#It's wrong for all ages but

[andthebeanstalk]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

#hlep #original #mental health #my sympathies and empathies to anyone who has to rely on this kind of hlep to get what they need. #the people in my life who most need to see this post are my family but even if they did I sincerely doubt they would internalize it #i've tried to break thru to them so many times it makes my head hurt. so i am focusing on boundaries and on finding other forms of support #and this thing i learned today helps me validate those boundaries. the example with the milk was from my therapist. #the example with the towing company was a real thing that happened with my parents a few months ago while I was age 28. 28! #a full adult age! it is so infantilizing as a disabled adult to seek assistance and support from ableist parents. #they were real mad i was mad tho. and the spoons i spent trying to explain it were only the latest in a long line of #huge family-related spoon expenditures. distance and the ability to enforce boundaries helps. haven't talked to sisters for literally the #longest period of my whole life. people really believe that if they love you and try to help you they can do no wrong. #and those people are NOT great allies to the chronically sick folks in their lives. #you can adore someone and still fuck up and hurt them so bad. will your pride refuse to accept what you've done and lash out instead? #or will you have courage and be kind? will you learn and grow? all of us have prejudices and practices we are not yet aware of. #no one is pure. but will you be kind? will you be a good friend? will you grow? i hope i grow. i hope i always make the choice to grow. #i hope with every year i age i get better and better at making people feel the opposite of how my family's ableism has made me feel #i will see them seen and hear them heard and smile at their smiles. make them feel smart and held and strong. #just like i do now but even better! i am always learning better ways to be kind so i don't see why i would stop

[birdmenmanga]

I think there's no greater indication that disco elysium is sympathetic towards communism when it literally says "communism is failure" and then the literal gameplay itself rewards trying and failing. The most obvious one being the Shivers check at the FELD mural, which is an Impossible 20 check BUT opens itself up again and again the longer you spend in the world doing things, but even just looking at sheer probabilities, for any given white check, rolling first and THEN putting a point into that skill upon failure is more likely to grant you success than putting a point first and then rolling, but that would require failing first.

Other things too: Precarious world saying you'll 100% fail red checks no matter what (not necessarily a bad thing, btw!! throwing the boule into the sea is a success but like. in some other ways one would want a perfect petanque throw instead. but people wouldn't typically assume that failure is desirable sometimes from the start) persuading you to accept that you'll fail some things that is irrevocable, for a world where everything is just a tiny bit easier.

The faux game over screen when you faint after reading Dora's letter— emulating a sense of failure on the scale of the entire game. When it rolls up most people go "What?? Game over?? No way, what did I do wrong!!" and waking up after that, with no huge or lasting impact on Harry's health or morale really tells the player, "Sometimes things will seem so bad that it all seems like it's coming to an end, but it's not the end, it's really not the end, go drink so water, you can still go on despite this failure"

I'm sure there are other things as well that are eluding me but like. The literal gameplay rewards failing and succeeding far more so than simply succeeding every single time, and I think you get a fuller experience of Elysium that way too

#just thinking thoughts... #disco elysium #idk man when did we get so scared of failing!! #people never want to speak in class because 'what if I'm wrong :(((' #well then you are wrong... that is okay... it's normal to fail... sometimes saying the wrong thing is a great way to jumpstart a topic... #'getting a good grade in X is both normal to want and possible to achieve' #okay sure but have you made peace with the fact that getting a BAD grade in X isn't a bad thing? #a bad grade in being friends... okay... so you didn't check up on someone in 3 months... you failed... that's fine... #you can learn from it!! you can learn how to keep in touch with people. how to take care of them when they're sick. #how to resolve a dispute. how to communicate and compromise. these are all things you are not born with #and will fail first before succeeding at #Like yes I get that in the age of surveillance your failures may be recorded and preserved forever and that's not great #but if we don't normalize failure I really think we'll just suffocate and die

[beybuniki]

family

#i wanted to compile all of my family sketches but there are too many lets start with this smaller batch first i dont want to scare the hoes #i just know rei can carry all of her kids at once also lets ignore the wrong age gap idgaf #i struggled a lot with the middle one's color palette for some reason help #bnha #todoroki toya #todoroki shoto #todoroki rei #dabi

[finalskies]

Godzilla x Kong is a very silly movie. I kinda love it. Shimo stole my heart. She deserves all the good things now.

