#IM NOT DEPRESSED ANYMORE GUYS

[headaching]

*guy who hasn’t posted in 8 weeks voice* um. hi for the love of god hello

#i miss you i miss you i miss you imwgonna throw up #i went to absentee mutual island and it was full of mirrors 😔 #god do you guys even laugh at that meme anymore ive been gone so long #probably but still #just wanted to pop in and say im okay! but going through a really bad depressive episode and i feel like all my energy is going toward #the baseline obligations of my job and surviving. i don’t want tumblr to feel like an obligation but sadly that’s where im at rn #but i don’t want you to worry about me! im okay!!! #and if you’ve sent me a message/ask well. i love you dearly and im so sorry i don’t have the spoons to interact rn #but i’ll be back as soon as i can! im moving soon and taking time off at the end of the month for a trip #ily guys so much and i hope everything’s been good <3 mwah mwah #side note ive only been gone for 2 months why does tumblr look completely different hello

[todayisafridaynight]

would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol

i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki

#snap chats #haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant #anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much #i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do #fine lets get Real Talk about it #well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there #and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway #i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls #like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it #that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji// #like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence #smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on #its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP #i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode #especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much #i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught #aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up #and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful #his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry. #his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore #like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene #plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too.... #idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL #i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀 #maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO #thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever

[us-costco-official]

WOOOOOOOOOOOOO GENDER EUPHORIA TY FOR VISITING ME BABYDAWG

#teehee :3 #from the shelves of costco #nvm guys im not depressed at all anymore

[myriadsystem]

.

#personal #i have doctors appt today with a new doctor its literally not even a real appointment i just need some stupid forms signed #but guys im so stressed im so scared ive already cried once about it today i just. i fucking hate doctors so so much #theyre all so bad. im not in the mood to be dismissed again today and its 15 goddamn degrees so everything feels bigger and worse than it is #if they dont sign the form i dont get paid any more and if i dont get paid i cant continue to try and sort out my medical #which means i continue to not get paid and im just. so scared. so so fucking scared i dont even care if we find the start if the path #to vetter my health i dont care about gettinf better right now i just need this fucking form signed but #ive already been dismissised for it once and i have new doctor jitters. what do you mean i have to tell someone new that #i have ptsd and anxiety and depression and fibro and alleged bpd but its probably autism actually and hope #hope and prey they losten to me because its other doctors that have told me this and im definitely computer illiterate i couldntve come up #with all this on my own i promise ive done zero research into my own symptoms i live with every day im a simpleton im an idiot #please believe me dr refer me to ypur colleagues for further testing but in the mwan time sign the one form i need please #im so scared. i dont know what to do. my tarot says to tryst myself and find my own authority about the situation #but like literally legally i cant i have to rely on the hope this new doctor gives her signature or i dont get fucking paid as stated #i hate this i feel so shaky and nervous and nauseous and awful 😮‍💨 #and im supposed to do groceries today. im at the very end of my shopping like if i dont go get food today #then i dont eat tonight but its cold and rainy and im super stressed abt the appointment so idk if ill be able to go shopping after #i dont wanna die anymore but like rn i kinda do this is too much today feels like too much #help me im drowning

[ihearasound]

had a very disappointing doctors visit yesterday where my doctors advice was almost word for word "i don't really get your problem. I don't know how to help you" when i told him i've been struggling with a heavy depressive episode for months now. followed up by banger comments such as "But it's not that bad, right? Let's meet again in 3 months and see how you're doing" "Yeah your depression history tracks and makes sense to me. But I don't know how to help you"

#sigh im just disappointed #this guy is my new neurologist #i loved my old one but looks like he isnt going to be working anymore #i guess i should probably look for a new one #how can a neurologist not get depression??? #felt very cynical on the way home seeing constant 'depression is invisible. reach out!' ads everywhere #i dont think i will thank youm

[wizardfvcker]

this is not supposed to be a hot take in any way but i did have the impression that the general plot of bg3 was like.... better

#.txt #sorry big words coming from the dragon age guy. i know #still im like. yeah yeah the tadpole we've all heard it #yeah the absolute. what do i care literally #put the devil back in the call #i KNOW im still in act 1 but also it feels like after 40 hours of game i should be like. yeah somethings happening #this is like half of a dragon age #anyway don't even be fooled I've played like 30 hours of this game in the past 4 days so somethings definitely happening to me either way #am I just too depressed to have fun anymore????

