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brelione · 4 years

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Trying To Help (The Best Boys)

Series Masterlist

Warnings:Mentions of death, not super sad kind of just conflicting I think (figured id give you guys an emotional break), mentions of blood.Not proof read because im a lazy bitch.

“Hey pretty boy.”You whispered, trying not to cry.Topper frowned, not understanding where he was or why everything felt so weird. “Im sorry I drove off a bridge.”He replied, his voice sounding funny as if he had been talking with food in his mouth.

“Dont be bubs, you didnt mean to….”You replied, hoping your voice wasnt hurting his head.His eyes closed again, too lazy to keep them open. “Rafe should be here soon.”You bit the inside of your cheek anxiously.

His nose scrunched up, a look of disapproval on his face. “Why does everything always gotta be about Rafe?”He asked, his eyes opening wide when he realised there was a cast on his arm.He moved the fingers on his right hand, making sure that one wasnt broken too.Needles and IVs had been stabbed into his arm and hand, an air tube across his face and at his nostrils.

He noticed your hand on the bed, reaching for it with his good hand.You let him hold it, glad he wasnt mad at you.The room was quiet and dark but not so much that it was awkward, the two of you just trying to keep eachother calm. “Hey,guys.”The door opened to reveal Rafe.

He was wearing a backwards hat, a light blue polo shirt and black pants.He looked just as much of a mess as you, a guilty expression on his face.His eyes flicked over to you and Toppers hands as he sat in the chair next to you.

“Is that Rafe?”Topper asked, too tired to open his eyes again. “Yeah, dude.You really fucked up this time.”Rafe smiled but his face quickly fell into a frown when you didnt do the same.You began to drag your fingertips along Toppers arm, feeling a bit better when he grinned at the feeling.

“So how was the movie?”He asked, feeling his eyes water up. “Um...yeah, we didnt end up finishing it.Guess it wasnt the same without you there.”You muttered, your fingers trailing back down to his palm.

He hummed, taking in a deep breath when he realised you could hear his heartbeat increasing from the monitor. “I knew you wouldnt finish it.Between you and Kelce screaming and….and Rafe being an impatient slut.”Topper smiled, opening his eyes ever so slightly to catch a glimpse of Rafe’s reaction.

“Hmm...you’re lucky your arms already broken, pussy.”Rafe smiled, becoming less tense when you rolled your eyes. “DOnt be fucking rude.”You whispered with a small smile. “You know what...its the quoting the Kardashians daily for me.”Topper bit his lip as he waited for you to respond. “Its...the breaking my flower pot for me.”You replied, tapping your fingers against his palm.You grinned,recalling the memory.

You and Kelce had spent the morning together after a sleepover.You had scrolled through your pinterest feed as usual, coming across a ton of diy plant pots and decided to just go for it.You told Kelce about your idea as you two sat down for breakfast, both of you half asleep as you drank coffee. “Yeah, okay.”he agreed, putting on his shoes once he had finished his eggs.

“So how many pots should we get?”He asked as you buckled your seatbelt.You shrugged, not really having a proper answer as he began to drive to Walmart, cursing when he couldnt find a parking spot.Once he did he waited for you to go back to your pinterest boards and figure out exactly what type of paint you would need for the project.

It was far too early for the store to be busy, holding on to Kelce’s back as he grabbed a cart. “What isle?”He asked, stopping to grab a bag of cheetos. “Uhhh….I dont know.Hold on.”You pulled out your phone, holding onto him with one arm and resting the phone on top of his head.

“Thirteen.”You replied, squealing and holding on for dear life as he began running through the store, coming to a halt when he reached the isle.You hopped off of his back, grabbing some small pots and some medium pots and putting them into the cart carefully.

“Can I paint spongebob on mine?”He asked, his eyes glancing through the paint colors on the hunt for a bright yellow. “I dont care, paint whatever you want.”You replied, grabbing the primary colors and tossing them into the cart.Kelce being Kelce had freaked when he saw the variety of stickers, buying at least thirty dollars worth of puppy stickers, marvel stickers, car stickers and shiny spikes.

“No weeds are gonna mess with this plant when im done with it.”He said proudly as he grabbed every single strip of spike stickers.You had rolled your eyes, picking out some pearl like stickers and tossing them in the cart.Kelce smiled, getting an idea.

He moved all of the items to the opposite side of the cart to leave an empty space, picking you up quickly and putting you inside. “Kelce-seriously?”You sighed, holding on to the side as he pushed the cart quickly, swerving it against the tile on his way to the plant isle.

“Yep, its easier this way.”He replied, stopping the cart once you guys got to the other side of the store. “Ooh….can we grow sunflowers?”He asked, tossing the bag of seeds into the cart before you could answer. “Get lavender too.”You replied, taking out your phone to play subway surfers.

Kelce huffed, arms wrapping around your shoulders and placing a kiss on the top of your head as he watched you play. “Whats your high score?”He asked, playing with the baby hairs that had fallen out of your braids.

“I dunno, higher than yours.”You grinned, hearing him gasp. “Fucking rude.”He muttered, flicking your temple. “Fuck you.”You replied, avoiding a train. “Fuck you!”He exclaimed driving the cart to check out.He grabbed a few packs of gum as well, scanning the items at the self checkout.

You two then spent the whole afternoon painting pots and covering them in an obnoxious amount of stickers.The small one that Kelce had done all by himself was covered with spike stickers that kept falling off. “It wont stay stuck!”He exclaimed, becoming frustrated.

“Kelce, babe, its cause you’ve got paint on the sticky part.”You sighed, grabbing a paper towel and putting it under the water to wipe off the yellow paint from the pot.He was a pouting mess for the rest of the afternoon but was happy with the outcome of the pot, taking a photo of it to post on his snapchat story. “How did you do that?”He asked, pointing to the pastel rainbow pot you had painted.You shrugged, just going off of what you saw in the video.You two had decided to just go sit on the couch and watch some cartoons while you waited for Rafe and Topper, leaving the pots to dry on the table.

Once Topper had gotten there he had given you a quick greeting and went into the kitchen to get something to drink, accidentally elbowing one of the pots in the process and sending it to the floor, the clay colliding with your tile floor. “TOPPER!WHAT THE FUCK?!”You exclaimed, rushing into the kitchen.

“Its the stealing my hoodies from me and then pretending you didnt for me.”He replied.Your heart dropped as you realized you were wearing his hoodie right now, beginning to freak out when you realised you werent even wearing pants.

“Shut up.”You replied, squeezing his hand lightly.Kelce came through the door a few seconds later, sighing loudly. “These people are ridiculous-I had to convince them that I was Top’s adopted brother.Did you have to do that?”He asked Rafe, going to stand at the end of the bed.

“Nope.”Rafe replied.Kelce bit the inside of his cheek, staring at Topper. “Concussion?”He asked, noticing the bandage that was peaking out from Topper’s forehead.You nodded, looking between the two boys. “How you feeling?”Kelce asked.Topper grinned, peaking one eye open.

“Like shit.”Topper replied, a small smile on his face. “How long am I gonna be stuck here?”Topper asked, finally acknowledging the fact that he was in a hospital.Rafe shook his head, looking over to Kelce as if he knew anything about the situation that you and Rafe didnt.

Kelce shrugged, not knowing either. “I mean, with that kind of injury one could only assume a good two weeks or so.You wont be able to drive- (Y/N)- how did you get here?”Kelce asked, realising.You had texted them from the hospital which meant that Rafe hadnt driven you.

You went quiet, feeling their eyes on you. “Uhhh….I drove.”You replied, hoping they wouldnt push further.Topper opened both of his eyes this time, wanting to make sure he had understood properly. “What?”Topper asked, cringing at the lisp he now had.

He shouldve known his voice would sound different.He had literally bit off part of his tongue. “I drove.”You repeated, feeling a bit insecure.Rafe just looked confused, Kelce was shocked and Topper just couldnt believe it.

“How’d it go?”Topper asked, wanting to sit up when he realised that he couldnt really move that much.You shrugged, trying to figure out why the attention was on you when Topper had literally almost died.

“I dont really know, kinda just did it.I dont really remember it either.”You replied, feeling Rafe’s hand drift onto your knee, tapping your knee cap.He had been doing it for years.He was awkward most of the time and didnt know what to do if his hand was empty, usually going to hold yours or just touch you in some way to feel more grounded.

“Why dont you remember it?”Topper asked, unable to grasp the whole situation.Thank god he didnt know that the nurse had told you about his ‘last words’.He wouldve had a heart attack on spot. “I was in shock, dum dum.I was just-just trying to make breakfast and then the fucking hospital calls me and tells me that you drove into a river.”You laughed, a few tears rolling down your face.

Toppers heart beat quickened,squeezing your hand tight. “I said I was sorry...did you at least drink water this morning?”He asked, wishing he could hug you.You laughed, wiping your face. “No, no I didnt cause I thought you were gonna die!”You replied, sniffling.

“For the love of life, Topper.Keep up.”You let out a shaky breath. “Im trying my best, sunshine.”He answered, not paying attention to Rafe or Kelce.It felt like you were the only one who was actually in the room with him.

“I mean, I guess its just karma.Have any of us ever left during a movie night?All im saying is I think its like a curse or something.”Topper answered, trying his best to get you to stop crying.Kelce couldnt even think of something to say, the situation was overpowering him.

You just sighed,leaning your forehead against the mattress, staring down at the floor. “Why’d you leave?”You asked, still not understanding the full situation that lead to Topper leaving your house.Rafe shifted in his seat, squeezing your knee, almost trying to tell you not to bring it up again.

“Just...wanted to go home.”He mumbled, knowing better than to bring up the argument that he no longer cared about.He couldve laughed at it.As jealous as he was as Rafe even he could admit that the son of a bitch cared about you more than anyone and to accuse him of not caring about you was the stupidest thing he had ever said.And that was saying a lot.

SOmetimes he was close to positive that Rafe didnt care about him or Kelce but there was never a single doubt in his mind that Rafe didnt love you.Now he kind of wish that he had died since it would leave you with Rafe and Kelce.

They were both better friends than he could ever be no matter how hard he tried.It wouldve been better for the whole friend group if he had stayed dead. “You have a concussion, bubs.Nothing you say is relevant for the next two weeks.”You joked, feeling the tears roll down your face and onto your collarbones, not even bothering to wipe them away anymore.

“You have a single brain cell, (Y/N).Nothing you say is relevant.”He replied, laughing a bit.It didnt do much but hurt his head and make his tongue sting. “See?That’s not relevant.”You replied, lifting your head up from the mattress and kissing the back of his hand lightly.

Rafe smiled slightly, glad to see that you were a bit better and that Topper hadnt yelled at him to get out. “You know what?I just think I should say something really important.”Topper announced, thinking that he sounded louder than he actually did.Rafe squeezed your knee tightly, worried that Topper would tell you what he knew and that Kelce would freak out about it.

“I dont think im allowed to watch tv with a concussion-fuck.”Topper grumbled, hearing Rafe let out a sigh of relief.He noticed Kelce still standing, getting up and asking you quietly if you two could share your seat.

You huffed, standing up and allowing him to sit in your chair, sitting on his lap, feeling self conscious when Toppers hoodie lifted to reveal half your thigh. “I mean, you could always do other things to pass the time.”Kelce replied, sitting down in the chair.

“Hmm...like what?”Topper asked.Thank god Kelce was an optimist, the rest of you would be absolutely fucked without him. “Like….coloring, reading or….I dont know, thinking.”Kelce suggested, going quiet soon after. “Read what?”Topper asked.

He had never liked reading.Back when you guys were still in school he would refuse to read anything, tossing his homework down as you and Kelce tried to do yours.You usually had to harass Rafe for hours to do his work when all he could focus on was you.He would purposely annoy you just so you’d talk more and get all mad.

Between him and Topper you never got your work done, having to read to Topper so he would get some of his work done. “I could read you the Harry Potter books, ive got them downloaded to my phone.”You replied, a small grin on your face.

Toppers face became red, wanting to protest but deciding that he’d rather have you read to him than continue with the upsetting conversations. “Yeah, okay.”He answered, closing his eyes as you began to read.Kelce was smiling as you read, making comments every once in a while.

“Wow, what a bitch.”He muttered about Vernon.Rafe squeezed your waist, resting his head against your back.It was some time in the afternoon when the nurse came in to check Toppers IV and give him some more medication. “Theres food available in the cafeteria, a warm soup or something soft would be best for your friend here.”She gestured towards Topper before leaving.

She had given you all a weird look, trying to figure out why a patient’s girlfriend was sitting on the lap of his assumed brother.Kelce bit the inside of his cheek, hearing his stomach rumbling. “Alright, well im going to the cafeteria. (Y/N), can you come with me please?”He asked.

You sighed, shaking your head. “Im not wearing pants.”You answered. “Can you stand up for a minute?”Rafe asked.You huffed, getting off of his lap, eyes widening when he pulled off his shorts and handed them right over to you.

Kelce wasnt even surprised, just hungry.You awkwardly pulled up the shorts, tying them tight around your waist and following Kelce into the elevator.Everything was going smoothly until it came to a stop. “What the hell?”Kelce asked, hitting a ton of buttons at once. “Kelce!Stop that!”You smacked his wrist, screaming when the elevator moved slightly, coming to a stop again.

“What should I do?Im pressing the red button!”He exclaimed as he pressed it again. “I dont know!Press it again!”You exclaimed, clinging onto his arm. “Oh my fuck-shit dammit!Now we’re gonna die!”You exclaimed.

“We’re already in a hospital, we’ll be fine.”He answered, pressing the button again. “Kelce!It’s gonna fall!”You exclaimed, holding onto him so tight you were starting to shake. “No its not, its fine.Just wait for someone to come fix it.”He spoke, pulling you onto the floor so you were sitting against him. “It’ll be fine, just wait.”He repeated.

“Im sorry, man.”Topper sighed, looking over to Rafe.THe brunette simply shrugged, not really bothered by it anymore. “Apology accepted.”Rafe replied.Topper let out a sigh of relief, glad that the tension wasnt as strong.

“But like, can you be honest real quick?”Topper asked, waiting for Rafe to answer. “Yeah, yeah okay.”Rafe replied, dreading what Topper would ask. “Did you guys do anything?”He asked.Rafe frowned, not knowing what to say.

He didnt want to tell Topper something that you werent okay with him knowing but at the same time didnt want to lie. “Yeah, yeah we did.”Rafe replied, holding his breath.Topper simply hummed, letting out a breath through his nose.

“Were you careful?You know she doesnt….hasnt done those types of things.You didnt hurt her though, right?”Topper asked.Rafe was a bit confused, thinking that Topper would get all jealous and grumpy. “Yeah, yeah I was….she was fine, like she said she was fine and I told her she could….ya know, stop me.She didnt though, I was careful.”Rafe’s cheeks were red, trying not to go into too much depth.

Topper nodded a bit, sighing. “Thats good...so like, are you guys dating now or whatever?”Topper asked, trying to ignore the pit in his stomach.Rafe gulped, not really knowing the answer himself. “I dont know….its all complicated I guess.”He replied, feeling guilty now that he was actually talking about it.

“Okay...hey, do you think she knows?”Topper asked, hoping you wouldnt walk in at the wrong time.Rafe laughed at the comment. “Damn, man.I dont even know.Like, she obviously knows I do.Ive made it pretty obvious but like...you’ve made it pretty obvious too at this point I think.I feel like she doesnt think anyone would like her like that no matter how obvious we make it.I dont know, I feel like right now wouldnt be a good time to talk to her about this though, lets just not say anything to her.”Rafe muttered, realising he had promised you that he wouldnt tell anyone what you two had done last night

. “Hmm...you know whats fucked?”Topper asked, blinking slowly.Rafe hummed, waiting for him to continue. “I lost my two year streak with her.And you.”The blonde smiled, wiggling his toes carefully.Rafe laughed, pinching his nostrils. “Yeah, thats fucked.”He agreed.

“Nobody’s coming.”You huffed, holding on to Kelce’s hand as you leaned against the elevator wall. “You dont know that.”He replied, not sounding genuine at all. “I dont know….do you wanna talk about something?”You asked, thinking of ways to pass time while you guys were trapped.

He sighed, nodding. “What do you wanna talk about?”He asked, flicking at your fingertips. “I dont know...how are your cousins?”You asked, realising that that’s where he had come from.He chuckled, shaking his head.

“Alec would not stop complaining about sushi, I guess her favorite restaurant closed and now shes all pissy about it.Shes really fucking tall now.”He sighed, kind of glad that he was able to leave the house.You nodded, trying to think of something else to say.

Alec was his 17 year old cousin, she was nice sometimes but she could also be a lot to handle from what you had heard.She was pretty cool though, always commenting on your instagram posts and hyping you up.It kind of gave Rafe a little competition since she always commented before him.

“What about Jax?Is he still an ass?”You asked.You had met Jax a total of two times, both times he had called you hot and stared at you.He was 17 so it was kind of weird of him but you hadnt had to deal with him in a good six months.

Kelce shrugged, not having much to say. “Yeah, I dont think hes ever gonna change.He tried to download porn to my phone.”Kelce replied, biting the inside of his cheek. “Hey, is it true that Rafe kissed you?I mean, he told me but I figured he probably just dreamt it.”fuck.

Now everything was coming unraveled and you’d have to figure out how you wouldnt hurt anyone. “Uh...yeah, he did.”You answered, biting your bottom lip.He was silent.That was scary if something was so shocking that Kelce had nothing to say.

“Alright...so how do you feel about it?”He asked, keeping his voice calm and steady.He was tired of not knowing what was going on, not understanding the new tension between you and Rafe.There had always been something there but recently it seemed to get a lot more serious.

But then again he had noticed the way you held Topper, how you’d sigh whenever the blonde kissed your forehead or when he’d hug you.He didnt really want to say anything, figuring that when you wanted to date one of them you would.

Now he sounded exactly like Topper, you were pretty sure those were the exact words that he had said to you. “Um….yeah, I dont really know.I guess that like im not mad about it but I just...I dont know how to feel.”You answered, knowing that it sounded stupid.

Kelce nodded, understanding. “So do you like Rafe?LIke, you know.”He asked, pulling at the sleeve of the hoodie out of boredom.You shrugged, not knowing the answer. “(Y/N), come on now.I see the way you look at him...its a little bit of something.”He pushed.

You knew he was right but you’d rather die than admit it. “I dont know, Kelce.Its just weird, I guess.Like we’ve been friends for like...eight years and now all this shit is happening.”You answered.

He nodded, trying to think of the best advice to give you. “Alright, well life is too short for shit.If you like Rafe then I think you should go for it.All that matters is that you’re happy and if he makes you happy then you should be with him.”Kelce squeezed your hand, waiting for you to speak.

Of course Kelce would say that.That was the most Kelce thing you had ever heard him say. “Yeah, but I dont think I want to be with him.”You muttered, not knowing how to explain what you were feeling.Kelce was confused, trying his best not to show it.

“Okay….but why?Do you like someone else at the same time?”He asked, trying to piece everything together.The elevator began to move again, scaring you both. “Shit.”You sighed, holding on to his arm as he helped you up.

“We’ll talk about this later.”It sounded like more of a question.He had never been great at being assertive.A few staff members apologized, explaining that a patient had went roaming around and they had to stop the elevators to prevent them from leaving the hospital.

Kelce held onto your hand tight as you made your way to the cafeteria.None of the food looked particularly appetizing, eventually deciding on a small container of mac and cheese for yourself, a turkey sandwich for Rafe and finding a sealed bowl of potato soup for Topper.

Kelce had grabbed a few sodas and a gatorade for Topper, reuniting with you as you both went to the line, paying for the food.You two had decided on just taking the elevator again, figuring it would be difficult to walk up the stairs with so much to carry.

Luckily it didnt come to a stop this time, the two of you completing the trip successfully and walking back into the hospital room.Rafe and Topper were laughing about something, Rafe sitting in his boxers.It was quite funny.You all ate in a pretty much silence, having to help Topper elevate the upper half of his bed so he could eat properly.

“I hate hospital food.”Rafe sighed, biting into his sandwich while keeping you balanced on his left thigh.He tried to ignore all of the thoughts he was getting, figuring that the lack of caffeine in his system was making him horny.

That first night in the hospital had been the hardest.You were the only one who was allowed to stay while Kelce and Rafe had to go home.You had given Rafe his sweatpants back.

He decided that he needed to talk to you, taking your hand and getting far away from the room where the trauma patients were seperated from the elderly. “How are you?”He asked.You kind of wanted to punch him.What the hell kind of question was that?

