#It’s been about a month since I doodled the first set so seeing them again made me want to revisit Angel Edgar

[heartateasee]

"Chapter Two"

Word Count: 5.6k

(Chapter two to “Cherry Bomb” - please make sure to read the TW on the “Cherry Bomb” masterlist before proceeding.)

●・○・●・○・●

Today marks a month since my hometown show, which also means I’ve been back in LA officially for the same amount of time. I hadn’t really been out much since being here considering there was still a lot of rearranging to do with my house. For starters, it took a few weeks to get my home recording studio completely set up the way I needed it. I had also painted a lot of the walls, and worked on getting my patio to look like an oasis. 

My home was finally feeling like just that…home.

It’s been a while since I’ve had that feeling considering I was bouncing from place to place while touring - sleeping each night either in the van as we drove to another location, or a hotel if we had the time.

Having a place to call my own now is so refreshing. It finally feels like I’m settling down somewhere for the first time since I left home to pursue music. I’ve managed to make it completely me, and I’m proud of myself for that.

Another reason why I think I threw myself into renovating my house so much was due to the fact that I had seen Harry again. After five years, I saw someone who I had tried my hardest to forget.

But the sad thing was, it still wasn’t him.

I’ve made peace with the fact that my Harry is truly gone, and to be honest, I think it’s helped me push forward a bit when it comes to that healing. People really are telling the truth when they say sometimes you never properly heal - the pain just dulls. I think that’s how it will always be when it comes to the loss of Harry.

There’s nothing like speaking about someone as if they were dead when they’re still very much alive.

Regardless of me not really taking the time to see how things had changed in LA, I made myself a promise that today I’d be remedying that. I want to try to go and look for a few additional art pieces for both my living room and bathroom, and I also want to see if the old record store I used to shop at was still open.

That record store holds a lot of memories for me, and I hope to see that it’s still the same.

Looking at myself in the full length mirror in my room, I tug on a pair of black flared corduroys - pairing them with my trusty black platform Dr. Martens. I pull on a black tank top and tuck it into the waistband of my trousers before pulling on a black mesh top over that. I give myself a small nod as I fluff up my hair that I had already done, and I give my makeup one more glance as I head out of my bedroom.

With my small black purse over my shoulder, and my keys in my hand, I make my way outside and into my car. I start towards town, and I make the decision to go looking for some vinyls first since that’s what I’m most excited about.

As I drive, I take in the scenery around me, and I can see that there’s obviously been a lot of build up in the area since I was last living here. More apartment buildings, houses and shopping centers. It was the same, but it wasn’t - much like myself now that I’ve returned.

I feel a smile tug onto my lips as I see the sign for the record store, and I can’t help but let out a small laugh when I realize that’s thankfully one of the things that hasn’t changed at all. Pulling into the parking lot, I park and get out while feeling the giddiness in my stomach that at least something has remained the same.

The same old bell chimes as I step in the front door, and I look over to see there’s no one behind the counter currently. I can’t help but stop in my tracks as I look at it - covered with various bands stickers and doodles, it brings me right back to when I would come in here almost every day the summer after highschool.

“There she is!” Harry's voice bellows as I walk into the record store with a bag of Taco Bell in my hand - a drink carrier in the other. “And she brings me food?”

He dramatically looks up at the sky with his hands pressed together as if he were praying. “I don’t know what I did for whoever is up there to give me Marlowe Finch as my best friend, but I could kiss your ass right now for doing so.”

I can’t help but giggle at his words as I shake my head, and I make my way over to the counter. After making sure the bag and drinks are secure on the surface, I also push myself up onto it before dishing out the food.

“I got you the Mexican pizza combo with a Baja Blast,” I tell him as I pull out the box as well as setting his drink down by him. I make sure I also give him the taco that comes with it. “Oh, and I got you chips and cheese!”

I can feel Harry watching my every move as I set our food up for the two of us, and I look over to him once I finish - feeling my cheeks flush a bit. “What?”

Harry shakes his head as his bunny teeth clamp down on his bottom lip. “Nothing, just so lucky to have you - that’s all.”

“And I’m lucky to have you,” I don’t hesitate to say it back as I lift a hand up to fix the backwards hat he currently has on. He was growing his hair out, but was insistent on wearing hats. He looks like a true frat boy, which is a thing I always give him shit over. “Going to a party or something after your shift? You’re a little more dressed up than usual.”

“Yeah, one of the guys who’s in a local band invited me. He comes in here a lot to put up flyers for their gigs, and he said they’re having a pretty big house party,” Harry shrugs as he pulls the wrapper off his taco, slathering it with sauce before taking a massive bite.

I make a face as I watch him eat, and he reaches out to pinch my hip - eliciting a squeal from me.

“You don’t have to eat it like a starved animal, you know? It’s not going anywhere,” I tease with a wink as I bite into a piece of my chicken quesadilla. “But a house party sounds fun. Do you need me to pick you up later once you’re ready to leave it?”

“You know I’m not going to be drinking,” Harry says, pausing to take a sip of his Baja Blast. “I can just call an Uber or I can walk.”

“Harry,” I tilt my head to the side. “You know I don’t mind giving you rides, right? It lets me spend more time with you.”

I notice that Harry pauses on eating for a moment as he looks down at his feet before he speaks. “I don’t know. I just feel like a burden sometimes since I don’t have my own car.”

“Hey,” I place my food to the side for a moment, and I take his food from him to do the same before I place his hands in mine - giving them a squeeze. “You will never be a burden to me. Never. Do you understand?”

Harry purses his lips to the side, and I raise my eyebrows as if to enunciate my statement again. His shoulders deflate before he gives me a soft nod which causes me to smile.

“Good, glad we cleared that up,” I tell him as I start in on my food again. “Are they going to come and pick you up from here?”

He doesn’t answer me right away as he leans against the counter, pondering as he chews the bite he just took from his taco. “Why don’t you just come with me?”

“I don’t know, H,” I squirm slightly at the thought of being around people I’m not familiar. “It’s not like these people even have any idea who I am. They’ll probably think it’s weird if I just turn up with you.”

“Well, if they said something about it, then we’d leave,” Harry’s eyebrows narrow as he holds my eyes. “I wouldn’t want to be around those types of people anyway.”

I glance over at the clock to see he has about two hours left of his shift. “How about I think about it? I’ll just hang out until you’re done - that way I can take you anyway, yeah?”

Harry sends me that boyish grin of his that here recently has sent my heart fluttering, and he reaches over to dip one of his chips into the cheese before he’s extending it out to me. I roll my eyes playfully at him as I lean forward - capturing the chip between my teeth before letting it fall back onto my tongue.

“I think that sounds like a plan,” he tells me.

The sound of someone entering behind me causes me to come back to reality, and I immediately leave the main area of the store to head into one of the side rooms. I wasn’t even sure if the organization in here was the same as it used to be, but I just had to get away from that counter for a moment.

I spent so many days just sitting on top of that while I would watch Harry work, and half the time I’d be helping him get his stuff done so we could get out faster. All we cared about back then was playing music in my garage, so we always tried to get him out of the store as quickly as possible once his shift was through.

As I approach the section of shelves that was strictly for 80’s records, I decide that’s as good of a place to start as any. I begin to flip through the records while nibbling on the inside of my cheek as I do so.

I pull a few out that I know I’d be more than happy to have before continuing my way through the room. My attention gets caught for a moment by a blonde girl exiting out of the employee only room, and I can tell she’s heading back up towards the front while adjusting her clothes.

It’s only a few seconds later that I catch another body exiting the same room, but I keep my back slightly turned to them as I continue to sort through the vinyls.

Just as I’m about to grab a Talking Heads album, my attention is stolen once more by the sound of a high-pitched giggle, followed by a single name.

“Harry!”

I can’t help but flash my eyes over to the counter since I’ve made my way back towards that area, and I see Harry’s body wrapped around the girl I had seen just a few seconds ago.

“Stop it - you’ve already had me away from the customers for the last fifteen minutes,” the girl continues to laugh, acting as if she were trying to push him off of her, but it’s obvious she’s loving the contact from him.

Knowing I need to get out of here, I go to set the records down that I had in my hand, but I’m caught off guard by a gasp, and I can see the girl looking past Harry’s shoulder at me.

“Holy shit!” Harry is quick to look over his shoulder to see what she’s on about, and I watch his expression harden once he sets his sights on me. “You’re Marlowe Finch!”

The girl unravels herself from Harry, and she walks over to me with a large smile. I clear my throat when I realize I’m going to have to interact with her. Clearly she’s a fan, and I don’t want to come across as rude. My issue is with Harry - not her.

“Uh, hi, that’s me,” I nod, forcing a smile of my own.

“I was so bummed that I missed your show a few weeks ago, but this one was sick,” she gestures her thumb over her shoulder to Harry before crossing her arms over her chest. “So I stayed home too so I could be on standby, in case he needed me.”

I soon realize that he obviously lied to this girl about where he was that night considering he was very much at my gig, and not at home sick. He sends me a look, one that I quickly interpret as a warning, but all that does is cause me to get a bit angry.

“Funny seeing you here, Harry,” I say, raising an eyebrow at him. “Do you still work here too?”

The girl looks between the two of us for a moment - confusion etched on her face. “Wait, you guys know each other?”

Harry walks to stand behind the blonde after hearing that question, and I stifle a laugh at the fact that he hasn’t even talked about me once to her.

“Harry and I used to be best friends up until a few years ago.”

“What the hell?” She lifts her hand to hit the back of it lightly against Harry’s chest. “How come you’ve never told me this?”

I can’t lie and say that it doesn’t hurt to know that he really does just forget that I ever existed in his life. I’m actually a bit envious of him at the same time though. I wish I had the capability just to block out years of memories that I no longer wanted.

Harry remains silent, but the girl doesn’t wait for him to respond before she speaks again. “Well, I’m Rylan,” she says, extending her hand to me which I shake. “Are you staying in town for long?”

“Just moved back actually,” I nod. “I plan on being here for some time since I just finished up my tour, and I’m starting to work on my new album.”

“Oh, that’s so exciting! We should totally hang out sometime since you’re going to be sticking around.”

I can see the annoyance written all over Harry’s face as Rylan continues to ramble, and I send him a slight smirk. The one thing he wants to avoid, he simply can’t - all due to the fact his girlfriend is currently making over me.

“Well, if Harry still has my number, it’s the same, so…” I trail off with a shrug, and Rylan claps her hand. 

“I can’t believe I’m going to be hanging out with you. I feel like I'm in a dream right now,” she shakes her head before seeing the records I didn’t get a chance to put down. “If you’re all set, I can ring those up for you.”

“Sure.”

Rylan takes the vinyls from me, and she turns her back towards both Harry and I to walk towards the counter. As I walk past Harry, we allow our eyes to run over each other before I’m looking back ahead to properly check-out. I can still feel his sight on me as I hand my card over to Rylan who’s bagging up my records. She extends the bag to me over the surface - a large smile on her face.

“It was nice to meet you, Marlowe. Hopefully we can all hang out soon. I’m sure you and Harry have a lot to catch up on.”

For some reason, that simple phrase causes a knot to grow in my throat, and I force a smile. “Yeah, I bet. See you around.”

Turning towards the door, I keep my head down as I walk past Harry, and once I’m outside, I let out a breath that I didn’t even know I had been holding in. I quickly get in my car, and I’m thankful that I had parked facing away from the windows of the building as I place my records in the passenger seat. I stare blankly at my steering wheel as I take a minute to gather myself.

This was a mistake. I should’ve never moved back here.

I should’ve just planted roots somewhere else given my parents had moved, but I just felt so drawn to come back here. This was the place that gave me inspiration to start music in the first place, and I figured it would be good to write my first album here. It seems that now I was terribly mistaken. The thought of having to worry about seeing Harry everywhere I go will eventually take its toll on me. All of my years of therapy will be washed down the drain.

After taking a few more moments to collect myself, I start my car, and I head off in the direction of the art gallery I had looked up earlier today to try to get my mind off this whole encounter.

●・○・●・○・●

It had been a few days since running into Harry at the record store, and mentally, I was doing better with it than I thought I was going to. I expected my mind to race once I laid down in bed that night, but that didn’t happen. Thankfully, I distracted myself with hanging up the new art I got while playing a couple new records, and I think that helped get my mind off of it.

Kailey had texted me earlier today and asked if I wanted to go out for a few drinks later, and I agreed. I had seen her a couple times since I got back, mostly because she came over and helped me with a lot of the painting I did in my house, but this was going to be the first time that we were actually going out.

It’s exciting to me, to be honest. Yes, I’ve been traveling and going out here and there for the past few years, but I haven’t really gone out with a friend in so long - not since I left.

I went for a rather simple look tonight - just a pair of ripped black skinny jeans, a cropped white tee and my leather jacket. Of course, my platform boots were on my feet.

Since it was a little up in the air how much we would end up drinking tonight, I decided to order myself an uber, and I made sure I had my cards, keys and phone before heading out the door. I only had to wait a couple minutes for my Uber to arrive, and as I got into the back seat, Kailey sent me a text to tell me she was on the way as well.

I’m hoping that by going out tonight that it gives me a better outlook on deciding to move back to LA. After the encounter with Harry, it did have me questioning everything, even though I didn’t spiral as bad as I thought that I would. I’ve managed to keep up a pretty good relationship with Kailey, despite being gone, so I’m more than hopeful that we’ll fall back into our old ways.

I know that I have my band, and Lys, but it’ll be nice to feel like I have close friends again.

I pull up to the agreed location just a few minutes after getting in the car since it’s not too far from my house, and I step inside. I’m looking around for Kailey, but I don’t see her yet, so I decide to make my way to the bar to go ahead and order a drink. 

As I’m waiting behind a few people, I see the door open again out of the corner of my eye, and I see Kailey.

“Kailey!” I call over to the noise of the music, and I watch her eyes wander around for a moment before they settle on me.

She smiles wide, and waves her hand high in the air before she starts to make her way over to me. Once she reaches me, we wrap our arms around each other in a big hug, and I let out a small sigh at how nice it feels to have contact with someone like this. It wasn’t too common for me these days.

“How are you?” I ask as we move up a bit towards the bar, both of us with our arms now crossed over our chests.

“I’m good, just got off of work, and I came straight here. How about you? Did you finally get everything settled at the house?”

I nod, feeling a sense of pride that I have gotten myself all situated. “I did, actually. I picked up a few more art pieces earlier this week to fill some empty space on the walls that I had, but I think everything is officially in place. You’ll have to come over for dinner and a movie night sometime.”

“Oh, I’d love that!” Kailey exclaims with a toothy grin. “It’ll be just like old times.”

Eventually it’s our turn, and I order myself just a Coors Light to start. Kailey orders herself a beer as well, and then we head towards a high-top table tucked into the corner - having it be a little more secluded in the busy little bar.

“I know you’ve been super busy with the house, but have you had a chance to get out a little bit? There’s a lot that’s the same, but a lot that’s different,” Kailey says as she takes a sip of her drink.

“The day I picked up the art pieces was actually the first day I was able to do that,” I wrap both of my hands around my cool glass - tapping my fingertips against it lightly. “Went to the art gallery, but I went to the old record store before that.”

Kailey pauses her attempt at another sip at my words, and she lowers her glass back down onto the table. “You did, did you?”

“Yeah,” I sigh, shaking my head. “Saw Harry.”

Kailey’s eyes widen at my words. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Yeah, and well…that wasn’t the first time I saw him. I forgot to tell you, but I also saw him at my show.”

She stares at me for a moment with a slack jaw before she shakes her head. “Okay, wow,” she clears her throat, actually taking a large sip of her beer afterwards. “And how were both of those run-ins?”

I purse my lips to the side as I try to decide how to answer her. “Pretty unfortunate, to say the least,” I laugh sadly. “He caught me after my gig, and he pretty much just said he wanted to confirm it was me, but that he still wants to act like I don’t exist. The other day when I saw him at the record store, he was all over some girl. Rylan was her name, I think?”

“Yeah, Rylan,” Kailey rolls her eyes. “She’s something.”

“You know her?” I ask, eyebrows narrowing as I take another sip of beer.

“She hangs around with Mikey’s group of friends, and I’ve run into her a couple of times at his parties. Her and Harry have been together for a little bit from what I’ve heard,” she shrugs. “She’s younger though - 22, I think? Fucking loves to party it seems.”

“I thought you hadn’t really seen Harry.”

“Over the past few months he’s been turning up more with her, but before that I only saw him those couple times I told you about. Did he talk to you the other day at the store?”

I shake my head. “Didn’t utter a fucking word. Rylan was fangirling over me, and he just stood there…glaring. I’m sure it had to eat him up that his girlfriend was losing her mind. She wants to hang out with me too.”

Kailey throws her head back with a laugh. “I’m sorry, Marlowe, but oh my god. The poor girl is actually clueless, isn’t she?”

“It seems so. He lied to her about being at my gig. Apparently she wanted to go, and he told her that he was sick, so she stayed home in case he needed her.”

“Wow,” Kailey lifts her glass and extends it towards me. “I think we can cheers to a big ol’ ‘fuck Harry’, am I right?”

I can’t help but chuckle as I lift my glass - clinking it against hers. “You’re right.”

She hums as flails her hand in the air, as if she’s brushing the subject matter of our current conversation away. “But enough about that asshole. How’s the album coming along?”

“To be honest with you? It isn’t,” I run a hand through my hair. “I haven’t really had any inspiration hit me lately, and I know I have a meeting coming up with my label soon. I’m a bit stressed. They’re going to expect an anticipated release date, and I’m not going to be able to give that to them.”

“Well your manager, Lys, right?” I nod as she continues. “I’m sure she’s going to rally for you. She’ll make sure you get all the time you need in order to create what you want, and to put something out that you’re proud of. Don’t let them pressure you into a deadline.”

“Yeah, it’s just…it’s not a good look that this is my first album, and I can’t even get my head on straight to properly get to work on it. I’ve just been so busy with the move, but now that I have my studio set up, I’m hoping it’ll be easier to get some material together.”

“You’ve got this,” Kailey nods. “Your song writing has always been stellar, and you can come up with melodies at the drop of a hat. It’s going to all work out.”

She reaches across the table to wrap her hand around my wrist - giving it a squeeze of reassurance as we share a smile between the two of us.

Our conversation continues on, and eventually we order ourselves another round of beers. At one point, my phone lights up on the table, and I look down to see Harry’s name. My eyebrows narrow, and I swallow harshly as I stare at it. I was in need of a cigarette anyway, so I figure that answering it won’t be too much of an issue.

