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lululawrence · 3 years

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Can u please be nicer on ao3? Maybe you should try answering people's comments

when i read the first line i was honestly flabbergasted and wracking my brain trying to figure out when in the world i wasn't nice on ao3 ever. because i honestly truly try to be nice to everyone always, even when i'm angry or frustrated or people are going after those i love and want to protect. if there was a time i WASN'T nice on ao3, i wondered if it was maybe because my comment had been misunderstood or someone saw me razzing an author i'm good friends with and they didn't get that we are close and i said what i did with so much love and appreciation, you know? like what??? did i do???

but then i read your second line. and please forgive me if i come off as rude in my response to this, because honestly i'm in a pretty bad spot mentally and emotionally in general right now, but PARTICULARLY today, and this ask triggered an anxiety response in me. so. i'm trying really hard to word this in a way to educate without being condescending or mean, but i might not succeed.

firstly, thank you for your comments i'm assuming you've left. i'm also assuming they were nice comments, in which case extra thanks. i'm sure i'll send you effusive responses on ao3 when the time comes.

secondly, please understand that sending an ask like this, on anonymous no less, is incredibly entitled. writing is not my profession, i receive no compensation for my works that i post for free online, and as a part of that it is not required of me to respond. i do my very best to reply to every comment i receive, but it is not always in a timely manner, because i have other priorities in my life. all of which leads us to my third point, which is:

writers do not owe you a reply to your comments. end of. there are no other qualifications or quantifying modifiers to be added to the statement. is it nice to be acknowledged and know your comment was seen? sure. but do they OWE you one? hell no.

in fact, i'd like to offer you a suggestion. a way of tweaking your thinking about the comments you leave on fics. instead of looking at comments you leave as being something that deserves a reply from the author, think of your comments as your way of paying the author for the gift of their time and talents that they have shared with you by posting their fic. that's how i think of the comments i leave for authors. i'm giving them my thanks for the words they've shared! i want to help THEM feel as amazing as they have made ME feel when i read their fic. in fact, my hope isn't necessarily a response from them, but instead my hope is THE GIFT OF THEM SHARING MORE FIC WITH ME. i'm a selfish bitch in that way and i always want all the fic to read. i never want that well to go dry. one way i can ensure that doesn't happen is by supporting authors and being kind to them and spreading all the love and excitement i can about their writing in the hopes that my words will inspire them to share more.

because whether they reply or not, i GUARANTEE they are seeing your comments. i PROMISE they are. and for all you know, your comment might be the one that keeps them writing even when their words aren't coming easily or when they are tempted to give up.

but, again, please remember that no matter what, these authors (including me) don't actually owe you anything.

the rest of this is going under a cut, because honestly my reply is already far too long and i have a LOT more to say now that you've gotten me started.

now, all of this in mind, i'll explain to you why i'm not great with keeping up with comments made on my fics the last couple of years. i don't owe you this explanation any more than i owe you a response to your comments, and i'm honestly not sure you deserve this explanation either, but i'll still offer it anyway. it'll help me feel better knowing i at least put this out there, whether you care or not, mainly because if i don't do that it will cause me greater anxiety having you possibly think i am not responding to people because i feel all high and mighty or that i think i'm better than the comments or whatever the fuck kind of motivation you're attributing to me to see my lack of a response as something "not nice" towards the commenters.

i'm not sure if you've noticed, but i put out a lot of fic. like a lot. a lot of words and shit. i love writing, it's often my therapy and a way for me to help keep my anxiety and depression and ptsd at bay.

now, more personal shit for you, i've got three kids ages 9 and under. the oldest has adhd which we have yet to find a med for that helps to the extent she needs without side effects that aren't healthy for her to continue with, she also has anxiety, AND she's extremely gifted and starting a new program at a new school, all in the midst of a pandemic. and all of those situations exacerbate her anxiety! huzzah! she's also dealing with the beginning of her tween growing up shit, which is great fun because it means where she used to be pretty damn understanding of her younger brother, she is finding it much more difficult to. because the second oldest? he's autistic with some pretty significant gross motor, speech, and socialization delays that have only been exacerbated because of the previously mentioned pandemic. PLUS he transitioned from his special needs preschool to a fully integrated elementary school for kindergarten last year and then had to deal with all the ups and downs of the switch from e-learning to hybrid to all in schooling when everything in him screams for a normal schedule he can rely on to keep his own anxieties and fears and struggles at their minimum. and that youngest child? he was born in january of last year. he STILL barely leaves the house and has only met other children in close range a couple of times because, once again, pandemic!

add onto all of this my own mental health issues, the fact that my husband ALSO battles major clinical depression, adhd, and anxiety, AND we live with my parents who have their own health issues, both mental and physical. i run the home for our house of seven. i keep this place functioning, fed, clothed, clean, and everywhere we need to be for all of our five million appointments every. fucking. day. there is a REASON i've been borderline burnt out for the last fucking year and a half.

now, for fun, i have fandom shit. i love it here, even if it is a dumpster fire on the best of days, and getting to be a part of the writing community is so very lovely. i adore it. honestly, it's because of those friendships i've built with other writers that i have been able to keep writing and have found just how helpful it can be for my mental health. but i'm REALLY. INCREDIBLY. BUSY. i hardly have time to get on tumblr for just a quick swipe through my dash most days. i put off asks so long i forget i have them. i don't have the mental and emotional capacity to talk to people on here or interact fully a lot of the time. but i do my best to do so and be kind while i'm at it even when i don't want to be.

then, on top of that? i also run fic fests like @wordplayfics and help friends run their own. because not only am i a writer, i'm a reader. i LOVE fic. fic has saved me soooooo many times over the past seven years that i've been here. i want to do what i can to support other writers the best way i can, which is to provide a space for them to create their works that welcomes and helps promote them, but also by doing my monthly fic lists and pocast highlighting what i've been able to read, reblogging their fic posts, and then commenting and kudosing their fics too.

sometimes i get really fucking down on myself because i'm so behind on replying to comments, but my brain is very much a "if you start this, you have to finish it" kind of a brain, and i feel even WORSE sometimes if i reply to comments on some fics and not all of them. but i do my best and reply when i can. i was actually really fucking proud of myself because i had a couple days to myself in june, and i spent hours replying to comments on 20 of my fics. when you have almost 150 fics (i think? i don't even know how many fics i've posted by now), that is only scratching the surface. but i tried and i was so so happy i did that many fics at once. it's exhausting, though, and takes a lot of spoons for me to reply to them in mass like that plus time consuming. so i tried to be happy with those 20 fics and the comments i responded to there and told myself that when i ha a moment to breathe, i'd go and work on replying to some more.

but see, that again causes anxiety and guilt. because i haven't replied to all of them. and that anxiety and guilt can cause me to put it off further OR to put off important things like feeding my children or getting sleep in order to finish it, so i have to make myself put things into perspective and ensure i'm doing the important things, like taking care of myself and my family, first.

and then, i have a moment where i CAN go ahead and reply to comments... but i also have MANY fics that are on deadline and i actually have a schedule. a SCHEDULE. for when i'm going to focus on which fics. i can spell it out for you if you really want. i made it back in APRIL to make sure i didn't sign up for too many fic fests because there are so many going on right now that i want to participate in, but i know i can't do all of them so i had to pick and choose. and when you are SO overscheduled and busy that back in APRIL you had to figure out what fics you would focus on at what time to ensure you got everything written when you wanted to through THE END OF THE YEAR, more choices have to be made.

for example. my writing time and time for myself came down to only one evening a week for ALL fandom things i'm doing and a part of right now once the kids were out of school for the summer. it quickly became apparent that for my own self care i needed more time, so i worked with my husband to find two other days i could carve out at least 30-60 minutes to myself to write every week. and i did. but if i'm already only getting that much time and have committed to those fics and fests and things that you're running etc, you have to choose am i going to use this time to try to squeeze in some comment replies? or am i going to write? and i choose to write. simple as that.

so yeah. see it as selfish if you want. see it as mean. you can honestly see it as whatever the fuck you want, but for me? i know that as soon as i possibly can and i can breathe freely for once and not feel like i am constantly drowning in my day to day life and am doing pretty well when it comes to my fic deadlines and getting started on those christmas cards i'm once again going to be making by hand for everyone on tumblr who chooses to sign up for one this year out of the KINDNESS of my heart and the love i really do feel for so many of you, then i promise i'll be on ao3 catching up and commenting. my friends laugh and make fun of me for it sometimes, because they will sometimes get 10-12 replies to their comments in a single day. they know that's how i work. i WILL reply to every single comment i get, no matter how old it is. but for the love of all that is holy, do NOT add to the anxiety and guilt i already feel over it. the only place that will get you is the ask/comment getting deleted if it's a good day, a fucking long rant like this one if it's not, and a block if it's a REALLY bad day.

if you're asking me to be nice on ao3, then i ask in return that you also be nice by not demanding things of people that they are not in any way obligated to give.

#long post #rant #i almost deleted this #but you sent it on just the right day and instead i let loose #this is unedited and unbetaed lmao but ENJOY #or don't #whatever #writing stuff #i should tag it #writing SHIT #but that's not really a tag i keep cause who wants to keep track of the negatives #not me

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skruffie · 3 years

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Regarding underpayment of creative work

(This is okay to reblog. It’s also long so I tried to break it up into a few specific points, and I will link a video in the comments as well. Under the cut.)

I am a digital illustrator who has done personal commissions, a tiny bit of freelance work, and has also purchased commissions from other artists. I’m hoping with this post that this can be a tip guide for other artists, especially maybe those who have little or no experience with professional work, to help in the future when projects open up that they are interested in being involved in.

There’s some talk in the Thomas Sanders fandom right now regarding the severe underpayment of the animators that worked on the latest Storytime Madlibs video and from what I see a lot of the animators were really excited to be involved because it was an opportunity to work with someone that they really admire and also as a means of exposure for the work that they do. These are great things to want. It’s been explained now that the animators were paid roughly $1.20 per second of animation when the industry standard can range from, what--starting at $30+ per second? (I’m not an animator so I’m probably a bit off on that number). That’s gruesome.

For the content creators:

I’ve seen explanations that it’s because they hired on a lot of animators. If you are a content creator for a production company and want to bring on new talent, you have to have it in your budget to pay them the industry standard, their personal rates, their hourly rate, however it is organized. If it’s not in your budget, then you cannot afford to do it. It’s as simple as that. It is a skill you are hiring someone for that you don’t have, and it is work. It goes beyond a simple fan project, and there are many other ways to get fans more involved in the community: contests, raffles, themed art challenge events, holidays, and openly asking for volunteers.

If you are the artist, keep reading.

You have to get upfront about money. Even when art is your passion in life, as soon as money gets involved then it becomes a business transaction and the language of finance is a bit weird. One of the freelance works that I did last year was a cover for a resource guide that was going to print and in the call for artists they specified it was going to be a paid gig. Somewhere soon after that, probably when they chose me for one of the covers, they told me upfront what the payment was going to be. For this example, it was a flat $350 payment for a full color illustration, with payment given within 30 days of the invoice.

1. Make an invoice and set the payment parameters: some request payment up front, or you can set a window of time the client has to pay you, usually 30 or 45 days? Whatever you’re comfortable with.

2. If they want to know what your rates are: there is a really helpful video I saw (I’ll link in the comments) that advises that you set your price based off of the client. It is not on the time it takes you, but what the client can pay. The example given in the video is that anyone can come up with the Nike logo but how the logo is used is what changes the price dramatically. There would be a flat rate for the logo itself, and the rest to take into account would be the strategy for using the logo, what kinds of materials it’ll be printed on, etc etc. In a different example for one of the commissions I’ve done, I did an illustration for a friend that was later used as a book cover for her e-novel. She emailed me back saying “I think this means I pay you a licensing fee” and after a bit of research we came up with a fair price and a contract for what that would entail. I don’t honestly remember what the original price of the commission was, but the licensing fee brought it up another $125. Factors to consider how to figure out pricing: the quality of the work they expect, the turnaround, your other pending commissions or projects, schedule conflicts, your own bills and financial obligations, it goes on.

3. Taking on projects: If the client you’re working with is making you uncomfortable or trying to push for something way lower than what you’re expecting, consider if you can drop from the project altogether. I’m hesitant to say “don’t do it ever” because financial circumstances are going to vary from person to person, and comfort level with what you will or won’t work on will also vary. If you are in a place where you would be able to get by without the payment for that project and the client is being awful, do not work with them. Refund any payment they may have already made. If it’s really that important to them, they can find someone else to work with. Clients may want a time frame for when their request will be finished and try to be upfront about when you might be able to complete it. Get everything in writing. I cannot stress this enough. Log everything, keep conversations and invoices, emails, literally have a paper trail so nobody can come back and screw you over.

4. Contracts: read them. They’re often dense and confusing, but they will outline a lot of important information about the project and how the client will intend to use your work. Sometimes they’ll have points like “you retain the rights to your work but we retain the right to modify, copy, use etc” which sounds scary but is actually the license to be able to even display it on websites or in videos. If you have questions about anything outlined in the contract, ask them or see if you can google for what it means. See if they’re open to negotiating certain points before you sign.

5. The project may or may not be your entryway into professionalism: This is a hard one that even at my age I’m bummed about. What the project can give you is a lot of valuable experience and an entry way into the business side of art careers but it might not be the project that gets your name out into the world. Art is an incredibly competitive field and right now all of us also are constantly fighting battles against algorithms and ever-restrictive terms of service on websites just to be seen. Keep drawing. Keep writing. Keep animating. Art is a lifelong project. You gotta keep going and exploring and expanding your skills. Remember what you love about art the most. Bad clients come and go but your love for the art can help sustain you. It’s okay if you need to take a break from the hustle and recharge.

I’m probably missing a few things but that’s kind of a good start.

The heart of why I’m writing this post is that a lot of people have been hurt emotionally and financially by what’s happened with the Storytime Madlibs video. I’m not involved with the project or with the TS team or anything--I’m just a certified grown adult with a bit of experience in the business side of art, and I hope that what I’ve learned so far are bits of knowledge that other people can use too. It hurts to see that other people have been hurt by all of this, because knowledge on art business really isn’t talked about much at all and it is damn difficult to learn on your own.

#thomas sanders #sanders sides #storytime madlibs #madlibs animators

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bts-ficrecs · 4 years

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Namjoon angst fic recs (no smut)

@ephyra16 asked:

Hey...! Your blog is of so much help to me, thank you for all the hard work you do... I wanted to ask if you know any long Namjoon oneshots or series which mostly have angst but no smut...? Namjoon centered fics are really hard to find. Thanks!!

yes hello for some reason tumblr hates me and idk why everything gets wonky when i try to answer asks so i’m making a new post <3

1) as a jin stan i feel u. is hard to find fics for our mans but that just means when we find one we devour it and cherish it 4 ever lol

2) jsdflajsd you might have more luck asking someone else for straight up angst cause i can barely stomach angst LOL. I tried my best to find some heart breaky fics for you! :”) A majority of these I have not yet read so we will both be riding the emo train together.

As you requested, most of the oneshots are long fics, over 5k but! There are several honorable mentions under 5k are also listed cause they’re great

Thank you for your patience and I’m glad you’re enjoying the fics I reblog! :D so many great stories out there. as always, if there’s a fic that any of you readers think should be on this list lmk!! 🧡🧡 Enjoy!~

A Little Bit Of Sugar by @lthyl

Summary: Namjoon is well aware that some, well actually most people could find his hobby not exactly common, yet he still considers himself to be a man of tasteful words and higher intellect - someone who managed to understand the true, deepest meaning of beauty itself. And so he doesn’t really care if his methods of collecting pretty things end up being darker that expected, once you peek under the surface.

