick mill buildings at the side of the river just looked really striking. I took a picture, even. That's a memory that will stick with me. I love nature. :)
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I posted 964 times in 2022
That's 324 more posts than 2021!
30 posts created (3%)
934 posts reblogged (97%)
Blogs I reblogged the most:
@honey-daisies
@its-elvie-innit
@jaykatt
@xoxo-ren-xoxo
@elytrafemme
I tagged 324 of my posts in 2022
#tagging myself because i love this too much - 36 posts
#prev tags - 7 posts
#mcyt - 6 posts
#ace attorney - 5 posts
#dsmp - 4 posts
#<3 - 4 posts
#sibs !!!!! - 3 posts
#pikachu man - 3 posts
#y'know - 3 posts
#sibs!!!!! - 3 posts
Longest Tag: 138 characters
#i remember reading golden back when that was still a thing and it was very fun for me because i really liked fantasy type stuff and it was
My Top Posts in 2022:
#5
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in what fucking world
5 notes - Posted June 14, 2022
#4
gonna be honest, if I get the darkiplier ending first again.... I might start crying.
10 notes - Posted March 4, 2022
#3
hello tumblr I cross stitched this item for my little sibling as a Christmas present the galactic says "Fuck off." on top and "I'm play Minecraft." on the bottom.
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12 notes - Posted July 5, 2022
#2
so I'm late to the st. Ignatius ep because I've been dealing with some ~shit~ BUT
...I think we were wrong about who the demon of the duo is
12 notes - Posted October 20, 2022
My #1 post of 2022
personal headcanon that creative mode flight manifests differently for different players. Someone has wings, someone else might get Hermes Shoes, someone else just fuckin levitates, etc. etc.
wait now I'm curious tag how your creative mode flight would manifest
422 notes - Posted February 16, 2022
Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →
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bobasheebaby · 4 years
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200 Harry Potter Prompts
Let me preface with this: I love the Harry Potter series, both the books and the movies and have shared both with my son; HOWEVER I don’t support the things that JK Rowling has been saying recently. I refuse to let her transphobia destroy something I love so I propose we take back these quotes from the characters we love and make as many of them as gay as we possibly can. Fuck you JK
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1 “Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!” —Albus Dumbledore
2 “No post on Sundays.” —Vernon Dursley
3 “You’re a little scary sometimes, you know that? Brilliant … but scary.” —Ron Weasley
4 “It does not do well to dwell on dreams and forget to live.” —Albus Dumbledore
5 “Honestly, don’t you two read?” —Hermione Granger
6 “Why couldn’t it be ‘follow the butterflies’?” —Ron Weasley
7 “Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can’t see where it keeps its brain.” —Arthur Weasley
8 “It is our choices, NAME, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities.” —Albus Dumbledore
9 “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.” —Harry Potter
10 “Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light.” —Albus Dumbledore
11 “I don’t go looking for trouble, trouble usually finds me.” —Harry Potter
12 “The ones that love us never really leave us.” —Sirius Black
13 “What’s comin’ will come, an’ we’ll meet it when it does.” —Rubeus Hagrid
14 “Soon we must all face the choice between what is right and what is easy.” —Albus Dumbledore
15 “I am what I am, an’ I’m not ashamed.” —Rubeus Hagrid
16 “It matters not what someone is born, but what they grow to be.” —Albus Dumbledore
17 “Twitchy little ferret, aren’t you, NAME?” —Hermione Granger
18 “You’re just as sane as I am.” —Luna Lovegood
19 “I mean, it’s sort of exciting, isn’t it, breaking the rules?” —Hermione Granger
20 “Give him/her hell from us, NAME.” —Fred and George Weasley
21 “We’ve all got both light and dark inside us. What matters is the part we choose to act on.” —Sirius Black
22 “Just because you have the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn’t mean we all have.” —Hermione Granger
23 “Things we lose have a way of coming back to us in the end, if not always in the way we expect.” —Luna Lovegood
24 “Let us step out into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure.” —Albus Dumbledore
25 “Wit beyond measure is man’s greatest treasure.” —Rowena Ravenclaw’s diadem
26 “Every human life is worth the same, and worth saving.” —Kingsley Shacklebolt
27 “It is the quality of one’s convictions that determines success, not the number of followers.” —Remus Lupin
28 “Not my son/daughter, you bitch!” —Molly Weasley
29 “You’ll stay with me?” “Until the very end.” —Harry and James Potter
30 “Of course it’s happening inside your head, but why on earth should that mean that it is not real?” —Albus Dumbledore
31 “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.” —Albus Dumbledore
32 “Time will not slow down when something unpleasant lies ahead." — Harry Potter
33 “If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals." — Sirius Black
34 “It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends." — Albus Dumbledore
35 “It is the unknown we fear when we look upon death and darkness, nothing more." — Albus Dumbledore
36 “You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us? You think that we don’t recall them more clearly than ever in times of great trouble?" — Albus Dumbledore
37 “Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it.” — Albus Dumbledore
38 “The truth. It is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution.'" — Albus Dumbledore
39 “Fear of a name only increases fear of the thing itself." — Hermione Granger
40 “I’ll be in my bedroom, making no noise and pretending I’m not there." — Harry Potter
41 “When in doubt, go to the library." — Ron Weasley
42 “Honestly, if you were any slower, you’d be going backward." — Draco Malfoy
43 “Mischief Managed!" — Harry Potter
44 “We are only as strong as we are united, as weak as we are divided." — Albus Dumbledore
45 “Your devotion is nothing more than cowardice. You would not be here if you had anywhere else to go." — Voldemort
46 “Curiosity is not a sin…. But we should exercise caution with our curiosity… yes, indeed." — Albus Dumbledore
47 “Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open." — Albus Dumbledore
48 “The thing about growing up with NAME (and NAME) is that you sort of start thinking anything's possible if you've got enough nerve.'" — Ginny Weasley
49 “Indifference and neglect often do much more damage than outright dislike." — Albus Dumbledore
50 “NAME says people find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than being right." — Hermione Granger
51 “Once again, you show all the sensitivity of a blunt axe." — Nearly Headless Nick
52 “Age is foolish and forgetful when it underestimates youth." — Albus Dumbledore
53 “No, NAME, you listen,” (pause) “We're coming with you. That was decided months ago — years, really.'" —Hermione Granger
54 “Words are, in my not-so-humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic. Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it." ― Albus Dumbledore
55 “Do not pity the dead, NAME. Pity the living, and, above all those who live without love. “-– Albus Dumbledore
56 “Anything’s possible if you’ve got enough nerve.” – Ginny Weasley
57 “For in dreams we enter a world that is entirely our own.” – Albus Dumbledore
58 “We’re all going to keep fighting, NAME. You know that?” – Neville Longbottom
59 “I am not worried, NAME … I am with you.” – Albus Dumbledore
60 “Celebrity is as celebrity does, remember that.” – Gilderoy Lockhart
