y’know i know everyone loves to write cute stuff w someone (usually husk) calling angel “anthony” and it being all sweet and cute or whatever but hate to break it to you but my boy’s Italian
you know his ass never went by anthony that boy was tony from the time he was born until he died
so. never consumed any mcu content whatsoever. however i have recently stumbled upon peter parker/harley keener fanfics, went down a rabbit hole, and am now obsessed with their dynamic and i realized i have just fallen into the trap of another blond + southerner + sarcastic + calls-his-boyfriend-darlin’ + infinitely supportive + big fucking nerd x incredibly traumatized + sarcastic + italian + orphan + definitely-started-saving-the-world-too-young + big fucking nerd ship. i am nothing if not predictable
HAL: So anyway. I’m going to be investing in an "Italian Restaurant" to sell "pizza" with my "pizza recipe" that I "looked up online" and also "went to a pizza place to see what good ideas are floating around".
JAKE: I am assuming your pizza will kill me instantly upon consumption!
Every year around the holidays, a "bug war" breaks out in the Parker-Stark households
Not bugs as in creepy crawlies. Technology bugs. Surveillance.
Tony and Peter are both determined to figure out what the other wants for the holidays
The two are on surprisingly even ground: Peter's spider-sense doesn't consider this a threat, and FRIDAY won't snitch. They both have to find any "bugs" the old fashioned way.
Bonus:
Soon enough the whole Ironfam is wrapped up in it. November and December become a time of yearly paranoia, everyone watching what they say and "checking for bugs."
Even Peter's friends discover tiny bugs on them. When Ned first learns the itty bitty robot behind his coat button is from Tony Stark trying to find out what he wants for Christmas he faints on the spot
Bonus 2, Crack Taken Seriously Boogaloo:
For a bit of drama: it's all fun and games until one year Peter gets kidnapped. The situation is bad. They only find him in time thanks to one of the "holiday bugs" Tony recently snuck on
“This is how it always ends… but first there was life. Hidden beneath the blah, blah, blah. It’s all settled beneath the chitter chatter and the noise. Silence and sentiment. Emotion and fear. The haggard, inconstant flashes of beauty.”