I can’t tell you why I’ve kept his number saved all these years. It was something I always wanted to bring up in therapy, but I never did. I guess there was a part of me that still wanted to know I could contact him in some way, if I needed to. I had also convinced myself that he probably had a new number, and the contact in my phone was just a placeholder of what used to be.

“I’m going to step out and take this call and have a smoke. I’ll be right back,” I tell Kailey as I stand up, and she gives me a thumbs up while taking a large sip from her glass.

Heading outside, I answer the phone, and I hold it between my ear and my shoulder as I pull a cigarette from my pack - placing it between my lips as I struggle to get my lighter out as well. “Hello?”

I can hear music coming through the speaker, but I don’t hear anyone speaking as I light up my cigarette. Giving it a few minutes, I roll my eyes as I lean against the building, taking a long drag before pulling the stick from my mouth.

“Harry, if you’re talking I can’t hear you.”

It’s silent again for a few seconds, and as I’m going to place my cigarette back between my lips, he speaks. “You just had to come back, didn’t you?”

I pause, the filter almost to my mouth as my face contorts. “What?”

“You heard me, Marlowe,” his words are slurring, and I close my eyes when I realize he’s extremely drunk. “You just had to fucking come back here.”

I’ve never been around Harry drunk, therefore I’ve never known what he could sound like, but right now he sounds even less like my Harry than ever before.

“Well, it is my hometown,” I scoff before taking another drag.

“Did you come back here just to torture me for leaving your stupid little band?”

I blow out smoke towards the sky before I answer him. “It wasn’t just my band, Harry, it was ours. But no, I wanted to spend some time at home. I haven’t really been able to within the past three years.”

“Why?” Harry chuckles darkly into the phone. “You don’t have anyone here anyway. Your parents have moved - no siblings.”

I bite down on my bottom lip as Harry brings up my relationship with my parents. He knows they love me, but he also knows we’re not very close. They’ve been to a few of my shows here and there, and they’ve made it clear they’re proud of me. That’s all I can really ask for.

“Thanks for that,” I try to keep my cool - playing up my sarcasm to cope with his comment. “I had completely forgotten my family dynamic.”

“I’m just saying, there’s not a single person who truly wants you here.”

“That’s funny,” I mumble around the filter of my cigarette. “Because I’m actually out for drinks with Kailey as we speak.”

It’s silent again, but I continue to hear the muffled music in the background, so I know he’s still there.

“Okay, I’m hanging up now, Harry. This call is absolutely pointless.”

“Just one more thing before you go,” Harry’s voice holds a tone that I’ve never heard before.

I wait.

“I left the band because I couldn’t stand being around your stuck up attitude. You’re so fucking full of yourself, Marlowe. So fucking selfish,” he spits, and my lips part at the harsh words he casts my way. “You going solo like you did just proves you were going to use us, and then leave us out to dry once you made it. I couldn’t stand being in the same room with you anymore because of how you were acting - how you’re probably still acting.”

I can’t even find the words to respond to what he’s just said to me. Never in my life has he spoken to me in such a way, or said such hurtful things - things that he has to know aren’t true. As much as I want to prove that to him, I know in the end it’s pointless. 

This Harry doesn’t want explanations or reasoning. This Harry is already set in his ways and his thinking. Arguing with him would be like arguing with a brick wall.

“You’re talking out of your ass right now, and you’re clearly drunk,” I toss my cigarette to the ground, snuffing it out with the toe of my boot. “I’m actually going to hang up now. Don’t call me again. Goodbye, Harry.”

My hands shake as I hang up my phone - slipping it into the back pocket of my jeans. I suck in a deep breath as I drop my head back to rest against the brick behind me. 

As much as that call should upset me even more, I think it’s not because I’ve actually come to the realization now, more than ever, that Harry is not the same person. He will never be again. I’ve already mourned who he used to be. I’ve already worked through that trauma to a point where I feel comfortable dealing with the little bit that still remains.

That man on the phone was not someone who used to be my best friend. He’s a complete stranger.

I let out a deep breath before making my way back into the bar, and Kailey sends me a smile. “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, that was Harry.”

“Come again?” 

“I don’t want to talk about it. Can we just get some shots?” I laugh, and she nods as she pushes herself up from the table.

“Oh, I’m about to get you two back to back,” she says, guiding me to sit back down. “I’ll be just a minute.”

My eyes follow Kailey as she pushes through people to make her way back to the bar, and I fiddle with my fingers on top of the surface in front of me. 

I have to come to terms with the fact that I’ll probably be seeing a lot of Harry now, especially if what Kailey said is true about Rylan hanging out with people who Mikey knows. Maybe it’ll end up being a good thing - it’ll be the true closure I need to just lay it all to rest. It was already seeming to be going in that direction anyway.

It’s only a few minutes later that Kailey is back with a small serving tray with two more beers and a total of four shots.

“We’re getting drunk,” she tells me as she sets everything down. “And we’re not going to talk about that dickhead anymore.”

We each grab a shot glass and raise it in the air. “Fuck Harry Styles,” I say, repeating her cheers from earlier, but adding his last name to it - to really feel it.

Kailey smirks as she nods. 

“Fuck Harry Styles.”

●・○・●・○・●

A/N: If you'd like to see what I picture Kailey and Rylan to look like as well, I've included their pictures below! Thank you so much for reading, and I'll see you all very soon for the next one.

Kailey

Rylan

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Taglist: @daydreamingofmatilda @prettygurl-2009 @ghoststyles @lillefroe @gem1712 (if you’d like to be added to my taglist, please send me a DM!)

#harry styles fanfiction #harry styles #harry styles writing #harry styles fic #harry edward styles #harry styles smut #harry styles ff #harry styles fanfic #harry styles smutty fanfic #harry styles au #harryedwardstyles #harrystylesfanfic #harry fanfic #harry styles fan fic #harrystyles #harry #harry styles angst #harry smut #harry styles x fmc #harry x fmc #dark!harrystyles #dark!harry #Spotify

[lucabyte]

obligatory ramble about postcanon loop ask

also your art is amazing

Hiiiiiiiii :D thank you :)!!

and thank you for the excuse to post the. just absolute wall of text that i truncated down to form the tags of that post. (i did,,, hit the tag limit. i forgot tumblr had one of those...) so let me just paste that and tidy it up a bit...

I am putting this under a readmore because it's a bit long. but:

This is like. The General Context for all* of my postcanon doodles? (Except AUs obviously) Like this is the base idea I've been drawing them all in. So, feel free to backread with this in mind. I've basically had this 'postcanon' timeline set in my brain since finishing the game...

My general thoughts are that I like the idea of Loop (even if through dubiously ethical means) being able to slowly reintegrate with the party as a whole new person, because they are, in fact, their own person.

It's a muddle of thematic threads im pulling on and "wouldn't it be fucked up if", but. (at its core, it's powered by the fact that like, while narratively isat's theme of 'the only person who can truly take the first step to help you is yourself'. (wrt: loop helping the party help siffrin in act 5) which i LOVE AND IS GREAT NARRATIVELY…. would be super fucked up irl to learn that your friend 'learned as a lesson' while you stood by kinda uselessly. I know i'd be upset about it. but thats mostly background here. doesn't really come up. at least not until loop has to explain who they are and the party realises they had to fall back on literally themselves again for help, but i digress,)

The real core concept is: Occam's razor. It is like, inherently, a buckwild thing to accuse a person of being somehow a clone or copy of your friend. Even if they start vaguely alluding to a backstory it's far more likely they were some other person before all that. (I still think Odile has that theory in the back pocket but she's rational enough to know it's a really long shot without a solid explanation. and i think Loop deep down knows this, and would, if cornered into confessing, turn the situation around to go J'ACCUSE and make HER explain it instead. Ever longer dodging being direct with their emotions...)

And the party are nice! And if someone has changed and wants to keep stuff secret it's kind of not their business? (Though it's hard not to speculate… see: the main joke of the doodles) And they seem important to Siffrin so they just try to accept them abrasive quirks and all. And eventually the question of their prior identity just fades away since, well, they're Loop. Their friend Loop.

but yeah. personal headcanon is that a few months/weeks after picking up and getting aquainted with Nille** (since that was presumably the IMMEDIATE TASK postgame), Loop reappears (either after a literal period of nonexistance, or just spending a few months wandering the french countryside alone being attacked by wild dogs). Since Siffrin has had a while to be therapised by the party they're doing mostly okay, but Loop showing up and still being agitated/aggressive pulls them both into a bit of a backslide behaviourally and puts the party on the back foot again.

Hooowever, I do think that due to no longer being literally stewing in the worst pressure cooker of all time together, the two do mostly actually sort themselves out with productive conversation. (Via a cycle of: genuinely distressing argument -> weeeird lovebombing -> ok we're good -> repeat, that gets less intense over time)

Thus, allowing the party to just. Integrate loop as a new person. They and Siffrin shuffle into different ecological niches (Loop taking over stuff Siffrin is now too squeamish for, etc (see: hunting, mostly)), and while it's not exactly what Loop wanted they generally get that beggars can't be choosers and it's a pretty good deal. And the rest of the party does straight up just like them as a friend, especially when Loop quits trying to actively antagonise them after a few weeks of being around them, since they just can't keep up being mean to people they like forever.

As for how I think the truth eventually drags itself out. This is where I invoke The Isabeau Torment Nexus™. So its gonna get shippy here for a bit hold on.

Which is, I think giving them time before Loop reappears long enough that Siffrin and Iseabeau actually manage to become established, Isabeau has to be the one to nudge the pair of them and go. "Hey. You know we're in Vaugarde right. I'm okay with polyamory if we all communicate." Before Loop and Siffrin actually even acknowledge that whatever the fuck they have going on kinda looks a lot like a relationship of some kind. (or have already been agonising about that via fighting and arguing, depending) (Obviously this comes after Isa "Emotionally intelligent enough to keep a lid on the jealousy" Beau has managed to use that big brain of his to Not just go Scream somewhere on the daily because oh godddd they keep talking like theyre suicide-baiting each other jesus chriiist. is it overstepping his boundaries to bring that up?? god)

This, taking a bunch of the tension out of Loop and Isabeau's relationship (Since I imagine Loop is a. being weird for the obvious reasons and b. feeling kinda guilty about 'getting in the way of' Siffrin and Iseabeau), allows them to actually get close in a normal friend way. (I think an interesting turning point could be Isabeau actually taking Loop's side in an argument vs Siffrin, which would absolutely break Loop's brain. Especially if it's an argument that matters. Like what do you mean he isn't just going to play favourites. What?)

Then Isabeau, just actually open minded and charmed by Loop (and maybe even somewhat at Siffrin's suggestion?) tries to close the final open side on the polyamory triangle here and that's the final straw for Loop on "This lie by omission is too unethical to keep up, this is just actually sick and wrong. I can't do this while he doesn't know who I am." Though. Obviously it probably goes. Very poorly with emotions high like that. And the added element of several months of deceit. Getting dark here for a second but that dagger is going MISSING and so are THEY for a hot minute.

Then yaaay everything works out in the end 👍 yippieee!! all it took was maybe a lot of harrowed recontextualisation of all the weird shit your new friend said and did when it turns out they're your old friend. It's fine.

But yeah. this is basically the context all of my postcanon doodles have existed within? And those exist to give other people something to chew on. So this does too.

I suppose TL;DR: Imagine if sloopis almost fucking happens before isabeau knows who loop is. can you fucking imagine. can you imagine having to navigate that. nightmare.

*Yes this includes the implied cannibalism comic. Uhh. Comes part and parcel with headcanoning that Loop went way off the deep end similar to A5 Sif But Maybe Worse before giving in. Add weepy half-asleep confessions to murder wherever you see fit in your mind palace. 👍👍👍

**Re: Nille footnote. I don't have anywhere to put this besides here! I have some thoughts on Loop and Nille having an odd dynamic. I don't imagine Nille to be super gung-ho on trusting a bunch of adults (even if they are majority around her age) given their implied backstory. It's probably a big shock to the system, especially since Bambouche is a good couple hundred Kilometers up north from Dormont and these guys don't seem to have trains. She would've been unfrozen and without Bonnie for some time....

Which is to say: I think she's suspicious of them. I think she may be looking for excuses to distance herself, keep Bonnie safe. SO.... A new guy showing up? And antagonising the party? What do they know that I don't...? I should find out.

And since... Loop didn't ever know Nille, they have no ammunition or real reason to be cruel. Plus, if they're trying to stay on Bonnie's good side (SINCE... if Bonnie thought Loop was cringe they may as well kill themselves. In their mind.) they SUPER have no reason to antagonise Nille.

Mostly, they might be able to open up to each other easier than they can the rest of the party?

I feel like this resolves with Loop feeling compelled to apologise for what they and Siffrin let happen to Bonnie, though... Hmm... Depends on how you interpret Nille that they'd be glad nobody else had been told about that yet, or furious it had been secret this long. I lean toward the former.

#PHEW THIS IS LONG. i wrote some extra footnotes and tidied it up a bit. but uh. here you go! my personal headcanon baseline for postcanon. #i could probably elaborate more but that would get unwieldy. like i have opinions on loop's dynamics w each party member but. LONG POST... #lucabytetalks #isat #isat spoilers #in stars and time #isat loop #isiloop #sloopis #WONT be tagging everyone thats absurd. loop centric post though with a chunk about nille at the end #isat act 6 spoilers

[itsyourstarboy]

Streamer!Honey Headcanons Pt.4

First Part Next Part

It’s been over a month I’m so sorry 😭😭😭 it’s here now, and there are some things that didn’t make it into this post, but that just means more parts!

—

Guy started showing up on stream more often than he did in chat. Though, to protect his privacy, he wears sunglasses and a face mask.

Every time he seems to have a different set.

A face mask with a smiley face, or maybe it's rainbow colored, or (his favorite) a pizza pattern. Sometimes he wears one that is plain black with a small heart in the middle (honey likes to kiss the heart but not on stream ofc).

As for the glasses, I made this post talking about those ;w;

Every time he buys a new pair Honey has to go in and change out the lenses for darker ones so no one can see his eyes. They are very particular with Guy staying anonymous, they care about his safety more than they care about anything.

And unless he's willing to carry pepper spray and a pocket knife with him while he works, he is not allowed to show his face.

He loves how protective honey is, he thinks it's the cutest damn thing.

—

The first time he showed himself, he and Honey had planned it beforehand. In the middle of their stream, he knocked on the door.

Honey made a big show of faking a dramatic gasp, and saying "whoever could that be??"

They open the door, and Guy steps in like 💃💃

"Oh my god, is that the Guy??"

Guy T-poses, "it is I, The Guy."

Chat lost their shit.

MY BOY ITS HE

GUY REVEAL [NOT CLICKBAIT] *EMOTIONAL*

Oh my 😳😳

HOT DAMN

loOK AT [HONEY'S] SMILE IM FUCKING SWOONING

beautiful beutiful butiful BETTYFUL BOOOOOYYYYYY

WHY HE DANCING LIKE THAT

DAMN HE GOT CAKE

Guy had quite the ego boost after that…

—

Sometimes while sitting next to them on camera he'll slowly start to lower his face mask just so Honey will hold his face "to keep the mask on".

♡♡♡♡♡♡

Honey looks to their right to see Guy eyeing them while slowly lowering the face mask. They roll their eyes and huff, practically throwing their controller onto the desk in front of them. They take Guy's face in their hands, squishing his cheeks, and give him a hard glare.

It goes on for a few seconds, Honey's intense gaze boring through him. They lean a bit closer and their forehead presses against his, never breaking eye contact.

"Stop doing that shit," they say in a low voice that makes Guy's knees feel weak. "Please," they add quietly, and all he can do is nod.

—

The fanart increased, and this time it wasn't weird because people had more of an idea as to what Guy looked like.

Guy still thinks it's adorable, and he has taken to finding ways to share this incredible art with the world in many ways.

He likes to print out the pictures and hang them on the fridge.

He calls the people in chat his children.

Or, at least, he did until they started calling him daddy…

Now they're just his chaos squad.

—

Guy made a second Instagram account to post on without showing his face (as if he ever even posts on his personal acc)

His stories are… interesting

First there's a picture of a grasshopper he found outside with the caption "look at this dood", then you see a really blurry photo with the caption "ASGFKDGFGSJ HALP ITS EVIL".

He posts little videos of Honey 🥺

They're chilling on the couch, their legs draped over Guy's, and he turns the camera towards them with a cat face filter.

Honey makes eye contact with the camera and sticks their tongue out a little bit anD THAT LIL BLEP WITH THE DOODLE CAT EARS AND WHISKERS WAS ENOUGH TO MAKE GUY FALL IN LOVE WITH THEM ALL OVER AGAIN

Before the video cuts off you can hear him make a little gasp and the caption is "I love them"

Fans think this confirms their relationship until they see Honey's story has a video of Guy in the kitchen humming the macarena—and half ass dancing to it—while making pizza rolls with the caption "if there was a zombie apocalypse, he would die first", and it makes them think maybe not…

—

Ever since Guy's debut, he joins chat less often (much to their disappointment), but what Honey doesn't know is that this was all part of an elaborate plan cooked up by none other than their menace of a boyfriend.

He wanted to spoop them. That's a harmless little prank, right?

WRONG

Honey has the most VIOLENT reactions when they get scared, you DO NOT want to be on the receiving end.

But nooooo, Guy just wants to be a little shit.

♡♡♡♡♡♡

Honey was playing The Mortuary Assistant. It's one of the few games that actually scares them from time to time, because of how unpredictable it is.

It was quiet, Honey wasn't really talking with chat. They were invested, double checking everything to make sure they were burning the right body.

Chat was basically left unsupervised, like a small child lost in the McDonald's play place.

Why do the feet have jiggle physics

✨realism✨

wouldnt the bodies be stiff tho? rick-a-morris or something?

RICK A MORRIS?!?!??!?

It's rigamortis, sweetheart

Ihatethisgameihatethisgame

EW EW NO GET THAT LIPLESS NO EYELID HAVIN ASS OFF MY SCREEN

WHY IS IT NAKED

Boy out here looking like salad fingers 🥗☝️👅👅

I’d smash ngl

Hi [Honey] <3 hope you're having a good day xoxo

That does not look like salad fingers

🌝✨rUstY💫🌚 💦🦴spOOnS🦠🥄

Baby girl got some mommy issues 😘💝😚

Lmao same 🤣😂😆

R u ok?

No :')

Can't have mommy issues if you never had a mom 😝😝

PLEASE-

Y r u joking abt this?? 😢😢

Where are the therapist people in chat?

Laughter is the best medicine ☺️☺️❤️

There they are

Alright, now everyone say 5 positive things about yourself

No

What if we don't?

