#Im able to save money even though Im not currently working

[dazai-ritualist]

Omg ! I didn't think you'd actually respond !! We're gonna fly away from here is easily one of the best ones in the series!! It's so Twisted and disturbing but almost domestic... (Also tysm for including my name idea in your story, Idk where it came from, I just liked it and I appreciate you!) I digress. I've returned with a concept. Al almost always has a plan when he does something. I don't know where you want to go with the second child but this won't be too focused on that one...for now. I really liked how you interpreted Alastor being a weasel and weaseling his way back into the families life and was thinking about how many I wonder about if he has a plan right now, like not a long term one, obviously, but a very specific one for a 'short term'. Women back then, especially in the south weren't allowed to have bank accounts so finicial trapping works well in this case. Also just kinda the ability to turn their kids against her would be enough to terify me. People talk about the 1950's housewife, but oh my god, 1920's housewives were a new kind of depressed. I, personally, don't think Alastor is the type of physically abuse women. No, he's far too classy for that. Instead, like I said, I think he'd either use his status in their house to trap his wife. We were able to run away while we were pregnant and alone, but we have a child now...and would we be willing to leave our child with him? No, I don't think I would, personally. This was just me rambling. K, love u, currently hyperfixated on this au. Byeee !!!! _ Cherry Anon!

DON’T REALLY WANT NO TRUST FUND BABY

[before reading this, read the rest of the story!]

— seems as if alastor found out your little secret

— UR TOO SWEET I SC THIS ON MY IG STORY AND YAPPED TO MY BOY BSF FOR AN HOUR AB IT IM BLUSHING SO HARDDDD!! ABUSE WAS LIT MY LAST SOCIAL STUDIES LESSON FOR THE SCHOOL YEAR MY TCH YAPPED AB FINANCE SO HARD 🤭🤭

being married to alastor, the radio show host is quite the sensation in your town. but, behind the closed curtains, alastor did things that would’ve made lucifer shake in his boots.

no, he didn’t hit you. his mother would kill him if he hit his wife. but, just because alastor never hit you, didn’t mean he didn’t abuse you.

he tormented you in the worst way possible, through noah. and now, emilia.

it’s been 3 years. your little emilia lives up to her name, a cute little girl who’s eager to win. and, little noah is now a big boy, double digits and all.

and, since you’ve returned back to his house, alastor has done nothing but twist your babies’ minds. ‘once upon a time, mama wanted to run away from daddy… so, she ran away and took big brother with her. daddy was sooo worried for mama and big brother though… daddy was able to track mama down, and took her home!’ he cooed to your daughter, bouncing her in his arms— with you right beside him!

you wanted to yell; scream. of course, emilia was too young to understand what alastor was saying. but, still— the fact that he was trying to tell your children that he was some sort of white knight who saved you from yourself. you wanted nothing less, but to snap that neck of his like a twig.

you really shouldn’t act so brashly though. to outsmart alastor, you have to think like him. think of what’s smarter in long run.

alastor was ‘kind’ enough to give you an allowance. $200 every week for groceries and whatever you may need. he’s even so kind as to let you have some ‘private bonding’ with noah and emilia as they accompany you to the farmer’s market.

thankfully, you had a father who wanted to make his little girl survived even without a husband. and so, you had to hear all of his ramblings about finance. saving about 45% each week for 3 years… was about $14,000!

if you saved just a little more, you’d be semi-financially independent until you can get a proper job to take care of your children. it was run-away money, so to speak.

you hid the money in noah’s room. after all, who would expect money there? especially $14,000? and, it worked, for a while. every monday, while you tucked him into bed, you brought the money with you and hid it behind his dresser.

until, what had seemed like a normal tuesday. you came home from the tailor’s, getting back a dress that noah accidentally tore. when you came home, it was only two hours after noon. and despite that, alastor was home.

“a-alastor..! what are you doing home so early? you have a broadcast in 2 hours…” you narrowed your eyes at alastor, on the floor with your children, many new toys surrounding them. “ah, darling! i decided to pick up our children early, and we may have splurged on our little shopping spree…” he smugly grinned. “oh..? where’d you get the money?” you raised your eyebrow, closing the door and laying your bearings on the dining table.

“funniest story ever, my love! there was a random stash of money in noah’s room! seems as if the tooth fairy came early!” he laughed. random stash of money in noah’s room..? “oh. i see.” your breath stopped for a minute, thinking of what kind of consequences could come from it.

“do you have any idea how that money landed there?” he side-eyed you, expecting a lie. “perhaps it was from the old owners? you know this house, there’s so many secrets in here.” you said. “i see… i suppose you are right, darling!” he giggled.

you were back on square one. financially dependent on your husband, if you could even call him ‘husband’. as you climbed up the stairs, you heard alastor whisper to your son. “you see that? momma lied. she got less talkative when papa asked her a question.”

this is what alastor’s been teaching your son. as much as you want to protest, you did lie.

oh, how much you wished for much more simpler times. playing with your baby boy in the kitchen as you make little treats together for his snack at school. and now, the boy alastor’s turning him into— a cunning sociopath, the lord only knows what he will teach your daughter.

this is just a minor setback, it has to be.

#I WORD DUMPED OMFG #hazbin hotel x reader #hazbin hotel #alastor #alastor x reader #alastor hazbin hotel #hazbin alastor #hazbin hotel alastor #hasbin alastor #alastor hazbin x reader #alastor hc #alastor headcanons #human alastor #alastor the radio demon #yandere alastor #yandere hazbin hotel #yandere

[m00nt4r0t]

✮ who’s thinking of you? ✮

pile one, two, or three?

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ pile one

“who’s thinking of pile one?” this could definitely be a feminine energy, very much mental and physical thoughts coming through here. someone may be thinking a lot of your money/career, or your lack thereof. they could be wondering about some truth and thinking over conversations with you because they’re confused about something. this could possibly be a boss or coworker of yours, maybe even an older family member. im also getting that they’re wondering how you make your money, or how your savings grow so quickly, or they’re just trying to figure how you’re so abundant. they could also be thinking a lot about your beauty, maybe they think you’re so abundant because of your appearance (they could think you sell nudes, or that people give you stuff for free because of your looks.) im getting that your growth is on their mind too. if they watched you grow up, they could be admiring how you’ve changed over the years, physically and mentally. also how great of a communicator you are. you could give people financial advice???? signs that im seeing are libra, virgo, capricorn, aries and pisces. someone is thinking of contacting you but they can’t make up their mind about it. they may want to offer you something, this could be an opportunity (possibly overseas). they feel like you could help them progress and expand their horizons, but like i said, they’re resisting the urge. i definitely think this is a feminine energy, they could be someone who spends a lot of time outside in nature. they could very well be someone you work with or met in a work environment, or they’re just a very hardworking person and they seem to not be able to sit still. they probably do things to distract themself from thinking about you. i shuffled some more and the queen of cups came out; that’s three queens in this pile so far. this has to be someone with heavy feminine energy. they could regret something they did to you, or they regret letting you two go your separate ways. and they’re too afraid to contact you because they think you won’t want to hear from them. their emotions are changing a lot and some days they may not think about you as much, but other days they can’t seem to get you off their mind. i feel like they’d end up juggling you, pile one. they may be a very busy person, or they already have someone in their life that takes up a lot their time, so you’d kinda have to “share” them with the other person. they feel like you could bring balance to some aspect of their life and bring them closure to the situation. they’d most likely want to talk about what happened between you two, and how it impacted them, and they’d want to know if it impacted you as well.

