#IS IT NOTHING. IS IT NOTHING. I DONT KNOW BUT ITS MAKING ME FEEL SOMETHING AND ITS NOT A FUN SOMETHING
Nah but my guys.
This shit
Is inexcusable. Any of you supporting them when those attached to them say *this* after gloating about a 115 dollar bag *for their honey moon*
And saying they are barely surviving and having trouble making content
Dont deserve your respect as a viewer.
This comment is a glimpse at their true natures whether you like it or not.
This isnt a hate attack. I have an inherent respect for life and the humans that live it. I respect that they are humans that do whatever they want of their own free will. Like yeah spend money. Do things. Live your life buy a house eat good healthy food.
But that is all a privilege. A privilege not many people have at the moment??
I am privileged. I work for my family as a caretaker(paid for by the state btw. My parents can not afford to pay me other wise). I cant buy my own food. I make "too much" to have food stamps. I live off of what my parents, who are also struggling, can provide. I live with my parents at 27 because working conditions and living conditions are so bad and i am so mentally ill i cant be on my own for my own *safety*. Just because i am able to live in relative comfort by the grace of my safety net doesnt mean ive always had that grace. And many *many* more people in the world dont even have the safety net that kept me off the street. I stole food from my old roommates because i was hungry and couldnt afford food. I was feeding my dog *my* food because i couldnt buy his food. I am 5,000 dollars in debt because i couldn't afford health insurance and went to the ER because i was going to end my life. I couldnt pay the 260 dollar bill i was sent so i just hoped and prayed it would go away and now its eating me.
I am also bad with money even when all my bills are paid.
I bought merch. I bought tickets to the live show. I did that because i paid my bills once and had enough to feed my addiction to solving my depression with buying tiny useless things. I know its not a good fucking idea. I know it is but im sure someone out there understands that you cant always control yourself when you arent fully present in your own life. I cant even leave the house because i *know* ill spend money and i *know* i cant.
And i thought i was supporting people who cared about their fans enough to atleast not say stuff like this.
I was staying subscribed to the youtube channel out of the hope that they would change their mind, see reason? Maybe?
But they wont.
This shows that they wont. That they refuse. That all good faith worries and criticisms mean nothing to them because We cant pay them to care.
So yeah. @wearewatcher @watcherfans these are the people you want to be and support, huh? Positivity is nice when you arent eating ramen. When you arent skipping meals to make yourself feel better for living off your equally struggling family. When you have enough around you to feel safe and secure enough to pay for something that isnt even worth the money you put in.
This isnt a post to get pity. This is a post to put in perspective the reality working class people face. What poor people face. What disabled people, who cant even marry or grow savings, face.
Please. Just think of humans as people and not just money and art.
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In The Middle | Satosugu
anime/manga: jujutsu kaisen
character: gojo satoru & geto suguru
words: 798
pronouns: they/them
request: none
notes: probably an overused prompt but idc sue me, i needed to write one of my own. im a sucker for misunderstanding. i haven't written anything in such a long time, it's been a while im sorry, satosugu have been on my mind for a while, and i needed to write something with them because i love them so fucking much. it's gonna be a series, so hopefully i dont disappear after one part lol... later on it might be specific on some insecurities bc i need it and i thought well let's just share it with the world and other who might need it. sorry for any mistakes T-T
not proof read
song rec: SHE'S - In The Middle
genre: hurt comfort, fluff, slowburn, a little bit angsty, poly?
warnings: bad english not my first language, satosugu are in a loving relationship, misunderstanding, pinning, a lot of pinning on satosugu's end, reader is so oblivious (is that the right one?), insecure and self conscious reader
You've always told yourself you weren't the type to live with anyone, you liked your quiet and your peace. Alone in your little bubble, without a soul to disturb it. And yet, here you were awoken by your roomates lover quarrel in the room next door, for the hundredth time this week.
"Don't you love me anymore? Am I not enough for you?" a whiny voice whisper-screamed
"Satoru, my love, it was a dream, it was all in your head." an exhausted voice replied
"So what?? It doesn't mean anything? Are my feelings not valid?" Gojo huffed.
"How are you so dramatic so early in the morning? Let's go back to sleep come here.", Geto carefully lifted the blanket so his boyfriend could go back exactly where he belonged, asleep and quiet in his arms.
