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#Jay and Hailey Halstead
fangirlfrom-hell · 5 months
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Exciting ||Jay Halstead x Daughter and reader
Jay has to take his daughter to work for the first time and he’s not excited about it.
For the one that voted Jay x daughter on the poll (this is not a Christmas story though)
Jay wasn’t comfortable with the idea of taking his 4 years old daughter to work, but seemed like luck was not on his side. The girl was on vacation, Y/N was on a work trip, the nanny got sick, Will was on shift and the little girl’s grandparent’s couldn’t take care of her all day long, so he had no choice. He called Voight, who with his raspy voice and without any problem said “Bring her.”
He sighed, “Ok, baby girl. You are coming to work with me today” He notified his little daughter who was sitting with her short legs hanging from the couch.
“To the police station?” Her eyes were shining bright out of excitement.
“Yea”, her dad chuckled. “Mommy will pick you up later, when she comes back home from her trip, ok?”
“Okay. I am excited!” Excited was the last feeling she learned in school and from then on she would use it for everything.
“I am excited too”, he lied, he was more nervous than anything. “Go get your backpack”, he ordered and when she was gone he muttered to himself, “I’m already running late”
It wasn’t common to take one’s son or daughter to the bullpen, but is wasn’t so strange either. Voight and Al had done it in the past with their kids; Burgess and Adam had done it with Malayla too, even Kevin had to take his little sister from time to time. This was the family Hank talked about.
Jay went upstairs with a small pink and shinny backpack with unicorn form on his arm, making a funny contrast with the gun hanging from his hips.
“Where’s the baby girl?” Adam said when he saw his friend arriving alone.
“Platt stole her from me”, he answered. He would have arrived even later if he had waited for Trudy to give her back to him. Kim smiled at the image.
“We haven’t seen her in a while”, Al peeked his head from his hidden desk to participate in the conversation, “A bit of her cheerfulness will do good to this place”
“Well, she is, and I’m quoting, “very excited” to see you all”, the proud dad smirked.
But as much excited as she was, the baby Halstead was very shy to even say good morning to them. As soon as Trudy Platt carried her upstairs, the girl ran towards her father as fast as she could.
“Why are you crying?” Jay asked in a very low voice, while sitting her on his lap.
But the one answering the question was Platt, “She started to worry when she noticed you weren’t around downstairs and then silently started crying”
Ashamed, the little Halstead girl hugged her dad’s neck and buried her face on his shoulder. A chorous of “aw” was heard around. This wasn’t what she expected, visiting the police station didn’t make her feel excited after all.
“It’s alright”, Jay kept whispering into her ear. It was only after a few minutes later that she calmed down, but even when she was acting as if nothing had happened, she was still embarrased.
Al passed by from the coffee room to his desk and handed a coockie to the girl. She hesitated on accepting it, she first turned to her dad who nodded in approval and she stretched her tiny arm to take it.
“Precauted girl. Good”, Olinsky smiled at her and she smiled back.
“Why don’t you take your colors and get to work in your coloring book, hm?” Jay said more like an order as he put her down. He couldn’t really advance in his work if she was there right beside him.
They walked to an unoccupied desk right infront of Adam. The girl climbed the chair as her dad took her belongings out of the unicorn backpack, “There you go. I’ll be right there if you need me. Remember to…”
“…be quiet, shhh” his daughter completed.
She stayed there for a while, coloring different pages. The detectives, specially Kim, would praise her artistic work whenever they had to walk by her side. She liked Kim, that woman was funny, but she couldn’t really take her eyes off of the man who had gave her the cookie: Alvin Olinsky, but he was too busy to noticed.
“Daddy”, she silently stood up an whispered, trying not to distract the people around, “I don’t want to color anymore. I want to draw”
“Uh, let me check if I have something for you to—“
“I have some white sheets in here”, Hailey opened a drawer and handed a bunch to the Halstead girl. She liked Hailey too, she had a bright smile.
“How do you say?” Her father encouraged her before going back to her place.
“Thank you, Hailssss”
She was immersed in her own world, drawing, coloring and cutting. She stood up to get closer to Adam and touched his leg to call his attention.
“How do you write ‘I love you’?” She asked the detective.
“Oh!” He took a notebook and a pen, “Very easy, let me just show you”
Jay looked up to witness the scene, altough he couldn’t hear any word they were exchanching, “Hey, sweetie”, he called out, “Let Ruz work, ok?”
“No big deal” His collegue said handing her the sheet.
A few minutes later, the little girl stood up once more to go with her father. She stretched her hand to hand him a very colorful circle of paper.
“Wow! Is this for me?” Jay exxagerated his emotion, and then melted when he read the phrase ‘I love you’ followed by a crooked heart.
With excitement, she explained it was a cup holder: “Yea, you can put your mug there”. Following orders from such a smooth voice, Jay placed his mug over the gift.
“Just what I needed” He kissed her head. When she withdrew of his side, Jay immediatly took the paper with the witten phrase and placed it in a spot where he was able to see it all the time.
Before going back to sit on her chair, the girl passed by Al’s desk and stood next to him staring, until he finally noticed.
She took him by surprise, a cute surprise, “Hey, you scared me!” That made her laugh.
“What do you like the most?” The kid asked wothout any other introduction, “Ducks or unicorns?”
Detective Olinsky took his time to answer the question. He observed that Halstead’s daughter was wearing a T-shirt full of unicorns, her pink shinny backback also had the shape of a unicorn, so he went by that, thinking it would be the correct answer.
“Unicorns, I love unicorns”
But she didn’t had the reaction he expected, instead she sadenned, “Oh! I was going to draw a duck for you”
Being in a space close to Olinsky, and paying attention to what his daughter was doing all the time, Jay listened and couldn’t help to smile to the reaction of his parter.
“Oh, well, I love ducks too!” Alvin tried to amend his error.
“A duck, then?”
“Yea, a duck!”
And she moved her tiny legs as fast as she could. Both detectives shared a look and laughed.
It didn’t pass a lot of time when the girl was next to Olinsky’s chair again, but this time he noticed. Without speaking, she handed to him the drawing of a duck happily swimming in a lake.
“What? Is this for me?” She nodded. There was something peaceful in his voice that she liked. “Thank you very much! I really love it. What’s this?” He pointed to a brown circle tha was close to the animal. The answer make him smile showing his teeth.
“A cookie”
“Well, this masterpiece deserves to be in a special place” The detective took a bit of tape and pasted the drawing where it could be seen by everyone.
Little Halstead ran to his father to tell him what just had happened.
“That’s not fair!” Adam teased her later on the day. “I want my own drawing too! I showed you how to write that phrase, you gotta remember that!”
“It will have to be another day”, Jay intervened. “Time to pick everything up, your mom’s on her way to pick you up”
“Mommy’s back?” She asked with the same bright eyes she had when realizing she was going to the police station.
“Yeah!” Her dad smirked.
“I am excited!” She stated while putting her stuff back into the backpack.
“Say goodbye, time to go. Mommy’s downstairs”
She waved her little hand to everybody in the bullpen, “Bye bye”. She even peeked her head into Voight’s office, “Goodbye, Serge”
“You are leaving already? Goodbye, little one” Hank said in a very friendly tone, “Come back soon, whenever you want”
She laughed at the idea, “I will”
It was a bit hard for her to walk down the stairs. “Do you need help?” Jay asked with his arms opened to carry her and she jumped to him.
As soon as she spotted Y/N at the desk with Trudy she yelled at her. Jay put her down on the floor when the stairs were over and his baby ran towards her mom, who picked her up in a tight hug.
“Mommy!”
“Ugh, how much I missed you” Y/N said covering their daughter in kisses.
“Me too!”
“Did the detectives threated you good?” Trudy asked, “How was your day at daddy’s work, hm?”
Wothout hesitating and with a lot of emotion, the girl answered “Oh! It was exciting!”
