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halfghostwriter · 1 year

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Wraith Radio Pt. 2

Part 1

“You’re listening to Wraith Radio, your number one link to the living realm. I’m your host, the wandering ghost, Ellie Phantom. It’s day two of my adventure in Gotham City, and I gotta say, today was… wild. Bit of context for those who missed the start of yesterday’s show, long story short, I publicly told the Red Hood that I would wait for him at this place called Park Row so I could take him to a doctor in the ghost zone because his body is bad.

After I ended the show, I got this call from my cousin, Danny. He and his friends back in Amity had been listening, and they think that, because I never showed off any of my powers or anything, and cause I look like any other human, he might not have actually believed I was a ghost. Which, fair, I guess.

So now I’m thinking, ‘well, no big deal, I can just show him my ghost form.’ Buuuuut then I remember the stupid amount of curses and stuff all around this city, and as part of the ghost population who technically never experienced death— no, that time I melted does not count— I’d like to prolong that experience for as long as possible if you don’t mind. Where was I? Oh right, so now I’m thinking, ‘well, no problem, I can just open up a portal, bring him to the zone, and transform there.’ Quick, simple, no problem.

So we come to today. I’m at the meeting spot, it’s five minutes to the meeting time, and I’m sitting on the edge of this rooftop, keeping an eye out for the arrival of the Red Hood.

And then a building blows up.

Right across the street, the top floor of this sketchy run down place I had been staring at, just. Boom! And then I hear all these gunshots, and screaming, and I look down at my watch, and I have about four minutes before noon, so I turn invisible, float over, and poke my head through the wall. Right there, center of the room, I see Batman, Robin, Red Robin, and Red Hood fighting this… I dunno, skinny twink with like a burlap sack over his head? Look, it took me a week to memorize the Gotham vigilante’s names and costumes alone, I wasn’t going out of my way to look up their entire rogues gallery. But anyway, they’re fighting this guy and a bunch of people who I assume are working for this guy, and I see some people tied up in the corner screaming their heads off for no clear reason. I mean, yes, I know it’s scary being tied up by an evil scarecrow of a man, but when I say screaming, I don’t mean ‘please, save me, I’m in distress’ screaming, I mean ‘the soulshredder just sliced through me and now I’m seeing my worst fears manifested in front of my eyes’ screaming.

So I get a little closer, I land on the floor, and just, to go off on a bit of a tangent for a second, the Gotham vigilantes are just. So much taller than me. I felt so incredibly tiny being in the same room as them. Like, yeah, I know I’m short, but I had hoped that I would at least be the same height as Robin, but no. I swear, every time I stand next to someone who’s supposed to be close to my ‘physical’ age, I become more and more convinced that the billionaire who made me had absolutely no idea what he was doing. He brought me to life and was like ‘you’re a twelve year old!’ and I was like ‘you’re right!’ because I had no frame of reference because I was born that morning. Anyway, so I get closer to the screeching humans being held against their will, and I feel this scratchy, almost burning feeling in the back of my throat. I try to brush it off, but then I look down, and I see my body fucking melting.

Now this isn’t be my first time melting, so my first thought isn’t ‘oh god I’m gonna go from half to full ghost,’ or even ‘ugh this shit again,’ but rather ‘why the fuck doesn’t this hurt?’ Because I know exactly what melting is supposed to feel like, and it isn’t a feeling you can just ignore. Like, I can’t really describe it to someone who’s never had every muscle in their body suddenly coalesce into one, with every attached nerve ending screaming louder than a heavy metal band, but trust me when I say that the “pain” I was feeling was barely anything compared to actually melting, like it felt more like my skin was itchy than anything. So, I try poking one of the places where my body is melting— don’t ask me why, I don’t really know why I did it— and instead of feeling ectoplasm drip over my hands, I just feel… my arm. And I realize, ‘oh, not only is this just an illusion, it’s a shitty one.’ Or, y’know, at the very least one that doesn’t work too well on a halfa.

So I shake that off, cause yeah, I don’t like seeing myself melt again, but as long as it’s not actually happening again, I’m good. Plus, if it does start again, I do still have my extra ecto dejectos in my bag, and yes, Danny, I will call you if it actually happens, sorry if I almost gave you a heart attack a few minutes ago. Anyway, I turn back to all the tied up screaming people, and I notice these, like, fog-machine-looking-thing next to all of them, and I get closer to one, and the scratchy feeling at the back of my throat gets worse, so now I’m thinking ‘oh, this must be what’s causing everyone to see things.’ So I turn my arm intangible, stick it into this machine, and I pull out this bottle of just… the worst smelling chemicals I’ve ever been near, which is saying a lot for someone born and raised in a basement lab. But, it stops the fog machine, so I plug it with some stuff from my bag, and pocket it so I can’t smell it anymore. I keep doing this to each of the nearby machines, and eventually the front pocket of my bag is just completely stuffed with gross chemicals.

So that’s over with, and I look over to see if the fight’s done, but no, they’re all still going at it, which means I still can’t talk to Red Hood and get him to the Zone, so I figure I have some time to kill. And I remember that there’s, like, ten or so people tied up against their will, so I start freeing all of them. Obviously, the ropes themselves are really easy, all I really need to do is phase them off. The people, on the other hand, are crazy hard to get to actually do anything other than scream. Like, I try pushing people towards the exit, I try dragging them across the floor, anything to get them to leave the building which is— in case you forgot— on fire. I mean it’s just the top floor, but I’ve heard from Ember that a fire anywhere in the house could be the cause of a human’s death, especially if no one’s watching it, and I doubt that anyone is actually watching that fire.

So now I’m kinda panicking, cause I was hoping the fight would be over by now and all these people would have been brought outside, but not only is the fight not over, I look over and see the bad guy throw these cans over at the people, and I realize that they’re giving off the exact same poison-fog as the machines from earlier. And I’m just. So pissed off. Like, I just took care of that!! For all I knew, that illusion stuff could’ve worn off in a few minutes, and I wouldn’t have to worry about keeping all these people alive!!

Side note— Danny. I get it now. I get the whole ‘desperate need to protect any and all humans’ feeling you were talking about.

They are just… so easy to put into danger.

Holy shit.

Anyway, I’m feeling that whole ‘selfless anger on behalf of strangers’ thing for the first time, and I think it turns my brain off, cause I just pick up the cans and throw them at the bad guys head while yelling ‘FUCK YOU, DIPSHIT!’

And my invisibility drops.

So.

Not my best decision.

But not my worst, because my aim was perfect.

I’m pretty sure I knocked him unconscious, but I’ll be honest I wasn’t really paying attention to that guy anymore because I had just revealed one of my abilities— not to mention I think my eyes were glowing— in front of the fucking Batman. Now, I don’t know if the rumors about him hating metas are true, but I do know that most humans fucking hate ghosts, that I definitely don’t know what he thinks I am, and that I’m not risking my ass to find out. So, invisibility goes back up, and I start to book it before I remember that the whole fucking reason I showed up was to help out Red Hood. So I take a flyer, write “sorry, try again tomorrow?” on the back, and then I get the fuck out.

I wind up flying so fast back to this little hideout I’m staying at that I guess I wound up jostling some things in my bag? Yeah, by the time I get back, I feel this… leaking through my bag. And I take it off, so I can check out the damage, and uh…

Ok, so remember how I mentioned those ecto dejectos I keep on me? Well, I tend to keep them in the front pocket. And the scary-illusion-liquid-stuff was also put in the front pocket. And one of the bottles and an ecto-dejecto hit each other just a bit too hard. And apparently. When these two things are combined. You get… a blob ghost. Who only knows how to melt.

I’ve named him Goop, and he’s the most pathetic creature I’ve seen in my life. He just melts until all of his body is liquid, then it all just blorps back together. He’s solid for like a second, then he starts to melt again. Also he keeps trying to drink the scary-illusion-liquid. I’ve been holding him in my lap this entire time, and while he’s not hard to stop, I do still need to sleep, so if anyone has any advice on how to handle a mutant blob ghost, I’m all ears. Also, if theres any specific way to get rid of mysterious chemicals that honestly shouldn’t exist, please tell me, otherwise I’m just gonna find a sink and dump it.

Anyway, that’s enough about my day, onto things I’ve heard about the city…”

————————

The batfam stared silently at the glowing radio that Jason had brought.

And an unspoken agreement was reached.

Meta, ghost, whatever— this was a child with absolutely no adult supervision, severe trauma, an unknown set of powers, and a ridiculous amount of fear toxin. Not to mention something that she described to be a “mutant blob ghost.”

It was time to do a bit of research into the kid.

Or, it would, were it not for the fact that “Wraith Radio” didn’t seem to exist online, nor did “Ellie Phantom.” It was also likely she used a fake name for her show, since there didn’t seem to be any records of an “Ellie Phantom” anywhere.

Of course, that wasn’t enough to deter them. After all, she herself had mentioned her family.

And so, they began looking into Amity and her cousin, Danny.

#danny phantom #dp x dc crossover #dp x dc fanfic #dc x dp #danielle phantom #wraith radio

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colorfullpaperbird · 2 months

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Taste in books i think each of the sides on Sander Sides would have

Logan: Easiest side to tell since he says his book taste in canon lmao, mistery books guy, agatha christie, sherlock holmes, murders on rue morgue, he just really enjoys a good mistery (he’s just like me fr). He also probably reads books about scientific discoveries and psychological studies on a day to day basis (since he seems to have an answer for everything), either really likes or really hates sci fi depending on the scientifical explanations the books gives

Patton: Ok so, im gonna be honest, i don’t think Patton reads much? In fact hes probably the one who reads the least out of all sides, but he does seem to know his stuff, quoting studies in some episodes ( ‘Can lying be good?’ being the one who comes to mind ), so he probably reads a few articles about Morality and philosophy, also when i imagine Patton reading i imagine children’s books with deep messages like Dr Seuss, so personally i think Patton’s taste in books would be books like “The Tao of Pooh” which explains philosophy in a simple fun way taking inspiration from children’s media.

Roman: Roman’s my favorite side and although i would like to dump my personal taste on him i am aware that he canonically hasn’t read my favorite book and dislikes dark retellings of fairytales, leaving me to tears since those are my favorite kind of story. However i will indulge a bit and say that Roman would love Shakespearean plays ( His favorite would be Hamlet bc it inspired Lion King ) and typical fantasy books. Im also 100% sure that guy has a shelf full of Disney Movie Books like the novelization of Beauty and the beast and the villain’s origin books by Serena Valentino, also has those super pretty Disney Classics books ( lucky mfer ). And obviously he would have the original novels of multiple musicals ( Wicked, Be more chill, Dear Evan Hansen…) and some ballets/non-Disney classics as well (The nutcracker, The wizard of oz, Swan lake… ). Also Harry Potter i guess, since that’s canon 😒

Virgil: We all know what im going to say, Horror fan. Likes Edgar Allan Poe’s stories and classic horror books that inspired movies/series ( Carrie, Ring, the haunting of hill house… ), also reads a concerning amount of True crime about unsolved murder cases, and he has a special edition of the novel of The nightmare before Christmas somewhere trust me. And to self indulge a little, Dark retellings of fairytales, especially the Horror leaning ones.

Janus: I feel like Patton would read simplified philosophy books while Janus would grab shit like The gay science by Friedrich Nietzsche at the local library (never read this book, hilarious title tho), Overall i think Janus’s taste on books would consist of either philosophy and sociology books (especially the ones that annoying people read to keep gloating about how smart they are, except he actually likes them), and influential plays like Shakespeare, The Odyssey, The Iliad, Medea, Phantom of the Opera etc… His taste is the perfect combination of annoying Theater kid with pretentious philosophy kid (He is the guy they strive to be 😭)

Tw: Remus and everything that comes with him

Remus: YES, REMUS READS, YOU CANNOT CHANGE MY MIND ON THIS, The books he reads? Very simple, Dark romance and horror, the books are his inspirations for new creative ways to annoy the shit out of the other sides, he is slowly but surely making a list of new horrid murder and torture methods he learned via horror books, also dark romance for him is just romance since he thinks normal romance books are boring and lack taste, some other side definitely walked in on him reading once ( picture him reading on the sofa twirling his hair and bouncing his legs in a very stereotypical teen girl way ) and asked what he was reading only for him to answer something like “ ‘Taken Hostage by the Hot Mafia Boss’ :D” Also definitely read the Kam4 Sutr4.

Bonus: Remy/Sleep has a book detailing the multiple different ways on how to brew coffee and Picani has every Kids Show Book he could find ( Gravity Falls 3rd Diary, Star vs the Forces of Evil Book of spells etc… )

ALSO WARNING: If you want to buy any of the books i talked about here be aware there is currently a boycott of Disney and any other properties that have ties to the genocide committed by Israel!! And mainly, i would recommend to grab any book i mentioned in the library since they’re one of the only public community spaces that haven’t shut down yet, support your public library to make sure it stays that way!

#sanders sides #roman sanders #patton sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #just a silly little post about books and Sander Sides #because i love books and sander sides #i hope none of these are ooc #i tried to keep them in character #also i didnt say it in the post or it would be way longer than i intended #but they all read Pride and Prejudice at one point #Its Roman’s favorite and Remus’s least favorite

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schro4444 · 6 months

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It's a pity in japan they don't do trick or treat bc I can imagine they'd do something insane like, making a a giant booby trapped net around the house's perimeter that looks like spider webs and dropping down from above dressed as giant spiders when a trick-o-treater gets stuck in it, or something. But you know what Kaitou Kid was an *international* criminal so hey, who can say he didn't do a heist in America around Halloween? No one, that's who. Also bringing Chikage and Kaito with him everywhere bc he loves them and bc if he misses any of Kaito's milestones (magic and thieving included) he will DIE and bc the police would be looking for a guy travelling alone, not for a family of 3 with an actual child who couldn't possibly be an accomplice (jokes on them Kaito makes the BEST accomplice even if he doesn't exactly know what he's accomplicing)

Dyou think they purposefully got a house next to the Nakamoris and then left Kaito in his care once things got dangerous? BC Nakamori Toichi can say with 1000% certainty is squeaky clean and subtle as a punch to the face and LOUD so ppl would notice if he got dissappeared, or alternatively kick up HELL and rally the police if anything at all happened to Kaito?

THEY TOTALLY WOULD. AND THEY WOULD HAVE THE BEST HALLOWEEN DECOR, OMG…. all of the ways they could make it look like ghosts are making things float/tossing them around… playing recordings of them saying things in spooky voices… improbable jumpscares… honestly if they really wanted to go full smoke and mirrors they could just Have ghosts. it would be awesome.

YOURE SO RIGHT. there are many benefits to being an international thief >:D they’d totally do themed family costumes. also the idea of toichi bringing chikage and kaito everywhere with him has me breaking down, actually. kaito breaks open his first safe right after a heist in austria and toichi is so busy celebrating this with his wife and child that he gets completely skipped over as a suspect

omg… nakamori being ENTIRELY distracted by the fact that 5yo kaito has a new magic trick to show him RIGHT NOW and it’s REALLY IMPORTANT (toichi has stolen the jewel) and it has to be NOW because nakamori is always busy (toichi is halfway to the roof) but now that he’s HERE nakamori can finally watch the trick and he can see how cool magic is (toichi is back in plainclothes and is walking in to pick kaito up)

and as for the neighbor thing, HONESTLY I WOULDNT BE SURPRISED. clearly chikage trusts nakamori to look after her son, which is a huge compliment especially from a former thief—I feel like trust issues come with the job. all of the kurobas have/had a lot of faith in his morality, which says a lot about his (sometimes dubious) character that we don’t explicitly see in the story. I wonder how he proved himself to them so thoroughly?? maybe it was smth like he saved kaito from someone gunning for Kid really early on, back when actual danger during heists was rare, and thus he accidentally earned the undying respect of two phantom thieves, lol. plus I bet kaito came home after the clock tower meeting rambling about his new best friend aoko, and toichi and chikage were like. Well We Were in the Market For a New House Anyway…

#kaito was too young to properly realize he was at. like. actual heists. he’s just waiting for his dad to pick him up #kuroba family sitcom #dcmk #magic kaito #mk #schrasks

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edorazzi · 2 years

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Well THIS has been a long time coming. Today we’re reviewing Part 2 of the Miraculous Season 4 finale; aka “Strike Back”, aka more of the Felix arc. Sorry for the delay guys, I was just living in fear! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

Previous episode reviews: “Felix” | “Gabriel Agreste” | “Risk”

Like previous reviews this is gonna get pretty long, so I’ll throw the rest under a cut and let’s get started once again! ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

So here we are again. Literally everything delayed me from getting to this episode: catching Covid, Internet issues, IRL obligations, a general sense of doom. The universe was trying VERY hard to stop me so I think whatever I experience past this point is my own fault. I’ve signed the waiver.

