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#IM NOT FUNCTIONING WELL 😭
satansknitwear · 1 year
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Thankfully these were at the top of my camera roll, so i am not completely postless right now 😑
Treat me ~ Tip me
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jewishfalin · 1 year
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Why do so many psychiatrists love to gaslight. Okay, Hannibal Lecture.
If I had a nickel for every time a psychiatrist straight up told me lies I would have too fucking many and that's a problem.
#like first a psychiatrist tells me my seizures r psychological BECAUSE of my history of Forbidden Disorder and anxiety#and then they get worse and its clearly epilepsy and im on meds now and my condition was neglected bc a misdiagnosis based on stigma#and then now im like hey so i am still struggling with Forbiden Dissociative Disorder can i get some resources or a mf therapist rec#and this psych straight up tells me DID isn't a diagnosis anymore (I FOUND NO EVIDENCE OF THIS CLAIM BTW)#AND tells me my amnesia is bc of seizures.... LIKE I LIVE IN MY BODY AND U HAVE LITERALLY ONLY SPOKEN TO ME VIA PHONE#IDK I THINK I KNOW MYSELF A LITTLE MORE THAN YOU DO FUCKING JEFF#and i know the mf difference between switching and and HAVING A SEIZURE like???#those r very different things. like ik theres different kinds of seizures but for ME theres just no comparing theyre 2 different things😭#there is a clear difference between me collapsing and becoming unresponsive on the floor like a fish outta water#and me telling people to call me a different name and having completely separate identities that others notice. and i cant remember#and like ive dealt with it all long enough that I'm aware and can communicate w my alters n stuff and i have to to function#and for YEARS since highschool its been like. i talk to professionals and theyre like hm yea u basically would meet all requirements#however u might as well not get diagnosed bc no one wants to deal w that.#LIKE IVE LITERALLY BEEN TOLD THAT MULTIPLE TIMES ALMOST EXACT WORDS#and i hate how i know fake claiming being a public thing has rlly fucked w peoples perception of did n stuff#idk im so fuckin pissed man. reverting to my will graham era i fucking guess
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#the thing abt me is that if u complement me in an academic context i will melt#me walking into every interview: fuck this school. i dont wanna go there. im sad. on one is gonna want me. i can hardly function. fuck this#me walking out of every interview: fuck. the project is cool and they said nice things abt me 😭#fuck. the guy from the lab i interviewed with basically said if u wanna be here i can make it happen. i like ur style and i think ur a#super good candidate 😭 and he quoted my wanky writing bc i got a bit flowery and idealistic lol#and hes on the admissions committee so he was like: yea i can support u if u want just let me kno#and fucking hell the project is cool. but the thing is i think id have to be less of a sad sac bc i think he expects a lot and is hands off#but it is a big institution with a lot of creative ppl and theyre good abt supporting interdisciplinary work#so like the opportunities there would be pretty fucking great i think. hhhhhh god. theres no way i could take the uk one now#fuck. wtf am i gonna do abt that? do i bow out now before ive committed so they have a shot with another person#or is it too late for that bc they already put my name forward to the committee#god dammit. this was the one i was supposed to b like yea no shot am i getting this. and now im like fucking considering it like#the opportunities.... but id have to live in new jersey... it would b closer to home i guess. id b back on east coast time#and i could work with Yellowstone organisms. and i bet the classes r pretty fucking rad education wise#god. decisions. im gonna play Choices by the Hoosiers like a million times#thats what i did wjen i was deciding to go for undergrad. and then i didnt even decide. i was just like... well i dont wanna go to the#place all my classmates r going. i will go 3hrs away. then 12hrs by plane for my masters#fuck. at least it went well. everyone was nice and the 2nd guy i talked to was like:#even if u dont go here. email me if u end up working with zinc and i can help. and i was like 😭#i got a bit rambly with him but whatever he was 15min late so we're even lol#i was way too nervous. but it was ok. but also i dont understand wtf other incoming phd students r like??#like they say im a good candidate and ive got good background and im like ??? what sort of losers r u looking at if u think im good?#i just think maybe what i wanna do is unique and very specific so im like not trying to do just anything. i have standards lol#and apparently im more coherent than i give myself credit for. i talk good sometimes and i have enthusiasm when i dont feel like im dying#god. i was not expecting this. i dont belong at a school working with tech startups like wtf. i come from a place of slightly trash#universities lol. well my undergrad uni wasnt so bad... well i mean the city is the butt of a lot of ohio related jokes tho. im looking at#u klinger. fucking mean streets of toledo. whatever the school im at now is worse. couldnt even keep my boss here smh#anyway what the fuck. and i got a lotta writing done today what the fuck#me being competent???? unheard of. god. imagine if i had my shit together. i could kill god. algae and other scientists would fear me#unrelated
