#IM CRYING TOO i just really love matthew so much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cloudbersoo · 9 months

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would you mind?｜zhang hao

synopsis: how to get over a guy you didn’t even date in ten easy steps with the help of zhang hao.

tags: zhang hao x gn!reader, acquaintances to lovers, university au, fluff, slight angst, y/n likes someone else at the beginning, y/n is very drunk, making out when drunk, shy!hao, bestie!matthew has no filter, roommate!taerae, hanbin keeps laughing, what did jiwoong do though? y/n overthinks a little sometimes, mentions of sex and implied sex but no explicit smut! (im a minor and can’t write smut for the life of me)

word count: 6k (how did this get so long?)

a/n: this is my first fic in like six years and the first in english altogether! idk how to feel about this one but i thought to post it anyway. writing this honestly made me respect fanfic writers so much more, it really isn’t easy! this took me like five days to make. not sure how often i’ll be doing this but i enjoyed writing a lot. sorry for any grammar errors or such, i proofread this a couple of times, but my english isn’t perfect, so some mistakes might go past me. anyway, thanks and sorry! enjoy reading!

my playlist while writing: in bloom & new kidz on the block by zb1, cream soda & private party by exo, roller coaster & party o’clock by nmixx !!

i. drink your feelings away

“finally you’re here” matthew mumbled in his slightly drunken stage, leaning onto a wall as you closed the door behind you. you could hear the music and people’s chatter coming from the living room. the smell of alcohol was also very strong, especially on your friend. you wished you could just turn back and go home. you were way too miserable to party right now but the sweet smile matthew was giving you was making you stay. you couldn’t possibly disappoint your best friend on his special day.

“yeah, sorry for being late” you finally answered to the birthday boy as you handed out your gift with a forced smile. “happy birthday matt.”

he took the bottle of wine and chuckled. “thank you y/n” he said, looking at the bottle of his favourite. “for this and for coming tonight” he continued as he raised his gaze to you apologetically.

“of course” you uttered, trying your best to convince your friend you wanted to be here, as if you didn’t just think about leaving two seconds ago. your convincing didn’t seem to be working as matthew sighed. matthew put down the bottle and walked in front of you. he examined your face for a while before he embraced you in a hug. “he didn’t deserve you anyway” he whispered close to your ear.

right.

jaemin.

the guy who broke your heart just a few days ago. he didn’t mean to, you suppose. he just didn’t realise you were totally in love with him when he introduced you to his partner of three years. how stupid could you be?

you held your tiers in at the mention of him. not today. you can cry about it later.

you embraced your friend for a while as you collected yourself. “you know what matt?” You finally spoke as you made eye contact with him. matthew hummed, looking at you with anticipation.

“i’m going to have fun tonight.”

ii. embarrass yourself

about five bottles of soju and a couple beers later you were completely out of it. you were somewhere in matthew’s apartment, kitchen or living room, you were not entirely sure. laying on the cold floor with zero thoughts of your shattered heart. you felt at peace. your peace, however, didn’t last long as it was eventually broken by a familiar voice calling your name.

“y/n? you okay down there?” the voice asked with amusement. you opened your eyes and were met with hanbin’s gaze from above you. he must have found your state hilarious as he bursted out laughing.

you got up from the floor with difficulty and flopped next to him on the couch. “never been better” you mumbled to your friend with a relaxed smile. you started making yourself comfortable and leaned your head on hanbin’s shoulder. what you failed to notice in your drunken state was the other person sitting on the couch. the one you were currently cuddling up to.

“hao” your friend started. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen y/n so wasted” hanbin laughed with tears in his eyes.

what.

suddenly, you were too aware of your surroundings, like there was no alcohol in your system anymore. you quickly got up and saw that hanbin was not in fact the person you had leaned into. the person sitting next to you was hanbin’s good friend, zhang hao. the boy’s face flushed as he looked at your shocked face.

oh my god.

you were not that familiar with zhang hao. you knew he was good friends with hanbin and matthew. he was from the music department just like your roommate taerae, and you were pretty sure he played the violin. he was reserved and quiet, and definitely not the most fond of you (even though your friends have tried to convince you otherwise). a friend of a friend. that’s what he was. not someone who you could comfortably cuddle with. this is so embarrassing.

“i’m so sorry!” you quickly blurted out as you hid your face behind your palms. you could still hear hanbin’s laugh as you were thinking about your way out of the situation.

“it’s o-okay” zhang hao managed to stutter. you were in too deep thought to hear what the boy in front of you was saying. you searched for your other friend in the crowd. it’s time for me to leave. as you found matthew by the balcony with a girl, you turned back to the men on the couch. “i’m just gonna go!” you quickly said to prevent any more embarrassment and made your way to your best friend.

he saw you coming from afar and smirked at you. “you’ve definitely enjoyed yourself” matthew said delightfully. oh. he definitely saw everything.

“you saw nothing” you bit back and leaned onto your friend as the alcohol started to kick back in again. “i’m going home” you continued. could you even walk straight? no. but you could just call your roommate to meet you halfway.

“in this state? no you’re not” the boy slurred just as drunk as you were. he wrapped his arm around your shoulder in an attempt to keep you from leaving. you were glad your friend cared about your safety even when he was drunk. his company, however, was not enjoying the sight in front of her and you could tell you had interrupted something.

“i’ll call taerae to pick me up, don’t worry.” you assured your friend. “i’ll leave you two alone now.” you gave a smile to the girl and mouthed “sorry” as you left the two before matthew could protest any further.

iii. make a foolish choice

walking down four sets of stairs with your hands occupied by your phone was a challenge. you somehow made it though and were trying to contact your roommate. he was not answering. where is he? your apartment wasn’t that far from matthew’s but the darkness was creeping you out a little. you sent a quick text to taerae, saying you were coming home before you started your journey.

you had made it past a couple turns when you started feeling like someone was following you. you’re just being paranoid, that's all. but the feeling only grew stronger as you clearly heard footsteps behind you. you were already walking as fast as you could in your state. is this the end? “i’m gonna die-”

“y/n,” you quickly turned around to the familiar voice.

zhang hao.

“oh it’s just you” you said as you relaxed until it hit you. zhang hao. the reason why you had run away from the party in the first place. your surprise finally showed on your face, which zhang hao found amusing.

"sorry if I scared you” he let out an airy laugh while awkwardly standing in front of you. for some reason you had never really looked at the boy. he was tall and his hair was still styled nicely even after a long day. he was wearing a light blue button up shirt with black jeans that seemed way out of your price range. there was something about the way he was looking at you under the glow of the streetlights. he was looking at you with stars in his eyes, like there was no one else but the two of you in the world. the sight of him almost made your heart skip a beat. he had a few moles on his face, one right under his eye and another on his cheek that you wish you could kiss right now. has he always been this pretty?

no. why is he here?

he tried to give you a reassuring smile as he took a step closer. “you shouldn’t walk alone at this hour, it’s not safe for you.” he continued like he had just read your mind.

“so you think I'm safe with you?” you asked, slightly teasing. it was definitely the alcohol speaking.

the boy’s eyes widened in shock and he opened his mouth to say something but failed. “well- I mean” zhang hao finally responded with panic, not quite sure what he was supposed to say. you couldn’t hold your giggles which seemed to ease his nerves. his figure seemed to relax as he walked past you. “my apartment isn’t that far from yours, so we can just walk together. it’s safer for both of us.” zhang hao finished.

lies. you’ve once picked hanbin up from his apartment and it's nowhere near yours. however, zhang hao didn’t need to know that you knew. you wouldn’t mind walking home with him even if the two of you weren’t that close, because he was right – this was safer (not because he suddenly made you think of things you haven't before).

so, the two of you continued walking towards your place. zhang hao didn’t say much as you walked, only telling you to be more careful as you almost stumbled to the ground. he also decided to hold you up from your waist from that point on – which you definitely didn’t mind. he didn’t seem to mind either as there was no signs of annoyance that you would’ve except from zhang hao in this situation.

“we’re here” he said as the two of you stood in front of your apartment building. you really didn’t want him to go. you really didn’t want to be alone at all. because you knew the moment you were alone again you’d break down again and cry about the guy who broke your heart. just for this one night, you wished not to cry yourself to sleep. maybe it was foolish of you to ask zhang hao of all people to comfort you, but right now you couldn’t think of anything else.

“would you like to come in?”

“do you need help to get to your door?”

you both had talked at the same time. you broke eye contact as the two of you chuckled. so he didn’t want to leave yet either? as it got quiet again you decided to look at the boy again. zhang hao seemed hesitant as he studied your face. then he smiled at you as he said “if that’s what you need.”

iv. get cockbocked by a roommate

some might find the silence between you and zhang hao awkward, but you found it soothing. he was drinking the water you had given him as you sat on the kitchen counter. he looked even more handsome up close. the way he was leaning onto the counter and the way he was looking at you. oh, how much you wished to make him yours tonight. would he mind?

your mind stopped wandering as the boy put down his glass on the sink. “i should probably go and let you sleep” he said quietly as he stood in front of you. he was incredibly close to you, his hand on your knee, his nose almost touching yours – like he didn’t want to leave. you couldn’t help but lower your gaze to his lips. they were pink and puffy, slightly wet like they were waiting to be kissed. you looked back to zhang hao’s eyes but they didn’t meet yours. he was doing the same thing – staring at your lips.

maybe you were going to regret it. maybe this wasn’t right, kissing your friends’ friend. but you couldn’t possibly think about any of that as you leaned in.

his lips felt as soft as they looked. it took a moment for zhang hao to realise what was happening but eventually he kissed you back. his left hand landed on your cheek as his right hand went up your thigh. the kiss deepened as you put your hands around the boy's neck, pulling him closer to you. you don’t remember the last time you have been kissed like this. he was driving you insane and you wished he’d never stop.

“y/n?” you hear a voice say at the door.

taerae.

you and zhang hao froze before you rapidly let go of each other. sleepy taerae rubbed his eyes walking into the kitchen as you tried to calm your beating heart. so he didn’t answer because he was asleep. you took a look at zhang hao who’s blush was prominent even in the dark. “when did you get home?” your roommate asked as he yawned.

“zhang hao walked me, i was just giving him some water before he left.” you blurted out an excuse, which wasn’t inherently a lie – taerae didn’t need to know what happened after that. your sleepy roommate didn’t look suspicious and seemed to buy it. “he was actually just about to leave.” you took another look at zhang hao, trying to get him to say something.

“yeah, i’ll just get going then.” he said, bid taerae goodbye, and was out of the apartment in mere minutes.

fuck.

v. overthink your life choices

lunch used to be your favourite time of the day, mostly because you used to share it with jaemin all the time. matthew barely ever had time to eat lunch with you, which is how you got to know jaemin in the first place. the two of you clicked instantly and you thought there was something between you. how wrong you were. the past week you have been distancing yourself from jaemin and he hasn't been asking after you. you really meant nothing to him in the end. even now he’s just a few tables away loudly debating about something with his group of friends, completely unaware of the effect he has had on you.

taerae’s giggles seem to wake you from your slumber. you moved your gaze from jaemin to your roommate. he was laughing over a video hanbin had just shown him. “what is jiwoong doing?” he managed to say between giggles.

“speaking of the devil” hanbin said as he waved past your shoulder. jiwoong walked to your table with zhang hao next to him, which was odd as the two of you’ve had a similar relationship with the chinese boy up until a few days ago (unless jiwoong had also been making out with him recently). “what did i do?” jiwoong questioned his friends as he placed his lunch on the table.

“nothing, nothing. where’s matthew?” hanbin said as he hid his phone with a grin.

“he’s on a date” you said nonchalantly. everyone at the table suddenly turned their heads towards you. they had totally forgotten you were even there as you had spent most of your break staring at a certain someone. you should get your shit together.

“oh right, zhang hao! thanks for walking y/n home the other night.” taerae said as zhang hao sat next to hanbin. well shit. you hadn’t told anyone of what had happened with zhang hao after matthew’s party. you hadn’t even talked to zhang hao since then. you felt awful that you had tried to use him to forget about someone else, and then kicked him out as your roommate found the two of you. you weren’t sure how you were supposed to even bring it up to him when you were never alone with him anyway.

“you walked her home?” hanbin questioned as he turned his head to his left where zhang hao was sitting. the boy only gave his friend a small nod as he dug into his food. his aura seemed so different in the daylight. his hair wasn’t styled like at the party, it was a bit all over the place. the way he stuffed his mouth full of food made him look cute. his cheeks were slightly pink with blush. while observing the boy, you had completely missed the teasing smile on hanbin’s face.

how were you supposed to talk to him? thanks for walking me home and making out with me in my kitchen. does he even want to talk about it? the two of you had seen each other around campus a couple times since then and he hasn't tried to talk to you once. maybe all of it was just a spur of the moment thing for him that he now wished to forget about.

you sighed as you decided it was your time to leave for class. there was no way you were going to talk to zhang hao now anyway, not in front of all your friends. “my lecture is starting soon, i’ll go now.” you said as you stood up. taking your things with you and hearing people say their goodbyes, you were on your way.

