#It's basically a whole fuckin' pig that's roasted

[shapa-likes-art]

I was at my grandma's house for there new year's celebration thingy- party? And I found this;

It's a fuckin' pig-shaped bread roll-

#lechon #its actually called here #It's basically a whole fuckin' pig that's roasted #food ment tw #food #new year's #I actually showed this to a friend 😂 #so heya #:p

[moonlit-imagines]

Headcanons for Friends to Losers Lovers (teen!Richie Tozier)

Richie Tozier x reader

warnings: alcoholic beverages

a/n:

prompt: the change between friends and more than friends didn’t faze y/n and richie

what a fucking goofball

you and richie were tightly knit

unspoken bond

almost like you had some kind of telepathic communication going on

you were practically inseperable

when one of you was without the other, you felt like half of you was gone

big tight hugs

he’d lift you up until you were squirming

stealing his hawaiian shirts

“oh fuck, you look better than me”

pure cuddles, especially after a hard day

basically apart of his family

the losers dragging you all around to any event they could

house parties were a real hoot

you’d stay close to richie the whole time

he’d make sure to hold your hand so you didn’t get lost

“you doing okay?”

that boy can read you like a book

and those eyes

those magnificent magnified eyes

clubhouse was a madhouse

you guys would sit together on the hammock and read comics

“guys, times up” -eddie

“can it, spaghetti” -richie

“you know what?” *flips hammock upside down*

you and richie just laid on the ground, laughing your asses off

then richie tackled eddie

you found their bickering entertaining

bev would ask you about if you and richie were a thing

“i’ve told you a million times, bev, we are one”

“you two have got to be dating, there’s no way you’re not”

her and ben “gossiping” over you and richie’s dynamic

richie growing some facial hair

“oh, my god, rich, please shave it off! i’m gonna cry!”

he shaved it off

his face got cuts all over it :(

you had to rip up a bunch of toilet paper and put it on the cuts for him

you shaved his face next time

playing with his hair a lot

he grew it out and it’s gotten pretty curly

gently pulling the curls and watching them bounce back up

so, the losers decided they wanted to go to prom

and they dragged you and richie along

you and richie had to dress nice

it was disgusting

richie dressed in a TUX

you barreled over in laughter

“okay, okay,” *wheezing* “i’m good. you look good, trashmouth”

he was your “date”

he’s in awe of your s h e e r b e a u t y

the losers were all dressed up

you could barely keep a straight face

oh lord

you got to the dance and the overpowering pop music was loud enough to knock you down

you pulled the losers to the dance floor and hopped around, dancing like an idiot

richie couldn’t keep his eyes off you

pigging out on free food

“y/n, put the chicken wing down and dance with me”

the slow dance came on and who knew richie tozier was a tender soul

the kid was a fucking giant

so you couldn’t like, rest your head on his shoulder or anything

you buried your face in his chest

one of his hands was on your waist, the other was holding your hand

you rocked back and forth with the music

the losers were all watching

“they’re fucking with us right? stan, you’re richie’s bff, are they dating?”

“there’s gonna be some epic prom sex tonight” -richie

“oh, my god” you chuckled

“what? i was talking about with your mom”

you fuckin snorted

he thought it was adorable

he drove you home afterwards

sneaking out at night to get drunk at the clubhouse

school was a trip

copying each other’s homework

skipping class and hiding in the bathroom

listening to music together

smoking under the bleachers

having your first kiss under the bleachers

laying down next to each other with smiles you can’t wipe off your faces

“that was long overdue”

“tell me about it”

and another kiss

and another

and another

aaaaand you’re making out

class is over but you didn’t want to move an inch

he held your hand and walked you to your next class

“see you in an hour, short stuff”

kiss on the forehead for EVERYONE to see

the losers catch it

“what the hell was that” -bev

everyone asking you about it for the rest of the day

richie insisted you go to the diner with him

he managed to pay, too

stole money from his mom

“so like, you’re literally the other half of me, why not make it official?”

excellent way of asking you out in your opinion

making spitballs out of straw wrappers

your relationship was full of joy

he’d carry you around

hold you in his arms

kiss you randomly

scare you for shits and giggles

just a little more than he used to

the losers bragging about how they knew all along

his mom makes you guys keep the door open

but that didn’t stop anybody

movie nights at his house

movie nights at your house

surprise snacks

healthy roast sessions

“bitch you’re too cute for your own good, but i’m cuter!”

“I’M CUTE AS FUCK”

basically mirroring each other a lot

“if either one of you say anything about fucking my mom it is over for you” -eds

pranks on each other or the losers

chaos

everything is right in the world

#richie tozier imagine #richie toizer x reader #it richie #richie tozier #it chapter 1 imagine #it chapter 1 x reader #it chapter 1 #it chapter 2 x reader #it chaper 2 imagine #it chapter 2

[thx-simon-blog]

ten things about me!!

i was tagged by the amazing @waynesermon-official !!

1. english isn’t my first language. i only learned it when i was about 4, but in the process of learning english, i forgot how to speak my first language, marathi

2. my first crush was a guy who’s mom went to school (kindergarten through 10th grade) with my dad and i’m just glad he never found out about it because wow that would be awkward

3. i have a huge extended family (my dad has over 100 first cousins and most of them have kids) but i only have 1 first cousin, and i’ve only met her around 5 times because my dad and her mom (siblings) hate each other

4. the first song i remember listening to and liking is “morning of my life” by the bee gees

5. my first record was given to me by a guy in 8th grade because we were doing secret santa in homeroom and i asked for “coldplay stuff” and he bought me a fuckin coldplay vinyl and i cried

6. my feet are aLWAYS cold, like one night i wore 2 pairs of socks, used 2 blankets and a heating pad and it was like maybe 50 degrees fahrenheit outside (freezing for me basically) and my feet were still ice

7. i love coffee ice cream and you can’t take that away from me

8. i’m a californian of indian descent which basically means that any weather below 75º is a big no-no for me

9. in june of this year, i saw roger waters live and it was amazing because he floated this gigantic inflatable pig around the stadium and it had trump’s face on it and he basically just spent the entire concert roasting trump through amazing visuals

10. obviously, i was cheering during the whole “roasting trump” part of the concert (which was all of it??) and the two guys sitting next two me were old white trump supporters and it was so obvious that they wanted to hit me

i tag @cinothepartysquid , @fools-gold-thunder , @prisousaa , and anyone else who wants to do this!!

#10 things about me #tag #cinothepartysquid #fools-gold-thunder #prisousaa

[worldwarlove1]

My vegan list :)

Vegans (And those of us looking to or are making a positive enough impact) rejoice for even though this list (Starts after the next paragraph) has lots of stuff and covers pretty much if not every craving you are likely to have, this is a very basic/small list of all the vegan stuff that is actually out there, and to the best of my knowledge all of this info is correct, but if by any chance I have made any errors, please let me know (Note: At the end of this list, I do have a sustainable option of non veganism as well that can work if enough people get on board, and could encourage a lot more people to make a positive enough impact as well :)

From the Middle of 2017 till 2018 March 6th I was vegan, then on March 6th 2018 I decided to be an expert Flexitarian, then on the 1st of April 2018 I decided to nearly go back to the way I was before I was a vegan. I don’t know about where you guys live but here the speciality items, the imitation items and such are just getting too expensive and I am so fuckin’ poor that I would have to practically dare I say it, get into poor health and possibly die to keep on this path with my nutritional/specific needs, plus, I can’t afford a car or the insurance for it even if I could drive, I live an an old bachelor/studio apartment in one of the rougher areas, and on top of being fairly sensitive to sunlight I am ever more so with cigarette smoke and suffer many allergic reactions to it, and guess what, there’s more then enough of that second hand crap going on around here and it effects my mind, who I am, and my debt, don’t even ask, and, yeah, I kind of want to stay healthy and live… if I ever win the lottery or let lucky enough I will go back to being a vegan in a…heartbeat. When I was briefly an expert Flexitarian I though that if I ate as if everyone on earth or close to it were vegan then what would be humane, as in animals living their full lifespan/etc, you will see my all my reasonings at the end of this list. Suffice to say, living in that world, even though I know I’m in this one, and my flawed logic (Liver is a small part of a life form so having a big pig out on that as oppose to like maybe a small piece/slice once a year, I might as well just say the whole creatures life was for that particular kind of flesh/meat/food, and so on like that) + excitement took a backtrack because of this, but, in my dreams, well, I got quite the wake up call, and I will never consume any honey or fish, same with cheese, creams, butter, margarine as they are made from like 5% or less of the milk (5% milk/5% fat) or other stuff that is just too much of a strain for far too little gain, so adjustments will have to be made and knowledge shared :)

VEGAN LIST:

These are suppose to be the best of the best with none of the plant based substances present that can cause adverse effects such as "Lectins & Phytic acid" (Just to name a couple), so these 7 vegan subs should allow for a vegan diet to still have all the benefits of a non-vegan one:

1)Source Naturals, Vegan Omega-3s EPA-DHA, 300 mg, 30 Vegan Softgels

2)Doctor's Best, Vegan D3, 2,500 IU, 60 Veggie Caps (If you have little to no UV exposure)

3)Deva, Vegan, B12, Sublingual, 90 Tablets

4)Nature's Plus, Hema-Plex, 60 Fast-Acting Vegetarian Capsules

5)Solaray, Zinc Copper, 100 Veggie Caps

6)Thorne, Iodine & Tyrosine, 60 Vegetarian Capsules

7)Pure Vegan, Cal/Mag, 180 Veggie Caps

With these pills, you are most likely to eventually figure out what you need (Your body craves) each day and you may not even know how much you need something and how much better it can make you feel mentally/emotionally/physically until you’ve had it and/or the right portions, and depending on how you body is, it can change from day to day, so take the ones that make you feel best, after consulting with your doctor about these pills first, just to be on the safe side.

Meat:

Don’t be fooled by the word veggie, these are actually pretty good tasting meat substitutes - granted they are not meat, but if it wasn’t for them, I would most likely be having more then 14 pounds or less a year, as I have really, really fierce cravings for it when the urges hit, so for me, I am giving myself a huge pat on the back for what I am doing, I love animals/life greatly and I am doing what I can, again, these subs are really quite tasty and I’m pleasantly surprised by them:

Yves (Italian veggie ground round, Family pack veggie dogs, Jumbo veggie dogs, Spicy italian veggie sausages, Veggie breakfast links, Veggie turkey, Veggie ham, Veggie bologna, Veggie pepperoni, Canadian veggie bacon, Veggie bacon strips, The good veggie burger)

Other companies that sell vegan meat subs:

The Vegan Butcher, Trader Joe’s, Tofurky, Nate’s, Boca, Lightlife’s, Health is wealth, SoyBoys, Gardenburger, Amy’s, Gimme Lean, Smart Deli, Smart ground, Smart Bacon, etc

All fruits & vedgies + Canned/packaged & Frozen ones (Note, try to get ones that are non-gmo and have not been sprayed with pesticides/etc, and some places do use monkey/people in slave labour to get coconuts as well as the cocoa beans that are used for making cocoa and chocolate, so check to make sure), Any kinds of (Herbs Spices, Salts, peppers, Oats, Pasta), Onion rings, Uncle Bens rice (Not cheese, chicken or meat ones) + many others, etc

Waffles & pancakes:

Trader Joe’s Gluten Free Toaster Waffles, 365 Everyday Value waffles (Organic Multigrain Waffles, Organic Apple Cinnamon Mini Waffles), Kashi (Cinnamon Waffles Gluten-Free, Original Waffles Gluten-Free), Van’s waffles (Gluten Free Ancient Grains Waffles, Organic Whole Grain Waffles: Blueberry, Flax, and Totally Original, Gluten Free Pancakes, Gluten Free Cinnamon French Toast Sticks, Power Grains Waffles), Nature’s Path waffles (Buckwheat Wildberry Frozen Waffle, Pumpkin Spice Waffle, Chia Plus Frozen Waffle, Flax Plus Frozen Waffle, Homestyle Frozen Waffle, Dark Chocolate Chip Waffles, Maple Cinnamon Frozen Waffle), Maple, Surprisingly Vegan Original recipe waffle mix, Hungry Jack’s complete wheat blends pancake and waffle mix, Cherrybrook Kitchen glutin free pancake and waffle mix, Angie’s Pancakes pancake and waffle mix, Bob’s Red Mill (Glutin free pancake mix, Pancake & waffle mix, Organic 7-Grain pancake & waffle whole grain mix), Aunt Jemima (Aunt Jemima’s Original Pancake Mix & Whole Wheat Pancake Mix), Vegan Supply, Bisquick’s Original Pancake & Baking Mix, etc

Egg replacements to use for recipes:

Ener-G Egg Replacer, Follow Your Heart VeganEgg, The Vegg Scramble, Ener-go powdered egg replacer, etc

Scrambled egg subs:

Ingredient list on package should include (But not necessarily limited to) “Kala namak salt, Nutritional yeast, Vegan margarine & mayonnaise, Dried instant mashed potatoes, Dehydrated flakes and/or powder, Turmeric, Sunflower and/or canola oil, No Yolks sauce, Water, Egg replacer & Silken tofu (With a separate packet in the box with fresh chopped chives & freshly ground pepper to use as garnish).”

