#It just… I don’t see how none of them see how awful this diet is

[lilcatdraws]

Just The Way You Are

Ledger!Joker x Reader

Warnings: None

Summary: Ledger Joker paired with a reader self conscious about their weight/body

Author’s Note: My first self shipping fic! I’ve never written anything like this before so I hope I did a good job. This subject is something I’ve struggled with for years and I’ve never seen it written about with J before so I thought I’d give it a go for all those struggling with the same thing. You are loved and you are beautiful. Enjoy! <3

As you got out of the shower, you inevitably saw yourself in the mirror and sighed. You hated your wide protruding body. The words fat and ugly echoed through your head. You hated yourself for allowing yourself to get so big. At least, in your mind, you were big. None of your friends saw you that way. You always thought they were lying.

You tried everything to change your eating habits and exercise but nothing worked. Eventually you just gave up. It was an endless cycle of self hate and disappointment.

You never talked to J about this. He knew you were self conscious about your body but he didn’t know its extent. He would flip out if he ever knew. You didn’t want him to worry so you kept it a secret. 

You weren’t expecting J to come home for another few days so you felt in the clear to sit on the bathroom floor, wrapped in a towel, and cry. You had been doing this for years. Anytime you caught sight of yourself and the negative thoughts became too overwhelming, you fell apart and sobbed for what seemed like hours.

You were so deep into your thoughts that you didn’t hear the sound of your apartment window open and close. 

J walked into the bedroom and took off his purple coat and his shoes. His plans had gone extremely well so he was able to come home early. He’d been craving some alone time with his bunny.

“Y/n? Ya here?” 

J saw the bathroom light stream into the dark bedroom from under the door. He guessed you must’ve been in there. He was about to turn the doorknob but stopped when he heard crying. He hated to hear his bunny cry but he didn’t want to rush in because that might make it worse. 

He waited a few moments and then turned the doorknob, opening the door slowly. 

“Y/n, I’m home.” He said softly.

You jumped a mile. 

“J! I wasn’t expecting you back so early.” You said cheerfully as you quickly wiped your eyes and threw on a shirt.

“Don’t try and play it off, doll. What’s wrong?” 

“Nothing, J. I’m fine.”

“I know when you’re lying. Why won’t ya tell me? I’m not gonna get upset.” 

You buried your face in your arms. You wanted to tell him but you didn’t want to burden him.

J sat down beside you and waited patiently for you to answer.

You broke down. 

“I just…I hate how fat I am!” You shouted.

J looked shocked.

“You’re not fat, y/n. You’re perfect.” 

“Oh come on, J. You don’t have to lie to me. I can take it. I’ve been fat my whole life.”

“But you’re not. You’re stunning.” 

You sniffled. “No. I’m fat and ugly. I’m overweight and unhealthy. I’m a troll.”

“No. You listen here, y/n, you’re not a troll. You are beautiful. How can you not see what I see?”

“I’ve had people tell me otherwise since I was a kid. It’s not like you would understand. I mean look at you. You’re gorgeous.” 

J shook his head.

“Look at my face, bunny. People don’t like my looks either. That’s cause most people are quick to judge. Don’t listen to them. They’re stupid. Society has unrealistic beauty standards anyway. You are beautiful just the way you are. If you’re that concerned about your health, then I’ll help. We can diet and workout together. All ya had to do was ask.”

You were speechless. Nobody had ever been this understanding about your weight. Nobody had ever offered to help you either. Your sniffles quickly turned into happy tears. 

“Aw, bunny. Don’t cry. C’mere.” 

J wrapped his arms around you and you clung to his chest. He kissed the top of your head and you smiled brightly. You had missed his kisses. J scooped you up and carried you over to the bed. You nestled into the blankets. J soon followed you into bed and rested his head on your shoulder. 

“You’re gorgeous. Don’t forget that.” He whispered softly.

#ledger joker x reader #ledger joker #the dark knight #heath ledger #lilcat writes

[princess-of-the-corner]

Amnesia!Dabi

I don’t know if my ask for this got eaten, but I’m somewhat paranoid now, and I had some new thoughts, so-

I feel like 1-A is just … awkward. With Himiko. Like, Dabi had amnesia and he’s Shouto’s brother. A few of them might pint out how Dabi didn’t really seem on board with “threatening children, what the actual fuck!?”. Katsuki, whatever else is going on with her, might grudgingly reveal how furious Dabi was to see her chained up, and seemed to be doing his best to keep her out of the line of fire. He turned himself in partially because he recognized his baby brother, this is almost some kind of action-hero movie bullshit. Like, none of them immediately forgive Dabi for helping Kidnap Katsuki, but they are a bit more willing to suspend their immediate want to punt his fried ass into the sun.

with Himiko, though … she’s a kid, yes, but she’s THEIR AGE, and none of THEM ran off to join a group of villains, plus they know far less about her. Like, the moment Shoto knows about Dabi, he’s going to go rant about it to his friends. He probably tells them a lot, so the Dabi is Toya situation is more or less fairly transparent the whole time. But Himiko is sick, hurt, and in the middle of an entirely separate legal mess. Enji and the teachers probably try to keep most of that on down low out of respect for her privacy, so the class has no idea what Himiko is going through, or what she’s like. Yes, Dabi is clearly fond of her, but as a few of them might point out, he has amnesia, do they really trust his judgement right now?

Like, again, Shoto likes to overshare, and Himiko eventually goes to stay with the Todoroki’s, so as Shoto starts warming up to her, he talks about her to the class. Reactions are … mixed. Some of them are a little creeped out, or are still wary, so take everything Shoto says with a grain of salt. A few might even assume she’s just playing him for sympathy, or trying to win trust so she can feed information back to the league. Others are concerned, because some of what Shoto tells them sounds like several different kinds of red-flag. Shinsou in particular probably has a few “oh, I’m seeing myself in this picture” moments when Shoto says something particularly concerning.

Anyway, I imagine the class is pretty divided, overall. Maybe a few of them have gone to visit, and even talked to her, and that just divides the class further. At least until Himiko’s parents show up, and go on TV to talk about their horrible demon daughter, and how awful she is, and how “it totally isn’t our fault she attacked people! It’s not like we kicked her out, she ran away!” and how “we tried so hard to make her ‘normal’, we have no idea what went wrong!” and “she doesn’t NEED to have blood, she’s just a deviant, Quirks that affect your diet aren’t real!”, and rather abruptly, there are at least 20ish-something teens ready to throw down if Himiko needs them too.

-

Rip to the asks!

But also yeah everyone’s kinda. Spooked. Like there is some logic of ‘villains can be decent people who are put in a fucked situation and not just evil assholes’ but they recently just got some high-key trauma so they’re hesitant.

Ironically? I think it’d actually be /Katsuki/ who is on the vote for letting Dabi and Himiko slide.

Like it’s. Half of it being because she was the one who was actually there and saw how everything was. Of the main members of the LoV, the only person who was any kind of chill with her being tied up and all was Shigaraki who was more of a ‘what do you mean this is a totally normal thing to do?’ vibes the rest of them were a little uncomfy but when AfO gives and order.... You know what Katsuki isn’t afraid to say the guy is fucking threatening he can go toe-to-toe with All Might that’s a hell of a feat she understands most people being too afraid to go against the fucker.

But swinging around. The other reason Katsuki is in favor of giving them a chance is because she gets it. Like the whole reason she was kidnapped was /recruitment/. They thought she’d make a great villain. And so did a lot of the media that covered the incident. And she’s started to think that they have a point because look at all the shit she did before UA. All the stuff she did to Izuku before UA. As much as she tries and tries to do good, she fucked up and was convinced to hurt others for what she was told to be a good cause. So looking at people who are in possibly worse situations, who want to save themselves in some way or change the world for the better and are convinced that villainy is the way to do that.... she can’t hate them. Ofc she’s still going to do her best to do good and shut that shit down and save people, but there’s few people she’s going to entirely write off.

#submission #amnesia!dabi

[sylvienerevarine]

as you may recall, I have a very good headcanon that the dwemer invented cameras. this is simply a fact. now, for some reason, i have written a fic about it, featuring Master Neloth, my dragonborn Sophrine, and some other fabulous friends.

(shoutout to @libertineangel who inspired me with a few headcanon additions)

---

Many years earlier–too many to count, really–Master Neloth had been a teacher of magic. His students had been gifted young mages from high-ranking Morrowind families, all of whom had passed a series of excruciatingly hard exams, and every one of them had driven Neloth out of his mind. Talented they might have been, but they were utterly impossible to deal with, particularly on any educational expeditions. 

On the island of Solstheim, trekking through the vast Dwemer ruin of Nchardak, Neloth was feeling a distressing sense of deja vu. This time, however, his companions were not gifted (if irritating) Telvanni youths. 

They were much, much worse.

“What do you think the Dwemer ate?” came a shrill female voice from behind him. This one was Sophrine Aulette, the Breton chef who called herself the Dragonborn. More like the dragging born, the way she dragged everyone along behind her, Neloth thought, allowing himself a quiet chuckle at his own joke. If she hadn’t been a descendant of the Nerevarine, he’d probably have turned her to stone by now.

“I mean, they lived in these underground cities, right?” Sophrine went on. “Not so easy to grow vegetables this far down. There’s always mushrooms, which are delicious, but that’s hardly a balanced diet. Unless they had very good greenhouses.”

“I still don’t like these types of ruins.” That was one of the Nord women–Neloth couldn’t remember which was which, and frankly, he didn’t much care. “Have I ever told you how I almost died in a place just like…”

“Yes,” chorused several voices.

As the little crew began bickering about how many times, exactly, they’d heard that same story, Neloth sighed and began subtly inching toward the nearest door. Perhaps he could find the book and make his way back to Tel Mithryn without participating in any more inane conversations.

“Master Neloth?” called Sophrine from across the room, before he could make his escape. “Could you come here, please? We’ve found something interesting.”

Neloth rolled his eyes and made his way over to the group, who were gathered around some sort of cube on legs. “What is it?”

“That’s what we were hoping you would tell us,” said Serana. She was an interesting one, now. A vampire, and older than the hills, yet she traveled around with a group of nosy vagrants. “We think it might be some sort of light fixture, but none of us have seen anything like it before.”

“Let me see that.” Neloth bent down to inspect the artifact, frowning. It consisted of a box on a three-legged stand, with a latch on the back and a small cylinder projecting out of the front. At the cylinder’s end was a highly polished glass lens, still without a crack after all these years.

“By Azura,” he said in awe. “It’s a camera.”

“A camera!” exclaimed Sophrine. “Of course! Wait, what’s a camera?”

“A singularly ingenious device. I’d thought they were all lost long ago. Look here, children.” Neloth unlatched the back of the cube, all annoyance forgotten. “You may not believe it, but with this machine, the Dwemer were able to capture a person’s likeness in a fraction of the time it would take a painter.”

“So it makes pictures?” The dark-haired Nord woman–Lydia, her name was–eyed the camera suspiciously. “What sort of magic could do that?”

“No magic at all. Simply a bit of clever engineering. They would take a small plate of brass–like this one! My goodness, one’s survived! They’d take this plate and treat it with a liquid that made it sensitive to light, and place it here in the camera. The subject would sit in front of this lens for a minute or two, and once the plate was removed and treated with a cinnabar solution, you’d have a fine picture more true-to-life than anything from a paintbrush.”

“I say, that’s clever,” remarked the Dunmer fellow named Teldryn. “A fellow could make a fine living selling these metal portraits. I don’t suppose you could get it working again, old man?”

“My name is not ‘old man,’ and no. Not unless those particular chemicals are still available somewhere in here.”

Serana nudged him gently and pointed to a nearby shelf stocked with an assortment of small, dusty bottles. “I think, Master Neloth, we may be in luck.”

---

“Hold still, you lot,” Neloth called. “Or this ‘commemorative portrait’ will come out an utter mess.”

“It’s been about twenty minutes,” complained Mjoll. “My feet are beginning to fall asleep.”

“It’s been thirty seconds. This should be complete in about five…four…”

“Wait!” Sophrine interrupted. “Everyone, say cheese.”

“Why?”

“It automatically makes you smile! Go on, try it!”

And, for no reason Neloth could discern, all five grinned widely and called out: “Cheese!”

A few minutes later, the group gathered round eagerly to inspect their completed picture, which was not entirely flattering. Mjoll was blinking, Serana had for some reason stuck up two fingers behind Teldryn’s head, and Sophrine looked about to sneeze. It was, as Neloth had predicted, remarkably true to life.

“A handsome bunch, we are,” Teldryn said approvingly.

“A thoroughly frivolous bunch,” Neloth grumbled. “Now, may we return to finding that book?”

#my writing #master neloth #skyrim #tes #morrowind #serana #teldryn sero #mjoll the lioness #lydia #oc: sophrine #dwemer

[blackstarmylove]

But I Don’t Eat Meat (HC)

Fandom: Blackstar Theater Starless

Pairing: Teams W, P x gn!Reader

Warning: None

Requested by: Anon

Prompt: Thank you so much for diligently keeping up this blog! It always makes me so happy to see you post! You are a treasure💖 My request is inspired by the recent special menu events, because I wouldn't be able to eat any of them as I am a vegan 😅 This made think, how would the members of Team W & P react if you had to politely refuse to eat their special menu food due to your veganism, and it would make you sad to have to do so?

A/N: Aw thank you, anon! 💖 Lol I can relate - I don’t eat meat or seafood and wouldn’t be able to eat 90% of the food at Starless. 

———————————————

Herbivore. You could’ve told him that before he went through so much effort to get the food for you.

Sad? How sensitive can you be? They’re just animals...but whatever floats your boat. 

Kokuyou thanks you for giving him more ammunition to use against you later.

