#Jeff Ament fanfiction

[4birds-of-a-feather]

Chapter 27 - Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight (when it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night) [part 6]

Birds Of a Feather

Look who Monty the cat dragged in! Hope you guys are fine and are gonna enjoy this, let us know what you think about it ✨

(In the previous chapter: despite their mutual attraction, Layla and Eddie decided to spend some time together in a platonic way; Stone wasn’t able to make Sara come out from the bathroom but has instead confessed her his feelings; Jeff has seen his bandmate go inside the bathroom and he knows Stone is with Sara, but what he doesn’t know is that the two of them are making out)

Seattle, 31st December 1984

“Here you are! Thought you had deserted us” Sara snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Jeff’s voice coming from behind: she turned around as he was already strolling in her direction, and she immediately felt her mouth dry. “I’m sorry, I-I came here to get some fresh air – I thought I was about to faint inside” the girl stammered, pointing at the room where It’s My Life was playing out loud “The balcony seemed like a clever idea” “It was, just like me bringing you some fruit punch” Jeff grinned, handing her a red cup that she gladly took. “You’re a lifesaver, thank you” “No problem” he went to sit on the railing, next to where now Sara was chewing the edge of her paper cup “Penny for your thoughts?” “Just a silly recollection…” the tips of her ears instantly reddened “You’d make fun of me” “I would never! I won’t, I promise” “Well, I was thinking about last New Year’s Eve, wondering how I spent it” “And…?” “... and I just realized it was probably me still crying because Dennis Wilson had died a couple of days before” she rested her elbows on the railing, then leaned her cheek on a hand “You know, Beach Boys’ drummer? And a year later I’m at a party, but I fled to the balcony because inside there’s too many people I don’t know… so yeah, a year may have passed but I’m still socially awkward, ugh” “Hey, I wouldn’t call ‘socially awkward’ someone who’s having zero problems chatting with a guy she’s known for seven months” “What, you’ve been counting or something?” she smirked at him, her voice showing amusement at his corniness. “Every single day” “Oh, shush” the girl immediately flushed, and Jeff couldn’t help but grin triumphantly because she was trying so hard not to smile but the half dimple on the right corner of her mouth said otherwise. “No, but seriously – you’re doing great” he was quick to make himself clear “I mean, you said it yourself: going to a party full of people you don’t know, with other people you barely know? In my book you sound like a total badass” “You think so?” “I do” he looked her in the eye “But that doesn’t mean that last year you were an utter loser because you spent New Year’s Eve crying over some dead musician… sounds like he meant a great deal to you”   “He does, yeah” “I know my Brian Wilson and my Mike Love,” he began, while she frowned at the last person mentioned “but the other members… not so much, I’m afraid – except for the drummer’s association with Manson, obviously” “Yeah, I guess that’s public domain” Sara wrinkled her nose “Well, Dennis was the first one in the band to come out with a solo project, which I think has to be one of the saddest albums ever… still beautiful, though I haven’t been able to listen again to it after last year” “Understandable” “And he also made a movie with James Taylor that I have yet to watch but my father tells me it’s great – kind of a road-movie, made in the early ‘70s” “Sounds like something I’d like” “I think so too; he also wrote some pretty cool songs for the band, but he was obviously overshadowed by his brother” she sighed “Anyway, it’s all over now so I guess it doesn’t matter anymore” “It matters to you, that’s what’s important” She adjusted her scarf, avoiding his glance, then abruptly changed topic: “I listened to your tape” The bassist almost lost his balance but was able to recover at the last second: “Yeah? Verdict?” “You should seriously start to listen to some good ol’ folk, you can’t live just with punk music” “... that’s your feedback?!” this time he had begun to fall backwards, so he wisely jumped off the railing. “Yeah, that’s it” “Uhm, I-I guess I can see your point, but I also put Bowie and Beth by KISS! C’mon, you can’t tell me they’re punk, that’s-” “Honestly? That’s the sweetest thing somebody has ever done for me – and my dad is a worthy opponent in this competition, but you beat him anyway” the girl winked at him “You could have made a Barry Manilow compilation and I would have appreciated it all the same, because in any case it would have been something you made thinking of me” “Woah, I-uhm… thank you? I mean-” “Anyway, I need to lend you some tapes that I think are fundamental in the education of a person – especially for a musician like yourself” Sara kept on talking, then noticed he was giving her a funny look “What, what did I say?” “Nothing, just… I’m happy you liked it, I was hoping the tape could make you understand what you mean to me” Even though her feet were on the ground, the girl was still able to trip over an invisible obstacle. “Errrrr, thank God I didn’t drink the vodka they offered us before, otherw-” she babbled, but was interrupted by Jeff moving closer. “... Wanna go out with me?” “Like, right now? We shouldn’t ditch the others, it wouldn’t be f-” “No, silly!” the guy chuckled, the wrinkles around the corners of his eyes instantly giving her butterflies in her stomach “I agree with you, right now it would be really improper: wanna do this next week?” “You’re… serious” “Why shouldn’t I be? We can go to the movies and then grab something to eat” “Just the two of us?” “Unless you want that pain in the ass of Stone to tag along” he joked, trying to ignore the annoying thought of his friend being the third wheel. No words came out Sara’s mouth, so the guy panicked. “... you know what, I didn’t want to mess this up – just forget it” he dismissed the previous idea with frantic gestures of his hands “I’m sorry I embarrassed you, I-” “I’d love to” the girl had come closer and taken his hands in hers “I’m sorry if I made you believe I didn’t wanna go out with you, I just… I’m surprised you invited me, that’s all” “Hell, to be honest I’m surprised you accepted” Jeff let out a nervous chuckle, squeezing her hands in return “You sure? Just the two of us?” “Just the two of us” she said in a resolute tone, grinning at him, and he finally mirrored her relaxed smile. 1985 was about to start in the best possible way.

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Seattle, VedderAment’s place, 31st December 1990 (but not for much longer) “It’s barely a couple of minutes to midnight!” Layla yelled into Eddie’s ear as they held to each other and swayed to the music. <Excuse me, Miss Boulais, is it midnight? I’d check my watch, you know, but I just can’t take my eyes off you… JEEZ, I DIDN’T SAY IT OUT LOUD, DID I?> Eddie had a mind full of cheesy kissing pick up lines as it often happened when he was drunk or stoned. “Really? Uhm we’re almost there then hehe” he awkwardly replied as he couldn’t say if he was more inebriated by the booze, the song’s atmosphere, Layla’s delicate flowery perfume, the warmth of her breath against his face or her body pressed against his. “Yep!” Layla knew she should have said something earlier because now, right in the middle of the party, it was impossible to have a proper conversation about anything or even say anything more than best wishes. She tried to tell herself to enjoy the moment, which wasn’t bad at all, but she couldn’t help but regret her lack of courage. She was an overly worried type of drunk. <I’m here, slow dancing with a nice guy, who also happens to be very hot, and instead of just enjoying it, I keep on brooding over what I did and didn’t do...> 10! 9! 8! They kept dancing without saying a word, until Chris started shouting the countdown and everyone at the party followed him. Eddie and Layla stopped but were still holding each other as they were howling every number too. 7! 6! 5! <Wanna start the new year with a bang?> he couldn’t help thinking as they smiled at each other during the count. 4! 3! <Ok, that’s enough, I’m done! I’ll kiss him! Just like that. But what if he doesn’t want to? What if he pulls away? How can I save the situation? I could kiss him and make it seem like it was a mistake. Like I could be aiming at the cheek and then oops! And then just see where it goes from there… If he gets into it, that’s great, but if he doesn’t I can always say “sorry” and laugh about it and pretend nothing happened then go cry about it in my room later> Layla’s train of thoughts was very fast in those two seconds, as she pondered about her kissing attempt. 2! 1! <Can I be your first mistake of the year?> Eddie was disgusted but also surprised by his own creativity for pick-up lines as the last seconds of 1990 were ticking away. HAPPY FUCKIN’ NEW YEAR!!!!! Cornell screamed from the top of his lungs as chaos started around in the apartment at the stroke of midnight, so much that the music was barely audible, although Chris had turned back up at maximum volume. “Happy new year, Eddie!” Layla jumped and cheered and went to kiss him on the cheek. Right, on the cheek. Her previous determination gone out of the window, as always. Eddie kissed her cheek in turn and stood staring at her with a drunk smile, considering telling her that, talking about new year’s resolutions, he had a new one now and he was looking at it right at that moment. “Thanks, happy new year to you too” he said instead, keeping some dignity. <Why can’t I be uninhibited drunk instead of overthinking drunk?> Layla sighed internally as she took in Eddie’s disheveled beauty right in front of her and regretted their loser-style new year’s kisses. “1991 will be great for you and the band, I just know that!” the girl shook him by his shoulders and it was like he snapped up from sleep. “I trust you. You know, talking about resolutions…” Eddie started saying and it was like he could hear himself talking but couldn’t do anything to prevent it and was terrified of all the stupid shit that could come out of his mouth. “Yeah?” she asked as Eddie wouldn’t go on but just started dancing with her instead. “Uh, I have a new one. I didn’t mention it before because, well, it’s new” he said after Layla’s encouragement and was already saying a silent goodbye to his dignity. <I just hope she had enough alcohol to believe I’m charming and cool> “Ok, that’s great” “Yeah” he said as he kept swaying in time with the music. “And what is it?” she prompted him to talk as she thought the booze was probably starting to kick in and have the best of him. “Not be a loser anymore” he spoke into her ear as he stopped moving and subtly tightened his hold on the girl’s hips. “Oh. Well, that’s, that’s good” “Pucker up now, please” he looked up into her eyes and she saw an extremely serious expression on his face. “Wha-” Layla didn’t have time to understand what Eddie was talking about before his lips met hers in a sudden kiss. Layla wanted so badly to let her mind wander and mull over what was happening and the possible aftermath and consequences of it but she just couldn’t. The kiss was so surprising she was caught off guard and it was just that deep type of kiss that leaves little room for thought. The rush of sensations crawling across her body was the only thing she could focus on, together with the taste of him. Eddie pulled away only to look at her face, searching for reassurance, any hint or reaction that could tell him whether he had just fucked up big time or she liked being kissed. He had his answer in a couple of seconds, when the silent double stare broke into a mirrored dumbstruck smile. “... Fuck it” Layla said and he thought that it was serious if she used the F word. He managed to smirk before the girl decided that whatever it meant, whatever the consequences might be, whatever his lips were bringing, she wanted more and pulled him into a new kiss. They were lost in each other’s lips and it was like the outside world had ceased to exist. That was until a loud crash that sounded like an explosion broke the air and their kiss and brought them back to reality.

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“Jesus H. Tap-dancing Christ, what the hell was that noise?!” Sara startled, then finally realized what had been happening for God knows how much time and immediately pushed herself away from Stone. “Sounded kinda like the roar you hear during an earthquake...” he casually observed with a smirk, touching his lips without taking his eyes off her. “Oh, that’s magnificent… fuckin’ A, we’ll be the first ones to drop like ants!” she growled, then kicked him in the leg “What the fuck are you waiting for?? Stand up, I need to go out!” “After all the trouble I went to come here? Over my dead body, missy” “You’re asking for it” she kicked him again “I’ve got zero problems with killing you to save myself: you’ll be just a fatality caused by the earthquake” “Only if you’re gonna cry at my funeral – first row, with a Hepburn LBD and this exact perfume” he went on, grabbing her ankle and trying to pull her close. “... you’re a sick motherfucker, you know that?” Sara shook him off, pushed him aside while he was guffawing and finally reached the handle “I’m not done with you” “That’s exactly what I was hoping you would say, Scout” “Go eat a dick, Boo Radley” she gave him a last fake smile then stormed out the bathroom with her ears and cheeks boiling. <Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick, let’s hope nobody noticed my absence… that son of a gun needs a good kicking> The girl stopped for a few seconds, trying to catch her breath and wondering if her lipstick had survived the havoc that Gossard had bestowed upon it, then craned her neck to see if anybody had seen what she had been up to, to no avail: the hall was empty, because apparently everybody had gathered in the living room. “Ames, I already told ya I’m fuckin’ sor-” “What the fuck should I do with your apologies, Chris?? Wipe my ass, that’s what I’m gonna do!” Jeff was shouting at his (ex) friend “What am I supposed to tell the landlord?? ‘My friend thought that shooting a goddamn confetti cannon against the ceiling would be a brilliant idea’?! That would surely make everything easy for me, yes sirree!” <Do not think about that idiot’s ass, Fancini, and focus on the main news: no earthquake and Mr. Montana’s imminent ass-kicking provided by his landlor-fuck, I thought about his ass, didn’t I?> Sara looked up, first of all trying to figure out how much did Chris actually fuck up and also to take her mind off the bassist’s butt. She noticed quite a large hole in the ceiling and a few confetti remains hanging from it. “You can always say it’s installation art” Steve suggested as Lukin on his side couldn’t seem to take off his squinting eyes from the confetti cannon disaster. “Yeah, it surely… uhm, transformed the perception of the space” Layla remarked, as Sara briefly looked at her friend and couldn’t help but notice Eddie’s arm looped around her waist – she didn’t think too much of it. “Sure! And it will transform the landlord’s perception too as he won’t hesitate invading our personal space to kick our asses!” Jeff flailed his arms around in frustration, while Sara silently cursed him for mentioning his cute ass once again. “Come on, it’s not bad! I mean, it is bad, but not that much. Nothing that can’t be repaired” Matt pointed out, trying to save his bandmate from the homicidal instincts of Ament. “Sure it can be repaired. At our expenses, of course” Jeff rubbed his face with his hands, trying to stay calm, but the people around him didn’t help. “Oh! You could ask the construction company that’s fixing our apartment! They’re not too expensive” Layla thought this would cheer the guy up a little but apparently she was wrong. “Well, thanks a lot, Four Eyes! They’re cheap and all but considering how quick they’re working at your place, do you think they’ll have the fuckin’ hole fixed on time for the next New Year’s party?” “Come on, Jeff, let’s not ruin the party now” Vedder exchanged a reassuring look with Layla and went to lighten up his bandmate’s mood. “Me? It wasn’t me, Chris ruined it” Ament shrugged and Cornell rolled his eyes for the umpteenth time. “How many times do I have to apologize to you?” “Listen, we’ll think about something tomorrow, I’ll try and see if I can do something. Tomorrow, though. Today we’re celebrating, ok?” Eddie went on and his attempt at keeping his friend calm wasn’t totally uninterested. <The sooner Jeff relaxes, the sooner we’ll all go back to the party and the sooner I’ll go back to the smooching> he thought, hoping he was really just thinking and not saying the word smooch aloud. “How sweet of him, improvising as a mason… I bet he’d pass himself off as a firefighter or a fuckin’ astronaut just to resume his favourite activity” Turner murmured under his breath, still bearing a sort of grudge against him because of Layla. “Hey, what’s happening he-OH. Jeffrey, how many times did I tell you not to do jumping jacks at home? You know you’re not exactly as light as a feather” Stone appeared out of nowhere and Sara had almost forgotten their escapade and was chuckling at his joke – at least until she turned to look at him and noticed a faint trace of her lipstick in the corner of his bottom lip. “HAHAHAHA OH, SHUT UP GOSSARD, GIVE HIM A BREAK!” the girl laughed exaggeratedly and shoved her hand upon Stone’s mouth as to playfully shush him up, but actually to subtly remove any evidence. <A flamethrower would be more effective but this will do for now> she thought as she felt a sort of satisfaction in almost suffocating the guy. Stone didn’t lose his composure and with a quick move he took her wrist, twisted it lightly, kissed her hand and smirked. “As you wish, Miss! How can I say no to such a gentle request?” Everybody turned to look at them with their faces scrunched up like crumpled paper; the color drained immediately from Sara’s face when she realized that all her previous caution had just been destroyed by the cocky attitude of her ex-friend. Silence was reigning until Ament cleared his throat: “Ok ok, considering everybody’s at least as wasted as Stone, we clearly can’t do anything now anyway” he paused and looked at Stone and Sara with a weird feeling gnawing at him that he couldn’t put a name on “You’re right, Ed, we’ll think about it tomorrow” “... Confetti hole” Lukin said out of the blue, while Chris turned the music back up and everyone went back to their own business. “Yeah, 1991 started with a bang” Steve snorted. “It looks like the sun” his friend said seriously. “Midnight sun” “Confetti sun, like it looks like the sun but it’s fake” “Uh-uh” “Confetti hole sun. Wouldn’t it be a great song title?” Lukin’s face suddenly lit up like a Christmas tree. “Yeah yeah, sure. Come on, let’s go have a drink” Steve shook his head and led his bandmate to the kitchen as the party slowly started again.

#Eddie Vedder #Jeff Ament #Pearl Jam #Eddie Vedder fanfiction #Pearl Jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #Jeff Ament fanfiction #Birds of a Feather #chapters

[aishnico]

#𝙀𝘿𝘿𝙄𝙀 𝙑𝙀𝘿𝘿𝙀𝙍: 𝘨𝘳𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘭

» summary: one day, you told your daughter how you got that green seashell inside your locket

» word count: 2.2k

» warnings: major fluff to angst (I SWEAR YOU WON’T REGRET READING PT 2)

» inspired by sarah jio’s always novel.

» part 2

it was a sunny afternoon. you were drinking your ginger tea and watching your daughter drawing a big, blue castle which she was inspired by a cartoon she watched this morning. you were feeling peaceful. waiting for your husband to come back from the bazaar.

"ta-daa!" she cheered at you while showing you her picture. you smiled and praised her for her work. then took it into your hands. she added sun, sea, and seashells inside the sea. they were in different colours. when you saw a green one, you couldn't help but caress your locket.

"do you wanna know what's inside there?"

she nodded quickly and you took off it from your neck and put it on the table, then opened the locket. she couldn't help but loudly gasp when she saw the green seashell inside of it.

"wow! that looks really beautiful and unique, mommy, where did you find it?!"

you couldn't help but smirk when she asked you this. "i didn't, someone else found and gifted it to me."

"then you must be really important to them, i mean look at that, not everyone gifts something like that!"

you smiled at her, "yeah, guess who did?"

she thought a couple of seconds and gasped again suddenly. "daddy?!" you smiled and nodded. "do you wanna know the story behind it?" she nodded again quickly. then you start to look from the window and you saw a beach where things have started.

— 1984

it was a sunny afternoon in chicago. there were a couple of weeks before the start of your college, in seattle. so before moving there, you decided to spend your last weeks with your family. and here you were, collecting seashells with your little brother on the beach. you got tired after kneeling up and down every few seconds under the sun. you then frowned "why are you collecting these so much, what are you gonna do with them anyway?"

"i'm gonna make a huge castle from them with clay!" he didn't mind your indifference. you rolled your eyes and looked at the rough and light blue coloured sea. there were a lot of people on the beach, but not a big amount of them were swimming. some people were surfing too. you were fascinated by them, especially by a man who was short and brunette with blue eyes.

"look!" he suddenly shouted at you. "it has a hole in it, i can make it into a necklace! can you put it in a safe place, please?" you sighed and nodded to his request and after taking it from him, you went to your sunbed. you put the seashell inside the bag and you certainly didn't expect to see that man you were fascinated by.

"hello!" he said nervously. you smiled at him too. "hi."

"i am, uh... saw how you were collecting seashells and when i saw it, i thought you may like it." he approached you and opened his palm, showing what was inside. you loudly gasped when you saw it. it was a green seashell.

"oh my god i... i don't know what to say... it looks so unreal, are you sure you want to gift me this?" he nodded and you slowly took it from him. you couldn't help but ask "why are you giving this to a stranger?"

"i, i don't wanna sound cheesy but, a beautiful seashell for a beautiful lady, I guess..." you chuckled at his nervousness and looked down. "well, thank you then." you looked at him again and sat down to sunbed. patting your next so he could sit next to you. he sat and you looked at his ocean eyes.

"i've never seen you here before until today. i saw how you were surfing. you do this for a long time, don't you?"

"i came here from san diego a few days ago. and yeah, i've been surfing since 12."

"then welcome! i hope you'll like it here. i'm [name] by the way." you cheered. he smiled at you. "and i'm eddie."

you were talking about your interests until your brother stood before you, put his hands around his waist and looked at you furiously. "are you done with flirting with your boyfriend? because we still have to fill at least 5 bottles!"

your and his cheeks got flushed. you coughed. "he's not my boyfriend." "whatever..." your brother put his full bottle of seashells inside the bag and gave you a bottle. "would you like to help us?" he asked to eddie. he then smiled at him and agreed on it.

you still continued talking about your interests and then about random things. you discovered that he has the same music taste you have. and he was more open to you now. at the time, you realized your brother was far ahead of you. maybe because you were busy talking.

after finishing filling the bottles, your brother thanked eddie sincerely and went swimming. you wanted to join him but you stopped when you saw eddie not moving.

"hey, did something happen?" you asked.

"uh, yes actually. i remembered i gotta go." he gave you an apologetic smile. "will I see you again?" he asked and you nodded. "then will i see you, tonight?" you chuckled and nodded again. after agreeing on which place and in which time you should meet he rushed. "bye, [name]!"

"bye, eddie!"

after you and your brother came back home, even though you were tired, you still helped your mother with cooking. at the table, he was talking about the sea and how beautiful seashells with little holes he found. and of course, he talked about eddie. about how nice and helpful he was. he was smirking at me and i just hit his leg slightly under the table.

it was almost eight, you wore a blue sundress with matching flat shoes. of course, your little brother wished you luck on your date.

you went to the bar where you two agreed to meet. you saw him and waved at him. he was wearing a 'the who' shirt with black shorts. you greeted each other and entered the bar. he was a gentleman to buy you a drink. you thanked him and then sat close to the stage. you didn't understand why, but he looked nervous. so you started a conversation about a random thing. the conversation led to where he was talking about the first time he tried surfing excitedly. you realized that you were smiling at him since he started to talk.

a couple of guys entered the stage and started to play light my fire by the doors. your mouth got open "i love this song!" he smiled at you. "would you like to dance to this song with me then?" you nodded and he got up and gave you his hand. you gave yours to him and he led you close to the stage.

you could feel everyone's gaze at you two. but you didn't care. not when you were feeling excited. you two took a step forward and bowed. you circled each other, your gaze remained locked. he placed his hand on your back, you placed yours on his shoulder and your free hands met. your feet in perfect sync together. as the song progressed, you felt more relaxed and gave him a heartwarming smile of yours. he blushed slightly.

when the song ended, he wanted to walk home with you. you agreed and led him the way. there was a comfortable silence between you. maybe because there were thoughts from this night inside your heads. after about twenty minutes, you were outside your house.

"thank you for walking with me." you said while smiling. he smiled too "it's nothing, just wanted you to be safe.”

you didn't say anything to each other for a couple of seconds. when you looked at your window, you saw your little brother waving at you. you rolled your eyes.

"well, thank you for the night, then. i had a good time. good night." you said to him and before you went the door, he called you.

"wait, [name]!" you turned to him. "i... i had a good time with you too. and, and i wanna repeat this. i want to spend time with you again."

you chuckled. "are you asking me out?" he nodded shyly. and you just kissed his flushed cheek. "i would love that." and after you gave him your phone number and wished good night to each other, you entered your house.