Vegan eggnogs:

Califia Farms Holiday Nog, Silk Soy Milk Seasonal Nog, So Delicious Nog Coconut Milk, So Nice Noel Nog, Rice dream rice nog, Earth balance soy nog, Silk nog, Silk almond nog, Vitasoy holly nog, Almond fresh noel nog, Matrioshka Vegan Egg Nog, Classic almond breeze nog, Vanilla chai spice almond breeze nog, Pecan malk nog, etc

Other tasty holiday (Or whenevz) drinks:

Vitasoy mint chocolate, So Delicious Mint Chocolate Coconut Milk, So delicious pumpkin spice coconut milk, Califia Farms Peppermint Mocha Cold Brew Coffee, Califia Farms Spiced Cranberry Cocktail, Pumpkin Spice Latte Cold Brew Coffee, Trader Joe’s Pumpkin Spice Almond Beverage, Trader joe’s spiced cider, Trader Joe’s Chocolate Peppermint Almond Beverage, etc

Muffins:

Enjoy life muffin mix, Hodgson Mill Bran Muffin Mix, Earth balance Vegan Cinnamon Sugar Donut Muffins, Miracle Muffins, etc

Mac & cheese:

Field Roast Vegan Creamy Mac n’ Chao and Chili Mac n’ Chao, Daiya Deluxe (Cheddar Style Cheezy Mac, White Cheddar Style Veggie Cheezy Mac, Alfredo Style Cheezy Mac), Amy’s Rice Macaroni With Dairy Free Cheeze, Annie’s Homegrown Organic (Vegan Shells and Creamy Sauce, Gluten Free Vegan Elbows and Creamy Sauce), Road’s End Organic (Mac & Chreese, Shells & Chreese), Upton’s Naturals Ch’eesy (Bacon Mac, Mac), etc

Vegan donut shops:

Le Cave’s Bakery, Nami, Blue Star, Breakaway Bakery, Cake Girl, Donut Friend, Donut Panic, The Donuttery, Erin McKenna’s Bakery, Fōnuts, Nomad Donuts, Pepples Donut Farm, Psycho Donuts, Ring, Voodoo Doughnut, Beet Box Bakery, Sticky Fingers, Erin McKenna’s Bakery, Revolution Doughnuts & Coffee, Vegan Dream Doughnuts, A Better Choice Bakery, Glory Doughnuts, Union Square Donuts, Glam Doll Donuts, Tandem Doughnuts, Ronald’s Donuts, The Cinnamon Snail, Dun-Well Doughnuts, Erin McKenna’s Bakery, Move That Dough Baking Co., Blue Star, Organicos, Sweetpea Baking Co., Dottie’s Donuts, Vegan Treats Bakery, Nana’s Donuts, Five Daughters Bakery, Hugs & Donuts, Wheatsville Food Co-op, Mighty-O Donuts, Holey Moley Coffee + Doughnuts, Beechwood Doughnuts, Cartems Donuterie, Glory Hole Doughnuts, Léché Desserts, Through Being Cool, Tori’s Bakeshop, etc

Drinks, condiments & Pies:

Sara Lee’s Frozen Pies, Classico Pizza Sauce (Fire Roasted and Traditional), Brianna’s Poppy Seed Dressing, El Paso Enchilada Sauce, Mrs. Smith’s Deep Dish Pie Crusts, Veggie Worcestershire sauce, Plamils Egg-free Mayos, Marie Callender Frozen Fruit Pies and Cobblers, Girard’s Balsamic Glaze, Hunt’s Manwich Sloppy Joe Sauce (Original, Bold, Thick & Chunky), Organic Mung Bean Fettuccini, Gravy Master Browning & Seasoning Sauce, Bellissimo Dairy Free Parmesan Style Pasta Topper, Rice Dream Pies (Chocolate, Mint, Mocha, Vanilla), Girard’s Barbecue Sauce (Chuckwagon Hickory, Fiery Buffalo, Hawaiian Luau Plum, and Southwestern Mesquite), Most peanut butters, Ketchup, Mustard, Most Jams with no gelatin, Krispy Kreme Fruit Pies, Chocolate soy silk with 7 grams of protein per serving/cup + other silk & soy drinks & coconut/almond/cashew/etc milk, Tea, Coffee, Apple juice, Orange juice + Many other juices/drinks, Dairy-free Black Swan Dips, Dairy-free Wattle Valley dips, Ragu Pizza Quick Traditional Sauce, etc

Crackers, breads, buns, etc:

Super Pretzel Baked Soft Pretzels, Arnold’s Stone Ground Whole Wheat Bread, Melba toast (Wheat, whole grain), Thomas’s New York Style Bagels, belVita Crunchy “Toasted Coconut/peanutbutter/Cranberry Orange and Banana bread”, Amy’s Black Bean Tamale Verde, Arnold Premium Stuffing (Cornbread, Herb Seasoned, Sage & Onion, Seasoned, and Unseasoned), Gardeins & Beyond Meat products, Yves meatless products, Lightlife Black Bean Burgers & Smart Dogs, Annie’s Naturals Goddess Dressing, OrganicVille Pomegranate Organic Vinaigrette, Earth Island Mozzarella/Cheddar slices, Arnold Bread (Bakery Light—100% Whole Wheat, Brick Oven—Premium White, Healthfull Nuts & Seeds, Real Jewish Rye [Everything, Marble Rye, Melba Thin, Pumpernickel Rye, Seeded, and Seedless], Premium Italian and Stone Ground—100% Whole Wheat), Pillsbury crescent rolls, Ritz, Oreos, Pop corn (Depending on topping/s + Movie popcorns “butter” is not actual butter and is vegan, all be it very unhealthy, lolz), Arnold Pocket Thins Flatbread (8 Grain, Italian Herb, and 100% Whole Wheat), Arnold Rolls (Dinner, Potato Hot Dog, Steak, Wheat Hot Dog, White Hot Dog, White New England Hot Dog, Potato Sandwich), Arnold Sandwich Thins Rolls (Everything, Flax & Fiber, 100% Whole Wheat, and Multi-Grain), Cobblestone Bread Co. (Corn Dusted Kaiser Rolls, Philly Style Hoagie Rolls, New York Style Jewish Rye, Gourmet Kaiser Rolls, Vegetarian Minestrone with wholemeal pasta, Onion Rolls, Philly Steak Seeded Split, Pumpernickel, San Francisco Sourdough, Seeded Sandwich Rolls, White Sub Rolls, and Whole Wheat Bread), Food for Life (7 Sprouted Grains Bread, Cinnamon Raisin Bread, Cinnamon Raisin Sprouted Whole Grain Bread, Ezekiel 4:9 Flax Sprouted Grain Bread, Ezekiel 4:9 Low Sodium Sprouted Whole Grain Bread, Ezekiel 4:9 Sesame Sprouted Grain Burger Buns, Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted Whole Grain Burger Buns, Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted Whole Grain Hot Dog Buns), Thomas’ Bagels (Limited-Edition Banana Bread, Blueberry, Cinnamon Swirl, Cinnamon Raisin, Everything, Onion, Plain, Plain Made with Whole Grain, and 100% Whole Wheat), Thomas’ Bagel Thins Bagels (Plain, 100% Whole Wheat, Cinnamon Raisin, and Everything), Thomas’ Mini Bagels (100% Whole Wheat, Blueberry, Brown Sugar Cinnamon, Cinnamon Raisin, Plain, and Plain Made with Whole Grains), Thomas’ Sahara Pita Pockets and Tortilla Wraps, Weight Watchers English Muffins, Sprouted Whole Grain Hot Dog Buns, Sprouted Whole Wheat Burger Buns, 7 SPROUTED GRAINS ENGLISH MUFFINS, Ezekiel 4:9 Cinnamon Raisin Sprouted Whole Grain English Muffins, Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted Grain Flax English Muffins, Ezekiel 4:9 Sprouted Whole Grain English Muffins, Genesis 1:29 Sprouted Whole Grain English Muffins, Gluten Free Brown Rice English Muffins, Gluten Free Multi Seed English Muffins, 7 Sprouted Grains Cinnamon Raisin Bread, 7 Whole Grain Pocket Bread, Brown Rice Tortillas, Biscoff, Chunkie Dunkies, Enjoy Life Foods, Lenny & Larry’s, Mary’s Gone Crackers, Newman’s Own, Sweets From the Earth Wholesome Chow, etc

Vegan butters, cheeses, slices, spreads & shreds:

Heidi Hos Creamy Chai Cheese, Treelines Chipotle Serrano Pepper & Herb Garlic, Becel vegan, Kite Hills Truffle Dill Chai & Almond and Cashews Creme Cheese Spread, Follow Your Hearts Monterey Jack Vegan Gourmet, Daiyas Pepperjack Style (As well as their cheese shreds) & Jalapeno Havarti, Violifes regular vegan cheese, Chaos Creamy Original + Coconut Herb & Tomato Cayenne cheese slices, Go Veggies Graded Parmesan Style Topping, Pure Butter, Vitalite Butter, Granose Butter, Suma Butter, Biona Butter, Vitaquell Butter, V-Bites’ Cheezly, Vegusto, Scheese, Tofutt, Sheese, Nutritional yeast, Yeast flakes, etc

Soups/stews:

Chili style pinto & red kidney beans, Hormel Vegetarian Chili With Beans, Mister noodle (No meat), Ramen noodles (No meat), Sweet pickles, Vegetable & noodle soup, Alphabet soup, Mega noodle soup, Zoodles, Tomato soup, Noodle soup, Vegetarian chili, Vegetable soups, Canned Spaghetti, Vegetable Lentil & Roasted Red Pepper Soup, Traditional Lentil Soup, Tuscan Bean & Rice Soup, Tuscan Bean Soup, Roasted red pepper and Quinoa salsa soup (w/o chicken), Tortilla Style All Natural Soup, Organic Minestrone Soup, Split Pea Soup, Corn & Vegetable soup, 5 bean vegetable soup, Black Bean Vegetable Soup, French country vegetable soup, French Onion soup, Savory Garden Vegetable Soup, Garden pea soup, Tomato and rice stew, Savory Vegetable Soup, Mostly Unsplit Pea Soup, Cuban Black Bean Soup, Bean and Vegetable Duet Soup, Mediterranean Lentil Soup, Ginger Carrot Stew, Tomato Vegetable Soup, Four Bean Chili Soup, Swabian Rice and Vegetable Soup, Lentil Vegetable Soup, Spicy Black Bean and Kale Soup, Tomato and roasted red bell pepper soup, White bean & cremini mushroom stew, Tomato vegetable soup, Split pea & carrots soup, Savory Bean Stew, Sante Fe Vegetable Soup, Louisiana Bean Stew, Alabama Black Bean Gumbo Stew, Old World Split Pea Soup, Spicy Southwest Vegetable Stew, Lantil & carrots soup, Black bean & vegetable soup, Super broccoli soup, Chili Bean Soup, Chunky Vegetable Soup, Vegetable Barley Soup, Homestyle split pea soup, Yellow split pea soup, Lentil & Parsley Soup, etc (Note: There are many companies that make these types of soups/stews so be sure to check the labels - Every time I have checked the labels the only non vegan things I have found are all easy to spot - “Cheese, Butter, Milk, Beef, Chicken, Creme, Eggs “Meat and dairy items” - All the other ingredients are fine and I have checked tons of cans/brands).

Gelatin Alternatives:

Agar, Agar-Agar, Kanten, Carrageenan, Carrageen, Irish Moss, Vegan Jel, kuzu, Guar gum, Xanthan gum, Arrowroot, Kosher gelatins, Pectin, Vege-Gel, etc

Vegan jellos, puddings, custards, frostings & cakes/mixes:

Food Heaven Dairy Free Tiramisu, Simply delish jel desserts, Natural desserts Jel dessert, Bakol Jel Dessert, Vegetarian jelly crystals, Provamel Alpro, Oatly, Alpro’s Soya Dessert, Gefen, Dr. Oetker Vege-Gel, Bakol Jel desserts, Vietxoco, Jell-o instant pudding & pie filling [With Silk & Duncan hines moist delux cake mix], Duncan Hines Creamy Home-Style Frostings, Duncan Hines Cake Mixes, etc

Yogurts:

So Delicious Dairy Free Yogurts, Daiya Yogurts, Good Karma Dairy Free Yogurts, Amande Cultured Almondmilk Yogurt, Forager Project yogurts, Biona Puddings, Hain Celestial Non-Dairy Yogurts, Almond Dream Non-Dairy Yogurts, Silk Dairy-Free Yogurts, Koko Dairy Free Yogurts, Alpro Soya Yogurts, Kite Hill Artisan Almond Milk Yogurts, Kingland Soy Yogurts, Nancy’s Cultured Soy Yogurts, Nush Almond Milk Dairy Free Yoghurts, Biovegan Puddings, Organic Bio Provamel Soya Yogurts, Living Harvest Dairy-Free Yogurts, Yoconut Dairy-Free Yogurts, Coyo Coconut Milk Yogurts, Sojade Soy Puddings, Whole Soy & Co. Non-Dairy Soy Yogurts, Stonyfields O’Soy Yogurts, Sojade 100% Dairy free Bio Organic Yogurts, Anita’s Coconut Yogurt, Sojasun Yogurts, Coconut grove yogurts, Trader Joe’s Soy Yogurt, Tempt dairy-Free Yogurts, etc

Gravies, fries/etc:

Campbell’s Mushroom Gravy, Tofurky Vegan Savory Gravy, Fries/wedgies, tater tots, Hash browns, Home fries cooked in canola oil, Simply Organic Vegetarian Brown Gravy Seasoning Mix, Pacific Foods Organic Vegan Mushroom Gravy, Bisto gravy powder and granules, Oxo granules, Imagine Foods Organic Vegetarian Wild Mushroom Gravy, etc

Cookies & sweet pastry goods:

Famous Amos Sandwich Cookies, Goya Flan, Pepperidge Farm Puff Pastry Sheets, Unfrosted Pop-Tarts, Nature’s Path Deep Chocolate Signature Series Cookies, Dads old fashioned oatmeal cookies, Newman O’s Creme-filled chocolate cookies, Uncle Eddie’s Vegan Cookies, Nana’s Cookie Company, Nabisco Nutter butter, etc

Chocolates, mixes, fudges, ice creams & popsicles/bars:

barkTHINS snacking chocolates, Endangered species brand + Many others - Most that don’t have the word milk in the ingredients list are good to go, Häagen-Dazs Non-Dairy, Ben & Jerry’s nondairy, Swedish Glace, Almond Dream, Coconut Collaborative, Bessant & Drury, Alpro, Coles, Cocoa, Gelativo, Sanitarium, So Delicious, So Good, Weis, Nushies Natural, Coyo, CocoLuscious, Tofutti, Live a Little Gelato, Botanical Cuisine, Simple Truth Almond Dessert, Tofuttis non-dairy frozen desserts, Steve’s Dairy-free, Hershey’s Syrup (Chocolate, Strawberry, Lite, Sugar Free, +Calcium, and Special Dark), Chipotles Sofritas, Nesquik Syrup (Chocolate + Strawberry), Fruttare real fruit popsicles/bars, Del-Monte real fruit popsicles/bars, Soy dream, Luigi’s Real Italian Ice, Rice dream ice creams - Bites - Bars & frozen pies, Almond dream bites, Coconut bliss ice cream & ice cream bars, Dippin’ Dots ice cream beads, Talenti, Breyers Non-Dairy, NadaMoo!, Dairy Queen Star Kiss Bar, Trader Joe’s Soy, Double Rainbow, Dream, Soy Dream Non-Dairy Frozen Dessert Rocket Bars (Chocolate, Vanilla), Tea Dreams Chocolate Caramel Chai + other Frozen Non-Dairy Desserts, Love Bean superfood fudge spread, Lydia’s Organics raw chocolate kreme, Santa Cruz Organic chocolate Syrup, Emmy’s chocolate sauce, Enjoy life brownie mix, Gharadelli double chocolate brownie mix, Keebler Fudge Shoppe Fudge Pops, Low Fat Pints (Chocolate Fudge), Klein’s Non-Dairy (Frozen Dessert cake rollm Frozen Dessert log (Cappuccino, Vanilla, & Chocolate), Rice Dream Chocolate Nutty Bar, Mast brother’s chocolate (Most have no dairy), Smooth ‘n’ Creamy Chocolate Eclair bars, Smooth ‘n’ Creamy Crunchy Munchy dessert bars, Smooth ‘n’ Creamy Frozen Dessert bars), Power Dream Soy Energy Drinks (Java Jolt, Mango Passion, Sky High Chai, Vanilla Blast, X-Treme Chocolate), Rice Dream Bars (Chocolate), Low Fat Pints (Coffee Marshmallow), Rice Dream Non-Dairy Dessert (Cocoa Marble Fudge) + other non-dairy desserts, Soy Delicious Creamy Fudge Bar, Sweet Nothings Pints Chocolate Sweet Nothings Pints Mint Fudge, Sweet Nothings Pints Vanilla, Low Fat Pints (Vanilla Fudge), Milk style chocolates (Vego, Vivani, and Ethicoco), Booja-Booja chocolates and ice creams (This brand is said to be one of the best), etc

Honey Alternatives:

Bee Free Honee, Stevia Products, Coconut nectar, Agave nectar, Maple syrup, etc

Cremes:

Alpro Soya Cream, Granose Soya Creem, Oatly cream, Coconut cream, Soya Too whipping cream, Squirty whipped cream, etc

