#IT'S SO SPECIFIC BUT SO TRUE

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

#spilled ink #warm up #can you tell what i'm mad about today specifically #i will say that there are a LOT of things that go into this. like a lot. this is ungendered and unspecific for a reason #it isn't just sexism. it's also racism. and ableism. and honestly classism. #and before a healthcare professional reads this as a personal attack: i understand ur burnt out #we are ALSO burnt out. your situation is also dire. this is not an attack on you. #this is a commentary on the incredible amounts of bigotry that lie at the heart of capitalism #where people have to pay money out of pocket to be told to fuck off. #your job is important. so is our humanity. and if you cannot accept that people are fucking mad as hell #at the industry - you are probably not listening . #anyway at some point im gonna write a piece about sexism specifically in medical shit #but i don't want terfs clowning in it bc they can't understand nuance #> it is true that ppl w/a uterus are more likely to experience medical malpractice & dismissal globally #> it is also true that trans people experience an equally fucked up and bad time in the medical field #> great news! the medical industrial complex is an equal opportunity life ruiner :) #(if you find it necessary to go into a debate about biology while discussing medical malpractice #i want to warn you that you're misunderstanding the issue. because guess what. #cis MEN might experience this. particularly black men. particularly disabled men. #so YES having a uterus can lead to more trouble for you. but this happens a LOT. #instead of fighting those ALSO experiencing your pain.... try working WITH them. #which btw. is like. actual feminism.)

[gideonsgirldick]

I just realized that The Locked Tomb series would be waaaay more popular than it is right now if one or both of the leads were male cause people go nuts for hogwarts esc houses, enemy's to lovers romance, and lore as deep as my fingers in your mom.

Someone please talk to me about this I am genuinely out raged.

#the locked tomb #gideon the ninth #harrow the ninth #nona the ninth #like its litrually a recipe for success #houses with specific personality traits that are easy to attach and easily marketable #enemys to lovers #the lore oh GOD THE LORE #girlies should be going nuts for it but for some reason everyone hates women and thats the true tragedy here #and lesbians. they also hate lesbians #maybe its for the best. they could barely handle Catra so i dont think theyd handle Harrow very well #both a blessing and a curse. not popular enough to be able to buy merch at a convention but at least we arent getting garbage hot takes like #the she ra fandom did

[evankinard]

buck told eddie you can't have sexual tension with your guy friends and the universe sent tommy to hand his ass to him about it

#i worded this specifically so it can be interpreted a thousand different ways and all of them true #911 spoilers #evan buckley #weewoo brainrot #eddie diaz #buddie #911 abc #tommy kinnard

[shimmershy]

Chara Week Day 5: Ghost

Every time I see that machine in the True Lab, I wonder if it could possibly be Chara's soul in there? Probably unlikely, but not impossible... It's interesting to think about what the implications of that would be.

A version with no text and then a version with just the machine, because I think it looks pretty cool and ominous alone as well.....

#chara week #chara week 2023 #undertale #safeutdr #chara dreemurr #my art #chara #undertale chara #chara undertale #true lab #I'm just thinking that. while it's possible that their soul shattered when they and Asriel died. we don't actually KNOW what happened #and human souls persist for a little while after death..... idk I'm bad at coming up with theories but I'm Thinking about it #and I will continue thinking about it even though it's probably not significant at all #ANYWAY it gave me a cool art idea so here you go. and hrm. yes technically I got that line from the Stay Calm fnaf fansong. specifically. #i don't like fnaf but the song is cool........... I'm pretty sure it gave me the idea for this drawing when i sketched it last may #btw yeah that's why i did this drawing specifically for this prompt. i had the sketch lying around and thought it would be fun to finish #ALSO I'm realizing that the dark ominous backgrounds of the True Lab are soooo fun to draw. especially with red glowy effects #AUGH oh no....... my habit of rambling excessively in the tags is returning........ I'll stop now lol