"i liked him from the moment he agreed to help us. he looks nice to be my brother-in-law." your brother smirked at you. but you weren't paying attention to him. you were carefully caressing your green seashell. and you decided to carry it everywhere. you put it inside your locket and wore it. wondering about your next date.

three weeks passed since you met with eddie. you would see each other three or four times a week. some days you would go to new places that he hasn't ever been there, going on late-night drives or chilling at the bar where your first date was.

there were days that you two would hang out with your brother. some days, you would take him to the theme park, bowling saloon, arcade bar, or eddie just trying to teach him how to surf. your heart would melt when you would see them together. he really liked eddie, also your parents.

but sadly, it was your final day in chicago. you had to go back to the rainy city. you wish you would go to college in chicago. you would be with your family, and with eddie.

he knew this was your last day. so you agreed on meeting at the beach where you two met. it was evening, and not many people were at the beach compared to the afternoon. you two sat down on the sand, watching waves lap up against the shore softly.

"i wish i could meet you earlier." you said while smiling sadly.

"yeah, i wish i dared to meet you earlier. i've been seeing you on the beach with your brother before we met."

"but, this is not the end of the world, right? i'm planning to come here in the summer. we can see each other."

he nodded but you felt something hidden in his facial expression. "eddie, if there's something on your mind, you can just tell me." he gulped and turned his head to you. "what i am to you, [name]? just your summer love for a few weeks?"

your eyes widen at his question. you didn't know what to say. no, you had actually. but you didn't know how to put them in words.

"the first time i saw you, you were looking fascinated. i couldn't help but stare at you at that moment. i thought i just liked your appearance, but no. i still wonder how i managed to ask you out. the more time i've spent with you, the more i've fallen in love with you. i love you, [name]." he said while looking at you sincerely. he said these three words for the first time.

you smiled, grabbed his hands and held them. "i, i love you too, eddie. you're not just a summer love to me. trust me, you're more than that. i believe we still can communicate. i don't wanna lose connection with you. you will be always in here." you pointed with your index finger to your locket. he chuckled and his cheeks flushed.

the sun was almost setting. you knew you gotta go. you looked at him with apology.

"before you go, i wanna do something. i wanted to do this after our first day." he got close to your face, your noses touching. "can i?" he asked and you nodded happily. he then connected your lips with a passion. it started slow at first but got heated after. he was kissing you like no tomorrow and you were trying to catch up with him. you saw his eyes got watered and you wiped away them. after seconds, he pulled away and connected your foreheads.

"i love you. don't ever forget that." you whispered.

"i love you too, and i won't forget that."

you squeezed his hands for the last time and started to walk home, crying silently.

your family moved to michigan due to your father's work after your start at college. it was a surprise for you. but you could do nothing about it. and eddie never called you again. you got frustrated and hurt because of it. wasn't he telling you that he was in love with you? maybe he thought it wouldn't work or the thing between us should just stay as a summer love.

then you wanted to hit yourself. because you realized you never give him your number, you gave your house's. and when your family moved, they changed it. when the semester finished, you first went to chicago to look for him. but you couldn't find him. then you learnt that he moved to southern california. you cried, even though you spent a little bit of time with him, you were still madly in love with him. and you never stopped loving him.

#pearl jam #pearl jam x reader #eddie vedder #eddie vedder x reader #pearl jam fanfiction #pearl jam fluff #pearl jam angst #eddie vedder fluff #eddie vedder angst #grunge #grunge x reader #stone gossard #jeff ament #mike mccready #chris cornell #matt cameron #soundgarden #mother love bone #90s

[tryskomys]

Wet Sand

Stone Gossard x OC

Chapter 2 - I’m On Fire

Summary: Let’s meet in our dreams.

masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫

notes: chapter two has arrived! i hope it's not too eccentric and confusing to read, it's the only way i know how. hope you enjoy <3

tw: weed, swearing, psychedelic-headache-inducing imagination. you know those dreams that feel like you've taken a hit of acid and fuck up your day before you can say “these edibles ain't shit”? yeah, there's that.

songs:

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫

A flash of ruddy hair appeared in her peripheral as she felt his warm breath tickle the back of her neck.

“This is my room,” he mumbled in her ear and led her inside a strange place with four walls, a ceiling and a floor. It didn’t look like a room at all.

She couldn’t quite put her finger on it, but it seemed to be made of something similar to cotton clouds, corporeal and see-through at the same time.

In the furthest corner, there was a single bed with bright pink sheets and a small tea table. It had a cup of coffee on top, along with a pocket weed pipe.

Her body twitched when he put his hand between her shoulder blades and extended his other lanky arm to point an extraordinarily long finger at the wall in front of them, landing right on a shiny sunburst Les Paul.

“This is my guitar,” he whispered again, his cold aquiline nose nudging her cheek. She wanted to turn around to take a peek at him, but she felt like she was frozen in time, gliding through the room as he gracefully pushed her further inside.

The walls expanded and shrunk over and over again, swirling like the smoke that was eerily sizzling out of the glass pipe.

“This is my bed,” he snapped her out of her dissociation again, his fingers wrapping around her waist. He led her towards the comfortable-looking mattress.

She didn’t protest when he spun her around and lifted her off the floor as if she were made of feathers.

She was looking right through him, unable to focus on his features, yet she knew exactly where to touch to caress his cheek. She could feel a few small freckles under her fingertips.

He hummed as he laid her down on the bed and straightened up again, reaching for the small transparent pipe crammed with green clumps.

His cheeks hollowed as he took a long, deep drag and then leaned on his knees, puffing the smoke right into her face. There was something inexplicably vulgar about the scent.

And as his hair fluttered under his exhale, it was as if she was simultaneously standing in a field full of wild strawberry bushes.

“This is my handy little grass pipe,” he breathed out the remnants of smoke, his voice low and stoic. Just when his features finally started to take shape and colour, he moved again and blurred into an unrecognizable tall figure climbing on top of her, knees at the sides of her hips.

He hovered above her as he swept her tangled hair out of her face, his Adam's apple moving up and down while he hummed an unidentifiable tune.

The melody was surprisingly delicate and gentle, contrasting his shameless indecency. When she subconsciously tried to look away from his scrutinizing stare, he swiftly caught her jaw in his hand, tutting.

"Nuh-uh. This is my dream, too. Don’t be a killjoy,” he mumbled, somewhat crass. He softly tugged on her chin to turn her head back to face him and when she did, his features finally took shape.

His eyes were impossibly big. Half-lidded with wildly dilated pupils, irises an unidentifiable, harsh shade of green. Encircled with smudges of messy black eyeliner, swirling through her brain like a head-spinning drug.

His lips curled into a cocky grin when a breath hitched in her throat. She reached up to run her hand through his red-tinted hair, but she grabbed nothing but air. He tutted again and slowly shook his head as if he was deeply disappointed in her naivité.

Suddenly, a shrilling high-pitched beep echoed through the floating room and wormed into her ear, pounding her brain like a sledgehammer. Her heart burst into rapid beats when he bent down to her face, a smug smirk still dancing on his angled features.

His phantom lips shivered over hers like a weightless quill, bony ribcage brushing against her chest as he let out an airy chuckle. His words were laced with condescending amusement.

“Oh, right. This is my alarm clock. It always seems to ring by the time we get here. What a shame…oh well. Tommorow, same time, same place. Don't you forget...”

His voice melted and got lost in the loud beeps as the room around her dissolved. Kiki let out a pathetic whine and she waved her hands in the air, trying to grasp onto his shoulders so he wouldn’t disappear with it.

It didn’t work, so she swiftly sat up in her bed, still grabbing the air around her.

When she realized the source of the noise was a blue alarm clock that sat on the coffee table next to her, she grabbed it and threw it against the wall with a childish grunt.

It stopped beeping, but its plastic container broke open and the battery fell out, rolling along the floor and stopping right at her feet as if to mock her.

She huffed, feeling a rush of blood pool in her cheeks as the fresh memory of her dream erased the ugly noise from her mind.

Huh. What the fuck…

She was extremely puzzled as she looked around her flat, finally grounding in reality. One room, that’s all she had, with a tiny kitchen counter and an even smaller bathroom.

Her window led to the street, though, so whenever she crawled out of her bed, she could open it right away and breathe in the frigid winter air.

She rubbed her eyes and looked out, watching as lone cars passed through the mist that settled above the dim streets of Seattle. She smiled to herself.

Could be a worse view.

Getting up, Kiki stretched and grabbed the alarm clock off the floor. She put it back together, finally looking at the time.

5:30. Fuck. That’s late.

She sped up her routine, clumsily slapping on mascara in the bathroom before quickly digging through her suitcase to fish out a clean shirt.

A month in and I still haven’t unpacked, what a well-mannered lady.

She couldn’t find anything, so she frantically looked around the room, kicking a rag and a bra out of her way. Her eyes fell on a white t-shirt that was thrown over the single chair next to her table.

She walked up to it and folded it open, revealing a round-shaped photo of an Indian man with a huge beard, long hair and sunglasses, circled with big words that spelled SOUNDGARDEN.

Oh. Oh, right.

The picture of the unruly guy from her dream finally fully materialized and her already heated blush grew even brighter when she realized that she did, in fact, not make him up.

Fuck. Beanpole.

“So you haven’t been to a gig here yet? God, that’s grim. Soundgarden is a great place to start, though. It’s a bit of everything, but mostly kinda metal-based. The U-Men are playing next week, if you’re into more punky stuff, ” Stone rambled and waved his hands around, which was clearly something he did a lot.

His strides were long and brisk, so she was a bit out of breath as she tried to catch up with him.

He had a big suede jacket on and a fuzzy knitted beanie with a big puffy ball on top.

Kiki had to giggle at his unusual visage, she couldn't put into words what made him so damn endearing, but he had an irresistibly charming skip to his step.

Now that he was in motion, he reminded her of a cub that hadn’t fully grown into its paws yet, his huge feet slapping against the crunching fresh snow, bony fingers wiggling through the air as he enumerated the upcoming week’s concerts.

Kiki threw the t-shirt on and quickly wiggled into her ragged denim overalls, cursing when the fuzzy brown sweater she stuck her head through made her hair stand up and crackle with static.

She promptly looked over at her clock again and tied her boots, grabbed her wristwatch off the table and put it in the pocket of her leather jacket.

As she skipped down the long stairs of the apartment building, she wrapped a long woollen scarf around her neck, scratching her forehead when a piece of cotton lint stuck to her eyebrow.

She hurried to the bike rack in front of the building, clumsily throwing her backpack on while trying to untangle the leather strap that tied her bike to the metal pipes. When she finally loosened it, she quickly grabbed the lock that hung on it, moved the three number buttons in the correct order and took it off.

She stuffed all of it in her pockets, too and hopped on her bike. And then she could finally set off to work, letting memories flow through her head.

“Stoney! Hey, Stoney! Stoked that you made it! Matt shed a few tears when he didn’t see you in the pit,” the seemingly intimidating guitar player called after the two of them, finally hopping off of the stage and excitedly waving to get their attention. He had a bushy black beard and hair messier than a bird’s nest.

Kiki tried to gather some courage by straightening her back and nudging Stone. He seemed to sense the tension in her muscles, so he delicately placed his hand on her back, putting in just enough weight to assure her that he was there.

“Oh, so it is your real name! Tough shit,” she mumbled as they moved through the crowd, earning a hearty chuckle while he answered various calls of 'Hi, Stoney', 'What’s up, Stoney', 'Hi ya, Stoney', 'Stop by for a shot, Stoney' and a bunch of other greetings. “Seems like I’m hanging with the popular kid, that’s an unexplored territory for me.”

“Chill out, you’ll fit in just right. The starving artists of Seattle generally respond well to greenies and you're undoubtedly irresistible.”

Irresistible.

That’s the word that occupied Kiki's head as he locked her bike to the rack in front of a parking lot with the leather strap and lock she fished out of her pockets, but then she noticed there was another, bigger bike next to hers, similarly battered and covered in stickers.

Mötorhead, Butthole Surfers, Nets…

She frowned, took out her watch and checked it before finally tying it around her wrist.

Where did this thing come from? I’m supposed to be starting the shift. Weird.

She sank her ears into the fluffy scarf and headed towards the Raison D’Être. When she turned the corner and reached the door of the artsy café, she took a bundle of keys out of her backpack to open up.

But the key didn't go in, as there was one already slotted in from the other side.

“The hell…” she sighed and pressed her nose against the frosted glass, trying to decipher any signs of life. She knocked and heard an unintelligible answer before a figure rose from behind the counter and walked up to the front.

When the door opened, Kiki found herself in front of a tall guy wearing a bizarre furry hat and a sleeveless basketball jersey, an interesting choice for this kind of weather.

Pearl earrings were hanging out of his ears and his face lit up with a wide cat-like grin. He towered over her, just like…

Dammit, get out of my head, beanpole.

“Can I help you?” the guy mused, leaning against the doorframe. He wore a ring on every finger and multiple beaded necklaces of different sizes and colours dangled from his muscular neck.

What a character.

Kiki chuckled and rattled her key bundle in the air.

“Can I help you? You seem awfully suspicious,” she shrugged and mirrored his stance. He giggled.

“You must be Kiki. I’m Jeff, really a pleasure to finally meet you,” he stuck out his hand and waited for her to shake it. Just as she reached out, he gently took her fingers and kissed the cold knuckles, old-fashion style.

She huffed, but couldn’t help a little blush.

“Uh, that’s me. Great to meet you…Jeff? Oh, yeah! Rod told me about a Jeff on sick leave,” she said and silently thanked him as he motioned her to come inside. “Glad to see you on two feet! Word has it that you got injured in a freaky water polo accident or something.”

Jeff laughed and the youthful energy around him only intensified. He locked the door again and jogged to catch up with her, helping her out of the leather jacket like a proper gentleman.

He had a pleasantly light cologne, mixed with the scent of coffee beans as he was just in the middle of grinding them. And a faint hint of weed that was nowhere near as arousing as her dream made it out to be.

“Yeah, I busted my knee. Playing basketball, just to clarify.”

“I mean, there’s a ball and there’s a net, right? The only basics that matter,” Kiki wiggled her index finger at him and grabbed the barista apron he offered her. It had a bright psychedelic print on it, almost hypnotizing. Jeff snorted.

“Jeez, thank god my friend Stoney isn’t here, he’d fall in love with you on the spot,” he mused and her smile fell a bit, eyes wide.

Oh.

Her cheeks grew red, she tried to play it off by nonchalantly scratching her forehead.

“Would he now?” she smirked and Jeff nodded, leaning against the counter as he lousily wiped it with a damp rag that he took out of his back pocket.

“With that smart-ass-will-o’-the-wisp-punk thing you got going on? Madly,” he looked Kiki up and down and gave her another disarming grin. “Fortunately he’s at work, little baker boy at Grand Central.”

“Let me guess…”

She folded her arms and put on a thoughtful frown. She hoped that Jeff’s comment was supposed to compliment her.

“About yay high,” she raised her hand as far as she could, “…bad dye job, ridiculous scrunchie…” she counted on her fingers and Jeff’s jaw dropped, laughing as she continued.

“...bug-eyed, punchable face…”

Stone smirked as the bearded man patted his shoulder a few times after greeting him and before he could ask about his female company, another man joined them, a mane of curls flowing around his face like a sea of black seaweeds. He had a linen shirt on, opened all the way to his navel. The singer.

“‘Sup, Stoney? The guys went for a blunt but they’ll be right back. Who’s your little friend?” he mused and then stopped in his tracks for a second before slapping the bushy guitarist's stomach with the back of his hand.

“Kim, that’s Keeva. As in Kiki. No way,” he whistled and the guitarist, Kim, raised his eyebrows with a surprised nod.

“Oh! Oh, right! Jesus, hi, we were wondering when you’ll show up! I’m Kim, pleasure,” he extended his hand and Kiki bashfully shook it, her cheeks full of a crooked smile.

The singer chimed in with an introduction, almost cutting off his well-spoken friend.

“I’m Chris, so nice to meet you! We’ve heard about you shredding your way through this shithole, but you never showed up! We were starting to think you’re just an urban legend!” Chris ruffled her hair and giggled as if he was a genuinely happy child receiving a new toy for Christmas.

Stone chuckled, flicking her nose for the sixth time that evening.

“See, I told you you were a fucking cryptid.”

“Sylphs are known to migrate to America during this time of year, Stone. No wonder you dropped out,” Kim added, theatrically widening his eyes as Kiki rolled her eyes and scratched the back of her neck, grinning.

“Cool, so I don’t have to introduce you,” Jeff giggled and adjusted his hat. “When did that happen?”

“Last night. We met on the way to the Off Ramp. We were running late but he took me through a shortcut,” Kiki shrugged, walked behind the counter and hopped up on it.

She grabbed a small blackboard propped up next to the cashier and started writing down the Monday special - Hazelnut espresso.

Chris was a very attractive man, no doubt about it. He was even taller than Stone, but he filled the space around him, whereas Stone seemed to poke out. Even though Chris’s mane of curls had twice the volume hers had, Stone’s hair was somehow messier. Chris’s eyes were a cold shade of blue, but they felt warm and comforting. Stone’s saucer eyes made her want to look away, despite having an inviting golden hue.

He was everywhere, sticking out no matter who he stood next to.

“He, uh…he left an impression, that’s for sure,” she mumbled and cleared her throat, trying to get rid of the choking grip that was his face behind her eyelids.

“Like you wanted to slap him?” Jeff squinted, grinning again when she vehemently nodded.

“He’s good. A smart-ass for sure, plus there’s his whole chess club thing. But he’s kinda a brother by now. Oddly hot, chicks dig him. But don’t tell him I said that,” he wiggled with his finger when she gasped. “Doesn’t play ball, though, so that’s a little dent in his coolness.”

Chicks dig him, huh?

Oh, and of course he plays chess. Perfectly annoying.

“Depends. I mean, I personally never really got the appeal of sports. I’m more of a cheerleader,” Kiki smirked as Jeff’s smile grew even wider.

“Oh man, talk about two peas in a pod,” he muttered under his breath and disappeared into the back room for a moment before emerging with two big mugs.

“Fuck, I almost forgot. I kinda knew you were coming, so I made this when I opened up. Just a little welcome surprise,” he shrugged and handed her a warm cup of tea with milk. “A small piece of home, right? Hope you’re not allergic to milk or something.”

Christ, is everyone here a sweetheart? Talk about culture shock.

“Fucking hell, thanks so much, Jeff,” she pouted, humming when she took a sip. “Oof, it tastes better than my gran’s.”

“Maple syrup, that’s the secret ingredient,” Jeff winked and sipped on his coffee as well. “So, how did ya like Soundgarden?”

“Phew. It was breathtaking, seriously. I’ve never heard anything like that. And everyone was so nice, too. Stone introduced me to the band and stuff. We had a couple of beers, it was great…” she rambled and waved her arms around excitedly.

“How old are you? Can I even buy you a drink?” Chris chirped, squeezing her nose. Kiki grinned at his friendly gesture.

“Relatively fresh nineteen,” she retorted, her voice coming out as quacks as he still held onto her nose. He gasped.

“My god, you’re a baby!”

“Right?! Found her in a corner, too,” Stone chimed in, scoffing when Chris reached up and pulled his nose as well.

“Shut up, Stoney. You’re just jealous that you’re not daddy’s favourite child anymore,” he quipped, let go of them both and put his arm around Kiki’s shoulders. “Don’t listen to him, sweetheart. He may be barely legal but he still doesn’t know proper etiquette.”

She chuckled.

“Well, I don’t have citizenship yet and I’m fully legal in England. Therefore, there's technically nothing to feel bad about as I don’t exist in the federal records,” she shrugged and Chris laughed, the curls bouncing around his face like little black springs.

“Oh, Stoney, she’s a little minx, too. Now you’re in trouble, friend,” he slapped Stone’s scrawny shoulder and ruffled his hair. Stone shooed his hand away and shook his head, hoping his red hair would make the furious blush blend in.

Jeff clapped his hands like an excited kid.

“Wicked! Wait, are you even old enough to drink?” he teased and Kiki rolled her eyes.

“…and then everyone was like ‘Man, thank god Jeff isn’t here, he’s a fucking asshole.’” she added, making him laugh again. “I’m nineteen.”

“Jesus almighty, you’re a baby!” he exclaimed with a gasp and she closed her eyes, shaking her head.

Baby, we’re in the same boat here…

The words echoed through her head as a vicious queue to make her throat tighten once more.

“Here it goes again. Come on, you can’t be that much older!” Kiki crossed her arms and he straightened up proudly.

“I’m twenty-four,” Jeff retorted, but it definitely sounded like a kid trying to sell their age as grown and wise. That made her grin.

“Okay, big guy, I’ll believe that when I see your ID.”

Jeff was about to protest and reach for his wallet, but a firm knock on the front door made them both jump.

Kiki didn’t turn around, instead, she instinctively looked at her wristwatch while Jeff set off to check.

Hm. We open in an hour. Who’s -

“Dammit, Ames, I knocked like four times. If you want a new guitarist, just tell me. Making me freeze to death a bit overkill.”

The nasal voice from her dream created a wave of heat inside her, running through her body like someone dumped a bucket of scorching coffee on her head. She looked over her shoulder and there he was, in the flesh, right in front of her.

He had his big brown jacket on, a puffy checkered scarf bundled around his neck and a neatly tied burgundy bandana. His comically large hands were poking out of woollen fingerless gloves and he rubbed them together, slightly shivering.

When he saw her, he cracked into a wide crooked smile that made tiny little dimples appear on his frostbitten cheeks.

Irresistibly smug.

“Oi, cheerio, Baby! Beautiful morning, innit?” Stone chirped, putting on an atrocious accent again. Kiki narrowed her eyes.

“Well, look who it is. Are you stalking me, beanpole?” she hissed, the corner of her mouth twitching when he chuckled.

“You wish,” he raised an eyebrow and took off his backpack. “I came to welcome my rhythm section buddy Jeff back to the world of dead-end jobs.”

He mindlessly dropped the backpack on the counter and Jeff cursed, pushing it down to the floor.

“Dude, I just wiped it!” he frowned. “Did I miss something? What’s up with the baby?”

“She’s tiny, annoying and says ‘fuck’ like she’d just learned how to swear. Do the math,” Stone shrugged and flicked Kiki’s nose. She slapped his hand away.

“Give him a break, Jeff. It just makes him feel like a big boy,” she retorted and Jeff leaned against the counter, darting between them for a few seconds. Then he let out a huge sigh.

“Oh dear god, there’s two of them now.”

Kiki felt another wave of blood creep up her cheeks as Stone stared her down. He wasn’t wearing eyeliner this time, but his eyes were nonetheless overpowering.

Maybe even more so, strangely glowing in the dim morning light, seemingly lightened by the snow outside.

I don’t have time for this.

She stuck her tongue out at him, hopped off the counter and put the blackboard next to the cashier before turning her back to him. She began rearranging the to-go cups by size to occupy her brain with anything else but him.

He just smirked and loosened the top layers of his scarf.

“Andy’s not here yet?”

“Nope. Haven’t seen him since he brought me lunch three days ago. How was the gig?” Jeff questioned while he wiped off the snowdrops that fell on the counter from Stone’s backpack.

Stone leaned his elbows on it and rested his head in his hands, palms squishing his patchy red cheeks.

“Badass. The EP sounds even more incredible live, now that you have a comparison. There were, like, a ton of new people. Chicks everywhere, like mosquitoes. Hiro got hit in the face with a fucking bra. The whole of Sub Pop was there, too, all four of ‘em.”

“Were the guys there?” Jeff asked after a few moments of silence and the room suddenly filled with strange gravity. Kiki frowned a little and took a sip of her tea, trying not to eavesdrop. Stone sighed.

“Steve was. We kinda waved at each other, but we didn’t speak,” he shrugged and scratched his temple. He coughed to get rid of the strain in his voice.

“I met Baby, though, so that was significantly more stimulating. Intellectually, of course,” he mused and Jeff snorted, looking between the pair.

“Bet.”

Kiki turned around and hummed, still clutching her cup.