Cereals/Porridges/Granola bars/Grahams/crackers/crumbs:

Kinnikinnick graham style crumbs, Kinnikinnick s’moreable graham style crackers, Nabisco grahams original + Other Graham crackers & Graham cracker crumbs with no honey, Instant Oatmeal, Cascadian Farm Organic Graham Crunch cereal, Cheerios, Maple cheerios, Kelloggs corn flakes, Nature Valley Crunchy Granola Bars, Peanut Butter Crunch, etc

Hot Cocoa & Marshmallows & other mellow stuff:

Ghirardelli (Chocolate Caramel Premium Hot Cocoa, Double Chocolate Premium Hot Cocoa, Mocha Premium Hot Cocoa, and Sweet Ground Chocolate & Cocoa Beverage Mix), Amanda’s Organic & Toasted Coconut Marshmellows, AH!laska non-dairy cocoa mix, Dandies all natural marshmallows, Archer farms hot cocoa (Malted Milk Chocolate, Candy Cane, Dark Chocolate, and Pumpkin Spice), Ananda Foods chocolate-covered cookies with marshmallow center + marshmallow lollipops, CAcafe Cocoa, Dandies all natural Marshmallows, Cacoco (Original, Global Warrior,, Essential Midnight), Sweet & Saras marshmallows & mallow treats, Cocoa canard, Trader Joe’s marshmallows, Cocoa cravings, Suzanne’s Specialties Ricemellow Creme, Cocoa felice, Freedom Confectionery vegetarian mallows, Dear cocoa, Smucker’s marshmallow topping, Eli’s Earth, Godiva dark chocolate hot cocoa, Nibmor, Rawcholati, Silly cow farms, St. Claire’s, Whittard (Caramel and Rocky Road, but ask for info on other flavours), Zimt drinking chocolate mix, etc

Candies (Hard, soft, gummy), chips & others:

Skittles, Swedish fish, Kosha turkish delight - mixed flavoured (+ Others), Popchips Sea Salt Potato, Earth Balance Vegan Sour Cream & Onion Kettle Chips, Ruffles All Dressed, Sun Chips Original, Kettle Brand Maple Bacon Potato Chips, Rold gold, Kettle Brand Backyard Barbeque Potato Chips, Brach’s (Root Beer Barrels, Hi-C Orange Slices, Hi-C Fruit Slices), Hot Tamales, 7-Eleven Select Wasabi Soy Flavored Potato Chips, Zapp’s Voodoo Potato Chips, Santitas Totopos de Maíz Tortilla Chips, Kettle Brand Sea Salt & Vinegar Potato Chips, 7-Eleven Select Go! Smart Sriracha Corn Tortilla Chips, XTRA Tangy Buffalo Wing Pringles, Popchips Sweet Potato, Betty Crockers Bac~Os Bacon Flavor Bits and Chips, Indian Life Chips, Boulder Canyon Avocado Oil Canyon Cut Jalapeño Chips, Spicy Sweet Chili Doritos, Fritos, Chile & Lime Flavored Sabritones Puffed Wheat Snacks, Beanitos, Earth Balance Vegan Cheddar Flavor Kettle Chips, Corn chips, Original Salsitas Spicy Salsa Flavored Tortilla Rounds, Flamin’ Hot Munchos Potato Crisps, Most types of (Lays, Ruffles & Doritoes + Others, & The Compliments brand has delicious chips and the ones that have an omega 6-3 ratio of 2.5/ to 1 are the healthiest ones and most of their flavours are vegan as well), Life savers (Not the gummy ones), Gobstoppers, Koolaid, Fruit by the foot, Tic-Tacs, Bubble gums (Big league chew, Hubba Bubba, Eclipse, Mentos, Juicy fruit, 5, Super bubble), Jolly rancher hard candies & lollipops, jujubes, Mike & Ikes, Nerds, Runts, Jujyfruits Chewy Fruity Candy, Dum Dum Pops, Twizzlers treater size candy, Charms sweet pops, Brach’s sugar free cinnamon candy discs, Candy watches, Flying saucers, Anglo Bubbly, Candy necklaces, love hearts, Sherbet lemons, Smucker’s Uncrustables, Ainseed balls, Candy whistles, Justin’s new bagged candy, Seitenbacher happy-fruits, Tasty brand all natural sweets, Mamba fruit chews, Fuzzy peaches, Orange bites, peanut butter bites, Yummy earth organic lollipops, Annie’s organic bunny fruit snacks, Dare candy co real fruits, Squish, Surf sweets, Lovely candy co products, Glee gum pops, Tasty brand fruit snacks, TruJoy sweets, Kerr’s Molasses kisses, Brachs mandarin orange slices, Giant wheel lolipops, Fruity pops, Double lolies, Rainbow dust, rainbow drops, Dip dabs, Jawbreakers solid candies, Double dip, Rhubarb and custard hard candies, Kola kubes, American hard gums, Sweet peanuts hard candies, Fizzers, Strawberries and cream hard candies, Aniseed twists hard candies, Pineapple cubes, Pear drops, Rockets/lollies, Ring pop original lollipops, Angel mints, juju fruits mix, Chick O sticks candies, Original dark chocolate peanut chews, Now and laters assorted taffy bulk, Atkinson’s peanut butter bars, Original dark chocolate peanut chews, Kool-Aid [Bursts, Dry mix (Sugar-free w/o red40, Blue1), Gels, Jammers, Liquid], Rawtella, Go Lo dark hazelnut spread, Planters peanuts, Teddy grams (Not the honey variety - Chocolate and chocolate chip ones are actually okay), Cracker jack, Keebler Vienna Fingers, Ginger snaps, Minute Maid Frozen Juice Bars, Gin gins, Barbaras snackimals, Justin’s nut butter, Twizzlers/Nibs (W/O red 40), Dots gum drops, Zotz candies, safety pops, Mary Jane, Blow Pops, Atomic Fireballs, Bottle caps, Twizzlers Twists Strawberry Flavored Licorice, etc

Sugars:

Beet sugar, Unrefined cane sugar, Vegan sugar, Unbleached sugar, Sugar (Labeled as Raw sugar, sugar in the raw/etc), Zulka, Billington’s golden caster sugar, Wholesome Sweeteners Fair Trade Organic Sugar, Rogers sugar from the Alberta factory, Wholesome Sweeteners Fair Trade Organic Light Brown Sugar, Wholesome Sweeteners Fair Trade Organic Dark Brown Sugar, Now Foods Beet Sugar, Trader Joe’s Organic Sugar, Evaporated Cane Juice, Sugar labeled as Raw]}, Rapunzel Rapadura, Woodstock Farms Organic Pure Cane Sugar, Florida Crystals Organic Cane Sugar, Red Path Sugar, Billingtons, The Raw Cane, Sprouts Sugar, Stevita/Truvia/Stevia), Agave Nectar, Agave syrup, Yacon syrup, Luli Condensed Soya, etc (So far as I know, sugars that are in pop, candies, cookies and other store bought goods are vegan as they do not go through the bone char process as it is cheaper for them not to go through the trouble of making the sugar have its nice white eye catching/appealing appearance “But, items with cane sugar are a hit and miss so stay clear of them unless you know for certain.”

Other food brands with good vegan options:

Kinnikinnick, Back to nature, Edward & sons, Annie’s, Genen, Luna Bars, Alternative baking company, Cascadian Farm, Earth Balance, Foods Alive, Walnut Acres, Seeds of Change, Now and Zen, Galaxy, Santa Cruz Organic, Muir Glen, Natural Feast, Lona Linda, Natural Touch, Amy’s kitchen/soups, Dr. Medougall’s, Imagine, Nongshim, Brand New Vegan, Miso Soup Mixes, Suma organic, Good natured soups, Wolfgang Puck organic soups, GoBio, Zupa noma, Nature’s store, Kettle Cuisine all natural soups, Genius herbs, Buckeye beans & herbs, nona lim, Essential organic soups, Simply organic, Instant vegan Tom Yum Soup, Panera, All natural gluten free cafe, Baxters vegetarian soups, Bolthouse farms, 365 every day value organic, Dr. McDougalls soups, Simply Asia Sesame Teriyaki and Spicy Kung Pao Noodle Bowls, Annie Chun’s Udon Soup Bowl, Malibu organic, kroger (Breads, buns and bagels), etc

A few of the many fast food joints in Canada:

Chinese food:

Sweet-and-sour sauce, Vegetable spring rolls, Vegetable steamed dumplings, Hot or cold sesame noodles, Salad with ginger or sesame dressing, Noodles and Rice, Veggie chow mein, Tofu chow mein, Steamed/plain rice (No eggs mixed in), Vegetable fried rice (No eggs mixed in), Tofu fried rice [(No eggs mixed in) & with rices and other items you can add stuff like garlic or whatever], Garlic tofu, General Tso’s tofu, Sweet-and-sour tofu, Cashew tofu, Tofu and broccoli, Mapo tofu (Specify no pork since traditionally this dish is cooked with it.), Mongolian tofu, Orange tofu, Kung Pao tofu, Vegetables, Steamed vegetables with a side of sesame sauce, Sautéed green beans and Garlic eggplant, fresh fruits and veggies :)

It is random but certain CF places here in Canada will do other practises that will make any number of these items non vegan, so just ask to make sure that there is no beef/pork/chicken broth or oyster/fish sauce, no bonito flakes to flavour any salads/dressings/soups, and for them not to use any non-vegan stuff from their signature stock to enhance the flavour of a dish (The boiling of bones/meat/prawn shells etc) and not to cook anything in lard and/or beef/chicken/fish oil/broth :)

Pizza joints:

if I were to have them without cheese or just make my own vegan cheese substitutes, then places that can make their pizzas vegan include: Blaze, Cici’s, Domino’s, Little Caesars, Mellow Mushroom, Papa John’s, Pizza Hut, Pizza Nova, Pizza Pizza [Has introduced Violife vegan cheese to its menu, so just ask for a violife vegan pizza (With your desired toppings) and your good to go + there are rumours that there may be other pizza joints that are thinking of adding vegan cheeses to their menu], PizzaRev, Pyramid Brewers-Margherita Pizza, Taco Bell-Mexican Pizza, zpizza-Berkeley Vegan Pizza, etc) and have crusts and sauces that are vegan (Be sure to ask) and also ask them not to add any sour cream or creams, and apparently pizza without cheese/vegan subs are still really tasty with extra sauce, red peppers, beans, garlic, onions and mushrooms in it’s place, but of course these toppings would be even better still with good vegan cheese.

Burgers and fries:

Newyork fries (Fries), McDonalds Fries & Hash browns, The Veggie burgers and fries from the A&Ws & Burger Kings are also vegan (Just don’t get any Onion rings on your Burger King burger, and as for Harveys most of there locations fries are vegan but some cook them in the same friers as the chicken nuggets and their soy based patty burger is also vegan (Oh Canada :)

Taco Bell:

Bean Burrito (minus non-vegan cheese), Cinnamon Twists

Tim hortons:

Savoury Potato Wedges, Hash Browns, Bagels (Plain, 12 grain, everything, cinnamon raisin, sesame seed, poppy seed, blueberry, pretzel and onion), Harvest Vegetable Soup, Oatmeal, Garden Veggie Sandwich (No Cream Cheese), Garden Salad, Bread, There is rumours going around that their iced caps and other dairy options (Including my fav. “Creamy Chocolate Chill”) may have vegan subs if more demands for that option are met.

Is your booze vegan?:

(http://www.barnivore.com/#)

Vegan body care, household cleaners, clothing, pet, home, electronics/etc:

LaBante London, Sugar Venom, V-dog, VeganCats, Bhava, Unicorn Goods, EcoTools, Mrs. Meyer’s Clean Day, Kiss My Face Sunscreens & soaps, Supergoop Sunscreens, COOLA Sunscreens, Suntegrity Sun care products, Zazzle Vegan Electronics & Gadgets, Zazzle Vegan Gifts, Vegan Essentials, Nicora, Jaan J, 3M™ Thinsulate™, Environment Furniture, Votch, Biokleen Laundry Liquid, Mrs. Meyers home care products, Eco-Me Laundry Detergent, The Honest Company - Honest Dryer Cloths, Renee Rouleau, Method cleaning products, Dr. Bronner’s Sal Suds All Purpose Cleaner + Others, The Good Home Co. Laundry Detergents, Pureology, Bourgeois Boheme, JASON, Green beaver, Wills, Acure, Shahlon Ultrafabrics, Allen’s Naturally, Silk Industries, Unstitched Utilities, Brave GentleMan, Vegetarian Shoes, Pai, UK New Line, Olsenhaus, Toray Industries, Jiangsu GTIG Eastar Co. Ltd., Lush soaps, The body shop, Coquette, Sommers Plastic Products, Ecover Zero 2X Laundry Detergent, Living Earth Beauty, Alba Botanica, Hung’s Fortune International Co. Ltd., Andalou Naturals, Trader Joe’s Liquid Laundry Detergents, First Aid Beauty, Tüp Merserize, Faith Bright Holdings Limited, VeganCuts, Dr. Hauschka, Donna Salyers’ Fabulous-Furs Inc, Roopa Knitting Mills, Blissoma, Clearly Natural vegetable glycerin soaps, Yarok, Jiale Textile Co. Ltd., Keep, Cri de Coeur, Mad Hippie, Nanshy, Noah, Auromere, Wilby, Queen Helene, Mrs. Meyer’s 64 Load Laundry Detergents, Bronner’s Pure-Castile Liquid Soaps, Citra-Solv cleaning products, Vitacare, Lime Crime, FASHIONYARN®, Euromaglia, Meow Meow Tweet, Dr. Bronner’s All-One soaps, Snowtex, Method 8X Laundry Detergents, Lenzing AG, Glossier, Hangzhou Xinhe Garments Co. Ltd., VOID, Derma E, Sun & Earth Natural Hypoallergenic Fabric Softener Sheets & cleaning products, Juice Beauty, EcoSimple, Yes To, Le Labo, Nae, Angela & Roi, Indie Lee, Climashield®, Animal Behavior, PrimaLoft, Acure Organics, Billy Jealousy, Ramtex, Farmacy, Consinee Group (TopLine/Ningbo Textile), S. W. Basics, Renewtex, Ruggero Rossi (Rossi Lorenzo e Figli Srl), Nature’s Gate, Pure by Ami McKay, New Life, Unifi Manufacturing Inc., Singtex, Hemp Traders, Uğurteks, Shahlon Silk Industries, Viesso, Foss Manufacturing, Edoardo Miroglio (EM), Eco Balanza, Majilite, Tokyo Bags, Pacifica, Zhejiang Jinyonglai Trade Co. Ltd., Shea Moisture, DONGLIM, Obsessive Compulsive Cosmetics, Avalon Organics, Arctic Fox, Eco-Dent, Oz Naturals, Dragon Textile, Arbonne, Korres, March Textile, Body Crystal of California, Cisco Home, NatureWorks LLC, Desert Essence, One Love Organics, GEO/Watermelon Red Textile, Q Collection, Faux England, Sibu, Modern Minerals, Aromi, Pacifica, Gruppo Cinque, Nip + Fab, Method - Fabric Softener (liquid), Beauty Without Cruelty, Sam’s Natural Birch Tar Soap, Novacas, OSEA, Unifi Manufacturing Inc., Tenbro, Whole Foods Market 2X Concentrated Laundry Detergent, Nature Clean Laundry Liquids, Beyond Skin, Bare Bones Body Care, Saintyear Holding Group, Thinsulate, Ekla Home, Hello Products, SoapBox, MuLondon Organic, Radius, Aubrey Organics, Palacek, Matt & Nat, Nourish Organic, The Honest Co., Camina Leggero, Sparklehearts, PrimaLoft®, Lee Industries, Ecover Fabric Softener (liquid), ColorProof Evolved Color Care, Goop, Paula’s Choice, NCLA, Corkor, Emani, Vaute, e.l.f., Tom’s of Maine, Trader Joe’s Vegan bar soaps, Earth Mama Angel Baby, Per-fékt Beauty, Pure & Gentle Anti-Allergen Laundry Detergents, Farm Sanctuary, Freedom of Animals, Hugo Naturals, Gunas, Herban Cowboy, Shartex International Trading Co. Ltd., Sparitual, Forever New Liquid Fabric Care Wash, Every Man Jack men’s self-care products, Hipsters for Sisters, Sibu Beauty, Wild Soap Bar, Indosole, dermadoctor, Lee Coren, Native Shoes, Drunk Elephant, Mukti Organics, Kunshan Insung Plush Co. Ltd, Robert Craymer, . Puracy Natural Laundry Detergent, Pammies, The Fanciful Fox, Sustain, Tata Harper, skyn ICELAND, Attitude (liquid) Fabric Softener, Kahina Giving Beauty, Radical Skincare, Tom’s of Maine, Rodial, Faux furs from (Stella McCartney, Shrimps, Ralph Lauren, and Calvin Klein), https://www.veganmainstream.com/2011/01/19/vegan-professionals-building-a-sustainable-future/ , adopting from animal shelters, etc, etc, etc…

For today’s vegans that are craving meats and dairy (Or those that are curious), it may still be a little while yet, but were getting there (Scientists have already created bacon and hamburger meat from a harmless procedure of taking stem cells from said creatures, plus a lab created pizza that can be custom made to fit a persons daily nutritional needs while still tasting delicious, aaand researchers at Oregon State University were pleasantly surprised to find that, after working two decades with a seaweed species bred to feed abalone, they discovered that they were actually dealing with a delicious seaweed superfood called dulse that tastes like bacon when it’s fried).