I SAID 🔫🔫🔫 EVERYONE SAY 5 POSITIVE THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF🔫🔫🔫

HoneysHeaven: hello :)

Still no

GUY

GUY

MY GUUYY

BABY BOY BABY

HELLO 👋👋👋👋👋

HE HAS RISEN

GUY

PRAISE JUGULAR

HoneysHeaven: shh 🤫

EEEE

shh?

Ooh we be sneaky now

Y shh?

HoneysHeaven: everyone keep [honey] distracted I'm gonna spook them >:)

OOOH OK OK

SHHHHH

Oops

Pranky time 😈😈😈

Spoopy scary skeletons

Go Guy Go

On camera, you can see Guy verrry carefully open the door. He sneaks in, ever so gracefully, only tripping over himself a maximum of two times.

Despite his few hiccups, he managed to get in without Honey noticing (somehow)

Y'know that meme picture of Jason Momoa sneaking up on Henry Cavill? Yeah, that's what it looks like right now.

Honey was in the middle of a sentence when Guy pounced on them.

He wrapped his arms around them from behind and went, "BOO!"

Honey yelped and swung an arm behind them.

They've never had any training, but like… they've got a pretty damn good right hook…

They punched Guy in the face.

He fell to the ground, holding his nose, and laughed out a groan in pain.

JESUS FVCKING CHRIST

NOOOOOOOO

LMFAO 🤣🤣🤣🤣

GUY NO HIS FACE IS BROKEN

I KNEW THIS WAS A BAD IDEA 😭😭😭

Honey immediately realized what they'd done and a hand flew over their mouth. They were kneeling next to Guy within seconds.

They cupped his face, "holy shit, are you okay!? Let me see-"

Guy's glasses had been punched off his face, but since he was on the floor, Chat couldn't see.

He had tears in his eyes though he was laughing and saying he was fine.

Honey felt so fucking bad.

"No, Honey, I'm fine really. You don't have to- no! Oh noo, Honey don't cry!"

They weren't crying, they were just… teary.

A lot just happened all at once. They got scared, and they punched their boyfriend in front of around 200k people, and they're pretty sure his nose is broken. Leave them alone.

Guy pulled off his face mask, revealing his bruised, bloody nose. Yeah. That's broken.

Honey's eyes were full of so much guilt, you'd think they murdered someone's puppy.

They did.

Their puppy.

They said sorry so many times, they sounded like a broken record. They held Guy, with their face buried in the crook of his neck, mumbling apologies, before finally coming to their senses and turning off the stream to take Guy to the hospital.

He wasn't mad at them. Of course he wasn't.

But Honey was mad at themself, because how could they ever hurt Guy like that!?

He insisted it was fine, that he understood it was a reflex, and that he shouldn't have scared them (because he knows they react violently).

Regardless, Honey sucked up to him so much while his nose was healing, let me tell you.

They babied him, they coddled him, they waited on him hand and foot.

Guy hated that they felt so guilty, but he was getting so much love and affection, so…

He wasn't even that badly hurt, these two are just dramatic

—

After that little fiasco, Guy's account now has a special alert to let Honey know that he's in chat (so he doesn't go do something stupid like that again).

At first the sound was a little ding noise, but then Guy changed it.

Now it starts playing the jaws theme.

#i know this wasnt as interesting as the other parts T^T im sorry #these were the things i was able to write down while off my meds #but since im back on them hopefully part five will have some more fun stuff #redacted audio #redactedverse #redacted headcanons #redacted honey #redacted guy #redacted pizza guy #redacted streamer!honey #redacted fanfic

[eveenstar]

Toby falling in love with his doctor's daughter | Headcanons (part 1?)

This was revealed to me in a dream ✋🏻 yes this is inspired by David Near's The Morgue Files but since I wasn't sure if we could do fanfic about it, I created my own character inspired by it! I'll call this an experiment, so depending on how well it is received by you all I might do a part 2 :)

Doctor Frederick Faulkner, commonly known as Freddie or Fred by his co-workers, was Tobias' doctor. A man of prestige, but underlooked by his bosses. The fact he chose to treat a severe mentally ill murderer made everyone believe the doctor himself was insane.

He wasn't the first one though, his fellow co-worker Doctor Crow had also taken a murderer similar to Toby under his wing. The fact that there was someone else in the building who claimed to have seen the Tall Man frightened Toby at the time, as the boy wasn't quite a proxy yet, but close to being one. Stage 2, perhaps?

Throughout the sessions they had together, Toby found out Doctor Faulkner had a daughter just around his age. A very bright one, but a bit troublesome sometimes, just like any girl in her late teenage years would be like. He didn't know how she looked like, her father was very restrictive to that extent. His friendliness towards Toby didn't change what he was, a man who murdered his parents and set fire to his childhood house with the guests still inside.

However, this changes when you appear at the door unplanned. Just as Toby is being taken to his regular Wednesday's session, he sees you standing in front of the door, hesitant to knock.

At first, he doesn't know who you are. You're not a patient, but you're also not a doctor or nurse. Maybe a former patient visiting? Hell, does anyone actually leave this Institute?

But then the guards escorting him speak up, "Miss Faulkner, what brings you here?"

Oh, well, that's unfortunate. Toby didn't want to meet you either (though the curious part of his mind did) because even if he denies the existence of the Tall Man, he knows you'd be put in danger.

Still, he thinks you're pretty. The way you turned around to greet the guards, but how your eyes landed on him and he saw the oh-so-familiar glimpse of fear behind them. You must be aware of who he is, or maybe the chains around his feet and hands scared you enough.

What Faulkner said was true, you do have the fire of youth in your eyes. The urge to fight, to talk back, to party, to....do everything Toby could not.

The door to the office opens and there stands the doctor, eyes wild open once he notices his daughter standing there. Clearly you didn't announce your visit and you should've. Frederick sighs, before urging you inside and lifting his finger up for "one second".

The last time he saw you before you disappeared off of the radar (at least he didn't see you again so maybe you wouldn't come back) was after you walked off his office saying "You'll regret this!" and leaving a clearly disappointed Fred behind.

Don't fret, nothing serious happened. Apparently Faulkner was so caught up in his work that he missed his marriages birthday and well...his wife wasn't pleased.

In the following days, Toby did some sketches of you. Doodles, even. He's not a great artist but he's had time to practice, and it's better than drawing that creature over and over again, just to repeat the cycle the next day.

He's had crushes before, sure. Hallway crushes. Market crushes. Girls he'll never see again, but for that split moment of time he thought they were pretty. Surely he's not that bad that he became infatuated with someone who didn't even talk to him?

But he wants to know more about you; what do you do, who are your friends, how your pretty little life was like...yet he can't. There is no way your father will open up about you more than he already has; he's already this close to finding out about the drawings he keeps of you.

It's been a while since he sees you again; Toby's lost track of time but he'd say maybe a month or so until you show up, this time it seems you managed to convince your dad to let you stay during a session. Of course, when asked about it Toby didn't care despite the thought of opening up with a strange person present made him uncomfortable.

Even thought you're sitting behind him, he can hear you writing down notes. The doctor assures him it's nothing about him, rather the entire appointment as a whole. You're studying psychology, maybe to follow your father's footsteps?

Only when Doctor Faulkner turns around to grab some papers is when Toby manages to also turn around to take a glance at you; not expecting you to be already staring at him, or rather, your dad, and then looking over to him.

Before, your face was calm, monotonous of any emotion, with lips set on a straight line, but then....then your eyes landed on him and a nervous smile formed on your face.

"Hello," You said.

"Toby!"

Yeah, that was enough to scold him back into track. Your father didn't want you here at all, but now? Now Toby did. In his twisted mind, a dangerous idea pushed by whispers began to form.

"My daughter, would you be so kind to get me a bottle of water from the cafeteria?" Was that his way to send you off? Sure. But you'll be back.

But things don't always work our way, at least not in Toby's life.

The alarms went off a few minutes after you left. Everything is blinking red and it's too, too loud and loud and- screams. There's people screaming.

He knows it's here. This is his work. There's a dark cloud forming in the back of his mind, the same fog from the night he killed his parents and their friends. Faulkner is far too concerned with leaving the office and go get you that he doesn't notice Toby trailing after him.

But it wasn't Toby who did the final blow, thought you might believe otherwise because of the red stains all over his white hospital outfit. He doesn't know who it was, all he knows is that you were standing behind your father as he fell to the ground with a petrified look on your face.

REQUESTS ARE OPEN!

#toby rogers x reader #ticci toby x reader #ticci toby #toby rogers #creepypasta headcanons #creepypasta x reader #toby rogers headcanons #ticci toby headcanons

[1d1195]

Made to be VI

Read the rest of the series here: Made to be

Warnings: 18+, soft, gentle, sweet love it's romantic smut (I hope)

Notes: I think the first part is a little disjointed from the second but I hope you’ll forgive me because I refuse to let a moment go by without celebrating the love of my life.

“Do you ever...feel like we were... made to be in love?” Her question was so nervous. Like Harry would say no. Like he hadn’t been dreaming of meeting someone as wonderful as her since he was old enough to care about romance. As if he didn’t think about all the poems that were written about love and how not even one captured her beauty or how they all paled in comparison to her declarations of love.

February

Harry was freezing. He normally wouldn’t have noticed except for the last month and a half he had been exceedingly warm—borderline sweating—when he woke up beside the angel in their now shared bed. The air in the room was cold, too. He pouted at the premise of waking up without her. His feet felt the pinpricks of chilliness gripping every part of his skin and he just wanted to snuggle her. It almost broke his heart that he was alone in their chilly apartment.

Hi

I TOTALLY forgot to do some prep at school. I went in so early. I’m so, so sorry but wanted you to sleep. Just have to press start on the kettle, mug and tea is all set out, ready to go. Also made some muffins for you too—they’re hopefully still warm.

See you soon!

She even doodled a pretty smiley face and heart. He couldn’t be mad at her, but he already missed her. It was sweet about the tea and the muffins. It was so nice, but he wanted the warmth of her body against his. Still, he put on a brave face, stuck the note to the fridge under a magnet she brought home from the England airport, and made his way to the shower hurriedly thinking about seeing her sooner rather than later.

*

They were abundantly careful at school, but he thought he could bravely sneak a kiss in before the other teachers and students arrived. They had gone to HR as soon as they returned from break. There was no rule against it, it wasn’t even frowned upon. HR appreciated the disclosure, but it wasn’t necessary. For that they were grateful, but they didn’t want it to be a thing, so they figured they would wait a while before telling students and their other coworkers. The fun of their students guessing was enjoyable and they thought it would be a nice end of the year surprise to let them know it didn’t change anything about their teaching relationship.

“Good morning, love,” he called from the doorway of his room as he unlocked it. That wasn’t uncommon for him to call her love. He had called other women in the school, love in a platonic sort of way. Students were none the wiser to the pet name.

“Hi, Harry,” she called back. He smiled gratefully, ready to go see her the moment he set his belongings down. Harry flicked the light switch and he laughed immediately.

“Is this the prep you had to do?” He wondered.

He could hear her shuffling behind him, and she made her way through the door. There were so many good things about living with the sweet girl but seeing her outfit in the morning before she made her way to school was one of his favorites. He was grateful for all the previews of her attire before they got to school, but back before they lived together his heart fluttered at the sight of her looking utterly lovely as always. Having this moment again was a nice reminder of the happy beginnings of what once was. Today she wore a dark blue dress—almost looked like a shirt—it seemed to fall over her body perfectly and she paired it with tall boots that hugged her legging clad calves. Harry never really paid any mind to women’s fashion, but he was obsessed with her of course. He loved to look at her outfits and admire how beautiful she looked. Her hair was pushed back by a headband so Harry could see into her eyes without any of her silky hair getting in the way. He didn’t know she wore makeup until they lived together because she used so little and he couldn’t even bring himself to tell her that she didn’t need it (she didn’t) but it was so pretty on her, he loved it. As he always thought, she looked like she was made to be the most beautiful, picture-perfect teacher.

“It was,” she said softly. “The kids told me they wrangled it out of you...they needed me to know the second they found out,” she smiled. Harry looked at the balloons tied to his chair. There were cards all over his desk and there were messages all over the board from students along with her own message—the largest in the middle of course, it wasn’t a confession of loving him that would set the students into a frenzy, just a Happy Birthday in bold letters. There was also a stack of mini cupcakes on his desk, enough for all his students and then some throughout the day. “Happy birthday, Harry,” she whispered softly peeking at the hallway and then closing the door quickly.

Pressing onto her toes she took both sides of his face in her hands and her nose pressed against his. “Can I kiss you?” She asked quietly, her eyebrows knitting together nervously. Harry would never get over her nervousness about the situation. He hoped it never went away—not because he wanted her to be nervous around him, but because it was the most precious thing he had ever experienced.

“Oh, always, always, always, m’love,” he answered. His arms encircled her waist and he brought his lips to hers for his first birthday kiss with her—but it wasn’t going to be the last.

*

Harry was grateful he could stand across the hall from her while he was showered with birthday wishes. Students gave him fist bumps and high fives. Several blew noise makers in his face and threw confetti at his door. It was extravagant and unnecessary, and it made his entire day.

“Honestly, I figured with all the cupcakes you might want some fruit, so I made you this fruit salad and if you hate it, please just pretend you don’t so you don’t hurt my feelings,” she said sweetly setting it in front of him at lunch time.

He chuckled and shook his head. “’Ve never met anyone as sweet as you, m’love,” he murmured.

She smiled and sat across from him at the desks while they ogled each other. Harry stretched his legs in front of him and she crossed one thigh over the other. She had no choice but to have her leg pressed to Harry’s knee and it was the only way they could touch while at school, but it was enough. “Happy birthday,” she said again.

“You’re so in fo’ it, kitten,” he said shaking his head. “Can’t believe y’got around me knowing your birthday. Then y’jus’ figured mine out.”

“Well, your mom also mentioned it at Christmas. She said it was freezing the day you were born. Had her up all hours of the night. Thought for sure you were going to be a January baby.”

He smirked at his fruit salad fondly. “I’ve always liked February,” he said. “S’very pink and lovely.”

“Well of course, you were born the first day of February. It couldn’t be anything but lovely,” she said simply. She wasn’t being cute nor flirty. She stated it so obviously. It melted Harry. He wanted to kiss her more than anything in that moment and never stop.

“I really want t’kiss you,” he whispered.

Her cheeks reddened at the idea when anyone could walk in at any moment. “I do too,” she promised on a shaky breath and followed it with a sweet smile.

That was enough for him.

*

The first time they had sex was a weekend in February. Harry didn’t plan it exactly, but he knew he wanted it to be a day where they had time. When there was no need to rush and if they wanted, they could snuggle all day in bed. He didn’t have to go hang out with his friends and she didn’t have to do any chores or catch up with her family. He wanted to be sure that they had all the time in the world so he could do nothing but assure her that everything was right, and they didn’t have to do anything but enjoy the other one’s presence.

“We...don’t have to, kitten,” he said softly breaking from her lips that he had been kissing for so long. Her hips had inadvertently bucked upwards to meet his hard body as they made out on the couch like teenagers. The movie she put on was long forgotten, she didn’t even remember the name of it. It wasn’t that she needed to have sex with Harry to prove something or anything, but the thought of being so close to him sent a shiver down her spine.

He pressed his forehead against hers. Up until this weekend, he rarely had thought about it, too. They were just so busy with school and tired when they got home. The kisses were more than enough. Harry of course adored the idea of being so close to her—the closest that two people could exist in one instance. The amount of skin and the idea of her naked body pressed to his sent his heart into a craze.

“Well, I know...” she said her cheeks warming at the idea that only she wanted to do this and not Harry. She didn’t mind stopping, it was just she could feel how much (she thought) he wanted to, he was hard against her leg, and she thought it was the perfect day to do this. She didn’t have the luxury of showing what she wanted like Harry could. But she did. It was the first weekend they had time to relax and think about something other than school and their busy plans and so on.

“Oh, angel,” he chuckled sensing how distraught she felt suddenly. “I want to,” he said huskily, his voice dropping an octave as he brought his hand to her face. “Want t'make y'feel s'good and loved,” he promised. “S’jus’...” he brushed his thumb on her lip making her heart ache with wanting him so much closer to her even though he was already laid on top of her.

She knew what he was saying. They had done so many things in their relationship in the wrong societal-standard order. They had lived together before they started dating. Even now, they had only shared this apartment for just over a month. They hadn’t even defined being in a relationship—although it was quite obvious to each other that this was a relationship.

But she was in a relationship for seven years. The intimacy—while it had been depleting for the past year—was extremely important to her and she didn’t know if it was right or wrong to feel this way. Everything they did was so embarrassingly chaste. His hands never roamed over her body, her clothes always stayed on, she hadn’t even seen his bare legs or seen him shirtless. Of course, she imagined tearing that collared shirt off his body every day at school and figuring out once and for all what was underneath it. But besides wanting, they simply hadn’t had the time.

“It’s just I ruin everything,” she grumbled in annoyance.

He shook his head. “No, love,” he said simply. “Y’really don’t,” he promised. “We can...” he sighed. “I jus’ want t’do whatever you want.”

She was quiet for a long moment contemplating his words. He pressed soft, gentle kisses along her cheek, the one that was bruised nearly two months before. She could still remember the first time he pressed kisses like this on her face so lightly, hoping and praying that he wouldn’t hurt her sore skin. “Harry,” she closed her eyes nervously and took a deep breath in.

“Yes, m’love?” He asked running the back of his hand against her cheek stinging her almost as much as the kisses just did.

“I really want you,” she whispered. “Really badly.”

His heart was racing, his head spinning, and all he could think about was how much he wanted to take all her clothes off. “Kitten, can y’open your eyes, please?” He asked. She obliged. They eyed Harry nervously still even though there wasn’t a world in which he could deny her of anything. He was wrapped around her whole hand, let alone a finger. “You can have all of me,” he told her. “M’all yours.”

“All mine?” She repeated as a question her breath shaky. The heaviness of his words made her ache all over. He was all hers. All hers. All hers. All hers. The sentiment was too much.

He nodded once and dropped a kiss to her lips. “All yours, angel...Do...do y’want t’go to the bedroom, love?”

She worried her vocal chords would snap from the intense emotion she felt. Her throat tightened as she thought about how perfect Harry was and she didn’t want to ruin this day by doing something embarrassing like crying. So, she nodded instead.

*

They weren’t strangers to sex. She of course hadn’t been with very many people being in a relationship for so many years. Harry didn’t have a ton of partners either. But this was so different than any of the times before for either of them. She said it that first night she stayed with him, she felt so safe with Harry, always. He never made her scared or nervous. She felt so cared for when he was around. Everything was warm and lovely.