“Glad to serve, beanpole. When do I get to see the two of you play, anyway? I’ve heard that you’re hot shit and I’d love to confirm slash deny that,” she nonchalantly crossed her arms but tensed when she saw the sombre look exchanged between them.

Bad move.

“Actually, we just broke up. About a month ago,” Jeff mumbled and tucked the rag into his back pocket again. Stone’s expression turned serious again, hardening like a statue.

“It was for the best of all of us, we weren’t going anywhere.���

He didn’t sound as sure as he probably wanted to. He bit his lip and looked at Kiki as if he was waiting for her reaction. She let out a heavy sigh.

“Christ, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be nosy or anything,” she mumbled and Jeff shook his head, softly patting her back.

“No, no, it’s okay, we sort of initiated it, anyway. Musical differences and all that.”

“They told us to go fuck ourselves because we were careerists,” Stone chimed in and emphasized the word with bitter air quotes, clearly hurt by the sentiment.

Jeff smacked his lips and frowned at Stone, obviously trying to draw a thick line under that conversation. Kiki bit her cheek, thinking of something to say.

“To be honest, you do seem like little gold diggers,” she sighed and they both chuckled, which was a relief. “No, but seriously. Nobody’s punk enough to enjoy cleaning tables and swiping floors and scrapping for food. And if they say they are, they’re lying.”

Jeff and Stone exchanged a small content smile, obviously glad that someone was on the same page with them.

“Yeah. Sounds good if you have three warm meals and a comfy bed secured at home. Like Stoney here. He has a little trust fund, don’t you?” Jeff poked Stone’s chest.

He began to turn red in the face and once again, Kiki caught a rare awkward crack in his facade. She opened her mouth wide and gasped.

“Aw, you have a loving family, Stoney? That’s not very punk rock of you,” she tutted and shook her head, grinning widely when he reached over the counter and squeezed her nose.

“Shut it, Baby. I’m a working struggling artist just like you…fuck!” His eyes widened. “What time is it?”

She promptly checked her watch.

“Quarter to six.”

“Uh, yeah, gotta run. The baguettes won’t bake themselves,” Stone explained, tightened his scarf and grabbed his backpack off the floor. He turned his attention to Jeff. “Be back for lunch, the usual time. My treat today, I’ll bring some grub. Got any grass?”

“Dude, come on. You’ll ruin me. This is the last time, I'm telling you, you’re buying next. I only have enough left for three spliffs, anyway,” Jeff firmly shook his head and shooed Stone away.

Kiki chuckled, trying to shut down her embarrassing thoughts.

She was afraid that Stone could hear them, observing himself puffing a thick cloud of illicit smoke in her face from an obscenely small distance.

He certainly looked at her like he was seeing it as well, a pompous grin plastered on his face as he raised his eyebrows, innocently questioning why she was so flustered.

“Well, you're free to keep my share, weed stinks like a sweaty ballsack. Always, no exceptions,” she added the last part to convince herself. She would’ve succeeded if it wasn’t for Stone’s loud wolf whistle.

“Would you look at that, Ames? We got a good catholic schoolgirl on our hands,” he chirped. Kiki mocked a laugh and gave him a middle finger, using her offensive gesture to obscure the patchy blush on her face.

Jeff giggled, reaching for the coffee mill next to him.

“Leave her alone, dude. I wanna catch a jam with her before she gets a restraining order against you,” he affectionately patted Kiki’s head.

“Don’t care, I’ll corrupt her sooner or later, that’s a cross I have to bear. Are you two free today? Parents are out of town, so we can get that jam off our chests. I get off at five.”

“That’s weirdly specific,” Kiki squinted at him, still red in the face. Jeff’s cheeks puffed with a throaty laugh as Stone tried his best to keep the corners of his mouth down.

“Depends. If you’re good enough, I may cut it down to four, just for you. Now, fetch me a keg of cappuccino to go, fair maiden!”

She gasped and flung her arm to slap his head, but he managed to jump out of her way. Jeff’s chirpy laughter echoed through the room as he raised his arms to keep them apart.

“Okay, Tom and Jerry, knock it off.”

“I’ll fetch you a cappuccino when you fetch me a breakfast croissant, baker boy,” Kiki hissed and Stone broke into a smug grin, skipping away to the door.

“Deal. Be right back,” he waved and walked right into a coathanger. He caught balance pretty quickly, though, and slung the backpack over his shoulder.

“Don’t threaten us,” she called back at him and cackled at his stumble. He blew each of them a theatrical air kiss and backed out of the door, disappearing into the light snow around the corner. Kiki chuckled, staring out of the window for a few more seconds.

The faint cloud of his strawberry shampoo lingered in her head, along with the sweet freezing air that emanated from his clothes.

Kiki had heard some girls swooning over Chris when she and Stone made their way through the crowd after the show. She wondered if girls talked like that about Stone at his band’s gigs.

Considering the amount of chicks that greeted him with the affectionate nickname, the ghastly purring giggles already rang in her ears.

She fixed her dissociated gaze at no particular place in front of her. Chris led her through the small venue to the bar, answering greetings from all sides.

“Hey, you ok?” he questioned and he squeezed her shoulder. She jerked, realizing he was probably speaking to her the whole time. Stone chuckled.

“She does that a lot, just zones out to make contact with the Mothership.”

“Har har, beanpole. Sorry, I’m just…getting a bit tired, I guess. Long day,” she shrugged and gave Chris an apologetic smile.

“It’s past Baby’s bedtime, you see?” Stone patted her head and she frowned, elbowing him in the stomach.

“I’ve spent basically my whole evening talking to you, Stoney. No wonder I’m falling asleep,” she put on a sarcastic smile and emphasized what was apparently the only correct way to address him.

Stone was just about to return the jab when Chris interrupted them with a hearty giggle.

“Shit, didn’t you say you’ve just met? Like, today? Can’t wait to see you twenty years of marriage deep,” he grinned and ignored their heated cheeks as he ordered a round of tequila shots.

After a few seconds of staring through the glass door, Kiki noticed Jeff in the corner of her eye, studiously watching her.

She did a double-take between the street and his smug smirk and frowned.

“'Sup?”

“Nothing, nothing,” he raised his arms in surrender with a small wink and then started grinding coffee again, humming. When she disappeared into the back room with a suspiciously bright grin, he added the lyrics.

“So this is love, mmhm hmhm…”

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[thegeek-s]

37. lovers’ tangle, snakeskin boots, and a spilled candle

PREVIOUSLY: Kat thinks Mark’s been acting strange since coming back but she chucks it off to jetlag and touring induced exhaustion; she rallies some people to go see Pet Semetary together and gets roped into chaperoning Lizzy and Jerry’s date before that, along with Sean, who’s anything but thrilled to be there; the lovebirds in question, in the meantime, are continuing to hold off on unsupervised dating but that doesn’t extinguish any of the sparks and chemistry between them; Mudhoney play their first show since coming back to Seattle and the ambience seems to sufficiently change Lizzy and Jerry’s minds about keeping their physical distance after all.

I’ve been feeling like a damn teenager lately and I really need to get a grip. Thing is, I couldn’t stop thinking about Lizzy the whole day today, basically counting down hours and minutes until I’d see her. She drives me fuckin’ crazy, just the thought of her… Hell, we haven’t even kissed! Isn’t that fuckin’ ridiculous? I did tell her I’ve never felt about anyone else the way I feel about her and I know it’s the corniest shit you could think of but I really meant it.

I splash some water on my face and as I’m straightening back up from the sink, a guy pokes his head into the restroom and tosses what looks like a used condom into a bin next to me. Ah, the undying romance of these places… Actually, funnily enough, Mark has been introducing every song tonight with some weird preamble about love and it’s obviously doing something to the crowd.

And I can’t really fully exclude myself…although I’m not sure if the credit should go to Mark here… Honestly, all I’ve been thinking about since I got here is how much I do want to kiss Lizzy. Which, of course, I’m not going to! We agreed not to do anything until I see Dee. And that’s in a week’s time. This is clearly important to Lizzy and I guess I can see where she’s coming from. Just as much as she doesn’t want to start anything with a guy who’s potentially not over his ex, I don’t want to seem like I rush into relationships recklessly and randomly. So no kissing tonight.

I stare at my reflection in the dirty, fractured mirror for a minute longer after drying my face with a paper towel and finally come back out of the restroom. I sit back down on my stool right as Mudhoney are starting…an actual love song, by the sound of it? Expect the unexpected, I guess… Both Lizzy and I exchange thoroughly amused grins and then I launch into a little impromptu dance, which makes her laugh even more.

“I didn’t know you’re such a great dancer,” she beams up at me.

“I’m a man of many, many talents, Liz.” And I’ll tell you all about them sometime later…

I sit back down and pull her closer, nuzzling my face into the crook of her neck. The sweet flowery, peachy smell of her hair fills my lungs and I think that even if I can’t kiss her tonight, I’m still feelin’ pretty damn happy. She starts humming along to the song, making up a melody that weaves in and out of the dirty, crackly chords. I love how this girl just knows music, she just feels it, understands it inside out. When she sings and hums, it comes out so effortlessly and perfectly. It’s just like talking for the rest of us.

I press a quick peck to her hair at that thought and feel her instantly tense up just a little. I lift my face, intending to apologize for that misstep, but I’m met with her sexy brown eyes and then…then she kisses me! And there’s no convincing required on my part; I bring my hand to cup her face and use the other to pull her closer as I deepen the kiss.

“Wow, Lizzy…” I look at her, quite literally speechless, when we pull apart after very long, very lovely couple of minutes. “I’ve been dying to do that for a while now,” I stroke her cheek with my thumb .

“Me too, actually,” she purrs, just inches away from my face; still so close that I can feel her breath on my lips…and then we kiss again…and then some more… and we kiss the rest of the night away, and it makes me feel like I’m on fuckin’ drugs, and I never wanna stop.

“Oh, hey, Lizzy,” a familiar nasal voice reaches my ears and does it very efficiently, seeing as Stone is standing inches away from us.

Lizzy and I both automatically pull apart just enough to tilt our heads to look at the guy, just to make sure that he’s really there, that we didn’t just imagine him, in which case we could move on and carry on. He is, however, actually there. “Hey,” I lean back some more and bob my head once at him, wondering if I’m smiling too much and what the social etiquette here is exactly. I can’t really feel my lips though so I wouldn’t know if I was.

“Hey, Stone,” Lizzy giggles.

“Hi, Jerry,” he shuffles his usual wide stare to me. Sometimes it’s really hard to tell if Stone’s a walking, breathing genius or if it’s just an empty vacuum behind those eyes… “Kat’s looking for you, Lizzy. She’s trying to go home.”

“Eva doesn’t want to stay longer?” Lizzy inquires sweetly and I, in the meantime, let my eyes roam over her face, down the bridge of her nose, across her skin of softest satin, along her luscious lips, her long, deep-black eyelashes…

“Eva’s not here. I think she’s having a mental breakdown at home or something. Not enough hours in the day, something along those lines,” the doofus continues to converse casually as if he didn’t just interrupt anything. “You’re going back with Mudsellouts.”

“They’re leaving already?” I voice my wonder.

“What do you mean, already?” Stone snorts a laugh. “It’s three a.m.. Lukin already puked all over the urinals.”

Three!?? Swear to God, I would have guessed it’s only been thirty minutes tops since they stopped playing. I guess it is true, what they say about time being relative…

“Wait…so Matt’s driving?” Lizzy’s expression suddenly plunges into a deeply worried frown.

“Obviously not, don’t be ridiculous. Mark is.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better!?”

“It should because apparently, he didn’t have any alcohol tonight. Between you and me though, he’s been acting real fuckin’ weird lately so he might be on something else entirely.”

“Stone!” Lizzy smacks his arm and tries to give him a dirty look but laughs instead.

“I can take you home,” I remember that I can also participate in this conversation instead of just watching Lizzy.

“They’re literally all in the van, like, right now, just waiting for Lizzy,” Stone continues to be the world’s worst wingman.

“You can spend the night at my place,” I blurt out blankly and stupidly as I look at Lizzy.

“No…” She sighs. “I should really get home tonight. But I’ll see you soon, yeah?” She looks at me in a way that makes me feel like she can see right into my soul. Really though, three o’clock??

“Definitely,” I say and lean forward, intending to kiss her, while Stone just…continues to stand there. “I’ll walk you out,” I tell her instead and get up from my seat.

Lizzy and I start walking towards the exit and Stone falls into step right next to us. I give him a mildly bewildered look and his eyebrows dip slightly and…nothing. I shoot him a more obviously confused look and he finally catches on.

“Oh, I’m getting a ride with them,” he nods his head at Lizzy. God damn it, Stone, you fuckin’ weirdo.

I walk Lizzy and Stone out to the parking lot, although I thankfully only kiss one of them goodnight. Turns out, Lizzy doesn’t care about PDA’s, as she sprinkles a healthy pinch of sugar on me right in front of a van full of her friends.

After the Mudhoney ride rattles off into the night, leaving a trace of wolf whistles and drunken laughter, I shuffle my way back inside the venue and head for the bar. If I know my friends at all, that’s where I’ll find them. Although I’m in no rush to see them, or anyone. I might need a moment to process. And to savor.

“Hey there, stud,” Sean’s voice reaches me like a missile. Yeah, I knew it. Him, Layne, Demri, Mike, and a couple other people we know are all draped along the bar counter in some strange, dirty and drugged up rendition of The Last Supper.

“How’re y’all doing?” I drawl, possibly because I still haven’t fully regained feeling in my lips.

“Not as good as you, clearly,” Demri cackles and Layne shoots her a supposedly dirty look along with a dignified ‘hey!’. “Oh, Layne, don’t you remember how amazing and magical the world was when we first got together? Don’t you remember what young love is like?” She flutters her eyelashes at him.

“And what are we now, an old married couple?”

“Still not getting any tonight then?” Sean adjusts on his barstool, turning to me and leaving the couple to their Shakespearean quarrel.

“How do you ever get anyone to go out with you…” I respond with a slow, over-the-top shake of my head.

“I have good hair,” he shrugs. “What do you see in her, anyway?”

“What do you mean, what do I see in her?” My expression of confusion and annoyance edging in is totally genuine now.

“I dunno. She’s…kind of a Olivia Newton-John and you’re definitely a John Travolta.”

“What?” I laugh out incredulously.

“She’s kind of a square.”

“A square?” My tone stays incredulous.

“Uh-huh. She’s probably just in her bad boy phase right now.”

“What the fuck, Sean,” this time he gets a laugh out of me. “What does that even mean?? She’s done coke in Spain, for your information.”

“Oh well then never mind,” he pops his eyes at me as we both laugh. When can I see her next? What’s tomorrow… Saturday. Shit, I work tomorrow… Lizzy doesn’t though. I can drop by her place after work. Is that weird though? Should I just call her? Nah, I don’t wanna call her, I wanna see her. But is th—

“EARTH TO JERRY!”

“Huh?” I flinch back into reality, in which all of my friends are looking at me, yelling and laughing.

* * *

1 year and 2 months earlier

1988 March 12th

“Remember me?” A girl with perfectly messy ashy blonde hair leans into my side in a world's gentlest nudge and then steps back with her hands on her hips and a big smile on her face. Hm, let's see: I ran into her three nights ago at a show (something that's been happening increasingly more often), she came back to my place (a first one), we had sex, then in the morning she ran out the door unprompted, saying something about an accounting meeting she had with a client (after previously telling me that she was a cosmetologist) and somehow looking even better than she had the night before. Yeah... I've been remembering for the past three days, what an odd question to ask.

“Kelly, right?” I grin at her.

“Asshole,” she narrows her eyes, her smile unfading.

“Asshole? I could have sworn it started with a K.”

Despite the lightning bolts in her eyes, she leans in for a kiss, and as she pulls away, her hand lingers on my freshly shaven chin. “I left my scrunchie at your place.”

“Ah well, it’s lost forever now. Matt will have already used it for some nasty sexual game with himself.”

“I’ll come over to look, just in case.”

“Careful though, my live-in girlfriend might see you and stab me in the night.”

“Live-in girlfriend?” Kristine throws her head back in laughter. “Are you referring to your band mate? Because no sane woman would ever live there.”

“Hey,” I try to give her a dirty look but crumple into a chuckle. “It looks a lot nicer when he’s not crashing there, okay.”

“So what happened to your last girlfriend anyway?” The nonchalance is palpable in her voice.

“She couldn’t take it anymore. Gauged her own eyes out and joined a travelling freak show as a Bearded Lady.”

“Can this be your one question you answer seriously today?”

Interesting question for a Saturday night but alright. I take a sip of my lukewarm beer and shrug. “She didn’t see the relationship going anywhere, she said. Come to think of it, we didn’t really see each other that much towards the end. Clashing schedules,” I pull my mouth into a toothy smile, hoping the answer will suffice. I mean, it’s true. There was nothing dramatic or explosive about the end of my relationship with the last girl I dated. She just kind of got bored, I guess. “I think she might’ve said I lacked ambition at one point or another,” I add as the memory surfaces.

“Hm,” is all Kristine says.

“Now you go! Where did you hide your ex’s body?”

“I don’t kiss and tell, Mark,” she flashes me a charming smile.

“Hello, fellow bar goers,” Kim Thayil shows up from the crowd with Buzz in tow. For some odd reason, their appearance makes me become aggressively aware of how close to me Kristine is.

“Is Matt around?” Buzz inquires.

“I’m sure he is,” I say since last I saw him was about two hours ago.

“I’m Kristine, by the way,” she says unnecessarily loudly and we all turn our heads to look at her.

“Good to know,” Buzz delivers flatly.

“Kim. That’s Buzz,” Thayil steps in with his clearly superior social skills. “What’s with the music?” He then points a finger at the ceiling. “Did you request it, Mark?”

“I love this song,” Kristine states boldly and I'm glad she did it first because I was about to make a different comment on it.

“You're kidding, right?” Buzz voices my concern, narrowing his eyes at her. “What's there to like about this piece of garbage?”

“Piece of garbage? Paula Abdul has a great voice, but I wouldn't expect you to know anything about that.”

“Ooh, what a sharp comeback. However will I get over it.”

“Mark?” She looks at me now, with some kind of a pointed look.

“What?”

Her eyes linger on me for a moment before she click her tongue and looks away. “Nothing. I'm bored.”

“You want a beer?” I offer her mine that's only half full by now.

“Yeah. How about a fresh one?” She arches her eyebrows and I assume she is hinting at me buying the said fresh beer for her. Okay then, I guess I'll go do that.

I down the rest of my drink and I elbow my way to the bar counter without too much difficulty. I ask for two of their cheapest beers and as I wait, leaned sideways against the edge of counter, my eyes inadvertently land on a girl some twenty feet away. She’s standing there, eating a donut, completely zoned out, by the looks of it, while her blonde friend is talking at her with animated hand gestures. Somebody bumps into the donut girl’s shoulder, making her red hair slide from behind her ear; she sends a quick glare at the culprit, then slowly unsticks a strand of hair from the donut, and plunges back into that same not-really-there kind of expression.

I come back just in time to hear Kim comment on Kristines boots: “Did you kill the snakes yourself?”

“Is that where the bad music taste is coming from? Bad juju for killing snakes?” Buzz adds, which cracks me up and I almost choke on my beer. “They match the song,” he goes on. Hey now, they're certainly something else but I kinda like them. It's a statement, makes her stand out from a sea of combat boots, I suppose.

* * *

I knock on the door and wait long enough that I’m about to knock again but then I finally hear footsteps on the other side. The lock clicks and the door swings open with a faint creak and I find myself standing in front of Mark Arm. Huh… I know Lizzy jokes about how this place is always full of people who don’t live here, yet I’m still surprised, every time.

“Hey, Mark.”

“Jerry, howdy. Heard you enjoyed the setlist last night,” he pulls his abnormally large mouth into a grin and steps aside to let me in. “Always good to get positive feedback from fellow dirty musicians.”

“Uh… Yeah,” I unwittingly mirror his expression. “And I heard you guys have a new rehearsal space and a career in the U.K.?”

“Yeah, I guess you could say we’re on the international highway to stardom,” he says and then just looks at me with that huge smile.

“Oh.” Eva appears in the doorway of her bedroom with a blank stare on her face. “Hi, Jerry,” she briefly lifts her hand. “How’s it going?”

“Hey, not too bad—”

“What’s up,” Matt Lukin appears in the bathroom doorway. Of course. This place really is always full of random people.

“Hey man,” I greet him as he walks over to the fridge. “So uh… Is Lizzy home?” I…did not intent to sound like a teenager talking to my sweetheart’s parents that much.

“Yeah,” Mark answers, still with that same grin. “I think she’s in her room. Do you want me to fetch her?”

“No,” I answer maybe a touch more vigorously than needed. I’m just not a hundred percent sure that he’s joking. “I know which room is hers,” I assure him as I cross the living room.

I knock on the closed bedroom door a couple of times and hear an instant ‘come in!’. “Hey, it’s Jerry,” I speak into the door crack without moving and then the door flies open, creating a wind tunnel almost strong enough to swoop me into her bedroom, or so it feels…

She’s wearing a silk scarf on her head and a fluffy robe wrapped up around her and I love that she doesn’t care about me seeing her like that. I mean, she shouldn’t, she’s gorgeous! And I really like that she seems to know that, too.

“I was actually just trying to call you,” she quickly lifts up her hand holding the telephone.

“Oh yeah?” I can’t help but grin, ear to ear. “Were you calling to ask me out?”

Lizzy breathes out that melodious laugh that makes my head spin as I close the door behind me. And all of a sudden, it’s quiet.

“So—”

“How’s—”

We both start and both interrupt each other.

“I didn’t even know if you’d be home, I was just…” Lizzy starts again while frantically trying to untangle her foot from the telephone cord.

“Yeah, I actually just came here…straight from work. I knew you’re not working today, so… I hope it’s not weird?”

“N-no, no…”

“You sure? I can leave.”

“You wanna leave?”

“It’s fine, no worries…” I turn my body back towards the bedroom door. What the fuck is going on here?! Like a goddamn teenager…

“No!” Lizzy stops me with a thud of setting the telephone down. “I mean,” she chuckles, “I don’t want you to leave.”

“No?” I feel a smile stretch across my lips and my legs finally seem to remember how to move and bring me a couple of steps closer to Lizzy.

“Nah.”

“What do you wanna do then?” I smirk down at her.

“Uh… We should talk!”

“Talk??”

“Yes.”

“What about?”

“About Dee.”

“What?!” I ask with an incredulous frown, in an embarrassingly high pitched voice.

“I mean, about how we said we wouldn’t do anything until after you saw her,” Lizzy corrects herself.

“Right,” I slump down to sit on the side of her bed. “Right, yeah. We should talk about that.” Right? I mean, I don’t really have much to say about it but it’s only fair, I guess.

“I just want you to know that I don’t regret it,” she sits down next to me.

“Glad to hear. Feels like there’s a ‘but’ coming though…”

“But… I also want you to know that I don’t normally act like that… I wasn’t asking to not do anything until after you saw Dee just to mess with you, you know?”

“I know, Lizzy. I know you don’t toy with people like that, trust me,” I give her a reassuring smile. How is this girl so sweet and gentle and caring, and how did I get so lucky??

“Good. It’s just that…you kissed me and I lost my damn mind!” She laughs out.

“Wait,” I pull my lips into an amused grin. “You mean, you kissed me.”

“What? Jerry! You kissed me first!”

“Nah, I distinctly remember reciprocating your kiss,” I lower my eyelids halfway as I watch the gentlest blush tint her cheeks.

“I would never do that!” She protests.

“You would never kiss me?”

“That’s not what I meant, Jer!” She laughs.

“We’ll have time to figure out what to tell our great-grandchildren later,” I assure her as I lean in and kiss her, because I can’t resist any longer.