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ pile two

”who is thinking of pile two?” so, i think whoever is thinking about you is someone who you know you had mutual attraction with; y’all both liked each other made it known to one another. but, im seeing that one of you may be in a relationship, or another person is involved that makes this seem to not work for the both of you. if this is a past connection, then maybe one of y’all got cheated on, or just had issues with friends, or something? this personally could have red/strawberry blond hair, or it could just be dyed. this person definitely has love for you, though. they may be currently keeping their feelings to themself, though. they could’ve been hurt in the past which makes them have some trust issues. they think that you have many, many romantic offers and choices to choose from. they could possibly think there’s no way you’d ever choose them out of everyone else. that, or that you’d cheat on them with someone else, or fall in love with someone else while with them. this person is definitely procrastinating on telling you this, pile two. this isn’t necessarily because they think you’re an unfaithful person, they just feel like they’re not enough for you in some way. they also don’t really have much of a life plan together. they seem to be a person whose hope tends to remain low and they genuinely don’t think they’re worthy enough to have/keep you. i don’t think they’ll ever mention this to you. they have a lot of inner conflict they need to work on, they really don’t have a plan for the future. if im being honest with you, pile two…. i don’t think this is something you’d really want for yourself anyways. if you were to initiate this conversation with them, you could possibly lose an opportunity for yourself and it’d cause you a lot of delays. this person really doesn’t know what they want in life and it would keep you stagnant and lost. of course, you can do as you wish, but just try to do what’s best for you and don’t feel guilty for doing so!

˚ ༘♡ ⋆｡˚ ❀ pile three

“who is thinking of pile three?” this person could most definitely be a leo, or someone who seems very dramatic and fiery. they could also have some scorpio placements in their chart as well. this could be someone you had/have conflict with. i feel like this person is thinking about you because they’d like to reconnect and rekindle the past, possibly apologize or mend things with you. they feel like they’ve changed since this conflict and that they could bring you new opportunities, but this could just be wishful thinking on their part. they’re revisiting memories of the past of you two and they want to reignite the connection, keeping it from ending for good. this is someone you definitely had conflict with, pile three. this could’ve been an on and off again connection that’s been in your life for a while. they’re thinking about you because they’re simply resisting change in their life, which is causing them to feel delayed and stuck. they see you as their muse, or their source of love. you could inspire this person creativity and they feel like they need that from you again. they’d like to have some sort of routine with you and they’d like to release the pain of the past. you could resonate with pile two. but they would like to have you as a consistent part of their life and they want to do this so they can have a shoulder to cry on. they also really want you to forgive them and they could try to emotionally manipulate you into doing so. if you do talk to this person again, please place and stand on your boundaries with them! they seem to be a bit pessimistic and that could be very draining to a lot of people. don’t feel bad if you withdrawal your energy from this person. if you’d like to be in this persons life but you don’t want to be their emotional punching bag, remember that it’s okay to be selfish with your time and energy and just because they look to you for support doesn’t mean you need to be there every single time. this person may be a bit clingy and may expect too much of you.

thank you for reading and interacting! <3

masterlist ⭑ personal readings ⭑ patreon

#pac reading #who’s thinking of you? #pac #tarot #tarot reading #pick a card #pick a pile

[firemama]

Hey, Tumblr.

Sav’s 2022 saga of misfortune has come to a spike this fabulous May with a serious car issue. What makes this so bad, Sav? well... my only source of income, at this time, is that I am a delivery driver with shipt. Hard enough with the gas crisis- 5$ a fucking gallon- in orlando traffic, you might say. You’d be right.

I’ve got no savings; most of my money was burned through during a month long period of homelessness, a couple months of not being able to work due to being generally transient and out of town and thus out of my shipt metro and unable to even deliver for income, medical bills for an injury, moving and storage costs, and some other bullshit. I’ve got no savings, and i’m pushing debt on my credit card. And at this time, with my car in need of repair, I have no source of income and another bill.

So I am asking for donations, if anyone has something to spare, however small.

Patreon Paypal Kofi

If Donations arent your speed, or you would like something in exchange, I also do commisions. Moodboards for small cost donation/commissions as low as a dollar, and I also do art and writing commissions. Hit me up to talk about commissions if you’re interested. Some basic information about that is pinned to my blog, and my other blogs.

For those who are not familiar with Sav’s 2022 saga, the summary is:

Orlando/Florida major property tax increase. See: sudden rental cost hike. 1200 to 1300 will net you poorly managed slum lord apartment in orlando now. Our previous rent of roughly 1300 (which had been steadily increasing with every re-sign of the lease) suddenly jumped up to just shy of 1800, and would continue to climb with future extensions.

Preparations to move to new york for sibling’s school; see, also very fucking expensive, because im talking New York, New york. but its sib’s grad school, scholarship, gotta go, very important.

Just before moving time, a series of... events occured. Including but not limited to:

Major fall out with roommate (one of three tenants) which would result in one less person paying rent come renewal. With just me and the sib, never could afford to stay in our current house anyway. So, no going back, no resigning lease if New york falls though.

 Rather serious workplace injury to my dominant hand. At the time, thought, oh kind of serious- a deep injury to the knuckle joint that... i probably should have taken in to get stitches, but.. didnt, and instead just bandaged it up. “I cant afford medical bills right now” i said, unaware of a big storm coming.

My work, a few months prior to this, had every single Senior Manager quit in the span of a couple weeks for the entire franchise. This was a warning sign. At this point in time, it is much worse. For starters, I had been demoted from Manager to Assistant Manager and then to Associate again... because my Migraines had become worse (from stress because COVID and  the mail system and all the mangers left and xyz) and i could not keep the minimum 50, then 40 hours. Despite being demoted, and less pay, I was responsible for neigh all the managment responsibilities at my location because there was no one else. For 11$ an hour. And then all the other less-senior managers from other locations also quit, because no one was making more than the average Mcdonalds employee. Very bad, all around.

I had to submit my resignation anyway, because we had an out-of-state move coming. And I was already being paid less, and expecting to take on the work of more than one salaried job. But before I submitted my resignation?

(Tw, injury)After two-three weeks of excruciating pain despite the visible damage to my finger being healed, and no increase of motor function, and also a strange mishape to my finger. I finally filed for workers comp, belatedly, and went on down to an urgent care. The deep injury, if you’re curious, had been caused by a tape gun; specifically, a customer trying to grab the tapefun from my hands anddesimating my hand, most expressly my poor fucking finger joint. And upon xray at the urgent care, they found a metal tooth from the tape gun in my finger. more specifically in my finger joint. quite literally grinding against my bone. doing serious damage to my joint. (I am now legally allowed to complain about pain and no one is allowed to tell me im complaining too much. broken off sharp metal tooth in my finger for nearly three weeks.

Surgery, obviously, to remove the sharp foreign body from my hand. It was a very quick surgery, actually. But to the point, my workers comp covered most of the injury. Most. Not all. expensive, like I thought, and i definitely couldnt afford it. but necessary.

 And then we found out the ‘scholarship’ covered less than a 16th of the overall tuition to the gradschool in new york despite it’s title of ‘full ride scholarship’.

New york fell through, and we would not be able to keep our then-current lease.

so now we have less than two weeks to find a new place. And all of our research and propsects were in another state we cold not afford to live. we had no time, and due o afformentioned text increases, out prior 1200... just does not exist. not for sale anywhere. If it does, we ‘technically’ make too much to afford it, because our combined annual income if I ‘pretend’ to still work at UPS is too high for rent control. (the irony is that we could barely afford 1200-1300 and yet somehow rent control says we make too much money for it). If I say I do not work for ups, which I dont, because i quit... well we dont meet minimum income.

Mostly, we’re screwed!

4 days before must-be-out-of-house, we find one option. 1200$ 2 bedroom that will allow our two cats. We do a fast walkthrough, because we dont have any options anyway. Place has infestations twofold, the maintenance guy is trying to fix 12 different holes in the walls, and we cant test the power or water because it isnt on yet and we cant really wait. Front door locks, has AC, theres an on-site laundry facility, has working fridge, sold. We mostly only interact with property manager, who I did like quite a lot, and he assured us he will help fix the issues and can get the place ready by our frantic date.

I move into apartment with all of our stuff. We rapidly find several, several issues. No smoke detectors, window (ground floor) with no lock and two that can’t even close all the way. Both of those things, some of you may know... are illegal. It was not the only illegal aspects, such as one room being incredibly unventalated, most of the lights not working with no other light sources, occasional plume of smoke from the fuse box, and (this is in florida) no netting on the windows. Things that are not included in the ‘illegal’ list but still very much problems: hidden mold (did you KNOW it’s not illegal for landlords to rent a property with mold?), and other fucking stupid shit. The real  show stopper, however, was that the apartment’s payment portal malfunctioned. We paid them the deposit the rent, everything... and it paid it back to my sibs account.