Non vegan sustainability options - Feel free to correct me if any of this is incorrect, it was very, very difficult for me to find and I tried to insure that it was accurate + I left my old thoughts here too as they are all part of the journey:

The first one - the 7.5bil people scenario (If almost everyone to everyone is on board) is truly cruelty free, and you will see why after this paragraph - Hopefully : My little blurb before the list: From the middle of 2017 then doing more then enough to became an expert Flexitarian starting March 6th 2018, but I will never, ever, go to any levels below that, never, and here’s why (Just to give fair warning, these 2 videos are very, and I mean very graphic/real/powerful/Informative/etc to say the least, and they are true eye openers - As for the second one, it is a short 67second clip of deep spiritual proportions - the icing on the cake and you may want to turn the volume up on that one as it is rather low - oh, and a tasty little tidbit for all you fellow youtubers out there - While you are watching a video on youtube, you can cause that video to automatically loop and you can set it to do so at whatever part of the vid you want by changing “www.youtube.com” to “www.youtubeloop.net” (Again, while you are already watching that vid on youtube) - The vid will loop automatically right off the bat after entering it either once or twice as sometimes it does not register the first time, and there are 2 orange arrows below the vid that you can use to keep looping whatever part you want - Works for all youtube vids):

1)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JDudVDdsS10

2)https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gw0xpEYWweY

When I was completely meat, dairy and harmful ingredients free I had no meat/dairy/etc (Just the rare mistake/error though). Anyways, after doing some research on how much dairy and meat products would be humanly available per person if nearly everyone or everyone in the world were to become vegan/humane as an expert Flexitarian could have that stat if said scenario happened - the 7.5bil people one (Animals dying of natural causes/etc and humanly keeping natures balance in cheque and so on). Once I got my answer, since I like to try and live my life in a theoretical world that is (As far as I am concerned) doing things right, I am going to consider treating myself every now and again, once I get my answer (Such as, a massive “pig"out of beef rice with extra beef and sweet and sour spear ribs and sweet and sour chicken balls twice a year (Roughly 36grams per sweet and sour chicken ball, roughly 21grams/small-37grams/large per sweet and sour spear rib) - Birthday and new years - who knows, maybe I’ll be able to have a few more sides of whatevs as well with this scenario in mind + 1 slice of bacon is around 25grams so I’ll have a few slices of that on special occasions also:)

Well, it’s quite amazing really. If everyone (Or close to it) became vegan now or in the not too distant future, and made their yards/properties bee friendly, if a fair number of families had lets say 2 hens each (Which could be done, especially with today’s methods/feeds/etc - The average hen can produce 1 egg roughly every 26 hours, sometimes taking 2-3 days for an egg, and although they do eat meat, love insects and mice/etc, they can still get all their proteins/etc from specialised plant feeds - The egg production can be reduced to around 80-150/year if balances are off and result in health problems and for temperatures, lighting, whether/etc), and made the available land/earth nature friendly and the likes, leaving the areas that had or still have rich enough diversity/etc alone. The estimates say that this would be possible for each person on earth to do without causing harm to the environment, or suffering to creatures/etc (Also keeping into account having enough of the carnivores/etc in the food chain to keep things healthy all around).

What would be allowed/humane with letting all the creatures live full wonderful lives with the best feeds/etc, only being put down before their time if they are too injured/etc.                                                                                                      - (100% Meat/best of the best, same for everything else, meat or otherwise, no fillers, growth hormones, crap, and, um, well, crap/etc - The kinds of animals raised in this scenario are the kinds that will allow us to still have the products that we are familiar with but many made with different meats, to have the most meat with the least imprint - meat that is still delicious of course). Also taking into account there being far, far less waste like the outrageous amount of good food and drinks that are tossed and left to go bad when not selling + other reasons (This, people should be protesting in mass about, and putting an end to it) - Anyways, these stats are of a truly humane scenario per person with a 7.5 bil population if every last solitary person on earth did this with everything being balanced, also abandoning the previously rich areas, allowing all of the previously cut forests (that are used for non vegan food and foods in areas that were once forests/etc) that either still do or once sustained good enough to truly incredible diversity (Which is pretty much every forest/ecosystem that ever was) to be reborn/etc with us helping them out, and letting nature do what it should to make them great again and maximizing good use of the earth, ghost towns, etc, etc, etc, all land cleaned up and used properly, proper structures around the world/etc with a super healthy planet, super rich diversity, lots of forests and the whole works in all the best places - Possibly even more then what is listen below:

-Around 1½-5 pounds of non cattle and non sheep meat a year (Depending on what larger non cattle/sheep creatures you consume, including chickens & turkey) if you include having a little under a ½ pound of cattle a year (Sheep is said to be a bit worse for the environment, but I can’t find exacting stats on this). Although unknown, including rats, mice, rabbits the total can be quite a bit higher, especially if you also include insects (Interesting fact: Like good wine the taste of animals improves with age, so the older they are before they die, regardless as to whether or not they have lost body mass/etc, the tastier they will be, that is of course meat from old animals that had all the best foods/environments/no alterations/etc, and have been processed right after or soon enough after death, these meats being coveted amongst the elite) and the amount of feed and negative impact on the environment when there’s too many of them would also mean less of them to keep a global eden in cheque - People have the potential to keep on making this world far, far richer/better/etc then it has even been). [Rabbits, mice and rats alone would increase the total)/etc or any other smaller critters, including mice/rats (Despite the myths and stereotypes, they are actually quite sanitary and can make great pets) and all other smaller ones, even insects/etc that can eat more then just a small amount of meat/etc, so if all that was takin’ into account, then who knows what the total would be!!].

-2-3 extra large chicken eggs/week - The average hen will produce about 265 eggs in a year. Most hens have two productive years of egg laying then taper off as they age (Top 10 best egg laying hens are: Golden Comet & other hybrids, Rhode Island Red, Leghorn, Sussex, Plymouth Rock, Ancona, Barnevelder, Hamburg, Marans & Buff Orpington) - Like cats and many other animals when their “owners” are knowledgeable enough about them, treat them well/give them a good life, they make for excellent pets and when taken care of as part of the family. On average hens will live for around 8-12 years (Sometime around 20+), and they will lay eggs whether they are mated with a cock/rooster or not, and be sure to use Backyard Vegetarian Layer Mash or other organic/vegan based feeds, ones that will meat, er, sorry, meet all of their nutritional needs/etc. Caring, less stress, good environments/conditions more often then not also leads to better/more eggs. Egg sizes for stores (Super Jumbo 77g/2.75oz or more, Jumbo 70g/2.50oz, Extra Large 63g/2.25oz, Large 56g/2.00oz, Medium 49g/1.75oz, Small 42g/1.50oz, Peewee 35g/1.25oz, Petite peewee 28g/1.00oz or less).

-37-48 grams of solid milk Chocolate worth/week (If you eat these or other stuff with milk/bars and still drink milk just subtract the total of said item from the milk you drink as well). I will have some chocolate for Easter (A solid milk chocolate bunny around 120grams), Thanksgiving (2 small chocolate Turkeys totalling around 50grams or less), Birthday (McCain chocolate cake) & Christmas (A Terry’s chocolate orange). Every now and again a chocolate bar. Note for bars, make sure there’s no butter, Milk fat, cream in the ingredients list, but having cocoa butter is good to go, I like big turk bars - They have a chocolate coating, that way, getting lots more bar, meaning lots more yum.

-W/O chocolates (Just milk), around 57ml of milk each week (I won’t drink any "around 57ml/week, what’s the point, the rest of it would just end up going baaaaaahd, besides, unless there was enough people drinking it - lolz”, besides, I’ve actually grown quite fond of the chocolate soy silk anyways (The kinds with 7grams of plant protein per 250ml), but I do incorporate milk into other products that use it - chocolate bars almost always have around 12%-15% of it’s weight in milk - On average 1kg of chocolate cake has around 190ml of milk anywhere from 140ml-200ml of either butter “any cakes with butter, well, it takes 21lbs of milk to get enough of the fat to make 1lb of butter, so, um, nope, not worth it” [Butters & milks lb and ml wise is pretty much the same, but cream I am not so sure of, it depends on how thick/creamy/etc it is (Will update further if I find out), or vegetable shortening - Also ⅔ milk + ⅓ butter makes most average creams (Other ratios for thin to thick/etc)].

-Honey (Stats unknown but expected to be crazily minute), so the occasional feeds of Maple syrup it is. With a bee friendly world each person may be able to have their share of honey every now and again too though, but it’s hard to say (Like fish, in today’s world it is truly at crisis points, each bee only produces like 1/12 teaspoon of honey in it’s lifetime and it is only really humane to take honey from abandoned hives - don’t know about you but when I was a kid and teen it was common place to see several bees through the summer, but now I consider it lucky if I see about 10/year - F*** you Monsanto!!). (According to USDA reports, 2.77 million honey-producing colonies in 2016 generated 161.8 million pounds of raw honey).

-Fish (Stats unknown), a no go for me anyways due to how devastated the ocean/aquatic life/system currently is, cause we need it where if we all did such and such, things can still become paradise (for realz), live it, will it to the cosmos, project it, believe it, ee-dawn baby.

Also, for 9bil people, sustainability of meat (Same as above with 100% Meat/best of the best/etc) - Still having a really healthy planet with great diversity, plenty of forests/etc (These stats do however max out the taking/use of milk and although still very kind, they will still lead great lives but with an expiration date (When they are just old enough to make for good meat) as these stats are less generous on the types of creatures raised for meat (Based on the average percentiles of the creatures Americans consume), still making then viewed as things, and these stats allow for more production of cocoa/ingredients for chocolate), still giving these creatures good healthy lives with pretty much all the best:

Based on a world population of 9 billion, which assumes that animals are only allowed to graze on grasslands and fed by-products not related to soy, maize or other artificial feeds, still keeping all the areas where there were once forests with the exceptions of allowing the richest of forests/environments to regrow, heal/etc, and the figure they came up with was 26 grams of meat, per person, per day. For meat solely from ruminants the figure was 19 grams. 1½ large eggs pp/pd. Plus 138 grams of milk pp/pd. 57grams of solid milk chocolate pp/pd (138grams minus the milk chocolate).

So, I got thinking to myself, why should I deny myself all this just because most or all of humanity isn’t vegan (At least not yet), or deny myself of many things that a fair number of people don’t or can’t have or aren’t using properly/etc because of the flawed system/etc, if people don’t change, then the same result will happen.

I can easily be called a hypocrite or callous for this by some, or possibly even many since the world is not like this (The 7.5bil scenario), at least not yet, but on the flip side, this could convince much more people to be far friendlier in the world the way it actually is now making it even more likely for the 7.5 bil dream scenario to occur, and if anything, this will show that the world can still have it all, if done right (…don’t…let..stuff…goo…too…waste…) you know, life your life the way you want it to be lived and try to project that energy/logic into the cosmos, live in the world you want to see/live in - one that can still become a reality - feel/live that life, project that life - project that satisfaction - believe it is reality now :)

So, anyways, I can still have a cake for my birthday (No butter, cream, if possible to find) and have a slice or two of cake from everyone elses birthday too, I can still have ice cream…er…in my dreams {1 litre of “real” ice cream contains 250ml of whole milk (Straight from animal-min to no processing) or butter milk and 250ml of heavy cream with 4 egg yolks [2 full eggs (yolks and whites) can be used but the flavour will have less richness]} then too and treat myself to it every now and again as well (Same with chocolate), all that will mean is that I will not be able to actually drink any milk (Again, what would even be the point), but that’s okay, cause I still like my subs anyways :)

I am sooooo looking forward to turkey for thanksgiving (With gravy), and every now and again a nice feed of liver & onions with the occasional Maple-leaf Vienna sausages too, just to name a few things (Make sure your adding it all up though :)

BTW, I’ve heard that rats and mice actually taste so chose to chicken that it is hard to tell the difference. Sheep meet (This review was given by an anonymous expert food critic) is said to have a richer flavour with added tastes of campfire, mushrooms, nuts, a bit of a wine like flavour with some kick to it, a hint of a butter-like taste, and kind of an earthly flavour that is relatively close to a mixture of liver and iron. It is said to often be a bit of a shock to the system at first but is very tasty once one gets use to it. As for dogs, they sound absolutely delicious, tasting like a cross between extra flavourful/rich beef and mutton (Another word for sheep flesh/meat) with added extra meaty flavouring, that cooked dog meat is actually delicious with a unique/strong meaty/fragrant mouthwatering aroma. Frogs, the flavour and texture are supposedly mild and extremely agreeable. No strong odours, no strange aftertaste, they say if you tell people they are eating premium farm raised birds that have been dunked for a while in fishy seawater, with having a bit of that taste to them, that they will believe you. Cat supposedly taste like a cross between chicken (White meat only) and frog.

Lastly, science is already able to make clones and as for bringing back extinct species of flora and fauna, even making Pokemon (lolz), eternal youth, everything worthwhile being far superior and new additions/senses/abilities, immortality with being far, far superior to the DS9 changelings/etc, who know what the future will hold, but if we don’t have enough resources left to get to any number of infinite wonders beyond wonders, well, I would hate to think of such a scenario.