Almost Love by @joonary

Summary: You think you’ve got your life all figured out—after all, you found your soulmate already, and you’re lucky enough to have found him in your childhood best friend. You suppose that maybe, now that you’re older, your luck has begun to run out.

Better To Have Loved by @rkivenamu

Summary: Love, Namjoon had found, wormed its way though people, consumed them whole until it left nothing of the people they had once been. It became a weapon to be used to wound the other. Love, it seemed, was the worst thing that had ever happened to him.

Bloom by @hobidreams

Summary: Family is who you kill for. Who you die for. In this society, you and your kin are shadows, clinging to the darkness to obey orders absolute. But when such orders command you to abandon what little honor remains for wealth and notoriety, you find yourself lost in lonely uncertainty about the only vocation you’ve ever known. That is, until you meet a man with gentle hands, a poet’s heart, and a love for coaxing the world into bloom.

Note: okay, this has smut (there are 2 smut scenes) but… it is too good for me to not add to this list

Breathless by @personawife

Summary: Jungkook was eleven when it had begun. At first, he didn’t realize what was happening to him when he had miraculously coughed up a flower petal. He thought that maybe it had accidentally blown into his mouth with the wind, but then he realized that there were no cherry blossom trees around his house.

Pairing: Namjoon x Jungkook

Catching Fire by @namjoonchronicles

Summary: “If you didn’t want to go, then you should have told me. I wouldn’t have taken you here.”

Cut by @chimchimsauce (>5k)

Summary: Namjoon always hated soulmates.

Chasing Perfection by @shuaffeine-rkive

Summary: Kim Namjoon is the only kid in AP Bio that is smarter than me, and I will make it a point to destroy his perfect record.

Emancipated by @imagniation

Summary: CEO!Namjoon is a hero time and time again when your father takes the villain role.

Five Times by @lordofassgard

Summary: Five times you wished you never met Namjoon.

Sequel (of sorts): Part 2 - Namjoon's POV

For All the Petals by @rosaetae (>5k)

Summary: A story in which you met him in the spring, fell in love with him in the summer, but he left you in autumn and how you missed him in the winter.

Forget Me Not by @fairyjeons

Summary: She fell apart that day. An all white day with crowds of adoring friends and family to see them make the most happiest decisions of their lives, to choose to be together. She chose yes. He chose different.

Ghost In The Machine by @jimlingss

Summary: Kim Namjoon is your android that’s modified to become the best serial killer in all of existence. But when he starts to learn about humanity, he begins to threaten your goals.

God of Destruction by @jimlingss

Summary: Everything he touches breaks; except for you.

Jealous by @btssmutgalore (>5k)

Summary: Namjoon remembered the day you left clearly.

Lit Me Up by @floralseokjin

Summary: You find yourself becoming captivated by a mysterious, handsome author, but you may have bitten off more than you can chew…

No Goodbye by @floralseokjin (>5k)

Summary: Even if you’re the one who ended things, you can still feel pain. Your heartbreak is valid. Your sadness for the past is a grieving process…

Noble Gain and Loss by @jaeminlore (>5k)

Summary: You are a person of nobility preparing with your tutor for your royal debut. The two of you fall into a forbidden love.

Not The One by @personawife (>5k)

Summary: Maybe you should’ve realized early on then, that something was bound to go wrong. Meeting your soulmate at sixteen and living happily ever after? No one’s that lucky. But you refused to believe anything else.

Paracosm by @jimlingss (>5k)

Summary: Namjoon’s always known he was your second choice. He was a substitute for someone who wasn’t there. So when you’re on your deathbed, he intends to reconstruct your memories and remove your regrets.

Press Play by @out-of-jams

Summary: You didn’t mean to. Didn’t intend to fall in love with a dying man.

Submerged by @myfeelsinink

Summary: Kim Namjoon is the man of your dreams; or rather, from your dreams.

Suspended Soul by @justimajin

Summary: A silver ring, a live long promise, and an eternity of happiness. All of which, he had managed to break.

The what Ifs by @ellieljade (>5k)

Summary: You would be able to handle the relationship between Namjoon and your best friend if it weren’t for all those damned “what ifs”

Wishf-oo-l by @sseudanym (>5k)

Summary: To fulfill a good man’s bad dream.

Worshipers of the Soul by @jimlingss

Summary: The King of the Underworld was denounced and exiled from Heaven as a god. But with your help, he may rise to power once more and claim his rightful throne.

You’ve Got That by @mikrksmos

Summary: After making a life-changing decision for your career, you’re unsure of how exactly to bring it up to your boyfriend after your relationship and communication has not really been in sync. Namjoon is ready to take this relationship to the next stage, and he is sure that what he needs to ask you will be the solution to all the problems you have been having. Both know this next move is the right idea, but are unaware of how parallel those ideas really are.

Confirm Or Deny by @dinoyoongi

Status: complete series (6/6)

Summary: You’re a member of the rising group FRNZEE. You’ve been dating Namjoon for years when Dispatch releases an article exposing your relationship. Your company confirms the relationship. Big Hit denies it.

Deeper than Ink by @whoajeon

Status: discontinued series (2/?)

Summary: Should you fall in love with someone, even in the slightest, your skin becomes marked with vibrant colors that depict the story of your emotions. A tattoo, per say. However, should they or you fall out of love, the bright hues dull to black and the feelings you once had for each other melt away. To many, it’s a blessing to not have to live with the pain of your past. But what’s the point when you have too many reminders–say 27?

His Deaf Stars by @jooneos

Status: discontinued series (1/?)

Summary: When Namjoon turned 20 he had been excited to finally find his soulmate. He hadn’t anticipated that finding them would prove to be such a long journey. Now, more than 500 years later Namjoon still hadn’t found them.

Note: ok, yes it’s discontinued and only 1 part is up but still… please read it. It’s an interesting read regardless!

Inked by @kookswife

Status: complete series (6/6)

Summary: The day Namjoon entered your life was the day you were a bit more than utterly fucked.

Monster by @wordycerty

Status: ongoing series (1/?)

Summary: Namjoon as a vampire and you’re locked in a basement with him. For you to escape, he first needs to feed.

Noble Heart by @agustkive

Status: ongoing series (1/?)

Summary: Unrequited love can destroy anyone, and in a society where it could literally do so, it made it difficult to want anything more. Being among the population with Hanahaki disease, you battled with doing what you loved without actually feeling it. That is, until a new florist by the name of Kim Namjoon came into your life to remind you of what it actually felt like.

Reality by @thoughtssilent

Status: ongoing series (11/12)

Summary: Namjoon can’t deal with himself anymore, and to make things worse, BTS is disbanding.

Pairing: Namjoon x OT7

Regrets by @nightbts

Status: complete series (3/3)

Summary: When his eyes met yours, you felt your heart squeeze in your chest at the familiar brown eyes that you once used to know at the back of your hand. The very ones you’d wake up to every morning. The very ones that would gaze at you with so much affection as the words I love you spilled past his mouth during the most random moments of your day. It was him, your ex-boyfriend, the very Kim Namjoon.

Solanacea by @softjeon

Status: complete series (10/10)

Summary: There was something between them that neither could deny. It was like this from the first day they had met.

Pairing: Namjoon x Jimin

The Heiress’ Son by @jimlingss

Status: complete series (3/3)

Summary: Love is never enough. It could never feed you, protect you, stop death from taking you. It chains you down. It compels forgiveness unconditionally. It is dangerous. While it is the most intense of feelings, love is not enough and it will never be. Love never helped anyone.

What If I Said by @thoughtssilent

Status: complete series (3/3)

Summary: If no one is there for him, Namjoon won't be there for them. Or, a collection of sad stories.

Pairing: Namjoon x OT7

#namjoon angst #namjoon fanfic #bts fic recs #rm angst #bts angst #ephyra16 #g recs #g replies #f:knj

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whatudottu · 3 years

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Heyo, I’m here to talk about Vulpimancers and Vulpin now, as promised in my last non-reblog post.

So, we’ve already gone into the speculative history of an already rather niche species the Vulpinic Tortugans, but I wanna go over how Vulpimancers adapted to the pitch black.

Already, based on the modern day Vulpimancer, their ancestors probably didn’t have much need for their eyesight, seeming as though they were very much more reliant on their senses and hearing. Why they might not have adapted to have nocturnal based eyes may be due to them not already being nocturnal or, as the wiki says, the planet is completely pitch-black that even if they tried, they wouldn’t have enough light to reflect into their ancient retina.

Therefore, here we have super sensors (definitely a scientific term yes 100%) with dominant scent and sound receptors. But why do Vulpimancers lack defined noses, why do their ears resemble gills. What if somehow these two senses combined?

You know how, if you close your nose and blow your ears burst, and how they’re connected? I have no idea how much of a stretch this is scientifically, but wouldn’t it be neat if that actually happened? Heck, even when sick (at least with the human common cold) their gills seem to gum up and prevent them from sensing anything.

Now how would this work? Well, I don’t know a whole lot about how smelling nor hearing works, but I know at least that smelling accompanies airways and that hearing involves (often times) hair, whether it be hairlike or sensory hair (oh looky, it’s the Vulpinic Tortugans again). And guess what gills are for? That’s right babes! Breathing!

With that said, that does not mean that Vulpimancers spontaneously evolved gills that happened to run down the sides of their neck without ancestral history with something similar. Perhaps Vulpin was always just that little extra deadly before all the garbage being dumped onto it, or maybe it’s got a thicker atmosphere that’s very easy to cloud up with pollution. Thinking that way, maybe the ancestors had already adapted gill-based breathing, but may not have had the same level of sensory receptors that the Vulpimancers had grown to evolve into.

Uh... how do I make a transition. This is how, balantly moving from one topic to the other. I talked a bit about how the Vulpinic Tortugans opened Vulpin to written language and interplanetary interaction. Now, most Vulpimancers couldn’t care less, preferring their lifestyles that their ancestors were used to, even if they have a few more struggles that might not provide an environment with any time to relax, but... a few Vulpimancers may have that curiosity.

Coevolving, the Vulpinic Tortugans and Vulpimancers may understand each other’s spoken language, even Vulpimancers’ have a more suggestive and ‘open to interpretation’ dialect. Wild, if you will. But translating that in a more... structured language would be incredibly difficult because it has to account for inflection. Heck, even speaking it may be difficult because certain noises are exclusive to the Vulpimancer. Vulpinic Tortugans get by with a wilder form of their ancient Tortugan language.

But here’s the thing, Vulpimancers physically can’t form traditional spoken language, having the wrong mouth shape to make the right noises. So, it’s just a two way issue that is barely solved vocally. Vulpimancers may be able to tell what you’re talking about based on your present mood, but then that just leaves them in the dust with nuance. Not a... mega issue (still an issue, but one that’s relatively typical, being a language barrier), this can be ‘solved’ by learning to listen to the language.

Still though, inter-species communication is practically impossible. Practically. See, what if Vulpimancers had sign language?

Sure, they can’t see anything... if it’s printed. You get to see how Vulpimancers ‘sees’, and it’s probably a very sensitive to movement. So, they can probably very visibly see someone talking with their hands. Tortugans may have brought sign language, in some sense, to Vulpin that may have evolved into a complete dialect. Who knows, it may even vaguely resemble the sign language of my previously headcanoned idea of Tortugan colonies (which includes Arburian Pelarotas, even if their language, verbal and sign, may be suffering due to their lower numbers).

The catch? Vulpimancers would have to rely on people knowing sign language, and not only that, but VSL (take a wild guess at what it stands for haha) specifically. The Tortugan colonies have an inherent advantage at learning, it’s a modified version of their own, but... well, even if it’s an accessible language, not many people are taught it. Maybe the colonies are a little more educated on sign language, and I think that Arburia was one of the leading colonies on accessible language (and we all know what happened there) but other planets and systems are just... eh...

Too heavy? I don’t know... maybe I’ve run my mouth (or is it fingers) too long and have let some things slip, but I am partial to Vulpimancers and how they face prejudice... okay maybe that’s way too much and I should stop for a bit and let you breathe.

Would this count as xenophobia?

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ckret2 · 5 years

Text

A Bird in the Hand

Once upon a time, San had been in love. Not with Rodan. But when it was quiet, and his eyes were shut, he was finding it easy to pretend Rodan was someone else.

This is part of an ongoing series of Rodorah one-shots. If you don’t wanna read the others, all you need to know is: Ichi’s the only one with a crush on Rodan; and San used to have one on Gigan but at the time Ichi & Ni said they had to leave him behind because emotional attachments are weaknesses. Links to the other fics are in the source at the bottom of this post.

###

Third had voted for them to stay with the red sprite. Yes. He had.

But he and First had voted to stay for different reasons.

It wasn't that he didn't see the same things that First saw—how the red sprite was shaped like an alien echo of them, how he fought with a fury that matched theirs, et cetera ad nauseam—but none of those things mattered. They didn't call to him the way they called to First. The red sprite was only an oddity—a cute one, sure, but cute like... when was the last time they'd seen something cute? Cute like a hatchling. Or a python. But "cute" wasn't terribly impressive.

Third had voted to stay with the red sprite not for the red sprite; but to stay. Because this was only the second chance they'd ever had to anchor themselves to a home—to prevent themselves from hurtling off again into the ever-present black void eternally surrounding them. The first time he’d voted to take that chance and stay, he'd been outnumbered. This time, he had First's support—and with apologies to Second, like hell was he going to miss an opportunity to exploit that slim majority vote.

So no. Third hadn't argued to stay because he cared about the red sprite.

... He hadn't expected to start to care about the red sprite.

But here he was.

The red sprite had fallen asleep against them. Fallen asleep or passed out—being so far from home for so long must have drained his energy, and awakening a volcano for them to rest in had take the last of it. They hadn't even noticed how exhausted he was until he'd nearly fallen out of sky trying to help them.

Trying to help them. That was a strange thought—that there was someone who wanted to help them. It felt wrong, somehow. Unnatural. Like something foundational about how the world was supposed to work had just been turned askew.

It terrified them. Being helped was terrifying.

It felt like having all the power in the universe, but being completely unable to control how any of that power was used.

The red sprite was asleep with his head nuzzled between First and Third's necks, under the shade of their wings—which they were keeping propped up just out of the lava, since they couldn't risk damaging the membranes again so soon after repairing them. They were too hungry for that—they had to eat before they could repair any more major wounds. They'd reclined on their side, tails curled in a loose circle around the red sprite, and First and Second had gone to sleep as well.

Which meant Third was the only one awake, and thus the only one able to see the red sprite.

Which also meant that, if he closed his eyes so nobody could see, and if he rubbed his neck against the red sprite's face in that way they'd just discovered made him automatically try to nuzzle and preen their scales in his sleep, then Third could pretend that...

Once upon a time, Third had been in love. He thought they kind of all had been, although the others hadn't been as in love as him—so it had been easier for them to suppress it. That had been a long time ago. They didn't know how long—years were different on every world, and totally absent off-world, and how did they count the time they'd spent dreaming between stars or under ice? But it had been long ago. Very, very long ago.

He was still in love.

With his eyes closed, he focused on the feeling of a beak against his scales and imagined it was on a different face.

He wondered where Gigan was.