“So you’ll see her on Friday?” Lizzy places her hand on my chest a minute later and gently nudges me.

“Who?”

“Dee.”

“Oh, yeah, right. Friday,” I laugh at myself.

“Where?”

“Where?”

“Yeah, where will you meet up?” The girl just won’t drop the topic.

“I haven’t really thought about that. How about on a street corner?” I lean in and kiss her again but a moment later, she pulls away again.

“A coffee shop? Maybe Raison?”

“Are you gonna have Eva spy on me?” I smirk at Lizzy and she quickly denies it with a laugh.

I should be thinking about this more than I am, shouldn’t I? I think it’s gonna hit me right before I see her though; that’s it’s all over and that that’s gonna be the end of our communication really. I mean, it has been over for some time. But seeing Dee in person will completely solidify it and then she’ll go back to Colorado so we won’t be running into each other on the street, and we won’t call each other again. It’s like the opposite of a first date – it’s the last one, in which we discuss our breakup and move on from there. It’s fucking weird is what it is, but I have a feeling I’ll be able to appreciate it later. Closure is important, after all.

“I hope it goes well,” Lizzy says.

“I’m sure it will be fine. She’s not the kind of girl to show up with a gun or a cyanide pill,” I assure her and go in for another kiss, yet again, and this time it seems like her mind’s been appeased some, and she melts into me.

“Hey! Oh! Sorry!” Another person who does not live here rips Lizzy’s bedroom door open and then freezes with a horrified expression on her face. “They didn’t tell me you had anyone over,” she glares at somebody outside the door frame.

“Those guys are such assholes…” Lizzy mumbles. “We were just talking…” She adds an obviously false explanation while her friend’s expression softens into a smirk. “Have you met Nadia, Jerry?”

“Hi, Nadia,” I give her a defeated wave of my hand, unable to keep from chuckling.

* * *

Buzz’s truck screeches to a halt, kicking up a huge cloud of dust. I climb out and while I’m saying bye to him and Lukin in the passenger seat, I notice a familiar blurry redhead in the distance, bobbing up and down as she’s marching down the sidewalk.

“Alright, see ya, Mark,” Buzz gives me a brief wave of his hand before they speed off and I start slowly shuffling towards the entrance to the apartment building.

God, I hate how excited I am to see her. Like a fucking puppy dog. Maybe I could stand to see her less, somehow… Within reason – I can’t do anything about the fact that we use the same laundry room and go to the same shows. But I guess I don’t have to hang out in her apartment so much. Just until this brain fog passes.

“Oh, hi, you…” She somehow only notices me when she’s about two feet away. What a lunatic.

“What’s up?” I inspect the obviously annoyed crease between her eyebrows.

“Not much.” She goes inside and up the stairs and I fall into step next to her.

“What’s wrong?” I rephrase politely.

“Not necessarily wrong, just that I haven’t felt this fucking dumb in a pretty long while now,” she keeps her eyes glued to the stairs, her words steeped in exasperation she’s failing to hold back. Funny you should say that since that’s how I feel anytime I exist around you lately but anyway.

“How come?”

“I had that bookseller interview…”

“Oh. And?”

“They had this stupid fucking quiz at the end of the group interview… And don’t even get me started on group interviews,” she draws a circle of impressive proportions with a roll of her eyes; I guess she’s already forgotten about trying not to sound upset. “The quiz had three parts and… I mean, Edward Abbey? Who the fuck cares about Edward Abbey!?” She raises her voice slightly and I give her an animated shrug, trying not to look too amused. “And how is a quiz with thirty questions relevant at all?? I studied postcolonial literature and graphic novels, how about they ask me about that!? I mean…I read!” She stares at me as we reach the top floor and I nod quickly. “I’m sure I’ve read books that these snobs haven’t. What if I gave them a quiz like that??”

“Uh…”

“I just feel like a fraud…”

“Novak, pull yourself together.”

“Just let me be dramatic in peace,” she sighs out and leads the way into her apartment and at this point, I feel like it would be really rude of me to just go to my own place.  

“Gladly. I promise not to interrupt the rest of the one woman drama.”

“Woman? Feeling generous today, I see,” she eyes me dubiously right before shifting her manic stare over to Lizzy crouched down on the couch, scratching at it with her nails?.. “What’s going on?” Kat voices my exact thought.

“I spilled some melted wax on the couch…” Lizzy grumbles with a heartfelt sigh and Kat steps over to investigate.

“How did this happen!?”

“I was trying to blow the candle out…”

“Dude,” Kat breathes out impatiently, “you know that you need to put something underneath candles to catch the wax. Come on, this isn’t the first or even the fifth time that’s happened!”

“I’m sorry, Kat, I’ll clean it up…” Lizzy’s compliant tone tells me these kinds of scoldings are not completely out of the norm.  

“It’s not hard to just not keep doing it, you know,” Kat goes on regardless. Poor Lizzy really happened to be in the wrong place and at the wrong time, huh?

“Wait for it to harden, it’ll be much easier,” I tell her. “Put something cold on it.”

“It’s going to leave a grease stain on the couch now anyway,” Kat mumbles while kicking her shoes off.

“I’ll clean that too, I have something for that.”

“You’re just spreading it around with your fingers, Lizzy!”

“Novak,” I put my hands on her shoulders and turn her around, away from me, “you and I both know you’re gonna look up all the books from that quiz so how about you go find your library card?” I direct her towards her room because I’m afraid that if I don’t, I’ll become an accessory to a murder – she’ll keep taking her anger over that stupid job out on Lizzy and Lizzy will never stand up to her because she seems to think that the best tactic is to just let the beast keep chewing her.

“Thanks,” Lizzy glances at me with a sour look after I close Kat’s bedroom door. “I don’t understand why she always has to be like that. It’s just some wax. And besides, I already spilled it. It’s not like I’ll unspill it if she just yells at me some…”

“Why don’t you just say that to her?” I ask as I walk over to the freezer and pull out an ice cube tray.

“You ever tried arguing with that girl?” Lizzy says with a shadow of a smile now as I hover the frozen tray above the wax splatter to harden it.

I have and it’s one of my favorite pastime activities. A sport, really. “Fair point. She’s in a bad mood, she just got rejected from that bookseller’s job. I think so, anyway…”

“Oh… See! Why can’t she just say that when she gets home? Then we can bitch about it together or something… Instead, she just takes it out on the first person she runs into.”

Technically, the second person. I somehow escaped unscathed. Uh but that is neither here, nor there, really.

The apartment door flies open and in comes Gwen. “Open the champagne,” she throws her coat on the couch, “first day as an intern at the Mexican embassy has been conquered!” She announces to the room, completely mismatching the mood. That explains the skirt suit though.

“How was it?” Lizzy tries to act like she wasn’t just verbally assaulted by an angry stray cat.

Gwen’s face grows more serious before she opens her mouth, evidently still figuring out her response. “It was great but I will say, there’s…slight sexist undertones…just…everywhere, really. It’s bizarre. Just these little things, little words, little looks…”

“I feel like that should be alarming, considering you’re transitioning from one of Seattle’s shittier bars…” I point out.

“Yeah…” Gwen just stares at – or right through – me for another thoughtful second. “It was good though. And now that I’m there, things will get even better,” she cackles, which I will not question. “We’ll need to go out on Friday to celebrate!”

“Jerry’s meeting up with his ex on Friday—”

“Great, so you’re free! It’s a plan then! You know,” Gwen walks over to the kitchen area, “the stench of sexual tension between you two was getting out of hand. I’m glad we can all stop smelling that,” she laughs while Kat walks out of her bedroom, the same sour expression sticking to her face. She throws a quick ‘hey’ to Gwen and makes a beeline for the bathroom. “What kind of wasp flew up her ass?” Gwen eyes the door that just swung shut.

“Is it wrong that I kinda want her to punch me in the face? Did I just say that out loud? I’m gonna see myself out…” I tip my imaginary hat as I speed walk out the door. I should really go home and think about my life choices while I’m at it.

* * *

“So Jerry and Lizzy are finally done beating around the bush, huh?” Jeff wiggles his eyebrows with a stupid grin as soon as I walk into the coffee shop.

“Huh? How do you know??”

“I don’t know why you’re still surprised that rumors take literally zero time to spread like a wildfire around here. Especially considering that a whole bar full of people saw them last night.”

“Oh, yeah…” I scrunch my eyebrows momentarily, feeling mild annoyance simmer in the pit of my stomach. Not even sure why… I just—I feel like lately, I’m annoyed at the very thought of people having fun and enjoying themselves. Probably because all I do is, well, things I need to do. Things I’ve committed to doing.

“Hey, did you close last night?”

“Yeah,” I mumble as I disappear in the back room and when I come back wearing an apron, Jeff squints over at me from the espresso machine.

“Are you okay?” He asks after a moment.

“Yeah, I’m fine, why?” I slip into customer service autopilot mode.

“I don’t know, you seem off.”

“Someone at the lab fucked up and contaminated all my tadpoles,” I sigh out through gritted teeth. My colleague somehow accidentally used my tadpoles that I’d been carefully monitoring for weeks, causing all my work to go to waste. I don’t understand how, considering that everything, every damn dust bunny in the lab is labelled. I guess some of us missed some stuff in first grade…ugh. I wish I didn’t have to work here today because I really just wanted to stay at the lab for however long it took me to sort all that mess out. Unfortunately, here I am.

“Ah, that sucks.”

“Yeah…” I lean my hips against the edge of the sink as I wash my hands. “And now I get to be here the whole afternoon.” Ugh.

“That’s the spirit,” he laughs, then places a coffee cup he’d just filled with hot liquid on the counter, and calls a Dean. “Hey, just so you know, you left the café unlocked last night,” he returns his attention to me. I remember when I first started working here eight months ago – this kind of information would have been communicated with a pissy pout and folded arms. Now, Jeff’s looking at me like it’s the most boring piece of information that he just needed to communicate. Woah…I can’t believe I’ve worked here for eight months now…

“I definitely didn’t,” I correct him with a slight frown. I know I locked the door, I’m a hundred percent sure.

“Well, it was unlocked this morning so unless somebody broke in just to play a prank on us, you were the last person here before I came in.”

“Maybe you unlocked it yourself and then forgot,” I offer with a half assed shrug and he opens his mouth to say something else but a customer comes up to the counter.

I take the order, Jeff makes it, and once the lady’s been sent on her way with three extra hot cappuccinos, Jeff turns to me again. “That makes no sense, how would I unlock it and forget about it within seconds??”

“I don’t know, Jeff. I don’t know what goes on in that head of yours.”

“Idiot,” he laughs. “I won’t give you shit about it but hopefully it doesn’t happen again.”

Wait a second… I just told him I locked it but he’s still gonna go ahead and act all high and mighty? “Very gracious of you, to not give me shit for something I didn’t do.”

“It’s whatever, Eva. Nothing happened so it’s not a huge deal.”

I swear, I’m gonna stab somebody in the face one of these days… What’s even worse than Jeff being dumb and probably unlocking the door himself and forgetting, is that he seems unable to keep from making jokes about it the whole hour that our shifts overlap. And I’m really not in the mood to argue about it, or even acknowledge him, really. I’ve been so tired and so stressed lately, I’m finally really learning the meaning of picking your battles.

“Are you coming to the park this Saturday?” Jeff asks me while untying his apron. Finally, the asshat’s about to head out and leave me the fuck alone.

“Probably.”

“You didn’t miss much last week, other than Stone having to fill in for you. That was pretty hilarious, actually. He can barely lift the ball,” Jeff laughs at his own joke. Ugh.

“Yeah, I decided to do something more productive and take a nap instead.”

“Just let someone know next time, alright,” he says before disappearing in the back room.

I miss one stupid afternoon of playing stupid basketball with a bunch of idiots and now he’s gonna lecture me about that too? UGH.

“Hey,” our manager practically storms into the café and walks behind the counter. “Did you happen to see if I left my wallet here last night?”

“You were here last night?”

“Yeah, like late last night. I was just dropping off the sugar. Aha!” He spots his wallet on a little shelf next to a big tub of sugar.

“I think you left the café unlocked.”

“Oh shit! Did I really?”

“According to Jeff. You might need to apologize because he can’t seem to let it go.”

“Tell him I said sorry,” he throws me a goofy smile as he runs out the door.

Just then, Jeff comes out from the back, his jacket on and his bag swung over the shoulder. “You all good here? I’m gonna head out.”

“John was just in,” I inform him. “He left his wallet here last night.”

“Oh yeah?” Jeff asks distractedly.

“Yeah, he was here last night after I closed. So if the door was actually left unlocked, which I’m still not convinced that you didn’t unlock it and forget about it…”

“Okay, okay,” he laughs, “I’m not that dumb. Give me some credit.” Not so sure about that, but whatever.

“It was John who left it unlocked then. There, mystery solved.”

“Huh… Weird. Oh well. I’ll catch ya later,” he waves at me briefly and walks out, and I’m just left there, staring at the spot where he just was. Catch ya later??A ‘sorry for being a dick to you for the last hour’ would have been nice, you fucking jackass. Ugh.

#surpriseeee lol #fanfiction #seattle #80s #alice in chains #jerry cantrell #sean kinney #layne staley #mudhoney #mark arm #matt lukin #mother love bone #jeff ament

[golden-gypsy]

Blue

Pearl Jam fanfic

Wrote this one-shot about a week or 2 ago when I was sick and just thought I'd share here too in case anyone wants to read. It's also on ao3 and Wattpad. Hope some people enjoy!♡

And of course, this is entirely a work of fiction. All real characters are just used for fictional purposes and nothing more. No disrespect or anything of that nature is meant towards anyone.

Summary: A young woman travels across a desolate landscape with her two companions, searching for something better. But, nothing is quite as it seems.

Warning: I don't think there's any warnings unless you count pg13-ish sexual content... or tobacco use.

Eddie Vedder x ofc

☆☆☆☆☆

The sweat trickled down the nape of her neck as she tiredly lifted one foot, then the other, repeating the process over and over again. They felt heavy, weighed down with fatigue and the unforgiving heat radiating off the sun scorching them from up above. The cloth she had fashioned into a headband was soaked through with sweat, rendering it useless as she wiped the damp from her brow. It burned as it dripped into her eyes, singeing the surface and blurring her vision more so than it already was. Squinting, she looked ahead, trying to sharpen the lines that had long since become muddled together. There wasn't much to see anyway, aside from a few bare trees and patches of dying grass scattered across the barren and hardened landscape.

“Are you okay, Emmy? Do you need to take a break or anything?”

She turned to the voice next to her. Other than his name being Eddie, she didn't know much about him, but she felt like she knew him somehow. From somewhere before here. From another life, perhaps. Because, she knew for a fact that she didn't belong here.

Eddie didn't belong here either.

“Yeah… I think I could sit down for a minute.”

He smiled at her, the slight indent of his dimples barely visible, and pointed to a weathered tree not far ahead. “Let's go there. We'll at least get a little bit of shade.”

She nodded, adjusting the bag she carried on her back and glanced back at the rusted wagon that Eddie was pulling behind him. Mike was asleep in there, face covered with a hat to protect his skin from the sun. They had stumbled across the young boy in a dilapidated house when they were seeking shelter one night. He was alone, said his parents had left to find food but never came back. She and Eddie had waited there with him for close to a week before they were able to convince him to come with them. Mike's parents weren't coming back; she doubted they were even still alive. They asked what few passers-by they crossed paths with if they had any news of his parents, but thus far it had proven to be a useless endeavor. That was another thing though.

Mike didn't belong here either.

They reached the tree, and while the shade was meager, her overheated skin still thanked her for the respite. She pulled the straps of her bag off her shoulders, letting it drop to the ground while she rolled her aching neck in circles. The headband was saturated with sweat, so she untied it, letting her hair fall to her shoulders as she shook it loose. Her curls were dingy and perpetually caked with dust. She couldn't remember a time when they weren't, but she liked to imagine that her dusky hair was once vibrant with color… once upon a time ago.

She had a feeling though…

That somewhere beyond the desolate backdrop, there was a utopia full of everything from her most magnificent dreams.

She knew she didn't belong here.

Eddie was crouched on the ground, unlatching his guitar case. She couldn't remember meeting Eddie; it was like he'd always been there. His guitar as well. How many times had she tried to convince him to get rid of it? It took up space; it wasn't a necessity, but it was all in vain. Eddie was one with that guitar. It was a part of him, and as she watched while his fingers ran lovingly down its neck, she wondered what that might feel like. To be loved by someone like Eddie, cherished even. She couldn't remember if she had ever been loved by anyone.

She didn't mind the guitar so much anymore.

How many times now had he lulled her to sleep with soft strumming and the earthy baritone of his voice? How many times had his blue blue blue eyes met hers while she tried to pretend she wasn't watching him play? How many times… how many times… how many times… she rested her head on his shoulder as he played something she had never heard before. Something new.

Something strangely familiar.

His hair was pulled back, but a few strands had come loose, the earthy stands tickling her forehead. Earthy like his voice. That was her favorite way to describe Eddie. Earthy. A steady, grounding presence who kept her knees from buckling due to the shaking ground beneath her feet.

She couldn't remember a time without Eddie.

The song he played was ethereal in a way. Otherworldly. Like it could guide her through a maze of darkened tunnels, and at the end would be the utopia she dreamed of. Rushing waters, a lush landscape, and she would reach up to sift her fingers through a passing cloud as she drifted down to meet them. For Eddie and Mike would be there too.

Because they didn't belong here.

None of them did.

“What's the name of that one?” she asked after the echo of the final chord faded away.

“Oceans.”

She shifted so that she was looking up at him, his jawline coated in a light stubble. “Hmm… do you think we'll ever see the ocean?”

He smiled down at her, and she wished she could breathe it in. “I have seen the ocean.”

“When?”

“A long time ago.” His face lowered to his guitar again, eyebrows pulled together. “Sometimes I wonder if it was real.”

“I don't think I'll ever see it.”

His eyes met hers again, and they were blue blue blue.

“Maybe you already have, and you just don't remember.”

She watched him, and she could envision him at the ocean. A lone figure on the beach, hair damp from the water instead of sweat and his feet buried in the sand. Maybe that's where he belonged. And she wondered… if maybe she was there with him, in that time she didn't remember. The time before all of this. There would be two figures instead of one. Maybe that's where they both belonged.

She hummed as the images filtered through her head. “What's the song about?”

His grin turned shy as he looked down at his guitar, plucking a few strings before blue became all she could see again. It filled her up and elevated her to the highest of places.

“You've got freckles.”

“What?”

“From the sun.” He wrinkled his nose. “Right here on your nose.” His thumb gently swiped down the side of hers.

“Oh.” Her fingers ran over her nose, down the side of her cheek. “I didn't realize.”

“It's cute.”

She didn't realize it at the time, but he never answered the question. He was good at that, evading, only offering bits and pieces at a time. Maybe that's because she had nothing to give in return. After all, she couldn't remember her life before Eddie. 

“I'm hungry.” 

Mike's voice startled her, and she jumped as she peered over her shoulder at him. He was sitting up in the wagon, long dark hair matted on one side of his head. Persuading him to sit still while she brushed it was never easy, but cutting it was not an option. Anytime the suggestion was made, he recoiled, tears welling up in his sad brown eyes. At some point, she'd have to trim it though. It was already well past his shoulders.

Eddie nudged her with his elbow, drawing her attention back to shades of blue. “By the time we finish eating, it'll be getting dark. Why don't we just stay here tonight?”

“Out in the open?”

“It's far-off from the road.”

“Do you think we'll be okay?”

“Don't worry.” He smirked, his dimples making another appearance. “I won't let anything happen to you.”

She rolled her eyes and stood up to grab the canned vegetable soup from her pack. “I can take care of myself.”

“I know.”

They were running low on food, but that was something to worry about tomorrow. Maybe they'd find another abandoned store or a community with some friendly people, but that was something to think about tomorrow. Tonight, they'd fill their bellies with the soup she cooked on the fire, and maybe Eddie would tell them stories of distant and not so distant places that would ignite her imagination into roaring flames.

The temperature always dropped once the sun set, from one extreme to another. She wanted nothing more than to keep the fire burning, but it would attract attention from those who could possibly be traveling along the far-off road or beyond. And if there was one thing she could never forget, it was that it was that the people who roamed at night often carried ill intentions.

So, the three of them sat wrapped in blankets around the dying campfire, counting down the long-forgotten minutes until sleep claimed them. Tomorrow, the worries would return, and they would set out on foot towards their next destination… whatever that may be. And it would go on and on and on, with no end in sight. Sometimes she wondered where exactly they were trying to get to.

“Will you play a song, Eddie?” Mike asked, his face peeking out from under his blanket.

“Um, yeah. What do you wanna hear?”

Emmy sat forward, wrapping her blanket tighter around herself. “Play the one you played earlier. Oceans.”

His eyes caught hers with a soft smile, and he reached for his guitar. An extension of himself, and she could see the sea of blue that encompassed him.

She didn't mind the guitar so much anymore.

He played the song, and it was just as lovely as before. Maybe more so, if such a thing were even possible. If he wasn't the ground beneath her, she'd worry that it would split open and swallow her whole. But, Eddie was the earth, and his eyes were the sky, and the ocean was his essence. She was waiting for the day when he'd spread his wings and fly.

But…

She didn't recall a time before Eddie. 

And she didn't know if time would remain after Eddie. 

The weight on her arm was nothing more than a sleeping Mike, lulled to sleep by the sound of earth's embrace. She understood; how many times had that happened to her now? Countless upon countless, dream after dream. A million different lifetimes that were somehow carried by the same background music.

She wondered what she'd dream of tonight.

She actually kind of liked the guitar now.

Eddie carried Mike to the wagon, lined with a blanket to add some cushion. She and Eddie would lay their blankets on the ground nearby, using their packs as makeshift pillows. They never slept at the same time though, alternating who kept watch while the other one would try to secure a few hours of sleep. The persistent fatigue was a never-ending battle.

“I'll take the first watch,” Eddie said after Mike was secure in the wagon.

“You barely slept at all last night. I'll take first watch.”

“I don't need a lot.”

“Just try then. I'll wake you up before too long.”

That was a lie. If he succeeded in falling asleep, she wouldn't wake him any sooner than need be. Maybe she wouldn't wake him at all. Eddie was constantly going without, letting her sleep that extra amount of time while his own body was further depleted of energy.

She would be fine, sitting and watching the stars, knowing that Eddie and Mike were safely sleeping beside her.

She didn't know how life would be without them.

Her back was against the weathered tree as she sat, listening to sounds of their breathing fill the night. Everything else was silent. She felt like maybe she remembered the chirping of crickets, maybe the hoot of an owl, but she couldn't recall where those thoughts came from. But, it seemed like, at one point in time, that the night wasn't engulfed in such silence.

Their breathing was a comfort though. It was a reminder that she wasn't alone. Even though she would never admit it, that was what scared her the most. Being alone in the world the way it was. She had people to take care of her though, and in turn, she would take care of them too.

“Emmy?”

Her head was tilted up toward the sky, and she turned to see Eddie lying on his side with his head propped on his arm. His hair was a wild tangle of curls around his face, and she wanted to reach out to smooth it away with her fingers, but she didn't dare do so.

“You're already awake?”

“You let me sleep too long.” His voice was raspy with sleep.

“Not long enough.”

He shook his head and patted the space next to him. “Come sit with me.”

Her eyes stayed focused on his smile as she sat beside him, legs folded underneath her.

“Not like that.” His arms reached towards her, hands pulling her down faster than her body would allow her to react. 