Here’s where we’re at right now:

Everyone (except Felix?) is affected by the akuma “Risk”, whose power causes people within earshot to make impulsive decisions.

Felix is likely after the family rings again, and has taken over Adrien’s horrible modeling trip to stalk/rob Nathalie. I have yet to see how this affects Adrien negatively but I’m sure life will, uh, find a way.

No idea if Uncle Gabe is aware of this. He did set a trap for Felix in the office safe but that was a while ago; and he’s currently trashing Paris with a sentimonster believing Adrien is safe with Nathalie (he’s not lol) so I’m leaning towards him being genuinely ignorant.

There’s a VERY high possibility Ladybug is about to give a Miraculous to the wrong cousin.

So I’m very nervous. Lessgo.

- No recap! I don’t think the last double feature had them either; I remember leaving a while between “Truth” and “Lies” at the beginning of the season and being very confused over stuff I forgot. Guess you either sink or swim when Miraculous decides to do some serious storytelling.

- So we start where we abruptly left off: with Adrien entering the Forbidden Office in search of his dad, finding Felix’s Phantom Thief monocle (what IS that thing...) and getting distracted by today’s sentimonster stomping through the city. He dashes up to his room, transforming into Chat Noir as he goes and leaping gracefully out the window without pause! Or paws. Haha. I’m in danger.

- Next we rehash the scene of Marinette talking with Tikki on the station roof, and getting the bright idea to go rescue “Adrien” (who is Felix in disguise) as Pegabug. She retrieves the horse glasses from her yoyo pocket dimension and is about to unify the two Miraculous when her attention is also caught by Strike Back. SHE JUST STARES, THEN TAKES THE GLASSES OFF AND PUTS THEM AWAY AGAIN. The timing was very funny. Brawl now, true love later! >:0

- Cut to the interior of the Startrain, and now THIS I’m interested in. Nathalie is seated next to “Adrien”, who is actually Felix, and he’s glaring out the window either in boredom or cooking up a cunning plan. Definitely waiting for Nathalie to let her guard down so he can rob her. First old men and now disabled women; where will it end, Felix??

- Nathalie gently puts her hand over “Adrien’s” in a way I’m sure she thinks is reassuring, showing off the family ring in full view. Isn’t actually touching this poor attention-starved kid way above her paygrade? She wouldn’t even give him a hug in “Felix” when she walked in on him crying in his room. Maybe her appreciation for Adrien has grown considering he brought her snacks while she was bedridden. Gabriel just came in and ate them while venting to her, but still.

Also, if this was Adrien, Nathalie flashing this ring so much (between the previous scene in the study and now) would be super rude, right? I know Adrien supports whatever his father has with her and it’s Gabriel who kicks off every time it’s brought up; but showing off his mom’s wedding ring like this with no explanation is another level.

And ALSO, again, where is this particular ring meant to have come from? The cover story in “Gabriel Agreste” is that Ol’ Gabe graciously bestowed his own ring unto his dear nephew (after Felix robbed, tricked and nearly outed him as Shadow Moth), and the other is still officially ‘missing’ because it disappeared with Emilie, who is definitely not in a fridge in the basement. Are they both banking on Adrien not recognising it, and it’s just terrible luck that this is Felix?

- ANYWAY. Felix reacts like he’s been burned, and I’m sure it’s because the ring he’s desperate for is right there on Nathalie’s hand, but I’m in tears thinking he’s just fucking OUTRAGED at being touched without permission. Like the first episode where he went to shake Adrien’s hand and got full-on hugged instead. He came here to rob people and he is feeling SO violated right now?? >:/

- Nathalie encourages “Adrien” to “try to make the most out of this trip”, and highlights how he’ll get to see the world and then come back to his friends with lots to share. Not that I believe this is going ahead, but I hope that means she’s at least planning to give him a decent amount of freedom; like in the Shanghai Special where Gabriel actually let Adrien go out and explore the city (with a bodyguard). Maybe she really does care! Just a little bit. :’)

- Felix says something ominous about “seizing the opportunity when it presents itself”, so I guess he’s recovered from being so RUDELY manhandled - literally the worst thing that’s happened to him today! Move over, Aunt Emilie’s frozen corpse! - and is back to plotting atrocities.

- Lila interrupts to claim she and Adrien will become “the best friends in the world” on this trip! Now, Felix has been mostly separate from Adrien’s social circle with the exception of Kagami and Chloe (and that time the Girl Squad tried to kill him), so he doesn’t know Lila’s reputation as a liar or how much grief she’s put his cousin through; but maybe it takes a sneaky manipulator to know one?

- “Adrien” tells Lila he “hopes so with all his heart”. This should be her first clue that something isn’t right. He was ready to tear her to SHREDS during the photoshoot this morning and now he’s Prince Charming! Would the real Adrien be extra polite in front of Nathalie? :/

Also, if this is grounds for suspicion, does Lila know Adrien has a strikingly identical cousin? She hasn’t been around for this arc but she may have heard about him from their classmates. I wonder if Felix is common knowledge to people who haven’t been directly involved with his nonsense, or if he’s some kind of horrible unlockable item once you reach a certain friendship level with Adrien.

- At any rate, “Adrien” excuses himself to the bathroom with his duffel bag. Lila pokes her head over the seats with wide eyes to watch him leave; does she know something’s up? Gotta take those every-15-minutes model showers, I’m sure the Startrain has the facilities for it.

- In the train bathroom, Felix takes the fake Peacock Miraculous out of his bag and affixes it to his chest. What is it about the Agreste family and wielding dark magic in train bathrooms? The twins HAVE to be sentimonsters because I refuse to believe Felix isn’t related to Gabriel in any way, it’s ridiculous. He also retrieves Nathalie’s tablet and deletes her Candy Crush flicks through scans of the Miraculous book to find details on the Peacock and how to activate it. I’m so upset Shadow Moth’s presence confirms this brooch is a fake; this would be so cool! :(

- Felix is perplexed when no kwami appears from the brooch. He tries the magic words - “Duusu, spread my feathers!” - and nothing happens. He crushes the brooch in the palm of his hand and it shatters easily, proving it’s just cheap costume jewelry his uncle planted as a decoy.

- FELIX REALISES HE’S BEEN TRICKED. Score one for Uncle Gabe! Turnabout is fair play after all, and it’s taken him over three episodes to get back at his nephew in any way. During their last conflict Gabriel may have been a fool dressed as a peacock in his secretary’s bedroom, but he’s not a fool dressed as Adrien Agreste in a train bathroom with no Miraculous. That’s Felix.

- Back to Paris and Strike Back is stomping around. He looks like one of those Laputa golems (which I’m sure is intentional). Ladybug and Chat meet up and fall into sync right away, agreeing to wrap this up quick because they’ve both got other pressing business. This pressing business is Felix, lol.

- Shadow Moth leers from the top of the Eiffel Tower. Risk (who I completely forgot about, lmao) cycles through the sentimonster’s path of destruction and influences nearby Parisians to stick around in the danger zone so they can catch sight of the superheroes/get videos for social media. I’m surprised this isn’t a problem they have to deal with more often since the heroes are very popular; this is exactly what Alya was doing in Season 1 and it’s apparently been less than a year since then!

- Ladybug has to actively “shoo!” the civilians away, which is very funny. She also drags Risk out of danger, not realising he’s an akuma; then Risk pushes straight onwards again and nearly gets hit by a car. WHY IS EVERY SINGLE TODDLER IN MIRACULOUS SO TERRIBLE.

- Chat’s Risk mark lights up and he nearly Cataclysms the sentimonster, which as we know is a HUGE no-no because it makes them go haywire. Ladybug trips it with her yoyo wire instead, and Strike Back makes a massive dent in the city with millions in property damage. Chat gets annoyed and says that was literally no better than what he was gonna do! Which isn’t actually correct but I’ll give him this one; he deserves a little snark today. As a treat.

- The heroes go on to argue, appropriately, about how Ladybug never wants to take any risks. I like this exchange; both kids are very animated and I love Chat’s flow of sassy/disgruntled expressions in particular. Chat asks if Ladybug would ‘risk’ knowing who he was behind the mask, and Ladybug gets angry because she does NOT want to have this discussion right now! It’s REALLY dumb at this point. EITHER LET THEM SHARE IDENTITIES OR STOP ENGINEERING MORE REASONS WHY IT WOULD BE FINE TO DO SO, MY GOODNESS.

- This impromptu debate distracts them from Strike Back, who nearly flattens them. Chat grabs Ladybug despite them being super mad at each other right now (which is sweet); and the pair crashland in the streets and roll several feet while STILL arguing. This reminds me a whole lot of Stormy Weather and I wonder if that’s on purpose. Look how far we’ve come.

Geez, remember when this show wasn’t exactly what we’d expected but it also wasn’t a mess? Those golden days of staying up late and watching low-res Korean TV streams waiting for a new episode with no subtitles, instead of putting new content off for weeks because it’s too exhausting to see what they’ll do next. Edorazzi remembers. :’)

- Chat asks “Why do you know the identities of the other Miraculous holders? Why not me?” And Ladybug yet again tells him she’s protecting his identity in case Shadow Moth akumatizes her. Clearly the scriptwriters know what they meant, but I took that as Chat questioning why Ladybug shut him out of knowing ANY of the other superheroes so he couldn’t even help with stuff like Miraculous distribution. Wasn’t that where this started? Why are we back here??

- Chat says either he, she or both of them (I can’t figure out exactly what he says :/) will NEVER get akumatized. Ladybug has a flashback to Chat Blanc.

ARE WE REALLY BRINGING THIS UP. Like I’m sorry, but if we’re dragging that mess of an episode back into relevancy then Bunnyx should show up to slap Ladybug on the wrist whenever she’s about to do something which dooms the universe (because Marinette is somehow capable of breaking her own timeline without any outside influence); therefore if Bunnyx isn’t here right now then it’s fine and she has no reason to be defensive. Which is ridiculous but that’s the canon logic we’re living with. Welcome to the clown tent.

- “You don’t know what you’re talking about!” / “Maybe because you never talk to me about ANYTHING!” HE’S RIGHT, YOU KNOW. Ladybug doesn’t have to full-on share identities if she isn’t comfortable, but this season has a pattern of Chat getting left out of things and then being blamed for not knowing what’s up. Everything from Sentibubbler to the Scarabella mess and now this! JUST COMMUNICATE, HOLY SHIT. WHERE IS FELIX.

- IT’S ESCALATING. Through her earpiece Rena Furtive prompts Ladybug to dodge an attack. Ladybug’s Risk mark lights up and she thanks Rena loudly for Chat to hear. For a second she ACTUALLY tries to pretend she doesn’t know what Chat’s talking about, but ultimately confesses that Rena (who supposedly gave up her Miraculous way back in Sentibubbler) is on watch except she can’t tell him where. I guess this is a sign she does want to share this stuff with Chat and just doesn’t have the courage; but it comes across as a slap in the face and more like she forgot he was there. Chat is getting FURIOUS and I’m not happy either, the disrespect!!! >:0

- Ladybug spots Risk heading back into the danger zone once again and swings off to save him. Chat spots Mayor Bourgeois breaking out his film camera to record the sentimonster and does the same (and it’s nice to see more followup on André’s passions!). The kids realise they can’t fight the sentimonster if they’re constantly saving civilians, so Ladybug goes for “reinforcements”. Which Chat isn’t allowed to know about, of course.

- Is she going for Felix, believing he’s Adrien and that this will be the perfect excuse to keep him in Paris. MAYBE.

- Ladybug dishes out a bunch of Miraculous to the usual suspects (Nino, Kagami, Juleka, Zoe and Mylene), including Marc and Ivan this time! That’s nice. Where is Luka though? I get the feeling the writers banned him from the rest of the season because all the drama comes from Chat and Ladybug arguing/ miscommunicating, and we’ve seen from Wishmaker that Luka knows exactly how to deal with that nonsense. Can’t change his nature so just lock him in the houseboat until Season 5. :/

- Apparently Roi Singe is here too. Why wasn’t he in the lineup? The heroes launch several attacks on Strike Back and nothing works, the sentimonster just duplicates and copies their powers into its clones. Is this an allegory for Ol’ Gabe FINALLY figuring out how to dupe Felix, by absorbing his trickery and turning it back on him? :V

- Strike Back rips up the Ferris wheel to throw at them, and Ryuko unknowingly deflects it towards the top of the TV studio where Rena is hiding. Carapace SCREAMS her name and throws Shellter over the building so she won’t get hit.

- EVERYONE INCLUDING SHADOW MOTH IS NOW AWARE RENA IS STILL AN ACTIVE MIRACULOUS HOLDER. Which could have been avoided if Nino just didn’t YELL OUT HER WHOLEASS NAME, right? It’s reasonable to protect one of the tallest buildings in Paris; might not have been the wisest use of his power but nobody would question it! It’s not even implied he shouted because of Risk, this particular dumbassery is all his own.

How on Earth did Nino know, though? Did Alya bring him back into the loop? I seriously don’t remember that happening, but hell if I can recall half of what goes on in this show any more. Not to be Old Woman Yells At Cloud but I used to have such a good grip on what was happening in Miraculous and now I’m barely clinging on. :’V

Also, for once Carapace is the one everybody’s going >:0 at, which is a nice change from him picking on Chat Noir so much this season. Ah ha ha.

- OKAY. Alya confesses she told Nino about Rena Furtive because she just “couldn’t keep it from him”, so this is something that happened behind the scenes. LADYBUG SOUNDS SUPER MAD AT HER. This is so funny. I don’t hate any of these characters but they’ve been deeply frustrating for the latter half of the season and watching this all turn around is cathartic. :D

- Rena FINALLY notices everyone’s frog-shaped marks. There’s also a moment where Ladybug is about to wring Risk’s neck but Chat intervenes because he’s “good with kids” and Risk clings to him immediately. It’s pretty cute.

- CHAT GETS THROWN FROM OFFSCREEN INTO A BUILDING. GUESS BABYSITTING DIDN’T GO WELL. The heroes finally realise Risk is an akuma, and Shadow Moth is pleased because now Ladybug will second-guess everything she does. It’s a neat little two-layered plan; first she’s blissfully reckless and then she’s paranoid! Ladybug immediately orders Chat to go detransform because she won’t trust him with his Cataclysm, which I’m sure will do wonders for this argument they’re already having. :/

- Chat is left on the rooftop as everyone else leaves, and the fragile little way he mumbles “But I can help...” has me in TEARS. His Risk mark flares up a moment later and he leaps off towards one of the Strike Back clones, presumably to do something reckless that Ladybug will get mad about.

- Meanwhile, the girls try to de-akumatize Risk but can’t find his akumatized object because he hid it. Which is REALLY sneaky and honestly something Shadow Moth should instruct every akumatized person to do. Forget all these “megakumas” or whatever else Ol’ Gabe’s working on, just hide the key items and they’ll be borderline unstoppable!

- Chat gets pinned by a vehicle and tries to Cataclysm it to get free, only to have his attack stolen by Strike Back. That’s disappointing; I really expected him to prove Ladybug’s fears wrong by being sensible regardless of risk-taking but I guess we’re not doing that today. :/

- Ladybug gets mad and Lucky Charms up a day-old zoo ticket. Not sure what her plan is, but she decides she needs someone who hasn’t been hit by Risk - and of course her mind goes to Adrien-who-is-actually-Felix who she vividly recalls having no mark on his neck as she watched him board the train. UH OH. I KNEW THIS WAS GOING TO HAPPEN, I JUST DIDN’T KNOW HOW.