Oh, you’re an animal lover? Sorry, he really didn’t know but will remember it from now on. 

Are you really okay eating just salad, though? Doesn’t it get boring? Haha joking, he is just joking...don’t look at him like you want to strangle him for saying that. 

He respects your choices and sometimes even hesitates to eat meat in front of you. 

He apologizes wholeheartedly. Had he known, Sin would have chosen a vegan dish for his special menu item. 

Wonders how many times he has eaten meat in front of you and made you feel uncomfortable. 

Every time he eats meat in front of you, Sin will ask if you are alright with it. If you say no, he will avoid eating meat in front of you - that’s how much he respects your choice. 

So, his suspicion was right. He noticed on many occasions that you didn’t eat meat and refused when he offered, but Takami didn’t want to ask straight out in case it came off as rude. 

Apologizes for eating meat in front of you and making you sad. 

Takami tries to eat plant-based items when you are around. Besides, having a change in diet might be good once in a while. 

Eh? You’re a vegan? Now that you mention it, he has never once seen you eat at Starless. Whenever you visit, you only order non-dairy drinks It all makes so much sense.

Wait, does this mean every time he ate meat it made you sad? Wow, he feels like a jerk. 

In the next meeting, Taiga will bring up the idea to come up with a vegan menu.

He profusely apologizes for bringing you a meat dish, not realizing you are a vegan, and choosing a special dish you could not enjoy. 

Curious to know why you made this decision but adds to only reply if you want to. Whatever answer you give, Rindou will accept it without questioning you further.

Like a few others on the list, Rindou will avoid eating meat in front of you for respect, if not anything else.  

Frowns but apologizes - why is this the first time he is hearing of this? How many times has he offered you food with meat? So, why have you not told him this before?

Maica is curious to know if your choice is due to religion, love for nature, or health. 

Returns to the kitchen with his special menu dish and asks Kongou if he could make a vegan alternative just for you. 

Where’s the fun in that? Live a little. Oh, you are mad? Whoops, it was just a joke, no need to get upset. 

Okay, okay, you like animals, he gets it. But you’re not one of those vegans who yells at others for eating meat, are you? Joking. He’s joking. 

All jokes aside, Nekome will remember, and next time around, he will choose a vegan item for his special menu dish. 

He is soooooo sorry! He will bow and continue to apologize even if you tell him it’s okay. 

Sinju feels horrible for asking you to taste something you don’t eat, but he feels worse for choosing a dish that you can’t enjoy at all. 

Promises to be more careful and not make you sad in the future.

Did you mention this to him before? He was probably sleeping when you did. Oops, his bad.

Menou takes the dish away and returns with a fruit-based drink to chat with you about other things you haven’t told him. He promises to stay away this time and listen to you. 

He thought you were an interesting person before but learning new things about you made you even more interesting than before. 

———————————————

➣ BlackStar Theater Starless Masterlists [1][2][3]     ➣ Main Masterlist

➣ Buy me a Ko-fi? ➣ Commission: Open || Requests: Closed

#bsts #blackstar theater starless #bsts kokuyou #bsts akira #bsts sin #bsts takami #bsts taiga #bsts rindou #bsts menou #bsts nekome #bsts sinju #bsts maica

[funkymbtifiction]

I can definitely see myself being 6w7 because it’s evident in many actions I’ve taken in my life. I relate hardcore to the thing you said about being seen as a troublemaker because we tend to go against the grain because we are genuinely in search of the truth even when it may seem like we’re just trying to stir things up.

I assume you've checked the 6w7 tag here on Funky tumblr and read my lengthy description? It might help you decide about 6 for sure. I've heard from various other 6w7s that it's accurate to their experience (for the most part).

[...] I'm trying to figure out my social stacking.

To be honest, I think you might be so/sp. You place an awful lot of emphasis on how you are being seen, how you want others to think about you, finding the 'correct' way to be (which speaks to social), not wanting to be seen as a nerd, etc. You wouldn't care what people thought of you if you were soc-blind; so much focus on presentation, curating how you are seen, how you are being received... it seems like an over-focus, which happens with your dominant instinct, whereas your sp stuff just seems like "yeah, I do these things to be healthy and seem attractive to appeal to significant others" -- it seems less neurotic for you, and just a mater of course (sp-second).

the people who aren’t 6s aren’t focused on these things like I am and I don’t really know any 6s in my personal circle.

You might be surprised. There's way more 6s around than you think.

I also have phases that I can get obsessively into before dropping it (crystals, yoga, essential oils, Kpop), which might indicate sx.

I would say that's EP behaviors.

Honestly, sometimes I wonder why do I even care about getting my personality right to a T when other people don’t even care?

They are obsessing about something else; what they care about is not more important than what matters to you, and vice versa. That is just being a human being and having passionate interests.

Is my personality type really that important?

I would say so, in that it gives you a window into yourself, but also teaches you about how others think and that allows you to be more tolerant of people who are different from you, as well as to admit to your blind spots. But if I am being completely honest, I would say your MBTI type isn't as important as your Enneagram type. That's where real personal growth and development lies, so if you only get obsessed with one of them, choose the path of self-knowledge.

Even when I do get it down to a T someday, will all that time and effort spent figuring it out be worth it?

That's for you to decide. How else would you spend this time? If you feel it's taking away from your life, let it go. If you would just spend your time 'wastefully' on something else, maybe you should keep it.

Where should I go from here once I have it figured out?

Toward growth and self-understanding and self-improvement.

What if I don’t like my personality because it’s uncool?

There is no cool or uncool personality types. They all possess awesome things about them and crappy things about them. In the real world, nobody cares what your type is except fellow MBTI nerds, but it will be an asset to you in choosing where to focus your energy, knowing what jobs would appeal to you based on your strengths, and learning how to compensate for your inferior function.

Also, being a typology nerd won’t be cool to others especially not the ESFP 7s I want to attract, and I want to start picking up other hobbies besides typology and diet because of how niche this hobby is.

Sounds like you're kind of frustrated with it, and maybe it's time to develop some hands-on interests and hobbies. Go for it! Live to the fullest. None of us know how much time we have left and if this isn't doing it for you, there's many other things to explore.

And I don’t even really like talking about typology with people who are familiar with it because their understanding tends to be surface-level and stereotypical and I don’t want to come off as some geek or nerd who knows a lot about it.

Why not? Isn't it a way to connect to other people and deepen their knowledge? Where's your Ne-dom desire to SHARE discoveries? ;)

(You said you felt drawn to ESFP as well and typed as that initially; maybe you should dig into that, spend some time reading my type profiles and/or my book, and consider whether that was closer to the truth. I feel like you might not be that into abstract theories, so it's entirely possible that you COULD be a Se-dom who doesn't see the practical application of this, who feels like they ought to be in the real world, and who wants to get out there and make things happen, rather than endlessly cycle around "what type am I?"

Being a 6 makes me conscious of this and make me not want to be known as the MBTI/personality nerd or whatever.

I don't really think of this as being 6-related. Or at least, not in an ENP sense. For me, as a 6w7 ENFP "nerd," personality typing gives me an abstract way to make sense of people and their decisions -- decisions which, as a 6, never made sense to me, because I saw them as short-sighted, or driven only for pleasure, or they made no sense to me as a Fi type. I embraced these theoretical concepts because they brought me understanding -- at last, I could GET people without needing to touch them physically or pick their brains. Now I had an answer to the million questions I have about humanity and individualism. Most "nerds" are N types, because we want to discuss the psychology of people more than we necessarily want to be around them. I have a bad little habit of seeing a lot of casual acquaintances in my life as further sources of information to build up a data bank of "examples of XYZ type combinations." ("Gee, I wish I knew another 2 so I could pinpoint 2-ness as more than a concept or as tied to this person...") Being a nerd of this stuff brings people to me, rather than forcing me to go out and find them. I don't care about being seen as a nerd, because it's gonna attract other nerds to me -- and what I want to talk about... is this. Personality typing, Enneagram stuff, psychology, philosophy, stories, all abstract things. As a head type, I care more about making sense of the world and the people in it than I care about what others think of me.

I’m not really afraid of showing off in and of itself but what I’m scared of is whatever I’m showing off not being cool or desirable to others.

You do seem highly image-focused, so 3 very well may be your core.

Also, I guess the thing about type 6 I don’t relate to is being self-deprecating. I don’t relate to self-deprecating at all because I don’t want to highlight my insecurities to others and put a spotlight on them. I don’t really know how to explain this, but I don’t want to let other people see my flaws so I tend not to let people super close into my life even if it meant they could see my skills too.

That's totally 3.

The reason 6s self-deprecate is that we're telling you that you and I, we are pretty much on the same level -- so I am no threat to you. You don't need to fear me, and that means I don't need to fear you. This is a normal human being right here, being hilarious and making you laugh about this absurd thing that happened to me today. We are up front a lot of the time, because... why not be honest? Humans are flawed. We make mistakes. It's embarrassing (and I would never self-deprecate about something I am truly humiliated about), but it happens to everybody. Also, in less secure 6s, they project their insecurities onto other people and then want to "get there first." So if I secretly fear that you think I might be incompetent, I may assume you will find me incompetent for this dumb thing I just did, so I will call it dumb before you can, so I can take "possession" of the criticism and you can't hurt me.

I also think it’s easier to tell people I’m a 6 and not a 3 because the description of a 3 and its traits is ambitious and charming on the Enneagram Institute, so I feel like people would expect me to be cooler than I am.

Do you notice how many times you mention "people"? And image? And how you want to be cool? And not a nerd? This is image management and image core. It's all about how you are being seen and perceived and whether people are seeing what you want them to see, and assuming you are not "good enough" to be a 3, which is the most 3 thing of all. I would say social 3 is accurate.

I had an ESFP 3 friend for many years, and she was neurotically obsessed with making sure people didn't think she was a hillbilly because she came from Tennessee. As a 6, I just laughed and said, "You should make a joke about it and clear the air with that first," which... she did not understand. Rather like you and the "I am NOT A NERD" positioning, whereas I would just crack a joke about hillbillies, make everyone laugh, and go on about my day.

I guess my question is if you had to type my MBTI, Enneagram, and subtype, how would you type it?

3w2 so/sp ESTP.

#question #mbti #enneagram #enneagram 3

[devilsskettle]

i can pretend i’m doing pretty good for a few weeks and feel really optimistic and positive - like i’m working, i don’t hate my jobs, i’m living independently, i’m planning the next steps in my education/career, etc - and then someone or something will completely shatter this perspective. like someone derisively said to me recently, i’m working “three part-time low level jobs” - dead ends that have nothing to do with my degree, and i can’t even get hired full-time at one of them in the fucking entry level customer service position that i have already been doing for months that they’re currently hiring for. because the directors of my department who i hardly ever interact with have decided i’m too quiet. to do literally the exact same job, just with more hours so i can maybe not be broke all the time. and people keep dragging up my past academic failures acting like my entire degree doesn’t matter because i have two Fs on my transcript. like big fucking deal. but i guess if i want to go back to school even just for a certificate program it matters. absolutely no faith in my other grades, my degree, my work experience, or the strength of my writing and interviewing skills for the application for a program to prepare for a job i KNOW i would be good at. but now have little faith in because i’m seeing myself the way other people see me now and it’s like. not great. how am i ever going to justify to anyone that they should admit me into their program or hire me knowing that this is what i am to people. anyway i literally took my diploma out of the frame and tore it in half the other day because it is such a useless piece of shit that will never get anyone to give me any credit or respect and it’s not something i’m even allowed to feel proud of anymore (despite people trying to convince me for months that i should even though i didn’t feel anything about it. but they wanted me to care about it) because my transcript isn’t fucking pristine. and then going to this fucking funeral where a bunch of people i don’t know want to hear about everything in my life and none of it is impressive enough for them and you can just see them failing at hiding how judgmental they are. and then you think you’re doing something nice for somebody else and it’s suddenly all turned around on you as if them ALLOWING you to help them was such a nice thing for them to do for YOU and actually you don’t appreciate all the things that they do and you’re ungrateful and mean, as if you didn’t drop everything the day after working the overnight shift to be there for them and also the entire weekend which you had to call off two days of work for. which of course was basically mandatory but still. god forbid i show an ounce of negativity right before going to a fucking funeral. and then there was that kidney stone i got that was definitely my fault because i drank nothing but alcohol for like a week straight leading up to it. not to mention all of the other parts of my diet that are unhealthy. anyway. 

all of that optimism and positivity feeling like i’m getting my shit together is crushed and it’s like suddenly, instead of living in a great neighborhood! with such an easy commute! that’s so beautiful this time of year! i’m in this awful house with these perfectly nice people who i fucking hate in this tiny dirty room that is clearly inhabited by a very mentally unstable individual who can’t handle basic household chores, i have to spend money to get on the dirty crowded bus every day to go to a job where people are dismissive and rude to me even though i am so polite and pleasant and helpful and friendly and everything that i’m told to be and i do all my work and i’m good at it and it’s still not enough because i’m not out here begging for attention for just doing my fucking job. and suddenly, instead of feeling like i have this Future where i’ll pursue a career that i might actually have a chance at succeeding in, it’s just like. well “you’ve been interested in other things in the past, how do you know this time will be different?” great question, thanks. i don’t fucking know. i probably will lose interest as soon as things get hard and give up and have wasted everybody’s time once again not to mention all kinds of money and energy, and i’ll be even more lost than before and i’ll probably just kill myself. is that what you want to hear? fuck. i don’t know, man, i just want enough money to live by myself and dress well and eat well and do some things that i like. actually i’m realizing how much of what i do is just to try to earn some kind of leverage to get people to show me just a little bit of basic human respect which of course they are never going to give me. anyway. not to mention that all of my friends are in different parts of the country and nobody here wants to hang out. to be fair i haven’t reached out recently but i tried really hard for a couple of months to be more social and i was the only one trying and it was too fucking hard and most of the time i just wished i’d stayed home. and i think there’s just something about me that people can tell is just kind of off and they don’t like me. and then a lot of times i drink too much. but it was a lot easier to feel like i didn’t need anyone and i was happy just being by myself because i liked my jobs and i was working all the time so i was busy but now. i don’t want to say that the illusion is shattered because it’s not really an illusion, but it’s like i was seeing the surface of a smooth pond reflecting all the light and now all i can see is the mud and algae and dead fish. literally i had to radio facilities to get a dead fish out of a fountain the other day, it was fucking gross 

[megan-loves-surveys]

Let's go.