She lost her breath temporarily, as if she forgot how. His face was so close to her own that maybe her not breathing was a conscious choice, fear that any slight movement would cause the moment to disappear. They were facing each other, side by side under a dingy blanket, his hand resting lightly on her hip. If she moved or even breathed, she worried she would lose the warm weight of his hand. She wanted it to stay.

She wanted him to stay.

“That's better,” he said, his thumb moving up and down, up and down.

“What was wrong with how I was sitting?” she dared to ask.

“You looked uncomfortable.” He lifted his shoulder in an easy shrug.

The motion caused her hand to shift, and she noticed… only then… the placement on his chest, below his shoulder, almost where his heart dwelled. She could feel the beating underneath the palm of her hand, a steady pulse to show that they were living and breathing… and existing. Her fingers curled into the thin fabric of his shirt, a reflex, almost as if she wanted to soak in the life that thrummed beneath her fingertips. Draw it closer. Bask in the light that radiated off the earth and the sky and the ocean.

“We both can't fall asleep.” Her voice was a whisper, flitting away on tiny, shaking wings. 

“I'm not falling asleep. I just want to lie here with you for a while.”

“Okay.”

“Okay.”

She thought again of the song he played earlier, Oceans, and how he said he had seen the ocean before. All she could remember of her life were days spent walking on the lifeless world she found herself in. It didn't seem real that oceans could even exist, but she believed what Eddie told her was true. She knew he would never lie to her. That was one of the few things she could count on, and it was so rare to have anything to count on.

“Why are you so tense?” he asked, and she didn't have to look to know he was smiling.

“I'm not.”

“You should relax.”

“I am,” she countered.

“You're not. Am I making you nervous?”

She allowed her gaze to lift up to blue blue blue, his worry showing itself in the lines creasing his forehead. He had a way of transitioning so easily from playful to intense. It made her head spin at times, dizziness just by being in his presence.

Her fingers smoothed over the fabric of his shirt. “You could never make me nervous, Eddie.”

That wasn't quite the truth though. Eddie made her nervous all the time, simply with his close proximity. It was such a strange swirling of contrasting feelings… because he was a comfort too. He comforted her all the time. That very same mixture swelled up inside her with the touch of his fingers on her bare skin, just underneath the hem of her shirt. It was a hesitant touch, like maybe how he would dip his toes in the ocean water to test the temperature. She could see him doing that.

She could also see him running in at full speed.

“Can I ask you a question?” she breathed as his fingers ghosted higher.

“Of course.”

“Do you think we'll ever find what we're looking for?”

She watched as his eyelashes brushed against the tops of his cheeks, and she wanted to run her fingertips just underneath them. But, she didn't dare do so.

His fingers were higher still, moving along her ribcage, and her skin tingled everywhere he touched. For who can say they were touched by the earth and the sky and the ocean all at once? The feeling was new, yet familiar. He was familiar, and he was here with her, there with her… just as he'd always been.

They didn't belong here.

Those same eyelashes rose again, and time could have stopped for all she knew. Maybe it already did. Maybe these were the last moments she'd spend on this godforsaken land. That would be alright with her. She'd see Eddie in the next life and the one after.

“I think…” he said as the tip of one of his fingers brushed against the underside of her breast. “I think that we already have.”

Was he right? They had each other. The three of them. They were something like a family.

A family…

It was getting harder to think. Her mind was hazy, and all she could see was blue blue blue. It was everywhere. In the sky above her, in the earth beneath her, in the ocean that she may or may not have seen. It was in the touch of his warm fingers on her cool skin, imprinting her with currents of blue. It was in her thoughts, as all she could focus on was how she wanted him to move his fingers higher still.

And he did… 

And he did… 

And he did.

“I can still see the blue in your eyes, even in the dark.” His voice was a gentle wave, washing over the sea of blue. 

“Me too.”

His fingers moved in such a deliciously tortuous way, and nothing else existed in that moment aside from the two of them. She could see him through the fog of her vision as if he were the only thing that made sense. The only thing that was clear. The only thing that was true in their world full of deceit. His lips only barely brushed against hers for a fraction of a second, maybe less, but it was something she'd never experienced before. The frailty of the wind seemed to pick up speed. The tree behind them seemed to shake from its roots to the tips of its branches. The ground seemed to tremble as if their world would soon fall apart.

The air changed, and it was magnetic. It was dragging her away as she fought to stay closer.

Could Eddie feel it too?

It was only less than a second, but the signs were there.

“I had a bad dream.”

Mike.

They pulled away from each other simultaneously. She could see hints of fervor in that blue blue blue.

Maybe Eddie did feel it too.

“Come on,” she told Mike, lifting the blanket. 

Eddie patted his head, exhaling slowly. “I'm going to go keep watch.”

Her eyes unintentionally followed him as he took her former place at the base of the weathered tree. He leaned his head back against the trunk, gazing at the stars between the gaps in the branches, and she thought maybe Eddie could reach out and grab one if he felt so inclined. Something about him told her that it would be possible for him to.

Mike curled up next to her under the blanket, soon fast asleep. It wasn't long before she drifted off herself, thinking about Eddie and the stars in the sky.

She dreamed of the ocean that night, of what she thought it might be. Mike was sitting beside her on the sand as they built a castle. An elaborate castle, with turrets, walkways with parapets, and a moat surrounding the outside of the castle walls. It resembled what she thought a castle might look like, for she'd never seen a castle before, and it grew higher and higher, wider and wider. Mike's laughter danced across the surface of the sand, and she'd never seen him so happy. She wanted the sounds of his laughter to last forever.

A shadow was cast over their ever-growing castle. She knew not to be frightened though. It was a face she'd seen time and time again. His hair was damp from water instead of sweat, and his feet were buried in the sand. The light reflected off his eyes, and they were a bright, clear blue blue blue. They were almost crystal-like, and he stood in front of the sun so that the yellows and oranges surrounded him in a brilliant halo sent from the heavens above. He was beautiful. Painfully so. And she wanted to reach out and touch him, but she didn't dare do so.

This was where Eddie belonged.

He stood over her, tucking a water-soaked curl behind his ear. “I thought I might find you here.”

“You did?”

“Of course.” The corners of his eyes crinkled when he smiled. “This is where you belong.”

And that's what she wanted.

She wanted to belong.

The next day was the same as any other. They woke up and ate some dried-out bread she had made some days before, taking small sips of water. Everything had to be taken in moderation; none of them knew when they would stumble across more supplies or even a source of water. They carried four jugs for water and only had two left that were full. She always found herself becoming anxious once they reached the two-jug mark. The water went too fast, and she wished they could find a way to carry more… not just water though, more of everything.

But, more than anything, she wished the land around them wasn't dying.

Eddie didn't mention anything about the night before… but then, she didn't either. A part of her couldn't help but wonder if it even happened. But, she could still feel the sensation of his touch along her skin, and she shivered more than once even in the unforgiving heat of the daylight. So… it had to be real. It couldn't have been just a prelude to her dream from last night.

Her dream… 

The utopia that she prayed for every night to magically appear just beyond the next hill.

Or maybe the next…

The last hill.

“I hope we find water today,” she said after they had walked a long while in silence.

Eddie turned to her, a hint of a smile playing along his lips. “We'll find some. Don't worry.”

Her eyes were drawn automatically to his mouth, the curve of his lips, the indent of his dimples. The brief moment in time when she felt them against her own was permanently ingrained in a corner of her mind. She'd keep it there and pull it to the forefront every so often to reminisce upon in case it were to never happen again; she didn't want to forget.

Eddie's grin grew wider, and she knew he must have noticed her staring, stealing fleeting glances as they walked and walked… and walked. His pace slowed, and he inched closer to her, holding out his hand without saying a word. She looked down at his fingers stretched out toward her, his grin softening as he took in her hesitancy. But, she didn't want to think too much about it and whatever implications it could hold. It may have meant nothing but merely a friendly gesture, and she didn't want to think of the burning that would leave inside.

She interlaced her fingers with his before her doubt could lead her away. Because she wanted to be closer to Eddie, and she smiled to herself with the knowledge that maybe she already was.

He gave her hand a gentle squeeze as they continued walking. “You should smile more often.”

And she realized that maybe she should.

They didn't take many breaks as they traveled, wanting to cover as much distance as they could before the sun set. The landscape hadn't changed at all throughout the last days and the nights and the yearning for something more to come along. As it did every day, her vision became blurry in the blistering heat, the outer edges turning in their slow and lazy vibrations. The sweat trickled down her back, clogged up her nose, and caused her clothes to attach to her skin. But, she still held Eddie's hand as they wandered forward, and he never tried to pull away as he walked in the center of their group. Her on one side and Mike on the other.

They were almost like her family.

Maybe they were her family, one that she created all on her own.

“Hey, what's that?” Mike asked, his tiny hand pointing up ahead.

She saw it then, a wooden house in the distance. Chances were it was abandoned, and they could only hope that it wasn't cleaned dry from previous passers-by. It was rare to find a solitary house that was still lived in. Sometimes they'd come across small communities, communal-type living where everyone played a role, and in return, protection was provided through larger numbers. She never questioned why they didn't stay in one of those communities. It would have seemed like the wise thing to do, but it never fit quite right. There was something else waiting for them out there, and it propelled their feet to keep moving.

But, to find a lone lived-in house? That was the biggest rarity of all. Simply because it was too dangerous, too easy for someone to come in and take over. Some of the things that people would do were too horrific to even think about.

As they neared the small wooden house though, the sight of something caused her to grip Eddie's hand tighter, caused him to let go of the wagon to shield Mike with his other arm.

Not something though.

Someone.

Two someones rocking on a swing on the front porch.

One of them had his long brown hair pulled back in a ponytail, taking a slow draw of the cigarette sitting between two fingers. The other one looked taller, and he wore a straw hat decorated with a blue and purple striped band covering his long blonde hair.

She let go of Eddie's hand and took a few steps closer.

“Emmy, what are you doing?” he asked urgently.

She ignored Eddie and spoke to the two men instead. “I know you.”

“Yup,” the one with the cigarette replied.

What was his name?

Her feet carried her up the few rickety steps until she stood before them. She heard Eddie telling Mike to stay back before the creaking of the steps told her that Eddie was behind her. Really though, she didn't need to hear the steps to know; she could feel his presence from anywhere. 

He was her earth and her sky and her ocean all at the same time.

She pointed to the cigarette that ponytail held. “Can I have one?”

Stone. His name was Stone.

“I didn't know you smoke.” Eddie's puzzled voice behind her shook her eardrums, as only the earth could.

She didn't either, but it seemed like something she'd do. In that moment.

“There's a lot about me you don’t know.”

His eyes flickered over the features of her face before he answered. “I know.”

The one named Stone handed her a cigarette and held up the lighter to ignite the tip. She leaned forward to accept the open flame, but instead of hazel hues, she was met with blue blue blue. As far as her eyes could see, it was blue.

She inhaled the burning smoke down her throat, into her lungs, staring into Eddie's searching eyes as he passed the lighter back to Stone. He had a way of looking past her, through her, into the heart of her that she didn't know existed. It was in that way that he could both calm her and send a shock through every nerve in her body.

But, she knew now where he belonged, and it wasn't here. 

She hoped she could remember.

Eddie delicately removed the cigarette from her fingers, before she was even done with her exhale. As he brought it to his own lips, she was reminded of their almost kiss, how his mouth was now where hers once was. It was silly to think of something like that at that moment, but one can hardly help where the mind wanders at times. Even at this most critical juncture, when her thoughts should have been elsewhere, it was always him. Always.

“What is this place?” Eddie asked the two men on the swing, his eyes never straying from hers.

The one in the hat answered. “You don't wanna go in there.”

And his name was Jeff. 

She knew that now.

Eddie's head jerked to the side. “Why not?”

“Because no one who goes in there ever comes out,” Jeff said.

There was no explanation why. It was simply that. She knew it to be true though… somehow. Maybe for the same reason that she knew their names. Stone and Jeff. They were strangers, but still she could recognize their faces.

She stepped around Eddie, coming to stand in front of the door that led inside the house that was full of unknowns. It could be her demise, but she had to go open the door.

Eddie's hand found hers again. One last time. Or not. The possibilities were endless. “What are you doing?”

“I have to go in.”

“Why?”

She couldn't give him the answer he wanted, whatever that was. Her head shook as she gazed into those eyes that were so blue blue blue, the song he sang playing in her head as she saw his hair damp from water instead of sweat and his feet buried in the sand. It was the loveliest of visions, and she ached for it to come true.

She had to go in.

“Will you sing that song for me?” she asked him.

“What?”

“Oceans.”

He squinted at her as though she were crazy. Maybe she was. “You want me to sing it now?”

“Will you?” She took his hand in both of hers. “Please?”

And he did… 

And he did… 

And he did.

It was just as beautiful as the night before. If not more so. Because while his eyes were the sky, lifting her up so she could fly… his voice was the earth, destined to make sure her feet landed safely on the ground. And the song… the song was his essence as currents rolled above and beneath him, through him and around him.

That's where he belonged.

“I'm scared,” she said after he finished his song.

His hands clasped around the top of her shoulders, eyes intense in that particular way that only he could manage. “I won't let anything happen to you.”

She knew he'd never lie to her. That was one of the few things she could depend on in a world so full of falsity. And it convinced her that she needed to follow through as she reached behind her and turned the knob, the door swinging wide open. It was almost time, but there was still something left unshared. A final chapter to close the story, but it was just part one. There would be many chapters left to come as there was still the next life and the next… and the one after.

Her hands cupped both his cheeks as she held his face close to her own. Closer… closer… and closer still. She worried what would happen as the air began to shift around them. The signs were there, but she didn't want to live in the regret that she didn't know.

His breath fanned across her face as he drew her nearer, and she caught it as she pressed her lips to his in what was the ultimate defiance. They weren't supposed to be here, but they belonged somewhere… together. 

And just as Eddie was the earth and the sky and the ocean, she was the fire, burning the fraying ends away one strand at a time. The heat from the flames swelled up inside of her until it was too much to contain. It spread forth, nearly uncontrollable as his fingers sifted through her hair and her hands clung to the front of his shirt. They were the only two left on the planet, and it seemed inconsequential that the ground finally cracked and split, lava spewing forth and lapping at their feet as a cruel reminder of what was to come.

It should have been water.

But, the signs were all there.

The heat burned holes in everything it touched, but he held her close, and she didn't want to let him go. She didn't want to… because as his two lips continued to move against her own, she could feel it. Something new and something oh so wonderfully familiar.

Why did she have to let him go?

She could see him disintegrating away, or maybe it was her. And she wanted to hold on, for she suddenly feared she may never see him again. But, Eddie was the earth, and his eyes were the sky, and his essence was the ocean, and she knew somewhere deep within that he would never spread his wings and fly…  not without her. He would carry her with him wherever he chose to go.

He could go wherever he wanted to go, and yet he chose her.

The water would one day be enough to put out the fire.

And then, he was gone.

… 

…

…

She sat up straight in bed and wiped the cold sweat from her brow. The room she was in was small, too much so to hold many things aside from her bed. That was alright with her though; she didn't require much anyway. The tiny round window gave a view of the artificial neon lights and the smoky pollution that lived outside. She felt like she needed to be somewhere, but she couldn't remember where.

Her head swiveled to the side when she heard a knock at the door. 

“Emmy,” the voice called. “Are you ready?”

“I'm here,” she answered in a voice that she guessed must have belonged to her. “You can come in.”

The person outside her door could have been crazy, but she had a feeling…

“What are you doing still in bed?” he asked as he entered her room.

“Um…”

All she could see was blue blue blue. The neon created dancing light specks in his eyes.

“You need to get up. We're gonna get the shit beat out of us if we're late.”

She was confused, but what he said almost made sense; she felt the ache of bruises on her back. “Late for what?”

He stared at her as if she had two heads. Hell, maybe she did. “For work. Come on, we need to go.”

That's right, they had to go to work. That sounded right… but then, it wasn't.

No, it wasn't right at all.

She didn't belong here.

Eddie didn't belong here either.

#pearl jam fanfiction #pearl jam fanfic #eddie vedder fanfiction #eddie vedder fanfic #bandfic #grunge fanfiction #eddie vedder x ofc #mike mccready - small part #yes hes a kid #stone gossard - small part #jeff ament - small part #grunge fanfic

[fatcoochienergy]

hello all.

i’ve come to ask if anyone would be interested in grunge ship headcanons

i am by no means a writer but there’s a sore lack of grunge ship fics so i would like to contribute.

it would only be ships within the grunge bands and probably little to no oc stuff and no x reader stuff at all.

#grunge #grunge fanfiction #pearl jam #alice in chains #soundgarden #nirvana #foo fighters #stone gossard #jerry cantrell #layne staley #eddie vedder #mike mccready #jeff ament #oneshot #fic #headcanon

[wa1ks]

Hi, i loved your james fic and was wondering if you could do something with with jeff ament, i dont mind what it is, there is such a lack off of pearl jam ff I'll read anything atp :)

AHH tysm nonnie :33 and ofc i'll write for jeff, i mean look at him he's such a cutie. But beware, I've been in an angsty mood.

Reader is Dave Grohl's sister.

CW: Mentions of cheating, toxic relationships.

WC: 700

12 hours. 

It had been 12 hours since Me and Jeff's worst argument. And I haven't seen him since. It all started when I came home from spending the day with my brother. Jeff saw us hug, and I think he immediately went to the conclusion that I was cheating on him. I didn't even know Jeff was home at this point! With the band growing more and more popular with each passing day, we never have time to see each other anymore. So I did what I do best; I cried. When I came inside, Jeff was already fuming and saying shit like, "Did you have fun with him? Was he better than me?" Now, I've been cheated on in the past, so I know how he must be feeling right now. But the difference is, I didn't cheat.

I tried to get him to reason with me and just hear me out. But he was so upset at this point that he accused me of cheating on him. I am so fucking in love with Jeff that I couldn't bear to do something to hurt him, but alas, he was blinded by his love for me. We said some pretty nasty things and then agreed it would be best if we cooled off for the night, apart. That leads us to now. I couldn't sleep knowing I had hurt Jeff that badly, but I didn't do anything. So forgive me if I'm feeling a little conflicted at the moment. But that doesn't matter; all that matters is Jeff, nothing else.

I ended up falling asleep, and I woke up because the door was rattling.

"Jeff, is that you?"

He walks in, and what I see breaks my heart. Jeff is back, but he's covered in lipstick and...hickeys? tears well up in my eyes, waiting for the moment to let them fall when he breaks the silence by saying

"You cheated on me, so I returned the favor. It doesn't feel nice now, does it?"

I couldn't breathe.

He purposefully went out, seeking out another woman, letting her touch him in ways only I was allowed to touch him; he let her taint his skin with her touch. He went out and cheated on me. On purpose.

"Jeff, get out."

I couldn't bear to look at the same man I had been in love with moments prior.

"You did this to yourself," he said smugly.

"Jeff, the guy you saw me hugging is my brother. Why can't you listen to me?"

Just like that, the tears fall, and I realize our relationship has been rocky from the start. Don't waste your tears on someone who doesn't care about you. I tell myself.

"I'll call him right now and prove to you that he really is my brother, but beware; as soon as that phone call is over, so is our relationship, so I suggest you pack your things and figure out where you'll be staying. Because I can't waste my time and energy on a relationship when you're not bothered to put in any time or energy. I deserve better, and honestly, I hope that the band becomes one of the best. I really do."

Breathe; don't waste any more energy on him.

I pull out my phone and dial Dave's number. He picks up.

"Hello?"

"Dave, it's me."

"Oh, hey, sis! How was the rest of your night? Sorry, I couldn't introduce myself to Jeff, but the band needed me."

"It's ok, Dave, but I just needed you to approve of the fact we're siblings to someone really quick; can you do that for me, please?"

I put the phone on speaker.

"Yeah, of course! Anyway, random person, this girl right here is none other than my beautiful, smart, courageous little sister. We didn't really see each other much as kids because of our parents divorce, but we made do with whatever time we got. Time is incredibly precious; don't take anything for granted, random person."

I can see the gears click in Jeff's head.

"Thank you, Dave, oh, and can you say hi to Kurt and Krist for me?"

"Yeah! They'll be excited to hear that you haven't forgotten about them."

"Love you, and take care of me, please?"

"I love you too, Dave. Bye."

I hang up and wait for Jeff to say something.

"Look, I'm sorry, I didn't know he was actually your brother."

"Jeff I said it multiple times yesterday and today. Now I won't ask you twice; get your shit and get out."

He's stunned. 

I grin and decide to go for a walk to cool myself down.

Word of advice: Don't fall in love with a rockstar; you'll just get hurt.

#pearl jam #pearl jam fanfiction #angst #jeff ament #grunge #asks and replies

[glorifiedgpjfic]

Chapter 48

As Jo drove to work she began making a mental list of what she wanted to discuss in therapy, she felt although it was easier to plan what she wanted to cover in each session to avoid rambling and not making as much progress as she possibly could. When she’d first started seeing Dr Isles, she found that for the first few sessions, she would tend to info dump and jump from one topic to another, which, luckily Dr Isles could just about keep up with, it took Jo a while to even realise she did it - so she made a note to be sure to know what she wanted to talk about in each session so she could tick it off as she went. She began trying to figure out what she was actually feeling, it was challenging because she knew she felt annoyed, yet somehow she felt angry, not at Eddie but herself, for not standing up for herself and her job, she felt angry at Marc O’Leary for being a misogynistic prick, she was angry for his first victim who wasn’t believed. But the problem with this anger was that there was nowhere for her to direct it or channel it so last night she had aimed it directly at the one person who didn’t deserve it.

When Jo arrived at work she was eager to get to therapy, she needed to vent desperately. She made a beeline to the office where her therapist was waiting for her, she took a seat opposite Dr Isles,

“Good morning, Jo- How are you feeling today?” Jo couldn’t help but let out a quiet chuckle,

“Well…” Jo then went on to explain how she was feeling about not being in the field and how she wasn’t quite adjusting to the new role, she explained how she was unintentionally growing resentful towards Eddie which she knew was unfair, when she finally finished speaking her mouth was dry and she found herself gulping down a glass of water, Dr Isles pondered what Jo had told him for a few moments.

“I understand why your boyfriend doesn’t want you to be in the field, he obviously cares about you very deeply, I think you feel angry because you aren’t used to having someone looking out for you- since your grandparents died when you were young, you’ve grown up with a very small circle and now that's expanding and it scares you that someone cares about you. You’ve always been able to take risks with your job and do whatever you wanted, and now you feel that you’re losing control in your life, because for the first time ever you aren’t the only character in your story. And you don’t know how to let someone care for you.” There was a brief silence,

“I don’t know what I’m supposed to do, I don’t want to give up a big part of myself just so that Eddie sleeps at night. It’s like me asking him to stop singing just in case someone stalks him- it's unreasonable!”

“Why do you think it’s unreasonable?”

“Because I’m standing down because of a ‘what if’, this job is all I’ve ever done and I’m not dead yet. Why does this have to be the compromise?”

“I can’t answer that, only you and Eddie can.”

At potatohead Eddie was stewing, he seemed withdrawn which in the past wasn’t a good sign for the band, it was Jeff who broke the silence,

“What’s going on Ed?”

“I think I fucked up.” He went on to explain the situation and how Jo had spoken to him, he felt guilty but he thought it would be better to feel guilty than to have to plan Jo’s funeral. But then again he didn’t want to lose her again, he was so conflicted. The guys had very little input, the best they could offer their distressed friend was a place to vent without judgement, which he obviously needed.