“wait, are we just going to ignore the fact that matthew is on a date?” you could hear jiwoong ask behind you.

vi. get help

“so…” matthew said in a teasing tone as he sat across from you at the library.

“so, what?” you questioned, like you had no idea what your best friend was referring to. well, in your defence, you never knew with matthew, but you had a feeling this conversation topic started with a z and ended with hang hao. “you and hao?” he continued, just like you had anticipated, raising his eyebrows.

“what about me and zhang hao?” you continued, acting clueless in the hopes of him dropping the conversation.

“after what i saw at my birthday party and then hearing he walked you home, i hoped the two of you worked out the weird tension between you two and finally fucked” your friend blurted out in a very matthew way, like it was the most obvious conclusion to come to in the world.

“we did not!” you raised your voice a little too much as you tried to defend yourself. you got a few judging stares from the people around you who were trying to study. something you were supposed to do as well, instead of having this conversation about zhang hao. “we didn’t fuck…” you continued more quietly. there was no reason for you to lie to your best friend. not when you could use his help.

“but you were going to?” he gave you a knowing look.

“well yeah, but then taerae woke up and i panicked and i kinda kicked zhang hao out-” you started rambling. wait. “how did you know we almost fucked? did he talk to you? what did he say? does he totally hate me now?” you continued like you were going to lose your mind. and now matthew was laughing at you, trying his best to stay quiet.

“i haven’t talked to anyone, except hanbin, he’s just as convinced there’s something going on between you and hao as i am” your friend finally spoke. if only you knew what was going on between the two of you. you sighed and hit your head on the table. “what’s the problem y/n? you know, you could just text him and ask him" matthew said.

“i don’t have his number” you mumble in despair.

“what? how can you not have his number?” matthew asked, confused.

“why would i? was i supposed to ask for it when we were making out or something?” you said as you lifted your head from the table, looking at your friend who definitely didn’t need to hear any more details of that night.

matthew took his phone out of his pocket, and gave it to you after a moment. “here, take his number and text him”

vii. become friends

you were currently sitting down at a park you had agreed to meet with zhang hao. matthew was able to convince you it was better to sort things out with zhang hao sooner than later. but now that you were here, waiting for the guy, you couldn’t help but feel nervous. it was warm as summer was finally coming and you felt like you were sweating buckets. was it the weather or your nerves – you were not quite sure.

“hi, did you have to wait long?” you hear a familiar voice from your left and see zhang hao’s figure coming towards you. he waved at you while giving you a sweet smile. damn. he’s so pretty.

“oh no, not at all” you answered, trying to give the boy a smile to hide your nervousness.

“what did you want to talk about?” zhang hao said calmly as he sat down next to you. unlike the other night, now he had left much space between the two of you. he didn’t seem nervous at all, which made you feel uneasy. maybe this wasn’t as big of a deal for him as it was for you.

“at matt’s party, i’m sorry for being such a mess and dragging you into it” you decided to tell him. “i had a few too many drinks that night.” you took a look at zhang hao. he seemed surprised, maybe a little hurt as he tried to get comfortable on the bench. was that not the right thing to say? “i mean, i probably made you uncomfortable and then i rushed you out of my place when taerae woke up, it was super rude of me to-” you were starting to ramble.

“i wasn’t uncomfortable” he cut you off. he finally turned to look at you again “i wouldn’t have come in if i was.” there was the look again, making your heart beat louder on your chest. he was looking at you like he did under the streetlights, like you were the only person in the world that mattered. you wouldn’t mind getting lost in his eyes. “so don’t be too sorry, i enjoyed it as long as it lasted.” he gave you a shy smile.

oh.

this was the first time the boy had made you blush, usually it was the other way around. you broke eye contact to hide your shyness from him. “cool, cool” you started quite awkwardly. “we should probably be casual about all this, since we're friends and all…”

“we’re friends now? i’m cool with that” zhang hao replied with amusement.

“i mean, we’ve known each other long enough to call us that, i guess” you tried to reason, not realising your friend was only teasing you. as you turned your gaze back to him you saw him still smiling at you. this man will be the death of me. “well that’s that. sorry i can’t stay longer, i have places to be. bye zhang hao.” you said as you got up from the bench. you had nowhere to be, but you couldn’t possibly handle being in zhang hao’s presence any longer.

“bye friend!” he yelled after you still with a teasing tone.

viii. feel nothing

you and your new friend zhang hao have gotten along well since your talk at the park. nothing has changed that much, except now you greet each other at campus, engage in conversation together, and sometimes share memes with each other. you have tried to convince matthew that you and zhang hao are really just friends and nothing more. matthew just can’t help himself when he teases you with kissy noises every time you interact with zhang hao. he’s the only other person that knows about your little secret. even hanbin doesn’t know, because if he did — everyone would.

you were finally finished with your last class of the day, walking out of your department building. you felt at ease as everything in your life was finally going well. you were able to sort things out with zhang hao, you weren’t particularly struggling with any classes, and you were barely thinking about him, who shall not be named.

as if on cue, there he was standing a few meters away from you. jaemin. he wasn’t alone though, as he was having a conversation with someone. you couldn’t quite tell what the two were talking about, not that really even mattered to you. contrary to popular belief, your heart no longer ached at the sight of him. you continued your journey with no intent to interact with jaemin, at least not until you realised who exactly he was talking with. when you were close enough you could recognize the other man’s voice.

what was zhang hao doing with jaemin? the sight in front of you felt really odd, but you couldn’t possibly look away. zhang hao almost towered over jaemin, paying attention to what the latter was talking about. he was wearing glasses that complimented his face well. one of his sleeves was rolled up revealing his toned arm. he looked so mesmerising, you couldn't help but stare.

it didn’t take long for you to be caught staring as jaemin called out your name. “wow it’s been so long. how have you been?” he asked happily as you took a few steps closer to the two. zhang hao was surprised to see you, his gaze moving between you and jaemin. his face filled with worry made you think he must have heard about jaemin and you from someone (definitely not from hanbin). you gave zhang hao a reassuring smile as you greeted jaemin, who was ready to embrace you in a hug.

“i’ve been well” you sounded a little awkward as the two of you let go. an act that used to make your heart do backflips no longer felt like anything. “what were you two talking about? i didn’t know you even knew each other.” you asked out of curiosity as you stood next to zhang hao, who suddenly put his arm around your shoulder. you turned your head towards your friend, trying to understand what he was up to.

“we’ve shared a few classes here and there” zhang hao said as he turned his head to face you. he was so close to you again, making your heart beat louder on your chest. “you’re ready to go?” he continued. you could only show your confusion on your face as you didn’t trust your voice to say anything at the close proximity. “dinner? remember?” he gave you a wink.

what? you were completely lost. what was this man talking about?

“oooh, date night?” jaemin cooed in front of you. he took his headphones out of his back and put them over his ears. “i won't waste your time anymore then. y/n we should totally catch up sometime!” he didn’t wait for your response before he left.

you and zhang hao stayed close to each other in silence for a while. you wondered if he could hear the way your heart was beating for him. you tried to look for answers from his face but to no avail. finally, zhang hao moved and removed his hand off of you, what had felt like way too soon. “sorry” he said as he stood in front of you. “you must have felt awkward seeing him” he continued, scratching the back of his neck.

“did you do all that to get rid of him? i’m fine, i don’t like him like that anymore” you felt the need to clarify to him.

“oh” he said, blush breaking to his face and neck. “well, i was getting tired of him anyway” he excused and removed his gaze from you to hide his embarrassment. you thought he looked the cutest whenever he got shy or embarrassed.

your laugh seemed to peak his interest again, as he turned his gaze back on you. your blushing face, matching his own. a comfortable silence fell between you again. ”just friends huh?” you could hear matthew’s teasing voice in your head.

“y/n?” zhang hao eventually spoke. you hummed as a response, waiting him to carry on. “have you eaten yet?” the boy continued hesitantly.

“no, not yet” you answered truthfully, not quite sure where the conversation was going. zhang hao stayed quiet for a while. he was nervously shifting on his place, turning his face away from you once again. he was trying to find the right way to ask you.

“would you like to go out for dinner then?” he asked carefully.

“sure!” you answered enthusiastically. you were starving at this point and wouldn’t mind spending some time with friends as well. “who else is coming?”

“well, i thought it could be just us…” the boy responded, still not daring to look at you.

oh.

“oh! that works too. sure. yeah.” you replied, definitely not embarrassed that you didn’t get the hint right away. “does indian sound good to you? i’m craving butter chicken” you continued, trying to move the conversation onwards, while your heart kept beating hard against your chest.

“if that’s what you want, it’s good with me” zhang hao said and the two of you started your way out of campus, both a blushing mess.

ix. feel everything

you were not entirely sure what to think. had you just been on a date? zhang hao didn’t explicitly call it that, but it surely had felt like one. the dinner went smoothly, it didn’t feel awkward and the two of you were able to talk to each other comfortably. he constantly smiled at you and asked you questions about your life, putting the effort into getting to know you. he even insisted on paying for your meal in the end.

you got to know things about him as well, as zhang hao no longer felt shy talking to you. he’s an only child and very close with his mom. he chose to play the violin, because it’s much easier to carry around compared to a cello. him and jiwoong have gotten closer lately because jiwoong had asked him to help him with a song he has been working on. he also revealed that he was glad that the two of you have gotten closer, which made you question things even more.

you were walking to your apartment in silence, completely sober this time. zhang hao had insisted on walking you home again, “as a man should” he had said. the way his hand was accidentally brushing against yours every once in a while was giving you butterflies in your stomach. you were not entirely sure if the man next to you even realises how much of an effect he had on you. you weren’t walking that fast because you really didn’t want the night to end.

must to your dismay, you ended up in front of your apartment building. it felt like deja vu, standing in front of him again. you didn’t want zhang hao to leave, but you weren’t sure if it was appropriate to invite him in. you couldn't hide behind the confidence alcohol had given you last time. you didn't know what to say, so you settled on just staring at his face, completely mesmerised. he was doing the same, his gaze wandering on your face, like he was trying to remember each little detail of you.

“i should…” zhang hao started, now looking straight into your eyes. “i should probably go now” he continued, not at all convincing. he made no effort to move, which finally gave you the confidence to talk. it won’t hurt to ask, right?

“i could offer you a glass of water before you go” you said, tearing your gaze away, still slightly scared of what he might answer. “you know, taerae’s not home tonight…” you added. as you heard no answer from the boy, you hesitantly took a look at him. he was smiling at you again, the way he had been all dinner.

zhang hao took a step closer, raising his hand to hold your chin, making you hold eye contact with him. he lowered his gaze slowly to your lips, looking at you like you were someone to be desired. “you sure?” he finally spoke in a lower voice, still staring at your lips. you could only hum in response. and then he leaned in to kiss you.

his lips were soft, but he pushed them hard against yours. he tasted like cherries as you kissed him back. the kiss deepened quickly as his tongue pushed past your lips. his arms lowered to your hips, pulling you closer, as you put yours behind his neck, playing with his hair. you didn’t stop until you both were almost running out of air.

zhang hao let out an airy laugh. “i’ve wanted to do that for a while” he confessed, your arms still tangled around each other. he was looking at you with so much adoration.

“yeah? me too” you smiled, your cheeks slightly pink. you let go of the boy to open the door to your apartment building. he held onto your arm as the two of you walked towards the elevator. you turned to look at zhang hao, who’s cheeks were a shade of pink as well. he noticed you staring and gave you another sweet smile. the door finally opened, and he couldn’t even wait till you got to your apartment, as he stole another kiss from you as you entered the elevator.

“i honestly thought you didn’t like me at all” you admitted to him as you parted from the kiss.

“that’s what hanbin always told me” zhang hao answered, now with a pout on his lips. “i was just too shy to talk to you, you’re like the most gorgeous person i’ve ever laid my eyes on” he continued, no longer daring to look you in the eye. even he seemed a little surprised by his sudden confession.

oh.

you’ve received compliments before, but hearing one from zhang hao felt different. your cheeks heated up again, and you could feel your excitement all the way down on your stomach. you wanted him so badly, you could only wish he felt the same way. when the elevator stopped, you decided to quickly peck the boy's cheek before you dragged him to your apartment.

once the door to your apartment closed behind you, you were all over each other. his lips connected with yours as your arms roamed all over your bodies. you couldn’t get enough of him, wanting him even closer to you. you stumbled over to your bedroom, where you gave him one more kiss before backing away.

zhang hao looked at you with concern. “are you okay?” he asked while still holding you closely.

“yeah, i just- i want to make sure you want this as much i do” you answered, studying his face for any signs of regret or hesitation.