61 “Parents shouldn’t leave their kids unless —unless they’ve got to.” – Harry Potter
62 “Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies.” – Lord Voldemort
63 “Killing is not so easy as the innocent believe.” – Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince
64 “What's life without a little risk?" — Sirius Black
65 “There were near misses, many of them. We laughed about them afterwards. We were young, thoughtless — carried away with our own cleverness.” – Remus Lupin
66 “You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.” – Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
67 “You will also find that help will always be given at PLACE to those who ask for it.” – Albus Dumbledore
68 “I mean, you could claim that anything’s real if the only basis for believing in it is that nobody’s proved it doesn’t exist!” – Hermione Granger
69 “To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever." — Albus Dumbledore
70 “Though we may come from different places, and speak in different tongues, our hearts beat as one." — Albus Dumbledore
71 “Always.” — Severus Snape
72 “Differences of habit and language are nothing at all if our aims are identical and our hearts are open.” — Albus Dumbledore
73 “It is important to fight and fight again, and keep fighting, for only then can evil be kept at bay though never quite eradicated.” — Albus Dumbledore
74 “Dark times lie ahead of us and there will be a time when we must choose between what is easy and what is right.” — Albus Dumbledore
75 “Time is making us fools again." — Albus Dumbledore
76 “I sometimes find, and I am sure you know the feeling, that I simply have too many thoughts and memories crammed into my mind.” — Albus Dumbledore
77 “The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business indeed.” — Albus Dumbledore
78 “I just feel so ... angry, all the time., and what if after everything I've been through, something's gone wrong inside me. What if I'm becoming bad?" — Harry Potter
79 “Tut, tut — fame clearly isn’t everything.” — Severus Snape
80 “Well, it may have escaped your notice, but life isn’t fair.” — Severus Snape
81 “Ah, yes,” he/she said softly, “NAME. Our new — celebrity.” — Severus Snape
82 ““I wish … I wish I were dead …” “And what use would that be to anyone?” — Severus Snape & Albus Dumbledore
83 “You don’t want me as your enemy, NAME.” — Severus Snape
84 “DON’T . . . CALL ME COWARD!” — Severus Snape
85 “Look . . . at . . . me . . . “ — Severus Snape
86 “Then you should have died! Died, rather than betray your friends, as we would have done for you." — Sirius Black
87 “NAME was a brave, clever, and energetic man/woman, and such men/women are not usually content to sit at home in hiding while they believe others to be in danger." — Albus Dumbledore
88 “Like the fact that the person NAME cared for the most about in the world was you.” — Albus Dumbledore
89 “You don’t understand — there are things worth dying for!” — Sirius Black
90 “Well, [bad] times like that bring out the best in some people and the worst in others.” — Sirius Black
91 “Oh, I’ve interrupted a deep thought, haven’t I? I can see it growing smaller in your eyes.” — Luna Lovegood
92 “I sleepwalk, you see. That’s why I wear shoes to bed.” — Luna Lovegood
93 “He/She doesn’t think you treated him:her very well, because you wouldn’t dance with him/her. I don’t think I’d have minded. I don’t like dancing very much.” — Luna Lovegood
94 “Come, daddy, NAME doesn't want to talk to us right now. He's/She’s just too polite to say it.” ~Luna Lovegood
95 “Being different isn't a bad thing. It means you're brave enough to be yourself.” - Luna Lovegood
96 “NAME, if brains were gold, you'd be poorer than NAME, and that's saying something.” — Draco Malfoy
97 “You foul, lying, evil little cockroach!” — Hermione Granger
98 “Oh, it was NAME, I was thinking about him and I lost track of things.” — Hermione Granger
99 “One person can’t feel all that at once, they’d explode.” — Hermione Granger
100 “It would be quite nice if you stopped jumping down our throats, NAME, because in case you haven’t noticed, NAME and I are on your side.” — Hermione Granger
101 “Next time there’s a ball, ask me before someone else does, and not as a last resort!” — Hermione Granger
102 “Very well spotted.” — Hermione Granger
103 “Always the tone of surprise.” — Hermione Granger
104 “Sometimes friendship means not having to say anything. Thank yous and apologies can sometimes get lost, but that doesn’t mean they’re unexpressed.” — Hermione Granger
105 “You’d think a bit of kissing would cheer him/her up.” — Ron Weasley
106 “And that's the second time we've saved your life tonight, you two-faced bastard!” — Ron Weasley
107 “I knew NAME was lying about that tattoo.” ��� Ron Weasley
108 “There's a time and a place for getting a smart mouth.” — Ron Weasley
109 “Oh, yeah, I borrowed it for a bit of bedtime reading.” — Ron Weasley
110 “What are you doing with all those books anyway?” — Ron Weasley
111 “Hang on a moment!” (said sharply) “We’ve forgotten someone!” — Ron Weasley
112 “I never really gave up on you. Not really." — Ginny Weasley
113 “It's okay NAME, it's alright. It doesn't matter." — Ginny Weasley
114 “People think they know all there is to know about you, but the best bits of you are ... heroic in really quiet ways." — Ginny Weasley
115 “Excuse me, but I care what happens to NAME as much as you do!” — Ginny Weasley
116 “Yeah, NAME, because you’re so talented ... at posing ...” — Ginny Weasley
117 “Forgot to brake, NAME, sorry.” — Ginny Weasley
118 “It’s for some stupid, noble reason, isn’t it?” — Ginny Weasley
119 “I never really gave up on you. Not really. I always hoped ... NAME told me to get on with life, maybe go out with some other people, relax a bit around you, because I never used to be able to talk if you were in the room, remember? And he/she thought you might take a bit more notice if I was a bit more — myself.” — Ginny Weasley
120 “There’s the silver lining I’ve been looking for.” — Ginny Weasley
121 “A good first impression can work wonders.” — Molly Weasley
122 “Beds empty! No note! Car gone-could have crashed-out of my mind with worry-did you care?” — Molly Weasley
123 “Where's the fun without a bit of risk?” — Fred Weasley
124 “You're joking, NAME! You are actually joking, NAME ... I don't think I've heard you joke since you were-“ — Fred Weasley
125 “What are we doing here? Has something gone wrong?” “Oh no, NAME,” [sarcastically.] “No, this is exactly where we wanted to end up.” — Ron and Fred Weasley
126 “Where is NAME?" "Still in the showers," "We think he’s/she's trying to drown himself.” — Harry Potter and Fred Weasley
127 “We thought we heard your dulcet tones." "You don't want to bottle up your anger like that, NAME, let it all out," “There might be a couple of people fifty miles away who didn't hear you.” — George and Fred Weasley
128 “I don't think you're a waste of space.” — Dudley Dursley
129 “Yeah, but coming from NAME that's like ‘I love you.’” — Harry Potter
130 “The point is, if we find out you’ve been horrible to NAME —” “— and make no mistake, we’ll hear about it.” — Arthur Weasley and Remus Lupin
131 “What you fear most of all is-fear.” —Remus Lupin
132 “There’s a bigger cause out there. It’s bigger than any of us here. But we stick together, all right? We stick together and look out for each other. Because you four are all I’ve got left. And I’m not going to see you die. Forever alive, all right? We’re not going to die." -Sirius Black
133 “Thought we were supposed to be friends? Best friends?” “We are, NAME.” — Severus Snape and Lily Potter
134 “NAME was scowling at him/her, but NAME refused to be judged by a cat.”