Such occurences weren't new to you, you could even say there were your daily life, that's why you laughed hearing the bickering couple, and turned around in your bed to try and fall back asleep while their muffled voices could still be heard in the background. This was without counting on what part of their conversation your brain decided to pick up on next.
"I dont know for how much longer I can do this Sugu.." Satoru sighed.
"Me neither love, but there is nothing much we can do about it.They live with us." His black haired lover replied.
"I know, ugh I know, but it's getting so much harder everyday. Seeing them is becoming unbearable. I can't stand it anymore, we need to do something." He went on.
"Shh, I know, I feel the same. But we can't just drop this on them all of the sudden and expect it to go well." The oldest reasoned.
Your heart shattered on the other side of the wall, now sitting against the headboard, an unstoppable flow of tears falling down your face.
You were a bother? You thought the three of you were friends, shit, scratch that, best friends. And yet, yet, this was how they felt about you.
Fuck
fuck
FUCK
You needed to calm down, it's okay, you're okay. It must have been a nightmare, yeah that's right, a nightmare. Your brain loved playing tricks on you, waking you up in the middle of the night with the most vivid and realistic nightmares ever, enough to send you into full blown meltdown. Nothing to worry about, it was just a nightmare, nothing else.
That's what you told yourself and yet when you woke up you couldnt shake this weird feeling in your stomach. You contemplated staying in your bed all day and avoid your roomates but that would be silly to ignore them for something that was potentially just a dream. So you shook the silly feelings away and got out of your bed, made your way to the kitchen to make some breakfast. Your two roommates were already there, being lovey dovey in each others lap and the weird feeling made its way back into your stomach.
"Hi there." You greeted tiredly, only to be met with an echo of short hms, and not even a nod to accompany the cold greeting.
The lack of acknowledgment not helping with your already overthinking mind, you decided to take a quick breakfast and just leave them be. It could just be a coincidence, nothing to worry about haha, right?
Or so you thought, because you were back in your room mindlessly scrolling through tik tok when you once again hear the muffled voices of your roommates. Your brain screamed at you to put your headphones on and drown out their conversation, but you couldn't get yourself to do it, and you decided to listen to them, to at least finally be able to know whether or not you dreamed what happened last night.
And maybe you shouldn't have, but what else could you do now but listen to the cruel words of the ones you once considered your best friends.
"Suguru, we need to do it soon. I can't even handle looking at them in the eyes anymore, let alone utter a word to them. We can't keep going like this." Satoru complained.
"I know 'Toru, I know, but you need to understand it's not as easy as you think it is." You heard the black haired man answer.
And it was enough for you, you needed to get out of there. You obviously were no longer welcomed here, and the sooner you left, the better it would be, for both parties. So inbetween tears you picked up a bag and threw some spare clothes and anything that you could think of in your frenzy state before you ran out of there, determined to never come back, at least not for a while.
here u gooo!! sorry i've been away for a while, i've been finding it hard to write and staying focused, but i missed it so much, especially for these two. i'll try not to take too long to write AT LEAST a second part, but would love to do more than this bc i want it to be extremely slown burn and a little bit angsty krkrkr
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I had a dream last night that could have been a fic and I’m disappointed that it wasn’t.
It was Buck and Eddie like after the last episode after Eddie was like “this changes nothing between us” and at first, everything was fine and normal but then it became very apparent after like six months that something very much had changed between them, like Buck was still dating Tommy and Eddie was still dating Marisol and in the field they were as in sync as ever but then everywhere else there was this weird distance between them? Like they were still best friends but like fundamentally they were Buck and Eddie instead of BuckandEddie like they used to be and everyone else in the 118+ could see it and they couldn’t
And then suddenly they could see it, because Buck was at Eddie’s and something happened and he needed to change his shirt but he realized that for the first time in years, probably since Eddie got shot, Buck didn’t have anything of his at the Diaz house. A couple weeks later, Eddie was telling the 118 a story about Chris and Buck had no idea what’s going on in the story and they (Buck and Eddie) were talking about it and they realize that it’s been a while since Buck picked Chris up from school or just like had a day that was just the two of them. And then there was some gathering at Eddie’s house instead of Bobby and Athena’s, and Buck makes cookies at his loft and brings them and Maddie points it out, and Buck has a mini crisis as he realizes abruptly that he is a guest in Eddie’s house and he was looking around and the couch was new (Marisol had convinced Eddie to buy a new one) and he hadn’t even realized.