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antidotesprout · 1 year
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[I need to be drawing but my hands are so cold 🥲]
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sad--tree · 9 months
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impulsively ordered a new pair of boots bc i saw shoefreaks had a pair of demonias on clearance sale in my size (!) and like. do i need another pair of platform boots? absolutely not and these weren't even on my wishlist but fuckit they're cool and at the moment i need every tiny shred of Something Good To Look Forward To after wrestling with my godforsaken java assignment for hours and getting absolutely fucking nowhere. the Death And Doom And Perpetual Academic and Professional and Personal Failure Spiral is real folks and if some 5" platform heels are what puts the brakes on said spiral in2 the Bottomless Pit of Despair well then so be it
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here-2suffer · 7 months
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I just wanna a nap where I'm not super drousy and still imagining things when I wake up. I wanna wake up with clear vision, my mind actually functioning, just for one time please 🙏
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nunutual · 1 year
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♡.
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so scared of having a roommate i will survive but also. that is Someone. in my room. or alternatively. i am the Someone. in THEIR room. i know that it’ll be our room but also………………
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louveyous · 1 year
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I'm soooo excited for the album I honestly cannot wait so I wanted to ask you to rank the song by the titles and what we know about them so far ! and you can add what do you expect from all of them if you have certain expectations
omgie an ask ! lovely :) im superrr excited too and reading fan reactions/comments from the listening parties is so intriguing and also so annoying im incredibly jealous😭
answer under the cut bc i got way too excited and typed my heart out !! louis' music is a Very Good topic imo it should be talked about more often rather than....... anything else🥴💘 (warning: ridiculously long-ass answer below LOL)
initial predictions
okay i would just like to start by giving you the predictions i made before we got any interviews and before we got the full tracklist (when we were unscrambling letters basically)! sadly i never completed it bc i got busy,,, i think i was kinda close with Written All Over Your face and Bigger Than Me, though!!!
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i originally thought we'd get 16 songs for standard and 18 for deluxe 🥹 (im kinda right!!) and i thought we would get 5 singles, but now i'm thinking 3 hehe (edit: actually 2 now but let's just say 3 for the sake of this ask)
my song ranking (by title & vibes):
my ranking is based on how intrigued i am by the title and also by the song's description, so basically the songs i'm most excited for! admittedly my ranking changed lot as we learned more information about the songs. i'll also add in my opinions/predictions ab the song. obviously, i know nothing; i could be extremely wrong. also here's a summary of what we know so far by @silverfoxlou 🫶🏽 your post helped a lot when i made this hehe thank u <3
1. Silver Tongues:
"a joyful and wholesome moment that honors the little intricacies of his relationship"
when it's louis' favorite, you Know it's a banger. i'm Veryyy intrigued by this song because louis described it as a high energy song but the lyrics are said to be joyful and wholesome? the little intricacies of his relationship? sounds like an interesting combination. Kill My Mind's sister? or ONE of kmm's sisters?? it's interesting to me how. kmm is an upbeat high energy song but with a kind of toxic relationship with a person or thing,,, this one's a Also an upbeat high energy song but! with a more well-adjusted relationship, i'd say- maybe that's growth... i do have a feeling we're getting multiple kmm's 🥹 he really really really likes this one! kmm was my top 3 in walls <3 it's going to be super fun for louis performing this live and for fans screaming the lyrics back to him. superrrr excited!!!