“i really like you y/n, and i want this more than you think” he admitted. he detached one of his hands from you to remove his glasses out of the way, putting them down to your nightstand. he lowered his hand on your cheek, cherishing it gently. “let me show you just how much you mean to me.”

so you let him, as you kissed him again.

x. fall in love

you were still out of breath as you cuddled up to zhang hao’s bare body. he wrapped his hand around you and squeezed you closer to him, twirling your hair with his fingers. you laid your head against his chest, drawing circles on his toned body, sighing with content. you felt zhang hao’s lips against your forehead, giving you a peck after peck. the act made you giggle, turning your gaze to him.

“what?” you asked.

“nothing, i’m just really happy” he answered, giving you one more kiss on your lips. he looked at you with so much love and warmth, which made you feel like you were dreaming. you couldn’t help but wonder what made you deserve to meet someone like zhang hao. no one has made you feel this good in such a long time, if ever. suddenly, very overwhelmed with your feelings, you hid your face on the crook of his neck.

you felt zhang hao’s chest vibrate from the laughter he let out. “cute” he whispered quietly, mostly to just himself, cherishing your head again. you got comfortable again, almost falling asleep in his embrace. his breath also evening out as he was slowly drifting away to sleep too.

“i really like you too, zhang hao” you sleepily mumbled against his skin, before the two of you fell into dreamland together.

- end

bonus:

“why do you always call me zhang hao?”

“maybe because it’s your name??”

“yes, but everyone calls me hao. you’re the only one who calls me zhang hao”

“oh”

“well, hao, i’ll call you that from now on”

the boy’s face flushed red as he finally heard you say his name.

“oh my god, you’re so cute!”

he turns his face to hide his blush from you.

“shut up”

#zb1 #zerobaseone #zhang hao #zhanghao #zb1 x reader #zb1 zhang hao #zhang hao fic #zb1 fluff #zb1 fics #zerobaseone zhang hao #zhang hao x reader #kpop #cloudbersoofic

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hanasnx · 2 months

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can you share some of thosr anakin-related-content-you-consumed on ur anakin fixation era cz im fixating on anakin aswell rn and i want to study him!! please, idk where to start 🙇🏻‍♀️

supercut of star wars I - III reddit link with instructions to receive them via google docs

i've seen both tpm and aotc supercuts but i have yet to finish the rots supercut because of it being so long. there are also deleted scenes on youtube that were not included in the supercuts linked here:

star wars episodes I and II extended edition - unused deleted scenes youtube video

revenge of the sith 4 hour supercut - unused deleted scenes youtube video

if you cannot get a hold of the supercuts for some reason, no sweat. the same channel listed in the above links has a bunch of videos on their channel of all "restored deleted scenes" that you can watch individually. of course, that is without the "siege of mandalore" that's included in the rots supercut. but that's just the bits you would see from season 7 of the clone wars spliced in, so you wouldn't be missing anything.

star wars: episode I - the phantom menace

if you cannot get a hold of the supercuts for whatever reason, start here. one of my favorite star wars movies. features young anakin, about nine years old, and how comes to live with the jedi, how he meets padme, and where he comes from.

star wars: episode II - attack of the clones

we follow older anakin, about nineteen years old, where he reunites with padme and they fall in love. the cracks of the dark side's influences are beginning to show.

star wars: clone wars

this is the mini-series released in 2003-2005 to depict anakin's journy throughout the beginning of the clone wars to prepare audiences for star wars: revenge of the sith coming out in 2005. it has since been de-canonized and replaced with the clone series that comes out in 2008. it is still worth the watch. anakin's voice actor is supremely talented and sounds a lot like hayden christensen. albiet he is dramatic, as it is a kid's show, i still very much enjoy his characterization. it's actually pretty funny too, it did get me to laugh a couple times. chapter 24-25 i believe is where anakin undergoes a sort of spiritual awakening, and the ending always makes me cry.

star wars: the clone wars movie

it was honestly boring to me, but i still watched it for much needed context on the show.

star wars: the clone wars

as i’ve said before, i don’t really care for tcw!anakin, but this was still a fun and enjoyable watch. it wasn’t completely worthless to me, i did learn some more things about anakin that applied to hayden’s rendition.

unreleased star wars: the clone wars arc - crystal crisis on utapau (full) youtube video

i didn’t finish it but from what i’ve seen so far it’s pretty funny.

anakin & obi-wan | let my people go youtube video edit

one of my favorite edits to one of my favorite songs from one of my favorite movies. i think about it a lot, especially during the “this was my home.” lyric. hammering in the betrayal of brothers that grew up alongside one another, and if you resonate with that song and movie it provides another layer of context. it’s deliciously painful. when anakin’s side of “you who i called brother,” cuts through and interrupts the melody, impatient to speak about his perspective using ramses’ narrative to do it, it’s acutely accurate to anakin’s character in my eyes.

clone wars: battle of the heroes - a star wars fan animation youtube video

i haven’t seen this yet but i’ve been waiting to enjoy it to its fullest. the creator worked very hard on it for a long time, so it’s worth the link.

star wars episode III: revenge of the sith novel by matthew stover

i have not read this, but i’ve seen hundreds of excerpts over the course of this hyperfixation on tumblr. it’s widely accepted even though it’s decanonized, and offers insight into anakin’s head that you can’t access with just watching the movie. i thoroughly enjoy and reblog the excerpts i come across, but since i’m not a reader i haven’t picked it up to complete it myself.

star wars: episode III - revenge of the sith

the third installment in the prequel series, and where shit goes down. twenty-three year old anakin grapples with his desires overcoming his sense of obligations, warping his own ideals to fit into selfish purposes. you see how he betrays the republic, his wife, his brother, and himself, all for power.

star wars episode III revenge of the sith (xbox) no commentary walkthrough full game [1080p60fps] youtube video

i haven’t gotten to watch this yet but i’d like to soon, i’ve seen bits and pieces and i believe there are alternate endings that prove interesting. if you like gameplay movies i think you should give it a shot, but if not, go ahead and skip this one.

star wars: episode III - revenge of the sith - making the game youtube video

it’s short and sweet. about hayden’s view of the character anakin and how he acts in combat.

star wars: tales of the jedi

s1e5 where we receive insight as to how anakin trains his padawan.

vader: complete canon comic series 1-25 in chronological order youtube video

i loved this so much. so many good moments that i ate the fuck up. we follow vader in his first year of becoming the sith lord, grappling with identity, past, and recognition. we also get insight into the very sensitive time of jedi eradication, i learned a lot. my favorite parts are when vader has to fight without a saber against clones, make his own red saber by retrieving one from a surviving jedi, and the arc that includes jocasta nu.

star wars the force unleashed- full game walkthrough gameplay no commentary youtube video

star wars the force unleashed 2 - full game walkthrough gameplay no commentary youtube video

both of these i've been meaning to watch, but i haven't been in the mood. i figured i'd link them in case you were interested in more gameplay movies.

star wars rebels

i didn't finish this, but i did watch a lot of the vader content and the scarce anakin content. i'll watch anything that mentions him tbh.

star wars jedi: fallen order - full game - no commentary youtube video

i played this game and loved it. the ending is the money shot tbh.

star wars: obi-wan kenobi

this was probably the first sw show i watched after i got back into darth vader in august 2022. reawakened a lot for me, i really enjoyed vader's part in this story. reva is also one of my favorites, and i thought her being a mirror image to anakin in this situation was clever, i thought her backstory was unique and refreshing. but what really shines for me is vader's contribution as both an extension of the emperor and a vessel for his own selfish desires. there are parts where i can see he's more machine than man. there are also some anakin parts as well! which i didn't enjoy as much, funnily enough.

rogue one: a star wars story

i haven't seen this one in years, but i do remember darth vader's appearances being both funny and badass.

star wars: episode IV - a new hope

star wars: episode V - the empire strikes back

it took me a long time to come around on this one. now it's one of my favorites. especially because we start to get the first glimpses within the original trilogy of vader's humanity, and his ability to demonstrate faint loyalty to his blood.

star wars: episode VI - return of the jedi

fave sw movie tbh since childhood. you can't get better than the ending. vader's sacrifice is everything to me.

lego star wars: the skywalker saga

i had played this game back in may 2022 when i visited my sister. she and i used to play lego games together when we were kids, and one of my first video games ever was lego star wars: the video game from 2005 which she introduced me to. it holds a special place in my heart, and i really liked playing skywalker saga even though at this point i hadn't cared about star wars in years. when i got back home i couldn't stop thinking about the saga game so i bought it myself, and then played it so obsessively i didn't do anything else. it got me back in the mood for darth vader so i watched obi-wan kenobi, and one thing leads to another now here i am with a smut blog about anakin skywalker's entire life and his every iteration. i loved the game, i think you should play it even though it's just lego versions of everything, it's still really fun.

star wars: ahsoka

you see him in this and the cinematography is breathtaking at times, but i didn't care for it. i only cared about the glimpses of anakin/vader's appearances even if they didn't contribute anything to the story for me.

anakin skywalker vs palpatine full fight scene (hd) - star wars episode IX [alternative ending] youtube video

this is a fan edit! i think about it a lot even though i haven't seen the sequels.

the life of anakin skywalker: darth vader (star wars) youtube video

i haven't finished this, but from what i've seen it's taught me things even i didn't know. i really appreciated the facts that aren't even on wookiepedia.

any books on it i've only seen the excerpts here on tumblr, i haven't read any because i'm not a big reader but i've seen some great posts that i reblog. so don't sleep on the books/comics

great ask

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ughgoaway · 4 months

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your lil sick matty blurb makes me think of the first time baby annie is sick and just fussy and restless and matty being a new dad absolutely does not know what to do (throwback to annie chest wrap blurb where absolutely everyone gets involved eventually) i think he calls adam late at night slightly panicked because she won’t stop crying and she feels warm and he doesn’t know if he should take her to the hospital (it’s literally a cold and a slight fever) anywayyyyy, i have many many thoughts on this goodbye

VVVVVVVVV yes I adore this. I just know he is freaking tf out the whole time. He hears her cough once and is just staring at her constantly.

He's standing over the crib watching her, listening out for a cough or sniffle, but she seems to be alright… For now, anyway.

Eventually, he sleeps in Annie's room, sitting on a chair in the corner. He's not quite ready to leave her alone yet.

It's then that he finally understands the concept of a mother's intuition.

But 20 minutes later, a scream wakes him right up, and baby Annie is just crying endlessly. She clearly feels poorly, and Matty just doesn't know what to do :((

He rocks her in his arms, then on a rocking chair, he changes her, feeds her, gets her new clothes, and bathes her. He truly tries EVERYTHING.

But Annie won't stop crying and seeing her wet eyes with rosy red cheeks and a snotty nose is breaking him.

He ditches Dr. Google and goes to the thousand parenting books he bought before she was born to see if they have anything useful. He assumed the books would make him less scared, but somehow, they made it worse.

It's 3 am when Matty starts to really panic, she's been crying for 4 hours and refusing to eat. She’s also a tiny bit hot, or at least Matty convinces himself that she is.

He's googling furiously to see if he can give her any medication, but the more he reads, the more he freaks out.

He gets his shirt off and tries skin-to-skin with the baby wrap. He's hoping it will soothe her a tiny bit. Thank god annie eventually settles, only for 5 minutes, but it's enough time for a panicked call to Adam.

He's now convinced himself that Annie has scarlet fever, pneumonia, or smallpox. Or maybe all three at the same time.

(impossible, and Annie only has a slight cold. but he is a new dad - give him a break, okay?)

Needless to say, Adam isn't over the moon with the 4 am phone call. But once he answers the phone to Matty in a panic, he realises his friend needs him. So he's slightly less pissed, but when Annie is better Matty fucking owes him.

“She's got a fever. And her cheeks are all red. She won't eat. She won't sleep. I just don't know what to do, Adam??”

“MATTHEW. You do not get to call me at 4 a.m., freak out down the phone, and then ignore me.”

The whole time Adam is trying to cut in, but Matty is ignoring him completely.

“does she need to go to the hospital? How do I get a newborn to the hospital? She hasn't even really been in the car yet. Is there a baby part of the hospital? What if she needs surgery?? All the tools will be too big for her tiny body-”

For the first time all night, Matty takes a deep breath.

“Right. Yes. sorry. I just had no idea what to do. I can't cope when im ill. But it turns out that when your child is ill, it is 1000x worse. this whole parent thing is hard”

Adam begrudgingly wakes Carly up, and they both calm Matty down. They explain that she doesn't have any diseases, but she probably has a slight cold. They tell him how much Calpol to give her and how to get her temperature down.

On the other side of the phone, Matty is slightly bouncing on the spot to soothe the grumbly baby on his chest as he's taking notes on what they're saying.

“Good okay…Yes. Okay, im gonna go do all that”

“That sounds good Matty, let us know how she is tomorrow, okay?” Carly says softly, leaning on Adam's shoulder half asleep.

“I will. Thank you guys. I love you both”

“We love you too” and “gay” come from the phone at the same time, which oddly was exactly what Matty needed.

By 6 a.m., Annie is cooler and is sleepy soundly in her cot. The same cannot be said for Matty.

