#I've been told I'm intimidating online but honestly

[augustmourn]

20 Questions for Writers

Tagged by @jaimehwatson - thank you!

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

165! Plus one unrevealed.

2. What's your total AO3 word count?

567,814

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I tend to be serially monofannish and mainly write for one fandom at a time, with small forays into other fandoms for exchanges. So right now it's Danganronpa but for quite a while before that it was Locked Tomb, etc. My longest-running fandom I've written for is probably All For The Game because that series is embedded in my brain and will never leave,

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

Unexpected - Bojack Horseman, 1220 kudos. It was the most kudosed fic in the fandom for a while!

you know what they say about assumptions - Star Wars, 872 kudos.

Into the Dark - IT Movies, 723 kudos.

The Kids Are Alright - IT Movies, 680 kudos.

Lights Will Guide You Home - Star Wars, 632 kudos. I should probably just tag this one "abandoned and discontinued" since I haven't touched it in six and a half years.

5. Do you respond to comments?

I used to be better about it and then I got out of the habit, probably because I stopped responding immediately (waiting for exchange anon periods to end.) I still try to go back and respond to recent ones, but there are a lot that it would be too weird to respond to now. I really appreciate every one of them, though.

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Probably quiet birds in circled flight, which is an IT fic where Richie commits suicide instead of Stan. At least that's the first one that comes to mind.

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

This is a harder one to answer, honestly, because I feel like most things I write aren't long enough to have an earned happy ending; it's usually at least bittersweet. My actual answer is probably the 50k Komahina fic that I'm in the process of editing, because the current ending was maybe the sweetest thing I've ever written and I disgusted myself.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I had one fic attract a bunch of hate comments because it was werewolf in wolf form/human smut. It was mostly funny.

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

Yes. Lots. I've been told my specialty is noncon but I write a lot of other stuff too!

10. Do you write crossovers? What's the craziest one you've written?

Never have and not sure if I ever will! It's just not something that really appeals to me, for some reason.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I think I had one put on Wattpad but I don't remember how that turned out.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

Yes! Into Russian.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

No, mostly because I don't think I could write that collaboratively. The idea is interesting to me, though.

14. What's your all-time favorite ship?

I don't know if I'm capable of having an all-time favourite.

15. What's a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

I would like to tell myself I will someday finish my Star Wars WIP, but I was still in high school last time I touched it, and my writing style and taste have changed so dramatically since then that I would want to rewrite the entire thing. I would also like to go back and finish the second chapter of the Karate Kid fic I posted.... three years ago? That's at least possible.

16. What are your writing strengths?

Porn, I think. It's pretty easy for me to write at this point. I like writing arguments, I like writing fight scenes.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

I still have not figured out how to do structural or significant editing on longer stories. I finished three long stories (at least first drafts) in 2023, one had to be posted for a deadline, and the other two are extremely daunting to consider.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I've never done it, I'd be intimidated, I'd have to ask a native speaker for assistance.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Hunger Games, when I was eleven! The fic was not good and it's still online until FFN goes bust.

20. Favorite fic you've written?

My TLT longfic Crashing remains possibly the proudest achievement of my life thus far. More than four times as long as the previous longest story I'd ever finished!

Tagging @ladyculebras @hearthouses @gregwambsganss @queermccoy and anyone else who wants to!

#tag games #writing

[barbieb0y]

journey: INTERNET OVERDOSE.

yeah yeah shameless song reference in the title but hey it fits my acc's theme

if you can't guess it yet, in this one i'll be talking about my relationship with the internet. of course, i still mostly am on the internet, or at least on my pc and phone, but i'm doing a whole lot better than i did a few years back lol

anyways sit back bc this is gonna be a long one.

i've always had a fascination with modern gadgets, considering i grew up with gaming consoles and a dad who's a computer science graduate.

but i never used these gadgets to actually engage with the wide community on the internet - it was mostly for playing video games, to nobody's surprise. not that i was old enough to really understand anything that's being said on the net; then again, even toddlers are being let on to social media these days.

it truly started when i was around 11. though technically it doesn't classify as a social medium, i remember being on quizup. it was there where i had my first real taste of online social interaction - it's just that it wasn't too memorable so i buried it in the depths of my mind. what came after is much more interesting (despite the sudden onslaught of... graphic pictures of the popstar that clogged the taylor swift quiz community section at one point, but i digress).

it was there where i discovered about amino - a friend of mine there shared a screenshot of what seemed to be a community dedicated to blogging exclusively about taylor swift (i was a swiftie okay you don't have to rub it in) and curious, i asked them what it was. they told me it's an app called amino and you can join any community within the app. for whatever reason, that dragged me in.

i installed amino. i joined my first ever community - the swifties community (or as we call it, swifties amino). while amino is notorious for its roleplaying community, i participated in none of that (i would argue that there is nothing roleplay about in a community about the worldwide popstar taylor swift but terminally online people are well... creative enough to come up with anything). if anything, i think i barely chatted with any of the people in that community. i mostly did my own thing, which is lurking. the only thing i remember posting was fan-made gifs of the song "out of the woods".