1 - Who was the last person to give you a gift? What was the reason for it? Christmas lol.

2 - Are you a good cook? If so, who taught you? What’s your favourite thing to cook? No I suck. My boyfriend has been trying to teach me but I'm awful.

3 - When was the last time something in your house broke? Did you manage to fix it or did you need to buy a replacement? Good question, I'm not sure.

4 - Is any part of your body hurting right now? What caused that pain? Not right now.

5 - Do you have anything exciting planned for the upcoming weekend? I'm going to a wrestling show, that'll be fun.

6 - If you could spend two weeks in any city in the world, which city would you pick and why? London or NYC, cos so much to do, I wouldn't get bored.

7 - When was the last time you tripped or fell in public? if there was nobody around to see you, did you still feel embarrassed? Ages ago, I don't think anyone saw me.

8 - The last time you made a sandwich, what did you put in there? Peanut butter.

9 - How many hours sleep did you get last night? Was that enough for you or could you have slept for longer? 6 hours and 40 mins, I could have had a bit longer but eh.

10 - What’s your favourite time of day? What’s your favourite thing to do at that time? Evenings, that's my free time! I listen to music, watch wrestling, play video games, talk on Discord etc.

11 - Where did you go the last time you left your house? I went to work, then after work I went out for a meal with my Mum.

12 - Are you tired right now? Will you be going to bed anytime soon? I'm alright, and no it's 12:26pm xD

13 - How many times a week do you get takeaway coffee, if you get it at all? I mostly stay away from coffee cos caffeine does a number on me.

14 - What radio station do you listen to the most? None.

15 - If you eat steak, how do you like it cooked? What sauces or sides do you like to go with it? I don't.

16 - Do you prefer sweet or savoury pancakes? What toppings do you have on them? Mixture - I get them with bacon and maple syrup.

17 - Are you someone who cracks their joints a lot? Which one(s) do you tend to crack and click the most? Yep, especially my knees and my fingers xD

18 - Have you ever taken medication or tablets to help you sleep? is this something you do on a regular basis? No.

19 - For you, what’s the worst thing about getting up in the morning? What about the worst thing about going to bed tonight? Actually getting up, after I do, I'm fine. And going to bed is annoying cos I have to haul all the plushies off it xD

20 - Do you prefer regular or diet soft drinks? Definitely diet, regular is usually too sweet.

21 - What do you tend to wear if you’re just hanging about the house for the day? Depends on the time of year - in summer, it'll be a jumpsuit, summer dress or tank top & shorts. In winter, it'll be comfy yoga pants and a hoodie with ugg boots.

22 - When was the last time you dyed your hair? Did you do it yourself or get it done at a hairdresser? December, I went to the salon.

23 - Does having to wear a mask stop you doing things? Is this because you struggle wearing one or you just don’t like it? We thankfully don't have to wear them anymore, but we did have to wear them for months in 2021 and 2022 - inside any buildings and on public transport.

24 - Have you ever witnessed a car accident? Or have you perhaps been involved in one yourself? Were you at fault? Does getting hit by a car count? LOL.

25 - When was the last time you baked a cake? What cake was it? I don't bake.

26 - Do you like wearing bows or accessories in your hair? Nah.

27 - How many books do you read in a year? Do you enjoy reading or do you have to really force yourself to sit down and read? Not as many as I should. I've read two this year so far lol.

28 - If you have pets, where did they come from? A breeder, a rescue or maybe a friend who bred their pet? No pets.

29 - Do you make your bed every morning when you get up? Yep.

30 - When was the last time you got takeaway food? Was it good? I had KFC on Friday if that counts.

1 - Who was the last person to knock on your door? Were they there to see you? My boyfriend, he usually texts me to let him into our complex but the gate was open last time and he was able to come in on his own.

2 - Have you left the house yet today? If not, do you have plans to leave the house later on? Not yet, and yes, I'm heading out to a concert later this afternoon around 3:30 or so.

3 - What’s your favourite brand of chocolate? What type of chocolate bar from that brand is your favourite? Any Belgian chocolate, Whittakers (NZ brand) and Cadbury's.

4 - Have you ever met someone in person who you first met on the internet? Do you have plans to do that anytime soon? Oh yeah, quite a few of my friends were online friends first, then later on we met in real life.

5 - What was the last thing you used a blender for? We don't own a blender.

6 - Have you ever got into an argument with a stranger on social media? Do you remember what it was about? Oh, loads of times. They're usually about wrestling xD

7 - When was the last time you cracked your joints? Is that something you do often? I do that way too much.

8 - What time is it right now? If you weren’t doing a survey, what else would you be doing right now? 1:25pm. I'd either be at work, at the gym or watching wrestling or playing a video game haha.

9 - If you had ten minutes to run around an empty supermarket and fill your trolley for free, what’s the first aisle you’d go for? Chips! Haha.

10 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you visit the most and why? last.fm, Facebook, Reddit, YouTube. All the usuals.

11 - Has COVID had any impact on your Christmas plans this year? What’s going to change or be different to normal? No, Covid isn't really a problem anymore. It's still around of course, but it doesn't affect stuff as much now.

12 - What’s your favourite flavour of cake? Are you any good at making that kind of cake? Any! And I suck at baking.

13 - Do you prefer sweet or sour candy? Sour.

14 - What colour is your favourite fruit? Is this a fruit you eat often? Yellow, cos it's bananas haha. And I don't eat them that much really.

15 - Is your favourite restaurant an independent place or a chain? What is it that you love about it so much? Porterhouse Grill, it's independent as far as I know. It's expensive but the food is so good and the staff are so friendly.

16 - Are you genuinely a fan of Starbucks or do you think it’s all hype? I love it! I go at least once a week.

17 - Do you own a Christmas jumper? What design/pattern does it have on it? I do, I have two, they're both wrestling ones - one is Seth Rollins, the other is Roman Reigns. I can't wear them at Christmas though cos it's too hot, so I wear them in July lol.

18 - What’s your favourite fit/style of jeans? Skinny jeans.

19 - What was the last non-essential item you spent money on? I dropped a bunch of money on backing the Broken Sword kickstarter haha.

20 - Are you currently under any COVID-related restrictions where you live? Are people generally following the rules? No, they lifted those in 2022.

21 - What did you last leave the room you’re in to do? To go downstairs for lunch.

22 - Have you ever read any self-help books? Did you find them useful? No.

23 - What’s your favourite programme on the Food Network (if you watch it)? If you don’t get that channel, what’s your favourite food/cookery show in general? I don't like cooking shows.

24 - Do you still watch cartoons? Yep sometimes.

25 - Who do you know with the most number of siblings? Would you ever want to live in a huge family? Ngawari, my BFF. She has 9 brothers and sisters! And no.

26 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Yes! Yummy.

27 - Do you own any personalized clothing? What’s the reason for getting it? No.

28 - Is anyone else in the same room as you right now? What is that person up to? No, my Mum is downstairs.

29 - What colours are you wearing right now? Does your wardrobe contain a lot of those colours? Only black haha. And yes.

30 - Do you like adding condiments to your food? If so, what are some of your favourites? I am a condiment addict, I use so many different ones. But I def use tomato sauce/ketchup the most, with mayo in second.

This past year…

who were your favorite singers, musicians, or bands?

My most played artist on Spotify was Taylor Swift, lol. But on last.fm my #1 was Ayumi Hamasaki, like she is most years.

what were some of your favorite foods?

Mac & cheese, always.

what was your favorite dessert?

Iceblocks or ice cream.

what was the best thing that happened to you?

I got permanent work finally! It started as a temp job, but my boss liked me so much he offered me the permanent position. Yay me!

what was the worst thing that happened to you?

Dunno, 2023 was pretty good, all things considered.

how have you grown as a person?

Sure.

what have you learned?

That a temp job can turn into a permanent one if you work hard enough and impress.

how old did you turn?

36.

what did you do for your birthday?

I had dinner with my BFF on my actual birthday, then the next day I went to lunch with my Mum and then went out for drinks with my boyfriend.

what did you accomplish?

Got a permanent job, went to the gym regularly for the whole year etc.

where did you live?

I've lived in the same place since 2016 lol.

who was your best friend?

Ngawari, we reconnected in a big way last year - she was inspired to join the gym by me and now we go together every week.

This past year, have you….

made a new friend?

Yes.

lost a friend?

Yes :( My friend Zoe passed from cancer.

made a new best friend?

No.

lost someone close to you?

Yes.

attended a funeral?

No, cos Zoe didn't have a funeral, they just had a get together and I couldn't go cos we lived in different cities.

attended a wedding?

No.

gave birth to a child? 🤰

No.

“came out of the closet”?

No.

traveled?

God I wish.

felt depressed? 😔

No.

felt suicidal? 😔

No.

felt happy? 😃

Yes!

felt at peace? 😊

Probably?

felt overjoyed? 💃

Sure.

felt blessed? 😇

Dunno.

felt amazed? 🤩

Sure.

fallen in love? 😍

I was already in love <3

had your heart broken? 💔

No..

got a new car? 🚗

No..

graduated? 👩‍🎓

No.

experienced something miraculous? ✨

Nah.

had a better year than last year?

2023 was way better than 2022 for sure.

had a worse year than last year?

No.

been to see the doctor? 👨‍⚕️

I didn't, lol.

been to the hospital? 🏥

No.

had a severe allergic reaction? 🤧

No.

had COVID? 🦠

I think I did, I got sick twice in two months - once was a cold, the other was prob Covid.

found out someone you knew had COVID? 🦠

Yes.

used an epi pen? 💉

No.

had a fever? 🥵

No.

had a migraine? 🧠

Too damn many.

gone on a date? 🌹

Loads.

written in a journal or diary? 📔

Yes.

given someone a hug? 🤗

Loads.

cut your hair? 💇‍♀️

No, but I dyed it a few times.

danced around your living room? 💃

No.

prayed? 🙏

No.

worshiped Jesus?

No.

read the Bible? 📖

No.

discovered a new favorite book? 📕

No.

gone to church? ⛪️

No.

went for a walk in the fall? 🍁

Probably.

set up and decorated a Christmas tree? 🎄

Yes.

threw up? 🤮

No.

almost threw up? 🤢

Yes.

discovered a new music artist you really liked? 🎤

Loads!

discovered a new song you really liked? 🎶

LOADS.

seen snow? ⛄️

No.

seen beautiful fall foliage? 🍁

Yes.

gone to the beach? 🏝

No.

rode a bike? 🚴

No.

rode a horse? 🐎

No.

swam? 👙

No.

worn makeup? 💄

No.

done a craft project?

No.

made a scrapbook page?

No.

written an essay? 📝

No.

painted something? 🎨

No.

drawn something? ✍️

No.

sketched in a sketchbook?

No.

written someone a letter? 📝

No.

been to a concert? 👩‍🎤

Yep, I went to see the Vengaboys last year.

driven a car? 🚘

No.

kayaked? 🛶

No.

gone on a cruise? 🚢

No.

made a big purchase?

Depends what you consider big.

moved to a new home? 🏡

No.

got a new pet?

No.

lost a pet?

No.

gotten a tattoo?

No.

gotten a new piercing?

No.

started a new hobby?

No.

worn a mask? 😷

We didn't have to wear them in 2023.

felt afraid to leave your house?

No.

celebrated your birthday alone?

No.

celebrated Christmas alone?

No.

went for a long walk through the neighborhood?

Yes.

Favorites of this Year (Pick one for each.)

Song:

Hard choice, probably CuteBad - Provocateur

Book:

Dunno.

TV show:

Raw or Dynamite.

Youtube channel:

I have loads of faves, but prob Call Me Kevin. He's always funny no matter what.

Food:

Mac & cheese.

Dessert:

Iceblocks.

Drink:

Starbucks mocha java chip frappe.

Friend:

Ngawari or David.

Thing you did:

Saw the Vengaboys or going to wrestling shows.

Place you went:

Nowhere lol.

Person you spend time with:

My Mum.

Thing you did for your birthday:

Gone to eat.

Celebrity:

Jon Moxley.

Website:

YouTube or last.fm.

Emojis:

Laughing crying face or heart.

Colors:

Purple & blue.

Restaurant:

Porterhouse Grill.

Tea flavor ☕️:

I don't like tea.

Final Questions!

Would you say this past year has been a good year overall?

Pretty good, yeah.

What are your goals for the new year?

Keep going to the gym, mainly.

How old will you turn next year?

37.

Did you make any big mistakes this past year?

No.

Do you have any big changes coming?

No.

How will you be celebrating New Year’s Eve this year?

I just hung out with my boyfriend and his friends and we had some drinks.

What was the best day of this year for you, and why?

Hard to pick.

What did you spend the most time doing this year?

Working and going to the gym, lol.

#survey #surveys #personal survey #random survey #2023 survey

[gonegirl1996]

Please what are you doing/using for your hair? My hair is so thin and brittle and stringy and just won’t grow past my waist.

Omg I should be the one asking you for hair advice 😭😭 your waist? That is so long!!! My hair is up to my chest and It’s the longest it’s ever been. My entire life my hair has been up to my collarbone.