[tothepit]

ABCs of Me! ✨

A - Age: Twenty four! B - Biggest fear: Deep, dark expanses of water; death… C - Current time: 22:01 D - Drink you last had: Water! E - Every day starts with: Me wanting to stay in bed for as long as possible. F - Favourite song: I fucking hate this question. Right nOW LIKE RIGHT AT THIS GODDAMN MINUTE IN TIME it’s probably Bury Me - Breathe Carolina. My favourite song changes every damn day, ffs. G - Ghosts, are they real?: I’m like… the biggest sceptic and won’t believe in something like that until I’ve had a personal experience with it, so no. H - Hometown: Axminster, Devon, in England! I - In love with: Niels Nielsen tbh. J - Jealous of: People with perfectly clear skin. Hell I’m even jealous of people that just breakout occasionally. Like, fuck that must be nice not to have to worry about your skin all the time, hey? K - Killed someone: Nah L - Last time you cried: Uh… I don’t really cry. I can’t actually remember the time I last cried, like, a PROPER CRY. I say “I’m crying” or “I’m sobbing” all the goddamn time, but i’m like, not actually. So idk, man. It’s been a while since I cried. I cried with laughter that afternoon that me and Spice discovered “Kneels Kneelsen”, like, I actually had tears come out of my eyes. M - Middle name: I don’t have one. It sucks. N - Number of siblings: None! I mean, I have three halves dotted around England but I don’t really know them. P - Person you last called/texted: Called - My best friend Elena to tell her I’d arrived at the station. Texted - Mikala. I texted Mikala this morning to tell her I didn’t want to get out of bed, haha. Q - Questions you’re always asked: “Do you take cards?” “OF COURSE WE FUCKING TAKE CARDS IT’S 2017, WE EVEN HAVE FUCKING CONTACTLESS, AND THERE’S A FUCKING VISA STICKER IN OUR FUCKING WINDOW. FUCK OFF.” “Yeah, of course we do! :) :) :) :) :)” R - Reasons to smile: So, so many. I basically spend my whole day smiling. Friends, music, food, lovely customers (that know we take cards), my bosses and colleagues, Niels’ existence, Alpha’s hands, Spice’s laugh, the huskies… so many reasons to smile. S - Song last sang: Make You Mine - Grabbitz. T - Time you woke up: I WOKE up at about 06:00. But I GOT up at about 07:55, because I like to stay in bed as long as possible, before I HAVE to get ready for work. U - Underwear colour: Currently red and white stripes. V - Vacation destination: Ah, jeez. That little island in The Bahamas where you can swim with the pigs in those lovely shallow sandy waters. Or Texas to visit Spice. W - Worst Habit: Painting my nails a gorgeous colour and just fuckin’ picking it right off again. Why. Why am I like that? X - X-rays you’ve had: My teeth got X-rayed at my next to last dentist appointment? That was fun. Fyi, there was nothing wrong with them, they were just due an X-ray. Y - Your favourite food: It has to be roast potatoes, I think. Z - Zodiac sign: Capricorn! Thank you for tagging me @ladyrevealedofcloak 💖🖤💖🖤 I’ll tag @spice-ghoul, @misslavender, @caligurl32, @betterneko and @yourinfernalmajesty1 if any of y'all wanna do this thing! ✨✨✨

#iz #me:a biography

[relationshipadviser-blog]

5 Petty Quirks That Become Relationship Killers Over Time

New Post has been published on https://relationshipqia.com/must-see/5-petty-quirks-that-become-relationship-killers-over-time/

5 Petty Quirks That Become Relationship Killers Over Time

Love can happen at any time, and it (or at least infatuation/lust) can make you immune to a hell of a lot of weird behavior. There are so many petty, insignificant things you’re willing to overlook in that honeymoon period of a relationship that, when the honeymoon is over, will set you more on edge than waking up with a spider webbing your nostrils shut. Things that may mean nothing today but could very well be the grounds to end your relationship tomorrow.

5

Food Failings

When you first start seeing someone, a food quirk is nothing. Hell, in some cases, it may even be adorable. “I love the way you pick all the sprinkles off of your doughnut and eat them one at a time.” “Oh, you like to eat Chef Boyardee three meals a day? Well, that’ll make shopping easy!”

Having a well-developed palate is really only important during one week of filming on Hell’s Kitchen when Gordon Ramsay makes you eat stuff blindfolded while screaming about what a donkey you are. Beyond that, it’s reasonable to know and appreciate the difference between a fish like branzino and, say, the severed foot of a longshoreman. One’s eating habits and appreciation for food are so far down the list of important things to care about that an “I’m good with anything” person doesn’t even register on your “something’s wrong” detector.

But After a While…

Read Next

5 Rights That New Adults Think They Have On The Job

I’m a fairly decent cook. So much so that I actually typed “chef” here at first, then erased it because I smoke pork roasts in my boxer shorts while drinking alcoholic root beer. But I can make a meal that’s fairly tasty and that’s all that matters. But I still feel that twinge in my spine when I have to ask someone what they want, and they refuse to commit to anything beyond “Whatever you’re having is good.” My ex, a person for whom I have no empirical evidence that they were human and not a lizard in a woman-suit, would constantly say she wanted “whatever” and then elect to eat nothing after I prepared an entire meal. Then an hour later would make a box of macaroni and cheese because she was starving.

You can only coast for so long on the “whatever” wave when it comes to eating. Because you need to eat every day, several times. It means nothing during a dating period (or courting, if you’re fancy like me). That’s the time when you go to a restaurant and you pick your arbitrary choice from a list and someone else makes it. You’ll both have the pig liver in chocolate sauce, sounds great!

When you’ve settled in to a relationship, the gloves come off. When they were putting their best foot forward by being agreeable to anything before, now they just want to be happy. They want to eat a whole pizza to themselves, or toast for four days straight, or they need the kid at McDonald’s to make them a burger with three pickles, 22 onion pieces, a dab of vanilla shake in the center of the ketchup, and all the fries need to face east. It’s at this point you start thinking “What the fuck side of a fry is the face?”

It’s not so much the individual food choices — a passion for Hot Pockets or ketchup on a steak — it’s that this person is now showing a side you’ve never seen before, and he or she is coming across as if nothing is ever good enough for them. Your effort is wasted and they don’t respect the time or work you put into trying to make them happy, to engage in what a lot of people consider one of the most basic and obvious forms of caring for another person: nourishing and feeding them. Instead they shit on it and wipe their ass on a corn dog, which is not how corn dogs work, let me assure you.

4

Missing Social Cues

There’s a really refreshing quality to being with someone who has a different way of viewing the world. Maybe they’re more brazen and bold while you’re conservative, or perhaps they’re contemplative and thoughtful in the face of your rash adventurousness. It’s the whole “opposites attract” thing that I once heard a cartoon cat and an American Idol judge singing about. Most of us don’t necessarily want to be with someone just like us, so someone who can challenge the way we approach the world is welcome and exciting. Yes, new person, I will get naked with you on this beach and dance on rocks while old people watch us. This is what my life has been missing!

But After a While…

Even a breath of fresh air can sometimes sour if the room gets filled with dog farts. Your partner’s tendency to yell “Fuck my face with a tire iron!” every time they taste a really good sandwich will start making you uncomfortable at the mall food court eventually. And it’s all well and good to say you don’t care what other people think, but come on. This is me, don’t treat me like a silly tit. I know you care about what other people think and as well you should. I do too because I don’t want to be the guy walking through Wal-mart in a pair of stained underpants drinking Robitussin and swearing at the produce. That guy is a creep and doesn’t get to meet fun, new people.

You care what people think, and if your partner is embarrassing you on a regular basis, that’s stressful as shit. Your partner can do something as simple as stopping in the middle of an aisle at the grocery store so other people can’t move past, or using their cellphone during a movie in a theater, or masturbating on the bus. These kinds of things make your pulse race a little at first because they’re not what you’d do. But later in a relationship they make your pulse race because they’re not what you want anyone doing. If there’s no happy medium between what you think is proper decorum for public behavior and what they think is proper, the tension will continue to mount.

This can even work in the opposite way. Maybe you’re the outgoing one and they become some kind of shitty Public Person robot who acts self-consciously around others, changing the way they speak and the kinds of jokes they tell. Maybe they do it because they’re adjusting to new personalities. Maybe they’re pandering to a crowd. My lizard ex was one of those people who would get with friends and explain not seeing them in a while with quips like “I get stuck doing all the boring shit this guy likes to do” in reference to me. Ha ha! I get it, I’m a dickhead you were sentenced by a judge to endure! Funny!

Your tolerance for someone who can’t act normal in public has a lifespan, and it’s very intimately related to the number of times you have to go out in public with them. Eventually it’s going to lead to resentment and, if I learned anything from Yoda, it’s that this is a definite path to either the Dark Side or Hayden Christensen’s acting, and you want no part of either.

3

Being Possessive — No, Not That Kind Of Possessive

One of the strangest things to adjust to in a relationship is the concept of going from a me to a we. It’s not you anymore, it’s us. We do things, we make decisions together, we own things together. It makes sense in the beginning that you’re not used to this. I mean, up until that moment, you were single. Or you were if you’re not an asshole.

But let’s say that you move in together and you buy yourself a nice ham. You put it in the fridge for later. You come back that evening to celebrate Ham Time, and GASP! It’s gone. Your first instinct is “DID YOU FUCKING EAT MY FUCKING HAM??” But man, that ham ain’t your ham anymore. You put it in “our” fridge. That’s our ham. We ate it. Without you. Because we’re in this ham game together now.

But After a While…

If you can’t adopt a “we” attitude, you don’t really belong in a relationship. You’re together as a pair, and that selfishness is not going to fly. The day very well may come, when they have a nice slice of key lime pie and you’re looking at that pie thinking “I could use a bite of that pie.” And so you ask for the pie and they look at you the way a lion looks at a gazelle when it manages to get across a river to safety, that “fuck you and your entire lineage” look. If you want pie, you know where the fuckin’ pie shop is. Why don’t you sashay your pretty ass down there and buy all the pies you can handle?

No one expects a partner to give up a kidney or liver or anything during a relationship. But for God’s sake, not everything has to be yours all the time. If they were putting on an unselfish front at the beginning, and all these little things start popping up like that passive-aggressive “What happened to the last can of Fresca?” shit when they know damn well you’re the only other person in the house so you must have drank that delicious Fresca, you’re going to start feeling like you’re not with the same person anymore. You expected someone who, if not entirely generous, was at least reasonable. And now, suddenly, they aren’t.

My ex had a running tally of everything she contributed to our relationship and wanted back which I didn’t find out about until after we broke up. This included the dishes, the shower curtain and that mat you put at the base of the toilet. That pee-spattered, half shag ode to poor aim and Hans Gruberesque droplets that hold on as long as they can before tumbling to their demise amidst its fibers. No one has ever wanted one of those things when they were brand new let alone after a couple years of harrowing service at the foot of Turd Lagoon.

Selfishness ends a relationships. It has to because it’s not a singles sport like … oh, what’s a single’s sport? Bocci? Is that a thing? You know what sports are. It’s not one of those.

2

Pronunciation

Affectations of speech are kind of cute and quirky at first. Hell, we even celebrate them in children. It’s just adorable when a baby says “shit” for the first time when they’re trying to say literally any other word. When you hit adulthood and still bust out the words “berfday” or “libarry,” well, that’s a thing that takes some getting used to. The newness of the relationship still makes those mispronunciations kind of delightful. And even if you don’t think it’s cute, it’s small. You may just pause a conversation long enough to tell them that the “C” in scissors is silent and move on.

But After a While…

If you’re with someone who legitimately thinks that big, orange squash is called a “punkin” and refers to it as such every Halloween, by Halloween number four you’re going to start getting that little twitch around your eye and gritting your teeth to keep from exploding like a landmine made out of suplexes. There comes a point where you need to wrestle with the realization you may be in a relationship with a dullard. And not just a hapless dullard, a committed dullard who, even with repeated corrections, will not undull themselves.

I once knew someone who continually called deodorant “derodorant.” I don’t know why. I don’t know what they thought the word meant, or how it related to actually deodorizing things. Was it in their minds de-roderant, and roder was a thing you needed to get rid of? Or was it der-orderant and der somehow vanquished stank? I can’t say. The one time I asked what deroderant meant, they looked at me like I was the idiot for not knowing. Because they didn’t get it, and that’s what’s infuriating about someone who doesn’t know they don’t know something.

From the other perspective, they may not have the linguistics game down but at least they’re not an asshole. No one likes to be corrected, we’re not grade schoolers here. The situation feeds off itself — one person can’t figure out that there’s an “r” in brisket and the other can’t quit pointing out that there is until you both hate interacting with one another because your partner is either making you constantly feel like a dullard or they’re making you feel like they just love being one. Neither of these feelings are a good way to foster any kind of positive emotion so expect the whole thing to fall apart pretty quickly.

1

Netflix Etiquette

The great thing about Netflix is not just the micro-budget horror movies produced in countries you’ve never even heard of, it’s the ability to make an entire day of sitting and staring while simultaneously calling it “couples time.” You can binge-watch Stranger Things and never move a muscle, and that’s an entire date night. Good work, team!

This etiquette extends to anything you do as a couple, anything involving even the slightest group effort, such as the kind you exert by both sitting on a sofa and looking at a TV together.

But say one of you has to work tomorrow and one of you doesn’t, so you get to the episode when Barb gets monster shanked and you call it a night, you down a few shots of Robitussin to keep the night terrors at bay, you give your crotch a quick spritz in the sink and it’s off to bed. Next morning you get up and- FUCK A DUCK! They’re on the episode where they find Barb’s monster-shanked corpse farting up that shitty slug baby in the woods. What gives?

But After a While…

This kind of self-centered thinking tends to fester. And Netflix is really just a placeholder here, standing in for anything that represents the idea of you two as a couple: going shopping together, meeting up with friends, setting old barns on fire. You do these things only partially because you need to do them, and partially because you want to do them with that other person. That’s how it’s supposed to work, anyway.

When someone disregards the couples aspect, when they finish a movie on their own, when they go buy that new set of decorative cat armor on their own, it’s like saying your half of the relationship is only relevant when they want to put the time and effort into including you. And you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, either. Watching it together later is always less satisfying, it’s like a pity watch. And it’s made so much worse if they’re the sort of person who will randomly say “Oh man, this is a good part, watch this!” like they’re now your helpful guide to how TV works.

If you can’t be considerate of your partner on even a basic level, enough to hold off on your own whim long enough to include them in something you planned to do together, then you probably suck and the rest of us don’t want to watch Netflix with you. Or do anything with you because you’re shitting on the idea of couplehood. Go watch Iron Fist. Watch it twice.

Remember, if someone can’t love you at your Netflix, they don’t deserve you at your Prime Video.

Start a relationship with Ian’s Twitter and it’ll never go behind your back with Facebook.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/

[mysteriouslyzealouspandalov-blog]

5 Petty Quirks That Become Relationship Killers Over Time

New Post has been published on https://relationshipguideto.com/must-see/5-petty-quirks-that-become-relationship-killers-over-time/

5 Petty Quirks That Become Relationship Killers Over Time

Love can happen at any time, and it (or at least infatuation/lust) can make you immune to a hell of a lot of weird behavior. There are so many petty, insignificant things you’re willing to overlook in that honeymoon period of a relationship that, when the honeymoon is over, will set you more on edge than waking up with a spider webbing your nostrils shut. Things that may mean nothing today but could very well be the grounds to end your relationship tomorrow.