no, what really started my chronically online phase was none other than the sims amino. and here's the funny part - i wasn't even a massive sims fan at the time. my only exposure to it is playing the sims freeplay and the sims 2 on my old psp. but since the app was still new (or at least, the main app - there were always the standalone aminos that were their own apps, including a sims amino app i believe), it was one of the only aminos available at the time that didn't really intimidate me. so i joined, for whatever reason.

it was a small community. almost everyone was new. i remember using basic gif filters to edit pics of sims was mind-blowing back then. most people actually play the sims 4, which was new (and paid; expensive at that) at the time, and it made me jealous - i only had a mobile game and an old game to speak for. and that year, i actually begged my mom to buy me a copy of the game. once i got good grades for an exam that year, i got my copy i ordered online which was, funnily enough, the first instance of online shopping i did that i can recount. (fun fact: i also got the get together expansion pack but i don't remember if that was the same year or not)

i wanted to be like everyone else, posting their sims with a pretty gradient background. i read blogs on how to edit. i wrote my own nonsensical, corny stories that i keep cancelling because i couldn't commit. there was a point where i'd post everyday. a point where i put my deepest, darkest thoughts into an amino post because i thought it'd be entertaining. honestly, it would've been simple if it was just that.

but there was a desire for approval.

if you didn't know, aminos have this section called the "feature page" and upon entering an amino, you're instantly greeted with this section. mods can pick certain posts they think are feature-worthy and put them there. we called it "featuring" posts. it's supposed to bring attention to these posts that deserve more attention. i can't remember the first time i got featured but by god was it exhilarating.

logging in and seeing my post, sometimes at the top if it was still newly featured, was like being fed food after not having eaten for a week. i didn't know i was so starving for attention until that moment. or maybe i never craved it - that amino only sparked that need, that thirst.

i remember i would feel particularly down if a post of mine (that i think deserves to be featured) was ignored and only got 20 likes instead of 300. it's funny to think about that now because nowadays, from what i've check briefly on the web, even featured posts get only 12 likes at best. it's eerie to see an amino in such a state. it's like a graveyard.

it kind of give me the image of what it would be like if we actually destroyed the internet.

this is also where i found my first ever friend group. i remember all their (user)names still. back then, i had a tendency to "fictionalize" the people i knew, including myself. i remember making sims that "represented" us. they were even color-coded, with mine being red because that was my favorite color at the time. i've also fictionalized friends outside that group. wrote a fictional story including us living fictional lives, loving fictional men i created, even straight-up putting these characters in situations that should've made my friends uncomfortable. but they never said anything about it. i was lucky. but also not.

one of the members of this friend group actually inspired me to start writing because they were a writer themselves. and after time, they decided to make an amino of their own, exclusively for writing. all four of us joined and some others - including my very own biological sister. i still think of that place as a safe haven; it's a small place with mostly familiar faces and i can write anything i want with little to no judgement.

eventually we all started leaving amino. or at least, they did. i always had trouble moving on when it came to friends leaving, for whatever reason. but perhaps it's because i always had a small glimmer of hope inside of me that told me "but what if they come back?" and that i have to be there when they come back. but they never did.

i was feeling dejected by then. i tried searching for another amino to belong in. fortunately, around the same time, i've been joining my sister in on her danganronpa marathon so i've taken a liking to the franchise. and so that meant i was more than eligible to join danganronpa amino.

i joined. everything happened in a blur - yet it feels like i could remember it all crystal clear too. i remember posting my first ever fanfic there. i don't remember what my first post was. i remembered what was probably could only be described as falling platonically in love with your best friend. i don't remember if i had breakdowns there or not. i remember fictionalizing people and them enabling it yet again. i don't remember what i said to make people even like me.

i remember being ghosted by the girl i loved.

and i remember it cutting deep.

after all the posts i wrote about her, for her, after messaging her "i love you" everyday even after she left, after everything.

i held on. just in case she came back. but she never did. they never do.

i couldn't read any instances of her name for a while after that. being there made me yearn for all the good times again and finally, after a while of holding on to that little glimmer of hope, somehow, i left.

either i was already a part of it or until after i left danganronpa amino did i join bandori amino. i had little to no negative experiences here - if anything, i was the negative experience. i had a deep hatred for this one character back then and for whatever reason, i often had to make it known to others. but otherwise, all i really did was post edit sets, post blogs explaining why i love the characters i love and sell reroll accounts (and no the price is not real money. it's amino coins). there was a point where i did lose my game account to a scammer posing as an account farmer though.

but things really went down once i joined a3! amino, a bit after i joined bandori amino. i simply wanted to be surrounded by people who enjoys the same game i do but boy oh boy did i get more than i bargained for.

don't get me wrong. a3! amino is still a memorable place for me and i have friends and family i made through it that i am still connected and close with to this day. but to say that it was all positive would be a lie.

underneath the facade of a welcoming community, i could see fights breaking out and users making fun of each other behind each other's backs. i thought i wouldn't ever be a part of all that but well, life is unpredictable, isn't it?

i had these 3 friends. 2 of them were adults, 1 around my age. these adults does not get along with the 1 kid - and honestly, i do not blame them because this kid is insufferable and i was just too naive to really accept it earlier. that i was just friends with her because i pitied her.

one of the adults told me to tell this kid that she has problems, blah blah blah, whatever. i told my friend to get her shit together and solve her own problems and not drag me into it. well, guess what? i got dragged into it. she got mad at me instead, telling me i shouldn't listen to my other friend.