[garbagequeer]

the thing about beautiful riverdale is that there are a couple of people in my life who seem to have learned the trick to see me turn into the happiest person on earth with the biggest smile under any circumstances which is asking me about riverdale

#the other day having dinner one last time with my friend before she moved to germany #which i could comfortably fit into my schedule because i was on a depression leave from work that lasted almost 2 full months #talking about life: (us both) well it's been going bad hasnt it. what with no money and crazy families and tragedy striking a ho etc etc #her bf asks me about what books im reading: well im reading this book about this guy who lives such a meaningless life what with capitalism #that you think yeah the only way out is to kill yourself here but the guy has become such a non-person that he cant even #kill himself in any way that matters. also he hates women so it's a really upsetting book #me to the bf: so do you already know when it's a good time to visit her in germany #the bf: well actually there used to be cheap flights but not anymore so idk if we can visit because it's so expensive now :( #my friend (genius): so i heard riverdale ended what happened on riverdale season 7 #and for 10 minutes it was a great time thank you riverdale forever #personal

[the-wizard-writes]

It's not fine

So… I know it's been a while since I posted on here but, to be honest I really haven't been having a good time in my life recently. To be honest, I sometimes feel like I'm doing things wrong for the sake of other people really and I don't really have a healthy outlet to vent out my fustrations.

It's nice though. I use this blog to give myself a little bit of escapeism into some place where I want to be or well an idea that sounds amazing on paper that's personalized to me. Writing and coming up with ideas and stories makes me feel like I have some sense of control. Like building blocks wehre I have an idea and I just keep building. I think most writers can relate to that statment of building up a world from nothing, imagining characters, and hey it's silly but it helps when yourself feels like your last in a race where everyone else is in front of you and have things figured out. And, I don't.

I constantly feel like I'm on edge and it just keeps building up until I feel the next high point in my life. I get really great highs of small victories in life only to be blocked by something greater. It's happened over and over and OVER and I just don't know if I'm the only one that sees it around me or am I just cluless. Am I not allowed to be upset? Am I not allowed to cry? Yell into my pillow? Am I just suppose to get up on my boot straps and say it's"fine??"

NO. It's not fine!! I'm not fine! You don't know how I feel because you never had to experience feeling like this! It's a new world! I new generation of problems that you just can't understand! I just want to be left alone for a bit and cry is that too much to ask??? Am I just not allowed to express my emotions!

I AM SAD I AM ANGRY I AM CONFUSED I AM SCARED I DONT KNOW WHAT THE HELL IM DOING WITH MY LIFE AND I JUST LIE TO SAVE FACE.

is it all just too much to ask for someone to undertsand? Someone to be next to me. I kick and scream while I just burst into a million pieces? Is it too much to ask for just someoen to give me a sign of what to do??

I dont want to hear any more it's fine because it's not i am not fine i do not feel fine i don't know how I feel And I don't know if I will ever understand how I feel.

#tw depressing stuff #tw diary #tw rant #rant post #im sorry guys really I am #I just don't know what to do anymore #its hard to explain #and it's hard for me to communicate this #i made this blog to maybe share my stories but I haven't posted in a while because of this #kinda a vent post about my life and where it is now

[trannyposting]

Cleaning the depression room is gender affirming care.

