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that-ikea-alien-plush · 25 days

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before i started my deity work with Aphrodite i prayed to her to make me look like my best self and the day after that my hair started to curl randomly (i have no one in the family with curly hair) and i came out as genderfluid and i still was skeptical

then she gave me so many signs

i literally smelled apple chupa chups when i fell asleep (i didnt have anything apple scented in my room and the window was closed)

i was getting angel numbers constantly

i found a literal shell necklace when i went to throw the trash out

and i was still like "nah cus what if its a misunderstanding"

my soulmate was like "bitch youre so oblivious shes literally calling to you about your cars extended warranty"

and so i asked "if Aphrodite is reaching out to me please show me yourself in my dreams"

AND GUESS WHAT

i dreamed about watching a youtube video called "working with Aphrodite: deity work 101" and there was such a beautiful woman in the video she had a dark skin and long black wavy hair and very thick eyebrows and plump lips and i woke up and i was like "wow she was so pretty" and i was STILL skeptical cus i was like "nah maybe its just because i was thinking about her so much" and my soulmate was FED UP with my dumb bitch shit

and so it was time to do a deity spread because you know maybe its okay and if not then well

and i found a deity spread (i now make my own)

i pulled the card

it was nine of pentacles

i checked the deities associated with the card

"oh, thats random"

another deity spread

the strenght

"oh its the same deity"

ok i think somethings not adding up

and then i researched Bastet

"hmm cats yes, oh dancing,hmmm yeah okay"

and i looked at past me crying randomly because i got the urge to get a cat

and i looked at past me smelling incense randomly

and i looked at past me getting literal signs from her for as long as i could and i was like

"oh my god im so sorry i didnt know"

and so i started my deity work with both of them the same night

past me is stupid, oblivious and made mistakes but past me got me to now where i have a happy established relationship with my goddesses and im forever thankful for that

their altars at first were just sitting on my plant shelf

it was messy

Bastet only had my old silver cat statue, my cat tarot deck (which btw shows her character perfectly) and some tigers eye and tourmaline

Aphrodite only had some rose quartz a drawing of her that i made and a pale pink candle

now we're here and their altars are always full of food offerings to the point i had to upgrade their space to the shelf above

they still share an altar but theyre both okay with it

so uh yeah

just wanted to share this weird story of how i started

(then Aphrodite invited Apollo to my space who helped me a lot with my trauma, then i reached out to Dionysus and Marzanna and now we're here 5 ancient gods sitting in my room watching me read gay fanfiction at night)

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coolprettyleo · 2 months

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know its for the better - begin again au ☆

wc: 1.8k

tw: drinking. angst. family angst. kinda fluff. slut shaming. I think I got them all

ryan leonard x hughes sister au

☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆☆

ryan and frankie walked down one of the busiest streets in boston; frankie hoping to find inspiration and ryan trying the make sure she doesn't kill her self doing so.

he couldn't understand why she was so reckless with her life? she was very loved and important to so many people. i mean he knew he loved her when he first met her. why couldn't she see how amazing she was?

"I have my fake with me, plus the bouncer adores me so i think i can so get you in" she says acting annoyed but secretly happy. even though she wanted to act like ryan coming along with her was a drag, it wasn't. she liked having him here. it made her feel seen.

"frankie, i still dont think this is the way to solve things" he says to her as they get in line to go into frankies favorite bar.

"not everything has to be solved it just has to be dealt with, and this is how im dealing with it" she said with an eye roll.

ryan opened his mouth to say something but stopped when her phone when off. he sees her screen light up with a Group FaceTime call; her brothers. but to his surprise she declines?

"spam call" she waves him off after she sees ryan eye her skeptically.

"you didn't tell them yet?" he said after a moment.

ryan knew her too well.

"nope" she says popping the 'p'. "and I dont plan on it anytime soon" she adds.

"so you just plan to lie to them for the rest of your life?"

"its not lying, its avoiding. I dont lie" she said not looking at him.

"I think you’re scared to tell them because you know once you tell them. It’ll be real" he says looking at her with a challenging look.

"ryan. this is real life right now, your not dreaming" she says sarcastically, wiggling her fingers in his face.

she was so cute. even if she was being a pain in the ass.

they got to the front of the line, where the bouncer was and frankie was quick to whisper something into the bouncers ear. the bouncer eyes running up and down ryan, before ultimately deciding to lift the rope and letting them through.

"I dont think I want to know what you told him" he said to her as she pulled him by his shirt collar. something that he found to drive him crazy.

"dont be dirty, I just told him you were my gay friend. so dont get with any girls tonight please. he'll know im lying"

your the only girl I want.

"im here to watch you, not to get with girls and party" he says seriously as she orders them drinks.

"no. if im going to let you follow me around like a puppy tonight your going to party with me mr. leonard." she says handing him the drink throwing him these eyes. eyes that have gotten her everything she's ever wanted. those eyes. eyes that made ryan want to complete every wish she's ever wished.

"if I take this shot with you, you have to listen to me, tonight. I know you like to run away. so dont"

"okay! yay!" she says as she pinky promises him.

frankies hallway filled with giggles as ryan said another dad joke. she kept her promise and didn’t run away. it was one a.m. and it had honestly been the earliest she came back from a night out. and to her surprise she was only tipsy. ryan had actually kept her good company all night.

"did you hear the rumor about butter" he says while leaning against the wall as she looks for her keys in her purse.

"ryan shutup please" she said laughing.

"okay. I wouldn't want to spread it anyways!"

"oh god" she said as she looked at him with so much adoration. she didn’t realize how much she needed someone to care and to show they cared. the way ryan did.

“thank you ryan” she said seriously. and a thought couldn’t help but bloom over her mood as she realized what was most likely going to happen.

“anytime pretty” he said as starred into the eyes that make him want to do flips off rooftops.

“I know drew is your teammate and everything, but like please dont be a stranger”

“im sorry?” ryan was confused to what she was trying to say.

is she drunk?

“like im saying since i won’t be around as much anymore and you guys are probably going to wanna be respectful to drew and stuff, just dont be a stranger. so please if you, will, and gabe ever see me just dont be afraid to talk to me. i’ll always be nice.”

ryan couldn’t belive his ears. she thought they were all just going to stop talking to her?

“franks. just because my teammate is an asshole doesn’t mean we dont care about you. you are a person who is easy to love and unbelievably smart. and im sorry drew couldn’t see that. you dont deserve that at all” he said looking into her eyes as Frankie’s eyes couldn’t help but water.

this was the nicest thing a guy has ever told her.

“you really think so” she whispered just realizing how close they were standing next to one another. he smelt like what frankie would call a comfort smell. and as she looked at him she just wanted to trace every one of his freckles while he told her everything that’s ever happened to him.

“I do” he said. luckily for ryan. this wouldn’t be the only time in years to come he would say this to frankie. they both leaned in as frankie stood on her tiptoes and kissed him. a kiss that made her stomach do flips. a kiss that made his stomach do flips.

ryan couldn’t help but wrap his arms around her waist as she wrapped her arms around her shoulders and bring him closer. the kiss felt like they’ve searched for one another their whole lives. it felt right. time stood still.

ryan pulled away first as he realized they were both tipsy and she was probably more tipsy then him. the insecurity of she was going to act like nothing happened tomorrow creeped up on him.