it's to the point where i would feel uncomfortable interacting with any of them. i didn't know what to do. and i don't remember what the resolution was anyway. i only remember how the whole situation made me stressed out like never before. i simply wanted everyone to get along. it seemed so easy before.

another minor dilemma i experienced was when i joined this entertainment team. and though that was where i met my younger sibling and close friend, it was also where my inferiority complex grew. everyone in the team was an artist - except for me. i was the only writer accepted, for whatever reason. though i am honored, at some point, it just made me feel small.

we published a new edition of our magazine, which was in the form of a post. everyone's submissions were amazing - and to close it all off, my fanfic was featured at the very bottom. i had hoped it would make people happy - and now i have no doubt but it must've - but one comment, though innocuous, i took to heart. the user praised all the art featured in the post,

but did not comment on my writing.

i thought that my work is not worth reading. not worth consuming. not worth experiencing, just because you can't just take it in by simply looking. and knowing me, i'm known for how quickly i lose motivation. that one comment was enough to bring me down. i brought it up with my other teammates and they sympathized with me, but eventually i had to leave due to my lack of motivation and, again, inability to commit to anything.

i left both the team and amino altogether. i couldn't take what this app was doing to me anymore. i needed a new start. and somehow, somehow, past me thought twitter was a good idea. most likely because some of my friends were already on twitter by then.

i moved. i made an account. behaved like any other twitter user would - with delusion. eventually, i made two accounts. then 3. then many more. there was my public account, my private, a writing account, a gimmick account, roleplaying accounts (ironic how i got into roleplaying after leaving amino), bot accounts, the works. i was still desperate for attention, for approval, for acceptance still.

again, just like amino, i've had positive experiences with twitter; as amusing as it is, i've met most of my current friends through twitter, through the many, many accounts i made. i fondly remember how a friend of mine messaged a roleplaying account i ran and told me that i'm doing such a great job and how they really appreciate me. i didn't think my actions held so much meaning and significance to someone. and to think there might be more out there who holds the same regards but are not bold enough to tell me.

i've had my dark moments of course. who hasn't impulsively, secretly deactivated when they were feeling like garbage to see if people would notice if they're gone or not? it did work once for me so it's not completely foolproof; but it is also, obviously, unhealthy. it's done nothing but feed into my delusion that nobody cared about me when, really, they do but they need to care about themselves - or even someone else who needs it more - at that time.

i've felt isolated too. it seemed like everyone was good at something, or at least part of a majority, except for me. it was like secondary school all over again. i remember being one of the only men in the self-shipping community and even then, i didn't self-ship romantically and/or sexually so it basically meant nothing. i was nothing.

then came the thing that pushed me to the edge.

it was an innocent tweet. out of curiosity, i was simply asking fellow aroaces at the time if they mind being in a non-platonic relationship. suddenly, a mutual of mine came into my replies with a screenshot taken from my rentry. the screenshot read "i don't think all the bandori girls are lesbians". the caption read "now what is this".

i didn't think much of it at first. it's unrelated to what i was asking and besides, shouldn't have they known that when they checked my rentry before they followed me? it barely took a few minutes for people to come and attack me for it though. first it was just 2 people. then 3. then suddenly hundreds were quote-retweeting me with nasty comments and even some death threats. only 2 of my friends defended me. only a gimmick account i liked was respectful to me.

i laugh at the incident now but at that time, i felt myself break. when i hugged myself, i could hear cracks. i asked myself if i should listen to those death threats after all. maybe they'll be satisfied if such a terrible person like me, who dares misrepresent some anime girls, died at their hands.

i held on, for the sole reason that national exams were nearing and that it's a bad decision to let a bunch of stupid terminally online maggots decide whether i live or die because of fictional girls. but it still affected me greatly. i went private.

one day, i was having it particularly bad. i remember that evening vividly: i forgot i accidentally released one of my cats and i had no idea where she went. she's been out since morning and hasn't come back for a few hours now. i start crying while studying, feeling guilty for not just her but everything. i never seemed to be able to do anything right. i called myself a cursed child, that i'm nothing but a burden and an abomination.

i deactivated, thinking it's just one of those times.

i cried, until the cat showed up at my door eventually. i felt relieved by then, that maybe im not such a failure after all. i debated reactivating now that i felt better but i thought that i could probably focus on studying better if i didn't. so i didn't.

the days i went on without twitter were the most liberating and peaceful days i had. nothing else was on my mind other than studying. i'd study while listening to my favorite albums, with a tinge of curiosity as to what's happening on twitter at the time. but i persisted.

eventually, i came back - but only to announce that i'm quitting twitter and make sure my friends know how to keep in contact with me. it only lasted a few days.

then i deactivated.

permanently.

it felt like a huge burden's been lifted off my shoulders. to this day, i haven't attempted to make a new account at all, even though i had the urges. but i'm proud to say i've been clean of twitter for a year and a few months now.

fast-forward to the present day, i am now on tumblr again and it's a peaceful alternative. plus, i'm not on here all the time like i was with twitter. it's just easier to search for content here, what with the tags and all. and it's the only social media i need.

people can say that i'm missing out for not having instagram or tiktok all they want. i'm comfortable where i am right now.