5

Food Failings

When you first start seeing someone, a food quirk is nothing. Hell, in some cases, it may even be adorable. “I love the way you pick all the sprinkles off of your doughnut and eat them one at a time.” “Oh, you like to eat Chef Boyardee three meals a day? Well, that’ll make shopping easy!”

Having a well-developed palate is really only important during one week of filming on Hell’s Kitchen when Gordon Ramsay makes you eat stuff blindfolded while screaming about what a donkey you are. Beyond that, it’s reasonable to know and appreciate the difference between a fish like branzino and, say, the severed foot of a longshoreman. One’s eating habits and appreciation for food are so far down the list of important things to care about that an “I’m good with anything” person doesn’t even register on your “something’s wrong” detector.

But After a While…

Read Next

5 Rights That New Adults Think They Have On The Job

I’m a fairly decent cook. So much so that I actually typed “chef” here at first, then erased it because I smoke pork roasts in my boxer shorts while drinking alcoholic root beer. But I can make a meal that’s fairly tasty and that’s all that matters. But I still feel that twinge in my spine when I have to ask someone what they want, and they refuse to commit to anything beyond “Whatever you’re having is good.” My ex, a person for whom I have no empirical evidence that they were human and not a lizard in a woman-suit, would constantly say she wanted “whatever” and then elect to eat nothing after I prepared an entire meal. Then an hour later would make a box of macaroni and cheese because she was starving.

You can only coast for so long on the “whatever” wave when it comes to eating. Because you need to eat every day, several times. It means nothing during a dating period (or courting, if you’re fancy like me). That’s the time when you go to a restaurant and you pick your arbitrary choice from a list and someone else makes it. You’ll both have the pig liver in chocolate sauce, sounds great!

When you’ve settled in to a relationship, the gloves come off. When they were putting their best foot forward by being agreeable to anything before, now they just want to be happy. They want to eat a whole pizza to themselves, or toast for four days straight, or they need the kid at McDonald’s to make them a burger with three pickles, 22 onion pieces, a dab of vanilla shake in the center of the ketchup, and all the fries need to face east. It’s at this point you start thinking “What the fuck side of a fry is the face?”

It’s not so much the individual food choices — a passion for Hot Pockets or ketchup on a steak — it’s that this person is now showing a side you’ve never seen before, and he or she is coming across as if nothing is ever good enough for them. Your effort is wasted and they don’t respect the time or work you put into trying to make them happy, to engage in what a lot of people consider one of the most basic and obvious forms of caring for another person: nourishing and feeding them. Instead they shit on it and wipe their ass on a corn dog, which is not how corn dogs work, let me assure you.

4

Missing Social Cues

There’s a really refreshing quality to being with someone who has a different way of viewing the world. Maybe they’re more brazen and bold while you’re conservative, or perhaps they’re contemplative and thoughtful in the face of your rash adventurousness. It’s the whole “opposites attract” thing that I once heard a cartoon cat and an American Idol judge singing about. Most of us don’t necessarily want to be with someone just like us, so someone who can challenge the way we approach the world is welcome and exciting. Yes, new person, I will get naked with you on this beach and dance on rocks while old people watch us. This is what my life has been missing!

But After a While…

Even a breath of fresh air can sometimes sour if the room gets filled with dog farts. Your partner’s tendency to yell “Fuck my face with a tire iron!” every time they taste a really good sandwich will start making you uncomfortable at the mall food court eventually. And it’s all well and good to say you don’t care what other people think, but come on. This is me, don’t treat me like a silly tit. I know you care about what other people think and as well you should. I do too because I don’t want to be the guy walking through Wal-mart in a pair of stained underpants drinking Robitussin and swearing at the produce. That guy is a creep and doesn’t get to meet fun, new people.

You care what people think, and if your partner is embarrassing you on a regular basis, that’s stressful as shit. Your partner can do something as simple as stopping in the middle of an aisle at the grocery store so other people can’t move past, or using their cellphone during a movie in a theater, or masturbating on the bus. These kinds of things make your pulse race a little at first because they’re not what you’d do. But later in a relationship they make your pulse race because they’re not what you want anyone doing. If there’s no happy medium between what you think is proper decorum for public behavior and what they think is proper, the tension will continue to mount.

This can even work in the opposite way. Maybe you’re the outgoing one and they become some kind of shitty Public Person robot who acts self-consciously around others, changing the way they speak and the kinds of jokes they tell. Maybe they do it because they’re adjusting to new personalities. Maybe they’re pandering to a crowd. My lizard ex was one of those people who would get with friends and explain not seeing them in a while with quips like “I get stuck doing all the boring shit this guy likes to do” in reference to me. Ha ha! I get it, I’m a dickhead you were sentenced by a judge to endure! Funny!

Your tolerance for someone who can’t act normal in public has a lifespan, and it’s very intimately related to the number of times you have to go out in public with them. Eventually it’s going to lead to resentment and, if I learned anything from Yoda, it’s that this is a definite path to either the Dark Side or Hayden Christensen’s acting, and you want no part of either.

3

Being Possessive — No, Not That Kind Of Possessive

One of the strangest things to adjust to in a relationship is the concept of going from a me to a we. It’s not you anymore, it’s us. We do things, we make decisions together, we own things together. It makes sense in the beginning that you’re not used to this. I mean, up until that moment, you were single. Or you were if you’re not an asshole.

But let’s say that you move in together and you buy yourself a nice ham. You put it in the fridge for later. You come back that evening to celebrate Ham Time, and GASP! It’s gone. Your first instinct is “DID YOU FUCKING EAT MY FUCKING HAM??” But man, that ham ain’t your ham anymore. You put it in “our” fridge. That’s our ham. We ate it. Without you. Because we’re in this ham game together now.

But After a While…

If you can’t adopt a “we” attitude, you don’t really belong in a relationship. You’re together as a pair, and that selfishness is not going to fly. The day very well may come, when they have a nice slice of key lime pie and you’re looking at that pie thinking “I could use a bite of that pie.” And so you ask for the pie and they look at you the way a lion looks at a gazelle when it manages to get across a river to safety, that “fuck you and your entire lineage” look. If you want pie, you know where the fuckin’ pie shop is. Why don’t you sashay your pretty ass down there and buy all the pies you can handle?

No one expects a partner to give up a kidney or liver or anything during a relationship. But for God’s sake, not everything has to be yours all the time. If they were putting on an unselfish front at the beginning, and all these little things start popping up like that passive-aggressive “What happened to the last can of Fresca?” shit when they know damn well you’re the only other person in the house so you must have drank that delicious Fresca, you’re going to start feeling like you’re not with the same person anymore. You expected someone who, if not entirely generous, was at least reasonable. And now, suddenly, they aren’t.

My ex had a running tally of everything she contributed to our relationship and wanted back which I didn’t find out about until after we broke up. This included the dishes, the shower curtain and that mat you put at the base of the toilet. That pee-spattered, half shag ode to poor aim and Hans Gruberesque droplets that hold on as long as they can before tumbling to their demise amidst its fibers. No one has ever wanted one of those things when they were brand new let alone after a couple years of harrowing service at the foot of Turd Lagoon.

Selfishness ends a relationships. It has to because it’s not a singles sport like … oh, what’s a single’s sport? Bocci? Is that a thing? You know what sports are. It’s not one of those.

2

Pronunciation

Affectations of speech are kind of cute and quirky at first. Hell, we even celebrate them in children. It’s just adorable when a baby says “shit” for the first time when they’re trying to say literally any other word. When you hit adulthood and still bust out the words “berfday” or “libarry,” well, that’s a thing that takes some getting used to. The newness of the relationship still makes those mispronunciations kind of delightful. And even if you don’t think it’s cute, it’s small. You may just pause a conversation long enough to tell them that the “C” in scissors is silent and move on.

But After a While…

If you’re with someone who legitimately thinks that big, orange squash is called a “punkin” and refers to it as such every Halloween, by Halloween number four you’re going to start getting that little twitch around your eye and gritting your teeth to keep from exploding like a landmine made out of suplexes. There comes a point where you need to wrestle with the realization you may be in a relationship with a dullard. And not just a hapless dullard, a committed dullard who, even with repeated corrections, will not undull themselves.

I once knew someone who continually called deodorant “derodorant.” I don’t know why. I don’t know what they thought the word meant, or how it related to actually deodorizing things. Was it in their minds de-roderant, and roder was a thing you needed to get rid of? Or was it der-orderant and der somehow vanquished stank? I can’t say. The one time I asked what deroderant meant, they looked at me like I was the idiot for not knowing. Because they didn’t get it, and that’s what’s infuriating about someone who doesn’t know they don’t know something.

From the other perspective, they may not have the linguistics game down but at least they’re not an asshole. No one likes to be corrected, we’re not grade schoolers here. The situation feeds off itself — one person can’t figure out that there’s an “r” in brisket and the other can’t quit pointing out that there is until you both hate interacting with one another because your partner is either making you constantly feel like a dullard or they’re making you feel like they just love being one. Neither of these feelings are a good way to foster any kind of positive emotion so expect the whole thing to fall apart pretty quickly.

1

Netflix Etiquette

The great thing about Netflix is not just the micro-budget horror movies produced in countries you’ve never even heard of, it’s the ability to make an entire day of sitting and staring while simultaneously calling it “couples time.” You can binge-watch Stranger Things and never move a muscle, and that’s an entire date night. Good work, team!

This etiquette extends to anything you do as a couple, anything involving even the slightest group effort, such as the kind you exert by both sitting on a sofa and looking at a TV together.

But say one of you has to work tomorrow and one of you doesn’t, so you get to the episode when Barb gets monster shanked and you call it a night, you down a few shots of Robitussin to keep the night terrors at bay, you give your crotch a quick spritz in the sink and it’s off to bed. Next morning you get up and- FUCK A DUCK! They’re on the episode where they find Barb’s monster-shanked corpse farting up that shitty slug baby in the woods. What gives?

But After a While…

This kind of self-centered thinking tends to fester. And Netflix is really just a placeholder here, standing in for anything that represents the idea of you two as a couple: going shopping together, meeting up with friends, setting old barns on fire. You do these things only partially because you need to do them, and partially because you want to do them with that other person. That’s how it’s supposed to work, anyway.

When someone disregards the couples aspect, when they finish a movie on their own, when they go buy that new set of decorative cat armor on their own, it’s like saying your half of the relationship is only relevant when they want to put the time and effort into including you. And you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, either. Watching it together later is always less satisfying, it’s like a pity watch. And it’s made so much worse if they’re the sort of person who will randomly say “Oh man, this is a good part, watch this!” like they’re now your helpful guide to how TV works.

If you can’t be considerate of your partner on even a basic level, enough to hold off on your own whim long enough to include them in something you planned to do together, then you probably suck and the rest of us don’t want to watch Netflix with you. Or do anything with you because you’re shitting on the idea of couplehood. Go watch Iron Fist. Watch it twice.

Remember, if someone can’t love you at your Netflix, they don’t deserve you at your Prime Video.

Start a relationship with Ian’s Twitter and it’ll never go behind your back with Facebook.

Read more: http://www.cracked.com/

[adambstingus]

5 Petty Quirks That Become Relationship Killers Over Time

Love can happen at any time, and it (or at least infatuation/lust) can make you immune to a hell of a lot of weird behavior. There are so many petty, insignificant things you’re willing to overlook in that honeymoon period of a relationship that, when the honeymoon is over, will set you more on edge than waking up with a spider webbing your nostrils shut. Things that may mean nothing today but could very well be the grounds to end your relationship tomorrow.

5

Food Failings

When you first start seeing someone, a food quirk is nothing. Hell, in some cases, it may even be adorable. “I love the way you pick all the sprinkles off of your doughnut and eat them one at a time.” “Oh, you like to eat Chef Boyardee three meals a day? Well, that’ll make shopping easy!”

Having a well-developed palate is really only important during one week of filming on Hell’s Kitchen when Gordon Ramsay makes you eat stuff blindfolded while screaming about what a donkey you are. Beyond that, it’s reasonable to know and appreciate the difference between a fish like branzino and, say, the severed foot of a longshoreman. One’s eating habits and appreciation for food are so far down the list of important things to care about that an “I’m good with anything” person doesn’t even register on your “something’s wrong” detector.

But After a While…

Read Next

5 Rights That New Adults Think They Have On The Job

I’m a fairly decent cook. So much so that I actually typed “chef” here at first, then erased it because I smoke pork roasts in my boxer shorts while drinking alcoholic root beer. But I can make a meal that’s fairly tasty and that’s all that matters. But I still feel that twinge in my spine when I have to ask someone what they want, and they refuse to commit to anything beyond “Whatever you’re having is good.” My ex, a person for whom I have no empirical evidence that they were human and not a lizard in a woman-suit, would constantly say she wanted “whatever” and then elect to eat nothing after I prepared an entire meal. Then an hour later would make a box of macaroni and cheese because she was starving.

You can only coast for so long on the “whatever” wave when it comes to eating. Because you need to eat every day, several times. It means nothing during a dating period (or courting, if you’re fancy like me). That’s the time when you go to a restaurant and you pick your arbitrary choice from a list and someone else makes it. You’ll both have the pig liver in chocolate sauce, sounds great!

When you’ve settled in to a relationship, the gloves come off. When they were putting their best foot forward by being agreeable to anything before, now they just want to be happy. They want to eat a whole pizza to themselves, or toast for four days straight, or they need the kid at McDonald’s to make them a burger with three pickles, 22 onion pieces, a dab of vanilla shake in the center of the ketchup, and all the fries need to face east. It’s at this point you start thinking “What the fuck side of a fry is the face?”

It’s not so much the individual food choices — a passion for Hot Pockets or ketchup on a steak — it’s that this person is now showing a side you’ve never seen before, and he or she is coming across as if nothing is ever good enough for them. Your effort is wasted and they don’t respect the time or work you put into trying to make them happy, to engage in what a lot of people consider one of the most basic and obvious forms of caring for another person: nourishing and feeding them. Instead they shit on it and wipe their ass on a corn dog, which is not how corn dogs work, let me assure you.

4

Missing Social Cues

There’s a really refreshing quality to being with someone who has a different way of viewing the world. Maybe they’re more brazen and bold while you’re conservative, or perhaps they’re contemplative and thoughtful in the face of your rash adventurousness. It’s the whole “opposites attract” thing that I once heard a cartoon cat and an American Idol judge singing about. Most of us don’t necessarily want to be with someone just like us, so someone who can challenge the way we approach the world is welcome and exciting. Yes, new person, I will get naked with you on this beach and dance on rocks while old people watch us. This is what my life has been missing!

But After a While…

Even a breath of fresh air can sometimes sour if the room gets filled with dog farts. Your partner’s tendency to yell “Fuck my face with a tire iron!” every time they taste a really good sandwich will start making you uncomfortable at the mall food court eventually. And it’s all well and good to say you don’t care what other people think, but come on. This is me, don’t treat me like a silly tit. I know you care about what other people think and as well you should. I do too because I don’t want to be the guy walking through Wal-mart in a pair of stained underpants drinking Robitussin and swearing at the produce. That guy is a creep and doesn’t get to meet fun, new people.