He wondered if Gigan was still alive. He might be, right? Extremely few creatures were immortal like them, and even the longest-lived beings succumbed to decay and dust eventually; but then, that was because extremely few creatures had been ripped apart and modified the way they had. And Gigan had been modified like them. They’d known him for millennia, and as far as they’d been able to tell, in all that time he’d never aged. So he could be as immortal as them.

They'd left out of fear: if they grew attached to Gigan, and then he died, or deserted them, or was stolen from them—if he ended— then they would have to spend the rest of life with a hole in their heart, and that hole might eventually kill them. But although they'd left because they feared him ending, that didn't mean he had ended. He might still live. Third wondered, sometimes, if he was still somewhere out there.

If he was out there—Third wondered if Gigan still thought about them. He wondered if Gigan ever wondered where they'd gone.

But Third knew that every single time he wondered about Gigan, there was a little less of a chance that he was still alive than the last time he'd thought about him.

He squeezed his eyes shut tighter, focused on the feeling of a beak against his scales, and imagined green hide and gold scales and silver scythes. Imagined the quiet buzz of his electronic brain, the soft sussurations of robotic parts against organic parts. Imagined his optical band glowing dimly red as he woke up just long enough to see Third was still there, and give him a sleepier version of that twisted smirk he offered them so often. For a moment, Third could almost believe...

Hopefully the others wouldn't be too put out if they woke up with a mild heartache. They'd be fine. All they'd have to do to disperse it was let First look at their red sprite a couple of seconds—

And the illusion was shattered. Third couldn't call the ghost of Gigan back to his side.

He opened his eyes, nudged the red sprite over to lean against First instead, and watched the clouds drift by above.

... Was this why Third hadn't complained about sticking here with the red sprite, then?

Third flinched guiltily as the question trickled through his thoughts. Second was awake; had Third woken him? No; he'd never been asleep. He'd just had his mind closed off. As he tended to do. Usually that was just a thing Second did—a quirky ability he had that the other two lacked—but for a moment, Third was deeply jealous. It would be nice to pine alone, where he wouldn't have to worry about irritating the others with it.

Second wasn't irritated.

Distracting, burdening, bothering—whatever. Gigan weighted on Third's mind; he shouldn't have to weigh on anyone else's. Especially not after so long.

But that was the nature of their existence, wasn't it? Anything that weighed on one of them weighed on them all. Sometimes it lightened the load; sometimes it only tripled it.

... But, to answer the question, no. Third hadn't wanted to stay here because the red sprite distantly reminded him of Gigan. He hadn't even noticed until today. But it wasn't just the beak—maybe it was mainly the beak—but it was also there in the way he enjoyed fighting, too, wasn't it? The sheer glee he got from tearing at them. And the way he'd been ready to burn the world down with them. And he was cheerful, wasn't he? He seemed cheerful. They thought he was probably cheerful. Hard to tell when they could barely carry on a conversation with him. He at least seemed more cheerful than they were, hah, not that that was difficult...

The similarities were thin. But what similarities were there were big ones. Important ones. (Except the beak, the beak wasn’t actually important. Although it was nice.) Important. But... he wasn’t a replacement.

They watched the sky together. They were keenly aware of the way the red sprite shifted sleepily against First's neck.

So. Things had changed now, per First’s selfish infatuation. From "never get attached" to "if we want badly enough to get attached, we can." And with that policy change, Second wondered—if Third had the choice, right now, would he want to go look for Gigan? Or stay here on this little rock with the sprite?

He'd stay here. No hesitation. If the choice was between Gigan and the red sprite, standing in front of them, right now, asking them to choose, that would be a discussion worth having. But that wasn't the choice he’d be making.

It was a choice between hurtling off into the cold dark void of space, trying to find their way back to a star system they'd left eons ago without plotting a course, to search for someone who was at best long gone and at worst long dead—versus staying on a world they knew they had firmly beneath their feet, where there was life and companionship and a very tenuous something that might eventually become a home. He wasn't going to throw away this chance to anchor themselves in order to chase a phantom. If he was asked, he'd choose to stay.

His conclusion came with a burst of old, old grief and guilt. It disoriented him. Strange. Third hadn't... hadn't quite realized he was still so... hm.

Second bunted his snout on Third's neck. Third didn't need it. He'd be fine. That was why they'd left in the first place, wasn't it? To ensure they'd be fine. To ensure they’d stay strong.

Anyway, the red sprite was growing on him. He'd grow on all of them. First's affection was contagious.

Third curled up around him, shut his eyes, and tried to sleep.

###

Second lay down on the stone just outside the caldera, stared out at the hazy sea, and struggled to burn away the old, old grief and guilt from persuading Third that they needed to leave Gigan behind.

###

(Replies/reblogs are welcome & encouraged! Check the “source” link below for my masterlist of Ghidorah-centric and Rodorah fics, as well as my AO3 and Ko-fi links.)

#rodorah #kotm #godzilla #rodan #king ghidorah #ghidorah #fanfic #my writing #(that hanahaki fic got me FIRED UP and i finally finished this)

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destroyyourbinder · 5 years

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trans experience and social isolation

Following up on that last post I reblogged, one thing I’ve noticed is that a lot of trans people (but not all) were abnormally isolated from other people or from normal social development as children, sometimes up into their adulthood. It’s one of the most consistent strains I have seen in the experiences of both trans and detrans people, from old case studies of “transsexuals” in the 1960s up to experiences of “trans kids” now. It is something I see in the histories of trans people I meet in my day to day life as well as a striking consistency in the stories of the detransitioned and reconciling women I know. I was one of these people, and it is sometimes difficult to explain the extent to which I was socially isolated from others. I think having autism on top of my family’s abuse, my geographical isolation (I quite literally grew up surrounded by corn and soybean fields), and specific cultural environment compounded the social problems I faced. Here are some common things I’ve seen. I can’t possibly name them all. Note again that being autistic or otherwise neuroatypical in a way that makes socializing difficult greatly modifies and intensifies these experiences. I won’t cover this here because it would truly take me all night to discuss how autism can affect and interact with experiencing these different scenarios, as well as can appear to others as a justification for isolating you directly, subjecting you to isolating experiences, or neglecting your needs for stimulation, social development, education, and independent action. These are all also colored by experiencing my childhood as female and predominately knowing female trans and detransitioned people; female children and young adults are often isolated deliberately from others, cloistered in restrictive same-sex environments or prevented from achieving education or experiences in the world, in order to prepare them for being handed off in marriage to a man. While this does not happen frequently in such an explicit way in the modern United States, it’s abundantly clear to any sister who had a brother that they were not treated the same and that they were limited from experiencing the world in ways that male children do not typically experience, either “for their own safety”, because they were not seen to have the same potential, because expending resources on them would be a comparative waste, or for other reasons. Again, I can’t possibly do this topic justice in this space but it is a unique form of harm when you are subjected to isolation and it is considered a kind of good, justified by others who you seek help from or who you try to connect to. Isolation becomes devastating and complete when your remaining attempts at reaching out are grossly and crudely cut off, something that happens to more young girls than you’d know. Isolating experiences common in transgender childhood, youth, and young adulthood, sometimes into later adulthood in particularly abusive environments:

Having parents or caretakers who were abnormally controlling about who you socialize with, sometimes to the point of refusing you most or all social contact with peers or insisting on directly monitoring all socializing. There may just be so many rules and requirements or surveillance strategies for social contact that you find it too burdensome to try to socialize with others. Family or caretakers may require that you allow them to or find it normal to invade your privacy, such as reading diaries, monitoring phone contacts, or reading internet posts, e-mails, and so on. They may demand passwords to your phone, computer, or accounts, or that you leave your personal belongings unprotected. You may have little or no un-monitored social experience outside of your family and possibly certain secretive contacts, sometimes having achieved social contact with others (often exploitative or inappropriate social experiences) only through deceit or “sneaking around”. You may spend a great deal of time and energy concealing not only your socializing but your personal thoughts, beliefs, and experiences from those who monitor you; you may feel isolated even inside your own head, with nowhere to yourself.

Having bizarre schooling experiences such as being pulled out of schools multiple times, changing schools frequently, unusual homeschooling, school neglect or tolerance of truancy, being expelled or suspended in ways that led to schooling gaps. Your parents or caretakers may be unusually controlling about your school experiences, frequently calling the school to insist on interventions, inserting themselves often in your normal school life, or insisting on surveilling your activities during school by demanding others monitor you or continually demanding recorded information. Alternately, parents or caretakers may be neglectful of your schooling needs, not caring that you are missing school or insisting that other things such as making money or family obligations are more important than education.

Having parents or caretakers who are abnormally paranoid about “stranger danger”, break-ins, abduction, rape, murder, or other violence to the point that they dramatically limit your natural play and exploration of the environment. May not permit you to go outside or visit public areas, even when you are a teen or young adult. You may have moved houses, often to an isolated rural or suburban area, so your family could escape the perceived danger of cities or areas with people. The family, general community, or a parent may have been obsessed with personal defense or security or preparing for disasters. They might expose you to inappropriate information about violence and disaster that frightens you so much you have trouble participating in normal life.

Being isolated from cultural peers or from information about people “like you”. You may be a person of color in an extremely white-dominated environment or who has family that has internalized white values, insisting on rejecting your shared heritage or refusing to recognize discrimination against people of your racial or ethnic background. You may feel like you have to choose between your family or your family’s choices and bonding with others of your race or ethnicity. You may be gay with little opportunity to socialize or meet gay people, unable to access information about gay history and culture, often because this information is deliberately concealed or banned from you. You may feel like your family or community would reject or even hurt you if you are gay or are seen socializing with or accessing information about gay people. You may be disabled without knowing anyone else with your condition, possibly not told the name, treatment, or extent of your condition, with family or other environment that refuses to acknowledge the disability, only recognizing it as a pathology or personal failing, or who overcompensates by “doting” on you instead of providing caretaking that respects your agency.

Being exposed to unusual or controlling religious beliefs or participation in a coercive religious environment. You may be convinced that outsiders are morally suspect and that socializing with others outside the family or community will corrupt you. May have had an exclusively or predominately religious education full of misinformation about the greater world. The religious environment you live in may be cult-like. Family may prioritize participation in religion or religious activities above all other activities, and you may have little time unstructured by religious ritual or uninterpreted by religious doctrine. Media, entertainment, and information sources available to you may be strictly filtered, and many sources of learning may be outright banned. You may be taught to distrust learning about anything but religion or your community, and may be taught to abide by strict hierarchy rather than associate with others freely and casually.

Having extremely abusive or neglectful parents. You may have been literally held captive in the house, not permitted to leave family property, or unable to escape family. Family may be so abusive that you cannot safely invite peers to house, or so neglectful that conditions of living are shameful or dangerous. You may be in a“Stockholm Syndrome” type situation where it does not even occur to you that socializing with others is desirable or where all outsiders seem like a threat. You may be so traumatized by your living conditions or treatment by others that socializing is too difficult or threatening. You may have been in an isolated, abusive or neglectful living situation so long, sometimes into adulthood, that you have interrupted social skills, and your social motivation has been lost or distorted.

Being in institutional care or institutionally disciplined for much of childhood. You may have been sent to juvenile detention, family court, observed by social workers, or been on parole during part of your childhood. May be in and out of alternative schooling, particularly schooling provided while undergoing treatment for mental illness or while being jailed. You may have been in residential treatment for mental illness or continually hospitalized for a medical condition or mental illness. Socializing may predominately occur under conditions where your peers are people with severe life issues that may make their attempts at socializing unusual or disruptive, where peers are of highly stigmatized populations, and where socializing is continually monitored by authority figures particularly for signs of pathology or need of discipline. Institutional contact may have led you to be ostracized from your peers outside these institutions, or conditions of institutionalization may make it difficult for you to contact or stay in touch with friends and family “outside”.

Having family or others that seek to make you dependent on them or find it convenient or fulfilling that you are dependent, either through abusively removing ability to support yourself, through neglecting to teach you life skills, or through overbearing parenting that leaves you inappropriately childlike and anxious while trying to exercise independence. Parents may be “helicopter parents” and try to resolve your problems with little input from you, may be inappropriately controlling of your environment or opportunities, and may seek to arrange your life for you even if this is not common in your culture. Parents may seek to accompany you or monitor you during situations where this is extremely inappropriate or unwanted. Family or others may discourage you or prevent you from learning to drive, finishing your education, or seeking employment or employment skills, may encourage you or demand that you live with them even once you reach adulthood. Independence skills or resources may be given to you with “strings attached” that make you dependent on your family or a particular person for opportunities or make it impossible for you to escape an abusive situation. Family or others may find it convenient that you are disabled, mentally ill, or experiencing life difficulties and use their support or its withdrawal as a means of communication or means to control you. Support given by others outside the family or beyond a particular person’s domain may be rejected, belittled, or you may be discouraged or outright prevented from taking it.

Having an unusual or stigmatizing condition or disability. Family, caretakers, or doctors may insist that your condition requires secrecy or isolation from others. There may be the implication that the condition will “taint” others as if it is contagious or “horrify” others so much that it must never be revealed. Your condition might require so much medical treatment that it interferes with normal life and child development. May regularly miss school or socializing due to the condition or its treatment. The condition may be one subject to surveillance that interferes with your trust of others or regular unstructured social development. You might only socialize with a small group of other children, who either all have this condition or are a generalized group of “special education” children, isolated from other peers and perhaps typical family members like siblings and cousins. You might have been isolated from other children with same or similar conditions out of concern that you might accept your condition instead of seeking to normalize yourself at all cost.

Experiencing other frequent, strange, or stigmatizing life events or crises. You may have lost a parent to illness or violence. You may have family members who are in prison or who regularly face criminal discipline. You may have family members with high-need medical conditions or disabilities, who may be in and out of hospitalization or whose conditions require a great deal of care or resources. You may be regularly neglected or ignored because a sibling or parent is deemed to have higher priority due to a medical condition, mental illness, or experiencing life crises. Your family may live in unusual conditions (i.e. hoarding, strangers in and out, too many pets) or have an unusual belief system that is difficult to explain to others and that you may not fully realize is atypical. A parent or caretaker may regularly lose jobs, have wildly inconsistent income or ability to provide resources, have an occupation that is exhausting and disruptive to the family’s life, or may keep the source of their money secretive. You may face an unusual form of abuse or neglect that seems ridiculous or humiliating to explain to others and leads you to self-isolate. Your family may move housing frequently or unpredictably. You may have a parent or multiple parents or caretakers that date frequently or bring unknown sexual partners home all the time. Your home or community life may be so unpredictable or strange you cannot socialize normally, and you have little control over your social contacts or context.

Having a family, community, or schooling that is abnormally “cold” and prioritizes parenting or teaching methods that emphasize authority, obligation, hierarchy, educational development, discipline or other values over loving connection to others. Your family does not touch each other or uses touch to punish or threaten rather than show care. Touch or connection to others is belittled. Sexuality is considered dirty, dangerous, or distracting rather than a normal part of human life. You do not observe parents or others showing warmth to each other, but may observe fighting, rejection, or violence instead. You may observe or be encouraged to develop coldness to those outside the family or community and other beings like animals; coldness may be modeled as essential to certain social roles like working or marriage. Your environment may inconsistently or unpredictably demand warmth and coldness and demands for warmth may occur primarily during abusive scenarios. You may become so confused about appropriate social boundaries that you act out or shut down, alienating yourself from peers or becoming subject to punishment.