[dalkyum]

hard carry ꕤ 240101

#yugyeom #kim yugyeom #got7 #got7edit #got7daily #madstual #eritual #ceeblr #userjoanna #aleksbestie #userkathia #oughhhghg #is anyone else losing it. i'm losing it #the subtle smudged eyeliner wing so true. can we kiss #also first and second gif specifically. i won't speak #ilygif #emigif #408-411 #btw i promise i'm almost done giffing this fancam i have like. 2 gifsets left in the drafts. maybe 3 #but i'm having fun so:)

[laniidae-passerine]

if we were to look at it through a racial lens, I do find it very interesting that Jupe’s wife is white. that the audience at Star Lasso are majorly white. that he’s basically robbing the Haywoods, a black family, of their horses to feed them to an alien creature for white people’s entertainment. that he was the token asian adoptee in sitcom as a child. the model minority. fitting himself back into a system that used and failed him as a child, so he can find some semblance of respect and power as an adult man, only to still be swallowed up whole.

#the starlight group were white yeah? I only saw it in cinemas a day ago so still fuzzy but I don’t recall many other poc #still. thinking about it. special vs lucky #but what’s the difference between being named an animal and being treated like an animal. isn’t it the same thing? it just looks different #it just sounds different. being special. getting lucky. is there a true division or does it just have the same result sometimes? #I’m not saying that like. Jordan Peele thinks interracial marriage is a sign of hating yourself that’s stupid #but when Jupe specifically gets married to a white lady and lives in the neo-west #which is heavily associated (fairly or not) with white people and white suburbia #I think it does say something about him. he still needs them to like him. it’s like a sickness #nope #nope 2022 #nope movie #nope film #ricky park #ricky jupe park #jupe park

[autisticandroids]

FAMINE: That's one deep, dark nothing you've got there, Dean.

[youtube with closed captions]

dean and his father. dean and his family. dean and how bad it is.

(via @closetoyou1970)

#spn #vid #mind the warnings on this one for real #woe! fruit of my rewatch be upon ye. #pallas calls this my 'deangirl coming out vid' which honestly. true. but those who paid attention know i've always been a deangirl. #also. after this no more deanwinchester rilo kiley amvs I Pwomise #anyway. i'm not gonna give a full commentary here but a big reason why i chose this song is that the narrator #is essentially dismissing her own problems and instead watching the problems of someone else #and i kind of wanted to play with that theme. this is the parallels show so let's do some parallels. lots of things happen to characters #that are Like Dean somehow. either in personality or circumstance. that we know or can infer happen to him. but we don't see it bc it's #not sayable. not speakable. so like for an easy one. we see meg being tortured in caged heat. she also talks about apprenticing under #alastair just like dean. so i show her being tortured [in a way that is sexualized and demon-specific] and reacting how she does #because i invite the audience to imagine or interpret that this has also happened to dean at some point. we just don't see it #so there are many dean parallels in this video. some obvious. some subtle but textual. some products of my twisted mind. but that's the way #i am using them to make my argument. #oh also: dean voice sam's eyes going black is JUST like when he used to fight with dad and wouldn't listen to me when i told him not to. #i guess also the point is that because it's unsayable. dean can't say it. dean can't even acknowledge it. and so it bleeds through #into everything in his life #that's why it's important that the song narrator doesn't take her own problems seriously. dean doesn't either.

[youaskedfurret]

The lack of media literacy in the baldurs gate fandom is astounding. There's a good ending for Astarion and a bad ending for him and people keep picking the bad ending for him and being shocked when he's mean to them LMAO.

