#It's fun to think of the fact that Sanders Sides really brought me together with a lot of good friends

[eliemo]

Little Talks

Summary: As Logan starts spending more time with the Duke in an effort to keep him under control, Remus has to come to terms with the fact that the way he treated Logan may have caused lasting damage after all.

TWs: RSD, violent thoughts, strong language, blood mention (it's Remus, what did you expect)

Pairings: Developing friendship. Can be seen as platonic or romantic Intrulogical

Notes: Thank you to @cheshirevalentine for helping me create and edit this. They're amazing and I love them dearly. Their AO3 is here!

Having Logan in his room was… weird.

Remus had known it was going to be happening. Logan had made the offer to stop by Remus’s room and let the Duke bounce his ideas off of someone. He’d let Remus ramble, listen to the flood of intrusive thoughts and gory, outrageous ideas, all so that Thomas wouldn’t have to.

Remus had cheerfully referred to Logic as his “test subject” the first time he’d come in, laughing outright at the way Logan’s face had screwed up in indignation.

He didn’t really plan on actually doing anything to Logan, despite the incredibly dangerous position the light side had put himself into. He mostly just talked, reciting each and every thought that came to his head in detail, watching to see if he could get an entertaining reaction out of the ever-stoic Logan Sanders.

It didn’t really work. Logan was stupidly boring with his stuffy clothes and perfect schedule and condescending eyebrow raises. He didn’t say much the first few times he stopped by, their “talks” only lasting ten-to-fifteen minutes at most, but after a week he seemed to warm up to the idea of talking to Remus a little.

He’d ask questions- ask where Remus had gotten an idea, or ask him to expand on a particularly disturbing thought- and while Remus didn’t always have an answer, it was nice to not be completely shoved aside and ignored for once. Besides, Remus always thought of the best answers to those sorts of things on the spot. He liked the challenge of having to think on his feet.

It was still weird, though. But Logan kept showing up, day after day, and Remus could almost pretend he wasn’t the only one enjoying their talks.

He knew that Logan didn’t want to be here, of course. Their meetings were on his calendar, so it was obviously an obligation. He was doing it so Thomas could get some sleep, and Remus could be a little less of a burden. Of course.

Remus had only only expected it to last a few days, if he was honest. A week at most. He knew he was a lot to deal with, especially alone, and he knew it would only be a matter of time until Logan decided it was all too much and forgot all about their little “arrangement”.

But Logan came back the next week, and the week after that, and soon fifteen minutes turned into twenty, then thirty, and some days he even stayed almost a whole hour.

Remus found he actually felt a little less agitated after Logan left, his head just a tiny bit more quiet. Tormenting Thomas was the closest thing he’d ever had to talking things out, and it was a little discouraging when the reactions were either horrified screams, insults, or pretending he didn’t exist.

Logan actually listened. He listened and engaged.

Remus loved Janus. And Deceit did what he could, but he didn’t have the same tolerance as Logan did for some of the gross things Remus came up with.

Maybe Logic would be open to dissecting something with him sometime…?

-

He should have known it wouldn’t last. Nobody stuck around Remus very long. He always did something to fuck it up.

He really should have known the way he’d treated Logan when he’d first made his appearance would be a problem. Logic separated himself from the Imagination, the side grounded deeply in reality, but a lack of lasting damage didn’t mean it hadn’t happened.

Remus had still hurt Logan to prove a point. And then had promptly moved on and forgotten about it until the next time it was brought up. Sometimes object permanence- or lack thereof- was a pain in the ass.

Remus had been ranting as usual, pacing around his room while Logan watched from the chair. He honestly couldn’t even remember what he was talking about, his mouth moving without much thought as it tended to do.

Whatever it was, he’d gotten worked up and excited, pacing the room, waving and flapping his arms as he talked, smile bright and mischievous and he whirled back to face Logan and-

And Logan flinched back, squeezing his eyes shut as his hands clutched the arm of his chair, shoulders hunched protectively.

It only lasted a second, Logan quickly pulling himself together and compulsively smoothing his tie once again. He seemed to do that when he was trying to pretend he was collected, Remus had noticed. His shoulders uncurled as he leaned forward again, but he wouldn’t quite look Remus in the eyes.

“Continue,” Logan said, when he realized Remus had stopped talking. “You were rambling about...something objectively disgusting.”

“I’m not stupid, you know.” Remus said, crossing his arms and ignoring the stupid, pointless hurt that blossomed in his chest when Logan couldn’t even recall what Remus had been saying. “I saw that.”

Logan blinked, staring at the Duke blankly. “Saw what?”

“You flinched.”

Logan scoffed, adjusting his glasses to avoid meeting Remus’s eyes. Again. “I did no such thing.”

“No, you did. I saw it.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Logan said, jumping right back into that emotionless facade he was so obsessed with. “Are you going to continue?”

Remus couldn’t even remember what he’d been talking about, his head flooded with images of Logan flinching away, eyes wide in terror, scrambling to get away.

Logan with a throwing star embedded in his forehead, with his mouth full of blood, crimson dripping down his forehead and chin, seeping into his pristine clothes and staining his tie. The thoughts seemed to dip into that spiral they always went down, swirling down the metaphorical drain pipe into his metaphorical pit-of-sewage excuse for a brain.

“No,” Remus said, shaking the thoughts away for the moment. Like stirring the cesspool a little so all the muck settled to the bottom. Metaphorically. “I’m good.”

Logan sighed, and Remus stepped away as the logical side stood up from his chair. “Then we’re done for the day.”

“Bye then.”

If there was one thing Remus was good at, it was pretending not to be bothered by the little things, by the way everyone perceived him. He was a terror and a burden, and he enjoyed it. It was funny! He didn’t care if he was liked, intrusive thoughts were never liked.

Remus flopped down on his bed, watching Logan’s back as he left. He was moving quickly, almost panicked, slipping out the door and closing it shut behind him.

Remus didn’t care if the stupid light sides liked him. He never had. But Logan… Logan was scared. Of him.

Scaring people was never the goal. Making Logan flinch like Remus was going to hurt him was never the goal.

Logan would deny it to his grave, of course. He was stupidly stubborn like that, somehow more stubborn than even Remus at times.

He’d insist that Logic had never felt a revolting feeling like fear in his life. He had no feelings on the matter, and Remus couldn’t frighten him because Logan had no feelings at all. Not enjoyment, not dislike, and not fear. Remus was another obligation on his schedule. Something to attend to. Nothing more.

And while Remus knew all of that was true… he also knew Logan was full of shit. He had feelings. His feelings might even be stronger than Patton’s or Roman’s. (Though it was doubtful. Weepy bitches they were- far too emotional for Remus’s tastes.)

And he was afraid of Remus. He’d made that perfectly clear today.

He… didn’t know how to fix that. His job wasn’t to fix problems. He made the problems. It’s better to start now than to never start at all, he supposed.

Well, obviously he had to start by finding a new coping mechanism. Logan was helpful, and possibly the healthiest outlet Remus had ever had, but he wouldn’t force someone who was terrified of him to come sit in his room and listen to him talk about guts and gore for an hour. He would have to find something to do in place of their talks.

A part of him doubted Logan would even come back again. Remus had caught him flinching, and with Remus’s reputation he wouldn’t be surprised if Logan assumed he would use the fear to his advantage.

And yeah, maybe under different circumstances he would have. Scaring people was fun but… not like this.

But that was fine, he could readjust to being alone. He’d done it before. He could lock himself in the Imagination, annoy Janus until he finally snapped and drove him away, maybe even pay Thomas another visit if he really got desperate.

He wasn’t disappointed. He’d gone his whole life without Logan’s company, he had no reason to miss it. It wasn’t fair to miss something he had barely begun to get used to. Logan was annoying and boring and stuck up, and Remus didn’t know why he enjoyed his company in the first place.

Not that he enjoyed it. He didn’t. He didn’t care.

He spent all night feeding himself those repeating lies, preparing to entertain himself all on his own tomorrow, so he was almost more annoyed than surprised when Logan walked right into his room the next day, same time as always.

Remus sat up in bed, watching in disbelief as Logan made his way to the chair and set his notebook on the table, settling in like nothing had changed.

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

Logan looked up at him, hands folded neatly in his lap. “I said I would make an effort to see you everyday. I put it in my schedule. If I’m not going to be able to make it, I will inform you the day before.”

“Oh,” Remus said, not bothering to move from the bed. “Well, that’s boring and predictable.”

“I prefer to have a schedule rather than do things on a whim. And I’m here now.”

“Yes,” Remus said, shifting to stare blankly at the wall beside Logan’s head. He bet he could spit that far if he really tried. “You are.”

There was a beat of silence that didn’t often exist in Remus’s room. Usually he would start talking right away about whatever late night thoughts he’d been plagued with, chatting on excitedly until Logan cut in to add something dumb and nerdy.

Remus didn’t plan on breaking the silence this time, choosing to sit and quietly dwell on his thoughts on his own, smirking at the utterly baffled look on Logan’s face.

Logan cleared his throat, frowning slightly. “What’s on your mind?”

“Lot’s of things!”

“Are you going to talk about them?” Logan asked. “That is why I’m here.”

“Nah.” He hated this, hated the way Logan was pretending to care, like he didn’t want to get up right now and run as far away from Remus as possible. Just like everyone else. “Intrusive thoughts aren’t always words, Nerdy Wolverine.”

He saw Logan shift uncomfortably, eyes darting briefly to the door, and Remus realized that might not have been the best way to phrase things.

“Ah,” Logan said, sitting back like he wasn’t terrified. “You can always show me instead. That is what I’m here for.”

“I’m good,” Remus said, doing his best to sound uncaring. “It’s gross.”

“Yes, I’m aware it probably is.” Another beat of silence and Logan sighed, standing from his chair. “Remus. The point of me being here is to keep Thomas’s intrusive thoughts under control. We’ve discussed this.”

And Remus knew Logan didn’t actually enjoy Remus’s company, he’d known that from the beginning, but it still hurt to hear. It hurt something fierce, a deep, sharp slash in his chest that he would swear he could feel, that he was just something to “keep under control”.

He pushed the feeling down, flashing Logan a toothy grin that he knew looked ridiculously fake. “Okay.”

Logan sighed again, pushing up his glasses to pinch the bridge of his nose. Remus wondered if he could frustrate Logic into storming out. “I’m here to help you.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“You do,” Logan argued, like he had any idea. “Surely talking to someone is better than being alone with your thoughts,”

Remus scowled, shoving himself off the bed and stalking past Logan, moving towards one of the various piles of rubble and bones scattered around his room. He bet Logan hated how cluttered it was in here.

“At least my thoughts don’t pretend to care about me.”

Remus kicked idly at something that looked a bit like a spine, staring blankly at the floor as he let his words settle.

“What?” Logan sounded genuinely confused for the first time. “What does that mean?”

“Hm?” Remus glanced over his shoulder, grinning. “What did I say?”

Logan stepped forward, shoes clicking against the floor, echoing against the now silent room. “I do not understand why you’re suddenly being difficult.”

“Suddenly?”

“Yes, suddenly,” Logan said, and Remus turned away again with an eye roll. “We had an arrangement.”

“Did we?”

“Yes.” Logan touched his arm, and Remus yanked away so fast he thought he might have pulled something. “This is beneficial for everyone.”

“Right,” Remus scoffed. “For everyone.”

Logan actually had the audacity to look taken aback, brow drawing in further confusion. “Yes? You have an outlet, and Thomas gets a break.”

“I don’t need it. I can bash skulls in the Imagination.”

“Which is significantly more unhealthy.”

Remus shrugged, kicking another bone until it slammed into the wall. “It’s easy and fun.”

“We were doing fine,” Logan said, trying to move around him so Remus would meet his gaze. “I thought coming in to talk to you was helping.”

“You don’t care,” Remus snapped. “And you don’t want to listen.”

“I want to,” Logan said. “That is why I’m here.”

“Right.”

“I am incredibly busy, Remus,” Logan said, and Remus felt like he was being lectured. “I would not be here if I didn’t want to be.”

“Then get gone!” Remus spun around gesturing to the door. “Just fucking leave already!”

“I think I’d prefer to stay.”

“You said you’re busy,” Remus snarled. “If you’re so busy you don’t need to carve out time for me.”

“I chose to.”

“Thomas can live with intrusive thoughts,” Remus said. “He’ll be fine. Patton and Virgil will ease up eventually. You should be focused on them.”

“I have been.” Logan was still staring at him, and at this point Remus was considering storming out of his own room. “I have time for you.”

“I thought you were busy,” Remus argued, back to being difficult on purpose. “Which is it? Are you busy or do you have time?”

Logan sighed, and now Remus felt like a child throwing a tantrum. “I’ve made time. I’m making time for you.”

“Right.”

“I don’t understand what changed,” Logan said. “I thought you were getting some enjoyment out of our talks.”

“Yeah, I was,” Remus admitted because despite everything, that was the truth. “But you aren’t.”

It took a moment for Logan to respond, no less confused than before. “I am perfectly content.”

“Yeah?” Remus finally turned around to face him, looking the logical side right in the eyes. “Then why did you flinch?”

Logan blinked, shoulders tense, a mix of panic and understanding flickering in his eyes. “I...did not flinch.”

“Yes, you did. Don’t lie.”

It was Logan’s turn to scoff, like Remus was being ridiculous and dramatic. And he often was, but he was serious this time. “I don’t see how one involuntary movement has become such a big deal.”

Remus didn’t look away, even as Logan’s eyes began to wander. “You’re afraid of me.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Logan said. “I do not feel fear.”

“Yes you do.” Remus stepped closer, taking in the way Logan’s jaw clenched. “You have feelings.”

“No I don’t.”

“You do.”

“You’re figuratively jumping to conclusions,” Logan said, quickly changing the subject. “I am perfectly content spending time with you.”

“I’m not jumping to anything,” Remus said. “You’re scared.”

Logan rolled his eyes, hands lifting to brush over his tie before crossing his arms across his chest. Compulsory comfort action.

“You think you saw me flinch once and now you believe that I’m afraid of you, when there is no logical reason to be. You cannot cause any lasting damage to me, so I—”

Remus lifted a hand without warning, fast and sudden like he was going to strike Logan, keeping it frozen in the air as he took in the reaction before him.

Logan flinched back as soon as Remus moved, his own hands moving to protect his face, eyes glued to Remus’s raised arm, widening in genuine fear and shock.

Remus sighed, slowly lowering his hand as he watched Logan struggle to compose himself. “You’re afraid of me.”

“No,” Logan still had the audacity to argue. “I am not.”

“You flinched.”

Logan fixed his tie again. Remus knew it was some kind of nervous tic. “You startled me.”

“I lifted my hand.”

“Yes,” Logan agreed. “Unexpectedly.”

Remus sighed and stepped back out of Logan’s space, too tired to keep arguing.

“I’m not going to hurt you.” He winced at his own words, images flashing in his mind of Logan stumbling backwards with wide eyes, of Logan covered in blood, of Patton screaming. “Not again, anyway.”

“Well,” Logan said, carefully clearing his throat. “You can understand that I wasn’t exactly…sure. That does not mean I dislike you. Or that I’m frightened of you.”

Remus found himself looking at his shoes, trying and failing to get images of Logan hurt, Logan dying, out of his stupid cesspool sewage pipe head.

He wondered if this was what guilt felt like. If it was, maybe he should start being nicer to Patton. This sucked dick and balls.

“I won’t.”

“And I appreciate that,” Logan said. “But you could not cause any lasting damage to me anyway.”

“So? It still, like… hurt you. I’m not gonna do it again.”

“Well then, I have no reason to be afraid.” Logan straightened, smiling at Remus like that had just solved everything. “Which I wasn’t in the first place.”

Remus’s eyes narrowed. “You flinched.”

“Yes I did,” Logan admitted. “I apologize for that. I can assure you it won’t happen again.”

Remus didn’t move, staring at Logan in disbelief, at a loss for words for the first time in his life. He hoped the exhaustion on his face resembled a glare at least a little bit.

“I don’t… understand,” Logan said, and Remus couldn't even stay mad at him. “Was an apology not what you wanted?”

“No, Logan. I don’t want anything.”

Logan tilted his head slightly, brow furrowed, and Remus could practically see the gears turning as he looked Remus over. “You’re still upset.”

“Why’re you still here?” Remus finally demanded, throwing his arms out in exasperation. “If you’re afraid of me why don’t you just leave?”

Logan blinked, seemingly unfazed. “Because I enjoy talking to you.”

Logic may as well have just punched him right in the chest, the air leaving his lungs in a rush as he took a step back, choking out a shocked laugh. “That can’t be it.”

Logan frowned. “Why not?”

“Nobody enjoys talking to me.”

“Well,” Logan said slowly, and it was like Remus could see some of his walls coming down. “If it helps, no one particularly enjoys talking to me, either.”

Remus wasn’t entirely convinced that was true, but he figured he wasn’t the right one to give Logan a talk on self esteem.

“I like talking to you,” he said instead. “I just think you’re kinda stuffy.”

“I enjoy talking to you as well,” Logan said, and it really did sound like he meant it. “I would just prefer if your more violent thoughts were not physically manifested.”

“Oh.” Remus swallowed, absolutely refusing to show Logic how much this meant to him. He wasn’t going to cry. “Yeah, I can...do that. Sure.”

“Then I’m glad we could come to an understanding,” Logan said, right back to the stiff, professional persona Remus was learning to see right through. “I’m not afraid of you.”

Remus nodded, and realized he was actually starting to believe him this time. “Yeah. Ok. That’s good.”

Logan stepped back out of Remus’s space and Remus quickly did the same, the two of them standing on opposite sides of the Duke’s now painfully silent bedroom.

“I can leave,” Logan said after a moment. “If you’d still like me to.”

Remus hesitated, fighting to keep acting like he didn’t care. “Do you want to leave?”

“Not particularly,” Logan said, and Remus hadn’t expected to feel so relieved. “But it’s your room. I don’t want to intrude.”

“You’re not.” Remus moved back to his bed, dropping himself unceremoniously onto his back. “Don’t leave if you don’t want to. I don’t care.”

“Then I’ll stay.”

Logan pulled up his usual chair, leaning back comfortably as he picked his notebook back up and began flipping idly through it. He looked content and relaxed when Remus risked a glance in his direction, and he smiled to himself.

“You can talk if you like,” Logan said, glancing up from the pages. “I’m listening.”

Remus did eventually start talking, dumping his latest ideas on Logan like he usually did, diving into last night’s fantasy of setting an office building on fire in the middle of the week.

Logan had added on, and Remus had listened intently as he’d recited statistics and calculations, the likelihood of survival, and the two of them eventually decided it would be a waste of time, the fire likely to be put out before even causing any real damage to the building.

That was a talent Logan had. He could get Remus to let go of a thought that typically wouldn’t have left him alone for weeks.

It wasn’t until Logan had stood up to leave for dinner, promising he’d be back at the same time tomorrow, that Remus realized Logan had stayed twice as long as he usually did.

Huh.

Weird.

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #remus sanders #logan sanders #platonic intrulogical #intrulogical #hurt/comfort #ts remus #ts logan #blood mention tw #violence mention tw #fanfiction #writing

[logically-asexual]

okay i'm already procrastinating and i don't plan on sleeping any time soon so here we go.

☆ ✩ my personal ranking for every season 1 Sanders Sides episode. ✩ ☆

i think it's going to be pretty similar to @dukeofonions' but let's see if i find something new to contribute haha. i see you didn't include that one about Patton in the Big Game or whatever, so i'm not including it either xd. also i think i'm going to count Accepting Anxiety as one episode only.

edit: i finished and now i dare you to drink a shot of water every time i say the word spanish or a version of the word comfort and become very well hydrated.

#16 I'm in a Disney Show

(i agree with dukeofonions here) i always forget this episode exists. it was ok in terms of being happy for real life Thomas but as a Sanders Sides episode it didn't do anything. the sides were just giving their opinions but it wasn't very funny or interesting. also i'm bitter because it made me look up the episode he was in and i didn't like it at all. i don't know if i'm too old for those Disney shows now but Thomas was literally the only good part of it, everything else was really dull and boring imo. a waste of time.

however, Logan supporting clickbait is one of the funniest things ever, and i'll never forget it.

#15 Becoming A Cartoon

i didn't hate this episode but it was just .. meh.. you know? several factors contribute to this. one, i couldn't feel much nostalgia for Butch Hartman's shows because i watched them in Spanish, and everything feels really weird when they speak English, i don't like how my old cartoons sound in English. two, it was disappointing to me because we were all desperately waiting for Plot™ and instead they give us this short episode about nothing (oh how the tables have turned now it's the other way around haha). and three, i didn't like the style of the animation :/ their faces and expressions freaked me out, Roman's douchey face still haunts me.

#14 Way Too Adult

here i'm biased because i don't like Patton much, and i didn't back when i watched the series the first time either, so this video was a little disappointingwithout the rest. also it wasn't relatable to me because i am still too young and dependent on my parents haha. but Patton is funny and it's funny to laugh at Thomas' struggling.