“what’s wrong” she said with a hand on his cheek. her heart dropping when he pulled away.

“im sorry, i shouldn’t. we shouldn’t. we’ll talk tomorrow, go inside frankie” he said stepping away from her.

“did I do something?” she said feeling her heart drop.

“no- its just- i don’t want you to wake up tmrw and regret this, i want it to actually mean something and I dont want to be just another guy to add to your roster” he says not knowing that made frankie feel like shit.

I mean she knows herself she's the type of person to have a good time. but the fact he just thought she was going to play him? is that what drew thought when she was getting with him.

maybe thats the reason he never opened up to me

“dont worry your far from it now ryan!. have a good life” she said opening her door.

“frankie i didn’t mean it like that-“

he couldn’t even explain himself because the door had already slammed in his face.

frankie didn’t know why ryan saying that hurt her so much but it did. he basically just called her a whore in her mind and she wanted to run into her room and scream into pillow. but of course her life never went her way.

standing inside were two out of her three brothers looking like they wanted to strangle her.

“where the hell have you been” luke yelled. as jack got off the phone with whoever he was talking to. mumbling something about how frankie just walked in.

frankie was actually speechless. she never thought her brothers would make the trip to boston to see why the hell she was ignoring them.

“out of all the irresponsible things you’ve done in your life , this has to be the worst. mom was so close to calling the cops. she’s on her way with dad. we thought you were dead!” jack scolds her as she takes off her coat.

"thats a little dramatic"

"no! it isn't. we gave you space but then imagine our surprise when your coach calls and says you quit!" luke counters back. "if your having a manic episode or whatever they call it, tell us. we'll help you" Luke adds in a gentler tone.

frankie wanted to do nothing but run away as she just starred at them. the fear she had been running away since she quit was standing in her living room and they were standing their angry.

"does mom and dad know" she said after a long silence.

"yes. we all have. we've been waiting for you to own up to it and tell us though" jack answered.

"is everyone mad at me" she said as her eyes filled up with tears.

"im mad that you've had us worried sick. I mean I had to resort to asking rutger and gavin to ask their world jrs teammates if they've seen my own sister" Luke said with a scolding look. one that looked scarily similar to her mothers.

"dont listen to him, I dont know why you were s scared to just tell us. its not going to change anything between us" jack said as he walked over to his little sister and gave her a hug.

frankie didn't like hugs. she felt so awkward with them but in that moment she wanted nothing but to sob into her older brothers arms like she once did when the other girls at school were making fun of her because she played hockey and didn't do dance or cheer like the rest of them. she needed her family.

"cmon Luke" she said opening her arm out to her brother who stood of to the side. Luke accepting because he could never stay mad at his little sister.

"just dont ever do this again. if you want attention go find yourself a lover or something" Luke said laughing as they pulled away.

"hey! none of that" jack said not thinking anyone was ever going to be good enough for his sister.

"dont worry jack, I need a break from boys" she said with a sigh as she remembered what happened with ryan about ten minutes ago.

"dont talk to us about your boy problems thats why you have Quinn" jack said gagging.

"quinn also wants you to call him" jack said as he started walking to her guest bedroom.

"you good?" Luke said as he started settling into her couch and noticed her sister looked as if her mind was far else where.

how do I tell him I ruined my reputation. everyone thinks im a slut.

"I dont know"

#nhl imagine #ryan leonard #frankie x ryan #gabe perreault #will smith hockey #nhl imagines #bc hockey #hockey fic #hockey imagine #gabe perreault x reader #jack hughes #luke hughes #quinn hughes #hughes sister

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lakesbian · 3 months

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here's every way wildbow accidentally made pre-meiosis "russel" thorburn transgender that i can remember. if you can think of any reasons i forgot please add on

his parents named his younger sister "ivy," as if the obvious grandmother-pandering name "rose" had already been used up. blake theorizes that they used a male version of "rose" for PMT, but this is nonsensical--there is no male form of the name rose, and everything he comes up with as a possible option (in other words, everything wildbow came up with as a possible option) is a major stretch. most don't sound even tangentially like the name "rose." it makes far more sense to assume that PMT was afab and had the deadname rose. (this also makes sense on a thematic level wrt how rose thorburn jr is supposed to be the Real heir that grandmother is forcing blake to die for, but that's getting besides the point)

rose has memories of being harassed over the inheritance by her female cousins, and the idea of these memories just being wholly pulled out of thin air when basically everything else involves memories either being split btwn blake and rose or erased altogether is weird

blake is friends with, like. a lot of gay people. textually runs in poor gay artist circles. the idea of them adopting this weirdly cool cis straight guy is funny but it makes a lot more sense if PMT was trans + gay and only got turned into a straight guy (and a straight girl) yesterday, due to the homophobia demon

PMT literally thinks "Besides, why devote any more attention to your son, when you could just start over? Have that beautiful baby girl you wanted, right?" which is also like one of the only pieces of internal narration we get from PMT in the entire story. first girl they named rose ran away and did some shit with their gender so now they have a second girl they can't name rose but can still try to raise to go for the inheritance

in the same chapter as when pmt says that, callan is like ohhh you think youre going to worm your way in-, implied sentence ending being "-to the inheritance," which is, like. the family knows it's going To A Girl. so.

PMT was childhood friends with paige, who is The Gay Cousin. it is deeply sensible to imagine them bonding over this, regardless of whether or not PMT (or even paige) knew at the time

it is, like, fully possible for a cishet dude to get sick of living with his shitty toxic abusive family and abscond at the age of 17, but also homelessness is an extremely prevalent issue among transgender kids in abusive families. the narrative of a transmasc kid growing up in an abusive, catholic extended family where girls are pressured to compete for a very gendered inheritance + leaving at the age of 17 & finding a new home among a bunch of gay artists is Significantly more compelling than the cis dude alternative. it just is.

okay i think im running out of, like, logical errors that make sense only if pmt was trans prior to the Obliteration, so as for the thematic stuff. like i said, rose being the half grammy decided was supposed to be "real" and blake being the half that's supposed 2 die for her 2 exist, rose just being unhappy and disconnected by nature of existence while blake is the parts of pmt that escaped from the constraints of the family + found happiness, so on and so forth. "catholic grandmother literally obliterated her transmasc nonbinary grandchild by splitting them into two binary gendered halves & expecting that the man they could've been die to allow the acceptable woman--literally forced to dress in grandmother's clothes--live on and do as grandmother wished" is Everything, doing the same thing but to a cis man grandchild is significantly less compelling

Others who r very old/operating on what are explicitly stated to be oppressive and antiquated gender roles as per the book's themes about inherited/traditional forms of harm keep mistakenly calling blake she/her and rose lmao