Experiencing your sexual development being ignored or hyper-monitored. Parents may comment inappropriately on your development during puberty or neglect giving appropriate sexual education at all. You may undergo puberty atypically early or late or there may be medical issues with your sexual development, making you and your body a subject of discussion among your family, peers, and doctors. Your sexual development might be considered dirty or inappropriate even if it is discussed. Your family or other environments may vacillate between condemning you and distinctly ignoring your sexual development. Family may ban you from opportunities to date or socialize with the intent to form and explore romantic connections, you may have dating opportunities inappropriately surveilled and monitored or arranged with no personal choice, or be completely left with no appropriate social feedback on safe and healthy dating. You may have few social connections outside of romantic or sexual partners, who may be much older, abusive, or otherwise wildly inappropriate; parents or other adults may endorse this behavior or fail to intervene despite knowing. You may be inappropriately exposed to pornography or adult sexuality through sexual coercion or violence or because your few social contacts are in sexualized online environments or abusive/exploitative people. You may be so traumatized by sexual abuse that you cannot socialize without great difficulty or the way you perceive social expectations are distorted.

Seeking social connections exclusively or predominately in age-inappropriate groups, online social groups, or subcultures where norms of social connection are distorted. You may tend to find social connection within groups of people with severe mental health issues, drug addiction, or life instability. Norms of online or peer subcultural groups you participate in may permit or encourage antisocial behavior such as interpersonal violence, self-harm, drug use, narcissistic behavior, abusive or offensive behavior, escalation of conflict for entertainment, etc. Exploitation and abuse are common in your social circle, may be lauded as model behavior, or others may refuse to name this behavior as harmful. You may be manipulated or extorted into harmful behavior towards self or peers that benefits powerful people in the group, or may regularly witness this behavior with no opportunity to intervene or speak up. Your environment may be extremely controlling or even cult-like, and you may lose perspective on the outside world, believing that norms of social behavior common to the group are normal or correct. Group might socially punish pro-social behavior, independent thought, critical thinking, or socializing outside of the group, leaving you isolated and dependent on the group.

#writings

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queen-of-bel · 5 years

Text

Devil Survivor spoilers

Okay, I know I already wrote an analysis for Naoya, but that was pretty disjointed as I wrote one half before playing Overclocked, and then tacked more in a reblog after playing it. I just want to consolidate it into one, more coherent post (and i added more stuff!), so here we are.

kaido | atsuro | amane | gin | mari

Naoya gets a lot of shit for two main reasons. One is that some people think he has equal responsibility with the Shomonkai for YHVH sending the ordeal. The thing is, Naoya wasn't at fault here. Another reason is that it's his fault Kazuya and his friends were trapped in the lockdown.

Let me start by addressing the latter point.

Yes, he invited Kazuya, Atsuro, and Yuzu to Shibuya knowing that they would get trapped in the lockdown. But here's the thing. The Shomonkai had already defeated Jikokuten six months prior to the beginning of the game, which meant the barrier between Tokyo and the Demon World had begun to deteriorate. This is why demons such as Kudlak were able to come into Tokyo on their own.

So, let’s say that Kazuya, Atsuro, and Yuzu weren’t in the lockdown during that week. There are two things that could have happened. Either the humans trapped in the lockdown failed, and humanity is eternally stripped of their free will, forced to walk under YHVH’s command, or somehow the humans are able to end the lockdown and survive another ordeal.

Let's be honest. The most realistic way the the lockdown could have been ended is if the demon tamers broke out, like in Yuzu’s original ending. We all saw how that turned out: Honda lost his fucking shit, and everything was thrust into a truly chaotic world.

Even with Yuzu's eighth day, the only way to make things right is to restore the barrier, but Kazuya only did that because the government was treating them as terrorists. And the only reason the government was so easily able to identify them as terrorists is because Izuna and Fushimi had frequent contact with them throughout the lockdown.

So my point with that is, if normal demon tamers broke out, it would be harder for the government to identify who the "terrorists" are, and it's pretty unlikely that they would have been searching for a way to fix the situation they're in now.

So, we see that breaking out of the lockdown would be a bad ending for humanity. What about other ways of ending the lockdown?

Well, any other means of ending the lockdown involves either rewriting the summoning program, or becoming King of Bel. Both options just aren’t realistic without Naoya’s guidance. Yes, it is possible that another person with Abel’s essence was trapped in the lockdown, and could have defeated either Beldr or Belial, but the likeliness of them discovering the truth about the War of Bel on their own is questionable. I think it's highly possible that Loki would've told them, but Loki is a trickster, and would've manipulated the situation for his own enjoyment. So yes, maybe another Abel could've become the King of Bel through Loki's support, but Loki has his own selfish agenda, and frankly I'd be pretty terrified of a world where that Abel became overlord.

If none of the above happened, then we all know what would happen. The UEM field would annihilate everyone in the lockdown after the week was over, and humanity would be stripped of its freedom, forced to walk along YHVH.

So to summarize what I've said so far, if Naoya hadn’t involved Kazuya and his friends, there isn't really a good ending for humanity. Either the world would turn into a chaotic wasteland, a... less than ideal person would become King of Bel, or humanity loses its freedom.

Okay, so now that I talked about why Kazuya needed to be in the lockdown, I'm going to talk about Naoya's involvement with the COMP creation, and why that doesn't mean the lockdown was his fault.

Again, the dissolution of the barrier between Tokyo and the Demon World had already begun because of the Shomonkai. Defeating Jikokuten was difficult and put a huge strain on Amane, but it wasn’t impossible. After she had time to recover, the Founder would have just had Jezebel defeat the other three Devas, thus completing the dissolution of the barrier. The Shomonkai would just summon demons the old fashion way, and guess what? YHVH would still order the lockdown!

So really, by the time the Shomonkai commissioned Naoya to create COMPs and the Demon Summoning Program, it was already inevitable that the lockdown would happen. The COMPs made the ordeal come sooner, but it still would have come anyway.

Despite the fact that Naoya was commissioned by the Shomonkai, he had modified the program so that the Shomonkai didn’t have complete control, though. During Gin’s battle against Azuma, the “safety” precautions that Azuma assumed Naoya had put on the COMPs didn’t exist. Evidently, despite Naoya’s desire to get revenge on YHVH, Naoya didn’t agree with the Shomonkai’s morals.

He even says this on his eighth day, saying that while humanity does deserve to be free, just as the Shomonkai teaches, humanity can't be free if they are being led by a demon. Only a human (who has become a demon king) has the right to lead humans.

And yes, the demon summoning program wasn’t without casualty. We all know that Aya was dragged into the demon world and killed. But here’s the thing. Aya knew what she was getting into. She sacrificed her life to complete the demon summoning program. Naoya didn’t sacrifice her. This was made clear when she left her sequencer with Haru. If Aya didn’t know she was going to die, then why would she task Haru with completing the dispelling song? Haru even says during her route that Aya must have known what was going to happen.

So I know this was pretty lengthy, but I think this is a good case for why Naoya didn't have anything to do with the ordeal.

Alright, I'm going to talk a bit about Naoya's morals now.

Naoya makes it very clear that he has no qualms about killing most people who stand in his way (more about that later). He’s so desensitized to the concept of death that he really doesn’t give it a second thought. He also strongly believes in the concept of the strong ruling over the weak in society.

Here’s the thing about this philosophy, though. Historically, SMT games have presented chaos as just straight up darwinism. Anyone can do anything they want so long as nobody is strong enough to stop them. Chiaki, Takeshi, Walter, the Gaians– all of them subscribed to this interpretation of “strong over the weak”.

However, there’s a more subtle interpretation that doesn’t get explored that much. Those who are in positions of power don’t have to abuse their abilities in order to rule over others. Nothing in the chaos ideology says that you have to use the power of demons for selfish purposes. Just that you side with the demons for ultimate freedom. That freedom can be on an individual level (where we see the “might means right”), or can be used for humanity as a whole (focusing more on freeing humanity from YHVH’s rule).

That’s where the kill/no kill sub-routes in Naoya’s eighth day come into play. Both of those routes represent the two different interpretations of chaos.

So now that we’ve broken down chaos as an ideology, let’s get back to Naoya.

Naoya doesn’t give a shit which path Kazuya chooses. To take the time to convince others that the angels are the true enemies, or to kill anyone who may oppose the overlord, it’s all the same to him. The only thing he cares about is being on Kazuya’s good side. This is why he stops Kaido from attacking the mob that confronts them on the beginning of the 8th day. Naoya needs to learn Kazuya’s motivations for becoming the King of Bel. If Naoya does something which upsets Kazuya, he runs the risk of Kazuya changing his mind about Naoya’s plan. Especially now that Kazuya is the commander of all demons. If Kazuya doesn’t agree to Naoya’s plan now, Naoya will never get another chance to defeat YHVH.

So, if Kazuya wants to be the overlord purely because he wants power, Naoya has no reason to stop Kaido from killing the civilians. On the other hand, if Kazuya became the overlord truly to help humanity, Kazuya would be pissed that Naoya/Kaido are using their power for personal gain. Naoya is now forced to have unwavering loyalty to the overlord.

We know that Naoya doesn’t really care what choice Kazuya makes, but which route would Naoya choose if it were up to him? Honestly, I don’t know, and I don’t think anybody can know for certain. Killing all those with a dissenting opinion is certainly a much faster method. On the other hand, having humanity unite to back the overlord would absolutely give Kazuya more power. Also, keep in mind that Naoya does truly want what he feels is best for humanity– to free them from YHVH’s rule. This is evidenced by Yuzu’s eighth day where Naoya admits he didn’t anticipate Kazuya’s actions, but is pleased nonetheless because his goal of YHVH abandoning humanity has been completed.

We do know that Naoya has no qualms about killing his enemies. In Yuzu’s seventh day, he volunteers to attack Shinjuku because that’s the only point where human soldiers are guarding the barricade. He knows that Yuzu doesn’t want to kill humans and even says that he’ll have more fun dealing with humans than angels.

This last statement is an interesting one because we know that Naoya absolutely detests YHVH and the angels. So to say that he’d have more fun fighting the humans than the angels that he hates so much? That means that the SDF soldiers are at the absolute top of his shit list right now.

So why is this? Why does Naoya hate these humans even more than the beings he considers to be the embodiment of YHVH’s wrath?

Again, Naoya values humanity and humanity’s freedom more highly than anything. He already dislikes the Japanese government, saying that the “gross incompetence” they displayed while dealing with the angels is a sin. My guess is that to him, the only thing worse than YHVH and the angels would be humans who side with angels. He views this as a betrayal to humanity, and this betrayal will endanger humanity’s well-being.

So, back to the question of which method Naoya would prefer. The answer to that question is dependent on Naoya’s opinion on the demon tamers’ actions-- does Naoya view the tamers as traitors to humanity as well?

Because he has to be entirely neutral during the beginning of his eighth day, we have no way of knowing how he feels about these people. He tells them that all of their lives combined are still worth less than Kazuya’s life, but that doesn’t mean Naoya will jump at the opportunity to kill them, either.

Although, in his no-kill route, when the civilians ambush Kazuya and the group in Miyashita park, Amane attempts to convince them that the angels are the true enemies. When this fails and the civilians seem to only get more worked up, Naoya says that they must retreat from the conversation or else the group may end up having to kill the civilians. He also states before his challenge on the 5th day that Kazuya should "eliminate anyone who stands before you by your own power! Your own will!”

If the question we’re trying to answer is “Would Naoya kill people who oppose him?” then the answer is clearly yes. But the question we have is slightly different. The question is: “Would Naoya kill people who oppose him as a means of introducing the overlord to humanity?”

This distinction is important because how the overlord deals with this situation is going to drastically affect the entirety of humanity’s future.

When Naoya talks about killing the SDF soldiers in Yuzu’s seventh day, or eliminating those who stand in his way, he’s referring to very localized and isolated incidents. On the other hand, having Kazuya’s first act as the overlord be to kill everyone who opposes him has a drastic effect on humanity as a whole. Killing those with a dissenting voice leads to a tyrannical rule, and I’m not positive that this is something that Naoya agrees with.

He is at least partially okay with it, given that he doesn’t object if Kazuya chooses that route. To Naoya, a tyrannical rule led by a human is better than a tyrannical rule led by YHVH. Even so, we always circle back to the point that Naoya wants humanity to be free above all. Humanity in his kill route is not as free as humanity in his no kill route.

When we take all the above points into consideration, there’s simply no way we can know how Naoya would handle the situation if it were up to him. His first instinct probably is to kill people who stand in his way, but does his wish for humanity’s freedom override this initial urge?

At this point, it’s worth noting the difference between Naoya and Cain. As confirmed by the writers, Naoya has two sets of memories. Cain’s memories are the accumulation of his previous lifetimes and are the cause of his suffering. Naoya’s memories, on the other hand, are purely related to his current life. The writers have stated that throughout his lifetimes, Cain has lived pretty normal lives and is implied to be a kind person. Revenge against YHVH is always on the back of his mind, but is typically not the driving force behind his personality.

However, when he sees an opportunity to get revenge, that’s when his memories as Cain really take over him. He has endured so much loss and torment over thousands of years, and he won’t let anything stop him from getting the revenge he was wanted this entire time.

This doesn’t stop the fact, though, that he has bonded with the people in his lifetimes.

As we clearly see in Amane’s original ending, and eighth day, Naoya feels extremely guilty that he killed Abel. On Amane’s seventh day, he lashes out at Kazuya, having a complete and total emotional breakdown, all the while begging Kazuya to hate and kill him.

The next day, Naoya completely shuts down. He doesn’t care about revenge anymore. He feels hurt and betrayed by Kazuya’s decision to become the messiah. Ultimately, he feels hopeless. His brother hates him, his chance at revenge is over, and because he refuses to give into YHVH, he accepts that he is bound to be cursed forever.

The rest of Amane’s eighth day is pretty straightforward, so I won’t analyze it much further. We know that throughout the lockdown, Naoya truly cared about Kazuya’s safety, Naoya respects Kazuya so much that he let Kazuya choose his own path instead of forcing him to be overlord, and Naoya steps in during the battle with Okuninushi to save his brother.

Another time we see Naoya's guilt over killing Abel is during his seventh day. When the angels fight Kazuya in front of Hills building, they attempt to reawaken his memories as Abel.

Naoya's reaction to this is really interesting. This is one of the few times in the game that he actually panics and shows signs of vulnerability. He frantically tells Kazuya not to listen to the angels and says they're only trying to confuse Kazuya.

Now, Naoya is a walking database of human emotions and behaviors. This is why he's so good at predicting what people will do next. He prides himself in being able to anticipate Kazuya's actions and fully understands his motivations. We see this in the email he sends Kazuya at the end of the sixth day, when he says "Kazuya, come to me. Now." That's a pretty cocky thing to say, so we knows he's confident at knowing what Kazuya will do.

But Kazuya's trump card over Naoya is his memories of being Abel. From Naoya's perspective, it would make perfect sense for Abel to hate Naoya. Any reasonable person would hate their murderer, and possibly even moreso if their murderer was their own brother.

Of course, there's also the possibility that Kazuya wouldn't remember his life as Abel, and would sympathize with what Naoya had to endure. But the key point is, Kazuya has the potential to have two sets of memories, just as Naoya does.

So when the angels try to awaken Abel's memories inside Kazuya, Naoya doesn't know if that'll be successful. If it is, and Kazuya does remember Cain killing him, there's a chance that Abel doesn't forgive him.

This is what terrifies Naoya so much.