#I’m self undiagnosing; im not depressed anymore #I’m not even upset I can’t afford estrogen this month guys #my room is clean #clean room #depression #mental health #transgender #lgbtqia #transfem #transmasc #gender #queer #gay #nonbinary #transgirl

[lesbianjonimitchell]

anyways i made the psychiatrist have a laughing fit today so im winning at being in the psych ward

#have been in the psych ward from march to the beginning of may. was discharged but came back this weekend because i am incredibly unwell. #the good news though! this psychiatrist actually sees that im clinically depressed and is medicating me and referred me to the depression #clinic here at the hospital. its only taken 2-3 years god bless #im ELATED i dont have to see the fuckface psychiatrist from the pd unit anymore. fuck that guy fr #why would you specialise in psychiatry when you have no empathy? lord knows #kære dagbog

[scary-monsters]

tbh the anxiety is making me feel physically ill but fingers crossed that i can get through an assessment at a hospital soon 🤞🏻 my boss recommended an outpatient program to me, if everything works out i'll hopefully be taking a leave of absence from work for a few weeks to get my life and, more important, mental health under control

#no idea how quickly this will be happening bc i've never done anything like it before #but i already told HR i was planning on it. just a matter of getting myself to the hospital #working on finding a ride atm bc i don't drive. maybe talking abt it will keep me accountable #bc im really bad abt saying im going to do something to help myself out and then .. Not doing it #ig i usually feel like i can simply nut up and shut up and be fine but things are getting to a point where they Are Not Fine #and i can't keep pushing away my problems #maybe a little tmi idk but i like keeping you guys updated #anyway i know i've been distant as fuck and i never answer anybody anymore and i swear to you that's nothing personal #i'm just not myself right now and i don't like exposing people to Me when i'm majorly depressed

[todayisafridaynight]

seonhee and sawashiro both being associated with purple's the most evil shit in the world now who the fuck am i supposed to put in my purple card holder

#snap chats #sorry guys im one of those girlies who are super into card holders now </3 esp the ones you can customize </3 #highkey i got this cause i wanted to put my school id in it so i didnt have to take my wallet out every time i needed to get in my buildin #BUT ON THE LOWEST OF KEYS I GOT IT TO BE MENTALLY ILL TOO i was obsessed watchin people journal and make cute card holders #i dont get recc'd those vids anymore but i remember watchin em an bein like MAN i wanna do that.... thats so cute.. #on the real i think card holder customizing's healthy for me. it helps me learn to use things i buy LMAO #CAUSE WITH STICKERS AND THE SORT I HOARD THEM AND NEVER USE EM #and i always get buyer's guilt even if it's something small so i just think. i have to learn letting go and things not being perfect is ok #YOU BOUGHT IT SO USE IT like those ishin colognes... like the scent'll fade anyway i should use them while i can... #as much fun and therapeutic I Think as this was tho i cant imagine having a need to get another card holder... tragedy.. #regardless. this card holder's really cute </3 spoilers it's a kuromi one cause i needed more purple in my room i fuckin guess #the stickers were real cute.. also there was a lil baku... hi baku <3 #which leads me back to my problem. '''''''problem''''''' yeah i dont even have a printer here but when i go back to my ma's i wanna be sick #walmart lets you get photos on that GLOSSY PAPER... tempted... anyway no listen to my non problems #cause in my heart i do associate kuromi with seonhee alright it just makes sense. PLUS baku and joon-gi #COUNTERPOINT. HOWEVER. there is no image funnier than slapping a depressed middle aged man who prob has a worryin body count #into a card holder decorated with hearts and sweets and bows with a big ass heart keychain danglin off it. like cmon #big brain move is to print out one pic each of em and just swap em out every other day LOOOL #i just want an excuse to show off the card holder.. i get why people have these now this was fun and cute.... #ok bye i think ive been ill enough tonight #i thought i was gonna finish another comm but ☠️ ill just do them tomorrow morning they wont take long..