But yeah I’m on the same boat as you my hair is so thin and brittle too and I’m shedding hair daily.

I have tried expensive and luxury hair products and items like oribe shampoo and conditioner and hair oil, morrocanoil brand, olaplex, Amika, living proof, k18 , dyson tools throughout the course of 10 years(some of time are newer products) and let me tell you none of this shit worked to restore the quality of my hair. Shampoos, conditioner, masks and hair treatments and oils from these brands.

If comparing to drugstore then yeah initial application of these feels amazing but long term it didn’t restore of the vitality or heath of hair.

Then I have tried minoxidil 10% solution which showed results at an exponential rate. Like my hair got THICK and looked longer too. You could not see any inch of exposed scalp cuz my hair was just growing and growing and growing but I experienced awful side affects and ultimately had to stop and so my progress went away and I lost the new hair growth.

I will admit that my hair does feel a TINY bit fuller and a tiny bit look longer than what it was but it is only noticeable to me and not anyone else cuz my hair progress barely noticeable. I started taking vitamins like zinc, b-vitamins, magnesium threonate, vitamin d, vitamin k for general health (although I am on and off with them cuz I have shit memory but whenever i get reminded like right now I take them)

And then I took a bloood test cuz I was experiencing pcos symptoms and found out I have high testosterone which can be the causation of my hair not growing, hair loss, hair thinning, brittleness.

So to be honest I don’t have a clear answer for you because I’m on the same boat as you. But I’d recommend to get a blood test done to check for deficiency in zinc or testosterone to see if you have any underlying issues for your hair condition.

And if blood test is good and you have a good diet and everything is well and you have a good hair routine and no underlying conditions but your hair is still thin, brittle and won’t grow then sometimes genetics could be the reason.

But so far I’m using these products for the sensorial experience and cuz they smell good: ouai shampoo and conditioner or R&Co shampoo and conditioner (I’ll switch it up based on mood), morrocanoil or oribe hair oil after showing, and sometimes k18 treatment. I don’t use heat on my hair/I don’t style it. I transitioned to using a comb to brush my hair. I’d say the most drastic and important thing here is transitioning to a comb cuz it’s much gentle on the hair.

I am in the process of switching to a better diet to testosterone low and incorporating aerobic exercise and see how that affects my hair and overall health.

[chronic-invisibility]

Possible tw for ed mentions, sh mentions, meltdowns, and gi issues

So i’ve been having horrible gi issues on and off for months, and then when i started new antidepressants they got worse, so i stopped taking them (as instructed by my psychiatrist, don’t stop taking meds without talking to your doctor) and we waited a while and then were like ok let’s try something else. Same problem. I’ve basically been living in the bathroom, i can barely go to work, i had to go to urgent care last week it was so bad. So i finally saw a gi specialist today and we’re basically going to have to try systematically ruling things in my diet out to see if any of those are the problem, do some bloodwork, and if none of that gives us any answers, do a colonoscopy. I’m already stressed as fuck bc having wicked diarrhea several times a day and no solutions and having to go to work anyway while all this is happening is really bad, but as someone with limited foods i eat in the first place due to my sensory issues from autism and also an undiagnosed ed (which is rapidly turning from probably osfed or smth into just full blown fear of food and eating bc i have no clue what’s setting my stomach off) this is going to be really hard. The first thing he wants me to stop eating is dairy, and cheese is one of my safe foods. If i don’t eat cheese for 4-5 days like he’s suggesting, i’m basically just not going to eat lunch the whole time. And then if that’s not it, try other things, like fresh fruits and veggies, which i actually do like, so that’ll suck, too, and then soy and eggs and then wheat.

If none of it helps, I’m going to have to get a colonoscopy, which is deeply unpleasant when you’re healthy but even worse if you’re not, and i’ve also had a pretty bad relapse with sh recently and that will be very visible if i have to do a colonoscopy, which is also stressing me out. I don’t want to do a colonoscopy, mostly bc of how awful it is but also bc i don’t know what they’ll say or do if they see pretty fresh cvts all over my hips, i’m an adult so they probably can’t tell my parents without breaking a bunch of hipaa laws, but who knows what they’d do. Not me. I’m really not sure what’s going to happen, and i’m stressed about cutting back my already limited diet, and honestly i don’t think any of the foods he wants me to stop eating are the problem, bc it’s not like “oh when i eat bread i shit myself” or “oh when i eat cheese i shit myself” or any of that, really, i just have horrible horrible abdominal pain and have to rush to the bathroom 3-5 times a day. And it gets better after like 4pm ish anyway but i feel like that might be bc i’ve not really been eating breakfast or lunch most days and by that point there’s just literally nothing left in my system to come out, and then i eat a small but otherwise normal dinner, maybe a snack, and then it starts all over again the next day. I just don’t know what’s going on, and that’s why i went to see a specialist, but i feel like some of the things we might have to do are going to cause more distress than just having horrible gi issues forever. And i can’t exactly say “i’m not going to do that even if it might fix the problem bc i’m a whiny pathetic baby” and i’m DEFINITELY not going to say anything about the sh stuff, i’m just hoping he finds something between the lab work and the diet stuff and we don’t have to do the colonoscopy. But honestly if i end up being lactose intolerant i’m not going to stop eating dairy, we’ll just have to find a way to mitigate symptoms bc that would be cutting out one of the main things i do eat and that seems like a worse plan than avoiding it. If it’s soy or gluten or whatever i can deal, plenty of people have celiac or soy intolerances or any number of other things, but if this is lactose i’m not gonna be able to just do alternatives and give it up. I’m just not. And if none of this is the problem and the colonoscopy doesn’t give us answers either then i have no clue what to do. Obviously that’s why i saw him, bc he’s the one who has to figure it out, but i’m stressed. And meanwhile i basically just have to not be on any antidepressants bc they keep making it worse. Hopefully if we can figure out what’s causing the problem we can do something to either fix or manage it, and eventually i can go back on some kind of antidepressants bc i really shouldn’t be completely unmedicated, i’m such an asshole and i keep having meltdowns and making everyone around me miserable. Which also side note, i used to think i never had meltdowns growing up but i definitely did i just didnt know that’s what they were, i thought sometimes i just cried hysterically for hours and could barely function afterwords and it was just part of life, but now i know what it is and jesus it fucking sucks, i hate it so much. The one on sunday was even worse than usual i basically destroyed my room and hit my head on the floor and my bedframe a bunch and made my parents even more upset than usual, it was awful and i hate it so much. I guess part of the reason i thought i didnt have meltdowns is bc for a few years the meds i was on made me so numb i literally couldnt have anything close to that and was basically a zombie but before that i used to just collapse and cry and cry and cry and barely be able to talk or do anything for a day or so after and i guess that’s what my meltdowns are.

Idk all of this just kinda sucks really bad and i there’s almost nothing i can do about it other than see if it’s a diet issue or something else and hope i wont have to do a colonoscopy and hope we find some kind of solution bc i cant keep living like this.

#sh mention #ed mention #autistic ​meltdown mention

[afriendlyblackhottie]

Ugh I can’t stop talking about my 600 lb life. But I’ll at least put this long ass rant under the cut.

The people on the my 600-lb life sub are actually fucking psychos. Why am I on there? Why am I arguing with these people. The people on my 600 lb life are being taught to further their disordered eating. Like… if you say that that the diet should only be done to prepare for surgery, you’re agreeing with me. It’s not sustainable. It’s not a long term diet. It’s a crash diet. Like… you’re agreeing with me. They’re all just agreeing with me… and don’t… like they know once you lose weight you have to maintain it right. If these people are so concerned with these peoples well beings they’d want solutions for the long term… and they go huh there’s only a 5% success rate. And then when you go because the diet is unsustainable and everyone goes noooo that’s not it… it doesn’t make sense!… clearly it’s not working. Even if you want to call those people lazy which I’m sure everyone would love to you’d be still agreeing that it means it’s not sustainable. Because it’s a crash diet. … you’re agreeing… I’m fucking taking crazy pills. I hate being on my period.

You know what else is disordered eating. Most diets. Keto. Is fucking batshit. And it makes your breath stink stop doing that shit to yourself!

Ohhh my god this show has triggered me soooo bad and I’m not even watching it it’s just I’m realizing the fuuuuuuuuuucked up shit I was told. Like… just wooooorst diets. Like diet after diet after diet and none of them worked cuz they were the fuuuuuucking worst. And then feeling like nothing fucking worked. And I see these people and I understand how they feel. And how fucking hard it is to put things into perspective. And feeling guilty. For nooooo fucking reason. Until I was like why am I feeling guilty I should just.. eat when I’m hungry and it like… so small but it made such a difference. And then these shows are on promoting this absolute bullshit so people can hawk and go well at least it’s not me. Well fuuuuuuck that. If you really cared about peoples wellbeing it wouldn’t be about a time frame it should be about learning how to be kinder to yourself. To give yourself grace and to feel good about yourself because you have to live with yourself for the rest of your life and you should wanna be your best friend. And a real best friend would not let you do something that made you miserable. Overeating makes you feel like shit right. And that’s fair. It’s uncomfortable. You feel icky after. But you know what also feels like shit? Eating shit you don’t enjoy. Eating a salad when you really want hot wings or sushi or bread even or an apple because fuck you can’t even eat apples on keto.

Your body is good. It’s your home. Forever. That means you should do things that it likes. Like eating what you like but not to where you feel uncomfortable. Exercising but in a way that you find fun. It shouldn’t be about feeling forced it should be about what you like. If every time you try to workout at home and you find yourself like shit this sucks, maybe that’s just not that right kind of workout for you. If every time you hop on a treadmill and you’re bored outta your mind then get off the fucking treadmill. Stop doing things that make you happy in your body.

I’m not saying anyone needs to like listen to me. I’m not ab expert. Fuck I’ve barely got the hang of whatever the hell I’m trying to do but is been so fun. And I wish I’d done it sooner and I just see how far I’ve come and tbh I want that for more people. And it’s so much more than losing weight. It’s about being able to be free in your head.

#all carb diet 🥗🍜 #tw: eating disorder #this shit really triggered me my goodness lmao #But I’m arguing with these fucking psychos on Reddit #It just… I don’t see how none of them see how awful this diet is #It just the faux concern to fatphobia is 😒 #and I know I could just say nothing on here #but idk maybe my thoughts could help #like it’s not like I don’t… like I could have gotten that bad #and I think if it wasn’t for coming on here and this stupid app motivating me #idk where I’d be so #i dunno #i just finally feel free in my own head #annnnnnd all it’s done is make make want to fight more #and harder #because I’m so fucking sick of seeing people be disrespected #so yeah fuck that stupid show #and it’s disordered eating portrayal #dear #my 600 lb life #ya moms a hoe

[littlefreya]

As I was saying

Summary: You recently found out that you’re pregnant and Henry is being all sorts of over-protective and annoying about it and won’t shut up about what you should or shouldn’t eat. So you find a creative way to shut him up...

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader (no description of body type or ethnicity thought it’s mention that Henry is taller)

Word count: 1.8k

Warnings: 18+, RPF, fluff to smut, early pregnancy, blow job, bodily fluids, slight FemDom/SubMale, My overuse of poetic sex metaphors, cottagecore!

*No permission is given for reposting my work, copying it, or parts from it.

A/N: This story was born out of a convo I had with my sweet @the-soot-sprite​ about the photo above. Many thanks to @agniavateira​ my solid rock who betas all my work and to @firefly-graphics​ for the dividers

Please comment and reblog if you enjoyed my story. I work hard on each one of them and your validation means the world to me. 🖤

As I was Saying

Henry’s velvety voice carried through the cottage like seductive vapours of honey liqueur. It wasn’t often that he'd sing a blissful tune so casually out of the blue—after earth-shattering sex perhaps, which indeed you had the night before. However, this morning, his chants were laced with a new flavour of sugary bliss. 

Two little pink stripes. That's all it took for his eyes to shimmer the way precious cobalt is kissed by a moonlight glow.

Sneaking about in the mien of a curious little mouse, you trod after the pleasant tune of his voice, which was now accompanied by a soft rustle. Wander laved your face once you leaned against the kitchen door frame, peering at the prodigious man who stood in front of the open fridge. 

Preoccupied, he appeared to be ransacking through the shelves with the song ‘Cheek to Cheek’ thrumming on his tongue.

“Heaven... I'm in heaven…”  

Fingers clutching at the edge of the wall, you pressed into the chilled surface with a relaxed smirk, lingering on the irresistible view when your ease of mind faded with a blink of an eye — while methodically rummaging through the fridge, Henry threw fresh food straight into an open trash can.

“What are you doing?” you asked, your voice rising to a high-pitched yip. 

Henry made a soft flex; the muscles of his back rippled in a tidal motion. Though acknowledging your presence, he proceeded to hover a finger over different products. 

“Cleaning up the fridge," he answered absentmindedly.

With a soft shove, there went your French cheese. 

“That’s brand new!” you protested and rushed toward him, alarmed. 

Towering over the trash can, you considered diving in to salvage the precious bulk of cheese from the dreary pit. Henry glanced at you from the corner of his eyes, testing your resolve while his claw grabbed some papaya salad leftovers and pushed it over the edge of the shelf, joining the rest of the discarded meals. 

“It is,” he nodded and closed the refrigerator door, carrying on to the high cabinets. With a slight wrinkle between his brows and a hand scratching the stubbles of his dimpled chin, he narrowed his eyes to scrutinise the items carefully. “I'm pregnant-proofing the kitchen. I called Hanna while you were asleep. She created a proper daily menu for you with the dos and don’ts: less sugar, more veggies and protein.” 

It took you a moment to process his words, your eyes narrowing while asking, “Hanna? As in Hanna, your nutritionist?”