Of course, if Abel doesn't forgive Cain, then there's the possibility that Kazuya won't go along with Naoya's plan anymore. But I don't think that's what Naoya is most worried about.

Remember, as we saw in Amane's eighth day, Naoya respects the choices that Kazuya makes, and really cares about Kazuya's wellbeing. He also says in his own eighth day that he's lucky to have had Abel by his side throughout the ages. This implies that no matter how many times he was reincarnated, there was always somebody with Abel's essence close to him.

For thousands of years, Naoya has felt utterly alone, but the knowledge that his brother was close to him was probably his only source of comfort.

So when the angels ask Kazuya if he really has been reduced to a mere human, Naoya doesn't panic because his plan's success is in jeopardy, he panics because he might lose the only thing he feels that he has.

There is one other time that Naoya shows true vulnerability. In his eighth day, when he realizes Metatron is planning on using God's Thunder to purge the earth, he panics, saying he didn't anticipate this action.

Again, Naoya wants what's best for humanity, and YHVH killing everyone on the planet certainly goes against Naoya's wishes. Naoya gets scared not only because he failed humanity, but he's about to be responsible for his brother's death. Again.

Thankfully, Kazuya awakens to his overlord power in time, and Metatron concedes, so Naoya quickly goes back to his usual calm demeanor. But for a few seconds, he did break his facade and show a moment of weakness.

Speaking of breaking his facade, he does show a couple other times of letting go of his typically cold personality. After successfully convincing humans that the angels are the true enemy, most of Kazuya's friends rejoin the group. They start having heartfelt interactions (Midori excitedly chasing after the group, Kaido calling Atsuro "otakuro"), which leads Naoya to chuckle and comment how this is a boisterous group, but it's not a bad thing.

In all of his lifetimes, Naoya has felt extremely lonely because he knows everyone around him will move on, but he never will. If YHVH is killed, then his punishment will be over. This means that he knows this will be his last life. He'll get to pass on just like everyone else does, and as a result of that, he's allowing himself to be more open around people.

In the very beginning of the game, Naoya is implied to not have any sense of humor at all. Yuzu says that the Laplace email must be a joke, and Atsuro says that Naoya must have a sense of humor. But the way Atsuro says this means that Naoya hasn't been shown to joke around, and Atsuro is just assuming that Naoya has a sense of humor because Naoya is human, too.

At the end of Naoya's no kill route, though, Naoya shows his lighthearted side by teasing Atsuro about his crush on Yuzu.

Taking the previous two points into consideration, I think it's safe to say that Naoya is slowly opening up to other people now that he knows his punishment will be over soon.

Naoya gets written off by a lot of players as “evil asshole cousin”, but is actually an extremely complex character. The Shomonkai forced him into a tough decision by defeating Jikokuten, and the only thing to do at that point for the sake of humanity was to get Kazuya involved. This happened to coincide with his goal of defeating YHVH, so Naoya put a very intricate plan in action to undermine the Shomonkai and ensure that their plan failed, all the while freeing humanity from YHVH’s reign. His two sets of memories make him a walking contradiction. He’s kind and ruthless at the same time. Manipulative yet respectful. He carries around a tremendous amount of emotional baggage, pain, and suffering, and while he does have a personal stake in making Kazuya overlord, he also does it for the sake of humanity as well.

#phew okay i think that's all i wanted to say about naoya #... for now lol #devil survivor #desu #naoya minegishi #desu character analyses #desu rambles

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my-whats-app-number · 5 years

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hollenka99 · 5 years

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A Talk With The Creator

Summary: ‘Birthday cards crowd the table next to the bed. He's 29 today. If Jack is aware of this in any way is a mystery. It's the second birthday he's missing now.’

Disclaimer: I wrote this for Sean’s birthday last month. Just to write something to acknowledge it, you know? So this is what came out. But then, I got a couple comments on AO3. They lead to me creating my Creator AU and The Friend. This one shot is no longer canon in its current form. Maybe once I post Jameson’s POV, I might rewrite this so it fits better.

I was in two minds about crossposting this on here but after posting The Friend (which, by the way, thank you for all the responses. A couple nights ago I was literally sitting here tearing up because you were all being so nice to me. My stories rarely get attention so you have no idea how happy it made me.) I thought it would be best to show where the basis for the AU came from.

Henrik checked on Jack's monitors. His vitals were stable and everything was fine with him. Except, of course, for the fact he was still in a coma.

It had been a year and a half now. 18 whole months since he'd barely saved his friend from death. Jack did in fact die for a brief period. Not that Henrik wants to dwell on that. It was all Sean's fault. He had true control over all of them. If he so desired, he could set Anti on them without any warning. They could have an average Monday, only for the rest of their week be thrown into chaos. Jackie had been subject to Anti's mercy, shortly joined by Schneeplestein. They were both free now, thank God, but it was only a matter of time before Sean got creative again. At times like that, it is difficult to remember his friend is a good person at heart.

Birthday cards crowd the table next to the bed. He's 29 today. If Jack is aware of this in any way is a mystery. It's the second birthday he's missing now. Two years ago, they'd all cheered as Jack and Sean blew out the candles together on the cake they shared. A lot had happened since last February. Fortunately, 2018 had been relatively quiet for them, if you excluded May. But Sean had been very busy during the past year, be it touring or focusing on mental health. None this would bring Jack back to them.

Defeated, he places his hand gently on Jack's shoulder. "Happy birthday, mein freund. I wish we could be celebrating together."

"We need to talk to Sean." Henrik scowled as he entered the living room. "This has gone on too long." "Leave it until tomorrow. It's his birthday too." Marvin sighed. "No, Schneep's right. It's been a year and a half now. I don't know how much longer I can do this." Chase had improved hiding hints of his insecurities. All that improvement was going to waste as his face crumbled in despair.

They make up their minds. As soon as possible, the five of them would negotiate with their creator to return Jack to their friendship group. It didn't matter that Sean struggled to see them as more than characters brought to life. Jack was different to them in that he was essentially Sean's own self but living with energy levels exceeding 100%. They could use that to their advantage.

"Hi, Sean." Jackie greets. "Hey guys, nice to see you." He was a little dumbfounded to see five of his ego characters standing outside his home. Nevertheless, he smiles politely at them. "Want to come in? I got myself cake. Bit sad, I know. But today's a great excuse to eat as much cake as I want. I don't really have much to do until tonight except for reblogging stuff on social media. It would be pretty cool if you had a slice too." "Sean, we need to discuss a few things." The doctor didn't seem to pleased with him. "Which we can do over cake." Marvin interjected.

The group gathers somewhat civilly in Sean's living room. The cake slices are served but remain untouched. The egos look between each other. Who would bring their demands up first? Things take an unexpected turn when Chase notices an open notebook laying on the dining table.

"Wait, are these your plans for us?" The vlogger reaches for the notebook. In a panic, Sean takes it from him. "I'm sorry but it's best if you don't look. Uh, it's not good to know your future and all that. Besides, I'm still working stuff out." "Like what? How many times should we expect Anti to appear?" "Jackie, shut up." Marvin scolded. "Well?!" Chase didn't intend that outburst. "Look guys, calm down would you? Jesus. I haven't finished my plans so anything could change. Plus, I haven't put paint on my neck since... uh..." "August 2017. When you put Jack in a coma." Henrik answered for him. "Yeah, since Kill Jacksepticeye. Right now, I just stare at the camera and twitch my eye. I've told you before, it was a spur of the moment thing. I was sick and tired of YouTube messing about with ad revenue and the shitty algorithm. Plus, Mark was making Darkiplier vs Antisepticeye so it was the best time to do Anti stuff. And that's why I put Jack away for a while. I regret it now. Don't act like I don't miss him too. One thing's for sure, this next 'phase' will definitely see him wake up. I can tell you that. So please don't be mad at me." Jameson ripped a page from the small notebook, passing a written message to Sean. "Am I happier now? Yeah, totally. Last year was a blast. I really turned stuff around, you know that." "So are you happy enough to wake Jack up on his birthday?"

Sean hesitates. In terms of the storyline, Jack won't wake up until later in the year. But screw it, he's not a dick. He neglected Jack last February and saw how miserable they were as a result. He promises the five of them he'll give them all a break for today. That said, he's far from omnipotent. Keeping Jack awake will likely be draining. When he falls asleep, so will his alter ego. One last time, he assures them they'll get Jack back for good in a few months. He just needs to finalise his plans first.

When they return home, the sirens are blaring. Jackie had installed them long ago to give them warning in case of an attack. They'd since been modified to additionally alert Henrik if Jack was in need of assistance. As soon as the doctor heard the shrieking, he sprints through the halls to the ward.

And there he is, maintaining consciousness faster than any coma patient he's known. He's been reading their birthday cards. Jack's bewilderment is entirely expected. Henrik opens his mouth to say something, anything comforting will suffice really. Before the words come, his friend lifts his head to make eye contact.

"I guess I'm not 27 anymore, am I."

#jacksepticeye #jacksepticeye egos #creator au #my writing #writersofjack #jacksepticeye birthday #Originally posted on Quotev and AO3 on Feb 7th 2019 #power of comments #crazy shit happens when you give creators validation #thank you all again

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arielle0808 · 6 years

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Re-writing challenge!

Good day/night to everyone! It's been some time since I first saw that some artists uploaded on their social media their re-doing of drawings they had made some years ago to show their improvement, and I thought that is such a cool thing to do!

Unfortunately, I am no artist, but I thought that doing it with my old pieces of writing could be nice as well :3

Thus, I decided to start a re-writing challenge, in which I will upload fragments of old pieces of writing every two weeks (original and fanfiction), point out the elements that I think are improvable, and a re-writing of the fragment ^^ I don't know if someone has done this before, but I think it's really positive and helpful!

So if you are a writer and you agree, I encourage you to do the same thing! If you tag me on your post and use the tag #rewritingchallenge, I will comment and/or reblog it!

I will start with not-so-old pieces and start digging up the oldest ones. Some of these will be in Spanish since that’s my native language, but I’ll try to find some of my old stuff in English (which is going to be quite embarrassing).

For today, I’ve chosen a fragment from my first fic ever, Our Story, which you can find on AO3. According to our friend Word, I started writing this story in November 2016. Let’s see what we do with it~

<<It was dawning when Saeyoung opened his eyes. The dim light entered the windows and he discovered he had fallen asleep on the sofa again. He tried to sit down, his back hurting a lot because he hasn’t been sleeping in his bed for days. It was difficult for him to sleep. Nothing bad happened really but he just couldn’t help thinking that he should find a job sooner than later. His life felt unstable now. He couldn’t say he wasn’t happy though. He had found his brother, who was finally starting to get alone with the rest of the members of RFA, and even though he wasn’t working at the moment, he had earned enough money to live quite well for the next year. The RFA was pretty active again. They had held a party after Saeran joined and Rika was sent to travel with a strange group Zen had somehow found, and they were already organising another. But still, things worried him. He was worried that the agency would inquire after him and Mary Vanderwood and find them, somehow, which would not only put at risk their lives, but also the ones of the members of RFA, especially his brother’s. And there was also the job thing. He knew he could ask Jumin and find a job in his company quite easily, but he didn’t want to put him in danger. Besides, what could he do? He felt he was only good at hacking and it wasn’t as if there were much legal jobs in that field. He felt frustrated. If he continued like that he wouldn’t be able to take care of his brother much longer, and he was not going to lose him again. Never again.

He logged into the chat room, and saw MC connected.

[…]

It was always fun talking to MC. He felt she was the only one who understood his jokes and jokes were precisely what kept him sane. He felt he could switch into the 707 persona and pretend he actually didn’t care about anything. He liked to pretend he was careless and mess around, especially with Yoosung. Yoosung was just too funny. He couldn’t help smiling every time he saw him in the chat room and trying to mess with him, which was quite easy because he was just too innocent. He knew it wasn’t fair to use him to forget his worries, but it was just too tempting. Sometimes Saeyoung felt he could only laugh sincerely when he talked to him, and that was how their relationship worked, right? He was no more than that teasing friend who was really annoying. He was okay with that. He just needed that little bit of Yoosung to feel some moments of happiness. And he didn’t deserve more than some moments of happiness.

He started chatting about some silly things with MC when Yoosung logged in.>>

So, this is the fragment I’ve chosen to work with. It comprises the first few paragraph of the first chapter, minus the conversation in the chatroom.

As you see, I’ve highlighted in different ways several things that can be improved. The typos and weird word choices are highlighted in bold, the repetitions (which don’t have any literary function) are scratched, and the weird sentence structures or grammatical mistakes, in italics.

There isn’t much to say about that, except that my use of English has improved lol (though there’s still room for improvement).

Apart from that, I don’t think this is an excessively bad introductory paragraph? It presents the RFA’s situation from Saeyoung’s perspective well enough, as well as what he believes to be his unrequited love, so there’s not much to change. The situation is a bit cliché, that’s true, but if I changed that I would be writing a whole different story, so I won’t get into that.

What I will modify, though, is the use of interior monologue since I love that device and I don’t use it much in the original version.

So this would be the final result!!

<<It was dawning when Saeyoung opened his eyes. The dim light of dawn entered the room through the windows and he realised he had fallen asleep on the sofa again. He tried to sit up, the intense pain on his back making him wonder when was the last time he had slept in a proper bed. Falling asleep had always been difficult to him. It should have become easier, though, since he had finally found his brother, who was starting to get along with the rest of the RFA members, and he had earned enough money to live quite well for the next year after working for the agency. The RFA was pretty active again, which was good as well. They had held a party after Saeran joined and Rika was sent to travel with a group Zen had found and was supposed to help her, and they were already organising another. Thus, his anxiety shouldn’t be acting as much as it was.

Despite all this, his life felt unstable. He was worried that the agency would inquire after him and Vanderwood and find them, which would not only put their lives at risk, but also those of the RFA members, especially his brother’s. He also believed he should find a job sooner than later. He knew he could ask Jumin, who would probably hire him in his company without thinking it twice, but he didn’t want to put him in danger. Besides, what could he do? He felt he was only good at hacking and there weren’t many legal jobs in that field. He felt frustrated. If he continued that way, he wouldn’t be able to take care of his brother, and he was not going to lose him again. Never, ever again.

He logged into the chat room, and saw MC online.

[…]

He smirked. Talking to MC was always fun. She was clever enough to understand his elevated sense of humour and, honestly, at that point jokes were the only thing what kept him… somehow sane. Jokes allowed him to switch into his 707 persona and that way he could feign he didn’t actually care about anything. If he pretended well enough he could make himself believe it, too. This was always the case whenever Yoosung was around. God, messing with him was so fun. He could feel a smile on his face already just thinking about pulling a prank on his innocent Yoosungie. Deep inside, he knew it wasn’t fair to use him to forget about his worries, but it was so tempting! Sometimes Saeyoung felt he could only laugh sincerely when he talked to him. Besides, if it wasn’t for their usual interactions, how would their relationship be? He was no more than that annoying tease of a friend. If he didn’t play around with him, he would be nothing to Yoosung. He was okay with that. It was all he needed to feel some moments of happiness. And he didn’t deserve more than that.

He was playing around with MC in the chat room, when Yoosung logged in.>>

So, as you can see, I decided to change the order of the elements of the first paragraph (and divide it in two, since it was so long). In the first version, I pointed out Saeyoung’s worries, how his life was going on better than before and talked about his anxieties again, so I think the new arrangement makes the ideas of the text more organised now.

The sentences in italics are some examples of interior monologue!