- Ladybug goes on a confusing tangent about whether or not her ideas are too risky, just as Shadow Moth anticipated. She plucks the Horse and the Rabbit Miraculous out of her yoyo dimension - never mind how she has the stopwatch after Season 1 established it belonged to Alix as a family heirloom. I don’t know WHAT is going on with the Bunnyx subplot any more, IT’S ALL STUPID - and merges them with the Ladybug Miraculous to come out looking like a video game avatar when you equip all your high stat items at once; then jumps through a portal to (I presume) give Felix his fifth heart attack of the day.

- Pegabunnybug and “Adrien” come out of adjacent bathrooms at the same time and spook each other. It’s like when the business convention has to share a venue with the sci-fi anime con! Felix instantly goes into recovery mode, as is his #1 talent, and (after subtly throwing his bag of stolen goods into the bathroom stall and closing the door) puts on his best wide-eyed Adrien impression.

- Instantly getting into his personal space, Ladybug checks “Adrien’s” neck and confirms he’s unmarked by Risk. If Felix is trying to save his cousin from being a doormat this is a sign to redouble his efforts; he dresses up as Adrien for 20 minutes and everyone keeps touching him! >:0

- She produces a Miraculous from her yoyo (lord help me I can’t recognise any of them any more :/) and Felix is very interested in this little pocket dimension. Now I was already assuming he’d steal whichever item this is but IS HE PLANNING TO SWIPE THE WHOLE DAMN YOYO? SWEETIE. IF THIS IS WHERE IT’S GOING NO WONDER PEOPLE ARE MAD AT HIM.

- Oh, the Dog Miraculous! SO IT’S GONNA BE LIKE THAT WHEN FELIX IS TRADITIONALLY A CAT HOLDER, IS IT. Not that I’m NOT Pro-Felix, and I guess they’ve recast the snake, the bee and technically the mouse when their holders didn’t suit, but this feels kinda mean to Sabrina when she’s done nothing to deserve losing it. I already know giving the power of item retrieval to a thief is a terrible idea, but I wonder who’s most at risk here; Nathalie, Gabriel or Ladybug?

- I wonder about “Adrien” doubting himself for a second here. Is that part of Felix’s impression of his pathetic cousin or a genuine reaction? I don’t see the point in hesitating if Ladybug is freely offering what he wants but maybe he’s just covering his ass; can’t look too eager.

I’ve talked about this before but this is what I mean with Felix, you know? When it comes to scenes like this nearly every Miraculous character can be sorted into two categories: “genuine” or “ingenuine but it’s very obvious”; but despite Felix’s theatrical villainy he has no clear goal or motivation like everyone else. I know this is a kiddie show for babies but I think the shift in parameters is why I’m consistently baffled and changing my interpretation of what’s happening.

That said, I’m sure he’s being fake as hell right now; just something to bring up. Let’s continue.

- HIS REACTION IS SO CUTE WHEN BARKK APPEARS. This is what Felix was expecting when he put on the fake Peacock Miraculous and he’s clearly amazed to see it for real! Now I think about it, wasn’t Barkk a little set apart from the other kwami in a couple of previous episodes; being a bit more vigilant and purpose-driven? Maybe she(?) and Felix will get along? :0

- OH MY GOD, THE TRANSFORMATION!!! THEY GAVE FELIX HIS THIGH HIGHS. GOD FUCKING BLESS. It’s a little disappointing he’s pretending to be Adrien right now, so we still don’t know what a costume tailored to Felix himself would look like (less gaudy than this, I imagine), but this is a lot more flattering than whatever Sabrina had going on and has several beats of Felix’s classic Chat Noir suit. The boots! The ball “bell”! The sharp shoulders, sleek arms and big ears!!! （ｉДｉ）

Throwing in a comparison. Those boots are spot on, pun fully intended.

Yet again I should switch this episode off here, I really should. Every single Felix Episode has a point where it can only go downhill and this is where I should stop; where he has yet to do anything horrific and also got a cute transformation. Alas, I press play. :(

- Yep, he immediately touches Ladybug’s yoyo under the pretence of learning how his powers work. Fortunately it’s ineffective since he needs to use the ball and not his bare hand, but he’s gunning for it. FELIX NOOOO.

- Ladybug’s plan is to go back into the past, I guess to find where Risk hid his akumatized object. That must be what the zoo ticket is for, I just figured it out. This is what happens when I don’t get a recap in a two-parter. She takes “Adrien” into Bunnyx’s rabbit hole dimension, and I can SEE him having an absolute meltdown trying to process all this but he’s holding it together like a champ.

I should start keeping a scoreboard of Felix’s heart attacks because this makes at least six in one day. Dropping into the Butterfly Lair, discovering Emilie’s corpse, Gabriel nearly catching him in the study, Nathalie touching his hand (>:0!!!), Pegabunnybug ambushing him on the train and now the rabbit hole dimension scrambling his brain. Good thing he’s probably a sentimonster because this would kill a normal person.

- They get spat out into the zoo scene from the previous episode, where Risk has just been akumatized. “Adrien” is here to simply throw the ball and hit the akumatized object; I guess so they can locate it in the future and not disrupt the timeline by grabbing it now.

I’d question why Ladybug couldn’t just quadruple up on Miraculous and do this herself, but they have thrown in the crippling doubt over her own actions (and I’m sure the excuse to get Adrien in on things is appealing to her) so fair enough. Turns out I was right about Felix being the key because he’s a sociopathic little bastard who can operate normally under these circumstances. :V

- Wow, Felix actually does as instructed! I thought he would tag Ladybug’s yoyo and run, but he just dutifully hits the frog toy and they both jump back into the portal. I assume he can’t pick more than one target without refueling his kwami, right?

- They return to the present and PARIS IS IN FLAMES, SOMEHOW. Is this shot a reference to the PV with Felix and Bri on the rooftop under the burning sky? It’s much less cinematic and Felix is dressed like a dog, but it definitely feels like a homage considering the characters we’re dealing with. That’s fun.

- The Miraculous Holders are dying, and Chat Noir is either the last one standing OR he’s gone off the rails and caused this whole mess. Ladybug instructs “Adrien” (who is still unnamed as a hero, I think?) to use his power and they locate the akumatized object with ease. This solves the Risk problem but now they have to deal with the duplicating sentimonster!

- Chat eavesdrops on Ladybug absolutely WORSHIPING the new guy. My first reaction was “wow she really is obsessed with Adrien”, but this is also after Adrien failed spectaclarly as Aspik (and Viperion became the new Snake Miraculous Holder), which I don’t think gets brought up often enough and puts a new angle on Ladybug congratulating him for doing everything right on his “first try”. :’0

- LADYBUG BLURTS OUT ADRIEN’S NAME. GIRL WHAT THE HECK, THE RISK MARKS ARE GONE. IS SHE JUST DUMB.

- Felix picks some absolutely horrific name for himself that I don’t know how to spell (but have since discovered it’s “Flairmidable”). I guess it doesn’t matter since he’ll probably never be a Miraculous Holder again. Maybe he eschewed some more on-the-nose dog puns like “Retriever” or “Courage” or Scrappy, lmao just to make Adrien look ridiculous? I can dream. Either way this should be a massive clue he ISN’T Adrien, who settled on the very creative “Black Cat” and had to stay up all night with Plagg’s help to come up with “Catwalker”, but nobody’s close enough to him to connect those dots. Adrien’s arguably better at costume design though; the cousins should pool their talents sometime.

- Chat seems to have missed Ladybug’s slip of the tongue, so he’s just very upset to see her bonding so hard with this new guy. It’s like a glimpse into an alternate universe where Adrien and Chat really ARE different people. Don’t worry honey, Flairmidable isn’t interested in girls like that; he just wants to rob her! >:V

- Ladybug returns Froggy’s plush toy to him, protective charm attached. Also, Rena Furtive is now out in the open with everyone? I know her existence got re-confirmed but unless Ladybug’s about to take her Miraculous away this seems like a horrible idea. Shadow Moth knows who she is! At least preserve the illusion of being a different person!!!

- Everyone goes to recharge, which I’m sure will give Felix another shot at stealing that yoyo. Chat is left alone and despondent. :(

- Shadow Moth is disappointed by Risk’s defeat, but is certain Ladybug must have made a mistake and “can’t wait to see what it is”. THAT WOULD BE FELIX, A TERRIBLE HORRIBLE MISTAKE UNCLE GABE IS PERSONALLY FAMILIAR WITH. :)

- Revisiting the sewers, Ladybug and Flairmidable detransform either side of the split tunnels like Marinette and Adrien have done before. Mari resolves to return “Adrien” to the Startrain and feels wrong for interfering (as if the real Adrien didn’t have a whole outburst just this morning about how much he hated this?), but “Adrien” claims he wants to stay here and fight by her side instead, leering at Barkk in a comically menacing way. GUESS THE NONSENSE IS STARTING. I UNCLIPPED MY SEATBELT FOR A SECOND THERE BUT TIME TO STRAP BACK IN. :/

- “You’ve given me the courage I needed, Ladybug. I feel like from now on, NOTHING can stop me.” OKAY EDGELORD, TONE IT DOWN.

I really want to know what Felix’s goals are here. He hasn’t shown interest in destroying the superheroes like Shadow Moth or obtaining power/control like Lila and Chloe - it’s mainly been about getting the family rings plus a side order of ruining Gabriel’s day (and Adrien’s if he gets caught in the crossfire, sorry buddy) and his interest in the Miraculous seems like a relatively new thing. He was also horrified by finding Emilie which tells me he’s not completely sociopathic. Clearly he’s about to do something horrible but I have trouble believing he’s just a villain with no good motive, you know?

- Back topside, the remaining Miraculous Holders (plus Rena, sans Chat) are on the exact same rooftop they nearly died on earlier. Very smart. Ladybug shows up with Flairmidable and officially introduces him as “the new holder of the Dog Miraculous!” SO I GUESS IT’S OVER FOR SABRINA. OOF. Chat Noir pops up over the railing right as she says this (while gazing at Flairmidable with adoration) which is VERY funny. Like oh no you DON’T. >:0

- Ladybug smooshes the pair of them together, clearly happy to have her two favourite guys side by side (Viperion wasn’t even invited today, second oof) and delighted with the cat/dog dynamic. Once again she’s ignoring Chat’s very obvious discomfort as if this setup is perfect! She laughs hysterically as the other Miraculous Holders look on with concern.

- Chat absolutely HATES this guy. Flairmidable gives a polite little “Nice working with you, Chat Noir :)” but it’s tinged with the same venom as Felix’s intro scene where he called Adrien his “favourite cousin”. I’m convinced this kid just can’t say ANYTHING nice without sounding evil, exactly like his uncle. :’)

- I’m wondering if this will be the consequence of all the times Chat had to put up with Rena. He didn’t trust her at ALL but had to just shut up and do what he was told as the girls worked everything out behind his back. Now Flairmidable is giving off positively evil vibes, but is Chat going to push it or assume Ladybug knows what she’s doing and he doesn’t have the right to say anything?

- Ladybug tells the boys to “shake paws” like they’re actual pets. Hold on to your ring, Chat, we all know what happened LAST time Felix shook hands with anyone. Chat reaches out very reluctantly but Flairmidable firmly grasps his hand and shakes it, putting in the extra distance like he’s REALLY determined to be friendly. Ladybug is trilling in excitement and completely ignoring Chat very obviously wanting to die right now. I feel kinda bad for them both, honestly. Also, is Felix lefthanded? :0

- Ladybug assures the boys they’re going to be spending a LOOOOT of time together now Flairmidable is on the team. FOREVER. Wasn’t this the exact problem they faced in Kuro Neko; when Adrien put on his princely public persona as Catwalker and Ladybug couldn’t function around him because he was too hot? Does her determination to have Adrien on the team overpower her decision not to work with anyone she’s attracted to? I’m sure this won’t matter because Felix will have robbed her by the end of the day and never be allowed a Miraculous again, but still.

- Ladybug Lucky Charms up a pair of sunglasses which Marc duplicates. While she’s explaining whatever the hell this plan is, Flairmidable subtly touches his ball to her yoyo. I KNEW he was up to shit. There’s various shots of everyone wearing their shades, and Flairmidable carefully handling his pair while Chat has just slapped them on and continued to glare is very funny.

- Flairmidable gets some kinda look on his face when he asks what Ladybug is planning to do with the sentimonsters, like he’s nervous. Hmm.

- Everyone leaps away but Flairmidable hangs back from the crowd. He looks like Dave Strider in these glasses and that wasn’t a comparison I was prepared to make today.

- Pegabug OPENS A GIANT PORTAL WHICH DROPS THE SENTIMONSTERS INTO THE FUCKING SUN. OKAY??? I GUESS THAT’S WHY EVERYONE NEEDED THE SHADES BUT JESUS....

- Flairmidable takes off his shades with a look of sadness, drops them at his feet where they shatter, then turns away with a sorrow-filled whisper of “I’m sorry”.

And I’m going to interrupt myself here with a post-liveblog sidebar because I WAS DUMB AS ROCKS ON MY FIRST WATCH. I initially interpreted this as Felix enjoying himself around the superheroes (especially after Chat accused him of having no friends; maybe this is his first experience being accepted by a group of peers) and being reluctant to betray them for whatever his bigger goal is, but now I absolutely believe he was talking to the sentimonsters, not the heroes. He was fine dispatching Risk (an akuma) but instantly nervous about what Ladybug planned to do with the Strike Back clones, and ultimately had to watch them die at the hands of the Miraculous Heroes - in a sequence framed a lot more dramatically than other episodes - while being unable to step in. Jesus FUCK. “Felix is a sentimonster” isn’t even a question at this point, is it.

ANYWAY.

- At the top of the Eiffel Tower, Shadow Moth is so enraged he jumps over the edge. I’m sure he’s bounding away to do more evil but THAT’S SO FUNNY; HE’S LIKE A TODDLER.

- Rena and Ladybug land in an alley just like before, perfectly synchronised. Are they still gonna have a serious discussion or is Ladybug riding high on inducting “Adrien” into the gang and ready to forgive everything?

- Marinette is willing to let things go, saying she understands the need to share everything with her best friend (Chat Noir is CRYING on a rooftop somewhere), but it’s actually Alya who renounces her Miraculous because she knows it’s too risky to continue as Rena now Shadow Moth knows? WHOA. CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT. I’ve been liking Alya more and more this season; I found her pretty irritating and reckless earlier in the show (when all her plotlines were about hindering Ladybug, having a boyfriend and/or not respecting Marinette’s boundaries with Adrien) but she’s really pulling through. Miraculous or not I hope she stays as Mari’s confidante.

- Ladybug goes back to the sewers to find Adrien, who ISN’T THERE. QUELLE SURPRISE.

- Cut to Gabriel returning home (in a very dignified way, after leaping off the Eiffel Tower in a blind rage) while on a call to Nathalie, complaining about this plan failing and demanding she cancel everything and bring Adrien home. THE WHIPLASH ADRIEN WOULD BE GETTING IF HE WERE ACTUALLY THERE. He strides into his study, still on the phone, and cue the funniest moment so far of this Gabriel/Felix feud.

- FLAIRMIDABLE IS JUST LOUNGING THERE, FULL COSTUME, FEET UP ON SHADOW MOTH’S DESK AND PLAYING WITH THE BALL. Strikingly similar to the way he greeted Adrien in the previous episode, and again lefthanded.

He does shift to spinning it with his right hand later, and I think he was messing with Adrien’s basketball righthanded too; so Felix must be ambidextrous. It would certainly fit his character considering he takes whichever side is most beneficial to him.

- GABRIEL DROPS HIS PHONE, AND AFTER TWO FULL EPISODES FINALLY ACKNOWLEDGES FELIX’S PRESENCE IN HIS HOME. Albeit this time with genuine surprise instead of murderous rage. Felix clarifies that he was the mistake Ladybug made, which is what we’ve all been saying.

I did have an extra note here to the effect of “I haven’t forgotten the remorseful way he abandoned the heroes tho”, but that’s out the window now I’ve realised Felix was upset about the sentimonsters. In his mind the Miraculous Holders probably deserve whatever they get!

- Also, Nathalie starts dying on the Startrain. Lila notices and looks pleased about it. Moving on.