??? probably some other thangs im forgetting

#pact time #pact textpost

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queermania · 1 year

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Wait wait wait. Jensen picked the writer who gave Dean a lesbian best friend and made him a nerd to be the show runner for his little fixit fic show? This is amazing!

when you look at robbie's run of episodes (that he wrote specifically, not produced or was the executive story editor on), a very specific version of supernatural and dean starts to emerge and it is insanity-inducing. here's a very brief rundown of the episodes robbie wrote:

slash fiction -swayze always gets a pass -dean singing air supply -"it's like eating self-righteousness' -the creation and introduction of frank devereaux -"applications for sainthood" -dean letting sam go

time after time -"what are you gonna look up more anime or are you strictly into dick now?" -dean being a nerdy little fanboy about eliott ness (and checking out a dude in a uniform but that was probably jacting joices) -dean getting excited about dressing up in period clothing!! -understanding that rufus matters and that family isn't just blood -original sam is milf!bait (and he's into it) truther -actually writing grief in nuanced ways -dean is smart and resourceful actually! -your future is "covered in thick black ooze" (which i know is just a very lucky coincidence but i don't care!)

the girl with the dungeons and dragons tattoo -CHARLIE!!! he gave us charlie. he said "actually what if hardcore fans were cool and fun and GAY and they were dean's new best friend" -charlie/dean/security guard flirting split screen -"she's kinda like the little sister I never wanted." "how does a high-school dropout become one of the brightest minds…" -basically this entire episode is just "be gay, do crime" and i love that for me specifically

bitten -not my favorite episode but as @ilarual says "it's very fun in how it illustrates Robbie's willingness to play with form, since it's all done as found footage" -and as @doctorprofessorsong says it "has the concept of monsters aren’t always bad guys" -and apparently it contains a brokeback reference? my memory of this episode is hovering at around 1% tbh but you get it

larp and the real girl -dressing dean up in little outfits AGAIN -and he likes it!!! -and he likes being a nerd! (dean is getting into it and sam is the one who is unamused mr serious guy!!!!) -and charlie is dean's new best friend! -"belladonna" "the pornstar?" -"did you break up with someone too?" -honestly you already know all of it. this is a fan favorite for a reason. what more can i say about this episode??

goodbye stranger -yes robbie was the first writer to try to give us a destiel love confession -cas practicing killing dean over and over and over and still not being able to do it when it comes down to it -"what broke the connection?" gee i wonder -first episode writing cas and he nailed the sort of unintentional deadpan humor that makes cas so lovable ("would it kill you to watch a movie? read a book?" "a movie, no, but with a book with the proper spells—yeah, it could theoretically kill me.") -"if he's so sketchy then why are you praying to him?" -pizza man reference -"do you really think we can trust megstiel?" (we get both megstiel and jealous!dean) -dean quoting lord of the rings (because he's a nerd! and he reads!) -meg roasting the shit out of sam for the amelia stuff -etc

pac-man fever -charlie reading the carver edlund books -charlie and dean being besties/getting a montage -dean telling charlie that what happened with her parents wasn't her fault/understanding the guilt she feels -"i love you" "i know" -"what about castiel? he seems helpful, and dreamy" -again, putting dean in little outfits -charlie knows how to shoot/aim a gun

slumber party -dorothy!! -oz!!! -look, is this episode cheesy? yes. but it's fun and it's so obviously a love letter to the oz source material and i love that about robbie. he does his research and he commits

first born -cain!!!! -drowley team up!!!!! ("friends. besties, actually." im sorry but drowley means so much to me personally and this is the start of their beautiful bromance) -"this is by far the dumbest idea you've ever had." "yeah, well, it's early" -cas liked pb&js!! jelly, not jam. he found jam unsettling!! -"you have a guinea pig? where?" -"you're a terrible liar?" "that is not true. i once deceived and betrayed both you and your brother." -just. sastiel shenanigans (and hugs!) -"she only asked for one thing." "to stop" -anyway. you get it.

meta fiction -dean and cas phone call smiles!! they LIKE each other -metatron media dump -"what makes a story work? is it the plot, the characters, the text? the subtext? and who gives a story meaning? is the writer? or you?" -i think it's important to note that robbie who wrote gabriel faking his own death -cas noticing something is wrong with dean pretty much instantly and then discovering the mark of cain

fan fiction -i mean. come on. -"although we do explore the nature of destiel in act two." -"you can't spell subtext without s-e-x" -sam being such a younger brother and trolling dean about "destiel" -"BM scene" -dean "you know they're brothers, right?"-ing the w*ncest stuff but just being flustered about the destiel stuff ayyyy -dean casually referencing andrew lloyd webber -"transformative fiction" -"i want you to put as much sub into that text as you possibly can" -dean quoting rent -the samulet is back! -"i have my version, and you have yours." -"he took away our own free will" <- about john!! -THE RETURN OF CHUCK!

there's no place like home -"i forgive you dean" "yeah well i don't" "i know, kinda your move" -"you hurt my friend" -"you lied to me" "you lied to yourself. that's kinda your move." -i mean. robbie just gets it, ya know?

book of the damned -cas being a huge bitch (love that) -sam being the excessively codependent one -cas and charlie get to meet! -found family goodness if only for a little bit!!

angel heart -ahhhhhhhhhhh!!!! -"i got it at the hot topical" (and claire keeping grumpy cat) -no seriously. dean and cas went birthday present shopping together for claire and they did it at a mall -castiel feeling guilt for what he did to the novak family (and amelia recognizing that cas has changed/grown) -"you were both troubled teens. you speak her language." -"bring your daughter to work day" -"i'm saying she might be stronger on her own." which is a controversial line but i think it says something really significant about how dean feels about his childhood "in fact you're not anything to her except a constant reminder of someone that's gone." -mini golf!!!!!! dean and claire bonding!!!! -the introduction of the grigori, a class of angels which may or may not be important at some point -claire roasting the shit out of dean with "you seem pretty old" <3 -"happy birthday. don't shoot me."

baby -do i really need to explain anything about this one? -"okay first of all, never use swayze's name in vain, okay? ever." -"mistakes were made" -dean having a dream about john teaching him to drive but under normal and appropriate circumstances -werepire…. ghoulpyre… -honestly just the whole episde. you know what i'm talking about. the unique perspective. the insight into their day-to-day lives. the moments that live in between.

into the mystic -eileen! my best friend eileen! -dean x mildred otp -remembering sam's lucifer/hell trauma -the whole "follow your heart" speech -"banshees go after the vulnerable, so why'd it go after you?" -dean recognizing there's something off with cas -but really the most important thing here is EILEEN

safe house -bobby and rufus!!!! -i repeat BOBBY AND RUFUS!!!! -"were you ever nice?" "1985. worst year of my life." -robbie just really GETS that this show is more fun when it's not centered entirely on the brothers. -bobby referring to sam and dean as his boys -timey wimey shenanigans -there were some interesting implications in this episode too but i'm losing steam here so i'm gonna let you rewatch and figure it out lol

don't call me shurley -the reveal of chuck as god!!!! -bisexual chuck -dean does sam's laundry (sometimes with beer) -chuck is a shitty egotistical writer -he also plays the guitar and: "i like front row seats. you know, i figured i'd hide out in plain sight." -"i thought if i could show my sister that there was something more than just us, something better than us, then maybe she'd change. maybe she'd stop being… her. but every time I'd build a new world, she'd destroy it." -"the world would still be spinning with demon dean in it but sam couldn't have that though could he?" -"you were gonna choose amara over me."

so. yeah. jensen chose THIS GUY to helm the winchesters. bold move, sir. full respect.

also, this tweet always makes me crack up

one of us! one of us! one of us!