And then Eddie and Marisol and Buck and Tommy were going on a double date at Olive Garden of all places but Marisol couldn’t make it, so it was just Buck and Eddie and Tommy and it was awkward and Tommy was like “look i haven’t known you guys as long as everyone else around you but even I can tell that there is something not right here and you need to talk it out and fix it because you’re both not the same with your lives being almost completely separate, it’s like not natural for you two.”
And they start talking except it kinda devolves into grocery store fight 2.0, about Buck not being there for Chris and not being around except this time it’s kinda on both of them and it’s really no one’s fault but it’s kinda both their faults. And this argument makes its way into their work life where they’re just not as in sync in the field.
And then something happened on a call (unclear what) that wasn’t really anyone’s fault but Buck blamed himself and the current issues he’s having with Eddie, and asked Bobby to be put on B-Shift for awhile and it was just super awkward in the firehouse and Bobby was talking to Eddie and was like “I don’t know what’s going on but whatever it is you need to fix it” and Eddie was like “I dont know what’s going on either, Buck and I just aren’t the same since he started dating Tommy” and Bobby was like “maybe you need to evaluate that because that’s something that only seems to be affecting you.”
And then like a week later, Eddie and Marisol broke up, and Marisol was all “it’s because of Buck isn’t it, you love him more than me.” And Eddie did not work through that, he just went to Buck’s despite still sort of being in a fight and they got drunk on Buck’s couch and Eddie kissed Buck just kinda out of the blue and then was like “fuck I didn’t mean to do that” and left.
Buck told Tommy immediately the next time he saw him (because he learned his lesson from Taylor) and Tommy was pretty cool about it but he was also like “hey maybe you should think about that because you don’t actually seem all that upset by the fact that Eddie kissed you just that he kissed you while you’re dating me and I feel like that says something” because Tommy is a real one.
After like two weeks wherein Eddie goes to great lengths to avoid Buck outside of calls despite being on the same shift again, and Buck talking through it in therapy and with Maddie, Buck breaks up with Tommy (who again is very chill about all of it and is like “we can all still be friends just give me a little space for a while”) and then he drove to the Diaz house and Eddie saw him pulling up and met him outside and it was raining so they really should have gone inside but I digress. And Eddie was like “Buck it’s like midnight what are you doing here” and Buck was all “i broke up with Tommy because you kissed me” and Eddie was like “fuck I’m sorry I didn’t mean to do that I never meant to get in between you two” and is just sort of spiraling and Buck can’t get a word in so instead Buck kisses Eddie and Eddie is just like “Oh. So you aren’t mad.” And Buck laughed and was all “No I’m not mad I’m in love with you”
And then my neighbor’s kid started screaming and woke me up so I didn’t even get to see the ending and I’m kinda mad about it because I wanna see how everyone else reacted to all of this
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What is your advice for someone who can read tarot relatively okay for other people but is trash when it comes to reading for themself? (Cards dont make sense and literally every card is reversed despite careful shuffling to get a healthy mix of both upright and reversed cards)
*hugs* I know that frustration all too well.
Ok, so here are some things I say to everyone where tarot reading is concerned:
It's not just what the cards say, it's what they don't say. A tarot deck works by representing the whole world and all of the various turns and twists of fate people can experience. When Death shows up, but not the Ten of Swords, that's because you're dealing with Death, but not in the form of an ending. Likewise, if the Three of Coins appears and not the Eight, then your experience will reflect financial growth and demonstration of your mastery, rather than the learning of that skillset.
For this reason, I encourage diviners to adopt a different method for reading inversions than "the bad version of this card" or "the opposite." For the latter, there's already a card in the deck for any "opposite" meaning you could come up with. For the former... every card can be bad or good in the right circumstance.
For myself, I use a method where the inverted cards are signs that the querent will have difficulty understanding that card, and I should take pains to carefully explain that one, pointing out nuances that might be missed. Generally it means the card is "shadowed," or their own beliefs and views obstruct the truth.
Another really good one I read recently is the idea of an upright card being "invoked" and an inverted card being "banished," which is a very interesting perspective. I like the idea of "this card is departing from you, or taking its blessing/curse/experience away."