- Cut to who I assume is the real Adrien exiting his ensuite bathroom, back in his normal clothes, and Ladybug leaping in through his open window. TO CHEW HIM OUT FOR STEALING THE MIRACULOUS FELIX TOOK, I’M SURE.

- Okay, at least Ladybug’s giving him the benefit of the doubt at first; assuming she forgot to tell Adrien where they should meet after the battle. You could say something about her trusting Adrien is in the right while Chat Noir is currently always in the wrong at ALL times, but I’m just glad Adrien’s reputation isn’t actually suffering because of Felix’s mischief. I’m Team Felix here but Adrien deserves a break.

- Ladybug mentions the train and Adrien realises what happened, ominously growling “FELIX”, and Ladybug’s horror movie reaction is amazing. Chill out guys, you don’t even know what he’s done yet! Adrien was still trying to figure out how Felix screwed him over by commandeering this modeling trip, you always expect the worst. Yes he’s actively committing an atrocity as we speak, but you shouldn’t just assume! >:0

- Back to the office and this is INCREDIBLE. I love these shots of Felix just making himself at home in other people’s stuff; he looks SO fucking full of himself. I also notice he’s got paw pads on his boots, which is another point on the “honouring Felix’s old costume” scoreboard:

The classic beans.

- So Felix wants the Peacock Miraculous now. He threatens to tell Adrien about the secret waifu dungeon beneath the mansion BUT offers Gabriel a trade: the Peacock for all the other Miraculous, and he’ll return the family ring he stole. I can’t believe we thought Lila was going to be the new villain striking deals with Shadow Moth, Felix is outrageous!

And I’m interrupting myself again, but lots of my commentary on this scene was “why does Felix want the Peacock? What’s up with him? Why is he giving up on the rings and why doesn’t he “need” the one he took any more?”; blah blah blah. He’s a sentimonster and the Peacock Miraculous is like handing a dog its own leash. Endless freedom baybee.

I think he was after Emilie’s ring - the one Nathalie currently has - because it contains Adrien’s amok (while Felix’s is likely in the ring he’s been wearing this whole time, which I believe belonged to his dad?), so he’s comfy returning Gabriel’s ring in this bargain because its only value is sentimental. I’m playing 5D chess in my brain with all this but I honestly think that’s what’s happening.

- “If I’d wanted to harm you, Uncle, I would have done it a long time ago.” KINDA FUCKED UP, BUT I GUESS THAT’S ON PAR WITH “I need only snap my fingers to make you disappear from here”. Affectionate death threats must run in the Agreste/Vanily families and Adrien gets excluded because he’s sensitive. Felix really tries being nice to him with the “my favourite cousin” stuff but it still comes out sounding evil. :/

- HOLY SHIT, GABRIEL ACTUALLY DOES IT. He renounces Duusu and swaps the Peacock brooch for the family ring!!! Both he and Felix hesitate warily before grabbing the items from each other; they really do NOT trust one another (despite being family; or probably because they’re family) and I love that.

- Felix makes good on his promise and “fetches” Ladybug’s compact. Gabriel grabs it from him in glee, cackling that Ladybug has FINALLY lost. GUESS FELIX IS HIS FAVOURITE NOW. Sucks to be the Miraculous Holders but I always said some kind of bargaining system would make things way easier than just threatening each other all the time!

- Upstairs, Ladybug is having a panic attack in Adrien’s room. Wouldn’t the yoyo disappear if she detransforms then reappear on her person? It’s tough to think clearly in a panic though and I do feel for her. I want to give her a hug. :(

- ADRIEN IS A TOTAL BESTIE. 10/10. He takes charge of the situation, instructs Ladybug to think and breathe, and shoves her into the bathroom where she can detransform in privacy. His ring is in full view for this shot - he’s ABSOLUTELY in Chat Noir mode and THIS is why he’s her partner! But poor Mari doesn’t trust anything about herself, her decisions or even that Adrien isn’t Felix right now and tricking her again. Sweetheart...! ; n ;

- Downstairs, Felix renounces the Dog Miraculous to Gabriel as well - who is cackling over his haul - and leaves the study with (I assume) just the Peacock. I’m sure Adrien’s about to rugby tackle him across the foyer and THAT I would love to see.

- Ladybug retransforms (baby girl, sweetie, if only you’d done that instantly...! :’0) and is too late! Gabriel took ALL the Miraculous except hers, Chat Noir’s, and the Peacock. Even the Fox is gone because Alya gave it back to Marinette this afternoon. THIS HAS ALL WORKED OUT HORRIBLY. Is this implying Season 5 will draw back on the huge fleet of heroes but deliver on crazy new outfits for Gabriel? I hope so.

- Adrien gets a burst of courage (this time not from an akuma) and opens the bathroom door to speak to Ladybug; maybe planning to reveal his identity as Chat Noir to give better support than his civilian self can. She’s gone by the time he enters. :(

- Ladybug is outdoors crying in the rain. Hawk Moth (I guess he’s not Shadow Moth any more?) does a ridiculous Eye of Sauron thing in the sky; like his introduction in Origins except even campier with a massive ring of Miraculous symbols.

- During his evil speech we cycle through several of the (ex) Miraculous Holders looking mad about it. Hi Luka, nice to see you at least once before the season ends. They have Chloe here too and even she looks upset; could this be a hint she’s coming back as Queen Bee or at least allying with the heroes?? PLEASE. It’s only been half a season and I am SO tired of Zoe.

- Cut to Felix on the Startrain, and I’m sure Ladybug’s wellbeing comes first but frankly I’m amazed Chat Noir hasn’t camped out at the train station to beat his ass. He’s gotta go home sometime! >:0

We see the Peacock Miraculous has redesigned itself to suit him which is really cool. It reminds me a bit of his classic Black Cat ring.

The pointed edges almost look like cat ears.

Felix also looks, like... really happy to have it. Not ‘evil’ happy, relieved happy; holding it to his chest and closing his eyes with a peaceful smile. This is clearly important to him on a personal level and not just about causing more chaos. And here is my VERY belated realisation that Felix is a sentimonster who just won his own freedom, holy SHIT.

- Back to Ladybug. Chat Noir appears by her side, standing upright and fierce while she’s curled up and small. She FINALLY realises all the nonsense she’s been putting him through this season and can’t understand why he’s still here.

I’m glad they’re actually addressing this. I’ve enjoyed the angsty dynamic of Chat getting sidelined but it’s frustrating when every confrontation has gone nowhere. Marinette’s had a huge amount on her shoulders this season so I don’t blame her for being stressed and distracted, but she will NOT let Chat help her and has preferred to ignore/placate him in small doses instead of actually sitting down to address the problem. Like it’s wildly inconvenient he doesn’t know what’s going on with her, but she also won’t tell him and then gets mad when he steps on her toes. I don’t think they should reveal identities if Ladybug isn’t ready (and Chat is wrong to keep asking, even if he’s only pressing so hard because he thinks it’ll fix things), but it’s a big leap between that and just, like... keeping Chat in the loop so he isn’t confused. Fortunately that shouldn’t be a problem any more! :D

- ANYWAY. Chat pulls Ladybug to her feet and into a hug, swearing to her they’ll get all the Miraculous back one by one. GUESS THAT’S THE PLOT OF SEASON 5. Also the entirety of Paris is out here cheering for her (despite Hawk Moth blaming her for allowing this mess to happen) which is really sweet. And if the blush on her cheeks is any indication, maybe she’s falling in love with Chat Noir now? :0

Gorgeous final scene. Very atmospheric.

SO WOW. HOLY SHIT, WHAT AN EPISODE.

I was anticipating a Miracle-Queen-esque storyline which would take Felix from an intriguing character to a ridiculous villain with bland motives (and then I’d have to work overtime to insist he’s still likable/interesting), but this was so much more exciting than I expected!!! Once again Felix gets more done in one episode than the rest of the characters in a whole season, but the way the status quo has been changed up is fascinating. It might not be just Hawk Moth vs the Miraculous Heroes any more - it looks like Felix has created a third side for sentimonsters and he’ll ally with or step on whichever group benefits him most. This is WILD.

So my thoughts on Felix specifically. I think he’s a perfect example of a “chaotic neutral” character. Here’s a DND definition I swiped from Google:

‘A chaotic neutral character is an individualist who follows their own heart and generally shirks rules and traditions. Although chaotic neutral characters promote the ideals of freedom, it is their own freedom that comes first; good and evil come second to their need to be free.’

Doesn’t that sound like him? Like they literally printed this out and stuck it on the wall while designing Felix “God Damn” Vanily.

I imagine a lot of fans hate him because he’s made things harder for the main characters, and I agree, he did! He tricked Adrien, undid three seasons’ worth of progress, delivered all the extra Miraculous directly to Shadow Moth, and Ladybug’s breakdown towards the end of the episode was painful to watch. I absolutely get it. But that doesn’t make Felix a villain. It doesn’t even make him a bad person per se - he’s just not on anyone’s side. He shows up, gets his shit done and leaves. Fair play.

(That said, I really do think he was planning to help Adrien get out of this international photoshoot and got distracted by the ring. Yes he wanted to break into Gabriel’s safe, but he could have done that at just about any time without engaging his cousin! Felix took the time to push that “freedom is something you make” sentiment and yet again encourage Adrien to stand up for himself. I think he does genuinely care about him his wellbeing at least, not Adrien’s reputation lmao and just has no clue how involved Adrien is with the Miraculous stuff.)

I also don’t know what to expect from him in the future. I’ve seen assumptions he’ll wield the Peacock Miraculous as a new villain, but if he sees sentimonsters as living beings then will he? Shadow Moth and Mayura were fine creating and dismissing as many as they pleased but I don’t think Felix could do that; he’d have to be extremely picky if he even used it at all. Gabriel is the only one who knows Felix has the Peacock right now too; so it’s not like the Miraculous heroes will be kicking down his door looking for it (RIP my hopes for the London Special :’D). They know he’s a traitorous bitch but not what he got out of the deal; at least not yet.

I also wonder what his relationship will be with Duusu. Maybe part of Duusu’s emotional fragility is because he feels the same way about sentimonsters being alive/enslaved/abused, and if Felix is a sentimonster himself then they might get very attached to each other. And Felix has worked completely solo thus far, bouncing off people but having no actual allies, so giving him someone like Duusu (a magic pet who is a lot of responsibility and can hold a conversation) will be a very interesting exposé of his character.

I’m personally in the camp that he’ll huffily take care of Duusu’s ridiculous needs, loudly complaining that he should just ship the Peacock Miraculous back to his uncle while putting together an expensive Barbie Dreamhouse for him to live in and pre-slicing Duusu’s favourite trashy pizza rolls. Maybe they’ll just make Felix super duper evil in Season 5 but I can dream. :’)

SO. I THINK I’M DONE. JESUS CHRIST I NEED TO LIE DOWN. Thanks for reading if you got this far! Rehydrate, take an Ibuprofen, tell me your thoughts and I’ll see you again for the next round of Felix nonsense! ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ

#LORD PRESERVE ME I HOPE THIS FORMATS CORRECTLY. i wasn't battling so much with the post editor this time but i'm still wary #hopefully this will be more entertaining than the previous review post now i know the outcome of this storyline!#also i have like. SO much flairmidable fanart to post. i adore this horrible dog boy #please let me know if you especially liked any part of this! but also go easy on me; i am fragile :'V #josie talks about things #felix graham de vanily #miraculous ladybug

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yeslordmyking · 9 months

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The Real Captain Hook Disney Movie?

You know what Disney Live Action Remake (ish) we really need: Captain Hook!

Peter Pan was actually a phantom that lured kids to Neverland like the Pied Piper, made them forget about their parents and want to party on Neverland forever, and killed them when they grew up or missed Mommy!

But who wants to go home and get old when Jeremy Sumpter is whispering dreams in your ear?

Captain Hook was a child that escaped and becomes Peter's enemy because his childhood was taken away, and he tried to stop him from kidnapping and murdering more children. And the only portrayal of that story that I’ve seen that even comes close to touching Peter Pan's dark roots was Once Upon a Time! And Peter Pan was Rumpstiltskin’s father in that version! As a diehard OUAT time, the show should hold a huge credit for giving us the closest potrayal to the real Peter Pan that we’ve ever gotten, and even then, there wasn’t a real focus on the rivialry between him and Killian (Hook) since it leaned more into the father-son dynamic the show set up.

Robbie Kay did awesome btw, his Peter was chilling and absolutely none of my fondness for the Disney version carried over, I hated this kid's guts!

(Oh yeah, disclaimer before I go on: no I’ve never seen Robin William’s Hook, I was too young when it came out and I never got around to seeing it, so that one’s probably good, but I’m not sure how it potrays Hook, please don’t kill me hehe)

Disney is probably the biggest influence of making Peter Pan known as a mischievous cutiepatootie that just loves to have fun, and doesn’t want to become an adult because he thinks you can’t have fun anymore as an adult. And I totally adore that version of him. Unfortunately, Disney decided to make Hook into an incometent bumbling baffoon, which I do get in a sense because essentially he was ripped from his family at a young age and never really got to grow up and mature in a conventional sense, get his full education etc, but, man he was no match for Peter at all! If Peter Pan is supposed to be so difficult to best, it should be because he's a clever quick-witted trickster, not because his opponent is so pathetically dim-witted and easily defeated! It takes away from both of their characters a little. We're supposed to believe Hook become a captain of anything by any other means than "the least dumb pirate so captain by default?" Really? This man lives on a *boat* and jumps into his crew's arms when he hears a crocodile or octopus nearby!

Bruh! You're a pirate! 😐

Granted he has clever moments like consoling a dejected Tinkerbell and getting her to reveal the Lost Boys' hideout, and in Return to Neverland he (almost) successfully manipulates Jane into trusting him. But even then, it's doesn't take a ton of sharp wit to use a child's naivety and a recently scorned fairy's notorious jealousy against them. Not that I've tried.

But anyway, if Disney wants a remake idea that isn’t note-for-note from the animation, showing Captain Hook’s side of the story a-la-Maleficent I think would be a good move, showing that Hook really was the good guy all along, give him actual leadership skills, nautical knowledge, swordsman skills, etc, play around with the balance between holding onto your childhood and developing maturity, go into origin stories about Peter having a terrible relationship with his mother and choosing to leave her for eternal youth in Neverland, vs. Hook having a wonderful mother that he misses every day, and his childish tendencies are because he was ripped from his mother's care before he was able to learn how to face fears like losing your hand to a crocodile. Maybe Hook sacrifices his childlike innocence and loses the ability to use pixie dust and escape Neverland because stopping Peter from doing the same to more children is more important than his return home. Let the bitter irony of growing up being both the only way to defeat Peter and reason Hook will never see his mother again callous over his innocent young heart and make him more and more pirate-like out of desperation to escape, and he starts letting things slide that used to keep him awake at night-like nearly leaving Tiger Lilly for dead in a cave filling with water- because the end justifies the means: Hook had to defeat Peter. That boy took his mother away from him, and anyone who stands with Peter-Tinkerbell, mermaids, three Darling children who have trusted him- is the enemy. Fuel Hook's rage towards Peter because they'll never see eye to eye on loving the people who raised you, and the absolute frustration of everyone in Neverland being in love with Peter, and the unintelligent band of swashbuckler thieves are his only aid in bringing Peter Pan down. Hook dances on a line between noble cause and pure revenge, until eventually, the other pirates offer him a leadership position: Captain. This authority will be the death of his youth, ensuring Hook is trapped on Neverland forever, but this way, Hook is the only way there will be no more Lost Boys and no more innocent children crying for their mothers before Peter kills them.

Maybe show children viewers that the world doesn’t always works as Kids vs Adults like they think. There are good adults and bad kids, and a live action Captain Hook that harkens to the orginal folktale could be a great way to be more original with the live action adaptations this time around. I don't know, I'm just tossing ideas around.