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amsgrey · 3 months
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Jumped
Request: I would love to see something Like IT’s Career day at school and Jay and Will come to teach about their jobs along with others. And Halstead's sister gets bullied. During the break of moving in between careers someone comes and beats her up in like the bathroom and leaves her there and no one notices her being gone untill the end of the day. (I kinda want like Fire, Med, and Pd to find her)
sorry if it doesn’t make much sense you can choose how to end it and stuff
I also LOVE your fics I can’t wait to see more❤️
Authors Note; Y’all really love the angst huh, gotta deliver,, and hopefully you enjoy this little drabble. Also, part of me really wanted to title this, 'big sister hugs' because I think that Hailey would be the best big sister and also give the best big sister advice.
warnings: private girls school (yes that's a warning), bullying, getting jumped (i guess?), hospital and injuries,, Jay and Will not knowing girl bullying and being stubborn, a very poorly written plot
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High school was not always easy, but you were comfortable at your school with your friends. That was until there was a security issue and Jay’s information got leaked. Your apartment, school, Jay’s license plate, everything that could be used to track him ended up in the hands of the ‘bad guys’. Jay and Will had broken the news to you that they were pulling you from your current school, and moving to another school closer to Will’s. A private girls school, the ones with the fancy uniforms and stuck-up kids who thought the law didn’t apply to them because they had money. You hated it. You had begged Jay and Will to let you stay, but there was no changing their mind. 
The first week was hell, you knew no one. Starting in the middle of the year meant that everyone knew you were the new girl. You were enrolled under your mother's maiden name, for extra safety. It was weird not hearing your name followed by ‘Halstead’. After the first week was gone, you decided to stick it out until the problem with Jay blew over, by then, you could probably convince them to let you go back to your other school. Three weeks passed by and intelligence solved Jay’s leak. 
“So,” You began on Sunday family dinner, “Now that the whole leak in PD is over…” 
Jay and Will shared a look from across the table. 
You narrowed your eyes, “What?” 
Will ran a hand down his face, “Listen…” 
“You won't let me go back.” 
“It’s a better school-”
“Better?” You spat, “How is it better? I hate it there!”
“It’ll get better,” Jay said, “You just need more time to adjust.” 
“I don’t want to adjust-” 
“We’re not pulling you out,” Jay said, “I know you're struggling right now, but you’ll make some friends and-” 
“I can’t believe you.” You pulled away from the table, leaving your half-eaten dinner where it was and stomping off to your room. Jay stood to follow, ready to scold you for storming away and having such an attitude. 
“Jay,” Hailey grabbed his arm, “Let her cool down.” 
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Jay and Will didn’t budge on your school. You had gone from begging to bargaining with no success. Now you were giving them both the silent treatment. You knew it was immature and frankly ridiculous, but you were too mad to think clearly. Jay had already scolded you for not talking to him for the last week. You had ignored him. 
Hailey was the only one you spoke too, because it wasn’t her fault that Jay was being stubborn. Even so, you didn’t tell her everything when she stopped by your room. Namely, the career day that was coming up. You knew telling her meant she would tell Jay. And Jay and Will had a terrible habit of embarrassing you at school. At your last school's career day, Will and Jay had come and talked for hours about their funniest stories. You knew if they came this time, your peers wouldn’t be as amused. 
When career day did roll around, your dean stood in front of the school in the auditorium, introducing students and their parents. Your school was much smaller than your last one - something about smaller class sizes being better for learning - so the auditorium wasn’t fully packed. 
Not everyone brought their parents, but the popular kids with parents who had good jobs came. Like the group of girls who hated you, who all brought at least one parent. Your dean invited students to the stage by class and then had the student introduce their parents. Your class was last, the biggest number of parents who had come. You were sat at the end of your class, mostly because you didn't have anyone to bring. Not that it bothered you.
“Next up, we have Olivia and her mom, Jen.” 
Jen was a dentist, she spent 10 minutes explaining how her job worked and then opened for questions. There weren’t many, mostly a few questions from seniors about collages and other stuff. 
Then it was Sophie, with her dad the Banker. 
By the time the girls who hated you were called up, you were ready to fall asleep. No one here had an interesting job, most of the jobs were boring well playing jobs that you could never see yourself doing. 
The main girl who didn’t like you was Madison. She wasn’t fond of how the teachers asked you for answers in class, not that you could do anything about that. Her friend group was made up of 5 or 6 girls who were seemingly lovely. All smiles and compliments around teachers but spread vicious rumors and lies when adults couldn’t hear. You had heard them speaking about you a few times, not that you cared. It wasn’t great to be the new girl with all the rumors, but you had banked on leaving the school before for long. Which, you knew now, wasn’t an option. So now you were stuck with the girls who all hated you for rumors or lies that you didn’t even know. 
Madison brought her mum and dad with her, real estate agents who worked together selling multi-billion dollar houses. The whole time she had a smug look on her face. When she sat back down in her row, she turned in her seat, looking back at you. 
“Didn’t bring anyone?” She asked. 
You didn’t bother replying. 
“Is it because your parents are coke addicts?” Her friend beside her pressed. 
How that rumor even started you didn’t know, it was so absurd.
“Or is it because they’re dead?” Madison pressed.
You gave her a bored look, “I’ll take my family over your fraud family any day.” 
Madison opened her mouth to bark something back, but was shushed by your teacher. She turned back to face the front, arms crossed over her chest. No doubt stewing in your words. 
“We now have some guests to speak to you,” The Dean said through the microphone, “We reached out to some of our first responders and invited them to come speak to you too. Everyone please welcome Dr Asher and Dr Halstead from Gaffney Chicago Med.”
Will and Hannah walked to the stage, both in their Med scrubs with doctors coats on. Will was looking for you, you could tell from the way his eyes scanned the faces in the audience. You slumped in your chair, avoiding looking at him at all. 
How did he find out? Did he and Jay find out somehow? Did your school contact them? 
You really wanted to disappear now, your face was no doubt bright red by how much it was burning. You prayed silently that Will hadn’t told Jay, but you knew it was a useless prayer. If Will was here Jay would be too. 
You got your answer when the dean explained that there were more guests outside on the fields. She ordered everyone to head that way, ushering students with promises of something ‘exciting’. 
Outside, firehouse 51 had parked their rigs on the grass. 51 had their ladder extended, Mouch standing at the controls grinning like a champion. Not far from Mouch was Trudy, flanked by two patrol cars and their officers. Looking across the gathered first responders it didn’t take long to spot Jay and Intelligence. Their own cars were parked on the grass, the lights on. Everyone but Voight had their vests on, adding to the dramatic atmosphere already created. 
Students huddled around, entranced by the cars and rigs which you had seen plenty of times. You tried to hide towards the back, but Kelly had spotted you and tried to usher you closer. You shrugged back at him, trying to make it look like you were stuck within the crowd. 
“Firstly, we would like to thank Sergeant Trudy Platt and Sergeant Hank Voight, as well as Chief Wallace Boden for coming today. We are hugely appreciative to hear from you,” The dean spoke into a microphone, “Secondly, I want to ask students to be respectful, as these hard working men and women have taken time out of their busy days to come and speak to us. So we are going to listen and show respect. There will be time for questions and demonstrations at the end. Please Welcome Sergeant Trudy Platt.” 
The crowd clapped as Trudy took the mic, but it wasn’t too enthusiastic. Trudy gave a similar speech to last year. Along the lines of what made district 21 special, intelligence and the hardworking patrol officers. She talked about fake calls and how breaking the law would wind you up in her cells etc. It was funny, a few quips earning laughs from teachers and parents. But you had heard it all before. You were dreading what the others would say. You didn’t want everyone knowing your brother was a cop, that would cause way too many issues. 
So instead, you slipped away from the crowd, heading back towards the school building to hide in the bathroom. 
You didn’t think anyone would notice, most people were paying attention to the speakers or interested in the rigs. You were wrong, of course, being followed almost immediately by Madison and a couple of her friends. 