Jo left her session with Dr Isles feeling confused, she needed to talk to Eddie and she needed to stop trying to avoid hurting his feelings they needed to talk frankly. On her way back to her desk she bumped into a very stressed Eleanor,

“I need your help,” Jo nodded and followed Eleanor to her desk, “it’s the Bonnie and Clyde case.” Jo felt her stomach drop, this case had been on her mind for weeks; the case had so many parallels to her parents and she knew that mentally she was not strong enough to even think about them. “We finally got them, it’s just-” Eleanor paused, “we can’t get a word out of them, they’ve lawyered up but we can’t find their latest victims.” Eleanor handed Jo a thick brown folder, “They’ve changed MO completely since you were on the case, hell, they’ve changed MO at least three times.”

“Is that what’s happening? Are they changing MO, or are they devolving?” Jo asked and Eleanor couldn’t answer, “So they’ve gone from burglary to murder and now they’ve abducted a couple?” Eleanor nodded, “what do we know about the couple they took?” Jo began flipping through the file looking for details about the couple but there wasn’t much, they seemed to be completely normal.

“We don’t have much about our Bonnie and Clyde, other than their names; Rose Hindley and Ian Knowles, we’ve got nothing on their history, it’s like they never existed.”

Jo was interested to find out whether the names they had were real, she couldn’t help but think of Myra Hindley and Ian Brady and the Moors murders. Were the names just coincidence? Or were they fake names chosen to pay homage to two of England’s most evil murderers? This thought made Jo nervous, why of all the duos would they name themselves after British killers? She pondered whether it seemed like something her parents would do, the truth was she didn’t know. She knew nothing about them, and truthfully she hoped they were dead. Eleanor led her to the interrogation room where Ian Knowles and his lawyer were having a hushed conversation, Joanne was relieved to see that Ian was no older than forty. Jo watched through the one-way mirror as he spoke to his lawyer gesturing frantically with his hands, his eyes were dark and Joanne was eager to speak to him; however, the lawyer was likely to make things difficult.

Before deciding who to speak to first Joanne went to observe Rose Hindley, she needed to try and figure out how their dynamic worked. In contrast to Ian, Rose sat ignoring her lawyer staring blankly at her reflection in the mirror, she was calm and collected; it quickly became apparent to Jo that she was the dominant one in their relationship. Now she just needed to figure out how to get her to talk, in previous cases, Jo had managed to manipulate the submissive one in the dynamic to turn on their partner and spill all the details of the case, she didn’t feel although this case would be quite so straight forward.

Eleanor and Joanne spent a few hours trying to decide how to approach the interrogation and before they knew it the day had flown by, they had decided to leave the pair’s interrogation until the morning. They had informed William of their plan for the morning and he had approved of it, offering to help should they need it.

“Today has been long.” Eleanor sighed as they gathered their belongings at their respective desks,

“You’re telling me, shall we go for a drink?” Jo had suggested and Eleanor had quickly agreed, so Jo had driven them to her apartment where she left her car and they had walked to the off ramp. Jo had noticed that there were no lights on in the apartment suggesting that Eddie wasn’t home yet, which she thought was strange unless he’d gone back to ‘Casa Cornell’ or was still at potatohead.

What was intended to be one drink quickly turned into several drinks and soon enough Eleanor was excusing herself to go home, she was quite the lightweight which surprised Jo. Not being ready to go home just yet Jo opted to stay for one more, which was a lie. She moved from the booth she and Eleanor had occupied to a stool by the bar, she felt out of place as she was still wearing her suit and everyone else was dressed much more casually. She stared blankly into her Amaretto and cranberry and thought about what she’d discussed in therapy earlier that day, she was desperate for a solution that wouldn’t ruin her relationship; but spending today with El and working on the interrogation made her miss being in the field even more. She missed how each case was a new puzzle and how she would be there for every stage, from the crime being reported to the suspects being arrested, sometimes she’d even be there in court to testify, she got to do it all. Whereas now, now she was stuck in a loop of; go to prison, speak to rapists and murderers, make notes, leave prison, repeat. And as much as she had found the research interesting it was monotonous, and she felt stir-crazy.

After a few more drinks she found herself feeling more chatty and upbeat, she struck up a conversation with the bartender and was laughing at a joke he’d told when she felt a tap on the shoulder, she spun around on her stool and was surprised to see Chris standing there with a concerned expression on his face,

“OMG! Cornell! What are you doing here? I am so happy to see you!” Jo jumped up from her stool and threw her arms around him some of her drink spilt down his back but he didn’t mention it, Jo quickly turned back to the bar and ordered a drink for her and Chris but before the bartender could start making the drinks Chris changed the order to two glasses of water, which Jo immediately began complaining about.

“Why don’t you go find us a booth? Somewhere we can talk,” Chris suggested with a reassuring smile, Jo nodded and bounded off in search of a booth. Chris soon joined her with their waters,

“Jo, what’s going on?” 

#pearl jam fanfic #pearl jam fanfiction #eddie vedder fanfiction #eddie vedder #stone gossard #jeff ament #dave abbruzzese #mike mccready #grunge fanfic #grunge fanfiction

[loverockawaitsyou]

I forgot to post it, but I put my longfic on Wattpad some time ago. Unfortunately, I think my work got buried by the algorithm since I uploaded a bunch of chapters at once (I did not upload my chapters individually, or at the same time as Ao3). I’m seeing a smidge of activity there, but Ao3 is my primary spot for fics, especially my one-shots.

I made a cute cover, though.

...And as always, smut advisory!!!

#wattpad #fanfiction #grunge #90s #writing #fanfic #rockfic #pearl jam #los angeles #longfic #stone gossard #eddie vedder #jeff ament #smut #mike mccready #dave abbruzzese

[sisterthecloud]

To all of us Eddie Vedder and Pearl Jam lovers.

If you are into fanfiction read it. It just started but it's so amazing.

#pearl jam #stone gossard #ed vedder #pearljam #jeff ament #mike mccready #eddie vedder #fanfiction #temple of the dog

[wickedworm]

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Pearl Jam, Mother Love Bone, Green River (Band) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings Relationships: Jeff Ament/Original Female Character(s) Characters: Jeff Ament, Original Female Character(s) Additional Tags: Angst, Smut, Shameless Smut, brief mentions of death, friends(?) to lovers, i may or may not be dyslexic so apologies if typos, bass player lovers unite, first fic please be gentle Summary:

Now we're as low as we can get Can't leave and can't forget

#here. just take it. #pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfic #jeff ament

[the-90s-music-colosseum]

What's your favourite piece of propaganda you've received so far

Hmm, tough choice!

Maybe it's the anonymous Radiohead Tomodachi series that resulted in me gaining several dozen followers even though I wasn't the one who made them.

Maybe it's the brief and concise "peggable" that resulted in a completely serious week-long discourse.

Maybe it's the Damon Albarn/Liam Gallagher fanfiction I received during the submission phase.

Or maybe, if we're counting the album tournament, then it's gotta be the "Pearl Jam should win because their bassist is Jeff Ament and you can't spell 'tournament' without 'Ament'" (a piece of propaganda that will inevitably resurface once Jeff's poll is here)

I don't know, there are too many to pick from and you are all geniuses!

#most attractive 90s musician #asks #propaganda

[4birds-of-a-feather]

Chapter 27 - Wonder whose arms will hold you good and tight (when it’s exactly twelve o’clock that night) [part 5]

Birds Of a Feather

A bit late because we wanted to update on occasion of Jeff Ament’s birthday but it’s the thought that counts, right? ✨ Hope you’re gonna enjoy this, thanks for your patience!

(In the previous chapters: after Mike has made her reason, Layla has decided to finally do something about her crush on Eddie; Sara has been enjoying Demri’s company but her mood has been ruined by finding Jeff with another girl in what’s been her room for the last weeks; Stone has witnessed the entire scene and, after some failed attempts by Layla, is resolute to make Sara come out from the bathroom where she has locked herself up)

“There you are!” Eddie came up behind Layla’s back as she was chatting with a guy and a girl who told her they were going to be part of the band’s crew during their first actual tour. She had known for a while that the guys were about to leave to play some gigs outside Seattle but somehow she kept thinking about it as something happening in a much more distant future. Talking with the crew members she realized they were going to go to Canada in a little more than a week and, in less than a month, they’d be off to California. She was thinking about Eddie and the fact she’d be missing him and also that she and Sara would probably be back to their own apartment soon. When she heard him call her she got startled because it was like her thoughts materialized right there beside her. She turned around and saw him standing there, holding two glasses of what looked like red wine, lips curled up in a kind of goofy smile “Did I scare you?” “Hehe no, I just didn’t hear you coming” she awkwardly replied and took one of the glasses from his hands. <It’s a party, it’s loud, you’re not supposed to hear anything, you didn’t need to point that out> “Wine! Good idea! Hey Smitty, let’s go get some for the midnight toast as well” the girl told her friend as they exchanged an obvious look. “I’ve been doing toasts with Cready the whole evening, I can’t miss the big one. By the way, where is he?” “No idea, let’s go find him” she dragged him out of the way and left Eddie and Layla alone. “So…” Layla smiled at him and started to talk but didn’t know how to continue and hoped he would say something to fill the however pleasurable silence. “So… what about Sara? Where is she?” Eddie thought that if Layla wasn’t right outside that door anymore then things must have been settled. “Oh. She’s still in there, with Stone. He’s trying to talk her into starting the new year in a room that’s not the bathroom” she shrugged and took a sip. “Stone? And why did you leave it to Stone to solve the mystery?” the singer asked suspiciously, since he knew the two girls were inseparable and Layla sounded weirdly annoyed all of a sudden. For a fleeting moment he thought she could be jealous but immediately laughed at the idea. “He confessed he was the one who made her upset” “It’s Stone’s fault then? It’s always Stone’s fault”  “He told her Scorsese is overrated and you know she’s a little touchy on the movie department” “Ouch! Yeah, hehe, I guessed. So, she likes Coppola and Scorsese too” Eddie tilted his head like he was assigning new interesting information to his memory and drank some wine while the girl stopped right before drinking. “How do you know she likes Coppola?”  “Oh well, ehm, because… because she said it. Not like she told me directly but I think I heard her mentioning him a couple of times”  “I see…” “IT’S ALMOST MIDNIGHT, YOU FUCKERS! GO AND GET YOURSELF SOMEONE AND CHOOSE CAREFULLY WHO YOU WANT TO ENTER THE NEW YEAR WITH!” Cornell turned down the music for a second to yell his announcement, then turned it up straight away. Eddie and Layla turned their heads to watch Chris just like everybody else in the room and, when the music was back on and their eyes met, the awkward silence was back on. “Err, any particular New Year’s Eve’s tradition in France?” Eddie mentally kicked himself as he spoke.  <What the fuck did I just say??> “Oh, well, yeah, there are many traditions for nouvel an” she answered, taken aback by the question. “I’m all ears”  “Well, people usually go to the réveillon, that is the New Year’s Eve party, all dressed up for the special occasion” “And I see you respected the tradition perfectly” the guy was feeling he was making a fool of himself with Layla but couldn’t help it. “Thanks. Mmm and well, to ring in 1991 the French way the wine in our glasses should be sparkly but I prefer red so I can make an exception” “I prefer red too” Eddie was thinking less about the wine he was drinking and more about the color of Layla’s top.  “And, you know, at the stroke of midnight… everybody wish each other a happy new year and kiss” “Lovers kissing at midnight is a tradition that goes beyond borders, I guess” he watched as couples were starting to appear all around them and felt the urge to drink a little more. “But it’s not about lovers only, everybody kisses everybody”  “WHA-” “... On the cheeks” “Ah!” “Hehe, lovers usually s’embrassent sous le gui” Layla added giggling at Eddie’s funny face. “That is…? They kiss… like idiots?” “They kiss under the mistletoe” she explained. “Isn’t that on Christmas?” “In France it’s a New Year’s Eve thing” she drank up what was left of her glass of wine and realized she hadn’t thought about putting any mistletoe branch in the apartment.  <It wouldn’t have made any difference but…> “No mistletoe here though” Eddie said, almost mirroring her thoughts. “And no lovers either. At least, on my part” she sighed as she scanned the living room and noticed people already kissing without the need to wait for midnight or to have mistletoe hanging over their heads. “Same for me” their eyes met again and totally unexpectedly they both burst out laughing at the same time. “We’re such losers” Layla stated as she was catching her breath. “We can always enter the new year kissing each other’s cheek like the losers we are” “Agreed!” Layla and Eddie shook hands “But being losers, we also need more wine to enter 1991 properly” “Your wish is my command, Miss Boulais” he offered her his arm and she gladly took it as they made their way together to the drinks table.

♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️

“You’ve been too harsh with Mike, Gossrad… I would have suggested my ex-apartment but the plumbing is fucked up, just like the electrical system and everything else” “No worries, I’m sure he has already charmed one of your neighbors – it’s a quality I envy him, to be honest” the guitarist sighed “C’mon, Sara, let me in” “I wanna be alone, is that such a hard concept to grasp? I hate New Year’s Eve, this is my normal mood for this day” “But you were totally fine before… has something happened to you?” “Well, I’m a great actress whose strongest suit is feigning happiness… now, seriously, nothing has happened: you must leave me alone, please”  He couldn’t see her but the way she had just said that last word struck something within him. “Scirea” “... what did you say?”   “I said Scirea, you fool!” “No, you mangled that word, you big fuckin’ idiot!” the girl almost growled “And that was a low blow, you shouldn’t have said it” “Desperate times call for desperate measures… C’mon, now you have to let me in, you can’t go back on your word” “I can’t believe you still remember it after all these years…” “I know, right? It’s just a code word that forces one of us to do whatever the other one wants, nothing remarkable”  “Just like your pronunciation, genius” she quickly retorted, making Stone snort. “So? What are you waiting for?” “You know you just blew the chance to use it for the rest of the year, right?” “Well, according to my watch I can survive this: it’s a quarter to midnight, after all” “Suit yourself,” Sara declared, finally peeping out from a crack in the door that she had just cautiously opened “but next year I’ll have two free passes to the word and it’s mandatory, ok?” “Deal” he smiled at her and followed her inside the room, then closed the door behind them. 

♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️♣♦️

“Hey, what time is it?” he heard the question as if it was coming from a distant voice but it actually came from the person right beside him. It was probably due to the loud music playing at the party but mostly to the fact that his mind was somewhere else, just like his eyes, which were searching through the crowd in the living room. At some point he looked further ahead through the foil curtain and noticed some kind of commotion near the bathroom. He clearly saw Eddie and Layla leave one after the other. Then the bathroom door opened once again and someone let Stone in. He didn’t see who was inside, but caught a glimpse of a blue silhouette and didn’t like it at all. “Jeff?? Are you deaf?” “Huh?” he immediately came back from his frozen zoned-out state and looked at the blonde right next to him, who was giving him both a perplexed and amused glance “... It’s almost 1991, I guess”

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“You know he died, right?” “Who?” Stone shifted in his seat, turning to look at the girl. They were both sitting on the floor, with their backs leaning against the door. “Scirea… last year, in a car accident” “Oh, I didn’t know” “Yeah, you never were a big soccer fan” Sara hugged herself “It’s a pity, he surely deserved much more fame” She then kept on rambling about his fate, what had caused his death, what kind of a job he was doing for Juventus and God knows what else; Stone couldn’t care less about soccer, that was true, but he listened to every single word without interrupting her: if babbling about deceased soccer champions kept her from wallowing in her own misery, he wouldn’t mind spending the next hours listening to her. Not at all. 

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“Are you fuckin’ kiddin’ me??” Steve shook his head as he watched Layla and Eddie laugh together straight in front of him; in the meantime, somebody else was sitting near him and singing to himself. “When I was young, I never needed anyone…” “I can’t believe she hasn’t been single in like forever and now that I gave up putting the moves on her she’s fuckin’ single, for fuck’s sake?!” “And making love was just for fun…” “Oh shut up Elias, you’re probably still a virgin!” someone shouted behind the guy, who kept getting more and more dramatic and louder in his solo performance. “Those days are gone…” “And she’s already hooking up with some other guy – I mean, so much for being a devoted girlfriend” “Living alone, I think of all the friends I’ve known…” Elias drunkenly went on and put a hand on Steve’s shoulder. “I’m not your friend, man” “But I’m everything you’ve got left so I wouldn’t be so rude, you know?” Elias retorted really quickly before singing again “When I dial the telephone, nobody’s home” “You don’t even have a phone anymore, Dave said you forgot to pay the bill!” Matt said passing him by.  The red haired guy just gave him the middle finger and screamed at the top of his lungs: “ALL BY MYSEEEEEELF” “Oh, Jesus Christ” Steve facepalmed while everybody in the room looked at Elias and laughed. “DON’T WANNA BE ALL BY MYSELF ANYMORE” “I can’t believe even Lukin scored someone and I’m stuck here with you” he pointed at the couch where his bandmate was busy tongue-wrestling a goth girl. “UH! I LOVE THIS SONG!” Layla yelled out of nowhere and for a second the guitarist thought she was referring to Elias’ rendition but then he realized she meant the song by The Church that had just come up from the big stereo in the living room. She was dragging Eddie towards the center of the room when Elias tapped Steve on his shoulder. “Shall we dance?” he asked with a hiccup. “... I need a fuckin’ drink”

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Sometimes, when this place gets kind of empty Sound of their breath fades with the light

“This song…” “It was Layla’s idea, she specifically requested it” “Typical El: she has good taste in music but lacks some ability in the mixtape department… I hope she hasn’t asked you to put on some Dylan or Cohen as well” “Hell, that would spoil the party” “Lambada, on the other hand… no contest, c’mon” Sara exclaimed in a theatrical way, making the guitarist sneer. “Admit it, I brightened your whole evening!” “More like ruined it, champ” “Don’t think you can fool me, missy; I saw you before, when you were rambling on some astrological bullshit with Demri: you were practically grinning from ear to ear” “I told you, I’m a fairly good actress”

I think about the loveless fascination

“Jeez, Sara, is it so hard for you to just admit you were perfectly fine before? And then something happened – and you don’t wanna tell me what it was exactly – and-” he gesticulated, pointing out the bathroom and her “and you ended up here, all alone during New Year’s Eve” “I told ya, this is normal for me… I don’t enjoy New Year’s Eve and hate parties, so put the two together and you end up with my archnemesis” she shrugged, but wasn’t able to meet his gaze. “You’re impossible! I saw you running in here, ok?! I saw you and I’m still doing it right now, when nobody else is giving a shit about you!” he blurted out, and she was taken aback. “What the fuck do you mean?? What, you saw me having a mental breakdown and want me to thank you because you ran here like a knight in shining armor?! Fuck off, Stone! Just what am I supposed to do to make y’all understand you have to leave me alone?! Tell me, what-” the girl stopped because she felt her voice already quivering. <Fuckin’ great, Fancini! Have yourself a good cry, given how it’s been hours since you last cried your eyes out! And do it in front of somebody who probably still appreciated you and now will lose all the respect he had for you! Great fuckin’ job, you outdid yourself> “Hey… hey, it’s ok” he said, putting a hand on her shoulder, but she pulled back. “Nothing’s ok, understood? Nothing! And it’s all because he...” she finally sobbed, her eyes immediately watering like they had wanted to do ever since she had turned that goddamn light on.  <... ever since that July afternoon>

Under the Milky Way tonight

“Forget about him, ok? Let’s not talk about him” the guy kept on babbling. “How… how can you ask me to forget him?” she snapped out of it and recoiled, shooting him a glance full of both desperation and disgust for what he had just said. “Ok, then you don’t have to forget him,” he rolled his eyes, mustering all the patience he could “but we can talk about someone more important – you” “Me? More important? What’s that supposed to mean?”  “It means that you’ll stay silent and I’ll say every single thing that makes you awesome and hopefully you won’t feel like shit anymore” “Then you can cut it out already, there’s nothing you can say that can make me feel better” the girl hid her face between her knees, hugging her legs “And it would only be a waste of time, I haven’t done a single positive thing in years… I’m just tired, I wanna be alone”  

Lower the curtain down on Memphis Lower the curtain down, alright

“You’re so articulate and well-spoken it honestly puts to shame a lot of men who think you aren’t worthy of their time, and somebody should seriously tell ‘em it’s actually them who don’t deserve to waste your time” the guitarist cleared his throat, then resumed speaking without looking at her “The way your mind works… you can have a conversation about everything, there isn’t a single topic you can’t tackle – and yeah, I’m talking about science too: you may have been terrible at it in school, but outside? Whenever the newspaper had a story on the latest scientific discovery, you were always the first of us to know it” He heard her sniffle quietly and took her silence as a sign to keep on going.

I got no time for private consultation

“You’re always unapologetically yourself, for better or worse; you stand up for yourself and the ones you love, but also for people you don’t know at all – hell, you must be the bravest person I know” he heaved a sigh, his eyes never leaving the tile they had been staring at for the past five minutes “You’re a force to be reckoned with, truly you are… and I know you always carry some snacks in your backpack so you can feed stray cats – a shitty person doesn’t do that” At those words the girl raised her head immediately and looked at him with wide eyes: “How…?”

Under the Milky Way tonight

“Five years ago… every time a Queen song came on the radio, I used to think of you and what you might be doing in Florence: were you still attending gigs? Did you speak Italian with an American accent, just like you spoke English with an Italian accent? Did you still fly into a rage if anybody said that Hot Space was a shitty album?” he had ignored her previous question, but now finally found the courage to turn and look her in the eye “Did you still have that half dimple when you smiled all embarrassed? You know that kind of smile, the tight-lipped one”

Wish I knew what you were looking for

“Please, don’t look at me!” Sara immediately turned away, almost shrieking “I’m a monster: I have a runny nose and I’m sure my make-up is all smudged” The guitarist put his hands on her shoulders and made her face him again, then started to wipe her nose with some toilet paper. “... I look like a fucked-up panda, don’t I?” she muttered after a while, finally regaining her voice. “You just have a nose as cute as a button and as red as the one of a certain reindeer, the rest is just like it was before… oops, except for the eyes” “What? What is it?? They’re red, aren’t they?? Fuck, I’m not ready to say goodbye to my reputation as a badas-” “They’re shining, brat” he poked her nose with his index “Crying apparently suits you, but I’d appreciate it if in the future it’ll happen because you’re laughing too much” “Oh, shush” she pouted and shoved him, making him chuckle because avoiding her pushes was becoming increasingly harder but, most of all, because her half dimple had just appeared on the right corner of her mouth.  

Might have known what you would find

After a while Stone was finally able to stop her, taking her hands in his without looking away.  “Ever since I’ve known you, the ending of Chaplin’s City Lights has been able to move me, because before I didn’t understand it… I had never experienced what the Tramp goes through with the flower girl” he sighed and gave her a sad smile, slightly squeezing her hands “I don’t get tired of you the way I get tired of other people”

And it’s something quite peculiar Something shimmering and white

“Stone, what-what are you trying to tell me?” the girl looked quizzically at him but squeezed back his hands. “I don’t know,” he raised a hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear “what do you think it is?” 

It leads you here, despite your destination

Neither of them could tell who had been the first one to move, but now Sara was straddling him and he was holding her face in his hands and they were kissing – heavily. She could still hear the song faintly playing in the background, but all she could focus on right now was how Stone had been looking at her, the feeling of his lips against her own and the way he was still holding her, like she was the most precious thing he had ever laid eyes on. She touched his cheek and felt it was smooth, almost boyish (not strong and stubbly as the one she would have liked to stroke), and the realization made her angry; she instinctively proceeded to run her fingers through his hair, eliciting a moan from him, and pictured a pair of hazel eyes behind her eyelids that turned immediately into green ones. She shut her eyes with all her might until all she could see were lazy stars, then dizzily abandoned herself to passion, as if she were living somebody else’s life. 