plus, maybe they haven't overdosed like i have just yet.

crazy to think ive been on the internet for like what 7 years now? but it was my only safe space for a while (and still is to some extent) so i dont blame past me

tomorrow will be the last day i post something for this miniseries. i already have a draft in the works so stay tuned~

#shut up safar

[docileandlazy]

if I may add something to the conversation about finding faith (as I so often do on this blog hi bart),

religion itself is both an individual and a collective experience. both halves of it are important, and both have their benefits and drawbacks. most people who are raised with faith (especially within christianity) experience the collective side of religion first. some never really explore the individual side of it at all, which is arguably the most important part. it's your personal relationship with faith that really dictates everything else. and as bart very eloquently put, everyone's relationship is different!

exploring the individual side to it is the first step. learn. question everything. many religions will discourage you from exploring or looking outside of the box for alternative answers that might suit you better, which is a shame, because I still honestly and truly believe that questioning God brings you closer to him. it's okay not to have complete trust or faith all the time. it's good to explore. it was my break from the church that inevitably brought me back to it- I saw all the other options and still decided that catholicism was the path for me. in the end, it strengthened my connection.

learning is a big part of it :) and understanding which denomination fits you best is pretty important. one of the driving factors behind the kinship I feel with my faith is learning about our history (both the good and the bad), our doctrines, our laws, our saints, our art, how we relate to other denominations and other religions entirely, etc. there's something very special about feeling a connection with people who lived and died hundreds or thousands of years ago. I'm really into the macabre parts of it, also, the gothic, creepy, strange stuff. relics? love 'em. memento mori? awesome. gothic architecture? the best.

simple things like prayer and reflection are important too. I've been in and out of therapy since childhood and the coping methods I was taught there haven't been nearly as helpful as praying. it can be a little intimidating at first but I was taught that there really aren't a lot of rules. sometimes I just have conversations with God because I feel like it! it can be a good way to explore your personal relationship with God etc etc.

then on the collective side, there's just a benefit having a community of people you can count on. there's mass, yes, but there's also volunteer opportunities, online groups, free events, etc etc. catholicism itself is full of rituals and holidays that are big for communities. culture is a little subjective when it comes to religion but it can be a big influence. I'm french/belgian and extremely attached to the way religion has shaped my culture, our art and architecture and writing, over the past thousand years. it can be something very significant.

anyway. my perspective is quite different because I was born, baptized and raised catholic and left around high school, just to come back with a new perspective and better understanding of myself. but this has all been what's shaped my personal journey (which is, again, different for everyone!) not to proselytize but my faith has made me happier than I've really felt in years and it's really turned my life around for the better.

hi romy :) receiving your input on these things is absolutely and always the highlight of my day

This is so wonderfully put. The way you articulate things never fails to amaze me. I definitely agree with the individuality vs community thing. I love having the community I've built with people as a result of my religion but in order for me to get there I had to first understand my own personal relationship with God. I don't think I'd be where I am if I'd simply just done things only the way other people told me to.

I love what you had to say about questioning things. I also believe that questioning God and his actions brings you closer to him and the religion - it's my belief that that is part of why he made us. We were made to be human and to be human is to be curious and to go against the grain.

Prayer has been such a guiding part of my life in the past year. It has helped me through my darkens and also most joyous times. I love God, I love talking to him, telling him about my day, asking for guidance, speaking to him in any way allows for a weight to be lifted off my shoulders. It allows me to feel closer to Him and in a way allows me to feel as if He is closer to me.

Everything you said is just so wonderfully put. I don't have a lot to add because what you've said encapsulates everything so well. I love getting your input and perspective on things especially because we have such different backgrounds in coming to catholicism but in the end we are both here. Culturally speaking my family has deep Irish catholic roots but I was raised Baptist protestant, left the faith, then converted to catholicism. I think that journey has made me closer to God. And I think it's so beautiful the differences and similarities between our journies and stories. Unique and yet somehow the same in ways.

#pryn #ask #religion #romy !!! romy my best friend romy you guve the greatest input all the time

[silhouette-cosplay]

Just wanted to say hello to the new folks who have arrived here lately! I’m in the middle of about 5 different projects, three of which are Lokis because Loki, if you haven’t guessed, is my favourite character to cosplay and I have a ridiculous number of costumes already. xD  Feel free to poke me about my costumes or my process--I love talking cosplay shop! 

#I'm friendly I promise #I've been told I'm intimidating online but honestly #I'm a nerd with a crap ton of anxiety and I just love details

[awakeshedreams]

sugar and spice ( 1 )

pairing : resident bad boy!jjk x model student!reader

setting : highschool!au x stepbrother!au

summary :

a messy highschool!au x stepbrother!au where model student reader who has quite a few dirty little secrets sees her world take an unexpected turn when her mother comes home one day with an engagement announcement, to the father of none other than the school's resident bad boy.... Jeon Jungkook.

genre : smut, for laughs, kinda pornish, slow burn with collosaly overwhelming sexual tension

rating: soft m ( for now ) due to adult content

warnings : unconventional relationship of sexual nature, tropes and clichès, teenagers partaking in porn-esque activities, made up things with made up people happening in a made up world, don't like don't read XD

wordcount : 2.3K

a/n : i've been fighting in a long standing war and I have lost. the man known as jeon jungkook had his foot on my neck for years and today, I have finally submitted to my fate and surrendered to his reign.