Henry nodded at your question, a faint crease lining his cheek. “That’s the one. Don't worry, princess, she specialises with pregnant women.”

Unwittingly, a somewhat inhuman growl sounded in your chest. You were only getting used to the idea of developing another person inside you, and here stood your husband, already seeing fit to dictate your diet. Slithering into the narrow space between the heavy man and the counter, you tilted your chin to meet his stare while your fists pressed into your hips assertively. 

“Listen here, Cavill! You might have jizzed me one too many and succeeded in putting a baby in there, but this is still my body. I can take care of my own pregnancy diet.”

With an arm stretched above your head, Henry offered a charming display of pearly whites to pacify your strained nerves. His dimples nearly managed to beguile your senses when your eyes flared at the sight of what was held between his long fingers.

“No! Henry, no! Not the coffee!”

“Oh, I’m afraid so, my love. You shouldn’t have any caffeine at your current state.” Despite his argument, the tenderness of his gaze stroked upon your face like a warm ray of sunlight piercing through heavy clouds. Lazily it dropped to your belly, the cascading heat cradling your unborn child. 

Words of protest left you for a sliver of a moment, too in awe of the dreamy grin on his face. 

Thoughts of how beautiful you’d look rounded and full with his child illuminated him that you swore his skin developed a glow over the night. Didn’t they always say women are radiant when they are pregnant? Well, it seemed that in your case, it applied to your husband as well.

The charming haze of bliss almost swallowed you up; but you quickly slapped yourself back into reality, reaching a hand in an attempt to stop Henry from throwing away your delicacy. Though taller, Henry held his hand far out of reach, a hint of a smugness stretching his lips.

“A pregnant woman is allowed to have a little bit of caffeine!” You muttered and sent both hands in an attempt to retrieve the box while Henry teased you by throwing it from one hand to the other, further fueling your annoyance. 

Vexed to the point of frustration, you stood still and sighed, “you know what else is bad for the baby?” 

Henry paused his foolish games and tilted his head as he waited to hear your answer.

“His father at the morgue after I’ll kill him. Now stop that and hand it over! A pregnant woman can have a cup a day, according to Google.” 

“Nope,” Henry clicked his tongue, his laughter replaced with a severe stare. “Love, I know they say it’s okay to have a teeny bit, but I’ve been doing some research while you were asleep, and it’s not recommended. Caffeine increases heart rate and blood pressure, which is not good for you nor for the baby. It also increases urination, which may cause dehydration.”

Clenching your jaw at the onslaught of information he bestowed, you watched his lips move while none of his words registered. Preoccupied with the rules of a “healthy” pregnancy, Henry was set on being the practical one, completely forgetting to enjoy the moment. And damn, it was the moment to celebrate. All you wanted right now was to stay in bed for a day, ride your handsome husband to hell and back and eat as much ice cream as possible.

“Everything you eat from now on goes to our baby,” Henry proceeded to lecture on a thing you were perfectly aware of.

Ire found you within seconds, embroiled with pregnancy hormones which made him further intolerable at the moment— intolerable

... and delicious.  

Soaked with hunger, your eyes raked his sight: the thickness of his muscles was apparent beneath a plain black t-shirt and those good old grey sweats outlined the source of your current predicament. Your fingers twitched just from thinking about it, mimicking the sensation of squeezing its girth and eliciting those low groans that made your heart flutter. 

But his chatter still interrupted your sultry thoughts. If only there was a way to get him to shut up, you mused. Then your eyes focused on the soft bulge that winked back at your hungry glare.

Unaware, Henry turned toward the table to grab a bulk of informative documents he printed earlier in order to educate you of your pregnancy, he licked his thumb and began to read through, “As I was saying….”

Hastily, you exploited his lack of attention and took a step forward, your fingers latching around the hem of his sweats. With one swift movement, you fell to your knees and tugged his trousers along. 

Lost in his passionate speech, Henry was still muttering nonsense when your hand seized him; but as the lushness of your tongue bedded his soft cock without warning, all that could be heard in the kitchen was a husky gasp. 

Feeling the warm silky flesh swell and harden within your mouth, you sent your eyes up to peer at him, admiring the sight. Nothing spoke of your power better than the wrinkle between his shut eyes and his mouth agape with all air draining from his lungs. There you were, lowered to your knees with a maw full of his cock and yet, he was the one who lost his ability to speak and had his legs quaking of need. 

Unable to help yourself, you sent one palm to feel the tremor that ran through the muscles of his thighs while the other cradled his heavy sac. 

“Uh……” he finally managed to utter, a groan of bemused bliss pushing itself between his parted lips. “What… what are you doing?” 

You crooked an eyebrow in response and answered by dragging your mouth along the length of his shaft. Your pillowy lips ran across ridges and thrumming veins, your jaw loosening until you felt him deep in the back of your throat. 

Locked in the cavernous cage of your maw, he tightened his gut and shuddered with pleasure. Though, the low unbridled groans that sputtered from his chest fueled your enticement just as so; memories of how the same thick girth that brimmed your mouth would split open your narrow canal made both your eyes and abandoned cunt tear of desperation.

It always beguiled you how much arousal could be found in bringing him to his rapture without touching yourself. The harder he throbbed on your velvety serpent, the more you soaked.  

With fervent strokes, you feasted on the briny flavour of his cock; the tendons vibrated with bliss while your tongue twirled and pushed around them. You pulled, sucked, and pumped him in your warm mouth, milking the senses of a man infinitely stronger—a man who succeeded in conquering your womb yet now crumbled to nothing at the touch of your tongue.

“Fuck…. Babe… keep going,” Henry breathed out a plea. The documents held by his hand slipped between his fingers as he pressed his palm to the cabinet with a thud, and began to rock his hips back and forth to fuck back into your mouth. Like feathers, the white slips floated around you, landing onto the ground while you worked him to his ecstasy.  

His other hand found your head, caressing lovingly and trying to take control: yet his strength waned and his head fell back with a moan. Faster, harder, you sucked your husband to the point of submission while hums of admiration laced around his rigid length. Your eyes beamed as you watched his resolve shatter. Your fingertips toyed with the coarse hair at the apex of his thighs, your thumb seeking the tendon at the base of his cock and pressing into it, urging him to spill his gift down your throat.

“I’m going to… I’m going to…. In your throat… fuck.”

With a guttural grunt, he thickened against your tongue; the overflow of salty-sweet cream glazed your mouth and then flowed down your flaring throat.

The room thrummed with the buzz of the refrigerator, Henry’s heavy exhales - these were the sounds of your triumph. Wiping your lips with the back of your hand, you cracked a smile and neatly pulled his trousers back on before you rose to stand straight. 

Overwhelmed and drenched in sweat, your husband scrutinised you while you reached for the box of capsules and tilted your head.

“You were saying?”

#henry cavill rpf #henry cavill #henry cavill x reader #henry cavill fanfiction

[therealvinelle]

The Cullens don’t value human life, or: Carlisle, honey, I’m so sorry

So, Carlisle is in a miserable situation.

He was forcibly turned into a vampire under traumatic circumstances, and became a cannibalistic demon. Against all odds he discovered that he didn’t actually have to kill people: however, he was still lonely. Fast forwards a few lonely years, he found a BFF and homoerotic academic in Aro, and spent decades trying to persuade him to his diet. Failed. Decided to travel the world in search of likeminded - failed.

There’s no one.

Fast forwards to 1918, Carlisle has spent centuries trying to get someone, anyone, to understand this seemingly simple concept. Don’t eat people, please, it’s literally the only thing Carlisle asks. And he’s still asking too much.

We know how history then unfolded itself - Carlisle was going to let the Masens die, as countless patients had before, and then Elizabeth Masen said “nu uh, not my son he won’t!”, and that was the kick in the butt Carlisle needed to create his own companion. Converting others had failed, but maybe a brand new vampire who has never known anything different and who looks to Carlisle for guidance will follow the diet.

And it works. Edward follows Carlisle’s diet. A few years later Carlisle repeats the experiment, now he’s in a coven of three vampires who are actually doing the diet. What a world. I’m sure he was walking around in a daze for a solid portion of that time.

The coven grows, soon Carlisle has a whole squad of vegetarians, and even a cousin squad. (Although since the Denali sister went for the diet because they wanted to have sex with the same men multiple times, I can only picture Carlisle’s delight upon finding them quickly turning into a thousand yard stare.)

Anyway, Carlisle has what he always wanted, let there be happiness galore.

Unfortunately, none of the Cullens actually care about human life.

Off the top of my head:

Edward left Carlisle for years. This by itself is a dealbreaker, he had all the love and support he could ever ask for, and turned his back on it because he’d rather kill people. Killing rapists wasn’t even his first instinct, at first he killed homeless junkies, since no one would miss them. He only turned to rapists because junkies taste awful. He turned back not because he learned the error of his ways, but because life wasn’t fulfilling. He has learned nothing: when we meet him in 2005, he would have eaten Bella and the Biology class if it weren’t for Carlisle, contemplates killing all the Quileutes, and in Volterra he would have gone on a massacre, again if it wasn’t for Carlisle. This guy doesn’t care about human life, and he never becomes a better person. He abstains from human blood for Carlisle, to feel like less of a monster, and because it plays into his superiority complex.

Esme makes it very clear she’s fine with Bella’s untimely death. She’d let Bella die to satisfy Edward’s thirst, or to keep him in Forks. Her vote for Bella to live has nothing to do with Bella, and she later gives Edward implicit approval to eat her if he wants. It’s additionally damning that Edward isn’t at all surprised by her behavior. She does the diet for her family.

Rosalie used not wanting to move to a new place and start over as an argument in favor of killing Bella. She later places her bet that Bella will be eaten in the meadow. She adheres to the diet better than anyone in the family, but she doesn’t actually care for the individual human life, not even when it’s an innocent girl. Her main reason for following the diet is that she wants to be as close to being human as possible, and maneating demon is about as far from human as you can get.

Emmet’s response to Edward having a singer is “Treat yourself, bro!” and when Bella’s becoming a vampire, he makes a bet about how many people she’ll kill. He could not care less. He follows the diet for Rosalie’s sake.

Alice lives the way she does because her visions told her that she should live with the Cullens. She cares about Bella because Bella is her barbie, and she treats her like an accessory rather than a person. When push comes to shove she brings Bella to Volterra, knowing what the Volturi do to humans who know the secret. She never appears to care about humans for the sake of humans, at one point we see her try to help Jasper control his thirst: “It helps if you think of them as people!”

Jasper’s gift is essentially a shock collar that made a human diet unsustainable for him.

Bella chooses vampirism, knowing that there’s a chance she’ll kill people. When told of Jasper and Emmet’s newborn Bella body count bet, she is not at all concerned. And the thirst is never a problem for her, she doesn’t have to struggle to stay on the diet. She eats animals because she’s a Cullen, Cullens eat animals. Duh.

(I know this is a bit reductive, I do have far more to say on each of these, but I’m trying to be a succinct person)

They’re not doing the human diet for altruistic reasons.

This is the thing that makes Carlisle a tragic character to me.

Loneliness is his whole thing, and all he ever wanted in a companion someone who shared his ideals, who would value human life as he does. What he ends up with is the Cullens, who all believe they’re amazing people for not eating people and morally superior (they won’t say it aloud, but- well they’ll absolutely say it aloud. And they do.) to other vampires, but they don’t actually care at all.

We see it in Rosalie, Emmet, and Jasper deciding to kill Bella in Midnight Sun, we see it in- well, I just wrote a bunch of examples above. We see it again and again, these people care about human life up until the second it’s inconvenient for them to do so.

And all Carlisle can do is live in intense double think denial where his family is filled with wonderful people who care about humans so much, but he also has to make them go to their victim’s funerals in a desperate, and very telling, bid to make them understand that humans are people.

The whole point of the Cullens is that after centuries of loneliness Carlisle finally has a family of vampires who share his ideals, but when they don’t actually care-

Well.

Carlisle, honey, I’m so sorry.

#i have a million asks in my inbox and tonight i'm answering none of them #shoutout to the person who asked me about whether Edward's interest in Bella will wane now that she's a vampire #that's a huge question requiring a huge answer with so many book quotes I scream just thinking about it #i'll answer you one day #some day #before covid is over #also i do have far more thoughts on jasper but i try to keep my posts short if you people can believe it #i mean i have far more thoughts on all of this #but i saw a post that just sort of set this whole thing off #carlisle cullen #alice cullen #edward cullen #esme cullen #rosalie hale #jasper hale #emmet cullen #bella swan #twilight meta #twilight #twilight renaissance

[diavolosthots]

Hey dear! I hope that you have a good time! I want to make a request, but please delete it if you don't feel like doing it.

I saved that request in the notes and been waiting for you to open them 😊

For request

First fight with brother (any of your choice) and one of them (I mean MC or that brother) thinks that it's end of relationship (because never had anything serious), but they reconciled in the end. I want some heavy angst with happy ending. MC can be GN if that is OK.

If you don't mind you can do for Mammon, but feel free to choose another one if you don't feel like write for him. Or if that would be better to write as headcanons for all the brothers. That's up to you!

I haven't been doing requests for ages. Please don't hate me if there is something wrong! I've read the rules, and I hope I haven't missed anything.

Anyway, sorry for long ask. And thank you for your writings!

(I forgot to look if you did anything similar, and remembered it at the end of writing that ask. Sorry if you already did something like that!)

