Giant Chicken, walking down the street: “~Well you can tell by the way I use my walk, I’m a chicken man. Buk buk bagok.~” *looks through a window and sees a group of young huntsmen*
Weiss: “Don’t you think you’re a bit old to be ordering off the kid’s menu?”
Jaune: “I’m a grown man, and if I want nuggets, I’m getting some nuggets! It’s essential in an Arc’s diet.”
Chicken: *smushes his face into the window with an angry look*
Jaune: *looks up to see him* “Oh boy, here I go fighting again!”
Jaune: “Hey Weiss, wanna turn 100 lien into 4,000?”
Weiss: “Jaune I know I warned you about pyramid schemes.”
Jaune: “Oh it’s not a pyramid scheme we’re gonna sell crack.”
Sun, Ren, and Neptune are drinking in the park clearly buzzed.
“Did I ever tell you guys about the time I met Jaune Arc?” Sun asks out of the blue.
“Jaune Arc!?” Ren and Neptune echo.
“Yeah, Jaune Arc!”
“You know Jaune Arc too!?” Ren asks.
“I know Jaune Arc!” Neptune says.
“We all know Jaune Arc!”
“Ok, ok, now let me tell you about Jaune Arc,” Sun says pulling a arm over Ren and Neptunes shoulders. “Jaune Arc is 6′3 and 380 pounds of muscle! When I was a freshman at Beacon I got lost, so he kidnapped the teacher and brought her to me! Hahaha”
“To Jaune Arc!” The trio celebrates.
Neptune takes a long drink of his whiskey. “Did, I ever tell you guys about that time Jaune Arc taught me how to swim?”
“I didn’t even know you could swim.”
Neptune takes another drink, and pulls the pair close. “Ok, ok, when I met Jaune Arc, he was 7 feet tall and eating a mountain lion! I told him it was flooding and I couldn’t swim, so the madman hijacks a bullhead, kidnaps me, and then tosses me out of the machine naked into the ocean, and told me good luck! Hahah!”
“To Jaune Arc!” They cheer.
Ren drains his glass and tosses it at driving car. “I can’t feel unless I drink!’ Then takes his flask out of his pocket. “Did I ever tell you two about the time Jaune Arc taught me the meaning of Nondescript Winter Holiday?”
“No, I only celebrate Halloween.” Sun said.
“I have crippling anxiety regarding social events, so I drink to compensate.” Neptune said.
Ren drunkenly grabs the both of them. “When I was only 14 I met Jaune Arc, he was 8 feet tall and built like a freight train and he had just bust down the door to my house, killed my father, seduced my mother and sister, then ate everything in my kitchen! He then asked what day it was, and we told him it was Nondescript Winter Holiday! So, he left and dug up our front-yard, and found a gold ore vein, then we dug for 14 hours straight to harvest the gold! Showing me that money is the real meaning of Nondescript Winter Holiday! Haha.”
“To Jaune Arc!”
“I act air-headed and happy to cope with my own intense depression.” Sun say finishing his drink.
“Are you guys talking about Jaune Arc!?” Yang asks coming up from behind them.
“Hell yeah we are!”
“Can I join in?” Sun says.
“Come in sister,” Neptune says handing her a drink.
“Do tell.” Ren says.
“When I turned 21 I went drinking and met Jaune Arc! He was twice the height of a man, built like a greek statue, and could twist a man’s head off like a chickens! He offed me a drink, and when I got drunk held my hair back, and whispered sweet nothings into my ears as I puked into a toilet! Then when I woke up I saw him lift a 18 wheeler to protect a kitten, then he threw the 18 wheeler at the morning news helicopter to protect his privacy! Hahaha!
“To Jaune Arc!” All four cheer
A sound like rumbling thunder from above them, as a shadow falls over the four of them, then a crunching follows as a keg falls to ground crushed like a beer can.
“DID SOMEONE SAY JAUNE ARC!?”
“JAUNE ARC!” The quartet cheers.
AN: If you couldn’t tell this is based off SNL’s Bill Braskey.
Sun, flexing: “Do you even lift bro!?”
Jaune: “YEAH I lift! I lift your spirits! How you been? You doing good? We should grab lunch and catch up some time. Bring your team we’ll make a day out of it.”
Pyrrha: “Ohh you’re back! Did you have a good time back at your family’s house?”
Jaune: “My mom called me a son of a bitch, so I slapped her because nobody talks like that about my mom. Then I hit myself because nobody hits my mom, than she hit me because nobody lays a hand on me!”
Jaune: “Yeah it was pretty good.”
Jaune eating a apple in the courtyard.
Blake comes up and asks: What’s that in your hand.
Jaune: An apple.
Blake: No, in the other hand.
Jaune looks at his other hand: It’s a chain.
Blake with a raised eyebrow: To what?
Jaune follows the chain to his feet: A lion.
Blake: Why do you have a lion.
Jaune shrugs: Wanted to try to evolve my semblance. So, I got a lion.
Blake with confusion: Why, a lion.
The lion growls at Blake an she jumps back.
Jaune looks at the lion then shrugs: Why not a lion?
Blake from up a tree: So, you just thought it would be a great idea to awaken the aura of a natural born killer, and then further turn it into a murder machine, that no offense, you could not stop if it was enraged.