#13 The Dark Side of Disney

i've never been a fan of Disney movies. i actually never watched Mulan or the Lion King or Aladdin as a kid, so meh. i liked the ending, though, it was cool to see Virgil have fun and be right for once. it does make me a bit uncomfortable because the way Thomas tries too hard with Virgil's mouth movements and his low voice reminds me of a guy that had made me v uncomfortable not long before watching that video. so an icky feel overall.

#12 A New Year of Lying to Myself

this video was actually kind of fogettable to me. i had a hard time connecting the voices in the song to the characters and idk. i don't love it nor hate it, just .. neutral.

#11 My True Identity

pretty much the same opinion as dukeofonions, again. it's a good introduction and it's good that it was the beginning of it all but on its own it's not very special. i think it's awesome on Thomas to have come up with such a clever idea, like choosing the dad, the teacher and the prince and putting them together and match them with thoughts?? that fit so perfectly?? it really is just very impressive when you think about it, that it was just a random idea he had for a short 5 minute video.

#10 Taking on Anxiety

i liked this video a lot because when i watched it i had recently been a lot on tumblr, and found out through relatable posts that i had anxiety. so watching this video was really fun and it made me happy to feel so seen, specially the intro when Thomas just talks about what it's like to have Anxiety and Virgil is so smug about it.

- ★ -

okay now that those are out of the way things are going to get hard... all the following i love with all my heart so i'm going to rank them based on the smallest things.

#9 Growing Up

once more, Patton isn't my favorite. so that's why i'm putting this here, plus the echo at the end askjhsahg, but i love love this video. i remember we were waiting and oh so ready for the angst of nobody taking Patton seriously. and we received!! i love that though Roman and Logan are antagonists here, they're both so happy about Thomas wanting to have a healthy life. and i just adore the way Logan admits his mistake at the end and asks Patton directly. my heart... also aw.. the nostalgia. i remember none of us knew how to spell Patton's name and were writing it in very funny ways until Thomas and Joan told us lol.

#8 The Mind vs The Heart

when i watched this video the first times i didn't like it much, because i only had eyes for Virgil, but later i came back to it and loved it. so taking that into account i'm putting it here. logicality was the first ship i ever shipped in the show because i saw a gifset on tumblr of Patton screaming "what do you know about love?!" and Logan "apparently more than YOU" and the caption said "MARRIED", and i thought hey yeah... anyway. i love them. they're both my dads since that day.

this video is so so so relatable and i love it. Logan and Patton are so much fun arguing and i love how they compromise at the end and work together. im reconsidering.. i might move it higher? no, fine i'll leave it here.

#7 Making Some Changes

this video was absolutely hilarious. i personally couldn't see it as the Sides still once they were acted by Thomas' friends, i enjoyed it more as that bunch being silly and trying to be the sides but failing in so many ways, while sometimes nailing stuff suddenly. i really don't take this one too seriously as an episode. except Joan!Logan and Valerie!Logan, my beloved... i love how Joan acted as Logan and their voice and that they kept their ace ring on.. there's a reason i had them as my icon for so long. and Valerie looks a bit (a lot) like me with the glasses and dressed in dark colors, plus she spoke Spanish and there's .. no words to describe the joy i felt when seeing/hearing that. wait i'm getting emotional...

#6 My Personality Q&A

when i watched this Virgil was my favorite side and i didn't care much about the rest lol. when i heard his answers i related to him SO much it was scary, and also his voice is so soft and it was all very comforting. it was also when i first starting looking at Logan with more attention, because when he brought up Big Hero 6 and Fall Out Boy and said he didn't sing and would recite it like a poem? it only took a couple seconds but my brain said "me" and never went back.

now this video is a little underwhelming to watch for me, most of the appeal for me was in finding out the answers, and also watching it when we didn't know a lot about the sides. now we know more and want to know more so it's not as fun to me as it was first.

i wish so bad they'd do another one, although i know it would be more difficult with a much bigger audience, i think they can manage and i just need it. the chaos.. the energy.. they all being so savage with each other, learning little random facts about them you didn't expect.. i need it.

- ★ -

oh boy top 5 here we go. the next three are practically a tie. i can't choose.

#5 Alone on Valentines Day

i love Valerie, and the idea of this video was perfect and so perfectly excecuted. every side just giving their crazy opinions on how to woo a random stranger, i laughed SO much. first with Logan speaking simlish out of nowhere? at that point i didn't know practically anything about the sims except that it was some video game and the whiplash of Logan going AYO and the rest killed me. then when Roman whipped out that dialogue in Spanish??? my life was completed. i've never felt more happy than i did in that moment gosh. just the hilarity of Roman's drama, the shock of them speaking Spanish suddenly like that, the absolute JOY of seeing a creator i like speak (may i say) perfect Spanish, the other characters' faces after that.. never been happier.

also the conclusion was so cute. Virgil solving the whole problem without wanting to. i loved it.

#4 Am I Original

i think this video speaks for itself. it was fun to watch them all do the ideas Roman had, plus Logan and Virgil nodding at each other, (i love them so much), plus the angst at the end of Roman's perfectionism, plus Roman's just perfect name. this video has it all.

i think Thomas posted it kind of late at night and i watched it at 7am in the classroom as i waited for my classmates to arrive and the class to start. (i usually was like 40 minutes early to school due to mom’s work). i had to contain my laughter and it wasn’t easy.

#3 Losing My Motivation

i started loving this video after a while, when Logan passed Virgil in the position for my favorite side. but once he did this episode was beautiful. it's so funny and i love Logan and Patton's dynamic so much. and the video also so damn relatable in general. i felt so seen with it because they named all the problems i have when procrastinating, down to Patton's vague explanation of his feelings, it's exactly how i feel every time i want to do stuff. and the plot twist! i can hear the dramatic sound effect and see how they all turn to Logan clearly in my head, and it always makes me smile. plus there's so much Logan angst that can be dug up and overanalized. i love to watch it over and over.

#2 Accepting Anxiety

this video was perfect. everything we wanted. we knew it was coming and it delivered perfectly, better than any fanfic done in the waiting time. the week between the parts was agonizing but in a fun way somehow. i remember precisely when i was watching part 2 in my living room. i screamed. and i cried, a lot. i was feeling terrible at that time in my life and Thomas was such a comforting presence and i can't begin to describe how this episode made me feel.

and later it is always fun to rewatch with all their different reactions to being in Virgil's room, the energy of that was on point. Thomas is such a great actor and the characters where just amazingly performed. plus it gave so much to talk adn think about, the idea of the rooms, lots lots of insight into the characters, foreshadowing, so much. it's just perfect i have nothing else to say.

#1 (for purely emotional reasons, ironically) My Negative Thinking

i think Accepting Anxiety is the best episode of the season objectively but my favorite is My Negative Thinking. because i love Virgil and Logan so much and seeing them argue together was and is great. the comfort.. i can't repeat that word enough throughout this post. it's such a soft video while not being overwhelming with Patton and Roman's outbursts. just quiet (mostly) and clear and with perfectly timed humour.

Logan my beloved.. learning spanish... helping me with my own anxiety.. and their debate was so good. and the fact that they were friends i- i can't. Virgil didn't think Logan liked him and Logan told him explicitly that he did and the casual softness of it i cant even. Logan is happy that he tried.. it's just marvelous. Virgil and Logan as best friends will always be my favorite pair, and their dynamic will always be what i strive for in any relationship i might form, with both sides silently comforting each other within their own limits and realistic perspectives. so nice.

- ★ -

so yeah. that's all. thank you if you read all the way up to here. ♡ ♡ ♡

#sanders sides #thomas sanders #logan sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders

[kanene-yaaay-o-retorno]

The Color of my Soul(mates) [2]

[First oneshot]

[AO3 link]

Kanene’s Notes:

Nope, I do not regret the pun. New oneshot yaaaay!! Just a quick reminder that both Virgil and Patton’s mindsets are bad. They can work, of course, but only for a certain expense. Worry not. They will both start to go to a therapist and take care of themselves, even though this will not be heavily shown in the oneshots.

Warnings, fun facts, random things and stuff:

* That fanfic has Moxiety and Past Moceit and Past Virgil/Remus (no idea how it’s called dfghjdfghj) in a platonic relationship (yet), but it can be viewed as romantic, if you wish.

* Swearing, depreciative thoughts, losing someone (not death, just stopping to be soulmate), anger issues, anxious thoughts and nightmares. It’s hurt/comfort.

* [~*~]  Means passage of time

* [...] Means change in the focus of the narrative 

* This characters do not belongs to me. They all belongs to the amazing Thomas Sanders in his series of Sanders Sides.

* Something around 5.300 words. -w-)b.

* Sorry for any spelling, pontuation and grammar mistakes! Any advice is very very welcome!

* Tô com preguiça de postar a versão em português brasileiro aaaa! Thankys for reading, my lollipops! Say to someone important how much you love them, be safe, talk with the one that you love, drink water and sleep well! Byeioo!~

                          [~*~]

Loneliness is an island with missing boats.

Missing is when the moment tries to run away from the memories to happen again and can’t do it.

Memories are when, even without authorization your thinking re-presents a chapter.

-       Adriana Falcão - Meanings

[~*~]

Hey, Dee! It’s been some time, huh? Nothing really happened around here, so I have no interesting news to share today. Buut, I learned a new knock knock joke! I would finally get you to laugh with this one! It’s like that:

Me: Knock, knock.  

U: Who’s there?  

Me: Ice cream.  

U: Ice cream who?  

Me: Ice cream if you don’t let me in!

Funny, right?!

… It feels silly to continue to talk with you through those letters. I can’t-

I don’t even know where to send them! That is stup- not great.

I just… I just miss you, Dee. A lot. My uncle says that I should get your old representation out of the bed and hide it so I can start moving on, but… It feels empty, you know? Everything.

I really miss you.

Love, Heart.

[…]

“No.” 

His words echoed in his mind, the strap of his backpack slipping from his grip, his body throwing itself forward, heart jumping in the back of his throat as his steps inevitably brought him even closer to the faded green, almost white, shark plushie in front of him. 

“No.” 

He repeated, as if this was a spell able to make the scene before him change. His hands trembled and failed in touching the so loved object, a silent scream slipping from his slightly parted lips. Yet, he still tried to think of something. Anything that would erase his choices. He knew it.

He should have known. He read about it before, the butterfly effect. Any choice, any movement, any little thing you did could change drastically your future. It could make events – people – which would happen in your life just…

Disappear. 

[The stuffed animal remained quiet on his hands, it’s blank face staring superficially, not really seeing him. Not like before.]

He knew it. 

“Rat?” He knew it. He knew it. He knew, knew, knewknewknew it! “Ree?” His soul searched desperate for an answer. But he got none. No thoughts, no feelings, no small touches, no acknowledging sparks, nothing. 

That word seemed to ring unbearably in his ears. There was nothing there. Nothing except for the silence and the void which filled itself with despair at every that went by.

“This better not be a prank or this time I will throw you in the washing machine for real!” Virgil’s eyes were stinging. He should have done better, should have thought in another way or another anything. He shouldn’t have done that, he shouldn’t! 

“Ree, stop. That is not funny.” Ree actually preferred when Virgil called him Rat, and as his chest was scratched by an agonizing, crescent fear, deep down the young boy wished his soulmate would jump – his thoughts always felt like that, excited, uncontrollable jumpy frogs just playing around – from somewhere and demands Virgil called him by it. “Answer me!!”

His fingers squished the soft fabric, a short, unexpected wave of anger pleading for at least a shout of pain before Virgil realized what he was doing, immediately lighting his touch, tears shining in a sad gloom in the corner of his eyes. His breathing started to hurt.

He needed to do something.

“MOM!!”

Virgil opened his door with a strong slam, running through the wooded floor of the corridor, stumbling his way to the stairs, coming down at the highest speed he could muster. The adult figure was already standing in the living room, the Tv blasting a show in the background, probably the activity his mother was concentrating on before his cry. A frown painted her face and her dark eyes stared at the boy when he stood in front of her, holding his stuffed shark in her direction.

“Fix him!” 

[‘it’ a quiet whisper from his brain corrected his sentence.]

Her analytical eyes danced around the toy in front of her, looking for any teared fabric, any stain or hint of what happened to it, the confusion in her actions becoming more and more prominent as no visible result was found.

[And, as her analysis occurred, the quiet whisper in the back of his mind wondered if this was the original color of the shark before it became a representation of his soulmate. They were together for so long Virgil didn’t even remember what it used to look like.]

No! The boy with heterochromatic eyes firmly gritted his teeth, head shaking. This was NOT the shark’s real color. Its real color was a dark, deep, enthusiastic green full of chaotic ideas and dumb jokes and sparks and grins.

He refused to let everything end in this way.

Realization fell in her face, a soft gasp coming from her open mouth. “Oh, Virgil…”

“No, no, no! You- You need to fix him!” But her eyes… “Mom, please,” the way her arms opened to involve his small, trembling form… 

“Please, he is my best friend.”

[‘Was’]

She hugged him, cradling her fingers in his hair and lightly rocking Virgil and his sobs, her sweet words muffled by his cry. Then the younger one wiggled out of her touch, getting the plushie and running back to his room, the door slamming one more time.

He refused.

“No! No!!” He kicked his backpack, its content spreading across his carpeted floor. The shark was placed in his desk seconds before the Virgil focused his anger on his bed, throwing everything on the floor. His pillows hit the walls and the toys on his shelves. The cacophony of sounds made his head hurt, but he ignored this in order to kick and throw more things. 

Seconds, minutes, countless pieces of time passed before he stopped, panting and with stinging eyes in the middle of the room, his only possessions left untouched was his guitar and Ra- His shark stuffed animal.

Because he loves playing guitar. Because he loves Ree.

His fingers pet its soft fur, wandering in every detail, trying to burn in his soul how alive and colored it used to be before today.

Virgil felt like crying, felt like hugging his old-representation with all his might and just spent the rest of the day like this, pleading that Ree would come back and Virgil would do better and everything could be back to normal again.

But he refused.

He refused to cry like a baby. He refused to let this happen to him. He refused to be made a fool by the Soulmate System or whatever sadistic creature that observed him right now. He refused to go through all of this again. 

Ever again.

Virgil opened his closet and got up on his chair, hiding the shark on the highest shelf under a bunch of old comforts he never got to use.

They wanted him to be a Colorless? Very well, then.

[~*~]

Anger is when the dog who lives in you shows its teeth.

Sadness is a gigantic hand that squeezes your heart.

-       Adriana Falcão - Meanings

[~*~]

Hiya, Dee.

Some days are better, some are worse. 

It hurts.

But, hm, good things, right? Today was sunny and refreshing, I love when this happens. A ladybug landed in my hand yesterday, it was so small… I also found another beautiful feather when I went to the park last weekend, very fluffy and a baby on the bus smiled at me after I made some funny faces.

I hope you’re also receiving and giving some beautiful smiles there. Aunt just called me for the movie night so… See you later!

I miss-

Love, Heart.

[…]

Virgil woke up sweating. A tight feeling clutching the back of his mind. However, he managed to catch himself before his eyes opened, the back of his hand pressing them, as if to make sure they wouldn’t open against his will.

Urg… Not this again…

Virgil pressed harder the pillow curling around his head, the pressure easing the irritation as he groaned in protest, wondering how much more time it would take before he finally grew used to this routine. An annoying sensation banged rhythmically on his chest, hammering together with his heart and flying along with the butterflies on his stomach over and over again until a slightly nausea almost leaded the one in pajamas to give up and just find the nearest stuffed animal so his soulmate’s bond could finally be initiated, his representation showed up and then the exhausted teen could finally get some freaking rest  and then proceed to turn a blind eye to his soulmate for the rest of their lives.

Who would say that ignoring the Soulmate System would be so hard?

But, damn, even if this shit always came back at the right moment when the first ray of sunshine hit his face, usually Virgil had at least the freedom of the night to sleep!

His hand wandered clumsily, hitting the bean bag next to his bed and looking for the small device he always left there for the night. He sighs when his fingers make contact with the cold of his phone, quickly bringing it up to his face and making sure nothing else could get in his eye field. On the third try he succeeded to put the right password, ignoring the video shining on it and quickly lowering the brightness of his screen until it was almost nonexistent. 

Four in the morning. What the heck was his not-for-much-longer-soulmate doing up at this hour??

Ok. It didn’t matter, Virgil murmured to himself, his words slurring, completely engulfed by the fog of sleepiness which continued to involve him. It didn’t matter because Virgil was sure he would manage to win that battle, just like he did on every other occasion since Ree. Of course, he never had a perfect receipt for this, only a group of superficial orientations as focusing on something else, tossing around the mattress until the exhaustion took over his body or doing anything that guaranteed his suborn nature to fight until the bond faded away with some hours, maybe one or two days. 

However, this one was about to complete a whole week and his resolution was beginning to weaken, escaping between his fingers regardless of how much he fought to hold it with tooth and nails. The mild headache growing on him was the proof of this.

He flipped his pillow, letting its cold surface rest on his face, adjusting himself to lay starfished onto the bed. 

He needed distractions. 

Songs. He liked to listen to music a lot, something he would be very much inclined to do now if it wasn’t so late and his earphones were so far away. But, stopping to think about it, it was crazy how sounds work, like, even if they’re far away they manage to be heard. Pretty much like that weird sound captured by that boat who was only minding its business… The Bloop. Heh. The Bloop. Such a stupid name… He wondered if it was a Jurassic animal doing that and when humanity would be finally able to answer his question. If it is really an animal will they call him Bloop? That is a horrible name to give to something probably gigantic and scary… Bloop… Bloopers… blooo...

His muscles from his toes to the tip of his fingers began to relax, his breathing becoming more erratic as the trail of nonsense thoughts led him away from reality and straight to the cloak of Morpheus. Bit by bit he started to be unaware of his room. First the faint sound of his spider quietly scraping the sand on her terrarium, second the sensation of the pillow on his face, then the cold of his phone as it slipped away from his hand…

And, unsupervised by the teenager's eyes, his index finger hit the ‘play’ button on the video, and the blasting of Aquiles Priester’s drums filled the room in a hot shot, followed in the same second by Virgil’s hoarse scream. The confusion and sound making the one with heterochromatic eyes stumble to a sit position, blankets and pillows falling from him as his astonished movements tried to be coordinated enough to turn off his phone before his mother woke up and decided to know why and what her son was doing up at four-darn-morning. 

The button was hit and the silence was faster in cover the room all over again, being only broken by Virgil’s shaken gasps, his trembling fingers laying on his adulterated heartbeats, taking large, wobbly deep breaths in order to normalize it, his attention entirely focused on hearing any hint of muffled step outside his room.

In. Hold. Out.

In. Hold. Out.

He was fine. Everything was fine. 

This was only a scare.

In. Hold. Out.

In. Hold. Out.

Okay. No sound. Virgil allowed himself to fall on his bed, stretching and humming in attempts to ground him to reality, not taking too long to let the sleepiness begin to slowly crawl to his mind again, his body feeling surprisingly much lighter than it had been in days. A yawn escaped from his lips. What the hell he was doing with his cell phone anyway?

For the second time in the night his body fled to a sitting position, the sudden calm and coziness which hit his senses now having a slightly sour taste on his mouth as the teenager realized what it meant.

His soulmate bond was complete.

His gaze flew to the small pile of fabric on the floor, a glint of a sky-blue color shining amidst it. He pushed his blankets away and his breath hitched when the full form of his soulmate’s representation was shown.

Oh no. Nononono. That was- 

That wasn’t normal. Nor supposed to happen. Oh shit. Shitshitshitshit. What could he do?

Virgil dropped – carefully, even if the cold on the bottom of his stomach screamed for him to run! – the object on his bed, getting across the room and right in front of his closet in a blink of an eye. The door flung open, his gaze scrambling through all his possessions in search of that specific teddy bear his mother gave him a year ago, telling it was going to help him to heal, grabbing it firmly and plopping it next to the blue fabric calmly laying on his mattress. He bit his nails while his eyes ran from an object to another, waiting for the color to somewhat jump on the plushie, where it was supposed to go in the first place.

Virgil stared inquisitively at his pillow- no, his soulmate’s representation, as if he could scare the reality into changing itself. His fingers ran through his hair, feet pacing on the floor.

 Ok. His soulmate was a pillow. A literal pillow. That was not good.

Before he could fall on his parasitizing thoughts or hide the pillow and pretend nothing had happened, a badly muffled sound reached him, making his body freeze as his brain immediately recognized what it was:

Crying.

[...]

Before is a caterpillar who didn’t become a butterfly, yet.

Indecision is when you know very well what you want, but you think you should want another thing.

-       Adriana Falcão - Meanings

[...]

Hey, dear! Heart here again! It’s been a time, huh? I discovered a new Pet Shop nearby and a very nice old lady let me play with the puppies after school. You really should see the hamsters there! They’re the cutest, most precious soft things!!

They don’t have any snakes, sadly.

I… I hid your teddy bear and I’m getting used to not stare at the right corner of the mattress, looking for you. 

I still miss your smooth thoughts, your warmth, your advice and receipts and… you.

I think I’m getting better. The sensation is starting to feel… normal.

Remember we-

I used to-

I know you won’t really read this, but I’m trying to keep taking care of myself. 