135 “I don’t know everything about life and marriage and happiness. But I do know what love is. And I do know that when love is real, and when love is in its strongest form, it is the most powerful thing on this earth. It kills, saves lives, heals wounds, and most of all, brings hope. That is what you have done for me, NAME. You have brought me hope." — James Potter
136 “I'm sorry too, that I will never know him/her ... but he/she will know why I died and I hope he/she will understand. I was trying to make a world in which he/she could live a happier life." — Remus Lupin
137 “I DON'T CARE! I'VE HAD ENOUGH, I'VE SEEN ENOUGH, I WANT OUT, I WANT IT TO END, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE!” — Harry Potter
138 “You do care. You care so much you feel as though you will bleed to death with the pain of it.” — Albus Dumbledore
139 “He/She must have known I'd want to leave you." “No, he/she must have known you would always want to come back.” — Ron Weasley and Harry Potter
140 “You think I'm a fool?" “No, I think you're like NAME, who would have regarded it as the height of dishonor to mistrust his/her friends.” — Harry Potter and Remus Lupin
141 “You’re less like your father/mother/etc than I thought. The risk would’ve been what made it fun for NAME.” — Sirius Black
142 “The battle is always the same, just with different chapters.”
143 “I will if you go out with me, NAME.” — James Potter
144 “Understanding is the first step to acceptance, and only with acceptance can there be recovery.” — Albus Dumbledore
145 “We must try not to sink beneath our anguish, NAME, but battle on." — Albus Dumbledore
146 “Eat, you'll feel better." — Remus Lupin
147 “Training for the ballet, NAME?” — Draco Malfoy
148 “You’re a fool, NAME, and you will lose everything.” — Voldemort
149 “There is no good and evil. There is only power, and those too weak to seek it.” — Voldemort
150 “What if I don't care?" “I care. How do you think I'd feel if this was your funeral ...and it was my fault ...” — Ginny Weasley and Harry Potter
151 “Greatness inspires envy, envy engenders spite, spite spawns lies.”
152 “I have seen your heart, and it is mine.” — Voldemort
153 “What is it about my presence in your home that displeases you, NAME?” “Nothing — nothing, my Lord!” “Such lies, NAME . . .” — Voldemort and Lucius Malfoy
154 “Come out, NAME ... come out and play, then it will be quick it might even be painless I would not know I have never died.” — Voldemort
155 “Do nothing! He's/She’s mine to finish! He's /She’s mine!” — Voldemort
156 “They never learn. Pity.” — Voldemort
157 “Invite him inside, NAME. Where are your manners?” — Voldemort
158 “As inspiring as I find your bloodlust, NAME, I must be the one to kill NAME.” — Voldemort
159 “Oh, he/she knows how to play, little bitty baby NAME.” — Bellatrix
160 “I don't like to be kept waiting!” — Bellatrix (Hermione)
161 “Ah, shut up, NAME, yeh great prune.” — Hagrid
162 “You think it - wise - to trust NAME with something as important as this?" “I would trust NAME with my life.” — McGonagall and Albus Dumbledore
163 “It unscrews the other way.” — Professor McGonagall
164 “They’re supposed to be, you blithering idiot.” — Professor McGonagall
165 “Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do, NAME." — Professor McGonagall
166 “"I – I didn't think –" “That is obvious." — Harry Potter and Professor McGonagall
167 “Why is it when something happens, it is always you three?” — Professor McGonagall
168 “NAME, that was foolish!" "He spat at you.” — Professor McGonagall and Harry Potter
169 “NAME – you're here! What –? How –?" — Professor McGonagall
170 “I didn't want anyone to talk to me.” "Well, that was a bit stupid of you.” — Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley
171 “Are you really giving us permission to do this?” “Yes, NAME.” “Blow it up? Boom?” “BOOM!” Neville Longbottom and Professor McGonagall
172 “That's the spirit, now away you go.” — Professor McGonagall
173 “NAME, take NAME with you. He/She looks far too happy over there.” — Professor McGonagall
174 “Do nothing? Offer him/her up as bait? NAME is a boy/girl/child! Not a piece of meat!” — Professor McGonagall
175 “That was bloody brilliant!” — Ron Weasley
176 “May I offer you a cough drop, NAME?” — Professor McGonagall
177 “Things at NAME are far worse than I feared." — Dolores Umbridge
178 “You know, I really hate children." — Dolores Umbridge
179 “I'm sure we're all going to be very good friends." — Dolores Umbridge
180 “The time has come for answers, whether he/she wants to give them or not." — Dolores Umbridge
181 “Deep down, you know that you deserve to be punished. Don't you, NAME?" — Dolores Umbridge
182 “I WILL have order!" — Dolores Umbridge
183 “What NAME doesn't know won't hurt him/her." — Dolores Umbridge
184 “As I told you NAME, naughty children deserve to be punished.” — Dolores Umbridge
185 “NAME, do something. Tell them I mean no harm.” “I'm sorry, NAME. But I must not tell lies.” — Harry Potter and Dolores Umbridge
186 “And that, boys/girls, is why you should never go on looks alone.”