Under the Milky Way tonight

#eddie vedder #Jeff Ament #Pearl Jam #eddie vedder fanfiction #pearl jam fanfiction #grunge fanfiction #jeff ament fanfiction #Birds of a Feather #chapters

[tryskomys]

Wet Sand

Stone Gossard x OC

Chapter 3 - For Emily, Whenever I May Find Her

Summary: there’s a first time for everything.

masterlist

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫

notes: chapter three is go! hope you enjoy the voyage through the start of the weird relationship between these punky dummies - you met a day ago, it’s not that deep. right? right?!

tw: weed, virginity talk, allusions to the word that rhymes with eggs. dreamy pining psychedellia.

songs:

.・。.・゜✭・.・✫・゜・。. .・。.・゜✭・.・✫

“Morning! What can I help you with?”

“I’ll have a latte, please. Do you have something else than milk, though?”

“Jeff? Do we have any oat milk left?”

“Yep, I just opened a fresh carton.”

“There you have it!”

“Great, I’ll take that, thanks.”

“That’ll be a dollar in total, please. One oat milk latte, Jeff!”

“Coming up.”

Just as Kiki took a dollar bill from the cute ginger girl in front of her, the front door swung open, sending in a swift of cold air.

It was Stone, excitedly waving a paper bag in the air. Her jaw dropped and she shook her head with a huff. Stone seemed out of breath as he ran up to the counter, fog still puffing out of his mouth.

“Here it is, milady, it’s still warm. My apple turnovers will burn if I don’t come back in ten minutes, so make it quick, please,” he spewed, leaning against the counter as he tried to catch his breath.

“You’re so weird,” was all Kiki stuttered out through giggles. That made a huge smile appear on his face, his eyes twinkling. She took the paper bag from him and peeked inside, sighing with contentment when the scent of freshly baked pastry filled her nose.

“Jeff! One cappuccino with an extra shot of spit, please,” Kiki called over her shoulder and Stone’s Cheshire cat grin grew even wider, chuckling. She scratched her forehead to hide her raging blush with her hair.

Jeff shook his head as if he was already over what he called ‘the Tom and Jerry on crack routine’ earlier. He gave her the ginger’s order and as Kiki handed her the oat milk latte, she noticed that the girl checked Stone up and down. And he gave her a little side-eye, smirking.

“Oh! Oh hey, Stoney! Haven’t seen you in ages, almost didn’t recognize you! Great hair,” the girl blurted out and went in for a hug. Stone seemed to know who she is, but Kiki could notice that he tensed up, clearly not too keen on hugging everyone he bumps into.

She felt some sort of twisted satisfaction when he awkwardly gave her a half-assed hug, but as soon as the girl let him go, it was as if a switch flipped in his brain. He eased again and folded his arms, as cool as ever.

“Mel, Mel, Mel…fancy seeing you here. Thanks, there was a sale on red box dye in CVS. Not like you need that,” he chirped and reached out to flick a strand of her hair, a sly smirk plastered on his lips. "You might find a few of us strolling around town."

Mel’s airy giggle rang through the room and Kiki darted between the two of them. The dynamic seemed to be slightly similar to the one she’d seen with the blondie last night. And once again, she couldn’t help but feel awful.

‘Kay, mate, I get it, you enjoy flirting with everybody else, but do you have to fling it in my face?

“There’s a rumour going around that you’ve dropped out and ran off with a travelling circus show. Disappeared for, like, what…” he continued, scratching his chin.

“I don’t know, five months? I just had tons of work for school so I wasn’t out much,” she shrugged. “I’m back now, though, Christmas break. So we can get the party started right where we left off,” Mel quipped and took a sip of her coffee, leaving a lipstick stain on the lid.

She looked at him through her lashes to emulate a ginger Bambi and he smirked, but his words were seeping with sarcasm.

“Can’t wait.”

Oblivious to his jab, she took another sip and asked Kiki for a napkin. Without leaving Mel out of her sight, she blindly reached under the counter, whipping out a tissue box.

Stone carefully observed the shorter woman in front of him, biting his cheek when Kiki put on a fake smile and theatrically presented the box to her.

“Hate to barge in on your planning session but I might need to serve another coffee, so I gotta ask you to move slightly to your left or right, depending on your preference,” she explained, moving her sardonic gaze to Stone.

He was already darting across her face with a cocky grin and he didn’t seem too phased. On the contrary, his scoff indicated that he was amused by her acidity.

“You still have my number, right? So that’s sorted,” Mel said after patting her lips dry as they shifted to the side.

Nobody was behind them, but Stone knew better than to comment on it. He knew Kiki’s frigid response would provoke another war for the last word.

“I keep it in a heart-shaped locket next to my bed, no worries,” he retorted and Mel blushed a little, putting a stray lock of hair behind her ear.

“Always the tease. Let me know then and we’ll figure something out,” she purred and took a look at her wristwatch. “Oh, gotta run. My class starts in half an hour. See ya, Stoney!” she went in for another hug and he lousily put his arm around her shoulders, his smile once again twitching with an uncomfortable cramp.

“Yeah, see ya,” he mumbled, giving her a jittery wave.

“Cheers, have a great day,” Kiki called after Mel as she walked away, narrowing her eyes at Stone when he turned back to her.

She took a big bite of her croissant, humming when Stone raised his eyebrows in question.

“Hm, it’s digestible.”

“Excuse me? We at Grand Central Bakery pride ourselves in the best pastries in town,” he shot back, shaking his head as he leaned on the counter. “I chose the crispiest one I had, don’t be a brat.”

Kiki dusted off a fleck of puff pastry that settled in the corner of her lips, ignoring the rush of blood that crept up her neck. She scoffed.

“You don’t strike me as a locket kinda guy.”

“I had to think of something,” he shrugged, fiddling with little clumps of wool on his left glove. She raised her eyebrows with a dramatic gasp and clutched her invisible pearls.

“So you’re saying you don’t have it?”

“The only things I keep next to my bed are a grass pipe and a mug that’s been collecting coffee debris for two months.”

That’s, uh…not surprising. Somehow. What the -

“I’ve seen her once at the Ramp and didn’t have the heart to turn her number down. She had cute handwriting,” Stone shrugged again, biting his lips to contain a grin when she let out a loud annoyed sigh.

“How chivalrous of you. Your turnovers are burning as we speak, so you should make like a Mel and disappear,” Kiki said as she took the coffee Jeff handed her. “One spit cappuccino to-go, that will be fifty cents.”

“It says a buck on the board,” he squinted at the menu and grabbed his cup. His freezing fingers brushed against Kiki's knuckles and she stifled a cough before taking another big bite of her croissant.

“You paid the other half in material goods,” she mumbled with her mouth full and stuck out her palm. Stone chuckled and fished a half-dollar coin out of his back pocket, theatrically slapping it on top of her palm.

“Should I make like a Mel and give you my number? As a little tip?” he grinned, taking a sip of his coffee as she raised her eyebrows.

“Tempting…but, no,” she gave him a mocking smile and tossed the coin into the cashier drawer. “I don’t have a locket to store such a valuable thing.”

Stone scoffed and mirrored her sarcastic smile, reaching over the counter to flick her nose. She slapped his hand away and tapped on her watch to remind him to leave.

“Touché. I’ll be waiting ‘til you get one,” he gave her a silly wink and whistled to get Jeff’s attention. “See ya at lunch, Ames.”

Jeff just quickly looked over his shoulder and continued to wash his hands in the sink.

“See ya, now go before they sack you,” he mumbled with a grin. Kiki gasped.

“Jesus, don’t give him ideas or we'll never get rid of him.”

Stone was already half out of the door when he gave her a middle finger, leaving his arm between the doorframe. He held it there until the door squished him and then snaked out, once again disappearing into the icy fog outside.

● ● ● ● ● ● ● ● ●

Precise like a Swiss clock, he came back to the café exactly at half past noon, just as Jeff reached the door to lock it for the lunch pause. He let Stone in, eyeing the bag in his hand with a gulp.

“I have arrived, children. Turkey salad sandwiches from Cyclops, fries to share,” Stone sharply exhaled when he walked in, slightly out of breath, and shook the plastic bag in the air. His hair was tied up in a neat ponytail, pointy ears red and tender from the frosty wind.

Kiki’s stomach growled on cue at the whiff of fries and Jeff whistled, reaching into the bag like a starved raccoon.

“Woah, fancy. Got your allowance, buddy?” he mused, chuckling when Stone softly slapped his cheek.

“Fuck off. Took three extra shifts last week to pay you back for the weed, asshole. You’re a spendy date,” he hissed and walked away from Jeff before he could finish taking his food.

He came up to Kiki and reached out to ruffle her hair, throwing his arm around her shoulders. As he led her to the back door, he called after Jeff. “Baby didn’t even want me to buy her a beer yesterday, you should take notes.”

Kiki chuckled and grabbed her leather jacket as they walked past the coathanger. A picture of his awkward wince at Mel's hug flashed through her head when he tugged on her hair as if it was the most natural move in the world, his cold fingers grazing her neck.

“Hungry?”

“Like a wolf,” she quipped back, chuckling when Jeff mocked Stone’s hair tug and yanked the bag out of his hands. He reached inside and chomped down a bundle of fries.

When they walked out, the cold air felt refreshing, in stark contrast to the overheated café. There was a small roof over the short staircase as well as a part of the patio.

It was quite clean and without any snow, so they all sat down in a circle and took their food, plopping the fry basket in the centre.

When Kiki took the first bite, it was a heavenly sensation. After days on crusty bread, the juicy salad and grilled turkey hit just the right spot. She closed her eyes and hummed, dipping a few fries into the signature Cyclops spicy mayo dip.

“My, my, Ames, I think she likes it,” Stone mused and she rolled her eyes, scoffing.

“I shall die and go to heaven, now. Bye,” she mumbled with her mouth full, resting her head against the brick wall.

Jeff laughed and reached into the inner pocket of his windbreaker. He grabbed a cigarette pack with three blunts and a lighter inside and offered it to Stone, who took one out and lit it. After he took a long drag, he handed it to Kiki, who just took a bite of her sandwich.

“I told you, it’s like sticking your head into a fratboy’s gym locker,” she shook her head and pushed his hand away.

Stone exchanged an amused look with Jeff as he passed him the joint and chomped down a bunch of fries.

“Oh, and I can’t jam today, gotta go get the knee checked for the last time,” Jeff shrugged as Stone shook his head. He wiped his hands on his jeans and loosened his scarf to scratch the back of his neck, just where the tips of his ponytail tickled him.

Jeff did a quick double-check between Stone and his food as he passed the joint back and prepared to take the first bite.

“Stoney. My dude. Is that a fucking hickey?” he gasped, breathing in a bit of toast.

Stone's eyes popped open as if someone dumped a bucket of cold water down his jacket and started feeling around his neck in panic.

“Huh? Where?”

“Holy shit, how old did you say you were?” Kiki scoffed, slapping her forehead when she leaned over to take a peek at the small purple bruise under his ear. “Fifteen?”

“Twenty-one?”

They spoke at the same time and Jeff started laughing at Stone’s sudden defensive body language, choking on his sandwich.

“I’ve seen worse, Kiki. One time, he ca-“

“Okay, okay, okay. Chill out or I’ll tell her why the hat stays on when you fuck,” Stone reached over to Jeff and slapped the back of his head, forcing the blunt into his mouth.

Jeff was still trying to cough out the piece of bread stuck in his throat, so he started wheezing even harder.

When Stone guaranteed that Jeff was properly shut down, he finally let him go and slapped his back a few times while taking a puff. His brawny friend finally calmed down after a minute of furious coughing, but he still didn’t lose the wide grin on his face.

“Jesus fuck, I need water. Be good,” Jeff stuttered and hopped up, disappearing behind the staff door.

A moment of slightly awkward silence passed as they exchanged a look, both eagerly trying not to burst out laughing. Stone tried to offer her the blunt once again, but Kiki took a bite of her sandwich instead.

With a little bit of luck, I’ll choke too and won’t have to look at you anymore. That would be cool.

“Pussy,” Stone huffed and broke into a wide grin when she gave him the finger. He sighed and leaned his back against the cold brick wall, crossing his legs as he chomped on a fry.

“So, you came here all alone?” he questioned, his face clouded by remnants of smoke.

“Yup. Free as a bird, I guess. Weehoo,” Kiki chuckled, wiping toast crumbs from her cheeks with the back of her hand.

Not getting into that right now. Not when I have this glorious toastie in my hand.

Stone whistled.

“Left a strapping young lad named Arthur behind, I presume?”

“Do I really seem like a desirable object of attention?” she huffed, softly tugging on her freckled cheeks and pointing at her mismatched irises. He gave her a side-eye and took another fry.

“I mean…”

Stop taunting, asshole.

“Shut it. No, there was no Arthur to leave behind.”

“Tommy?”

“No.”

“Charlie?”

“No, there were no Tommies or Charlies or Henries, so save that.”

Stone shut his mouth and his eyes slowly widened as he sat up straight, taking the half-eaten fry out of his mouth. He stared at her for a few seconds before raising his eyebrows as far as they could go, his hand still hanging in the air.

“Uh, wait, wait, wait. Let me get this straight. You mean…I’m sitting in front of a real, unadulterated Virgin Mary?”

“I’m not -“ Kiki interrupted him way too abruptly and shrugged so hard that a piece of turkey flew out of her sandwich. When his overwhelming stare grew even wider, she lowered her voice. “I’m not a virgin, okay?”

“Sure. And I am,” he snorted out a laugh and slapped his knee as if it was the most amusing information he’d ever learned. “Bet you never even kissed a guy, Mary.”

She kicked his shin as hard as she could, adding a weak punch to his bony shoulder. Stone just giggled again and his freckled nose scrunched.

Irresistibly irritating.

“Leave me alone! I have! I have kissed a guy, okay? Once or twice…or once,” she mumbled, getting more quiet as her excuses ran out. His jaw dropped.

“Holy. Shit.”

“Fuck off! It’s not fair to compare me to you, you’re a little whore!” she shrieked, her voice jumping a few octaves higher than usual. That made him laugh even harder.

“I’d take a whore over a Mother Theresa,” he shrugged and finally ate the cold fry he’d been squishing between his fingers. Kiki shook her mop of curls, trying to curtain her patchy cheeks.

“You know, Stoney, you talk a lot for someone who’s at an arm’s length from my virgin fists. So watch your mouth.”

He raised his hands in defence and bit his lips to contain the laughter. She threw him a scolding stare and took an angry bite of a big bunch of fries.

Stone inhaled to speak and she already raised her finger to shut him up, but he just wouldn’t let it go.

“You know, there’s two things I can’t stand in my proximity. Girls with freckles and virgins. And you’re sitting right in front of me.”

“Yeah? Tough shit, can’t do much about that,” she shot back, her mouth full of potatoes. He raised his eyebrows again, breaking into a poorly contained grin.

“Uh…I have a few ideas.“

Okay, now you’re crossing a line.

“You disgust me,” she coughed out after a few moments of chewing.

Stone just slowly took a big hit and lazily leaned closer to her. He puffed the thick cloud right into her face and a tingle ran through her vertebrae as if he shocked her with a taser.

Fuck. That’s impossible. He knows. He must know.

“Do I? Why are you blushing?” he added, voice hoarse from the smoke.

Kiki took a moment to compose herself, suppressing a sneeze that tickled her nostrils. She gulped down the fries, mindlessly staring at his smirking lips as she recalled her dream.

“Fucking hell. Your hubris is baffling, mate,” she muttered and cleared her throat to get rid of the strain in her vocal cords.

“My hubris is baffling? Golly gee shucks. I shall dub thee ‘granny’ instead of ‘baby’ if you keep talking like it’s the eighteen hundreds,” he calmly retorted, tipping his head to the side. “I’m just saying, if you ever need a friend to help out…”

Kiki scoffed.

“You know, this whole ‘sarcastic lanky stoner punk‘ shtick you got going on might work on girls around here, but I can see right through you,” she sneered, trying to show confidence in her words. “You’re like an annoying old book I’ve read ten times over. I’m in your fucking head, beanpole.”

“Yeah, you are,” he quietly quipped, tipping his head to the other side. Kiki raised her eyebrows.

“Stop staring at me like that.”

“Why?” Stone tipped his head again and put on an innocent pout, his eyes gleaming as if he flipped a light switch.

How the fuck does he do that?

“Because I don’t like it,” she weakly shot back.

“Somehow, I don’t believe you.”

Neither of them moved an inch, though. And after a few moments of tense silence, she finally thought of an answer worthy of the personified mischief in front of her.

Payback, beanpole. Payback.

“Stoney, Stoney. My great-great-grandma used to have this saying. You know, in the eighteen hundreds,” she nonchalantly waved her hand and tipped her head as well, carefully taking the joint from his fingers.

“It went ‘Never trust a guy with a hickey,’” she mumbled and raised it to her lips. “‘…especially when he says he wants to fuck you real bad.’”

She finished by taking a deep hit and without a single blink, she blew the smoke in his face.

“And I’ve lived by that ever since.”

Before he could respond, she stuck the blunt between his lips, backed away and took another unassuming bite of her sandwich.

Stone’s eyes fluttered closed for a split second before he raised his eyebrows and cleared his throat.

Just as he took the joint out to shoot back at her, the metal door swung open and Jeff hopped off the small set of stairs, landing right between them.

“Ah, I could’ve died back there and you didn’t even come to check on me! Bet you were talking shit,” he chuckled and scooted over to his food, chomping on a few fries. “What did I miss?”

Stone stared at Kiki and she just shrugged, challenging him to answer. He blinked and then finally eased back into his immovable cool facade, scoffing.

He took a quick look at his watch and got up, unceremoniously putting the joint out on the door before slipping inside.

“Keeva is a virgin.”

She was carefully scanning the empty street for any signs of human appearance, but it seemed like this ghost town was empty.

What a haunting feeling.

She was evidently waiting for something - someone, anxiously tapping her foot in a steady rhythm.

It was the dead of night, soft snowflakes soundlessly floated around her and muffled all sounds of the darkness like weightless cotton balls. As if she was stuck in a crystal snow globe filled with ink.

Warm lamps stood along the pavement of what was eerily similar to Pioneer Square. They emanated a beautiful amber glow, making the white flecks seem almost like fire sparks.

The entry signs of all surrounding shops were written in unreadable letters that moved and changed time and time again, appearing and going as they pleased.

A clump of snow glided its way to the tip of her nose. She crossed her eyes to look at it and tried to blow it away, but she accidentally breathed it in instead.

She let out a suppressed sneeze and rubbed the melting flake away, her fingertips freezing.

Looking up from the sparkling gravel under her feet, she scanned the starry sky with childlike wonder. She couldn’t exactly tell the stars from the snowflakes. Both twinkled similarly, illuminated by the full moon that hung right above her.

The light mirrored in his peculiar eyes, making them seem like glowing gems from afar when he emerged from the surrounding fog on the opposite end of the street. He made his presence known with a soft whistle.

She already knew he was there, though. The air shifted around her just as he appeared out of nowhere.

She turned her head to look at him, breaking into a wide grin when he took his hand out of his pocket and gave her an endearing wave.

He skipped along the road in long hops, nearing her a lot quicker than the distance seemed to be. As if he was skipping through time as well.

He wasn’t leaving any footsteps behind, he didn’t have a shade. But then again, neither did she.

Sprinkles of snowflakes fell on his messy red hair, tied into a tangled bun on top of his head with an outrageously pink scrunchie. Here, though, the fabric seemed to be muted and warm, surprisingly soft. Just like him.

“Oh, look who’s here! You were waiting for me in this weather? I’m blushing,” he mused, putting his arm around her as soon as he reached her.

He gave her what would normally be a bone-crushing squeeze, but in this place, it felt like catching fog with bare hands.

“You told me not to forget. You’re more intimidating than you think,” she mumbled and folded her arms to warm her hands in the armpits of her leather jacket. He grinned.

“Well, I think pretty highly of myself, so…”

“Yeah, I figured,” she squinted at him, curiously studying the red frostbitten patches on his cheeks with a sly smile.

“Wanna take this? It’s fucking freezing out here,” he mumbled when her teeth started chattering and began to take his suede jacket off. But she shook her head, holding his arms in place.

She ran her hands through thin air.

“Nope, I’m fine, ta. Did you make this weather up, Stoney? Like a weird yawn-to-put-your-arm-around-a-girl type deal?” she nonchalantly chuckled and blood quickly rushed to her cheeks when he unexpectedly took her fingers in his palms, rubbing them together to melt the freezing sensation.

It was eerie, to suddenly feel his skin on hers. Icy and silky, like a soft breeze tickling her pale knuckles. The intensity of her blush was painful, stinging and scratching her cold flesh from the inside.

He lifted her hands to his lips, softly blowing on them. His breath was balmy and caressing, like running one’s hands through a bowl of honey.

“Maybe I did. Twenty-one years alive and I’ve never seen as much snow as this year. It’s like you brought it with you, like a little punky Jack Frost,” he mumbled into their intertwined fingers. “I’m not complaining, though. Feels like we’re in a song or something.”

“Why do I have the feeling that you’ve already used that trick a couple of times?” she playfully lifted her index finger to nudge his aquiline nose, but once again, she only poked air.

Like she was able to touch him only when he permitted it. Manipulating the matter of her body, the sole sovereign of this bizarre world, above the limits of time and space. The look he gave her wasn’t as mischievous as she’d expected.

“Would it hurt you to stop being bitchy for just a couple of seconds?” he raised his eyebrows but continued to softly caress the back of her hands.

Silence hung in the air as she averted her eyes, embarrassed by his sudden crassness.

“I never dream,” he added and waited for her to look at him. His eyes were brutally honest. Older, wiser, burdened with something she wasn’t able to decipher. “But when I see you out there, I can’t tell if I’m awake.”

She opened her mouth to say something, but she wasn’t able to find words that would describe the feelings running through her head like a freight train.

Instead, she opted for carefully loosening her hands out of his grip and then took his fingers in hers, now returning the favour by blowing on his red knuckles.

His expression softened a bit as he watched little puffs of fog leave her lips, eyes dissociating when she gathered the courage to plant a feather-light kiss on his fingertips. Then, she gently pushed the hand back to his face, pressing the fingers against his lips.

They were still warm.

His eyes fluttered closed because somehow, he could still feel the soft skin of her lips on them.

Without thinking, he mirrored her action and returned the roundabout kiss by reaching back down to her, lingering on her lips for a fleeting moment before finally slipping his hands back into his pockets.

After what felt like hours in a maze of his strange gaze, she gathered enough strength to steady her breath and finally spoke.

“Let’s not wake up, then.”

And as if on cue, the shriek of an alarm clock disturbed the ghostly silence. It seemed to be slightly muffled by the glowing fog around them, but it still pierced her heart like a scalloped knife.

His murky voice washed over her like a warm ocean wave, spilling into her veins. Slowly, calmly, somberly.

And as always, crowned by a daring smirk.

“Tomorrow, same time, same place. Don’t you forget…”

#pearl jam fanfic #pearl jam fanfiction #pearl jam imagine #stone gossard fanfic #stone gossard fanfiction #stone gossard x oc #pearl jam #mother love bone #grunge fanfiction #90s music #jeff ament #stone gossard #band fic

[grungeandrockoneshots]

First things first, love the blog and all you write! I would like to request a sort of fluffy one shot where one of the guys from PJ - your choice- wants to ask out his crush and he recruits the rest of the group to help w/ a serenade. I know you’ll make it great! ❤️

Pearl Jam’s tour has finally come to its end. As a Mike’syounger sister you really couldn’t wait for him to get back home, so you couldhang out together and live like a normal family for a while again. You werelooking forward to his bandmates, too, you were good friends and you always hada great time together. Your parents were currently out of the city, so youthought up a nice plan how to spend today’s evening. The last time you weretalking to Mike on phone you asked him to suggest the boys if they wouldn‘tlike to stop by at your house and stayed for a dinner or something like that ontheir way home. They apparently enthusiastically agreed, so now, a couple dayslater, you were just in the middle of preparing your garden for a smallbarbecue. You bought lots of everything from meat to some bottles of red wine.The table was full of pastry, vegetables, sauces and drinks and a hugechocolate cake was awaiting in the fridge. It was around eight when a vanstopped in front of your lawn and five boys got out of it. You immediately ranoff to them with the widest smile and jumped into Mike’s embrace.