They were stripping of their clothes at the foot of their bed. She went first at Harry’s insistence. “Please kitten,” he practically begged. “Jus’ wanna see you,” he whispered. So, she peeled her clothes off ignoring his passionate, burning gaze that ached her all over. Taking a deep breath, she unhooked her bra from the back and let it fall off her arms in front of her.

Harry’s lips parted slightly, and he wished he had more grace than he did in this moment, but he couldn’t help it. “You’re stunning, angel,” he breathed quietly when she was finally all bare, except for underwear, in front of him. Her cheeks turned pink at his attention, and she wished she kept her bra on instead of feeling so exposed.

The way Harry looked at her made her stomach flip. There was of course the element of wanting nothing but primal, unadulterated sex but he also gazed at her as if she was the loveliest sculpture in all the world. His eyes ran over her entire body drinking in every inch and she didn’t know what to do but just stand there. “Kitten, I love you so much, you are so beautiful,” he said eventually tearing his eyes from her body and meeting her gaze again.

Her breath caught in her throat, and she felt a sting in the back of her eyes that she wished wasn’t there. It would be completely embarrassing to cry at a time like this. But it was the first time he said it other than in response to her admitting she was in love with him at Christmas. She wanted to be cute and ask him if it was just because she was naked and about to have sex with him. But she knew that wasn’t true and she didn’t want him to think she thought anything but lovely thoughts about him. She smiled at him shyly and looked at the floor before he started to move.

Slowly he slid his pants off. She unabashedly admired the muscles of his legs, thinking about how warm his thighs felt when they snuggled and spooned at night and now, in comparison, they seemed downright sinful to be without clothing. The way his tight boxers stretched over the center of his body made her eyes shift away immediately or she would be staring like a wild animal. He was perfect, of course.

His shirt came off next revealing tanned and inked skin along with taut muscles that stretched along his belly. There was a dire urge to lick the outline of each abdominal muscle and she moved her gaze quickly before she did something embarrassing like licked her lips at the sight of him—even if that was what she wanted to do. “I don’t want you to put your clothes back on ever,” she said softly.

He chuckled shyly, looking a little amused at her assessment. He reached for her, pulling her toward him so her body was pressed to his. It felt electric as it always did when they touched but amplified by the amount of skin that was pressed together. He kissed her. He loved the feel of her lips against his, how her tongue would lightly brush over his lip every so often to get a taste. But this kiss felt deeper. The skin contact felt like fire.

Harry guided her to lay down and she pulled him down on top of her just like they were on the couch. His body was so warm, and her hands roamed all over his skin trying to touch as much of it as she possibly could. “Are you okay, m’love?” He whispered gently as he pressed long kisses along the length of her neck.

“M’okay,” she said. “Are you?” She asked anxiously.

He chuckled softly into her skin. “Yes, kitten. M’okay.”

She cupped his face in both hands and brushed her thumb across his cheek where his dimple usually resided. “I love you,” she said simply.

Harry’s face softened at her words. “Yeah?” He smiled.

She nodded. “So much.”

Harry pressed another kiss to her mouth, and she felt it in her toes. His mouth was so warm and gentle. Everything about touching Harry was perfect. “Can...” he swallowed nervously touching the small fabric at her hips, the only thing keeping them any semblance of clothed. “Would it be okay—” She took Harry’s fingers and pulled the elastic around her hips down assuring Harry he could do whatever he wanted with her. “M’gonna make you feel s’good, love,” he promised.

“I know,” she barely let the words escape. Her head was spinning. Harry lowered himself, kissing a path down her leg that her underwear followed until she was finally, totally bare in front of him. She watched at his eyes roamed over all her skin, settling at her center for a second before returning to memorizing every inch of her body. Still feeling completely exposed, she cleared her throat before speaking again. Only one other person had ever seen her body like this. She didn’t know if it was everyone’s cup of tea or what. Having Harry look at her like she was the only woman he had ever seen was making her anxiously crazy she had never been seen like this. Not in a seven-year relationship. “Do...is it okay—am I...?” She tried to start several sentences not knowing what she was trying to ask. She just knew she wanted to please Harry as much as he promised to please her.

“Kitten,” he said almost sternly, but his voice was still gentle. His eyes were still roaming over her skin but eventually they settled on gazing into her eyes. He cupped the side of her face and rubbed his thumb over her skin. “Please don’t ask m’if I like your body or if s’okay.”

Her face felt warm, and she turned her head from him shyly. His stare was so loving it turned her to mush. It was hard to focus on what she wanted to say let alone think when he was looking at her. “S’just...I’ve never been...looked at like this...the way you’re looking at me.”

Harry tilted her face back to him almost immediately. His thumb moved along her jaw, brushing over her soft skin. “I don’t love you for your body, kitten. I love you because you are the closest to an angel ’ve ever met. Of course, your body is s’beautiful as your soul. I don’t want t’stop looking at you for a second. Not even t’do what we both want,” he said knowingly, his eyes never left hers. She was trying to remember how to breathe. His words were so gentle and perfect. Everything about him was. “M’love, you should be in museums on display and artists should be begging for the honor to try and paint your beauty.”

She didn’t know if she knew how to speak anymore. How could she say anything after that? She felt her breath all hitched in her throat and she wondered if she could die right now. There was nothing left to be said in all the world.

*

It took so many more slow, languid, and deep kisses before Harry settled his body between her legs. Once he was there, it took another set of kisses before she finally, took it upon herself to line Harry up with her. He gasped when she reached for him, the feel of her hand was more electric on him than all the kisses they had shared. But one thing was obvious as he finally sank into her: Harry was made to be inside her. He went so slowly, it took some stretching, but she felt so whole when his pubic bone pressed firmly against her. She moaned at the sensation of him throbbing inside her, touching every part of her. “Fuck,” he whispered into the pillow beside her ear.

Her heart skipped a beat, and she shifted so slightly letting her knees bend around his hips. “Is it—”

“Angel, don’t speak,” he begged. “Please,” he said rubbing his thumb against her cheek assuring her that he didn’t mean it bitterly. He rested his forehead on hers. His eyes were shut tight, he was trying not to come at the mere feel of her. If she asked anything about if it felt okay, he would lose it right there and he had the intention of nothing but pleasure for her that he refused to start with him coming immediately. She stayed silent for a moment. It was making her anxious; he knew it. “You feel s’good, kitten,” he exhaled heavily. “Promise, y’do...s’nothing about you...m’jus’...M’trying t’not...”

She grabbed his hand from her face and kissed his fingers. “You can if—”

“No, love,” he said firmly. “You’re...” he took a deep breath trying to think about anything but how soft, warm, and enticing it was to be in this position. He wanted to move but he was afraid if he even shifted a millimeter, he would ruin the whole evening. “Jus’ need a second.”

“Okay,” she whispered. Neither moved nor spoke for a moment and then Harry carefully pulled himself away and pushed back in slowly. She moaned softly. Harry grunted at the sensation pulling back out and pushing back in again as he did. The kissing had done plenty for her, for which he was grateful. He wanted to taste her and touch her, of course, but there would be more than enough time for that later—maybe later today if he wasn’t completely ruined by this event. But really, the only thing on his mind was the pleasure she felt in this moment.

“Y’okay, m’love?” he whispered pausing the small pumps into her.

“Yes,” she breathed. “You...you feel really good,” she told him sighing heavily.

“Good,” he said gently continuing the movement again. “Is there anything you want or need?” He asked.

Her heart fluttered at his question. It was so genuine and sweet she thought she would pass out. Her face felt hot, and she shook her head. “No, s’not...” she sighed with slight exasperation because she knew she was going to break his heart again. “S’never felt like this before,” her voice was barely even a whisper. His heart did break a bit but not as badly as some of the other times that she informed him of how terrible her relationship was. Selfishly, this stoked his ego just a hair and he nodded.

“Kitten,” he gently pressed a kiss to her lips, her nose, her cheeks. “If y’want anything, you jus’ ask, okay? Please don’t be shy, m’love,” he reached up and stroked her hair behind her ear. “I love you,” he said softly.

Her chest hurt at the proclamation. It was nearly too much. She was so sure she would cry. “I love you, too,” she whispered back.

A small smile graced his lips again causing that dimple to cavern his cheek. He pressed his forehead against hers again and brushed her nose with his. He stopped his current rhythm to slowly pull back, leaving her almost entirely before he pushed back in as deeply as he could. A small moan escaped her lips at the movement. He reached for both her hands, twining their fingers together as he pressed them beside her head. “Kitten,” he moaned. “M’not...m’sorry. M’not gonna last long,” he admitted pumping into her slowly still, drawing gasps and moans from her all the while.

“That’s okay,” she promised in between her gasps. “We can just do it again,” she smiled gently.

He tilted his head at her and smiled at her mischievously. It was so beautiful she wanted to take a picture of him and put him in her wallet, on the dashboard of her car, she wanted to plaster it on all four walls in her classroom and put it in every room in their apartment. That way she would be surrounded by the most beautiful smile she had ever seen every minute of the day. “I love you so much,” he said.

She giggled. “I love you, too,” it wasn’t hard to say by any means, but it was still getting easier to admit that she adored him so much. It made this moment feel so much more important when she said it.

Harry tucked his face into her neck, kissing her skin and he let out a long groan as he dropped one of her hands and used it to grip her hip. “M’so in love with you,” he whispered again. She didn't respond this time, because she noticed he wasn’t really talking to her in that moment. She used her free hand to tangle into the back of his hair, she pressed her lips to his shoulder just looking for something to kiss while he spoke. She sighed dreamily at the feel of him so intimately pressed into her. His rhythm was perfect, of course. He felt so good touching every part of her that made her body twitch and feel so utterly whole. It made her feel warm and full. She never wanted him to stop, she would stay in bed forever with him in total bliss. “Since the day I met you,” he breathed into her skin. “You were wearing polka dots,” he mumbled the memory. His voice was a little shaky. It was clear he was completely overtaken in pleasure; he could feel his release coming faster than he wanted it to. It was making him delirious with his thoughts of her. “So pretty,” he murmured. “Wanted t’know everything about you,” he said. “S’lucky t’be across the hall from you.”

She moved her legs to hike up higher on his hips causing him to somehow find himself deeper within her. He groaned for a long moment when she did, and it caused her to gasp, and she felt herself clench around him. “Oh,” she moaned. He echoed the moan against her skin and felt the way she closed around him. It was so good.

“Never even thought ‘bout this,” as he pressed down into her. Each time he elicited a moan from her lips, and she pressed her own hips back up to meet his. “S’how I knew I was done for,” he whispered. “Jus’ wanted t'be around you. Read books with you, cook with you, watch TV with you, and curl up together...” he grunted out each little task with effort. “Love you,” he said knowingly. “This is s’good, kitten,” he groaned. His words were becoming too much for her. She was never extremely vocal before and she wondered if this was how Harry always did it. It was so much on her heart, to hear his sweet, gentle words. To feel his body everywhere wrapping her in love. “M’so happy I found you,” he told her.

The impending orgasm curled in her stomach as Harry continued to roll his hips against her and he whispered the story of meeting her for the first time. Her hand was still wrapped in his, squeezing so hard she worried she would break one of his fingers. “Oh my God,” she cried.

“I know, baby,” he moaned in her ear. “I know, I love you so much,” he whispered again. She wanted him to stop talking because it was going to undo her, and she wanted to stay like this for the rest of her life. But the kind words were so perfect she really thought she would cry if he said it again. “My...” he grunted. “M’love,” he whined. “M’so lucky t’have you. Getting t’kiss you, and touch you...” Her head was so cloudy, and she wondered if she really would pass out. He was perfect, perfect, perfect. Nothing had ever felt so right as Harry being inside her. “You’re all mine,” he promised.

His words were too much. “Oh my God,” she whimpered again. “I—”

“Please, angel,” he begged, he wanted her orgasm as much as she did. It was his to have, to have her completely undone. She was everything he wanted.

“Harry!” She whined out tucking her face into the curve of his neck and shoulder. He groaned as she writhed beneath him. His chest aching at his name on her lips in throes of passion. Harry continued the gentle thrusts while her hand surely broke one of his metacarpals and her other hand made knots in his hair. Her voice was cut off as he felt the way her body fluttered around him. He groaned. “God, kitten,” he said and finally let go.

When he finally stopped pumping into her, he pulled away with a full body shiver. She gasped softly at his exit from her. She released the curls from the back of his head, but she kept his other hand in hers, she was no longer crushing it, just holding it loosely. He didn’t let go of her hand when he pulled the condom off nor when he reached for his t-shirt and wiped it over her sensitive core and then tossed it back to the floor.

He turned back to her, taking his free hand and stroking her hair gently behind her head. He kissed her forehead and then the tip of her nose. “I love you,” he said softly, finally breaking the silence.

“I love you, too,” she answered immediately.

He grinned. “Are y’alright?” He asked sweetly.

She nodded. “Couldn’t be better,” she promised. He nodded and kissed her lips softly again, so gently, just a brush of his lips touching hers. It sped her heart up nonetheless but was so perfect. “I think I broke your hand,” she whispered against his lips.

He chuckled shaking his head. “No,” he said. “Even if y’did, would be worth it,” he said, and she smirked. He tucked her head beneath his chin and he sighed deeply, completely content.

They were silent for a few moments. Just listening to each other’s breathing. She doesn’t know the cause of it—well of course she did, but she thought she made it past the point where it would happen. The back of her eyes started to ache with a familiar sting of crying. Her throat tightened around a lump of emotion that appeared in the silence of the room. She could feel her nose start to twitch with all the burning of an impending burst of emotion. “Harry,” she croaked.

Immediately he pulled her back so he could look at her and his heart was sick with her distress. “Kitten?” He questioned as he heard the tears before he saw them. “Sweetheart, what s’matter?” He asked nervously. His hands took hold of either side of her face and he looked so distraught looking at her, she felt it in her bones. It made her anxious to worry him, but she could see that he wasn’t really focused about how he felt at all. His concern was entirely on her.

Harry ran through the entire time in his head as quickly as he could. His brain wracking itself to make sure he asked her if everything was okay ever step of the way. He wondered if he hurt her somehow and it was only now presenting itself. His chest was heavy, nervous that he had messed something up for her and made her this sad.

“No,” she whimpered wishing her brain and heart could function properly, long enough to assuage him of his worry. “M’sorry,” she sniffled. “S’just...it felt so good,” she promised. “M’sorry,” she repeated. He felt a tiny bit of relief but was still troubled with anxiety about her sudden emotional outburst.

“Love, please don’t apologize, tell me what’s going on in your head,” he begged holding her face between his hands and brushing the tears away that fell to her cheeks. She couldn’t look at him directly through the tears, but she could see the way his face was twisted in anguish at her discomfort.

“M’sorry,” she said again anyway. “I just... love you so much,” she promised.

He exhaled all the anxiety in his body. She wasn’t hurt or upset—not about what they did. Their connection pulled on her heart too much. Harry didn’t want to think about the last time she felt this loved and adored. Either way it would make him sad, whether she never felt it—in which he hated that man more than he ever did for not cherishing her—or if she did feel it—because he never wanted her to feel it ever again unless it was with him. “Oh,” he said softly and brought her back to his chest so he could comfort her as her overwhelmed tears fell onto his chest. “I love you so much, angel,” he answered. Harry twisted one arm around her waist, and he enclosed his other arm so it wrapped up to rest his hand on the back of her head. He gently tugged and wound his fingers through her hair, then pressed his lips to her forehead at her hairline. He kissed her once and then left his lips there breathing her in and hoping to ease the tears after a few minutes.

“M'sor—”

“Shh, shh,” he hushed. “S’okay,” he whispered. “M’here,” the promise melted her more and the tears continued to fall. It was completely embarrassing.

“I don’t...know why—” she hiccupped.

But Harry did. She hadn’t been loved and adored so passionately before. Or maybe she had, and it had just been a really long time. “S’okay,” he repeated. “M’here.”

She choked out a few more apologies along with her tears and eventually they settled back into silence. He ran his fingers up and down her back. “This is so embarrassing,” she grumbled eventually, sniffling through her words.

“No s’not,” he shook his head. His lips bumping against her forehead still. “M’honored, love,” he said softly.

“Honored?” She said it almost bitterly.

“Uh...” he swallowed thickly. “I... I don’t think... I don’t think that was sex,” he breathed out. “Think that was... something more,” he told her.

Her heart fluttered at his words. Of course he was right. She had never felt so safe in her whole life as she did right then being wrapped up in Harry. “I hope I don’t cry every time this happens then,” she whispered. She managed to get her hands between their bodies to she could rub her eyes of the tears that still clung to her lashes and cheeks.

He smirked and kissed the top of her hair. “You won’t, kitten.”

It was quiet for another minute, Harry listened carefully to the sound of her breathing to make sure she didn't start crying again. “Harry?”

“Yes, m’love?”

“Thank you,” she whispered. “For everything.”

“Oh, kitten,” he hummed. “No need t’thank me. I’d do anything fo’ you.”

There was another pause. She wanted to say something to him that would leave him speechless, like his comment about her beauty and the artists that should try to paint her. In her head, she didn't have the capacity to say something like he did. Instead, she settled on, “I don’t think I’ve loved anyone the way I love you,” she told him.

“M’gonna love you forever, angel,” he answered.

“Do you ever...feel like we were... made to be in love?” Her question was so nervous. Like Harry would say no after having the most incredible and loving sex of his life. Like he hadn’t been dreaming of meeting someone as wonderful as her since he was old enough to care about romance. As if he didn’t think about all the poems that were written about love and not even one poem captured her beauty and they all paled in comparison to her declarations of love.

“Always,” he said simply. “Always, always, always.”

#one direction #one direction imagines #one direction blurbs #one direction preferences #1d imagines #1d #1d blurbs #1d preferences #harry #harry styles #one direction preference #one direction imagine #one direction writing #one direction blurb #one direction fluff #one direction smut #harry styles angst #harry styles imagines #harry styles blurbs #harry styles imagine #harry styles smut #harry styles blurb #harry styles writing #harry styles fluff #made to be

[tctteredwings]

if you’re hearing SOMETHING JUST LIKE THIS by COLDPLAY playing, you have to know AARON COHEN (HE/HIM; CIS MAN) is near by! the FORTY year old FLORIST AT SPRING TO LIFE has been in denver for, like, ALL HIS LIFE ON AND OFF. they’re known to be quite CHAOTIC, but being CREATIVE seems to balance that out. or maybe it’s the fact that they resemble ANDREW GARFIELD. personally, i’d love to know more about them seeing as how they’ve got those CONVERSE COVERED IN DOODLES, SWEATER SLEEVES PULLED OVER HIS HANDS, HIDDEN AWAY IN A CORNER SKECHING vibes. and maybe i’ll get my chance if i hang out around the RINO DISTRICT long enough!

tw: emotional abuse

ABOUT.