187 “NAME, listen ...” [quietly] “I can’t be involved with you any more. We’ve got to stop seeing each other. We can’t be together.” “It’s for some stupid, noble reason, isn’t it?” — Harry Potter and Ginny Weasley
188 “It’s been like ... like something out of someone else’s life, these last few weeks with you. But I can’t ... we can’t ... I’ve got things to do alone now.” — Harry Potter
189 “When you have seen as much of life as I have, you will not underestimate the power of obsessive love."
190 “You are protected, in short, by your ability to love!” — Albus Dumbledore
191 “NAME’s man/woman through and through, aren’t you NAME?” “Yeah I am. Glad we straightened that out.”
192 “He/She accused me of being NAME’s man/woman through and through.” “How very rude of him/her.” “I told him/her I was.”
193 “He/She will only be gone from PLACE when none here are loyal to him/her.” — Harry Potter
194 “Working hard is important. But there is something that matters even more, believing in yourself.” — Harry Potter
195 “One can never have enough socks.” — Albus Dumbledore
196 “People find it far easier to forgive others for being wrong than right.” — Albus Dumbledore
197 “Where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.” — Albus Dumbledore
198 “The best of us sometimes eat our words.” — Albus Dumbledore
199 “Time will not slow down when something unpleasant lies ahead.” — Hermione Granger
200 “Don’t you tell me what to do, NAME!” — Hermione Granger
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warningimmental · 3 years
Text
You made your choice. It's not to be a mother so....... Congratulations you're free!!!. Your Wish came true.
Yes this is public so people can see.#TRUTH
***See below as im not repeating again and again.***
My side of life.
P.s
Yeah I'll be fine. I always am in the end.
( Heres what needs to be said and has been said so not to repeat myself. From in PMs )
Sad thing is she knows ill forgive her just like I forgave dad and EVERYONE and EVERYTHING else. I care so no one else has to. I'm the one who picked up the pieces of everything but was tormented daily. She wonders why I was the way I was it was due to parenting and fobbing me off to anyone who would take me.
Anne and Bob should of kept me. They couldn't have kids they could of had me though. (neighbours I adopted as grandparents no blood but love ) My father was a shit most of my life my mother was everyones mother bar mine. They kept me quite with gadgets and as long as I went to school fed and watered job done.
Favourite quote was "it's your fault" and dads was "your making me ill"
Christ for someone who knows everyone elses business she never saw what was happening to her own daughter.
29 years im done. Sick of being a leighton.
I said Stockholm syndrome I loved my captives just happened to be the people I called mum and dad....
I still love them both but what I was "known as normal" was not remotely normal.
Eg. I was appendicitis and born 8 months in mum had no clue and I was "hiding" behind her ribs. It's medically impossible.
Not to mention lived in New York every other year from age of 6 months till I was 13. Dad would take me over and over and over mum came ONCE for my 13th.
I have no memories of New York. It's kind of a huge thing and place to have been wiped out of a memory.
Now im clear-minded im having pseudoseizures because my subconscious doesn't want me to remember what happened.
What mother would let a new born or toddler a child that can't speak fly to the other side of the world to only be with men. My dad and my fucked up uncle who sends stuff to "favourite" niece
I've tried so hard to get better and it's not even my family who acknowledged it.
There's so much you don't know.
She used to have me go in the house before her in case dad had killed himself so id find him first from the ages of 7 onwards. When dad past I went behind the curtain first. So I kept the is see him first. On 29th April 2018
I was always on eggshells she would say people die of lack of breath so EVERY NIGHT id check on mum and dad every hour. She would hold her breath to screw with me. Then say im not dead go to bed.
The house was toxic. For once in my life im actually sane.
She is not who you think she is.
If I've lost my mind it's because my environment sucked. I'm finally out. Sober can think clear and don't harm because I don't have to deal with the toxicity that I dealt with ALL my life.
If I told you everything you wouldn't believe me. Which is fine know one does because but it's true.
Always ask why or what causes someone to go off the rails and self destruct. I never felt safe, I was always told I was a mistake and everything was my fault. As long as I kept the family secrets mum was happy.
Dad was toxic. Mum the same. She wants drama so I finally said enough.
When I say mum knows everything I mean she saw it all and NEVER had it stop or put me safe. I can finally talk now dad is gone. I could write every TRUTH down and write a book. People would wonder how the hell did this girl cope and live to tell. I lived because I care about everything and everyone else. But im done now.
I doubt you'd believe me if im honest. My inbox is full of people defending her and my dad. If only they knew. its been a long time coming but im finally speaking out.
I know people don't understand but I don't want to burden with it. If You like my mum and dad id rather I let you keep the illusion. I know it's out there now that's enough.
If you want to see my life keep reading otherwise STOP HERE.
I'm fine and im safe finally. I just needed more as a child than fear of what should of been my safe place a home.
I don't want us to be strangers to the people who read this and thin sarahs lost it.
I don't want to cause a riff, I just couldn't not say it finally. Mum says always go to counselling but I couldn't. I couldn't tell anyone the truth about dad or mum. Or the truth on why I had to have a very intrusive operation due to assault by 3 at Halloween party. Mum now knows that. Dad was arrested for hitting the wrong lad. Dad and mum would have gone down for murder if I spoke out.
On the other hand there was also my home life in general. I was made to stay quiet about having a revolving door of strangers. Huge boozy parties after a night out. Mum and me being treat like muck on a shoe.
A abusive uncle who would have me and my cusion be "kissing cusions" .Every night when I was 15 to 26 I drank took sleeping pills and hid away in my room self destructive harm anything so not to deal.
I look like wolferrines attacked me because of the arguments or threats. Mum couldnt leave the house quick enough. I gave up on a career to care for my dad but I was always looked down on.
****** golden girl. left was I was guilt tripped saying "your still dads girl you won't leave me" while dad would cry. Every night.