#replies #anonymous #robbie thompson #mp

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sophswritingthings · 4 months

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OK AS A HISTORY NERD NOW IM INTRIGUED ON MORE OF YOUR THOUGHTS FOR MIZU X !PERFORMER READER

pairing: mizu x fem!street performer!reader

warning(s): none

a/n: allowing me to indulge in my history fixation while writing gay fanfic? oh babe LET ME TELL YOU—

summary: after meeting the mysterious street performer, mizu follows you back to the theater. which, has a library. you spend your time together, what little you have of it, taking and learning about one another’s culture.

word count: 577 words / 3,227 characters

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

you lead mizu back to a nearby theater, greeting other secret performers as you walk in. they eye you a bit suspiciously, seeing who is following you. but no words are exchanged.

you take mizu back to a library; walls cascading with books up and down.

she’d never seen anything like it.. such a large library filled with colorful books of english, and, supposedly—american history. and there had to be something on japan, too, because you seemed to know things about her culture well.

“so, why have you traveled from japan, exactly?” you pose the question, grabbing a candle and beginning to riffle through piles of literature.

she wasn’t telling you she was here to assassinante a man. you’d think her terrifying. heartless. ruthless. cold.

to which, to some extent, she was.

“I’m.. here, visiting family,” she whispered. wasn’t exactly wrong.

you chuckled, “the white man you mentioned? your father?” you whip around to look at her for a moment.

“yes,” she responds rather quickly. “I haven’t met him, before.”

you nod, “japan closed its borders—deported all the white men and women there,” you respond. “it makes sense you’ve never met him. are you.. judged, in some way?”

she scoffed, “I’m sure you have no idea,” she folded her arms. “I am what they call an onryō. a demon.”

your eyes widen, gazing at her as you walked over with a stack of books you looked to be struggling to carry.

“demon?” you murmur, watching as she takes some of the books from your arms. “just for being born of a white man?”

she nods, “yes.” she narrowed her eyes, “it’s not exactly fun.”

you scoff, “I didn’t think it would be—constantly having a bounty of your back for your dead body,” you settle down at a desk, smiling and patting the seat beside you.

she sits down beside you, gazing at the many books.

“well—here in england, those eyes are considered beautiful,” you smiled softly at her. “I think they’re beautiful.”

she’d never heard such kind words before. especially about a part of herself she hated so very much.

“thank you,” she whispered, her voice barley audible.

you chuckled, your cheeks tinted rosy red, “though I suppose I am one for all things weird.”

she laughed along with you, “how so?”

“as I told you—a woman such as myself is not allowed to do much. I am expected to marry at sixteen, settle down with many kids, and never leave my house. I cannot work, I cannot do anything here,” your eyes narrowed, gazing at the book below you, “I just want to perform. to act—it’s my passion. It’s something I love.”

she nodded slowly, “I see,” she muttered. “It’s much different in japan. women can work.. though it’s not like they have many options. and.. performing. It’s one of the many things women do in japan.”

“I know!” you hissed, “performing should not be something that is restricted to men. nothing should be restricted to me; we should all be… equal.”

mizu couldn’t help but agree with you. she felt the same way; seeing as she was here, masking as a man her whole life to be able to do what she wanted.

you talked for hours on end. hours on hours of talking about your culture, about your lives, about what you’d been through.

you were so similar; yet from completely different parts of this world.

she found that amazing.

she found you amazing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

a/n: I’m presenting said project tomorrow and my anxiety said no

#mizu x you #mizu x reader #mizu blue eye samurai #mizu #blue eyed samurai #x reader #fic #fanfic #fanfiction #ask #asked and answered #request #fic request

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g0ttal0ve101 · 19 days

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Johnny Headcanons <3

TW: GAH!!!! TEXAS MAN JUMPSCARE!!!!!!!!

Note: had to do it to them 😮‍💨 i decided to do a mix of romantic and random hcs cause i thought it was cutie but I did section them off from each other!! might write about tcm later on so i’ll take requests for it!!!!! @twsted-idiot :3

RANDOM

he definitely had a FUCK ASS haircut growing up. all those boys in that damn house did. NANCY HAD NO IDEA WHAT SHE WAS DOING 🗣️💥 she really pulled up with the scissors and said ‘alright sweetie just hold still’ and fucked up his entire life for a hot 10 years. after that no one gets near the hair…

fuck ass teeth lets be soooo real. from the amount of times he’s gotten into fights at the bar or in a street, he definitely lost/chipped a few in his prime teen years. his bottom teeth are also a lil crooked…but it’s cutie on him! our little gummy bear ❤️ (bitch has gums for days it’s ok to admit it!!)

i’ll talk abt a lot of his love languages in the romantic section but let me tell you, he’s good at pulling bitches but has trouble pulling ppl he’s ACTUALLY interested in 🗣️💥

^ what I mean by that is like. if he just wants a good fuck and a bougie dinner, trust he’ll have a bitch under his arm! but if he has someone he genuinely cares about and wants to be with, he’s more reluctant to show interest… if that makes sense.

everyone knows he has a farmer’s tan 😭 tan one second, takes off his shirt, WOAH!!! WHOS THIS WHITE MAN??? IS THAT A FUCKING GHOST??? oh no it’s just johnny’s tatas 😻

^ speaking of wish im a freckle truther so fuck you he has light freckles on his face 😮‍💨

ALCOHOLIC. REAL BAD. say bye bye to his livers 😿……but no seriously he has terrible drinking habits. practically drinks every night smh. and that’s on dealing with unbearable depression 😮‍💨

SMOKES HEAVY TOO. (johnny your lungs…😿)

idk abt yall but I think johnny’s a sweetheart to bubba….his mama taught him better than to boss him around and be an asshole like CERTAIN PEOPLE. although johnny can come off as demanding, i truly think he has the best intentions at heart when he’s interacting with bubba ❤️

kinda homophobic but gay at the same time 😮‍💨 and that’s on that TEXAN TIP 🇺🇸🦅💥 YEEEEHAW!!!