#dnd lore is very specific about vampires too they don't have souls but spawn do #bg3 #bg3 spoilers #not to mention i think the writers of the game confirmed that ascension is a bad end #neil said he has an a and a b end which is basically the same thing #as for the soul thing the reason true vampires are so evil is bc of their lack of souls #and bc when a player character gets bitten and becomes a spawn they still have their soul and cognition and alignment #ascended Astarion #Astarion x reader

[katiemcgrathisdaddyaf]

so I personally needed a compilation of the Kara “I can be subtle” Danvers moments from @supergirlpolls and I made this

#i spent all morning looking for these specific episodes #like I can find gifsets easy but finding the specific ep?? that was harder than I thought #I was skipping through eps looking for specific outfits lmao #anyway. i hope you enjoy my poor video editing skills. i learned how to use imovie today #supercorp #danvers sisters #supergirl #kara danvers #lena luthor #alex danvers #melissa benoist #katie mcgrath #chyler leigh #i made my gf watch these and she was like ‘she’s so stupid’ and I was like ‘Lena or Kara’ and she was like ‘both’ #and that’s true #i love two idiots #don’t mind me rambling to the void

[god-of-this-new-blog]

“Sorry that it all went down like it did”

#hi! back at it with more highly specific art from The one The Only! #Apa au #Isa I am sorry I left out my true thoughts behind the scar on this one but I am trying to achieve wider lawlight audience appeal #speaking of: #death note #lawlight #light yagami #l lawliet #my art #anyway. #many a lawlight fight that dissolves into a week long stalemate ends with a shared bath #they make up in water every time I have decided #its a theme and its a motif #anyway. the whole plot of our au goes down in the song Motion Sickness by Phoebe Bridgers #also drawing this I learned I do not know a fucking thing about how to draw water or wet skin. #so uh maybe more bath art soon so I can learn to do that #thats all folks I feel like I am normally more insane in the tags #hmm #OH I know what I will over share #I think im like… going to get to into r*ck and m*orty. I liked it when I was like 13 and I was rewatching it for hahas when I couldn’t sleep #but im so scared guys that im going to get INTO it #like yesterday I felt the urge to draw fanart for it and I had to quickly slam my head on the desk until that idea went away #okay yeah this is a good amount of oversharing in the tags #I feel good

[just-browsing1222]

*while doing any craft ever*: I hate making I hate making I hate making I hate ma-

*as soon as I'm done*: haha, it's so pretty. I can't wait to do this again.

#art #crafts #this is specifically about alpha friendship bracelets #or keychains I guess #but it's true about all of them and I couldn't find a way to be specific without it sounding f-ed up #so #crochet #friendship bracelet #friendship bracelets #knitting #drawing #painting #sewing #fabric dyeing #yarn dyeing #book binding #bookbinding

[inkskinned]

you wanted to be a good friend, because you loved your friends, but the truth was that everyone else somehow had a pamphlet on being normal that you never received. most of the time you learn by trial-and-error. you are terrified of the next big mistake you make, because it seems like the rules are completely arbitrary.

you've learned to keep the prickly parts of your personality in a stormcloud under your bed - as if they're a second version of you; one that will make your friends hate you. it feels feral, burning, ugly.

instead, you have assembled habits based on the statistical likelihood of pleasing others. you're a good listener, which is to say - if you do speak up, you might end up saying the wrong thing and scaring off someone, but people tend to like someone-who-listens. or you've got no true desires or goals, because people like it when you're passive, mutable. you're "not easy to fluster" which is to say - your emotions are fundamentally uninteresting to others around you; so you've learned to control them to a degree that you can no longer really feel them happening.

you have long suspected something is wrong with you, but most of the time, googling doesn't help. you are so-used to helping-yourself, alone and with no handbook. the reek of your real self feels more like a horrible joke - you wake up, and, despite all your preparations, suddenly the whole house is full of smoke. the real you is someone waiting to ruin your other-life, the one where you're normal and happy. the real-self is unpredictable, angry.

your real self snarls when people infantilize the whole situation. because if you were really suffering, everyone seems to think you'd be completely unable to cope. but you already learned the rules, so you do know how to cope, and you have fucking been coping. it's not black-and-white. it's not that you are healed during the other times - it's just that you're able to fucking try. and honestly, whenever you show symptoms, it's a really fucking bad sign.