Mum swears I was an appendicitis 8 months in term. I'd be handed to anyone and everyone. Every year or every other from birth id end up in america. Mum would say her holidays where when me and dad would leave. From 6 months old id always go back and forth to New York. I couldnt talk yet "apparently" begged to go with dad.
Mum would say after blazing rows im leaving.
Then just walk out the door. I was left with a highly angry father and confused were mum had gone and if she would come back for me. I'd stay up all night waiting. I'd hide crying and scream in a pillow so not to be to loud so dad didn't shout.
I was told my face doesn't fit. My nick name was ferret face or panda. I would hurt my self so not to hurt others. I wanted and trained to be a counsellor so one to understand what I did wrong and two and most importantly to be there for the people who needed support.
I went to rehab to be identified when found so my parents wouldn't have to. If it wasn't for craig I doubt if be here.
Craig saved my life. Mum has always put others before me or ignored it so it didn't exist.
Important in here (ears) none important (over your head)
I was terrified everyday of my life. I loved and do love my parents it's just I can't stay quite any longer.
Money or game consoles chocolate sweets where hush money. Dad would buy crates of spirits and beer and supple my / his pills so I was always foggy minded.
I'm finally sober clean and harm free my mind is the most composed it ever been.
No one knows what goes on behind closed doors.
Mum is a star and has a heart of gold to others but from age 7 onwards everyone else came first.
I pride my self on protecting, comforting trying to be there and support everyone, hell even risked my life enough times to save some. because I never had it. No one to fight for me protect me.
I wanted parents love encouragement happy I archived or even tried. But it never came.
Even my graduation was ruined.
I wasn't allowed to get a job they made me be sick and have PTSD mum still to this day loves to make me jump. I have terrifying nightmares.
I'd hear conversations no child should hear because they either didn't notice I was there or care. When ***** killed him self when *** did when dad tried and I was left with a random man being told "your dads took to many sweets"
The same man who later tried it on with me sending dirty pictures or dads other "mates" who would try there luck. I gained a shit ton of weight 21 stone so NO guy would come near me because the strangers who would come to the house used to try and feel me up or perv if door was unlocked as I was a kid.
She saw everything but wouldn't believe it. Or me. I phone our ***** one night years ago because she said I could and she yelled at me because she had work. I was silently screaming for help.
It was only at dads funeral she saw and realised and was so genuinely sorry for not believing me the night I phoned.
I wish every single thing I've said and keep telling was a lie but it's not it's 25/26 years of fear.
I'm 29 now. For the first time in my life im not on eggshells. I have a safe home. I can lock the door and not fear.
I wish these were lies I swear!!!!! I do but there not.
Yet NO ONE will even consider it's the TRUTH.
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bi-ace-mess · 4 years
Text
Aight, a promise is a promise @not-my-brain
Personal Shit asks
1- I do have some scars: one on my left hand, on the knuckle above my middle finger, and one under my chin. Both were caused by falls, unsurprisingly.
2- I never self-harmed, and I don't plan to do so ever. Too scared to do so.
3- I don't have a crush on anyone, currently.
4- I did kiss a couple of people, but I haven't kissed anyone romantically in a long time.
5- I hate both Coke and Pepsi, but having to choose I have to go with Coke.
6- I don't hate anyone.
7- I have a couple best friends, most of them I met in high school.
8- Yeah, I drink alcohol, but I don't do drugs. That shit's not my deal.
9- I suppose my dream job would be being a scientist.
10- I've been in love twice.
11- I cried a couple days ago, when I finished the third season of Avatar.
12- My favorite color is electric blue.
13- I'm 170cm tall. I ain't telling in imperial system because fuck America.
14- I was born on March 11th, 2001.
15- My eyes are brown.
16- My hair is black.
17- I love music, my friends, and games. Ah, also maths and science.
18- I guess simulation games are my current obsession. Also D&D.
19- If I could wish for one thing, I would probably wish for my loved ones to be safe and happy.
20- I love a lot of people! No one romantically though.
21- I'm all about hugs! Kisses are something that depends on who's kissing.
22- My closest friends call me Zal, or big bro, or Simo. Any variations of Simon are a certain brainless one's fault, and they happen to be my nicknames as well.
23- I would say that my favorite song is Ghosts by Jacob Tillberg.
24- My favorite bands are Caravan Palace and Panic! at the Disco.
25- I think that the worst thing that ever happened to me was closing everyone out of my life, early in high school.
26- The best thing that ever happened to me was meeting people stubborn enough as to break down my walls in high school.
27- I dated some people, yeah. Just two of them have actually had a lasting impact on me, though.
28- My worst mistake was probably closing everyone out early in high school.
29- I'll choose the book over the movie adaptation every day of the week.
30- I had plenty of heartbreaks.
31- My favorite show has to be The Good Place.
32- I don't know what the best day of my life has been so far, tbh.
33- I'm a great writer. A decent actor, I think?
34- I don't wish I could start over.
35- I tend to procrastinate a lot, and I sometimes forget to care about myself in order to care about others first.
36- Never had a near death experience.
37- I trust my best friend with my life. She's the one person I know I can tell everything to.
38- I lost my grandad 11 years ago.
39- I believe in love with all my willpower.
40- I don't dislike anyone, tbh.
41- I think I'm fine.
42- I'm single.
Get to know me uncomfortably well
1- I have no middle name.
2- I'm 18 years old.
3- I was born on March 11th, 2001.
4- I'm a Pisces, and according to the Chinese zodiac I'm a Snake.
5- My favorite color is electric blue.
6- My lucky numbers are 3 and 11.
7- I have no pets, but I really want to get a cat someday.
8- I'm from Italy!
9- I'm 170cm tall, and I won't tell in imperial system because fuck America.
10- My shoe size is 40. Dunno in other systems e.e
11- I have four pair of shoes, of which I only actually use two
12- I don't remember my last dream e.e
13- I'm an amazing writer, a decent actor and a great caretaker.
14- I'm psychic, a lot. I can foresee future events in my dreams and through the use of tarots.
15- My favorite song is Ghosts by Jacob Tillberg.
16- My favorite movie is probably Mr Nobody, or The Arrival.
17- I don't really have an ideal partner. I guess I'll know when I see them?
18- I would love to have children in the future! I don't really care about them being biologically mine though. I'd gladly adopt, if for whatever reason me and my partner chose not to have our own or were unable to.