in my head i think johnny had his own room n stuff in the house up until he confronted nancy. after that and getting his eye fucked up, he wanted to be petty and sleep outside just to bother nancy. at first she didn’t care and thought he’d eventually just come back in but. he. DID NOT. instead he literally cleaned out the entire shack, found a cheap couch from some thrift store, n fucked that shit UP!!!!!! nancy was PISSED!!! 🗣️ “come back in”…..“no” type shit

loves keeping souvenirs of his victims. ESPECIALLY memorable ones. where did he get that belt? simple, really. this cute guy tried to use it as a defense mechanism! johnny strangled him with it shortly after ❤️ oh and this perfume? yeah, he found that in a REAL fighter’s purse. she was cute whenever she screamed 🌹

started driving at like. 10. nancy fucking FLIPPED OUT whenever she caught him riding around in a car as a literal CHILD. (influenced by certain people😒) but even after all her scolding, he never stopped 💀…that’s why he’s a good driver to this day!

this man loooooooooves his hunting. talking abt sum “THATS A BUTTON BUCK 🗣️” bitch no one knows what you’re talking abt be quiet. (I love him passionately)

johnny DESPISES wearing formal clothing. whether it’s some dumb church suit, dress shirt, or WHATEVER, he does NOT FW THAT SHIT ❌ the real ones know johnny walks around his house with just his boxers on…..and that’s on that country shit 🇺🇸🦅💥 (more like CUNTry)

CALLOUSED HANDS TRUTHER 💥 he definitely has some fucked up fingernails too. stained with oil n shit….SOMEONE GET HIM A PEDICURE IMMEDIATELY.

nubbins always instigates him into fighting a family member 💀 (usually sissy or the cook) talking abt sum: “she said you get noooo bitches…hot ones at least lolsies” or “he told me that he thinks you’re the weakest link of the family but yknow…” FALSE ACCUSATIONS!!!! but johnny falls for it every time 😭

ROMANTIC

HATES PHYSICAL AFFECTION AT FIRST!!! I’m telling you this right now he DON’T LIKE IT!!!!! and it’s not even in the cutie ‘aw he’s touched starved’—NO. HE DON’T LIKE IT. that’s not to say his opinion won’t sway a lil depending on the person (🤭) but at first that’s a big no no with him.

^ but once he starts getting comfortable with you, it’s impossible to pry him off. always wanna hug you n kiss you n play with your hair….he’s a lil love bug fr!

terrible at handling verbal affection. like god 😭 when receiving compliments, he kinda just scoffs, says something snarky, n tries to change the subject. keep doing it? he doesn’t know what to do with himself. it eventually becomes a staring contest with him being like ‘quit that rn.’ but let’s be honest, he likes it 😮‍💨

^ in terms of GIVING IT OUT, he’s pretty good at it. words of encouragement come easy to him since he just has to give you a ‘good job’ (maybe even adding a lil pet name if he’s feeling cute) n move on with his life.

^ but complimenting your laugh? your voice? your eyes? your hair? your clothes? he does it in the slickest ways possible. never over the top or on the nose, always subtle and almost unnoticeable.

he shows his affection through gift giving. stolen flowers from sissy’s garden, stolen jewelry from…trespassers, stolen expensive clothes with suspicious gashes through the fabric, severed limbs—LMAO OFC NOT!!!!! but yes he’s very inclined to give you lil gifts here and there.

surprisingly enough, he likes teaching you stuff. whether it be something small like the mechanics of a car or something big like gutting and skinning a corpse, he enjoys being the one who shows you how to do things he knows how to do well. and when he sees that he successfully accomplished his goal of educating you, he’s happier than ever. (this is also a perfect excuse for him to call you a good girl/boy!!!!!! he’s not slick!!!!!)

pet names consist of the TEXAN WAY BABY YEEEEHAW 💥🦅🇺🇸 sweetie/sweetheart, baby/babe, honey/hun, angel face/doll face, y’know how it is. and it’s kinda cute cause throughout your relationship with him, you unlock certain pet names!!

wanna see a magic trick? 🪄 MANIPULATION! johnny is a genius when it comes to manipulating you. and trust me, you will NOT know he’s doing it.

this is really fucked up (bc HE’S fucked up) but he definitely pushes your boundaries in the beginning of the relationship. it’s kinda like a test to see what he can get away with and how you’ll react to him being an asshole. are you gonna cuss him out? are you gonna hit him? cry? run off? he wants to know.

^ and by ‘pushing the boundaries’ I mean degradation n shit. you ask him what’s wrong and he calls you a filthy whore, a mangy slut, a stupid bitch, JUST TO SEE what you’ll do.

^ the way to pass the test is STANDING UP TO HIM. that’s what he WANTS. be an asshole back!! don’t lose your shit, just one-up him. for example, call him a bitch ass momma’s boy!! that’ll have him on his KNEES!!

who said jealous? BECAUSE YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT. johnny IS insecure and thinks you’ll leave him, so it’s better if you DON’T talk to anyone he could perceive as a threat. he lays off with family n shit bc he gets it, but if they ain’t related to you? bitch they better know how to fight 😮‍💨

PDA is iffy with him especially around any of the family LMAO….but if he feels threatened by a guy or god forbid JEALOUS, best believe you’ll have an arm around your waist real fast. 🤭

you better like late night drives bc this man ADORES them. whenever he wants to have a sentimental moment with you or treat you real special for a night, best believe you’ll be in his car for a good while. takes you to the PRETTIEST landscapes he knows of and just chills with you.

^ cutie till he tries scaring the shit outta you with some horrific story abt what happened there or sumn. or even…idk…..starts the hypothetical scenario of “y’know I could kill you rn and no one would be able to hear you scream LOL! 😹” johnny…..if you don’t shut the hell up….

if shit is serious, you definitely made a blood oath with him that you’ll stick with him despite everything. basically marriage imo. peak romance right there <3

#johnny sawyer #johnny slaughter #tcm #tcm game #texas chainsaw massacre game #texas chainsaw massacre #johnny sawyer x reader

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absolutebl · 11 months

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Leaving GMMTV aside, what were youre favorite shows this year so far? I'll have more free time coming up and im way behind and out of the loop, so some recs would be appriacted, wise sage. Especially for those shows that didnt get the attention they deserved in your opinion! Thanks a lot!

Top 10 BLs of 2023 So Far

Our Dating Sim

(Korea) 10/10 Viki

If you haven't watched this, it's a must. I actually handed out a 10/10. I NEVER do that. It's a perfect short form KBL, an office set reunion romance featuring geeks that really suits 8 eps with no fluff and no chaff. Just comforting and yummy. I adored every aspect from the casting to the pristinely simple premise to the quietly smooth execution. Sure it’s low stakes, but that makes it high domesticity and extremely warm and gentle. This is a fuzzy blanket of a story - a cozy BL. It lives in my rewatch pile and you know what’s best about it? Every single episode is in that pile. There’s no skipping with this one, it might be good natured and calmly sweet but it’s tight and the pacing is excellent. Full review here.

My School President

(Thai) 9/10 YouTube

GMMTV gave us a classic high school set Thai BL with tropes like messy boys singing their feelings that made this one Love Sick for the modern age with all the gentle sweetness and pining ache, but none of the dated damaging tropes or issues. Yes, we’ve seen it all before, but I still ADORED this. And there is a lot to be said for the classics being re-executed perfectly. Who let my BL be this wholesome and funny? This show was fantastic, it’s only flaw was the singing (and that’s my baggage). My favourite GMMTV BL offering to date. And yes, I've watched them ALL.