You got to the lockers before they announced themselves. 
“What did you mean my parents were frauds, bitch?” 
You turned around in fright, not even hearing them sneak up on you.
“I didn’t mean it,” You replied, “I’m sorry.” 
You were, kind of. Mostly you were sorry that you had said it, because she genuinely seemed shocked. But this was Chicago, anyone with any money committed fraud, it was kind of the standard. 
“I don’t care if you're sorry,” Madison snarled, she was taller than you so when she stepped closer you couldn’t help feeling intimidated. “What did you mean?” 
“Madison-” 
One of her friends pushed you hard against the lockers with a forearm over your collar, “Answer the question.” 
You were by no means a confrontational person. Growing up, Jay always tried to teach you to talk out your issues, violence or fighting wasn’t a good solution. Will was the same, although both of them weren’t always the best at doing as they counseled. 
“I just meant that,” You were panicking under the glare of all three girls, “You know, this is chicago and-”
“And what? Everyone is a criminal like your addict parents?” Madison got in your face again. 
“My parents weren’t addicts,” You scoffed, now annoyed that she wouldn’t let that go. 
“No?” The girl who was holding you back moved her arm further up your neck, pressing against your throat, “Then where are they?” 
“If my parents were addicts, would you really think I'd be in a private school?” You pressed, “Use your brain for once, please.” 
You should have known that would piss Madison off. She let out an annoyed scoff then pulled back her fist and punched your square in the nose. The force slammed your head back into the lockers, the sound echoing through the empty halls. The punch wasn’t hard enough to break your nose, but you would feel the blood start to drip down your lip. Madison shook her hand like she had taken more damage than you had. 
“Want to say that again?” The third girl finally spoke up. 
It was like they were all gaining confidence in the security of the three of them. When one of them said something the others would laugh and smirk. 
“I don’t like bullies, you know,” Madison said. 
God, the irony. 
This time the punch came from the third girl, landing in your stomach. You didn't know her name, but she was on the volleyball team, so her punch was much stronger. Your body doubled over, arms crossing over your stomach as your lungs tried to fight your diaphragm for air. The arm holding you up was dropped, and your body fell to the ground as you tried to force yourself to take some deep breaths. 
“This is what you deserve,” A girl said, before another blow landed on your ribs. The wind was knocked out of you again, causing you to cough and choke. 
Madison crouched down to your level, “Bullies like you deserve to be put in their place.” 
You didn’t have time to appreciate the irony this time, because she was kicking your head, hard. 
Your body reacted on instinct, curling into itself to try to protect you from another blow that was sure to come. 
“Hey!” 
The three girls sprinted at the voice, running away from their actions. 
“Hey, kid,” A hand on your shoulder made you flinch, when your vision cleared you realized it was just Kelly. He held his hands out to show you he meant no harm, then gently helped you sit up. 
“You’re alright,” He said softly, steading you sitting against the lockers. You couldn’t even reply, focused solely on breathing through the pain in your head and side. 
“I found her,” Kelly said into his radio, “North Hallway, bring a jump bag.” 
Kelly gently touched the side of your face, tilting your head to look at the side you had been kicked. 
“You still got that med kit in your bag?” He asked, knowing Kidd had taught you that in girls on fire. 
“Yeah,” You said softly, your voice above a whisper. 
Kelly ripped open your bag, rummaging through it until he found the small first aid kit. He was only after gauze, once he secured it, he ripped the package open and pressed the gauze to your head. 
You winced, instinctively pulling away from him. 
“I know,” He said, sitting down next to you so he could hold the gauze in place, “Sorry kid. 
You both looked up as the sound of footsteps came running towards you. You might as well have been on fire, the entire house was rushing towards you. Jay and Intelligence were there too, Will and Asher running along beside everyone. 
“This is overkill,” You said to no one in particular. 
Kelly chuckled, shuffling so that Will could take his place next to you, “We’re all here for you, kid.” 
Will replaced Kelly’s hand with his own, when Kelly pulled away you could see blood on his hand. 
Jay croached on your other side, letting Will, Hannah and Brett take care of you. 
“What happened?” He asked, looking over your bloody nose, head injury and the way you were holding your side. 
You didn’t want to be known as a snitch, one glance behind your brother and you could see students being held back by teachers and 51. The school day was almost over, everyone would be gathering their things to leave. You hoped you weren’t in front of someone's locker who hated you, this would definitely make them hate you more. 
You looked back at Jay, his eyes filled with worry, “What happened, squirt?” 
“I, uh.. I fell.”
Will scoffed, “You fell?” 
“Yeah, I’m clumsy,” You said.
“You fell and hit your nose and the side of your head?” Hannah asked, voice soft, “Are you sure that's the story you want to tell?” 
Over her shoulder, Kelly was talking to Voight and Hailey. Hailey was pointing something out, a camera that was positioned above one of the classroom doors. 
“Yeah,” You didn’t sound confident at all. But right now, you wanted to be anywhere but here.
Jay looked pissed, but he didn’t say anything. He got to his feet and stood out of the way as Hannah and Will helped you stand. They lead you over to the stair chair, despite your very vocal argument that you were fine. 
Being wheeled through the crowd of students and their parents was the most embarrassing thing you had ever experienced. You passed by Madison at one point, who was leaning against her locker talking to her parents like nothing ever happened. You avoided looking her way, instead focusing on what Brett was saying about getting to the rig. 
Outside the building things were less stressful and crowded. You managed to convince the four hovering adults that you could stand on your own to get into the back of the ambulance, even if you didn’t really think you needed one. 
“I’m really fine,” You argued for probably the fifth time, “I think you're overreacting.” 
Will sighed, running a hand down his face, “You are too stubborn for your own good,” He muttered. 
Violet chuckled, “Just lay back, alright? You aren’t getting out of this, no matter how much you complain.” 
She was right, but that didn’t stop you from pouting the whole way to Med. 
At Med, Will hovered as Hannah stapled the laceration on your head. You weren’t too happy about the idea of being stabled back together, but Will had taken a photo of the laceration to prove you needed it. 
“That’s so gross,” You said, pushing the phone away from you. 
“That’s why you need staples,” Will explained, rolling his eyes.
Not long after Hannah had treated you and left you to rest, Jay, Hailey and Voight walked in. 
“Are you doing alright?” Jay asked, hesitant to start another argument. 
“I’m fine,” You repeated, “I don’t know why everyones making such a big deal.” 
“You were attacked at-” 
“I fell.” You interrupted. 
“Y/N-” 
“Jay.” You echoed in the same tone.
Jay's face flashed with irritation, he looked to Will for help. 
“We know that’s not true,” Will said, giving you his best parental disappointed look. 
“The whole thing was caught by the security cameras,” Hailey spoke softly, she was the only person in the room who knew what it was like to be a teenage girl in high school, “We just want to know what they said.” 
You tried to come up with some kind of explanation that wouldn’t get anyone in trouble, but you came up short. 
“It’s not that big of a deal,” You shrugged, avoiding eye contact with all of them. 
Will leaned forward, he looked wary, “Listen, squirt, we want to help, but we can’t unless you tell us the truth.” 
“That is the truth,” You argued back, crossing your arms definitely, “It’s not a big deal.” 
“You’re in the hospital!” Jay gestured around, “What about this is ‘not a big deal’.” 
You scowled, refusing to say anything else and just sitting silently. 
Voight squeezed Jay's shoulder, “We’ll let her rest, come back later?” 
Jay nodded, not bidding you goodbye as he stomped out of the room. You hadn’t seen him this mad in forever, you weren’t sure if this would blow over as easily as your other fights. Voight followed after Jay, he told you to get some rest then followed his detective to try to calm him down. 
Will got up to leave too, he told you to rest and said he would come back soon. When the three left, it was only Hailey who stayed behind. 
“I know you’ve been struggling at school,” She took a seat on the bed next to you, “I know what that’s like.” 