19- I don't mind the idea of a church wedding. If my partner wants one, I'll gladly do so: what matters is the marriage to me.
20- I'm not strictly religious. Like, I do believe in a higher power, but I don't go to church not do I worship it.
21- I've been to the hospital countless times, but never for something serious, except that one time when I had one wound stitched closed.
22- Never got in trouble with the law.
23- I never met any celebrities.
24- I prefer baths to showers.
25- I mainly wear black socks.
26- I kinda am famous in my former high school, but I'm not sure why.
27- I would never want to be a big celebrity, although I totally have the capabilities to be one.
28- I like all music except trap music. Yeah, call me biased, but it's really not my jam.
29- I never went skinny dipping.
30- I sleep with two pillows under my head and one under my feet.
31- I mostly sleep on one side or with my stomach down and spread wide.
32- My house is fairly big, two floors in height.
33- I don't have breakfast that often, but when I do is usually some combination of milk, coffee and cookies.
34- I never fired a gun, and I don't plan to do so.
35- I never tried archery, but I really want to!
36- I don't think I have a favorite clean word?
37- My favorite swear word is fuck, and you can quote me on that.
38- I think I went 25 hours without sleeping once. I don't recall.
39- I have two scars: one on my right hand, on the knuckle above my middle finger, and one under my chin.
40- I don't think I ever had a secret admirer
41- I'm an amazing liar!
42- I think I'm a pretty good judge of character. I'm rarely wrong.
43- I can mimic a pretty spot on British accent, as well as some Italian dialectal ones.
44- I don't have a strong accent.
45- The British one is my favorite accent.
46- I'm an ENFP-T personality type!
47- My most expensive piece of clothing is certainly my shoes.
48- I can curl my tongue at various angulations.
49- I have absolutely no idea what an innie and an outie are, so I can't tell what I am.
50- I'm right-handed.
51- Spiders don't scare me, although I'd rather not having them too close to me.
52- I love pizza! And tiramisu as well.
53- My favorite foreign food is probably sushi, but that's cause I don't know many foreign foods. Although there was this one sweet that is made in Prague that I really loved, although I can't remember its name to save my life.
54- I'm a clean person in my workspace, but extremely messy in my own space.
55- My most used phrase has to be "I guess" or "I suppose"
56- I don't know what my most used word is. Probably hope.
57- It takes me about 40 minutes to get ready, since I shower every morning. If I didn't have to shower, it would take me five minutes.
58- I have close to no ego, since I have a pretty bad opinion of myself. I'm working on it though.
59- I don't eat lollipops, so I neither suck nor bite them.
60- I do talk to myself, mostly while I'm driving or counting. It keeps me focused on my task.
61- I do sing to myself, a lot! Especially under the shower
62- I'm an awful singer. I can't get notes right to save my life!
63- My biggest fear is probably the fear that all my friends will realize what a waste of their time I am and leave me alone for good.
64- Oh, I love myself some good gossip! Every now and then I get with my friends and we just chat about whatever's relevant about our mates for a while, just to destress.
65- I don't watch many dramatic movies, so I don't think I have a favorite one.
66- I can't name all 50 States of the USA because I can't bring myself to care enough about the USA.
67- My favorite subjects were English, Physics, Maths, Latin and Italian.
68- I'm totally and Introvert.
69- I never scuba dived, and I don't wanna try tbh.
70- I guess that attractive people make me nervous?
71- I love the dark!!!
72- I always correct people when they make mistakes.
73- The last person who asked me if I was ticklish is currently residing with a bunch of corpses inside a cement column in a palace in Sicily. So yeah, you don't wanna ask that.
74- I never started a rumor. Not that I know of, at least.
75- I've been in a couple authority positions, but nothing big.
76- I have drank underage for a couple years, then I became legal. Technically I'm still underage in the States, but fuck America, no one cares about that piece of land.
77- Never done drugs, not planning to start ever.
78- Uh, my first crush was this girl in second year of elementary school? I was too shy to confess though, so my opportunity was wasted. Many years later I found out that she liked me back, so yeah. Waste of chance.
79- I have one piercing, on my earlobe! Might get another one, eventually.
80- I can totally roll my Rs!
81- I can type pretty fast, but I don't know how fast precisely.
82- I'm a fast runner. Like, extremely fast.
83- My hair is black!
84- My eyes are brown!
85- I'm allergic to pollen and cat hair, but I still want a cat.
86- I tried journaling countless times, failing each time.
87- My dad is a chemist, and my mom is a housewife.
88- I don't mind being 18, it's a swell time.
89- Injustice makes me angry.
90- I'm fine with my home, I would love to be somewhere closer to the city though.
91- I haven't actually thought of baby names yet.
92- I don't really care about having a boy or a girl as my child, I would love that kid so much anyway!!!
93- I know my way with words, so I can easily convince people to do the right thing.
94- I'm stubborn, sometimes. That makes it hard to have conversations when we disagree.
95- My parents chose my name because they liked it.
96- I do have Noble ancestry! Some of my ancestors were dukes or counts or something like that in Sicily.
97- I have two scars.
98- My bedspread is blue!
99- My room is blue as well, but I'm gonna repaint it this summer.
100- I kinda like my name. Simone is pretty cool.
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andrewologist · 3 years
Text
lmao why does literally nobody believe me when I say my back and shoulder pain is debilitating and there's something wrong. I'm so exhausted I literally do not care what people think is causing it I just want it to end.
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hejgyrus · 7 years
Conversation
Cameron's First Time (p 1)
Pre-words: Ok just before we start... this is not legit, this is just the horny fantasy of a virgin fag (me!). Our story begins with Cameron (18 M) getting ready to go out on a date with his new boyfriend Ari (21 M).
//TL;DR to find fucking scene, do CTRL+F and type [FUCKING BOOKMARK]
Narrator: Tonight is Cameron's big night. His heart is flying all over the place as he prepares for his date with his new man he just met on the internet (this will end well, shut up). He has only seen pictures all over Instagram but he knows some things about Ari: he's ~6' 5", dirty blond, long-ass dreadlocks, works out, and tames horses. Cameron himself is: 5" 6', extremely white and red eye'd (he's somewhat albino, it's not obvious from a distance), 97 lb, white hair, and really smooth. For the past hour Cameron has been preparing for this event: choosing cloths, trying clear lipstick, regretting that choice, regretting that choice; and finally decided to just go for a cute messy look. A white button-down t-shirt, light grey shorts and some hair gel to make it seem as a bully gave him a nuggy. (he ended up going back on the lipstick).