Hey babes ❤ I did end up doing HCs for all of them because I thought it would be cooler (or more like I know someone is gonna request separate fics for all of them if I dont and I'm saving myself that trouble lol) I still hope you like it ! ❤ also this got SUPER LONG so its under a cut

Warning: angst -> happy ending-ish

THE BROTHERS in a fight with MC and thinking that they’re over (yikes)

Lucifer:

Everyone always says Lucifer is quick to lose his cool but he’s honestly been nothing but patient with you. He may have hinted at several things he doesn’t condone and he definitely has that ‘look’, you know the disappointed dad look, but he has held back a lot so as to not ruin the beautiful relationship you have with him. Everyone snaps, though, and when he finally did, it was ugly. He did NOT call you names, but oh he didn’t. He went straight for your feelings and pointed out every mistake you ever made for as long as he’s known you. Ouch. In his defense, you weren’t nice either. The argument ended nasty and ‘I hate you’s!’ were definitely thrown around, but none of them were meant, right? Goodness, he doesn’t know. After you left, he threw himself on his bed, literally, and just stared at the ceiling. His anger slowly fled away and he began to feel… guilty. Not necessarily because of the argument itself, but because he delivered some low blows and he knows that. Are you over? Done with him? You haven’t texted or called or talked… you’ve been actively avoiding him and he doesn’t like that, but his pride is such an issue, goodness. He can’t straight up apologize, that dickhead, but he’s sending you flowers and standing in front of your door with a sad face that says it all. 

“Forgive me? I made reservations at your favorite’s? We can talk over a nice dinner?” 

Mammon:

Mammon is known to get mildly agitated over the silliest things, let’s be real. He’s also quick to revert to the “are you dumb?!” argument, which is never effective. But he loves you and he would do anything for you so even if you do do something that he deems ‘dumb’, he usually bites his tongue. Doesn’t mean that doesn’t get on his nerves, though, and he definitely has a short temper, although people tend to overlook that. You just managed to push his buttons today and he used the “are ya stupid?!” argument, to which you obviously defended yourself, and rightfully so. This ended in a massive screaming match and him saying “Then leave! Ain’t nobody keepin’ ya with me!” He regretted it the minute those words left his mouth and you could see his eyes grow wide in shock at his own words, but that didn’t mean you stayed. “MC!” he tried running after you immediately but you were faster and honestly, who can blame you? He fucked up, and he knows it, and he feels terrible about it. Honestly, he’s crying just at the mere thought of you taking his words seriously and he can’t… he can’t bear to lose you, you know? What’s he gonna do? You’re the light of his life, as pathetic as that may sound to some…. So he won’t let you run away. Homie will hunt you down and beg for forgiveness. 

“Please, MC! Forgive me! I’m dumb, not you!!! Don’t leave me…” Don’t leave him. He will continue crying. 

Leviathan:

His constant need to put himself down is frankly, quite annoying. To you anyway. But you put up with it and just reassure him that, at least to you, he’s the most amazing demon that ever existed. It’s just facts. But a person only has so much patience, right? You can’t always spend your days trying to lift him up when all he does is dig himself a bigger hole. Who has the emotional time for that? You sure don’t. “Oh my God, Levi! Shut up! I can’t take it anymore!” Followed by “See! You’re just like everyone else! Leaving me!” and then you slamming the door to his room shut. It’s frustrating and understandably so. It makes you feel awful that you can’t even make your own boyfriend feel good about himself and get at least a little bit of self confidence and it’s so, so, so very draining to have to constantly listen to that. At this point, it’s affecting your own mental health and you just… you just can’t…. But Levi can’t lose you because he knows you’re right. He has to work on himself if he wants to keep someone as amazing as you with him and that’s why he’s crawling back to you now. 

“Look I… I know you’re right… I’m sorry. I promise I’ll … I’ll try. For you.”

Satan:

For being the Avatar of Wrath, you always admired Satan for his ability to keep cool. He prefers the relaxed and easy going life much more than the type of life people expect him to live, and you respect that. That doesn’t mean his constant need to one up Lucifer, through whatever means necessary, didn’t bother the hell out of you, though. You tried talking to him about it once or twice in a calm manner, but you always got the same answer “Pfft.. it’s Lucifer. Who cares?” And it never sat right with you. Just today he decided to pull a prank on the eldest and you had enough, standing in front of Lucifer and letting the bucket of cursed green slime land on you instead, to everyone’s shock. “What are you doing?!” Now that you’re thoroughly green from head to toe, you were also beyond pissed. “What am I doing?! What are YOU doing?!” But Satan matched your anger tenfold, accusing you of favoring Lucifer over him and oh! “You probably got an affair with him, too!” Which was a stupid thing on his part, but it looked like it the way you defended him. Anger doesn’t even begin to describe the emotion you felt running through you and had it not been for Lucifer, you probably would’ve physically fought Satan for such a dumb accusation. Lucifer took you to get cleaned up and lifted the course, giving you your natural skin and hair color back within a few days and plenty of scrubbing, and Satan felt like shit. You’ve always been there for him and, rationally speaking, he didn’t have a reason to doubt your loyalty to him, but he just can’t help but feel insecure beside Lucifer…. He decides to come apologize anyway, a deep blush on his face and guilt in his eyes 

“I’m… sorry for accusing you. It wasn’t my right to speak out of anger and jealousy…” 

Asmodeus:

How can anyone fight with the Avatar of Lust? Seriously, the guy is super easy going and he loves pretty much everyone. Not as much as himself, but almost. You on the other hand… you didn’t. Well you didn’t NOT love him or yourself, but you were just… you. You didn’t spend 4+ hours in the bathroom trying to get ready when you knew you were only going to the kitchen down the stairs. Like?? Although you never brought it up to Asmodeus, he constantly bothered you about skincare and what foods to eat and what not to eat, etc… It’s quite annoying, honestly, and at some point you just gave him a passive aggressive “Okay, whatever. Can we move on now?” To which he didn’t take lightly. He was still nice and sweet, trying to convince you that at least one of these things will make your skin glow brighter than a unicorn’s ass but you just had enough. “Can you stop?! You’re indirectly saying I’m ugly without that shit ton of product in my face and a diet that would make me starve before it helped me! If you want a skinny VS angel that barely holds onto their skeleton, get one!” It was more hurt and frustration speaking than anything, but your outburst still shocked him and he was taken aback for a moment. And then you ignored him for a week straight and as someone who thrives off of attention, especially the kind he gets from you, he can’t handle that! So he showed up in your room in sweats and a tshirt and messy hair and no product on his skin. 

“You’re right… we’re all naturally beautiful…. Wow that… that really hurts to say MC but can you forgive me?” 

Beelzebub:

Oh the sweet, sweet angel. He’s far from innocent and you know that. We all know that. But for this story, I will give him the benefit of the doubt. His reliance on Belphegor is just really… annoying. Belphegor this, Belphegor that. “Belphie used to…” or “Belphie said….” or “one day when Belphie and I….” Like why does everything have to include his twin? It’s so annoying and so rude when your significant other is right here !!! and planning their own future with you, Beel, thanks. It makes you feel less than and like Belphegor will always come before you. It makes you feel like shit, quite frankly, and who is to blame you? “Hey MC did I tell you what Belphie---!” “No! Shut up! I don’t care! It’s always about Belphie! The day you come to me and don’t let that name drip from your tongue is the day Jesus comes back to save me and we both know that will be never! I’m tired of always being stuck with Belphegor! We are not equals!” Granted, you shouldn’t have yelled and Beel was more than confused at your outburst, but you wouldn’t talk to him anymore after that so he left you alone. He thought you may need an hour or two, maybe a day tops, but that day turned into a full week and he even lost his appetite just because he knows you’re angry with him. It’s been a week, does that mean you’re over? His heart aches just at the thought… 

“I’m sorry for bringing Belphie up… I don’t want you to feel less than, MC. You mean a lot to me and so does Belphie, but you’re not Belphie and I need to learn that…”

Belphegor:

Honestly it’s a miracle he hasn’t lost his temper at you yet. Well, he partially blames it on his own laziness because if being angry or getting upset didn’t take so much energy out of him, maybe he would’ve snapped by now lol, but he tries really hard not to because he thinks your relationship with him after everything is pretty good, considering yall kiss and snuggle and fuck on a regular basis. But anyway, that’s exactly the issue. Considering everything, you’re still holding *that* against him. It’s never direct either, which makes it worse. It’s always said in a joking manner and something like “haha look it’s just like that one time you killed me” or “Beel’s grabbing that ham like you grabbed my throat” or “I remember seeing jesus for a moment there” and it agitates him. It makes him so angry, and he finally snapped. “I know I fucked up MC! Stop holding it against me! What do you want? A medal of honor? A survivor's certificate? Maybe a pat on the back for developing some sort of Stockholm syndrome that made you come back to your abuser?!” And then he left. And you may have cried both from confusion and your own anger, he isn’t quite sure. It’s just so…. Aggravating. He can’t deal with it. He knows it was a mistake spurted by his own insecurities and survivor’s guilt which ultimately led to his hatred but please, stop holding it against him.. He can’t keep putting up with it from the person he’s grown to love. He’s the one ignoring you and he won’t budge either because he’s a stubborn ass, but maybe if you come up first… 

“I’m sorry for yelling at you… I’m just so tired for it being held against me… I love you, and you should know that, and I do feel guilty about what happened.” 

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me headcanons #obey me scenarios #cheys headcanons #asmodeus obey me #belphegor obey me #mammon obey me #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me satan #obey me beelzebub #tw angst

[isagisyoichi]

how do u think the boy would be in a party😈😈

NEW RULES!

SYNOPSIS: blue lock at a party

CHARACTERS INCLUDED: isagi, bachira, nagi, reo, rin, chigiri, naruhaya, niko, nanase, gagamaru, kunigami

WARNINGS: mentions of underage drinking and weed (but no one actually takes anything), swearing, mentions of throwing up and food, again pretend they're all friends and go to the same school because it's more fun to think that way. ooc rin maybe? idk i like pretending he's not as miserable as the manga makes him out to be 🤗 he deserves to have fun i think

A/N: no cause this was soooo fun to write tysm anon, i got through this in a flash cause i loved this suggestion sm :') literally one of the most fun requests i've ever gotten eeee!!!!! also this made me miss my irls bye corona can suck my balls fr

ISAGI YOICHI:

i feel like this would be his first big party aw lol, so he’s kind of nervous LMAO.

gets handed a beer by someone, has his first sip of it ever, and immediately spits it out. mutters “how the hell can anyone drink this?” and “discreetly” pours the rest into a bush.

mainly stays with nagi, chigiri, kunigami, and bachira and they just talk throughout the night

(bachira only sits down and talks after his energy dies down. i'll elaborate on this below the cut).

keeps asking nagi “what song is this?” throughout the night LOL. makes a mental note of what songs to add to his playlists.

slightly nods his head to the music, aw cute. goes a little harder and lip syncs/raps along when he really likes the song, though (i stand by my word when i said he loves “neon guts”)

does accidentally bump into someone, but isagi starts a convo with them after he apologizes, and they hit it off right away 🥰

but, the person left early and isagi, ever the dummy, forgets to ask for their number.

and he's actually so disappointed in himself when he realizes, too 😭

BACHIRA MEGURU:

not drunk or anything at all, but boy, the way he’s acting makes it seem like he is.

the self proclaimed “life of the party.”

can be found “dancing,” though i use that word generously because to classify whatever he’s doing as “dancing,” is a stretch, to every song, even if he doesn’t know the words LOL

really likes when throwbacks come on!!!! he does dance to the lyrics and not the beat sometimes, though 😭

but, bachira looks like he’s having so much fun, it’s so cute, he’s definitely been waiting for this moment his whole life 🥰

if you were dancing with him, bachira would 100% take you by the hand and spin you around

also forces gets isagi to dance with him but isagi’s so awkward 😭

bachira also ends up jumping in the pool sometime later that night. yells “cannonball!” and everything, like, okay michael phelps 😭

he doesn’t have extra clothes so reo has to give him some and they're so fucking big on him LOLLL

texts the groupchat “i was sooo crazy last night😂” in the morning LMAOO, okay babe calm down

KUNIGAMI RENSUKE:

takes it upon himself to make sure none of his friends die LOL

only drinks water and diet coke 👍

his mom calls in the middle of the party to ask how he's doing and bachira and nagi are doing stupid shit like yelling “pass the weed” and fake moaning 😭

isagi and chigiri tell him to tell her they say hi LOL

really likes when the dj puts on 90s/2000's r&b/hiphop songs (i'll die by my hc that kunigami's an oldies fan)

mostly sways side to side to the music, but he did also dance a little, per request of bachira, and ended up talking to a cute person a for little, too 🤗

offers to help clean up in the morning

CHIGIRI HYOUMA:

at least two drunk girls have mistaken him for their friend, and another four have asked to touch his hair.

tried to use one of reo’s many bathrooms, found a couple making out, outwardly said “gross,” and then left to find another one 😭

nods his head and taps his foot to the music, not much of a dancer.

also a people-watcher, and he points out things he sees are happening to his friends.

“guys, i think misa and her boyfriend are breaking up, look.” leave that poor girl alone bro 😭

finds himself laughing a lot that night because damn! his friends are funny, whether they try to be or not.

not really a party person, but chigiri actually had a lot of fun 🥰

NARUHAYA ASAHI:

also on the dancefloor! doesn’t really dance, per say, but he jumps up and down and does the fist pump thing 😭 he has the spirit, let's give him that.

drank a lot of soda, so he’s filled with energy. also pees in at least three of reo's bathrooms.

talks to his friends, but also makes new ones! also i feel like he takes a lot of pictures LOL. he needs the finsta content 😭

plays truth or dare, or something like that. ends up having to do some stupid shit like smack raichi’s ass and run away, but naruhaya did make out with the girl next to him, so fair trade, he thinks.

also ends up in the pool, but he’s playing chicken with gagamaru and some other people. does not win a single round, but he had fun 😇

leaves with like four plates of food and one of reo’s decorative towels for some reason???