Name: Aaron Cohen Age: Forty Date of Birth: 16th October 1983 Birthplace: Denver, Colorado Occupation: Florist at Spring to Life Romantic/sexual orientation: Biromantic/demi-sexual ( slight-male lean )

Aaron's upbringing was fairly uneventful. He is the oldest of three and spent most of his time trying to stay out of the limelight, he never really had much interest in being noticed. He was the young child who would hide away under the kitchen table with a sketchbook and colouring pencils and refuse to come out until someone came looking for him.

In the end, whoever, that was where he'd thrive. His creativity became him and once he reached high school, he found himself a spot amongst the theatre kids working behind the scenes. He was put in charge of props and sets and would often stay after school to paint his designs out on large sheets of MDF, ready for his fellow students to find the next day.

He ended up graduating with amazing grades and for a couple of years chose to attend art school, even if he had no real idea of what he wanted out of life once education was behind him. Art was his calling it seemed, so it made a lot of sense.

He dated a little during college, although in the end realised he wasn't ever entirely happy with the girls he took home to meet the family. So in the end he simply gave up and focused on what he'd do upon graduating instead, on finding his way in the world. He discovered a newfound interest in plants and flowers and it wasn't long until he was signing up to night school to learn more.

During this time he was commissioning art online, hiding away at home most of the time, but it wasn't enough.

While at night school, Aaron met someone who, in the end, would very nearly destroy him. The relationship lasted for almost a year and at first, seemed like exactly what he needed. Six months in things changed, though, and it took him a long time to see what was happening and how he was being manipulated. With the help of friends he was able to get out, but it was a long time before he felt he could trust anyone again.

When he finally got back on his feet, he found himself a job at a local florist, mostly delivering bouquets to begin with. In his spare time he worked with charities to help those in abusive relationships find a way out, as well as raising money with his artwork.

Time moved on and Aaron eventually ended up at Spring to Life not long after it opened, working as a florist there. He's since come into his own and knows that was definitely his calling. He also volunteers at the theatre in his spare time working on sets and props.

HEADCANONS.

Aaron has always been creative, he can't help himself. Since he was able to, he's been painting pictures, making something out of nothing, and generally causing havoc.

He has a Maltese dog named Mari ( short for Marigold, his birth flower ) who goes with him absolutely everywhere.

Aaron is big on seasonal decor. No matter what you'll find him rearranging the inside and outside of his place depending on the time of year.

WANTED CONNECTIONS.

- colleagues - theatre friends - roommate - exes - best friend - close friends

#✧ aaron ( about ) #chq;intro #emotional abuse tw

[ravenwolfie97]

2022 Art Summary

it is that time of the year again, folks. this year has felt like forever and so short simultaneously. it’s felt like nothing and everything was happening. it was a weird year for me, probably because for the most part it was rather monotonous. but there were some good things to look back on, and as per usual i’m here to round it up here for you all to look at and enjoy :3

i’ll be honest. i was really worried about the art summary this year at first because these first few months were so sparse. i even considered just condensing the whole thing into quarters since this one was so lacking. but as the year went on, the more things i had to share, so for sake of brevity i will be putting the first three months up all at once

included in this quarter are assorted Cosmic Legacy character sketches, a Genshin Impact sona to continue the trend i had wanted to set at the end of 2021 (which i did not continue afterward), a lil valentine’s day present to my girlfriend, and a shiny form for my sona that was just part of a inside bandwagon. not much to say otherwise :/

the one major thing that happened in the first few months of 2022 was that i FINALLY. GOT MY HANDS. ON A NINTENDO SWITCH. I CAN NO LONGER MEME ABOUT BEING SWITCHLESS

so that was pretty exciting :>

the release of Pokemon Legends: Arceus is what broke me, but before i played that i started off with a blind nuzlocke of Pokemon Shield, which is what the lil digital doodle in March is about; i had just caught a Stunky i named Wasabi and i was indifferent to Stunky up until catching him where i just fell in love with it

so, AI art, huh? this was when it was burgeoning, and still fun and popular to make. so when i saw some people using a 3d pokemon generator i made a whole bunch and gave it a go. i generated about 30 of them and hadn’t quite gotten to around a third of that, but the few i did were really fun to draw!

(the lil gremlin one at the top corner is uncolored here bc when i did try to color it my brain fully glitched and screwed up royally so i opted out of showing my failure here lol)

so my friend Cake started streaming a game called Your Turn to Die with me and our partner Stacey during the spring starting in late March, and it was such an incredible time that i miss being a part of (if you wanna watch our full playthrough, the vods are saved on her channel here)

so towards the end of our playthrough i decided to try my hand at drawing some stuff because my brain could not simply hold all of my feelings for them

i am definitely not biased because i played both Keiji and Rio Ranger in the stream, but i sure did like them a lot, and it was really fun to draw them :>

had a lot of cosmic drawings this month, most likely due to celebrating the One Year Anniversary of the concept at the beginning of the month! we celebrated with a cute little collab. i happened to continue the cosmic train on my end by coming up with a funny meme video idea (that we will get back to multiple times later on) and i also worked on a couple pieces in preparation for an upcoming event in the next month...

I FINALLY REMEMBERED TO SIGN UP AND PARTICIPATE IN ARTFIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME

it was a really fun event but i did not anticipate how late i would start my entries and how much time it would take to do them well, so i only got a few out, but i’m really proud of them! it was awesome to see all these brain children of random people from all around, and to get a couple responses back of my own as well! i’m excited to give it another go next year :3

i did not get a whole lot of art things done this month because MY GIRLFRIEND (and her roommate) CAME FROM OVERSEAS TO VISIT!!

it was such a great time being with them, and we had so much going on i didn’t get much opportunity to do much, but that was fine. one thing, related to my partner actually, is my pokemon gym trainer sona here! Stacey had been thinking about a fakemon region and wanted her friends as gym leaders, so i offered myself as a ground-type trainer, since it’s one of my favorite types and is rather underrated

a little more work got done on the cosmic meme video, and a couple other lil doodles. not much else artwise, but an awesome month regardless :3

idk why this month was so lacking, cuz this is pretty much all i had lol

the one decent sketch of my sona being angy was inspired by a post i found on here that was like... if you were a villain in a movie, what song would be playing at the point you would snap

and the choice i made was Faint by Linkin Park cuz it seemed applicable. and then my brain decided to listen to it on repeat and i ended up drawing that sketch. so that was cool :0

as per usual i do at least attempt to do an october art challenge, and this time i wanted to try this year’s annual list from Thomas Sanders, and it was pretty fun! i was really into it the first week, but then i got behind and after that point many of the prompts didn’t hold my attention, so... i trailed off. again

but! i do really like these ones in particular. didn’t really have much else after that so i’m glad i had fun with those

again this is p much all i had - november was a pretty nice time actually, with lots of gaming stuff going on with me n friends, but not so much art stuff was going on then

after having completed playing pkmn shield back in june, i tried my hand at pkmn legends pretty much right after that... and it didn’t quite click with me, though i did really like it. and then over the next few months i got back into pkmn go and that’s when i realized That’s more like what legends is about - it just screwed me up coming from a regular pkmn game. so, this month, i picked it up again and i’ve gotten much farther and much more attached!

in addition, later in the month my friends and i got back into playing stardew valley after nearly a year’s hiatus, and we made our characters based on the main trio in Cosmic Legacy, and so i drew Lalun with a parsnip. it was funny

and speaking of cosmic and video game things, Sonic Frontiers came out and i... did not get that one (though i will one day cuz it looks rad) BUT one of my friends got super into it and got me hooked on one of the songs, and then the part of my brain that associates fandom stuff with songs (a rarely triggered part of my brain) started to tie that to [REDACTED] here, as inspiration for their character. maybe. idk but the song gave me vibes that they could definitely have and i thought it was cool and i made a cool art with it too so yay

and here we are, at the end of the year! the sonic hype train was still rolling so i thought about giving them another go and they turned out pretty good! and i pumped out some more pokemon content at the very end to inflate this month’s art stuff a lil bit more

OH YEAH and that cosmic meme got finished just in time for crimmis! here is the link to that since i would not post it here

all in all it’s been. a year, to say the least. i am definitely looking forward to new things in the new year, but this one had been pretty alright. lots of fun and memorable things that hopefully i can continue doing similarly in the future :3

#my art stuff #art summary #WHOO i've got it out with time to spare! #this year was pretty sad in terms of art but what i had done and what other things i'd experienced were still awesome #here's to more in the next one! hopefully we can get a resurgence

[fowl-leaf]

My 2022 summary of art!

Blank

I haven't really been consistently posting my art anywhere for the past year or two, but I figured I might as well still do a summary of art since I like doing them.

I was reluctant to put any arpg stuff on here since that's generally just doodles, but I ended up having to since I was so busy with 3D modeling some months that I didn't have any other completed pieces from those months to show.

Full images and commentary below the cut! It's long.

JANUARY

Herman reading a book (about making soup)

I like this one bc of the pink color

FEBRUARY

Spring fern, my beloved

This was just going to be a quick doodle, but I ended up adding some rim lighting just cause

MARCH

Gale!

The sketch is from some point in 2021, but I didn't clean it up or color till later on in 2022 so I'm counting this drawing for this year lol

I realized that I haven't finished many drawings of her so I decided to fix that with this one.

APRIL

More Spring fern!

This time, surrounded by fern-like palm trees. Because ferns.

I liked choosing the colors for this one a lot

MAY

Whisper, but she's a merfolk instead of a scalie (Whisper is normally an axolotl)

In peak irony, one of my rare humanoid drawings was the only piece I felt like posting to my FA

I'm pretty sure this is the first time I actually tried doing mermay, so this gets to go on the list too (got 2 drawings in before I got bored and quit)

JUNE

Strudel flash prompt that I drew quickly

I wasn't digging the set of many sequential but connected prompts, which is why I ended up going for a different look.

Which reminds me, I don't think I've logged into toyhouse for a while now so there's probably a bunch of missed connections since I put a bunch of characters UFT. Will fix that later!

JULY

Ah, good ol' artfight month.

I liked how this drawing of several of Nul's forms turned out the best, so this drawing gets the spotlight for this month. (Nul and all variants belong to @kitsicles)

I had a stye in my better eye for a noteworthy part of this month, so I couldn't draw as well as I wanted to and ended up simplifying high effort pieces because of that.

AUGUST

Bobby the alchemist

bottom text

(didn't finish any noteworthy personal art, so arpg art goes here)

SEPTEMBER

GG Marzi on the run

bottom text

(again, no noteworthy personal art finished, so arpg it is)

OCTOBER

Software test of Rebelpaint, and I like it a lot. Exactly what I wanted!

Tbh I liked this a lot more than anything else I finished this month, so it gets to go here. Funny ocean creacher indeed.

NOVEMBER

Vix and Whisper

I was really busy, so my favorite thing was a meme drawover I did with some OCs. 500% cannon to their oc lore.

DECEMBER

I was initially going to put the deer, but remembered that I actually drew it last year and just colored it this year because I forgot about it until I was digging thru my files for mostly complete wips.

So instead, I'm putting this partially complete drawing of Ring I was working on

It's not done, but it's complete enough to count for this year imo.

---

For reading this far, you get to see a very incorrect coloration of blizz

Here's to a [hopefully] better 2023!

#summary of art #2022 summary of art #my art #not doing proper organization tags since I'll do those when I post the pieces individually sometime later #oc art

[lunargrapejuice]

Lunaaaa ahhhh

Thank you for taking the time to answer my questions!!!!!

I love love love your nails!!! I have never gotten my nails done (I have small and stubby fingers + short nails) and I am considering to get them done! I love all of the designs so far!!! The first one reminds me of Sukuna, the second one is very spooky season - goes so well with your current theme and the last one is so dreamy ✨ I love the little details on them 🩷🥰

I am going to see my boyfriend at the end of November! I booked my tickets already and will be spending a month in my home country. I am so jealous of my boyfriend because he gets to eat all this delicious food and hang out with all our close friends. But slowly but surely, November is coming closer. Dec 1st is like our anniversary together so I am surprising him by visiting him before our anniversary because he was upset that this was going to be 3 years in a row (out of 4) that we wouldn’t be celebrating it in person.

And Ireland!!! I would love to visit Ireland too. I only know one river in Ireland and I am assuming that is your name for now (hehe). I have seen so many instagram travel videos of Ireland and I have them bookmarked/saved. I want to visit the Cliffs of Moher and Ring of Kerry. It looks so dreamy 🤩

And I love Japchae! I don’t know how to make it but every time we go to an all you can eat Korean place, you can bet on me ordering it! I also relate to the cooking part as well. I do most of the cooking. Sometimes my boyfriend cooks but his luck in the kitchen is so bad that I almost always forbid him to destroy my kitchen lol! So I cook, he cleans up after.

Fruit baskets is also one of my favourite anime. I used to be a Hatsuharu girl but now that I’ve grown up, Shigure and Hatori have this strong grip on me 🫠 like the two of them make my heart flutter lol.

And I am sorry for the question 😭 I just wanted to see how you would respond to it and I expected it to be the same. I will check with you again in a few months once Neuvillette’s personality is more fleshed out 👀 #plsdonthateme

Are you ready for more questions? You don’t have to answer them if it gets too much.

1. A gift you would give each of your favs.

2. Your comfort nation in Genshin? (For me it’s Sumeru because it reminds me of home. The music, the names, the vibes etc)

3. A Genshin confession that you haven’t told anyone yet. (Mine is super embarrassing. I haven’t crowned a single character in Genshin yet. I decided that until Diluc is ready, I am not going to crown any of my characters. Diluc will be the first one to receive the crown 😭)

wahhh NO THANK YOU FOR EVEN TAKING THE TIME TO ASK THEM NATS😭🩷🩷 im all mushy that you’d even want to get to know little weird me & im really enjoying hearing about you too 🥺🩷

im gonna put my replies to everything but the questions under the cut since this got quite long lol

1. oh my gosh this is so cute & sweet🥺🩷

diluc: something practical but meaningful & if i can help it sentimental too, like an embroidered ribbon for his hair that i personally embroidered the design into & maybe even one that’s matching to my own🥰

kaeya: something that’s a reminder that i love him & that he can take with him wherever he is, thats proof that he has my heart but something still a little flashy, like a thin chain necklace with a small crystal pendent 🩵 probably rose quartz even though pink isn’t apart of his outfit at all but it’s my favorite & he loves it

zhongli: something for us to enjoy together & has a value beyond any mora, something that reminds us of the past & how long we’ve been forged together & are together once more to never part again, like an old tea set a passing merchant was selling with two cups & a story to tell

kaveh: something that displays my love and attention to his heart in all its little details & beauty, something he can keep forever & remind him of us, a beautifully bound notebook where ive left little notes & doodles of my own on each page but left plenty of room for him to pour his own passion & love 🩷

alhaitham: something practical but that also conveys my devotion & adoration for him & his heart, something i put pieces of myself into that he could enjoy repeatedly like a set of books ive notated with my thoughts & questions, with how the passages made me feel, no matter how silly, & how they reminded me of him or of us💚

neuvillette: something so sticky sweet sentimental, a representation of my very heart so there is no way he could mistake just how much he means to me when i gift it to him like the necklace ive had with me for so long that he’s seen me wear everyday we’ve been together. when he confessed his feelings, he had gifted me a new necklace that i wanted to wear everyday & in my confession back, i wanted to give him what had been closest to my heart until he had taken it 🩵

okay im super sick in love after writing these ahhhh!!

2. for me it’s liyue💛 whenever im feeling weird or having a panic attack ive always found a lot of comfort in the liyue sound track & liyue is what really got me hooked into genshin, i was on & off playing at first but when liyue was released i was totally in love & couldn’t get enough! im still hoping we’ll get more liyue map & in almost all of my self ships im from liyue🥰

sumeru is GORGEOUS & i love to hear that it reminds you of home 🥺💚

3. jdkfkfkf mine is probably that ive easily spent $2k+ on the game😅 im too ashamed to actually count it up lmaoo but i know it’s a least that

not crowning anyone isn’t embarrassing at all! I i totally get it wanting to save it for diluc hehe i crowned kaeya first!🩵

hehe i LOVE getting my nails done. it’s just one of those things that it’s small but it really boosts my confidence so im always sure to have them done🩷 you’ll have you to show me if you do gets yours done! which im all for you should totally try it out!😍 it’s fun & nice for the head scratches too hehe

awhhh im SO glad you get to go see him & for your anniversary!! ahh! im so excited for you & wishing that november will come faster! 🥰🩷 i can totally feel that too! my husband is getting to see my best friend & eat her delicious cooking while he’s on his trip BUT NOT ME😭 we just wanna see our friends & eat good food too 😭🩷

heheh i bet you have it right 😉 i want to see the cliffs of moher so much too! the whole country looks so gorgeous🩷 i hope we’ll both get to go someday 🥰

mhmm all you can eat korean food is the best places to go but i always feel so fucking full omg hahah my hubby & i are totally the same! he could cook if needed but omg watching him cook is painful im always like you know what baby i got this 😂 but he’s happy to do the dishes & it’s something i hate so i don’t mind either

i love fruits basket so much 😭 AMAZING choice in men hehe for me, so underrated & not nearly enough screen time but my most favorite man in that whole anime, could get it anyday, need him to marry me & id have as many kids as he wants, kazuma *melts into a giant pink puddle* though hatori & shigure are serious next runner ups THEY ARE SO FINE! & it doesn’t help that shigure is a bastard man it just makes me want him more

heh it was fun! (& i will get you back *kisses your forhead menacingly*) but it was SO hard to pick to kill neuvillette, i just pictured kaveh being like “baby you’d kill me?!” with big red pouty eyes & kissable lips & my heart just couldn’t bare it & i refused to even think about neuvi even though my heart was like ‘don’t you dare you know you love him so much’ but it could never have been diluc! he is ultimate #1 husband that no one but satoru has dared to rival lol & i could never hate you🩷

#🌙asks #lovely moots <3

[arrjaysketch]

Future Plans! (March Update)