Hooray?

Love, Heart.

[…]

Patton loved stuffed animals and this was a fact that anyone who got into his room for barely two seconds would realize. Small plushies of multicolored frogs rested on his shelves. A big polite giraffe sat on his desk, proudly showing off her new necktie and his older ones were in the closet, guarding his favorites clothes. His soulmates, of course, had a special treatment, receiving a seat on his bed, closer to him and within his research at any occasion, emergency or not.

And that was an emergency. Well…technically. 

Maybe…

Perhaps not. 

The teenager changed to a sitting position, his fingers trapping the mattress in a deadly grip, tears falling from his eyes, which was firmly focused on the moon shaped night light across his room, trying to kick out the too cold, too hot feeling the nightmare left on his skin. 

His brain felt fuzzy and his thoughts were all mushed together, way too messy to properly fight against the memories of his dream replaying on his head. The sensation of pure despair still running on his veins as the monster – tall, fast, its shadow hovering over his small form – chased him and his friends. Patton still felt his throat dry after running for what seemed hours, and for when he realized they would never manage to actually escape from it. He could feel the betrayed eyes of his loved ones as he made each one of them trip, the small period when the monster got them giving him enough time to escape, the screams ringing on his ears.

He muffled his sobs, slapping his hand on his mouth and getting up, going to his closet and grabbing his panda. It was one of the fluffiest stuffed animals he had and he could use a bit of softness right now. His steps were tired and he hid his face on the plushie even before laying on his bed again, curling around the bear as if it was the core of safeness, as if it would make all the bad thoughts and feelings go away.

As if it could erase all the nightmare and convince the part of his mind which said that if it was real life, that would be exactly what he would do, that it was wrong.

It was! It was completely wrong! Patton would never, ever, betray his friends, or hurt them, or go away when they needed most! He wouldn’t. He would fight, if it was needed. He would do his best every single time to help them! To be there. He wouldn’t just run away. He couldn’t. He couldn’t be alone. He didn’t even bear that thought.

[A part of his soul struggled, firm on its position. It kept holding into a bond that directed to another soul who kept pushing him away, both refusing to change their mind.]

Bear. Patton let go of a weak, barely audible, forced giggle, squeezing the panda on his touch tighter. Panda was a bear. Heh. His tears began to calm themselves, falling slower from the corner of his eyes, a strange and sudden wave of strange, but welcomed calmness hitting him.

A sudden warm touch laid on his forehead.

“Hey, are you okay?”

Patton gasped, his wide eyes flying open to stare at the now purple plushie on his grip.

Purple. Pandas weren’t purple. He was sure this one was always white with black dots and tiny glasses on it. Definitely not purple. Not unless it was-

Oh. 

Ohhh.

Oh no.

For a moment his breath was taken, adrenaline exploded across his body and his mind went blank, his face stumbling forward to press his lips on the panda’s forehead, a completely lack of words, especially when a flow of sentences began to appear running over themselves and leading to his very tired brain to struggle in order to try to grasp their meaning before another phrase came and took its place.

[His body seemed to relax, letting go of a ball of tension Patton didn’t even realize he had in the first place.]

“Fuck, sorry, that was pretty dumb. Of course you’re not fine, why else would you be crying? What I was trying to say is: Can you get better? No, wait! That sounded harsh and it’s definitely not what I meant- wanted to say. Ehh, shit. Okay. Uhh. Breath, okay? Breathing is a good thing. You have to breathe to stay alive so I think it’s already a good start. Keep breathing, please do not die. Oh god, wait, that is not a dangerous situation, is it? Are you in danger? Are you dying? Oh, fuck I can’t hear-”

A startled giggle made a run from Patton’s lips, making his new soulmate to be quiet.

“Urg, sorry.”

“No, no. I was not laughing at you!” He adjusted his grip so the only part touching the purple bear would be him holding one of his paws, realizing he forgot to stop hugging him earlier. “I am okay. I just… didn’t want to cry on you, sorry.”

“It’s okay. I don’t, huh, care.”

“Crazy how bonds happen nowadays.” Patton attempted a joke, feeling suddenly a bit vulnerable, internally wishing the other wouldn’t ask about the reason for his tears. “It-It’s hot today, don’t you think?”

“Yeah, with the Sun and everything.”

“Yeepp.” Patton sniffed, cleaning the tear track left on his cheeks before resting his back on the bed’s headboard, a beginning of a headache after that waterfall of emotions shining in the horizon.

“...Do you want to listen to a song? It helps me to calm down when I’m, ya know.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I’m already a bit better.”

“Ok, sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Maybe it was sleepiness or the excitement of having a new soulmate, but before he could think much more about it the hidden truth was slipping from his mouth, “I’m grounded. No phone for the week.”

“That sucks.” The teenager just shrugged, hoping his soulmate would understand the action by his movement. 

Silence impregnated the room, spreading and filling his system, his eyelashes closing bit by bit.

“I know how to play guitar. I can… play a song for you. Onlyifyouwantofcourse.” The thought was quick, quiet and disappeared as soon as it arrived, leading Patton to almost believe he imagined it.

A good feeling bloomed in his chest, a smile flourishing on his face as he held his soulmate’s free hand, carefully squeezing them in what he hoped it showed his gratitude.

“I would love to.”

“’Kay. Uh, cool. Give me a second.”

And then a few minutes later his form was engulfed by warmth. Patton let go a sigh of relief, basically melting in the so caring touch, don't having the heart - that word gave a hurtful tug in his chest - to remember his new soulmate he couldn't really hear the accords, only the shy, calming humming rumbling on his chest and lullabying them to a peaceful sleep.

[~*~]

Feeling is the language the heart uses when it needs to send a message.

-       Adriana Falcão - Meanings.

[~*~]

"How can I call you?" 

Patton stopped his voice before that old nickname got out, scratching his throat. He should try to move on, right? 

Baby steps. 

"Pat." 

"Pat?" 

"Pat-Pat!" 

Virgil rolled his eyes, denying the small smile which appeared on the corner of his mouth.

“You can call me V.”

[…]

“So, you’re a pillow.”

Patton blinked, a surprised snort filling the room. “V, I know I often say I’m soft but if you wanted to rest on me all you needed to do was ask!” He added some shadowing on some feathers, giving the drawing of the Bem-te-Vi more profundity. He was really happy he found that site about the birds of America. 

“No, I mean literally. Like… your representation is not a stuffed animal, it’s a pillow.”

“Oooh…” He blinked a few times. “I didn’t know that still happens.”

“What do you mean with ‘still happens’? This happened to you before?”

“Not with me, but I saw a video about this! Before the plushies became famous due their shape being easier to be seen as human-like, the bond would form in anything that could be quickly dyed, just like clothes, pieces of fabric, pillows… I think if they showed it to a doctor, he would describe their condition as ‘comfortable!’” Patton shook lightly the panda’s shoulder, smiling. “Uh? Got it? Comfortable? Because they’re soft?”

“Pat, that was horrible.”

“Awww, come oon.” Patton rested his chin on V’s head, forgetting his drawing for a while. “Puns are harder than knock knock jokes! You have to wait for the perfect timing to make them.” Virgil huffed. “Not even an itsy bitsy giggle?”

“Nope.”

Silence.

“Pat?”

“No. I am pouting.”

He felt a couple of pats (ha-) on his head, the touching going away in a few seconds. “You will get there some day.” The other answered his soulmate with a raspberry, giggling a bit of his own silliness before going back to his hobby. He really was planning to finish this bird today.

“The thing is… Since you’re, ya know, a pillow. I was thinking… okay, I know that this will sound weird but… I was thinking of putting some clothes on your representation so I can… try to see you better.” 

“Ah.”

“Only if you’re comfortable, sure!”

“No, no. I am! It’s just…” Patton bit his lips, lightly squeezing the shell of his ear with the hand that wasn’t holding the pencil, adjusting his body to a better sitting position. “What clothes do you have in mind? Not that I think your taste is bad or you don’t know how to choose good clothes or something like that!”

“No, it’s cool!” The thought came in the moment Patton forced himself to stop his nervous talking. “I wanted to ask you because of that, I, uh, have black t-shirts, jeans, an old grey hoodie, PJs, clothes when I was a kid, onesies, maybe I can get a dress?”

“Gasp. Do you have onesies?? Aww, I want!”

“Everyone has a onesie.” Virgil mumbled in defense, feeling his cheeks getting hot. “I have a skeleton one, a raccoon and the Toothless from How to Tra-”

“OHMYGOSH YOU HAVE TOOTHLESS!” Virgil had absolutely no idea how Pat managed to make a thought so high pitched and excited to the point the words themselves were barely understandable. “HE IS THE MOST PRECIOUS, CUTE LIL DRAGON…” and then a bunch of squeaks and mumbling took over his brain just as he has hugged and then lightly bounced before suddenly everything disappeared.

He decided it was safer to let the silence prolong itself a bit longer.

…

“Pat?”

“You might need to give me a few more minutes, kiddo.”

“You need to chill, dude.” Virgil remarked, a ray of fondness shining in his words. He gathered his onesie. It was his favorite one when he was fourteen, now it didn’t even fit on him anymore and it clearly wasn’t made to be used by a pillow, as well, but it would suffice until he thought of a better solution. “Ok. Got it, you might want to use your Blocker now.”

“Okayy, it’s somewhereeeeee...” Patton rummaged the content of his backpack, looking for the earphone-shaped object. He hadn’t the chance to buy the wireless prototype, so he struggled a few seconds to untangle the cables. “Here! So, see you in fifteen minutes?”

“Ok. If you hear or feel something just touch my arm and I will immediately stop.” 

“Right!! Bye!” Patton waved, more a habit than anything else, plugging the Blocker on his ears and the cluing its ventosa behind his head, right where his cerebellum was. A few pieces of time went by before his head became partially empty, only his thoughts filling it. He put the panda away. 

It was a strange feeling, to use this outside his school, nor parallel conversation of his classmates or a teacher’s voice filling the air to distract his attention for the fact that he couldn’t hear or feel his soulmates anymore. He hummed, wondering how Lo was and writing a self note on the corner of his paper that he should check on him later, ask for him to finish that story with the smart detective he was telling him on Sunday before Patton fell asleep due the other’s habit to keep petting his hair, probably a revenge for Patton’s constant need to hugging, holding or actively interacting with his serious soulmate’s representation, more often than not receiving fond-exasperate pokes in return.

He looked through the window, mind wandering as the wind hit the tree in his neighbor’s yard, messing with its leaves. It was a bit lonely to have your thoughts all to yourself…

But not entirely bad.

[…]

“Sooo, howz does it looks like?” The naturally excited voice asked. Virgil just pressed his hand firmer on his lips, his other arm hugging his middle. His gaze fell for what it felt the umpteen time in the blue dyed pillow before him, the sleeves of  his onesie folded inwards in a poor attempt to cut half of its original length, the ‘legs’ were criss crossed and all of this ignoring, of course, the unnatural rectangular shape of the whole thing.   

‘Like shit.’ It was his first thought, but he decided to not send it to Pat.

“Weird.”

“I am looking at my pillows right now and-” giggles, “but come ooon, it’s Toothless! There is no way it isn’t at least a bit cute!”

‘You have no neck.’ He internally panicked, looking at the few, sporadic tiny blue hearts appearing amidst the black onesie, showing the representation was getting used to the new fabric attached to it. ‘A probably-head, shoulders but no neck. It’s like a reverse freaking giraffe!’

However, Virgil decided against sharing this particular vision with the other. 

“I guess. Are you… breathing well or whatever?” His tune was a mix of nonchalant and nervous, the choice of words making him wince.

“I am. Why?”

“No. Nothing. No reason.”

“Oookay.” The teenage signed at the confusion on his soulmate’s tune, why did he had to talk in the first place or be so weird making a such big deal of something stupid like that? Urg. He stared at the blue object one more time. Damn Soulmate System. Damn destiny. Damn lack of socialization skills.

…………

But, dude, really, the guy has literally no neck here, there is NO WAY he isn’t feeling nothing because of that. Pat is probably lying because he pities him after a so horrible, futile attempt of fixing what he caused. No. Wait. He can’t just assume his soulmate is lying because of his overthinking, the other part of his brain retorted. Was he overthinking? He probably was. He always did it. Or perhaps this was a correct inkling of Pat. Soulmates were supposed to do that sort of thing after some time, right? One week was enough time? What he-

“Hey!” Pat’s thought cut his own. “Sooo, now that you can ‘see’ me a bit better… hug? You can say no if you want, sure!”

Virgil blinked one, two, three times.

“Ok. But you let go when I let go, got it?”

“Sure thing, V!” Warmth bloomed in his chest when he heard his nickname, Virgil wasn’t sure why.

He embraced the representation, feeling a bit silly, the same feeling that was fast to go away as Pat hugged him as well, firm but careful. The sensation overwhelmed his senses, but in a good way, leading the one who loved guitars and got a strange hyper fixation on drums to let go a sigh, body relaxing.

He patted Pat’s back two times before finishing the touch. “There you go.”

“Thanks! Sooo, see you later.”

“Sure thing.” He agreed, wanting nothing more than a good hot bath after so many feelings in such a small period of time. 

“uwu”

“How the fu-” 

“NO SWEARING!”

“-did you do that?”

Virgil snorted, the warmth still spreading on his chest and maybe - only maybe, - having a new soulmate wasn’t an entire bad thing.

#Virgil #Patton #Mention of Remus #Mention of Janus #Past Moceit #Past Virgil/Remus #Angst with a happy ending #hurt/comfort #angst with fluff #hopeful ending #Virgil angst #Patton angst #Moxiety #Soulmate AU #Alterantive Universe #Sanders Sides #Fanfic #The Color of my Soul(mate) #Kanene's Fanfic #Kanene's Art #Kanene's fic #read warnings for any triggering content #they babeys #<3333

[snowdice]

One More Chance (Part 12 of the Series “Is There Anything Left of Patton?”)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan/Patton, Virgil & Patton, Logan & Virgil, Roman & Patton

Characters: 

Appear: Patton, Logan, Virgil

Mentioned: Roman, Remy

Summary: Season change. Life changes. This time, Patton does too.

Notes: Zombie Apocalypse AU, Patton is a zombie

This is the twelfth part of a series of one-shots called Is There Anything Left of Patton?

Previous parts:

“Something Left”

“Someone You’ll Never Meet”

“Food You’ll Never Eat”

“Things You’ll Never Do”

“There Are Things That Are Lost”

“There Are Things That Are Missing”

“And There is a Question”

“Is There Anything Left of Patton?”

“And There is an Answer”

“But What Does It Mean”

“One More Dance”

My Master Post

The day Roman danced with Patton marked a big change in the house. Remy had basically already figured out what was going on with Patton (or at least as much as one could given Logan and Virgil didn’t quite understand it themselves), but it came as a surprise to Roman… somehow. Virgil had worried on the first day about Roman’s reaction considering his initial behavior when he’d met Patton, but much like Virgil had, Roman had managed to get attached. Zombie or not, Roman had decided Patton was his friend. The explanation of just what exactly was going on had come with some awkwardness, but not violence and life quickly moved on.

Once the secret was out and neither of them had an extreme negative reaction, their guests began to crest the barrier between guests and residents in the house. Logan began to devote time to thinking up a more permanent solution than just having the two crash on the floor of the study. For now, they had found usable mattresses and dragged them home to set up a temporary third bedroom in the study, but Logan had been making plans to renovate the house next door and build an attachment between the two so they would have more space. He’d already spent some of the summer constructing a sturdier fence around the neighboring house and planned on working on building more solar panels for its roof in the basement during the winter.

The division of labor became a lot easier too with the addition of two people. Scavenging was much easier, allowing Logan to get the supplies for the aforementioned solar panels as well as other supplies from more difficult to break into places. Remy and Roman were actually quite practiced at not dying in more risky situations since they’d started in a city.

Remy knew a bit about tech, having worked in a theater and jury-rigged a few things like microphones and lights in his day. Though he didn’t know as much about stuff as Logan, he knew enough basics that Logan was able to teach him things about maintaining and fixing the generators and other things around the house.

Roman, meanwhile, was good at hunting in both the traditional way and in the Roman-did-you-really-just-catch-a-chicken-with-your-bare-hands sort of way. They now had 3 chickens which they’d set up a coop for in the other house’s backyard.

Both Roman and Remy could sew pretty well which took some of the load off of Virgil and they could help in the garden some (Logan was still not allowed anywhere near it).

Virgil still often found himself panicking about the fast approaching winter, but they had even more supplies than the year before even counting the two extra mouths. So, overall, everything had changed for the better.

And then, there was Patton.

Patton had good days and bad days, but even the bad days were in stark contrast to what he’d been like a year ago. It’s like something had been triggered in him, and once he’d figured out how to follow the path to consciousness, it became easier to do so by the day.

On good days, Virgil imagined an outsider wouldn’t ever guess what he was. He wasn’t 100% normal, but most people would have no trouble saying he was a person. He still never spoke (except reportedly to Logan sometimes when they were alone), but he did react to what they said and seemed to understand. He smiled at Roman when he played him a song and tilted his head when Virgil spoke softly to him. There were entire passive aggressive arguments about the décor between him and Remy as both moved everything from furniture to decorations around sometimes behind each other’s back… and sometimes while making unflinching eye contact. Virgil thought they were having fun. Maybe?

There was a day in late August after the temperature had finally broken and it wasn’t boiling hot anymore where Virgil came down to find every blanket and pillow in the house had been brought to the living room and piled on and around the couch. Virgil at first had thought it was another malfunction and Patton was confused, but it was clear by how Logan reacted that it was in fact just a Patton thing. Roman had taken the blankets and constructed a fort for him which they’d both proceeded to spend the rest of the day in talking (well, Roman did the talking) about musicals and Disney movies.

Then, there were a few times where Virgil had caught him staring at a full cup of water sitting in the armchair. He’d sheepishly pretend like he’d gotten the water to drink it and Virgil let him.

Virgil’s hoodie just as often ended up folded outside his bedroom door in the mornings as it ended up in the washing machine and sometimes Patton would even come find him and hand it to him.

They hid the macaroni and cheese and woke to the entire loaf of bread that had been on the counter gone and cold grilled cheeses in the refrigerator. They put the macaroni back.

And on his best days when he came downstairs and poured himself a glass of juice from the refrigerator, he’d shoot a smile at Virgil and go off to find Logan. Virgil would often find them later smashed into the armchair together with Patton’s head on his shoulder while Logan read a book to him out loud.

The good days were become slightly more frequent as the months pushed on, but today was a bad day.

He’d been very confused and mostly unresponsive all day, but there was still something there in his eyes even today. Virgil glanced over as he removed the last jar of canned strawberries in this batch from the pressure cooker on the stove and set it on a dishtowel to cool. He’d been taking inventory earlier and some of the older cans that needed to be used soon were on the kitchen table including a jar of pickles.

Patton was staring at that jar intently as though it held the secrets of the universe. “Do you want a pickle, Patton?” Virgil asked. There wasn’t much of a response except for maybe a flicker of his eyelashes. However, the fact that he seemed to connect the sealed container with one of his favorite snacks did say something good about his object permanence.

Virgil passed the card table he’d set up for the earlier batches of cans to the kitchen table and grabbed the jar. He quickly took out one of the pickles and closed the can back up tight so the man wouldn’t try to eat all the contents in one go. He placed the pickle down in front of Patton. He immediately grabbed it and Virgil quickly turned away, so he wouldn’t have to watch that. When he looked back, the pickle was gone, and Patton had placed his chin on the table to once again stare at the jar intently.

“You just keep doing that buddy,” Virgil said before turning back to his canning station on the counter. He’d been working all day and this next batch would be his last. He started spooning the pre-prepared strawberries into the jars as he heated the water back up in the pressure cooker. He heard Patton shifting around but didn’t pay him much mind, too engrossed in his task. Annoyingly, it ended up that he was about half a can short on his mixture. He must have filled one of the earlier batches too full and now everything was uneven. It wasn’t a big deal, but still irritating. He’d just placed the last lid on when a hand suddenly appeared next to him and he jumped.

Honestly, one would think he’d be used to Patton randomly reaching for him by now. Except, unlike what usually happened, the hand went for one of the jars from the last batch instead of for Virgil himself. There was a quiet pop before the jar was set down again with its lid off. Virgil blinked at him. He blinked back and then wandered away. Virgil’s eyes followed him which is when he saw the card table. Every single jar was open.

“Oh, you’ve gotta be kidding me Patton.” Patton gave him a curious head tilt, looked at the dozens of opened cans, and then looked back at him.

Virgil put his head down on the counter and let out a long, loud groan. He was actually impressed by own his lung capacity.

There were footsteps from the living room after about 15 seconds of sustained groaning. “What happened?” Logan asked.

“I just wasted an entire day on canning is what just happened,” Virgil sighed, gesturing to the many, many open cans.

Logan’s presence in the room seemed to pull Patton in and he walked up to him, kind of bumping into his front. Logan’s arms came up to hug him softly, and he rubbed his back a bit. Virgil watched as, after a moment, Patton tilted his head a bit to angle his mouth towards Logan’s ear. Virgil raised an eyebrow at that. Logan hummed after a few seconds and pressed a kiss to the top of Patton’s head. “It’s okay, love. I’ll help Virgil clean it up for you. You don’t have to worry.”