So, that was it! I really hope you liked it ^^

Did you agree with the changes? Would you modify something else? Did you like the first version better? You don’t like either? Love both?? Would you like me to clarify something? Want me to use a longer/shorter fragment the next time?? Feel free to let me know!!

Thanks for reading! <3

Support me on my Ko-fi <3 or visit my Patreon for more content! :3

#rewritingchallenge #rewriting fanfiction #rewriting challenge #rewriting our story #our story #i hope you find this fun!#or interesting!#or both

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freedom-of-fanfic · 6 years

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on public block lists, personality cults, and not perpetuating fandom hate

on a side note, I feel it’s important to say this:

the now-deleted post that was created by a popular pro-shipper in the VLD fandom which named out some antis/former antis is a good example of why I do not support making public block lists or 99.8% of callout posts, especially on sites like tumblr where that post is forever the second somebody reblogs it. People can change, URLs get abandoned and picked up by somebody new, etc etc, and unfortunately, when you can’t control distribution of a post you can’t control people who use that post to harass and attack the subjects of it (and there are plenty of people out there eager to do so).

Similarly, I think it was entirely too generalizing of the post to simply blanket-state that all blogs with kl urls or referencing being lesbian are likely to be antis. though the majority of anti-shippers in vld fandom are kl shippers, that does not mean all kl shippers are antis. and while I see what it was trying (and failing) to correlate*, it’s both false and harmful to imply or state that all blogs with sapphic/lesbian url references are anti-shipper blogs supporting harassment.

that said: I’ve seen a number of anti-shippers holding up names on that list as innocent because the blogger is a minor and/or there’s no direct examples of harassment or threatening people, and I need to point out that being a minor and/or never harassing or bullying people yourself or under your own blog name is far from proof that a person is not contributing to or even a principle instigator of harassment and bullying.

first of all: minors are absolutely capable of abusing and bullying one another and bullying/abusing adults, especially on a site like tumblr where our social power is roughly evened out by the site structure. that doesn’t mean I think minors deserve to be immortalized on public block lists - I don’t think anybody deserves that - but being a minor is a mitigating factor, not an excuse.

second: it’s extremely important to recognize that communities with cultlike structures such as anti-shipping circles frequently have popular ringleaders who provoke, encourage, and praise their followers for acts of harassment and bullying, but never participate in it directly themselves. This makes it difficult to point out how they perpetuate a toxic environment because there’s little or no direct proof of their actions. These people form cults of personality and frequently take an active part in cultivating their following, and if they are not always actual predators, they are certainly toxic bloggers that can be difficult to escape from after being drawn into their influence.

(this is not to say that anyone on that post fits this category. there are people both on and off their list who I have seen be toxic in the past, but that does not mean they are acting that way now. I discourage anyone from judging people on behavior from years past, and I highly, highly discourage anyone using a public block list completely blind. the deleted post and the backlash just reminded me to point this out.)

my suggestions to protect yourself from buying into or perpetuating hate in fandom would be:

avoid generalizations: especially about marginalized groups, but also for non-marginalized groups. no category of people are a monolith.

be very wary of anybody who tells you what to think and/or tries to trick you into thinking the way they want you to, shipper or anti-shipper.

recognize that while anti-shipping communities tend to foster fear and toxicity, this does not mean that pro-shipper groups, anti-anti groups, or any other group is automatically free of abusers and hate.

learn the warning signs for toxic people and the warning signs of toxic groups and judge your fave bloggers and fandom circle based on how they behave and treat people now/going forward.

limit voices of fandom hate and/or salt in your life. salt begets more salt. hate is like a fire: anything that doesn’t douse it can only feed it.

never forget to celebrate what you love.

(timestamp: first posted on March 14th, 2018.)

(EDIT: March 16th, 2018: my wording put too much emphasis on the creator of the (deleted!!) post. I’ve edited it to better reflect that my issue is with the contents of the post itself, which - as OP deleted it - does not seem to reflect their views properly either.

also the backlash against the OP has been WILDLY out of proportion to the offense in an absolutely classic example of how abusers in the anti-shipper ranks feel no compunction or offense over keeping public shipper block lists (that are still up, by the way!**) but draw big red circles around the slightest slip-up of people they hate. because hey - the rules don’t apply to them. only to YOU.

edit repeated under the cut to ensure it’s seen.)

As in: doxxing and threatening family members levels. (Another reason I regret making this particular post.)

*I think the poster was trying to draw a line of association that may exist to some degree, but they did it in a way that’s hurtful to lesbians. that line is:

anti culture adopts/modifies a lot of radfem - particularly swerf - ideology (porn and kink are always bad/harmful to perceived women, perceived women are harming themselves and one another if they like/participate in it). many blogs that support radfem/terf/swerf ideology - sometimes on purpose, sometimes just by absorbing the rhetoric from tumblr - have urls referencing being sapphic or lesbian. therefore, they suggest that lesbian url = anti-shipper, which is simply too broad a claim to even draw a meaningful correlation.

the truth is:

radfems/terfs/swerfs as an organization are generally only interested in anti-shipping/fandom in general inasmuch as they can use it to recruit new members. (there are radfems/terfs/swerfs in fandom because they love fandom.)

many people with sapphic/lesbian references in their URL are not radfems or any subgroup of radfem, nor do they support radfem ideology either on purpose or by passive acceptance of radfem lite(tm) posts on tumblr. similarly, many people with sapphic/lesbian references in their URL are not antis.

not all antis are radfem/terf/swerf. In fact, most antis probably believe they are opposed to radfems/terfs/swerfs without realizing that they utilize some of their rhetoric in fandom policing.

it’s understandable that a correlation would be drawn by people on tumblr between lesbian/sapphic urls and radfems/anti-porn blogs, but it just can’t be generalized like that b/c it hurts those with lesbian/sapphic urls that aren’t of that crowd.

**the list itself is private, but because the mods answer questions publicly anyone who was requested to be added by a third party on anon is still publicly listed! HILARIOUS.

PS: i’m leaving this post up because anyone who clicks the readmore will be able to see my edits and I think that’s going to be more helpful than deleting it entirely in the long run. but otherwise I would delete it entirely because this post was brought to the attention of the OP of the deleted post in a way that wounded them, and i am deeply sorry for that. :(

#fandom toxicity #public block lists #anti culture is abusive #vldiscourse #homophobia tw #anti shipping is about control #anti culture #anti shipping #unasked for advice #anti culture is about control #anti shipping is a form of control #anti shipping is abusive #equal opportunity content callouts #radfems again

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fortheheavenssake · 6 years

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almosthumanophelia · 6 years

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Operator Ophelia Development

(( So I saw this post circulating around and I thought this development quiz would be fun to do for Ophelia’s Warframe AU! I needed to develop her more in this AU, and this seemed like a good way to do so.

I made a new post instead of reblogging the original and put the questions and answers under a cut to save everyone’s dashes. Asks about any of these, or asking for further details on her, are welcome as always! ))

1. What is their name?

Ophelia. Just Ophelia. She has no record or recollection of her surname.

2. What model/s of Warframe do they use, mainly?

Ophelia mains Volt. And this around 90% of the time. It’s difficult to convince her to use much else, but her personal arsenal also boasts Valkyr, Mag, Frost, and Limbo.

3. What weapon / weapon type is their favorite?

She doesn’t much care for weapons, and prefers to rely on Warframe abilities to get by. If forced to use a weapon, she prefers bows and swords (but not heavy or two-handed swords).

4. What is your Tenno’s style of fighting? Do they rush in headlong, or prefer to sneak around?

Ophelia can get... carried away. She is often an impulsive and instinctual fighter and gets herself into bad (see: dangerous) situations because of it. She’s got a bit of a reputation because of this.

5. What Syndicate, if any, does your Tenno belong to?

Cephalon Suda all the way.

6. Which of the five Schools, if any, do they belong to?

She always favored Naramon.

7. Does your Tenno agree with the Lotus? Do they view her as a mother, a tyrant, or somewhere in between?

Ophelia would not refer to the Lotus as her mother; she sees her as more of a teacher. She does like and trust the Lotus, to an extent, and listens to her (sometimes). But the Lotus is not the main parental figure in her life, mainly giving her mission directives instead of open and direct affection.

8. How does your Tenno feel about the noncombatant civilians of the system? Are they invested in their protection, or are they vague and unimportant?

Ophelia is rather distant and isolated from the noncombatant aspects of the system. She can’t really relate to any life other than that of a warrior. Despite this, if she felt the immediate need to defend any noncombatant group, she would answer the call.

9. Where do they stand in the Corpus vs. Grineer war, if anywhere?

Ophelia remains neutral and despises both factions equally. She sees the Grineer as a brutal militaristic machine, and the Corpus as a bunch of morality-devoid scumbags. There are notable exceptions for specific individuals, Clem being one of these.

10. What are the top five things your Tenno believes are most important and worth fighting for? These can be abstract concepts or material possessions.

In no particular order:

Survival; knowledge and truth; justice, either personal or for all; the downtrodden; and her beloved Cephalon companion, Ordis.

11. How much of their life before being put in stasis can your Tenno remember?

Little to nothing. She remembers nothing before the Zariman, and that only in muddled flashbacks (think Harry Potter remembering his parents’ deaths). Her memories of the time during the Old War is also foggy, consisting of little domestic moments during her childhood under the care of first Margulis, then the Lotus, but mostly Ordis. Everything else she was informed of or remembered secondhand thanks to information from outside sources.

12. Do they miss anything about it?

In her mind, she can’t miss what she can’t remember. She’s happy aboard the Orbiter, zipping around through the system from day to day. She occasionally misses the innocence she used to have as a small child, but these thoughts eventually pass; she believes it’s better she knows the truth about things.

13. Who was your Tenno during their lifetime as a human, regardless of whether or not they remember?

Get ready y’all this one is LONG.

Ophelia was the daughter of a pair of scientists who worked in robotics and specialized in advancing AI technology - including Cephalons - to the point they could be made readily available to the public, and not just reserved for Orokin use. Her father focused on developing programming and algorithms; her mother implemented the accompanying hardware. Her parents’ research funding came from an earlier iteration of the Corpus, though they disagreed with the ideals centered around profit. Her parents were in their line of work for the sake of the knowledge itself, and for the greater good.

Ophelia herself was born in the medbay of the Orcus relay, during one of her parents’ times stationed at a Corpus outpost on Pluto, making her technically not from Earth. Her parents set out to teach her their love for technology at an early age, but didn’t get much time before they received special instructions to go on a certain voyage. She was only three when the Zariman set out, and her parents were left with no choice but to take their daughter with them - a condition the Orokin readily agreed to. They believed this would be an adventure and a learning opportunity for their child. This, of course, ended in disaster.

She never saw her parents die; they hid her away when the chaos began and she escaped the worst of the fighting. However, the storage compartment she was hidden in wasn’t as shielded from radiation as the cabins of the ship, and she suffered massive void marks and scarring that formed patterns all over her body. Her face is the only skin left relatively unscathed. They persist to this day, and she covers them as best as she can.

14. How does your Tenno see their Warframe? As just a tool? As part of their identity?

Ophelia recognizes that the frames have some level of sentience and life of their own. She therefore treats them as extensions of herself, taking as good of care of a damaged or dirty frame as she would had the damage been done to her own body.

15. Is there any symbolism behind their chosen color scheme and energy color? Do they wear the colors of their Syndicate?

Ophelia uses a lot of blue, indigo, violet, and purple tones of varying shades, with silver accents for metallic portions. There is no real logic to this; she simply prefers those colors and coordinates everything to match.

16. What does your Tenno do during downtime between missions?

She likes trying to compose new tunes on the Mandachord, which she eagerly shares with Suda.

17. Does your Tenno try to modify their Warframe cosmetically, and make it unique?

Most of Ophelia’s modifications are color scheme only. She’s not very into frills or fashion statements, and prefers to keep the frames practical and combat ready. An alternate helmet here or there, and that’s about all.

18. How does your Tenno interact with the rest of the inhabitants of the system? Do they treat their allies warmly, or with disdain?

This depends on the ally. She very much has a love-hate relationship with Simaris, as she thinks of him as a huge jerk but also recognizes the value of staying in his good graces. Suda, she adores and speaks to frequently. Most of her allies are treated as acquaintances and not close friends; she’s not much of a people person in general and prefers the company of Cephalons. This last category includes Darvo, Clem, Teshin, and so on.

19. How do they view themself and their fellow Tenno? Are they monsters barely kept in check by the Lotus’s guidance? Are they the saviors of the system?

Ophelia doesn’t see herself and the Tenno as either monsters or victims. She’s doing the best she can with what fate gave her, and she views her duty to the system more as a job or a practical task than she views it as a savior position. Defending against the Grineer and Corpus is more about preserving the Tenno and their way of life than anything else for her.

20. Does the bloodshed they cause bother your Tenno? Would they put down their weapons, if they could?

Honestly, she’s not very bothered by it. The life of a warrior is all she has ever known, and as long as it is for a just cause (in her mind), she’s pretty capable of pushing aside any lingering doubts or guilt. Were she to try and lay down her weapons, she would inevitably pick them up again at the first cause that caught her eye. She is, first and foremost, a warrior.

21. Assuming there was no war, what would they want to be doing with their life?

Without a war to keep her occupied, she would become a full-time or nearly full-time hunter for Simaris, with the occasional errand for Suda. She would use her access to Simaris’s data and the Sanctuary to research and try to find a mitigation or cure for Cephalon degradation, as she has seen far too many Cephalons thrown away because of reduced functionality.

#this is what you are (operator ophelia au)#warframe #my ocs #tenno

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hadjii-blogs-undertale · 7 years

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[23 days later]

In reference to https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/163800444030/

@lynns-art-blog

...

And honestly, @everyone-needs-a-hoopoe because there's things in here that go for you too. Please read it through to the end. Or just skip to the very end at first and then go back and read through if you need.

I really, really, really didn’t actually want to get off my butt and do this, for multiple reasons. And not just cuz I’m a lazy jackhole with depression who doesn’t want to do anything in general. But recent events have brought things to a head, and I cannot remain silent any longer.

First, I should like to clarify just where I stand as regarding the Undertale fandom.

The Undertale fandom is a beautiful thing. It is extremely imperfect but I love the fandom and will continue to do so for as long as I am able.

Second, I should like to clarify where I stand as regarding Undertale itself.

It will be difficult however, because I love Undertale more than I am capable of putting into any transferable medium that I know of.

Am I a bit emotionally over-invested in Undertale?

Heck. Yes.

I also don't care that I am.

Undertale has brought more joy and happiness and meaning to my life than literally anything else save my family who raised me and loves me, my religion, and a shortlist of friends, some of whom I only have so dear to my heart because of Undertale, so the point is moot.

I can't say that Undertale cured my depression, because it didn't.

What it did do is it showed me at a critical point in my life that there's something outside the grey murky mire.

I'd considered myself an emotionally open person before Undertale. This was only vaguely true. Current me cannot comfortably say that old me was emotionally intelligent without severe disclaimers.

Old me was an emotionally awkward dirtbag who had some idea of how to be a person but on the whole was completely clueless.

I had forgotten how to feel. Like, really feel. And not just from the depression.

I could occasionally get hits from certain songs and I absolutely lived for those moments but the songs would rapidly hit their saturation levels and I'd be cold again.

Then Undertale came along. I loved the game long before I played it, discovering things about it slowly through an endless flood of my tumblr feed.