I know Disney just dropped Peter Pan and Wendy, so making Peter the villain is probably nowhere near becoming an idea Disney would consider creating, but hey, I can dream. And I really don’t mind seeing Peter as a immature yet lovable scamp at all. I just think Hook’s story would be a good way to give Disney fans something more original. With the exceptions of less popular Peter Pan movies and shows, Hook probably, and what I think 2015′s Pan would’ve tried to do if it wasn’t too bland to get a sequel greenlit (man I would’ve kinda loved to see Garret Hedlund as full fledged Hook and not prequel cowboy Hook or whatever was going on, none of that movie made much sense regardless.)

Many many adaptations have chosen not to stay true to the source material and pander to kids because “Kids Rule!” (sorry that sounds so 90s, I’m a milennial!) so maybe this can give Disney something creative and original to give to fans who don’t feel that’s what they’ve been getting from Disney lately.

#ok this got waaaay longer than i thought it would. and then I started adding pictures and being all ✨fancy✨#but here have my throwaway headcanons and ideas #gonna go listen to somewhere in neverland now!!!#disney peter pan #disney captain hook #peter pan #captain hook #hook #hook 1991 #peter pan 2003 #once upon a time #ouat #ouat s3 #disney live action #disney headcanons #disney #random #super secret fangirl queue

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armed-with-knitting-needles · 1 year

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Chapter 5 of What the Power Up? Final Chapter Woo! This is out really late, but better late than never, right? This was rediculously hard to write for some reason. Probably half of that reason was because I insisted on at least learning some chess strategy before writing and now I am only getting chess video recommendations on youtube. Well, it's done now.

Ao3 Link, then full story.

It turned out, it wasn’t actually that difficult to sneak four ghosts out of a school. It was significantly harder to sneak Sam and Jazz out since they were actually in class. Another hour had passed before they all managed to stuff themselves into Jazz’s car. Jazz was driving and Sam was sitting shotgun. Tucker was squished between the other two Observants in the back, while Danny had squeezed himself into the hatchback cargo area. Payback, they said, for leaving them out earlier.

Tucker would have been worried about them getting pulled over, if it weren’t for the fact the Fright Knight was following behind them on his horse with the other observant. He’d refused to go invisible. They’d given up on being inconspicuous at this point. Tucker was not sure exactly who was seeing this, but he had a different problem to worry about right now. He had so many problems right now.

A thought struck him. “Jazz, Danny,” he asked hesitantly, “How are we going to get past your parents’ ghost stuff?”

Jazz stiffened and Tucker was not reassured. “It’ll be fine,” she said in a voice pitched an octave higher than her normal speaking voice. “I’m sure we’ll think of something.”

He twisted around in his seat to look at Danny. Danny was the sibling that was more experienced sneaking in and out of his house after all. Danny wouldn’t meet Tucker’s eye. “How do you guys feel about hitching a ride in the thermos?” he asked the observants.

The observants turned their massive eyes around like owls turning their heads. “Absolutely not.” one of them said.

Danny glared up at them. “Do you have a better idea?”

—

“Okay,” Jazz said, coming back into the living room from her parents lab, “Coast is clear and I’ve turned off all the anti-ghost weapons I know how of. We should be good.”

Danny looked at Tucker. The “Are you sure?” on his face clear as day. Tucker nodded.

Six observants, the Fright Knight, and the Fright Knight’s horse spilled out onto Danny’s living room rug. It turned out the observants did not have any better ideas. To make matters even more confusing, three of the observants had already been in the thermos and Tucker could not for the life of him tell which were which.

“Look,” started Danny, before any of the ghosts could start asking questions, “I think there are some things we need to clear up.”

“No,” said one of the observants who Tucker suspected had spent more than twelve hours in the Fenton thermos, “We need the king to come with us to his coronation.”

“And that isn’t happening.” Tucker crossed his arms. “I am not going anywhere with you until I have a lot more information.”

“No,” the observant said, “You need to come with us. It isn’t safe here.”

“He doesn’t need to go anywhere,” Sam said, glaring them down in a way only Sam could, “You need to tell us what is going on. If he’s not safe you need to tell us why.”

The observant at the front of the group rolled their giant eye towards the ceiling. Three more behind them seemed to be having a whispered conversation.

“You are not safe here because you are ghost king.” the observant tried again, sounding as if they were talking to a toddler. “You are a small, weak human. You cannot withstand any more challenges. You must come with us.”

Okay, rude. Tucker may have been small and weak, but he’d thought he’d been doing well so far. He’d already beat two challengers and - Nope. Wait.

“Well, I don’t want to be ghost king! I’m terrible with power!”

The observant floated a little higher and Tucker took a step back. The temperature in the room was dropping.

“Tucker Foley!” the observant hissed, “We do not particularly want you to be ghost king either, but there are some things that cannot be changed. Order must remain.”

That did not sound like they were going to give him an option. There was a sudden, cold burst of air to his left. Tucker glanced over. And Danny was Phantom again. Yup, that just about tracked with what Tucker’s week had been like up until now. This was going to turn into one big ghost fight.

“Wait,” he said, trying to salvage the situation, “I’m sure there’s some kind of good reasonable compromise we can make!”

Danny ignored him completely and Sam looked at him askance.

“Tucker,” she said, dragging her hand down her face, “They literally want to drag you away to the ghost zone. We want you to stay here. What middle ground could there possibly be?”

Tucker raised a finger, giving himself precious milliseconds to try and bullshit an answer. He honestly had know clue what kind of compromise they could come to. Maybe if they stopped seeing him as constantly in danger. Sam was raising her eyebrow. Oh, God, he was taking too long.

He opened his mouth to speak, praying whatever came out would be enough to deescalate the situation. “You-”

Before he could get more than a word out, the Fenton’s front door flew open, the handle splintering from a powerful blast of magenta ecto-energy. Valerie stood in the newly destroyed doorway, her new black suit glinting in the sunlight, a blaster casually slung over her shoulder. Her face mask made her expression unreadable.

Tucker whimpered. How much more complicated was his life going to get?

Danny landed, quickly dismissing any glow from his hands. “It’s not what it looks like!” he said in a panic. Tucker winced. That was not the right thing to say. At all. Ever.

Valerie righted her blaster and took aim at Danny’s face. “Really, Phantom?” she asked, cold sarcasm seeping into her voice, “Because it looks like-” She stopped and stood up straighter. Her whole body turned as she seemed to take in the room full of Danny, six observants, the Fright Knight, the Fright Knight’s horse, Sam, Jazz, and Tucker. She lowered her blaster. “Actually, I have no idea what this looks like.”

“That’s quite alright, dear,” a voice said from behind her. A pale hand appeared on her shoulder only to gently nudge her out of the way.

“This is something I know a great deal about,” Vlad said as he stepped fully into the room.

Valerie turned to him, blaster dropping even lower. “Mr. Master’s, what are you talking about?” she asked, confusion evident in her voice.

“No need to worry about that,” Vlad brushed her off like lint on his suit jacket, “You’ve been marvelous. If it hadn’t been for you, I would have never known that this little gathering was taking place. Now, I believe you’ve had a lovely new nanotech upgrade to your suit. Maybe it’s time to test out one of its new features. Technus was very proud of this one”

“Mr. Masters, what are you talk-” Vlad tapped his watch and she dropped without warning, sliding down the wall into a crumpled heap.

“Valerie!” Danny shouted and Tucker waited for him to fly past them all and into Vlad. He waited for the snarling and ecto-blasts and insults. He prepared himself to watch as his best friend fought a ghost far stronger than him, driven by rage and fear.

Instead, Tucker heard a yelp behind him. The Fright Knight had grabbed Danny and was pinning his arms to his sides like an angry kitten. A shiver ran down Tucker’s spine as he remembered that Vlad was the one the Fright Knight collaborated with during the incident with Pariah Dark.

Sam threw herself at Vlad in Danny’s place, but Vlad caught her easily, pinning her wrists behind her back, only to get an ecto-blast to the face courtesy of Jazz’s ecto-gun. Vlad should know better than to underestimate the rest of them.

Tucker turned to Fright Knight, readying himself to shoot the ghost. Hopefully, he could get the ghost’s shoulder so that Danny could get free. If only he could line up a good shot with all of Danny’s thrashing.

“Enough!” boomed the observants, all at once, and the room was bathed in green light. The observants were hoving in a circle and a shockwave burst from them. The fighting stopped as everyone was forced to their knees. Everyone but Tucker.

“Plasmius,” the front observant began, “What is your purpose in coming here?”

“I was retrieving an artifact that was stolen from me,” Vlad snarled from where he was kneeling on the floor.

“Do you mean the crown of fire?” the observant asked, “The crown of fire you stole after Pariah Dark was defeated?”

Vlad looked up suddenly at the observants. “It is mine by rights,” he said, “I was the one who locked the sarcophagus. I was the one who claimed victory. I should be king, not Daniel.”

“You were not the one to challenge Pariah Dark. It does not count.”

“I had backers. I had support. I made a deal with the Fright Knight.”

“The position of ghost king cannot be gained through political dealings. It does not count.”

“I’ve beaten Daniel since Pariah Dark was defeated. Surely that would at least transfer power.”

“Daniel Fenton was not the ghost king at the time you defeated him. It does not count.”

The finality of the observant’s statement rang through the room only to discordantly clang against Vlad’s spluttering.

“What do you mean Daniel wasn’t the ghost king?” Vlad asked, vibrating with a profound rage. “Who else could possibly bear the title. Don’t tell me he lost it to one of those sniveling fools he plays hero with.”

Tucker felt his skin crawl as all six observants turned their eyes to him. He did not want this attention. He did not want Vlad to know.

Vlad looked taken aback for the briefest of seconds before his slack jaw morphed into an angry sneer.

“So, you’re the one that ended up with my crown.” Vlad forced himself onto one foot and Tucker took a step back. “And how did that happen, hmm? Did you have some childish argument?” Vlad forced himself all the way onto his feet. Tucker took another step back. “Did you get into a silly, little fight with your best friend?”

Tucker raised his hands above his head. He could see Danny starting to struggle against the Fright Knight in the corner of his vision, but the observants hadn’t yet released their spell.

“What stupid little argument did you have to win such immense power? Power that should have been mine!?” Vlad forced one foot forward and Tucker felt himself running up against a wall.

“It was just a game of Mario Kart!” Tucker yelled, eyes wide and breathing harshly.

The bubble popped. Danny flew out of the Fright Knights grasp and across the room to sit at Valerie's side and Jazz ran to join him. Sam pointed her ecto-gun at Vlad daring him to make a move. Vlad just stood there gobsmacked.

“She’s alright,” Jazz called, from where she was kneeling beside Valerie, “She’s just out cold.”

“What did you do to her?” Danny asked, voice low and eyes blazing.

Vlad just continued staring at Tucker, an air of bewilderment around him. “You won the throne of the high king of all ghosts in a video game?”

Tucker nodded numbly. He was worried for Valerie, but he could tell by Danny’s glowing hands and Sam’s grip on the blaster that this could turn into an all out brawl. Again.

“Vlad, tell me what you did to her,” Danny growled. His eyes left trails of light as he swiveled his head.

“You won ultimate power in a child's game… You didn’t even know it, did you?”

Tucker shook his head mutely. Danny was approaching now and Tucker really wasn’t sure if he wanted this fight to happen. Tucker hated that Vlad had used Valerie to get to them, he hated that she might be hurt, but fighting Vlad always resulted in Danny getting far too many injuries.

“Amazing,” Vlad said, speaking almost solely to himself. “All the power of the infinite realms in the hands of a human child.”

Danny was approaching quickly. His hands were crackling with power. This was going to get ugly. Couldn’t Vlad stop talking to himself for long enough to answer a question?

Everything, but Danny’s pupils were consumed by toxic green.

“Vlad!” yelled Tucker, and realized it was the first time he had ever addressed the older man by name, “Is Valerie going to be okay?”

Vlad blinked. He turned towards Valerie and saw Danny for what might have been the first time since the observants had spoken. He grabbed Danny’s arm so he couldn’t punch him and raised a shield against the shot Sam fired at the same time.

“Yes, she’s going to be fine,” he said airily, like Valerie didn’t matter. Maybe to him she didn’t. “I just took advantage of the nanotech in her new wardrobe to knock her out.” His eyes sharpened as they locked on Tucker. “You, however. Whether or not you’re going to be okay very much depends on how cooperative you are.”

Danny attempted to punch Vlad in the side, but Vlad grabbed his other hand, twisting his arms together in a way that would allow him no room to attack.

“I want to be king,” Vlad stated, taking another step towards Tucker and dragging Danny with him. “And the only thing standing in my way right now is you.” Tucker gulped as Vlad easily blocked another ecto-blast Sam fired. “How do you think we should remedy that?”

Tucker glanced over at the observants in a desperate bid for help. They stared back impassively. Tucker guessed that whatever kind of challenge this was, it would count.

“I could give the title of ghost king to you?” Tucker guessed, smiling shakily. That was not what he wanted to do. Tucker knew he was terrible with power, but he could only guess how much worse Vlad would be. Tucker saw Sam go pale and shake her head from him across the room. Yeah, this was not good.

Vlad hummed. “Well, it would be easier than beating you into the ground.” Vlad gave him a predatory grin. “But, not by much.”

Tucker nodded. “Right, so, I haven’t figured out how to just give it away.” Vlad raised his eyebrow as pink energy coalesced in the hand that wasn’t holding Danny. “But! I just have to lose to you right? Why don’t we play a game? I lost to Danny in Mario Kart. Would that work?” And Tucker might be able to beat Vlad in Mario Kart. He didn’t seem like a video game kind of guy.

Vlad laughed and in that moment Tucker hated the sound. “Do you really think I’m going to play a video game to win my throne? Besides, you’re Daniel’s dear friend, I can’t just trust you to throw the game.”

Danny was now attempting to kick Vlad in the shin. It was not working.

Tucker felt the cool wall under his clammy hands as he tried to think of a way out of this. “Okay, not Mario Kart.” His eyes danced around wildly trying to find something, anything, that would prevent him from getting killed. “What about Crazy Eights?”

The pink energy in Vlads hand was getting brighter.

“Shoots and Ladders?”

Vlad blocked the shot Jazz had taken at his back.

“Chess?” Tucker pleaded as he braced himself against the wall.

The energy in Vlad’s hand dimmed.

“Hm. Tucker, was it?” Vlad asked. He’d never addressed Tucker by name before and Tucker found himself hoping he would never do it again. “I suppose chess would be a fitting way to claim my victory. After all, it is only through my own machinations that I have arrived at this point.”

Okay, yeah, Tucker definitely couldn’t let this guy win. That was creepy as fuck.

“Cool. Cool. Chess works. You’ll definitely win. I haven’t played anyone but my Dad, really.” Vlad seemed pleased. He must have known it was true. But that didn’t matter, Tucker was going to find a way to bring Vlad down.

Tucker made eye contact with Danny. He was wide-eyed and shaking, but he’d mostly gotten a grip on himself. Danny wrenched his wrist out of Vlad’s grasp and Tucker gave him a faint smile. Sam and Jazz lowered their guns the rest of the way. They all knew that this wasn’t great, but it bought them time. It wasn’t so much about Vlad losing as it was about Vlad not winning. They could work with that.

Vlad had completely stopped paying attention to any of them. Instead, as soon as he’d let go of Danny, he walked over to the Fenton’s TV cabinet and started rooting around. He pulled out a chess board and Tucker couldn’t help but wonder how he knew where it was. Had he been watching them? Were there cameras?

Danny planted himself between Tucker and Vlad as the older man made his way over to a table and started to set up the chess board.

“You know, Daniel, you don’t have to protect your friend right now. We’ve come to an amicable agreement.” Vlad paused and flashed a grin their way. “At least for the moment.”

Danny outright growled and Tucker felt his blood run cold. Was he saying he wouldn’t accept a loss or was he just baiting Danny? The Fright Knight and the observants were still here. Surely one of them would have something to say if Vlad was a sore loser. Well, at least the observants. The Fright Knight seemed like he was on Vlad’s side now.

Tucker shuffled over to the table Vlad was setting up the board on, set on staying behind Danny for as long as possible. It was going to be okay. He just needed a plan. What was that meme with the dog eating chess pieces? Would something like that actually work? Not eating them of course, but stealing?

Tucker slid into his seat across from Vlad and wiped his palms on his pants. They were still sweaty afterwards. This was so not going to- No. He would make it work. Danny was on by his right and he could see Sam coming up behind him on his left. His friends were supporting him. That helped.