GAGAMARU GIN:

goes through a bunch of reo's shit 😭 he's not taking anything, but he's just curious LOL

strikes up very, random conversations with a bunch of people out of nowhere, good for him!

weirdly good at darts, very good aim.

although one round, naruhaya accidentally distracted gagamaru and one of darts ended up in reo's wall 💔

“it's fine, he has the money to fix it,” naruhaya shrugs as he walks away from reo's now punctured, wall. so true bestie!

gagamaru somehow ends up giving some drunk stranger some “life-changing” advice. (whether it's good or not is debatable)

they thank gagamaru for changing their life and he never sees them again

NAGI SEISHIRO:

irritates the fuck out the dj because nagi keeps asking him to play one specific song over and over again.

it was good the first time, don't wear it out for the rest of us bae 😭

doesn't really dance, just nods his head, maybe raps along a little, too

when he talks to the girls that come up to him, nagi says stuff like “yeah, the host and i go way back, we’re best friends.”

“way back,” my ass, but whatever nagi 🤨

knocks out in one of reo’s guest rooms. someone finds him when they’re trying to look for the bathroom and they draw a mustache and a bunch of other stupid shit on him 😭

tries to leave before reo makes him help clean up in the morning. does not work 👍

dumbass also ended up losing his phone (reo bought him a new one so nagi doesn't really care)

RAICHI JINGO:

gasses himself up sooo much when he’s trying to hit on girls.

“yeah, i'm about to go D1 after high school, just wait on it,” yeah, okay raichi 🙄

also tries to show them his highlights, bye. babe, i mean this in the nicest possible way but, i do not care, can we just kiss 🙏

i feel like he’s one of those boys who likes to take his shirt off for no reason, so raichi most definitely ends up shirtless at some point of the night 😭

takes pictures with reo’s fancy cars in his garage to flex 💀 gets annoyed when reo says raichi can’t drive them. raichi doesn't even have his license 😑

plays pool and is actually not that bad. does almost accidentally blind isagi with his cue, though.

IMAMURA YUUDAI:

he's with some girls but, he’s a dummy and he didn’t know his other hoes would be there, so imamura had quite a few drinks spilled on him here and there.

still somehow leaves with like three new girls snaps, four numbers, and a bunch of lipstick stains. not even gonna lie, i respect his game.

actually a really good dancer, and he knows he looks good, too. knows the words to every drake song that comes on, argue with your mom.

lip-syncs the words to you when you dance together and it makes you more flustered than you would think 🙄

the type to pull you close and wraps his arms around your waist or around your neck

actually really fun to talk to. always in the loop with drama and stuff, so he's always got some interesting conversation topics. and he's funny 😭

MIKAGE REO:

obviously, the party’s at his house. what’s the point of having a rich teammate if you can’t exploit them for their possessions?

jokes, but reo did offer to throw it at his mansion house in the first place.

actually really likes throwing parties lmao, so he jumped at the opportunity.

posted on his snap, “party at my place su for address‼️” LOL

natural charm + raised with good manners = reo being an amazing host

but, reo does have a little group of girls following him around the entire night 👎

and it irritates the hell out of whoever reo’s trying to talk to because they’re all up on him, making it hard for reo to pay attention 😑

also doesn’t help that he entertains them and flirts back and dances with a couple of them, too

and looks good when he dances, too UGH!!!! he's the type to run his hands up and down your body while he dances with you 😣

i hate this man 👎 /j

ITOSHI RIN:

practicing. he didn’t come. sike! rin has a social life, too, come on now, y'all 🙄

talked a big game about how he wouldn’t show up then he still came anyways, like rin, what 😭??

super good at cup pong and he knows it. he keeps beating ryusei and if you look closely, rin has something reminiscent of a smirk on his face.

a foot-tapper, not a dancer, which sucks because he’s not even bad at dancing, either 👎

a couple of girls come up to rin to flirt, but rin doesn’t give them the time of day. no response or anything just a little side eye 😭

rin just talks to his friends and that’s it, really.

actually internally glad for the chance to kickback and relax for once, tbh.

but, he refuses to admit he had any semblance of fun. (he did, rin’s just a weenie 😒)

NIKO IKKI:

the team forced him to come 😭

niko’s already a homebody and he doesn’t like loud noises or large social scenes, so he wasn’t too jazzed about going somewhere where the both of those things combine.

also he's picky with music so LOL. does like that one remix to the pursuit of happiness, though

he’s a wall-stander, i hate to break it to y’all. just watched everything from a distance and didn't talk to anyone except for isagi and his friends.

bye, if you don’t get off the damn wall and dance (he'd dance with me i'm different 🥰🤗)

keeps opening and closing his phone so he looks busy but that mf is literally just going through the settings app 😭

called his mom to bring him home an hour and a half in 👎

NANASE NIJIROU:

i hate to admit it, but he’s the annoying first year that documents everything on snap bye

he’s just excited to be there but like, there is no reason for his story to be half an hour long.

i'm not watching all of that! sorry that happened to you or good for you 🤗

probably playing games like spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven. is very proud of himself for kissing four people in one night #bigmoves 🥳

stays with his group of friends and they're sooo loud and rowdy LMAOO. #firstyearthings

you can literally hear them laughing over the music, but they're having fun, so it's fine (at least of those kids hits people when they laugh too)

also dances, too! has super good energy and a natural sense of rhythm surprisingly 🥰 also a good hypeman!!!!! honestly, he's just really fun to be around tbh

overall, has a lot of fun, as you can tell by his story 😇

#queued #blue lock #blue lock x reader #bllk #bllk x reader #blue lock headcanons #bllk headcanons #bachira meguru #isagi yoichi #itoshi rin #rin itoshi #chigiri hyouma #nanase nijiro #naruhaya asahi #raichi jingo #nagi seishirou #reo mikage #mikage reo #niko ikki #bllk imagines #blue lock imagine #nagi x reader #itoshi rin x reader #nagi headcanons #gagamaru gin #kunigami rensuke #imamura yuudai #bachira x reader #reo x reader

[alltooreid]

I Think He Knows

Y/N has a huge crush on Spencer Reid, so huge she embarrasses herself every time she tries to talk to him. She is convinced he is aware to all her pathetic attempts at flirting and just chooses to ignore it, but turns out Spencer may be a little more clueless than she thought.

A/N: Hope yall enjoy this cute fluffy fic! I’ve been having a rough couple of days so writing a fun fluff like this was really comforting :) yes it is inspired by the t swift song, but you don’t need to know the song to read and enjoy! also my requests are open so let me know what you want to see! (also sorry if this is kind of short, but i’ve been super busy and wanted to put something out :)))

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Reader

Type: a cute pining fluff fic

Word Count: 2.3K

Content Warnings: mentions of alcohol, otherwise none.

“He got that boyish look that I like in a man I am an architect, I'm drawing up the plans It's like I'm seventeen, nobody understands No one understands”

“He has to know Penelope, I’m not exactly subtle.”

You and Penelope spent the majority of your lunch breaks in her office, discussing anything and everything. Recently however, the point of contention had been a certain young genius. One who you had a huge crush on.

“Spencer Reid may be a genius, and one of the best profilers I have ever seen but he most certainly does not know,” she said, as she drizzled more dressing on her salad.

“He has to, it feels like everyone knows. . . Do you think everyone knows?”

She shrugged, “They might, I know my Chocolate Thunder hasn’t picked up on it yet.”

“You haven’t told him? It’s already been a week since I’ve told you! How did you keep it a secret for so long?”

“You asked me very nicely not to tell anyone! Plus this one seems really important to you. I don’t want to go around telling people and for Reid to hear it in office gossip.”

You smiled, “Well you Penelope Garcia are the best, best friend ever.”

“You know it, now I know you desperately want to repay me for my services, and you can by giving me those exact ranch packets you have in your bag,” she said.

“They’re all yours, now let’s discuss something other than my pathetic schoolgirl crush. Like how stupid Kevin’s sweater was today.”

“Kevin? The other internal affairs technical analyst? Yeah what the heck was he wearing?”

“You know, I’m tired of having to carry the weight of the brains, looks and fashion sense out of the two of us,” you said. “Though, that is a good way to gather attention . . . I wonder if Spencer would actually hold a conversation with me if I wore something as ugly as that.”

She laughed, “You know I think that might send you backwards.”

You stabbed your lettuce, “At this point I’ll try anything.”

Before Penelope could respond, someone interrupted your lunch, your only other friend on the BAU team, Emily Prentiss.

“Oh hi Y/N! How are you!”

“I’m good Emily, what kind of gross things are you here to deliver today?” you and Emily joined the FBI at around the same time, and found comfort in the fact that you were both total try-hards. Emily was going to eat lunch with you and your fast friend Penelope, at least on days when she was in the office for lunch, but you and her both agreed that she should eat lunch with the team so that they can get used to having her around.

“Just some paperwork, no cases yet, knock on wood. Also I just wanted to say hello! What are you guys eating?” she asked, pulling up a chair.

“Some salads from that takeout veggie place PG is always talking about. I told you I was going vegetarian right?” “You did not! That’s great Y/N! We need to talk more, like we used to when we first started here,” she sighed, then perked up, “We should have girls night! Remember how fun it was that night at the bar? With Brad the real FBI agent?”

“Yes! We should! You know, Gideon’s replacement comes tomorrow, we should celebrate!” Garcia said.

“You know, I don’t know if the best way to celebrate a new agent is by drinking without them, but I’m down. We’ll toast our girls night to agent Rossi. Someone ask JJ if she’s busy.”

JJ was not busy, but when you and Emily asked, Morgan overheard.

“So am I not invited to the party?”

“Well it was supposed to be girls night . . . but I think PG would throw a fit if I turned down her 2nd favorite person in this building, so I guess you can come,” you teased. “You should come too Spencer!”

“I don’t know, that’s not really my thing . . “

“Oh come on! I know I would love to see you there,” you then realized that you were embarrassing yourself being so forward. “And I’m sure everyone else would too!”

“Alright, I’ll come, but I’m not drinking.” he said firmly. 

Before you could respond, Penelope magically appeared. “Good, you can be completely sober when Y/N gets wasted and embarrasses herself,” she said.

“PENELOPE! I’m not the light weight here! you’ll see Spencer, she’s actually awful. Two shots in and she’ll be on the floor,” this was apparently the wrong thing to say, because Spencer grimaced. “But it’ll be so much fun! You have to be there! You already said yes!”

“I just don’t know if seeing all of my coworkers get drunk while I watch is my idea of a fun evening. . .”

“Trust me! I’ll even stay sober with you, so we can judge them together. It’ll be a blast.”

“Ok, I’ll be there . . . but for now I need more coffee,” he pulled his chair out and walked towards the office kitchen. You silently cheered, forgetting how people were still standing around you.

“Well,” you awkwardly laughed, “um, I guess I better be getting back to my neck of the woods. I’m not a hot shot profiler like the rest of you guys . . . so see you all later!” You tried to escape before anyone interrogated you about your conversation with Spencer. However, a certain profiler followed quickly behind you. 

“So. . . you and pretty boy huh?”

“Shut it Morgan.”

{⋅. ♪ .⋅}

You stayed true to your word that night, Spencer stuck to water and you enjoyed a diet soda. The bartender, who you had grown fairly used to seeing on your many nights out, was shocked to hear you didn’t want any alcohol in it. 

It’s probably a good thing that you didn’t drink, you already embarrassed yourself enough in front of Spencer fully sober.

“So Spencer, you know that new bookstore you said you were going to go to after work a couple weeks ago?”

“New bookstore . . .? Oh yeah! What about it?”

“Well after I heard you talking about it I decided to check it out . . . It’s really nice there! I go like every other night now! We should totally go together sometime.” Luckily, you were sober enough to keep a secret: the fact you were only going so much in the hopes of running into him.

“Oh really? If I’m being honest I wasn’t super impressed with their selection, it was mostly contemporary fiction. And all in English . . . Not really my thing,” when he saw the way your face dropped he quickly changed his tone, “but it’s great if that’s your thing!”

This. Is. Humiliating. The amount of times you had gone and bought books from the bookstore, you were there almost every night hoping to run into him after work and start a conversation. You felt stupid, of course he wouldn’t want to go on a book store date with you. If Spencer Reid didn’t like you so much that he wouldn’t even go to a bookstore with you, there’s no chance at a relationship.

“Oh haha, yeah you’re right it’s totally lame. . .”

“Didn’t you just say you went there all the time?”

“No! When did I say that? You must be drinking Dr. Reid,” you said, quickly hopping off your bar stool, and running towards Morgan and Garcia, not turning around to see how confused Spencer was, but only being able to imagine him as relieved. Relieved he didn’t have to make conversation with you anymore.

“I’m blowing this PG, he totally hates me.”

Morgan laughed, “Y/N, you’re acting silly, this isn’t high school, we aren’t seventeen, stop dancing around it and just go ask him out.”

“Morgan, he doesn’t want to go to a bookstore with me, no way he’s agreeing to a date.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, calm down, maybe he’s just not in the mood to go?”

“You go ask him then, 20 bucks he says yes.”

“You’re on Y/N/N.”

7 minutes later Morgan returned and without a word pulled a twenty dollar bill out of his wallet and deposited it into your hand. “Sorry, Y/N.”

Penelope then piped up, “I’m telling you Y/N, he just doesn’t know. That boy is clueless.”

You scoffed, “I think he knows Penelope. I’ve made it pretty clear.”

“Have you told him?”

You were thrown off, “Um, no but-”

“Well then you haven’t made it clear enough, have you sugar?”

You almost said something, but you couldn’t really think of a good rebuttal for the argument. So instead, you downed Penelope’s half dranken frozen margarita, and headed back over to Spencer.

“Hey!” he said as you made your way back over, “I was wondering where you went, after you left Derek came over and asked to go to that bookstore with me, isn’t that extraordinary. . .”