2. Out of my System
"a pulsating, punk-tinged Arctic Monkeys-inspired track... indie rock", (either 'Teddy Picker' or 'Dancing Shoes'), "a song that is as punk as I can get away with" (Altpress), "
guys, this is the mussy song. i Love arctic monkeys, are you kidding me!!!! this is going to slap so good i just know it. the partial lyrics can seen in the merch! back when we didnt know what sounds inspired fitf, the lyrics did seem very sad but with a punk/emo/grunge feel i think it could work and not be as depressing as the lyrics make it out to be! louis also listed this as his top 3, too so im expecting a lot <3 if i had to guess, this song is about releasing tension, letting go, just. relieving stress and just going with the flow kinda thing? it's a release. also is this going to be released as the next single????? will fitf even have another single???? he better release it soon bc theres no way he'd have enough time to promo the next single (if he even plans to have promo......). fitf + new single promo seems like a bad business decision idk . the streets r saying oct 28th so watch out for that ! (edit: WAIT could be sooner actually???????? excited!!!!!!!)
3. Written All Over Your Face:
"an infectious indie floor-filler... reminiscent of the first two Arctic Monkeys albums", "a song that is as punk as I can get away with" (Euphoria), "punchy energy", "has a slick funky guitar groove"
i was! kinda right, right??? with my initial predictions? it sounds like an argument to me. the peer review results are in, this is the "whiny whore louis song" 😭 the one where his voice is described as "whiny and raspy and... sexual". we already have the lyrics so we know it's not an actual sex song. he starts this song w "hey babe",,, who does that. an arctic monkeys inspired song that's high energy and is paired with a voice that makes you want to bend him over??!??!!? sign me the FUCK up !!!!!!!!!!
4. Face the Music:
"good and bad and right and wrong are stories made up when we are young to scare us" (lyrics), "[this song] took the longest [to complete]"
wait i dont actually know why this song is so high on my list,,,, it's probably bc shes so mysterious and bc we havent heard a lot about her so im very curious. i want this to be a diss track! i think we need more of louis (righteously) talking shit <3 he needs to get angry ! call them out ! if this song's not about a particular relationship,,, maybe it could be about the music industry??? facing the music is having to deal with the consequences of your actions. louis voice: thought-provoking title. i don't have much input on this song but. anyway, this lyric snippet speaks to me in an lgbt way but that's only bc i'm gay 💘
5. That's the Way Love Goes:
"melodic and most tender song", "a little ballad moment", "a non-sexual love between two best friends", "an interesting story, an interesting visual going through the song"
platonic relationships mean the world to me you do not understand... But . i'm a little scared it's going to be another Perfect Now........ ok listen. listen!! louis said he's "confident that this is a song fans are going to adore", and you know he said that with pn,,, i know the themes of both songs are incredibly different, but i don't trust louis' perception of his fans bc i did Not like that song lol. i hope when he means fans, he doesn't mean 1d fans,, my problem with pn was mostly in the concept of the song... the cheesy lyrics werent cutting it for me either,, the melody was alright, but it really did sound like a 1d song. another thought that went through my head (that i mentioned earlier in my initial predictions!) is that it could parallel Only the Brave. i'm loving how louis seems to always end his albums with songs dedicated to love (otb being the unofficial queer love anthem, ttwlg being a louli anthem song ab platonic love). can't wait to hear the lyrics, and the sonic omg it's a ballad ! cant wait to hear how it sounds.
6. Saturdays
"a pretty emotional vocal... I remember being pretty emotional recording the vocals."