Those two things I say to everyone, just to clear space. The first really specific piece of advice I'd give to you if you're having trouble reading for yourself is do not add cards. Read what's already there. Take a picture of it, note everything in a journal, and look at it periodically. Focus not on what your feeling is, but what the card means. Do research, look it up in books, especially your own writings on the card if you have them.
Seriously, adding too many cards makes the reading even harder to read. "Clarification" cards are a joke.
In addition, check your spread. The spreads we use are how we talk to the world and ask for information. Make sure that when you lay those cards in that pattern, you actually want the information the spread can offer. If you're looking for advice, don't ask a spread that's solely about prediction, that sort of thing.
I'd also suggest you take a look at the deck and see if it really expresses how you experience the world, and then I'd do divination that has nothing to do with your wishes for a while, to see if it can accurately relate the world to you.
I wanna be specific here- what I'm talking about here is not how you wish the world was, but rather how you experience the world as it is. The deck is meant to reflect the world as it is, and reveal its secrets to you, and if the deck isn't doing that for you in your readings, you may need to use a different deck, or maybe even a different divination method at all.
If all your cards are coming up inverted all the time, that's a sign. The deck is specifically speaking to you and saying something to you. If it were my own deck, that would be a message that "you ain't gonna get it, so you may as well stop asking." I can't say what that omen means for you, but I would consider it a big one, maybe a step or two above "stalker" cards, and just below the significance of a reading that's more than 80% one suit.
If that's the case, I'd ask your cards what they're trying to tell you that you're not getting, and record the answers. For myself, I use three-card combinations for those kinds of specific questions.
If you wanna reach out and talk to me more in depth, I'm definitely available if you wanna come off anon and have a conversation, or you can just send a few more anon asks if that's your comfort level. I hope I helped, one way or another. *hugs*
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hi....scrapped wip again. im rlly not built for color. yap incoming
sorry my productivity tanked my 7 year old laptop is nearing its final breath and im just stalling buying a new one as long as possible to not violate the boycott but she (laptop) is making this shit DIFFICULT
im gnna be so honest w yall i havent had the drive to do shit all lately like. i need dopamine kicks to function but nothings working for some reason ??? i bought a jjk book and i fucking love jjk so i should be excited but im ??? not????? fucked up how that works
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i often really do feel like an .. unwanted part of the fandom, i dont draw beautiful landscapes, i have unpopular but strong opinions im constantly annoying about and rarely change, dont like/dont draw the pretty young popular twinks and hot gurls to fanboi over nor do i turn characters into one, the opposite moreso, draw only one ship no ones heard of really, got little energy to interact with the few people that are nice to me and send me asks so it probably looks like im ignoring everyone and unfortunately but still rarely get so stressed i get overwhelmed and emotional about pehaps seemingly minor things and spiral almost into a breakdown feeling super embarrassed about it afterwards but the damage is already done and i look like a freak or agressive weirdo
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can i ask.how u guys practice ur creativity <3 how u practice ur imagination or like.. how u experiment with ur art, how u come to ideas and how u develop them.<3 pretty please <3
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the way I've been raised has shown itself in a recent awful experience I had and the realization won't leave me because I'm not sure what to do about it.
I don't like feeling anger/upset and it's rare for me to feel it anyway but it's led to me being unable to tell what's worth getting upset over anymore. If my wants upset somebody, then, well, maybe I shouldn't have them? What is so serious that I need it to go completely my way...? What desires am I allowed to have. It's not that serious, it's okay if not, you can't always get what you want....
every time I feel Upset I am later wracked with guilt because it wasn't a big deal and I was just being selfish... What IS a big deal then? How can I tell? Its admittedly never a big deal... But I keep being upset. And stepped on....
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Yesterday I was replaying Deltarune and I was going really insane about it picking up on things I missed on my first playthrough and something that fucked me up hard was this line here
The little ellipsis at the end, almost like you can hear the regret on their voice. Voice of an ad who is realizing maybe they fucked up on this one. But it also made me think of... The possibility of this being a reaction to Spamton's actions.
Because I don't think this was an automatic thing, I feel like their drifting off was gradual. Sure, their jealousy had won them over (I'd have killed the guy or myself if I was them so I don't even blame them) but Spamton was too getting busier and busier the more famous he got, and as they say, that never stopped. He only kept getting bigger, until it all came crashing down. And when it did it was one of them who tried to go find him, after all that.