yes. after a hundred years, i'm writing again. specifically, writing for bts. particularly, writing for jungkook. its been a long time coming.

life just took over and I transitioned into an adult and kind of grew out of the state of mind I was in before. but. sigh. jeon jungkook has been tormenting me the whole time. it was only a matter of time before i relapsed honestly.

so here I am again. in mind, body and spirit, a different person from who I was before but still the same in the sense that with the way bts have my whole heart, jk will always be the demon in the corner of my room that I invite to bed for a cuddle even though it's (probably really) not good for me.

do not misconstrue. I love him more than I can say. but. sigh. he has me in a chokehold, loves. please try to understand where I'm coming from.

anyways, enough with this ranting. you all came here for the nitty gritty so let me not hold you hostage with my dilemma rambling any longer. here's to the first bts fic i've posted in literal years. introducing- sugar and spice.

1 2

Unless they told someone, no one would have been able to guess it.

At school they were complete strangers.

She was the nice head girl with a clean record, all smiles and straight A’s. He was the mysterious bad boy with a track record, all tatted up with bruised knuckles.

She wore plaid skirts with neat pleads in them and pastel sweaters with bows at the collar. He wore jeans with rips in them and leather jackets with studs.

They couldn't have been any more different.

As far as anyone was concerned, they existed on two extreme ends of a vast spectrum.

What they didn't know was that they shared a dirty little secret.

.

You were a girl with many dirty secrets.

For instance, you used to sell nudes online. It was a side hustle you did.

Not because you needed money.

Your mom was a renowned doctor so there was more than enough of that in your life.

Not because you needed validation from people online either.

Even without the constant compliments and the praises you knew you were visually blessed with a pretty face and a nice body too.

All things considered, you simply thought you had a nice pair of tits and you took pictures of them sometimes.

Posting the shots you snapped online came much later when you heard about this website where people were getting paid crazy money for posting racy things.

‘It’s just so degrading…’ It was one of your friends, June, who sneered, pretty nose scrunched up. She fixed her long ponytail and rolled her brown eyes while looking in the mirror at her locker. ‘Who would do such a thing, am I right?’

She said this, but June was the girl who has slept with more boys than she could count on her two hands. And those were the ones she told you about.

Like every other time, you said nothing. Even when it carried on to lunch with the rest.

‘Pretty desperate if you ask me.’ Mei the stellar track runner shrugged casually as she stretched her limbs like routine.

‘Where are their parents?’ Nina the library nerd shook her head in disapproval as she fixed her glasses so it sat right on the bridge of her nose.

‘Um… I don’t think it’s … appropriate… to talk about ….’ Kiko the one who always carried a cross and bible around mumbled into her sleeve.

All your friends spoke of it in derision and repulsion of course. This was a school for proper children so they were proper girls. At least they were supposed to be.

Regardless the conversation sparked a curiosity in you.

So you made an account and uploaded your first picture. Nothing bizarre. Just your tits in a pretty lace bra.

You made sure to keep your face out of the frame because that was the smart thing to do and you were nothing if not the smartest student in school.

In all honesty, you weren’t expecting anything out of it. In fact, in between work with student council and tutoring your juniors with finals right around the corner, you even forgot about it for an entire month.

It was by a complete whim that you decided to open the app while you’d been unwinding at your desk following a tedious day at school.

To say you were amused by the response you found waiting for you would have be a grave understatement.

You were staring at the four figure digit that now sat in your bank account.

Reading through the comment section was even more interesting.

There were all sorts of people there who had all sorts of things to say. Ranging from honestly sweet to downright dirty.

You had never been brought to tears laughing in her life before until then.

It was just so funny to see people misbehave and lose their minds over a pair of tits.

From then on it just sort of became a thing.

.

But that wasn't the worse of your secrets.

You were making a name for yourself on the crude web months later.

The next step was naturally to move from making taking pictures to making videos. Since you was already in too deep you didn’t see why not.

So you upgraded and opened another account. An amateur one where your touched yourself for an audience.

You were no prude.

You might have never been touched by a boy before but you had touched yourself plenty times. Stress and frustration came hand in hand with being head girl. Since you couldn’t quite vent it out at the annoying troublemakers at school, this was your second best option.

Third was watching porn, but that was mostly when you were extremely bored.

But that wasn’t where that little endeavor ended.

Later on it became a lot more risqué.

.

It all started when your mom hit you with a marriage announcement.

She met a guy on her business trip who she really liked and she was convinced he was the one.

Your mom had a tragic history of being a bad judge of character.

You’ve had this conversation at least five times since you became old enough to understand that boys and girls who were just friends didn’t kiss and sleep with each other.

Most times, it felt like she was doing it because she thought you needed a dad around.

You might have once, when you were younger and your mom was too busy with work to be there. But she worked from home these days and you were soo busy with school to worry about things like that.

This time it was like she was doing it for her. You were glad.

Your mom looked genuinely happy when she spoke about this guy.

Who were you to get in the way?

.

She spent almost the whole weekend in the kitchen. It was the longest you’ve seen her in there in your entire life.

She was excited for the dinner on Sunday.