“I just...im fine.”You forced yourself to grin, not wanting to be rude.He licked his lips, looking around. “Thats...not what I meant.”His face flushed a bit, his ears pink. “oh-oh....um, yeah im fine.”You repeated.He hummed, hands ending up in the pockets of your hoodie.

“Thats good....im sorry that I went so fast, I know you wanted me to be gentle.”He apologized, kissing your forehead. “Its fine, Rafe.”You answered, hugging him.He huffed, accepting the hug.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, I can stop by your house and grab you some clothes.”He offered, staring down at you.You nodded, accepting the offer.He leaned down, kissing you gently, feeling himself get weak.

You pulled away after a moment, kissing the tip of his nose before standing on your tiptoes to kiss his forehead. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”You grinned, kissing him gently. “Alright, text me the clothes that you want...do you want one of my shirts?”he asked, smiling when you nodded. “Alright....okay, tomorrow.”He repeated, finally letting go of you.

You ended up staying up for a majority of the night, holding Topper’s hand as you read to him, switching from Harry Potter to short stories.He had moved over in his bed ever so slightly, groaning in pain, staring at the small empty space he had made.

You took the message, hesitantly laying next to him, becoming stiff when he wrapped his good arm around you and let you rest your head on his shoulder. “You’re cold.”He mumbled, holding you tighter.

The nurse came in to wake him up every hour and a half since sleep was bad for concussions.You barely got any sleep, more focused on listening to make sure his heartbeat was steady.

Rafe and Kelce came at seven in the morning with coffee and donuts, a container of chocolate flavored yogurt for Topper.Rafe had stuffed one of your backpacks full of clothes, grabbing whatever he thought would bring you comfort.

He had grabbed you a new shirt from his closet, a mint blue and purple striped polo that was pretty long on him which meant it would fit you like a baggy dress, spraying it with his cologne.

He grabbed your facewash for you, a hairbrush, some hair ties, some socks, soft pants and some loose fitting shirts.He felt a little guilty for looking through your bras and underwear but he knew he couldnt just not bring you some, grabbing a few random ones and stuffing them in the bag.

He grabbed your polaroid camera and a few of your photos, thinking that you might show them to Topper.You were glad to be able to change into some pants, thanking him quietly and slipping in the bathroom to change, sighing when you noticed how wattery and irritated your eyes looked, changing into the shirt that you had seen Rafe wear a couple of times, sniffing it and feeling a calm sensation run through your body.

You sat at the foot of the bed, pulling your knees to your chest as you drank your coffee, taking long, slow blinks.That had been your first day without sleep.It wasnt until the third day that Kelce and Rafe were becoming really concerned.

It had began to rain outside, Kelce and Rafe were trying to convince you to leave and go home. “No.”You answered, sitting in one of the chairs.Topper was asleep.“No-no, you.We’re going home- dont give me that look.You can come back tomorrow but tonight you’re going to sleep in your bed, okay?”Kelce asked, not really giving you any options, picking up your bag.

“No.”You repeated, wanting to scream when he grabbed your arm, bringing you outside the room. “(Y/N), you havent slept in days.Just come home.”Rafe tried to convince you, going on to explain that you could ride with him or Kelce and then tomorrow the three of you would go into Rafe’s truck and Kelce could drive your car back to your house so you didnt have to worry about it.

You agreed eventually, going back into the room to say bye to Topper, kissing his cheek. “Hey, dont worry about me.Got it?If I find out you were worrying about me im gonna break all your flower pots.”He threatened, a small grin on his face.

You had decided to drive with Kelce, holding his hand as he drove on the wet roads.He was careful to drive slowly so he wouldnt freak you out, informing you that Rafe was going to go stop at a Papa Ginos to grab you guys dinner.

Your house felt foreign to you, the couch not comfy anymore.Kelce frowned, noticing your discomfort. The anxiety felt like it was eating away at your brain.Kelce tried to think of a way to help, the thoughts not coming so easy to him anymore.

The stress was building up inside of him, the stress from dealing with everyone elses problems combining with his own. “Come on.”He grabbed your hand, bringing you upstairs.

Your legs were tired from being held to your chest or bent at uncomfortable angles so you could lay in the hospital bed.He opened the door to your bedroom. “Lay down.”He told you, hoping his voice hadnt come across as creepy.

You raised your eyebrows, not understanding why he was telling you to do this but going along with it anyways.He got onto the bed next to you, wrapping an arm around your toso, one of his legs resting across your thighs with his head directly under your chin.

“What are you doing?”You asked.You couldnt deny it, it was quite a comfortable position. “Im trying to help.I saw this thing on Tik Tok the other day that if you lay on someone its like a weighted blanket and helps with stress.”He explained, pulling your comforter up over your bodies.

It only took you a matter of seconds to fall asleep, Kelce grinning.The feeling of cuddling someone helped him too, a small sigh escaping his lips as he closed his eyes as well, falling asleep before Rafe pulled into your driveway with a pizza in the backseat.

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moonsstarss · 3 years

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Euphemia Potter and Sirius Black

The first time Sirius went to James’ house, was in the second break from their first year. James was going home to his family and he had asked him mom if his new beste mate could come with him to join them for Christmas.

At first, Euphemia didn’t approve of it, having another 11 year old in their house while she wanted to celebrate Christmas with her small family. But after having heard James talk about how the boy had a bad home situation, she said yes to James’ idea.

Euphemia and Fleamont were carefull with the black haired boy. They knew he was vulnerable, (even tho Sirius claimed he wasn’t) They were carefull because he do, in fact, was a Black. But after having him at theirs for one night, they realized he really wasn’t like a Black, not at all.

Sirius was polite, he smiled and talked a lot. He was nice to both Euphemia and Fleamont and he cared a lot about their son.

The first moment Euphemia realised how bad Sirius needed a real mom, was when she walked in on the boy having a nightmare one night.

Sirius was breathing heavily. Whimpering and silcent tears walking down his small face.

Euphemia softly touched Sirius’ cheek as Sirius flinched awake. He sat up fastly, gasping for air and breathing fast.

“Shhhh, its alright sweetheart.”

Euphemia hugged the boy close, ignoring the flinches and his shaking body. Just talking softly to him, telling him it was alright.

“Everything will be alright, shhh, it’s okay.”

Sirius had stopped crying, feeling safe here.

The second time Sirius was at James’ home, was when he was around 16.

He had had an awfully huge fight with his mother and father. Being beaten up and his body still shaking from the curses.

When he made the Potters he collapsed on the grass of their garden. Feeling the blood drip from his body and every bone felt broken.

He was gasping for air heavily, trying to breath but not getting any air. He saw everything going black, letting out a last frustrated cry.

When he woke up he saw Euphemia bending over him, looking worried, sad and angry.

Sirius let out another cry, trying to say he was sorry but not getting everything out of his mouth.

“Its okay hun, I’ve already told James and Fleamont. We’re all mad at the Blacks and we’re letting you stay here for as long as we can, we’ll find a solution.”

Sirius’ eyes changed from scared till peacefull.

He was home.

Sirius’ his body still hurted a bit but he was doing better and better. The Potters had taken him in, he didn’t think he’s deserve it but they hadn’t listened to that and had said it should’ve always been this way. He was one of theirs.

Sirius heard a knock on his door.

“Sweetheart, James is getting the food at the store with dad, can you help me with preparing the dessert?”

Sirius knew this was honestly just a moment for Euphemia to be with him. She had been trying to be as much with Sirius as possible. Let the boy show he was safe, and theirs. Sirius didn’t mind.

“Coming!”

As Sirius walked downstairs he saw Euphemia was already melting some chocolate. She gave him a sweat smile as he smiled back, rolling up his sleeves and putting his hair in a loose bun.

“You can call me mom you know, I’ve told you thousand times, you never say it.” Euphemia smiled.

Sirius shrugged.

After half an hour Fleamont and James came back as Fleamont spoke.

“... so as I talked to Mia she asked about what you were doing and I told her you were with our other son and-“

Sirius interrupted.

“Uhm, Flea- no wait. Uhhh. Okay listen... I really appreciate you guys calling me your son and all but I’m still a Black and you have James and I’m not your son as much as I’d love to be..”

James, Fleamont and Euphemia looked at the boy.

The short boy with the black hair till his shoulders. The boy who tried to hide his feeling even tho he was falling apart. The boy who always got a bright blush when James called him his brother.

James smiled. “It’s alright bro, you are my bother honestly you’re not going to change that.”

Fleamont nodded as Euphemia gave him a hug.

Sirius hugged back, closing his eyes knowing he didn’t want I any other way, really.

The third time Sirius was at the Potters was when he stood at their door, well Euphemia’s door.

Fleamont had died from Dragon Pox, and James... He was hiding, hiding with the love of his life. Lily and James were safe, together with Harry.

Sirius used to be the secret keeper of James and Lily, but he had changed with Peter last moment.

Sirius hAd to tell someone, anyone who listened really. He couldn’t tell his friends tho... There was a spy in the middle of them and Sirius didn’t know who it was. It could be anyone. He had to tell someone who would definitely not tell anyone else.

Euphemia had be the first person Sirius thought of.

She was James’ mom and would never ever betray him.

Euphemia opened the door, pointing her wand at Sirius.

“What did Sirius say to me the first time he met me?”

Sirius smirked, it had been truly hilarious.

“Hello miss Potter, I’m James’ new friend and I would like to inform that James once peed his pants while brushing his teeth walking on his hands.”

Euphemia laughed, letting her boy in.

“What’s wrong honny?”

“Well...”

After having talked to her for hours, Sirius finally felt a little lighter. Sirius had felt weird but he whole situation and didn’t really know what to do.

“So Peter is the secret keeper?”

Sirius nodded.

“Merlin I made a mistake didn’t I.”

Sirius talked silently, his head in his hands, shaking furiously.

Euphemia pulled him in a hug.

“You did nothing wrong, and it’s gonna be alright.”

Sirius nodded.

Two weeks later everything went wrong.

Sirius had sent Remus to Euphemia after having heard nothing of Peter.

He was going behind him, making sure everything went alright.

Sirius arrived at Godrics Hollow, his stomach hurting from the nerves and his wand ready. As he walked around the corner he began to run, seeing the house of James and Lily.

He only began to slow down when he saw no lights shining. The house wasn’t a house anymore. Only ruins were left.

Sirius began to feel hopeless.

“N-no! JAMES!”

He ran towards the house, not bothering to look around for anyone watching.

“JAAAMES!!! LILYYYY!!!”

He ran inside as the first thing he saw was his best mate lying on the stairs, motionless.

“N-no... No please no- James.”

Tears streamed down Sirius’ face as he felt his stomach drop.

He fell over his best friend hugging his bother close.

He only realised he still had to be strong when he heard a soft sound coming from upstairs.

“L-LILY?!”

Sirius ran upstairs, a second heartbreaking sight crashing over him.

Lily lying in the ground.

“Fuck-“

Another wave of tears hit him as Sirius realised the two most important people were dead.

Sirius heard a cry. Harry.

Harry was still sitting in his little bed.

Sirius took him out as fast as he could. Hugging Harry as close as he could.

“S-shhhh, it’ll b-be alright P-prongslet.”

He heard a loud sound as Sirius drew his wand. Tears still streaming over his face, holding Harry tightly with his other arm, protecting him at all cost.

It only took a few seconds when Sirius saw Hagrid. The giant had a sad look on his face as he looked at Sirius, who began shaking his head, crying harder, stepping back.

“N-no no no, please no, not Harry.”

Hagrid looked at Sirius with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry, Dumbledore’s order. Said I should get baby Harry to take him to his aunt ‘n uncle.”

Sirius shaked his head, disbelief showing in his eyes.

“No but, but he’s everything I have- please...”

Hagrid stepped closer as he pointed his umbrella at Sirius.

“I don’t wanna do this.”

Sirius kept Harry close to his chest. Thinking about Remus and Euphemia.

He gave Harry a small kiss to his head.

“T-take care of him.”

Hagrid took Harry as he walked away.

Sirius stood there, a numb feeling in his chest, breathing heavily, tears still streaming down his face. Hagrid had taken his motorbike.

Sirius slowly walked out of the house, seeing dementors everywhere. His eyes grew as he started running, the dementors on his heels.

Sirius heard someone scream, “THERE HE IS! ITS BLACK!”

Lights fired beside him as Sirius casted a protection charm.

After what felt like hours of fighting Sirius proceeded to arrive at Euphemia’s, hoping she and Remus weren’t also dead.

“EUPHEMIA! OPEN THE DOOR PLEASEE...”

Sirius fell against the door. Just when he thought he wouldn’t take it anymore, the door opened.

Euphemia opened it, her eyes full of concern.

“Oh sweathear-“

“They’re dead... Pettigrew killed them and they’re after m-me. I DIDNT DO ANYTHING... Please...”

Remus walked up behind the two of them as Euphemia was holding Sirius close.

A group of people of the minestry came running towards them, they heard them scream in the distance.

“WHAT DO I DO.”

Sirius was screaming hopeless, everything falling apart and not knowing what to do.

“Keep him safe, p-please keep Remus safe, and make sure y-you’ll get to take care of Harry, he’s alive, t-they’re taking him to Petunia and Vernon. I love you and thank you for everything.”

“No Sirius-“

The people of the minestry got close, Sirius felt a hand grab his clothes.

He screamed, seeing Remus run into the house.

He felt a hand hit him as Sirius hit and knocked everything he could hit.

Screaming and crying.

“Let him go he didn’t do anything!”

Euphemia was screaming against the people, trying to get her son back.

“MOMM! I DIDNT DO ANYTHING PLEASE MOM HELP ME!”

Sirius stopped fighting back as saw even his Euphemia looked hopeless.

She stepped forward slamming the door behind her so Remus was safe.

“GIVE HIM A TRIAL! HES THE ONLY THING IVE GOT LEFT AND YOU WONT TAKE MY OTHER SON FROM ME! I WONT ADMIT BOTH OF MY SONS LEAVING IN ONE NIGHT, BESIDES, HES INNOCENT.”

The people of the minestry of magic stopped hurting Sirius as they loosened the grip, not letting go yet.

After what felt like hours Sirius was sitting in the middle of a large room. People of the hearing looking at him. He felt so small.

His body was hurting and he felt the bruise they aurors hit grow.

The Veritaserum he has gotten at the beginning of the hearing started to impact him and he felt like something was taking over what he was saying.

The minister was about to talk when he cought Euphemia’s eye, his mom smiled at him. Sirius have her a faint smile back.

“Tonight we gather around for the trial of Sirius Orion Black. Mister Black,” Sirius flinched as he heard the name. He hadn’t been called so since he was 16.

“Is it true that you were James and Lily Potters secret keeper?”

“Partly.”

“Partly?” The minister looked confused and mad.

“I was in the beginning, but we changed the secret keeper.”

“Ehhhjj- Okay who is the secret keeper now then mister Black?”

Again Sirius flinched.

“Peter Pettigrew.”

The whole hall was looking at Sirius.

After a short silence the minister spoke again.

“And we’re is, Peter Pettigrew?”

“I- I don’t know.”

“We found the finger of Pettigrew. It was the only thing left from him, you blew him up.”

“No, Pettigrew is an animagus, he transformed into a rat and ran away.”

“Why would Pettigrew be an animagus?”

“Be.... Because our friend Remus Lupin is a werewolf and because Pettigrew James Potter and I became animagus for him... It’s easier for animals to be with werewolfs...”

Sirius looked down, knowing Remus would be so mad... He looked at Euphemia, she gave him a comforting smile.

“Find Peter Pettigrew!”

Euphemia took Sirius home, his case had been dismissed, they were going to keep an eye on him untill they found Pettigrew but he was allowed to go home.

Sirius was crying softly, cuddled up by his mom in her car. Not able to wait to go home. To see Remus. He was exhausted.

Euphemia opened the door as Sirius ran inside.

Remus stood up instantly, running toward Sirius.

Sirius threw himself on Remus, tears and limbs everywhere. Remus let out a harsh laugh, keeping Sirius close as he cried as well.

Sunlight was slowly rising trough the windows. A new day had started.

Euphemia looked at Sirius, smiling softly as she wiped away a tear.

Her boy would be okay.

#sirius black #euphemia potter #remus lupin #james potter #lily evans #harry potter #hA AnGsT-#wolfstar

74 notes · View notes

marswritingss · 4 years

Text

karasuno and nekoma’s manager with an ed and selfharm

req: um hello 👉🏼👈🏼 I saw you were doing emergency requests and, unless you're uncomfy with it, could i request karasuno and nekoma comforting their manager who has an eating disorder (anorexia) and/or self harms? ive been going through a tough time with my ed and self harm. if you feel uncomfortable writing this, its totally fine i understand! have a good day/night 💕

me: ofc baby! i’m glad you trusted me in this and i hope you know that you’re amazing and deserve to be happy. keep on going, if you’ve hit the bottom now you can only go better :)) if you ever need to talk just dm me or send it here anonymously :)

warnings: eating disorder and self harm,,, but it all ends up being fluff bc baby here needs it

oh god i’m here after finishing it i might have made it too angsty shit

also yes i’m still working on my other requests but as you’ve seen this is an emergency req and somehow i managed to pull out some ideas while i was taking a shower and come up with something as fast as i could

btw i feel i focused more in the ed part than in the self harm part so if you want me to rewrite this i'll do it gladly! <33

another note: at first i had written one paragraph in female, and i obviously had to change it, but i didn’t know how to change female volleyball team to something neutral, so i just created this miyagi under 18 volleyball group where you happened to play :))

karasuno

– ok what happened is that you used to do volleyball, though not in highschool, but in a group, because you had forgotten to sign up for the club and when you realised, it was too late

– but uH

– well

– it happened that you had to stop playing it because of an injury on your first year of highschool (you were a second year)

– kiyoko knew you because her cousin was friends with you, and when she learned that you did know volleyball, she didn’t hesitate to ask you to join her and yachi

– so there you were, one month after recruiting you, you had developed friendships with everyone and the whole team adored you

– but they didn’t know about your habits, and the pants and jacket you wore everytime to the gym covered enough to not look suspicious

– so daichi didn’t think there would be a problem about organizing a trip to the beach

– at first you were going to turn the invitation, but the look yachi, hinata and noya gave you made you bit your inner cheek and say yes

– well, you could always stay under the umbrella and read something, and maybe even talk with tsukki or ennoshita

– the point is, you weren’t going to show your thighs, much less take a bath. and you didn’t have a problem! your body had no reserves of fat, which made your body not be able to preserve any heat

– i’m pretty sure i read that you can’t preserve heat in your body which makes you grow more hair somewhere but if i’m wrong please call me out

– if hinata or yamaguchi asked you why were you wearing long jeans, you could just tell them you hadn’t shaved that day

– your plan was going to be alright, you had it under control

– so the day arrived.

– you were in a hoodie and jeans, just like you planned

– i mean, it wasn’t even summer, the volleyball idiots just happened to be too warm to be able to go to the beach in may

– so there wasn’t anything odd

– or so you thought

“pfff are you going to make a sandman y/n?” asked tsukki

“oh, no i-”

“yeah y/n! it’s too hot to be wearing hoodies!”

“oi! let her wear what she wants” said daichi

– bless him tbh

– so you sat in your towel and started thinking

"you have it all under control” you muttered to yourself, not knowing ennoshita was listening

“what?” he asked

“oh, it’s nothing” you brushed off

“stupid! you almost discover yourself!” you scolded in your mind

– appart from that. no one seemed to know anything

– so you sent the thought to the back of your mind and took out a book

– ahh it was a nice day

– you hadn’t had to eat anything and the coke you had had earlier was enough to keep you up so you didn’t have to ingest anything else, and you hadn’t had any urges so your wounds from yesterday were already healing

– but

– somehow, the temperature started rising

– and, without thinking about it, you rolled your sleeves a bit up

– suga almost fainted when he saw, and ennoshita had to keep him from going there and lecture you

– you hadn’t noticed any of this so you kept reading

“we should see how y/n behaves and talk to her accordingly” told ennoshita to suga, who nodded

– when you realised you had rolled up your sleeves, showing your skinny arm and some of your wounds, you panicked. but no one had told you anything, and you knew that if anyone knew they would’ve told you anything, so you reminded yourself to be more careful

– oh, how wrong you were

“do you want some onigiri, y/n?” kageyama asked, handing you one. it smelled amazing, and you had to dig your nails on your palms before denying

“no thanks” you said with a smile

“but these were made by my mom!” said hinata “you have to try them out!”

– one bite didn’t hurt, did it?