You fiddled with your fingers, not wanting to admit she was right. 
“You know what happened today wasn’t right,” Hailey continued, “Jay wants to press charges.” 
“What? No! That’ll just make it wor…” You stopped yourself.
“Make what worse?” Hailey pressed. 
You took a deep breath, trying not to get upset. 
“Whatever is going on, I can help,” Hailey promised. 
“You can’t get me out of that school,” You scowled. 
“I think after today, that might be possible.” 
You leaned back into the pillows. Dr Asher had given you some pain meds for your head, they removed the sharp pain and replaced it with a dull throb. You could feel it more as you got more upset. 
“There’s this stupid rumor that my parents are addicts,” you explained, “Madison is always taunting me with it, saying that's why no one ever comes to parent evenings or teacher interviews…” 
Hailey didn’t say anything, she just sat listening patiently. 
“Before you guys came, she asked why my parents weren’t here and I said that I would rather have my family over her fraud one.” 
Hailey nodded as she listened. 
“It was stupid and as soon as I said it, I regretted it. When we were outside I went inside to go to the bathroom and Madison and her friends followed me… They, uh… Madison wanted to know why I said it and I apologized but she didn’t- she, she didn’t care and…” 
Hailey got the cue, “Okay. It’s alright.” She pulled you into a gentle hug. “Everything’s going to be alright.”
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imjustwritingg · 22 days
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JESSE IS ON HAILEY’S BED EVERYONE WAKE THE FUCK UP
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xofeno · 1 year
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Love scenes are like, it is the most technical. [x]
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upsteadsource · 1 year
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#Hailey: impressed & horny.
CHICAGO PD 6.22 || Reckoning
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renegadesstuff · 2 months
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THE WAY THEY LOOK AT EACH OTHER 🥺🤍
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lizziethat · 3 months
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Some Chicago P.D. musings (Or is it Upstead musings?)
I just want to word-vomit a little about the whole "trauma response" thing re: Upstead, and it didn't really fit as part of my review, which had to be more about the episode. And the reason I want to go into it it's not even because it doesn't really fit with what we saw on screen (it truly doesn't), but because if that was ever the intent behind it, then the writing absolutely failed.
The problem, I think, it's that it's easy to say people who have suffered trauma did this as a response to that trauma and somehow equate that to trauma response when the two things are not anywhere near the same. Honestly, we've all suffered trauma to some degree, so I feel like this framing basically means 90% of the things people do in life are a trauma response.
Hailey and Jay (you can take Jay out of my cold, dead hands, I'm never using that other name) had a relationship that was not about their individual trauma. It really wasn't. Having someone you can lean on and talk to in bad times doesn't mean your relationship is all about trauma. In fact, sharing your trauma with someone is one of the healthiest things you can do.
Did Hailey and Jay marry quickly and as a response to a very emotional moment? Yes. Does that make it a trauma response? No. It was literally not about the trauma, but about looking for something good during a bad time and hanging onto that.
In fact -- part of that storyline is Jay literally checking with Hailey that this is something she really wants, not just a knee-jerk reaction to her trauma! The show established one thing and now, it just wants to sell a different thing because Jesse Lee Soffer left and they absolutely botched his exit.
And make no mistake about it, this is a choice Chicago P.D. is making. They could write out Hailey in a way that reunites Upstead, just as they could have written Jay out in a way that didn't ruin them. We wouldn't even need to see Jesse Lee Soffer for it to work. But they not only won't, they now want to rewrite history to make it seem like Upstead was always something other than what we saw with our own two eyes. That's the part that hurts.
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karihighman · 7 days
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Upstead on Chicago PD of course 🫢🤭
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saragarnier · 16 days
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Departure
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Pairing: jay halstead x reader
Summary: Jay is y/n husband and he left her for eight months to go to Bolivia. When he came back, he couldn’t believe his eyes when he saw his wife again
Warning: none i guess, maybe a little bit of angst
English is not my first language, sorry if there’s some mistakes!
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When your husband came home that day asking you to sit down on the couch, you didn’t think that he was going to say what he actually said. You two worked at Intelligence for four years and you didn’t think possible for him to change the way he did. When you first met him you immediately knew that he was kind, gentle and a good cop: you knew that he would have done everything to help innocents and to stop criminals, you knew that he was a good person.
And then something changed.
You didn’t know if that was because of his partener, Hailey Upton, or because of Voight; you just knew that you didn’t recognize him anymore. You even talked about it with Adam, your partner, but you weren’t able to find a way to help him get through that.
You just wanted him to be happy again, you just wanted him to be himself again.
That’s why you let him go.
When he told you that he accepted the job in Bolivia you couldn’t believe it, you just couldn’t.
Was he running away from the unit or was he running away from you?
You didn’t know what was true, but you couldn’t just deny him to be happy again: if he needed to go, you would have let him go.
And that’s exactly what you did.
“It will be for eight months maybe a little longer, okay? I will be back home soon.” He said that day, kissing your forehead with glossy eyes. “I love you… i really do but i need to do this. Please don’t be angry with me, i’ll come back to you, i promise. You’re the love of my life, y/n.”
When he left some minutes later to take his flight, you fell on the ground, crying; you needed him near you, you needed him there with you but you just couldn’t deny him to be himself again.
That’s why you didn’t tell him the truth.
That’s why you hid it from him.
When Kim knocked at your door that night after having heard about Jay, you let her in and you just walked back to the couch, where you cried all day.
“Y/n…” she whispered, walking towards you and hugging you tightly. “It’s okay. It’s temporary, right? He will come back, okay?”
You didn’t say anything, you didn’t nod or shook your head in response, you just kept crying again and again and then, after some minutes, you spoke.
“We perfectly know that he can die there.” You said, finally telling the truth, finally admitting out loud what you had in your mind all day since he talked to you.
“Oh, y/n…” she kept hugging you and she also placed her hand on your shoulder, trying to reassure you in some way. She wanted to say something, she wanted to help you go through all of that but her eyes fell on it.
It was on the table in front of the couch, exactly where you placed it after Jay left.
“What’s that?” She asked, keeping her eyes on the small object; she reached it and she looked at the result when you didn’t complain about it, then she looked up at you, shocked. “You’re pregnant?”
You wanted to cry, you wanted to scream, you wanted be alone in your thoughts, but Kim was there trying to help you and you really appreciated that, that’s why you just nodded, answering her.
“Does Jay know about it? Did He really leave you here alone knowing that you’re pregnant?”
Kim knew the answer deep down, she knew that Jay wouldn’t have left you there knowing that you were pregnant but she needed to know it for sure; when you shook your head saying “no”, she hugged you tighter.
“Oh, darling.” She whispered, caressing your back slowly and gently. “You should’ve told him, Y/n, i’m sure he wouldn’t have left knowing that.”
You sobbed, then you looked up at her and you shook your head again.
“T-That’s why i-i d-din’t tell him. He needed t-to go Kim, i c-couldn’t stop him.”
“But he had the rights to know the truth before taking such a decision!” She replied, shaking her head in disagreement.
“When he came here telling me about the job in Bolivia he already took it, he accepted it without even talking about it with me. I would have told him if he hadn’t already accepted it. He told me that he had a flight in few hours, how could i have told him? I know, after all, that he’s lost. He’s not himself anymore and, if taking that job is going to help him, then i will accept it. He said, after all, that’s only for eight months.” You said, even if he said that there was the possibility that he needed to stay a little longer. “When he will be back home, i will still be pregnant and he will be able to be here when our baby is born.”
Kim didn’t agree with you but you was still shocked, that’s why she didn’t say anything: she just hugged you, promising you that she would have help you.
And she did, as all your unit.
Kim, Adam, Hailey, Kevin, Hank and also Trudy helped how they could.
In the next months they helped you, they came to your house to keep you company and they accompanied you to the hospital every time you needed to do a visit.