because the symptoms you have are ugly and unmanageable for others. your symptoms aren't waifish white girl things. they're annoying and complicated. they will be the subject of so many pretentious instagram reels. if they cared about you, they'd just show up on time. you care, a lot, so deeply it burns you. you like to picture a world where the comments read if they loved you, they'd never need glasses to see. but since that's a rule you've seen repeated - "one must never be late or you are a bad friend" - you constantly worry about being late and leave agonizingly early. there are no words for how you feel when you're still late; no matter how hard you were trying.

so you have to make up for it. you have to make up for that little horrible real you that you keep locked in a cabinet. you are bad at answering emails so every project you make has to be perfect. you are weird and sensitive so you have to learn to be funny and interesting. you are an inconvenience to others, so you become as smooth as possible, buffing out all the rough parts.

all this. all this. so people can pass their hands over you and just tell you just the once -how good you are. you're a good friend. you're loveable.

#spilled ink #woke up at 530 to write this lmafo #me in a cold sweat: #how do i be normal #edit in the tags: #hey so i've seen y'all talk about like ... wondering if ur ''allowed'' to relate #like if this is about X specific diagnosis #and when i first posted it i really almost labelled it ''please don't assume this is about a specific condition'' #because as an artist i am often walking this line of discussing a symptom or discussing my conditions etc #and sometimes yes ! i do want to talk about an experience that is specific to who i am and my condition #but sometimes the effort of the post is about the EXPERIENCE rather than the diagnosis #because yes i am not neurotypical and as a result that influences my work but it is ALSO true that there are many reasons #why someone might experience this particular vague horrible feeling that you are... almost being CHASED by what you ''really'' are. #that you're outrunning your symptoms... that you're not really normal you're just sort of a mockery of a person #.... that's a really isolating and horrible way to feel no matter why you are feeling it. and the nature of this PARTICULAR post is that #it is inherently talking ABOUT that sense of isolation & of feeling not-deserving & of minimizing your own experiences to make urself #palatable for society in a way that others find easy-to-deal-with.... #this post is about a certain experience such that my impression is there's a higher likelihood that those who relate #would have more difficulty thinking they ''deserve'' to relate - that it doesn't REALLY belong to them #bc often we are the kind of people who are SO used to being alienated and set aside and ''different'' that we AUTOMATICALLY assume #that things are not ''for'' us... they never have been why would it start now #we are the kinds of people to be ... ''too normal for X diagnosis but too symptomatic to be normal'' #[or as this post points out... so good at ''coping''/masking/hiding it that we essentially conform to whatever shape we're poured into] #but i have witnessed others already say in the tags ''thought this was about me but it's about X so it can't be'' #and im like ... of course it was about you. #art is not a resource that is diminished by greater appreciation . #you reflect in whatever mirror fits your frame. not just the ones in your bedroom. not just the ones i specifically give you. #there will be - and often are - times that i will talk about my specific conditions... but if you're reading this #regardless of why you're here... we are here together. holding hands through space and time. and i love you for carrying it #and i know you're exhausted. i am too. but i understand. and i see you.

[hazel2468]

Something that I need people to understand, especially on this hellsite. Is that oppression does not depend on who you actually are.

It depends on how the world sees you.

If the world sees you as X identity. They will treat you as X identity, whether you are or not. If the world sees that you are not X identity, but they can use the oppression of X identity as a cudgel to make you act the way they want you to? They will use it.

Oppression is NOT dependent on who you actually are. It depends on how the world sees you. It depends on how people see you and what they decide to put on you because of that.

Oh. And when someone experiences a form of oppression that is NOT based in the reality of who they are? It's still that kind of oppression. It's not "misdirected"- it is still that kind of oppression being leveraged to maintain the current social climate.