Cameron: Fuck, shit, fuck, Fuck, FUCK!!!! Oh god, regret, regret! I'm not doing this, nope, nope, not today. I'll just... kill myself! Ya, that should be a good way out of this. No wait, science is too good for that, and Ari will find me dead.
*ding dong*
Cameron: I'M LEAVING, OUT THE FUCKING WINDOW! I CAN'T TAKE THIS.
*door knocking*
*Cameron walks towards door regretting*
Cameron: I'll just throw up on his shoes, that should make him leave.
*Open's door to a giant Manticore*
Cameron: Woh, Hi!
Ari: *snickers* wSup?
Cameron: (gently)Panicking, (fully)still alive
Ari: Ready to go?
Cameron: (NO!) Sure
Narrator: The two get into Ari's decent looking open cockpit jeep, and head off to an outdoor restaurant on the beach. When they arrived they saw a pretty fun place with a small main building and a field of beach couches surrounding picknick-like coffee tables, the sun was setting beautifully on the horizon. Cameron finally managed to compose himself.
Ari: This place is great, I worked here as a bartender while I was at school.
Cameron: Wow, what were you studying?
Ari: Veterinary practices.
Cameron: Ah
Narrator: The two sit at a "table" closer to the water, when a waitress comes over to to her job, you fill in the dialog.
Her:
Ari:
Her:
Cameron:
Her:
Cameron:
Narrator: Ari got a steak done cut up to be edible without leaning forward, and Cameron got a chicken salad, but the chicken is actually pork, it is a pork salad.
Ari: Aright, ya know what... I'm not good with dating...
Cameron: Oh don't worry, this is actually my first time.
Ari: Really! Then let's do the all the cliches, just for the lulz.
Cameron: Ok.
Ari: So tell me about yourself?
Cameron: Oh, god this is going to take a minute. I guess it all started when I was born.
Ari: ..
Cameron: I was born to a pair of Icelandic swingers who decided to elope to Israel, lying about being Jewish to get in free, who decided to fuck around and got stuck with me! I don't know much about them because the orphanage was incompetent for the most part, but they did tell me my mother was 7" 2'... I guess the Icelandic giant's gene.
Ari: Wait then why are you so short?
Cameron: There, actually, is a good reason for that! It's sad but good. Ok, so they left me at an orphanage... Now the Israelis are on the darker end of Caucasians, right? And the country is mostly a desert, so they didn't know my tolerance for sunlight, and decided to be conservative. I didn't really go out and play a lot. That didn't stunt my growth, but it did make me... smaller then the other kids.
Ari: How big did they get?
Cameron: Look at your arms and drop 3 inches
Ari: Oh
Cameron: So back to the house. *Narrator: Wow he opened up quick!* My first foster family was great, the dad was a high ranking military guy. The mother was very active in the community, her two sons were soo nice to me, always forcing me out of my shell and taking me out with their friends. Their friends, on the other hand, were not good people.
Ari: Y
Cameron: Well there's this word in Hebrew, "Arrsce"... It's a healthy mix of punk and bitch. They were that.
Ari: Where's this going...
Cameron: Well shit happened and they beat me up. Violently... comatose-ly. I lost 3 months of my life, and my Icelandic giant's gene.
Ari: Holy shit dude.
Cameron: Ya after that, and the media fire, technicalities happened and a US dignitary managed to "extradite" me to and keep me as his foster kid.
Ari: Lucky break?
Cameron: No he was pretty cold to me, and the rest of his family, but at 16 the state said I could leave the house and live somewhere else on their rent so long as I worked. And I did. I got an apartment over a subway where I still work.
Ari: Quite the life story.
Cameron: Ya I got use to my past.
Ari: But you can't accept that as normal, that was one of the saddest stories I heard in awhile.
Cameron: Too late.
Narrator: Ok I realize you have been waiting for the fucking, you fucking perv... I'll get to that soon...
Cameron: So what about you? You should have some stories.
Ari: Ahh well. My early life started off boring and bland from a broken family.
Cameron: Same!
Ari: He, sure... my life didn't really start until I got my first job a this little horse ranch. Well, like I said, bland and boring.
Cameron: You aren't boring, I love horses... at my size I need something under me to be my bitch (and it defiantly couldn't be you)
Narrator: The two continue to talk about meaningless drivvle to which I do not feel like writing out. If you have never been on a date, imagine a conversation... there ya go, that's what's happening. After a spectacular diner the two proceed to take a nice calm walk on the beach, now going dark.
Cameron: This is a day I won't forget for a long time, thanks for this luv.
Ari: Why dose it have to end? Ya know I have a whole tent and camping shit just lying around in my car, we could just camp out on the beach for the night.
Cameron: I don't know, I don't usually sleep with a guy I just met.
Ari: You've never dated.
Cameron: Point, let's do it!
Ari: Great, take this flashlight and start collecting fire wood, I'll go get the jeep... it's gonna take me about 10 minutes.
Cameron: *sarcastically* I miss you already.
Ari: Bye *kisses Cameron on the lips lightly, like they've been together for years*
Cameron: I... Iiii.. wut
Ari: *with slight regret* I'll be back *Leaves running*
Cameron: Wait I just let this guy leave me alone on a beach at night! He kissed me! How do I know he won't run away. Wait I just had my first kiss! *turns on this tiny pocket sized flashlight that lights up the entire rock face of the cliff the beach sits on* Wouw... I don't know how shallow he is but I'd come back for this flashlight.
Narrator: Cameron collects whatever scrap wood he could find, growing a large pile by the time Ari came back following the immensely powerful vibrator sized flashlight as a beacon.
Ari: Aright! Let's see what we got here...
Cameron: You kissed me.
Ari: Lemme just get started on this fire first.
Cameron: Is this how first times go?
Ari: *fiddling with matches* You mean me not thinking before I act, sure why not.
Cameron: Are we just going to forget that
Ari: *looks him in the eye awkwardly* Yes *Boops Cameron on his snoot*
Cameron: Ahowkey I'll just unpack the tent.
Ari: Oh its one of those spring loaded type deals, just pull off the straps and it will explode.