You were never alone after all, but you knew, however, that the most important person for you wasn’t there. You couldn’t blame him since you didn’t tell him the truth, but still you missed him so much.
Your baby was healthy but he, or she, wasn’t ready to be born yet, even if one week passed since the due date.
In some ways you were relieved because you really wanted Jay to be there when you would’ve become a mother. Every single time someone knocked at your door or every single time your phone rang, you panicked, afraid that something happened to your husband while he was still in Bolivia. You didn’t talked to him in the last few months, mostly because you didn’t want to distract him during a mission and because you were always afraid of blowing his cover.
That’s why you hardly talked to him or contacted him on the phone, and he did the same thing for the same reasons.
Until you didn’t hear anything about him from the army, you knew that he was okay, you knew that he was still alive. And every day you kept going on, holding on this thought, holding on the fact that no one called you, so he had to be safe, he had to be alive.
You didn’t know when he would’ve returned home, but you just hoped that it was soon; you couldn’t get through labor without him by your side.
That day you was ready to go to the hospital for another visit with your gynecologist. You asked Adam to come with you and he immediately accepted; that’s why, when you heard someone knocking at your door, you thought it was him.
“C-Coming.” You said, trying to get up from the couch where you were waiting for him. Your belly was so big that it was difficult for you to get up easily. “Just give me one minute, i’m trying to get up from the couch.”
At the other side of the door there was not at all Adam, there was Jay with his bag on the shoulder, happy to be home again, happy to be able to see his wife again. But when he heard you saying that she was having difficulties getting up from the couch, he froze, thinking that you might have been hurt at work.
Before he could say anything, the door opened in front of him and he immediately looked at his wife; he was left speechless, standing in front of the door frame, looking at his wife that was definitely pregnant.
“J-Jay?” You whispered, shocked. You didn’t expect him to be there, you thought that he would have informed you before coming home, but he was there, in front of you in all his beauty. Being so far from him for almost nine months was hard for you: you went through hell alone, especially when you almost lost your baby, and having him in front of you was like a dream. You definitely thought that you were still dreaming.
“You’re pregnant.” He said, unable to look away from your belly. He let go the bag that he had on his shoulder, letting it fall to the ground. He couldn’t believe his eyes, he just couldn’t believe it. “Am i the father?”
That was the first thing that popped into his mind when he saw you and he immediately regretted saying that out loud when he saw your face.
“What do you mean? Are you really thinking that i slept with someone else just right after your departure? You’re my fucking husband, of course you’re the father.”
You were so angry.
You didn’t even realize it till that moment.
You were so angry because he left you alone with a baby in your belly, even if he didn’t know it, even if it wasn’t his fault since you decided not to tell him the truth. But you were definitely angry: he stayed away for so long and the first thing that he asked you is if you got pregnant with someone else?
“Why didn’t you tell me? I would have come back!” He said after few moments, still standing in front of the door, still shocked by the news.
“You took the job before asking me what i thought about it, what did i have to do? You didn’t even took one day to talked with me! You came here, saying that you were going to Bolivia and that you had a flight that same day!“
Jay knew that coming back home wouldn’t have been easy, he knew that you would’ve been upset and you had all the rights to be angry with him, but he definitely didn’t expect to come home and find you pregnant.
“Wait, did you know you were pregnant when i left?!”
You froze, then you stepped back and you invited him to enter the apartment, to talk about it privately.
Jay immediately came in, leaving the bag on the ground, completely focused on his wife. You closed the door behind you two and you leaned against the kitchen counter, sighing.
Jay, even if he was mad at you, immediately walked towards you and helped you; then he took a chair and he invited you to sit down, placing an hand on your shoulder and caressing you gently. You appreciated it but you perfectly knew that you two have still to talk about it.
“Yes.” You answered after that, placing an hand on your own belly, caressing it gently and feeling the baby kicking you hard. “I discovered it the same morning you accepted the job. I wanted to tell you when you came home but you talked first and I couldn’t tell you after that.”
Jay couldn’t believe his ears, he couldn’t believe that his wife hid something important like a baby from him for almost nine months. You should have told him, you should have told him the truth because he wouldn’t have left knowing that you were pregnant with his baby.
“You should have told me, Y/n!” He wasn’t able to control himself, he just yelled at you and, after that, he regretted it. You slightly jumped on the chair, with tears running down your cheeks. You knew that, you knew that he had all the rights to be angry with you but you weren’t prepared for this. You just wanted him to be home because you needed him but you never thought about how he would’ve reacted at the news. You had time to prepare yourself to become a mother and then he came home and discovered that he’s going to become a father in what, few days?
“I’m sorry.” He immediately told you, kneeling in front of you and placing his hands on your arms. “I’m sorry i yelled, it’s just that…. I wanted to know, I wanted to be here with you.”
You sobbed and cried, especially when his hands touched you after all that time. You missed him so much.
“I know.” You sobbed, looking at him. “I’m sorry, i wanted to tell you but I know that you wouldn’t left and… you said you needed it, I couldn’t stop you from that. I just wanted you to be happy again, I couldn’t see you so sad here. And… when you came here saying that you accept the job in Bolivia… i just couldn’t take it away from you. You were right saying that i had to let you go, i saw it in your eyes.”
Jay caressed your arms slowly and gently, then he leaned closer and he kissed your forehead.
“I’m sorry i left you alone.” He said, softly. And it was true. All the time, when he was in Bolivia for his new job, he thought about you and he felt guilty because he knew that you were alone, he knew that you would probably have been hurt. That’s why he asked Kim, Adam, Kevin and Hailey to be near you in case you needed them.
“Well, i wasn’t alone, was i?” You smiled softly through your tears; you took his hands and placed them on your belly the moment you felt your baby kicking. “He, or she, was with me all the time.”
Jay felt the kick against his palms and his eyes immediately filled with tears.
“Say hi to your daddy.” You whispered, apparently talking to your baby while looking at Jay in the eyes.
Jay wanted to say something, wanted to kiss your belly and whispered something to it like he was talking to your baby, but before he could say something, you moaned in pain.
“What’s wrong?” He immediately asked, concerned. “Is everything okay, babe?”
You looked down at yourself when you felt your legs wet.
“Oh no.” You whispered.
Jay looked at you, confused. “What’s happening?”
You looked at him and moaned in pain.
“ i think I’m in labor.”
“Fuck.” He said, placing an hand on his mouth after that. “I’m sorry, i swore in front of the baby!”
You giggled and shook your head but you were interrupted by the first contraction; you moaned in pain and you looked up at him.
“Hospital.” You whispered and he nodded.
“Hospital.” He agreed. “Holy shit, I’m going to be a father.”
“Jay.” You said while he took the car keys and the labor bag you prepared some weeks ago; he came back to you and he helped you get to your feet.
“I’m sorry!” He said, referring to his previous words.
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Break Through Au
Word Count: 1.6k
Summary: You go out ice skating on the lake with your brothers and Things don’t go as planned for you three
Warnings: CPR/Death, Falling through Ice, Hospitals, Yelling
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You were on the ice with your brothers Will and Jay, even though you weren’t allowed to, you guys still went regardless.
It was 10pm, no one would be out here to get in your way or yell at you to get off the ice.
“Cmon Y/n/n, it's better out here” Jay said while attempting to slide farther out to the lake. 
“I don’t know Jay, I kinda wanna stay over here. That way I get off easier than struggling to get off if I'm way over there.” you shrugged.
“Alright then, me and will be over there if you need us' ' He pointed towards the middle of the lake.
“Alright, I’m just gonna slide around.” You shivered. Maybe I should work more layers. You thought to yourself.
After a while you got bored and decided to go over to Will and Jay who were “fighting” over who got the better hockey stick.
Will pulled out his phone and checked the time. “Guys it’s 11 o'clock, she should head home now, if we all get a cold moms gonna know that we went outside without asking her, especially if Y/n gets sick”
“But I'm getting good at hockey,” you whined.