#godzilla x kong: the new empire #Shimo #Hidden Cane #I actually completely missed all the marketing for this movie #I didn't even know who the villains were. Only afterwards when I was looking stuff up did I see how they portrayed Shimo as this huge threa #tbf she is but that's not her fault. She has done nothing wrong ever #Who hasn't caused an Ice Age every once in awhile #There is another character that stole my heart but no need to spoil by mentioning them

[midoristeashop]

Nightlight!

been going down a rabbit hole of golden age fics and this is my take on the nightlight design tee hee (I love him with all my heart and soul)

also it’s my personal head canon that nightlight was a past life of Jack’s and can access his star boy powers in life/death situations?? Idk but wouldn’t that make a cool future scene where jack can access past PAST lives’ memories and just see his cool space protector self like

anyway I love him bye

#nightlight #guardians of childhood #jack frost #rotg #oh and yes I’m making a golden age au with hijack #TEE HEE #I am very normal about him #unlike jack he doesn’t talk much #when he does it’s all twinkly and echo-y and just how you’d imagine starlight to sound like #can communicate like sandy with lil stardust pictures #oh and the sword is apparently like moon child tears #please correct me if i'm wrong #I love love William joyce’s sketchy style I wanted to mimic it #golden age au

[airoarts]

Leader and deputy

[Image description: a digital painting of Squirrelstar and Ivypool from Warriors. Squirrelstar is a small dark red cat with green eyes, standing in front of the much taller Ivypool, a gray tabby-and-white cat with blue eyes and many battle scars. The background is dark blue. end ID]

#i havent read a new wc book in years (They are not very good) but have been keeping up with The Happenings recently cause its fun #when was the last time there was a female leader+deputy? leopardstar and mistyfoot??????? #anyway so happy forthem i hope they dont both die immediately #warriors #warrior cats #wc #squirrelstar #squirrelflight #ivypool #art #2023 #I have actually been doodling a ton of cat designs like in classes in the last couple months lol #havent posted them because theyre just Designs and so many people post those all the time but if i get one (1) ask about it i can post them #also just have not felt like posting art recently even though ive been doing it. LOL #worried about squirrelstar cause um. i know cat ages have been generally increasing but she is older than her dad was when he died #if wc wiki ages are to be believed #her husband just retired to be an old man and she took his job #well whatever... i dont even read the books... i dont care... tch #ALSO EDITED CAUSE I REALIZED I PUT HER WHITE PAW ON THE WRONG SIDE #the first few rbs will have the wrong version but whatever. its fine. its fine

[poorly-drawn-mdzs]

One last devastating blow

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #xue yang #A-qing #elle woods #THIS comic idea has been floating in my head for ages #apologies for the tonal whiplash but I had to do it. #I meant it when I said Elle Woods would return. She’s canon to the PD-MDZS universe now. #Xue Yang unfortunately got the wrong message out of Legally Blonde. The Classic Wuxia Theatre story. #I gotta say...A-qing has rocketed up my list of faves. As she deserves. #Everyone say ‘thank you’ to A-Qing for being the best. Rest in Vengence queen. #The greatest crime Xue Yang did was taking our queen of insults tongue away. #The call back to Song Lan not having the vocabulary to hurl harsh words at XY vs A-Qing dishing it out freestyle!!! SO GOOD #and so wwx’s empathy ends. #Yi-city was such a tragedy....Time to see what the crew does with all this information.

[butchmartyr]

i love just making shit up wholesale, like actually bro the fact you see trans women say “don’t be fascists about kink” and immediately assume she’s talking about any of this “loli” bullshit is so fucking telling, literally just “well she’s a trans woman talking about sex so certainly she’s evil!” but nobody cares ofc ofc why would we ever think critically or with nuance about anything when we can just hate on random trannies for no coherent reason and act like it’s moral and just, that’s so much easier

#neotrances log the fuck off challenge #principleless and pathetic. you’re just like all the rest! another maggot in the pile #sasha speaks #nothing wrong with diapers or legal age play for the record #equivalating it to csa is batshit #tbros

[daily-odile]

Odile patting Molly Epithet Erased on the head, you know why

have two bc i care them

#in stars and time #isat #epithet erased #molly blyndeff #isat odile #I've been trying to draw this for like... 5 days straight.... #Thank you for making me obligated to draw this. honestly might not've if it wasnt an ask #anyways ya'll so hear me out. odile mother/grandma figure to molly #Honestly after thinking about it a little more Odile is actually quite different to Calliope based on descriptions alone? but #I think having a Dependable Trustworthy Adult in her life is. She needs it #We don't know a lot about Calliope and idk what parallels odile has with her; but I hope she reminds Molly of her mom at least a little bit #And for Odile's pov? I think she'd really really like Molly #She's more mature than most for her age and she's extremely observant and intelligent. Those are things Odile respect #Cue a dead mom joke though and odile very quickly goes to ''ok there's something wrong with this child'' #I don't think I have the idea fleshed out enough in my head to say anything for sure? But Odile and Molly having a Talk about her home life #would be Extremely interesting #Oops! Rambled in tags again! Teehee! #also do you think odile will ask molly for her full name only for molly to hit her with the #''molly wolly doodle all the day blyndeff'' and odile instantly regrets it #validation for bonnie #edit: rearranged tags just in case #day 19 #crossover

[bloomfish]

It's so weird that in angel s5e2 they do a little flashback to Spike's blaze of glory moment in the last episode of Buffy... but they leave out Buffy saying "I love you". It's such a blatant omission, the ONLY omission from that scene, that it feels totally deliberate and kind of dishonest. Considering a lot of the Spike and Angel moments in S5 revolve around their jealousy and rivalry towards each other, and a LOT of that is to do with Buffy like... Why would you leave it out? It's a pretty big moment for Spike's character in general.