It looked like a rather good, cute, compelling little game. Eventually I decided to write a bit of fanfiction about it because it looked really good and I wanted to churn out what would happen if GLaD had an interaction with a murdery timeline.

So I went and researched. I dug and I dug and I dug. This wasn't all of my research, but on one particular tumblr alone I went through 700-odd undertale posts.

Between that and pouring out my heart and soul into the writing as I discovered just how much I could care about these things, or care in general really, I found that I'd left the door open, and something came back. A whole lot of something.

Undertale is a Happy™ game about Happy™ things.

I had learned that maybe sad things weren't all bad back from the days of Background Pony. The difference being, Background Pony had a disappointing, absurd ending. They'd won the right even by my sappy heart to have a sad ending, then they completely botched it. I'd associated one of the most significant songs I know of with it, and they failed terribly.

But Undertale had a good ending. As aggravating as it is to not be able to keep Asriel, much less Chara, in the bounds of the game itself, that's part of the point of the ending. So there was no knee-jerk shock. While it is true that in a practical Undertale implementation, unbounded by the Game Maker engine, fuelled by the raw power of Determination, human spirit, and imagination, surely something more could have been achieved. But that does not take away from the coherent ending of Undertale.

There is a lot of pain in Undertale. So much pain.

It is overwhelming and vivid and searing and scorching and so very, very tangible and understandable and real. Not that the events of the game are real, well, as far as I can tell. The emotions are deep and real, I mean.

This was to me as the gas leak was to Vinny Santorini in Atlantis.

Due to the combined pressure of the mental overhaul Undertale was giving me, and the softness and vulnerability it re-introduced, throwing in re-learning certain cold facts about how much the powers-that-be at my previous job didn't care about doing good work, only making money, more severely than I had previously believed from last year, I lost my ability to continue driving there and showing up every day. Now, due to the way the contract works, and my having left the job gracefully, I am free to go back whenever I want. I was not fired. There are many employees who just go there, work as long as they can, then leave and wait for next season to come back. Their efforts are appreciated, especially when all heck breaks loose at the beginning of the on-season because all the bugs in the software that weren't found yet are harsly exposed. What happened with me is not ideal, nor is it rare or even unusual at this place. In about 3 months I could walk in the door and they'd welcome me with a smile and I'd get back to politely telling people that they're wrong and clueless and fixing their crap for them and half the time doing their job for them. (as if that's terribly different than my current job... just in person now instead of over a phone)

Anyways, so, Undertale hurts. Loving Undertale so deeply hurts a lot.

But it's also happy. It has so much happiness. It's so bright and wonderful. It's a warm, soft, fuzzy hug from goatmom and a slice of butterscotch pie. It's making spaghetti with Papyrus, only using an actual recipe this time and making it turn out well. It's watching anime until 4 am with Alphys and Undyne and suppressing giggles at seeing the two precious gay babies asleep and cuddling. It's hugging Sans and telling him it'll be okay. It's having a lovely tea party with Asgore and Muffet.

It's kissing a sad sapient golden flower on the forehead, buying a bar of chocolate and raising it in the air as a toast before eating it.

Bittersweet happiness sometimes but so very, very good and I love it and I really cannot get enough.

I'm addicted. Addicted to feeling again.

As the band Ghost says, "From the pinnacle to the pit, it is a long way down."

I haven't been to the absolute bottom, in that I haven't been institutionalized/hospitalized/just straight up killed by my depression, But I have been in the shower for 4 hours before from 2 am to 6 am at college, for one thing, so uhhh, nobody can say that I'm utterly clueless about such things without looking like a lunatic.

https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/164567314340

Posts like the above still rip my heart out every time I see them. I've long since re-associated the song mentioned earlier with this particular point of note of Chara.

It's not entirely pleasant, no, but it makes me feel so alive and real and like I'm an actual human being and not an emotionless, soulless automaton covered in flesh.

And the happy posts are just that much brighter because of the contrast.

https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/164689197750 https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/164498003145 https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/164161681835 https://hadjii-blogs-undertale.tumblr.com/post/164061257705

Some people can get by on just fluff alone. There's nothing wrong with that. This is just the way I personally operate. As for me, I've had too much saccharine positivity and "oh dont be sad everything is completely fine and theres nothing to be sad about youre not depressed just get up and go to work son!"

sorry got sidetracked and a little oddly specific there anyways

So the point is from the above wall of text that I have a lot of investment in Undertale and it means a lot to me.

Now, it's time for me to pull receipts.

One receipt, to be exact.

On a semifamous Undertale blog, that I still have not responded to, and quite possibly never will, unless you count this post as a response.

http://charadreemurr.tumblr.com/post/157052680490

I literally couldn't even read their last response for a solid two months because my eyes would skim off the words because they were full of so much utter crap. When I did, I was sorry for it, because it was still so much crap. And no, this isn't like the average tumblr receipt pull, because a lot of the time, a given person has changed for the better, and the receipts you're pulling are for a dramatically different person. This person has not changed and as best as I can tell will never change, or at least not for the next decade or so, unless something dramatic happens. They were the OP of the twitter bustercluck. If you don't know, don't ask, because I don't feel like getting into that right now. I may do so later though in a different post.

All I was trying to do was share a little positivity, and I was met with discourse, hostility, and self-righteousness.

"And second “biological gender” is a statement rife with discontent-"

Pardon my french but wtf m8?

Since then I have learned more thoroughly that in more modern usage, that sex and gender don't have ambiguity and don't need "biological" and "identity" modifiers for clarification, so to a limited extent, they were correct.

However, this does not excuse their behavior. There are many people, myself included back then, that because of their upbringing are uncomfortable saying the word "sex" in any context. I am not now, but I was then, which is why I used "gender" with modifiers for clarification. I gave them multiple chances in earlier reblogs to realize that I was just trying to share a bit of happiness. I clearly conveyed the belief that what's in one's pants doesn't necessarily align with what's in one's head and that it's not a problem. I also clearly stated that when referring to Frisk and Chara, one should use they/them.

And yet, they chose to perceive a threat where there was none. They prefaced their statement with "Yikes" then "Im gonna assume the best here though because i wanna assume people are good"

And completely did not follow through on that.

Statement rife with discontent, indeed.

I was rather hurt by this. Especially, especially because of the uniqueness of their url. They are the one and only charadreemurr. That's a very particular title, and they ought to live up to it.

And here, they did not. Unless Chara Dreemurr really is supposed to be a pretentious self-serving self-righteous paranoid uptight jackhole of a binch. In which case, congratulations, they succeeded.

I showed the post to a different trans friend of mine, and they were shocked by the post as well, looked through their tumblr, and declared the person "basically their least favorite type of person".

To this day, I feel uneasy just seeing the word "yikes" sometimes.

I have mentioned it a few times to some people but this really sent me for a loop. I almost left the fandom on the spot, like far too many good people have done when they were burned by the toxic side of the fandom.

And honestly, if I'd lost Undertale at such a key point in my life, with my job already falling apart, and the other crap I was going through at the time, especially with the election, I cannot safely say that I'd still be here. With the friends that I wouldn't have made solid yet, I probably would have attempted suicide.

And believe me, I'm an engineer. I would not have survived. Knives, pills, guns, rope, water, heights, motor vehicles, police, fire, bleach, all are too unreliable for me. I know exactly how I would do it, if I were to ever do it.

Yeah, I know, it's not anyone's job to make sure I don't commit suicide beyond my own. People who threaten others with their own suicide are horribly manipulative. I am not threatening anyone with my suicide here. I'm not saying "ermagersh dont break up with me or ill literally kill myself" What I am saying is "X happened to me in the past and it's made me want to kill myself" Suicide baiting someone is a terrible thing to do. Accidental baiting someone is not someone's fault, as it's accidental, but generally one should try to avoid it. Very similar to triggering somebody. Don't trigger people. If you do, apologize, and do better in the future, and be more consistent about tags and crap.

Just for the record, due to that and other things that have happened to me, I know that I am not now and not ever going to die by my own hand.

Because, I stood up. I turned around. And like Captain America, I said "No. You move."

Well, in my head. I didn't actually say anything to them.

And I stayed.

And that has made all the difference.

I have a great job now that pays moderately well. I have a wonderful aspec girlfriend now. My life still sucks in so many ways but I actually oftentimes see a light at the end of the tunnel. The world is crap and it's going to get crappier but not everything will be bad forever.

Now, we get to the center of the issue, having explained some needed context.

Nonbinary Frisk and Chara.

I love nb Frisk and Chara.

I have not and will never make a Frisk or Chara that is anything but nb.

At one point, a certain Frisk was going to maybe use She/They (or He/They, hadn't decided yet) instead of just They when they became a parent, but I scrapped that idea long before any of this.

It is completely correct to use they/them pronouns when talking about Frisk and Chara in general. These are all that are used in the game itself.

The pertinent question though is does this mean that Frisk and Chara are canonically nonbinary, and what of people who make variants/instances that aren't nonbinary?

Thus far, most of the argument I've seen in favor of nonbinary being a forcible requirement is only slightly more solid than claiming that the Boss in the Saints Row series must be nonbinary, as an example.

Yes, it is true that in SR2 and later, one chooses the boss's sex.

However, they also choose a voice, and the voice doesn't necessarily have to match the physical sex. Trans and NB Bosses are completely plausible within the game's canon. All dialogue just refers to the Boss as They/Them, regardless of player choice, to the best of my knowledge. Or just refers to them as "The Boss". In SR:GOOH, Satan (yes, the literal Prince of Darkness, ruler of literal actual Hell) refers to The Boss as "They" so yeah. Anyways.

Honestly the strongest argument I've seen in favor of NB Frisk and Chara being canon is "Because NB people could use the representation!" Which boils down to "Because I said so!" Which boils down to "Because f*** you, that's why"

Now, I personally love this reasoning and I'm already on board, but with three quirks.

1. I can see why other people may not be so satisfied with this. 2. I cannot see this as an absolute requirement preventing any other possible interpretation of Frisk and Chara being okay. 3. I do not find this a remotely strong enough reasoning to condone attacking other people over it.

I personally headcanon NB Frisks and Charas being by far the dominant kind across the entire Undertale trunk. And I look across the internet at the many, many wonderful creative people who have instanced Frisk and Chara, and I see that this is so. And this is how it should be.

Frisk and Chara are excellent NB representation.

I quite firmly believe Tobyfox intended this to be so, and created them as such.

On a side note, I just found out the "my last wish for undertale is that when discussion of it fades it dies peacefully instead of morphing into a garbage cesspool" tweet was faked. Probably should've figured that out a long time ago, that's not quite how toby tweets.

...

Anyways,

https://twitter.com/UnderTale/status/644614840925978624

Tobyfox, the one who made Frisk and Chara so readily NB, who put so much NB representation into the game in general, did not ask for this. He did not create them to be sticks to beat others with. They were a gift of kindness. To say "Hey. Hey you. You matter and are important and are valid. Have two complex characters who have no indicated and strongly ambiguous gender, not even barriers blocking a particular interpretation."

Thats the kicker. No barriers blocking a particular interpretation. The road goes both ways.

Frisk and Chara were meant to be characters one identified with. "It's me, Chara." "It's you!"

Frisk and Chara ought to be NB, yes. Unless otherwise specified, they're NB.

Thing is, not everyone who plays Undertale is nb.

real shocker there yeah

Point is, hurting someone who's not nb for identifying with Chara or Frisk is on the same level of behavior as yelling at someone for being kin with the same character as someone else, or yelling at someone for selfshipping with the same character as someone else.

It's immature, unkind, greedy, and completely unnecessary. Even illogical.

Even if Frisk and Chara were real in their own timelines and not just pixels on a screen, there are an infinite number of instances and infinite number of variations of them.

Even if infinities don't appease one, and they demand to examine the situation proportion/representation-wise, NB Frisk and Chara dominate the multiverse.

And if that does not satisfy, then what will?

Even if the entire infinite expanse was filled solely with nb Charas and Frisks, and there was only one Frisk across the trunk who was not nb, because they were created by one author in memory of a cis person who played and loved Undertale and fought through the entire game reset after reset, in a fruitless effort to save Asriel, will you rip that from their hands, in the name of "equal representation"?

Will you be like David in the bible, who had more than anyone could ask for, and lost it all because he wanted one last thing? One more person to be theirs as well?

There is a song by Tool which is very relevant here.

https://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/tool/rightintwo.html

"Don't these talking monkeys know that Eden has enough to go around? Plenty in this holy garden, silly monkeys, Where there's one you're bound to divide it. Right in two."

I'm sorry, but I cannot condone vitriol over this. I cannot condone such hateful attitude and behaviors.

Just like the antifa who was punched by another antifa at a protest because they judged them by mere appearance to be a fascist, hatred doesn't accomplish anything.

There are times and places when due to the actions of other people, there is no valid choice remaining but violence.

This is seen in Undertale. Even when attempting to run a True Pacifist route, one has to beat down Asgore, and/or Flowey. This was seen back in WWII. We could not allow the Axis powers to enslave the world and murder whomever they wished.

This is not the case here.

Yes, there are those who purposely seek to misgender Frisks and Charas all around. Such folks correctly are rebuffed and banished to the shadows. And people who argue that Frisk or Chara canonically have to be a boy or girl really need to find a new hobby.

Those, if anyone, are the enemy. The lost, clueless, angry, bitter enemy, who need to be talked to and brought into the fold of those who know better, in true Undertale MERCY fashion. Or, if they will not listen, to be sent away, and blocked if harassment continues.

Random creatives on the internet who create a Frisk or Chara, maybe modelled after themselves, maybe after someone else, doens't matter, anyways, who happen to create one that isn't NB are not the enemy. Some young unlearned cis 12 year old who wants to be like Frisk and thinks Frisk is just like them, or that they are Frisk, and has little involvement with NB matters, or perhaps just hasn't yet heard of or seen how well NB and Chara and Frisk go together, is not the enemy.

NB folk have a lot of very, very real enemies. We have a long way to go as a species. Please, do not make up enemies where there are none.

I ask anyone who attacks others solely for having a different idea of Chara and Frisk's gender to please reconsider.

Please, spread NB Frisks and Charas all around the net. Let them enter the hearts of everyone who can appreciate this beautiful game. Not through anger and aggression, but through love and kindness and patience.

If you cannot abide my having such a stance on this, Mel, then I suppose this is farewell if you must break off all contact. And if you must leave, you may keep that commission money, whether or not you ever finish the art.

Thank you to anyone who reads the entirety of my words.

#language warning #suicide warning #meta #discourse #general trigger warning #things get deep here and i'm sorry but i had to share how i feel

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toraonice · 7 years

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Yuri on Ice interview translation - Animage 2017/01 (p20-23)

I was going to post this last week but gave priority to the BD stuff. This will be the final interview from the booklet that came with January Animage! There’s still an interview with Kenji Miyamoto left untranslated, but it will be taken care of by @whiteboxgems whenever she has time! I’ll reblog it when it’s around.

This is actually 2 interviews, I’m posting them together because they were one after the other and (main reason) because the second one is very short. A few notes below to better understand the interviews.

The first one is with Yuuichirou Hayashi, the one who created the ending (ED = ending by the way) footage. I have the feeling someone previously posted translations of the captions under the ED screenshots, but I don’t remember where and I’m pretty sure it was just the captions and not the interview parts, so here you have it complete. This one is pretty interesting because he explains in detail how they created the ED, and has some extra information on cut scenes etc. Definitely a must read in my opinion!