“Do you wanna go on a date with me?” you blurted out.

“What?”

You sighed, “I’ve had a crush on you since like, forever, and I keep planning all these ways to ask you subtly but it’s just not working so I’m asking now. Do you want to go on a date with me?”

“You like me? I didn’t know that . . .”

“You’re joking.”

“No, I’m not, I thought you were just being nice. You’re nice to everyone and I didn’t want to get my hopes up.”

You smirked, “Get your hopes up? Does that mean you’re obsessed with me too Dr. Reid?”

He laughed in response, “Yeah, you could definitely say that.”

You dug through your purse and pulled out your keys, “Ok, then let’s get out of here.”

He paled, “And do what?”

“We’re going on our first date.”

He smiled, and you both got up off your bar stools and headed out the door, ignoring Morgan’s snide remarks as you passed. 

{⋅. ♪ .⋅}

You couldn’t help but smile as you drove. Every couple of seconds you couldn’t help but look over at Spencer, getting lost in his brownish hazel eyes, which looked indigo in the night. He would smile, the kind of smile people write silly little romance songs about and spend verses to describe, and tell you to pay attention to the road before you run off of it. You would laugh, tell him to calm down. Although originally you had an idea of where you were going, now you just wanted to drive in circles, to bask in this memory. 

“So where are we going?” he asked.

“Think about it Doctor Reid . . .” you replied, teasing him in the way you’ve imagined since you met him. 

You pulled up to that little bookstore on 16th avenue, the one you couldn’t stop going to out of the sheer chance Spencer might be there, the one that was obviously closed this late at night, but was too perfect not to spend your first date at. 

“Although this is beautifully symbolic, it’s almost 2 in the morning, this place closes at 8. We’re 5 hours, 49 minutes and 17 seconds late.”

You smiled and pulled out your ring of keys, “You know, when I spent hours a night hanging around here after work, hoping that you would happen to come shop for books and see me here too, the woman who owns this store got pretty curious. So I told her why I was here, and after she got done laughing at me she offered me a key, so that if I ever had the guts to ask you out, I could take you here no matter what.” You turned the key and swung the door open, gesturing him inside and locking the door behind you, “but we have to keep the lights off, so no one comes by and tries to get in.”

You and Spencer sit in the non-fiction section, and enjoy the silence for a few seconds before you have an idea, “Read me something Reid.”

He reached up, pulling a book off of the shelf without looking, “Are you sure, A Brief History of 1491: Life in America Before Columbus, is first date material?”

“Although that book is anything but brief, anything you read to me will sound stunning coming from your pretty mouth.”

So he begins to read, attempting to slow down to a reasonable pace but still going abnormally fast. You didn’t care though, more than you listened to the history of the late fifteenth century you watched Spencer’s hands. They’re really nice hands.

His right followed the words as he read aloud and his left helped hold the book. He wiggled the fingers on his left hand unconsciously as he spoke, getting into the words of the book. 

After about 25 pages he glanced over at you, and you could almost hear the gears turning in his head. After a second he went back to the page, and continued reading. You didn’t think anything of it until a couple minutes later, when his hand made its way to your left thigh.

He held it and you leaned into him, and you both stayed like that until you fell asleep hours later, with his head resting on top of yours. 

At 8:30 Mrs. Betts, the owner of the bookstore, found you and Spencer, arms around each other, the book thrown aside. She smiled, glad to know you had taken her up on her offer. She went to go wake you up but glanced at her watch. She didn’t have to officially open until 10. 

She could definitely spare a couple of minutes. 

“I want you, bless my soul I ain't gotta tell him I think he knows”

- Thank you for reading! Please reblog and let me know what you think :))

ATR’s tiny taglist: @reidingmelodies​

#spencer reid #Criminal Minds Spencer Reid #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid fluff #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x y/n #spencer reid one shot #reid #reid fanfic #Criminal Minds Reid #reid fanfiction #reid x reader #reid x y/n #reid x you #Criminal Minds #Criminal Minds Fanfiction #criminal minds fluff #spencerreidxreader #spencer reid taylor swift #mgg #matthew gray gubler #criminal minds fanfic #taylor swift spencer reid #alltooreid

[kyuuppi]

vegetable stew

Pairing: Kenma x Reader (f)

Contents: hurt/comfort; angst and fluff; body dysmorphia; eating disorder (negative thoughts, fat shaming, insecurity, mentions of starvation)

Word Count: 2.1k

Kenma has always been observant.

It was a large part of his success as a setter and even now his keen observational skills contribute to his career as a professional gamer. He tends to notice things others don’t and lately that means noticing how you’ve changed.

The more he thinks about it the more difficult it is to pinpoint the exact starting point of your behavior. Haven’t you always preferred baggy clothing?

He remembers the pretty blue sweater you used to treasure back in high school, wearing it every chance you got as soon as the weather report hinted at anything lower than 10°C. He loved that sweater too—not just because of the cute sweater paws it gave you or how it almost completely covered the shorts you wore beneath, offering an unobstructed view of your shapely thighs—but instead he relished in the way it seemed to make you feel. The confidence and joy in your expression was clear as day when you wore your favorite outfits and early on in your relationship he had quickly learned that somehow your happiness was synonymous to his own.

Hence Kenma’s current frustrations in seeing that spark of joy and self-confidence gradually diminishing in the past several weeks.

Although that particular sweater had long since left your wardrobe within the first few years of university, as well-loved and worn out as it was, the more recent favorites of yours have also seemed to have gone lately. It had been a while since you had worn the short yellow polka dot dress you had been so eager to show Kenma the first day you got back from the mall with your roommates. Every pair of shorts and colorful tennis skirts had also left your weekly rotation, leaving behind only dull sweatshirts with childhood cartoon characters and baggy joggers.

Objectively, Kenma hardly cared about what you wore. If fastening a potato sack around your form made you happy, Kenma wouldn’t bat an eye—the problem stemmed from the fact these clothes didn’t make you happy. Moreover, the bland clothing brought with them their own slew of behavioral changes.

You no longer wished to go out and you avoided taking pictures of yourself, your social media suffering from an obvious lack of cheeky selfies or “outfit of the day” posts as of late. However, the most concerning change of all was your refusal to eat.

Kenma had a habit of forgetting to eat himself. He rarely felt the mild twinges of hunger, his attention generally hyper-focused on something else whether it was a game, a video needing editing, or a class project he had pushed off for far too long. It was only when his own stomach growling would startle him or the hunger pains got unbearable that he would acknowledge the human requirement of sustenance (not that the instant ramen in his cabinets provided much nutrients anyhow).

You were much more in tune with your body and, unlike him, you looked forward to eating; scheduled your days around it, even.

Your mornings began with a balanced breakfast—a meal Kenma was rarely even awake in time for—followed by a generous lunch break in which you would intentionally put everything on pause. Regardless of how much work you had to do you always made time to put everything down and have a decent lunch. It was good for your soul, you would say. A time to live in the moment and relieve yourself of stress.

For dinner you often made it a point to eat with others, whether it was going to a rowdy Korean BBQ with some friends or a dinner date at home with just him, you enjoyed sharing a meal surrounded by the people you love. On top of it all, you frequently had snacks: small bags of crackers, slices of fruit, or a few cookies you made yourself.

You loved cooking almost as much as you loved eating; most of the times he invited you over you brought a large bag with you filled to the brim with ingredients he wouldn’t have a clue what to do with. You would chastise him about his awful eating habits, grimacing at the ramen and chip wrappers overflowing in the kitchen trash can before you diligently prepare a meal for you both, healthy and flavorful, full of the vegetables he hadn’t had since the last time he went home to visit his mom.

You made him look forward to meal times too, if only to see the way you light up when he compliments your cooking or the pure bliss when you take the first bite of your favorite side dish. Eating with you became one of his favorite parts of the day.

And so that last time you made him dinner—a steaming plate of curry with shrimp tempura—the normally delicious food suddenly turned sour on his tongue when he realized you had only made him dinner.

“I’m just not very hungry today,” you had assured him with a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes.

Foolishly, he hadn’t said anything at the time.

Maybe you had a large lunch, maybe you had a stomach ache, maybe you just didn’t want curry today—at that point in time he had no reason to think there was something seriously wrong. He had no reason to think you were starving yourself.

It wasn’t until weeks later when all the evidence stacked up, the many different signs piecing themselves together like a puzzle until it was impossible not to see the picture, even if a few were still missing.

Your baggy clothing, your refusal to eat anything, your off-handed comments about how the female characters in whatever fighting game he was playing had such nice figures—it became crystal clear what you were doing and it made him feel sick.

Kenma doesn’t generally care about others’ looks; he tends to worry more on how he is perceived than how he perceives others but he is confident that he rather likes your body as it is. He would rather die than admit how often he finds his gaze wandering when your legs are bare or how his eyes naturally trace the curve of your waist down to the width of your hips his fingers twitch to touch—he has had many thoughts about your body, none of which have ever been negative.

Even so, he doesn’t mind if you want to change yourself. He isn’t foolish enough to think he has the right to dictate how you decide to present yourself to this world, but he refuses to allow the reason for your change to be one that stems from low self-esteem or insecurity.

When you step into Kenma’s apartment, weary from a long day of classes and the extra hours spent at the gym, the last thing you expect is to be greeted by the scent of some type of stew, warm and hearty. Your stomach clenches longingly but you quickly reprimand yourself—you already reached your tiny caloric limit for the day.

You have hardly made it into the living room when Kenma comes out from the kitchen, dyed hair tied in a low bun but messy, several strands poking out and sticking across his sweaty forehead. A dark blue apron is tied around his waist and his right hand holds a ladle, the perfect image of a frazzled housewife. If you weren’t so shocked by the scene you would have laughed.

“Welcome back,” he greets softly.

“Are you...cooking something?”

Kenma looks slightly embarrassed by your incredulous tone but not offended. In all the years you have known Kenma you have never seen him in the kitchen for longer than the three minutes required to heat up a bowl of noodles. Him slaving away in front of the stove for a bowl of homemade soup is nearly unfathomable to you.

“Vegetable stew...it’s my mom’s recipe,” your boyfriend explains sheepishly.

The mental image of Kenma shyly FaceTiming his mother as she patiently walks him through chopping up carrots and mixing spices makes your lips twitch upwards and you make your way past him to curiously survey his work.

“You didn’t have to go through the effort, I could have cooked you something, y’know,” you comment as you lean over the large pot on the stove.

The contents are a rich brown color with hints of potatoes, carrots, and onions peaking out. You’re gifted another pang of hunger and you quickly step back as if it would prevent you from falling into temptation.

Kenma quietly slips into the kitchen directly behind you, his chest nearly brushing your arm as he speaks.

“It's okay, I wanted to cook for us this time.”

You freeze.

Immediately, you break into a cold sweat, the prospect of eating sending you into a state of anxiety. You can’t eat—you don’t deserve to eat. Not when your arms are so flabby, your waist so undefined, your inner thighs so close to each other—

“I appreciate it,” you start.

Your voice sounds unnaturally high even to your own ears.

“But I’m not hungry—I had a really big lunch.”

Turning, you try to offer him an apologetic smile but his face looks off. His lips are pulled into a slight frown and his eyes seem to be looking through you, as if he knows you’re lying.

“Y/n...I don’t like what you’re doing.”

You attempt to laugh but it comes out hollow.

“I’m not doing anything bad, just dieting a bit.”

“I think you’re being a little extreme.”

You huff, starting to feel defensive. You don’t want to have this conversation, not now, not ever.

“Kenma, I’m totally fine, I promise.”

“I’m worried about you,” he insists.

“I’m telling you there’s nothing to worry about, I’m being safe.”

“Skipping meals isn’t healthy.”

“Kenma, being this fat isn’t healthy!”

The words escape before you can think to stop them and you can already feel the shame pricking at your eyes as you turn away. You don’t want to see your boyfriend’s look of disgust once he realizes you’re right, once he realizes how fat and unattractive his girlfriend is. Kenma is skinny, he deserves a petite girlfriend who is just as tiny, a girl with slender legs that look cute in shorts and a stomach that lays flat regardless of the time of day. He deserves the sexy girls in his video games, in shape from years of training and perfected suited for tight leather bikini tops.

You don’t realize you’re shaking until Kenma wraps his arms around your shoulders, burying his face into the side of your neck. He lets out a shuttered sigh and if you didn’t know any better you’d think he’s crying as well.

“I love you,” he murmurs against your skin, “and I don’t like seeing you hurting yourself. If you want to lose weight, I’ll help you. We can make healthy foods together and eat them together and exercise together—just please stop skipping meals.”

Your throat feels like it's stuffed with cotton so you can only nod in agreement, raising one hand to weakly wipe at the hot tears staining your cheeks.

The two of you stand like that, huddled in the middle of the kitchen, for several long minutes until the last of your tears have gone before Kenma gently pushes you to sit down at the coffee table. He prepares two steaming bowls full of vegetable stew for you both and you silently eat as Kenma tells you how low calorie the broth is and how many nutrients his mom said were in the vegetables he used. He tells you about a new fitness game on the Nintendo Switch that you two can play together. By the time you finish your meals, Kenma has already promised to wake up early to go jogging around the neighborhood together even though you know he absolutely hates waking up early and exercising when he doesn’t have to.

Your chest aches with how much he loves you, how far he’s willing to go just if he thinks it will help you and make you happy.

A small part of your mind begs you not to listen. It insists you’ll be fat forever if you don’t starve yourself; no pain, no gain. But the more rational part of you gazes into those soft golden eyes, filled with concern and love as he rambles on about the best sources of protein—all stuff he had learned from his professional volleyball player friend Hinata—and you know your answer.

Kenma loves you, he would do anything to see you happy and healthy and you would do anything to please him.

You love him more than you hate yourself.

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