He is watching like a hawk and trying not to fall asleep standing up. His eyes keep on dropping, but every time Annie wiggles or makes a noise, his heart jumps, and he wakes right back up.

At some point, he goes to make a coffee and sits down as the kettle boilsm just 5 minutes of rest he assures himself. But Matty falls asleep at the table with his mouth open and heavy snores leaving him.

Furious knocking at 10 am scares him half to death, and he trudges to the front door, eyes still heavy with sleep. He catches a quick look at himself in the hallway mirror and can't hide his disgust.

His hair is insane, curls going in every direction and sticking on end from his stressed hands running through them. He has heavy bags under his eyes and bone-dry lips. He has some dried sick on his shoulder and an empty baby wrap loosely on his chest.

But if he's honest, he couldn't give less of a fuck right now.

“What.” is how he answers the door, clearly not exactly thrilled with any visitors, but his face scrunched in confusion when all the boys are on the other side of the door.

“Why are you all here?” he asks as he rubs his eyes and walks back into his house, leaving the door open for them to follow.

“Hann told us Annie was sick, is she okay?” George asks worriedly, looking around the room for any sign of the infant.

“Yeah, he said you called him at like 4 am, and she had a fever. We were worried about her” says Ross as he goes to boil the kettle to make coffee for a clearly sleep-deprived and groggy matty.

“I tried to tell them she'd be okay, but they demanded to come over here and see her.” Adam rolls his eyes as he speaks, but still quietly adds, “ and I kinda wanted to see her too.”

That's the first thing in the past 24 hours that puts a smile on Matty's face.

“You're all such saps.”

The three men scoff but don't make any real effort to deny it.

Matty grabs Annie from her cot, and she couldn't be happier this morning, same gummy smile and grabby hands as usual. She still has a snotty nose and pink cheeks, but it's clear she's feeling better.

The next 40 minutes are basically a game of pass the Annie as each man gets an opportunity to hold her and double-check she is okay.

George scans her carefully, tracing every inch of her to make sure she's really okay. He holds her close to his chest and doesn't take his eyes off her the whole time she's on him.

Ross just holds her to his chest and sits on the sofa softly rocking her. He says soft things to her that no one can quite make out to and smiles down at her.

Adam has a rattle that she loves and does everything he can to make her happy again. resting her on his lap, showing her toys, shaking her rattle, and just smiling at her with a big grin.

Annie settles in a small bassinet in the front room, and the 4 men sit on Matty’s sofas with tea and coffee in silence. All secretly listening for any signs of discomfort.

#poorly annie :(((#but tbh shes much more chill than matty lol #he is the textbook definition of helicopter parent #his baby is ill!?!?!?!? call 999 NOWWWWWW #teacher au!#moots <3

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bropunzeling · 5 months

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when the rat baby ficlet comes (this is me manifesting it) I WILL CRY so HARD girl leon is soooooo important to me i just think!!! look there's living proof of how much leon and matthew love each other!!! love is stored in the rat baby!!! love is stored in the lower body injury!!!

love IS stored in the lower body injury!!!!!!

the thing is i think if i DO tackle rat baby (big if. big big big if. not sure im ready to tackle kid/pregnancy fic quite yet!) there is so much interesting and meaty stuff there: building a life together together instead of always slightly apart because now theyre on the same team! deciding that now is when you want to have kids instead of later - and boy could they get into some fights about that. matthew not wanting to impose his desires because like. leon is the one who will (a) be literally growing a baby and (b) have to contend with missing some of the last few seasons of skating in her prime and he doesnt want to be the reason that happens even if he also wants to have kids. versus leon being like, no you have to decide too, you have to say you want this too, the whole point of being married is not making these decisions on my own. the scary adventure of figuring out if you really are ready for having a kid in the first place. leon as the crankiest most annoying pregnant person alive. (sandra comes to help out and is like you are my child and i love you and i AM gonna shunt you off on your husband as soon as he gets back from this road trip). leon perhaps going into labor while matthew is on a road trip for the drama? the actual cup run itself! balancing having a new baby and the sports high of your life! all culminating in going public because fuck it, you have a cup, secret marriage and secret baby not so secret anymore.

and, of course, all the horny shit they get up to to facilitate having said lower body injury in the first place. they get freaky with it.

big if!!!!!! but. i Think about it.

#ask #girl!leon wip :)#am i emotionally ready to write the b******g kink that i know in my heart is a part of this?#no.#well; not yet.#pregnancy cw

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bp-zb1fics · 1 year

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hii!! can i req a chen kuanjui. So basically reader and kuanjui have been dating for a long time and they basically got into boys planet tgthr (reader is in g grp) so this is set during the artist battle and reader got kicked out of over me and ended in supercharger so i was wondering mayb a angst to fluff (?) of like during when the reader is getting kicked?!?. Im so sorry if this is abit confusing 😢😢 i appreciate your writing so so much and i hope you have a wonderful dayy!!

It was only just a dream

pairing: chen kuanjui x g group reader

genre: canonverse, angst, fluff, slight humour, hurt-comfort ish

tw/tags: longtime relationship, codependency/attachment issues, implied intimacy, sharing beds, kuanjui being a little too optimistic, arguing, crying, zhang hao is mother, lots of kisses, threats, someone give haruto an oscar, much drama like a lot

wc: 2495

summary: one of you has to go but it doesn’t seem like kuanjui realises that.

a/n omg anon that wasn't confusing at all!!! i think...lol i hope i was able to get what u were going for~ this is the first sort of angst i think i touched on for this fandom and honestly i think i did better than i expected (maybe the dialogue gets a little too dramatic tho hehe idk) and it was pretty fun to write so i really hope you like it! also prolly the last fic i put out this week since i've got a deadline on mon so we need priorities~

Check my pinned for more fics~

You and Kuanjui have always been a matched set. Coming to Korea to join the company at the same time, scores always one after the other at trainee evaluations, confessing to each other, sneaking kisses and sharing beds at the dorm, even leaving Yuehua together.

Both of you auditioned for Boys Planet and it was about the same. Getting all-stars at the level test and then dropping to three-stars at the signal song. Keita calling his name for Kill this Love team and yours following soon after. As soon as he sees that you’ve picked the song, Kuanjui chooses “Butterfly” without a second thought.

“It’s like you’re one person.” Zhang Hao jokes whenever he sees the two of you mirroring each other’s stretches.

“We basically have an extra bed.” Min tells Keita after he flees his own room to escape Matthew and Zhang Hao’s symphony of snores. You’re fast asleep, snuggled up to Kuanjui on the top bunk.

“It’s for your own good.” Cong and Brian tell Junseo after he asks why you and Kuanjui get the room with the extra bed when it’s become obvious enough to the whole camp that you and Kuanjui always sleep in one bed.

Most of the G-group trainees have already walked in on both of you twisted into some position that: 1. They didn’t know the human body was capable of bending into and 2. Made them want to go pour bleach into their eyes.

Even during eliminations, your ranks are called one after the other. Not even minutes after letting go of each other’s hand do you stand side by side on the stage to give your thank you speeches and then walk up the stairs to take your seats, hand in hand once again. It’s almost like it’s been rigged, you joke sometimes when you’re away from the camera.

Kuanjui just sighs, holds you closer and drops a kiss on your forehead.

“Maybe the Star Creators just like us too much together to keep us apart.”

And maybe Kuanjui is right, when you both, once again, end up in Over Me together. The Star Creators have decided once again to keep you together. But there’s a sense of dread growing in the pit of your stomach. The eliminations come again, your rank follows Kuanjui, one after the other. You’re both safe but you know you aren’t safe enough for when the next round rolls in, beds emptying, the camp getting quieter. Only the Top 18 goes to the finale and your ranks are still languishing in the 20s.

“We’ll make it,” Kuanjui whispers to you as you curl up in the sheets that night. “We’ll go to the finale together and we’ll debut together.”

It’s a nice dream, you think as his arms wrap around you, burying his face into your neck. Eyes growing heavy, you can only hold him as you drift off. Two bodies tangled together. Maybe in your sleep, there’s a future where that does happen, where you both get to live out your dreams for the next 2 and a half years together.

Still, sooner or later, you’ll have to wake up.

There’s a tension in the air, the morning after eliminations.

Along with the 8 other surviving members of Over Me, you’re seated in a semicircle, Kuanjui holding your hand and Keita on the other side.

“In the previous season,” Jongwoo, your leader, starts. “They made the decision by voting.”

All of you were well aware. Kuanjui squeezes your hand and you squeeze back. From the other end of the semicircle, you catch Zhang Hao’s eyes. He stares at your intertwined hands and then at you. You nod slightly when you’re sure Kuanjui isn’t watching.

Both of you knew what you were going to do and it wasn’t going to go down nicely.

A little later, the trainees from Switch and Supercharger walk in.

“If we pick someone, they have to join us without resisting.”

All of you react, Kuanjui pulling you to hide behind your fellow members. There’s a little back and forth banter before they tell you that they’re not actually there to choose and your group does need to vote people out. After they leave the room, you all sit back down, the tension returning with a vengeance. Everyone begins to appeal to themselves.

“The song really suits me. I want to do it.” Ricky states.

“I created the rap part at the beginning of the second verse,” Jeonghyeon points out.

“I really poured my everything into it; The costume, stage design, choreography and structure. We just need to keep going with them.” Jongwoo says so passionately that you’re almost swayed by it. Almost.

But Kuanjui had told you what he, Zhang Hao and Ricky discussed last night and it wasn’t looking good for your leader. Honestly this wasn’t going to end without someone’s feelings getting hurt. Whether they ended up staying or leaving.

It comes down to the decision not of who should be voted out but who each member thinks should stay, apart from themselves. You write your picks quickly, not even needing to stop and reconsider.

Everyone sits back down, prepared with their list of names. The moment of truth.

“The first one I thought of was Jay. The next one is Zhang Hao”

“Ricky.”

“Jeonghyeonie.”

“Jay.”

“Chen Kuan Jui.”

“Lee Jeonghyeon.”

Once. Your name is called once and it’s obviously when Kuanjui reads off his list, already visibly shaken by the fact that it’s only his name and not yours that he hears from everybody else. You steel your expression into placid acceptance, avoiding your boyfriend’s gaze.

“Jui. Jay. Jeonghyeonie. Ricky. Hao. It’s those five.” Jongwoo sums it up, the disappointment in his voice as clear as the look on Kuanjui’s face when you finally turn to him.

As the four of you who've been voted out make to stand up, Kuanjui does faster than all of you. Before anyone can stop him, he’s already dragging you out of the room, opening the door of the studio so swiftly that the trainees waiting outside jump and pulling you into the bathroom before they can say anything.

He snatches the mics off your sweatshirts. Now you’re just there, staring at each other. You and Kuanjui barely fight but you already know that this is going to be uglier than any of your petty quarrels.

“I’ll talk to Hao-

“Baobei, no-”

“Jongwoo-hyung can stay and-”

“No, I-”

“We can join Supercharger together-”

“Jui-”

“Or Switch, whatever you want-”

“Kuanjui.” He finally looks at you. “I have to go.”

“We can go together…” He protests.

“No, that’s unfair to you.”

“It’s not-”

“It is, Jui, it is.” You insist. “Look, I talked with Hao, I knew only one of us would get to stay and it was going to be you. You- you need this. You fit the song so well. We know it. The whole team knows it, that’s why they voted for you. You need to do Over Me, you need the votes. Hell, if you can get the bonus, even better.”

“I voted for you.” He fires back. “I wanted them to vote for you, okay? I told Hao and Ricky that it was going to be a problem when we got the same part. I wanted them to vote for you and not me, I wanted to give you the part.”

“Don’t you dare, Kuanjui.” You hiss. “I could never live with myself if I had to take the part away from you. I-”

“And how do you think I feel? Huh?” His voice breaks and suddenly you become very aware of how wet your own eyes are.

“We were supposed to do this together.” Kuanjui almost whispers, with a certainty that scares you. “I told you last night. We’ll win the challenge and get the bonus. We’ll make it to the finale together and maybe we’ll debut.”

“Wake up,” you choke back a sob. “We both saw our ranks yesterday. It’s going to take a miracle for both of us to make it unless some people drop. And okay, maybe one of us does. It’s going to be you, Jui. We both know it is.”

“I don’t want that.” This stubborn bastard. “I don’t want to do this without you.”

Why is he breaking your heart?

“Maybe you don’t want to,” you point out. “But that doesn’t mean you can’t, Jui. You’re so talented, you’ve worked so hard, this is your dream.”

“It’s your dream too.”

It is. You manage a shaky smile, despite the tears running down your face.

“I’ll be okay.” You say instead. Jui knows you so well. Arguably, more than you know yourself sometimes. He knows that look on your face. You’ll talk about this more later but right now, what’s done is done.

The discussion is over and the decision has been made. It’s made a long time ago, in the room he pulled you from. Now he has to go back there without you and learn to accept it.