"a sad bop",,,, people who've heard it said it was a sad bop !!! saturdays as a title gave me the impression of nostalgia, fun childhood memories kinda thing... saturday cartoons, saturday sleepovers, saturday messing around with friends, just. a fun & cozy vibe i absolutely did not expect a sad one out of this. maybe it's sad nostalgia? some longing? louis also said this was like his top 2 song on fitf, and he said he remembered being emotional while recording the vocals :,o Change vibes tbh but i guess with more melancholy? really like the concept that i completely assumed & literally just made up (lol). watch me be so wrong about this lol😭
7. The Greatest:
"a celebration of [Louis and the fans'] relationship", "specifically written as a tour opener", "propulsive opening track", "musically, it's interesting", "there's probably not another song like that on the record"
so like We Made It !!! immediately, i'm imagining massive drums, massive guitars, loud booming volume at the start of the song and a big chorus that will set the energy for tour way up high. the title feels very grand, so sonically, i'm thinking it will match the title. louis starting an album very strong with The Greatest and then ending with a more mellow one like That's the Way Love Goes is <3
8. Angels Fly:
“Angels Fly” suggest the sort of stadium grandeur we know he’s capable of
what a pretty title. i want this one to be a rock song, or a rock song but like a dance-y one. based on the title alone, initially, i thought this would be like Two of Us, but rn im highly doubting we'll get a heavy grief laden song bc as louis said: "there's a weight to that record [Walls album] emotionally, and I needed to go through that process, but it's not really how I carry myself as a person." so since it probably won't be like tou, and since louis loooves being quirky, he'd probably go the polar opposite of what i expect(ed). i try to outsmart louis but who am i kidding, this man is literally insane i do Not stand a chance. really pretty title though !
9. Chicago:
"it's about a person", "past love story"
lordie it's About A Person,,, 'kay.... "a deep track",,,,, what got jojo wright thinking "who [Chicago] is about, what happened..." yknow, i'm a nosey person; i'm a chismosa- but when it comes to louis' love life, i dont know, i would just... rather stay oblivious lol (given the kind of insane people this fandom has🥴). im absolutely Not looking forward to how #they will twist his lyrics to fit #their narrative. im literally just here for the music, man. well,,, fandom aside, i sense a lot of hurt in this one. louis did say he got emotional while recording this one so there's that. anyway, using songs as proof for thories about an artist's personal life is actually demented literally just enjoy the song and go :)
10. Paradise:
only on faith in the future target exclusive and hmv vinyl deluxe
dave gibson uses the sea as this song's visuals. this one's on the deluxe/exclusive version... dave has been teasing this song since forever, i wonder what it's about. louis wrote Walls, Saved by a Stranger, Chicago, Face the Music, and Out of my System with dave, so already my expections for this song are high!! it's on the deluxe/exclusive, and alongside Copy of a Copy of a Copy! in my mind this one's already a certified banger. louis hasn't acknowledged this song (for now), i don't think..... he's gatekeeping it bc it's just that good i know it.
11. Common People:
"about reconnecting with his roots in Doncaster", "how amazing the people are there",
(lyrics) "when i get lost, i go back to where i started", a song about how his hometown keeps him grounded... maybe he's aiming to make a song that can be played in donny pubs, that'd be cute :) i'm betting on a fun song for this one! originally, bc of the title, i thought this would lean more on social issues bc louis once said he plans on writing those but i think he'll keep it light on this one and focus more on the home feeling. warm, mellow, and cozy— very home-y. a love letter to doncaster :D solidarity, camaraderie, unity sort of thing
12. Holding Onto Heartache:
nothing yet
painful title. louis,,, why hold onto heartache...? i was shocked when these are the words we got after unscrambling. is it cliché to think this one's a ballad? if so then im betting this is the opposite of that lol. rock!! or? a rock ballad maybe??!? dance-y rock ballad??!?? LOL we dont have much info on this one so im really just pulling all this out of my ass.