Virgil blinked. “Yeah, no, it’s fine Pat,” he was quick to reassure. “I get it. You’re good. It’s just a few cans.”

“How about I take you upstairs and you can lay down for a bit?” Logan offered. Patton nodded. “Alright, I’ll be down in a few minutes,” Logan said to Virgil before starting to guide Patton upstairs.

“You will not,” Virgil muttered, knowing it would be at least an hour, maybe two before he could pull himself away. Yet, he was more amused than annoyed at that fact. Virgil turned to look at the state the kitchen was in as they disappeared up the stairs. “Well, I guess I get one more chance to make sure the strawberry levels are even in all of the cans.”

Want to read more? The next part of this series is  When There Is Something Left.

#sanders sides #logan sanders #patton sanders #virgil sanders #logicality #roman sanders #remy sanders #platonic moxiety #platonic analogical #platonic royality #zombie au #patton is a zombie #italop #adriana writes

[dukeofonions]

Thoughts on the new Asides

Alright, I’ve watched the new video three times at this point and finally have my thoughts together. Also just in case anyone was wondering no. 

No I did not get breakfast magically delivered to me and had to eat a bowl of cereal. 

Oh well, there’s always next time. 

Anywho, spoilers below if you haven’t seen the episode yet I would not recommend reading this. 

Ready? Let’s go.

So what are my general thoughts here, I loved it. Sure there were some things that didn’t make sense to me writing wise but overall this was an adorable, funny episode that provided us with a nice break from all the angst of the main series. 

Now to get into the nitty gritty. 

Right off the bat the art for this was just amazing. Honestly the idea to make this episode as an animatic was a brilliant move. Not just because of how things are right now in the world (but we don’t wanna think about that) but using this form allows the characters to interact in ways that they can’t when filming live. We got to see Roman and Virgil engaging with the world around them and how they interacting with Thomas when he’s not at home. It also gives us an idea of what the world of Sanders Sides is like. Everyone acts a little more cartoony, but it still feels like the real world as well. 

Also the expressions on the characters, even the background ones, were perfect. You could tell so much from a quick expression or body language and as an animation nerd, I was in love from the get go. Honestly the team should think about utilizing this format more with these Asides as it allows more freedom for the characters which can help aid the story and can be used for comedy. Not saying every episode should be animated, but if they have an idea that they simply can’t achieve in live action, they now know that this format works. 

And now, on to the characters. 

So this is a Roman and Virgil episode, none of the other Sides make an appearance or are even mentioned. (Well I guess Janus is vaguely referenced with all the talk of lies going around) But I can understand their absence even though I would have loved to see them even briefly like how Remus and Janus were in Are There Healthy Distractions but besides one character (which I will get too later) I didn’t really mind and it didn’t take away my enjoyment of the episode. 

As usual, Virgil and Roman have a great dynamic and are hilarious with how they bounce off one another. I do question the timeline of this episode given how relaxed Virgil is around Thomas, considering the last time they were together they weren’t on the best footing and he wasn’t present at all during Putting Others First. But I’ll probably make another post about that. 

Starting with Virgil, it was fun seeing him act more like his pre-AA self. Getting onto Thomas’ case about every little thing was both hilarious and way too relatable (like way to call a dude out) and him explaining introvert culture was just *cheff’s kiss* It was nice to him slightly more laid back and worrying about something else other than whether or not Thomas is a good person and keeping a dark secret about his past hidden. Also the ending with him openly celebrating with Thomas and Roman was adorable. We’ve never seen Virgil with his guard down like this, letting himself be genuinely happy in front of the others. He always hides that part of him and seeing him like this just warmed my heart because that means Thomas himself isn’t feeling anxious and is allowing himself to enjoy the moment. Sure there are some moments of doubt here and there, but it was overall a great scene and I was glad they gave us a scene with them in the apartment. 

Now Roman? Oh my gosh I needed an episode where he got his happy ending and it has arrived! Considering the punch to the gut that was POF’s ending I was ecstatic to see Roman finally, finally getting something he wanted. Think about it. Roman recently gave up the callback, which he wanted more than anything, only to have it all blow up in his face and be told that his sacrifice was all for nothing. Like, ouch. But here we see him once again pursuing something he wants, and he actually gets it! He probably thought it was going to be yet another loss for him, all their efforts were for nothing, but it wasn’t! That’s one thing I love about Roman, no matter how many times he loses he never stops trying. Even when he gets knocked down to his lowest he won’t hesitate to grab the next opportunity that comes his way. And as we can see, that will and determination has paid off. 

Of course we can’t forget about Thomas himself. He’s so lovable in this, trying to just get through what should be a simple shopping trip at the mall only to have the most minor things continue to interfere with that. We don’t ever really see Thomas outside of his apartment so it’s nice to finally have an explanation for that. The focus of this episode though is his attempts to find out more about the handsome stranger across the food court and work up the nerve to talk to him. One of the funniest parts of this episode (in my opinion) is when Thomas comes up with the brilliant idea to use the stickers and pins as a way to start a conversation (which honestly could have been sparked by Logan who’s had enough of this) only for it to be shot down as a horrible idea because, what else would anxiety tell you? The monologue in the bathroom was another highlight of this episode and just, gosh Thomas’ acting here is just great. Even though we can only hear his voice there’s just so much emotion put into it. It honestly sounds like he’s crying in some parts and I loved it just as much as the bathroom guy did. 

And finally, last but certainly not least, we have the wonderful Nico Flores. I did not expect to love him as much as I did but like, my gosh how can you not? He’s that perfect mix of cool while still being a bit of a dork. Like did he just grab a stranger’s food and wander around looking for them to return it? Had he noticed Thomas go in the bathroom and was just awkwardly standing around waiting for him to come out? His relationship with Thomas is already super cute and I hope that he becomes a recurring character and love interest for Thomas.  (Note when I say Thomas I am referring to character!Thomas and not the real Thomas) Seeing as Thomas (now referring to the real one) said this episode would be important to the plot of Sanders Sides, I think it’s safe to assume Nico will be making a return and I for one can’t wait to see more of him, along with seeing how his relationship with Thomas develops. 

If I had anything negative to say about this episode, I’d have three negative things to say. 

I’ll start with one that I sorta brought up earlier which regarded the absence of a certain character that just didn’t really make sense to me, and that character is Patton. Now for Logan, Janus, and Remus, I can see why they wouldn’t be there. Logan doesn’t do feelings. Janus and Virgil would be having a hissy fit the entire time. And we all know what Remus would be doing. Not saying none of them could have shown up briefly, but their absence doesn’t bother me as much as Patton’s does. 

Patton is Thomas’ heart, the core of all his feelings, why wouldn’t the heart be present during a time where Thomas is starting to fall in love? He wasn’t mentioned or anything! Not even when Roman was literally telling Thomas to speak from the heart. It just rubbed me the wrong way that he wasn’t brought up at all and the reason for that has to do with another problem I had with this episode, and that was the choice to have the main thing keeping Thomas from talking to Nico was him being a liar. 

The episode starts with hitting the audience on the head with this idea that Thomas is struggling with lying. Despite the fact that nothing that happens is really his fault and everything else isn’t really a big deal. I just found it odd that this was the thing they were having Virgil and Roman get onto Thomas’ case for considering, well, we already had an episode (multiple really) that have already addressed this. One could say this was a result of Roman and Virgil teaming up and being upset over Janus’ partial acceptance. The reason I don’t think this is likely is because Thomas said Virgil finding out about Janus would be a major plot point and I doubt something like that would have happened off screen (honestly the timeline for this video is so confusing) 

Another reason this bothered me is because Virgil comes to the conclusion that everything that has gone wrong (the rehearsing in the bathroom, the old friend in the food court, the plant, the pretending, the hiding, the god forsaken boiled carrots) are all lies and Thomas can’t build a relationship off of lies. 

But... He literally wasn’t doing that? 

At this point Thomas hasn’t even talked to Nico yet. He lied to the guy in the bathroom regarding the monologue (who wouldn’t) and he tried to pretend to be a stranger’s friend (which backfired horribly so lesson learned) I don’t even know how the plant would be considered a lie (and Virgil was the one who pushed him over there anyway) I’m not sure what Virgil’s referring to with the pretending and the hiding I can only assume is when they hid in a trashcan (unless I’m not meant to take that literally) and with the carrots Thomas should have just walked away the moment he saw the rainbow pin on the backpack. That was his fault.

But not once did Thomas lie about anything to Nico. In fact when they finally started talking Thomas was nothing but honest with him, embarrassingly so. The thing Virgil was claiming to be the source of the problem just, wasn’t true. It didn’t make sense to me and still doesn’t even after my third viewing. What I had originally thought was going to happen was that they’d come to a conclusion that tied into Moving On, the episode where Thomas dealt with the aftermath of a break up with Roman, Virgil, and Patton. 

Wouldn’t that be something they’d be afraid of? Say Thomas managed to hit it off with this guy. They start dating, everything is going well, only for it to end the same way his last relationship did. Wouldn’t it make a little more since for the main thing to be holding Thomas back is the fear of getting his heart broken again? Of losing yet another person he loved? 

Which brings me back to previous point of Patton not being there. Considering these three were the ones to help Thomas resolve things in Moving On, why shouldn’t these three be the ones to be by him when beginning a new relationship? 

Unless Patton’s been avoiding these two since currently Virgil is still on rocky ground with Patton and after what happened in POF. But again we have no idea since we don’t know when this episode takes place (well as of writing this I have no idea considering how long it’s taken me to write this Thomas may have tweeted about it or something) 

Another potential reason for Patton not being there is basically what I said earlier. In Moving On he was the one struggling the most since he’s Thomas’ feelings. He could have been overwhelmed by all the emotions Thomas was dealing with and simply couldn’t bring himself to show up. This has me hoping that we’ll get a follow up Asides episode where we get to see the other side’s reactions to Nico. If not all of them at least Logan and Patton since it’s been awhile since those two had an episode together. 

If that’s the case then I can understand keeping Patton out of this one. But that doesn’t change the fact that I find the whole “lies” thing to be a bit ridiculous. 

The final thing I have some of an issue with is how Virgil was the one to “save the day” in this. Throughout this episode Virgil was the one causing the problems (which isn’t to say anything bad about Virgil it’s literally his job to protect Thomas and that includes protecting him from rejection and heartbreak) while Roman was pushing Thomas to go take a chance. I dunno, this one isn’t as big of an issue since I still like the conclusion and Roman calling Virgil brave. It just would have been nice to see Roman going for something and getting it himself. Or at least him and Virgil deciding together that they weren’t going to let this opportunity go. 

I dunno, I’m kinda impartial on that one. I just want to see Roman succeed. 

And there you have it. Those are my thoughts. As usual, you may take them with a grain of salt. But also feel free to share your own opinions on this episode. It’s definitely become a favorite of mine and is up there with my other favorites. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go be sad because bathroom guy had his hopes and dreams crushed and he deserves justice. 

#ts spoilers #sanders sides spoilers #dukeofonions

[trashyswitch]

Mr. And Mr. Sanders: A Love Story

When looking for evidence of 'opposites attract', you can look no further than the relationship between Logan and Patton Sanders. These two teachers are well known for being an open relationship through the decades that they've been working together.

Chapter 1: The Casual Days of a Married Gay Couple

One day, Patton decides to somewhat ruin Logan's serious reputation in favor of seeing him experience life and laugh more often.

For @kanene-yaaay, 305unreal.

I thought this would be a fun series to try and work on. I felt like writing some Logicality, and I started to wonder what it would be like to have married gay teachers in a school setting. Thus: this series was born! I hope you all enjoy!

Life as a high school teacher is most of the time, very interesting. Teachers often teach more than one subject, allowing them some variety in their day. A couple of the teachers teach a class, and also do a side job.

For example: One of the teachers is a child development teacher, and a resource teacher at the same time. He teaches two CD classes, and works on paperwork in the resource room the rest of the day. Sometimes, he overworks himself and has to get a supply teacher in for one of his class periods so he can catch up. But, he soon pulls himself into a good routine that rarely stresses him out too much. This teacher was Patton Sanders.

One teacher that teaches multiple subjects, is a man known as Logan Sanders. Logan is one of the school’s main English teachers. He was also given the chance to teach a couple history classes, since the main history teacher was on maternity leave. Though this probably would’ve stressed out most teachers, Logan was completely unphased by this new change. In fact, he was almost delighted to be teaching a history class! And to make things better, the kids were more attentive than he ever expected. He was almost thanking the main history teacher for being on maternity leave, so he could get this new opportunity.

Now, you’re probably wondering why both of the teachers had the last name ‘Sanders’. Was it because they were siblings? Were they twins? Were they related in any way? Well...Yes.

They are a married couple.

One day, the two teachers were hanging out in the teachers lounge while on break. Patton had gotten all caught up on his daily student updates, and had closed his laptop for the next hour or so. Patton stretched out his back and cracked his knuckles as he got out of his seat.

One of the teachers shivered and looked at Patton with worry. “Better be careful with how much you’re doing that. I heard it can cause arthritis.” the gym teacher mentioned to him.

“I have told you time and time again Smith:” The health teacher walked up to the gym teacher. “Cracking your joints does not cause arthritis.” She told him.

“Easy for you to say. I cracked my knuckles and wrists for years, and now look at me!” He showed off his wrists and hands. “I’m riddled with it!” He told her. Funnily enough, his hands and wrists were barely symptomatic.

The health teacher sighed and felt the pockets of inflammation in his wrists. “You’re overreacting. I know the diagnosis is heartbreaking for a fit man like you. But millions of people get arthritis! It’s a common hereditary disease. Your case is mild.” The health teacher told him.

The gym teacher sighed and sat himself down at the staff table.

Nearby, sitting on a couch with a laptop in his lap, was Logan. Patton hopped himself up to the couch and say down beside him. “Hi Logey.” He greeted.

“Good afternoon, Pat.” Logan greeted back.

“Whaaaat are ya workin’ on?” Patton asked.

Logan turned his laptop to face Patton. It was a powerpoint presentation on one of the WW1 battles.

“Oooooh! Getting into the big war?” Patton asked.

“Mm hmm. They already know what caused World War One, and we’ve already gone through a few of the battles.” Logan told him.

“Cool!” Patton reacted with a smile. Logan returned to working on the powerpoint, but didn’t really pay much attention to his husband. Patton’s smile dropped slowly as he started to notice this as well. Logan was just tappy-tappy-tapping away...not even noticing the man that had stolen his heart years ago.

Finally, Patton had enough. He gently grabbed his laptop, saved the powerpoint to the correct folder, and closed the laptop. “All done for now.” Patton told him.

“I...wasn’t.” Logan protested awkwardly.

“Well, I say you are.” Patton declared.

“Pat...you already finished your work. I haven’t finished mine, and I want to finish it while I still have the thought in my head.” Logan told him.

“Logabear: out of the both of us, you have the best memory.” Patton poked his head lightly, before moving his hair behind his ear. “I doubt you’re gonna forget something like that in an hour.” Patton mentioned.

“You’re being very dominating right now, and I’m not sure how to feel about it.” Logan admitted.

“Oooooh! Dominating, huh?” a teacher teased. A crowd of ‘ooooh’s filled the room as a wolf whistle was heard in the background.

“NO, that is NOT what I meant! I meant...like, loving! Comforting! Making me blush!” Logan told them.

“Awwww! You should see how blushy he can get!” Patton said to the teachers.

“Patton, is this necessary? I don’t- GAH!” Logan jumped and curled in as his side was squeezed.

“The most blushy he’ll get, is when he’s being tickled! Specifically on his ribs!” Patton told them as he skittered his fingers all over his sides and ribs.

“PAHAHAhahahat! Nohohoho! Nahahat ihihin frohohont ohohof- NO! NO NOT THERE! NAHAHAT THEHEHEHERE! HAHAHAHAHAHA!” Logan quickly bursted into laughter and threw his upper body back in a failed attempt to get away.

“Who’s a ticklish Logey? Who’s a ticklish Logabear? You are! YOU ARE!” Patton teased childishly.

“IHIHI AHAHAM NAHAHAT AHAHA CHIHIHILD, PAHAHAHAT! YOHOHOHOU KNOHOW THIHIHIS!” Logan protested through his laughter.

“But you’re always so mature! I wanna show everyone the playful, cute side of you I get to see everyday! It’s so cute and I wanna show it off to the world!” Patton told him happily.

“THEHEHE WOHOHORLD DOHOES NOHOHOT NEHEED TO KNOHOHOHOW!” Logan yelled.

“Awww! Is Logey gwowing embawwassed? Is Logey-pogey getting fwustered?” Patton whined in a little kid voice. “Don’t you smile! Doooon’t you smile! Doooon’t yoooou smile!” Patton teased further, causing Logan to grow a huge toothy grin with a blush as red as cherries.

“That’s so cute! Logan deserves all the love!” One of the teachers cooed.

“Out with the composed, and in with the cute.” another teacher added.

“I knew nerds were prone to be adorable, but I always assumed nerds lose their cuteness as they grow up! Looks like I was wrong.” Another teacher mentioned.

While Logan was getting tickled and teased by both Patton AND the teacher audience, someone else was watching the whole thing…

[Two hours later:]

Logan was nearing the end of an English work period, and most of the students had already handed in their assignments. Logan gave them a short writing exercise as a ‘ticket to leave’ quite a few minutes earlier, so it wasn’t a rushed hassle to get it done before the bell. It looked like the students managed to finish them really quickly because a pile of the small writing pages were on Logan’s desk, and the kids started coming together into their friend groups for the last few minutes of class.

One such group appeared to be laughing and having lots of genuine fun. So, Logan walked up to see what fun they were doing.

“What are you guys up to?” Logan asked.

“Uh oh...We’ve been caught by one of the serious teachers. Quick! Stop having fun!” one of the kids joked.

Logan rolled his eyes, but chuckled at the stupid statement.

“Come on guys, give him a break. See? He’s got a sense of humor too.” another student told them.

“Hey Cole: truth or dare?” One of the teens asked.

“Dare! Bring it on!” Cole replied with pride in his voice.

“I dare you to make us all your truth or dare partners.” She declared to him.

Cole widened his eyes and laughed as he got up. “Alright!” He replied.

Logan widened his eyes. “That is a very clever dare!” Logan reacted. “I am impressed.”

Cole smiled as he clapped his hands. “Okay. By a show of hands: Truth?” He called.

Only a couple people put their hands up.

“Or dare!” He called again.

The rest of the group threw their hands up immediately. Cole smirked as he thought about the size of the dare he’d need to do. “I dare all of you…” Cole paused mid-sentence to think of something fast. As he thought, Cole looked up at Logan and quickly felt his brain juices flow. “I dare all of you to tickle attack Logan!” Cole decided.

Hold up, WHAT?!

The kids turned to face him with a mix of confusion, and curiosity in their faces. “Is he even ticklish?” One student asked.

“I doubt a serious man like him would be ticklish.” Another student mentioned.

“Pat Sanders would say otherwise.” Cole mentioned.

Logan widened his eyes and slowly pointed his index finger at him in disbelief. “I...You- YOU SAW THAT?!” Logan reacted.

Cole chuckled as the kids suddenly started to see a different side of Logan. One of the kids walked up to him with curious eyes and her fingers wiggling. Logan immediately blushed and pushed the fingers away with an awkward chuckle. “Ohohokay...R-Remember what you learned in elementary school: hands off everyone, even the teachers.” Logan attempted.

The girl laughed. “You’re talking to a grade 12 class that’s half filled with adults!” She reacted, showing off the friend group. “You’re fine!”

The student walked right up to Logan and brought your hand up. “One squeeze?” She asked.

Logan just stared at the hand in pure awkwardness. Finally, after no answer yet no protest, the female student gently squeezed his side. Logan just about jumped 5 feet into the air and squeaked higher than a mouse! Logan covered his mouth and immediately felt his face heat up with a light red blush.

“T-Theresa…” Logan stepped another step back. “...No.” Logan warned.

“No...what?” Teresa asked.

Logan almost shrunk a few sizes down due to his embarrassment alone. “N-No...Nooo…” Logan struggled to get his words out.

“Nooooo…” She poked his side. “Tickling?” She poked with her left hand.

“Does,”

She poked his ribs. He squealed and backed up another step.

“This,”

She poked his belly. He hugged his stomach and cowered further from her.

“Tickle?” She asked, poking his arm.

Logan nodded and put his pointer finger up at her. “Teresa…” Logan kept it up. “...I...” Logan’s hand slowly fell. He had nothing to say. Even if he did, he would never be able to say it.

Teresa smirked as the rest of the kids stood up and started to surround the vulnerable teacher. Finally, Logan turned right around and ran for his life. He sprinted right out of his own classroom, and ran in long strides down the long hallway.

A pile of students were following right behind him, sprinting after him so they could tickle him to bits. Logan felt an immense amount of adrenaline...More than he’d ever felt in a long time. He could feel the floor almost vibrating with students’ steps as he struggled to run from the army of evil teenagers.