“yes it does” you told yourself

– you shook your head and told them you were going on a walk

– hopefully they’d be too distracted on eating that they wouldn’t think about it too much

– and tsukki, of all people, asked if he could go with you. you didn’t want to leave suspicions so you accepted

– you didn’t know, but he had realised that the amount of food you ate was too little, even for him, and that sometimes you seemed to make faces when noya would drag you by the arm

– so when he saw the two moms of the team panicking over you, and your rolled up sleeves, he confirmed it

“ennoshita-san, sugawara-san, i’ve seen you’ve realised about y/n... habits” he said. ennoshita looking at him in surprise. “i was thinking about talking to them later, since they’ll probably run away as soon as the two simpletons bring the food”

“mmmm” nodded suga. “be careful though, we don’t really know about how far the situation has gone”

– so there he was, walking with you asking himself how to bring the topic

– you were thinking about what excuse to use if he happened to know, when you felt your legs fail and almost drop you

– this looks like a tsukki hc wtf i’m sorry hol on

– anyway so this guy ends up dragging you and saying things you can’t even focus on because you don’t have the energy

– hinata and noya panic and ask if you’re going to be okay

– daichi calms them while suga and asahi help you sit down

“what happened?” asks

– you’re about to pull off an excuse when ennoshita talks lowly enough so only daichi suga asahi and you can hear

“can’t you see?” he says you think he’s disgusted but he’s actually worried and mad that no one had realised before “y/n isn’t okay, they haven’t eaten yet, and the wounds in their arms are affecting them

– you felt your tears appear

– suga tried comforting you by rubbing his hand in your back

“it’s okay, we’ll figure something out” he said

– then you started crying, and hinata panicked for the second time and ran to hug you

“i’m sorry i’m not enough” you said between sobs. you were frustrated with yourself and started to feel the urge to rip off the skin that had formed in your wounds

– both suga and daichi looked at you, while hinata hugged you tighter, as if you were going to leave

“what do you mean?” asked kageyama, he was behind asahi, who had been looking at you with pity

“i don’t want your pity” you thought, asahi smiled at you even though you probably had sent him a death glare

“i’m...” you started, but shut yourself as you didn’t know what to say.

“oi! y/n!” called tanaka, a bit harshly. daichi stiffened as he thought how tanaka was sometimes too brute with words “you’re beautiful as hell!” he said punching the air

“heck yeah!” said noya, jumping “you’re the most beautiful person i’ve seen!”

“y/n you’re so cute! when you enter the gym is like whaaaam and... uhhh” started hinata “and booooooom” he said flailing his hands around

– you laughed a bit

– daichi smiled relieved

– maybe the pair knew how to handle

– that day ended up you getting hugged by everyone and ennoshita staying with you while wathcing noya and hinata bully tsukki splashing water to him while yamaguchi screamed ‘tsukki!!!!’

“you know y/n,” he started. asahi was on your other side “you can always count on us” he said while smiling “you helped us getting back to volleyball, even though you were still on your club and probably thought some coward first years wouldn’t be worthy. i think we owe you that one” he said. you remembered that. he had stumbled across you, the intimidating first year setter who had saved the current Under 18 Miyagi prefecture Volleyball Club from lacking a setter, how you had heard sometimes. ah, you missed these times. you hadn’t entered the shit hole that was now, and your mood had always been bright.

– you smiled and muttered a “thank you”

– now, noya and tanaka keep track of you and how you’re feeling while ennoshita asks you how are you everytime your class ends, since you were in the same class.

– the third years now take turns to compliment you everyday. and i mean EVERY day

“hey y/n! you look very pretty today” says asahi while blushing. behind you, daichi and suga give him a thumbs up

“damn! these stats look really neat!” says hinata

“y/n was the one arranging them boke, of course they look neat” says kageyama

– everyday team hugs

– kiyoko hugs>>>>

– yachi ends up offering some of her food, but never complains nor pushes you if you’re not feeling like eating that day

– after a while, you start feeling way better, and even build up the courage to ask for help, which makes sugamama proud

– tanaka defo cries when you announce you’ll be visiting a therapist two days a week

– this turned to be ennoshita and tsukki hcs i’m so sorry-

nekoma

– so kuroo, being the eighty years old he is (and sometimes kind of a mom, even tho the official one is yaku), he always reminded everyone to eat their food and drink water, and being so persistent, he thought everyone took care of themselves, especially their precious manager that tora had been whipped by when he knew nekoma did in fact have a manager

– but oh, boy

– he didn’t know about your problems with food and how you punished yourself

– kenma already knew about it. he had found you in the gym bathroom when you were purging (ik the ones who purge are more tended to be bulimic, but i really didn’t know how to make this happen, sowwy) after eating for the first time in twenty hours a few months ago, but he had promised to not say anything as he knew these things weren’t to take lightly

– but he did check up on your mood and asked you if you felt better or worse than the day before

– he did in fact, felt bad about not being able to help you in any other way, but he genuinely didn’t know how to talk about it properly with you and he didn’t want to hit a nerve

– kuroo surprisingly hadn’t discovered anything, even though you weren’t the most secretive about it and he was quite intuitive in these topics

– until shinzen training camp

– the coaches had decided to pull a two weeks training camp, somehow, and, as always, your team was invited

– you weren’t worried, you had already gone through two years full of training camps and you were a pro at choosing the food at the cafeteria with the least calories, usually giving half of it to yukie

– the first week went alright. kenma kept sneaking to the sidelines to ask you how were you feeling that day, and yukie ate the halves of your food. so far, training camp was going quite well. you had had only felt a few urges you could perfectly satisfy by sinking your nails in your thighs, and brush it off as nervousness

– however, the second week was a complete disaster

– your thoughts hit you like the bus hit regina george, and ended up almost banging your head against the wall in order to shut down those feelings, and it only had been two hours since you had woken up

– as soon as lunch started, you felt like puking when you felt the smell of the food. not even the low calories noodles could shut the feeling

– so you ended up almost having a panick attack, which you were able to stop as soon as you felt the familiar numbness that had taken over your body countless times

– but you still ran away to calm yourself in a less crowded place

– the third years were worried. although they had been with you three years, they had never seen you run with such look in the face, and ended up sending kai to ask you, since they didn’t want to crowd and overwhelm you

“y/n?” asked while blushing because he was entering in the managers bathroom (bless him)

– he found you swinging yourself in the last bathroom, trying to block everything in your surroundings. there were tears in your eyes, now pressed and closed, and you were hugging yourself putting your forehead (which i wanna kith bc YOU DESERVE THE WORLD OKAY) against your knees and your face between your legs. you hadn’t seen him

– he didn’t move as he didn’t want to scare you, you seemed really really distressed, you were hyperventilating and rubbing your ahdns up your arms, trying to find some heat

– when you felt better, although you were still shaking, you saw him, smiling fondly in aim to ensure you that everything was going to be alright

“s-sorry...” you said, looking down. he looked at you like asking what were you talking about. “i... i uhhh... i ruined your lunch... sorry about that”

“oh! don’t worry about that y/n, how are you feeling right now?” he asked, he had crouched down to hug you and look at you, and was now rubbing the back of your hands in a really soothing way

“i don’t really know...” you said, lost

– and the other barged down but more lowkey

“y/n! are you okay? are you feeling alright?” asked yaku, looking at you worried

“yakkun” said kuroo, warning that he was in fact, acting out of his motherly instints and overwhelming you

– so you stayed there with them feeling more and more calmed until you built up the courage to get up and walk to the sink, where you splashed your face with water and let the cold of it relax you. you felt like you had to explain a few things, even though you had the feeling that they knew already

“i owe you guys an explanation” you said

“it’s okay y/n, you don’t owe us anything-”

“kuroo, i do” you said, sharply. you were familiar with them, and they had already seen you changning yourself (don’t even ask about this, it just happened in your first year when you hadn’t hit rock bottom and still felt alright with your body, so you hadn’t mind when the managers changing room was locked and you changed on the club room). but it didn’t mean they weren’t weirded out when you started pulling down your pants, showing them the scars and wounds that covered most of your skinny thighs.

– they were confused, and then, when they connectted the dots, concern took over their faces

“y/n...” said yaku, hugging you. it was weird by the fact that your pants were down, but you really didn’t mind at this point.

“it’s alright” you said, but the tears streaming down your face again said otherwise

“how much has this been going on?” asked kuroo, not sounding with an angry tone, but more of a concerned one.

“um...” you rubbed the back of your neck “ i started feeling the urges in the middle of the second year...”

– yaku tightened the hug, warming you

“it’s okay, you can count on us” he said

– when you felt better, lunch had already ended, but kenma had kept a tray with a bit of everything for you in case you needed something, which you did, but didn’t want to eat.

– but the look in kuroo’s face and the warming hand that kai had placed in your back made you feel better and helped you push down the feeling of grossness, so you took a bit of a few things

– the third years stuck around you the rest of the week, sending smiles or reassurance everytime you felt negatively

– none of the first years know anything, but kuroo has imposed a rule of not talking about certain topics such as body types or calories, and yaku ripped the posters of girls in bikinis off the walls of the clubroom

– tora doesn’t know the full story, but he now praises you (as he should) and is more careful with what does he say

– kenma keeps asking you how are you doing, with the addition of fukunaga looking at you with platonic love eyes (i hope y’all know what i mean or ima end up embarrashing myself-)

– kuroo tells you facts about health that make you feel better

“y/n, did you know that stress can give you bad headaches? take a relax day today” says one time, that day, practice ends up early even though it’s saturday (usually the toughest days) and the whole team goes walking around the city (kenma and you pet a cat and lev get shit on by a pigeon)

– shibayama hugs you daily, to which lev joins and inuoka and tamahiko

– the team helps you when you start your medication, and don’t hesitate to sit you down and take your duties when you feel low and have to take a rest, and when you tell them they don’t need you, yaku says “but we want to” heroically, and hands the stack of papers to kuroo

– aaa you (we) love them so much,,,

– hope i made you feel better! i’m still hesitant about some parts, but i wanted to finish it a soon as possible so i’d be able to post it hihi

– i’m still saying, if you need to talk or feel low, don’t doubt to dm me! i’m open about talking about anything, and i’d love to help in anything that’s possible 🥺. reminder too that you are loved and deserve to be happy, despite what you think! you’re beautiful and you don’t need anyone’s approval to feel as valid as the rest. you’ve got this! <3

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu x reader #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu x y/n #karasuno #karasuno x reader #karasuno hcs #karasuno x y/n #karasuno manager #manager reader #nekoma #nekoma x reader #nekoma x y/n #nekoma hcs #nekoma manager #emergency request

190 notes · View notes

odekiisu · 3 years

Text

Fractions of Echo - VI - The Saga of Captain Rex’s Hair, Part the Second

The campaign had already been going on for far too long, and the men were exhausted. Apparently, the Captain and the Commander had somehow gotten pinned down at the bottom of a canyon with a small squad of troopers, with no way out that didn’t involve having to shoot their way through a whole battalion of clankers. They were stuck there for the better part of two days, before an extraction team made it to their position and got them out. By the time they got back to base, dark red dust was clinging to their armour and, if Echo’s experience of the dust on this karking planet was anything to go by, getting inside crevices that it should not be able to get to. But now, word was that they were close to victory, close to finally being able to get off this miserable ball of dust.

“Echo, Fives, a word?” the Captain’s voice came from somewhere behind them. As one, they turned, and the Captain indicated that they follow him to the command tent. As soon as they entered, the Captain removed his helmet.

Echo looked at Fives. Fives looked at Echo.

“Uh, Captain?” Echo asked. “You still have… a bit of that dust in your hair.”

Captain Rex ran a hand through his hair. “No, I don’t…” he started, then realization dawned. “Ah.”

“What’s that?” the Commander asked, entering the tent behind them. “Hey Rex, your roots are showing. You told me to tell you if that ever happens.”

The Captain turned to Commander Tano with a sigh. “So much for our company’s secret then.”

The Commander’s laugh was high-pitched and sounded like bells tinkling. Echo marvelled at how young she seemed – despite rationally knowing that she was older than him and Fives, older even than Captain Rex. But in this moment, he couldn’t take his eyes off the Captain’s hair, catching the light in odd ways. It certainly wasn’t black like his own, but neither was it the pale blond he usually sported, but more a shade of reddish bronze quite similar to the colour of his skin. Echo could see how it would be hard to spot under most circumstances.

“You know,” Commander Tano confided in them, “He used to be light blond like he normally is now, but as he got older his hair got darker.”

The Captain sighed. “Could I retain at least some sense of mystery?”

“Nope,” the Commander chirped, and added with a frankly adorable crinkling of her nose, “Hair is weird. Does it normally change colour that much?”

“Uhhh…” Fives looked to Echo, who replied, “…no? Not for us at least.”

“Huh.” The Commander hopped up on the table. “Now, about that strategy you suggested…”

***

“Hey,” Hardcase said, as he and Jesse bracketed Echo and Fives on their way back to barracks from their showers – and man, how great it felt to have an actual water shower after the mess of dust that was Florrum.

“Word is you’ve solved the mystery of the good Captain’s hair,” Jesse said.

“And what if we have?” Fives smirked.

“Care to enlighten us poor souls with the truth?”

Fives looked to Echo, mischief writ clear in his eyes. “What’s in it for us?”

“How about this: whoever the victor is will pay us a cut?” Echo suggested, raising an eyebrow.

“Deal,” Hardcase replied immediately.

“Hmm… I’ll have to think on it,” Fives said. “Give us a bit to think this over?”

“Oh, sure thing, take your time,” Jesse replied.

***

Echo approached Hardcase in his barracks. Jesse was nowhere in sight – he’d timed it well. “Fives and I agreed on it, and we know you know where this barracks’ stash of contraband is.”

Hardcase straightened up. “So you’re here to make a deal?”

Echo nodded. “Yes. I’ll tell you, in exchange for a bag of sweets. No less than a proper handful.”

Hardcase held up a finger before darting to the next bunk, digging around underneath it, and coming out with an unmarked box. He grabbed a handful from it, then held it out sheepishly. “No bag. Sorry.”

Echo nodded, taking the candy and distributing them between two belt compartments. “You were right,” he told Hardcase. “The Captain’s a natural blond.”

“Ha! Knew it,” Hardcase punched the air. “How did you find out?”

“Last campaign. He took his bucket off in the command tent, it was obvious that he hadn’t cut his hair in two weeks. Blond.”

***

Fives cornered Jesse after a drill. “So, it appears I have some information you want. What are you willing to pay for it?”

Jesse considered. “I may have some moonshine secreted away somewhere.”

“Hmmm… I’d take it for me, but Echo’s not much of a drinker, and I gotta share.”

“Chocolate, then?” Jesse offered. “You ever had chocolate? Lotsa people have bet chocolate on the outcome, and if your expression is anything to go by, I’m about to get a significant increase to my stash.”

Fives smirked. “Chocolate’s fine.”

Jesse nodded. They were almost at barracks, but Jesse took a sharp right just before they reached the door, leading Fives to a seemingly random service hatch in an alcove. “Keep an eye out, would you?”

Fives turned around and watched the corridor, but this was out of the way and none of the brothers walking past along the larger hallway connecting the gyms to the barracks even so much as glanced at them.

“Here,” Jesse said, handing a bag to Fives. “This enough?”

Fives opened it to see a decent quantity of chocolates, wrapped in sparkly multicoloured foil. “Perfect.” He unwrapped one and popped it into his mouth, the smooth sweet taste almost overwhelming him. “You’re right, by the way. Captain Rex does bleach his hair.”

***

Echo and Fives strode into Rex’s rarely-used office, their faces sporting matching smirks.

“Got something for me, boys?” he asked, setting the datapad and its requisition forms aside.

Echo set a small bag down on the Captain’s desk and slid it over to him. Rex opened it up to see a small handful of individually wrapped sweets – he recognized the Chandrilan chocolates, and the small round caramels, but the rest were a mystery he’d take great pleasure in discovering for himself. “Excellent,” he told them. “Thank you. How did they react?”

“Both fell for it,” Fives said. “I’m guessing they’ll find out tonight, if they haven’t already.”

“The barracks will be in an uproar,” Rex mused.

Echo agreed. “It’ll be absolute chaos. You want a holovid?”

“I don’t think giving incriminating evidence to me is the best idea… but then again, who’s to say the file won’t become corrupted immediately after I’ve watched it?” There was a mischievous twinkle in the Captain’s eyes, same as when they’d hatched this plan together.

Fives inclined his head. “It’ll be done, sir.”

Echo cleared his throat. “A question, if I may, sir?”

“Yes?”

“Why do you dye your hair?”

Captain Rex sighed. “I used to get a lot of flak for my hair colour as a cadet, but then… I guess I got used to it. Did keep my head shaved at one point, but when it grew back three shades darker, I realized that I missed the old colour. It looked distinctive. Sharp.”

Echo nodded.

“Anything else?” the Captain asked.

“No, sir,” Echo and Fives replied in unison, and the Captain dismissed them.

“Oh, and Captain?” Echo called over his shoulder. “Be grateful we haven’t told them about your premature grey hairs.”

The door hadn’t quite closed behind them when Echo heard it swoosh open again.

“Echo, report to LD-37 first thing tomorrow. You’ve got two shifts helping sort the laundry.”

Worth it, Echo thought.

(I - II - III - IV - V)

#clone trooper echo #clone trooper fives #clone trooper hardcase #clone trooper jesse #captain rex #the clone wars #star wars the clone wars #ode's writing #fractions of echo

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sociallyawkward--fics · 3 years

Note

yeaa since the 2 months since ive sent u those asks (i think it was 2 months ???? idk) ive had a few more minor crises over whether or not i was aro (&a more memorable one recently where i completely convinced myself out of it for a day) bc im dumb& constantly forget that as much as i like to debate over whether im capable of experiencing The Romantic Attraction i have yet to do so -H

also ??? i just realized ??? i always think of romance movies as too quick paced bc who gets together within a few days?? weeks?? months?? obviously u need to know them better before u know if ud be compatible dating. But No That's Not How It Works What The Fuck the only romantics i will accept in this world r demiromantics /lh /j theyre the only ones who make sense -H (i saw smth somewhere abt how u dated ppl to get to know them better& my view of the world shifted drastically within seconds)

wait that reminds me of how when i was younger (younger being like .. a year or two ago) i thought the purpose of dating was to eventually get married so middle school relationships baffled me bc ???? theyre not gonna last that long ???? whats the point ???? but nooo u date ppl bc u enjoy being around them or smth what the fuck when will this stuff stop being confusing -H (why do i even bother questioning if im aro sigh)

theres also alot of theories abt papyrus bc he doesnt appear at all in the game but i am pretending i do not see it i will wait for canon -H

just realized i have no idea whether uve played deltarune but .. im just gonna assume u have ?? if not .. oops ?? i think i was gonna say smth else not pertaining to undertale originally but i got distracted give me a moment -H

oh wait yea i was gonna uh .. gender !! ! me too ! ! i am .. noncis. im not rly comfortable w using trans& nb is ok but .. i do technically identify w my agab so its not rly right. .. so uhhh im arogender !. !! im not sure how much i relate to the def but its also the only label ive found that feels right so ive uh just been using it -H (bc its not as much that my lack of romantic attraction affects my gender than it is uh my gender feels like my aromanticism ???but its a little of both i think)

---------------------

Gosh, I am still so sorry it took me two months to answer those other asks, I was way out of my own head for a while there. Thank you for being patient with me lol

And hey, remember: sexuality and romanticism and gender are all fluid. For some people, they change and shift over time. So if you’re aro now, and later on you realize you’re grayro or demiro or something like that, that’s valid. That doesn’t make the time you spent identifying as aro any less valid, either. This is a lifelong journey, for many people, probably including myself tbh. And who even says you need a label anyways? If you want one, then by all means, find one you’re comfy with, but you don’t need one if it’s stressing you out too much. But, hey, identify as aro for now if you want to. If later on you choose to change that, that doesn’t invalidate you or anyone else. It’s okay.

And yeah, big agree, romance movies always seemed p rushed to me lol. I’m here like “what do you mean people date each other to get to know each other??” Like, my aspec self does not understand lol. I think it’s likely why I’m so into friends-to-lovers/mutual pining/slow burn type stuff when I read shippy fics lol, I can’t vibe with the faster-paced stuff because it seems so unrealistic as someone who doesn’t experience the world like alloromantics (and allosexuals) do. Also, I also grew up thinking the point of dating was finding a spouse, but that’s because I was raised in the church and that’s what my dad raised us to believe, and also why my parents’ rule was “no dating before 16 years of age minimum”

I’ve played most of deltarune but I got stuck and then my computer reset and I didn’t finish it lol. But I watched Jacksepticeye play the whole thing!! It’s just been a while so it’s hazy, I didn’t obsess over it as heavily as I did Undertale back in 2015/2016 lol. Still very excited for what comes next though, even though I’m not super caught up with the background lore and the fan theories lol.