I figure it’s about time for another general update! HEALTH: I’ve been suffering from pretty bad insomnia the past month or two. Sleeping pills and melatonin weren’t helping. But, after starting up exercising again since falling off of it since 2019 and taking melatonin it’s helped me fall asleep much, much easier! However, I think I picked up a bug (not COVID) at the gym, and I have his bad persistent cough! So I haven’t been going to the gym and I just haven’t had my art mojo lately, so that throws in some delays. No worries, I’m seeking care for it! COMMISSIONS (UPDATE) I presently have no idea when I’ll open for commissions at this point! I really want to tackle personal projects first. UPLOADING GIFT ART, ART TRADES, & COMMISSIONED ART!! I still want to upload gift art, trades, and art I’ve commissioned! I’m planning on doing that no later than the end of March! REFERENCE SHEETS Regarding reference sheets, I have 1 more female character I want to do reference sheets for (Graphene Doodles, my Rule 63 gender-swapped version of my unicorn Graphite Doodles), as well as 7 male characters (Graphite Doodles my unicorn, Chris the mouse, Evan the rabbit, Kyle my red fox, Gabriel the squirrel, Trevor Dawson my wolf, and Bud Blaze, my MLP earth pony)! This means I have a total of 8 more reference sheets I want to do (for now).  For my reference sheets I’d start with a base. I’m thinking when I do the male characters, I’ll put together some things that I’ve learned to make the reference sheets for the guys go much faster! With my insomnia and sickness issues, I’m thinking I’ll get the reference sheets wrapped up around June~July. If things work out well I might be able to hit May, but we’ll see! I’m setting a pace that feels comfortable for me! TRADES & GIFT ART After my current round of reference sheets, I was thinking about opening for gift art and trades. But, I’m honestly itching to work on other personal projects! These are personal projects I’ve been thinking about for decades! I still want to do trades and gifts at some point! My gut feeling is that I really really want to get personal projects done! Or at least started! EXPRESSION PROJECT Something I’ve been wanting to do for a long time is a better version of the 25 Expression Challenge. I’ve done a few challenges a long time ago, and I know I’ve done one recently-ish with Princess Celestia and Princess Luna. BUT! I haven’t done one when I’ve had this much self-esteem, self-compassion, and self-efficacy! Like, I feel like I could push myself well beyond what I’ve done before! I’m making a 100 Expression Challenge! You all are in for a treat! TREMMIE & EVAN SERIES After (or maybe before) the 100 Expression Challenge, I want to dive into a passion project I’ve been wanting to start for 15 YEARS. I’m going to have a Tremmie and Evan sex romp series/comic! It’s going to be everything from sweet, silly, to hot and heavy and gooey! I want to give myself a fun challenge, and I think y’all would love it as much as I do! SOFT SHADING I’m also planning on dinking around with soft shading in 2023! I think I could make my art really pop with some quality shading and lighting! POSSIBLY SELLING SOME OLD CHARACTERS AS ADOPTABLES I am thinking of selling some characters as adoptables! There are 12 characters of mine that I'm never going to draw again, and I’m not going to combine them. I was thinking of making a ref sheet for each and selling the character that way! (The characters are: Callisto the skadger (skunk badger (spoken for), Sheila the Ringtail, Helen the spotted skunk, Heather the hedgevixen, Mindy the other, Shazzy the felox (feline/fox), Brook the swift fox, Yasmine the red fox, Jessica/Jessie the arctic fox, Ian the whitetail buck, Liam the jackal, Nemo the snow leopard) and Todd Vickson, the [undecided] fox. I was also thinking I’d probably due ¾ front view and ¼ back view, and 1 fully clothed view, instead of the 5 views I’m doing for my own characters. FUTURE REFERENCE SHEETS (LATE 2023) I realized that there are also characters I wish to keep! There are 8 characters in addition to the above that I want to do ref sheets for. Some are my wife Mistletoe's characters! She's not involved with the fandom anymore, but we fully support each other's interests! She sees how happy my characters make me and still likes furry and MLP art! (The characters are: Betsy, the arctic wolf (may change her name), Celeste the genet, Holly Graham, the red Scottish vixen, Josh the striped skunk, Marissa the mouse, Miriam the mouse (thinking of a new design!), Mistletoe the snowshoe hare, Rose Bunny the arctic hare). PONIES I still love My Little Pony a whole danged lot! I’m absolutely expecting to draw more ponies from here until the end of time, honestly! I’ve been into ponies (1984) way longer than furry fandom (1996); I still love both fandoms a whole lot! I want to do art ranging from general audiences to smutty!  HUMANS Re-uploading my old art on my Tremaine account back in 2018 made me realize how much I missed drawing humans! There are a bunch of artists whose humans really inspire me, and I absolutely want to practice drawing them! Once I feel I’ve got some decent progress made I’ll share some art! LEARNING NEW STUFF And, of course, I’m hoping to keep learning new things all the time! Goodness knows I’ve already learned so much since I started back on this path in May! Self-esteem, self-compassion, and self-efficacy have helped me a great deal in learning to take constructive criticism better, as well as learning to self-criticize with the aim of improving my art! I feel like as long as I make “having fun” a priority, everything else is so much easier! DISCORD SERVER (MAYBE, EVENTUALLY, BUT NOT RIGHT NOW) Definitely not at this time, but it’s something I’ll consider for the future! I’d like to be more active art-wise and grow my community a bit before I go that route! STREAMING! I am also planning on streaming eventually. My real concern is being able to split my attention between drawing and a chat! I think I’ll start after I’m done with my initial round of character reference sheets! I do want to watch more streams, too, but I still have the same problem! I pretty much ignore the stream to focus on my own art. I feel like this is a thing I’ll need to jump into and play by ear, so to say!

Posted using PostyBirb

#future plans #plans #status #status update

[literarygoon]

So, Here's a little parent reflection. Kristopher came toddling into my office this afternoon, near the end of the work day, threw open his arms and shouted "Hey Dada!" before charging across the carpet and swan-diving into my leg. He's like a little cartoon cherub these days, with full blond ringlets around his ears and goofy bright eyes. He still smells like an infant to me, with a milky musk that has always reminded me of Rice Krispies for some reason. It occurred to me in that moment that he wasn't a baby anymore, though. In a few months he'll be two and pretty soon after that he'll be counting to 10 and singing "Yankee Doodle" like his older sister. And just like that (unless our family changes in the future) the era of me being a parent of babies will have drawn to a close. Instead I will have transitioned into being a Dad of toddlers. This past week I've been reflecting on this, how parenthood demands that you learn a particular skill set only to have it become almost immediately obsolete. You may be an awesome parent of two-year-olds, but that doesn't mean you have the faintest clue how to parent a three-year-old. Or a sixteen-year-old. Or a 38-year-old, for that matter. While I hugged Kristopher and kissed his little forehead, I felt a surge of sadness thinking that I'd never get to hold him as a baby again, that this period is over. I'm excited to see him walking since his injury, and I love hearing him discover new words, but a stubborn part of me wishes I could've preserved him in time while he was still a shrivelled pink potato latched to Mom like a barnacle. In a lot of ways, the baby era isn't the Dad's time to shine -- no matter what, you're always second best in their eyes. Watching Kristina parent our babies was like watching a magician conjure a swirling purple spell from a boiling cauldron while I stood with a tepid pot of water at a stove with confusing controls. I constantly wondered in the first months of their lives if they even cared about me, or even really noticed I was there. Now that Kris and Celista compete to drown each other out with their singing from their carseats, clambering over playground infrastructure and figuring out how to pedal their bicycles, I'm starting to feel relevant. I like teaching them words, like guiding them through the process of slathering a canvas with paint, like watching them hike together along all the rutted paths and rocky beaches we've taken them to. I can't wait to start reading real books to them at night, and I've been buying up boxed sets of Hardy Boys and Roald Dahl and Wings of Fire in preparation. So there's a joy there, with the sadness, that's maybe even stronger. And for me, losing a moment in time just means that now it's encased in history. Kris may not be a baby anymore, but nobody can take away the fact that he once was, and that we got these two years to bask in his newborn beauty. Now let's see what's next.

The Literary Goon

[smokeybrand]

Dragonheart

It’s been a while since I've watched a full season of anime an this current one is chick full of stuff i recognize. The last two, actually. Mushoku Tensei, Redo of Healer, The Hidden Dungeon Only I Can Enter, Tsuki ga Michibiku Isekai Douchuu, Meikyuu Black Company, Isekai Cheat Magician, Nagatoro-san,  I've Been Killing Slimes for 300 Years and Maxed Out My Level, Skeleton Knight in Another World, Otome Game Sekai wa Mob ni Kibishii Sekai desu, and In the Land of Leadale ; The list is quite substantial. The common link between them all, I read the manga adaptions. A few of these things are really good onscreen, Tsukimichi immediately comes to mind, but others are much better on the page. It’s wild seeing so many of my favorite stories, getting the an anime adaption treatment. I adore the fact that so many are getting the exposure they deserve and i fund another one that i think will garner a ton of fans given, the opportunity: Ryuu to Ayumu Nariagari Boukensha-dou ~ Youzumi toshite S-Rank Party kara Tsuihou Sareta Kaifuku Majutsushi, Suterareta Saki de Saikyou no Shinryuu wo Fukkatsu Sasete Shimau ~ !

That title is a hole as mouthful i know, but it is quite the read. I actually stumbled across this thing last year sometime, right around the time i was getting into Skeleton Knight and Isekai Shikkaku, however, unlike those other two titles, Ryuu just stopped. One chapter is all i had, and even then, it wasn’t being scanlated by anyone. It took forever finding just that one. Every other version of that initial story, was in Japanese. I found it on the primary site i use for manga but, again, Japanese. And then Russian. I can’t even Google Translate Russian! I ain’t got the keys for that! It took a whole goddamn year before this thing got picked up again and, ever since, they’re had fairly regular releases every month or so. The story, itself, is just picking up but, so far, i am super into it. There are only five full chapters available for reading right now, broken up into half chapters because of course thy are, so there’s more than enough available to get a feel for the content going forward. Let me tell you, i am definitely feeling the content.

Ryuu starts off as one of the betrayal anime that seem to be all the rage now. You know what i mean; Someone gets kicked out of the adventurer party and left for dead but awakens to some new power and sets out on a a new life. Kind of pant by numbers, especially if you’re into Redo off Healer as our protagonist, Dion, is a Healer, himself, but with much less sexual violence. Dion is actually a pretty decent person in that regard and takes his betrayal well, sing the last of his power to save a severely wounded dragon. Much to his surprise, this dragon returned the favor and gifted him a bit of her blood, reviving Dion with a massive amount of power and brand new companion, Eldora. The two st out to escape the dungeon they were trapped within and, along the way, have a bit of an adventure unto themselves. This is literally a very glib synopsis of the first chapter and half but it’s on purpose. I don’t want to give too much of the story away. It’s only five chapters so check it out on your own.

So, why do i like this thing so much after only five chapters? Because the dragon has titties! In all seriousness, the thing that initially grabbed my attention was the art. This book looks nothing like anything on the market today and i love that. I’m a sucker for unique visuals which is why i like Oda so much. Say what you will about his style, you absolutely KNOW Oda’s art when you see it and you can’t take that away from him. Karikari Ume has that same potential. Their art is incredibly dense, with strong lines and intense shadows. It feels genuine and earnest, like a kid just doodling in a sketchbook but with years of experience backing that whimsical passion. The art is expressive and kinetic and full of movement while maintaining this endearing, honest, love for the craft. I love this style and it lends itself to the narrative so far.

I mentioned earlier that this sis a story steeped in the Betrayal sub-genre that seems to be all the rage right now. I’m on record as being a person who doesn’t hold tropey narratives against their authors as long as they can make up for that lack of creativity, with something unique. I cannot stress enough that we are only five chapters in but, so far, Kishimoto Kazuha has not disappointed. I actually read his other manga, Isekai Shoukan wa Nidome desu, which is fine. Mans knows the story he wants to tell and he tells it with no issue. That’s kind of my only gripe with his writing style; Its very derivative. Kishimoto writes for the trends. He picks up on something and just kind of throws a narrative together to capitalize on what’s hot. That’s fine as long as the content is there. Overlord and Tensura overcame the OP isekai trope to become something incredible. I can’t say for sure that Ryuu will have the legs to follow suit but, so far, i like what I've read and have high hopes going forward.

I absolutely adore this manga. A Story About a Dragon and the Rising of an Adventurer ~ A Healer Who Was Seen as Useless and Was Kicked Out From an S-Rank Party, Goes off to Revive the Strongest Dragon in an Abandoned Area ~ has all the potential to really be something special. It feels like old school manga, that Nineties type of sh*t with light comedy and a drizzling of fan service, to boot. I’ve been reading manga and watching anime for decades and always love when they throwback to the Golden Age like this book does. It feels like it has it’s feet in both worlds; The modern isekai/fantasy tropes through Kishimoto’s writing but that gorgeous, unique, art style is from Ume firmly plants it in the variety I've known since i was a kid. I want to say this is one of the best mangas I've read in years but i can’t. There simply aren’t enough chapters for that. What i can say is i get excited every time this thing is updated and i look forward to reading every bit whenever it’s releases. The only other manga i feel this strongly about that aren’t, like, grandfathered in from years ago are Yancha Gal, Call of the Night Walkers, Tensei Shitara Ken Deshita, Mato Seihei no Slave, Isekai Mokushiroku Mynoghra, and Isekai Shikkaku; All of which are goddamn masterpieces. That puts Ryuu in good company and more than enough to give this thing a shot.

[sysig]

[You feel like you’re being watched...]

#Doodles #Vargas #Edgar #Blood #Body horror #I went a little Extra on the eyes lol #It is my wont I love drawing lots of eyes ♪ #It’s been about a month since I doodled the first set so seeing them again made me want to revisit Angel Edgar #It really is such a lovely design ♪ And it’s so good to draw wings again ahh #Can you believe those first two are spacefillers lol I just wanted the page done and I wanted to draw wings so hey #Perfect lol #I did kinda forget about the third hoop around his legs to start lol I don't think sitting cross-legged would work very well #Neither would sitting on your heels huh only polite sits! I mean it's Edgar so that's no issue but sprawling is fun #I wish I could say the last one was done on lineless paper lol #Nope just an extra ehhh half hour of editing probably #It was interesting challenge that’s for sure had to remember how to dither #He’s supposed to be looking over his shoulder it’s just a bit hard to tell without directional eyes lol #That was also the one I took a bit of a break between - weird but turned out just fine so hey #Man wings are fun I should do another study sometime I'd like to practice wings at full extension vs. relaxed #I am quite happy with the last one uwu

[tobesoalive]

rises the moon (Josh Kiszka x Reader)

here’s a fluffy smut pice for y'all about the hottest man alive, Josh Kiszka! Let me know if you like it and want to see more of this stuff, I had a lot of fun writing it! Anyways....enjoy!

WARNINGS: smut, oral (f receiving), fingering, the usual 

“C’mon babe! Let's celebrate a little!” you nagged your sweaty, grinning boyfriend. Josh Kiszka was the love of your life, and had been since you met three years ago. It was a warm August night and he had just gotten done performing his first show in months.

“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to let loose a bit” he replied with a grin. “I’m kinda tired though so do you mind if it’s just the two of us?”

“I guess I could tolerate that” you tease.

After about another hour of hearing people congratulate the boys and helping pack up it was time to go. You were able to make it to the car without being swarmed by fans, but still stopping for a few photos. You offered to drive so that Josh could sleep for a little bit. Finally you pulled up to the little bungalow you and Josh had started living in a few months ago. It only made sense for the two of you to live together since you were practically inseparable.

Entering through the garage you kicked off your shoes as Josh questioned what you had in mind.

“Well I was thinking we could put on a record and maybe cook some food? Maybe even enjoy a glass of wine if you’re feeling wild”

“You know me baby, I’m always wild!” he responds, doing a weird voice that you rolled your eyes at, but deep down you loved it.

“I think the term feral suits you better” you quip, pulling him in for an embrace.

He rests his head on your shoulder, nuzzling his face into your neck, breathing deeply. You know how stressed and anxious he has been these past few weeks leading up to the show, and it made you so happy to see him finally relaxing. Silently your bodies part ways and he makes his way over to your extensive vinyl collection in the living room. He’s flipping through records when you run up to your bedroom and come back down the stairs, hands hiding behind your back.

“Hey Frodo, I have a little surprise for you”

“Oh boy what could it be, a sacred ring or some shit?” he says without looking up, putting a Fleet Foxes record on the turntable.

“Sorry for calling you a hobbit, I just wanted to make sure I got your attention.” you say as he finally makes his way over to you.

From behind your back you pull out a single joint and a lighter, one you had hand decorated with little stars and a moon. On it you had written in gold Sharpie “You are my sun”.

“Babe this is so amazing!” he says while taking the lighter in his hand and flipping it around. Josh was always keeping your sketches and random doodles that you thought nothing of, so you thought you’d put them on something he’d get use out of.

“I’m sorry I know it’s small, I just wanted to give you a little something to say congrats.”

“Are you kidding mama?! I love it, you didn’t have to do anything!” he assures you before pulling you in for a kiss.

“I will definitely be putting this to good use, but I think we should break it in now” he says before pulling you over to the couch and putting the joint between his lips.

He passes it to you and you inhale deeply, letting the sweet smoke fill your lungs. This was an activity you and Josh liked to partake in when you had a stressful day, or when you were going on an adventure, or anytime really. Not that either of you weren’t already very laid back and silly.

After a few minutes of the two of you passing the joint back and forth it was gone, and you ashed it out in the tray on the coffee table, setting the lighter to rest beside it.

“God that was a really great present actually, I just wish there was a way I could repay you” Josh says turning to face you.

“It’s a gift, you don’t need to repay me!” you tell him, starting to feel the effects of the weed.

“But you see I’m just a giving person, and what I’d like to give to you right now is a mind blowing orgasm” Josh says, and you can’t help but burst out laughing. You cover your face with your hands before facing him and saying “Kiszka you are such a dork, you’re lucky I find you so attractive!”

Both of you are grinning as your lips collide and after a minute of making out you pull back.

“After some deep consideration, I’ve come to the conclusion that that is an offer i just can’t refuse”

“Oh my love you are in for a treat!” he tells you before pulling you onto his lap.

Your hips start to move against his involuntarily, and you can feel him growing harder beneath his shorts. You tug at the hem of his white shirt and he lifts his arms up so you can pull it off him. Once again you break the kiss to move down on to your knees, ready to tease him with your mouth.

“Oh no princess, none of that tonight. All I really want to do is taste you so you better get your ass on this couch” he says with a small laugh.

You giggle as you get back on the sofa, barely able to contain your excitement. He unbuttons your pants and awkwardly yanks them off, causing you both to laugh. Quickly, his face becomes more serious as he concentrates on running his fingers up and down on the inside of your thighs, lightly ghosting around where you need him most.

