#It's still fuck gayle king tho

[haute-honey]

Your favorite rapper/athlete is a punk ass bitch who had more smoke for Gayla King than they do now for the police. 

[fmlfpl]

Lineup Lamentations - GW35

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s for the week.

WALSH

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Aubz Alexis Austin

IN (For -8 points hit): Jesus Raz Ings

Fucking darkness. The darkest of darknesses. This GW past has sunk my season so it is time to chase points and say fuck the world. Fuck you Mark Hughes. Fucking fuck you. I will have one sleep with dreams of an Ings hat. A nice night's sleep ahead only for reality of his 2 pointer to come crashing down upon my soul.

GK:

None. Lol at me.

DEF:

Really need a Newc clean with Lejuene and Dummett in for me this week. 

Sakho goes again for a 1 pointer. Great pick and great job by me.

So too will Kiko. Hoping for a two pointer and sub on 61' would be a huge coup for me. Fuck him.

MID:

Some guys here. Zaha looks great happy to have him. Watford suck so hopefully Woy doesn't be dumb and leaves Benteke out of the squad where he belongs the absolute piece of shit.

Double City mid is back with Kevin and Raz seems like a couple of good friends.

Finally Andy King gets a run out. Go on Andrew get me 2 points thanks.

FWD:

Jesus feels like a great pick no brainer pick with Kun on the shelf. 

Next to him is new friend flying without Daniel Ings. Just chasing here and with the team sheet leaked every week I can bench him if he isn't going to start. Might get another cheeky start out of him with Kloppo rotating for UCL in full effect.

CAP:

Jesus the tap in merchant. If the game is 8-0 as I expect then I might actually get a green arrow. What is a green arrow? No clue. I genuinely couldn't tell you.

ALON

TRANSFERS:

OUT: Auba and Mahrez

IN (For -4 points hit): Jesus and Raz Sterling

These felt easy to me; simple moves.

Auba out because Wenger, rightly so, is fully 100% on board with Europa League being the only thing that matters for Arsecast so he said he might not even play Auba... Since Auba is cup tied he wants to try some stuff with the actual first team UEL squad. Fair enough from him... I’m sure Auba will still play some amount of minutes in the 0-45 range but the Kun injury news - out for the season - is just too good for Jesus in FPL. They don’t even have another striker in their squad except for a 19 year old child named Lukas Nmecha. Ok.

Arguably simpler of the two moves is Mahrez to Raz. Feel pretty unlucky to not get Riyad points since owning him, his stats in some of the matches were huge, and keepers made some really good stops on him, such is life, such is FPL... But even a fully firing Mahrez / Leicester can’t come close to touching the ceiling of Raz and the supremacy of City. End of.

Ditching Mahrez also means I’ve decided to keep Son... I’ve been thinking about it all week and just kept coming to the conclusion - wait, why are we getting rid of Son?

I made this exact same mistake earlier in the season. I don’t think ANY City attacker will feature in all five of their remaining fixtures, but we’re still all fine to get them in because they’re really good. Well I feel exactly the same feelings towards Son. He’s just really good and a really good pick. He won’t start all four of their last four but he’ll probably play like ~250 minutes and that’s a lot of points for someone of the quality of Sonny. Let’s go bro I’m not fucking you off like last time. I'm never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm, though it's easy to pretend, I know you're not a fool.

GK:

Only ten guys for me this blank gameweek starts with Karius straight in...

Since GW23 (12 matches) in the 4-3 Liverpool win vs. City where Karius became the nailed on first choice keeper - LFC have the most clean sheets in the league, least goals conceded (tied with MUN and TOT), and second in the league to City for xGoals allowed... That’s pretty fucking dominant.

Up the Reds.

DEF:

Rolling four dudes out there... Not expecting many points but I’ll take what I can get in this GW.

Lowton goes at Stoke, very cleanable fixture, but who am I kidding Burnley don’t keep cleans vs. anybody so maybe I can just hope for a Lowton assist or to get get subbed off after 60′ but before they inevitably concede... I can dream.

Mama Sakho bias is in again. Hilarious that we both have Mama even tho Palace have six cleans on the season... Fucking hell what are we doing? Mama still a pod favorite though and if Palace can ever manage a clean - maybe this week vs. on the beach Watford - then Mama is a beast on bones. Come on you Eagles.

Lascelles is gonna garner heavy transfer rumors this summer I reckon. He might be the best English pure CB in the world straight up. Unless you’re one of those people who believe in Stones, Cahill, and Harry Maguire... fuck outta here. Let’s get some clean points Jamaal.

Lastly Van der Hoorn vs. City. May not play - though we expect him to do - but fucking hell it’s City. Won’t even be mad if he doesn’t play because I’m just praying for NOT negative points anyway in City’s first home match since winning the title. Maybe they’ll just have a festival and score 10 who the fuck knows?

MID:

New / old friend Raz hello, nice to see you little guy. He’s been by far my favorite FPL pick from City all season and so I’m backing that. It’s kind of funny when you sort mids by total score it looks like it’s close between Kev (190 total) and Sterling (200 total) but when you break that down to points:minutes ratio and/or points per start it is truly not close at all. Raz in.

Still a big fan of the Arnie pick even though he blanked vs. Stoke... Just hoping that Moyes can resist the temptation of going Carroll up top and stick with Arnie up there because it’s mostly worked and Arnie has really flourished... Even though Andy’s finish was delightful. Come on Arnie.

Lastly Wilf. What a great guy. Love him and he’s top class. Gotta hope like Arnie above that Woy keeps Wilf up top and doesn’t dip back into the Benteke pool because that water is shit. I wonder where Wilf will be playing football next season...?

FWD:

Gayle goes again for me. Not the best debut in a blank last week when they score two and the other forward hauls but hey he was still good as he has been for most of the season... His stats are very good especially for a guy on a promoted side. Come on Dwight treat me BABYYYYyyyyyyy!!!

And another new / old friend in Gab Jesus. Eyebrows icon legend tap-in merchant. If he gets, as we’re lead to believe, 400ish minutes from here on out then holy fuck. He’s the easiest pick ever and should be the first name in all FPL team sheets. Who knows? But I hope.

CAP:

I’m on Jesus. I feel as though he’s a touch safer then Raz for ya know, 60-70+ minutes, and that’s really all there is to it. As I mentioned above they have basically no other forwards without punting on a child. It’s their first home fixture since winning the title so should be party atmosphere. Let’s score a lot of points Gab........... But very scared with no Salah as he’s in the leaked lineup. Still think he’s not a good pick for rest of season - but if I had Salah or if I were free hitting this week I’d 100% cap Salah over anyone because he’s by far the best player in the league.

#FML FPL #FMLFPL #FPL #Fantasy Premier League #Lineup Lamentations