The first time Wei Ying came to him, Lan Zhan had just woken up from the stabbing pain of his wounds that always seemed to escalate when it was nighttime. His brother hadn't visited him for the night yet. Lan Zhan didn't care about that. He didn't want anyone to visit him. Not when they'd all bandied together, and had taken away the light in Lan Zhan's life.
He tried to reach for his water, biting back a groan when it was just a little too faraway. The wounds were still fresh, and even though the healers had done their best, Lan Zhan knew it would be a long time before he would be able to move. Go out of the Jingshi.
But then again, why would he want to? He closed his eyes, trying to bury the pain that bubbled into his throat at the memory of Wei Ying weeping, his beautiful silver eyes tormented, the scream of agony that had shaken the bloodied war field.
Wei Ying falling, and Lan Zhan, leaping forward to catch him, but useless, useless as he had always been, unable to hold on to the people he love. To protect the people he loved.
Wei Ying, falling, falling, like a beautiful angel from grace.
Why did the people Lan Zhan cared about, always left him? Why could he never protect them? Maybe that was his fate, to remain unloved, the curse of his family.
Without Wei Ying, what did Lan Zhan even have to live for?
Was it worth, living in a world where Wei Ying's laughter no longer rang?
That was when he spoke.
"Hey, Lan Zhan. Come on now. I know you're way more stronger than that,"
Lan Zhan's eyes widened as he looked up, gazing into those brilliant silver eyes he adored. His breathe caught in his chest as he struggled to speak.
"Wei Ying? " His voice was a hoarse whisper, as his eyes took in every inch of his beloved Wei Ying. Wei Ying, with his long black tresses framing his face, those mesmerising silver eyes, and the smile that had stolen his heart in the first place.
Wei Ying, whom he'd thought he'd lost forever.
"Wei Ying? " He repeated, unable to believe it was him.
Wei Ying's smile widened, his eyes crinkling into crescents. "Hello, my Lan Zhan. I told you, it wouldn't be so easy to get rid of me, hmm? "
"Wei Ying? How? You escaped? You're alive? " Lan Zhan couldn’t believe it. A small flame of hope flickered in his chest as he stared at Wei Ying desperately.
The words tumbled out, trying to know, to ask, how, how Wei Ying had survived. How he had sneaked into his room, uncaught. Why he was here. Why he wanted to be with him. Lan Zhan, the person who always bored Wei Ying, who always punished Wei Ying.
Wei Ying didn't answer directly. "I'm here, Lan Zhan. That's all that matters, right? " He giggled softly, and Lan Zhan felt the ice shard that had been lodged in his heart ever since Wei Ying's fall slowly melt. "And I'm here because I want to be with you. My Lan Zhan, "
His Wei Ying was here. Here. With him.
Because he wanted to. Because he cared for Lan Zhan.
"I can stay, right Lan Zhan? You won't punish me? " Wei Ying's voice so small. Lan Zhan couldn't stand it. Wei Ying's voice should always be loud exuberant. Brimming with life.
"Never, " Lan Zhan affirmed. He lifted a hand, the pain just a footnote as he traced the contours of Wei Ying's face. "Can never punish Wei Ying, "
His heart sang with joy when Wei Ying leaned into his touch, nuzzling his hand with a soft smile.
Lan Zhan was about to reply, when the door to his room opened, and Lan Xichen walked in, carrying his tray of medicine and food. He smiled at Lan Zhan, his eyes reflecting the sadness and guilt that Lan Zhan had become accustomed to.
"Wangji, I brought your medicine, " He told him quietly.
Lan Zhan looked away. The anger coiled in his chest, like a viper ready to attack. He couldn’t look at his brother. Xichen had joined hands with those murderers. His own brother. For days, after his punishment, whenever Xichen had visited with food and medicine, Lan Zhan hadn't spoken to him. He couldn’t, not when he knew that his anger could break apart what remained of their already broken relationship.
Better stay even more quiet.
How could he forgive, when Xichen had joined the massacre that took his Wei Ying away from him?
But Wei Ying had escaped. He was safe.
Lan Zhan's eyes widened as he scanned the room, searching for his beloved. But Wei Ying had disappeared. There was not a trace of him. Lan Zhan didn't understand how he'd disappeared so quickly, but he was silently grateful. Lan Zhan didn't trust Xichen anymore. If his brother caught Wei Ying here with him, he'd betray Wei Ying to his sworn brothers.
Lan Zhan couldn’t let that happen.
No, this time he would protect Wei Ying with everything he had.
Xichen left soon after. He never stayed for too long, and Lan Zhan never asked. He was even more impatient that day, waiting for Wei Ying to materialise next to him again.
And he did, propped up near Lan Zhan, careful not jostle him, or agitate his wounds as he tended to them with the care of a mother attending her sick child.
"My hero, " Wei Ying murmured.