It was in this moment that Logan wondered: Why did I ever take this job?

Logan ran up a bunch of stairs and did all he could to not hit any other walking students in the hallway. He must’ve apologized roughly a thousand times as he sprinted and dodged people! Even as the hall monitor tried to stop the students, all the students spared them from being trampled, and kept on sprinting after Mr. Sanders.

Logan finally sprinted into the staff room as a lawfully neutral way to get away from them. Logan slammed the door with his back, and sprinted to the coat closet. Logan was so busy running away from the army of his evil students, that he didn’t even notice that Patton was in there! The child development teacher was trying to get some work done in peace. But that was slightly ruined (in a good way) by his hyper husband.

Wait a second...Hyper?!

Patton looked up and walked to the closet. “Logey? Sweety? Is that you?” Patton asked, opening the door.

Logan was panting profusely with a wobbly smile and a pink blush on his face. Patton giggled at the adorable look on his partner’s face. “Awww! What’s with the adorable face?” Patton asked.

“The...st-students...are...Pleasehelp…” Logan managed to get out.

Patton tilted his head and walked up to the staff room door. He opened it and widened his eyes:

There were a total of 20 kids standing there! “...Oh.” Patton reacted.

“Hi Mr. Sanders!” Cole greeted. “I’m Cole, and I dared all of them to tickle Logan.” Cole told him.

Patton widened his eyes and slowly grew a smile. “...Oh??” He reacted, not sure whether to be concerned or excited.

Logan gulped and hoped Patton would save him.

“So...are we allowed to come in?” Cole asked.

Patton looked at the end of the door before looking at Cole with a smirk. “How do you know Logan is even in here?” Patton asked.

“We watched him run in.” Teresa replied.

Patton giggled.

“Soooooo…” Cole awkwardly waited for Patton to reply.

Patton closed the door slightly and pointed to Logan’s ticklish spots. After showing them a couple times, Patton waved for them to lean in closer. “I will let you off the hook. But if the camera catches any of you, that’s out of my control. Okay?” Patton explained quietly. Cole, Teresa and everyone else nodded. “Okay. Wait on my presentation to come in.” Patton ordered.

Patton walked into the staff room with an evil smirk on his face. “Oooooh Looogaaaan!” Patton sing-songed. Logan’s eyes widened in horror. “Won’t you come out, Logey-bear?” Patton asked childishly.

“...P-Pat...What are you p-planning?” Logan asked.

Patton smirked and pushed the door right open. “A whole whack of tickle monsters are here to seee yooouu!” Patton declared.

All the kids sprinted up to the closet and pulled him right out. Logan yelped and struggled amidst their pinning, and quickly bursted into giggles as a few of his ticklish spots were targeted. There were so many hands tickling him! So many fingers! A few of them were pinning him up and exposing a few of his spots, while others were tickling him absolutely everywhere they could reach! Though, a few of the students mentally decided that thigh tickles and hip tickles were gonna be crossed off the list for obvious reasons.

“GUHUHUHUYS! COHOHOHOME OHOHOHOHON!” Logan yelled.

“Mr. Serious Sanders is turning into his husband! Soon, we won’t be able to tell the difference!” a student reacted.

“I love how Patton openly calls him Logey-bear! It’s so cute! Definitely suits him!” A female student mentioned with a giggle.

“Brohoho! This guy’s laughter is very contagious!” Cole reacted.

“This is the cute nerd stereotype come to life! And I love it!” A female student reacted.

“Who needs hot people like the gym teacher, when you can have cute nerds like Mr. Logan Sanders!” Yet another student reacted.

Patton giggled and recorded the entire thing. This was such a hilarious thing to watch! But Patton made sure to keep it onto his phone and only his phone. He knew how important his reputation was to his husband. So even though Logan’s reputation was somewhat shattered by his students, he wasn’t gonna further destroy his reputation with the video on the internet. Patton smiled and stopped the recording before walking up to the students. “Alright, alright. Let’s give the poor man a break.” Patton moved the kids aside and knelt down beside his lover. “You okay?”

Logan nodded in response, still a giggling mess.

Patton helped him up, sat him down onto the couch and got him some water. While Logan slowly got calm, Patton allowed the kids to ask questions about their loving relationship. Soon, the teens fell in love with the cute little love story that came about with the two men. They started to hope that someday, they would all have their own love story.

#teacher logan #teacher patton #romantic fluff #married logicality #adorable logan #adorable patton

[subtlereferencetomyinterests]

Soft Walls and Roses- Fusion AU

Ao3,   Masterpost,   More of this AU

I think this is my first AU wow,,, So yeah this is definitely just the first installment. It can be read as a stand-alone, but I do intend on writing more with a couple of other fusions later! And then we’ll see how it goes from there. Essentially this is just a series where i get to describe a lot of cool things because descriptions are fun for me and i don’t get to do them enough. Hope u like it :3

Relationships: Royality, mentioned platonic logicality and platonic logince.

Warnings: Lots of Prose (seriously i went insane i think, this is flowery and sappy as hell), Remus makes a sex joke at one point, there is a small argument, food mention. Idk this one’s just sweet and unrelentingly fluffy.

Word Count: 3,216

Daylight streamed in through the wide windows, casting golden and bright beams across the carpeted floor and the various pieces of furniture. The patches of light were warm, comfortably so, and there wasn’t a cloud to disrupt it. Such perfect weather conditions were only mirroring the sunshine out in the real world, but Roman couldn’t help but feel that it was made especially to fit the mood in the Mindpalace. That was to say; sunny and blanketing. 

Music lilted through the living room and kitchen, a cheery little ditty chosen by Patton. It was pleasant, melodic, and not too loud to disturb the peace. Though this ‘Ingrid Michaelson’ woman wasn’t exactly Roman’s usual taste, he couldn’t help the bright smile that curved on his lips at the tunes. 

‘Relaxing days’ were a mostly foreign concept to the Sides of Sander. Someone was always either a), stressed out of their mind with work, or b), starting arguments and generally being disruptive. But today was a miracle, a dreamy noon wherein everyone was happy and sociable with each other. A once-in-a-blue-moon occurrence that everyone was keen to take advantage of, all six of them spread out in the common room to enjoy each other’s company. 

Logan was sitting on the couch, enthusiastically infodumping with Janus, the subject of the discussion requiring many big words and drawn-out sentences to explain (most of which sort of gave Roman a headache trying to think about, so he mostly tuned them out). Remus was lounging almost calmly on the floor by the two left-brained traits’ feet, an enormous sketchbook propped up on the coffee table in front of him. He interjected into the conversation constantly with irrelevant and explicit additions, but nobody seemed to mind letting him lead them on tangents. Virgil had twisted into one of his contortionist-esque positions in the corner of the couch, his headphones stuck over his ears. Occasionally he’d slip one side back, listen briefly to the current topic, chip in some snarky comment, and then go back into his own little world. But regardless, he was still offering his presence, which was well enough. 

Then finally, there was Patton. He flitted between the kitchen and the living room, swaying with the songs and singing along without much care what key he was in. He smiled so wide that his already prevalent smile lines were surely deepening even more, his eyes pushed so far up in the corners that it seemed cartoonish as the light glinted off his big, square glasses. The mouth-watering aroma of whatever it was he was baking filled both rooms, something rich and chocolatey with just a hint of lemon. 

Patton wore a stained apron overtop his soft-colored clothes, all of which were bulky and the precise opposite of form-fitting. He was the furthest thing from a fashion icon in that respect, but the way he didn’t seem to care either way rendered that fact entirely irrelevant; he looked perfect. His pitchy singing only quieted when he jumped into the conversation with a handful of jokes, which Roman always laughed at (even though he definitely wasn’t paying enough attention to understand any of them. Needless to say, he was a little distracted). 

Beautiful, adorable, precious, and countless other flattering adjectives were the words Roman would use to describe Patton in that moment. And most other moments. God, he was practically perfect in every way, wasn’t he?

The wonderful day, the lively company, and Roman’s own overwhelming affection for his oblivious friend swirled together in an almost painful surge of emotion in the Creative side. It filled up his chest, pushing hard against his ribs and making him feel even more brainless than usual. His heart felt more breakable than glass, but it only served to remind Roman that the object of his affections would never take advantage and break it, making the feeling more of a comfort than a concern.

In the end Roman could not bear the emotion quietly, rising to his feet and striding across the room as theatrically as he could. He was bursting into song before he knew it, thankfully familiar enough with the lyrics of Time Machine to belt it out like he was on a stage. 

Virgil slipped one headphone off his ear just long enough to groan at Roman, tossing a throw pillow in his vague direction.

“Dude, chill, can’t you just be happy without being loud?”

Roman shrugged, stopping in his path to the kitchen to lean over his best friend and tap the volume button on his headphones. 

“If it bothers you such, feel free to drown me out!”

Virgil hissed at him, but he was already waltzing away.

Roman slipped through the open wall and onto the kitchen counter, sliding along it elegantly, hopping down to stand near the stove.

The side spun around with a grin and a laugh, silencing his own mumbled version of the lyrics at Roman’s much louder singing. 

As he fell into place beside Patton- gorgeous, giggly Patton- an instrumental hit.

“Dance with me?” Roman asked in a slow, sultry voice (determinedly ignoring the laughing and groaning from the other sides as they overheard), his hand outstretched to the breath-taking creature before him.

“Oh, I'd love to, Roman, but the batter-”

“We can wait a little longer for sweet treats, Patton Dear- dance with me!”

Patton bit his lip through a smile, round eyes flitting between the oven and Roman himself. After trying and failing miserably to look reluctant, he huffed a little laugh and turned the oven off, shoving the batter-filled pan to the back of the counter. Roman watched as he moved, keeping his arm out and a charming smirk on his lips. 

Patton turned back around. He met his gaze. And he placed his hand in Roman’s. 

The response was immediate as Roman swept Patton up in his arms. It was surely a humorous sight, Roman leading the dance even though he was much shorter than Patton, but he was perfectly aware that if he let the taller being lead then they'd both be tripping over their feet in mere seconds. 

Roman twirled them around the small kitchen, crooning along to the peppy little love song that had replaced the previous number. Patton was making a good effort to sing along, but he wasn’t getting many words out through his laughter. Roman hardly minded the tunelessness, as long as he was graced with the sound and sight of that exuberant giggle. 

The limited space grew to be too little quickly for the pair, who’s movements got more flowy and circular. Clumsily, they maneuvered into the living room, dancing around the coffee table with some struggle. 

“Do you two have to do that in here?” Logan sent them a half-hearted glare, clearly not that annoyed with the display- but if there was one thing he was good at, it was acting aloof. 

Roman scrunched his face at the logical side, twirling Patton with a flourish out of spite.  Logan rolled his eyes, turning back to his and Janus’ (and to a lesser extent, Remus’) debate. 

Patton and Roman continued to dance, carefully avoiding the minefield of furniture and discarded items on the floor, for a good few minutes. Just as what would be their third song began, Patton brought them to a stop.

“Can I lead? Just for a second, I wanna do something!”

Roman quirked a brow, a confused smile on his lips. His curiosity nearly took control, desperate to ask what Patton meant, but at the look in Patton’s eyes he got the distinct impression that he wouldn’t want the surprise to be spoiled. 

With a decisive nod, Roman moved his hands from the sides hips to rest on his shoulders. Patton’s hands settled on Roman’s waist with a secure grip. Patton took a breath, a determined and focused look crossing his face as he went through the steps. One, two, three, a twirl, one, two, three, and then-

And then Patton dipped him.

Roman wrapped his arms around Patton’s shoulders instinctively, a startled laugh bubbling up from his throat. He needn't have worried about being dropped, though, as Patton's strong arms curved tight and supportive around him, cradling him desperately near to the moral trait’s chest. 

Warmth flooded Roman, starting in his sternum and spreading out, out, outwards, so much so that he could barely hold it all. His skin was flushed hot, especially in the places where Morality touched it. Along with the physical heat, there was also the almost painful adoration burning in him- and that smug little smile on Patton's face, slowly slipping into something softer and sweeter, Lord. It was too much to handle, and Roman felt like he was losing himself in it. His mind felt fuzzy and his body light-weight, blissfully unaware of his surroundings. Oh, he was just glowing, basking in it. 

No, wait- he was glowing. Literally! 

Actually, no, he wasn’t glowing, Patton was! No, both of them were? Or was it just one? No- yes- but then, there was only one of them. Where was Patton- no, Roman?

He opened his eyes, a gasp escaping him. 

Who was he?

He was tall, certainly taller than Roman, but even taller than Patton, too. He could just reach up and touch the ceiling if he really wanted, pressing his full palm against it. His four full palms, actually, that were attached to his four full arms. One set in the usual place, the second set placed just below them. God- nuh-uh!- Goodness, he was something else. 

His hands were big and flat, with thick, stubby fingers. That matched his general physique indeed, as despite his height he was very wide. His stomach was round and prominent, his thighs even bigger, and even his arms were flabby. But all of the fat was very obviously sitting over impressive muscles- if he flexed, there surely wouldn’t be a part of him that wasn’t sturdy and stiff. Considering that Patton and Roman were the two bulkiest sides, that wasn’t exactly shocking.

His outfit was ornate- and yet it was remarkably soft, falling in waves of fabric down his body, but clinging in all the appropriate places. Sheer, pale-blue sleeves hung well past his hands, slits running up the inside of them all the way to the elbow. The transparent material revealed smatters of freckles all over his skin, right down to the backs of his hands. 

His sleeves connected to an eggshell-white blouse, which sported shining golden buttons about the chest and collar. There was a shining yellow belt, then, from beneath which spilled a flowing and slightly ruffled white skirt. This, too, was accented with golden buttons looping around the hem. The brown leather tips of his shoes were just visible from underneath it. And the final component to the ensemble was his scarf, plush, hugging around his neck and shoulders, the color a deep crimson, shot through with streaks and speckles of gray. 

He was engrossed in his new form, examining himself with a seemingly ever-growing self-love. It took him quite a while to notice the hush that had fallen over the room, brought on by his presence. 

He glanced up with a start, seeing four pairs of incredulous eyes trained on him. 

“Oh, um,” he offered a small wave, “Hi?”

There was a beat.

Janus was the first to reply, stone-faced and blunt:

“What the fuck.”

“Yeah, I second that?” Virgil had pulled his headphones down around his neck, sitting up normally for once, posed tense as if he were about to stand. 

He- what was his name? He really ought to have one, seeing as he existed now!- Well, regardless, The Currently-Unnamed Side cleared his throat. He stood up a little straighter, flashing a wide smile for his audience. If he was going to be anything, it would be someone who made an excellent first impression. 

“Goodness gracious- it is just a pleasure to meet all of you! I’d really love to get to know you all better, but first I would really like to get to know myself. What am I, exactly?”

Logan jumped to his feet at once, his eyes sparkling like little stars. He was across the room and inspecting Currently-Unnamed in just a few long strides, pulling at the side’s arms and examining his face. He even pushed up C.U.’s oversized glasses to get a closer look at his eyes.

C.U. politely allowed the poking and prodding, knowing that Logan would probably be able to explain the situation. (Ah! There was one thing to know about himself; he admired Logan greatly.) 

The rest of the sides had gathered, one-by-one, to form a semi-circle around the new entity. They kept a respectful distance- well, mostly. Remus deigned to walk right up and audibly sniff C.U., which he was not a fan of (part of him was annoyed, but another, louder part of himself felt strongly amicable towards the trait. He’d have to talk more to his sibling- half-sibling?- later, then.)

The stunned silence was growing to be a bit awkward, as was all of the scrutiny C.U. faced. On one hand: attention!!!! On the other hand: attention… 

“You,” Logan spoke at last, an air of importance in his tone, “Seem to be some sort of fusion created between Patton and Roman.”

There was a respectable amount of gasping.

“A fusion?!” C.U. exclaimed, as though it hadn’t been so very obvious what he was, “We can do that?!”

“Evidently,” Logan was barely hiding his own excitement at the situation, smiling widely. 

“Oh- Oh my gosh! That’s awesome! I’m awesome! And awe-inspiring! And- and- and-” he sucked in a deep, gasping breath, and the word appeared in his mind as clear as a neon sign, “PATRON!”

“... Patron?” Janus muttered, looking him over appraisingly. 

“Yes, it’s a name- my name! That’s my name,” Patron confirmed with a nod, grinning broadly at nothing in particular. 

“We need to find out more about this,” Logan summoned a small notebook and pencil, flipping it open with one hand. “Now, given that we’re imaginary figments, it’s entirely possible that this is a result of Thomas’ affection for the show Steven Universe. It could be that his obsession incidentally resulted in granting us these, ah, abilities, via him subconsciously projecting elements of the show onto us. Or, it could be viewed as an extension of our abilities to shapeshift! Perhaps there’s more-”

“TEACH ME HOW TO DO IT!” Remus howled at Patron, draping himself over the much taller being. Patron gave him an indulging smile- it was only slightly strained- and opened his mouth to say he didn’t exactly know how he’d managed to fuse. 

“Wait,” Virgil interrupted, “How do we know if this is safe? What if they get stuck that way and we can’t get them out?”

“Well, the best way to figure it out is to study it, which is what I was saying,” Logan gestured to his little notebook.

“I’m just not sure about this.”

“When are you sure about anything?” Janus snarked, earning a hiss from Virgil. He hissed back, and it was unclear if it was playful or actually aggressive. Both sides then devolved into making senseless feral sounds at each other, disrupting pretty much any chance of civil conversation. 

“Who cares if it’s safe?” Remus spoke, mostly to himself, “It looks like fun.”

“It would benefit us to learn how it works before we-”

“That takes time, though-”

There was a particularly shrill hiss from Janus, exacerbating both of the budding arguments. It was headache-inducing.

“Okay!” Patron said, his voice surprisingly commanding. Immediately the squabbling silenced, the others looking guiltily in his direction. He coughed, suddenly unsure how to use this newfound power.  “Okay…” What was he saying? Oh, right- “You guys can keep arguing about me, if you wanna, but I think I’m going to go get to know myself a little better, before worrying about- any of that, actually.”

He extricated himself from the group. 

“Ooohh, get to know yourself, you say?” Remus winked. 

Patron was torn between laughing or maybe kicking him, so he settled for a nice middle ground.

“Shut up,” he slowly sunk out, “Please,” he added politely, as he left the living room behind him entirely. 

The room he rose up in was foreign and familiar in conjunction. He knew, immediately, that this was his home- one that had existed for about three seconds, but a home nonetheless. 

It felt like a dream. 

Happiness washed over Patron as soon as he arrived, it felt like walking on clouds. His vision was pleasantly hazy as he looked over the comfy-cozy room, filled to every corner with wonderful plush furniture. Every surface was patterned with flowers and lace and gold; every bit of them was as soft as loose spools of cotton and fluff. 

Patron went wide-eyed as he took it all in, smelling sweet candy, fresh roses, and earth. Almost unconsciously, he fell onto a loveseat, curling himself up in the pillows and blankets arranged on it. The lights were warm and soft, casting the room in a bubblegum-pink glow. Somewhere, distantly, music played.

“Oh, this is so pretty,” he whispered to himself. It didn’t feel like just himself, though. 

He couldn’t remember the last time either of his components had felt this way. This particular brand of contentment. The polar opposite of lonely. He felt… loved.

Patron laughed softly to himself, and it was a melody.

“I guess that answers that,” he laced his hands together, both sets, “You must adore each other, for me to love being me as much as I do.”

He imagined that the ‘revelation’ would embarrass the stuffing out of his components. They might be shy of each other, even. But, whole as he was, there was really no need to feel any embarrassment when he knew perfectly both of their perspectives. Yet again, Patton and Roman find a short-cut that means they don’t have to actually talk about their feelings! 

He laughed again, mostly at his own expense. 

“There’s one mystery solved,” Patron hummed, laying his head down upon the arm of the loveseat. His glasses were knocked up on his face, ones that he was only half-used to having, so he took them off and carefully placed them on the coffee table. It was already littered with various other objects; bright pink and pastel blue fidget toys, small bottles of nail polish, adult coloring books, small ceramic animal figurines- all of which he found himself immediately affectionate about.

Every item in the room seemed to give him a little bit more information about himself. Little things he knew intrinsically that he adored, things that hinted at his dislikes, tiny contradictions everywhere. It was almost overwhelming.

Patron huffed out a breath, sinking his fingers into foamy pillows beneath him. Before he knew it, his near-sighted eyes had fallen closed. He thought that, perhaps, it would be nice to learn about himself on his own terms. To take things slow. 

There would likely be a lot to figure out when he unfused, but unfortunately/fortunately for Patron, both of his components were quite the procrastinators, content to bask in this for as long as they wanted.

(I feel I should say that it’s pronounced “PAH-tron” not like the actual word patron haha.)