Mr Jeon was the name of the chosen man.

He was coming over with his kid. A son, his only family. His wife passed away years ago.

You wore the dress your mom picked out for you, something cream in color and off the shoulders that brushed your knees. She looked pretty in her champagne dress. It was different from the office slacks and loose blouses you were used to seeing her in.

You stood by her at the door while the guests came through.

Lifting your head from a polite bow, you found herself staring straight into an achingly familiar pair of glinting dark eyes and went completely still.

‘Sweetie,' Your mother said sounding delighted, a soft hand on your stiff shoulder. 'This is Mr Jeon and his son Jungkook.’

Ah. Fuck.

‘Jeon dear, this is my daughter. Isn’t she lovely?’

.

Dinner was a mild affair, with small talk and the occasional clinking of cutlery on fine china.

From the outside looking in, you probably looked the picture perfect family already.

Only if no-one looked close enough.

Arms crossed, tongue in cheek. Your discomfort could be detected from miles away.

The two adults were oblivious.

The dark eyed boy with the slightest wave to his nape touching, brow grazing, ear covering onyx hair sat across you though; he took note of this with a passing glance and wordlessly returned to his food.

Jeon Jungkook had a countenance that betrayed his reputation.

Even though you’ve never talked, you knew plenty about him and you were sure he knew a lot about you too.

You went to the same school.

Dressed as he was in a crisp white dress shirt buttoned at the wrist and dark tailored pants with a fine belt on, it might have been hard to tell what kind of person he really was.

You lifted her gaze from your plate to look study him wordlessly, idly twisting the noodles with your fork.

People either called him the black sheep or the dark cloud but for you, Jeon Jungkook was the school’s resident lone wolf.

He smoked in the secluded areas on campus, sometimes playing his guitar. Beat up people who got on his nerves, sometimes using his guitar. Slept in class the rare times he was there, many times on his guitar.

Being his senior, you had never seen any of any of that for yourself. But you received plenty reports weekly to come to a sound conclusion.

There was no way people hated him enough to join hands in solidarity and make this all up.

It was quite the contrary actually. He had an alarming number of fans.

On the surface level you couldn’t see why. Most times you saw him, he looked bored out his mind and honestly, intimidating.

Maybe it was the tattoos. Or the ripped skinny jeans. Or the leather jackets with studs.

Maybe it was the domineering height and fit frame and structured face.

Maybe it was the intense dark eyes or the silky ruffled hair.

Even then, you failed to see the irresistible appeal in him. All those things that made him up only added to his unapproachable aura.

Bottom line was, he was bad news.

.

You didn’t want to be a spoil sport.

But how much of a thug your mom’s boyfriend’s son was shouldn’t be something that would make her like him less.

They were both their own people. Right ?

It was just that you just didn’t want her to be shocked and devastated if something happened later. When it happened.

Yet it seemed the serious conversation would have to wait.

After dinner your mom suggested you head to the living room to chat over wine and cheese.

You stayed back to do take out the dishes.

Earlier, your mom had stood to do it instead at first.

‘Don’t bother with that, dear.’ She reached for the plates in your hands. ‘Let me do it.’

‘It’s okay, mom.’ You smiled a little. ‘This is your night. I’ll meet you in the living room.’

'Sweetie...' Your mom looked close to tears. ‘But there’s so much of it…’

‘Jungkook,’ his father's voice had cut through the moment. He was a serious man in a crisp suit with a stoic countenance. His voice was just naturally authoritarian without him trying ‘Give her a hand.’

Jungkook stood, almost robotically.

‘It’s fine.’ You said. Politely. Nicely. Tightly. ‘I can handle this much.’

You left without another word.

That had been moments ago and now you were done with cleaning.

You stood at living room entrance for a while, taking in the scene.

The two adults were exchanging moon eyes and whispering in each other’s ears at the love seat.

Jungkook was sitting on a solo seat, but he was on his phone, completely unbothered by what was happening.

Your mom seemed to think it was the perfect time to pull out the photo album right then and there upon seeing you.

It was embarrassing but at least you knew you didn’t have to worry about the pictures spreading at school.

Jungkook was looking, picking up a picture occasionally to rove over, but he wasn’t the type to do that.

He also wasn’t the type to stare but you felt his glance shifting to you and lingering multiple times.

Once, you caught his eyes and he just stared at you across the coffee table wordlessly with a curious tilt to his head, idly flipping a picture of you dressed as a knight in glitter shining armor for Halloween at eight in his hands.

Honestly, it was starting to get annoying.

But you endured. For your mom’s sake.

.

Your alarm went off at exactly ten.

As subtly as you could, you excused yourself with an apology to the guests, saying you weren't really feeling well.

In hindsight you probably should have used a better excuse.

Your mom was notorious when it came to worrying, especially when it comes to your health.

Also, you probably should’ve locked the door before undressing just for good measure since people were over.

But in the moment, you were too busy setting your camera up where you were kneeling on the floor at the foot of the bed to be concerned about that.

That day you were testing out a new toy.

.

Distractedly, you took note of a couple of people asking you if that was your boyfriend’s shirt you had lifted over your tits.

You ignored them.

Couldn’t a girl own an oversized tee without getting any flack?