13. Lucky Again:
leaked last august, nothing official has been released(?)
well, this one got leaked in august and i still have 0 idea what it sounds like or what it could be about. i *have* heard others say that it's really good, or it should've been the lead single as opposed to Bigger Than Me. i don't really want too many songs that talk about romantic love tbh, so im retracting my original prediction & im going to say it's ab his career,,, life in general maybe? feeling lucky again for being given another shot.... at his career.....? he's been using the phrase "i've been lucky enough..." in interviews in regards to things hes done/things he had the opportunity to do so it could relate to that,, guys idk i am just a girl. i feel like this one will knock me off my feet bc i kinda blocked it out; i have been purposefully ignoring it to avoid spoilers😭
14. She is Beauty We are World Class:
"dance genre", was written together with Saturdays and Silver Tongues
the title is definitely the most interesting. i honestly have nooo clue. for some reason, when i search up world class, it directs me to the football definition of world class so 😭 it wouldn't surprise me y'know...... it's a song you can shake your ass to! play this one on football stadiums (just like what didn't happen to kmm lmao)! i personally don't listen to dance music a whole lot but if dmas can change louis' mind then im hoping louis can change mine too. i feel like im giving her a hard time ever since he said this was dance-y, but real talk, i think i'll like her a lot!!! just like all the songs on here i truly feel there won't be a big miss yknow !
15. Headline:
full lyrics
well, we already have the lyrics. i keep trying to make up melodies to match the lyrics for this one (lol) and i already know whatever i come up with will be absolute shit compared to what louis' cooked up. hmmm.... (shitty lyric analysis ahead) "you used to read me like a headline",,,, headlines, well, they're usually bad. or negative is the word. louis has a cynical view on journalism written about him. generally, it seems like he doesn't like them. they're clickbait-y, they're sometimes false, they pull viewers in using shock factor— it doesn't give you the full picture is the thing. being read like a headline sounds awful. this implies his partner doesn't actually know him that well, or has a one-dimensional view of him. the lyrics "so fast to judge in error, you thought you knew me better" support that idea. the opening and ending lyric,,, "sometimes i wake up and i hear you through the silence" and "...wake up and i wish you were beside me",
16. All This Time:
"dance genre"
in my head, it makes perfect sense to group this title with Back To You, Miss You, Always You, and Habit, and All Along🫣 but obviously, i could be completely and embarrassingly wrong. louis is the king of writing songs about missing/going back to toxic, unhealthy relationships and based on the title alone, i think this has similar themes to those songs. this song was described as dance-y though, so i'm really feeling the Always You theme. i don't want AY's "i miss you 🥺, i was so wrong for leaving you🥺" though, i want this one to burn though; i want it to go for the throat. edit: he played this on the listening parties & people said this was actually kind of laid back???? almost lo-fi sound??? alt indie electronica dance?? people who went to the listening parties don't talk about this song much😭 and it's the lowest on my list,,,,, i'm sure it's a great song though!!!!!
[the songs below don't count on the song ranking bc we already heard 'em, so... but here are my thoughts!]
17. Bigger Than Me:
lead single!!! this is my First!!! Ever!!!!! louis official song release🥹🥹🥹 shes very special to me 🫶 tbh i didnt expect this kind of sound for fitf! my first impression of this song was that it sounded like a blend of Walls and Defenceless. it could've easily fit with Walls album, too. it's a really good, upbeat song, im obsessed. i do admit it wasnt love at first listen but that's only bc i expected he'd go for a rocky-er song. the instrumentation is in this one, his vocals, lyrics that actually Mean something,,, mwa chefs kiss! amazing choice for a lead single (but for some reason isn't being pushed by radio lmao.......)
18. Saved by a Stranger:
"vulnerable and poignant"
19. Copy of a Copy of a Copy (Live from Lima):
a moving song, it came at a very unexpected time too (near btm release week, when there was much happiness and excitement about the new era). the lyrics are simple but they weigh heavy on my heart. this being the accompanying song to Bigger Than Me (song about acceptance, healing and growth) is a deliberate choice by louis, and that fact makes me miserable!!!!! i like the themes (ugly face of fame, comfort in anonymity, genuine human connections, and obvious references to depression and suicide) and how it was delivered soo simply but, aaughhHH thinking about this song long enough always puts me to tears :( also i just wanna say,,,, i personally do not think the "she" are the fans like🧍‍♀️ it's a song that portrays fame in quite a negative light, so the fans he earned from that same fame is not what saved him... i think! personally!!! it's someone who doesn't even know who he is "and i wonder if she still remembers me". having a person you do not even know care about your safety and wellbeing only because you share the experience of being human with them. that is just me though so if u disagree and have your own personal meaning to this song, then it's totally fine!!! take what u want from this song. OH and also, it sounds like the guitar part in the afhf doc !