Taglist: @shrimp-crockpot @glitter-skeleton-uwu @donnieluvsthings @intruxiety @thefivecalls @did-he-just-hiss-at-me @gayformlessblob 

#royality #my writing #fanfiction #fanfic #sanders sides #ts #ts fusion au #fusion #WijjFusionAU #sanders sides fanfiction #ts fanfic #ts patton #patton #ts roman #roman #sympathetic sides #romantic royality

[universe-n-3276]

Carrying the moon

Chapter 5

"Hero! No! Holy ... "

Jens wanted to run as far as he could from that situation. He loved that child more than anything and he truly considered himself his uncle. Sander trusted him and, that morning, it was his turn with Hero. Everyone always offered to help Sander when he had a class. They had a nice system and everyone could bond with the baby by spending some time alone with him. Jens was used to taking care of small children. When his youngest sister was born, he had always helped his mother, and, unlike his boyfriend, he liked babies very much and had no problem in admitting it.

At that particular moment, he was trying to feed Hero, but the kid was having a lot more fun throwing the food everywhere instead of eating it. Jens didn't know whether to laugh or cry. He was feeling dirty, the table was a mess, as his and Hero’s clothes.

When he heard the buzzer, Jens almost wanted to cry with happiness. Lucas, who probably had forgotten his keys, was about to save him, as often happened in the most various situations. He picked Hero up and buzzed his boyfriend in, leaving the door half-open, so he wouldn't have to come back again, and went to the bathroom to try and fix the mess on his own and Hero's clothes.

As he fumbled with a wet cloth, the boy heard the door shut heavily with a thud.

"I'm in the bathroom and I need help, hurry!”

He yelled at Lucas, trying to entertain Hero, who was staring at him with his huge green eyes. After a few seconds a head peeked out through the doorframe, but it wasn't who Jens expected to see.

"I thought you were Luc-"

"Shit, I didn’t know he was here, sorry."

They spoke at the same time. Robbe's eyes went wide, observing the baby in Jens's arms. He had a petrified expression on his face, and Jens wasn't sure if the other was about to faint or throw up. Maybe both.

"You can go if you want, but I really could use your help."

Robbe was hesitant, but then he decided to do what his best friends wanted. As soon as Hero saw him, he gave him a huge smile, showing the four teeth he had in his mouth. The boy froze, immediately turning his face to Jens. Maybe asking for help hadn't been his best idea. However, he couldn’t explain to himself, how anyone, especially Robbe, would remain impassive to that mini-Sander, who was smiling at him. Jens realized that there were probably many things, his best friend and he hadn’t spoken about.

"What do you want me to do?"

"You can hold him while-"

"No."

Jens blinked at Robbe's blunt answer. He didn’t want to get mad, but the other was trying to make his life more complicated. He couldn't actually be that angry with a child.

"In my room, there is a green bag with all of his stuff. Can you take one of his clean shirts and bring it to me, please? "

He tried to be as diplomatic as possible, because first of all, he needed two more hands, and secondly, he wanted Robbe to stay and talk to him about that situation at all costs. The other nodded, disappearing shortly behind the door.

Thanks to Robbe's presence, Jens was able to fix the mess that Hero had made and to prepare a bottle of formula for the baby to drink. He knew he should try to feed him the soup, but he didn’t want to start cleaning everything all over again.

They were sitting on the sofa, Hero was drinking from the bottle, with his eyes fixed on Robbe, as if he was following his father's instructions.

"He looks just like Sander."

Robbe said, filling the silence. His gaze had softened, and his movements were visibly more relaxed.

"Is this the first time you see him after what happened?”

“You know very well that I didn’t even want to know his name until today, and the fact that Sander called him almost like a Bowie song doesn't surprise me at all. It’s actually weird that he didn't call him David or Ziggy. "

Robbe brushed lightly his fingers on Hero’s cheek, and the baby gripped one of his fingers with his little chubby hand, without taking his green eyes off of him. Every little gesture from Hero brought Robbe a little closer to Sander.

"You never told me why you didn't want to raise him together with Sander."

It was the first question he asked about that topic. Jens was naturally curious and wanted to know why his best friend ended a relationship that had lasted for years and never had a setback. It couldn't have happened just because of Hero. Becoming a father was a big responsibility but the Robbe he had known for years had never stepped back in front of a challenge, especially if someone he loved was involved.

"Thinking about that morning is a bit surreal, especially now that he is here and is the exact copy of the person I loved most. Have you ever seen a photo of Sander at his age?”

Jens shook his head and Robbe smiled, brushing Hero's hair with an absent look and a small smile on his lips.

“You wouldn't be able to tell them apart. There is nothing of Max in him, and if I didn’t know his story, I would tell you that there is also nothing of Charlotte in him. It feels like he came straight out of one of my daydreams about the future. I always wanted to raise a mini Sander."

"So?"

Jens was confused by the turn that conversation had taken, and he couldn't wait patiently for his best friend to get to the whole point of that story, exactly like a child who listens to a tale and wants to get to the best part right away.

“And then that morning everything went wrong. How Sander asked it to me, as if it were something that concerned him alone, did nothing but increase my doubts. He could have asked me in a thousand other ways and right now things would be completely different. But no, he said, “I decided this and I will never change my mind”. I felt overwhelmed and left out. I couldn't be with Sander who was raising a child on his own, and who didn't think I was fit enough to make parenting decisions."

“I think you just didn't understand each other. And the fact that you guys stopped talking instead of trying to make some clarity, certainly didn’t make things better. If I have learned something from my relationship with Lucas, it is that to make things work, you have to talk, explain your reasons, without waiting for the other to guess what’s on your mind, because no one can read thoughts, no matter how well they know you. "

Robbe shrugged and nodded. Jens wasn't into deep talks, but being with Lucas had helped him to grow up and not be afraid to express his feelings with words. Sometimes it was necessary to put aside all the jokes and laughter and talk about things that mattered.

“When Sander and I broke up, we forgot everything we had learned about each other during our time together, probably because we were so hurt that we focused on how to manage the pain, instead of thinking that none of us wanted to end our relationship. Now it's too late."

"Why?"

Jens frowned. After that speech, he was ready to lock Sander and Robbe in a room until they put their shit together.

“I have a date tonight. A colleague of mine introduced me to his brother. He seems nice."

Jens’ world suddenly collapsed as if they were talking about his relationship. Hero, Robbe, and Sander were a family, they always were and they were destined to be. Forever. What had been happening for seven months was all extremely wrong and only getting worse.

Maybe luck was no longer on their side.

[previous] / [next]

#wtfock #sander driesen #robbe ijzermans #drijzermans #robbe x sander #rosander #sobbe #jens stoffels #wtfam #carrying the moon

[inactiive-shit]