Trivial comments like that aside, a good majority of the audience are fawning over how wet you were and how perfect you bouncing tits look being played with.

Your head fell back and your eyes fluttered shut.

You were sitting there, knees raised to your chest and legs splayed, your gushing pussy in full display where the toy was stuffed deep into her tightness, vibrating pleasantly.

‘I’m close…’ you mumbled throatily, squeezing your tits and pinching your stiff nipples in between your moving fingers. You moved your hips move faster, feeling the toy buzz against fluttering walls. You took a hand off one of your tits to rub at your engorged clit. ‘Fuckfuckfuck…’

Deep in your high, you didn’t hear the door open and close with a foreboding click.

You only heard your name being called by a deep, smooth voice through the heady haze.

Instantly you stilled.

When you snapped your head to look over her shoulder Jungkook was there, hands in his pockets, leaning against your doorframe with his sleeves drawn up to his elbows, muscle roped, inked skin on full display.

When he tilted his head to the side a little, appraisively, you dared to say as a quaking chill ran down your spine and your entire body felt like it was about to burst into flames, a bit of his hair fell over his face.

His eyes were like two black in the dark as he took you in, dragging his gaze up and down your exposed body languidly.

In the back of your mind, you wished the ground would part and swallow you whole.

‘Your mom,' he starts, capturing your attention wholly, dark gaze finally flickering to your face, his voice suddenly lower, hoarser. ‘She sent me over to check on you.’

It took you a moment to realize where you were, who you were, who he was.

It was like a bucket of cold water had been dropped over your head.

Jeon Jungkook, the school's resident trouble maker, soon to be your step brother, just walked in on you fingering yourself in in front of a recording camera.

Well. Yeah.

You gulped.

You were royally fucked.

depending on the response I get I might ( most probably will ) delete this. not because I'm ashamed of my work. because I'm embarrassed of myself. I really swore to never write again and here I am. sigh. yes, I have seen my previous works and noticed just how terrible they were and this is a big reason why. so sorry for putting you through that. a million apologies.

also, that's right. I have adopted a new style which might not be to everyone's liking. another reason why.

anyways, if you liked this filth ( i know it seems mild but I can tell you it's very likely gonna get worse ) please idk uh... fuck this isn't ao3. hm.

like and drop by in the ask box if you liked it and want to see more. it makes me happy. its like serotonin fuel to me.

have a nice day. see you next time ( maybe ). stay fresh. yeah. 💜💜.

#bangtan #bts #bts angst #bts fluff #bts imagine #bts scenario #bts smut #bts au #jeon jungkook #jungkook scenario #jungkook imagine #jungkook smut #bts x reader #jungkook x reader #bts high school au #jungkook high school au

[sunshineysprinkles]

Hi! I've been suffering from anxiety (and low-key depression) since second year of middle school and I haven't told my parents. I'm starting university on Monday (online) and I'm scared that my anxiety might get worse because of it. I want to go to therapy but I don't have enough courage to tell my parents, any advice?

hi, lovely! sorry for the late response, i can be a bit slow with getting to asks sometimes x hopefully this is still useful to you!!! this resonates a lot with me, honestly, because i’ve been in a very similar boat! it can be scary to confide something like to people for a number of reasons, your fear is very valid. that being said, you deserve the help and i think at least getting to try it would be beneficial to you! 

speaking from experience, it took me a long time to tell family members. i still haven’t fully indulged the depths of my struggles, but i’ve said the words out loud now. with me, i started off kind of small, hinting at things. i’d mention that i felt down a lot or fatigued. i’d try to open up about small things that bothered me. building up to things that scary is sort of like soaking a bandaid to take it off in my opinion. it made it much easier for me to finally say the words “i think i have depression” when i felt brave enough. 

long story short, i guess my advice would be if you don’t think you can come out and say it in any form (text can be less intimidating maybe), take baby steps towards doing so! build your trust and confidence in them! it also might be useful to be prepared to explain that no one is to blame for it. my mum instantly thought it was her fault when, realistically, it’s just how i am! 

also, an alternative, university should have counseling/mental health services available to you! i know some people who were awfully afraid of telling their families and after speaking to a counselor at their school, that person helped them tell, so!

there’s no shame in needing help. therapy is good! and i’m willing to bet your loved ones would want you to get that help rather than struggling, so i wish you luck in telling them and hope that this was helpful in some way! also!!! it’s simple enough to say and not so simple to believe, but university is much scarier in theory than it is in practice. it doesn’t differ that much from high school ( for me at least )

you’ve got this. feel free to come and vent if the stress gets too much. take care! x

#sorry if this is rambly or nonsensical at any point #was stricken w the beginnings of a migraine as soon as i started answering ofc #smh #ask #asks #anon #anons #anon ask #anon asks #college #school #depression #anxiety #Anonymous

[lizardgirlie]

(Part 1) Hi! I really appreciate your blog! In a nutshell im writing this because I feel like I can't live my life honestly. I'm in university because thats what everyone does but I would've preferred to marry right after high school and start having children but it's difficult to find a man who still views that as a real job (an ex boyfriend once called me lazy). and my parents would never accept me dropping out just to wait to get married. I've been told to try finding a husband in a church