still my number one! the revelation that louis wrote it all by himself is incredibly sexy, and just reaffirms how much of an amazing songwriter he is. the sound editing/production of Bigger Than Me (Live from Milan) was amazing, so i cannot wait how copy (live) will sound!
tbh when i typed it all out as a list and seeing which songs are higher than the other, i feel unsure lol i'm not 100% on it! it's fine though bc i havent heard any of these (except for btm, sbas & coacoac)!!!!!!!! it's going to change drastically once fitf is released anyway <3
my album expectations:
okay,, album expectations/predictions time !
overall genre: grunge-y indie rock, alternative, pop punk, pop rock, soft rock(?), alternative dance(???), some ballads here and there but generally big and loud songs meant for live shows, arenas and stadiums <3
fitf concept will be about: love and healing, growth, and having faith in the future, acceptance, changes, & coming of age,,, i want him to talk some shit too though 👀
i think we'll get 3 singles: (1) Bigger Than Me, & my guesses: (2) Out of My Sytem (3) Lucky Again (starting to really doubt we'd get a third single bc it's so quiet & releasing a single close to the album release is a little dumb i think, but at the same time having only 2 singles feels wrong..... well, this was my original prediction so im sticking w 3 even though it'd be weird to at this point)
this tweet that says with the listening parties, he's letting fans hear the "mid" songs😭 so this means allll the songs he's still gatekeeping from us are his best!!!!! (not saturdays tho bc it's in his top 3... grain of salt bc ik some bitches r liars)
he said it's not as polished as walls, not as heavy emotionally, so i think we'll get an album that's just him having fun with the sounds and trying new things- lighter, more spontaneous & dance-y vibe. he said it would give us hope.
of course, im expecting the lyric quality to be better than walls ! i personally thought otb was his best song lyrically from walls (regardless of the discourse on whether he wrote on it or blah), so i cant wait for him to top that! (im team otb > copy lyrics wise btw)
i still want a song similar to Miss You so he can tour it
i hope we can hear more of louis' vocal range on this album <3 bigger than me already delivered but i need more 😋🤲
i still think the tiny bit the band plays after kmm is actually part of a song from fitf bc apparently louis already finished 99% of it before(!!!) tour started,,, i could be super wrong lol
louis will actually play guitar on stage before the encore i know it bc he told me ;)
i expect to completely fall head over heels in love with this album!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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orcelito · 1 year
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I feel like a rat that crawled out of a hole. The only reason I stopped gaming was bc I need enough time to do the tips distribution b4 dnd, and if I start the next battle I am Not going to be able to get myself to stop.