Just Until

Masterlist

Sanders Sides

Warnings: panic attack

Ship: Platonic moxiety

Summary: Virgil has not been having a good week. Patton knows a guy.

~~~~~

Virgil’s been in college for about four months. It was his freshman year, his very first time being totally on his own, and in that time he had turned nineteen, celebrated his birthday alone, not gone home over break and been entirely overwhelmed by his work load and having to exist as a real, functional person simultaneously.

It had been...a lot.

And if that had been all it was, he could have lived with that. He could have figured out how to do his own laundry and regulate his eating habits and sleep enough to function and share his space with a total stranger and do his homework and be alone. He could have dealt with all of that and he would not have even complained about having to do it because at least he was getting the opportunity. Plenty of other people who had come from his background had not gotten such an opportunity and he just wanted to prove he was more than the sum of his parts.

And yet.

He would have just kept trudging along, keeping the tears on the inside where they belonged, but he’d gone to pick up his prescription the other day and was told his insurance no longer covered it. It was a mistake, some stupid paperwork misfiled or mislabeled or something, but regardless, he could not afford his meds without insurance and the mistake would not be fixed for another week. Then the college had contacted him and told him that he couldn’t actually have his emotional support animal because his forms were invalid or something that he couldn’t really remember now, and he hadn’t even brought back the snake he had picked out yet.

In short, it had been a fucking awful few days.

So here he was, bawling his eyes out and as quietly as he could, curled up on his bed. It was Friday, so it wasn’t likely that his roommates would be coming back until tomorrow or the next day; they were usually all out every weekend, and though two of them had made an attempt to include Virgil in whatever weekend activities they had going on, Virgil was pretty comfortable with having the dorm to himself for the weekend. And especially when he did things like cry his eyes out in his dorm.

So really, the less people there to witness it, the better.

Virgil really should have known it wasn’t going to go like that.

A few minutes into his well-deserved meltdown, a key turned in his lock. Oh shit, Virgil thought, but there was no time to even his breathing or hide his tear-stained face before someone loomed in his doorway and the only thing he could see of them was a pair of glasses glinting in the light. He shrank back, pulling the blanket up around his head. If he had to die today, he would at least do it without facing the world.

“Kiddo, is that you?” said the person. “Silly question. Sorry. Of course it’s you. Logan and Roman are both at Dee’s place. What are you up to?” The only person this could be was Patton, one of his three roommates, which somehow Virgil thinks may actually be worse than if either of their other roommates had walked in on this. Patton always wanted to talk about whatever was going on and he would tell Virgil about what they were doing and invite him along even though they had barely ever spoken and he didn’t even know who Dee was.

“Nothing,” Virgil gasped from under his blanket, chest hitching.

“Are you alright?” Patton asked, followed by a panicked, “Virgil, are you crying?”

“No. Fine,” Virgil spat even though that wasn’t vaguely true and they both knew it.

“What happened?” Patton sat down on Virgil’s bed and rested his hand gently on Virgil’s shoulder despite the layers and layers of blankets between them. Virgil hiccuped on a sob and clapped a hand to his mouth.

“Nothing,” he said again.

“Virge, you don’t just start crying for no reason,” Patton said gently. “What’s going on?”

“It’s stupid and it’s not important and it’s nothing, can you just leave me alone?”

“I would,” Patton said slowly, “if that’s what you really wanted. Is it, kiddo? You have to tell me.”

“I-I don’t-” Ever so softly, Patton removed the blanket from Virgil’s face.

“Oh, kiddo,” he said. Virgil was sure his face looked a mess, eyeliner and eyeshadow smeared like he’d spent the last few days without taking it off. Patton didn’t look disgusted though, despite the fact that it was disgusting. “What happened, sweetheart?”

“Everything’s fucked and I just-I can’t do this, I don’t even know what I’m doing.” Virgil pressed his hand back over his mouth and leaned into his knees. Patton made some soft noise and pulled Virgil into his arms.

“It’s okay,” Patton said. “It’s going to be okay. You don’t have to know what you’re doing right now. It’s okay.” He rubbed a hand so comfortingly over Virgil’s back, in a way that he had never experienced before, and he held Virgil so snuggly in his arms. It felt safe and Virgil rarely felt like that, like he could just be. They stayed that way until Virgil finished crying so hard he couldn’t speak.

Once he was finally breathing normally and didn’t feel like he was actively combusting, Patton started to get up.

“W-wait,” Virgil exclaimed, immediately feeling stupid for it. If Patton had taken all that he could of Virgil’s nonsense, he had every right to leave right now and they would never have to speak about this again. It would be less embarrassing for Virgil and less cumbersome for Patton. It would be better.

“I was just going to get you a water bottle, kiddo. You’re going to be feeling awfully dehydrated after that. I was going to come right back. What’s wrong?” Oh, Virgil thought, feeling almost faint. He wasn’t leaving.

“I just-do you mind if we stay like this for a little longer?” He spoke quickly, ripped it off like a bandaid so that at least the rejection would be quicker, there would be less waiting and uncertainty.

“Of course,” Patton said, and he settled right back into the bed, hugging Virgil to him. “Whatever you need.” He ran a hand through Virgil’s hair, scratching lightly at his scalp. It made Virgil melt. If he had been able to think more clearly, he would have been surprised it worked, surprised Patton had stayed for him. But he couldn’t really think that straight at the moment.

“Feel better?” Patton asked after a few more minutes. Virgil nodded. “Good. Do you want to talk about what’s wrong now?”

“Uh, I ran out of my meds and they aren’t refilled yet, and the university denied my request for a service animal, and there’s just so much to do, I’m-I’m just overwhelmed.” Virgil pulled away from Patton to sit on his own. He realized rather suddenly that Patton had somewhere else to be, someone he was meeting, and was not by any means required or even expected to deal with Virgil’s bullshit. He was just being a bother to his overly polite roommate. “I’m sorry. You shouldn’t have had to-”

“It’s okay, Virge.” Patton patted his hand before he could finish. “We’re friends. I like helping the people I care about. You’re not imposing on me at all.” He smiled. Virgil was confused. They were friends? They’d exchanged maybe four sentences the whole time they’d been rooming together. He didn’t know what to say to that. “I’m sorry you have to deal with all that,” Patton continued. “What were you going to get for a service animal?”

“A snake,” Virgil said. He felt obligated to answer Patton’s questions because he had listened to Virgil cry even when he had been busy, but he really just wanted Patton to get on with what he was doing before so that he wouldn’t end up resenting Virgil for being such a crybaby about something that should have been nothing. “I was going to name him Caspar. Seriously though, Patton, you don’t have to stay here and do this. Go meet up with your friends. I’ll be fine.”

“Well,” Patton said thoughtfully, squinting down at Virgil’s blankets. “You want me to meet my friends, but I don’t want to leave you here alone. I know!” He grabbed Virgil’s hand excitedly, a smile breaking out across his face. “You can come over to Dee’s apartment! We can all hang out together.”

“Oh, I don’t know-”

“Dee even has some pet snakes,” Patton wheedled. When Virgil still looked unsure, he aimed his best puppy dog eyes at him. “C’mon, Virge. It’ll be fun, and if you don’t like it, we can come right back here. I promise. Justy try? It might make you feel better if you’re not alone, you know.”

Virgil sighed. “Fine. But only because I want to see the snakes.”

“That’s great, kiddo.” Patton practically bounced off the bed after that. “I’ll go get you a water bottle, and we can go as soon as you’re ready!” He scampered off to the shared kitchen area, and Virgil pulled on his shoes before stopping in the bathroom to wash his face. With the tear tracks and smeared eye-liner washed away and a goal in mind, Virgil did feel a little better.

It still took more willpower than he would admit to force himself out of the bathroom to meet Patton and begin their trek over to Dee’s house. Whoever Dee was. His snakes better be pretty frickin’ cool, otherwise Virgil was going to bail at the first opportunity.

“Virge?”

“Hmm?” Virgil hummed.

“I think you’re going to be just fine.”

“Huh,” Virgil said. “Thanks.”

“I mean it. You’re more capable than you think. You’ll make it through.” Patton smiled, this time soft and comforting, and Virgil couldn’t deny that being out with Patton did feel better than being cooped up in that tiny room. So Virgil smirked back, as friendly as he could, and decided that he really would give this whole hanging-out-with-acquaintances thing a try.

Just until he got his snake, just until he didn’t feel like one more task would send him spiralling into an inky abyss, just until they were friends instead of acquaintances, and then Virgil would do something else he’d never done before: he’d give that whole hanging-out-with-friends thing a try. And he might just like it enough to keep doing it. And maybe, once the semester ended, he would have a pet snake and new friends and somewhere nice to spend his summer.

Just until he got his snake, though. Just until then.

#sanders sides #ts virgil sanders #ts patton sanders #virgil sanders #patton sanders #ts virgil #ts patton #ts anxiety #ts morality #moxiety #platonic moxiety #just until #my writing #fanfic

[offputtingoffspring]

It’s autism month and my birthday, so to celebrate here’s a post dedicated to my special interests and hyperfixations

-bugs (they are so small and little! I love)

-pokemon (I seriously love this series so much, my biggest and first ever special interest, I especially love the games as the instructions are clear and easy to understand and the plushes because they’re cute and the material feels really nice)

-outsiders (this book, I love it, too bad the author is trash)

-dc and marvel (I absolutely love superhero comics and movies, especially when they have to hide their secret identity, because it reminds me of me masking my autism and coping mechanisms

-daemonism (its just so interesting, I wish the community was bigger though) -wtnv (fandom is dead, but I just love everything about it)

-otherkin and therianism (I used to think that this was cringy because of youtubers, but I looked further into it and everybody in the community is so sweet and amazing, they helped me realize what I was kin with and were so accepting no matter what)

-fnaf (don’t like the games because I’m jumpscare sensitive but the characters and fan content is amazing, and I’ve made a ton of friends through the fandom)

-batim (again, not a game fan, but because of this fandom I found one of my favorite artist and it brought me and my best friend way closer)

-dsaf (another fandom that helped me find a great artist, the game is hilarious and I can actually play it due to it being less scary than fnaf, the characters are some of my favorites, and the au content is so creative)

-ferrets (favorite animal, I want a little slinky so bad, I have so many ferret facts written down)

-the phobia project (the people making this are so talented, it’s so cool how they mixed the game’s story with purple’s and Leon is an absolute sweetheart, I love the characters)

-sander sides (thomas sanders content has helped me through so much and when I found his new series of course I had to binge it also I really identify with Logan and heavily headcanon him as autistic)

-minecraft (first youtube video I ever watched was minecraft, it’s so calming and nice, like you can sit down and just build, and the players of this game are super talented at building, I love it)

-slenderverse (just, all of it. I love watching everything go from just a project I’m doing to oh shit this thing is following me, the characters are always so amazing and I can identify myself so well with all of the, it makes you genuinely feel bad for them, the characters just feel so real)

-blacklight story (it’s just a story that me and my friend are making together, I’ve had so much fun working on it with her, I could infodump so much about this)

-sonic (silver, autistic silver, silver stimming)

-horror movies (they’re so fun to draw and follow along with! Especially the cheesy slasher films)

-digimon (not a very big fandom, the first 2 seasons were really good, but the third season was so amazing, and the movie was the best!!!, also terriermon, just terriermon)

-yokia watch (I remember shipping Eddie and Nate so hard, the jibanyan clones are unoriginal but I love all of them, the nokos are my favorite, I’ve always wanted a panda noko so bad, also the multiplayer aspects were so fun!!)

-studio ghibli (their animation is so nice and beautiful!! I love all their movies so much! Especially Ponyo and Howl’s moving castle)

-plants (theyre like therapy for me, alot of times I don’t feel like getting up, but make myself so I can make sure they’re healthy, also it makes me super happy to see them growing healthily because it reminds me that not everything has to be bad)

-animal crossing (don’t have the game, but the characters, I love)

#actuallyautistic #bugs #pokemon #dc #marvel #daemonism #therian #otherkin #fnaf #batim #dsaf #ferrets #the phobia project #sanders sides #minecraft #slenderverse #blacklight #sonic #horror #digimon #yokai watch #studio ghibli #plants #animal crossing

[bookworm411]

A Love Letter to Steven Universe

I was eighteen when I first watched Steven Universe. My friends had been trying to get me to watch it for...i don’t even know how long. Years maybe? Because it was a long, long time before I watched the show that they had me listen to Here Comes a Thought when I was feeling particularly anxious one night. I’m pretty sure I cried. I’d never heard a song describe anxiety in such a clear way, and I used it to help calm myself for a long time after, before i even knew who the characters were or what the episode it came from was even about. 

Then I started watching Thomas Sanders on YouTube, and he’s a big fan of the show. The more I watched his videos and heard him talk about it, plus the nagging from my friends, the more I thought about watching it. 

Now, this was after I’d graduated high school, and I wasn’t in the best mental space. I couldn’t get into/afford collage, I didn’t have a job or even know how to start finding one, or honestly have the urge to get one, so I was at home by myself a lot. All day every day, alone with my thoughts and my sense of, well, uselessness as a human being, with only YouTube, Netflix, and Hulu to keep me company while all my other friends were out doing something with their lives.

I’d been depressed for a long time without realizing it, but this isolation only made things worse. 

Thomas Sanders helped. His Sanders Sides videos brought me into a community full of amazing, supportive people. People who...also loved Steven Universe. 

So eventually on one of my long hours trying to decide what to watch after finishing Gravity Falls and trying to fill that void, i decided why not? There were a lot of episodes, it would fill the time for a while. 

Anyone who’s watched the first few episodes of the show know that it’s...interesting. The first season itself is something one of a kind, but those first few episodes with Cookie Cat and Frybo know that the first time experience of those episodes are something you’ll ever forget, for better or worse. 

There were things i didn’t like, of course. there were weird animation moments, Steven was a little bit too annoying at times, Lars was an asshole. 

But oh man, the great stuff. Garnet’s complete mystery, Connie’s introduction episode, Giant Woman, Amethyst's pure chaos, the absolute love between the gems and Steven, The Cool Kids being absolute sweethearts to Steven, Greg being so supportive even if he’s a little distant from the gems, Steven’s clear want to know his mother, Together Breakfast, Secret Club, Pearl and Amethyst slowly starting to understand each other and get along. Fucking Stevonie. Lion. the flashback episodes where we got to get to know Rose the same way Steven did, the songs. 

Don’t even get me started on the songs. 

I was singing along with the opening two or three episodes in. 

I started to loo forward to it, as I went through the show. My days went: wake up, get food, watch Steven Universe, probably do something else for a bit, go to bed. Repeat. 

(like i said, i had nothing else to do) 

I fell in love with the show. I saw a lot of myself in Steven (yes i know i said he was annoying but so was I). In fact i don’t think I’d ever related to a character more. His kindness, his absolute willingness to help anyone who needs it, the love he has for everyone and everything. He was everything i wanted that part of me to be. I was a very eager to please kid, always running errands for teachers, bringing presents for classmates, offering comfort to someone when they needed it. I’m not trying to brag or boast, that’s just...always been who I am. To a fault. 

So yeah, I saw a lot of myself (mostly my younger self) in Steven. It helped me connect to him and relate to him easily. 

But also, as a storyteller, I was enthralled with the world. The idea of the gems, who they are, where they come from, watching the Townies get used to the weird stuff always going on, watching Steven become a Crystal Gem. The art was beautiful and again, the songs. There were just so many things that I loved about the show that only grew the more i watched it. 

Man, I don’t think I’ll ever forget watching Jail Break. Everyone in the fandom talks about it, but it really is just an iconic episode. Meeting Ruby and Sapphire, realizing Garnet is a fusion (which was obvious in hindsight but shut up), Stronger Than You, the baddass fight between Garnet and Jasper. The Lapis and Jasper fusion, the shared feeling between me and the characters at the end of “well. that just happened. what now?” 

I loved learning about Beach City, how the gems were involved in the history of it, how different Steven’s Earth is to ours (39 states?) 

Then, oh man, Peridot, the growing realization of Steven learning how to deal with his mom’s shadow. I absolutely love the episode where he and the cool kids find Peridot’s escape pod. They had the guts to say to the gems what Steven didn’t or couldn’t or didn’t even know he should. 

I could go on and on, about all my favorite plot points, songs, characters, but this is already so long and I’m only on season 2. 

Watching Steven grow, go from this little kid who just wanted to be a part of the team to being the leader of the team was incredible. The show talked about real stuff and showed real problems. Everything from making the gems understand that Steven was still a kid to understanding that a step parent can love you more than your biological one. Even just dealing with loneliness and trying find your place in the world, which Steven goes through multiple times. 

I can’t count the number of times i re-watched the show. It was my pick-me-up show for when the depression was getting me down, when i needed some light in my life. 

During all of this, through every Steven bomb that came out after i finished season four, i started going through my own journey of trying to find my place in the world. I started to go to therapy, eventually. I’ve got a job now, which is nice (if exhausting). I’m 20 now, though, so it took a long time for me to get here, and I’m still trying. 

But there were moments that I always held onto. Watching Change Your Mind for the first time as it aired, getting so excited when a new episode was coming on (it reminded me a lot of when i was little, when i would do the same thing for Teen Titans or some other show. The times before you could just pause the TV were fun yet stressful for your bladder). settling down and watching new episodes with my friends when they came over. Singing Here Comes a Thought to my friend’s son when he was an infant, and then watching him watch the TV as the song played while i was re-watching Mindful Education, and then looking at me, like he recognized it as the song I’ll sing to him sometimes. Man I can’t wait until he’s a little older so we can watch it together. 

Steven Universe Future honestly reflected the person i was when i first started watching the show (on a very superficial level). Steven trying to figure out what to do now that the universe didn’t need him to save it, him trying to see where he fits in again. Him finally, finally coming to terms with the fact that he is not okay, and having that meltdown that finally led to him getting help, and that got through to his family that he needed them, not the other way around. 

I just watched the finale today. I cried like a baby. I’m not afraid to admit it. Watching something that means so much to you end is the definition of bittersweet. 

Seven Universe was there for me in my darkest times, when I needed that bit of light. He brought me closer to my friends, helped me make new ones. Gave me something to love when that was hard for me to do. 

Now, the show didn’t cure me. It didn’t snap something inside of me or anything like that. It was just a comfort. A warm blanket wrapped around me with a cup of hot cocoa on a snowy day. It didn’t make the snow go away, but it blocked out the cold long enough for me to remember what it’s like to feel warm again, and make me want to seek that warmth permanently. 

So thank you, Steven, for everything you’ve done. I’m glad you’re getting the help you need now too. 

And thank you Rebecca Sugar, for bringing this light into the world. For fighting for your vision, gifting us your talents, and being a true inspiration to me and many other creators. I can’t wait to see what you’ll do next (hopefully after you take a long deserved vacation). 

I can’t believe we’ve come so far. 

#steven universe #long post #tw depression mention #a love letter to steven universe

[dukeofonions]

Reaction Redux (I know it doesn’t make sense but it sounds cool)

Alright, here is my initial reaction to Putting Others First: Selfishness vs Selflessness Redux.

It’s finally here, I’ve watched it a total of two times and currently have it on in the background as I type this, and I have a lot of feelings. All of which would be too much for one post, so after I do this I’ll be making a few separate posts addressing certain points I’d like to expand on further. 

So what I’m going to do is have the video playing as I write this out, that way I don’t miss out anything I wanted to discuss. Basically it’s not gonna be a full on analysis, just a lot of random ramblings with what I hope are some insightful gems sprinkled throughout. Consider these my notes for all my future serious analysis posts. 

Good? Great. Let’s go.  (Also spoilers under the cut)

So, how did I feel as I watched the video for the first time? Well considering I got the notification for the video while I was still at work, I couldn’t get as excited as I wanted to be about it because I didn’t get off until 8pm and had to deal with one too many dunderheads so I was pretty grumpy once I got off. 

However, as soon as I got home and retreated to the safety of my isolation fortress (aka my bedroom) I was finally able to get excited as I got on my laptop and pulled up the video and let me just say I was a mess the entire time. I missed my boys!!! I knew they wouldn’t all be present, but I still missed my boys!!! And I loved seeing them again!!! 

First things first, that song at the beginning! I think it’s called Review Redux (correct me if I’m wrong) it’s such a freaking bop and I wish it was longer because I could listen to it all day. I loved the artwork and little details that went into their characters, and how each of the circles represented who was singing/talking by their colors. Fun stuff and a great way to recap everything! As well as foreshadow things to come within the episode… “If our goals aligned with his what would that say?” Roman you’re in for a rude awakening bud… 

Also, the little moment near the beginning where Patton is about to shut Thomas’ negative thinking down, but stops himself and allows Thomas to explain why he feels that way. Showing that he’s learned to ease up just a little since he learned to do so in Dealing With Intrusive Thoughts. Good for you Patton. 

Speaking of Patton, oh he is so confused. I understand where he’s coming from, and honestly everything he said are things I have been taught growing up, and this is something I’ll address in another post because I have a lot of things to say about it. But just know that I adore the development Patton has been going through and watching him grow and mature. 

Oh yes, I must mention I was pleasantly surprised to see Logan. I didn’t think he’d show up in this episode, or at the very least have a brief appearance, but I love how he took part and by far the funniest part in this episode (to me) is when he had so much to say in one little post that it popped up and hit Patton in the nose. It was one of the few moments where I laughed out loud and I rewound it a few times on my first viewing. 

Plus Thomas being more concerned about the blinds than Patton. My type of humor. And Roman actually gets to use his sword for once, good for him! 

(Funny enough as I typed this the video got to that part at the exact same time so I got a nice little laugh again) 

Which brings up my next point: Logan getting yoinked after Patton skips his dialogue. No one talks about how he does his little impression of that philosopher, am I the only one who found that utterly adorable? 

Let Logan geek out over philosophers please. He clearly loves it so much. 

Then we get to Roman believing he’s the one responsible for everything, wanting to give up the driver’s seat to Patton. And just… This exchange of dialogue:

Thomas: “Roman, I only mean well when I say…” Thomas: “That that is the stupidest thing you have ever said.” Roman: “Oh Thomas, you’re just blowing smoke.” 

I don’t know why I enjoy this so much but I do. Give me more of this. I crave it now.

And I just need to make a whole post about Patton in this video, there is so much to unpack with him alone.

Looking back and noticing that Thomas only starts listening to Logan after he’s been replaced by Deceit kinda hurts. 

Speaking of which, can we appreciate how much better Deceit has gotten at impersonating Logan? Looks like he took Roman’s advice and focused on the little things. Good for him. 

Alright, one of my absolute favorite parts from this episode and where things really start to shine: Patton freaks out and turns into a giant frog because he’s so desperate to have an answer for them he flips and honestly, sounds a little crazy. Which, I don’t know why but I find it both menacing and hilarious at the same time? 

Also the fact he turns into a frog because he was talking about Frogger earlier, nice touch! (And Lilypadton that’s so cute) 

Then we get probably the single greatest character entrance in the history of character entrances. We find out that Deceit finally reveals himself and steps in to stand up to Patton and get him to see how his actions have been having a negative effect on Thomas. 

The way his voice changes from Logan’s to his own, his music kicking in, “The Lord of the Lies” oh my gosh it’s all just perfect! Also Roman’s “Reptilian Rapscallion! Reptilian Rapscallion! We’ve got a code yellow!” 

And if I may: Roman: “What have you done with Logan?!” Deceit: “Nothing at all and I resent the question.” 

WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM YOU SNEK?! 

(in all honest probably nothing but what if) 

Important to note here that Roman instantly begins defending Patton from Deceit as soon as he accuses him of misleading Thomas. This goes to show just how much Roman views him as a villain. Or in other words: Patton, good. Deceit, bad. A viewpoint he continues to hold onto until the end of the episode, which also deserves it’s entire post because we all know how much turbulence that caused within the fandom. 

And to the observant eye, you’ll notice that the cane (or staff) Deceit uses is the same one that dragged Logan off screen. 

Frog puns. That is all.

I just, I love Deceit’s dialogue throughout this scene. It’s stuff I need to hear and tell myself on a regular basis. And I’d honestly rewatch this part (along with the rest of what Deceit and Logan say later on in the video) because it’s all something I need to also teach myself. But this ain’t meant to be a personal post so I’ll just move on. 

Deceit’s walk towards the camera. I don’t know why. It’s so smooth. He’s amazing. I love him. Snek… 

I have problems don’t @ me. 

Also no one is mentioning the reference to that one “Turn based rpg” short that Thomas made with his friends and I find that sad because it’s a neat and fitting reference given the theme of this video. Also earlier on when the trolley problem is first brought up all the people on the bottom track are Thomas’ friends. Another neat little detail, though sadly, their digital selves perished. 

PETER SINGER 

Logan doesn’t seem to like Deceit much, not outright hate him or anything, but it’s more like he just tolerates him but doesn’t seek to get on good terms with him. Which is a shame because as both parts of SVS have proven, these two have the capacity to work together. Which is why I hope Logan gets a debate episode with him as well because out of all the Sides, these two have interacted the least and that needs to be remedied (especially when they’re my two favorites) 

Deceit is trying to make Roman understand, but he’s so caught up in this black and white thinking that he disregards everything Deceit says! Why? Because the last time he tried to hear Deceit out he was reprimanded. (In other words, I relate to Roman so much in this that it hits a little too close to home and I’m definitely making a separate post about this. 

Deceit: *confused* Trees? And I’m so glad I found out I’m not the only dunce who thought Deceit’s name was going to be written on his hand… 

But seriously this whole moment, with the buildup, Deceit’s reluctance to share his name, the music, I’d put it up there with Virgil’s “I was one of them” for best Sanders Sides scenes.

Also, Deceit’s name is Janus! I was a little iffy about it at first, but since I didn’t ever really have a prediction for his name, I wasn’t disappointed and the name is growing on me. 

And then, the moment of trust is immediately ruined by Roman laughing. Dude, come on. (again though, post for another time because I understand where Roman is coming from here)

In all seriousness though I just love the last bits of this episode. The emotion, the angst, it doesn’t hold back and I appreciate the team taking things a step further than normal. Usually, moments like this are followed up by a joke to play it off, but they don’t do that after Roman sinks out. They stay in the moment until it’s had time to sink in. I wish the episode had ended a little more somberly, but I think this is a good step in the right direction. Showing that there won’t always be a 100% happy conclusion to things. Sometimes you need to take time in between to figure things out. 

This line: “Do you think there’s a limit to how many times someone can say sorry before you have to admit that they’re just bad for you?” This line is so important to me within the context of the episode and outside of it. I won’t get too personal but I will say that I was raised to believe that if a person wronged me in any way, that if they said sorry, I had to forgive them. Even if they did the same thing over and over and over again. As long as they apologize, you have to forgive them and move on. And that has messed me up in so many different ways, especially when those people are family. 

Janus sums it up best with “It depends” because yes, some people make the same mistakes again and again. But there’s a difference between someone trying to change and accidentally falling back on old habits, and someone taking advantage of your “forgiveness” that they continue to do those hurtful things because they know they can get away with it and not have to change. 

Also, while it’s totally fine for people to dislike Patton, I can’t understand how anyone could watch this episode and claim that he’s still the same as he was at the beginning of SVS Part One because he has changed. He has finally realized just how much he’s been hurting Thomas, and even Roman. He sinks out at the end to apologize to him, he recognizes his faults, and he’s seeking to make amends. He wants to do the right thing here, and keep in mind that recently a lot of his views (which are also Thomas’ views) have been flipped on their heads and they both need to rethink some things. It’s part of growing up and becoming your own person. 

I need to make a whole post about the more personal things that I got from the last three episodes (excluding Asides) because there’s just so many important things these episodes teach and I feel the need to address them. 

Also everyone sleeping on the fact that Leslie Odom Jr. just casually makes an appearance and attempts to start a pilot episode for his own series “Odom Sides” which I wish him luck on. He just wants to be in the room where it happens. 

Everything Patton did was for Thomas, so he wouldn’t be left in the dark again. He promised to keep fighting but ultimately, ended up fighting himself. Am I deep yet?

“Those imperfections don’t make you any less worthy of love” can you tell how much this episode means to me yet? 