*Pulls off straps and out pops a giant tent*
Cameron: Oh!
Narrator: Now with the fire blazing and crackling because of moisture, the tent exploded out and tied in place with an inflatable mattress inside (No Ari isn't a creep who just caries around a fuck tent, and it isn't a fuck tent). The two just sit around staring off at the black horizon talking about some deep shit.
Cameron: I was beaten a lot.
Ari: Why
Cameron: Governor Shit-ass was for corporal punishment
Ari: What the cold American family
Cameron: Yup
Ari: You wanna talk about it.
Cameron: No.
Ari: What did they do.
Cameron: Everything.
Ari: Tell me.
Cameron: Nothing was ever right. I couldn't make my bed straight, speak without stuttering, keep straight A+(s) for 4 year.
Ari: *hold him* you're not alone.
Cameron: At some point, he couldn't stand me so much he put me in an orphanage in his town to teach me a lesson.
Ari: Did they also beat you?
Cameron: All because of him.
Ari: Hey, come here... ya wanna know something? One time my Dad was having one of his fits, and he threw me across the house so hard my arm broke in half. I came back at him so hard he lost consciousness.
Cameron: I've never been naked.
Ari: What.. how?
Cameron: I mean I bathe and everything, but in living alone for 2 years, I've never just been naked.
Ari: Was it Governor Shit-ass?
Cameron: The orphanage had a very creative way of punishing those who explore themselves.
Ari: What?
Cameron: The doctor said I started puberty, and the a week later, I got my first boner. I didn't understand what was happening so I ran to the bathroom and started poking around at it. And a nun followed me thinking I was sick, but she caught me, and she thought I was masturbating.
Ari: ..
Cameron: Then she dragged me out of the bathroom and kicked me senseless.
Ari: No
Cameron: But it didn't end there. The next day they took me to the auditorium, which had a thrust built out for a play. They stood me in the middle of the thrust and told me to strip.
Ari: Did you?
Cameron: I didn't understand why, but after I finished stripping and was just stood up there ashamed of myself I heard a storm of foot steps coming towards the door. I tried to run but the nuns were all there looking at me. Then the entire orphanage burst in looking confused until one boy pointed at me and started laughing.
Ari: Oh my god
Cameron: I tried to cover myself up but a nun whipped me on my back and told me to straighten up and put my hands on my head. *now crying a little* and I did.
Ari: *holds him tighter*
Cameron: Then she said, "This is what happens when you explore
your body, you have to share what you found!"
Ari: That's terrible
Cameron: The boys were just pointing at me laughing, and the girls were giggling and disgusted. I couldn't do anything but stand up there and cry. Then the nuns cleared a path for me to walk out naked and alone with my hands on my head, then they led me to my dorm and left me to get dressed.
Ari: ..
Cameron: I cried in my bed for hours until the rest of the boys came to go to sleep. I heard them talk about me, but they didn't notice me.
Ari: You were hiding.
Cameron: The next day no-one would look at me straight, and even one kid pantsed me in the middle of class so that everybody me see my bare ass like yesterday.
Ari: Hey look at me, that's all in the, loook at me. You're 18, you're out of the system. I'm here for you.
Cameron: *hugges Ari as hard as he could*
[FUCKING BOOKMARK]
Ari: D.. Do you want to be naked?
Cameron: Yes.
Ari: Ok come here, stand up. I'm here for you, just follow my lead.
*Ari standing on his knees starts unbuttoning Cameron's shirt slowly*
*Cameron watches him as one half of his face is pitch black and the other glows in the fire*
*Ari gets to the bottom of the buttons, and pulls his shirt off, letting it fall to the ground*
Ari: How do you feel?
Cameron: Nervous.
*Ari undoes Cameron's belt and with one swift move pulls it out leaving it a few feet away*
*Cameron feels his pants drop slightly, suddenly he feels some of that same fear from the orphanage*
*Ari undoes the single button holding Cameron's pants up and slowly lets them drop while looking him in the eyes*
*Cameron feels his knees shutter*
Ari: Now how do you feel?
Cameron: Scared.
Ari: Do you wanna keep going?
Cameron: *nods*
*Ari looks at Cameron's underwear, they were big loose black boxers*
*Ari slowly moves his hands up Cameron's smooth legs to his pants and gently grabs each side*
*Cameron remembers the feeling of that one boy who too pantsed him and prepares to cover what's underneath*
*Ari pulls, ever so gently and slowly taking in every moment of the experience, Cameron is about to break out of a thick shell. The waist line almost got to the base of Cameron's cock when he moves his hands in to cover himself.*
*Ari continues to pull until they're all the way down*
*Cameron has his head down, he's all tense... like he's hiding*
Ari: Look at me *tilts Cameron's head up*, how do you feel?
Cameron: Alone.
*Ari swiftly grabs Cameron and gently lays him on his back, on the sand, next to the fire and sits over him. All of Ari's dreads flow off the the right, away from the fire, forming a curtain. The fire illuminates Ari's whole face glowed in the fire*
*Ari grabs Cameron's wrists, still firmly covering what little was left, and moves them to his sides. Cameron is now totally exposed*
Ari: *softly* How do you feel?
Cameron: Like running away.
*Ari puts hand on Cameron's chest. Even if he wanted to, Cameron couldn't run away... but he didn't want to.*
Ari: What about now?
Cameron: I want to scream.
*Ari comes down and kisses him on the lips, he was so slow and took his time*
*Cameron whimpers slightly, he can feel Ari's tongue slowly slip through his lips and rest on his tongue. The sensations, emotions, and fears finally got to him and he blacked out*
Narrator: Ok what? I just got back in after I was forced out of the script because I was labeled a distraction for this scene. Ok.. so, the night goes by and Cameron slept like a rock. The next day he wakes up to the sun and finds himself undisturbed, the fire somehow went on all night and Ari was asleep at his side. There were a few people at the beach that early, all nude... turns out this was a nudist beach. Cameron pays them no mind as he walks into the ocean to wake himself up; the water is warm. Ari wakes up a few minutes later and sees Cameron's white hair glisten in the sun as he plays in the water. Ari found some of that weird instant-coffee-juice-shit and pours out 2 red solo cups. When Cameron got back, his smooth white skin wet and glowing in the sun, he sat down on Ari's lap, wrapped his arms around his neck and started to make out with him. Neither of them cared that they were being watched.
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