Will and Jay just have you that look. “Alright alright let’s go” You caved.
Because your brothers were better on ice than you were, they went up ahead of you. 
“GUYS! I'M NOT AS FAST AS YOU SLOW DO-“ Before you could finish your sentence a loud Crack interrupted you.
That made the two Halstead brothers come to a halt and turn around to you. “No,” Jay whispered. “Y/n don’t move, just stay still we’ll come to you”
Before you could say anything the Ice broke.
Jays pov:
“Y/N, SHIT NO” I screamed, my little sister just fell through the ice.
Me and Will immediately slide over to where she fell in and I immediately throw my whole arm in the freezing water to see if I can feel Y/n
“Give me your other arm so I can pull you once you get her!” Will shouts.
“Once I touch something that feels semi to a human arm I pull. I can tell it’s Y/n because once I pull I feel a bit of weight. 
“PULL WILL, PULL” 
Once we were towards the edge of the Lake I pick y/n up bridal style and rushed over to land.
“Put her down here.” Will says. 
“What the hell do we do?” I cry
“She’s not breathing, Jay, you need to run back to the house and call someone” Wills is studying medicine so he knows a couple of things about what to do in a life or death situation.
“WHO DO I CALL?” I shout
“I DO GIVE A FUCK, CALL 9-1-1 AND HURRY”
My body moves into autopilot as I’m running through the forest making sure I don’t trip on any rocks or roots. 
My legs are burning and I can’t breathe but I can’t stop, if I stop Y/ns gonna die and it’ll be all my fault.
As I reach the house I punch in the code to the door and run upstairs to my bedroom. 
I basically almost threw my  phone into the air while trying to pick it up.
“9-1-1 what’s your emergency?”
“It’s -it’s my sister, she fell into the lake and I don’t know if she’s breathing”
“Check if she has a pulse”
“My older brother is with her at the lake, he-he's studying medicine so he knows what he’s doing”
“What’s your name sweetheart?”
“Uhh jay, my names Jay”
“Alright Jay, How old is your sister and how long was she under water for?”
“I don’t- 5 minutes maybe, and her name is Y/n, but we all call her Y/n/n. I don't know what I’m gonna tell my mom, that my littler sister died because we didn’t listen to her?” I’m panicking.
“Jay, I’m gonna need you to take a deep breath, I have help coming on the way right now”
How did she get my location? I didn’t even tell her.
***
The paramedics arrived and Jay led them to the lake where Will was with you. 
Will did successfully get you back but you were still unconscious. 
Why didn’t we just listen?
***
“15 Year old Female Y/n Halstead, Hypothermia after falling through ice, Was unconscious on site and Has a history of Heart issues.” The paramedic listed off all the things
(Ik that Grey's anatomy is in Seattle but because the show is so old let’s just pretend that this happened with them, it’s been awhile since I’ve watched it so if I make mistakes Woops)
“Alright,on my count if we move her. 1…2…3”Alex said.
Alex looked you over and started telling Jo things to do. “I want a head Ct, Keep me updated on her temperature and get me Derek for a consult.” Jo nodded.
Jay and Will followed Dr. Karev outside. “Is she gonna be ok?” Jay asked.
“She’s not out of the woods yet, but we won’t know more until she wakes up which will be a couple of hours” 
***
“Jay Halstead and Will Halstead” A stern voice called to them that made them Gulp.
“What in the world happened, and why did the Atwater’s call me and say that something happened on the lake and I needed to come home?” Your Mom stoked with her hands on her hips.
Jay and Will glanced at each other and knew they had no way out of this so they just decided to tell the truth and get it over with.
“I have told you guys time and time again not to play on that lake during the winter,
If you want to go ice skating go to the bigger one. Y/n has been punished enough, and as for you too, just until we get home, me and your father Will real with you. Do you understand?”
“Yes mom,” The boys said together.
“Alright, either the Atwater’s or the Uptons are going to pick you guys up and take you home. I will stay here with your sister, your father should be at home by now”
“But mom-“ Jay said. “No buts, wait here”
***
It had been a couple of weeks since the incident and A lot had happened. 
You were on the News, people came to your school and spoke about Ice safety. Jay and Will were indeed grounded but only for two weeks. The lake was now closed off while they were still doing an investigation. Which you didn’t understand why because it’s not like anything else happened but it was whatever.
“Y/n hurry up you’re going to miss the bus!” Jay shouted from downstairs.
“HOLD ON IM COMING” You grabbed your backpack and ran down the stairs.
After getting all your stuff in your backpack you got all your stuff ready to walk to the bus stop.
“Alright, what’s the rules?” Will questioned you.
“No wandering off to the other lake, don’t take off my jackets unless I really need to and don’t get anything that will drop my body temperature” 
“Good.”
“Do you still have to put my hat and Jacket on for me? I’m 15 years old.”
“Because of recent events and mom being gone and I’m going to leave soon I need to make sure you're ok, plus your body temperature is still not to its normal temp yet so layers it is.” You rolled your eyes at what would be said.
“I will pick you up for your doctor's appointment maybe 30 minutes before school ends, and Jay will drop your lunch off at the front office” Will said as he started walking at the door. 
“Bye will see you later” 
Once Will was gone, you ate the last of your waffles and grabbed your hot chocolate or what Jays calls “Jay's famous Hot chocolate” but it tasted like any other drink.
***
“I miss having you out on the lake by the middle school” Your friend Ellie said.
“Me too, but ever since my mom died Will and Jay have been strict on what I can do since my dad won’t really do much and they're trying to get me to learn stuff before Will leaves for New York and Jay leaves to serve” You shrugged.
“But I did convince Jay to get you some fries and nuggets” You laughed 
“You are literally the best, I really didn’t feel like spending all my money in my account today” Yeah the school food was expensive but it’s because you guys had fast food restaurants in your cafeteria so I guess it made sense.
***
“Hey Nugget” Will greeted you as you got into the car.
“Hi Will, can we please get McDonald’s after my appointment?” 
“Sure, where’s Jay? I told him he could get out of school early since he has a free period this week.”
“He said he wanted to stay at school, so he’s probably just walking around the hallways or doing whatever Jay does” You shrugged.
You thought about it for a while, your life was somewhat falling apart. Will was leaving for New York. Jay was getting deployed so you weren’t gonna see him. And your mom was gone so all you had left was your Dad, and your dad wasn’t the best person now since your dad died.
“Hey Will?”You broke the silence 
“Yeah Nugget?” 
“I’m- I’m gonna miss you when you leave” Here comes the water works.
“Me too Y/n me too”
Life from now on was going to be way different for you , and everyone around you knew that. You were going to get through it and it was going to be Ok. Right?
Well that’s at least what you thought…
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fangirlfrom-hell · 5 months
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If CPD were dogs
I posted a while ago, but since I lost my other blog I tought about re-posting this because it’s fun
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amsgrey · 3 months
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Clouds
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resquested by @rainechase45
warnings: descriptions of a car accident/crash, reader sustaining mild injuries in said crash, mention of blood and broken bones (not in-depth), description of hypothermia + hypothermia-related symptoms, reader really just going thru it in every way, metaphors for death, very bad metaphor writing
Authors Note: I got about 2000 words into this before i remembered that americans have different cars to kiwis. Hopefully, any mistakes are fixed but if they're not, it's because kiwis drive on the left side of the road not the right. 
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When you first got your driver's permit, Will and Jay wouldn't let you drive without them. Even though you had completed the course and passed the driving test, they still didn't want you driving alone. Which wasn't an issue really, when you didn't have your own car anyway.
Now you have had your license for almost ten months. Will let you borrow his car from time to time. Today was one of those days. A friend from school lived outside of the city and Will had let you borrow his car to go see them. The drive was only about 45 minutes, not too long with your music blasting. Will and Jay were both working late, so you stayed for dinner with your friend and then started the drive home. It was 7 pm at least by the time you hit the road. The temperature was already 8 °F and only grew colder.