(part 2) but I'm not religious and it feels dishonest to join a church just to find a husband. I hide a lot of this still from my friends as they often make fun of my femininity and imply that I don't have real life goals (and thats from what I show them so I couldn't imagine what i'd get if I was completely honest). I couldn't picture a better future than being a SAHM in a small town. I'm 22 and getting to the point where I don't know how to make that happen as I was born so far from it

(Part 3) I feel like I don't know where this is coming from, my family isn't religious and I was always told to think about my future career. Not that my parents were shaming femininity and pushing me towards any certain career, just that my parents were happy having careers and probably assumed I would too. Anyway it just seems like you figured out how to be confident about owning traditional femininity and found a way to live it. This was so long so even if you only read half of it, thank you

hello dear! sorry it took me a day to get to this, i saw your message yesterday and wanted to sit down at my computer and type out a good response to it rather than trying to do it all on mobile. I, and probably a lot of other women in this community, understand what you’re going through on a very personal level. In modern day, femininity, especially the traditional kind, is completely shamed by almost everyone you meet. You’re called lazy, told you lack ambition, and basically scorned for wanting to take care of your own home and raise your own children. I’ve always found it a bit funny how people think wanting a thriving marriage and children is “lazy”, yet we live in a culture of divorce where nannies and underpaid daycare workers raise our children who end up having behavior problems. It’s very frustrating and oftentimes I want to grab people by the shoulders and shake them to wake them up to this. If you believe a successful marriage, well run home, and well behaved children with good values are something that just happens and not something that takes an astronomical amount of effort and work, don’t be surprised when this culture continues. But you already know that, or you wouldn’t be messaging me and choosing this lifestyle, so I won’t bore you with my ranting :)

I’m going to go through your message in order to make sure I hit everything you asked about!

You and I are the same age. It is extremely normal to feel somewhat lost at this age, and those of us who have figured out what we want feel very out of place among our peers. Especially if what we want goes against the mainstream narrative. If I had it my way, I’d already be married to my boyfriend by now, with a kid on the way or here. You’ve already done the hard part: figuring out your place in the world and what you want from it. The next hard part is finding a partner who has those same values. A lot of people on here really do like to recommend finding a man through church. I’ve never been very religious, I’m only moderately so now, and I didn’t find my boyfriend through church. This advice wasn’t useful to me then and it’s not useful to you now. You’re correct when you say it would feel very dishonest to just join a church to find a husband, and a good man is going to value honesty. Truthfully, there’s no one place you can go to to find a good match. There’s not exactly a group meeting of traditionally minded people in every city or town. But you can be proactive in seeking out a good man. My advice would be to look into potential groups at your university. Conservative political ones, to be more specific. I’d stay away from TPUSA, YAF, etc. though, as these people tend to be wolves in sheep’s clothing. They’re just social liberals who want low taxes. Many TPUSA members readily admit people only go to their events and conferences to hook up, drink, and smoke. Stay away from these types or risk wasting time. Other potential places are book clubs, online (be careful with this one. I can make a post specifically on this topic if you want--just message me), local political clubs not through your university, and in general day to day life. A lot of people have something in common with you: they hide their beliefs and this aspect of themselves for fear of mistreatment. You won’t know until you ask. Despite what you may come to believe from twitter and other social media, this movement is growing. Generation Z is set to be one of the most conservative generations in recent history.

As for dealing with criticism from your friends and parents, this one is extremely tough. I have always had extremely thick skin. I’ve kind of just done my own thing for as long as I can remember and not taken any sh*t from anyone who has something to say about it. This is easier said than done if this kind of thing isn’t naturally in your wheelhouse, which it’s not for most women. I take criticism seriously, but I know who to take it from as well. The people that matter and know what they’re talking about. Not to rag on your friends, but most people who give you a hard time for your choices seldom know what they’re talking about. If you were to take a random poll, most people are not very happy with their lives or their choices. They are easily brainwashed and influenced by the mainstream media/culture. This brainwashing leads to poor choices that make them miserable, which the media then tells them are their own empowering decisions they make for themselves. A good example of this is casual sex and hook up culture. If I were you, I’d work on finding new friends as well. Another thing easier said than done, but to me, it sounds like your friends are projecting their own “wants” (whether it’s what they *actually* want though...that’s a whole different can of worms) onto you and treating you like you’re stupid for wanting something else. Your parents criticism is something to take seriously, but not something to compromise your values over. You say they wouldn’t accept you dropping out, but are you sure about that? Statistically most women who have kids end up wanting to stay home with them. A task thats extraordinarily difficult to do if you have mountains of debt from student loans getting a degree that almost certainly does not matter. You’re the one taking on the debt, you’re the one who should be making that choice. I’m willing to bet if you dropped out and got a decent job they wouldn’t be nearly as angry as you’re thinking. Perhaps writing them a letter expressing your views and why you’re doing what you’re doing could be less intimidating than trying to come into it cold and face to face. You could even approach it from the point of not knowing what career you want to pursue, and therefore don’t want to waste time and money studying something that isn’t going to pan out. I personally only went to college because I was guaranteed to graduate almost entirely debt free (I just graduated with around $2k in total debt). You could even look into a trade. In my opinion, avoiding debt is best. That in mind, it is also a good idea to work and build some wealth of your own to bring into your marriage/relationship. 

I hope this helped you and if you have any other questions you can message me! <3