This is when we meet the actual landlord. Who is insane. She is incapable of texting legibly, and is almost incomprehensible over the phone. She does not know the landlord laws- which is her only job as a landlord- which she showed by telling us it’s our responsibility to provide smoke detectors, for example. (no, that’s illegal). She tries to back up this claim by saying it is stated in the lease we will provide the smoke detectors. Which proves she cannot fucking read a lease, either, because it does not say that in the lease, it says we are obligated to provide batteries for pre existing smoke detectors, and even if she had written that into the lease... it would still be illegal. it breaks housing codes. like a lot of other shit. Her excuse to all these issues was “well this isnt luxury housing.” Our windows not locking and you meeting builing code, lady, is not luxury, it’s minimum.

This whole thing is summed up with her ignoring all these issues and demanding we pay her. I tell her we did, because we did, but the portal doesnt work. She says that isnt her responsiblity, pay her again and make it work. I am speechless. It does not matter if im speechless, of course, because she never lets you get a word in edgewise and will simply talk over you, but anyway.

Obviously, only option or not, we cant fucking stay in this apartment. Legally, we cannot, and if we play along despite that, we wave our rights. And im sure if we give her money, she will try to keep that fucking despoit and declare our rent non refundable or some shit. So we declare that she broke our lease (illegally) and that we’re going to leave as soon as possible. She threatens to call the police because we’re scamming her- as if we get anything out of this. could kill her and feel no remorse. she gave me a crazy stress migraine that was not relieved by excessive stress panic attack or crying. 

We break the lease. With nowhere to live, we put all our shit in storage. more costs we cant afford. Insues a month of having no home. I go out of town for a while and bum a guest bedroom. Sib stays with partner.

We spend most of that month looking for somewhere to live. I burn through savings with no source of income- cant deliver outside of my Metro zone for shipt, and other issues with delivery, and I wont be in one place long enough to apply to work anywhere. Spend money on storage, on moving trucks getting shit back and forth, on ‘non-refundable application fees’ and on medication for the cat, and on follow up appointments and medication and treatment for my fucking hand.

some fucking asshole backs into my car on easter sunday. Not once- no, he backed into my car and then paused. surprised he is no longer backing up. tries to back up again, continuing to back into my car he is already hitting. pulls forward a little. backs up again. slightly louder crunch and this time he realizes what he’s done. Mind you i am on the fucking sidewalk less than 6 feet away from my car, walking to it, about to get into it. He looks me dead in the face and tries to leave the scene despite me trying to flag him down. Only stops because someone stepped out into the road in front of his fucking truck to stop him. Is drunk. fights insurance trading like hell. Takes about an hour to get it from him on threat of the cops.

ensues, while without home, an exausting insurance battle. drunk guy tries to claim the damage was prexisting. I have witnesses, and I also have a fucking picture of the back of his truck with pieces of my car stuck in his bumper. Eventually he gives up, and I spend stupid amount of time conversing with car insurance. My car is old. and it is also a saturn, which is a company that no longer exists. It is also not technically one saturn, but two saturns franken-steined together with different parts of two older saturns. Obviously, despite the damage being cosmetic, they want to declare my car totaled. not-drivable. Obvious unacceptable, nd even if i did, the value on my car is shotty and i’ll get nothing from them for it. dribble car is much more valauble. but because it’s cosmetic damage, on an old ass already costmetically ugly car... basically zip on pay out. not even enough to get the specific cosmetic damage fixed.

Hardly fucking matters, because the check... is now being held by the bank. When will i be allowed to have it? they dont know yet.

Technically, my fucking car isn’t okay to be driven yet. I have to wait on a new title to be delivered, take it to a dmv to be inspected and declared drivable, hope to god it passes, and then pay them for all this shit. The check, if i ever get it, will probably fucking pay for that. *thank god for insurance.* so glad i pay them for this. I will have a car that is not repaired and no money to repair it with. fuck. At least it’s mostly cosmetic, except for my slightly warped gas tank hatch that is now a struggle to get open.

We find an apartment. This is great. We have a place to live.

This means more moving fees.

so we’re back in orlando. I have no savings left. I have a bit of credit card debt I cant pay off, and we still need some essential shit to buy for this place. but hey, we’re not homeless. Place isnt perfect yet- has rats, might have roaches, neighbors are wild and loud, pretty sure theres an active drug dealer based on the weird activity in the parking lot at all hours day and night.

but we’re not homeless. and im back in my metro, so i can deliver, so I have a source of income again. Everything will be fine.

Check is still being withheld. car is still technically not supposed to be drivable. this is fine. I will make enough money to survive this month, wrack up a little bit more debt on the essentials we need, but thisll be fine for a month or two until better work... good thing i can still deliver.

Lived here for a week. Sibling’s car breaks down and needs repairs. uh oh!

The day we get my sibling’s car back from the mechanic’s? today? today?  Obviously, my car breaks down. Obviously. fuck.

There’s more. This is a mostly abridged highlight. Other details- such as the fact that I had to borrow money from someone to get even this far, and my very old cat needing a vet visit that i just cant fucking afford yet- are all involved. My hand still has poor mobility- yesterday someone commented “I thought you were right handed” because they noticed i dont use it to do things like pop the fucking water pressure cap off my car engine to refill it’s leaky collant tank. Our current fridge may or may not be cool enough to store dairy in, we arent sure yet. we still need to buy a fucking dryer, we dont have a means to wash/dry clothes yet, and I dont own a lot of clothing so I’ve been stretching one outfit over a week.

Look, 2022 is fucking killing me. At this point I need roughly 6000$ to magically make it out of may without debts in three different places. Obvious not feasible, and it would still put me out roughly nuetral with no money. So... whatever I can get. Preferable enough to get the fucking car fixed so i have income. And then hopefully rent so we don't end up homeless again and with an eviction on our record.

If you read all this, please. Even if you dont wanna donate for nothing in return, it’s literally only a dollar to commission a cute little mood board.

#munchatter #donations #I am once again asking you... #eh that meme u know it #I think im going to have a mental breakdown #real soon #sorry if this has typos its 6am and I made this because im so stressed i cant fucking sleep

[bellybiologist]

Commission Price changes coming soon (Next month)

Okay, I've been putting it off on the rare chance i'd somehow materialize 500 more dollars a month from patreon or something, but I think it's time to bite the bullet and increase my commission prices again. This is because of these reasons:

At the moment, I'm barely breaking even, and the winter bill increases and problems-that-needs-addressing in the past few months have made it impossible to actually save money.

I'm drawing as physically and as mentally quickly possible. I'm trying to not to push myself into burnout or physically hurting myself, but im always teetering on this edge. I find myself constantly apologizing for going so slowly, and wish I could draw faster and just knock several things out of the park every week, but that would definitely cost me in some way that may not be recoverable… or at the very least cost a lot in product quality! And I want to make sure you guys are happy with your pieces!

As it stands, my patreon hasn't been able to gain the traction it needed to keep me afloat. Which is ultimately fine, but I have to compensate with a commission price increase since that seems to be where a lot of people's interests are falling these paste few months.

Prices have not been finalized, but I'm debating between several methods of price increasing. Such as:

A flat percentage increase across the board. Easiest to implement.

A large increase in the 1st figure's price, to account for correspondence and adjustment work that often makes commissions take longer. ie. $100 for a figure, then $60 for subsequent ones of the same size in the same piece.

Removing the WIP phase for commissions, and offering a pricier bracket that allows that back and forth correspondence. YCHs will be getting a price increase for this too, though it'd still be lower than the current normal figures. This will allow much faster completion of commissions.

Please let me know any thoughts about these! Feedback pertaining to what would still be attractive to you would be useful while I ponder my options.

I unfortunately cant let myself ruminate on this for too long cuz the bills will not wait on my indecision! So I'm aiming to have a final decision within the next week, and for w/e decision I have to be active by february 14th.