You always hated driving at night and in the rain, but both at the same time was a nightmare. It wasn't just rain now, sleet came down so hard and fast your wipers hardly had time to keep up. Driving in these conditions was dangerous, even for experienced drivers. So you slowed down, turned down the music and tried to limit the distractions. If you crashed Will's car he would never let you drive ever again.
Even with the wipers at full speed and your high beam lights on, the sleet made it near impossible to see. There was no one else on the road, at least, not in front of you. There was an SUV behind you in the left lane, you caught glimpses of its shape through the sleet every now and again. They were going much faster than you were, steadily becoming a larger shadow in your mirror. Eventually, you could see their lights fully in your mirrors. You let out a grumble as you realized they too had their high beams on. Flipping the tab on your rearview mirror didn't change the fact the wing mirrors were blinding you too.
"What on earth," You groaned, the only other car on the road, the only one you had seen in the last 20 minutes was burning holes in your eyes.
Everything changed so quickly. The SUV was speeding up, gaining speed even against all the wind and sleet. Then the car was hydroplaning on the ice and sleet on the road, it swung out of control, swerving from their lane and into your own. You couldn't look away from the mirror, watching in horror as the car kept spinning out of control. It slammed into the side of your car, hitting hard against your door as it pushed you off the road. Both of your cars slid down a bank, only coming to a stop when there was nowhere else to go.
You could feel the seat belt cutting into your chest, you wanted to claw it away but it wouldn't budge. The glass from the now smashed window was cutting through your skin, on your face, your arm, even a few pieces had cut their way through your jeans.
The cold was what kept you conscious. It flooded into your car, breaking the bubble of warmth and ripping away any sense of comfort you had seconds earlier. You weren't sure if it was tears or blood running down your face, but either way, you tried to clear your mind. There was a first aid kit in the glove box, one Will had made, if you could reach it you could help yourself. 
You forced yourself to go through the checklist Will ingrained in you. Starting with your head, you made note of the concussion you likely had, then your neck, whiplash for sure. Your chest next, which was in pain from the seatbelt, but nothing else you could tell for now. Your left arm was broken, but that was a problem for another time. Your legs were squished, but you should move your feet and toes without any pain. That was as good as it was going to get, you had to get out of here. The longer you stay in here, with the sleet soaking through your clothes, the longer you put yourself at risk. 
With a bit of wiggling and stubbornness, you managed to unclip the seatbelt. It didn’t move much, but with it not so tight you could now push it away from you and start the process of wiggling out of your seat. You climbed over the center console, taking your time to avoid smashed glass or hurting yourself further. Once in the passenger seat, you pulled open the glove box, dragging out the kit and rummaging through it. You ripped open one of the gauze packets, pressing it to the left side of your forehead, the sting causing you to hiss. You continued anyway, forcing yourself to open the plastic package with a sling in it. You forced the knot over your neck. Sucking in a deep breath you forced yourself to move your arm into the sling, clenching your jaw in until the pain subsided. After ten minutes of breathing through the pain, you decided enough was enough. You had to move, even if you didn’t want to, you had too. 
Throwing open the door, you forced yourself out into the weather. The first aid kit stayed tucked under your arm so that you could help the other car. Walking up the incline was harder than getting out of the car, the pain from your arm and the other scrapes and bruises weighed you down. One step at a time. One foot after another. Eventually you made it to the driver's door. The windscreen was smashed, webbed cracks making it impossible to see through. You reached for the handle on the driver side, using it to steady yourself the last few steps then yanking it open. Inside, the driver was hunched over his steering wheel. 
“Hey,” You tried to shake his shoulder, but he didn’t respond, “Please, no.” 
You took a deep breath, then placed two fingers to the man's coritod, trying to calm the sound of your own heartbeat to feel the man. 
10 seconds passed. 
20.
30. 
Nothing. No Pulse. No Signs of Life. 
You pulled your hand away slowly, as if not to disturb him. 
“I’m so sorry,” You pulled away, stumbling a few steps back. 
By now, you could guess it had been almost half an hour. Half an hour in the sleet and rain, with no coat, no dry clothes. No one would be able to see you from the road, there was no barrier or break in a fence. No one could see you.  You were at risk, you knew any longer out here would kill you. You had to call for help. Forcing yourself to walk back down the slope to your car was hell. Your entire body shook, every time you took a step, your legs shook and you had to take extra time to steady yourself. When you finally got back to where you started, the passenger side door, you used your right arm to pull yourself back into the car. You had left your phone in the holder on the 
 There were no lights on in your car, nor the other one, so you had to search with light from the moon and strained eyes. You patted down the floor of the passenger side, nothing. Leaning over the console you tried the driver side. Avoiding the mangled parts was hard, no wonder your leg was scratched up and sore. Eventually your fingers found an irregularity, your phone face down on the ground. You yanked it up, pulling it to your face and trying to turn it on. With the screen facing you, you could see the damage. It was like it had been through a blender, the only intact part of the phone being your case. It was useless. A glorified paperweight. 
“Fuck!” 
40 minutes in these wet clothes. You had never been so cold in your life. It was as if there was no heat left in the world, the comfort of warmth was a fleeting memory. The aggressive shivering was making it hard to do anything, but you were more worried about what would happen when you stopped shivering. Growing up in Chicago, with a doctor brother, meant you heard all about how hypothermia could sneak up on a person. Most people didn't see it coming, didn’t know the signs. You were painfully aware of them. 
The racing heart. Tachycardia. 
The cold white fingers. Your body pulling blood from your extremities to protect your core.
Next it would be the brain fog, shock, the feeling of being overheated. There was no telling when it could strike. 
The other driver's phone. 
A lightbulb went off, literally. 
If you wanted to survive, you had to get back to the other driver. You had to fight. 
Finding the driver's phone felt like grave robbing. You could see it sitting in his cup holder. Some kind of miracle it hadn’t bounced out. You had to lean over the man to get the phone, trying not to move him or touch the blood that was staining his clothes. With the phone in hand, you gripped it with two hands to press the power button and activate the emergency call. You pressed the phone to your ear, it rang twice. 
“911, what is your emergency?” 
“I was in an accident,” You answered, “I need an ambulance.” 
“Can you tell me where you are?”
“I- I don’t know. I’m not shivering anymore. I’m not shivering.” 
Your arm dropped, phone tumbling into the snow on the ground. 
“It’s not cold anymore.” 
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“Dispatch, we’re going to need a Medevac.” 
“Hey kid,” The paramedic was trying to keep you alert, “Not far from a hospital, okay?”
“It’s too hot,” You slurred, strapped to the gurney in preparation of the Medevac, covered in foil safety blankets. 
“I know, love,” The woman was so nice, her voice was so soothing. “Just hold on a little longer, yeah?” 
You could hear the sound of the helicopter approaching, a steady rhythm. It grew louder and louder. it  felt as if it was taking the rhythm from your heart, as the helicopter got louder you could feel your heart getting quieter. 
The deafening sound and the wind that came from the chopper made you feel like you were hallucinating. The whole time as you waited for help, half conscious in the snow. It was nothing much at first, shooting stars, the moon glowing brighter and brighter. Then it was Will’s voice, Jay’s humming. All the things that reminded you of warmth, of that all encompassing feeling. 
Holding onto your own consciousness was like trying to hold onto a cloud. You could just see it, sense it, but physically touching it, holding it… it was nearly impossible. 
A moment of clarity had you reeling it in, forcing your eyes open. 
Inside the chopper was just as loud. But more hectic. A symphony of chattering radios, yelling voices and beeping machines. 
“My brother,” You croaked. 
“Don’t speak, kid,” The Medevac paramedic was a different man, older than the paramedic from before. He looked like a dad. 
“My brother, Doctor Halstead… Chicago Med.” 
The man's face was out of focus, but you could see the realization on it. He knew what you were asking. 