There’s a quiet knock on the door before it opens, Zhang Hao peeking inside. Honestly you’re surprised that none of the other trainees or staff had walked in or tried to intervene.

“Everything okay?” He asks tentatively even if he can definitely see your swollen eyes, cheeks stained with tear tracks and Jui furiously scrubbing at his face.

“We talked,” you offer instead as he shuts the door behind him, studying both of you.

Even if you’re all the same age, Zhang Hao’s always been the parental type from the time you trained at Yuehua together up until now. He’s the one that coaxes you to wash your face, even producing a small makeup kit to get rid of the redness on your nose and around your eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Kuanjui says belatedly, once you’re both presentable enough for the cameras.

“They’re worried about you.” Zhang Hao reassures. “Good thing, Jui moves fast and no one said anything so hopefully they just cut all of this out. Or honestly, you can pretend it’s a hidden camera, I think the editors would be likely to go with that”

You can only nod, finally facing your boyfriend again. He steps forward wrapping you into a tight hug, you can only sink into him, letting some of the tension between bleed out. Zhang Hao quietly excuses himself and walks out first, likely to tell everyone that you’re fine and make an excuse for the cameras.

Once you separate, his hands are still resting around your waist.

“I’ll see you tonight.” He says before giving you a quick kiss.

“Hmmph, we’ll see, I might have to practise all night to learn Supercharger. Oh and we might have to move rooms.”

“I’ll fight the staff if they tell us too. Literally there are so many empty rooms.”

“Jui…”

“What? Honestly even if they made us separate, everyone knows that I’m sneaking into your room. I won’t be able to sleep if the bed’s empty.”

“Aiyo, you’re impossible.”

You decide to go for the hidden camera cover up, walking out and doing a somewhat comedic skit, a heavily censored version what went down in the bathroom, overly exaggerating your reactions. Damn, maybe both of you should have taken notes from Jiwoong and gone into acting instead.

Haruto, bless his dramatic ass, gets with the program immediately.

“You’re ours now!” He hollers, clinging onto you and laughing evilly, Zihao grinning and holding onto you as well.

“Noooo, don’t leave me.” Kuanjui cries melodramatically, reaching out for you as a reluctant Zhang Hao drags him back into the practice room. The door clicks shut.

The dread settles in for one moment before Haruto hustles both you and Zihao to Say My Name’s practice room along with team Switch.

“You okay?” Jongwoo mutters to you on the way down, still very much a concerned leader.

“Mhmm, I’ve been better.” Haruto is still clinging to you which offers some sort of slight comfort. “Are you okay?” You ask Jongwoo, knowing how hard your former leader worked for Over Me.

He laughs humorlessly. “Not the greatest day for me either.”

There’s definitely a ruckus over the new lineups as you all enter.

“Eh??” Matthew exclaims when you walk in.

“How did they get Kuanjui-ge to let you go?!” Ollie’s eyes look like they’re about to fall out of his head from how big they are.

You help Haruto pitch Supercharger as best as you can before stepping outside to wait for your new members.

That night…

“Okay, Takuto can stay with me. Woongi-hyung and Seowon-hyung said they’ll room together. Which means Ollie can stay with Zihao, eh?”

Haruto’s handing out the room arrangement when Takuto asks where you’ll be sleeping. Immediately, Ollie snorts, Woongi and Seowon exchange glances, definitely having heard of your "special" sleeping arrangement from the other trainees, and Zihao, bless his soul, covers for you, putting an arm over your shoulder as he says to Takuto.

“Don’t worry, they’ll be sleeping with me and Ollie.”

“Ah, is that right?” Because of course your boyfriend decides that it’s the right moment to show up.

“Jui-ge’s just here to say goodnight, right?” Ollie says faux innocently as Takuto grows more confused.

“Sorry baobei, I think I’ll be sleeping with Zihao tonight.” You joke, playfully clinging onto the dancer who seems almost too happy about it.

Kuanjui, on the other, does not look happy at all.

“Zihao. If you don’t let go of them right now, I can make sure that Supercharger will wake up tomorrow with one less member.”

Haruto squawks something about not killing his husband. Seowon and Woongi decide it’s time to remove themselves, taking Takuto and a reluctant Ollie with them. Zihao stops smiling, his arm dropping from your shoulder immediately as he backs off.

Kuanjui is immediately all over you.

“I smell.” You whine to him weakly. “We’ve been practising all day and I haven’t showered.”

“I’ll shower with you.” From the back, you hear Haruto gag, footsteps speeding away from you. Zihao has disappeared from the hallway.

Kuanjui showers with you. You keep it wholesome, kinda. Except your boyfriend is incredibly flexible and can’t seem to keep his hands to himself. So maybe you get a little frisky. Not a lot. Well, at least you don’t traumatise anyone.

And just like that, you’re back in Kuanjui’s arms, lying in bed, hair still damp from the shower. You close your eyes as he litters kisses all over your face, sweet and light and everything you’ve ever wanted.

“You know we still need to talk.” You’re drifting off, the aches of learning a completely new choreography bearing down on your body.

“I know.” He whispers back. “But let me kiss you first?”

You fall asleep with the feeling of his lips against your skin. The feeling of him holding you. You’ll talk tomorrow, work things out, address issues that the stress of today brought up. But for now, you sleep. And together, you dream.

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themultifandomgal · 8 months

Text

Matt Casey- Fight For Us Pt5

"Im worried about Matt" I tell Kelly leaning on his desk in his office "he's got all of this anger at the moment"

"Well he nearly hit Voight"

"What when?" I practically yell

"This morning. Said something about him pulling you over. He loves you both so much he'd be willing to go to jail for you. Hell hed probably die for you"

"I know. I just can't wait for this to be over"

"I might have an idea about helping him through the anger. My buddy as a gym. We could head over there after shift"

"Would be nice for you to talk things through. Ella misses all of us hanging with each other"

"I'll talk with him"

"Ambulance 61, truck 81. Gunshot victim. 25 east halsted street" the alarm sounds. Gabby and I jump into the ambulance and make our way to the victim.

On arrival there's a bunch of cars around honking there horns and yelling. We make our way to the bus where the victim is, but the shooters gone

"Shot to the neck, not breathing, weak pulse" I tell Gabby

"Guys we need your help" she says as Cruz and Mills enter

"Down here will be good" I tell them as they lift the man up. They place him down allowing Gabby and I to get to work. I start doing compressions, but then see blood coming from his mouth "we've got to get an open airway or we're gonna lose him right now"

"Here, open this.

"We can't tube him, too much mouth trauma" Gabby tells me

"All right. Surgical cric" I sigh

"We can't" Gabby says "it's not allowed"

"Either that or he dies Dawson"

"Ok. I'll do it" I nod my head and allow Gabby to get on with it. Mills and Cruz help us to lift him out of the bus and carry him to the ambo

"I'll pick Ella up from school" Matt says. I frown as close the doors

"Ok?" I reply getting into the seat and shutting the door behind me feeling confused since neither of our shifts end till late.

The following day I come home to pick some things up for Ella

"You know maybe we should go away for a while. You me and Ella. You and I both have holiday saved and I'm sure we won't get in to much trouble if we take Ella out of school for a little bit"

"And what about when we get back? What then YN?"

"I..." there a knock at the door which makes us both frown

"Stay there" Matt tells me. I stand in the kitchen listening to the conversation

"Matthew Casey?"

"Yeah?"

"We have a warrant to search your home"

"What?"

"We got a tip that says your in possession of cocaine. Eiether we can search your house or you can produce the cocaine" I hear the police officer say. I look around the kitchen and by sheer luck I find a package under the kitchen table, hiding it the best I can in the short amount of time

"By law you can stay in the house as long as you cooperate"

"I'm a fire fighter at 51 my wife is the PIC at 51. We have a daughter. Do we really look like cocaine users to you?"

"If you could please both go and wait in the front room. Now"

"Antonio Dawson. He's a detective in Vice.

He'll tell you we're being harassed by this cop. have Antonio's number on my cell. Will you please just take a second and talk to him?" one of the officers holds her hand out to take Matts phone. A few moments later she comes back handing Matt his phone back telling the other officer were clean. They both leave making my finally breathe. I take out the package and show Matt

"It was under the table. God Ella could have been here when he broke in"

"She wasn't though. Go flush it down the toilet" Matt tells me which I do, but when I return Mary's gone. Probably to Voights to do something stupid.

"I'm sorry" Matt says walking through the door "I'm going to trust the system" I wrap my arms around him letting tears run down my face

"Daddy?" Ella says walking downstairs "daddy why's momma crying?"

"It's happy tears baby. Promise. Why don't you let daddy take you back up to bed"

"I'll read you a story"

"Ok" Ella funds back upstairs with Matt not far behind

"You ok?" Kelly asks

"I will be. Let's hope this doesn't last much longer"

#matt casey x reader #matt casey #matt casey x oc #matt casey imagine #one chicago #one chicago imagine #chicago fire imagine #chicago fire

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twiixr4kidz · 2 years

Note

I promise dis is da last request….. basically…. Scott and the evil exes (minus roxie) as parent. Y/n headcanons cause Yolo (agian so sorry bout meh overload… I just luv ur work)

omg it's not an overload at all!! i love the fun requests you have :D

scott and the evil exes (minus roxie) as parents!!

scott pilgrim

chaos but not in the absolutely crazy way - in the "i have no idea what im doing" way

he doesn't know how to hold a baby or how to feed a baby or how to change the baby's diaper

so you're going to have to give him like. a lesson on how to.

BUT WHEN HE FINALLY GETS THE HANG OF IT, expect him to actually let you sleep??

he knows it was a lot of work carrying a whole child for 9 months and even though he's exhausted from being up all night with a baby who's whining and crying for seemingly no reason...

he's just happy you're getting your much needed beauty sleep

matthew patel

somehow already knows exactly how to parent??

you don't know where it came from but seeing him bond with your kid is just precious

mattie has an air about him that causes the baby to just... stop?? crying??

you have no idea how he does it but whenever you can't figure out what's wrong, matthew can

this man is a sucker for playing peekaboo with the kid though

like an absolute sucker

the delight on his face when the baby gets surprised is hilariously adorable

lucas lee

bro was built to be a father IM JUST SAYING

he would be an incredible dad

he's not sure about the ins and outs, but neither are you, so it's a learning process for the two of you

the late nights of crying are less than favorable, but whenever one of you is too tired, the other takes over so they can get a little shut-eye in

he's definitely the kind of dad who wants the baby to be his little mini-me

MATCHING OUTFITS.

you're going to have to explain to lucas that he cannot put a mini leather jacket onto his 2 month old child and is going to (jokingly) argue with you over it

todd ingram

he gets the hang of the whole dad business pretty damn quick

especially for someone who was panicking about it merely weeks before the birth

and the day of the birth

and every day after that

NOT THE POINT

similarly to lucas, he thinks the whole matching outfit thing is absolutely adorable, and he's going to try to rope you into it too

he's gonna show the kid all of his favorite movies and play his favorite songs for them, even if they're too young to understand what's going on

he's also the kind of dad who totally talks to the kid about how much he loves their parents

kyle katayanagi

he has thrown confetti at this child every single month anniversary of their birth just because he thinks it's the funniest thing ever

and honestly, it kind of is

he's not happy about being up all night, and he's gonna complain about it A LOT

just give him the "i carried this fucking child for 9 months you have no room to talk" look and he'll shut up SJDKFHKSDJHF

despite being a huge dork, he's really helpful with the kid!!

i mean duh

he's the dad

absolutely loves playing with them

he reads them a bedtime story literally every single night and he doesn't plan on stopping ever

ken katayanagi

at first, he isn't sure what to do

of course he wants to bond with his own kid, but he doesn't know how to go about it

literally just hand him the baby while he's going about his normal tasks and he'll eventually get the hang of it

he loves putting the baby to bed, and whenever you can't find him, he's probably sitting in the chair next to crib and making sure the baby's okay

he's gonna be a little more overprotective of both you and your child just because he doesn't wanna see any harm come to either of you

like at all

gideon graves

he's the most responsible man ever

that being said, you once handed the baby off to gideon and came back to see he was explaining all the different parts of his music studio

to a 3 month old

who could only giggle and cry

that being said, he does take care of a lot of responsibilities around the house

moreso now that there's another person to worry about

he insists that you take care of the baby and make sure they're fed and changed and stuff

he starts cooking and cleaning more in between gigs, and even though you can't come as often anymore, he makes sure to make it up to you every single time

#scott pilgrim #scott pilgrim x reader #matthew patel #matthew patel x reader #lucas lee #lucas lee x reader #todd ingram #todd ingram x reader #kyle katayanagi #kyle katayanagi x reader #ken katayanagi #ken katayanagi x reader #scott pilgrim vs the world #spvtw

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bookishjules · 29 days

Note

Im so excited for bib but sad to not see any tid couples other than wessa, what do you think could have been good stories of them?