As far as I recall they don't even mention it, they just mention the fact that Spike and Buffy have had a lot of sex compared to bangel's ONE disastrous time (that they remember) but it does kind of cheapen it for Spike. A big motivation for him not leaving LA could have been him not wanting to hold Buffy to her words, since he clearly doesn't believe that she loves him (even though she does, as per Whedon). He presumably thinks she only said that to make him feel better in his final moments, because she wouldn't have to actually follow through on her words. Which is sad. But it makes much more sense as a motivation than the weird 'it cheapens my moment of glory' excuse like since when does spike give a shit about that

#spuffy #idk missed opportunity for sure. maybe it's brought up later in the season? I can't remember rn #but they do kind of shunt spike's complexity and make his character all about angel's feelings #though don't get me wrong i LOVE their fight over the cup #i love the symbolism of spike being able to hold the cross while angel can't. #spike pointing out that he fought for his soul while angel had to be forced to change is sooooo cathartic #because that's the thing about angel is he's not inherently a good person. he has to continually fight to be better #he's the faith to spike's buffy #btvs thoughts #btvs #anyway their continued insistence that buffy and angel are soulmates that transcend any other relationships #is rly detrimental to both buffy and angel as characters imo. as well as any other relationships they might have #cordelia and spike who actually put in the work to get to know them as people are automatically relegated to second fiddle #dont get me wrong i love bangel for the angst but i dont buy that buffy will always be in love w the same guy she barely knew at age 16

[lunarharp]

more phoenix wright situations

#ace attorney tag #maybe i should tag this narumitsu or something. but i dont really care. #gearing up to rereading/illustrating bits of my fic i suppose...i think nick really is too dense to realise he's in love with edgeworth #without some scheming fop trying to intrude. i love villains like kristoph..villains can be fun..witnessing their pathetic folly.. #or more like edgeworth would never have mentioned his feelings ever in his life if he wasn't sure phoenix reciprocates. #i want to see it this way because Falling in love during childhood with the person you're going to end up with. is not relatable #there have to be Situations that make you Realise. #as with orufrey i adore the idea of people not working out their romance with that person until their 30s+ #but... i mean. even with orufrey i often think how alaira could be qifrey's ex. and oru having been pursued by noble fops through his work #there is that delicate sliver of time before orufrey start living together that such believable situations could have happened. #Then the relief of politely and amicably extricating themselves from those untenable situations #the idea of falling in love age 7 and saving your first kiss for age 35 or something is all very well but more relatable is #people realising how they really feel whilst trying something that ends up feeling wrong. #The comfort and joy of living with your dearest one as if it's platonic - much preferable to trying anything more with anyone else. #But i doubt i will ever portray that or mention it further. it is indeed very delicate to me. #and i really am an OTP FOR LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! kind of person who can barely bear to consider this anyway...NOT a polyshipper i'm afraid ! #so i wouldn't mind either if they do have their first kiss in their lives age 35 with each other either. I would not mind that at all. #i love bi/gay couples apparently... bi father figures & their grumpy gay men waiting for them to work it all out... #not used to using colour in comic-style drawings..or at all..so this is messy and awkward looking..but colour is refreshing #i imagine i will go back to witch hat art soon btw. my destiny in life. #i still remember writing my nrmt fic expecting to write their first kiss & then partway through twas like Umm No. They have kissed prior. #does that really line up with this comic though... i think i had their early dinner dates/first kiss BEFORE disbarment. #so i guess this comic doesn't line up with my ficverse.... No..... U___U Oh well. sorry kris! <3

[rustytrident]

seeing all these mixed opinions ab nightbringer and here i am giggling and kicking my feet cause we get to rizz up the demons all over again

#obey me #obey me shall we date #obey me nightbringer #like don't get me wrong i appreciate the bonds mc has in the og obey me and value them lots #seeing mammon and not having the immediate option to devour his face made my heart break #the only thing u absolutely HATED i when solomon said that we just disappeared....... from the other om! world..... #what. #and what about the BROTHERS. #can you even imagine what /they/ are going through? #anyway maybe it's just me being emo but yeah. i rrly like nightbringer! i think it's a better way to find out ab what happened #than through flashbacks and the total chaos of the plot that was the og om! #and i loooovevevveveveeee how it just shows that mc and the bros are connected no matter when or where #like. back in time? in alternate universes? in the far away future? we love each other all the same #and i love how that takes shape in the game. it's such a pretty thing in my eyes but then again i have the mental age of 163 #so i get excited ab everything

[breadmecoshy]

SO I'm going through hollow knight for the fourth time ha ha

Besides, I've re-read the "Stag Beetles and Broken Legs" fan fiction again, so it's time to humanize Monomon and Quirrell!