If you want pieces using the current prices, feel free to jump on the list between now and than, even if you're already waiting on a piece. To avoid possible insanity, I will allow a single customer to have a max of 4 figures on the list at a time before the price change, whether its all one big piece, or 4 individual ones. Ones already on the list are free to alter or add their orders, too, since i've already been doing that anyway! These updates will be reflected on the commission form as well.

As always, thanks to everyone and their continued support!

#announcement #commissions

[the-100th-witch]

my unemployment is gonna be running out

Some ramblings under readmore

I've been blessed to have it for 7 months and not have to jump around random jobs. The area I'm living in is also not really fruitful with jobs that aren't retail/fast food. I do have the option of temp jobs (through a temp agency) and if i hit a road bump (not passing this test again although i have a good feeling i'll pass) I can just do that for a bit (and not commit to one job lol I did that last time and that was bad even though i got money it was a very toxic place).

I have my test on Oct 6th so hopefully i pass and can get substituting started. I think there is still a wait period from the time i pass the test to when i get the official certification and all that. I just want this certification bc

1) good for a year and can be renewed ( the process seems simple enough)

2) I can make my own hours so i can choose to work 7 days a week or just 1 day a week etc. I plan on working a lot but if I have to get my teeth fixed or other things i can just not agree to any jobs which is ideal right now. If i move in the near future I can just not accept any work lol

3) I can get back into the teaching environment and apply for community college teaching jobs once im feeling ready. I can even get into a teaching credential program if i want (to teach lower grades) but i dont know..but it's an option. I know i wanna teach but it's been so long (3 years) I just dont want to disappoint anyone or let myself down (and then go into a depressive state like no thanks!)

This was the original plan (well kinda I wanted to start teaching at a community college level right after college but it was 2020 lol that wasnt happening and it's been so long that i kinda dont feel comfortable jumping back into teaching at that level quite yet. That's my goal for 2024) and I'm glad I took the time to get back on track this year.

I should be fine though since I'm living at home and havent touched my savings at all.

I chose to not get another job right away bc i tend to get side tracked and consumed with whatever job i have. I wanted to get this test out of the way and yea i failed it like 2 times (technically 3 times lol) but i know that if i was working it would have just put it off to the side again.

I was also getting my health back in check and now im focusing on my teeth so that was time well spent. Stuff i usually put off bc im too busy at work or never got the time off lol

I talked to my mom and she just said "well that flew by! You should be okay even if by January since it's literally right around the corner" so at least there's that. I was helping my family this whole time so im glad i was somewhat useful while they helped me during this time.

But I have been feeling ready to get back into working and working on moving out lol probably wont be able to do that until AFTER i get a new car bc my current car is on it's last leg i think. The security of having this permit will allow me to work anywhere (well...nearly anywhere but from what I'm reading i can transfer the permit or at the very least go to a state where the CBEST tests scores (that never expire) are accepted and maybe just re-apply through that state. It's a little all over the place) but it's a security nonetheless. Kinda like the temp agencies are for me since I worked a lot of data entry jobs and office jobs. I just want to get back to teaching since i dont like the office environment i like the academic environment

So, overall it could be worse.

I've been feeling depressed lately but I'm surprised at how well I'm taking this news. I thought I would be all upset and stuff but I think since i was only 2 points off from my last score I see a light at the end of the tunnel. Just gotta power through and pass this upcoming test!

#personal #unemployment #i could file another claim but i honestly don't see a need too #plus i can just get a temp job since I'm so close to passing this test #just gotta stay on track

[diagonal-queen]

NIGHTGOWN ANON HERE omg what if im NIA? short for NIghtgown Anon :) maybe that could be a writing name for me? idk lol im shit at writing decent stories

- Poe x Artist Reader: Reader illustrates the covers for Poe's books (accidentally put boobs instead of books the first time haha)

- Poe x Cook Reader: You were the Guild's chef but now that it was abandoned, Poe hired you to cook for him!

- Poe x Doctor Reader: Aw man he got hurt. Don't worry! Doctor Reader is here to bandage him up!

- Poe x Retail Reader: Reader didn't choose Retail. Retail chose Reader.

- Poe x Vet Reader: Karl

- Poe x Idol Reader: Now it's random

- Everyday you shower Poe with face kisses to wake him up, he gets extremely flustered, even though you've been doing it for years. You keep doing it just to wake him up

- Poe is like Reader's shadow at parties, constantly clinging to her because of his shy nature.

- Reader and Poe both die in a corner at parties because they're shy.

- The reason Poe was able to meet Reader was because he hired someone to go outside and do errands for him (ex: get food)

omg my brain is melting i have so many more ideaassss but THEYRE NOT COMINNNGGG

THAT'S IT DID YOU SEE I USED PROPER CAPITALIZATION(KINDA) THIS TIME YEAH? im so cool. HAVE A GREAT DAY MY LOVE! TAKE CARE! ❤️

okay so first of all NIA is SUCH A CUTE NAME OMG it kinda sounds like a j-pop star name lmaoaooaoaoaa anyways. you're nia now i decided. you don't have a say in the matter /j anyways i have things to say about all of these.

poe x artist reader who creates illustrations for his novels lowkey gives me Dorian Gray vibes? like imagine reader going to a library or a bookstore or something one day and seeing one of poe's books and on the cover it names the author and illustrator side by side and it hits them...T-T also what if reader was originally a fanartist of his books or something and he saw their fanart and he liked it so much that he hired them to be his official artist and reader just combusts lol (sidenote i'm sure poe has some great man milkers)

poor reader who was just hired to cook for a bunch of mean bougie people and is now stranded and jobless in another country T-T fortunately they still have poe. i get the feeling that poe is secretly pretty picky with his food but he's just too shy to say anything most of the time. ranpo eventually comes along and you totally get 'he asked for no pickles'd lmao. STOP WHAT IF YOU DECIDED TO TEACH POE HOW TO COOK (cus it's just easier than having to modify your recipes to accommodate him all the time) and you have like one of those cliche foodfight moments <3 and of course ranpo is your resident taste tester. (IMAGINE KARL PUPPETEERING POE LIKE IN RATATOUILLE STOP)

i can't come up with a scenario atm where poe would get hurt because he's a paranoid boi. but maybe like ranpo accidentally did it or something EITHER WAY. you are his little doctor <3 maybe you're like a training doctor for the ada under the guidance of doctor yosano? there's also a bit of a forbidden love aspect because a relationship between a doctor and a patient is unethical afaik so ooooo drama. maybe you're yosano's sister as well, idk make it even more dramatic lol (protective dadzawa moment)

currently trying to get a job in retail atm, never been there but from what i've heard it's an absolute nightmare. poor reader is probably getting harassed by karens each day and poe is her very calm and quiet respite :) he just seems to easy to assist in a store, even if he does stutter a bit. plus you can lowkey take a couple minutes to just hang out with him under the guise of 'helping a customer' akjsskkssjsjsjks. reader tells poe that she's really just there for the money, saving up for a nicer place or something, and poe's like 'i can buy a place for you /gen' because let's face it he's rather out of touch with us lower middle class folks. reader is like. well then

imagine you're a vet just vibing at work and one day some 1800s gothic emo author bursts in with his pet raccoon in shambles because he thinks said pet raccoon is seriously sick or something. nah turns out karl just ate a spider or something and threw it back up (definitely not something my dog does). and although you did no work whatsoever poe is so grateful for your help (he might cry). whenever karl gets even a little unwell from then on poe comes straight to you because he's always wracked with worry for his lil guy T-T BOOM you two are in love because of a raccoon

poe x idol reader THIS one right here gave me a lot of thinks to think. either you were friends before you became an idol or he was just a fan of your music but like you two somehow meet and it's just funny cus...old fashioned author guy and bubbly trendy idol...it would be so nice of you if you got poe a little pair of earplugs to wear at your concerts when it gets too loud but so he can still enjoy your singing <3 he gets backstage passes and all that special treatment and stuff. also is it really an idol story without some kind of arc involving dating rumours and drama? technically you're both kinda famous cus author and singer- but imagine if your fandoms clashed and were always fighting nooooooo T-T