(you said no GMMTV but I have to include it)

The Eighth Sense

(Korea) 9/10 Viki

One of the longest BLs Korea has given us and (like Blueming) it feels more atmospheric gay coming of age romance than strictly BL. It’s got a bit of an age gap, country boy/city boy, stellar acting, complex characters, and leads with great chemistry and tension. It’s a bit chewy and sticky and less perfect than most KBLs (do I detect a touch of Taiwan?) This one deployed BL tropes (messy eater, shoulder sleep, protective seme, there’s even some hyung-slinging) but front loaded them with painful backstory and tons angst drives the 2nd half. This isn’t in the KBL bubble, there’s sharp edges and lots of triggers. For a BL the darkness of the content left me feeling unsettled (which is the only reason it didn't get a perfect score) but it does have a glorious ending and that counts for a lot.

The New Employee

(Korea) 9/10 Viki

So good, SO QUEER, so soft, a near pitch perfect office BL with conflict derived from that setting. Also found family and a lesbian bestie. Sweet & innocent (and out) Seung Hyun scores the office internship of his dreams. On his first day at work he gets into it with his cool reserved (and also v gay) boss. As you do. Frankly? This is what I wanted from this new crop of office set KBLs ALL ALONG. Rainbow rice cakes forever! Directed by queer activist Kim Jho Gwang Soo (Just Friends?) partly set in the same neighbourhood as the To My Star house. Gotta love WATCHA (Semantic Error, Light on Me).

Unintentional Love Story

(Korea) 9/10 iQIYI

A boy who just lost his job due to faked corruption charges accidentally discovers his ex-boss's favorite artist, now a recluse. Evil manager offers him his job back if he can convince the artist to rejoin society. Instead, they fall in love. I found the artist a bit stiff and reserved but Gongchan (maknae of B1A4) is a fucking GIFT - he carried this show (which I do not expect from the idol element). He was luminous with extraordinarily expressive eyes, just drown in the emoting abyss. The external conflict, social tension and pressure is complex and beautifully executed, plus Korea gave us legit side dishes (NOT a love triangle, hally-fucking-luya). I’m not sure on rewatchability, and it didn’t whip me into a verbal frenzy the way some KBLs do, but it still gets a solid 9/10 for those damn eyes alone.

Destiny Seeker

(Thai) 8/10 grey

A darn near perfect pulp featuring 3 likeable tsundere/sunshine pairings with uncomplicated iterations of enemies to lovers. At least one half of each does a decent amount of pining and there’s good chemistry, classic tropes, and communication rep. It’s fun and full of linguistic jokes. Sublimely cheesy but a good rainy day offering with tons of rewatch potential. Full review here.

Make a Wish

(Thai) 8/10

PNR (from Sammon - Manner of Death & Triage) about a doctor who can see the dead and strikes a bargain with a wish-granting irreverent tree angel - naturally they fall in love. Stars Fluke Natouch opposite not-Ohm, but who cares bc Fluke has chemistry with everybody. Once again the Thai afterlife is incredibly bureaucratic but I enjoyed the premise and the unfolding of the story (it’s not predictable but v. satisfying and with nice little twist). I like that the doctor is just gay af, fag hag bestie and everything. The cast is excellent but the comedic stylings are too overblown and tonally off. It had sad parts and did make me cry but is ultimately happy with a great sex scene, good smiley kisses, and all the agency.

All the Liquors

(Korea) 8/10 Viki & Gaga

A pretty classic foodie set KBL that managed to distinguish itself from others in this category by having a particularly satisfying final episode centered around found family. Sunshine sweetie soju rep gets involved with a shy introvert chef who doesn’t drink. This has a somewhat uneven plot and ridiculous central conceit (much in the way of Tasty Florida or Behind Cut), but if you are looking for a restaurant BL with Korea’s signature softness, then this is a great option. FYI I may identify with our baby party boy hedonist more than any other BL lead ever presented.

Love Mate

(Korea) 8/10 Viki

Features a very much openly gay older uke with commitment issues and a romantic (if arrogant) younger seme with no respect for boundaries (hyung romance). Workplace harassment much? That’s BL for ya. (Also a nonBL Kdrama specialty.) So yeah it’s questionable, but so is my taste. The ultimate premise that someone badly hurt shuts themself off to romance is very similar to Happy Merry Ending or 8th Sense but this version was more about fear than abuse or trauma. For me, this made Love Mate more relatable. However, because the denouement was driven by a late addition faen fatal, the conclusion felt rushed and forced. I can, however, see myself rewatching this one, so it falls into the general rank of 2023′s KBL aka solid high standard and eminently watchable.

Bed Friend

(Thai YouTube, Gaga, iQIYI)

Office frienamies transition a flaming hot one night stand into a f-buddy relationship that is built on a puppy/cat dynamic (and kinks into it at one point). Our puppy is loyal, smitten, and protective with endlessly longing eyes, while our cat is snarky, prickly, and deeply damaged (ALL THE TRIGGERS). NetJames give lovely high-heat with excellent chemistry and tuned-in performances of surprising depth, unfortunately the story ultimately failed them. Had the show had the strength of its convictions and kept to a tighter, darker, harsher 8 eps it would have been the first high heat to earn a 10/10 from me, but once they fussed with it, it dropped to a solid 8/10. Could have been great but was overworked. Still if high heat is your thing, this one will not let you down. Full review here. (Triggers include: child abuse, attempted rape, family abuse)

(3x! 3x Tumblr ate this post. They HAVE to de bug their new editor. This never happens with the old one. Biggest bug is with the "undo" function, DO something about it!)

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livelaughlovefootball · 8 months

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So I asked my sibling, @shit-garbage , who knows absolutely nothing about Formula One, to explain some of the drivers on the grid to me.

"buck but all his buddies call him pussy lips"

"he really likes cheese, i mean look at him. one real cheese connoisseur. hes traveled the world, set on a mission to try all cheeses. born into a rich family and people dont like him cause of it, because hes a spoiled little bitch"

"spoiled cheese bitch"

"my god"

"hes pussy lip's dumb friend"

"he hangs around to make pussy lips look better"

"because pussy lips makes a fool of himself. but this guy? hes like the loveable but dumb best friend. he makes pussy lips look smart"

"he doesnt get along with his father"

"harold."

"hes the gay one"

"i know him"

"you like him. the sports girlies like him too. they make yaoi of him. thats charles"

Bonus, afterwards, "wait, that was charles, right?"

"charles hunk boyfriend"

"he lifts"

"💪💪💪"

"uhh idk his name's riley, he used to have a mohawk in his younger days. he was a punk rocker"

"he liked black flag"

"his head looks like a sodding tic tac"

"his friends call him thimble. theyre like haha thimble you're the best"

"hes like the designated younger brother. they leave him behind when he ties his shoes. but they love him"

"he looks so familiar. he's giving me deja vu one second"

"his name is paul. hes named after paul mccartney. his mom liked the beatles. he really likes those rice cake things. he was bullied in school but now he gets all the girls"

"this is the first dude whos looked approachable. how many of these dude are you showing me?"