Janus’ “I’ll take care of him.” Ack, he just cares so much… My gosh… Where did this character come from and what did he do with the slimy boi? (I mean that in two different ways)

Oh, there he is. That’s my boi. 

“There are smarter ways to get people to do what you want anyway.” “There are much less barbaric, much more fun, forms of sabotage.” 

Parallels? Maybe? What the heck I love Janus whether he’s encouraging Thomas to look after his mental health or plot his schemes in the shadows. Do I trust Janus? Oh heck no, of course not. There is something suspicious going on here and I both love it and hate it. More on that in a different post though.

“You’re not stuck with an evil snake boi. You’re just stuck with a snek boi.” 

Yes Thomas, continue to overthink every little issue until it results in a mental breakdown. Hm, sounds like what someone with anxiety does… I suppose that’s why this series exists. 

Okay call me a bad person but I almost always space out during Thomas’ messages to the viewers at the end of the videos. I don’t know why but I cannot focus on them to save my life and usually end up skipping past them to get to the end card. I dunno, maybe because it takes me out of the moment? Especially during episodes where they don't’ address the audience at all and then suddenly “Oh yeah! This is a Youtube series lol” it just feels out of place in more story driven episodes like this one. 

Okay am I the only one that’s kinda creeped out by Lee and Mary Lee? I dunno they just seem, off. Like if they were characters in a horror movie they’d be that overly nice couple that turn out to be the killers. Those are the vibes they give me. Maybe it’s because I have zero people skills due to being homeschooled all my life and the only social interaction I get is with coworkers so I dunno. They still creep me out. They creep me out more than Remus. And he legit freaked me out for a bit before he stole my heart. (I suppose this means I need to make a separate post about these two because I do have some opinions about whether or not it was a good idea to actually include them at the end. When I said I had too many thoughts about this episode I meant it)

And if the end card is any indication, I’m going to assume that the Sides are invisible to everyone except Thomas. Unless they’re just “observing” and not even Thomas can see them at this point, given he shows no indication of seeing or hearing them there. Maybe they get to choose when they’re visible? Or Thomas does? I dunno, the rules of this universe have never been clearly stated and are inconsistent. 

I didn’t expect Patton to be the first to accept Janus, and I’m kinda glad I was proven wrong. It does seem fitting with Patton’s growth and I liked their little moment at the end. 

And that wraps up my commentary. I hope you found something in this mess of, things. I plan to go more in depth with my separate posts which I’m going to have fun writing, so be on the lookout for those! 

Also at the time of writing this I now have 63 followers?! Thank y’all so much! I never thought this blog would get this far and I’m so glad it did because I’m having a lot of fun with it and hope to bring out more content regularly! Again, thank you!!

#sanders sides #ts spoilers #sanders sides spoilers

[ayellowcurtain]

Could you write something about after Fridays clip? U know, them waking up and helping each other, how would they talk, Robbe getting soft and really sad, Sander feeling angry about those assholes and taking care of Robbe... // can you write a Sander POV for the blissful first minute of yesterday's clip? I don't even mean necessarily dialogue, in fact just Sander's introspection/feelings/thought process during their date

--

Sander’s skin is rough all over, he’s constantly feeling goosebumps rise all the way to his neck. It feels right to hold Robbe’s cold hand as they get inside the bar. The loud music is the perfect excuse to walk closer. There aren’t many empty tables, but Sander finds one, dragging two stools so they can sit close to each other. 

On their way there, Sander took Robbe to his favorite place to eat. He wants to show Robbe every piece of him that he can. He brought his camera tonight and he already lost count of how many pictures he took, mostly of Robbe. They spent most of the last 48 hours together, but it’s not enough. From now on, Sander wants to spend every day right next to Robbe and yet that won’t be long enough. Robbe chooses their beers and while he’s talking with the waitress, Sander checks his phone, turning it off.

Robbe smiles when the waitress goes away to grab their drinks and Sander loses himself a little with how Robbe’s eyes go small when he smiles, tilting his head to the side like he always does when he’s happy.

“You’re handsome,” Sander says the obvious and Robbe melts just a little more on his seat. His pupils are so dilated it’s hard to not look into his eyes.

“Your opinion doesn’t count.” He answers as he accepts his beer, thanking the waitress and taking a small sip, licking his lips.

“Why not? You’re my boyfriend.” Sander can see how Robbe swallows hard his beer, putting his cup back on the table. “What?”

“Boyfriend…” Robbe gives him a nervous smile and Sander grabs his stool, pulling Robbe a little closer, touching his soft hair.

“I can’t call you boyfriend?”

“Yeah...you can.” Robbe leans forward, putting his hand on Sander’s thigh, going all the way up and down again, stopping close to his knee. It’s an innocent touch, but Sander can’t help how his body heats up because of it.

He finally grabs his beer, drinking half of it at once to try to cool down a little. Robbe is watching his every move and when he apparently takes too much time to come back closer, Robbe squeezes his thigh.

Sander is trying his hardest to control his hormones, but it’s hard when Robbe is around. They texted the entire day and there’s a part of the conversation that was never explicitly said, but they somehow know what both of them expect from tonight, after their first official date in public.

While he was getting ready, Sander rushed to buy some last minute essentials: candles, new sheets to his bed, condoms, lube.

He had his eyes on Robbe for a couple of weeks now and they spent an entire week together. It wasn’t that hard to notice how Robbe wasn’t in love with Noor. At the beach, he was constantly with her but avoiding to be alone with her. Sander just wants to make Robbe feel comfortable and good.

Robbe laughs at his distraction and puts both hands on Sander’s neck, one on each side, gently playing with his hair. Robbe’s hands are always cold and it feels nice to have a contrast with Sander’s warm skin. He feels like he could catch on fire at any second.

They don’t really talk, just look at each other for a while, Robbe never stops playing with his hair so Sander comes even closer to give him more access to his neck. His eyes slip down a little. Robbe is wearing a soft and cozy hoodie, but it’s a little too big for him, like most of his clothes, so Sander looks at his exposed collarbone. 

He can’t help but touch it, holding the collar with his hand, touching Robbe’s neck, feeling his heartbeat and how slowly he’s breathing.

It’s cold outside, Robbe is hiding under layers of clothes and Sander wonders how he looks underneath all. From the little that he touched these days, he knows Robbe’s skin is soft and mostly warm.

When Robbe smiles, Sander has to look and he can’t help but smile too. He’s probably looking so dumb, staring at Robbe, lost inside his own head and Robbe is enjoying this way too much.

“I’m cold…” Robbe decides to start a conversation, his voice is a little low for the loud bar, but he sounds rough around the edges and Sander can’t believe how effortlessly sexy Robbe is without even knowing what he’s doing.

He doesn’t want to, but Sander lets go of Robbe’s comfy shirt, holding one of his hands, blowing warm air against it.

“I can keep you warm tonight.” Robbe’s lips turn up just a little and he presses his fingertips against Sander’s neck, resting his head on his shoulder. 

“What are we going to do tonight?” Robbe asks like he doesn’t know the answer already. Robbe is so chill and Sander knows that’s exactly the opposite of how he is. Every few seconds he has to remind himself to close his mouth, to not drool all over how hot Robbe is. He can’t help but stare at Robbe’s pouty lips as he makes them come even closer. 

They can’t have misunderstandings between them. Sander feels like they were pretty obvious while also being implicit about their intentions. He thinks about what he wants to answer, a way to be honest, but also not scare Robbe away or make him worried about what might happen tonight if he wants it too.

When he comes closer to Robbe’s ear, Robbe relaxes his body against Sander’s.

“I wanna make you feel good.” His heart is beating so fast and it’s so stupid. It’s not like he said the dirtiest thing, he actually chose the most tamed option he could think of. Robbe’s short nails scratch the nape of his neck and Sander has to hold back the goosebump that rushes through his body again.

He kisses Robbe’s ear and he can hear how Robbe’s breathing comes out ragged. As he tries to move back, Robbe turns his face, instinctively following Sander, kissing the corner of his mouth. It’s just the smallest sigh in response, but Sander is lucky and he can feel the little nod of Robbe’s head as he whispers, “Please.”

He gets up first, leaving some money underneath the beer he barely touched. They need to get out of there right now, but Robbe smiles and holds his shirt, pulling him for another quick kiss before he lets go and they finally get out of the crowded bar.

Robbe wants to make them stop and continue kissing, but Sander needs to take them home.

“You’re the love of my life, Robbe Ijzermans.” He says without thinking, but he means it and he notices how Robbe stops kissing him, smiling and he feels slightly guilty for saying it now when he’s just thinking about getting Robbe in a nice and comfortable bed, but Robbe doesn’t make fun of him. He holds Sander’s shoulders tighter and jumps on his back. He’s such a lightweight that Sander manages to hold him in place, walking to their bikes.

He can’t help but think that he wants to make love all night long. Sander knows what having sex with someone you’re attracted to feels like, but he has no idea of what making love is all about. He’s madly in love. Robbe is so perfect and clingy and needy and Sander doesn’t know how he got so lucky.

“Take me anywhere, my sweet prince,” Robbe whispers against his ear, kissing it just like Sander did to him inside the bar. He’s so beyond happy, Sander is at a loss for words. Robbe hugs him tighter like he knows how Sander is starting to lose his confidence if his plan is a good one. If Robbe will still like him tomorrow morning. 

Robbe jumps down when they get to their bikes, but he makes Sander turn to look at him again and Sander is still drunk in love. Robbe is grabbing his jacket tightly, making sure that Sander stays as close as he can. They’re alone now so he lets himself to properly kiss Robbe again. He loves how clingy Robbe is.

He knows Robbe has flatmates, but it doesn’t matter, anywhere is better than his house. He tried to make it look good and somewhat like a house, but Robbe’s first time can’t happen in a room that barely has an actual bed.

“Please say at yours.” He knows he’s staring at Robbe’s wet lips, but he can’t look away.

“At yours.” Sander laughs, relieved to know that Robbe is just as drunk in love as he is and that his brain is not really working either. They’re alone and so Sander really kisses Robbe, trying to tell him with it about everything they’ll do tonight. He grabs Robbe’s waist, keeping him close, sucking his bottom lip and Robbe just whines and melts against him and Sander can’t wait for another second, they’ll have to run back to Robbe’s place as quickly as they can or he’ll come inside his pants.

-

Sander is afraid to look up. They left a long time ago and Robbe is not making any sounds. He never felt this scared in his life, but he slips to another position on the sidewalk, everything hurts, but he looks behind him. Robbe is there, lying on the street, his jacket is moving quickly and now Sander can hear his sobs.

It’s hard to stand up, but he manages after a minute or two. He doesn’t touch his own face, afraid to feel it, see how much blood is running down. Sander just needs to get Robbe out of there.

Robbe is crying, hiding his face from anyone that dares to come near him again and his entire body is shaking uncontrollably.

“Robbe, Robbe, we need to get out of here.” Robbe is not moving, but Sander can’t let them stay still for another second, so he grabs Robbe’s jackets and pulls him up, putting one arm around his waist and making Robbe put one arm around Sander’s shoulders.

Even though Robbe is very light, Sander is also hurt and it’s hard to keep himself standing and also carry most of Robbe’s weight so he leaves their bikes behind. 

He doesn’t know how he’s moving or if he’s moving in the right direction, but he just walks as fast as he can. He’s trying to keep Robbe still, but it’s hard. Robbe is still crying and constantly whimpering. Sander doesn’t dare to look at him while he walks. He knows Robbe is very injured, a lot more than himself and if he looks, he’ll stop to try and calm Robbe down, but he’s too scared to stop so he just continues to drag Robbe through the streets.

It’s his fault. He was the stupid horny teenager that couldn’t wait until they were somewhere safe to kiss Robbe. He had to do it in public, risking both their lives for nothing.

Their walk to Robbe’s flat is a blur to him, he could only think of taking Robbe somewhere out of the streets. He can feel his hair sticking to his neck, his shirt glued to his body, but he’s not sure if it’s sweat or blood, he doesn’t check either.

He has to look at Robbe when he turns him around to let Robbe lean against the building while he keeps ringing the bell, hoping that someone will open the fucking door! There’s only one big bruise on his temple. The blood is dry already and it’s dark outside, Sander is not sure how deep is the cut.

Someone finally picks up, it’s a sleepy and girly voice and Sander rushes to keep the door open, pulling Robbe inside.

“It’s Robbe!” He explains to the voice and gets inside, but his body is getting tired, he needs to hurry. He grabs Robbe’s hand, putting on his opposite shoulder, stopping right in front of Robbe, but he’s too weak, Robbe doesn’t have the strength to jump on his back, so Sander has to bend down and Robbe just leans against him, both legs around his waist and Sander holds his hands against his chest as he finally gets inside the elevator, pressing the button nonstop until he door finally closes and they’re so close to Robbe’s safe place.

#wtfock #robbe ijzermans #sander driesen #robbe x sander #sobbe

[agerefandom]

Just Plane Overwhelmed

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Characters: Patton & Virgil 

Words: 1,300

Prompt: Characters A and B are travelling, and it’s stressful enough that Character A regresses accidentally. (cg! Patton and regressor!Virgil)

Content Warnings: Anxiety about travelling! Let me know if I missed something.

Prompt List Here! / Request A Fic / My Other Fics

“Are you excited to see Logan and Roman?”

“Yeah.” Virgil stared out the window at the other cars on the highway, catching glimpses of the drivers as they whipped past. “It’s gonna be great.”

“Sure will! It’s been so long since they’ve come to see us, and it’ll be nice to be back where it’s warm, even for a couple weeks.” Patton had been keeping up a steady cheerful chatter ever since he had picked up Virgil from his apartment. Virgil appreciated it; travelling was one of his least favourite things, and he was busy running through his mental check-list over and over again. Charger cable, phone, wallet, water bottle… why did it feel like he was forgetting something?

“They’ve been talking non-stop about this breakfast place,” Patton went on, and Virgil tried to relax. They were almost to the airport and he knew that he had all of the important things. “If it’s half as good as Roman says, I think you’ll have to roll me onto the plane back because I’ll have eaten so many pancakes!”

“Or you could not eat four stacks in one sitting again.”

“What else is life for?” Patton chortled, swerving into the next lane with a carelessness that made Virgil close his eyes for a few seconds.

“Fair enough,” Virgil managed, trying his best to forget that they were travelling at 70 miles per hour. He counted his breaths and thought about how nice it would be to see Roman and Logan, however stressful the plane ride that divided them.

The four of them had been best friends in high school and had split up to go to two different universities. The newly formed pairs kept in touch with online games of D&D and weekly skype dates, but Virgil still missed them. Soon, though… soon, he would be squeezed onto a couch, all four of them pressed together in a tangle of limbs and love.

Patton chattered on about this and that as the airport signs started to multiply, and soon enough they were turning off towards the parking garage. Charger cable, phone, wallet, water bottle, Virgil’s mind murmured. What are you forgetting?

“Here we are!” Patton’s voice pulled Virgil from his thoughts, and he welcomed the distraction as they pulled into a parking spot. “Let’s get those bags and head in.” Virgil obediently headed out and retrieved his backpack and his suitcase. Patton had a purse over one shoulder and a larger suitcase, and he held out his hand to Virgil when they were both ready. Virgil intertwined his fingers with Patton’s and they walked together into the airport.

It was a large building, and the sound hit Virgil immediately as they walked through the automatic doors. People hurried this way and that, babies crying, the florescent lights sparkling unpleasantly off the polished floors. Virgil held on tight to Patton’s hand and the handle of his suitcase, letting Patton lead the way. He tried to stay aware of the flow of people around him, but a man broke free of the crowd and marched forwards, bumping into Virgil as he went past.

As Virgil stumbled sideways, he felt his anxiety take a quick turn into just plain overwhelmed. All he could focus on was Patton’s hand and the fact that they were walking. This was bad, he could feel himself slipping, but it was okay. He had Patton here to guide him, and Patton could take care of both of them.

They reached the line for checking their bags, and Patton turned around with an exaggerated sigh of relief. As soon as he saw Virgil, though, his eyes widened.

“Are you okay?” His hands were on Virgil’s shoulders, holding him in place. “You don’t look okay.”

Virgil tried to explain that he was fine, a little overwhelmed, tried to remind Patton that he hated travelling and that they had both expected this, just not so early in the trip. Instead his throat closed up and he could feel the burn of impending tears in his eyes. “Pat,” he managed, and then couldn’t say anything else.

“Oh, kiddo,” Patton sighed, and pulled Virgil into a hug. Patton was familiar and the weight of his arms around Virgil was enough to dull the noise around them. The overwhelming spiral of Virgil’s thoughts lessened as he closed his eyes and leaned into Patton. “I know travelling is hard. Once we have our seats, I’ll get you something fun to do, okay?”

Virgil managed to hum a confirmation, and Patton ran a hand through Virgil’s hair before extracting himself from the hug.

“Uh-oh! It’s our turn,” Patton laughed, and took Virgil’s hand again. The line in front of them had vanished, and they were next up to the bag check. Patton took care of handing the suitcases over, and tucked both ticket stubs into his pocket with a bright smile for the woman who’d helped them.

From there, it was a long walk to the terminal. Virgil stuck close to Patton, staring around at all the bustling people and flinching at the sound of suitcase wheels on marble tiles. Patton slipped a pair of headphones over Virgil’s ears and the overwhelmed feeling went away a little bit. The headphones were playing Patton’s favourite Disney music, and Virgil found himself bobbing his head to it as they sat down to wait.

Seven songs later, they were boarding the plane, Patton carrying Virgil’s backpack for him. The hallway to the plane was cold, like the weather outside, and Virgil shrank into his sweater as best he could until they were stepping through the metal door into the plane itself.

There were so many people and the compartment numbers just kept going! Virgil tried to count with them until Patton tugged at his sleeve and pointed to a pair of seats. “These are ours,” he said, Virgil hearing him faintly through the music. Patton pulled the headphones off gently; the sound wasn’t as bad on the plane, although the murmur of other people getting settled was all around them. “You sit by the window, I already closed it for you.”

“Thanks,” Virgil managed. Words were still hard. Patton smiled at him as Virgil edged into the seat and plopped down, immediately curling up with his heels on the seat and his knees under his chin.

“There we go!” Patton sat beside him and reached over to fasten Virgil’s seatbelt. “All settled in.” His voice was quiet and soft, almost lost in the conversations around them. “Now, we can’t start a movie just yet, but how would you like to do some colouring? Did you bring your book?”

Virgil’s eyes widened. He had forgotten his colouring book! He’d known there was something. Now he would have nothing to do while the plane took off and it would be horrible and he would make everyone else uncomfortable by crying and-

“That’s okay, I brought one with me,” Patton said cheerfully, and pulled a Disney princess colouring book from his purse. “You can have Merida, if you want.”

“Really?” Virgil rubbed away the beginnings of tears, distracted by the offer.

“Really really!” Patton found the right page and tore it out, putting it on Virgil’s lap with a flourish. “You can use your laptop to colour on, and I’ll use my tray. We can colour together for a little bit.” Virgil nodded, and peeked over to see what Patton was choosing to colour. He had it the colouring book open to Ariel and Sebastian. That seemed fine to Virgil. He was more interested in getting the brown crayon for Merida’s bow. He liked to colour the little things first, and the dress last.

They coloured side by side through the safety instructions. When liftoff started, Virgil curled into Patton’s side to hide, and Patton held him tight until the plane leveled out and stopped shaking.

Virgil came back to full awareness about halfway through the movie Patton had picked for them, some cheesy Christmas romcom. He squeezed Patton’s hand with a gratitude that he hoped Patton could feel. Judging by the kiss Patton pressed to his forehead, the message had been received just fine. And to really say thank you, Virgil even sat through the rest of the movie.  

#sfw agere #sfw age regression #agere fics #fandom agere #nsre #sanders sides agere #my fics #i'm so sorry for the title i've been writing patton for too long #i love these boys a lot #rpf #not technically! but close enough that i'll tag it #thank you so much for the prompt!!!

[merlins-hurt-comfort]

If You’re Gonna Be The Death Of Me, That’s How I Wanna Go

Summary: Remy really goes “head empty, only Emile” in this one. He is a cocky, little flirting shit for everyone except Emile, also Emile is non-binary because I say so. I love the “it’s my fanfiction and I get to say who’s queer/dying” attitude, can you tell? Fandom: TS Sanders Sides Warnings: Swearing and food is mentioned in a pick-up line but I think that’s it, check out the tags down below Pairing: Remile Characters: Remy Sanders, Emile Picani and Logan is mentioned once as Remy’s brother Wordcount: 1790 Uploading date: 5th of june 2020

A/N: This is for @shut-up-emrys-deactivated202005 <3 I hope you like it and I hope you're having a fantastic birthday. I am so extremely glad that you're my friend. I love you. As you can see, this piece is a bit shorter than usual and I am blaming it on the fact that it’s all fluff, no angst but hey, I have three wips right now :D

One step in front of another, that's how you walk, right? There was no big deal about what Remy was going to do. He was only going to ask out his dearest friend Emile. Emphasis on the only because it was nothing big, absolutely not at all. He would do it and he would ace it and everything would be chill and he definitely had everything under control.

He walked down the hallway of his school, on his way to Emile's locker, since that's where they would most likely be.

The students seeing Remy passing by saw someone filled with confidence. Head up high, straight posture, self-assured steps and a pair of sunglasses resting on his head, not on his nose, simply because people considered it rude to wear shaded glasses in buildings.

What they didn't see were his increasingly bad shaking hands or how he started to fidget with the hem of his leather jacket. They didn't hear his heart beating way too loudly, providing him with enough adrenaline for what his brain apparently thought was a fight, flight or freeze situation, and they didn't hear his loud racing thoughts either.

They would have noticed all those signs of Remy being a disaster gay though, if they just stopped him and casually had a conversation or simply looked a little bit closer.

Remy wasn't nervous, no. He never was. He wasn't nervous before being introduced to someone new, he wasn't nervous before class presentations or even exams because he studied really hard for them and he certainly wasn't nervous now either, no.

He was just, to quote a show he had recently binge in a sleepless night: "Uncertain of how things would go and therefore deeply terrified".

There was nothing new about this. He had flirted with a lot of people on this school or in dancing clubs he sometimes liked to go, only rarely though. The point of this is- you name them and he could probably tell you the pick-up line he had used. But then again, that had all been nothing more than play pretend, all for fun and everyone knew that, no feelings were harmed.

But this, today? That was kind of actually something new after all. He was about to ask out his best friend- with all seriousness and no play pretend! He wanted to ask them on a date and go on those dates and be a cheesy couple and not only flirt for fun but flirt to tease and flirt to let everyone know they were each other's. But he had to admit, it would also be fun to flirt simply to make them blush, yea. Remy decided he'd like that.

He walked a little faster before his brain could chose the flight over fight or freeze and he'd chicken out again, like he did the week before. That did sound good, though, he would just turn around in his path and maybe he could try it again another time when he was less... deeply terrified and-

"Remy!" Too late. Emile was putting some stuff in their locker and they hadn't actually seen Remy but noticed their best friend's presence anyways.

"What are-" They stretched to get a book from the top compartment of their with cartoon stickers decorated locker, "Could you help me out?" Remy handed the smaller friend what they couldn't reach.

"Thanks." Emile closed their locker and faced Remy. "So. What are you doing here? I do love your company but aren't all your classes today at the other side of the building? Speaking of your classes, did you get your test back? You told me you had to study a lot and after what you told me about it I am sure you did great and-."

"Yea, I- uhhh." If Remy hadn't interrupted Emile's flow, they would have continued for the rest of the break. Not that Remy was complaining, he loved to hear them talk, he could listen to their voice forever. He wanted to fall asleep and wake up to it.

"I wanted to ask you something." Remy scratched their neck and stared at Emile's locker. To look his friend in their pretty, chocolate brown eyes would only throw him off his game, even though it looked like he was already losing. Why was this so much harder than usually?

"Remy, are you alright? Did you get enough sleep last night?" Emile's hand waved in his unfocused vision.

The taller student blinked a few times to see Emile stepping a little closer, their head tilted to the side and an eyebrow slightly raised in equal worry and curiosity.

To look at their friend was a mistake, his heart could not stop pounding, he just wanted to hold them and hug their hidden worries away and everything sad they didn't deserve that would consume them in the middle of night when they texted Remy out of seemingly nowhere. Of course, Remy was always awake to text them back. But wouldn't it be better to be there for them in person?

Emile was still looking at him like Remy was a ghost or another supernatural being. He got lost in his thoughts again, didn't he? Time to say something! He tried to make his mouth work.

"Sure, sure. Uhhh, I'm good, I'm chill." He crossed his arms and actually intended to lean back real smooth and casually, but he had miscalculated the space between himself and the lockers and almost slipped, almost. But hey, his sunglasses fell down on his nose so this not impressive, far from flirting (yet) situation brought something good, at least now Emile couldn't see where Remy was looking. He smirked, to play it off.

"Something is up with you, you're acting strange." Emile, too, crossed their arms and for a quick second Remy remembered that he once read online that if you cross your arms and the other person trusts you, they will copy it, consciously or not. His heart warmed even more, it was all fuzzy and he sighed. He was sure this blood pumping organ was going to melt, he already felt warm in the leather jacket and Emile being this adorable without even trying did not help at all, believe it or not. How was he supposed to flirt with them, he was a mess. "Come on," he thought "Make it quick like ripping off a bandaid."

Remy took a deep, shaking breath. Now or never. The longer he waited the harder it would get. "I wanted to ask you if you want to do something with me this evening.... Or not today if that's not good with you, tomorrow or the weekend would also be fine, but only like... if you want to and also have the time and-."

"We do a lot of things together why is asking that big of an act for you?"

Well, then he'd have to do it blunter. Oh, this was so stupid but the only pick-up line his mind could give him at the moment. "You like raisins, don't you? How do you feel about-"

Emile's eyes lit up as they realised what their best friend was trying to do and they completed his pick-up line way more seductive than Remy could have ever dreamed of doing it himself. They smirked and lowered their voice. "-a date?"

Remy didn't even have to see that smile to know it was there. He could see it in Emile's eyes. His friend always showed their emotions way more through their eyes than anything else and those eyes looked mischievous as hell. But he made the mistake to look at the smile anyways, he was weak after all. Weak for Emile. "Are you asking me out?"

Fuck, the cat's out of the bag. "Well," Remy cleared his throat. "I am trying to but you're just too... uhhh."

"I am too what? Throwing you off your rhythm, huh?" Emile let out a short laugh and Remy was sure that this was straight up bullying. What else could it be? He felt the heat rising in his cheeks. Was he blushing, oh fuck, he was blushing, wasn't he? Full on blushing. But hey, in his defence, he could not help himself, not even a little bit, when Emile was being so- not to say attractive but that's exactly what they were. "Yea, that's precisely what you're doing."

"What?" Even though Emile hadn't seem to expect that answer, it didn't throw them off their game at all, which was quite frankly just rude. How could they be so calm, so collected, while Remy was a blushing, melting disaster? Emile then had the audacity to correct their pastel blue tie. Emile really liked wearing ties and as one knows, ties and suits and dresses and fancy clothing in general make one look ten times better than usual. Did they even know what that quick movement did to Remy? Maybe they did not- but then again- yea, no. Remy was sure Emile did that on purpose and was completely aware of how handsome they were and how many butterflies they just put in his stomach. Butterflies in the stomach, feeling nervous in all the right ways. Or as his brother would say "A phrase that is commonly used to indicate the feeling of clenched anticipation for something desired one feels deep in one's gut". Yea, Logan was a nerd.

Remy found his voice again, it was nowhere nearly as sassy, confident and loud as usually. "So, will you go on a date with me?"

"If that means I get to make you blush more, always." So much to the thought of Remy making Emile flustered, seemed like it backfired. They put their backpack over one shoulder. "Fantastic, see you this evening. I'll text you."

They put Remy's hands in theirs and softly squished them before turning around and leaving Remy right where he had stood all the time. His pulse seemed to get slower again, he had done it. Well, he shot his shot and it halfway worked before Emile took over. Now they would have dates together and they could do everything Remy not only dreamed of at night but intentionally thought of when he daydreamed and-

Oh no. Oh fuck, no. Now he would never escape being flustered and blushing, wasn't he? He let out a long sigh, it felt good to get actual air in his lungs since he hadn't properly breathed for the whole break.

He had a feeling the butterflies would stay. "If Emile's gonna be the death of me," he thought as he made his way to his next class, his hands still slightly shaking. "Then that's how I wanna go."

#sanders sides fanfiction #ts #thomas sanders #remile #emile picani #cartoon therapy #ts sleep #ts ships #remy sleep sanders #logan logic sanders #highschool au #alternate universe #non-binary emile #also yes that title is a very obvious panic! at the disco reference #tw swearing #tw food mention #the next short story will be loceit with logan angst :D #and yes i did quote matthew from big mouth #remy really says head empty only emile and i respect that