The second one is a short interview with Kayoko Ishikawa, the one who did the costume designs. Here you might think: didn’t Chacott design the costumes? I’ll explain. It’s more or less like with Mitsurou Kubo and Tadashi Hiramatsu: Kubo created the original designs for the characters, from scratch, and Hiramatsu transformed them into designs specifically created for animation, therefore with simpler lines, detailed expression sheets and so on. Likewise, Chacott did the original designs for the costumes, from scratch, based on the indications by Yamamoto and Kubo, and then the anime’s costume designer simplified and modified them so that they would be suitable to be animated. (Before actually animating them there’s a further step: the anime’s color designer is going to decide the exact colors, shadows and highlights included, that will be used inside the anime. I translated an interview with the color designer Izumi Hirose some time ago)

I usually don’t add pictures but this time I felt that it would be better to add them as an immediate reference. However, they are just for reference and are not meant to be visually stunning, so please bear with the quality because I just took photos of the magazine with my phone and quickly edited them.

Translation under the cut! (kind of image-heavy)

***If you wish to share this translation please do it by reblogging or posting a link to it***  ***Re-translating into other languages is ok but please mention that this post is the source***

Yuuichirou Hayashi ED storyboard, direction, key animation “I paid attention to the sensuality”

The faint sensuality and physical beautiy created by fireworks & water.

—The ED of “Yuri on Ice” has been highly praised by the fans too. How did you feel when director Sayo Yamamoto offered you the job?

I was told by MAPPA at quite an early stage that they wanted to ask me to do the ED. Director Yamamoto is known for her stylish animation, and I was sure from the start that it would be a challenge. Before the meeting I was really anxious to know what kind of instructions I would receive. —What instructions did director Yamamoto give you?

She already had a concrete image in her head, and she told me that the concept would be to “show candid shots of the skaters”. Real figure skaters actually use Instagram and other SNS a lot, and often post pictures. She showed me the pictures they posted and we talked about how to make the ED. Director Yamamoto really knows a lot about figure skating, and she explained many things to me from a fan’s point of view (LOL). I could feel her love for figure skating very strongly. I also watch it on TV, but my knowledge is limited to knowing the names of the most famous athletes, therefore it was very interesting information for me. —The fireworks in the beginning are very striking.

First of all I created the storyboard and drew all the candid shots I could think of. Then I decided the order of appearance based on the song and did some adjustments like removing the shots that wouldn’t fit, but I was really torn about the first and last pictures… After all, I wanted it to start with a shot of Yuuri, Victor and Yurio having fun together. Real figure skaters too get along well outside of tournaments and post pictures together with other athletes on the SNS. Still, the time the three of them spent together in Japan is actually very short. Yurio returns to Russia around May, and fireworks are a bit weird for that time of the year, but you know… why not?, I thought (LOL). —Why did you choose fireworks?

When I was thinking about what would be nice to see them doing I thought that, since Hasetsu is on the sea, fireworks could be a good idea. Since the concept is SNS and candid shots the footage would be made by a slideshow of still pictures, therefore we could use the kind of pictures taken with the camera shutter left open to effectively show the traces of light drawn by the fireworks. I paid attention to sensuality, not just in this scene but in the whole ED. I thought that motifs of fireworks and water would be good to represent the beauty of colors and of the trained bodies of figure skaters. —The last shot is also with fireworks, but it only has Yuuri in it.

Actually, before thinking of the three of them playing with fireworks, the first image that popped into my mind was Yuuri dancing alone. The first storyboard also started with a picture of “Ice Castle Hasetsu” seen from the outside. However, there are episodes ending with Ice Castle Hasetsu too, so it would have been boring to have the ED start with that too, and that’s when I thought that it would be interesting to add Victor and Yurio to Yuuri’s solo scene that I had imagined first. Lots of love for the characters! Inside stories about how the candid shots were born.

—The SNS pictures of the skaters are also very realistic. It seems that the fans are curious about what is written in the captions too.

The production team recreated the social media screens very carefully, from the account name to the icons, and we made them slide fast on purpose so that it would be difficult to read the text. After all the ED is meant to show the names of the staff, and we thought that it wouldn’t be nice if some other text caught the viewers’ attention too much (LOL).

—It’s also realistic that the number of “likes” for every character is different. Some characters will enjoy writing long posts, while others like Seung-gil only write one word. I really think that the pictures are successful in representing each character’s personality. —How did you decide the order of appearance of the candid shots?

We didn’t follow this pattern for all of them, but since this show is set in various parts of the world, I decided to pay attention to the time difference. The shots in Europe are set around noon and the ones in Asia from evening to night. The director also said that “they come from different countries and live in different places, so there is a time difference”, therefore I tried to reflect this in the pictures. —What did you have a hard time with?

I was the only member of the staff working on this, so the schedule was quite tight (LOL). I thought about how to make it the most effective while still being something that I would be able to do alone. However, and this is not just regarding “Yuri on Ice”, it’s not like I had a hard time. I’m the type who tends to forget any hardship when it’s over (LOL). —Who is the character that caught your attention the most?

I like Victor. I like that, even though he always acts as he pleases, only thinking about himself and not really the others, he also has a playful side and you can’t hate him. Working on this series I could really feel the love that Mitsurou Kubo-san, director Yamamoto and the rest of the staff have for the characters.They really like everyone. That’s also why I naturally felt that I should express “love” in my work as well. —Are there any shots that you had to cut and never saw the light of day?

There was a shot with Yuuri and Victor eating soba. It’s a dish of Hasetsu and you eat it topped with various kinds of ingredients, but since Yuuri tends to gain weight easily he just ate soba without anything on it. While Victor looked all pleased with his soba full of toppings. Unfortunately, when putting the pictures in order we realized that there were too many and it would become chaotic, so we had to cut it. —Did the way you look at figure skating change after you worked for this series?

It feels much closer than before. I didn’t even know that skaters posted pictures on the SNS. It happened that I started checking them out as a reference, but they were so interesting that before I knew it I’d spent lots of time just doing that… —The show is getting closer to the climax.

I’m happy to see that the show is getting a huge response. I feel that Kubo-san and director Yamamoto’s overflowing love for figure skating and the characters is reaching the viewers. I still don’t know how it ends either, so I’m very curious to see whether Yuuri and Victor will be able to win this tournament. Please watch over their battle until the end!

**Captions**

Fireworks on the beach On Hasetsu’s beach. Yurio is covering his ears because he is not used to Japanese stick fireworks that you hold in your hand. In the beginning he’s cautious, but then he gets carried away and starts waving it around. Maybe he will try to shoot at Yuuri the type of fireworks that you place on the ground (LOL).

Wine is the protagonist? This is a picture uploaded on the SNS by a skater and it’s just the landscape. It’s set in France and it’s meant to show that he is just leisurely drinking wine. It would look a bit too crowded to only put pictures of people, so I added this to have a visual break.

Christophe Giacometti The figure skating season is from autumn to winter, and summer is a time for vacation. In this scene he relaxes at home playing with his cat. This is based on something director Yamamoto said in a meeting: “it would be nice if all the skaters had a pet”, and “Giacometti would have a cat”. When I asked her about Christophe’s image she said “anyway, sexy”, and I spent quite some time wondering how I could express sexiness in your everyday life (LOL).

Phichit Chulanont He’s buying some snacks to eat from Bangkok’s food stands. He likes SNS, and he’s probably looking for new stuff to post and uploading his selfies every day, therefore I thought it would be nice to use a really simple everyday life scene. I drew it so that it would look like it’s conveying “I’m having fun!” and “this is delicious!”.

Seung-gil Lee Together with his pet dog in his house in Korea. The dog is a Siberian husky. At the meeting I was told that Seung-gil isn’t really interested in fashion, so I made his casual clothes very plain and uninteresting. Originally I was planning to show him very loosely idling around at home in a sweat shirt, but I though maybe that was too much (LOL) and I changed it to this version.

Michele Crispino The siblings spending some free time together. They are taking a souvenir photo in front of the Cathedral of Santa Maria del Fiore in Florence. Michele looks like he’s having fun with his beloved sister.

Jean-Jacques Leroy JJ is spending his time off at a high-class hotel in Singapore where celebrities gather. I drew him as someone with a satisfactory real life, as if he’s saying “I’m going to a party” (LOL). He looks like he would always be surrounded by girls, but to be considered toward his fans he’s taking the picture so that you can’t see the girls’ faces. He’s the only one looking at the camera.

Otabek Altin A picture from when he goes back to his country Kazakhstan during his time off. It’s taken on a very long escalator in a station of the subway. I made some research about Kazakhstan sceneries, but I couldn’t find anything that gave me a good idea for a situation with Otabek. When I consulted with the director, she told me about this long escalator.

Guang-Hong Ji The picture is taken in front of a sports center and shows him going to practice with his new bicycle. This is also based on something I heard from the director. She said that one day, when she went to watch a figure skating tournament in a certain country, she spotted one of the skaters going to the arena with their bicycle. I thought it was amusing that it was like he’s just going to play in the neighborhood, and I created this situation.

Yuuri and Victor facing each other on a train Yuuri and Victor coming back from practice. I didn’t really mean it to be a parting picture, but the setting sun coming in from the window and the symmetrical layout give the scene a slightly melancholic and lonely feeling. I wanted to use a vehicle, and for this scene I used as a model a train that is actually running in Kyushu*. I carefully researched the interior too when drawing it. [*translator’s note: It should be the 305 Series train that runs on the Karatsu line, look it up on Wikipedia and you’ll see that the seats are like that]

Yuri Plisetsky A picture of him waiting for the train on his way back from practice, in St. Petersburg in Russia. Since he’s a punk he’s lying on the bench sideways checking his phone (LOL).

Yurio and the lion statue Together with the lion statue in front of a museum in St. Petersburg. Since in Hasetsu Yurio was attracted by an animal T-shirt, I was looking around to see if there was a good place that could be used to show his punkiness. With this lion & lion picture I obtained the effect I was looking for.

Victor Nikiforov This is Victor taking a selfie as he’s going on a drinking spree in Nakasu, a place in Kyushu (LOL). In the anime he was also shown going to eat Nagahama ramen while having Yuuri and Yurio practice “eros” and “agape”, so I wanted to draw a picture in the style “meanwhile, Victor… (LOL).

Sneak shot of Yuuri and Victor Victor arranging Yuuri’s hair when they are trying out costumes at Yuuri’s house. I created this picture aiming for an indirect, subtle sensuality. I guess the sneak shot was probably taken by the 3 skating otaku sisters (LOL).

By the sea 1 It’s after Yurio returned home, so it’s mainly Yuuri and Victor. I aimed for a retro feeling, as if the picture was taken with a camera from the 70s. I used this scene in a moment where the ED song changes to a slow pace. Instead of showing the characters up front, I chose a soft look to give importance to the atmosphere.

By the sea 2 They are getting the salt off their bodies after playing by the sea, the place is Niji no Matsubara in Kyushu. There are actually showers like this on the beach. They have this curious shape because they’re meant to be used by people facing each other. I was told that this scene was originally planned to be used in the show, but unfortunately that wasn’t possible in the end, so I decided to at least use it in the ED.

Yurio full of cats Taken at the training place in Russia. The scene shows Mila having fun covering Yurio in cat plushies. Since Yurio has a cat, it’s common for fans to throw cat plushies in the rink after his performances.

Yuuri and fireworks When I was creating the ED, the first image that came to my mind was Yuuri dancing alone on the beach. He’s already dancing on the ice in the show, so I wanted to make this scene different, more fluid, as if he’s dancing ballet.

Cool! Sexy! Cute! Costume designer Kayoko Ishikawa

What is interesting in designing costumes different than normal clothing

—How did you start working for the costume designs in “Yuri on Ice”?

The first instructions I received from (Sayo) Yamamoto-san concerning the design of skating costumes were to make arms and legs longer than in normal character design and to show muscles (especially on the butt and thighs). I then asked what image Chacott-san had in mind when they designed the costumes, with what image Yamamoto-san wanted to proceed, and I started working. —Could you tell us what was difficult and what was interesting about designing figure skating costumes?

The designs by Chacott-san were just full of interesting elements that you cannot find in normal clothes. While keeping the interesting parts and the overall image, I reconstructed them, simplifying them as much as possible to make them less difficult to animate and adding some extra things. At the beginning I found them hard to understand, but I gradually started having fun designing them. I aimed to make them cool! Cute! Sexy! —Do you have a favorite character?

I was shocked by the gap of Yurio and Otabek*. [*translator’s note: I believe she means the gap between their normal appearance and when they are on the ice] —What clothes would you like Yuuri, Victor and Yurio to wear except for the ones you designed this time?

Yuuri had lots of black and dark outfits, so I would like to see him wear something uselessly flashy, cool and over-the-top. Like bright red bondage…… —Bondage! (LOL) What about Victor and Yurio?

I want Victor to do the macho man costume skit Plushenko looked like he had a lot of fun doing years ago! I’m sure it would be amusing. And I would like Yurio to wear make-up and a black leather jacket like KISS (the band) over a cute coquettish ballerina costume like in the masked ball of the “Phantom of the Opera” (opera ver.). Only Yurio would be able to wear both at the same time. It would be such chaos. —Lastly, please tell us the highlights of the climax!

You will be showered with surprising developments (LOL). And the way it ends is very moving. I hope you will watch it until the end!

**Design point**

Yuuri Katsuki I wanted Yuuri’s costume to be sexy, so I designed it with underwear and bondage in mind.

Victor Nikiforov For Victor I used a stoic and prince-like image. I’m glad the gradation successfully looked nice in the show.

Yuri Plisetsky Yurio’s costume is midway between stoic and neat. It’s designed in the image of feathers and flames.

Phichit Chulanont Phichit’s is a mix of neatness and cool-cuteness.

Christophe Giacometti Chris’ SP was the hardest. Until it was colored I couldn’t understand what the final impression was going to be.

Jean-Jacques Leroy JJ is a crazy character, but his costume is quite conventional.

Otabek Altin I purposely incorporated a certain design in Otabek’s costume. Check it out when it airs in the show!

Leo De La Iglesia I like both the music and costume of Leo’s SP. His image reminds of Michael* and it’s both cool and cute. [*translator’s note: Michael Jackson]

Random note #1: Not sure whether I should be happy or sad that the shower scene was not featured in the anime, as I find it very beautiful how it’s shown in the ED. But I’m sad we couldn’t get to see the soba scene.

Random note #2: I’m sure no one couldn’t care less, but actually one of the pictures of the ED is set in my hometown, lol.

Random note #3: The costume designer seems such an amusing person. I mean, she wants to dress Yuuri in red bondage...! I’ve yet to see that even in fanart, lmao. Someone should draw that, AND Victor in the macho man costume AND Yurio with the ballerina dress + leather jacket and KISS make up (which by the way sounds like something he could’ve used in his exhibition performance considering the song...).

EDIT: Just a note because I’ve seen some extreme interpretation of Yuuri’s SP costume being inspired by underwear and bondage, but please remember that the costume was originally designed by Chacott, and the designer said "Since the song is performed from the point of view of a woman, I designed it with the concept of “a femme fatale who seduces men”.” (you can read the full interview here). In this interview the costume designer means that she took inspiration from how bondage and underwear look to edit the design, she doesn’t mean that within the anime the costume was created based on bondage.

#YOI #Yuri on ice #interview #translation #animage #You Only Live Once #costume design #animation #yuuichirou hayashi #kayoko ishikawa

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