He turned to the other body in the back of the shopper, the one that was just a blur of blue shapes, “Get him on the radio now.” 
He looked back at you, “What’s your name kid?” 
You whispered it back to him, voice raw and mouth dry. You felt like you were drenched in sweat. Everything was burning. The clouds in your mind were getting further and further away, but you forced yourself to hold tight to consciousness. You needed to talk to Will. You had to talk to him. 
“My name's Tom,” The paramedic was placing headphones over your ears, adjusting the mic so that your voice might reach it, “I’ve got you, alright, kid? Just take it easy.” 
The other person was speaking, explaining something. You could hear the bass of his voice through the headphones, like he was speaking inside your head. But he might as well have been speaking another language, because nothing he said made any sense. Your eyes were so tired, burning from the lights inside the chopper, even though you knew they were as low as they could go. Light flares made it impossible to focus, everything blending and swirling in a sickening live painting. Nothing was peaking through those clouds now. They were dark, cold, and sinister. The ones that roll through right before a thunderstorm, before everything went haywire. 
But then there was sun, a beam of warmth that basked you in calmness. 
“Hey, sweetheart.” Will. The warmth that kept you safe. 
If you had been in your right state of mind, you would be able to hear the strain in his voice, the pure anguish. But you didn’t. All your brain could comprehend was that he was there. 
“I love you,” You whispered, not sure if it would be heard. 
Tom repeated your words, mumbling something about numbers or stats dropping. 
“I love you too.” Will replied, “I love you so much. I will always-” 
Will cleared his throat, it registered somewhere in the very back of your mind now. He was crying. 
“I will love you, forever. No matter what happens, sweetheart.” 
Will didn’t call you sweetheart anymore. It was always squirt. Sweetheart was what he called you as a child, the nickname that fizzled out when you turned 10 and having a hovering older brother was embarrassing. Again, that feeling of warmth returned. The feeling of lying in the sun after a swim, letting it dry you and warm you slowly. It was calm, gentle, nurturing. The warmth that made plants grow and flowers bloom. That you had spent your whole life with. Will was the sun in your family. Warm, nurturing and oh so loving. Always there, reliable and steady. If Will was the sun, then Jay was the moon. That Light that guided you through the dark. The one that brought coolness, serenity and wiseness. Jay was the one that kept you calm. Taught you to stand on your own two feet, to fight. The moon was always there, every single night. Sometimes it hid, keeping its light hidden, but it was always watching. 
Your brothers, your lifelines. 
The steady thrum of the helicopter was growing silent. Replaced with a ringing that pulled you into a clear empty and dark sky.
There were no more clouds. There was nothing. 
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Will was on the roof as soon as he got word the chopper was getting close. The fear and anxiety that ran through his blood was making it hard for him to focus. He was standing by with strict orders not to intervene. When Goodwin had heard what was happening, she had made sure WIll knew that he could not be involved in treatment at all. No matter what, he could only watch. 
“I got this, Will,” Marcel assured Will. Marcel was a brother, he knew what it was like to worry over his sister. 
“I know,” Will responded, the words meant nothing. Nothing anyone could say would stop the thumping of his heart, the fear in his veins. 
As the chopper landed, Will watched Marcel and the trauma nurses run in, a practiced team. The hand-off was smooth as it could be, then everyone was running back inside, headed to the ED. Elevator rides with patients were always slow and nerve racking, now was no different. The Helipad was only a few floors above the ED, the distance was hardly far enough to feel as long as it was. 
“Baghdad's free” Maggie called as they barrelled into the ED. Marcel started barking orders, calling stats, medications. Will had done the routine before, thousands of times. Now, watching from outside the room,everything felt foreign and new. 
Marcel and Trinny cut off your damp clothes, replacing them with warm blankets and heat packs. 
“Temp check?” 
“61.2. Heart rates dropping. 62, 56, 43…” 
Maggie grabbed Will's arm, pulling him back as the monitors flatlined. 
“Get me an amp of epi!” 
"Epi’s in.” 
“Hold compressions…” 
“No pulse.” 
“Resume compressions.”
Will looked at his watch, the minutes were ticking by. 
“Alright,” Crockett switched with Asher on compressions, taking a step back, “Temps up to 63…” 
“It’s been ten minutes,” Asher said through compressions, “Should we try ECMO?” 
Marcel turned to Will, not for permission, but to see if he was following. THe face that Marcel saw was full of hopelessness. This wasn’t Will Halstead the ED Doc, it was Will Halstead the big brother. 
“Maggie?” 
“On it, Marcel,” Maggie stepped away from Will barking her own orders at nurses. 
How is this happening? 
Nothing else could take up space in WIll’s mind. Why was this happening? 
This morning when you had left, you showed Will the weather forecast, telling him it would be cold and rainy, that you would take your time and go slow. He knew you would too. You hated driving in the rain, so you were always alert. 
This morning, you had dropped him at work and yelled out the window, “Don’t kill anyone!” Before cackling and driving away.
You were so full of life when he last saw you. 
Now all he saw was a limp body that shared your face. 
“Will?” Jay's voice from across the ED. 
Will wasn’t just your big brother. He was Jay's too. At that moment, he knew Jay needed him. 
Will stepped away from the treatment room, intercepting Jay before he could get too close. 
“Listen to me,” Will pulled him aside, grabbing his shoulders, “You don’t want to see her right now. Marcel and Asher are working on her, they have it handled.” Lies. They were lies, or half-truths, either way, Will didn’t believe them. 
“How did this happen?” 
The Halstead brothers didn’t cry much, but now the both of them were tearing up. The fear of losing the light of their lives was weighing them both down. 
“That’s not important right now,” Will forced himself to say, “Right now, all that matters is she is getting treatment.” 
Jay nodded, he pulled out of Will’s grasp and turned to Hailey. She had watched the whole exchange, but Will hadn’t seen her until now. She looked like she might cry too. The same thoughts circling in the Halstead brothers minds were circling in her own. 
“She’s strong,” Hailey croaked out, “She’ll be okay. When she wakes up, she’ll have us, and she’ll be okay.” 
Will smiled at his sister-in-law. She really meant it, her belief giving Will something tangible to hold onto. If Hailey saw the way out, he would too. 
“I got a pulse!” 
The beeping of machines never sounded so sweet. A steady even beat. 
Will hadn’t prayed in so long, but he let slip, “Thank you, God.” A silent prayer followed. 
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Where there was once nothing, now there was a wide blue sky, littered with meager clouds. They weren’t the ones that looked like faces or shapes, they were so small that they almost blended into the sky. But they were there. You could see them, feel them. God help you, you were going to reach them. 
The sun was out today too, a warm glow that set the perfect temperature. A spring morning with the first blooming flowers. The moon was there too, a watery reflection against the blue. It felt so serene here. The sun was calling to you, warming you in its embrace. You chose then, this would not be your goodbye to the sun and moon. 
Opening your eyes was the hardest challenge of the day. It was harder than walking up that slope, or staying conscious in the helicopter. Your body screamed for sleep, but you were too stubborn. You had to see the sun. 
“Will, Jay, get in here.” 
A warm hand on the side of your face, another one cradling your hand so gently. 
“We’re here, sweetheart.” 
“We’re not going anywhere.” 
This time they were real. When your eyes focused, there were your brothers. Your warmth on a cold day, the light on a dark night. When your eyes fluttered shut again, you knew they would watch over you, keep you tethered. You weren’t fearful of what would happen this time, they were looking out for you.
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imjustwritingg · 26 days
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So if Jesse’s directing 12 what if he just pops in at the end of the episode for a quick cameo and then he’s in the finale for an Upstead reunion?? Because if they’re talking about wanting to throw surprises at the fans for the finale and Tracy’s exit, that would do it for me.
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"Can you come home to me now please?"
"That's all I want"
🤍
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xofeno · 8 months
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Detectives Halstead and Upton CHICAGO P.D. | 5.01 "Reform"
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