gabrily:

i know i mentioned this in my last ask about them but gabriel and cecily figuring out their footing as a couple would have made a great story. if gabrily was a romcom, we kinda just got the first half of their story in tid, and it would have been cool to see some kind of friction arise between them that they would have come out all the stronger for.

as much as it would hurt, i also think there's a good story to be found in the aftermath of chot. being parents and shadowhunters wouldn't always allow people the time and space to grieve and heal and learn how to cope, and i think it would be something special to see them find solace in each other. it would also be interesting to see how the way they look at little alexander changes, since he's in the very unique position of being brought up in that aftermath.

on a lighter note... gabrily proposal!! since edmund and linette are still like.. in their lives to at least some extent, do we think gabriel would have done the respectful 1880s gentlemanly thing to do and talk to her parents first? also the potential for cecily to give that proposal a 10.. i would cry.

chenry:

their first time after realizing they were in love with each other the whole time. i really don't need to add any details here hehe makes me aksdfadsjk just thinking about it.

their first time after henry becomes a paraplegic. the self-consciousness on his part, his insistence that charlotte deserves better, will always deserve better than him. charlotte being like fuck that, we'll figure this out. and then they do and it's sweet there's laughter and love just threaded throughout

it would be great to see them as parents when the boys were young too (and i swear that's not just because imagining baby matthew makes me inexplicably happy). just finding moments to look at each other and smile, or sneak away for a quiet moment together away from the busy-ness of being the consul's family with the chaos of raising two very different boys who definitely got on each other's nerves.

sophideon:

there are two stories in my head that are similar to ones above but i think would also be good for sophie and gideon. the first is how they handle grief post chog. and the second is their young family. i think a story about them just laying in bed discussing their kids would be so sweet.

as for more specifically gideon and sophie stories... their wedding would be wonderful i think. sophie being the one whose doted on for once, the one having her hair done up by charlotte and tessa, and how out of place that would feel for her. gideon getting nervous not because of cold feet but because sophie is the closed thing to an angel he's ever seen. he's such a silly-in-love lightwood and watching him walk down the aisle with gabriel and stand beside sophie would be beautiful.

the two of them moving into a house together in idris. i feel like this could have a lot of potential generally, but there's this specific kind of moment i'm thinking of where sophie is cleaning out of habit and gideon either joins her or takes over for her, telling her to relax, or to read to him if she insists on doing something useful. there's so much tenderness that could spark from that.

#i never thought jessa was gonna get a story bc we do have so much for them already so i didn't consider them but lmk if you want me to!#also i feel you. like i love wessa soso much and i'm glad they're there but tid definitely got the short end of the stick here #asks #anon <3 #tsc #tid #gabrily #sophideon #chenry #gabriel lightwood #cecily herondale #sophie collins #gideon lightwood #charlotte branwell #henry fairchild #better in black #the shadowhunter chronicles

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prestonmonterey · 4 months

Text

camp here and there thoughts

considered spamming my friend, but instead ill put stuff here.

this is all my thoughts from as im listening to it, btw

sydney and jedidiah are quincent confirmed?!! (not clickbait)

i will literally eat up any character named rowan no questions asked

the first bit with the penguins reminds me of burrows end

one of my favorite silly weird things is time going past the numbers it should (reminds me of everything is fine. i think it was like, the first episode? digital clock goes from 2:59 to 2:60? super cool, love it)

"let us live to die another day" (will you live to see tomorrow or die another dayyy// once a spy always a spy.... sorry, sorry)

i love that theres emojis in the transscripts

i feel so bad for the vegans at camp

mentions of apocalypse? a character called rowan? (you know what time it is folks: obscure lyric references!!!! (my beautiful apocolypse, if i asked you to be mine, would our purposes align?) again, sorry. ill stop. no i wont.)

woo! sydney feelings hour!

i love syndey telling his tape recorder not to tell anyone about his hallucinations

ok random thing i just noticed the titles have like part of the one before them and part of the one after and thats just pretty cool

why is the sky always bad

sydney being very normal about death and jedidiah bein like 'no' is also very quincent

interesting the 'when you die you will rot' is a recurring thing

sydeys laugh is so cute i love himmm

ok so theres like a spider cabin, moth cabin, ladybug cabin and BATTLE CABIN?

children being bribed by sugar is one of the most realistic parts of this

ok but the distinction between reanimation and true necromancy is actually really cool

sydney as much as i love you why the heck did you say thick like that

(when youre a ghost recorder, no one knows your name, but they wont try to stop you if you arent playing the game)

'our bedroom' actually screaming

the voice acting is such yum

again, sydneys noncholance about death related things

omg gay?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

poor jedidiah is so pathetic and bbg

for the record i hate oposite day too

gasp: a navarro (makes sense shes a tyrant) (im refrencing gentlemens guide to love and murder? i think? i dont even know at this point)

i love that all of ep 5 is sydney being too extra and jedidiah being the most exasperated

ok so maybe the implication is that matthew isnt human, but also ppl can have extra color cones, but only afab ppl bc color cones are in the x chromosome (thats also why men are more likely to be color blind) so trans matthew hc now

sydney are your eyes ok??

justice for sydneys fancy soap

if someone does magic and hurts sydney i will cry

ok so now with confirmation that they use analog clocks i really wana know what they look like

also i was thinking about why the music from last ep reminded me of something v specific and i think its yokai watch?

"babe" ok theyve got to be gay right???

sydneys allergic to seeing goo? interesting

father time? a bastard? omg you know what time it is (hehehe time bastard)

sydney and jedidiah are so cute im actually going to die

aww i want lava cake w real lava :( (fun fact by strange definition water is technicaly a form of lava)

ok so the amount of wholesomeness makes me think something bad is going to happen

"theyre penny loafers :("

rowan rowan rowan rowan rowan rowan!!!

the audio design is so yummy idk if i said that already

(uhh i accidentaly skipped most of ep six so back to that)

(the elephant man is just dead ambrose and sydney is vincent if they werre better at communicating)

"worms arent people" uh, YES THEY ARE, rude.

jedidiah whatever your project is it cant be so important that you havent played chess with your bf in A COUPLE OF YEARS wtf

(ok now to regularly scheduled friendship goo)

sydney calling the camper different animals is one of my favorite things

why is the sky always fucked up

"scary things like...men" sir you are men (but also same i am so scared of men and also are men)

jeDIDiah lmao

"your husband" and sydney just goes with it

ok but why is sydney slowly giving more and more louis taopp vibes (plz dont be like him)

i love casual loredrops about chocolate shortages

"friends" sure.. sure.

ok... so sydney did know that jedidiah had pics of him in his office? bc they used to be on the corkboard/?????

poor bb sydney is sad that his husband isnt telling him things

"[Scoffs] Friend. As if we’re not… we’re not… [Sighs] we’re not." noo im gonna actually cry (i am- i was... i'm supposed to be the best/ref)

i wanna see sydneys haunted house and skeleton cat drawings :(

"Put the Silly Putty back. You don’t need more Silly Putty." (my friends @ me when i watch another musical) (myself @ me when i eat another one of rowans fandoms >:3)

"co-nurse" idk if hes actually the assistant or not but i think sydney calls him that bc control? bc he wants power

also jedidiah uses am and pm which is interesting bc i dont think sydney does

ok now i get why sydney doesnt like joshua

the trivia sections of fan wikis are my favorite thing on this planet. "it is unknown whether or not the color green exists"

btw they actually mention green eggs and ham in ep 1 so i think its at least a concept

i still hc trans matthew. no fan wiki can take that away from me >:(

juniper daddy issues confirmed??

"Well, we can — petition her!" (i will try to petition my father/ref sorry sorry sorry)

Wait, one more: Cunt. (uuh, fucker /ref. will anyone even get that one? its filled my brain. i dont remember any quotes before or after... it's taopp. uh, the scene with louis and jason in the hallway or something)

we love sydney trauma dumping 2 mins into an ep

i wonder if he sometimes forgets hes broadcasting to a bunch of middle schoolers

i wonder if joshua knows that middle schoolers arent usually 14

i love that sydney doesnt know what oatmeal is

sydney: if only my husband would play 20 dimensional chess w me :(

"Lucille has a flamethrower. You have to listen to what she says." the only lesson ever

natsume def has parent issues

just remembered that the trees produce defensive slick

i want teethh flowers :(

"and I fear that the end is near." (the end is coming, the end is coming! /ref)

"as sweet, and patient, and motherly, and forgiving as she is" so... not at all?

i love the silly old timey music omg its so fun

gasp cannon date. thats crazy. someone better have a timeline theory bout this.

aww no teeth flowers? :(

im concerned about sorens stones

is the ticking clock new? it feels new

oh huneee :(

just remembered the notes in the description. thats lore, right? prolly im too lazy to check.

Word to the wise: you ever come across that statue, do not look her in the eyes. (the fact that it rhymes too) (someone should make a cover of a word to the wise but with this line) (please?)

matthew appreciation time

sydney mommy issues?

jesus heck how many cabins are there?

is that what the pebbles were for???? im still scared.

sydney's silly drum roll gives me life

im actually so in love with matthew

sacrificial rituals, yay!

D: can they just be gay and happy? please?

they better get happy >:(

the spooky is rly goodd tho

mommy issues: the episode?

again, we love sydney trauma time before minute 3 of the episode

mila is a theater kid confirmed?!

sydney it seems like theres alot to unpack about your mom...

i dont think i want to know what horn sap is

"It’s all very delightful, b-but quite strange" idk the way he says that line is so vincentcore

im v worried for marie ann

"Don’t worry — they aren’t real ants. But it is a real log! " honestly id rather eat ants than a whole tree

"bending over to whisper in my ear." sydney is a short king <3

ohh the centipedes

i love the contrast of ideas its super spooky.

“I’ve just got to do better,” (never let yourself rest, they can try to despise you, but not your success) (also ambrose vibes. idk, but like maybe jedidiah has a similar 'if im perfect then people will finally love me' thing goin on?)

“Give me a hard time, okay? We both deserve that.” (more ambrose vibes)

i think hes looking for validation from lucille?

i like that the va's voice patterns makes it clear when hes talking quietly even though the audios still at the same volume

"I know I’ve constructed a few effigies in my time. " (effigies of the god appolo, dickweed /ref)

"There is a clear block of resin on my desk with a centipede inside. He wants to swap places with me. Lately, I am tempted to let him." spooky

(last couple eps had, like, news broadcasts at the beginning? idk if its been like that the whole time, but probably lore stuff.)

o no is it rock time? (also soren sounds like such a cartoon character i cannot get over it)

is mother of stones the reanimation lady from the death fields or whatever?

i love that the only actually vegan thing given to the vegans so far is assorted leaves

i have a feeling that normal day might not be normal...

idk why would worshiping a statue of stones to be reborn into a second life in the middle of the forest be illegal?

ohh its bc normal day i already forgot/

" Un-resurrect? Un… resurrect… Were we going to “surrect” the rabbit?" (i prefer 'mercy killing' /ref)

i want juniper and joshua rivals to lovers/rivals to friends content. just putting that out there.

sydney just kill the rabbit

ok the fact that sydney is worried about this death-related thing is really unsettling

aoisfeorgijefmoigjt4ri4tgoirjjitog this is so spooky i love it so much

sydney needs proper therapy

"I know I’m beating a dead horse, but the guy wants something from me, and he does something to me, and I don’t like that he just gets to be around no matter how much I protest!" (grace when max)

and it all comes back to control

poor baby boy

:(((((((((((((((((((((((

(poor boy, tormented /ref)

why he bri'ish

nevermind i dont want juniper content anymore

"jeddie, m'boy"

why does anyone like him

yes, yes rowan is handsome

himbo juniper, but i still hate him

"it’ll steal all your nutrients until you wither and die!" (its infectious, its deadly, its one to be feared /ref)

"I’ve always wanted to be killed by something that loved me." dont. dont say that sydney.

soren is the dark magic sugar daddy of camp. prove me wrong.