"Don't go, " Lan Zhan replied.
Wei Ying looked at him with shimmering silver eyes. Lan Zhan's heart clenched with fear. Surely, he must understand that this would be the most dangerous place for him. His uncle, his brother, his Sect, they all hated Wei Ying.
But Lan Zhan cannot live without that brilliant smile.
"I would have no reason to live, " He pleaded.
Wei Ying smiled again. "What about A-Yuan?" He whispered.
Lan Zhan stared at him. Saving little A-Yuan had been a secret no one knew, bar his uncle and brother. The little boy was secure here, as a Lan, as Lan Zhan's heir. As his son.
But Lan Zhan didn't want to raise him alone.
"He needs you too, "
Wei Ying just smiled again.
Lan Zhan would never get tired of that brilliant smile. He'd missed it, the joy and warmth that blessed the coldest winter night.
"Sleep, Lan Zhan, "
And so Lan Zhan slept, Wei Ying curled next to him, his hand on Lan Zhan's cheek.
It was the first night his sleep was unbothered by nightmares.
Wei Ying slowly began to make the Jingshi his home as well. He had his own sleep mattress near Lan Zhan, bottles of spice on a shelf, and jars of Emperor's Smile hidden under a loose floorboard.
Lan Zhan didn't mind. Anything for Wei Ying, as long as he didn't leave.
He began healing, with his brother's careful ministrations, and Wei Ying's free flowing love. Wei Ying was the joy of his days. He never left Lan Zhan's side, and he didn't mind the three years of seclusion. In fact, he grew to love the solidarity more and more, as he healed, and managed to move about.
Wei Ying shared his breakfast with him, lathering his portion with the many spices he'd managed to store. Lan Zhan didn't know how he managed to sneak around Cloud Recesses uncaught. Perhaps they needed to improve on security, but if it allowed freedom to his Wei Ying, Lan Zhan did not care.
"Lan Zhan, would you like some chilli too? That looks terrible, "
"Drink Emperor's Smile with me, Lan Zhan! Ooh, you're such a boring fuddy duddy!"
He played Wangxian to Wei Ying, blushing at the love that shone on his beloved's face. When he confessed the name, Wei Ying leaped into his arms, peppering his face with feather light kisses.
"Lan Zhan, Lan Zhan. How I love you! How can I live without you! "
Those words warmed Lan Zhan like the first rays of sunshine after months of chilling winter.
"Wei Ying, " He claimed Wei Ying's lips in a passionate kiss, breaking apart moments before Xichen entered and Wei Ying scampered away to his hiding spot.
3 years of seclusion passed in a blink.
Lan Zhan stepped forward again, as Zewu Jun's heir, the Second Jade of Gusu, Hanguang Jun. As A-Yuan's guardian, as the child he'd wished to raise with his zhiji. But little A-Yuan had forgotten his childhood memories. It broke Lan Zhan's heart that he couldn’t remember his beloved Xian-ge, and wished Wei Ying would meet him, but Wei Ying shook his head.
"Let him forget, Lan Zhan. He doesn't need to remember the pain and misery that was never his fault, "
So Lan Zhan let it go.
He took over teaching from his uncle, and trained the disciples. He attended weekly meetings over tea with Xichen and Uncle, both of whom tried to talk to him. Lan Zhan answered each question politely, but never lingered too long. He wasn't sure if he would ever be ready to forgive them. Any of them.
He graded papers, attended to the Sect matters. Traveled whererever the chaos was, and Wei Ying always appeared whenever they were alone. Lan Zhan wished he could yell his love for Wei Ying for the world to hear, but still, he was grateful for what he got. It was different when they'd travel far, far away, he'd be by Lan Zhan's side always. So he often travelled to farthest corners of the land, just so Wei Ying would hang onto his arm in public, chattering nineteen to the dozen.
"Lan Zhan, look, that pin wheel is so pretty! Can we buy one? "
"Lan Zhan, I want candies! Can I get candies? "
"My Lan-er-gongzi is the prettiest in the world. No one can match your perfection, "
Lan Zhan felt his ears burn, and muttered a shameless, before dragging Wei Ying away.
Then one day, he couldn’t find Wei Ying. The two had travelled to Hedong for a nighthunt. The hunt itself had been completed soon, leaving Lan Zhan to spend the whole week with Wei Ying. But he couldn’t find him. Not in their room, not watching the children play. Not playing the flute, and not staring running around the vendors in a haste.
Concerned, Lan Zhan asked their innkeeper, asking if he had seen Wei Ying around. Wei Ying had gotten close to him, often running down for a shared bottle of wine. But when he did, the innkeeper stared at him, his eyes wide, face pale, a look of fear shadowing in.
"Master.... there has been no one here, except you. Master has been staying here alone... "
At the hesitant words of the innkeeper, Lan Zhan felt his world rattle.
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Wrote this on ao3, posted here too :)
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