“Joshua please” you whimper as you throw your head back, becoming more and more frustrated by his teasing.

“Sorry baby, I was just admiring how wet you already are. Was it from me?”

“Mhmm” you moan in response, tilting your head back down to make eye contact with him.

“Well I suppose I could treat you, since you’ve been such a good girl” he smirks before pulling your panties to the side, running his middle finger up and down your slit.

His teeth bite at his bottom lip as he darts his eyes from your wet center and back up to your eyes. You’re unable to take your eyes off of him, the sight of him alone is enough to make you come.

Slowly, he pushes his middle finger in, down to the last knuckle, letting it sit there a moment before he starts to pump it in and out of you at a lazy pace. Your walls contract around him as your eyes start to tear up, desperate for more.

“Josh more please” you plead with him. Instantly he attaches his lips to your clit, the motion all too familiar to him, the hairs above his lip and on his chin adding extra sensation. He swirls his tongue around the sensitive bud as his finger speeds up it’s pace. You can feel the heat start to pool in your stomach as he continues his actions. He adds a second finger, taking a moment to pull his mouth away and use his free hand to pull your panties to the side more. He dives back in, more concentrated than ever, fingers curling up to hit the delicate spot inside of you. You can see him rutting against the couch and it’s enough to make you throw your head back and let out a loud and rather pornographic moan.

“I think I’m gonna-” you start to say as the fire in your belly builds.

“It’s okay baby, you can do it, cum for me” he says, flashing his gorgeous smile quickly before returning his lips to your clit, moaning around it, sending delicious vibrations through your body. Your fingers lace through his curls as his fingers pump at an insane speed, sending you over the edge.

Your body shakes as stars form behind your closed eyelids, every part of you basked in complete euphoria, oblivious to everything around you. After a minute you open your eyes as you whimper at the feeling of Josh dragging his fingers out of you, but the feeling of his breath still hot against your clit.

You look down to see Josh with his eyes closed, partially hunched over as his hands rest on his knees, your juices gleaming on his tan skin.

“Wow, I owe you one, that was fucking amazing” you sigh.

“I’d love that, but I’m gonna have to take a rain check, seems my problem took care of itself” he says, cheeks turning red.

You look down to see a dark spot on his green shorts, realizing that he was experiencing just as much pleasure from pleasuring you.

“Joshua Michael Kiszka, that is the hottest thing I’ve ever seen in my entire life!” you say before pulling him into a kiss, the taste of you lingering on his lips. The thought of him getting off from eating you out alone drove you wild, he really fucking loves you.

“God I’ve never been more tired and content in my life” he says as his arms find their way around you, head burying into your neck.

“Well my prince, why don't you go upstairs and get in bed while I get you a glass of water and a snack”

“Oh my god, how did I get this lucky?” he says

“I ask myself the same thing everyday” you say before giving him one last kiss.

“You are my moon”

“And you my sun”

And you meant every bit of it.

#josh kiszka #josh kiszka imagine #josh kiszka smut #greta van fleet #greta van fleet fan fiction #greta van fleet imagine #josh kiszka fan fic #jake kiszka imagine #sam kiszka imagine #Danny Wagner imagine

[silcoseye]

Volatile P3: Do You Remember Seeing the Stars for the First Time?

info: "It's been years since Silco, Vander and (Y/N) split up. When Silco searches for his old friend again, asking them to help him teach a child he had recently taken in their 'explosive' craft, their feelings for him are reignited. The question remains if he burns for them just as bright as they do."

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8

warnings: gender-neutral reader, bomb-making, bomb exploding, mentions of child labour, mentions of murder, violence, claustrophobic settings, big fish, swearing (this one is pretty wholesome ngl)

i kept getting distracted trying to write this by "cupcakke - Squidward nose" so at least you all know my heart was in a good place. honestly, as i was writing towards the end i was like 'omg this is so good' so if you all don't think the same I'll cry (/j) IMPORTANT (/srs): I have a fair amount of uni work to do in less than 2 weeks so these updates are gonna slow and I'm going to try and focus on getting my work done before deadlines thank you all, happy reading

7556 words

Jinx came over almost daily to learn the art of bomb-making- and her progress was astonishingly fast. Something you found endearing was that she always doodled on the outsides of her projects. In fact, she doodled on whatever she could get her hands and those neon markers on- clothes, walls, paper, skin. She used them up so quickly, Silco switched to buying her easily accessible crayons, pencils and cheap markers- they were nothing compared to the markers, but she wasn't complaining. She loved it.

Another thing she loved- arguably more than tinkering and creating- was blowing things up with them. Nearby was an abandoned air shaft that you'd visit with her and Silco, testing her creation and smiling brightly at her excitement whenever they'd work, emitting colourful explosions.

As the weeks became months, you noticed her hair beginning to grow rapidly, and, bless Silco, the poor man clearly had no idea what to do with it. Fearing it would get caught on fire, or caught in something that would injure her during your lessons, you offered to put it up for her, as she had no clue what to do with it either. At first, it was styled into a simple long ponytail but she grew bored of it quickly and wasn't much safer. You then offered to braid it for her, which she was hesitant to at first,

"How about two braids then?" You asked, "to make it more fun and interesting," Her eyes lit up at your proposition and she smiled. Carefully instructing her to sit as still as she could, you started by sectioning her hair in two, while she began to eagerly tell you about whatever came to her mind,

"Silco took me to see the water," She said at one point. You froze as you combed her hair. That place. The place where you had almost lost him to Vander.  It startled and confused you,

"He did?" She nodded, before mumbling an apology, knowing she wasn't supposed to move her head while you worked, "How was it?"

"I liked it. I wanted to swim but he said no. He said it's dirty water, and we have clean water at home," She explained, "He told me that there's huge fish underwater. I saw some of them too.  They're so beautiful, and they don't even know it," You smiled at that, "That's what he told me," she said, as you tied one of the sections into a loose ponytail and let it hang over Jinx's front,

"He did?" She hummed, to indicate a 'yes', tongue poking out as she focused on the detailing of her portrait of Silco,

"He did," She confirmed, "He likes the fish, so I'm drawing him one!" flawless logic,

"Like a pet?"

"Like a friend," You smiled at her innocence, a sigh escaping your lips,

"What's the fishy's name?" you asked, brushing her hair back to begin the first braid,

"The fish can be called (Y/N)!" She grinned, causing you to grimace and then laugh along with her,

"Are you teaching her to draw now?" Silco's low voice cut through your laughter, causing both your heads to turn to Silco, who had just returned. Jinx ran to him quickly, the hair slipping from your loose hold on it, and hugged him tightly. You did find it strange that Sevika was the one who dropped her off today- with a glare and grumble as you thanked her. You eyed the cape she wore over her shoulder and the blue scar on her cheek as you let Jinx inside, "Hello, Jinx," He said affectionately patting her head, before looking at you with a puzzled expression, "What are you doing with her hair?" He asked intrigued, eyes flicking to the brush in your other hand,

"I'm making sure Jinx's hair doesn't get in the way of her work," You said, patting the stool, indicating for Jinx to return. Giving you another apology, she returned, quickly moving the drawing she was doing and flipping it upside down to hide from Silco, and beginning to draw on a new sheet of paper, "I'm giving her braids,"

"Ah," He nodded, leaning on one of the workbenches next to you and watching as you brushed through her hair once again in silence, "Are they easy to do?" With a surprised glance at him, you shook your head,

"No, you just section it and criss-cross," You said, splitting the section of blue hair into three sections and beginning to braid,

"Slow down," He asked suddenly, moving from where he was leaning and moving to stand next to you, watching intrigued as you now slowly braided her hair, "Hmm. It's a pattern," You nodded,

"Right over the middle, left over the middle. You wanna try that side?" You offered, gripping the end of the amount of hair you braided so it wouldn't fall loose and handing him the hairbrush. Tentatively, he took it from you, undoing the hair with such delicacy that one would have thought it strings of porcelain. You smiled, "It's already mostly brushed out so she shouldn't have any tough knots in there," You assured him, and yet still he still brushed through it gently, building up some courage. He finally set down the brush and sectioned the hair as you had previously done,

"Like this?" He asked for clarification, eye-widening as he saw you were already finished and tying up the braid so it wouldn't come undone. Running your hand gently under the braid to make sure it lay smooth against the girls back, you looked in his direction,

"Mhm, that's great, Silco. Now you just have to braid it," you reminded him, "Let me show you," you offered, moving closer to him and gently reaching to take his hands in yours, moving them as you had instructed him, "Right over the middle, left over the middle," You said softly, letting go of his hands once you felt him figure out the pattern, "Make sure it's tight so it doesn't come undone so easily," You added quickly, watching his braid. It was so sweet, so caring. How focused he appeared on making the braid look good, and how his long, slender fingers wove the hair together. It took him significantly longer than you, but you could tell he was being as careful as possible.

Once he reached the bottom of her hair, you handed him a hair tie and watched as he delicately finished his work, standing back and sighing as he placed a hand to his aching back, comparing the two braids,

"You did so well, Silco," You smiled at him before he could say something self-deprecating, turning to see Jinx smiling brightly and showing him she finished fish drawing- one of its eyes was a red 'x' while the other was just a blue dot- you thought her Silco Fish was adorable. Smiling at her, you spoke, "There's a mirror just outside if you want to look at your hair, and then we can start our lesson" You and Silco turned your heads to watch her race out of the room,

"Thank you for teaching me," the words almost knocked you off your feet and your brows raised in clear shock. You couldn't hide the slight blush that dusted your cheeks and caused them to warm as Silco looked at you, "I had no idea you knew how to do things with hair like that. To tell the truth, it was getting unmanageable," He sighed. You could tell he was tired through the bags under his eyes and a slight slouch in his position. Testing the waters, you reached a hand up to pat his shoulder,

"No problem," you said, surprised again that he didn't brush you off, "Where were you this morning? Savika dropped Jinx off to-"

"She arrived on time?" He asked sternly now. With a small sigh, you nodded,

"On the dot," You confirmed, hoping it would keep the woman out of trouble. Jinx returned, declaring she loved the braids and hugged Silco first and then, surprisingly you. You smiled, patting her head as Silco had done,

"Okay, we can start now!" She said eagerly as she pulled away and hopped back on the chair. With her hair out of the way, you cleared the papers and made sure to set her Silco, Jinx and (Y/N) fish portrait to the side so she could continue at the end, and your lesson began.

For the next few days, Silco would come in with Jinx- even on the days where she had an allocated break from learning- staying while you braided her hair. This continued until eventually, he got so good at doing it himself that she would come with the twin braids already hanging down her back, excited to learn as usual.

The longer she was with him, the more you saw Silco's normally icy exterior melt with her childish innocence. It was so abundantly clear to anyone that he cared deeply for the girl. You had been to his office a few times when he called for you to check on her progress. Just scanning his desk, you could tell she had been there; the ashtray he used with his cigars was painted with neon blue and pink details, and considering he hadn't just opted to get a new one, he must have been proud of her artwork. You always had positive things to say- not out of fear that he'd replace you if she wasn't satisfied- but because you recognised her brilliance and creativity.

The only thing still dragging you down was your curiosity to know her origins. You were torn between going out and searching for the answer on your own and waiting patiently for Silco to tell you himself when he was ready. In the end, you decided to remain as patient as you could be. Silco would tell you eventually- you hung on to this belief. He trusted you... Right?

Why else would he turn to you right after he found Jinx? Why else did he ask you to help him teach her, and not someone else with more professional practice and experience in this line of work? Why else did he value your opinion of her when he clearly didn't give a shit about the others?

You've seen the glares Sevika gave to the child plenty of times when she thought no one was looking, and you were still unaware as to why she disliked the poor girl so much. Often, Silco would begrudgingly ask her to watch her while he attended to his cryptic 'business' to attend to, and watching as she begrudgingly accepted.

Jinx quickly grew to adore the time she spent with you, as it meant she could focus on her creativity- in bomb-making and art. Your conversations were always light chatter, and sometimes she'd tell you about her life before Silco. Only small details- like a boy named Ekko learned the basics of welding, and other metalwork alongside her, and they both learned from Benzo, a merchant that lived nearby. You recognised him as being Vander's friend. Jinx took to making bombs because "they were more fun", in her words, and you laughed along with her. However, you still couldn't shake she wasn't okay. Sometimes when you asked for more information on her past, she got very quiet and almost refused to speak with you anymore until you changed the topic. You never pressed her for more after that. One day, she mentioned it was her birthday, just out of the blue. Her older sister had taught her the date and month, and your eyes widened. What followed was a day off, and an incredibly messy attempt to bake a cake.

Silco returned to your home to find the girl's face and clothes dusted in flour, hands sticky with dough and icing and grinning up at him, bouncing on her feet as she eagerly declared you made a cake. His gaze turned to you, situated in the kitchen, sympathetically smiling. Instructed her to wash her hands, he joined you in the kitchen, remaining quiet as he watched you place the top half of the cake onto a layer of cream. Washing your own hands once you were done, you gave Jinx free reign to decorate it with the colourful icing you made in separate bowls. Once you finished, you dried them and joined Silco across the counter from Jinx, observing her with an amused smile. You leaned your elbows on the counter and reached for a discarded spoon you used to mix the icing with,

"She said it was her birthday today," You explained to him, licking some of the icing off your finger. You blushed to see his eyes lingering on your face as you did this. You turned to watch the young girl instead, slathering the cake with the blue icing, "I thought she deserves a cake at least... Had I known earlier I would have gotten her a gift," you looked back at him apologetically, once you felt the burning in your cheeks subside, and he simply smiled and shook his head,

"It's alright, (Y/N). Thank you for at least giving her a fun day off," You nodded, and remained quiet for a moment, watching as she worked away,

"So what business did you need to attend today?" you tried, expecting him to remain also quiet and not tell you,

"I was buying Jinx a birthday present," You blinked for a moment, turning to see him with a sly smirk on his lips. Jinx let out a small gasp at his words, and clumsily set the flat spatula she was using to decorate the cake with back into the pink icing bowl, moving from the small stepstool you got for her and running to the side of the counter you two were on, watching him eagerly.

He crouched beside you, and it only then did you notice he was carrying a small wrapped parcel behind his back. He crouched before her and offered it to her.  Taking it from him with a small 'thank you', she eagerly unwrapped the paper and gasped in surprise at the contents. You smiled, seeing the bright neon markers she had taken from you all those months ago. A cacophony of eager thank you's burst from her, and she ran quickly into Silco's arms, hugging him tightly, shoulder shaking slightly as she cried from happiness.

The markers had been ridiculously difficult to find apparently for both you and Silco. A while ago, you thought to surprise her and buy her the markers she had fallen in love with all those months ago but came up empty, returning home exhausted and neon markerless. And considering it took him a whole day just to find them and bring them to her, you guessed he may have had to go to Piltover or... Somewhere else. Perhaps he has a neon marker dealer you didn't know but needed to seek out. You had to ask him.

Jinx pulled away with the brightest smile you've ever seen on her lips. She was clearly so overwhelmed and happy it just warmed your heart to see. Like you, she'd likely grown up with very little around her. And you realised this may be the first cake she'd ever had, considering her excitement when you showed her the size of the cake pan. Once she calmed down (and you assured her they were not edible and couldn't go on the cake) she resumed her decorating, eager to finish so she could draw again. You settled next to Silco, looking over the markers and trying to see their brand, only for him to cover it with his pale hand. You sent him a playful glare, but it faded quickly and you only smiled. His gaze went to you as he felt your eyes on him,

"What?" His asked expectantly, looking down at you amused,

"Nothing... I was just trying to see what brand those markers were," You said innocently. You regretted not paying attention to what it was when you first got them and gave them away, not knowing she would take to them like that,

"I'm not revealing my secrets," He said plainly,

"Silco? Keeping secrets? Unheard of," You mocked surprise, making him exhale some air out of his nose in a silent laugh. Studying him, you turned your attention back to Jinx, "Seriously where did you get them, they're really good markers," You hissed,

"When's your birthday?"

"Haha," You said sarcastically, rolling your eyes. With a small sigh, you went quiet, watching as she finished up the cake,

"Thank you for baking with her," He said sincerely, and when you met his gaze, his eyes held emotion in them. You gave him a nod,

"She deserves it, doesn't she?" You told him, and with a nod, he agreed with you.

Jinx ate about a quarter of the cake, ran around your house, completed 6 drawings, before passing out across Silco's lap on the couch. He had undone one of the braids and delicately ran his fingers through her wavy hair, separating the strands. You watched the domestic scene before you, sipping some tea and watching.