"his names leonardo. fun loving guy who takes walks on the beach with his girlfriend. really likes sour gummy worms and hawaiian shirts if you know what im getting at. he loves playing angry birds"

"this one's a little bitch"

"he played one of the mean kids in his middle school charlie and the chocolate factory play and it shaped him forever"

"his names probably brady. his friends call him brad though cause he thinks it's cool and he wants to be brad pitt. aggressively american"

@mclarensangels also did this with their sibling. I found it hilarious, so I decided to do it with mine, so thank you for the great idea 😭😭

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dragelton · 4 months

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the ghosts finale was literally the worst finale of any show i have ever seen and i fully mean it

youre gonna take THE gay person found family show, add a fucking baby into the mix, have alison leave the ghosts so she can focus on the baby???

and like yeah. she has to. of course she has to. but like the baby isnt REAL. they wrote that thing in. they had her look at her found family and go sorry guys, this was fun but i need to focus on my real family, me and my DH and our lovely baby girl.

and see like. everyones posting analysis about how its actually even more family that they left because you also have to move out of your home when you grow up and only see your family for holidays yadda yadda and its like. well. yeah thats true. you live with your family until youre older and you love them but you outgrow them, who as much as you might like them are a part of you as your family and not as people you have independently grown to bond with. so you eventually leave them and surround yourself with a friend group or something such. one might even call it. a found family. and the reason why this sucks shit is because it betrays that this whole time the people writing this found family have been thinking “well yeah friendship is awesome but its nothing like REAL family where when a mommy and a daddy love each other very much-”

and then with that perspective you think back to the core of these characters who resonated so much and realize that their tragedies have always been a lack of family. julian was a serial cheater and workaholic who never told his daughter he loved her. pat will never get to see his kids grow up. thomas died before he could marry his beloved. fanny was robbed of a marriage with a man who loves her. kitty never grew up and got the dream wedding she desperately wants to have and her daddy never loved her. and then you get to cap who by all rights should be the exception to this and realize that when they teased him coming out the whole show but at the end subverted it to make it about his lost love it was not a radical portrayal of love between two men it was actually about them having the most cishet perspective on gay identity. it was them looking at a man who spent his entire life repressing his sexuality and going my, what a tragedy, he never got to get married.

of course you can say this has always been what the show is, that its not the shows fault i thought i was watching something else. fair enough. but appearently i’ve been watching something that is just not that good. like im going to be honest maybe it was just kind of bad.

#bbc ghosts #six idiots #bbc ghosts spoilers

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lostdrarryfics · 2 months

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lostdrarryfics monthly roundup! February 2024

Below you will find the requests we could not locate in the month of February. Please let us know if you recognize any!

You can also browse our lengthy lost fic masterlist, where we have compiled every request we have been unable to find over the past few years. We're always hoping someone will recognize a fic so we can let the asker know what it was!

1. looking for a fic that came out maybe between 2003-2009 on fanfiction.net. In it, Sirius and Remus are alive and dating, and they are Harry’s gay godfathers. They might give Harry a makeover. Harry and Draco fall in love, and I think that they’re still at school. Lucius and Voldemort are dating at Malfoy Manor and one of them has a thing for purses. Lucius swishes his hair a lot.

2. fic on ao3. It was a pre war drarry. Draco-centric where he befriended harry. I think it was time travel fix it, but im not very sure. Lucius and draco are arguing about Draco’s behavior and lucius smacks draco in the face. his ring cuts dracos cheek and he bleeds. Both him, narcissa, and draco are shocked over this since its not like lucius to hit draco. Narcissa yells at lucius and then tries to talk with draco in his room. Im pretty sure draco ran off to 12 grimmauld place after that and sirius and harry where there when he arrived. I think he arrives at hogwarts train with a bandage in his face. pretty sure draco was the one to get sirius out of Azkaban early

Found! 3. I read this fic a pretty long time ago, at least 5 years and I've been looking everywhere for it but can't find it. I think it was on ao3, eighth year, where Harry gets turned into a kid (around 7years maybe? Definitely under 10) and McGonagle makes Draco take care of him. Harry has big scars on his back from the Dursleys and they cause him to have seizures (? Or something like spasms maybe that are painful) fic is not The Dragon and The Golden Baby by jolly_love

Found! 4. looking for a fic I read in the past couple months on Ao3 where Harry has a menial job at Gringotts as a form of repayment. He knows his goblin co-workers pretty well but he’s not allowed to do any important work. He and Draco are tasked with opening a box that hold’s a witch’s will and the key turns out be a pendant his goblin boss is wearing and it’s revealed that he and the witch had a relationship. It was not part of a larger series and it was probably under 15k words. fic is not Reparations by Lomonaaeren

5. it’s years post war and Harry has been an auror abroad. I think maybe France? But he comes back for a case and is surprised to be working with Draco. Then he learns Draco is friends with all his friends, especially Luna and Neville. There’s a scene where Luna asks him to model for her cuz her model dropped out last min and Harry loses his mind over the photo the next day.

6. slowburn drarry fic! unfortunately all I remember is that Draco had been sorted into a house other than Slytherin, and Hermione often helped him with his anxiety being around crowds

7. Draco asked harry what would happen if the aurors come to take him to Azkaban for the use of his wand, and Harry answers that he would kill them all and them do it with Draco right there, I know that harry was morally grey but not dark harry

Found! 8. It’s an eventual Tom/Draco/Harry story. Good dark side. Harry ends up kidnapped/captive and they realise he is abused and start taking care of him. He is kept in a hotel in France I think. Dumbledore gets him back and uses a ritual to turn him into a puppet. Ginny and hermione support this. Ron eventually regrets and helps Draco let the Death Eaters into Hogwarts. They reverse the ritual on Harry. Dark side wins.

Found! 9. I don’t know which year, but it’s one of the fanfictions where Harry is the Heir to like 8 different families, and Narcissa teaches him etiquette. The thing that is stuck in my head is that he uses a special knot for his tie, which represents all the families. I think he was actually introduced to the Wizengamot and voting on stuff, but I might mix that up with other similar fanfictions. fic is not Birth of the Serpent King by Keira Marcos

10. post-war fic I read on Ao3 probably in 2021 or 2022. All I remember is that Harry accidentally travels through time and wants to again (for Draco obvs) but Hermione says even his small trip caused big changes and now there's this thing called Brexit.

#our new monthly roundup!#drarry #lost fic #drarry fic #drarry fic search #drarry squad

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incorrectcreepypastafam · 3 months

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Creepypasta As DanAndPhilGAMES Quotes After The Revival

Toby: I’ve graduated into fuckland

Jeff: just stop speaking

Toby: okay

Toby: soft launching the gay

Jeff: I’m gonna hard launch you out of that window

Liu: know what I mean?