But I digress, let's focus on the original quote from my favorite sigma enby themselves, Pink Addison. There's obviously not only the regret to it, but feeling like they were abandoned too. Both parties lost a lot and the real tragedy is just how easily it could've have been avoided! Or rather, how beyond their control it was...
But I'll get off topic if I keep speaking so I'll leave it at that. The sheer tragedy that there is to everyone involved just makes me insane. Like I said in a post previous to this; you cannot trace down a good guy or a bad guy in this tale, it's just desperate people taking awful decisions and living to regret their actions.
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So I don't know if it was ever revealed how Duncan felt when we killed Malistaire all three times but I'm wondering if maybe some part of him could hate us for that too. Like you hear that and you go "but why. Malistaire was terrible and even Duncan knew that(?). Why would he hate you for getting rid of him."
But like I think it's so....... interesting in a very, very, very sad way how Duncan so easily latches onto anyone who directly feeds into his delusions of grandeur. And that's no fault of his own that he was manipulated by the nasty Schism but when you think about how desperately clung to the idea that Malistaire, easily one of the greatest necromancers any of us had ever heard of (at that time), somehow actually recognized Duncan's talents (even when canon supports that Duncan wasn't all that talented, at least no more than the next necromancer) and then praised him for it so often that Duncan believed that he would be the next Death Professor is. I mean ☹️
So like with that mindset I unfortunately feel like it would be quite easy to twist even Malistaire's death as something that's horrible and awful and all our fault. ESPECIALLY if the Schism was feeding into Duncan's already broken mind and shattered ego and was constantly telling him that everything bad that ever happened to him ever in his life was Our Fault. That's like a realistic conclusion that someone like Duncan could come to
And like, at this point in time, are Malistaire's crimes even a factor in how he thinks????? Was Duncan ever able to separate Malistaire's talent and skills and prowess from the terrible and awful things he did? If Duncan wasn't able to consciously tell that distinction in the first place I can't imagine it would be any better during the years he was being manipulated and isolated and lied to
Like in Duncan's mind it probably isn't, "maybe I shouldn't idolize a national criminal, or idolize anyone at all for that matter, and aspire to be like someone so harmful when I can recognize my own talent and build from there" it's probably more like, "you (the wizard) permanently got rid of a brilliant mind, an innocent person who just made a few mistakes, and someone who believed in me no matter what just so that you could be the better than me and loved by everyone else" and that's! very sad actually!
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how do i do it though. how do i let go of the bitterness and the hardness when they kept me "okay" for so long? does it come when i finally leave? can it ever?
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weekly breakdown post 😁 none of you hate me right !
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
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idk how to live so im going to talk to myself out loud until i do
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ok hi haha lol I dont rly feel like going in circles in my head forever trying to figure out whether, among other "smaller" things, being left alone in a room w only media as a child and not feeling like I had even a semblance of a personality for most of my life counts as "trauma"
a lot of these parts of me are new, I'm just recently putting names to them and it feels as though I'm developing facets of personalities in my mid 20s after a lifetime of either feeling like I'm basically just ADHD in a person, an amalgamation of kins shoved into a body, or something made of guilt Also shoved into a body.
I don't like, claim to know what this means. but I don't think a lot of my current mutuals would feel comfortable interacting w me bc I don't necessarily believe in the black and white of what plurality is. I'm not able or planning on getting any formal diagnosis and while I'm discussing this w my therapist they're very much not one to pathologize
I definitely don't feel like one person but I dont think id count for most of you as a "system" as the different parts of me feel as though theyre still developing. take all of this as you will, I'm not going to stress my body out more by trying to figure out "what" I am as I've been doing that my whole life and I'm kinda tired of it.
I know that I'm not entirely one thing and feel Enough like multiple things for myself, but blurred in a lot of ways. like some sort of gem with many different facets.
not sure where to go w this tbh take this how you will. im not comfortable saying I'm leaning one way or the other regarding system discourse, (<- not a phrase i want to use but the best shorthand i have) as I genuinely don't believe the human brain is nearly that black and white.
I'm both "me" and very much not "me" at times. idk what this means but ik I'm not comfortable saying im just pandora and im not sure im "allowed" to say im a system and im not sure if it matters, or should matter, regarding friends. im going to be like this regardless, id unfollow me if this grey area im likely to stay in bothers you
if you don't want me refollowing I'd probably block, too, as my memory is bad
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everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me
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