[dockaspbrak]

what the hell

#ok not to be rude but #i sort of cant handle the depression perhaps anymore like it is unending #i dont understand why god cant just give me theability to reanimate the dead or perhaps just do it himself #i miss the little guy i kind of dont know what to even do #i feel stupid bc i feel like its like....people dont really perhaps i just dont think people are that cool about talking abt grief #esp about pets..like #i feel silly for being so depressed but i also cant perhaps handle it #the self loathing is really hitting a peak this week idk like #where do ie ven go from here is my thought i guess i dont really want to be alive or do anything i just miss him so much #he was so sweet and small #i keep getting served videos about like senior 20 yr old cats being surrendered to shelters and like #im so mad like id do anything to have gotten 2 more years with him wht the fuck are you giving them up for #what the hell #its frustrating because ir eally dont want to be comforted or even spoken to about this im just like mad #mad and bargaining clearly i forget what stages those are #depressed yet pissed off also like what the fuck did he do to deserve this it was so fucking fast #cherish your fucking pets. treasure every fucking day #ugh #maybe ill try a different kind of eating again for awhile tbh lets see what thats like in the new context of living w regan #its hard bc its human nature to criticize and correct i think so its hard to feel like i have the space to do what i want? bc of that.... #idk idk

[knightoflove]

I care so little about celebrities at this point. If you still like some people then that’s great. I’m happy for you but its starting to feel like bread and circuses to me :/

#trist.txt #vent tw #a little bit #celeberty blank did this!! cool. #this one guy did this one thing!!! awesome #I just can’t bring myself to care anymore #and maybe it’s me realizing that I was deep in several parasocial relationships with a handful of celebrities #maybe it’s me having depression about the world #I just feel like they’re so… inconsequential. yknow? #none of this is in a IM BETTER THAN YOU way. or I’m not trying to be like that at least

[girl6000]

i just saved u guys from reading the most tmi post in the world u dont know how good uve got it with me

#p #and i was just saying shit for the sake of talking but anyway #and u know what as im typing this!! i will not be censored here goes #i was talking about how i realized im bi a few months ago when i went my entire teenage life thinking i was a lesbian #but now recently and by recently i mean since june/july #ive come to the conclusion that actually the reason i even believed to not be attracted to men was bc i went on birth control at 13 #and at 13 i was still kinda on the fence of if i would ever like men or not. but bc of hormonal developments that are influenced by bc #i feel like i never actually developed any sort of teenie desire to explore sexuality which would probably have been healthy #and so i decided that i probably liked girls only bc i never had a crush on anyone or liked anyone but i did know that i enjoyed spending #time with girl friends and i guess bc they were m #my friend group nd i felt safe with them i could then develop crushes on them #and i never had any guy friends to do that with and since any kind of hormonal teenie sexuality developments were stunted it never occured #to me that i could like guys too #and what im getting to is that since i got off birth control this year i started finding random people attractive #and feeling like i actually would like to have a relationship or whatever #but i could be overanalyzing and be completely wrong about this #anyway so i guess ur not being spared but at least its in the tags now #if ur still reading this i have feelings for you #and actually i do believe going off bc was the best thing i could have done my depression has halved and i have close to no migraine attacks #i feel better in every way and im so so glad i dont have to take it anymore #if u think about it its kinda fucked up that they put children on that shit for the crime of havin acne

[branchofcinnamon]

the feeling of fading into obscurity with your friend group, having nothing to talk about or contribute to the conversation because you’re not up to date on the same shows or games anymore because you kinda just don’t care anymore

#negative #depression #rambling in the tags #it’s like sure I still like this thing #but at the same time I don’t really care #don’t know if it’s the depression #or everything just sucks now like quality wise #i dont think thats it though lol #i just know my friends keep telling me to ''read this'' ''watch this'' ''play this'' #and internally im like #i dont really care you guys #but i dont say that cuz then im being a killjoy downer #just not excited for anything anymore #or nothing is holding my interest long enough #i always distracted myself with shows/games/whatever #but its not working anymore #✨oversharing✨