“So,” asked Tucker, smiling nervously, “To win I just have to take your king, right?” Tucker would just have to grab his king while he wasn’t looking if he phrased it that way, right? That was how it worked in movies.

Vlad glanced up at him from where he was finishing lining up the pawns. “No,” he said flatly, “To win, you have to beat me in chess. Without cheating.”

Tucker gulped. So, Vlad definitely just guessed what he was trying to do.

“Got it.”

Vlad smiled in a condescending way that made all of Tucker’s hackles rise up. “I have been playing chess for longer than you’ve been alive. I’m not surprised you’re trying to cheat. After all, it’s the only hope you have left.”

Geez, Vlad was an ass. But, he was an ass with a point. Tucker had no clue what he was doing.

“Oh, dear, are you worried now that I’ve called you out?” Vlad asked with false sincerity. Sam clenched her fist beside him, but Tucker was feeling more despair than anger. “Don’t pout. I’ll even be generous and allow you to play white.”

Tucker looked down at the chess board in front of him. The pieces were ectoplasm green and glow in the dark. The glow in the dark pieces were facing him, so he guessed those counted as white.

He squared his back and cracked his knuckles. He turned to Danny for reassurance only to find him glowering at Vlad with murder in his eyes. Sam was doing the same, only her eyes promised torture. Right. Well. He had a game to win. It was now or never.

Tucker’s fingers hovered over the board. He just had to pick a piece and make a move. He glanced up. Vlad was resting his chin on his hands across from him, smirking. Prick.

Tucker breathed in. And out. He picked up a pawn and moved it out.

Vlad matched him.

He brought a knight out onto the board. Knight’s were important, right? It was one of those pieces you wanted to have at your disposal.

Vlad matched him.

Tucker moved out his bishop. He remembered his dad had said something about controlling the center of the board.

“Ah, the Italian Game,” Vlad said in his usual condescending smug, “I see you favor the classics.”

Italian Game? Right, Tucker’s dad had said that some of the most common openings were named. He vaguely remembered that. Why didn’t he pay more attention when his dad was trying to teach him?

Tucker made another move. Vlad smiled. Great. Just great. He was so going to lose. Vlad was going to win and become ghost king and then what? According to the Fright Knight, he’d be supreme arbitrator in the ghost zone. Okay, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad. But, the Fright Knight had also mentioned invading places a lot. And Tucker could definitely see Vlad doing that.

Tucker could not lose.

Okay, he needed to think. What was the best way not to lose? He just needed to keep his king safe. In order to keep his king safe, he needed to keep his pieces safe. In order to keep his pieces safe, he needed to take Vlad’s pieces and his king.

So, he could focus on that. Just look at every move to see if there was a way for him to take a piece or for any of his pieces to be taken. Just focus on that. It was that simple.

Two more moves and Tucker was losing his mind. He had no clue what he was doing.

Three more moves and Tucker was wringing his beret in his hands. He’d just lost one of his knights right after losing a pawn. He’d taken a pawn in return, though. He was losing, but not as badly as he might have. He just needed to plan. Look at the board. What could he take? What could Vlad take?

Wait. There, towards the right side. Vlad’s rook was right out in the open. He was using it to control a bishop, but Tucker’s knight was right there. Tucker could just take it. What was the catch? He couldn’t see any immediate moves, but that didn’t mean there weren’t any. He looked. Nothing.

Tucker took the rook. No trap was sprung. No repercussions.

Tucker had no clue what Vlad’s strategy was.

A few moves later and Tucker had one of Vlad’s bishops the same way.

Maybe the reason Tucker couldn’t guess Vlad’s strategy was because he didn’t have one.

Vlad moved one of his pawns and left his queen wide open. Tucker would lose his other knight, sure, but what was a knight to a queen?

Tucker took the queen and Vlad scowled. Vlad really was just bad at chess, wasn’t he. That was it. That was really all there was to it. Tucker grinned. He could do this.

Seven more moves and Tucker had one of his pawns across the board.

Vlad glowered at him. “I guess you’ll be wanting another queen then?” he asked in what Tucker was sure was meant to be a dismissive drawl.

“No,” Tucker said, feeling a bit smug himself, “Give me a knight.”

Vlad’s eyebrows shot up. “No, that’s not how that works. You move across the board and you get a queen.”

Maybe Tucker was wrong, maybe that was how it worked. But he was pretty sure he remembered that a pawn could be promoted to any of the back row pieces except for the king. He looked over at the observants. Surely they would know.

They looked among themselves, but it was actually the Fright Knight who cleared his throat and spoke. “Tucker is correct. He can choose a knight if he so wishes.”

Vlad scowled. “Fine,” he spat. “Have it your way. It’s not like it matters. My strategy is far superior.”

Three moves later, Tucker had Vlad in checkmate.

“Please,” said Vlad, confident as ever, “You’re clearly mistaken. If I just-” Vlad frowned as he looked down at the board. “-No, that won’t work.” He trailed off, still staring intently.

Tucker raised an eyebrow.

Vlad touched the top of his bishop. “Ah hah! I just need to-” Vlad’s brow furrowed even further. “No, that won’t work either.”

Tucker raised his other eyebrow.

“Oh! I know!” Vlad smirked as he looked Tucker in the eye. Tucker waited for whatever weird trick he was trying to pull. It wouldn’t work. Tucker had won fair and square.

“If I can’t beat you in chess-” Tucker felt the blood drain from his face. “- I’ll just beat you!”

Tucker scrambled out of his chair as Vlad launched himself across the table simultaneously transforming into Plasmius. He spilled out of his chair as Danny attempted to grab at Vlad, preventing him from firing off any ecto-blast.

Tucker scuttled back towards the wall away from the fight. He needed to get his gun out. He needed to help. Danny did not do well against Vlad in close-quarter battles and this one was definitely Tucker’s fault. Sam was trying to help, but she’d gotten Danny with her instead with her last kick and that looked like it hurt.

Vlad pushed Danny out of the way and dove for Tucker again, neatly dodging Sam’s boot as she kicked at him. Tucker tried to aim, but his fingers shook. He’d thought he’d trained that out of himself, but it was back and he was going to die because of it. And then Vlad would be ghost king and a lot more people would die, too.

The ecto-gun slipped out of Tucker’s grip and Tucker closed his eyes. Maybe his end would at least me quick.

Nothing happened.

Tucker opened one eye to find two observants holding Vlad back. Vlad fought viciously against them, but they would not budge. Tucker could almost laugh. The same ghosts haunting him that morning were now protecting him from certain death.

“He won.” said another observant, who was not holding Vlad back. “You have no more claim.”

Vlad failed to hit it with an ecto-blast.

Tucker leaned up against the wall and panted. He’d won. He’d won and survived the resulting only-kind-of-a-surprise attack. Vlad was not getting anymore power, not today.

“How did you do it?” Vlad snarled, focused back on him. “I was watching the board the whole time. How did you cheat?”

Tucker let out a breathy laugh. Was Vlad so overconfident that he really believed Tucker couldn’t have won without cheating? Yes. Of course he was. He outright smiled as he looked Vlad right in his glowing red eyes. “I didn’t cheat.” He paused, savoring the build up. “You’re just really bad at chess.”

Vlad lunged, but the observants held him back. Vlad looked to the Fright Knight in what was probably one final attempt at finding support. The Fright Knight looked back impassively.

“He won,” the Fright Knight. “You can try again in 100 years.” No promises or apologies. Simply that.

Vlad growled one final time before wrenching his arms free of the observants and dusting himself off.

“Fine. If that's how it's going to be.” He turned and floated towards the door. It would have been dignified if not for the earlier tantrum.

Just before Vlad phased through the door, he turned to look over his shoulder. “This isn’t over.” He said it like a promise and then vanished without a trace.

Tucker slid down the wall. It was over and it looked like he was remaining ghost king. After all, if someone won it from him, Vlad could just win it from them and he couldn’t let that happen. How was this his life?

It looked like Jazz had moved Valerie onto the couch and was trying to get her face shield back on. That was something he would have to deal with later.

And Danny seemed to be trying to shepard the observants and Fright Knight back down into the lab and, presumably, back into the Ghost Zone. That was also a problem that wasn’t going away.

And then there were all the ghosts that might come knocking now that Tucker had some kind of power they wanted from him. The observants were right. That was dangerous.

He slumped against the wall a little more. There were going to be a lot of problems. He’d get through it though. He and Sam helped Danny with his shit. They’d help Tucker with his. This was manageable. They were going to make this manageable.

“So,” Sam said, sliding down next to him. “Ghost king, huh?”

Tucker nodded. She knew this. She was there. She literally just watched him defend the title.

She smiled and Tucker felt a horrible sinking feeling.

“What are you going to tell your parents?”

Fuck. His. Life.

#danny phantom #tucker foley #vlad plasmius #valerie gray

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frogsndogs · 11 months

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When I was a kid, I loved Velma. She was smart and cool and sassy, and I thought she was the best. But now? I’m honestly a little annoyed. And at the end of the day it all comes down to the way that writers are characterizing her. So I suggest: STOP MAKING VELMA “THE SMART ONE”.

Now, I know a lot of people think this is the main facet of her personality but just hear me out here. I don’t like her being “the smart one” for two main reasons. A) it often comes at the expense of her team. In MI, most prominently, where the writers try to show Velma carrying the team, it makes the others look really dumb. But they’re not. They’re all on the team, they’re all looking for clues, they’re all putting the puzzle together, they’re all solving the mystery. When writers make Velma the smart one and make her carry the team, it makes people wonder why she doesn’t just go off on her own, especially when they try to show the rest of the team holding her back. (Again, MI comes to mind). And then B) It can make her strongly against magic and the supernatural existing. I haven’t watched The Thirteenth Ghost but I’ve heard about it and Velma’s characterization, and how she denies her friends' experiences and says that what they saw, the whole big life-altering, near-death adventure didn't happen. Also in MI (again) Velma was very in denial about the supernatural when there was a talking dog right there! I mean it just boggles my mind when you’ve got Velma not believing in magic, right beside a talking, anthropomorphic dog. And when real supernatural occurrences have been such a large part of the Scooby Doo franchise, it starts to ruin the Scooby Doo vibe and make me feel like she doesn’t belong in the genre. Also, way back in WAY, the episode with the Phantom on Haunted Island, her “logical explanation” was that it was a ghost.

So what do I think should happen to Velma? Well, first let’s look at the rest of the gang. Start by making Fred good with physics and math and show it. Traps are complicated and there’s a lot of complex math going on there. Then make Shaggy or Daphne (or both) good at chemistry. Shaggy because cooking involves a lot of chemistry, Daphne because she just gives me chemistry vibes. (Or if you have Marcie, make her good at chemistry. She invented super-helium for goodness sakes). Maybe leave bio to Velma but I think they would all have a good idea of biology medically and criminally speaking. So what does that leave for Velma then? She can keep the physics and the chemistry, but maybe not because she likes them. Make her a previous “gifted kid” who learned them for a grade, who was praised for being so much smarter than her peers, but reading at the grade 12 level isn’t a talent anymore and she never really learned how to interact with others. That’s why she’s sarcastic and doesn’t always understand when not to be. But then what is her role in the team? Here me out. Make her a history nerd.

Make Velma know ancient history and weird facts and even weirder historical people. (Not even famous people. Just there was evidence of this random guy living in a cave and this is what he did and oh you're dressing up as his ghost. Well actually, he was only 4ft 8 and you're like 6ft so...) . Make her know where the legends of different monsters originated from and make her know all about the supernatural. Let someone mention a random monster and she can give you the full history off the top of her head (kinda like in Be Cool, but way more intense). Make her know the history of landmark criminal cases and the development of laws, and how they worked in different civilizations. Make her know mythology and study long-dead languages (can spot a forgery in 0.000001 seconds) and how different people protected against monsters (Well actually, this monster's weakness is X and it didn't affect you so maybe you should have done some more research). Make her love ghost stories with all her heart and know random facts about civilizations. (Actually according to this ancient map this rock with what looks like a face carved in it, is supposed to be over there and it's too big to have moved to the other side of the river without equipment and this is a protected area, hmm...) Make her freak out when she meets Scooby because all her theories about the supernatural really existing are right and she feels so goddamn vindicated. Make her dedicate herself to proving that the supernatural was real and not just stories. And when local people warn them about monsters she listens because these people live here, they know what’s going on and they approach the situation using their advice.(Something that bugs me abt the Scooby series is how when people (a lot of the time people of colour) warn them off they brush them off like they don’t know better.) Make her know old theories and quote whatever random (but super cool) old book that she’s reading. And let her find weird niche topics to research for an episode (Kinda like Daphne, in Be Cool). Like if they’ve got a mystery on a plane, let her research how people once believed the world was flat, but there were actually a lot who knew it was round. If they’ve got a mystery on a boat, let her research mermaids and sea monsters and was the Kraken real? Don’t worry she’s got a four hour slideshow prepared on that exact topic.

So, in conclusion, stop making Velma the “smart one” and make her a history nerd.

I rest my case.

#velma dinkley #scooby doo #scooby gang #im sorry i didn't realize how long it got #am i gonna do this for every character?#honestly at this point maybe

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britesparc · 1 year

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Weekend Top Ten #558

Top Ten “Weird Al” Yankovic Songs

In retrospect, I should have done this last week and the Tarantino list this week. But really, what is more Al than just randomly getting something very, very slightly off? Because there’s a fillum out and I want to celebrate. Weird: The Al Yankovic Story stars Harry Potter as “Weird Al” Yankovic in a hard-bitten biopic of drugs and excess that is only available on a streaming service you’ve never heard of that isn’t even accessible in the UK, and is both the true story of Yankovic’s rise to success and also completely made up. And as someone who’s been a huge Al fan for over twenty years, this is incredibly exciting, hilarious, and rather frustrating in equal measure. Anyway: to celebrate, here’s a list.

Yankovic is an incredibly gifted musician and performer, something that I think is often hidden by the fact that he’s most famous as a parodist. But it’s one thing to just change the words of a song to make a joke; it’s another to spend forty years adapting multiple genres and styles of music, as well as expertly recreating famous videos, as well as making parodic references to everything from Star Wars to Santa Claus. The breadth of his talent and musicality, to say nothing of how funny and effective he is as an overall writer and performer, is frankly astonishing; in his career he’s turned is hand to everything, from gangsta rap to piano ballads and all sorts in between, to say nothing of his legendary polka medleys of popular songs.

All this brings us to the list itself, which at the end of the day is just my favourite of his songs. And I tell ya, it was hard! This was one of the hardest ones I’ve done, I think! Like with all kinds of music, really, you veer towards different songs at different times, so how does one compare American Pie to Pretty Fly for a White Guy, the works of Billy Joel to the works of Coolio? So we just come to my basic criteria, which is: how much do I enjoy the song? How funny is it? And, if it is a parody, how well is it doing with the parodying? Because one of the things I love about Al is that, as well as homaging different styles of music or plots of films, he often peppers his songs with lyrics that reference so much stuff. It’s a delight unpacking them from a comedic standpoint. Sometimes it’s not even a reference, sometimes it’s just hilarious wordplay. So that’s all factored into my complex algorithm. And this is the result!

The Saga Begins (1999): whilst I was broadly familiar with his work, this is song that really made me a fan. I remember it being a news story on the Empire website, and trying to watch it on my flaky dial-up at the time – probably the first music video I ever watched online. And I still think it’s just hilarious. I think the funniest thing is that, unlike some other songs, it’s not really parodying Star Wars; it’s actually a fairly straight retelling of the events of The Phantom Menace, just sung to the tune of American Pie. But the lyrics are golden; “My, my, this here Anakin guy/Maybe Vader someday later now he’s just a small fry”. It’s so perfect that it’s not only damn funny, not only a beautiful love letter to Star Wars, but also it just works as a song. I’ve sung it so much I know all the words and it was actually a bedtime lullaby I sang to my kids. And however much I love some of his other songs, I can’t say that about The Night Santa Went Crazy.