"Would a child really do that? Just come to Summer Camp and tell lies?" yes. they would.

song? song!!!!

if this isnt on the soundtrack imma be pissed

idk how to explain this, but salems voice is really sharp

i certainly dont want to know what ostrich cream is...

if this makes sydney bottle up his feeling and muck up his relationship with jedidiah more im not gonna be happy

(ok so i was just informed that its going to get worse and,, i dont know how to emotionally prepare myself.) (also its past 10:30 pm so bear with me if my thoughts get a lil incoherent. as if they ever were coherent)

cant remember if this happens with sydney too but theres static when jedidiah says the time. interesting

so sydneys smoke thing is unique to him??

we do love occupying characters with a physical task during conversations

ig marisol prioritizes efficiency and salem prioritizes the wellbeing of the kids

also salem dont badmouth sydnel like that

gay??

more confirmation that sydney needs therapy

im v glad marisols on sydneys side

jedidiah is bein kinda silly, marisols like 'he makes me uncomfy' and hes like 'just dont feel uncomfy'

if only sydney and jedidiah were as good at communication as the sapphics

love that sydney is like 'dont swear!!!!' but dumps all of his trauma on the kids

noo im sad :(

"It’s a laaaaaazy day today." <<<(me tomorrow after not sleeping all night)

nothing bad better happen on the speepy day >:(

"Men. Men sure are mysterious." mood

"I can’t describe how it feels to see a blue sky… almost… apocalyptic. " i love subverting expectations and turning something ordinary into something completely paranormal.

also vambrose moment (the apple)

o great thats where the canibalism comes in

eugh

i do not want

(and this is why salem is worried about you buddy. dont share stuff like that with kids.)

on the other hand kids arent, like innocent to this type of thing, really. i used to babysit my friends lil sister ( i think she was in 2nd or 3rd grade?) shed make lego skits about people murdering eachother, with like, a lot of detail too. and i dont think she was raised on particularly violent media. she played pokemon go on her parents phone or doodles in kids drawing apps. i think kids just kinda gravitate towards these kinds of things, especially if theyre told theyre not supposed to.

o no sydney being normal about the elephant man is not good

"You get hungry." hungy theme within his dreams?

"I like animals because they never forget to be scared: of starving, of getting eaten, of getting hurt or sick." also reaccuring thing from the bunny

and centipede thing. and ants. (im guessing bc its a dream it s lots of things relating to his current situation, especially thematically) (also i believe ants were brought up at some point when he said something along the lines of 'it felt like ants were eating my stomach lining'

the writing is so good its unfair

"I should never have forgotten to be scared." this is really interesting bc so far hes only been really scared by the elephant man.

"and none of the birds could speak English." ok i think its extremely disturbing to consider the fact that 'its a uniquely human thing to surpress pain' so the birds CAN talk but theyre still animals. they never forget to be scared and they never think to hide their discomfort.

also geez this episode is so dark compared to the others. it makes sense in universe, bc most of this is going on in sydneys head.

noo matthew was affected he better be ok after >:(

also appreciation for the slowing music, i didnt really register at first but thats definitely bc of the weird time happenings. and then the crank and it speeds up? super cool!

this series is so fun!!!

im a bit worried that jedidiahs 'extra special clock' may have something to do with his project? especially considering he has a lot of clocks around his office

more hungy, i think that bc he was hungy but didnt really realize it bc time weirdness, it seeped into his dreams somehow?

appreciation for sydney being able to eat garlic bread

also interesting thing, idk if its relevant in universe or just a writing thing, but no matter what happens with time it seems to always be resolved for sydney to know when 25:25 is.

oh fuck the canibalism is back

icky

i do not want

nope nope nope its getting worse

sorry im blood squeemish

more elephant man lore

kinda spooky. maybe his powers rely on electricity? or theres some greater creature hes afraid of that haas that effect

appreciation for the ending music of ep 16, and also just all the music in that ep.

hive? (the apothiosis is upon us?)

also really different music for the intro. idk if its like a genre or something related to hives, but its style really reminded me of queen b from nightmare time.

i want a waterslide to nowhere

i dont want a bri'ish man talkin bout 'beans on the cob' to be responsible for my safety, like, ever.

more sydney lore! poor bb sounds like he needs a hug. particularly from one Jedidiah A.A. Martin

i love the corporate bg music during harmlessmart its such a nice touch.

matthew matthew matthew matthew

fresh honeycomb sky.. hive theming?

this is exactly the shenanigans that middles schoolers get upto when theyre realeased into the woods

" So it has been, and so it will be; eternal in all directions in time." idk i just like this quote,

more ants

sports crystals = pokey?

bee tsunami

so he is co-nurse... when does jedidiah ever do his job? where is he?

noo sydney not the corner bread

comunicate!!! please!!!

"but he must love me, right?" :(((((((((((((((((

" — my journals." of course jedidiah only cares when it relates to his project. so quincycore, but if quincy didnt care about his bf.

idk if i should keep watching this tonight. on one hand, if i keep watching i might cry bc sad, but if i stop i will definitely cry.

"He would always be the father, and I would always be the mother" (blitzstonecore)

"How he could love something so much… and forget to feed it." (he loves sydney, he just forgets to take care of him. in the way sydney needs, instead of the way jedidiah thinks he needs.)

a grey sky

reading wikis again, and the warriors thing is just such a mood, and idk if the creators understand dnd stats properly, or if he jus sucks that much at living, but negative stats are not possible. like players usually cant get below a 3. and -4 means he has like -7 con, so he has 1 hit points at first level, which is really pathetic. yes im going to nerd about this. (i think its super funny bc, like sure w a 19 for wisdom he probably wouldnt fail wis saves, but on the off chance that he did, viscious mockery, a bard cantrip, will knock him out no matter what, and if it rolls i think a 3 or 4 it completely kills him. he could be killed by a single insult.)

(ive been informed that this will make more sense once i finish it, and now im v scared)

(also prolly shouldnt be reading the wiki rn bc spoilers, but im doin it anyway.)

again, the stats are SO EXTREME. not as bad as sydney. he could feasibly weild a weapon (strenghth or dex if finesse i think) he has reasonable con which is good bc wizards have absolutely no health. idk whats up with his wisdom (ive heard it described as 'street smarts' and int as 'book smarts' but i think it kinda goes hand in hand with rizz for interactions, bc its used for like insight, which is kinda important to talk to people.) (thats actually something id say maybe doesnt work well with sydneys high wis. so far it seems like, while he is quite observant, hes not always super great at reading the room, or at least thats what ive gathered)

also idk about the charisma bc so far jedidiah seems a bit more put together in the persuasion/deception/intimidation area of things.

might eep now. that means its a great time for you to drink some water.

do it. stay hydrated. it mustve taken a ton of mental energy to get through this post, so you should take a break. get a glass of water, get a snack, take care of yourself. (sleep if its past midnight or if your name is rowan) then you can come back and finish reading this shitshow :]

ok its morning time to finish this (maybe)

restarted ep 16 bc i forgor

omg wait sydneys usin am and theres static

i love that theres a credit card stealing fish.

no sydney youre doing it again what did salem say

relation to sydneys worms?

"If he didn’t value these creatures when they were alive, why was he so affected by their deaths?" STOP NO IM ALREADY SAD I GET IT

and thats why sydney wont kill the centipede?

w h a t

spooky music

is the hive conected to the elephant man?

excuse me did he just call worms many legged creatures (ig like worms as in maggots and caterpillars and silkworms, not earthworms)

i love that theres always some counselors that dont get to participate in the camp meetings

sydneys impression of jedidiahs voice is so silly

"But I like endings; I like closure. That was the point of this whole exercise." more with sydney being more ok with death perhaps?

“Ha. Abandoning your child in a lake . . . . so that’s what motherhood means for you?” NO NO NO NO NO :(((

"But I am not my mother." so this is why hes so protective of the kids?

rowan hero?

this feels less like a hive and more like an egg

rowan hero!

bad smoke, different smoke?

hive queen

ye i was right, it egg

so they WERE gay at some point???

interesting that jedidiah doesnt mention the elephant man breaking into his office

he frames it as 'im worried about sydney' even though hes been ignoring sydneys concern until it affected himself

ye ye lucille gets it he only cares about himself and his project

hes emotionally attatched to sydney, but he doesnt take care of him, because he doesnt understand what it means to not be taken care of

sydney taught himself how to love, and he makes a conscious effort to try his best, but he prioritizes the kids because he doesnt want to be like his mom

ye ye lucille call out the lil guy

lucille has the same thoughts about the elephant man as jedidiah did before he tried to take the journals

noticed the clock ticking

ohh so spooky bad stuff in the journals?

jedidiahs trying to keep sydney safe, reminds me of the "it was cozy and safe, like a prison" thing

also lucille bein his mom explains why sydney and jedidiah are close?

jedidiah doesnt like death, maybe hes afraid of it. because its closure, like sydney said. bc he doesnt know how to care about something while its alive, so he settles for greiving when its gone.

also the ending 'do not anger it" is a repeat i think?

o no more tree stuff?

am again and static

at least today the vegans get somethig they can maybe eat?

so he is the assisstant nurse? confusion

buddy are you sure thats not a corpse

assuming the things jedidiahs getting shipped in are related to his project, hes making progress?

again with him prioritizes his project above sydney

also minor thing about the lunch b i feel like hes kinda underestimating sydneys intelligence (of course judging by the dnd stats its barely above average) and thats also v quincy of him

also i think he forgot to say the time, but theres static for dinner, prolly bc pm

interesting i dont remember when sydney switched. was it always like that? 19:04 PM implies a 19:04 AM, and thats a lotta hours

sydney appreciating nature

do you even like goo arts? arent you allergic to goo

ok really interesting that they bring this up bc sydney was just talking about how he and jedidiah had a bag of acorns that they took home? and they were fine

plant spooky

related to project?

time static

:((((

his lil eep is v cute

not even chess. bro why do you even check on him if youre too tired to play chess

clock tic

physically safe.

sad gay

more clocks tic

no you cant end the ep like that

sydneys still gone :(((((

juniper no one likes you dont laugh at your own jokes

oh but rowan honey is getting juniper to his job worth putting up with his horrible voice and personality

its extremely ironic that jedidiah is responsible for mediating counselor arguements when he doesnt comunicate with his own husband

"how do I explain to you that you need to care about other people?" DONT SAY THAt... it makes me sad...

"I worry about you sometimes, though, y’know?" heres a concrete difference between juniper and jedidiah: juniper actually makes the effort to care about rowans worry, even if he cant empathize with it. honestly i think this episode is included to show jedidiah through a different light, bc so far it seems like him and juniper are very similar.

they both rarely do their actual work, and have someone they care about who has a (maybe) irrational fear of something they cant understand

"You keep saying all this nice shit to him like it means anything and then consistently letting him down with your behavior." showing jedidiah recognises these traits in other people but not himself.

"Your actions are what matter to the people around you, not your words or your intentions or your thoughts or your fucking anything else but your actions, and your actions show Sydney loud and clear that you don’t give a shit about him." aaand he let it slip. he knows hes doing the same, maybe? some part of him gets that.

hopefully after this there will actualy be some kind of positive change?

not sure if this is important, as i havent been reading the other log thingies, but under minor insight into it repeats a bullet point

theory: the elephant man took sydney???

"I promise you kids I will attend dutifully to the nurse’s office in Sydney’s absence. Or, I’ll make sure someone is, at least." more jedidiah avoiding his actual job, similar to juniper

again sydney prioritizes knowledge above all else, maybe a similarity to jedidiah

"One by one, we all stay alive…" cant remember if this was like an endy thing but it sounds familiar.. either way super spooky

yvonne dyslexic not clickbait?

"Of course I can, it’s — plain English." ok interesting def a thing about either yvonne or jedidiah, bc like they dont see the notes the same???

"I wanted her to get angry. I wanted a fight. I wanted consequences. I… I wanted… it to matter." he wants closure. he wants people to care about him

"She was kind then. So was Jedidiah." :(

:(((((((((((((

"really hard to believe that he would just — get up and leave." jedidiahs frustrated by the thought that sydney might not care about him like he thought?

another mention of religion. yvonne also mentioned praying in the last ep, and a while ago sydney talked about jedidiah being a 'good christian boy' or something like that

nvm that was the beginning of the last ep

im very good at life as you can tell

sorry back to 22

this is so strange

nother mention of religion

"My heartbeat has synced up with the ceaseless ticking… " reminds me of a comment i saw relating jedidiahs clocks to his heartbeat? idk i dont remember

this is... really disturbing. i dont know why

"holy day". interesting

this feels manipulative

no no elephant man if you turn sydney against jedidiah i will be very angy

wait isnt this like cult tactics, like asking someone to meet up in a low stakes setting, love bombing, asking them to do something to prove their loyalty. (i vaguely remember this from some yt video i watched about cats)

"Show you a love you have never known." hes preying on sydneys desire to be wanted, to be cared about

this is so unsettling my god.

" Jedidiah’s search party " means lucille aproved it?

"I mean, y’know, live like you’re dying, right? " (exexprincecore)

"What do you mean “that’s one way to put it”? Yvonne, these are blank papers!" enchanted papers?????????

ok sydney dont lie to them'

"Um. Okay. Listen. Sydney… I don’t want to lose you." but he doesnt really care, still

clock ticking

"the tree finds human happiness nauseating." huh.

"violent criminal history in the state of arkansas" thats all i could catch from the news thingy at the start, for some reason its not on the ep transcripts :(,,, but didnt elijah say hes from arkansas??? is that anything?

theres still static with the time

theyre dead?? like straight up?? all of cabin widow spider?

oh ok theyre not fully dead

as, like, the only sane person who cares about the elephant man, i wonder what marisols reaction is?

sports field? what about the musically inclined crystals?

hhehehe forgot that soren sounds like a cartoon villain

he nya like cat

...does the project have some relation to necromancy????????

tap tap tap tap tap tap

so crackers and butter cookies count as bread???