You care what people think, and if your partner is embarrassing you on a regular basis, that’s stressful as shit. Your partner can do something as simple as stopping in the middle of an aisle at the grocery store so other people can’t move past, or using their cellphone during a movie in a theater, or masturbating on the bus. These kinds of things make your pulse race a little at first because they’re not what you’d do. But later in a relationship they make your pulse race because they’re not what you want anyone doing. If there’s no happy medium between what you think is proper decorum for public behavior and what they think is proper, the tension will continue to mount.

This can even work in the opposite way. Maybe you’re the outgoing one and they become some kind of shitty Public Person robot who acts self-consciously around others, changing the way they speak and the kinds of jokes they tell. Maybe they do it because they’re adjusting to new personalities. Maybe they’re pandering to a crowd. My lizard ex was one of those people who would get with friends and explain not seeing them in a while with quips like “I get stuck doing all the boring shit this guy likes to do” in reference to me. Ha ha! I get it, I’m a dickhead you were sentenced by a judge to endure! Funny!

Your tolerance for someone who can’t act normal in public has a lifespan, and it’s very intimately related to the number of times you have to go out in public with them. Eventually it’s going to lead to resentment and, if I learned anything from Yoda, it’s that this is a definite path to either the Dark Side or Hayden Christensen’s acting, and you want no part of either.

3

Being Possessive — No, Not That Kind Of Possessive

One of the strangest things to adjust to in a relationship is the concept of going from a me to a we. It’s not you anymore, it’s us. We do things, we make decisions together, we own things together. It makes sense in the beginning that you’re not used to this. I mean, up until that moment, you were single. Or you were if you’re not an asshole.

But let’s say that you move in together and you buy yourself a nice ham. You put it in the fridge for later. You come back that evening to celebrate Ham Time, and GASP! It’s gone. Your first instinct is “DID YOU FUCKING EAT MY FUCKING HAM??” But man, that ham ain’t your ham anymore. You put it in “our” fridge. That’s our ham. We ate it. Without you. Because we’re in this ham game together now.

But After a While…

If you can’t adopt a “we” attitude, you don’t really belong in a relationship. You’re together as a pair, and that selfishness is not going to fly. The day very well may come, when they have a nice slice of key lime pie and you’re looking at that pie thinking “I could use a bite of that pie.” And so you ask for the pie and they look at you the way a lion looks at a gazelle when it manages to get across a river to safety, that “fuck you and your entire lineage” look. If you want pie, you know where the fuckin’ pie shop is. Why don’t you sashay your pretty ass down there and buy all the pies you can handle?

No one expects a partner to give up a kidney or liver or anything during a relationship. But for God’s sake, not everything has to be yours all the time. If they were putting on an unselfish front at the beginning, and all these little things start popping up like that passive-aggressive “What happened to the last can of Fresca?” shit when they know damn well you’re the only other person in the house so you must have drank that delicious Fresca, you’re going to start feeling like you’re not with the same person anymore. You expected someone who, if not entirely generous, was at least reasonable. And now, suddenly, they aren’t.

My ex had a running tally of everything she contributed to our relationship and wanted back which I didn’t find out about until after we broke up. This included the dishes, the shower curtain and that mat you put at the base of the toilet. That pee-spattered, half shag ode to poor aim and Hans Gruberesque droplets that hold on as long as they can before tumbling to their demise amidst its fibers. No one has ever wanted one of those things when they were brand new let alone after a couple years of harrowing service at the foot of Turd Lagoon.

Selfishness ends a relationships. It has to because it’s not a singles sport like … oh, what’s a single’s sport? Bocci? Is that a thing? You know what sports are. It’s not one of those.

2

Pronunciation

Affectations of speech are kind of cute and quirky at first. Hell, we even celebrate them in children. It’s just adorable when a baby says “shit” for the first time when they’re trying to say literally any other word. When you hit adulthood and still bust out the words “berfday” or “libarry,” well, that’s a thing that takes some getting used to. The newness of the relationship still makes those mispronunciations kind of delightful. And even if you don’t think it’s cute, it’s small. You may just pause a conversation long enough to tell them that the “C” in scissors is silent and move on.

But After a While…

If you’re with someone who legitimately thinks that big, orange squash is called a “punkin” and refers to it as such every Halloween, by Halloween number four you’re going to start getting that little twitch around your eye and gritting your teeth to keep from exploding like a landmine made out of suplexes. There comes a point where you need to wrestle with the realization you may be in a relationship with a dullard. And not just a hapless dullard, a committed dullard who, even with repeated corrections, will not undull themselves.

I once knew someone who continually called deodorant “derodorant.” I don’t know why. I don’t know what they thought the word meant, or how it related to actually deodorizing things. Was it in their minds de-roderant, and roder was a thing you needed to get rid of? Or was it der-orderant and der somehow vanquished stank? I can’t say. The one time I asked what deroderant meant, they looked at me like I was the idiot for not knowing. Because they didn’t get it, and that’s what’s infuriating about someone who doesn’t know they don’t know something.

From the other perspective, they may not have the linguistics game down but at least they’re not an asshole. No one likes to be corrected, we’re not grade schoolers here. The situation feeds off itself — one person can’t figure out that there’s an “r” in brisket and the other can’t quit pointing out that there is until you both hate interacting with one another because your partner is either making you constantly feel like a dullard or they’re making you feel like they just love being one. Neither of these feelings are a good way to foster any kind of positive emotion so expect the whole thing to fall apart pretty quickly.

1

Netflix Etiquette

The great thing about Netflix is not just the micro-budget horror movies produced in countries you’ve never even heard of, it’s the ability to make an entire day of sitting and staring while simultaneously calling it “couples time.” You can binge-watch Stranger Things and never move a muscle, and that’s an entire date night. Good work, team!

This etiquette extends to anything you do as a couple, anything involving even the slightest group effort, such as the kind you exert by both sitting on a sofa and looking at a TV together.

But say one of you has to work tomorrow and one of you doesn’t, so you get to the episode when Barb gets monster shanked and you call it a night, you down a few shots of Robitussin to keep the night terrors at bay, you give your crotch a quick spritz in the sink and it’s off to bed. Next morning you get up and- FUCK A DUCK! They’re on the episode where they find Barb’s monster-shanked corpse farting up that shitty slug baby in the woods. What gives?

But After a While…

This kind of self-centered thinking tends to fester. And Netflix is really just a placeholder here, standing in for anything that represents the idea of you two as a couple: going shopping together, meeting up with friends, setting old barns on fire. You do these things only partially because you need to do them, and partially because you want to do them with that other person. That’s how it’s supposed to work, anyway.

When someone disregards the couples aspect, when they finish a movie on their own, when they go buy that new set of decorative cat armor on their own, it’s like saying your half of the relationship is only relevant when they want to put the time and effort into including you. And you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, either. Watching it together later is always less satisfying, it’s like a pity watch. And it’s made so much worse if they’re the sort of person who will randomly say “Oh man, this is a good part, watch this!” like they’re now your helpful guide to how TV works.

If you can’t be considerate of your partner on even a basic level, enough to hold off on your own whim long enough to include them in something you planned to do together, then you probably suck and the rest of us don’t want to watch Netflix with you. Or do anything with you because you’re shitting on the idea of couplehood. Go watch Iron Fist. Watch it twice.

Remember, if someone can’t love you at your Netflix, they don’t deserve you at your Prime Video.

Start a relationship with Ian’s Twitter and it’ll never go behind your back with Facebook.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/18/5-petty-quirks-that-become-relationship-killers-over-time/ from All of Beer https://allofbeercom.tumblr.com/post/166527050717

[samanthasroberts]

5 Petty Quirks That Become Relationship Killers Over Time

Love can happen at any time, and it (or at least infatuation/lust) can make you immune to a hell of a lot of weird behavior. There are so many petty, insignificant things you’re willing to overlook in that honeymoon period of a relationship that, when the honeymoon is over, will set you more on edge than waking up with a spider webbing your nostrils shut. Things that may mean nothing today but could very well be the grounds to end your relationship tomorrow.

5

Food Failings

When you first start seeing someone, a food quirk is nothing. Hell, in some cases, it may even be adorable. “I love the way you pick all the sprinkles off of your doughnut and eat them one at a time.” “Oh, you like to eat Chef Boyardee three meals a day? Well, that’ll make shopping easy!”

Having a well-developed palate is really only important during one week of filming on Hell’s Kitchen when Gordon Ramsay makes you eat stuff blindfolded while screaming about what a donkey you are. Beyond that, it’s reasonable to know and appreciate the difference between a fish like branzino and, say, the severed foot of a longshoreman. One’s eating habits and appreciation for food are so far down the list of important things to care about that an “I’m good with anything” person doesn’t even register on your “something’s wrong” detector.

But After a While…

Read Next

5 Rights That New Adults Think They Have On The Job

I’m a fairly decent cook. So much so that I actually typed “chef” here at first, then erased it because I smoke pork roasts in my boxer shorts while drinking alcoholic root beer. But I can make a meal that’s fairly tasty and that’s all that matters. But I still feel that twinge in my spine when I have to ask someone what they want, and they refuse to commit to anything beyond “Whatever you’re having is good.” My ex, a person for whom I have no empirical evidence that they were human and not a lizard in a woman-suit, would constantly say she wanted “whatever” and then elect to eat nothing after I prepared an entire meal. Then an hour later would make a box of macaroni and cheese because she was starving.

You can only coast for so long on the “whatever” wave when it comes to eating. Because you need to eat every day, several times. It means nothing during a dating period (or courting, if you’re fancy like me). That’s the time when you go to a restaurant and you pick your arbitrary choice from a list and someone else makes it. You’ll both have the pig liver in chocolate sauce, sounds great!

When you’ve settled in to a relationship, the gloves come off. When they were putting their best foot forward by being agreeable to anything before, now they just want to be happy. They want to eat a whole pizza to themselves, or toast for four days straight, or they need the kid at McDonald’s to make them a burger with three pickles, 22 onion pieces, a dab of vanilla shake in the center of the ketchup, and all the fries need to face east. It’s at this point you start thinking “What the fuck side of a fry is the face?”

It’s not so much the individual food choices — a passion for Hot Pockets or ketchup on a steak — it’s that this person is now showing a side you’ve never seen before, and he or she is coming across as if nothing is ever good enough for them. Your effort is wasted and they don’t respect the time or work you put into trying to make them happy, to engage in what a lot of people consider one of the most basic and obvious forms of caring for another person: nourishing and feeding them. Instead they shit on it and wipe their ass on a corn dog, which is not how corn dogs work, let me assure you.

4

Missing Social Cues

There’s a really refreshing quality to being with someone who has a different way of viewing the world. Maybe they’re more brazen and bold while you’re conservative, or perhaps they’re contemplative and thoughtful in the face of your rash adventurousness. It’s the whole “opposites attract” thing that I once heard a cartoon cat and an American Idol judge singing about. Most of us don’t necessarily want to be with someone just like us, so someone who can challenge the way we approach the world is welcome and exciting. Yes, new person, I will get naked with you on this beach and dance on rocks while old people watch us. This is what my life has been missing!

But After a While…

Even a breath of fresh air can sometimes sour if the room gets filled with dog farts. Your partner’s tendency to yell “Fuck my face with a tire iron!” every time they taste a really good sandwich will start making you uncomfortable at the mall food court eventually. And it’s all well and good to say you don’t care what other people think, but come on. This is me, don’t treat me like a silly tit. I know you care about what other people think and as well you should. I do too because I don’t want to be the guy walking through Wal-mart in a pair of stained underpants drinking Robitussin and swearing at the produce. That guy is a creep and doesn’t get to meet fun, new people.

You care what people think, and if your partner is embarrassing you on a regular basis, that’s stressful as shit. Your partner can do something as simple as stopping in the middle of an aisle at the grocery store so other people can’t move past, or using their cellphone during a movie in a theater, or masturbating on the bus. These kinds of things make your pulse race a little at first because they’re not what you’d do. But later in a relationship they make your pulse race because they’re not what you want anyone doing. If there’s no happy medium between what you think is proper decorum for public behavior and what they think is proper, the tension will continue to mount.

This can even work in the opposite way. Maybe you’re the outgoing one and they become some kind of shitty Public Person robot who acts self-consciously around others, changing the way they speak and the kinds of jokes they tell. Maybe they do it because they’re adjusting to new personalities. Maybe they’re pandering to a crowd. My lizard ex was one of those people who would get with friends and explain not seeing them in a while with quips like “I get stuck doing all the boring shit this guy likes to do” in reference to me. Ha ha! I get it, I’m a dickhead you were sentenced by a judge to endure! Funny!

Your tolerance for someone who can’t act normal in public has a lifespan, and it’s very intimately related to the number of times you have to go out in public with them. Eventually it’s going to lead to resentment and, if I learned anything from Yoda, it’s that this is a definite path to either the Dark Side or Hayden Christensen’s acting, and you want no part of either.

3

Being Possessive — No, Not That Kind Of Possessive

One of the strangest things to adjust to in a relationship is the concept of going from a me to a we. It’s not you anymore, it’s us. We do things, we make decisions together, we own things together. It makes sense in the beginning that you’re not used to this. I mean, up until that moment, you were single. Or you were if you’re not an asshole.

But let’s say that you move in together and you buy yourself a nice ham. You put it in the fridge for later. You come back that evening to celebrate Ham Time, and GASP! It’s gone. Your first instinct is “DID YOU FUCKING EAT MY FUCKING HAM??” But man, that ham ain’t your ham anymore. You put it in “our” fridge. That’s our ham. We ate it. Without you. Because we’re in this ham game together now.

But After a While…

If you can’t adopt a “we” attitude, you don’t really belong in a relationship. You’re together as a pair, and that selfishness is not going to fly. The day very well may come, when they have a nice slice of key lime pie and you’re looking at that pie thinking “I could use a bite of that pie.” And so you ask for the pie and they look at you the way a lion looks at a gazelle when it manages to get across a river to safety, that “fuck you and your entire lineage” look. If you want pie, you know where the fuckin’ pie shop is. Why don’t you sashay your pretty ass down there and buy all the pies you can handle?

No one expects a partner to give up a kidney or liver or anything during a relationship. But for God’s sake, not everything has to be yours all the time. If they were putting on an unselfish front at the beginning, and all these little things start popping up like that passive-aggressive “What happened to the last can of Fresca?” shit when they know damn well you’re the only other person in the house so you must have drank that delicious Fresca, you’re going to start feeling like you’re not with the same person anymore. You expected someone who, if not entirely generous, was at least reasonable. And now, suddenly, they aren’t.

My ex had a running tally of everything she contributed to our relationship and wanted back which I didn’t find out about until after we broke up. This included the dishes, the shower curtain and that mat you put at the base of the toilet. That pee-spattered, half shag ode to poor aim and Hans Gruberesque droplets that hold on as long as they can before tumbling to their demise amidst its fibers. No one has ever wanted one of those things when they were brand new let alone after a couple years of harrowing service at the foot of Turd Lagoon.

Selfishness ends a relationships. It has to because it’s not a singles sport like … oh, what’s a single’s sport? Bocci? Is that a thing? You know what sports are. It’s not one of those.