this one where you kiss poe awake is SOOOOO so cute and i wanna write it now. you and poe could be old ass great grandparents together by this point but he'd still get shy when physical affection <333333 but like he's not complaining. what better way is there to wake up than a kiss from your loved one? he thinks it's very romantic and probably writes poems about it

i personally would have no problem with poe clinging to me (not only am i in love with him but i'm clingy and touchstarved myself) so everyone else would just have to DEAL WITH IT if they wanna talk to me but poe is also there. by the end everyone would know who he is lol (also they probably think karl is cool too)

now if reader and poe were BOTH shy...tbh two seconds in they'd just look at each other and decide to leave snksjakdhakjh if you guys don't know anyone else there then why stay? plus parties aren't really your scene anyway, maybe a cafe or library date would be better for the two of you. You'd have a lot more time and privacy for things like that <3

so like presumably the relationship between poe and assistant!reader would be mostly business, but of course a little friendly as well. so of course RANPO (or dazai lol) has to come into the picture and probably makes some maid joke and that gets poe thinkin...thoughts...about maid outfitssss~ maybe he buys one for youuuuuuu~ and maybe he thinks it looks really pretty on youuuu~ tbh this is mostly just a self indulgent pwp prompt lmaoo

this. was so long. i hope you liked this stuff nia pls feel free to add on if you have anymore ideas <3 ALSO YES I SEE YOUR CAPITALS AND I'M VERY PROUD 🌸🌸🌸🌸 I HOPE YOUR DAY IS SPLENDID AND YOUR BRAIN WORKS MORE FERVENTLY THAN EVER

#dia's discourse #thoughts: NIA #if there are any other recurring anons who wanna send me stuff #you guys should give yourselves names too! #also nia and dia are like almost the same #and i think that's just 💓💓💓

[gcldenhr]

Introducing ✿ * · juliette ryan || twenty four || florist

pinterest

hi all! im allie! i go by she/her pronouns and i’m from the cst timezone. i’m super excited to be here and write with everyone! feel free to like this and i can come to you about plots! 

a  little  birdy  told  me  JULIETTE  RYAN  just  moved  to  sunset  hills. have  you  met  them  yet  ?  they  look  somewhere  around  TWENTY - FOUR,  if  i  had  to  guess  !  pretty  sure  i  heard  them  driving  down  the  street  playing  RECKLESS  DRIVING  by  LIZZY  MCALPINE  ,  they  sounded  a  little  pitchy  but  they  had  the  spirit  !  must  be  their  favorite  or  something. hey  …  it  looks  like  they  just  moved  into  DUSK  DRIVE  . have  you  heard  about  what  they  do  for  a  living  ?  someone  told  me  they’re  a  FLORIST  ,  but  who  knows  if  that’s  even  true. guess  we’re  just  gonna  have  to  wait  and  see. nervous  ?  maybe  you  should  be. sunset  speaks  just  posted  about  them  …  apparently  they're  RESIDENT  ID  #013  ?  between  you  and  me  ,  i  think  that  might  spark  some  things  in  the  community  …  but  what  do  i  know !  you  guys  might  get  along  just  fine  !

quick facts: full name: juliette elizabeth ryan nickname: jules, julie birth date: march 15 age: 24 hobbies: reading, writing, music how she would spend a rainy day: curled up in bed with soft music playing in the background as she reads or curled up on the couch with the fireplace going and binge-watching a good show or guilty pleasure show/movie. spending habits: juliette is a strong believer in the ‘treat yourself’ philosophy so she’s not great with saving. Smokes: too much. tried to quit, but quickly started back drinks: she’s a social drinker, but loves a good cider at home. an absolute whore for a good margarita. other drugs: occasional weed.

juliette has always been quite well off. she was an only child in a well off family in manhattan. her mother and father both loved each other and had a decently happy marriage.

her parents challenged jules to work hard for what she wanted. they always pushed her to be a better version of herself and to always at least try for what seemed like unattainable. 

around the age of nineteen, juliette moved to Cali with her cousin. They split the cost of an apartment and started school together. jules wanted to be a writer. it was something unattainable, but it was the strongest desire she had ever had. she worked her ass off in her classes, always looking for ways to improve her skill. 

apartments cost money and jules was running low. she never was able to save very well. she found a help wanted sign in a small florist shop and even though she had no experience, she applied. she has been working at ‘petal and bloom’ ever since. 

juliette has been writing under a pen name. something one of her professors challenged her to do to gain more confidence in her writing. Well, he didn’t exactly say to write under a pen name. he just told her she needs to get her writing out there... the pen name was more her idea. 

she has her own instagram where she reviews books and somehow gained enough of a following to have a few fans on an email list. on this email list, she gives them exclusive previews of the novel she’s currently writing. 

headcanons: 

jules is a big softy. she embodies kindness and compassion and brings comfort to every room she enters. pretty much a friend to all.

she’s a bit of a people pleaser.. therefore its pretty easy for her to fall into peer pressure. 

her music taste is impeccable and she knows it. everything from the 60s to now. her playlist is all over the place, but it’s got something for everyone on it. 

she smokes.. more than she should. she tries to hide it. she knows its an awful habit, but she started when she was seventeen and its been more of a stress relief than anything. she also will occasionally smoke weed, but typically only in the company of good friends or at a party. 

the THINGS she would do for a good ass margarita.. i mean who wouldn’t but omg 

been in maybe 3 serious relationships?? the first being in high school, the second being at around 20, and the third being around 22. its not that she isn’t good with relationships, but she hasn’t found one that stuck. been in TONS of situationships bless her heart. 

#i'll develop a better about me page later! #lmk if you want to plot!! #sunsetintro

[bondsmagii]

(ventilation life hack anon) i hear you! no sweat.

i have another option but itll cost a pretty penny.

you can get some small solar panels (about 15 inches [side note: this is how you know im american]) about 4 of them will work out. slap them in your window and they can hook up to an emergency battery. those big fancy ones that have outlets on em. depending on the energy n shit of your heater, the panels, and the battery, it would be about 4-12 hours charge, 12 hours run for a bunch of devices. hook your heater up to that. leave the panels in your window (even in countries with not alot of sunlight you should be able to get some energy) to get the battery charged up. then in the morning, slap that bad boy to your heater (i live in a small house thats only 2 room so my heater is very close to my bed. fire hazard but if thats what kills me thats a win) and put your clothes over it. should only take half an hour and not alot of energy from your battery but boom. warm clothes and a slightly warm room.

update: doing some searching to figure out the expenses. found out that good quality solar panels are like 15-20 euros for more than 4 of them??? fuck??? you might need wiring knowledge though fuck.

update update: you dont need wiring knowledge.

update update update: the battery pack in question is 100-200 euros for a good one. but because of wattage itll be a long charge time. i mean. its a one time purchase and you get warmth and a cheaper electric bill so... win?

update update update update: oh god update is going to lose its meaning to me. anywho the panels work on heavy overcast days so thats a win too.

god bless I love how you've looked into this like adore the stream of consciousness at the end but do not fear! this is not something available to us as, you know, money etc, but we do have sweaters and blankets. we could afford to put the heat on for a few hours a day and do plan to do so once the temperature reaches single figures in the house (in Celsius, don't worry...) but right now we're trying to hold out. it's money saving for the colder months (it doesn't get truly baltic until January/February here) rather than not having any money at all, you know? also while solar panels can work on overcast days, they would not be so efficient during polar night, which is what we experience for about three months (December to mid-February or so) -- the light never gets above twilight, and the sun does not properly rise. (we are very far north.) keeping a houses humidity level stable is actually far more efficient for retaining warmth, so a humidifier might be a better and cheaper investment if anyone out there is looking to raise the temperature by a few degrees!