#this is specifically inspired by all those annoying people #who think that trans men cannot experience sexism or misogyny #but let me tell you as a queer disabled Jew that shit also hits me on SO MANY other levels #oppression depends on how the world sees you #and honestly I think so many people are resistant to that idea because it is a fucking SCARY one #if oppression is based solely in who you actually are #then it's easy to say that certain things don't happen to certain people and there are rules to oppression #and like #I understand that is comforting to some but.... that isn't true #the only rule to oppression is that it will be used to keep everyone in line #and it will be swung at anyone and everyone in order to do that #and who you ACTUALLY are does not stop oppression from happening #sometimes it actually even makes it fucking worse

[streetcorner-2inthemorning]

Thinking about how in season 2, the Doctor asked Rose "How long are you going to stay with me?" He could have asked her that in so many ways. "How long do you want to travel with me?" "When do you want to go home?" But he chose those words specifically. And Rose could have answered in just as many ways. "As long as I live." "As long as you'll have me." But instead she said one word. "Forever."

And the sad thing is that her answer was truer than any other answer she could have given. Because whether she realized it or not she wasn't saying how long they would be together. She was telling him how long she would be with him. As a memory, as a ghost, in his hearts. No matter who the Doctor is or how old they get, somewhere deep inside their soul, Rose will remain. Forever.

#This is not a new speculation and im sure plenty of people have talked about this already but i dont care #I want to talk about it now and again because its in my mind #And no im not saying rose is necessarily more important than the other companions because that isnt true #and every companion the doctor has ever known and loved will stay with them always #but im just talking about this specific interaction here i guess #doctor who #oughhhhhh im still not caught up on the show so if for some reason someone does interact with this post #please dont talk about the later 13 seasons or the new specials. i havent seen them #retro thinks aloud #rose tyler

[autisticaradiamegido]

day 281

ill be honest w yall i dont remember most of hs2 or the epilogues and i will not be rereading to refresh my memory but i DID read today's upd8 specifically because i saw my guy and you know what

callin this one a win for the sollux enjoyers

#day 281 #year 4 #sollux captor #roxy lalonde #homestuck^2 #hes fucking gaming. #anyway heres hoping for more solroxy friendship momence #we have all known it to be true for so long that they would be friends its nice to have it acknowledged #also apologies in advance for anybody who is hoping for regular upd8 art but uh #i kind of dont super care about hs2s plot so im mostly going to be skimming it for shit relevant to my interests #ie sollux and aradia content #but congrats to james roach and the new crew lots of really cool and talented people from the looks of it #and as a fellow aradia enjoyer im very excited to see where mr roach and the team take her specifically lmao

[chuckwon]

I simply don’t like when people act like what happened to Jack is what should have happened (as if the show didn’t deliberately spell out it would be Bad beforehand!), or like we can hand-wave GodJack as being fine and good in a continuation as long as other ~more important topics~ like destiel are eventually addressed.

Jack’s fate is the crux of the tragedy of the finale. Supernatural is a show about parents and children, and that cycle of violence remains unbroken. Jack was forced to become like his grandfather (the cosmic Father of the universe) because that’s who his fathers needed/wanted him to be. Jack shouldn’t be seen as an afterthought or a side note. He’s the thematic center that ties everything together, including the queer family structure of destiel.

So here’s my hot take: whether or not they go fully explicit with any kind of Chuck won concept (and they don’t necessarily have to)… any continuation must address that what happened to Jack isn’t a good thing — for him, for their family, or for the universe since the show stated God shouldn’t have personhood — in order to truly be fulfilling.

#I meant to post this the other day and it was in my drafts #my meta #I guess??? ish #Chuck won #but you don’t even have to see it that way specifically or explicitly to know this is true #I’m just really side-eying so many of people’s so-called ‘sequel ideas’ that basically think of destiel and nothing else #I don’t want that and we SHOULDNT want that because that’s not all this show is. and that’s also why it’s so good #supernatural #spn revival #spn sequel #Jack Kline