Your gender is so valid kiddo, you do you. I usually refer to you with they/them in my head, is that chill or do you have different pronouns you use? I realized I had never thought to ask before even though I really should have lol

I hope you’re doing well!!! <3 <3 <3 <3 <3

#ask #anon #H anon

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autisticmob · 4 years

Text

HELLO everyone i am now ten days out from my tiddy surgery so i think while everything is still fresh-ish in my mind I should get a rough timeline of how things went for me, just so anyone having similar stuff done in the future can have it as reference??

so under the cut is how shit went down, warning we are gonna be tmi about it for Max Information Dissemination, i will be talking about IV placement, Needles, Bleeding, Bruising, Bathroom Stuff In General, etc. so like. Be Warned.

OKAY SO what did i have done and how did i get it:

- i got a bilateral breast reduction with a “T,” “keyhole,” or “anchor-shaped” incision. this procedure, unlike double-incision top surgery, does not detach your nipples at all, but it DOES leave a decent hunk of breast tissue behind to avoid the nip graft. this connecting tissue keeps your nip attached and supplied with enough blood to survive. that means with this one, theres basically a limit to how much they can take off, and it depends on how big you are to start off with.

- i went with the T-incisions because as a NB person, I wanted to sidestep the “gender-confirming surgery” route with my insurance. technically, I believe it would have been covered if i had gone through the process of talking to a therapist and getting a note that the surgery WOULD help confirm my gender, but i suspect it would have taken much longer, and I was afraid that my doctor and community resources would not have ended up approving me FOR the surgery since I don’t exactly fit the typical trans narrative. and luckily for me i had Massive, Spine-Bending G Cup Tiddies to contend with. so every doc that took a look at me said “yeah, you need those taken care of for medical reasons.” so i thought hey, let’s see how far this will get me!

- i talked to my primary care doc about my back pain and mentioned i’d like to look into a breast reduction, and she referred me to a local surgeon who could do the procedure. at the time i was still entertaining the idea of double-incision, but as it turned out, this surgeon just didnt do that. but i knew for certain my insurance would cover him, his results were good, and he was local, so i said yes to the T-incisions, which he said would likely get me down from a G to at least a C. it wasnt my ideal scenario admittedly, but frankly the back pain was getting to be too much, and i needed it to be addressed sooner rather than later.

- i had a consultation with the surgeon in early december, and they took pictures and measurements to send to my insurance so they could confirm the tits WERE in fact Too Bomb To Live. Doc said that it varies between insurance companies, but most will have a minimum amount of tissue that needs to be taken off, in grams, from each breast. he was like, “your insurance needs at least 1000g total removed, which’ll leave you on the small side, is that cool?” and i was like “My Man, take AS MUCH as you possibly can, im sick of these” and he was like “cool, makes my job easy then.”

- it took my insurance like 1.5 to 2 months to get back to me, but late january the surgery place called me and we set a date for february 5th, 2020!!

PRE-OP:

- before i went into surgery, the hospital made me go over my medical history with them over the phone, informed me of all the risks, and gave me a special scrub kit to shower with at home for the last 2 days before the surgery

- fun fact this soap will make your whole bathroom and body smell strongly and exactly like a hospital and it is gross as hell if you hate hospital smell

- i also had to go to my primary care doc to get the OK that i was healthy enough to go under general anesthesia, and also get some blood tests and a urinalysis done. i fucked up the urinalysis tho (which is a whole other story) so i had to redo that the morning of the surgery when i got to the hospital anyway.

- when i scheduled my surgery they also gave me a list of things i had to NOT DO before i went in. this included stuff like avoiding herbal medications and non-prescription supplements and not drinking any alcohol for like 2 weeks prior to surgery, and not eating anything after midnight the night before surgery.

- then it was SURGERY DAY!!!

- i went in with uhhh a LOT of anxiety about what everything would entail, ngl. i knew i had to do it because staring down the barrel of life with tiddies forever was way scarier than surgery, but yknow whenever you go under general anesthesia they legally do have to let you know that you could die and thats just a lot to consider, PLUS the whole thing involves just, really mangling your torso so like. its a lot! its okay to be scared!

- both my parents went with me for moral support which i appreciated a lot, but i didnt actually see them much since they had to spend a lot of it in the waiting room.

- when i went back with the doc they had me Wash The Tiddy Off with some antiseptic and change into a gown. i got some grippy socks out of the deal which is probably not a universal experience, but this hospital did it so shoutout to them for the socks i guess

- then they asked me all my medical history stuff again and checked me for any like, rashes or open sores or anything. i had some Tit Zits but they did not seem to be worried about that.

- then the surgeon came in and drew lines on me for the incisions. bro when i saw how high up my nips were gonna be i was losing my damn mind. this is one of the really exciting parts, because you finally get to really visualize what your end size is gonna be!!

- once he was satisfied with how everything looked, they started really Prepping Me For Surgery.

- they hooked me up to a blood pressure cuff, a heart monitor, and some compression leg thingies that would inflate and deflate intermittently around my calves to help me not get blood clots. this felt weird but tbh also like kind of a nice massage

- then the iv placement. bro im not lying when i tell you this is the worst part. the nurse numbed me with some lidocaine before placing the needle and let me tell you that shit HURTED. lidocaine Stings and Burns when it hits and this was arguably the most painful part. but the good news about that is it means nothing else after that is all that bad. and i got THREE lidocaine shots because these two nurses could NOT find my blood anywhere. they finally called in their ringer (an EMT named kirk, s/o to kirk) who got that sucker in my arm with NO numbing and NO pain in like, 2 fucking seconds. i pray you all have a kirk. kirk knows where your fucking blood is and hes not gonna fuck around getting to it because he JUST wrestled a drunk dude into an ambulance like an hour ago and compared to that this is nothing. kirk had sleeveless scrubs. im obsessed. anyway.

- then they put a plastic, inflatable, heated blanket over me? it was between two regular blankets so it wasnt as uncomfortable as you might imagine, but it was strange. warm tho so that was nice.

- THEN they wheeled my bed down to surgery. i was having so much anxiety at this point it was like... dreamlike. getting wheeled into the OR was just surreal. i was like, no thoughts head empty, just taking everything in.

- once i got there the surgical team was very cool about keeping me calm tho. they were playing their like, pump-up music and one of the guys was like “hey fyi about halfway thru the surgery we will be turning the lights off and having a rave, just in the interest of full disclosure. promise not to leave any glowsticks in there tho” and i was like what no i would LOVE glowstick tiddies

- i had to kinda roll from my bed onto the operating table, which was significantly harder and smaller. that kinda made things feel real, so i got a little more anxious at that point.

- to help me calm down they had me breathe in some straightup oxygen thru a mask while they hooked my iv to the fluids and such, and the guy was like “WHOA you got some lungs on you dude” and i was like yeah thanks im recovering from hyperventilating

- then they let the anesthesia into the iv, letting me know the whole time what was happening, talking to me until i was just OUT, which was not a lot of conversation time because i was out in like 5 seconds or less. they didnt make me count down or anything, but i promise you it was nigh instantaneous.

POST OP

- it really was instantaneous. i know everyone says that but it really is the truth, it feels like the whole thing takes seconds. like one moment youre laying there in the OR feeling the drugs Hit, and the next youre waking up in the little wake-up room feelin kinda groggy with a nurse talking to you, and youre still druggy so youre just rambling to her about how fucked your voice sounds right now and as soon as shes contented that youre basically lucid they start wheeling you to your room where youll ACTUALLY stay while you recover.

- THE THING I WAS THE LEAST PREPARED FOR WAS MY THROAT

- your throat will Hurt afterwards, but even more than that, you will be producing So Much Mucus. my surgery took about 2 hours and during that time, all my muscles were paralyzed by the anesthesia, including my lungs, so i was on a breathing tube. my throat, understandably, hated this, and started producing Gallons Of Fucking Mucus to protect itself. it then continued to do this for the next two days or so. the nurses were encouraging me to breathe deep and cough Hard to combat this, and avoid getting pneumonia, so i did. but THAT hurt the tiddies. it was really a vicious cycle. but its necessary because god if i had to have pneumonia on top of all the other recovery shit?? god. 0/10 wouldnt recommend. so it might hurt but dont worry your tiddies wont bust open or anything.

- i spent basically the rest of the day still hooked up to all the machines i listed earlier, PLUS a thing that would beep at me if my heart rate went too high, which it did a lot because i have anxiety, but luckily the nurses didnt seem too concerned. it really kept my breathing on track though because if i didnt breathe deep enough my heart would shoot up super fast and it’d beep and god that was just annoying and im pretty sure that was The Point. you kinda have to get used to breathing again, and the beeping trained me.

- they gave me like a bunch of crackers and a huge mug of water to work on at my leisure. i actually had lunch pretty quick after waking up? i know a lot of people have nausea issues from anesthesia but i didnt experience any of that. i DID move like a fucking sloth while i was eating tho. the pain meds and general grogginess of recovery slowed my whole body down sooooo much. my mom was actually like “are you okay??? like neurologically??????” and i was, totally, i was just. on slo-mo.

- anyway i didnt have to get catheterized for this procedure thankfully but they DID make me measure my pee every time i went to the bathroom. like i had to pee in a little bucket attached to the toilet and the nurse had to come check it every time and i felt really weird about that. so idk just be prepared for that i guess lmao

- also idk if it was the pain meds or the anesthesia itself but post-op, i couldnt shit for like a week. the constipation is real so get u some fucking laxatives asap when you get home, this is not a joke lmao

- they also had me put on a belt every time i got up so the nurse could hold onto me in case i decided to fucking biff it. they got me up a couple times throughout the day/night to walk up and down the hallway outside and get my body used to being upright again

- oh speaking of i never got to lie down completely flat, they had my bed locked at like a 30 degree angle minimum to help with... something. im not quite sure what, but im not gonna question it

- when i got up the next morning they had a couple nurses come in and help me un-bandage so i could shower and finally look at what the tiddies looked like for the first time!! and it was exciting but i didnt cry like i expected lmao i think i was too drained and too distracted by the bleeding

- the bleeding wasnt too bad actually, just little beads kinda coming out of parts of the incisions between the stitches. but once i got in the shower obviously stuff started getting diluted in the water and it looked like a lot more than there actually was, so dont be alarmed by that!

- SHOWERING: its a little complicated. youre not supposed to soak the incisions, and youre not supposed to apply direct water pressure or actually touch them at this point. so what i had to do was get a washcloth wet and soapy (with antibacterial soap, i think it was hand soap honestly. hand soap’s what ive been using at home so........) and then just kinda. squeeze it at your collarbone and let it drip down over everything kinda minimally. its kind of a process but it works fine. washing your hair and like, tbh literally everything else is gonna be hard. reaching over your head is hard and scary at this point. i will admit my hair care Suffered the first week.

- then i got bandaged back up and they got me back into my own clothes and ready to go home! they also put a bra on me over the bandages in my new size. i was only there for about 24 hours total, since i didnt really have any complications.

- on the ride home i had to make sure the cross-chest part of the seat belt was NOT touching me. if whoevers driving you hits a pothole, your soul WILL exit your body tits-first for a moment. im sorry if you live somewhere like here in nebraska where the roads are garbage but its not gonna be fun.

ONCE YOU’RE HOME!!

- i live at home with my mom and sister and if you live alone, id try to have a friend basically move in for the first week. you will need Help with things. basic things. you’ll mostly want to sleep because of the pain meds but those made me pretty dizzy so it was cool having my mom around in case i like. fell on the way to the bathroom and died or anything like that.

- changing bandages is really kind of a 2-person affair too, and youll have to do it at least once a day post-shower, so keep that in mind.

- the bleeding is like, not that bad after that first day honestly. i never had to change the bandages more than just the once per day.

- basically from here the procedure is just to take it easy, get up every few hours and walk around a little to keep the blood clots at bay, and enjoy yr new silhouette basically

- worst thing about recovery honestly? im a stomach/side sleeper, and i cant manage anything other than laying flat on my back with my arms at my sides right now, and thats just like.... idk i really cant sleep like that. its not comfy. ive had to set up kind of a pillow fort around me to keep me from rolling over in my sleep bc im afraid i might hurt myself accidentally like that, but idk how well-founded that fear is.

- i will say as someone who did have back problems before this, the difference is IMMEDIATE. i literally had better posture like Day 1. im still a little hunched over because the stitches create a bit of tension in your chest, but like literally it was instantaneous. god. once i got healed to a point that i could like, kinda relax and not be so fucking tense all the time? back pain has basically just been GONE.

- other fun things to notice: i had some pretty significant stretch marks before, and now they are running in a completely different direction. i crossed my arms over my chest the other day and they actually touched my torso for the first time in like, well over a decade. if i close my eyes and try to grab my tiddy from muscle memory, i stop like a full 3 inches from where my tit actually starts now. the size i am now, just like, freeballing it? this is how i looked when i wore a binder before. if i wore a binder now i imagine id be completely flat, and honestly if i layer up at this point you cant really tell that i have anything more than the average chubby dude’s moobs, which as a kinda chubby person is totally fine.

its a trip relearning what i look like and what im supposed to feel like but its just. such a fucking improvement over where i was. absolutely no regrets, regardless of how hard recovery has felt at times. anyway i hope this information is at least interesting and maybe helpful to anybody considering anything similar!!

#words #top surgery #breast reduction #info post #again yall lemme know if you have questions abt anything i didnt cover here i tried to hit all my bases but u never know #teat yeet

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anti-pasto · 4 years

Note

for the 200 ask thingy, i actually dare you to do all of them. :D

delgaskarthalexhere we go, anon:

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t have one right now, I don’t get them often (if I ever had a crush at all)

199: I was born in: 2003

198: I am really: A 2005 emo kid x a 2008 scene kid x a 2014 tumblr fangirl x Kyle himself

197: My cellphone company is: Apple

194: My ring size is: Honestly? No idea. Propose to me with a sword.

193: My height is: Somewhere between 5′7″ and 5′8″

192: I am allergic to: Nothing I’m aware of

191: My 1st car was: 94 Station Wagon, by request

190: My 1st job was: being this funny is a full-time gig

189: Last book you read: Bone Gap by Laura Ruby

188: My bed is: “made”

187: My pet: I have a cat, I love her very much and I will show her to you if you dm me a cursed image

186: My best friend: We don’t use “best friend” for personal reasons, but they’ve been with me since I was 5 so, my one and only Bro

185: My favorite shampoo is: anything with “silky smooth” or “strawberries” on the bottle. i’m not that picky anymore.

184: Xbox or ps3: xbox or ps4 xbox

183: Piggy banks are: really useful

182: In my pockets: wallet, keys, phone, earbuds, black pen/pencil, earplugs, mini flashlight

181: On my calendar: i’m meeting a friend for smoothies tomorrow

180: Marriage is: something we shouldn’t push so much onto people. it’s a declaration of love, not an end-all fix-all to your life. i can’t ever see myself getting married but who knows!

179: Spongebob can: continue to be a relevant meme

178: My mom: i mean. we function. i can’t really complain about my family at large but i am defiantly looking forward to living literally as far away from them as i can.

177: The last three songs I bought were? psh, you think i pay for music? (folie a deux, lake effect kid, believers never die volume two) (those are albums but its okay)

176: Last YouTube video watched: I watched Markiplier play Uno

175: How many cousins do you have? 11? 12? I lost count

174: Do you have any siblings? I have a brother

173: Are your parents divorced? Nope!

172: Are you taller than your mom? Yes, I have been for a while

171: Do you play an instrument? dude HECK yeah! i vibe on piano, guitar, ukulele, clarinet, and im a drum major

170: What did you do yesterday? I went on a drive by myself.

[ I Believe In ]

169: Love at first sight: Nope.

168: Luck: Yes, but luck is something that can be engineered

167: Fate: To an extent

166: Yourself: I’d say overall, yeah. I still have doubts tho

165: Aliens: Mmmmmm yeah

164: Heaven: Yes

163: Hell: Yes

162: God: Yeup

161: Horoscopes: without an ounce of truth, they would have died a long time ago

160: Soul mates: the greeks had seven words for love. i think we have multiple soul mates to fit each of those categories. there are definitely people we’re just meant to vibe with

159: Ghosts: i want to say yes but i really dont know

158: Gay Marriage: yes. its 2020. grow up.

157: War: in theory? no. war is kinda messed up. in reality? not everyone is going to be down to nice diplomatic conflict resolution, and not everyone is just gonna leave people *countries* they don’t like alone, so...

156: Orbs: ??? energies are real

155: Magic: vibes are real

[ This or That ]

154: Hugs or Kisses: hugs

153: Drunk or High: i am a child of jesus

152: Phone or Online: online

151: Red heads or Black haired: irdc but black hair bc i am Emo

150: Blondes or Brunettes: blonde?? ig?? easier to dye

149: Hot or cold: hot weather + cold rooms

148: Summer or winter: summer

147: Autumn or Spring: autum (screw spring)

146: Chocolate or vanilla: vanilla

145: Night or Day: night

144: Oranges or Apples: oranges (better to share with homies)

143: Curly or Straight hair: i dont care but curly

142: McDonalds or Burger King: mcdonald give iced coffee

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: dark chocolate

140: Mac or PC: pc for vidgya gaemes

139: Flip flops or high heals: ...converse. please. i cant walk properly in either of those

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: sweet and poor

137: Coke or Pepsi: pepsi

136: Hillary or Obama: this is kinda outdated but obama

135: Burried or cremated: cremated i aint watch spn for nothin

134: Singing or Dancing: singing. at least that gets better with practice

133: Coach or Chanel: chanel (thank u mr frank ocean and also the neighborhood)

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: whomst

131: Small town or Big city: big city and if you say small town you’ve never lived in a small town

130: Wal-Mart or Target: target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: who tf is this

128: Manicure or Pedicure: idk dude probably pedicure i don’t like people touching my hands and i use them for too much to get my nails done

127: East Coast or West Coast: hnngggggggg west coast has more to do but east coast has better beaches and

126: Your Birthday or Christmas: birthday

125: Chocolate or Flowers: chocolate bc then i can give u some

124: Disney or Six Flags: ive only been to disney so disney (though i AM a HARDCORE rollercoaster stan so it wouldnt take much for me to say six flags)

123: Yankees or Red Sox: what

[ Here’s What I Think About ]

122: War: unfortunately sometimes necessary but not as a first resort i went over this already

121: George Bush: is that the shoe guy?

120: Gay Marriage: be gay. do crime. kiss wife. or husband. or partner. basically, hell yeah

119: The presidential election: america need 2 b single and focus on herself

118: Abortion: pro-choice and that choice should be made by the one carrying the baby

117: MySpace: tumblr’s dad

116: Reality TV: don’t talk to about abt this

115: Parents: disgusting. go to therapy.

114: Back stabbers: if you’re gonna stab me in the back, pull my lungs through my ribcage bc that’s what my ancestor’s ghosts are gonna do to you (thanks great (x a few times) grandma viking ily thanks for the hair:) )

113: Ebay: good for merch and selling books

112: Facebook: zuck my dick, data-theif

111: Work: i like doing work? like- i enjoy completing tasks and seeing my hard work pay off? it’s not that bad?

110: My Neighbors: old. boring. want me to babysit for free.

109: Gas Prices: i cant really complain rn they’re kinda low and im a little broke so

108: Designer Clothes: i vibe to them, honestly

107: College: not for everyone but definitely for me

106: Sports: marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport marching band is a sport but only technically speaking though you can make fair comparisons to sports such as cheer, and gymnastics where the idea is to put on a show and receive a score in the form of competition.

105: My family: disgusting

104: The future: the future doesn’t exist

[ Last time I ]

103: Hugged someone: god, don’t ask me this

102: Last time you ate: uhhh like 9 hours ago? it was dinner and i had pizza

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: three or four weeks ago by best bro came to visit and we vibed

100: Cried in front of someone: i finished twist and shout at school at the end of a very bad week. it was only a few tears but that’s as close as i get to crying

99: Went to a movie theater: whenever the last star wars movie came out

98: Took a vacation: last year i went to dc over summer break to see the Smithsonian, it was a lot of fun. i was supposed to go to altanta and florida this year but that didn’t happen for reasons

97: Swam in a pool: last week

96: Changed a diaper: never

95: Got my nails done: never

94: Went to a wedding: its been at least 6 years dude

93: Broke a bone: never, somehow

92: Got a peircing: nope

91: Broke the law: technically, yesterday. 55 is too slow

90: Texted: just now

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most: the person in my snap named “junior”

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my cat

87: The last movie I saw: probably into the spiderverse

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: things going back to normal. or somewhat normal. i need school to have a schedule bc i absolutely cannot force myself to function without outside influence

85: The thing im not looking forward to: ironically, school in the fall. the way we’re going back is going to wreck me more than lockdown already has

84: People call me: i only ft one of my bros and they know who tf they are if you ask to ft you’re getting fuckin blocked mate i dont do that shit video calls are for WORK and SCHOOL thats IT. but ppl call me by my nickname irl, i go by screech on here.