Jaune looks at the lion cleaning itself: Hmm, yes, I’d say that was my thought process.
Blake: Where did you even get it from?
Jaune: I saw it being loaded out to a ship that said… SDC? Sorry I don’t really have good farsight, but I saw it, thought it looked cool, and… I punched out the pilot took his uniform, hijacked the ship, and then landed here.
Jaune: Do you know anywhere, I could sell the ship? Ozpin offered to buy it, but he’s a little shady, and I think that he’ll under cut me.
Blake clearly stunned, now noticing a poorly hid ship behind Jaune, how did she not notice this!?
Jaune: I really don’t want to keep it, we kept getting weird looks from some guy from red hair and horns. Eris put him in the morgue though, don’t know how we got away with that one….
Blake returning to sense, but with a large smile on her face: I take it back, you’re clearly capable of owning a natural born murder machine.
Jaune, rubbing the back of his head: Ah, shucks, thanks Blake. But, I don’t own, Eris here, she’s my friend.
Blake: Then why do you have a chain on her?
Jaune: That’s for her to play with.
Blake: Oh… So, do you have anyway of controlling here?
Jaune: Bellyrubs and neck scritches mostly.
Blake with a flushed face: Must be pretty good scritches then…
Eris the lion: Growls at Blake again.
Blake hisses back.
Blake: So, has she attack anybody?
Jaune: Tons, mostly women though, and Cardin.
Blake looking at Eris: Huh, I wonder why.
Pyrrha: I HAVE RETURNED AFTER A THOUSAND YEARS IN THE ER!
Jaune: Oh, hey Pyrrha.
Pyrrha staring at Jaune and then glaring at Eris: I have come to reclaime my rightful postion as Jaune’s right hand bitch, and I WILL NOT BE DENIED! Now have at you, foul beast, I have been lifting weights and snorting protein powder all day for this-AGGH- Pyrrha gets attacke mid-sentence by a Eris the lioness.
Blake watches as the lioness dominates Pyrrha in a fight: Huh, who knew all it took to take down the Invincible Girl was a supernatural and supercharged lion, huh, learn something new everyday.
Jaune eating his apple: Yep, second time today, actually, don’t know why she has it out for Pyrrha so bad… and now that I think about it Ruby, Velvet, and Cinder? I think her name was? Anyway, Eris stop!
Jaune rears back and throws the chain around Eris, the change perfectly wrapping around the big cat and capturing her, it glowing with a blinding auric light as she is then pulled back to Jaune.
Jaune: Bad Eris, we do not attack our friends.
Eris the lioness grumbles.
Jaune: Eh, what was that? Sounds like you don’t want afternoon cuddles then.
Eris looks panicked, and then lets out a strangled lion eviqulent of sorry to Pyrrha, who was laying on the floor with bruises, bite marks, and several bleeding cuts.
Jaune looks at his sorry mess of a partner: You ok Pyrrha?
Pyrrha: Tis, just a scratch.
Jaune: Your missing part of your shoulder, here let me help.
Pyrrha turns red with ectascy as Jaune fill her with his white, powerful aura.
Pyrrha’s body fully heals.
Blake looks at Jaune: Your semblance is broken.
Jaune shrugs: I guess, but it still requires aura… which I can regenrate faster than I use, so yeah, yep, uh, pretty op.
Pyrrha kisses Jaune full on the lips, and then pulls back glaring at Eris: I will return for you, Jaune! Stronger than ever, and reclaim my right of afternoon cuddles! You hear that you yeller hair bitch!
Yang in the distance: Hey! I only cuddle with him every other afternoon!
Pyrrha shouts back: I wasn’t talking to you! But, know that I know this I’m going to kick your ass too!
Yangs: Well, bring it then!
Pyrrha: Later, I got to take care of this other yellow haired bitch!
Yang: Fine then!
Yang then walks off.
Pyrrha changes her glare back to Eris.
Eris growls back at Pyrrha and takes a swipe at her but can’t due to being bound by chains. Pyrrha smugly looking down at her Nemesis.
Jaune flicks Pyrrha in the forehead: None of that, beside leave Eris along, she just needs to adjust to being around people, and you picking fights with her isn’t helping. Your welcome to join in the cuddles if you behave!
Pyrrha looks flushed and looks away. Eris looks at Pyrrha with the smugness only a lion can have.
Pyrrha: …Ok, but I get to be little spoon.
Jaune shrugs: Sure.
Pyrrha kisses Jaune again and leaves.
Jaune unchains Eris: I will never understand that woman.
Blake watches bewildered, and then shrugs: Can I join?
Cinder Fall appears!
Cinder: I have come to claim, you as my prince Jaune! Now where is that Lion, so that I might smite her- AGGGH Cinder screams as she too is attacked by Eris.
Jaune sighs: Ha, why does she keep doing this.
Blake deadpan: I wonder why…
AN: I was deeply moved by the Gorrilageeks horny duck, and decided to make this.
Yang: “Piña colada please.”
Jaune: “Coming right up.”
Yang: “And can you make it virgin?”
Jaune, tearing up: “Yes I know how to make it.”
Canon jaune: smart, calculationg, adaptive fighter, good friend, emotional outlet, group dad.
How everyone else sees jaune: STUPID! USELESS! KILL HIM