Jeff: no

Jeff: is it hard for you to speak sometimes

Lyra: did that work

Jeff: not really

Lyra: I tried really hard

Jeff: what is the most emo clothing we got here

Jeff: my brother, WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE

Lyra: look at this magnificent bitch

Brian: communities that shit together stay together

Jeff: I will try to be normal

Tim: where’s your mind at

Toby: where’s your mom at

Toby: and now I’m wet in this suit

Lyra: uhhhhhhhhhh

Lyra: you pissed?

Toby: I’m gonna stop breathing

Jeff: thank you, Toby, that’s a good volunteer

Ben: maybe they got struck by lightning

Jeff: where was the lightning bitch

Ben: I’m gonna haunt every generation of your family

Tim: should we take it in turns with the swinging?

Tim: that’s what someone’s mom said last night

Game: it’s been a long day

Liu, to Jeff: me sitting next to you

Brian: I’m grabbing my boobs

Sally: is it an alien or Squidward? What are we being chased by?

Sally: it’s hard for me to tell

Liu: THATS THE SHADOW OF THE ROSE ITS NOT A DEMON

Jeff: if that baby comes out I’m gonna kill you

Toby: I’d like that

Toby: you know what they say about big feet

Lyra: what

Toby: big socks

Lyra: okay

Jeff: half an hour montage of Tobias Rogers attempting to learn how to put on a cape

Toby: can you help

Jeff: no

Toby: and then I just saw some lightning happening in the microwave and thought “what a beautiful night for a thunderstorm”

Sally: I don’t do drugs I don’t know what grams are

Lyra: im hot I don’t know how to count

Jeff: maybe I am heaven

Sally, pointing at plastic spiders: that’s Ben. That’s Ben 2. That’s Ben 3

Liu: I’m gonna give us a solid 7/10 on that one

Jeff: just a seven? Are you fucking kidding me

Liu: I was being humble

Jeff: fuck humble

Jeff: do you ever reflect on our lives and just think… stop

Liu: yeah all the time

Tim: I wanna fuck the Eiffel tower

Jeff: dead people in France

Liu: STOP IT

Ben: im gonna hit you with a meteor

Sally: im gonna microwave you

Toby: can I just show you something

Jeff: is it a dead person in France

Jeff: im in my cougar era. Watch out twinks, Jeff is on the prowl

Lyra: I wanna do things to this house

Liu, through his teeth: what do you want to do to the house, Lyra?

Liu, through his teeth: respect the house, Lyra

Jeff: what happens when you tap the emo dragon

Liu: you want me to tap it?

Jeff: yeah

Liu: *taps dragon*

*g note plays*

Jeff: that’s damn right

Ben: I do not think playing this game is how Christ would want us to start his season but here we are

Jeff: but Santa would and so would his brother, Satan

Ben: okay

Jeff: I don’t own any sex toys that go chomp chomp

Jeff: but nice to know that you do

Jeff: I’d say Jesus Christ but I know he’s not listening right now

Toby: five strokes and you’re done

Jeff: that’s what they call me. Five strokes Jeffy

Jeff: who’s they? What am I saying?

*trying to figure out what lmb stands for*

Jeff: lobotomy maybe bestie

Toby: look mate… BITCH

Jeff: it’s making you more intelligent that’s why you’re winning at golf

Jeff: we finally found a way to fix you

Sally: you’re banned from friendship

Ben: this is a safe space

*literally five minutes later*

Ben: point at the guy who doesn’t know how to crouch

Lyra: I would like you all to tell me how I can be better at this game

Ben: um don’t walk down hole

Lyra: okay

*playing Lethal Company*

Jeff: Ben’s not here let’s have a party

Ben: please get back on the ship or I’ll be leaving without you

Jeff: we thought we found a wheel. It was a mine

Jeff: they’re both fucking dead as fuck

Ben, laughing: good job

Jeff: Tim, you’re a top bunk kinda guy right?

Tim: that’s not what Tumblr says

Jeff: is that brown Grimace

Jeff: what the fuck am I looking at

Toby: I’ve never watched an episode of My Little Pony

Jeff: no because you’re normal

Game: who invented the lightning rod

Sally: me

Lyra: what’s the opposite of tears

Jeff:

Jeff: piss

Jeff: and the moral of the story is

Jeff: fuck books

Jeff: get paper cuts

Liu: no

Jeff: what

Liu: stop

Jeff: oh I missed this completely

Liu: is there some kind of grimy wall from your childhood we need to talk about

Jeff: it’s you bitch

Lyra: I put up flyers for car washing. I washed someone’s car and then they said I scratched it with my rings. Why was an eight year old wearing rings?

Jeff: did they try to scam an eight year old?

Lyra: YES

Jeff: you should’ve killed them

Brian: I would give birth to a child on this

Tim: yes

Brian: I would eat the child straight off it

Tim: no

Liu: let’s just grab an apple and try our best

Toby: hey Siri what’s 25+6

Ben:

Ben: girl-

Ben: 31

Toby: 29

*playing Poppy Playtime*

Jeff, to a toy oven: come with me, Owen

Liu: Owen needs to stay where he is

Jeff: I will love you, Owen

Jeff: I don’t like to contribute I just like to judge

Liu: but, Jeff, what is a VPN?

Jeff: virtual private gnome

Liu: gnome begins with a g

Jeff: :0

Sally: everything is just too heavy

Sally: even milk like

Sally: why are you heavy

Lyra: honestly liquid needs to calm down

Lyra: you know what we say about

superstitions

Liu: that they’re not real?

Lyra:

Lyra: do you wanna fight

Toby: just like Sonic The Hedgehog we’re going speed dating

Toby: … as he was known to do

Ben: what

Toby: what fictional characters could we see here

Toby: what are you expecting

Lyra: I’m expecting an anime boy

Lyra: I don’t know who else

Toby: Bill Clinton

Lyra: okay

Toby: he’s real

Jeff: I don’t care if Mozart did this when he was five he’s a nerd

Liu, about baboons: they only live up to 30 years in the wild and 45 years in captivity

Jeff: oh my god you’ve only got a couple years left

Ben: life comes at you fast and so does Trombone Champ

Tim: unleash the babussy

Jeff: did you just g note me with a fucking trombone

Jeff: last time I lost my voice. I’m loud as fuck today you’re gonna wish I had

Lyra: they ate

Liu: okay

Jeff: I was 26 doing that on YouTube

Jeff: fuck yeah good for me

Jeff: did you know that we are celebrities

Toby: celebritenis

Jeff: we are vips

Toby: vipenis

Jeff: we are influenc-

Jeff: *vomit noise*

Jeff: what did you just say

Toby: vipenis

Jeff:

Sally: when I did 23andme it said I was 8% lobster and I think we all know why

Brian: I think I looked snatched

Toby: *dies laughing*

Brian: did I use that right

Jeff: look it’s hard being this pretty

Lyra, reading the question: if they were having a party, what would they serve

Jeff: cunt

Jeff: sorry

Toby: I mean anything could’ve slipped onto something

Jeff: what

Toby: I don’t know what I mean

Jeff: oh god

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