83: The most difficult thing to do is: listen to my parent’s political opinions? live in a small town? force myself to be productive without a physical influence and reminder? put up with that one dude?

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope

81: My zodiac sign is: scoprio/leo/gemini

80: The first person i talked to today was: the potential bassist for our potential band?

79: First time you had a crush: uhh im still not sure if it was a crush but i wanted them to myself and they wanted (and got) someone better. we were just friends so it doesn’t really matter

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: the person on snap named “the great oracle”

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: yesterday, it was my brother

76: Right now I am talking to: in order of snap names, “vibin ~[^.^]~”, “russian umbrella”, and “mom” (not really)

75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully, a job that makes me happy

74: I have/will get a job: as soon as i know what’s going on with school. but like as an adult? wherever will hire me and pay my fairly. being a barista would be fun, but at a local place (not in my current town)

73: Tomorrow: ???? time for bad poetry: tomorrow i will see my friend/ admist this lasting chaos/ we will be each other’s solitude/ while sharing fruity drinks/ and when we both come home/ a smile we will bring

72: Today: idk what this means so more poetry: today i will be sleep deprived as always/ i will think of them and weep/ but no tears will fall from my eyes/ for i know there is a reason/ we went our own way

71: Next Summer: i fr dont know whats goin on so: next summer i will be/ as happy as can be/ because i will be in pain no longer/ the earth is sure to heal/ and i will heal with her/ so i can enjoy/ the heatwave of next summer

70: Next Weekend: next weekend i will spend/ my days wasting away/ maybe ill finish hannibal/ again/ not that serial killers make the dopamine stay/ i will not see my friends/ or talk to my family/ i will seldom eat/ and live off coffee/ this has been my life/ all quarintine/ god someone please help me

69: I have these pets: i have four cats, three chickens, and a dog

68: The worst sound in the world: my dad and grandpa talking

67: The person that makes me cry the most is: Them

66: People that make you happy: snap name time: the great oracle, junior, vibin ~[^.^]~, russian umbrella, mom, hero, booby-king 48, go to bed, son, pooper trooper, mac&cheese, plain egg biscuit, apple pie

65: Last time I cried: i dont cry bitch (last week over officals that cant make up they gottdamned mindes)

64: My friends are: my family and i would die for each and all of them

63: My computer is: an old hp but it play gaemes real good so it okie

62: My School: is trash but the band pops off

61: My Car: old, fast, clean

60: I lose all respect for people who: are my dad

59: The movie I cried at was: i cried over big hero six

58: Your hair color is: blonde

57: TV shows you watch: supernatural, good omens, hannibal, parks and rec

56: Favorite web site: this hellsite or youtube

55: Your dream vacation: out of the country with beautiful beaches, amazing food, and my best friend

54: The worst pain I was ever in was: the time i split the back of my head open, the time i split my chin open, and the time my then best friend said they didn’t want to talk to me anymore. i’ll let you guess which one hurt the most and which one i think about every fucking day

53: How do you like your steak cooked: medium or medium well.

52: My room is: clean and a reflection of myself, or so i’ve been told

51: My favorite celebrity is: i do not engage in celebrity worship. ill follow them and reblog gifs/interviews but i dont really have a favorite. the less i know abt them the better.

50: Where would you like to be: my own apartment in nyc

49: Do you want children: FUCK THEM KIDS BRO

48: Ever been in love: i dont know if it was love. i dont know if it was a crush. what i do know id that i was attached and they didn’t feel the same, and why would they?

47: Who’s your best friend: we dont really use best friend bc but “the great oracle” “junior” and “vibin ~[^.^]~”

46: More guy friends or girl friends: its 50/50

45: One thing that makes you feel great is: goin fast, the beach, playin video games

44: One person that you wish you could see right now: them

43: Do you have a 5 year plan: go to college, earn degree

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: commit arson

41: Have you pre-named your children: FUCK. THEM. KIDS. BRO.

40: Last person I got mad at: they do not understand that they do not know everything about something they’re not even involved in yet

39: I would like to move to: new zealand

38: I wish I was a professional: artist? musican? youtuber? who knows

[ My Favorites ]

37: Candy: nerds

36: Vehicle: 1970 mustang gt

35: President: jfk only bc his assassination is the only good thing abt american history the rest of it is fucked up and shouldn’t have happened. also jfk’s song in assassians the musical goes hard

34: State visited: california

33: Cellphone provider: verizon? apple? idfk

32: Athlete: what is sport

31: Actor: i don't watch shows or movies

30: Actress: i do not consume media

29: Singer: alex gaskarth or alexander deleon

28: Band: fall out boy

27: Clothing store: hot topic (i will not apologize)

26: Grocery store: okay harris teeter fucks but lidil’s has aloe vera juice and target at 9 pm energy so idk man

25: TV show: supernatural...

24: Movie: big hero 6

23: Website: tumblr or youtube

22: Animal: snow leopard

21: Theme park: busch gardens bc roller coaster go fast

20: Holiday: christmas

19: Sport to watch: snowboarding bc its like skateboarding but on snow

18: Sport to play: anything with havy footwork (marching band is a sport)

17: Magazine: i do not condume media

16: Book: the ranger’s apprentice series as a whole makes up my all-time one favorite book

15: Day of the week: friday bc its game day baybey

14: Beach: cocoa beach in florida but also i have so much left to experience

13: Concert attended: i havent been to any notable gigs but i was supposed to go to hella mega

12: Thing to cook: pancakes

11: Food: pizza or shushi

10: Restaurant: chiplote

9: Radio station: i like my local rock station and my local edm/top 40 station

8: Yankee candle scent: anything smoky or vanilla idc

7: Perfume: chanel no. 5 if i even wear it

6: Flower: Hydrangea

5: Color: orange

4: Talk show host: cecil palmer

3: Comedian: john maulaney

2: Dog breed: yes

1: Did you answer all these truthfully? ;)

That was a trip. But it was fun, please do things like this more often. Also, I don’t consume media by choice. I’m not sheltered I just can’t be bothered, and I have enough going on. That being said I will now be sleeping. Thanks again, Anon, I hope you have fun reading this :D

2 notes · View notes

habibialkaysani · 5 years

Text

the devil in star city (laurel/nyssa; e) - part v

Ships: Laurel/Nyssa

Summary: “My name is Laurel Lance. When I was eight years old I was in a car accident that left me without sight. But in the process, my other senses were heightened.

By day, I am a defence attorney, ready to fight for justice in the courtroom on behalf of those who the law has failed. By night, I am someone else. I am something else.

I am Daredevil.”

Part I

Part II

Part III

Part IV

A/N: Okay! So again, in terms of chronology this is going back and forth quite a bit, and this fic is not written linearly deliberately. This takes place a few weeks after Laurel and Nyssa have their first time together. For those who watch Daredevil, this is the equivalent of the Mattelektra scene that takes place in the boxing ring.

Uhhh, so on that note, this is another chapter that very much earns the E rating. I would say don't read this at work, but considering I posted this while at work, maybe i'm not the best judge of that, lol.

Read at AO3

Laurel was in the middle of her closing speech when she heard her.

She tried to soldier on, keep going even though her train of thought was lost now she could smell the warmth of Nyssa's perfume from where she stood. Laurel could hear her slip inside the room, knowing Nyssa was carrying with her two large strawberry milkshakes.

And really it was fine - there was a reason she was a mere law student and not a lawyer yet. But in that moment, caught off guard and tripping over words that she had gone over smoothly before, she knew then that she had lost, well before the professor presiding as mock judge for the mock trial decided the same some fifteen minutes later.

Afterwards, when the students were leaving the lecture theatre, Nyssa stayed behind, waiting for Laurel, who greeted her girlfriend with a kiss.

"Hey, you," Laurel said.

"Hey yourself, counsellor," Nyssa replied, a smile in her voice. "I did not think I would love this look of yours as much as I do."

"Thank you. Honestly it's not exactly the most comfortable. And… it doesn't seem to matter how swanky my outfit is - I still lost."

A gentle hand crept up to cup Laurel's cheek. "You were great up there. And I see you took my advice."

"Using the cane as a prop? Yeah, that was a good idea. Maybe in another life you're the attorney and I'm the -"

In truth Laurel wasn't entirely sure what she was going to say, but Nyssa beat her to it thankfully. "- rich yet terrible actress?"

"Something like that." It was impossible for Laurel not to smile now. "I would definitely be a shittier actress, though."

“Yes, darling, because I’m Angelina Jolie.” They shared a laugh, but then Nyssa asked, "Are you all right?"

"I didn't know you'd be here," Laurel blurted out before she could stop herself.

Nyssa coughed. "I didn't think that you knew I was here."

"I heard you come in."

"I just wanted to see the legendary Laurel Lance in action. You're - different here."

"How so?"

"You're more - confrontational. You don't pull your punches." Laurel must have noticeably winced at that because Nyssa then continued, "Of the metaphorical variety, that is."

A forced smile now. “You trying to say you came here to tell me I don’t know how to throw a proper jab?”

“I didn’t -”

Then Laurel caught herself, realised how she sounded, and she held up her hand apologetically. "No, don’t. I’m sorry. I didn't mean - I'm not saying you being here is bad or anything. Just…"

"Just… what?"

"You make me nervous," Laurel admitted.

At this Nyssa chuckled. "I don't know whether I should be annoyed or flattered."

Laurel considered for a moment. Given she usually didn’t let people close enough to her to have this much of an effect on her to begin with, Laurel had a feeling it should be the latter.

Reaching for Nyssa’s free hand, she said, “Take the compliment.” Nyssa chuckled and then started tugging at Laurel’s hand.

“You’re done for the day, right?”

“Yeah. But where are we going?” Then Laurel couldn’t help but laugh. “You just tapped your nose, didn’t you?”

“How did you know that?” Nyssa asked, but she didn’t sound disconcerted or worried or freaked out, the way people normally reacted to Laurel’s heightened senses. And she didn’t seem to expect an answer either, because she then said fondly, “Pretty and perceptive. I knew there was a reason we found each other. But anyway - we should get going.”

“Are you going to tell me where?”

“I’m sure you’ll figure it out when we get there.”

They got into Nyssa’s car (“Smells expensive,” Laurel said as she inhaled and smelt leather) and set off, both of them singing along to soppy soft rock songs from the eighties. It was fun, freeing, when Nyssa turned the volume up, the hood of the convertible down, and they yelled happily along to Air Supply's All Out of Love , Nyssa terribly out of tune.

As they pulled up, though, Laurel frowned, smile automatically fading as she listened carefully. “ Oh .”

Nyssa didn’t seem to notice, though, and she simply took the key out of the ignition and got out of the car, coming around to open the door for Laurel before she could do so herself. Laurel took Nyssa’s proffered hand and shut the car door behind her, while saying teasingly, “Always the gentlewoman.”

“That’s me,” Nyssa said cheerfully. “And don’t worry. I do this with the other girls too.”

“ Other girls?” Laurel repeated incredulously before she could stop herself, and Nyssa burst out laughing.

“So I do have an effect on you.” Laurel folded her arms, trying to look annoyed but betraying her expression when the corners of her mouth twitched into a smile despite herself. "Grab those milkshakes for me, will you?"

Reaching over, Laurel did so, taking the bag out. "Where are we?"

It wasn't that Laurel didn't know already, even before Nyssa pushed open the door, which for some reason was unlocked. What she was really asking was why - why Nyssa has brought her here, of all places.

“Laurel… do you trust me?”

This time Laurel didn’t hesitate. “Of course I do.”

“Okay then. Hold on to me tight, and don't drop those milkshakes." Laurel laughed, and Nyssa picked her up easily, bridal style. "Welcome," Nyssa announced, opening the door, "to Wildcat Gym. Or, perhaps, more accurately, my darling, welcome back."

"You know," Laurel murmured as Nyssa stepped carefully over the threshold, "I'm not exactly dressed for a workout."

"I am sure you can improvise," Nyssa replied, her heart not wavering even for a second. She placed Laurel back on her feet, and Laurel reached into the bag and unearthed the milkshakes, handing one to Nyssa.

"How did you know it'd be empty?" Laurel said after taking a sip.

"I just paid the owner so we could have it for a few hours." This was said in such a throwaway manner, in between sips of her own shake, that Laurel wasn't sure whether she should ask Nyssa how much - and she decided against it after a second. "Besides… I know this place means something to you."

Laurel nodded. "Yeah. I come here a lot. Usually -" she gestured above her with a smile "- at the end of the day when I can have the lights off and box in peace."

She expected Nyssa to question this, something, anything that she was saying. But Nyssa didn't, instead walking over to the punchbag closest to them. There was a thump, surprisingly powerful, as Nyssa's fist hit the bag, and Laurel found herself going to the other side to hold it in place.

"Thanks."

"And… you were right," Laurel said suddenly. "This place - it's important to me. My dad used to train here. I saw him get his ass beat for the gajillion times."

"He's a fighter?"

Laurel sighed. " Was . He died when I was eleven."

Her words were greeted at first with silence. Then: "I'm sure you hear this all the time, Laurel, but I really am sorry to hear that. You deserve better than to lose a parent that young."

Somehow, though Nyssa's words weren't as hollow as perhaps she thought they would be, it was nevertheless difficult for Laurel to maintain any semblance of composure when she knew Nyssa was looking at her with pity.

"Thank you," Laurel said quietly, before turning around and kicking off her heels, followed by her skirt and jacket, because if she was going to be here she should at least be comfortable. Then, with slightly wobbly grace of someone getting back onto a bike, she leapt into the ring. “You coming or what?” Laurel called behind her without looking back.

Nyssa laughed. “Yeah. Just enjoying the view.”

"That makes one of us."

“Not my fault you have a great ass.”

Laurel laughed more freely now, feeling some of the tension leave her shoulders as she lay sprawled on her back in the ring.

After a minute Nyssa joined Laurel, Nyssa settling cross-legged and Laurel deciding to lie back, resting her head on Nyssa's lap. She'd taken off her glasses, left them on a table somewhere below. There was something comforting, safe, about where Laurel was, Nyssa silently playing with Laurel’s hair.

"Hey, can I ask you something?" Nyssa said once the silence had gone on for a few comfortable moments and she had started tracing lazy circles over Laurel’s collarbone, pushing aside her shirt where it got in the way and undoing a couple buttons. "And you don't have to answer. Not if you don't want to."

"Sure."

"How did it happen?"

"How did what happen?" Laurel said, feeling ever so slightly wary now.

"Your dad. How did he die?"

"He was killed. Not in the ring - but it may as well have been." Probably Laurel said it more bitterly than she really needed to - being acerbic about it now wasn't going to help anyone, after all - because she could feel something change in Nyssa when she said that. And then Laurel couldn't help but add, "Are you sorry about that too?"

"No," said Nyssa without skipping a beat, "but I am angry."

"Why are you angry? You didn't know him."

"But I know you," Nyssa countered.

Laurel nodded. "Yeah. Better than anyone else, nowadays."

"And I know you are… too good for the shit that the world throws at you."

"Is that your idea of flattery?" This was said teasingly, though, and Nyssa chuckled.

It was now that Laurel considered something, something she had been debating whether or not to say for a while, ever since she met Nyssa at that fateful New Year's party.

It was hard to explain, but there was somethiing about the way Nyssa held on to her arm while they walked down the street, the way they would talk for hours on end or, conversely, the way they could be lying in silence on Laurel’s futon, no words needed other than those traced into Laurel’s skin by Nyssa's fingertips. Above all, there was something about Nyssa that made it easy, far too easy, for Laurel to trust her completely.

"You… never ask me about the accident," Laurel said after a minute.

"What?"

Laurel pointed at her eyes, unseeing and blank, for once without their usual mask of sunglasses.

"How this happened. You never - I thought that was what you were trying to ask me just now."

For a second Nyssa shifted against Laurel, and then Laurel was surprised to feel the stroke of Nyssa's fingers on her jaw.

"I think you have had quite enough strangers demanding to know your deepest secrets for one lifetime already."

"But we're not strangers."

"Not now, we're not." A pause, as Nyssa's hand stilled at Laurel’s crown, gently grazing her temple. "Do you want to tell me?"

It wasn't really a question - not the kind that Laurel felt she needed to answer, anyway. Instead, she began her story, hesitantly at first, but with the growing momentum of someone who had been waiting to tell someone her secret for what felt like her whole life.

"I was just - with my dad. We were headed to the mall when there was this crash. It was… the loudest sound I'd ever heard. I didn't even realise what I was doing, just that I was running. This truck was carrying all these chemicals, and some of them had spilled onto the ground, and - I just wanted to help, Nyssa," Laurel said helplessly. "I only ever wanted to help."

"Dinah Laurel Lance," Nyssa said, with a definite edge of pride in her voice, "always trying to save the world."

It was impossible, even with the pain that came with recounting her most traumatic memory, for Laurel not to smile at that.

"Even if it blinded me in the process?"

“Is that all it did?" Nyssa's question was casual, almost, yet there was no mistaking the curiosity in her voice.

"No," Laurel said slowly. "Yes. It… it's complicated."

Laurel got to her feet, and even without Nyssa saying anything Laurel knew she was slightly crestfallen, or disappointed at least. But then Laurel extended her hand to Nyssa, pulling her to her feet, and Nyssa seemed to realise this was not Laurel pushing her away.

"What are we doing?"

"Maybe it's better if I just… show you."

"Okay. Hold on a sec."

For some reason Nyssa now jumped out of the ring, with the practised weightlessness of a particularly stealthy cat burglar. She returned moments later.

"Here - catch."

Instinctively Laurel caught the projectile, which she quickly realised was -

" - a bo-staff?" Laurel said doubtfully.

"Just so we're evenly matched." Laurel opened her mouth, an objection already on her tongue at what was implied, and to her relief there was a sound of another weapon whipping through the air as Nyssa then added, "Bo-staff versus tonfa. Unless you want to swap?"

But Laurel was already grinning, the fighter in her primal and ready to go, as she detached the staff in half and got into a fighting stance.

"No, I know how to use this."

"Figured as much. I reckon this will be a fair fight."

"You're not going to ask me how a blind woman fights?"

"Do you want me to ask you?"

"Not particularly," Laurel admitted.

They circled each other, both of them waiting for the other to make the first move. In some ways it reminded Laurel of their dance during their first meeting - only this time Laurel found it a lot harder to read Nyssa and anticipate her movements.

In the end they both decided to strike at the same time, and Laurel was surprised that she managed to duck Nyssa's punch in time, and that somehow her footwork wasn't totally awful because she pivoted well enough to trip Nyssa up with the staff.

"So is this the part where you tell me your secret?" Nyssa asked, panting and on the floor, and she accepted Laurel’s hand to help her up.

"It's not what you think," Laurel was quick to say.

"And what do I -"

"You're probably thinking," Laurel interrupted, "that this was all an act, that I'm not blind, that all those times in movies and TV when someone fakes their disability are actually plausible -"

"No, that's not what I think, I promise."

Her heartbeat was steady. Nyssa wasn't lying.

"Really?"

"I think you're different," Nyssa said slowly, reaching down to get her milkshake so she could sip more of it, "and I think that you think that means there's something wrong with you."

It was true, what was said - the truth always did hurt, especially when it was coming from someone Laurel could feel herself falling in love with even in those very seconds.

"And you? Do you think there's something wrong with me?"

"Not in the slightest," Nyssa said firmly. "Just the opposite. I think… that's part of what draws me to you."

Laurel was starting to get antsy now, the way she usually did when goddamn feelings came up, because she'd never really known how to handle them. She found herself bouncing nervously on the balls of her feet.

"Let's go again."

This time, Nyssa had the upper hand, perhaps given Laurel’s mind was beginning to go elsewhere, thinking about what Nyssa had said. It wasn't long before Nyssa claimed her victory, the sharp whip of the tonfa slicing through the air and hitting Laurel on her side. Winded, Laurel ended up in a headlock, Nyssa pinning her wrist above Laurel’s head from behind.

"I win," Nyssa said with the kind of dangerous softness that served the sole purpose of seriously turning Laurel on as she felt warm breath flutter against the shell of her ear.