not to get too much like a world politics class on here but for those of you who don't know, the UK is currently going through a cost of living crisis thanks to a lot of factors, namely Brexit, the war in Ukraine, and dreadful mismanagement by the incompetent and disorganised government. this crisis was predicted and hinted at a long time ago, but the government did sweet fuck all about it. now, before our winter has even begun, people are struggling to heat their homes -- some people have seen their energy bill go up from double digits per month (no more than £99) up to several thousand a month. the energy cap -- the absolute upper amount that can be charged per unit of fuel or electricity) has risen dramatically, been capped briefly, and then risen again. the country is running out of electricity and may have to do something called "load shedding" over the winter, where the electricity is shut off in a controlled blackout to save supplies. the last I checked, this would be for four hours in the evening, leaving people with no electricity in the very dark evenings right over dinner time, and right at the time where parents with school-aged children are trying to get them ready for the next day/kids are doing their homework. a lot of people require electricity to power the boiler to heat their homes and water, too, thus leaving people without heating or hot water in the dead of winter. this is predicted for January and February, but already people are unable to heat their homes, have to choose between eating and being warm, or have to skip meals so their kids can eat. (the cost of everything has gone up, even daily essentials, and the country is in a massive recession.) kids are showing up to school unable to concentrate because of hunger, or too tired and cold to work properly. the government has rolled out some relief, but it totals about £400 for the whole October-February period -- not even enough for one month of comfortable heating for some people. it is absolutely insane.

so yeah, don't worry about us. we can manage it if we're careful and don't mind a bit of discomfort for a few minutes as we change or shower, or for a few hours as the room warms up from the night. in the depth of winter we'll be able able keep the house cool but comfortable. but there are millions of others who are going to freeze and starve this winter, or who are going to have to go into debt because they have babies who cannot get this cold, or who are elderly and will have to walk to coffee shops to nurse a single drink for hours just for the warmth of the store, or ride buses all day just to get out of the cold. worry about these people -- all of them are victims of our absolutely inhumane government, who could have prepared for this and done something to ease it, but chose not to.

#anon #asks

[evilweasel]

Fucking???? Blows my mind that people buy things regularly, or have things bought for them regularly. Like new video games every two weeks, new accessories or clothes/shoes every month, art supplies, even getting regular coffee or lunch out in supermarkets. I have a friend who constantly spends on shirts, sparkly rocks, cool notebooks, shoes, figures, pokemon cards, a sunglasses collection. Stuff she just sees and goes "I want that" and GETS it. She doesn't save to the endless void like I do. Doesn't hang on to every fiver, every pound coin, because she's going to need it for this big Future Purchase that never comes. Another friend, she gets money to buy lunch. She doesn't automatically get the cheapest food so she can save better. Why not? Aren't you worried you're going to need that? A third friend, she's in a wealthy tax bracket and gets money from her parents whenever she wants and spends so much on genshin and models and plushies it makes me wince because it's so much money to me. She has the balls to ask money from her wealthy parents and doesn't feel shame about it. Which, GOOD. THATS HOW IT SHOULD BE. WHAT THE FUCK THOUGH.

No shade to these friends btw they are genuinely the most generous people I ever met and I honestly aspire to be their level of generous. The amount of times the first 2 friends have bought me snacks, energy drinks, coffees, donuts (don't know the 3rd friend as well but she's also super generous to her gf). And all I can think is do you know. Do you know i will not be able to repay your kindness. My company isn't even that good im so shit at conversations and can barely stutter out a thank you because I'm super grateful but super embarrassed that I can't return the favour, maybe ever, because my brain just Save Save Saves, so why did you buy me coffee when this could have gone to YOUR Big Future Purchase. I aspire to be their level of carefree. Not to have to force myself to get McDonald's to fit in when everyone else is, and even then it's just a medium milkshake. To never have to weigh up the pros and cons of getting a coffee on a day you're super tired. To not count up the days you got a 3 pound meal deal 3 days a week. 9 pounds a week for every week of term adds up. Don't get me fucking started on things I actually want and don't need. I genuinely cannot buy a thing for myself without giving it 2 to 3 weeks of thought over whether I actually need it or can I Save Some More. Thinking constantly thinking about old purchases and whether they were justified or i went mad. I got that thing and don't even use it that often. I bought that game and haven't had the opportunity or spoons to play it yet, that was 20 quid wasted and i can't buy anything else until I've played through everything else. I bought those books and haven't read them yet. I got a mystery bag at comicon and didn't particularly like what was inside. All this stuff proves i can't be trusted, so I don't need that new video game, I have minecraft. I don't need new clothes, I don't like my current ones but they still fit me. I don't need that book. I can reread. I'm not hungry, I'll eat at home. Other people have it worse. Some people can't even afford to have the heating on. If I'm not Super Ultra Careful, I'll end up like them. It's like an eating disorder but instead of counting calories im counting pennies.

I'm not even working class. Our house has a kitchen island and a double fridge. We always have enough to eat, enough to turn the heating on. When I was a kid I got everything I asked for and the nice birthday presents. So why am I so scared. Whats been ingrained into me to make me scared. My dad tells me I'm so stingy. He told me when I was 5 I was told to put a pound coin into the charity spinner and I wouldn't do it bc that would mean I wouldn't have the pound coin. I didn't want to spend it on something else. I just wanted the pound coin bc I knew it might be able to get me something, one day. When I was 10 and went away to Cornwall, my uncle gave me 10 quid to spend, but told me if I didn't spend it then he would take it back because at this point everyone knew I had Spending Troubles. And I couldn't do that either. I looked around all the shops and dithered because there was nothing I wanted more than the tenner just to save it up and put it away. I was ten. What was I saving for??? A house??? A car??? A uni fund??? At the time i wanted a drawing tablet more than anything, but I knew even if I hung onto this tenner it wouldn't make any difference and ten year old me would never be able to get that on my own. I never spent any birthday money. Any Christmas money. At 14 I had enough to buy half a drawing tablet and got my parents to get the rest of it when it was on sale and they STILL only took half my money and paid ¾. Money im still hanging onto now, at 17, when they paid most because they wanted me to get something I wanted more, they didn't think I'd actually save for a drawing pad myself. I still haven't spent it. I'm terrified I'll think ill of myself in a month for it.

My friend had a birthday recently, and she always gets me nice gifts. She's gotten me promised neverland manga, a frog pin, homemade friendship bracelets and homemade jewellry made out of rocks ane crystals she's bought, alongside sweets and choccies she knows I like. Most of this wasn't even birthday stuff, just regular stuff. I am so LUCKY to have her as a friend, someone as honest and kind and generous and talented and helpful, so I wanted to get things she also wanted. She's been going through a big pokemon phase and I KNOW her favourite pokemon is leafeon, so I got her a little leafeon plushie, and as an added bonus a magnetic ponyta pin because she also likes my little pony and the galarian version looks like one of the old my little ponies. 21 pound total, three weeks ago I still remember because its the biggest purchase I've made in months. And the thought kept crossing my mind "you didn't need to give her the pin as well. The plush would have been fine", or even "she would have loved a card, you could have just gotten her a card and then you'd be 21 pounds richer". And I just feel disgusted with myself. Because she gets all her little gifts for me so unthinkingly, so willingly, and she never regrets them. I always tell her she doesn't have to, but she wants to, and she does it for all of her friends. Between me and her other 2 close friends, that's so much spent. I'm terrified. I'm in awe. I hate myself for not being like that. Hate myself for regretting when her reaction to the ponyta pin i almost didn't even give her was "OH MY G O SH I love the little Pikachu ears on the back oh its magnetic???? I don't think ill be able to wear this, ill lose it". I cherish her reaction. So why do I still feel such dread at the money I spent. What is wrong with me. It was 21 pounds. I wasn't gonna spend it. What I have in my bank account isn't enough for the PC I need for my college course, or the new art tablet I need because my current one is breaking for my college course, or the new phone im going to need soon bc this one is on the fritz. Today, I was at another friends birthday. Shes gotten me donuts more times than I can remember. We don't make a habit out of getting each other gifts on birthdays, just funny cards. I just gave her a card. Why didn't I get her a gift too?? Two of the others did. She has difficulty accepting gifts like me, but like, who cares?? It would make her happy. I don't want her to get things for me in return I want to see her face when I get her a badass notebook with an eye on the front, or a custom dnd dice set, or a sickass writing pen for her diary. I want to be able to make her happy like that. But the deep rooted well of dread at spending money is so fucking much and I hate hate hate hate hate hate hate hate that I can't fucking ever return their generosity. Why do they continue to get things for me. Why do they value me so much. I'm so terrible at conversations, at hosting, at gift giving, at affection, at having enough spoons to hang out most days. I'm not charismatic and I'm not worthy or all this stuff. All I've got going for me is I'm a great listener and can remember random details and im not even that good at that and cover it up most times because it's weird to hang onto too many innocuous details about a person. I love my friends so much and they'll never know because I can't show it, not physically (im too awkward for hugging or high fives) or verbally (im too awkward for compliments I say what I can but it always comes out so stiff and insincerely) or with gifts (can't spend) or quality time (no spoons most days) or anything anything anything anything.