2

Pronunciation

Affectations of speech are kind of cute and quirky at first. Hell, we even celebrate them in children. It’s just adorable when a baby says “shit” for the first time when they’re trying to say literally any other word. When you hit adulthood and still bust out the words “berfday” or “libarry,” well, that’s a thing that takes some getting used to. The newness of the relationship still makes those mispronunciations kind of delightful. And even if you don’t think it’s cute, it’s small. You may just pause a conversation long enough to tell them that the “C” in scissors is silent and move on.

But After a While…

If you’re with someone who legitimately thinks that big, orange squash is called a “punkin” and refers to it as such every Halloween, by Halloween number four you’re going to start getting that little twitch around your eye and gritting your teeth to keep from exploding like a landmine made out of suplexes. There comes a point where you need to wrestle with the realization you may be in a relationship with a dullard. And not just a hapless dullard, a committed dullard who, even with repeated corrections, will not undull themselves.

I once knew someone who continually called deodorant “derodorant.” I don’t know why. I don’t know what they thought the word meant, or how it related to actually deodorizing things. Was it in their minds de-roderant, and roder was a thing you needed to get rid of? Or was it der-orderant and der somehow vanquished stank? I can’t say. The one time I asked what deroderant meant, they looked at me like I was the idiot for not knowing. Because they didn’t get it, and that’s what’s infuriating about someone who doesn’t know they don’t know something.

From the other perspective, they may not have the linguistics game down but at least they’re not an asshole. No one likes to be corrected, we’re not grade schoolers here. The situation feeds off itself — one person can’t figure out that there’s an “r” in brisket and the other can’t quit pointing out that there is until you both hate interacting with one another because your partner is either making you constantly feel like a dullard or they’re making you feel like they just love being one. Neither of these feelings are a good way to foster any kind of positive emotion so expect the whole thing to fall apart pretty quickly.

1

Netflix Etiquette

The great thing about Netflix is not just the micro-budget horror movies produced in countries you’ve never even heard of, it’s the ability to make an entire day of sitting and staring while simultaneously calling it “couples time.” You can binge-watch Stranger Things and never move a muscle, and that’s an entire date night. Good work, team!

This etiquette extends to anything you do as a couple, anything involving even the slightest group effort, such as the kind you exert by both sitting on a sofa and looking at a TV together.

But say one of you has to work tomorrow and one of you doesn’t, so you get to the episode when Barb gets monster shanked and you call it a night, you down a few shots of Robitussin to keep the night terrors at bay, you give your crotch a quick spritz in the sink and it’s off to bed. Next morning you get up and- FUCK A DUCK! They’re on the episode where they find Barb’s monster-shanked corpse farting up that shitty slug baby in the woods. What gives?

But After a While…

This kind of self-centered thinking tends to fester. And Netflix is really just a placeholder here, standing in for anything that represents the idea of you two as a couple: going shopping together, meeting up with friends, setting old barns on fire. You do these things only partially because you need to do them, and partially because you want to do them with that other person. That’s how it’s supposed to work, anyway.

When someone disregards the couples aspect, when they finish a movie on their own, when they go buy that new set of decorative cat armor on their own, it’s like saying your half of the relationship is only relevant when they want to put the time and effort into including you. And you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, either. Watching it together later is always less satisfying, it’s like a pity watch. And it’s made so much worse if they’re the sort of person who will randomly say “Oh man, this is a good part, watch this!” like they’re now your helpful guide to how TV works.

If you can’t be considerate of your partner on even a basic level, enough to hold off on your own whim long enough to include them in something you planned to do together, then you probably suck and the rest of us don’t want to watch Netflix with you. Or do anything with you because you’re shitting on the idea of couplehood. Go watch Iron Fist. Watch it twice.

Remember, if someone can’t love you at your Netflix, they don’t deserve you at your Prime Video.

Start a relationship with Ian’s Twitter and it’ll never go behind your back with Facebook.

Source: http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/18/5-petty-quirks-that-become-relationship-killers-over-time/

from All of Beer https://allofbeer.wordpress.com/2017/10/18/5-petty-quirks-that-become-relationship-killers-over-time/

[allofbeercom]

5 Petty Quirks That Become Relationship Killers Over Time

Love can happen at any time, and it (or at least infatuation/lust) can make you immune to a hell of a lot of weird behavior. There are so many petty, insignificant things you’re willing to overlook in that honeymoon period of a relationship that, when the honeymoon is over, will set you more on edge than waking up with a spider webbing your nostrils shut. Things that may mean nothing today but could very well be the grounds to end your relationship tomorrow.

5

Food Failings

When you first start seeing someone, a food quirk is nothing. Hell, in some cases, it may even be adorable. “I love the way you pick all the sprinkles off of your doughnut and eat them one at a time.” “Oh, you like to eat Chef Boyardee three meals a day? Well, that’ll make shopping easy!”

Having a well-developed palate is really only important during one week of filming on Hell’s Kitchen when Gordon Ramsay makes you eat stuff blindfolded while screaming about what a donkey you are. Beyond that, it’s reasonable to know and appreciate the difference between a fish like branzino and, say, the severed foot of a longshoreman. One’s eating habits and appreciation for food are so far down the list of important things to care about that an “I’m good with anything” person doesn’t even register on your “something’s wrong” detector.

But After a While…

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I’m a fairly decent cook. So much so that I actually typed “chef” here at first, then erased it because I smoke pork roasts in my boxer shorts while drinking alcoholic root beer. But I can make a meal that’s fairly tasty and that’s all that matters. But I still feel that twinge in my spine when I have to ask someone what they want, and they refuse to commit to anything beyond “Whatever you’re having is good.” My ex, a person for whom I have no empirical evidence that they were human and not a lizard in a woman-suit, would constantly say she wanted “whatever” and then elect to eat nothing after I prepared an entire meal. Then an hour later would make a box of macaroni and cheese because she was starving.

You can only coast for so long on the “whatever” wave when it comes to eating. Because you need to eat every day, several times. It means nothing during a dating period (or courting, if you’re fancy like me). That’s the time when you go to a restaurant and you pick your arbitrary choice from a list and someone else makes it. You’ll both have the pig liver in chocolate sauce, sounds great!

When you’ve settled in to a relationship, the gloves come off. When they were putting their best foot forward by being agreeable to anything before, now they just want to be happy. They want to eat a whole pizza to themselves, or toast for four days straight, or they need the kid at McDonald’s to make them a burger with three pickles, 22 onion pieces, a dab of vanilla shake in the center of the ketchup, and all the fries need to face east. It’s at this point you start thinking “What the fuck side of a fry is the face?”

It’s not so much the individual food choices — a passion for Hot Pockets or ketchup on a steak — it’s that this person is now showing a side you’ve never seen before, and he or she is coming across as if nothing is ever good enough for them. Your effort is wasted and they don’t respect the time or work you put into trying to make them happy, to engage in what a lot of people consider one of the most basic and obvious forms of caring for another person: nourishing and feeding them. Instead they shit on it and wipe their ass on a corn dog, which is not how corn dogs work, let me assure you.

4

Missing Social Cues

There’s a really refreshing quality to being with someone who has a different way of viewing the world. Maybe they’re more brazen and bold while you’re conservative, or perhaps they’re contemplative and thoughtful in the face of your rash adventurousness. It’s the whole “opposites attract” thing that I once heard a cartoon cat and an American Idol judge singing about. Most of us don’t necessarily want to be with someone just like us, so someone who can challenge the way we approach the world is welcome and exciting. Yes, new person, I will get naked with you on this beach and dance on rocks while old people watch us. This is what my life has been missing!

But After a While…

Even a breath of fresh air can sometimes sour if the room gets filled with dog farts. Your partner’s tendency to yell “Fuck my face with a tire iron!” every time they taste a really good sandwich will start making you uncomfortable at the mall food court eventually. And it’s all well and good to say you don’t care what other people think, but come on. This is me, don’t treat me like a silly tit. I know you care about what other people think and as well you should. I do too because I don’t want to be the guy walking through Wal-mart in a pair of stained underpants drinking Robitussin and swearing at the produce. That guy is a creep and doesn’t get to meet fun, new people.

You care what people think, and if your partner is embarrassing you on a regular basis, that’s stressful as shit. Your partner can do something as simple as stopping in the middle of an aisle at the grocery store so other people can’t move past, or using their cellphone during a movie in a theater, or masturbating on the bus. These kinds of things make your pulse race a little at first because they’re not what you’d do. But later in a relationship they make your pulse race because they’re not what you want anyone doing. If there’s no happy medium between what you think is proper decorum for public behavior and what they think is proper, the tension will continue to mount.

This can even work in the opposite way. Maybe you’re the outgoing one and they become some kind of shitty Public Person robot who acts self-consciously around others, changing the way they speak and the kinds of jokes they tell. Maybe they do it because they’re adjusting to new personalities. Maybe they’re pandering to a crowd. My lizard ex was one of those people who would get with friends and explain not seeing them in a while with quips like “I get stuck doing all the boring shit this guy likes to do” in reference to me. Ha ha! I get it, I’m a dickhead you were sentenced by a judge to endure! Funny!

Your tolerance for someone who can’t act normal in public has a lifespan, and it’s very intimately related to the number of times you have to go out in public with them. Eventually it’s going to lead to resentment and, if I learned anything from Yoda, it’s that this is a definite path to either the Dark Side or Hayden Christensen’s acting, and you want no part of either.

3

Being Possessive — No, Not That Kind Of Possessive

One of the strangest things to adjust to in a relationship is the concept of going from a me to a we. It’s not you anymore, it’s us. We do things, we make decisions together, we own things together. It makes sense in the beginning that you’re not used to this. I mean, up until that moment, you were single. Or you were if you’re not an asshole.

But let’s say that you move in together and you buy yourself a nice ham. You put it in the fridge for later. You come back that evening to celebrate Ham Time, and GASP! It’s gone. Your first instinct is “DID YOU FUCKING EAT MY FUCKING HAM??” But man, that ham ain’t your ham anymore. You put it in “our” fridge. That’s our ham. We ate it. Without you. Because we’re in this ham game together now.

But After a While…

If you can’t adopt a “we” attitude, you don’t really belong in a relationship. You’re together as a pair, and that selfishness is not going to fly. The day very well may come, when they have a nice slice of key lime pie and you’re looking at that pie thinking “I could use a bite of that pie.” And so you ask for the pie and they look at you the way a lion looks at a gazelle when it manages to get across a river to safety, that “fuck you and your entire lineage” look. If you want pie, you know where the fuckin’ pie shop is. Why don’t you sashay your pretty ass down there and buy all the pies you can handle?

No one expects a partner to give up a kidney or liver or anything during a relationship. But for God’s sake, not everything has to be yours all the time. If they were putting on an unselfish front at the beginning, and all these little things start popping up like that passive-aggressive “What happened to the last can of Fresca?” shit when they know damn well you’re the only other person in the house so you must have drank that delicious Fresca, you’re going to start feeling like you’re not with the same person anymore. You expected someone who, if not entirely generous, was at least reasonable. And now, suddenly, they aren’t.

My ex had a running tally of everything she contributed to our relationship and wanted back which I didn’t find out about until after we broke up. This included the dishes, the shower curtain and that mat you put at the base of the toilet. That pee-spattered, half shag ode to poor aim and Hans Gruberesque droplets that hold on as long as they can before tumbling to their demise amidst its fibers. No one has ever wanted one of those things when they were brand new let alone after a couple years of harrowing service at the foot of Turd Lagoon.

Selfishness ends a relationships. It has to because it’s not a singles sport like … oh, what’s a single’s sport? Bocci? Is that a thing? You know what sports are. It’s not one of those.

2

Pronunciation

Affectations of speech are kind of cute and quirky at first. Hell, we even celebrate them in children. It’s just adorable when a baby says “shit” for the first time when they’re trying to say literally any other word. When you hit adulthood and still bust out the words “berfday” or “libarry,” well, that’s a thing that takes some getting used to. The newness of the relationship still makes those mispronunciations kind of delightful. And even if you don’t think it’s cute, it’s small. You may just pause a conversation long enough to tell them that the “C” in scissors is silent and move on.

But After a While…

If you’re with someone who legitimately thinks that big, orange squash is called a “punkin” and refers to it as such every Halloween, by Halloween number four you’re going to start getting that little twitch around your eye and gritting your teeth to keep from exploding like a landmine made out of suplexes. There comes a point where you need to wrestle with the realization you may be in a relationship with a dullard. And not just a hapless dullard, a committed dullard who, even with repeated corrections, will not undull themselves.

I once knew someone who continually called deodorant “derodorant.” I don’t know why. I don’t know what they thought the word meant, or how it related to actually deodorizing things. Was it in their minds de-roderant, and roder was a thing you needed to get rid of? Or was it der-orderant and der somehow vanquished stank? I can’t say. The one time I asked what deroderant meant, they looked at me like I was the idiot for not knowing. Because they didn’t get it, and that’s what’s infuriating about someone who doesn’t know they don’t know something.

From the other perspective, they may not have the linguistics game down but at least they’re not an asshole. No one likes to be corrected, we’re not grade schoolers here. The situation feeds off itself — one person can’t figure out that there’s an “r” in brisket and the other can’t quit pointing out that there is until you both hate interacting with one another because your partner is either making you constantly feel like a dullard or they’re making you feel like they just love being one. Neither of these feelings are a good way to foster any kind of positive emotion so expect the whole thing to fall apart pretty quickly.

1

Netflix Etiquette

The great thing about Netflix is not just the micro-budget horror movies produced in countries you’ve never even heard of, it’s the ability to make an entire day of sitting and staring while simultaneously calling it “couples time.” You can binge-watch Stranger Things and never move a muscle, and that’s an entire date night. Good work, team!

This etiquette extends to anything you do as a couple, anything involving even the slightest group effort, such as the kind you exert by both sitting on a sofa and looking at a TV together.

But say one of you has to work tomorrow and one of you doesn’t, so you get to the episode when Barb gets monster shanked and you call it a night, you down a few shots of Robitussin to keep the night terrors at bay, you give your crotch a quick spritz in the sink and it’s off to bed. Next morning you get up and- FUCK A DUCK! They’re on the episode where they find Barb’s monster-shanked corpse farting up that shitty slug baby in the woods. What gives?

But After a While…

This kind of self-centered thinking tends to fester. And Netflix is really just a placeholder here, standing in for anything that represents the idea of you two as a couple: going shopping together, meeting up with friends, setting old barns on fire. You do these things only partially because you need to do them, and partially because you want to do them with that other person. That’s how it’s supposed to work, anyway.

When someone disregards the couples aspect, when they finish a movie on their own, when they go buy that new set of decorative cat armor on their own, it’s like saying your half of the relationship is only relevant when they want to put the time and effort into including you. And you can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube, either. Watching it together later is always less satisfying, it’s like a pity watch. And it’s made so much worse if they’re the sort of person who will randomly say “Oh man, this is a good part, watch this!” like they’re now your helpful guide to how TV works.

If you can’t be considerate of your partner on even a basic level, enough to hold off on your own whim long enough to include them in something you planned to do together, then you probably suck and the rest of us don’t want to watch Netflix with you. Or do anything with you because you’re shitting on the idea of couplehood. Go watch Iron Fist. Watch it twice.

Remember, if someone can’t love you at your Netflix, they don’t deserve you at your Prime Video.

Start a relationship with Ian’s Twitter and it’ll never go behind your back with Facebook.

from All Of Beer http://allofbeer.com/2017/10/18/5-petty-quirks-that-become-relationship-killers-over-time/