Dare to Be Stupid (1985): is it possible that I love this one so much because it was the first Al song I heard? That it is, in fact, featured on the soundtrack to The Transformers: The Movie? Almost certainly yes, but I don’t care. I am not, in truth, very familiar with Devo, so the intricacies of its parody are mostly lost on me; I get that he’s doing a bit on their songs and the video is referencing them too, but for me it’s just a really catchy song full of terrific, hilarious lyrical gags and references. And it’s played when Hot Rod and Wreck-Gar are dancing on the planet of Junk.

Don’t Download This Song (2006): rather than lampooning a specific song, this is a satire on a genre, perfectly parodying the pretensions of those Band Aid-style charity singles by earnest celebrities. As well as skewering the style so succinctly, it also has a tremendous target for the early noughties – the downloading of “free” music from file-sharing sites. Whilst incredibly of its time, it’s full of on-point references, including Lars Ulrich’s famed disdain of downloaded music, as well as mocking celebrity excess. This is all incredibly hilarious for me as, after really getting into Al in 1999, it was finding more of his music via Napster when I was at university that really made me a huge fan of his back catalogue. And don’t worry – I’ve also bought it on CD, too.

Jurassic Park (1993): this song is probably unique in the annals of all parody songs by virtue of it being more sensible and making more sense than the song it’s a parody of. The genius realisation that “Jurassic Park” scans perfectly with “MacArthur Park” is just the start, as it runs through the events of the film in hilarious manner (“I admit it’s kinda eerie/But this proves my chaos theory”). Apparently the stop-motion video was approved by Spielberg himself! Nobody leaves a cake out in the rain, however.

White and Nerdy (2006): talk about your references, this is the motherlode; and, quite frankly, it speaks to me. A veritable spreadsheet full of nerdy ephemera, the hilarity obviously coming from the juxtaposition of edgy rap with, well, Al Yankovic, almost every geeky IP or pastime is namechecked: Star Trek, Wikipedia, D&D, bubble wrap… the exquisiteness of the lyrics and speed at which Al cycles through them means it requires multiple listens to catch all the gags. And it has perhaps my favourite of all his lyrics: “The only question I/Ever thought was hard/Was do I like Kirk/Or do I like Picard”.

Ode to a Superhero (2003): ah, now we’re back to the soft gentle ballads and another recounting of the events of a summer blockbuster. Somehow singing a song about Spider-Man to the tune of Piano Man is perfect; after all, both Peter Parker and Billy Joel are New York legends (one’s from Queens, the other’s from the Bronx). Like The Saga Begins, it’s funny not just because, well, singing about Spider-Man is funny, but also the specificity of the references; like Mary Jane preferring guys “who can kiss upside down in the rain” or Norman Osborn wearing a “dumb” mask but being “scarier without it on”.

It’s All About the Pentiums (1999): another fabulously fast-paced rap about something exquisitely geeky; except this time it’s honing in on millennium-era computing technology. It’s another example of playing spot-the-reference but one thing that I find increasingly delightful in this case is that it’s so fabulously outdated; references to Y2K, newsgroups, “a hundred gigabytes of RAM”, and even the very fact that it’s got “Pentium” in the name. I can’t help but feel that this one’s just gonna get funnier as it gets older.

Pretty Fly for a Rabbi (1999): again we see the comedy emerge from the collision between a fast-paced, hard-edged style of music (in this case, millennial American punk) and frankly ridiculous lyrics. It’s not just the silliness of something as benign as a rabbi being the focus of an edgy rock song; it’s also the incorporation of Yiddish and stereotypically Jewish turns of phrase into the lyrics. Partly responsible for my assumption that Yankovic himself was Jewish!

Amish Paradise (1996): an infamous Weird Al song in that, whereas usually the original songwriters are chuffed to have him parody them, this one actually pissed off Coolio (RIP). But it’s part of the genre of tough songs about silly shit, the gangsta rap ballad of inner-city life and crime transmogrified into the badassery of the Amish, raising barns and milking cows. Perhaps it’s a bit mean to the Amish, in retrospect; but “you know I’m a million times as humble as thou art” is still a cracking lyric.

Bedrock Anthem (1993): I don’t think I’ve really expressed enough just how on point his parodies are; how well he raps, how closely he mirrors the style of the homaged artists, even in videos. But this is exquisite; somehow Al even looks like a Red Hot Chilli Pepper. And it’s just bonkers; I mean, how on earth do you get The Flintstones from Under the Bridge? I’m guessing – and this is just a wild guess based on nowt – that it was doing the “Yabba-dabba-dabba-dabba-do now” to the chorus that spawned the rest of the song, but who really knows? And once again we have lyrics that give me such joy, especially the way he throws in – out of nowhere – references to Bedrock life, such as “got a baby elephant vacuum cleaner”. Joy!

Now whilst I am gutted I didn’t find room for Bob, Yoda, or Santa, I’m also a bit gutted that I never got round to one of his polkas. These are really impressive works, how he manages to translate such a wide variety of songs into a polka style, and then turn it into a big medley, bouncing from track to track and even from genre to genre within the same song. Seriously, the man’s a musical genius. Maybe that’s why only Daniel Radcliffe could play him; he’s used to playing wizards.

#top ten #weird al #weird #al yankovic #daniel radcliffe #songs #music #comedy #movies #weird the al yankovic story #weird al yankovic #two simpsons gifs in a row

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sleepymarmot · 4 months

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Sanctuary (2022/2023)

[Watched on September 10th]

Okay so my new year’s goal for 2023 has been to watch more weird horny movies and by god I am doing it!

*takes a deep breath* GASLIGHT GATEKEEP GIRLBOSS I SUPPORT WOMEN’S WRONGS!!!

Ahem.

Letterboxd: “thriller”, “drama”; Wikipedia: “erotic thriller”, “psychological thriller” Me: uhh what?? This is obviously a romcom

For real, the tone of this movie was so weird I couldn’t tell if it was humorous on purpose or overly cheesy by accident, but I laughed at least as much as I do during actual comedies, maybe more. Funniest title drop of the decade?

The session at the beginning was kind of silly and dragged a bit too much; I was very impatient to get to the real deal. Plus, I wasn’t feeling any power or charisma from Rebecca when she was just going off the script. I mean, what do I know, but she was honestly giving the energy of that one old Tumblr gif of a guy ineffectively whipping his bed; and she looked so young and fragile (does her mother know that she’s out?). It’s only when she became genuinely unhinged I started buying it. Her actress also overacted, imo, and combined with the contrived script and the kind of cheap music and camera work that made it hard to take the movie seriously. On the other hand, I don’t think I was supposed to.

More about the opening scene – I felt frustrated by the revelation that Rebecca was just acting out what he wrote the entire time, and assumed that frustration was shared by the character herself, that she couldn’t wait to stop being an actress and start improvising her own lines. So I was surprised by her confession at the end that she wanted to keep the status quo. It’s so clearly unbalanced – he got to act out his fantasies down to the tiniest detail but she was supposed to be satisfied catering to him? I guess she was just reaching for whatever was available, and getting a different job where she’d get to be mean and bossy on her own terms as an actual boss was the real fulfillment that she could not even imagine at the beginning of the story.

Rebecca’s occupation provides only an illusion of power or stability (is it even legal in the US?), and her happy ending is a promotion to one of the most powerful and prestigious jobs one can think of. But that “happy ending” is also the epitome of capitalist selfishness: the literal elevator pitch is that she can and should be as mean and as self-serving as she wants, “and it doesn’t matter if you're right or wrong”, with no thought given to the great responsibility this great power entails. As a woman, I’m cheering for Rebecca’s empowerment; as someone tired of overpaid and shortsighted CEOs, I’m disturbed.

It’s interesting that Rebecca gives herself credit for teaching Hal how to ask for what he wants – but fails to do the same until the last act of the film. Was this intentional? On a similar note, the seductive threat that Rebecca makes to Hal in the middle of the film is that she will leave the confidential confines of the hotel room and take over his real life. He denied that the sex they’d been having had any real impact on him – now it would have unavoidable consequences. She had been his dirty secret – now she would be the father of his child. He’d been a self-hating son living in the shadow of his father, it had been a defining part of his identity — now he would not be allowed to be that anymore, because it would be his turn to be a responsible father taking care of his own son, to be a role model to him. In the middle of the story, all of this is merely a taboo fantasy. At the end, it’s reality: Hal declares he “was meant for” the job of being Rebecca’s full-time “slave” (direct quotes), and is about to give his business to her and to introduce her to his family as his romantic partner. What both of them wanted all along was for their relationship to become real.

The two leads felt pretty balanced in terms of being fucked up / being the one to root for (unlike, say, Phantom Thread). While I was duly sympathetic to the mortifying ordeal of the enormous trust and privacy breach, overall this is the closest a recent movie viewing had me to being on the team “eat the rich”.

The plot feels so classic – a clever and vicious lower class woman refusing to let go of a rich heir both for pragmatic and romantic reasons… Or, to put it another way, a sex worker falling for her client and proceeding to do the same stuff as before but for free — which has got to be an ancient wish-fulfillment trope. I’m sure there are tons of centuries old stories with this kind of premise out there. Especially stage plays. Surely I’m not alone in feeling this was a stage play slightly adapted for the screen?

Speaking of the stage, another aspect of this movie that feels very familiar is an actor whose role bleeds into their real life and personality, and the power struggle between an actor and the demands that the director makes towards them. And here’s where the connection with the film I saw before this one comes in! (This time it’s entirely accidental, unlike my usual attempts to set up a slow marathon of thematically overlapping movies.) Both in Vertigo and in Sanctuary, the man in a traditional position of power enters a relationship with a woman who operates on the border of polite society, and the man idolizes the woman, but only within a specific fetishized role tailored to his taste. The approaches of the two films to the same premise are of course entirely different, so there’s not much point in comparing them, but the coincidence is fun. I have an idea what to watch next to keep the daisy chain going: apparently I need to look up the genre of screwball comedy, I don’t think I’ve seen a single one of those.

Anyway, the material here would benefit from an approach that explored gender, class, labor, and the border between performance and reality more seriously — but it’s unfair to blame a film for not doing what it never aimed to do. I like 90 minutes films, I like characters balancing on the border between performance and sincerity, I like low budget stories about two people stuck in a room together and driving each other insane, I like power struggles and elaborate mind games, and I was definitely entertained.

#sanctuary 2022 #liveblogs and reviews #blah blah blah

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whatevertheweather · 2 years

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The Space in Between 3, 4, 11 and 12!

HARD HITTING QUESTIONS FOR MY FAVORITE FIC, bless you <3 (Also this has been sitting in my drafts for days, I’m sorry. Thank you, though. I am always happy to go off about this fic.)

3: What’s your favorite line of narration?

Yes that's fine this is fine I can totally pick a single line out of a 100k fic it's whatever. I reserve the right to be wrong about this (as in forgetting I actually favor something else), but off the top of my head I know I really loved the way the whole bathroom scene turned out in chapter 11. This doesn't hit quite the same without the context of the rest, but alas, the question is "line" not "chapter."

He’s hunched over his sprawled legs with his hands pressed to his chest like he can hold the cage of his ribs together, like he can keep it from collapsing, and his mouth is wide, and he can’t get a sound out because you can’t speak grief like this.

You know what, forget “line.” Here’s another.

And Simon had thought that maybe the universe might exhaust itself at some point, that maybe it would run out of demonstrations for the ways a heart can be broken, for every little angle the knife can slip in, but he was wrong.

(To anyone who hasn’t read it, I promise there actually is laughter too.)

4: What’s your favorite line of dialogue?

You've tricked me into rereading 100k. I'm just trying to skim for dialogue to jog my memory, and next thing I know I've reread half of four different chapters, and then whoops, there's three more, and what do I have to show for it? This is hard. Rude, in fact, to make me pick just one. I'm going to pluck this tiny exchange out of chapter 5 and call it good because I do like it, and most other dialogue is riddled with spoilers.

“Snow,” Baz interrupts, pulling his eyes from the mysterious point of interest to look at Simon. “We are in such a position that you might find it easier to just get up and kick me.”

Simon snorts. “I’m just trying to figure you out. It sounds like a bad day and all, but, I mean how could it be worse than — I don’t know, worse than the day your mum died?”

“I’m serious, do you need me to lie down?” Baz asks. “Are you worried your shoes won’t be able to do as much damage?”

There’s another exchange I would choose, but it’s towards the end of the last chapter, so it’s off limits for out-of-context posting <3

11: What do you like best about this fic?

I have big feelings for this fic. Longest thing I’ve ever written, most thoroughly I’ve ever fixated, most fun I’ve ever had writing. And I didn’t write it with the intent of posting it. I wrote it because I was obsessed with it, and I wrote everything that I wanted to. Was there a lot in there that technically isn’t necessary to tell the story? I suppose. But everything in there is something I wanted there.

Everything is a moment that came to me when I was pacing circles in my kitchen or walking the dog or failing at sleeping. Half of chapter 8 exists because I was listening to an instrumental playlist so lyrics wouldn’t distract me, and then Phantom of the Opera came on and I thought, God I want them to dance to this. I remember the exact curb I was stepping onto when I wrote “Braden—looking, as ever, like every white guy Simon has ever seen mixed up into one, with the personality of none—is baring unreasonably white teeth in what might be perceived as a smile by someone who’s only read about them” in my head. I remember the exact balance of excitement and discomfort I felt when I jotted down one of the opening paragraphs in chapter 11 and thought “Man that’s fucked up.”

And that was the fun! I wrote things I’d never written before! I wrote things that were outside of my comfort zone! I wrote topics I didn’t know I could! A lot of it came from wayward scenes I didn’t intend to include but wrote just because they were in my head, and then I did include them! They became important! Because I wanted them to be! Ah!

This fic is just full of good memories, and there’s an overwhelming, nostalgic yearning whenever I think about it, and I love it to bits.

12: What do you like least about this fic?

That it’s based off of two pieces of media that already exist, and I can’t adapt it into its own book that I can put on my bookshelf and stare at.

SO THERE. I hope this was the sort of rambling you were looking for <3

(Questions from this list.)

#anyway now I'm up in my feels for tsib #if you couldn't tell #my writing #the space in between

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thebibliomancer · 11 months

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Essential Avengers: West Coast Avengers #33: Tales to ASTONISH Part 1: The MAN in the ANT HILL!

June, 1988

APE ATTACK!

WONDER MAN to the rescue!

Comic book guy with a mullet beating up apes. What more can you want from your comic books?

Plot? Characters?

DOES NOTHING SATISFY YOU?

No but this is an interesting one. Because it’s not actually Wonder Man focused. Like the callback title Tales to ASTONISH Part 1: The MAN in the ANT HILL! suggests, this is a Hank Pym story!

Once again, a lying cover. Although mostly in who it implies the focus is on.

Last time on West Coast Avengers: Mockingbird planned a vacation to the Grand Canyon as cover so she can beat the shit out of Hamilton Slade. Moon Knight covered for her absence by claiming she was stuck under a rock and he saved her. In gratitude, Hawkeye decides Moon Knight’s probationary period is over!

Yay for Moon Knight!

Also, Wasp is hanging out with the team. She claims its because she was worried about how the team was holding up after Iron Man went rogue on his Armor Wars thing.

So the issue picks up with Moon Knight being named a full Avenger with all rights and parking privileges!

Also featuring Tigra mooning over Moon Knight, ha!

Each of the West Coast Avengers offers their two cents on Moon Knight.

Hawkeye reiterates from last issue that Moon Knight rescuing Bobbi from supposedly being trapped under a rock was the final proof he needed.

Tigra... Tigra just likes him. She doesn’t say for make out reasons but she says the rest of the team knows she likes him.

Wonder Man says he had doubts about Moon Knight because of his time as a mercenary but has decided anybody can become a killer if they go too far. “The thing is, we don’t!” Boy is Wonder Man going to become disappointed in the modern age of comics.

Mockingbird just says she’s in favor while thinking to herself that Moon Knight knows her secret about Phantom Rider. Implying that she’s worried he’ll spill the beans if she doesn’t approve him becoming an Avenger!

Dammit, Bobbi!