"This round, sure, but then that makes us even, right, if I won the first one?" Laurel said breathlessly. Then without warning she jumped out of Nyssa's grasp and grabbed the bo-staff from the floor, turning on the spot just in time to trip Nyssa over again, so she fell on her back. Laurel knelt and then straddled her, revelling in the groan she elicited from Nyssa by doing so.

"Nice moves," Laurel murmured. "I didn't know they taught Muay Thai in English boarding school."

"They don't. My sister taught me. And you - tai kwon du?"

"Well spotted." Laurel should have probably gotten up by now, but she was rather enjoying the feeling of Nyssa’s body beneath her own, the way she seemed to pulsate every second, the fact that Laurel could hear the comforting throb of her heartbeat, loud and clear.

"So if you can't see," Nyssa said, shifting just a few inches so she could sit up, Laurel still on her lap with a leg on either side of Nyssa, "how do you see?"

"You know that makes no sense, right?"

"You know what I mean."

"My other senses are sharper. I… hear things other people can't. It's… more than I like most of the time, but it does help me read people better."

"So how do you read me?"

Reaching down, Laurel caught Nyssa's wrist - unnecessary, really, when she could hear the thrum of her pulse already, better than Nyssa herself could most likely. "Your adrenaline spiked when we were - sparring. And now even though you've slowed down, I can tell from your heartbeat you're still…" Laurel paused for a moment. "... excited. Like you're waiting for something."

"That's because I am waiting for something." There was something suggestive that dripped from the words that fell from Nyssa's tongue, in the way that her hand found Laurel’s bare thigh and the kiss Nyssa bestowed on Laurel several moments later. It was the teasing kind of kiss, and Laurel could taste the sweet hint of strawberry still on Nyssa's lips. It was nothing like the earth-shattering kisses to come, but nevertheless still with Laurel feeling the tingly aftershocks in her toes for hours after. "So you got that just by listening to my heart?"

"Not just that." There was something enticing, damn near intoxicating, about the musk of Nyssa's vanilla perfume, mixed with the salt of sweat Laurel could taste just by breathing. She was so lost in the aroma that she barely realised Nyssa shifting underneath her, not until Laurel heard Nyssa's footsteps. "Where are you going?"

"Don't sound so worried, darling. Just got to lock the door. We don't want anyone catching us…" Nyssa paused for a second, perhaps for dramatic effect, or more likely because she was trying to remember the words, before whispering (undoubtedly with a smirk on her face), “... in flagrante de-whatsit."

"How did you manage to get through Cheltenham with such shitty Latin, babe?" Laurel called laughingly. She stretched her arms above her head, feeling sweat trickle down her forehead as the physical exertion of the last fifteen minutes began to wear on her. After a second Laurel decided to unbutton her shirt, and she'd gotten to the last one when Nyssa returned to her side.

"Ah, I'm glad you finally worked out that this was a booty call."

"I'm just hot," Laurel said, and this just made Nyssa laugh.

"I couldn't agree more."

Laurel shook her head fondly. "I thought you just brought me here to take a trip down memory lane and share my feelings and whatnot."

"That too," Nyssa admitted.

“Hey,” Laurel said softly, reaching out to touch the back of Nyssa’s neck and pulling her in as if to kiss her. She stopped just short of Nyssa’s lips though, and their breath mingled for a moment. “I - I’m glad I told you.”

“Me too.”

Nyssa kissed her, then, tucking some loose strands of Laurel’s hair behind her ears. Most of it was still in a ponytail high on her head, though, and just as Laurel made to loosen it Nyssa got there before her. There was a little pressure, the pull of the hair tie, and then something quietly exhilarating in how Nyssa immersed each and every one of her fingers into Laurel’s blonde curls.

The little tension that was still in her shoulders left her as she relaxed into Nyssa’s embrace. Laurel sighed contentedly, and at the same time they both leaned in, lips meeting halfway for a kiss. Nyssa was gentle, slow, so it took her by surprise when Laurel found herself filled with the same damn hunger she felt whenever things got hot and heavy with Nyssa that made Laurel kiss her harder, knocking all the breath out of her as Laurel’s body covered Nyssa’s. This instinctive need for Laurel to touch every inch of Nyssa she could reach rose inside her, all liquid heat and sweat.

In a way she was glad when Nyssa took control, flipping them over so she was on top of Laurel. It was almost instinctive now they knew each other better, knew their movements and cues, the sharp intakes of breath and muscles taut with want - and in Nyssa’s case she knew that Laurel would melt under her warm weight. Laurel was glad to be rid of her shirt, to lie beneath Nyssa, supine and waiting, but after a minute she knew that Nyssa had stopped and was gazing at her intently.

"What?"

"What?" Nyssa echoed, and Laurel couldn't help smiling.

"Why are you staring at me like that?"

"I - I was just thinking."

"Thinking is good." This time Laurel got a laugh out of Nyssa, but nothing more at first.

Then, a long pause, “I’ve not said this enough. Even though I thought it from the moment I laid eyes on you. But I - you’re… bloody beautiful, you know that?”

That threw Laurel off - no one was ever soft with her, not like that, not the way Nyssa was being just now, at least not with words. She couldn’t remember the last time anyone had said anything like that to her before. Reaching up, Laurel’s hand found Nyssa's, so their fingers could link together, but she found she couldn’t quite form words as her heart stuttered against her chest.

“Yeah?” Laurel whispered eventually, and that one word took so much goddamn effort for some reason. Then she took a breath and added with a grin, “I’m really hoping that you mean more than just my ass.”

She was deflecting, they both knew it, and Laurel was glad when Nyssa kissed her again, deep and slow and wanting. Quickly her lips trailed downward, a line of kisses, increasingly biting, down Laurel’s neck. Nyssa was doing that thing, that wonderful fucking thing where she was marking her territory on the terrain of Laurel’s skin, inch by inch, making Laurel groan and gasp in equal measure. By the time she reached a point just between Laurel’s breasts, Nyssa's tongue was flicking relentlessly against her skin, chasing the beads of sweat that formed at the hollow of Laurel’s neck. Despite herself, Laurel couldn't bite her needy moan back any longer.

“Patience, sweetie.”

“Stop being such a fucking tease, Nyssa Raatko.” Somehow, mercifully, Nyssa had moved down now, to a spot just above Laurel’s navel, and Laurel started letting out some of the breath she’d been holding. “You were the one who said it was rude to keep a woman waiting.”

“I did say that,” Nyssa admitted, voice a little muffled from where she had pressed her face into the crease of Laurel’s thigh where it met her torso. She’d hoisted Laurel’s legs over either shoulder but was purposely avoiding her centre, touching her everywhere but there. “What I should have added, though… is that it’s fun to keep her waiting too. Or rather - it’s fun to watch her.”

And Laurel couldn’t even think up a retort to that, not really, not when without warning Nyssa’s mouth was at her centre, setting Laurel’s blood alight with the kind of desire that she didn’t think was real, warming her from head to toe so she came, hard, far too quickly, falling over the precipice without warning, the drip-drip of pleasure still no doubt hot on Nyssa’s tongue. But Nyssa wasn’t done, and neither, in fact, was Laurel, as Nyssa buried her still-damp nose into the inside of Laurel’s thigh before her tongue darted out again. She went more gently this time, perhaps more aware that Laurel was now super-sensitive, and Laurel was shakily stroking Nyssa’s hair, her cheeks, her jaw.

Only when her hands began to steady did Laurel widen her legs, let her heels dig into Nyssa’s back as Nyssa resumed what she was doing with her mouth, with her fingers, with her tongue, in earnest, until Laurel was sure her clit was on fire and Nyssa kept leading her to the edge of a climax before letting her stumble back a couple steps.

“Nyssa...” Laurel whispered reverently, “Nyssa… please -”

At last, Nyssa relented, letting her hit one final high before, slowly, Laurel found herself falling back to earth. Her legs were still shaking, hips only slowing down in how they rose and fell, never stopping altogether. Vaguely she registered Nyssa kissing her way up Laurel’s neck again, then her cheek, her nose, forehead, as if Nyssa was trying to memorise every inch of Laurel’s face with her lips.

Laurel could hear the thump-thump of Nyssa's heart, the way her pulse was skyrocketing, was acutely aware of Nyssa's every breath.

"Can you hear it?" Nyssa said, so quietly that for a moment Laurel wondered if Nyssa intended to say it aloud.

"Yeah," Laurel said after a moment. "Loud and clear. But… it would still be good to - know what you want."

"You," Nyssa replied without hesitating. Laurel considered for a moment, then reached down to cup the curve of Nyssa's breast.

"You've still got clothes on."

"So get them off. And me, too." Nyssa shifted a little, so she was sitting back, leaning slightly on her hands, outstretching her legs in front of her. And damn her, she was laughing at her own pun, because that was just like Nyssa Raatko, the corniest fucking lesbian in America.

"You are awful," Laurel told her, shoving playfully at her shoulder before getting to work with Nyssa's pants, pulling them off her and then not managing to mask her tiny growl of impatience when they were stuck around one of Nyssa's ankles. Laurel felt frenzied to the point of clumsy, partly because of the two times she had climaxed already but also in part because she felt the underlying need to do the same for Nyssa.

Thankfully Nyssa, eager to rid herself of clothing too, didn't seem to notice Laurel’s nervousness, or she didn’t care, and she took off her shirt and bra and flung them both aside somewhere. Then Nyssa lay back, and this time she was the one waiting.

Laurel could taste it in the air, too - the sweet heat of Nyssa's desire, faint but growing stronger the closer Laurel got to where Nyssa wanted her. Inhaling deeply, Laurel wondered if she would ever get enough of that heady scent, almost mesmerising her in how enticed she felt. Laurel wanted to let her tongue dart out, just to get a taste, a proper one, tease of what was to come later, but she wanted to savour it too, the anticipation, the fact that Nyssa was already trembling even though Laurel hadn't touched her yet. She let her breath ghost the inside of Nyssa's thigh, while her fingers began a slow path up Nyssa's hip, not stopping until Laurel reached the soft underside of her breast with her thumb. Catching her nipple between two fingers, Laurel tweaked it and felt it stiffen at her touch.

“Now who’s being a tease?” Nyssa muttered under her breath, and that just made Laurel smile because she was sure Nyssa had forgotten Laurel could hear her.

“You were right,” Laurel said. “It’s fun to watch.”

For a moment Laurel waited, for the quip she honestly wouldn’t have minded hearing too much about her lack of sight, but it never came. Instead, Nyssa grabbed Laurel by her shoulders and kissed her soundly on the lips.

“Put that pretty mouth of yours to better use,” Nyssa ordered, her voice full of the same dangerous and goddamn beautiful softness that made Laurel’s heart flutter and skip a beat. Laurel didn’t hesitate for a second - she knew, instinctively, in her bones, that she’d do anything Nyssa asked.

That didn’t mean she wouldn’t take her sweet time, though, so by the time Laurel finally ducked her head and pressed that first kiss right against Nyssa’s opening, Laurel knew her partner was already falling apart. And normally for Laurel it was deafening, overwhelming, hearing the pounding of blood and each laboured breath. Certainly that was why Laurel tended to go for one-night stands rather than steady relationships - because after that first time she didn’t usually feel like she could handle more.

But Nyssa was different. She tasted damn near otherworldly, the vibrations of every single sound she made felt in every nerve of Laurel’s body. Laurel flicked the tip of her tongue against Nyssa’s swollen clit, making her cry out, a litany of unintelligible Arabic spilling from her tongue as Laurel made her come, just as hard as Laurel had herself only minutes before. Laurel could feel the sweat forming on her forehead as the remnants of Nyssa’s pleasure pooled on Laurel’s tongue.

Nyssa reached down, cradling Laurel’s cheek with her hand, thumb brushing away the wetness that lingered on the corner of Laurel’s mouth. Laurel caught Nyssa’s hand in her own, mouth covering Nyssa’s thumb, a gesture done more for the hunger she still felt for Nyssa than anything particularly erotic - but it had that effect too, as a soft groan escaped Nyssa’s lips almost of its own accord. Laurel wanted to press the tip of her tongue against the very inside of Nyssa's wrist, blow soft air down Nyssa's arm so Laurel could hear the tiny eruptions of gooseflesh on her skin. She wanted to press her fingers into Nyssa again and leave her gasping for air.

And she did all these things, painstakingly, one at a time, before her lips returned to Nyssa's, and the arousal Laurel had been feeling for what felt like the longest time finally started to unfold, a tightly wound up bud of desire that began to blossom somewhere deep inside her, and their limbs and souls tangled so completely that it was impossible for Laurel to know where she herself ended and her love began.

The entire time, the only thought that mattered to Laurel was that this was the most alive she had ever felt. She knew that much.

What she didn't know, had no possible way of knowing, was that glory would be cut short, snuffed out without warning, exactly two weeks later, and that Laurel would never feel that same feeling again.

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imaginexmeintheuniverse · 6 years

Text

Thinking Out Loud

A lovely anon requested: May I request ♦ for alex summers? :D

♦: Slow dancing - Modern AU

Pairing: Alex Summers x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Mentions of PTSD in part iv.

Word Count: 4, 194

Summary: Five times we slow danced together at midnight.

Tags: @coltcas

Masterlist

A/N: It ended up being one of those five times things oops. Can you guess which song inspired this? (PS I linked other songs for each part I also thought would go well with this as a mini playlist)

Thinking Out Loud by Ed Sheeran

i. teach me

"Do you know who you're going to ask to homecoming?"

You know that's a rhetorical question since it doesn't matter who he asks because he's Alex Summers; anyone he asks would say yes. Your best friend is the most gorgeous guy in school and you have no idea why he's studying with you on a Friday night instead of attending one of the many parties he was no doubt invited to. You don't even know how you're still friends since saying that you're much less popular than him is an understatement, but Alex has never cared about the high school's social hierarchy.

"Uh, I haven't really thought about it..." he utters, more concentrated on the chemistry assignment you've been helping him with. "I could just take you again; it'll be like last time," he shrugs without looking up from his paper.

"Yeah, no thanks," you chuckle, turning your attention back to the algebra question you've been stuck on. "I don't need another pity date from my best friend while every other girl in the room thinks I can't notice them trying to kill me with the daggers in their eyes."

"They do not," he dismisses you with the wave of a hand. You shoot him a glare because you know that he is very much aware that girls are constantly tripping over themselves to get him.

"And you didn't even dance with me!" You think back to when you tried dragging him out to the dance floor only to him standing there, slightly swaying while you jumped around with everyone else. "Come to think of it... You never dance; you just stand there sipping the mediocre punch that's been spiked and goof off with Sean until it's time for you to take your date home where you do unspeakable things that I don't want to imagine my best friend doing with the local bimbos."

"Hey, what's wrong with Sean?" he says in a defensive tone, throwing his hands up. "And Emma's not a bimbo."

"I was referring to every other girl you've brought. Clearly I didn't mean Emma." You roll your eyes at him, knowing he's being a child and making things difficult for you on purpose. You love Sean, he's one of your closest friends, but him and Alex with some of the other guys tended to get themselves in trouble. "They call you and Sean, 'Havok and Banshee' for a reason," You giggle, glancing up from your paper to see that Alex is obviously not focused on his assignment anymore, instead twirling the pencil around his fingers looking defeated, although you're not sure whether it's about the dance or chemistry. "Listen Havok," you start, getting up from your bed to sit on the desk he's set up at. He smiles at you calling him by his nickname. "You already know that anyone you ask would say yes, so just ask a decent girl this time; there are lots of great girls at our school."

"I know, I just asked the best one and she shot me down," he says in mock-hurt with a hand on his chest.

"Oh come on," you laugh, giving his shoulder a playful shove. "Well, you can't take Emma again because she has a boyfriend now... What about Jean?"

"Jean?" he asks, an eyebrow raised like he's judging you for suggesting her.

"What's wrong with Jean? She's great!"

"You mean Jean as in the sophomore and my brother's girlfriend?"

"Oh right! Hey, he finally got her to go out with him. Good for Scott! What about—"

"Or you could just go with me." He turns his focus back to his assignment but you know he just wants to dodge the subject. "Or we could forget about it. It's like you said: I can't dance anyways, so what's the point?"

"Hold up..." You catch his eyes and see something you can only describe as a glint of fear like he knows he's been caught. "I never said you couldn't dance... I said you don't..." It all makes so much sense now. Your gorgeous best friend who radiates confidence doesn't know how to dance. "Is that why you never dance?!"

"Uhhh—"

"Don't even try Summers!" You cut him off before he can give some lame excuse.

"All right, all right," he grumbles, letting the pencil in his hand drop on the paper. "I don't know how to dance."

"But you always dance at parties and family barbecues," you retort.

"Yeah, like a dad at a barbecue."

You can't help but feel a little ache in your heart at how defeated he looks, so you decide to do something about it. The circumstances are calling for it because the perfect song comes on from your phone you've left on shuffle while the two of you were studying. You grab his hand and tug him up from his seat by his arm. He gives you a wary look when you shoot him a playful grin.

"I'll go with you, but first, I'm going to teach you how to dance, Alexander."

ii. in my backyard

As the universe would have it, you got terribly sick a few days ago and had to miss school. Alex, like the world's greatest friend in the world that he is, has been bringing your homework to you and keeping you company in what had pretty much been turned into your quarantine zone. You did wake up feeling so much better that you almost forgot you were sick and you're pretty sure you aren't contagious anymore, but you already gave away your homecoming ticket and procrastinated the whole week's school work, so you've opted out of the dance to catch up on everything. You wanted to go, but the stress of all your AP classes and applying to university weights out the fun. He put up quite a fight, not wanting to go without you, but you still managed to convince him to go, much to his dismay. He, of course, had no trouble getting a last minute date— who wouldn't want to be Alex's date especially when he was pretty much guaranteed to be crowned homecoming king.

You've spent the whole day completing the week's school work and finish off your last paper with a long, relieved sigh. You look at the clock telling you it's almost midnight. You then turn your head to the dress you've had hanging off your closet door all week to make sure it wouldn't get wrinkled letting out yet another sigh, but this time it's out of mild disappointment. Your focus shifts back to the clock as you close the top of your laptop. You told yourself you'd go to homecoming if it wasn't over by the time you finished everything, but it's probably been over for more than an hour since people usually go to someone's house to party after the king and queen have been crowned.

You're about to call it a night and go to sleep when you hear a light clinking sound coming from your window. Someone's throwing rocks at it and you have a pretty good idea about who it is. You gaze down from your window to see a grinning Alex who's still wearing his suit and a crown that has the moonlight reflecting off of it. He holds up his phone and points to it, signalling you to check yours. You haven't checked your phone in hours, after getting sucked into the dark void of homework. There are a dozen missed texts from Alex who was constantly checking up on you. You briefly skim over the messages and scroll to the most recent one he must have just sent from outside your house.

Alex: Put the dress on and meet me out back :)

You know there's no arguing with Alex's weird plans so you nod to him and follow his instructions. Padding through the house in your stocking feet, you slide the back door open as quietly as you can so you don't wake anyone else up. He's standing on the porch holding a flower corsage in one hand and a pair of earphones in the other. He steps towards you to slip the band of flowers around your wrist and hands you an earbud that you place in your ear.

"May I have this dance?"

"Ughhhhh, you're such a cheeseball," you groan with an evident smile on your face as you take his outstretched hand. His warm arms leave your body as soon as he feels you shivering from the crisp autumn air, removing his jacket and placing it around your shoulders. You quietly thank him as you slip your arms through the loose sleeves. He takes his phone out of his pocket to play the music, and it's the same song you had playing in your room when you taught him how to dance a week ago. You wind your arms around his neck and his arms slide under the jacket to wrap around your waist. He starts to sway, leading you around in slow circles to match the rhythm of the song.

You tilt your head up to see him beaming down at you, his smile brighter than the stars hanging above you. You expected to look up and share a laugh about this cheesy moment with your best friend like you typically would, but you don't feel like laughing. Instead, you're fighting the urge to close the distance separating your lips from his. His arms around you right now don't feel the same as when you were in your room doing the exact same thing last week. The smile slowly fades from his face as his arms subconsciously tighten around you and he speaks up, "Go out with me."

"What?" You foot stutters, almost making you trip over your other foot.

"Please, go on a date with me."

"Alex, you're my best friend..." You suddenly feel like oxygen is scarce; the simple act of breathing feels unnatural and takes more effort than it should.

"Exactly why we'd be great together; you and I, we're a team." You have no idea how he's maintaining such a calm demeanor through all this while you're left panting and speechless. You used to daydream about the day this would happen, so why can't you just say the one simple word that would make it all happen? Maybe it's because it seems too good to be true, or because you made yourself get over the idea that he would ever have feelings for you that weren't platonic.