You can't put a price on people but I have. I've literally put a price tag on everything. Even myself. And I get so confused when people give me more than the 30p I think I'm worth. Hate it. Hate it. Disgust myself. What the fuck.

#patchie is rambling #it was 2 fifteen when i started writing this now its 3 forty five #god im such a loser #thank god no one reads my posts

[meowsticmarvels]

whats on your mind rn in terms of Games ?

OOH FUN.... assuming you probably asked this bc most of my interests are games LOL but i jhave some Thoughts on games in General and the industry as a whole. buckle up!

- currently im playing. a lot of them obviously but my most recents are persona 5 tactica and the sims 4 :] - fav fav games EXCLUDING THE SPECIAL INTERESTS . - ghost trick, UT/DR, NITW, TS4 ( i havent played any other sims except the sims 2 pets for the 3ds im sorry.), super mario galaxy, goodbye volcano high - the special interest ones include pokemon (fav out of main series is sun/moon, black/white, and scarlet/violet, but i do like many spin offs like mystery dungeon), mii/wii games (i.e. wii sports), minecraft story mode, and the persona games (never finished one but i've reached various distances in P2IS-P5 excluding some spin offs and stuff like i havent started P5S or P2EP. favs r 3 + 4 + tactica) ^ ask me about any of those (or other ones i like i.e. gvh) i WILL ANSWER even if its something thatd be faster with google im better - underrated gems i'd say goodbye volcano high, death road to canada, chicory a colorful tale, signs of the sojourner, aviary attorney, tails noir, blanc. ghost trick to a lesser extent ig but the others are indie - current main wishlist (inc. ones i Will emulate): shin megami tensei V, devil survivor overclocked, fire emblem 3 houses, professor layton, pokemon black 2, persona q2, persona 3 reload ( I Want. Now. its on gamepass but i literally need everything related to it you dont get it.), wii play motion, twewy, and okami. OH also in stars and time and oneshot. also disco elysium and hylics look cool too. AND CASSETTE BEASTS. fuck i hate when every game looks good. need to play murder of sonic the hedgehog also. and looking forward to billy bust up. OH AND I NEED TO PLAY THE STANLEY PARABLE. AND BALDURS GATE 3 - i think the only game i really truly regret buying is 1-2 switch. im sorry it was good for like 2-3 weeks when the switch was new now i just do not care - i love you indie games i love you games that in general are not afraid to be weird and deviate from stuff. get crazy with it - video games r kind of an art form. if you think about it - industry kind of shit !!! stop laying off your devs!!!!!!!!!! what the fuck!!!!!! its been bad lately even my dad (a QA tester) got laid off a game he was working rly well on because they abruptly cancelled it. ok - i don't care for most FPS games. not my thing. too stressful. not enjoyable for me that much. im more of an RPG guy but i'm open to new things i played like food maker apps when i was a kid - speaking of industry stuff crunch is another thing severely a major problem. and the thing with sag aftra approving ai voices in games. Stop!!!!!!! - i miss e3 :( was a fun thing to look forward to each year - game preservation is also a real issue. like ig i get saving money by killing the servers on old consoles but in nintendos case people still actively use them theyre not that old. kind of dumb. xbox i get it the 360's been out since 2005 but 3ds/wiiu things are younger than me chill out - HATE when good fun mobile games are cash grabby. like STFU its more annoying than anything when they make resources impossible to get without paying. whats the fucking fun in that. i'd rather it be an easy way out last resort than oh i can get like 1 gem every month by doing this BUT if i pay i can get 10 of them for like 10 dolar. like ok die - waiter! waiter! more transgender as hell games please! (i.e. goodbye volcano high. that game changed lives) - also we need more autistic as hell games and i mean canonically. and not fucking Creepy Autism Simulator - more and better accessibility settings!!! i personally dont need many myself but it's important to me that others are able to play a game without severe issues due to disability. indie games doing great abt this based on feedback though ive seen a lot of good ones - any streetpassers in the chat thats all sorry it was long but i have a lot of thoughts abt Games in general. if theres any in particular u wanna hear abt shoot me an ask!!! can be one not on here i'm open to reccomendations or just things ive gathered from people who have :]

#sparky speaks #you CAN ask wga game it was that my dad was working on btw #its name was published dw #not maintagging fandoms #but #video games #games industry

[cutenessinanutshell]

In June of last year I decided I was going to take my financial future more seriously. Finally, I know.

It kind of stemmed from the fight tj and I had back in February last year, where we started going to therapy and decided we’d start working on ourselves to eventually come together and work on creating a life together. I don’t know why that was the trigger point for me but something about a future with him makes me just WANT for more.

Anyway I started saving as much money as I possibly could from my monthly pay. I currently don’t have a lot of expenses because I live at home with my parents so it’s been really and truly so easy for me to be able to save. They say the key to being able to be “money rich” is to invest so every couple months I’ve been dumping what I’ve saved into an investing account and although it’s pretty much chum change to a lot of people, im really proud that I’ve been able to stick to it for a whole year now.

My dads best friend gave me a cool example of how money grows last year and it really inspired me because that man is hella rich and he goes on really lavish vacations and I just want that kind of lifestyle for myself.

I realize that my small tiny pole studio may never be able to provide me with infinite riches and a high paying salary. But I believe in MY skill.. and my brain. I don’t know if I’ll reach the figurative heights I dream about as a pole dancer, but I just know I am capable of really cool things once I stop being so lazy. Though I don’t know if I’d call it lazy, I’m just… not going for it immediately. I take my time. Even with this savings thing. If I had taken my mom seriously when she kept asking for me to put money into my savings when I was 18, I’d probably be way better off than I am now but hey… there is absolutely no point in crying over spilled milk.

I’m out here and I’m trying and honestly guys, I’m proud of that. Just wanted to share a bit of me growing up — at 28

[enderhasplans]

I'm currently in the process of realizing that I wont be able to finish my lovejoy video essay due to a long list of toppling domino problems including:

I don't have a phone number, so its hard to get a job. I don't have a phone number because I am locked out of my phone, I'm locked out of my phone because I don't have my password and my laptop is jacked and I cant wipe it. I cant get someone else to wipe it because I cant find or even pay someone to do it. The solution to this is to either get a new phone, or get a new laptop so that I can clear my old phone, in order to do this I need money. I can't get money because I don't have a job and I don't have parents to pay for me. And I can't get a job, because I don't have a phone. With this issue, I am left with a dysfunctional laptop that crashes if I open more than two tabs; Which is enough for me to do research but in order to edit the audio and video and then to put it together I need: 1. a working PC 2. a functional camera 3. a half decent mic you may be asking, "ender, how did you plan to work around this in the first place?" the answer is, I though that I would of been able to get a job months ago and save up for the bare minimum and then slowly build my way up as I got further and further along. But no town in an hour radius will hire me... and theres nothing i can do about it. NOT TO MENTION, im doing the video essay for fun. There are things that I need to get done so i can survive this isnt working out. I have no idea how im gonna get out of this train wreck

#HELP

[riseofthedark]

Self-care

There's a post that just showed up on my feed that I want to discuss. The reason I'm not using the original post in this is that op comes off as somewhat abrasive [now if they truly are or aren't that I don't know].

In their post they say the recent mantra we don't owe anyone anything is a damaging mentality. As life is a collaborative event and we rely upon others we thus owe to others as much as we have to give. I'm not here to attack them (another reason why I'm making this a separate post), but rather am here to give my own thoughts and perspective.