He casually smoked a cigar, an ashtray placed on the side of your couch to tap off the excess ash. He was focused so hard on Jinx's hair he barely seemed to register your staring. His head was tilted slightly to the side, giving you a clear view of his corrupted eye and the scars indenting his cheek and forehead. Everything about him was sharp in such a handsome way, and yet this time his body no longer held its usual tension. The longer you spent time with him, you slowly started to notice how he'd emerge from his office with his shoulder's squared, but they'd slump and relax slightly whenever Jinx tackled his legs into a hug and you delivered her back to him. Although it was hard to tell now, due to the position he was sitting in, he was relaxed too. One of his arms leaned against the back of the couch, the hand that held the cigar carefully poised over the ashtray to not land on your couch, smoke slowly dissipating into the air and filling it with the scent of tobacco. His other was brushing out Jinx's hair,

"Are you enjoying yourself?" His voice was soft but carried deliciously through the air between you. You set the steaming mug of tea down from where it was resting against your lips, and  looking at the brown liquid to avoid looking at him at the realisation he knew you were observing him,

"It's nice to see you like this. You look comfortable and relaxed," You explained, trying to match your tone and volume to his, finally looking up to meet his curious gaze. It was his turn to openly stare, however, you lacked his unapologetic confidence and looked away, brushing a hand through your hair, "So-"

"It's nice to see me?" He repeated with a small smirk, and you rolled your eyes,

"I haven't seen you in a long time. Not since..." You trailed off and watched his smile fade away, his gaze turning to look to the floor. Rubbing his forehead carefully with the hand holding the cigar, he brought it back to his lips and inhaled deeply, and let the smoke slowly rise out of his thin lips. You watched him place it back into the ashtray,

"Since Vander tried to kill me," He finished for you, eye squinting with an icy glare above your head,

"You... Haven't told me what happened after that," You reminded him, looking from the dark brown liquid in your cup, back to him. He focused on you,

"You were there. You pulled me from the waters and took me to shore," He reminded you,

"Yes, but what happened after that?" You finally said, sitting up in curiosity. It took him a while to reply, figuring out how to form the words in his head, figuring out how best to tell you. Or perhaps he was thinking of another clever way to distract you,

"Once we split, I gathered those who opposed Vander. Safe to say they were surprised to see me alive. He apparently told them I was dead," There was venom in his words, and you only nodded along, ignoring the tightness in your chest as the memories of heartbreak come flooding back. "I gathered those who still wanted to send the topsiders a message with violence and would continue to do so. His lie did me a favour... It allowed me to disappear," He picked the cigar back up, "I found Singed, the scientist, and became a sponsor of his... Projects," He explained, "When you found me, my eye was beyond repair-" Letting go of Jinx's hair, you watched as his delicate fingers traced along one of the marks on his face, "-I could barely see you helping me out of the toxic waters-" his hand travelled down the scar, down his face as he spoke, "-When I found Singed, by some luck he managed to salvage it-" The scar stopped at his lip, and he took his hand from his face to place it back into Jinx's hair "-only the toxins had eaten away at most of the flesh," With a slight shake of his head, he continued, "he managed to salvage my vision, what was left of it that is. Regardless, I was then forever in debt to him. Whatever he needed, I would supply it," He uttered, eyes focusing on you, "And then he showed me... A private project of his... You know it as Shimmer," you nodded in agreement, "He cultivated it and I lent him a helping hand," he finished,

"Right," You said, thinking for a moment, "He fixed your eye," He leaned his head down in a nod, "And in turn, you helped him create the drug that took over Zaun," He nodded again, "Is that all you did?" He laughed at that,

"It kept me busy," He raised a brow, "Is that all you wanted to know, (Y/N)?" He asked,

Of course not. You wanted to ask so much more. About Jinx, her origins, more questions about him. Specifically his feelings for you. If they were strictly platonic or did he yearn for your affection like you his. Did he find you beautiful too? Did he fantasize about falling asleep entangled together too? If his feelings for you were still in his cold hear somewhere,

"Nothing comes to mind, Silco," You settled, with a polite smile that was soon hidden behind your teacup again as you took another sip. Looking back at him, you noticed him staring at you, clearly unconvinced by your answer. He didn't push you for more, thankfully. The truth was you weren't ready for such forward confessions, and you were so unsure and afraid of his reaction.   Jinx being in his life brought the best out of him, you thought. He had desperately tried to push all human care and love out of his heart to replace it with bitterness, only for Jinx to crash into his life and remind him what it was to feel again. Looking down at the girl you smiled softly, "I've never seen her as happy as she was today" you told him, "It's sweet that you got her those markers. If I knew it was her birthday I would have got her something too," you repeated with a sad sigh,

"I'm sure these markers will keep her busy for the foreseeable future," His hand affectionately went back to Jinx's hair, now undoing the other braid and gently undoing the hair, "Besides, I don't think you'd be able to find them, even if you searched the entirety of Zaun," He teased. You smiled at him, narrowing your eyes,

"Does that mean you got them from Piltover?" Mimicking your earlier movements, he only raised his brows and bought the cigar to his lips inhaling. You shook your head, "One day I'll find them and hoard them here so you won't find them,"

"You'll never find my supplier," he murmured, leaning his head back against the back of the couch as he exhaled the smoke into the air,

"An art supplier from Piltover," You put two and two together, "Thanks Silco," you said playfully,

"Good luck finding the right one," He chuckled, his head leaning forward again to look at you, "Stars know the amount of pretentious 'artists' that city produces," there was a sting to his words, and you only nodded along,

"Course it does," You agreed with a sigh, "Such freedom must be wonderful," You said softly, "I wish I could have painted or drawn when I was a child... Instead of working the mines," You looked at Jinx, "It's... Why I was so nervous about teaching her how to make bombs. The fact that she's still so young. I constantly have to remind myself that she's only a child, and I feel horrible for corrupting her mind with such violence..." You said sadly, "I lived through it. I know how bad it gets. I didn't want her childhood to be like this too," you admitted. Looking back to him, meeting his intense gaze, "But you... Silco, you clearly care for her so much. You would never let anything bad happen to her intentionally and I know that," You assured him, "I just.." you sighed, words escaping you.

"I understand your fears, (Y/N)," He said smoothly, "I have them too... I had my reservations on taking in a child," His voice had a twinge of sadness to it, "But she was alone. She had lost everything- everyone in her life. I realised I was all she had left. I realised without me... She would die," He admitted, "It's not an ideal life for her. I know this. So I try my best to give her the best I can find. All so she doesn't see the shit we went through," His eyes locked with yours, "You do too... And I appreciate your efforts too, (Y/N)," he said, the gratitude clear in his voice. A comfortable silence settled as you ate a biscuit and drank some tea, and he finished with her hair. His cigar stopped smoking, but the tobacco still hung in the air thickly, engulfing you, "Thank you for teaching her," He broke the silence eventually, "I'll make sure to repay you in the future,"

"You don't have to do anything for me- you gave me this apartment," You quickly told him, watching as he smiled and shook his head, "That's more than enough,"

"This is a necessity. I'll get you something else,"

"Like what?" you asked

"Anything," He let out a breath, "Anything you would want,"

After finishing your tea, he picked Jinx up from his lap, gently cradling her close to him and moving to the door. You took his coat from the rack, draping it over his shoulders and relishing in the overwhelming scent of smoke and vanilla that surrounded him like an invisible cloud,

"Thank you," He exhaled,

"I thought you were incapable of using those words," You teased. You were so close to him that you felt the air exhale from his nose as he laughed lightly,

"I live and I learn..." He said softly. He lingered near you for a moment, and you took this as a cue to open the front door for him. Before you got to it, he interrupted you, "I'll take you somewhere nice tonight" He offered,

"Somewhere nice?" You asked, looking at him, to see him nod and approach, "It better not be a rooftop again. I'm not dragging you off there like last time," You narrowed your eyes, a hand resting on the door handle. He smiled at you,

"It'll be nicer than a rooftop. I promise,"

"You promise?"

"Be ready in an hour and we'll go," He said,

"Why this sudden proposition?" You asked curiously, "What changed?"

"I'm repaying your kind work," He said, and as he saw you beginning to protest he raised a brow, "Don't start," He commanded, and even at a whisper, you could tell he was stern, "Please. I just want you to join me,"

"Alright, Silco. I will," You opened the door for him and watched as he momentarily left you, taking the girl back to their home.

"When I said I didn't want to go to a rooftop I didn't expect the exact opposite," You said, moving after him cautiously into a run-down building. Bits of it had been singed and covered in black soot, and it was long abandoned, the signs being obvious in the abundance of dust and emptiness. The thick smell of smoke and gunpowder still hung in the air- you'd need to wash these clothes when you got home. You eyed an elevator that was in an equally bad shape that Silco was slowly approaching, the floor numbers flashing weakly in the dim room.

Silco smiled softly once you got to it. He had walked with his usual confident swagger, hands behind his back and footsteps confident, heavy and slow. You moved next to him, catching up after taking in your deteriorating surroundings, and got to the broken doors of the elevator shaft. He grabbed it and grunted as he pulled it back, the door promptly falling back into its sliding hinges with a creek. He turned back to you, indicating with his hand for you to enter first. Following his instructions, you frowned deeply as you looked at the dusty, run-down elevator,

"Is this even safe?" you asked, worry laced into your words, looking over the buttons and numbers that emitted a low buzz. He entered quietly as always and brushed past you, pressing the lowest floor possible, causing the elevator to jerk to life and begin its slow descent,

"So far," He commented, leaning against the brass metal casually,

"Silco, I swear to all the stars in the sky, if this elevator breaks while we're in it... Are you telling me there are no stairs we could have used instead?" the fear was clear in your tone, not at all comforted by his casualness,

"It hasn't broken and won't break," he said smoothly, and with only his word to trust, you sighed, standing by him and watching as light illuminated outside of the open door,

"How did it all break?" You asked, "Time?" he shook his head,

"Time..." He confirmed, "And external forces..." He added mysteriously with a sigh, turning his head to observe you, "You're still terrified of small spaces?" He asked out,

"Specifically ones that might kill me because they're not safe," You said, making him chuckle lowly,

"You wouldn't like this place when it was open," He said, "There are no stairs. Its a crucial design flaw. That's why it closed years ago. It almost burned down when one of the chefs caught their apron on fire and almost burned down the whole building. Maximum weight limit allowed 5 people in here at a time- old technology- and a few patrons sustained serious burns" he explained

"Was this a restaurant?" You blushed at the implications. Was he intentionally bringing you to a place usually associated with romance? Or was he-

You gasped again as the elevator shook and jolted again, creaks emanating from the heavy-duty wires above you. You could feel your heart drop in fear, and instinctively, you reached for his arm and gripped it, shutting your eyes tightly.

A moment passed and all movement stopped.

"We're here," He declared, but his voice was soft and soothing, intending to calm you. Straightening shakily and releasing the grip on his arm, you blushed as you watched this elevator door open- working correctly but covered in black soot- and blinked at the sight before you.

A laboratory was destroyed here. Shelves of empty beakers and surviving chemicals were scattered around, glass, ingredients and mysterious puddles littered below them. A fish tank, or terrarium of some sorts, had fallen and shattered, adding to the dusty, glassy, chemically mess on the floor, dirt spilling out of it. All of this was left to rot, abandoned. Everything was either covered in soot, burned to a crisp, or dusty. But what drew your attention the most was the bright azure window, as tall as the room itself, and the vast shapes moving behind the extensive crack splitting the window apart, drops of the water falling and puddling on the floor from the crevices.

Silco appeared next to you, standing and looking over the area with hints of reminiscence in his eye,

"This was Singed's laboratory," He clarified for you, gaze shifting to watch your bewildered face, transfixed by the humungous fish slowly swimming in front of the glass, obscured and disfigured by the crack. Following your gaze, he scanned them, eyeing the break in the glass, "Since the explosion, I've only been here with Jinx," he explained. An explosion- perhaps that was the 'external force' he mentioned before. But that didn't explain the soot... Maybe it caused an explosion to occur here. There must have been a lot of flammable things stored here,

"So that's why she draws the fish," you marvelled. This was the water see was talking about,

"I'm surprised it hasn't caved in yet..." He nodded. "However the structure is severely unstable," He pointed out the obvious, gesturing to the large crack. The force of a bomb could do something like this... Was this why you were teaching her how to safely make bombs? Did she cause this? You thought about reprimanding him for being so reckless to bring a child here,  or sharing your observations, but the enchanting atmosphere kept the words in your mouth,

"What was this? Before it... was a lab," You asked, finally tearing your eyes away as the gigantic fish disappeared to the left, and looking at Silco, who began to slowly wander across the room, closer to the glass. You followed,

"It used to be an underground dining area, only available to the rich ones who could afford it," he said, "This used to be a Topsiders exclusive restaurant... Until we claimed it," He said, tilting his head slightly and running his hands over a blackened workbench, the soot staining his two fingers. He rubbed them with his thumb, before looking over his shoulder to watch you approach his side,

"Ahh... You got jealous and wanted free entry?" You summed up playfully,

"Perhaps that too," He smiled, his gaze travelling to the window again. Standing close to him, you marvelled at the fish together. It hadn't been just the two of you since that night he got into your old apartment and asked you to help him. This felt nice,

"Silco?" You looked at him and listened to the small hum he gave you.  You allowed yourself to admire his sharp, angular features, eyes scanning his face as if to memorise it, subconsciously expecting to lose him again. As he turned to look at you, now being able to see his whole face illuminated by the glow of the waters before you, you took a small steadying breath, "I don't know if I told you... But it's really nice to see you after all these years," You said, "I'd be lying if I didn't say I missed you. I am... Glad you're back in my life," you said honestly, and watched as his features softened and he relaxed, a small smile appearing on his lips again,

"As am I," He said softly, and as you gazed at him, the impulse to suddenly touch your lips to his grew stronger and stronger. You were so close to him, shoulders practically touching. You wanted to reach out and touch him. Your body screamed and begged for you to do so. Perhaps you'd bump into the desk behind him. Perhaps he wouldn't care about the soot or dust staining his clothes as you distracted him with your mouth on his. Perhaps you'd forget about the threat of drowning looming above before you and calm your racing heart.

But damn your insecurities cursed patience, and childish curiosity making you turn your head back to the window, so he was completely eliminated from your vision. You calmed as a silence appeared between you two, filled only by the steady echoes of dripping, and deep underwater noises. He finally spoke after some time,

"(Y/N)," he drew your attention, "I need your help. I need more help than I would normally like to... request from another person," He admitted reluctantly with a sigh, a hand running through his hair, causing a few grey-black strands to fall to his forehead, "With Jinx," He finished, looking back to you, "I can only provide her with so much... She has a home, she has safety, she has basic necessities, and her drawings and materials because of me... But truth be told, without your help, I don't think she'd be as comfortable or happy as she is," He admitted, "Being around you makes her happy- you should hear the way she talks about you," You blushed at that, smiling pleasantly, "I'm serious, (Y/N). She wakes me up at ungodly hours demanding that she needs to arrive at her lessons on time, and the days she doesn't, she's asking about see you anyway, and what you do when she's not there," you laughed at that, "You always had that natural charm with children," he complimented softly, his gaze caring and... full of an emotion you couldn't quite pinpoint. Pride? Adoration?

"Cause you always scared them off with your bluntness," You teased, giving up on trying to read into him. Your comment made him smile a little wider, "Thank you for the flattery Silco, but you shouldn't give yourself such little credit. It's clear she loves you and considers you to be a father figure for her," he looked away now, considering your words. You could almost watch as the gears turned in his head. Shuffling a little on your feet to move that much closer to him, you took in a small breath, "I'd be more than happy to take her in for a little bit if it made things a bit easier on you," You offered, making him turn to look at you, shock clear in the way his brow and eyelid were raised, "Not completely take her away from you, of course... But I do have that spare bedroom. Some nights, if you can't make it, or have... things to do with whatever shady business you have going on now, I don't mind letting her stay over. You'd pick her up in the morning, as usual" You said. He remained quiet, considering your offer, "Silco," You said, making him look at you, "I really don't mind helping you- and you don't need to do anything for me in return. I'm just happy to be with you a-and her," you said quickly, to try and save yourself from slipping up too quickly and scaring him off, "You mean a lot to me..." You finished bravely, watching his face. You were thankful for the intense monochromatic blue that shielded the intensity of your blush from his intense gaze, full of an emotion you just couldn't discern. Then he did something you hadn't expected.

Silco had only hugged you a few times in your life, despite knowing each other for so long. You could probably count the hugs on one hand. The first time was when he was convinced you had been killed by enforcers on your way back to your shared home many moons ago when the tensions were high and you were only a few minutes late to a meeting. The second was after he had lost his eye. When you got him home and cleaned and bandaged what you could, used to the grotesque task by now, he asked you to hug him until he fell asleep against you on your bed, not letting you go until the early hours of the following morning. He pulled you close now and hugged you. You felt like floating. Pressing your head against his soft, yet firm, chest you were lulled by his rhythmic heartbeat and the deepwater sounds around you. You felt the gentle weight of his head against your shoulder and the indent of his chin. The warmth his body gave off surrounded you, and the scent of tobacco and cologne overwhelmed your senses. This felt right... It was perfect...

The hug was long- it was almost as if you were both making up for all the physical touch you were both starved of for years, neither wanting to let go. Silco hated touching anyone at all, and just about tolerated you and Vander when he was alive; you were indifferent to it. Silco was a champion of words, master manipulator. He spoke and fell silent when he needed to, and miraculously always had the correct timings. He told you once that hugging made him claustrophobic. You were happy he had gotten over his fears for this moment alone.

This alone planted a small seed in your mind- the seed that reassured you of his reciprocated feelings. You wouldn't believe in them until you heard it from him clearly- no word games, no beating about the bush, no fancy, dramatic antics or metaphors. Straight to the point, a clear yes or no. A clear 'I love you' or 'I don't feel the same way'. You understood this was a lot to ask of a person like Silco, and therefore you had to be patient. Moments like this gave you hope.

Shamelessly now, you watched him in the elevator as it went back up to the surface, slithers of light filtering over his face as you passed by the various floors. He caught your eyes with a small smirk, causing your own mouth to bloom into a smile,

"What?" you asked, "Are you up to something?"

"I just missed spending time with you... That's all," He clarified genuinely, "This made me feel young again, and lord knows I need it," He ran a hand through his greying hair again and placed his hands against his sides, stretching out his lower back,

"You trying to relive your youth, old man?" You teased, making him laugh,

"Ahh, something of the sort," He admitted, "I was reminded of the thrills of sneaking out at night together and seeing how close we could get to the Topsider's barriers without getting caught," You smiled fondly at the memories,

"Yeah wow... That feels like a lifetime ago now, yeah..." You agreed, leaning against the metal back of the elevator next to Silco, eyes glued to him,

"Do you remember seeing the stars for the first time?" he asked softly, and you nodded dreamily, smile already widening,

"Yes... Sometimes, I dream of them, you know," You admitted, "The sky stretching out endlessly, covered in them. I never knew there were so many out there... Sometimes my skin is made from the stars- blue and sparkling- and I'm dancing across the air. Sometimes, I'm simply walking and staring at them endlessly... They're some of the best dreams I've ever had," You said, your smile now beginning to hurt your cheeks. Turning to see his gaze at you with admiration made you blush, "It was the best gift I've ever received. Thanks," you said, remembering the night he woke you and brought you up to Topside for the first time. He nodded, seemingly remembering that same memory, with a similar fondness to you. You noticed him fade away into the shadows as you arrived at the top floor, and realised something. The fucker managed to distract you long enough to forget you were moving in a broken-down elevator. Following him out and watching him slide the door back out of place, you walked close to him as he led you to a side door, footsteps synchronising, together. You made no comment to thank him, but just appreciated he was going out of his way to comfort you. You'd already probably annoyed him with so much 'thank you's' today that he'd slink back into his criminal sewers like a rat,

"Trust is something rare to find in people," He said, his blackened eye focusing on you, the orange-red glow around his pupil holding your attention, "The world is different now. Dog eats dog, brother kills brother," he sighed heavily, "I'm glad that I can trust you still, (Y/N). Even after all these years," He said. You were close again for a moment, and your breath hitched when you realised. You expected him to kiss you, with the way his head leaned closer. Instead, he pushed the door open for you, and your eyes widened at the brightness of the night sky, clear, dark, and a beautiful deep blue speckled with drops of glittering white.

The stars twinkled back at you beautifully, hypnotising you as you felt your heart clench inside your chest with adoration and love, mesmerised by their radiance. A tear slid down your cheek, the stars reflecting in the salty dacrocyte, a culmination of overwhelming happiness.

He did still care for you. So much more than you had ever expected.

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