"What about college next year? What if we stop seeing each other and it all goes to shit?" You're being difficult and he knows it. He knows you were worried about this for the sake of your friendship anyways and that you know you two would always find a way to make it work, but you're just feeling insecure right now.

"About that..." His mind wanders elsewhere for a moment. "I've been thinking; school's always been your thing, and me, well I try and you help so much but I'm sure it's really for me- I guess what I'm saying is: I don't think I'll apply. I-I've been thinking about enlisting—"

"No! Y-You can't!" The conversation took a totally different turn so quickly it has your mind reeling.

"Y/N, it's just a thought right now; nothing's decided- I still have to graduate," he jokes in an attempt to lighten the mood, but you keep your eyes locked on his, your expression not anywhere near relaxed. "We can deal with the future when it comes, but I think I've fooled around for too long and should have asked you out a long time ago." The two of you have stopped moving, and the song has ended leaving you and Alex's uneven breaths being the only sounds that can be heard. "Come on, Y/N, what do you say?"

You don't say anything. What you do instead, is push yourself up on your toes and do what you've wanted to do for so long.

iii. in a fountain

You're walking back to your dorm, totally exhausted after finishing your last midterm and in a big mood for eating junk food and hibernating for the rest of the semester. However, you're too lazy to go out to buy food, and unfortunately you don't want to fail your classes, so you'll settle with instant noodles for the fourth night in a row and a Netflix marathon of Friends for tonight.

Already dreaming about how good finally laying in your bed will feel, you're basically on autopilot when you walk into your room and have to do a double take when you actually notice who's sitting on your bed. You completely forget how tired you are as you launch yourself at Alex, effectively knocking him over and you're on top of him, planting kisses on every surface area of his face before pulling back.

"I thought you weren't going to be able to come visit for another few days!" you exclaim, overjoyed and in disbelief that he's actually here with you.

"Couldn't miss our first anniversary, now could I?" His hands are pressed flat around the base of your spine under your shirt as he leans up to capture your lips in a long kiss that starts out innocent but soon becomes passionate. It's messy; full of shaky breaths, loose strands of your hair, and fingers clinging onto whatever they can, but neither of you could care less.

When you finally pull back panting, your breaths totally out of sync and heart rates erratic, he brings a hand up to tuck the stray hairs behind your ear— not that it had any real effect on the current chaotic state of your hair. You mirror his actions, smoothing out the much shorter strands of his hair, feeling thankful that it's grown back more over the past few weeks since you last saw him.

Before he set off on his training months ago, you've only been able to see him once, and back then when you had checked the flights, he would have only been able to come visit you a couple days from now. It was a total stroke of luck that he drove the airport like a maniac and there happened to be a flight right then and there.

Your terrible day is soon turned around as the evening with your boyfriend progresses. After he takes you out to dinner, you give him a quick tour of the campus and stop at your favorite spot; a gorgeous fountain in the outdoor arts exhibit. Of course fountains are super romantic— that is until someone falls in. And that someone is definitely you.

Lucky for you, Alex is the best at making anything more romantic, so he jumps in and stretches out his hand to help you up. You don't notice at first, between giggles and chattering teeth, but his phone is on the ground and you know exactly what he wants to do as soon as you register the song that's playing off it.

"No way," you shake your head.

"Come on," he coaxes you, his arms already going around your shivering form. "It's midnight and there's a fountain; it's so romantic."

You open your mouth to protest, but instead let out a sigh as you melt into is warm body. He leads you around in slow circles and doesn't seem to care that your shirt is soaking through his. Only Alex would be insane enough to want to slow dance in a fountain in the middle of the night, and only he would be able to get you to agree to it. Having him so close to you, and being the only thing that stands between you and hypothermia, you realize how excruciatingly long nights have been without him. Being best friends your whole lives, this was the longest you've ever been apart and it's the worst feeling in the world. You never want to feel that again, but you know that's not possible, because in a few days he'll have to leave and you'll be alone again.

Having totally spaced out into your thoughts, you miss it the first time he asks, only hearing muffled syllables. When he repeats himself, you hear him so clearly you think it might actually be in your head. But it's not. It's Alex, who is here with you, right now, telling you he wants to be like this for the rest of his life.

iv. in the kitchen

The absence fo heat is what wakes you up and your hand instinctively reaches out to the other side, blindly patting the slightly damp sheets to confirm your suspicion that Alex is missing from the bed. You groggily stand, rubbing the sleep out of your eyes and ready to search for him.

It's definitely not the first time this has happened, but you worry anyway because although sometimes he just goes out for a run or a glass of water, but there was one time where you got a call from the neighbor that he was having a panic attack in the park near your house. He hasn't been the same since he came back from his tour, and you certainly don't blame him for it because you can't even imagine half of what he's gone through and what he's had to do to come back to you. You want to give him the time and space he needs, but it's so hard watching the man you love be in so much pain especially when he's been so distant. You can tell the therapy is working because he eats a little more, sleeps a little better, and lets you hold him a little longer; all the slightest details that make the biggest difference. It still breaks your heart a little every time he flinches at your touch or steps away after letting you hold him, but this isn't about you. It's about him and you know you just need to be patient.

You quietly pad down the stairs and feel a rush of relief when you see the kitchen light on. Approaching him, you see the light sheen of sweat coating his skin, and his hair that sticks up at stressed angles from him frantically pushing it back.

You follow his gaze to the calendar hanging on the wall. His eyes are fixed on the scribbled out words on tomorrow's date and can't help but feel an ache in your heart when it hits you. He blames himself. As if all the trauma he's endured on top of the survivor's guilt weren't enough to weigh him down, he constantly reminds himself that he's the reason why you don't have a gold band accompanying the sterling silver one on your ring finger.

Words escape you when you open your mouth to tell him that none of this is his fault. So instead of trying to speak, you slide a hand around the side of his jaw to shift his focus to your eyes as your other arm is draped over his shoulders, pulling him impossibly close. He doesn't respond at first

Much to your relief, his hands find their way to your lower back, shakily clinging to the fabric of his old t-shirt that hangs loosely off your frame. You sway back and forth as a soothing motion at first, but soon find yourself slowly spinning around. He lets you lead him around the kitchen as you hum the tune at a calming pace. You're not quite sure how long you do this for, but you'd do it all night if it meant he'd feel safer.

He halts in his footsteps and pulls away from you, and you're worried that you might have done something wrong when you see the wet streaks on his cheeks, but then he leans down to press his lips to your forehead as his fingers thread through the hair at the back of your head. You stay like that for a while, until you feel the light pressure ease off your forehead and he tilts his head to capture you in a passionate kiss. Right there, a flame ignites in your chest, thriving off the one that burns through his, and you know that he's going to be okay— that you both are.

"I love you so much," he whispers in a hoarse voice.

"And I love you," You push up on your toes to pull him into another kiss, full of softness and eyelashes softly brushing over cheekbones. "Which is why were going to take as much time as we need to get through this. Together."

A stray tear escapes his eye as your words sink in, finding their place to his heart where they make it ache a little less every time he hears your voice.

"Come, let's go to sleep now." You take his larger hand in yours and lead him back to your shared bed where for the first time in months, he'll wake up with a smile gracing his features in the morning.

v. our wedding night

"And that's enough for Peter's toast!" Scott effectively cuts off a goofy, over-sharing-silver-haired speedster who starts to pout because he was sure he was giving the greatest toast of all time.

You and Alex lean into each other, laughing at the pair who have started bickering like the goofballs they are. All the routine wedding stuff has already occurred; the cake was cut, the first dance was had, and most of the toasts had already been given, but the mic was still open to anyone who wanted to say a few words. Peter had already said more than enough, and being the best man, Scott was on duty to keep Sean and Peter's shenanigans to a minimum.

Whilst everyone is entertained by the band that's about to finish up their last set, a familiar tune rings through the hall. You can't help but perking up as the melody makes your heart feel so incredibly full. Glancing over to the man next to you, you share a smile. A smile that is shared between two people who have a secret, like their own little world in which only they live in. Everyone else around you has disappeared and all you see is him.

His hand, that's been on your leg, over your dress the whole time you've been sitting, moves to take your hand and guide you up to a standing position. As he does this, his eyes never leave yours and he's grinning down at you, smiling exactly like he did when he asked you to meet him in your backyard in the middle of the night all those years ago. You don't question the pure adrenaline and excitement you feel running through your veins as he begins leading you out the doors to the garden.

"You've got that look in your eye," you tease him playfully. "Where are you taking me, Alex?"

"Right—" He suddenly stops in his tracks and pulls you flush to his body. The simple action, and the way his eyes look the same way they always have, leaves you breathless. "Here."

"And what do you want to do here?" You prompt him to elaborate, although you have a hunch about what he's brought you here for as his arm wraps around your back and he begins leading you around in circles.

"I want to have our first dance— like the first one, I mean."

"We had our first dance a few hours ago... In there," you say pointing towards the hall where the reception is still happening.

"But that wasn't really our first dance, was it?" You quirk an eyebrow at his questions that sounds much more like a statement.

"You're speaking in riddles now, Mr. Summers," you giggle.

"I'm just thinking out loud, Mrs. Summers, but we found love right there." You let out a chuckle at his cheesy, vague statement and because he's looking at you in a certain way— a way that always makes you wander because it means something different every time.

"What do you mean you big cheeseball?"

"That first time— when you showed me how to dance in your room," His signature lop-sided smile spreads across his features and your heart rate picks up at the sight of it like you're a teenager again. "That's when I knew for sure that I was in love with you."

His confession leaves you speechless, and you almost step on his toe. Moments like these with Alex always remind you that the two of you were meant to be. Cheesy to say but, every time your eyes meet his like they do right now, you find yourself tumbling and falling in love with him all over again. It's bumpy, and messy, but always worth it. Only he can make your breath hitch, or your heart rate spike, and make you feel so incredibly loved all at the same time. This is what the rest of your life is going to feel like.

And it's perfect.

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cow1sequester · 4 years

Text

EPISODE 4 - “I can't wait to be a silent background player that comes up and makes top 4″ - Patrick

TWIST: Kingdom

ELIMINATED: Will (Battle Match) // Ryan (10-3-1)

JAROD

That last round had me scared SHITLESS. The way I had a 20% chance of going home... I was quaking. I'm so sad for Christian because he seemed really sweet, and I can't believe that it went to the wheel. Someone must've been trying to do some shady shit. We probably won't be able to figure out who till after the season, but I am spooked by whatever happened last night and hope that it never happens again.

BLAKE

So! I’m feeling pretty good about my spot in the game! Sorry I haven’t made any confessionals, but I’m trying to lay as low as possible in order to just make it to the jury part of the game. I have strong relationships with a large portion of the house and I think I’m generally being perceived as somebody very just like... there? Which is fine for me: I don’t think I was ever in any danger TRULY so! Woo! I’m doing good mom

OWEN

So yesterday was absolutely wild and a little frustrating. My original idea to NOT self vote paid off....lol. Our whole alliance was a mess tho because autumn was supposed to vote me but then will told me she told him she was voting him and I was like uhhh well she can’t vote me AND will so I messaged her and was like what’s goin on and she was like ‘oh haha I was just thinking about whether or not I should tell u not to vote urself’ like GIRL!?!? U were CONSIDERING screwing me over? Thanks Autumn. Anyways I was safe but the revote got me fucked up.... akeylah Ian Isaac jarod Blake and ryan were eligible: Isaac and Jarod the alliance wanted to save, Blake messaged a lot of ppl and I didn’t wanna lie to him again, and ryan is dad and also ppl wanted to keep him. Akeylah and Ian.... stressed me out. Akeylah and I were not on great terms but made up so I didn’t wanna throw her name out and also I thought she might pick me for battle. Ian is my friend before this game but we haven’t talked Much in it and I knew he wouldn’t pick me. And I didn’t have a lot of time to push anything because graduation shit so I let the vote be Ian.... AND THEN SOMEONE TRIED TI MESS WITH SHIT AND IT WENT TO WHEEL AND I LOST CHRISTIAN :((((((( I’m so so so sad. I liked christian almost more than I liked talking to my alliance. Not only did I lose my closest ally but I also had to do major damage control with Ian. It wasn’t that major lmao but I agreed to an alliance of him Blake and beck and I like them. Idk that round kind of tanked my game a bit it proved my alliance Of six is too big to have any kind of coordination, autumn was willing to do her own thing and screw me over, jared and I didn’t see eye to eye, I lied to Blake, I almost or basically did screw Ian over, I lost christian..: it’s bad. But at least I’m still here right

JARED

I just want to make a quick confessional about how I went about last round because it was pretty chaotic. I knew the only way to guarantee safety was if I had more than one vote against me, so I went around to various people and tried to show them that a good goal was to aim for 0 votes. That is because I could then get them to use their vote against me. Once I had accomplished this with Patrick, Jarod, Raul, and Beck- I could confidently go to Juls and tell her to vote for herself and that I would vote for her as well, making us both safe. Raul didn't actually vote for me, he came to me and said that 'Beck is voting for me because he and I don't talk much.' Because Raul was under the assumption that I would already have 2 votes (Beck and myself), he wanted to use his vote on someone else. This showed me that I can trust Beck and Raul because they are both protecting me from the other. Then when the results came out, I made a chat of the 10 people who were not vulnerable, and tried to convince everyone that avoiding the wheel was the best option. It seemed to work and we came to a plan of '7 votes Blake, 3 votes Ian.' (Ian getting evicted.) But my intention was to spoil it and throw my vote on Ryan because I trust him the least. I actually ended up falling asleep before I voted, and we still ended up going to the wheel because 1 or 2 people did not follow through with the plan either. With anonymous voting that was bound to happen, but trying to avoid the wheel was worth a shot. My gut tells me either Will or Nathan spoiled it.

BLAKE

so i just found an LOS !! so excited about it!!! obviously, my goal is to only use it if im being dragged in. with owen in royalty i feel really safe this round and my goal is to just agree to every movement the kingdom wants, and hope the knights also want that to occur, in order to set up owen and autumn to get chosen for the battle match this week by an angry nominee! all the while keeping my hands clean and the los secretly in my pocket ! i think my perceived inactivish will help conceal the fact i have this. nobody will find out !

JARED

I'm getting exposed I don't know shit about Macbeth

PATRICK

Okay so this is my first confessional and thats kinda shitty. So in the first week i was just getting the gist of everything and then as Alexis Matteo would say BAM! right into the battle round. I won that and was so happy because I just went home first in my game before this. Week two we got split into two tribes and i wanted to work with nathan because i liked him and we love ari. but then something happened with raul and everything got all mixed up. Nathan told me raul was targeting me so i tried to go against raul and rally the people whos names were coming up. and then i got voted out lmao. But i won the hardest thing ive done in an org ever tbh. That 5x5 board of challenge was SO stressful but i felt like amazing coming out of that a winner, like AMAZING. and then week three WHEW IM SAFE me and jared out thought the system and i voted for him giving me 0 and him 2. genius. He then became the person i trust the most, if i make it to the end and lose to him i wont care. but then we tied twice became vulnerable LOL. Christain got rocked out and did the most unchristian thing i have ever witnessed and sent me into my THIRD ELIMINATION. but thankfully I don't thnk will wanted to compete and because of the LOS twist i got oneeeeee and also got introduced to rina sawayama which was two good outcomes. and now its week four and im safe from the vote which is like the only time i really feel like i have to worry because i feel like people will be afraid to against me in a battle match post jury. I just need to make it there and play my LOS right in way to save myself or jared. I can't wait to be a silent background player that comes up and makes top 4. THIS IS FOR YOU MICHAEL HEARNE

BLAKE

so! whiplash... i decided to tell beck about the los because i want to work with him. im morally obligated to do that now, so i can morally hold it above beck if he does decide to ever vote me out

#cowsequester #episodes

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ec-sanderssides · 7 years

Text

Touch-Starved

Part II Part III Part IV

It shouldn’t be that surprising really. It wasn’t like the others spent that much time around him. (He couldn’t really blame them for that, it wasn’t like he was the most pleasant person in the world to spend time with).

And aside from them, who else was there? There weren’t that many people in the mindscape. So yeah, it shouldn’t be that surprising that Anxiety had never been hugged before.

And yet, even Logic, who was normally better about seeing the obvious, had seemed startled earlier, and maybe even concerned. Anxiety didn’t get it. It wasn’t like it was a big deal or anything. So he hadn’t ever been hugged before, so what? He got on perfectly fine without any unnecessary physical contact. Really.

The whole thing had come out over breakfast. Morality, in an attempt to get the others to open up and talk more, had asked Logic what he’d been studying recently. More than eager to show off his knowledge, Logic had enthusiastically described in detail the articles he had been reading about scientific studies on physical contact.

“It has now been definitively proven that we need physical contact to stay healthy,” Logic had babbled, leaning forward to engage Morality, who was listening in what seemed like genuine interest.

“So what you’re saying is that hugs are good for you?” Morality had asked excitedly.

“Yes, actually they’re extremely beneficial,” Logic had replied. “They’re the exact kind of positive contact needed to maintain emotional and physical well-being.”

That was when Anxiety had snorted, getting the attention of not only Morality and Logic, but Prince as well, looking up from his cereal.

“Is there something you find funny, Anxiety?” Logic had asked, one hand going to adjust his glasses.

Anxiety had rolled his eyes.

“I just find it all a bit ridiculous,” he had drawled. “I mean, really? We need hugs to survive? That just sounds like bullshit. And besides, even if it were true, it’s not like it applies to us. We’re not exactly normal humans.”

“Awww, c’mon, kiddo,” Morality had pouted. “Even you have to admit that hugs make you feel good, all warm and safe.”

Anxiety had huffed. “I don’t need to try out that touchy-feely stuff to know that this theory’s bullshit.”

“You can’t just dismiss the science behind this!” Logic had sputtered, having looked more and more outraged as Anxiety spoke. But before Anxiety could reply to that, he had been cut off by Prince.

“Try it out… Anxiety, have you ever been hugged before?”

The question had hung in the air, the other three turning to look at Anxiety.

Feeling uncomfortable under the scrutiny, Anxiety had just shrugged. “It’s how I knew this whole thing was bullshit, I seem to be doing just fine.”

“Oh, kiddo,” Morality had whispered, sounding heart-broken for some reason.

Not wanting to stick around and deal with the weird atmosphere that has settled over them, Anxiety had just muttered, “It’s not a big deal, Morality,” and ducked out.

He still didn’t get why the others had seemed so horrified. It wasn’t a big deal. Still he was sure they’d get over it. Hell, they’d probably already dismissed it. And by this time tomorrow, it would be forgotten entirely.

Back in the kitchen

“He’s never been hugged before. How did we not know that?” Logan asked, stunned.

“Well he does tend to kept to himself,” Prince pointed out, sounding uneasy. “I-I can’t say I ever really thought about this whole thing really, but I suppose I just assumed that Morality had hugged him at some point.”

“I should have” Morality whimpered, his head in his hands. “I noticed that he tended to shy away from me, and I decided to wait for him to come to me. But that was a mistake. I should have been the one to reach out.”

“We all should have,” Logan sighed. Then with a disturbing thought beginning to form in his mind, he continued, slowly. “Actually, just setting aside the hug matter for now, when was the last time you can remember Anxiety getting any form of physical contact? A handshake, a pat on the back, anything?”

The other two paused, obviously thinking hard.

“I, well, I remember clapping him on the shoulder a few weeks ago,” Morality replied, now sounding even more horrified than before. “He’d fetched something for me, but I can’t really remember anything else.”

“We held hands in the Valentine’s Day video,” Prince said hesitantly. “That’s about it though.”

A frown formed on Logan’s face. “Then it’s as I feared,” he said gravely. “Anxiety is likely extremely touch-starved at this point.” Seeing that Morality looked to be on the verge of tears, he hastily continued, “But that can be fixed!”

“Of course we’ll fix it,” Prince stated confidently, “Princess Pessimism and I may not always get along that well, but that doesn’t mean I wish him harm, and from what you were saying earlier, Logic, this is doing him harm.”

“You’re right,” Morality sniffed, sounding a little better. “We will make this better. I’m going to give him all the hugs.”

“That might not be the best idea just yet,” Logan cautioned sharply. “Given the severity and duration of Anxiety’s touch-starvation, even a small amount of physical contact may seem overwhelming right now. It’s better to start small and work our way up to larger gestures of physical affection such as hugs.”

Morality nodded. “Okay, I can do that.”

“What do we do if he pulls away?” Prince broke in, “Should we let him?”

“Yes, I think so,” Logan replied. “We don’t want to make him uncomfortable. If he pulls away, let him, just be prepared to keep offering the physical contact. Once he starts relaxing and accepting the smaller gestures, we will start offering larger ones, and so on.”