I struggle with words and while I can use them properly in context their definitions tend to be fuzzy at best. As whoever may read this post might have the same issue with words I will define the word owe below.

Owe (verb) - have an obligation to pay or repay (something, especially money) in return for something received

definition taken from Oxford Languages

I struggle with what OP said mainly because I do that. I give in ways of my time, commitments, effort, all of that until I have nothing else to give. This need to give parts of myself until I have nothing else I can give has been instilled in my by my parents since I was a child. As a result giving has become the main way I show affection to people.

As a result i'm burnt out and struggling to survive. Not necessarily money wise (though that's also a struggle) but physically and mentally. OP says "we owe all we're able to give". But that's just the thing, all we're able to give and all that we can reasonably give are very different things.

Think in terms of money, I'll use my own situation as an example.

After taxes I make about $1800 a month total

Taking out every single necessary expense I have about $400 left over. For me to live paycheck to paycheck I only need $1400 on a good month. I am technically able to give my entire paycheck, but someone once told me when you have to say technically it's wrong.

So let's work with what I have, $400. I could give all of that money away since I don't need it. But, this leaves no room for anything else. If that $400 is always given away anything that comes up that I have to pay for that's not accounted for in necessary purchases, has to be bought with the $1400 I do have.

Something will have to give on my side but it can't be that $400 because it's already given away. So maybe i'll go without food for a week or even two because I have to replace something I can't afford otherwise. Anything unexpected I'll have to sacrifice something I need because i've already given something I need to give.

Reasonably what can I give from that $400? Maybe $50. Which, $350 is a lot of money so why did I say I am able to give it away? Because it's not necessary to my survival. But when I can afford it I'm paying for doctors appointments, medication, and currently physical therapy. Now im poor so a lot of that is covered but some it isn't. When all $350 isn't used up I put it in savings so next time something breaks I can replace it without hurting myself in the process.

Now let's talk about time, commitments, and effort. I can't really say no to people so my schedule has to include sleep or i'll try to go without it. Every minute of my day is planned if something unexpected happens I'll just get less sleep, maybe skip eating. After all who really needs hygiene?

When anyone asks me to help or to do something that time-wise I am able do, I do it. If I don't there's this overwhelming feeling of guilt and self hate that I couldn't even do such a simple thing. Typically, showing someone my schedule they ask me how I'm still functioning. It's because the way i've scheduled myself if I miss anything it builds to the point where even trying to get back on track takes at least one mental break down like a "you should come in twice this week for therapy" type of breakdown.

Huh, that got a bit dark for me.....

The phrase "you don't owe anyone anything", is true.

While the context it was originally formed in (general perception) was breaking away from toxic situations. I don't owe my parents my appearance, ideals, or sexual expression because they raised me. I don't owe my work soul breaking labor because they pay me. I am allowed to leave without feeling like I owe them a debt.

One also doesn't have to support the system or try to change the system even though it's done things have either benefited them or been detrimental to them. This isn't to say that life isn't transactional. To get money one has to work. To get services done you have to pay for it. To receive affection you also have to give it. Do I personally think that giving to or helping others is something you should do? Yes. There is no one way of thinking that covers every exception or every circumstance so my way of thinking is just that. My way of thinking.

But for me, I believe that one does not owe tall their able to give just for existing.

#giving #self care #giving all you have #mental health #coping #personal experience #opinion #“we don't owe anybody anything” #therapy #burn out

[keefwho]

November 01 - 2022

8:17 AM

No one likes to work, me included. And I don’t even have much to do relatively speaking. But it still sucks ass and I’m still trying to find a way of doing/thinking about it so I’m a little less miserable. Most of the time it comes down to knowing how awesome I’ll feel if I buckle down and get it done early so I have the rest of the day to goof off, but I still know I’ll have to do it all again tomorrow. And the next day. But part of bearing it is accepting it is ceaseless, its just how it is. 

11:37 AM

My tummy has been unhappy for most of the morning but I’m not letting it bother me. It’s just annoying that it can happen so suddenly so often. I can’t wait for it to get better though. It happens enough that using it as an excuse for a break will mean I never get anything done. And I can’t hope for a natural break like a weekend all the time. I just have to deal with it. 

2:14 PM

I did my time for today but I’m VERY stressed because I want to do good on this current commission and I’ve put a lot of time into trying to get it right. But I just cant get it to a good place. HOW MUCH TIME Is it gonna take me? Will I be able to get it done in a reasonable time at all? It’s difficult sometimes to meet my personal quotas and put out things I can be proud of. The only way to fix that would be to get better at being fast or charge more and I feel like I charge enough already. I’m gonna do my best to stop thinking about it right now and save it for tomorrow. It’ll be better to look at it with fresh eyes later anyways.

I WANT TO CRYYYY I can’t figure this shit out, it’s killing me  Im so fucked

4:34 PM

Once again I am in despair about my anxiety/phobia. 

I SHOULD be happy about getting groceries but I’m always just scared of them. Even the freezer food these days. Mainly the stuff in the fridge. Its hard to figure out what to do about all this. I’m afraid of basically all food to some degree. Eating is almost never enjoyable because I do it with caution. Thats why I struggle to eat enough. Its silly because I’ve never once gotten food poisoning in my life and I used to have the same food standards as my parents. 

All I know to do is practice a little exposure and eat things I’m afraid of anyways, even if its just in small amounts. Pretending can help too, like pretending that everything is fine because it literally is. Its just fact that food isn’t as unsafe as I feel it is and I also have very high safety standards with everything I get. The reality is NOTHING I currently have should make me sick. Somewhere inside me I believe that something in my fridge/freezer/panty MUST be tainted. But none of it should be. 

Maybe it’ll be good to write down every time I challenge myself and track that. I could have a 1-10 rating score on how challenging it was. I can probably do that with my calender but I don’t like cluttering it. 

I know I must come off as fucking crazy but I’m trying my hardest to stop being this way. I would talk to a therapist again if I had the money but I need to get my work life sorted out more. I feel like it’s been in shambles for awhile. I used to be proud of how much I did and I always pulled in more money than I meant to but now I’m finding it hard to keep up. 

4:58 PM

I think what I need is some coordination when it comes to how I’m trying to tackle my mental issues. I’m still kinda just winging it but some direction would be useful. Like implementation of a challenge system so I can record them and set goals. And maybe things I do daily like a recap of the days events followed my reading over the previous day’s entries. I’ve been meaning to re-read everything but I’ve been slacking. 

5:21 PM

I was down for a little bit there but I’m picking myself back up. It feels wrong though, like I’m supposed to be miserable. But I should accept I deserve happiness. I also have the strong need to be consistent so I feel like being happy is a waste if I’m just going to be sad again so I should expect to stay sad. But I know that’s dumb. Everything is up and down. I should enjoy the ups. I’m currently feeling confident that I can make changes in my life and become who I want to be. Sometimes I slip up but I can always get myself back on track and do good things. I’m giving myself a little bit of deserved relaxation. REAL relaxation. I worked hard today so I deserve it. 

Recap

This morning I woke up feeling like it was another weekend day because I do that every Sunday. I was very confident, I made myself a short list on sticky notes of things I’d get done in order as quickly as I could. I really didn’t want to waste time today like I usually do. I was moderately successful. My tummy kinda hurt and that was my biggest problem but I pulled through enough to be proud of myself. My ultimate goal was to get everything done before my dad brought my groceries at around 2:30 and I achieved that. I also decided to actually draw for 2 hours instead of just setting a 2 hour timer for it. If I go by timer alone, I end up not drawing for 15-30 minutes of that time because of bathroom breaks or sidetracking and I still tote myself as having drawn that whole time. Instead I went purely by my time tracker so I made sure to get that time in. I also put a stopwatch on the side and it took me 2.5 hours to do 2 hours of work. LOTS of distractions. 

The afternoon was spent worrying a little bit before calming down and taking some much needed me time. I relaxed with BOTW and then Hyrule Warriors and Medievil while in call with my besties. Then I had some VRchat time with them and got off for dinner.