" but without death, it will never live." (to show ya the horror of stayin alive) (sorry sorry sorry sorry)

"Not because we want to, but because we must." ^^^^

wait wait wait i think i remember the one by one thing. but it was "one by one we all survive" and then "one by one we all stay alive" or something lik e that, so its interesting that it changed.

"but I can’t believe any amount of money would convince her to completely ignore the safety of the kids." again thingy with prioritizing the kids

"Seems this strain of mold just turns us into zombies, like… interpersonally?" mood

hahahaha juniper already is like that so the mold didnt have any effect

hun he is definitely deliberately manipulating yp

ok so idk about any of endy bits so far but it keeps bringing up not angering it and they "youve angered it" and im guessing if anything it has something to do with elijah??? or the project?? maybe both idk

"It’s like you don’t even care about the kids here anymore." huh

and it all comes back to control.

"Jedidiah… [Sigh] this mediation session isn’t for you and me." they need to go to couples therapy

" [Whisper] I miss you. .... I’m such a fucking idiot. " :((((

can the gays just be happy? just for a little bit? can elijah go away? can everyone please for the love of god or whatever just be happy for one goddamed moment?

no am, still static

i dont think thats a river

also, 'rapids'? he said like a moment before it was still, which kinda means its just more lake, and the land partially seperating it is an island

"they’re hungry for a sense of intellectual superiority." i love that the creatures in and around camp are half spooky half completely mundane

ye for once i think junipers right its more like a moat

"For today’s breakfast we have an eel’s head stuck upon a 500-year-old sword and slathered with pea mush — a hometown delicacy suggested by Juniper. He says they call it “scrumpledydumps!”" (ugh. british people.)

hc sydneys proficient in animal handling

... he feels like a curse and not in control of his life :(

forgot about the macaronis

uhh wouldnt a bridge make the hunt like destroy cam

(the horse? the divorce? /ref)

"I can’t figure out what this poor fox eats." is this a reference to the fly thing? showing contrast bc sydney actually thinks to take care of it?

still no am or pm but theres static

:((((((((((((((((((

please let them be happy? (this is why i stil havent finished yellow jacket. i simply cannot handle characters being sad or the undeniable feeling that something terrible is going to happen)

"the tree also finds human fear nauseating." huh.

clocks. are we finally gonna learn more about the project/??

no more river

beeping

what the actual f u c k is going on

id let matthew poison me with arsenic

holy fucking shit

i love that sydney raises his voice when he does an imression of joshua

"You know, when I was a kid, a large portion of my daily diet consisted of complimentary condiment packets from the school cafeteria."...sydney are you okay?/?????

at this point the static is kind of comforting. the only thing consistent at camp other than sydneys trauma

more beeping

huh??? i swear hamsters have been mentioned before

ye ye ye

how does sydney know what hamsters eyes look like if theyve been extinct for millions of years????

" 2:01 AM" WHOA thats new.... is it bc of maintenence? perhaps?

still static

oh fuck no i forgor about the journals

more clocks

FUCK

(extra thing this kinda reminds me of holloweane a bit just bc of the like not being able to give info, of course ms holloway does WANT to, and does try to tell duke, but anyway)

(and now i gotta go do stuff. why did i agree to do stuff after that episode. damn. anyway. this is your reminder to take a break from my ramblings. get some water, stretch, focus your eyes on something that isnt a screen. and of course, if your name is rowan, you should sleep probably)

hi im back

birds. huh.

and a clock tickin, but it stopped before the click.

apple=jedidiah?

what about the second hand???

clocks have knowledge. sydney wants it.

this musics quite the jam

is petrfified wings a thing? it feels farmiliar

" 25-26-100 hour days." hwhat the hell

he wants to be a clock? he wants to be flexible?

is this the extra special clock that fucked up time in that one episode?

wheat feild? related to the death fields? i think sydney mentioned someones wheat allergy in that ep

this is v strange

something.. something train related happened to his dad?

is.. is the next event sydneys death? jedidiahs death?

thats why he doesnt like it? why hes scared of death?

knowledge. thats what they both seek.

FUCK NO elijah go away i dont like you >:(

of course, elijahs using him to get information. also HOW THE FUCK DOES HE KNOW ALL THIS (sydney please get away from that creepy stalker)

"hot tea with honey is good for sore throats." (goddamit emma now i gotta make a tea with honey /rref)

the weird audio thing in the background right after the episode title reminds me of my printer.

poor campers, no salt. nothing better happen to matthew >:(

at least sydney stopped spreading propoganda about the elephant man

oh also hes back to saying the time, am and pm, and our dear friend static

fuck

thats a lot of blood

w h a t

static please help me

what do they have against france

" it’s so funny to watch the fumes struggle to conjure anything worse than what I’ve actually been through." >:0

"[HE BUTCHERES THE PRONUNCIATION]" me too buddy, me too

did...did sydney get a clock?

o no are the penguins gonna come back

sydney are you okay???

all of this better be on the soundtrack

[HE BEGINS TO HYPERVENTILATE AND CRY.] (mee too budy, me too)

" Are you ready? Why did you lie?" w h a t

ok ok ok im definitely gonna finish this today bc if i dont ill stay up thinking about it anyway

more god, sin and death stuff. also mention of adam, possible relation to up and adam? (intro bit still sounds like a hyperventilating printer)

(this is so long i wonder if anyones actually made it this far. wait atcually the fandoms small so prolly.) (i bet rowans reading this. i bet hes not actually sleeping like i told him to, twice.)

NO ELIJAHS BACK (idk if anyone else is here but i am a member of the elijah hate club)

brought up the ceremony thing again. (still seems kinda cultish)

quiet beeps

louder beeps

this "stupid man" sounds a bit like jedidiah...

"He did not understand how to feed it" again the starving thing

or, is it elijah? idk im confused

also wtf is goin on w the accent

so muse is definitely sydney, prophet is elijah, so yeah i think the architect is jedidiah

"I will be the one to crystalize the truth of your perfection" (uh oh is he gonna pull an ambrose)

kinda sounds like hes gonna set sydney on fire

FUCK SYDNEY YOU BETTER TELL JEDIDIAH (pls just make them be okay)

"…I’m going to start sleeping in the room with Jedidiah again." ok ok thats progress good.. maybe hes not so distrusting of jedidiah anymore??? at least hopefully itll help w his pain

silence.

(reading comments) i saw some ppl saying sydney died and got revived and that makes sense considerign the story but also WHAT THE FUCK

reason jedidiah wont tell him about the project? or why hes so intent on keeping him physically safe? (how much does he know about elijah, bc elijah seems to know a lot about him)

another mention of god in the news before the title

no more printer sounds? maybe i just wasnt payin attention

"Hey, what’s this co-nurse stuff? Aren’t you Sydney’s assistant?" joshua out here askin the real questions

idk whats goin on but somethng seems really off

clock

fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. that is no way to end an episode. again, this is why i cant finish yellow jacket. i do not like the sad.

idk if its just me but elijah sounded a bit different.

shit this is already episode 31.

trees

also um fuck what the hell is that title. the pyre??? sydneys just gonna go with it?! dude hes gonna set you on fire !!!

also side note taking a moment to appreciate the pacing of the series so far, the whole time its felt like just the right amount is happening, it never feels too rushed or boring. also the attention to detail and callbacks and references are amazing

oh fuck he mentioned the penguins. that means jedidiah will knwo he was looking for the journals

wow it s been a while since he talked about the sun or the moon, kinda nice to hear about the sky again. of course now im remembering jedidiah talking abotu the stars and im sad again.

the moon was in the sky all day? is that normal?

oh. she wants control. like how sydney talked to elijah. to prove he has control. to make a choice.

"was that being fed is not always the same as being nourished." back to the starving thing.

the clock is back

he misses jedidiah :(

still dont know whats goin on with the centipede

"I need to prove I’m worth something to you" (ambrosecore)

"My body is whole. My body is eaten.' spooky.

they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy they better get happy

32!

glitchy walky talkies? i think thats that kind of beep. something something something RADIATOR? idk as someone whos bad at listening, i kinda wish they put the beginning bits in the transcript, but i guess thats bc mysteries???

static is back. aw, the moon has returned to her duty.

"Ahhhhh, to overthrow nature…" reminds me of the natural order thing joshua said during the camp revolt thing

also i was so right about elijah's culty stuff

communication? are they gonna be happy, maybe, at some point???

...i may have read spoilers in the wiki that they get together in 34, so i hope that means theyll be happy.

fuck fuck fuck fuck noo no non on no no elijah stay away

"Am I alone… ? " D:

glad he has a gun. that definitely cant backfire in any possible way...

fuck fuck fuck why is cabin dungbeetle like thhis

sound design is still so fuckin sick

jedidiah describing sydney: he's, uh, fuck, idk hes hot?

hes so pathetic /affectionate

OH FUCK ELIJAH KIDNAPPED HIM!!! TONIES WHY DIDNT YOU START WITH THAT WHAT THE HELL

no no no you can t end on cliffhangers like that (i say as if im not gonna watch the next one in like a minute) (i could never watch shows or podcasts as they come out i would actually die from the cliffhangers)

oh wait its not the end of the ep.

again sound design is immaculate

if sydney dies at the end of this series so will i, just putting that out there. (oh same with jedidiah)

YO OMG HES SO SMART i forgot about the reflection thing. what did he steal?? idk he took something that was like 'the only way i could seee my reflection' or something.. that makes so much sense.

by the way imma be at least a bit upset if we dont get any more rowan content before the end of the series.

(last ep)

FUCK you elijah i hope you BURN in HELL (sorry to any non elijah-haters, but also, not sorry bc hes bad)

"every day is a living fucking nightmare!" i mean this is just a thing thats said and not, like, unique to the show, but jedidiah does say something similar earlier on i think

the whole love vs want think kinda reminds me of linda, and like wiley bein like 'you dont want to be loved you want to be adored' (of course thats more framed as a villain thing so..)

FUCK WAIT THEY KNOW EACH OTHER???!!!!

"She keeps him like a prison." callback to the prison thing? the ''it felt comfy and safe, like a prison" i think it was something like that

so elijah is connected to the clocks somehow??

FUCK FUCK FUCK I FORGOT HE HAS THE JOURNAL

NO NO NO WHATS HE GOING TO DO

salamander man=elijah?

thats when he died???

second journal entry reminds me of, this is weird, but like dnd memes? and how magic kinda comes naturally to classes like sorcerers and bards, but wizards learn through study?

also im very confused by why the journal entries are so important, and why elijahs voice keeps changing. its really unsettling

so jedidiah was looking into magic to heal him?

"You turn it off and back on again." holy fuck

oh my god so thats why necromancy is such a reaccuring thing? and them being like , dw real necromancy isnt popular

the clock is also an interesting thing, idk what it means tho

aww the statics back :)

why is lucille like this

whats her goal in any of it

"This information… resists being known." (ms holloway vibes)

his, dad, died from that??

" Because I’m nothing without you, Sydney, I really am." (quincent vibes)

i find this switch really interesting bc up untill this moment sydneys always been the one, kind of, like, comfortable with death? and it makes sense now, i guess, because jedidiah was afraid of it, afraid that sydney might find out, and hed get hurt again

"But there’s something kind of sexy about that, though, right?" (a real stroke of luck, when the one man you can murder is one of the men you--- /ref) (sorrry sorry sorry this is a serious conversation ill try to be more normal)

awww gay (now for the happy? maybe? can they please be happy?) (sorry i said id be normal.. ill do that now < ---lying)

"Uhmm… [Sniff] hey, I, uh, haven’t seen you drink water, yet. I don’t think you’ve been drinking water — here. Drink. " (this is a reminder to all my friends who dont hydrate enough. do it. or you'll end up like sydney, nearly burned on a pyre by a weird russian guy in an elephant mask)

the gays? on their way to being happy? even just for a bit? not clickbait? (dw i know elijahs gonna come back and fuck everyone over in a lil bit. just let me have my moment)

"Also, he’s gone. For good." dude dont fucking jinx it!

"Seems the two of ‘em have gotten quite cozy. " (thats kinda gay dude)

i was so confused then i remembered that it was 20 dimentional chess

still kinda confused about the mirror thing

WAIT WHAT THE FUCK THATS THE END

NO NO NO NO NO NO

e32uojkbwqlrhugejbkqfdshoihuqjbkefrbejwkghioujeklfnwmdlskjaipuojlknm, gnwklejfponrdsjlaiojfwejb

im sad now D:

anyway, i am sincerely sorry that you had to read this hot mess. uh, rowan, if youre still here. go to sleep.

ok now im gonna go read fanfic and hope it can heal me from this emotional rollercoaster.

bye <3

#camp here and there #chnt spoilers #cw violence #cw cannibalism #cw abuse?#cw gore #cw body horror?#cw death #cw animal death #cw cults?#uhh also spoilers for a lotta extra things bc i talk too much: spies are forever hatchetfield adamandi and toapp #marble musings #marble monologues