And Moon Knight adds his own two cents onto Moon Knight, saying that he’ll be a good replacement for Iron Man. A superhero team doesn’t need two strong guys! And he doesn’t say it but they have Hank Pym for science stuff. And Moon Knight adds something the team didn’t have before, a guy with the foot in the mystic and magical nonsense.

Wasp does not have a vote in these proceedings since she’s a special guest star but she says its good to see the Avengers tradition expanding to yet another person.

And Khonshu (in Moon Knight’s head) says something cryptic about how Marc Spector is as ephemeral as Steven Grant or Jack Lockley so “I am here now!”

Does that mean Khonshu is driving Moon Knight until otherwise stated? God only knows.

Him god, him only knows.

The only voice missing is Dr Pym who busts in to make this issue about him.

Before I let him get into it though.

The red jumpsuit is fine. It’s got a lot of pockets for him to keep his bat utility belt esque amount of random tools and gadgets. I kind of miss him dressing like Doctor Who or in random scientist duds, like the scientist equivalent of a trenchcoat hero.

Ah well.

Hank Pym manically explains that he was taking some Hank Pym time, doing some relaxing fun time activities, i.e. hacking a Soviet security network for shits and giggles.

But when he was wrapping up his fun hacking, he noticed a message on the network discussing what to do with Maria Trovaya!

DUN DUN DUNNNN!

The entire West Coast Avengers team: blank expressions

Wasp: “Oh, my god!”

See, Wasp knows her Hank lore.

And it has been decades and Hank doesn’t really talk a lot about his pre-Avengers days.

Maria Trovaya was Hank’s first wife. His supposedly dead first wife. His supposedly dead first wife who didn’t make good life choices.

The comic does a recap so conveniently, I can recap the recap for you.

Hank Pym was an antisocial researcher who spent all his time trying to think of ways to shrink stuff when he met Maria and her father, who was a Hungarian geneticist who had to flee the Eastern bloc because of a bad case of open-mindedness.

Maria was Hank’s manic pixie dreamgirl. Except not very manic pixie but same general idea. She pulled him out of her shell, similar to what Wasp would try to do later to mixed results.

(Later it would turn out that Hank and Maria had a daughter who is named Nadia and she is a delight. Jan basically adopts her. What with Hank being dead by the time Nadia shows up. Dead and stapled to Ultron.)

ANYWAY.

Hank and Maria got married. And bad life choice maker Maria Trovaya decides that they should honeymoon in Hungary despite her being a refugee from that country who had been a political prisoner once upon a time.

Her thought is that they won’t know its her if she goes by Mrs. Henry Pym.

She was wrong.

I don’t want to kick a dead girl while she’s down but she made the wrong call on that one.

Hank tries to get her back through legal channels at the American embassy. The embassy’s inquiries eventually turned up her body. And a note that says “this is what happens to those who attempt to escape the People’s Republic -- !”

Just to pile onto poor Hank, Maria’s dad is also dead. His lab blew up with him in it. Sabotage is suspected. Nothing is ever proven, it seems.

Weird. With a lot of other characters, that kind of thing would be a loose end that someone would pick up on in the decades of publishing Marvel has had. But Hank’s pre-Ant-Man life doesn’t come up a lot.

Anyway, as Hank is wont to do, he goes on a bit of a tear.

Of course, he doesn’t even know where to look for his wife’s abductors and he’s no Liam Neeson with a particular set of skills. So it looks like he mostly just goes and beats up a crowd of policemen.

Good try though!

I guess everyone is trying to avoid a diplomatic incident because Hank is released from custody to the embassy on the promise that he’ll leave the country.

So he goes back to America but he’s not ready to quit trying to avenge his wife. Based on her saying “Go to the ants, thou sluggard!” to him, Hank decides to study ants. Because that will help him find where criminals prowl!

I am reminded back in the early Avengers days, Hank was able to communicate with all ants in the entire world to try to find a missing scientist.

It’s a little sad that with that kind of capability, he never did track down the killers.

He does say that he used every resource he could as an Avenger. Sources with the government, with NATO, with SHIELD and only ever turned up ‘yup your wife is definitely dead, stop asking.’

(Which doesn’t seem like the question he should have been asking anyway? It sounded like his wife’s body was already found. Why are you looking into whether she’s alive?)

So now he’s very twisted up wondering why information is popping up now when he’s put the bad behind him and reinvented himself.

Belatedly, he also apologizes for showing up to Moon Knight’s induction and making it all about himself.

Moon Knight: “No, Dr. Pym! Marc Spector was -- I was -- a mercenary! I have spent much of my life fighting governments! What better way to become an Avenger than battling tyranny to save your wife?!”

You’re a heck of a guy, Moon Knight! ... Or Khonshu? You dammit this is confusing.

Anyway, Moon Knight is the 24th Avenger!

How highly specific.

So that’s Iron Man, Thor, Wasp, Ant-Man Giant-Man Goliath Yellowjacket Dr Pym, Hulk, Captain America, Hawkeye, Quicksilver, Scarlet Witch, Black Panther, the Vision, Black Knight, Swordsman, Mantis, Beast, Moondragon, Hellcat, Wonder Man, Ms Marvel the Carol Danvers version, Falcon, Tigra, She-Hulk, Captain Marvel the Monica Rambeau version, Starfox, Namor McKenzie, Dr Druid, Mockingbird, and now Moon Knight?

That’s 28 people. That’s too many people. Which four don’t count?

Hulk, Mantis, Moondragon, and Hellcat, maybe? Moondragon and Hellcat were only provisional members before Moondragon convinced them both to quit. Hulk had his founders status given to Captain America. And I think Mantis’ membership was honorary and awarded just as she was going on her space tree honeymoon.

And not counting any retroactive continuity like Avenger X.

I think its bunk not to count those four people who maybe don’t count. But whatever. What does this narrator know.

After all the congratulations are done being said, the West Coast Avengers take off in a QUINJET, Hawkeye declaring that this settles the debate whether the West Coast Avengers are supposed to stay on the West Coast.

A debate that nobody but you was having, Clint.

As they go, Mockingbird thinks to herself that she’s glad to get away from Phantom Rider for a while, just for Moon Knight to say to her that he’d bet she’s glad to get away from Phantom Rider for a while.

The look she shoots him. Perfection.

She has no idea what his game is.

And she doesn’t have long to worry over it because Tigra pulls Moon Knight aside to probably make out with.

Since Hank got to have a big flashback, Wasp decides she’ll have one too. A flashback to their shared history! Ha, take that, nerd!

Just like with Maria, Jan was introduced to Hank by her father who was a scientist. Because Hank has one and only one way to meet women.

Dr. van Dyne wanted Hank’s help with a gamma-ray beam meant to communicate with other planets.

Didn’t the Hulk teach people that gamma radiation wasn’t a toy?

Anyway, because Hank wasn’t an omnidisciplinary scientist at this point, he says he can’t help because gamma-ray beams aren’t his field.

But shortly after, Dr. van Dyne is MURDERED and his research destroyed and its Hank who Janet calls in a panic.

Hank being Hank, goes right to 11. He shows up, reveals that he’s Ant-Man, and asks if she wants to be his superhero partner.

This was before decompressed storytelling. Every story began and ended in like twenty pages.

Ant-Man: “Do you see those synthetic cells in the microscopic field? I can implant them below your skin! It will leave no scar, but when you’re reduced in size you’ll grow wings and tiny antennae -- like a human wasp!”

Janet van Dyne: “It sounds so wonderful -- !”

...

On their very second meeting ever, Hank Pym proposes to do mad science to her to give her superpowers and Janet is like hot damn sign me up.

She was made for the superhero life, I swear.

Also, she put together her first (of many) Wasp outfits from a pile of alternate Ant-Man outfits Hank had prepared.

They go, they fight an alien monster, they murder said alien monster, and Janet exuberantly declares she loves Hank.

Hank tells her he never wants to love again because of the tragic loss of his first wife but Jan is sure he’s just pretending not to feel anything for her.

And thus starts an ultimately unhealthy relationship!

Janet’s flashback narration calls the whole thing a fairy tale, her “wildest dreams, all rolled into one” but after she comes out of the flashback she wryly reflects it was a fairy tale after all.

Wasp: “It really was a fairy tale, wasn’t it? Couldn’t last after we woke up! But if there’s even one chance in a hundred that he can get Maria back, I’ll be cheering him on the loudest...!”

Aw.

Anyway, the West Coast Avengers land in Slovakia where they’ve arranged to meet with the American ambassador who has arranged visas for them.

Buuuut, those visas have been revoked. As the arriving People’s Defense Force notify the West Coast Avengers.

Now these are some characters.

I do love other countries having superhero teams of their own, even if they’re antagonist due to global politics.

The leader, Madame X, says that the West Coast Avengers are criminals and enemies of the state. They’re associates of Iron Man who did a diplomatic incident in Russia. Mockingbird is a former agent of SHIELD. And none of these guys like Hank Pym because he’s thwarted all of them.

Yeah, these are a bunch of old Ant-Man enemies! His older rogues gallery doesn’t get a lot of love.

An unnamed member of the Force is one of the Soviet spies Ant-Man thwarted in his first Ant-Man appearance.

El Toro was a super agent from Santo Rico who had rigged an election but was defeated by Giant-Man and the Wasp. He’s got a hat with horns on it. That is his super power.

Madame X was introduced as Comrade X and was disguised as a man. Ant-Man foiled her with ants. She has a gas gun. That is her super power.

Hmm.... starting to see why Hank Pym’s older enemies don’t get a lot of love.

BUT: there’s also the Beasts of Berlin! Gorillas given enhanced intelligence by Soviet scientists. Hank learned about them when he was breaking a friend out of jail, beat them up, and broke the ray gun that made them smrt smart. The group here is apparently a new group. But hey! Comic books are about fighting apes!

Given that the People’s Defense Force is packed full of old foes of his and that they knew he was coming, Hank declares that the whole Maria thing was a trick, a ruuuuuse to lure him into a trap!

The People’s Defense Force has no idea what he’s talking about. But they’re still going to arrest the shit out of the West Coast Avengers.

The West Coast Avengers Assemble to resist arrest and now there’s a fight scene.

I assume Tigra would rather do the designated animal person fight than the designated girl fight because she jumps right at the Beasts of Berlin. But, alas, she’s not watching her six. El Toro headbutts her from behind, poisoning her with the horns on his hat.

Hawkeye and Mockingbird fight Madame X. Since they’re doing it together, it probably doesn’t count as a designated girl fight for Mockingbird.

Wonder Man fights ALL THE BEASTS AT ONCE. Because working together, they’re nearly as strong as he is. That’s what we call a fair fight. Also, c’mon, a super strong dude fighting a bunch of gorillas. Amazing.

Moon Knight (Khonshu?) fights off the regular soldiers that came with the People’s Defense Force, thrilling at his first official battle as an Avenger.

And then he gets headbutted and subsequently poisoned by El Toro.

Wow, not having someone fighting this dude is really headbutting the Avengers in the butt.

Wasp zaps the Beasts of Berlin to save Mockingbird who is getting pummeled. Wonder Man starts fighting the entire ape group again (not sure why he stopped fighting them long enough for them to gang up on Mockingbird...) and Wasp flies off to see how Hank is doing.

Hank is doing good.

He’s still getting a lot of mileage out of his new superpower of infinite inventory space. He pulls out two pistols, claims they’re just toys when the soldiers tell him to stop pulling shit out of his pockets, and then grows them full size to spray the soldiers with rubber bullets.

Wasp shows up just in time to crack a joke that as Giant-Man he was “highpockets”, so now they should call Hank “hugepockets.” Hank adds onto the joke by suggesting “Captain Kangaroo.”

Y’know, despite following a lead on his definitely murdered wife, Hank is in good spirits. It’d be a justification to fall into anger or depression. While he’s clearly driven to find out whether this lead is anything, he’s keeping a good attitude.

Also, he pulls hedgetrimmers out of his infinite pockets and uses them to cut a hole in the fence so he and Wasp can fuck off.

Not ideal for the West Coast Avengers since El Toro has managed to headbutt each one of them and forces Wonder Man to stop spanking the apes if he wants his friends to be saved from the poison.

This dude is alarmingly effective for a guy who - and I repeat myself with some incredulity - has the superpower of wearing a hat with horns on it and he poisoned the horns.

Are the West Coast Avengers just having an off day?

(To be slightly fair, Hawkeye didn’t get headbutt poisoned, he got captured by the normal soldiers.)

The American ambassador assures Hawkeye that the US government will not rest until the team is freed. Hawkeye isn’t optimistic about that.

Madame X alerts all security forces to find Dr Pym and the Wasp. Because they fucked off, remember?

Anyway, they fucked off to a boarded up building. With Wasp as lookout, Hank breaks a board so he can sneak into the abandoned building.

Off the battlefield, Hank is having less of a good time. He tells Wasp she shouldn’t have come because he’s a danger magnet right now and he doesn’t want her to get hurt.

She points out that she’s the actual superhero of the two of them currently to his irritation.

Then they sulk for a panel before Wasp comments that nothing has really changed between them, prompting Hank to burst out laughing because she’s right.

But he insists that they act professionally, not personally right now, and get down to business. Not business of saving the Avengers team they both ditched to get captured. No, no. Hank wants to follow the lead about Maria Trovaya.

Wasp says that’s going to be a difficult task since they don’t have any contacts in the city and also they’re wanted by the law. It’d be easier if Hank was Ant-Man because he could use the power of talking to ants, which is the greatest power.

But Hank isn’t Ant-Man. But she’s and the Wasp. And the Wasp used to have antennae that would pop out when she shrank down and let her communicate with ants.

And here’s where things tie delightfully into the elaboration of Wasp’s powers that happened under Stern as well as Hank’s new powers.

Wasp barely used the antennae. As far as she’s concerned, they died by this point. But Hank claims that the way they were designed, they wouldn’t die as long as Wasp lives. But they’ve clearly atrophied since they don’t pop out anymore.

Its the opposite of how Wasp’s bio-electric sting and wings and shrinking have all gotten stronger since she kept using them. Those are the parts of her power set that she really leaned into. Leveled up. The ant communication power she barely ever used so the antennae are basically vestigial at this point.

BUT: While Hank can’t change his own size, his current powers are all about changing the size of other stuff. So he boops Wasp in the head and grows the antennae back to functioning size.

The signal quality isn’t great - the antennae did atrophy after all - but Wasp is able to use them to contact ants across Budapest.

(Apparently the way that the ant communication power has such a huge range is because the ants themselves act as rebroadcast antenna, passing the message on further afield.)

But anyway. Wasp gets word back from the ant network that Maria’s name was spoken in Bratislava Prison just this morning.

A lead! A good lead!

It takes them awhile to get to Bratislava Prison since Hank has to go slow and avoid the police. But they get there by nightfall.

Wasp flies in through a keyhole and beats up the guard before opening the door for Hank. Various ants guide Wasp through the prison to a high tech cell that’s very locked.

But when Hank opens up the cell, it’s not Maria Trovaya he finds.

HEY VISION AND SCARLET WITCH. ANOTHER CROSSOVER WITH THE WEST COAST AVENGERS, I SEE.

Okay, so what’s this about. The Maria Trovaya lead was clearly a ruse and bait. But who would have beef with Hank, Vision, and Scarlet Witch?

I’d guess Grim Reaper, since he was the guy last time the West Coast Avengers and the happy couple crossed over. But if it was Grim Reaper, you’d think Wonder Man would be more central to this.

Iiiiis it Ultron? I’m pretty sure he double died pretty recently but that means nothing in comics or for Ultron specifically.

Guess I’ll find out in two weeks. Curse you, East Coast Avengers and your alternating weeks!

Follow @essential-avengers because let us unravel this mystery together. Or you could read ahead or check marvel wiki. I can’t stop you. Like and reblog if you liked this post or think other people would like it. Leave a comment, maybe.

#avengers #west coast avengers #essential avengers #People's Defense Force #Madame X #Beasts of Berlin #El Toro #the C-squad of Ant Man enemies #Hawkeye #Mockingbird #Tigra #Wonder Man #Dr Pym #Hank Pym #the Wasp #special surprise guests #can't hate an issue where a man wrestles four gorillas #no clue why Englehart ditched his ongoing Phantom Rider plot to have some fun for a few issues #not complaining either

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