“It’s a plan.” Morality replied, looking more determined than Logan had seem him in a long while. Yes, they had made a terrible mistake in overlooking the youngest of the sides, but they were going to fix it.

The next morning, Anxiety slipped into the kitchen. He had ended up spending the previous day hanging out in his room and watching Netflix, which had been fun, but he was also pretty hungry at this point.

“Good morning, kiddo,” Morality called out cheerfully. “Logan’s making omelets, so can you help me set the table?”

“Sure,” Anxiety mumbled, wanting to get at the food as quickly as possible. He was starving.

Silently, he began to lay out silverware, as Morality got the plates and cups. It didn’t take them long to finish.

“Thanks, Anxiety,” Morality said, and then reached out and ruffled his hair?

A little startled, Anxiety moved back, staring at Morality in bewilderment. But the other side seemed oblivious to his confusion, only humming cheerfully as he sat down. He didn’t have too long to dwell on it though, as Logic came out of the kitchen with the food.

Once Prince had finally deigned to join them, they began eating. Anxiety ate silently, letting the others do the talking. When he was finished he went and put his plate in the sink, but before he could leave the kitchen completely, Logic grabbed his hand.

“Wait, before you go,” he said, pulling Anxiety closer, “I was wondering if you’d be willing to help me troubleshoot some plans for working on the next videos. You have a knack for spotting potential problems.”

“Uhhh,” Anxiety was having trouble responding. Did-did Logic realize he was still holding Anxiety’s hand? “Um, sure,” he finally stammered out.

Logic gave him a small smile. “Excellent,” he said briskly. “I have the plans laid out in my room.”

With that he tugged on their joined hands once more, towing Anxiety behind him. Anxiety could only follow along helplessly, still not really sure what was going on.

At the end of the day, Anxiety was ready to crawl under the covers and hope the world made more sense in the morning. Things had been slightly off all day. It wasn’t anything drastic, but Morality and Logic seemed to be paying slightly more attention to him than usual. It was just different enough to throw him off balance. He hadn’t seen Prince though, so that at least was normal.

But apparently he’d spoken too soon, because that was when Prince popped up.

“Ah, Anxiety, excellent. I was just looking for you.”

Anxiety only looked at him in askance. Why?

Prince seemed to catch his silent question because he elaborated. “I need you to help me convince Morality and Logic to host a Disney movie marathon tonight.”

“And you wanted my help” Anxiety said flatly. “Really?”

Prince rolled his eyes. “If we work together and both request it, it will surprise them enough to agree. Also I promise we’ll watch The Black Cauldron first if you help.”

“....Fine,” Anxiety replied after a moment of silence. It wasn’t a terrible deal.

“Fantastic,” Prince cheered, and then hooked his arm through Anxiety’s. “Come, I believe they’re in the common area.”

Anxiety moved on autopilot, his brain hyper-focused on the fact that Prince was right there. In his personal space. He could feel their shoulders pressed together. He couldn’t figure out Prince’s intentions though. He was chattering on and on about the movie marathon, not seeming care about their closeness in the slightest. Anxiety let it go. It didn’t mean anything. He was just getting paranoid.

Anxiety enjoyed the movie night, but he made sure to sit in an armchair away from the others, still slightly wary of their intentions. But nothing else seemed to be happening that night, so he relaxed and enjoyed the movies, even allowing himself to sing a little under his breath.

But then the next morning, the weirdness was back. While Anxiety still had time and space to himself, it felt like every other moment one of the others was there, pulling him along to go and do something. Eventually, he snapped.

“What the fuck is going on.” he snarled at Logic, who had asked to him to help with the grading of papers of all things.

“What do you mean, Anxiety?” Logic said, tilting his head. “You’ll have to be more specific.”

“You and the others have been acting all,” here Anxiety flailed, looking for the appropriate word. “Weird,” he finally said, looking suspiciously at Logic. “Seriously, what are you trying to do?”

The other side raised an eyebrow. “I would have thought it was obvious,” he replied.

“Well, it’s not,” Anxiety snapped, “so start talking.”

“Very well,” Logan said. “We, as a group, have recently become aware of a problem we had previously overlooked and are now endeavoring to fix it. Namely, your touch-starvation.”

Anxiety’s face grew hot. He’d thought they’d forgotten about that. “I don’t have a problem,” he said, “And I don’t need you trying to hug me.”

“Don’t worry,” Logic replied, infuriatingly calm. “We have no intention of trying to hug you right now. We can tell you’re not ready for that level of physical affection.”

Anxiety’s face felt like it was on fire now. Who the hell did he think he was saying stuff like this. But before he could tell Logic off, the other side stepped forward, and much to Anxiety’s astonishment, placed a kiss on his forehead.

“Don’t worry, Anxiety,” he said gently, one of his hands coming up to cradle Anxiety’s head. “I know it seems like a lot right now, but that’s why we’re taking it slow.”

Anxiety couldn’t reply, all of his thoughts were centered on the fingers now scritching at his scalp. It didn’t feel bad, it was kind of soothing actually. But at the same time, it was overwhelming. Logic seemed to understand though, as after one last scritch, he pulled his hand back.

“We’re going to fix this,” he said, holding Anxiety’s gaze. “I promise."

Not knowing how to reply to that, Anxiety fled, but he could still feel Logic’s eyes following him as he went, and the ghost of Logic’s fingers running through his hair, burning like fire.

#virgil sanders #logan sanders #patton sanders #roman sanders #sanders sides #touch-starved #fanfic #my fic

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reitziluz · 7 years

Text

get to know me meme!

..... a mutual did this and said people feeling up for it should do it so....

i’m not tagging anyone but feel free to do these

1. What is your full name? Rene

2. What is your nickname? Rellu, Rensku

3. What is your zodiac sign? Virgo

4. What is your favorite book series? uhhh ASOIAF maybe

5. Do you believe in aliens or ghosts? i like the idea of residual energy... and ofc there’s other lifeforms floating in the endless space

6. Who is your favorite author? ME MYSELF i’m honestly not sure, there’s no-one whose all works like to the same degree

7. What is your favorite radio station? ... rock/heavy metal station

8. What is your favorite flavor of anything? mmm choco? or like this salsa/cheese combo. also cola.

9. What word would you use often to describe something great or wonderful? excellent, gorgeous, fucking perfect

10. What is your current favorite song? this one

11. What is your favorite word? i don’t... have one. maybe しまう?

12. What was the last song you listened to? this one

13. What TV show would you recommend for everybody to watch? in the flesh, mushishi

14. What is your favorite movie to watch when you’re feeling down? i don’t like movies that much? ... one piece movies

15. Do you play video games? yes occasionally

16. What is your biggest fear? death, heights

17. What is your best quality, in your opinion? insight/confidence combo?

18. What is your worst quality, in your opinion? arrogance... small-mindedness, as in not being able to throw myself as deep into stuff as i feel like i should....

19. Do you like cats or dogs better? cats

20. What is your favorite season? winter or late fall

21. Are you in a relationship? mmmm when aren’t you in relationships?? but yea i’m in several relationships as this question seems to be angling for...

22. What is something you miss from your childhood? structure and relatively low pressure

23. Who is your best friend? poronen and also revy my dearie. there’s a couple more conventional/old past besties too that i still hold close to my heart.

24. What is your eye color? dark-ish gray-green-blue

25. What is your hair color? dirty blonde, dyed red

26. Who is someone you love? my friends my family my datemates... myself...

27. Who is someone you trust? i trust p much everyone until proven wrong

28. Who is someone you think about often? bisexualwinry and poronen again lmao, also... uhhh whichever characters i’m obsessed most recently

29. Are you currently excited about/for something? next installations of friends’ fics, my own fic chapter lmao, a homewarming party of an ex i’m friends with...

30. What is your biggest obsession? currently a couple vocaloid producers and mp100. long term.... ffvii and vampires.

31. What was your favorite TV show as a child? pokemon and moomins

32. Who of the opposite gender can you tell anything to, if anyone? fuck your idea of there being an opposite!! i don’t have an opposite!! i can tell my dearest friends anything, regardless of gender or lack of it!!!!

33. Are you superstitious? not really, tho i like some of the practices

34. Do you have any unusual phobias? no

35. Do you prefer to be in front of the camera or behind it? front~

36. What is your favorite hobby? writing, drawing, weightlifting

37. What was the last book you read? i’m not sure but i’m going to say villon’s testament

38. What was the last movie you watched? uhhhh maybe ghost in the shell? the first one.

39. What musical instruments do you play, if any? tiny bit of guitar

40. What is your favorite animal? cats

41. What are your top 5 favorite Tumblr blogs that you follow? i can’t really say, i like following my friends (you know who you are i’ve msg you all basically)

42. What superpower do you wish you had? i always answer these the same way: absolute shapeshifting.

43. When and where do you feel most at peace? in my own room around midnight OR with good friends anywhere

44. What makes you smile? anything exciting, really

45. What sports do you play, if any? uhhhh i did medieval swordfighting for a while but nowadays i dream of getting back to lifting and running

46. What is your favorite drink? water, coke, all coffee drinks, wine

47. When was the last time you wrote a hand-written letter or note to somebody? probs within a week, we communicate between flatmates with these lil post-it notes

48. Are you afraid of heights? yes holy shit so bad

49. What is your biggest pet peeve? when people are allergic to fun/are contrarians

50. Have you ever been to a concert? yuppp a couple times

51. Are you vegan/vegetarian? yes

52. When you were little, what did you want to be when you grew up? an author, but before that a paleontologist, and before that a circus princess

53. What fictional world would you like to live in? eugh idk almost none of them??? somewhere where it’s p idyllic

54. What is something you worry about? planet dying, economy crashing, getting back to my own two feet after this horrible mental crash i’ve been going through all spring...

55. Are you scared of the dark? a lil bit, puts me on edge

56. Do you like to sing? hell yea!!

57. Have you ever skipped school? so many times

58. What is your favorite place on the planet? my parent’s house, this one street in kyoto...

59. Where would you like to live? honestly? in the center of the city i’m living in now, or the capital... ... or kyoto or tokyo...

60. Do you have any pets? no, flatmate has cats tho

61. Are you more of an early bird or a night owl? night owl but a fairly balanced one

62. Do you like sunrises or sunsets better? either is good

63. Do you know how to drive? yes

64. Do you prefer earbuds or headphones? headphones!! but i use buds more, more practical.

65. Have you ever had braces? yes.

66. What is your favorite genre of music? metal. like the sorta frilly vampiric neoclassical metal tons of jrock bands do?? but i like a huge variety of genres.

67. Who is your hero? gotta be my own hero

68. Do you read comic books? rarely, if we don’t count manga

69. What makes you the most angry? petty pointless shit

70. Do you prefer to read on an electronic device or with a real book? on my phone

71. What is your favorite subject in school? languages/literature

72. Do you have any siblings? four of them, two big sisters and two lil brothers

73. What was the last thing you bought? .... some food? uhhh boxers?

74. How tall are you? 168 cm ish

75. Can you cook? yes

76. What are three things that you love? storytelling, good food, good laughs

77. What are three things that you hate? generic bad injustice shit in the world, people who make fun of others for things they like, lmao my current writer’s block towards my main fic ahahaha ;;;

78. Do you have more female friends or more male friends? seriously fuck these questions? most of my friends are nb

79. What is your sexual orientation? queer and complicated

80. Where do you currently live? Turku

81. Who was the last person you texted? a friend

82. When was the last time you cried? i have no clue, i don’t cry often

83. Who is your favorite YouTuber? everyone who subs vocaloid stuff

84. Do you like to take selfies? yessss

85. What is your favorite app? just my JED fhgadhadh

86. What is your relationship with your parent(s) like? a bit distant (due to physical distance) but warm and friendly and supportive

87. What is your favorite foreign accent? .... this seems strange but uh. no specific preference? throaty languages, french and arabic and russian come to mind...

88. What is a place that you’ve never been to, but you want to visit? TOKYO ive been to japan twice and lived there for a while but never managed to visit tokyo

89. What is your favorite number? 11

90. Can you juggle? a lil bit?

91. Are you religious? anti-religion more like ahaha

92. Do you find outer space of the deep ocean to be more interesting? both, both is good

93. Do you consider yourself to be a daredevil? not really but then again i do tend to take things as challenges...

94. Are you allergic to anything? this one is a weird one. there’s a chemical that does cause some sorta reaction? it’s in some cardboard boxes and used in treating hemp rope.....

95. Can you curl your tongue? yes

96. Can you wiggle your ears? yes

97. How often do you admit that you were wrong about something? anytime i can’t wiggle out of it like “oh true yes that’s what i meant i was almost correct the first time” lmao

98. Do you prefer the forest or the beach? ... forest

99. What is your favorite piece of advice that anyone has ever given you? it’s okay to half-ass things, it’s better than not doing anything

100. Are you a good liar? i think so

101. What is your Hogwarts House? gryffindor not slytherin shut upppp

102. Do you talk to yourself? sometimes

103. Are you an introvert or an extrovert? ambivert? sorta more extrovert

104. Do you keep a journal/diary? nahh not really

105. Do you believe in second chances? yes

106. If you found a wallet full of money on the ground, what would you do? if there was no-one nearby who could have obviously dropped it... or who could see... i would pocket any cash and take the wallet itself to lost and found.

107. Do you believe that people are capable of change? yea.

108. Are you ticklish? no

109. Have you ever been on a plane? yes, several times

110. Do you have any piercings? fourteen and planning to get more

111. What fictional character do you wish was real? not really anyone...

112. Do you have any tattoos? yup a big fat nb koi on my left calf

113. What is the best decision that you’ve made in your life so far? going ahead with transitioning

114. Do you believe in karma? no

115. Do you wear glasses or contacts? glasses! really strong ones too lmao

116. Do you want children? no. wouldn’t mind co-parenting someone else’s kids if that sorta person wandered in my life tho.

117. Who is the smartest person you know? well myself of course - no but really ahh vrow has me beat in my category of intelligence.

118. What is your most embarrassing memory? i sorta picked on a kid for no reason in elementary school. it was a singular incident and i apologized a year later.

119. Have you ever pulled an all-nighter? yessss currently doing one

120. What color are most of you clothes? black

121. Do you like adventures? yea to a degree?

122. Have you ever been on TV? nope

123. How old are you? 24

124. What is your favorite quote? hhhh i don’t have all-time faves but currently just. “Just stay by my side, it doesn’t matter even if it’s a lie.”

125. Do you prefer sweet or savory foods? just give me all the food

#memey stuff #eyyy

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in-paradox-space · 6 years

Text

today I haven’t done anything. I’ve been down, anxious and lazy.

I want to get high with friends and do sesh things.

I want to draw in my notebook which got lost along with my drawing pens

and some other stuff

I left my bag in a taxi

I left basically all my convenient shit in that bag, chargers, some meds, my ps4 controller, more usb wires, more usb shit but its all really niche convenient techy shit

it isnt that niche but for “””””techies””””” and travelers alike (me) its really convenient

usb type c and micro usb chargers, otg cables, plug heads, usb 3.0 card readers which btw i can plug into my otg cable transferring torrented shit from my phone to a usb wherever i am

a tiny amount of oxy and codeine, 2 weeks worth of medicine roughly, plus some 5htp vitamins

hella baggies just because

probably makes the prescription medicine in there look suspicious

my beanie

and a small sketchbook, pocket sized

I’ve had it since the start of 2017.

I’ve been developing my very own abstract drawing style in that book for over a year.

Nothing valuable was lost. Luckily my camera&lens worth around a grand wasn’t in there

but its just all my convenient stuff

and what sucks most is losing that sketchbook

and as ive been home alone today

ive wanted all the shit in that bag

i can get over the stuff in there

but I want my sketchbook back

it has my address in there, my name, probably some contact details

I really hope they send it there. Even if they keep the other shit.

I may have left the bag in a taxi though. Usually I’d walk to the taxi place, then walk back. It’s like 2.5 miles in total which is a good thing for me because I like the walk

gets me outside,etc

but uh im anxious

honestly most likely because I fapped

I fap like once every one or two weeks. Nofap is no lie. I feel like shit the next few days afterwards

and uhhh

my neighbour moved out, which leaves his girlfriend in the apartment next door... if shes even his gf anymore???? i have no idea but theyre both moving apparently

well yeah i spoke to her boyfriend a lot, got on with him

but i barely know her

and i have no key to the front door of my apartment building, long frustrating story lol

lost my keys

i keep going to the same key cutter because i have no cash and they do free fixes when their own keys fuck up

they made one key cut work, my apartments, but the one to the front door doesn’t work

i dont want to ask her to open the front door, i dont want to knock on her door, its just

the word here is awkward but everything is awkward thats not really a reason

im just irrationally anxious. I feel like she doesn’t like me. There’s many reasons for her not to but also reasons for her to.

Either way I don’t want to annoy her

and it would just be awkward if she heard me try to open the door, then its locked and she hears that from her apartment

then she hears me go back up the stairs and not knock on her door

then that leaves us both in an awkward place

do i knock on her door, knowing there’s a 50/50 chance she heard my attempt to leave my own apartment building

then do that shit

or do i go back into my flat, knowing she probably heard me avoid her

she can put two and two together

hmmmmmmmmmmmm

then she may even knock on herself

with her nice smile which is actually pretty welcoming tbh

well tomorrow

yeah tomorrow i think oh well ill find out

im getting more medicine which i ordered since i ran out and lost mine

one that im able to live without for a week no problem, havent had it for a few days

im supposed to get a blood test every month on this medicine but its been 3 months

lets hope im aight

and uhhh

i need some kick out of this slump

i just keep lazing around

like i have so much i can be doing

like studying, making things for my pages

just hella shit which isnt even that laborious

like i make memes

thats my main thing

i have hella pages

its fun to make them

i draw too

thats also one of my main things on the down low

but i keep putting it off

i play rythym games

analyze music

can be boring sometime but im under no pressure to do that

i make videos with my friend

god yeah i should do that

like my studying isnt that hard

i dont have to clean toilets every day

man i just

hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i want to get high on oxy and codeine for 2 weeks

but theres just a few a lot of problems with that:

money for one

thats 2 weeks out of my life

withdrawal from friends, having to hide that im back on the horse

then choosing between lying and telling the truth every time afterwards about the 2 weeks

then it wouldnt be as simple as just stopping would it?

maybe it would, sometimes i do just stop like its nothing

and what do i gain

but you know what

oxy might give me that kick

i just dont know the prices on the deepweb or how to use the deepweb

plus i dont have the money

but yeah i guess i feel like being withdrawn for 2 weeks

wouldnt mind doing some light opiates and reading homestuck

plus drawing

then maybe cramming physics and maths work into literally every hour for a few days

im apparently having some xanax sent over by a friend

im having my doubts about that. it still hasnt arrived and he has reasons to not send them but still make me pay

this is my tumblr and nobody is fucking reading so yeah

but still drugs are mentioned, this is public and liable

id mention him but im just gonna say its the serious boyfriend of someone who got close to me

it fucked with him when it happened. idk how he feels about it now but hes polite to me

it could just be a polite front though, idk how he really feels

i actually really fucking admire the dude

a lot

everything ive learned about him, from him and our mutual person has just been fucking exceptional

and thats on my mind every time she advanced on me

every time i invited it

every time i chose not to say no

hes a really great dude like i just

he could have beat me up that one time but he understood

he understood pretty much all times i think

and he opened up to me

whether he sees it that way or not, i see it that way

id love to be his friend. maybe i will be even though this shit is in the air

but i think he may just be being polite, he probably hates me

but yeah

i like the dude

i dont want to fuck around with something that matters so much to him

when i honestly dont want to bother with her

shes admirably smart, very much so, but just not really the kinda person i want to spend more than an evening with

and i only want to be around her when she isnt drunk and in a good mood

shes so volatile i cant be doing with that

but thats why i commend him even more

hes stayed with her through it all and hes such a great person, in my eyes, to be in her life

and if hes gonna try to get cash from me this way then that sucks

like id probably just pay him if he asked considering how much hes forked out

but nah hes gotta deceive me

i dont even wanna get into benzos, as nice as it is a few hours in,

i just dont like this memory fog

i dont remember any of it

and the withdrawal seems fucking SCARY

plus tolerance and the fun wearing off when u get hooked

why couldnt he just sell me oxy lol

............. i may ask him

if i was doing oxy id probably actually get the fuck up

do the shit i wanna do

but yeah fuck that

thats basicslly all im saying

im getting anxious, low and unmotivated again

id call it dysthymia

#personal #sad #anxiety #kelly #drugs

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