(seriously, read "Stag Beetles and Broken Legs", it's damn good) In my conception, Monomon is the oldest of the Dreamers, but she's actively youthful, wearing such light clothing and acting quite active compared to her scowling counterparts (However, she also looks younger than her years on her face, so no one has any questions about it)

And young Quirrell, haha. So young and inspired, with burning eyes. Cute. Time has not bypassed him (though it's even better for some-). At least now he's age appropriate for Monomon

I can redraw my old concepts in more detail if you like my humanizations. I can also draw humaneizations of other characters if you ask (or more Lurien….. I like to draw his face…… gentle rose…….)

#I really like how Monomon and Quirrell look next to each other.... #Age has done Quirrell good hahaha #I think Monomone was one of those people who didn't really care about anything #So she wouldn't mind a relationship with a cute young Quirrell #But that would be a problem for Quirrell #Even if the feelings are mutual the age difference feels like a very unequal union #And when he got old it stopped being a problem hahaha #They're on the same level now #There are so many different humaneizations of Dreamers on tumblr #It's amazing how different they all are #I guess the lack of canonical information contributes to this #Technically you can't say another person's vision is wrong unless you have something to refute it with #hollow knight #hk #hk dreamers #hk monomon #hk herrah #hk lurien #hk quirrel #hk hornet #lurien the watcher #monomon the teacher #herrah the beast

[uncanny-tranny]

If I'm honest, the whole "love in every stitch" saying for fiber artists does not apply to me, like. I'm trying to get this fucking hook into stubborn yarn and I'll be stabbing it like it owed me money. Is that love because I hope not 😭💀

#art #crochet #honestly the closest thing i feel to love when crocheting is this feeling that this is bigger than me if that makes sense... #...i think it'sthe feeling of knowing how old the craft itself is and knowing that millions of people have done the same as you... #...millions of people have stabbed their crochet hook into the yarn because it's stubborn but so are you... #...millions of people in the past have sat and devoted their time and effort into all of this... #...millions of people have passed on this knowledge and kept this thing alive... #...and it's the feeling of knowing that humans across millenia aren't THAT different #to our core we are more or less similar - across the ages across the colours across everything. that really comforts and humbles me #have you looked up ancient textiles? because that also sparks these emotions in me #it makes me think about the tupes of people to make the textile but also about who wore it #and so many of them are still beautiful and colourful and it shows you SO MUCH about the people who made them #even the ones that are tattered and faded and stripped of colour still feel beautiful... #...because it has SURVIVED. it is evidence of a people who made it and a people who had technical skills #and THIS is why i HATE HATE HATE the idea that ancient people were just 'dumb' and 'uneducated' #that is so unfair to them and cruel and just. wrong. (and often it reeks of white supremacy) #i'm sorry i rant and rave about this so much but i canNOT be normal about this. i can't be normal about humanity #i am learning to love humanity and learn about us and learn everything and it'll never be enough - i will never know enough #i will never know everything about everybody and it will be the death of me #okay the only thing i liked about the greatest showman movie was Never Enough because that is me thinking about all this

[loadingbones]

Choir be wilding

#I was staring at my screen for ages tryna decide whether to put church #I went for it|| if it’s wrong so be it #based off that ‘school’ meme photo thing #ALSO why is all choir fanart so amazing?? beautiful?? y’all are so talented #tbh all bloodborne fanart is v good #bloodborne #bloodborne fanart #drawing #artist #digital art #clip studio paint #illustration

[palilious]

Working off of a personal headcanon where Redacted Vamps show off their age by their ears

#it’s like vamp newborns have the tiniest of points #while century old vamps have long and droopy pointed ears #what started as a hc ended up with a massive design the Solaire clan post #plus a profile practice #look at all these pretty people #also lovely’s vamp age is wrong here #she’s technically been a vamp for almost a year and a half now #but I’m too lazy to fix it #headcanon #redacted ASMR #redactedasmr #redacted audio #redactedaudio #redacted vincent #redacted lovely #redacted Fredrick #redacted Sam #redacted Alexis #redacted Quinn #redacted William #redacted solaire clan #oc #art #originalcharacter #originalartwork #sketch #character design #pali draws redacted #pali draws redacted audio