I just finished chapter 10 of engage, shunted into chapter 11. Feeling Some Things. Fearing for my life. Never has hard mode been more scary
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ii-zi · 2 years
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I'm not in the most collected state of mind due how things are going rn but just a heads up
Due to unforeseen circumstances, and to my own misfortune, i wasn't able to get my baby cremated (not bc of a lack of support from yall but bc of home issues lol)
I'm busy rn and spacing out a lot bc I'm not coping well with how much shit I'm currently going thru lol but pls know all the kind words were immensely appreciated (and those who supported the cremation pls hmu so i remember to return the money when I come back online)
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heartual · 2 years
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aaaaaa
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toastsnaffler · 1 month
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damn I rly have another 4 weeks of holiday this year huh. I should start making some plans
#well maybe more like 3 weeks bc I wanna keep some to use for long weekends or day trips#but thats still kind of a lot..#my problem is i dont wanna take time off just to stay at home bc I do that most weekends. but im not sure I rly wanna go anywhere either#I dont mind travelling but its very much just a function for me. even when im travelling for fun + not bc I Have to it feels no different#Im v independent but I just dont rly have the adventurers spirit. plus im disabled so going new places alone is so stressful sometimes#ugh I dont wanna let my parents catch wind of how much holiday i have tho bc theyll be like come stay with us for a week!#i will Kill Myself no thanks#theyll probs already get christmas with me and thats an ordeal enough#its the expense as well idk how much its worth it. even if i can afford it like that money couldve gone into so many other things#ahhh.#my flatmate did suggest we go somewhere together but i feel like shes gone off that idea.. ik she doesnt get as much holiday anyway#id feel bad eating into it just so she has to spend more time with me even tho we already live together. nightmarish ik#there are maybe some landscapes id like to see but not alone bc id wanna hike but i dont rly have any friends into that kinda hiking#like i cant rly just fuck off into the mountains for a week by myself the risk is stupid#i dont knooooow. maybe ill just do myself a cornwall trip v early or late summer when kids are in school that might be nice#bc its just trains to get there. and ive spent a lot of time alone there before like it wouldnt be as stressful as a New Place entirely#i wanna do a music festival in the summer too but rly id only need 2 days holiday for that. and again i cant rly go alone#so i need to find ppl to convince to come w me#god i feel so lame for not rly wanting to go on proper holidays. but its never felt worth it to me sorry 😭#blame the childhood trauma or whatever#ill stew on it and maybe ill think of something we'll see. ive got a while yet before id need to book stuff anyway#gotta do some more cleaning today but the sooner i can get it done the sooner i can play elden ring 🙏🙏🙏🙏#.diaries
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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 year
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#uuuuugh... i spend all day writing a stupid report that i dont Even kno if im wrting right#idk if im alloud to use figures idk what the deadline is. just: hey can u write abt this data? fucking sure i guess#and im not even done yet. but tonight i have to finish deconstructing and rebuilding my statement of purpose and working on my application#which is also gonna suck. but my mum says im a good writing. and then 2 sec later she was like well ur a good bullshitter. and im like lmao#thanks i guess. i think she means im good at justifying things#but its gonna b a long night. i dont actually have to finish these things tonight. its literally just my brain like: do it now or else >:-(#my boss: hope youve recharched after the sampling! me: fucking ???? was i supposed to? i just fell face first into writing instead#and i got invited to carve pumpkins tomorrow. i wasnt gonna bc ive got 3 phd interviews to prep for next week and i gotta read like a#million papers. but then today one of the other ppl texted me like: hey r u going? it would b cool if u did! i can drive u#and im like 😭 i have a friend?! so i told myself if i finish my application bullshit i can go. but again its gonna b a long night#i dont have a pumpkin tho. and i dont wanna get one. or deal with a rotting pumpking later#maybe ill just b a freak and bring a lump of clay. sculpt something as they carve. that would b a weird fucking move but like i also dont#really care. id rather play with clay than carve a pumpkin tbh#ugh. will i ever find the time to draw? maybe not. maybe ill just lay here and cry bleh#im glad that my friend reached out to me tho. that was super sweet. ive literally only hung out with her once sampling but we immediately#overshared bc it was one of those like connecting to another person probably on the spectrum things. all the interesting ppl i talk to prob#have adhd lmao. they have like exacly the opposite problems i do so i think their brians r so interesting. i mean my probs r the same but#diff. idk how to describe it. im too rigid and compulsive but also big executive function probs. im stuck somewhere between ocd and autism#lmao. or ocpd. probably definitely ocpd. hhhhhhhhh gotta love it#im just a compulsive lil goldfish swimming around and around in circles#brain wont even let me go home for Thanksgiving. annoying#and infantilizing bc i cant drive or do normal things for myself. sigh...#unrelated
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todayisafridaynight · 4 months
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I'm also studying Japanese tonight!! Teehee good luck with your new textbook!!
i WISH i could study tonight i have to do some comm stuff and do my minedaiweek piece 🧍‍♂️i AM stoked to get to it tho..
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pittoreski · 1 year
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