„Guys, I missed you so much, you have no idea,“ you happilyhugged each of them.

„We missed you too,“ Jeff lifted you up and turned aroundwith you in his arms, „thanks for the invitation.“

„Right, I’m so hungry that I could eat people,“ Dave notedwith laughter. You told the guys to move to your garden and take a seat there.Stone couldn’t retreat from his usual comments and asked you: „Y/N, can youexplain to me one thing? Why isn’t the meat on my plate already? Mike told meyou’d be expecting us.“

„It doesn’t have legs, Stone,“ you replied. „Come help meinstead of being such a pain the ass. I don’t know how you can handle him,“ youquietly told Eddie and rolled your eyes. He laughed and said: „We just get himdrunk until he can’t talk, that’s the key. And then he’s like an angel.“

You consecutively placed the pieces of meat from grill onguys‘ plates and started eating. A lively conversation began right away and yougot to know many interesting news. After several weeks of not seeing each otherthere were seriously a lot of things to talk about. For example you had no ideaabout Eddie writing a new album, your brother hurting his knee or even Davegetting a girlfriend. Coming to this kind of topic, you started to feel yourpalms sweating, because you knew what was about to happen. They never forgot toask you how your love life is going and if there’s some new discovery on thehorizon. You denied, denied and denied, but the truth was actually somewhereelse. You’ve always seen a hero and a type of your dream guy in Jeff, in whosejacket you were just sitting because of the cold that was coming down with thenight. But all of this had to stay unspoken. You rather changed the topic.

„Who wants a delicious homemade chocolate cake?“ To yoursurprise everyone wanted to have a piece, so you got up and went inside to thekitchen with Mike following you. You didn’t really get his intention, so yougave him a confused look.

„I…I came to help,“ he claimed.

„Why does it sound so improbable?“ you suspected him.

„It doesn’t! I just want to spend more time with you whenI’m home,“ he continued, but you could see something weird in his face. He wasvery inattentive. You took the cake out of the fridge and started slicing itwhile Mike was preparing the plates and forks. „When are parents coming home?“he inquired.

„On Monday morning.“

„Did you miss me?“

„Of course I did, is this even a question, Mike?“ you shookyour head.

„Did parents miss me?“ he continued, but his dispassionatetone of voice made you turn around at him.

„What is wrong with- Mike, what are you doing?“ you watchedhim as he was staring out of the window making some signs with his hands. Youstepped closer to the window to see what was happening outside, but he got inyour way, grabbed your shoulders and turned you around to your unfinished work.„Michael, tell me what’s up,“ you became quite irritated.

„Nothing, I was just waving at Stone,“ he lied. „M-hm, thecake looks so tasty,“ he tried to change the topic, but it didn’t work at all.Moreover you caught him looking out of the window again. You quickly put theslices on the plates, ready to take them away, when Mike started holding youoff. You pushed him away and came out on the porch, where you had to stop,though. An interesting scene was happening right in front of you. Eddie andStone were holding their guitars, Dave had a burning candle in his hands andJeff stood a step ahead of them, holding a beautiful bouquet of pink roses. Youdidn’t know what it was supposed to mean until Ed and Stone started playing awell-known melody of Can’t Help Falling In Love.

„Wise men say onlyfools rush in,

but I can’t helpfalling in love with you.

Shall I stay? Would itbe a sin

if I can’t helpfalling in love with you.

Like a river flowssurely to the sea,

darling, so it goes,some things are meant to be.

Take my hand, take mywhole life, too,

for I can’t helpfalling in love with you…“ Jeff sang with a little help of the other boys‘vocals. You just stood there unable to say a word. You covered your mouth witha hand as you were smiling like crazy, still little shocked. You knew Jeff as abadass rocker and seeing him like this was just so different from what you’veseen from him so far. He looked so adorable with all these flowers and a shysmile on his lips. And honestly, it was the sweetest confession of love youcould ever dream of. You gave your brother the plates with cake you’d beenholding up to this moment and ran to Jeff. He handed you the roses and said:„I’m sorry if this is too much, Y/N, but I remember how you once told me thatyou were into romance. I wanted to do something special. And even though I’mshaking like a girl before giving a birth, I’m gonna…I’m gonna say it again.I’m in love with you and I guess it’s okay if you don’t feel the same thing,but-“ he spluttered, but you made a quick action, took his face in your handand gave him a kiss.

„Thank you,“ you smiled, while now it was him who wassurprised and without words. Then you looked at the others and thanked them aswell.

„Are we gonna get a kiss too?“ Stone pouted at you.

„No,“ you smiled, „I’m not kissing guys unless they’re Jeff.“Jeff pulled you into a hug and kissed your cheek like hundred times, making youthe happiest girl in the world.

-

I hope you’re okay with Jeff, he doesn’t get much attention and I could perfectly imagine him in this, so, yeah. Thank you♥

#pearl jam #pj #jeff ament #one shot #fanfiction #eddie vedder #mike mccready #dave abbruzzese #stone gossard #jeff ament one shot #jeff ament fanfiction #pearl jam one shot #pearl jam fanfiction #fluff #writing #90s #grunge #music

[thegeek-s]

32. maple syrup, broken Sharpie, and the first phone call

PREVIOUSLY: Lizzy and Jerry meet up at a park to take photos of him but as soon as he shows up, he reveals that as of that morning, he doesn’t have a girlfriend anymore to send the said photos to, which stokes a new hope within Lizzy; the geeks go out on Gwen’s birthday and spend the night drinking, dancing, giving Lizzy advice on what to do about Jerry, taking pictures, and reminiscing, all while Gwen looks forward to a great year; Eva plays the first basketball game of the season with the local musicians league, so to speak, with Jeff on her team of course, which involves a lot of friendly teasing and face pulling on both parts; Kat and Stone make a bet about Eva and Jeff’s further relationship progress, right before Kat runs into Chris and is forced to admit to herself that she’s not over him, or at least not over being hurt by him.

 Shit! How is it so late already?! I jump to my feet, my guitar and notebook sliding onto the bed, and change into my uniform in double quick time – although I do struggle with my hair for way longer than necessary, trying to tie my ponytail at just the right height so I can pull it out through the back of the dark blue baseball cap. I spot one of my boots by the bedroom door so I put it on and walk out into the living room, where I find Sean…doing crafts? I think he’s making a collage… He’s really been on…some journey lately.

“I liked that last riff,” he says when he lifts his face, prompted by the creaking bedroom door.

“Yeah? I thought there was something to it too…” I say distractedly while looking for my other boot.

“There’s a message for you,” Sean nods his head towards the answering machine with a red blinking light.

“How do you know it’s for me?”

“Because it starts with ‘hey, Jerry’?”

“Did you listen to it?!”

“Calm down, I didn’t,” Sean looks up at me with an annoyed frown. “What are you, on your period today?”

“Sorry…” I mumble. I don’t know why, but I have been feeling weird today. Kind of antsy, kind of nervous. Suppose that’s how I lost track of time – I was trying to distract myself by playing with words and notes.

“Happens to the best of us. I’m viewing that apartment tonight, by the way. So you’re welcome. But I don’t know if it’ll really make a difference, I think we’ve already made up our mind, yeah?”

“Yeah, yeah, I think so. Good location, great price… What else can we ask for?”

“Exactly.”

“Thanks for doing that,” I mumble at him while getting all my stuff, which includes an Elton John cassette that I feel like listening to this evening and a shirt I can change into before a Mother Love Bone gig I’m catching tonight after work. Then, I step over to the telephone and press the play button while I grab my other boot I just found sticking out from under the couch.

“Hey, Jerry,” Dee’s voice spills out of the little speaker; it sounds a lot sweeter now than last time I spoke to her, a whole week ago now. It never used to feel like a lot while we were together; we’re both busy, it was to be expected. But now it feels like forever. “Look… I tried calling a few times but nobody ever seems to be home, so… I really don’t like how we left things off…”

“Do you mind?” I look over at Sean and he stares back at me blankly for a second before becoming reanimated and walking out of the living room, mumbling something about how he doesn’t give a flying fuck about what Dee has to say to me anyway.

“…hate it if that’s how we ended things, I don’t want you to be mad at me, because I love you…” Yeah… “You know that I’ve never said that to anyone before you, Jerry, and I don’t think I’ll ever not love you, you know? But it’s been so damn hard, like I don’t feel like you’re putting enough effort into…” Seriously!? Me?? Not enough effort? Please! “You’ve been so distant and checked out…” Maybe I wouldn’t be so distant if you hadn’t moved hundreds of miles away?? “And maybe it’s my fault too, I’ve just been…busy, you know… Everything is new here, everything’s different, and I don’t want to miss out on anything…” If this is the part where she tells me she’s been cheating, I swear… But even if that’s not the case – which I wouldn’t expect that from Dee, that’s not how she is – she’s still essentially saying that I’ve been holding her back, keeping her from enjoying all the new, exciting things in Colorado. That fuckin’ stings. “And it hurts me that you couldn’t even handle having a conversation about it. I don’t want to be breaking up with you through a message on your machine, but what else am I supposed to do??” There’s a long pause after that sentence, saturated with desperation, and I bury my face in my hands, as if unable to take the silence. I should have let her break up with me the other day. I shouldn’t have cut that conversation short, I shouldn’t have hung up. I just…panicked. But does that really matter at all? I don’t think it does… “I think we’ve both known for a while that this isn’t going to work out.”

As much as I agree with her on that, it still hurts to hear her say it so casually, so matter-of-factly. Is that what she’s been telling her new friends in Colorado? That she has this boyfriend back in Seattle but it’s too much work, it’s too hard, it’s not going to work out?

I grab my jacket and my keys while she goes on to tell me that she’ll be in Seattle in a few weeks, at the end of May, and that she hopes we can see each other, at least just to say hi. Sure, I can do that. But what’s the point? Last time she was here, this past Christmas, we spent the whole time we had together discussing our relationship, just going in circles, beating around all the bushes, never really saying what we wanted to. And now that that’s over, what’s the point of meeting up? What would we even talk about? I guess I’d have to pretend to be interested in how her life in Colorado is going? I don’t know, I don’t know if I’ll want to see her; I continue weighing the pros and cons, although really mostly cons, of it all as I walk out the door and to the delivery van.

I spend the entire shift blasting Too Low For Zero so loudly that at times, instead of hearing every tiniest breath in Elton John’s voice, I can hear the faint rattling of the van windows over it.

Fairmont is always my last stop of the night. Funny, now that I think of it, that’s really the main reason Lizzy and I become friends. Sure we see each other out and about, we’re both part of the same extended friends group, so that’s unavoidable, but here is where we really got to know each other. All those times I took her home after work, all those conversations we had – that’s different. It’s one thing to party and drunkenly banter with someone, it’s a whole different thing when you get to talk, one on one, completely sober.

I’ve actually been thinking a lot about Lizzy these past few days…weeks? The other day at the park with her turned very…date-y, very fast. I mean, seriously, you couldn’t even plan a more textbook date than that! We sat on a bench and talked and I showed her some guitar chords and…there’s few things nicer to look at than Lizzy’s infinitely pleased smile when she would get a chord progression right. But anyway… Then we strolled across the park to get some boozy coffee, walked around and chatted…about nothing in particular; I guess we laughed a lot, maybe more than we conversed. And then I took her home and… The whole time, somewhere in the back of my mind, I kept saying to myself that I should be thinking about Dee more, mourning our relationship more, or at least acting like I’m a little more sad that it ended, but in all honesty, I was having such a good time with Lizzy, I didn’t really care about much else. I mean, what kind of a person moves on from a year-long relationship in half a day?!

At the same time, every time I think about that, I remind myself that Dee and I were basically over the day she moved to Colorado. Is that fair? Is it okay for me to justify it like that? I’m not sure. I just know that I haven’t been happy with the way things were playing out between us for a while, I haven’t felt excited about my relationship for a few months now.

As I walk past the double door of the main Fairmont dining room, one side of it ajar, all these thoughts swirling in my head, I hear the first lines of I Say A Little Prayer pour out of it. I think it’s karaoke evening tonight, but the singers’ voices usually have a strong undertone of alcohol in them; not this time though. This one sounds like it might as well belong to Aretha Franklin, but sweeter and smoother, like maple syrup. As if mesmerised by it, I sway on my heel and dive into the dining room. It takes my eyes a moment to adjust to the dim lighting and when they do, my gaze wanders to the little stage up ahead.

It’s Lizzy. Of course it’s Lizzy. Why wouldn’t it be Lizzy?! At this point, God must have decided to have some fun and fuck with my head, because why wouldn’t Lizzy have the most angelic voice? Why wouldn’t she look so damn good up there on the stage? Why would she not be utterly and completely mesmerising?

Obviously I knew Lizzy’s beautiful from the moment I first laid eyes on her… I mean, even a blind man would tell you she’s a fuckin’ babe! But I also got to see just what a beautiful person she is these past few months and… I don’t think I can do much about the fact that she talks a mile a minute and it distracts me from anything else happening around or inside my head and that her hair smells like peaches and flowers, I can’t really do anything about that. I can’t do anything about the fact that she has the voice of an angel and the heart of a saint. So…what was I saying about not being into Lizzy? Because scratch that…and what was Demri predicting about what happens next?..

I stay there for another five…no, maybe more like fifteen minutes, until I muster up the willpower to get out, finish up work, and head to the MLB show. All while wondering when I’ll see Lizzy next… Does she work tomorrow evening? I’m not sure… I usually see her around Fairmont once or twice a week, if I’m lucky, but doesn’t it seem kind of irresponsible? To just leave it up to chance? Yeah. Maybe she’ll be at the next basketball game? Eva’s on Jeff’s team this year; surely, Lizzy will come support her roommate.

I park the van behind the venue (a trick I’ve picked up recently – people assume you’re with the band so free parking!) and head towards the back entrance. There’s a few groups of people I can make out, standing around, swirls of smoke hanging over them, making shapes in the pool of light cast by a lamp just above the door.

“Hey, Jerry!” I turn my head at the sound of my name to see Eva detach herself from one of the groups and walk over to me.

“Howdy,” I nod at her as I watch her pull a cigarette out of a fresh carton. “How’s it going?”

“Great! How are you?”

“Not too bad. You getting any calls from NBA yet?”

“Nah, I’m trying to keep my basketball career on the down low,” she says while patting all her pockets, which is my cue to pull my lighter out; I try to do it so quickly though that as I pull it out of my inner jacket pocket, a little paper rectangle flies out with it. It lands on the ground before I can react and both Eva and I look down to see Lizzy smiling at us from a Polaroid picture. Well, that’s not embarrassing at all… “I heard about your break up,” Eva states as I pick up the photograph and straighten back up to light her cigarette.

What an interesting time to mention that. “So you have?”

“Yeah, it came up. I’m sorry,” she says flatly.

“Ah… Thanks, I guess?”

“You guess?” Eva looks into my eyes for a long moment, as if she’s trying to read my mind through them.

“Not sure what the appropriate response here is.”

“Did you not want to break up?” She asks brazenly, as if we don’t just barely know each other. I like Eva but this is a little insensitive, given the context.

“I did,” I shrug, a little irritated by the spontaneous interrogation.

“You’re not sure about that either?”

“Who sent you? CIA? FBI?” I narrow my eyes at her and she chuckles.

“I think Stone’s nosiness is rubbing off on me…” She nods towards the stage, making me laugh too.

“Yeah, he tends to have that effect on people.”

“So…are you alone tonight?”

“Kind of. I came straight from work but Layne and Demri should be around somewhere. You?”

“Oh yeah, I saw them inside… I’m with those guys,” she points at the cluster of people some few feet away, consisting of Matt Cameron, his girlfriend Aimee, Kim Thayil, and a few other people whose identities I can’t really make out in the near darkness. “Lizzy’s not here,” Eva adds and I wonder if she’d be so direct if not for whatever alcohol pulsing through her veins.

“I know,” my face relaxes into an easy smile, “I just saw her at Fairmont.”

“Yeah? She still working??”

“No… She was singing,” I say, picturing Lizzy up on that stage.

“Yeah, she does that… So was your ex a singer?”

“Seriously, what’s with the questions?” I accompany my words with a dry laugh. I could swear Eva’s trying to make me feel bad about my failed relationship, but obviously, she couldn’t possibly know that that’s exactly what I feel guilty about – not being that upset about it.

“I don’t know, I’m just trying to get to know you!” Eva laughs out with a shrug and a big smile.

“Was your ex a singer then?” I grin at her.

“Jesus no, he was a scientist.”

“Not into singers?”

“No, but that’s an entirely different conversation. So how do you feel? Ready to jump back into the dating pool?”

“N-no…” I stutter, caught off guard.

“Again with the uncertainty…”

“Is this research for one of your lab experiments?”

“Nah, I think I’ve already proved this thesis…”

“Eva!” A disorderly choir of her friends calls out her name.

“See you inside,” I nod at her with a smile and she mirrors it before walking away.

I finally reach the backdoor and go into a very dim hallway that leads into the main venue area. As soon as the door swings shut behind me, the air becomes thicker and the music grows louder with every step I take.

“Demri!” I sway on the spot after nearly running her over halfway down the hallway.

“Jerry! You’re here!” She beams, clapping her hands together. “So, Layne said you have a photograph of Lizzy now,” her smile grows even wider and I automatically touch the spot on my jacket where the said picture is stowed away inside a pocket. Which, for God knows what reason, makes Demri clap her hands together again. “And you carry it with you!” She shouts at me. “Let me see!”

My first instinct was to deny anything that Layne says but then again, I figured my giddy fuckin’ smile would give me away regardless. “When I think about her, my chest fuckin’ swells, you know?” I grin at Demri unabashedly and she mirrors it and then looks at the Polaroid I just handed her.

“I knew it! I so knew it! So what are you going to do now?”

* * *

“Where’s Bruce? Why is the bastard not putting his shit away?” Stone kicks a loose cord on the stage floor while wrestling his own into a neat circle.

“Not sure, he disappeared before Andy was done with his outro…” I scan the crowd with my eyes; now that we’re done playing, people are starting to turn around and slowly crawl towards the bar like a herd of zombies.

“He better get his stuff before Dolly Parton over there comes on,” Stone nods his head to the side of the stage where a girl with an acoustic guitar is standing around, talking to a couple of people.

Yeah, Monday gigs are always weird… Although this might be the first time we’re immediately followed by an acoustic country act; I don’t think I’ve seen that before.

Just then, Bruce comes back, the fingers of both his hands wrapped around five beer bottle necks. “Beat the lines,” he grins at us.

“Truly the brain of the band, as Stoney was just saying,” I laugh taking one of the beers from him.

“What do you think people will make of Joan Baez over there?” Stone steps over to me, still coiling his cord up, and nods at the singer again.

“Hey, don’t judge a book by its cover, she might have a mean growl,” I laugh.

“I’m gonna stay, see how it goes.”

“Stone, no matter how much you disapprove of someone’s act, you can’t fuckin’ heckle them!” Greg laughs from behind his drums.

“What are you grinning about, Bruce?” Andy cackles in his usual, over the top cheer. We all look at Bruce now, who’s burning a hole in someone in the crowd, still taking his sweet ass time with his gear. Whoever she is, she should run, now.

“Eva was totally flirting with me.” Oh.

“You sure it’s not just the drugs?” Stone suggests in monotone and I have to say, this is one of those rare moments when I welcome his snarkiness with open arms.

“Whatever, Stoner. She was all over me.”

Can’t be the same Eva then. She’s like…I don’t know…She’s Eva. She’s smart. And Bruce is Bruce. But just to make sure, I look over to where he was staring, picking a Sharpie off the floor as a pretext to do that, and sure enough, it is the same Eva, smack in the middle of the crowd, surrounded by her friends.

She didn’t lose Andy’s stupid game the other day so I didn’t need to wear my underwear out for her, but she still came to the show tonight; I noticed she was here about halfway through our set, actually.

“I’m telling you, she wants the D,” Bruce goes on.

“You better give it to her then. Don’t wanna keep a lady waiting,” Greg prods him on, probably more jokingly than anything else, but Bruce doesn’t care.

“You know, maybe I will. I bet she can make a man purr. She’d be one of those dominatrix types,” he’s practically licking his lips like a fat kid seeing a piece of chocolate cake. “What do you think, Jeff?”

“What do I think?..”

“Yeah. You work with her. You think you could be my wingman?”

“Why do you need a wingman if she’s all over you?”

“True. Guess I’ll just go talk to her now.”

“After you put your shit away because I’m definitely not doing that,” Stone interjects.

“Maybe have a quickie in the bathroom.”

A snapping sound pierces the air and I flinch; it takes me a moment full of my bandmates giving me bewildered looks before I realise I just broke the fucking Sharpie in half.

“You okay?..” Andy looks at me curiously.

“Yeah, sure. Why? They make these fucking things so cheap nowadays,” I shrug and toss the Sharpie into a bin just to the side of the stage, then pick up my already packed bass along with a bag of cords and pedals and head towards the back to load them into Stone’s car.

Now, I’d be a shitty co-worker if I didn’t at least try to spare Eva from Bruce’s stale dick wooing so I quickly come back inside and head for where I last saw her just a couple of minutes ago.

“Hey, great show, dude!” I feel someone’s hand land on my shoulder and turn to see that it belongs to Layne. His girlfriend Demri and Jerry are with him too.

“Thanks, I appreciate that,” I bob my head and turn to keep going on my trajectory but Demri stops me.

“Are you feeling alright, Jeff?” She asks with a glossy stare and I really don’t have time for her weird antics right now.

“Yeah, why…” I glance at Layne, who’s just grinning at me, and then at Jerry, who seems to be staring into some other dimension, straight through the floor.

“You seem like there’s something heavy on your heart, just thought I’d ask,” Demri shrugs and smiles at me as if she just made a very polite, very reasonable observation. Ah well.

“Nah, I’m fine. But thanks for asking,” I nod at her and get going again.

I can’t see Eva or any of her friends anywhere in the pit so I head to the bar counter, hoping I find her there before Bruce does. Fucking hell, how does he ever get laid, I’ll never understand.

“Hiro’s about to quit so we’ll need a bassist soon,” I hear next to me when I reach the bar and this time I recognise Chris’ voice before I even look at him.

“Tempting but I think I’ll pass.”

“We’ll pay you well,” he bares his teeth in a grin.

Huh, I just realised…that night, right before I broke up with Heather, when I ran into Chris, the secret semi-girlfriend he was talking about must have been Kat. Never put the two together until just now. I wonder what happened. Eva said it was Kat who broke up with Chris and it seems like neither is speaking to the other now.

“So he’s actually leaving, for real?”

“Yeah, we gotta let him go. We’ve got a dead dog on our hands here.”

“You have anyone in mind?”

“A couple of people but only for the time being, really.”

“Well… If one of my bandmates flips his shit and I free up, I’ll let you know…” I pat Chris on the shoulder distractedly because that’s when I notice Eva go up to the bar counter just a few feet behind him.

“Heeey!” She drawls with a slaphappy grin and ruffles my hair when I get close enough. Well that’s a first.

“Hey. Having fun?”

“Yeah! I’m a little bit tipsy…” She chuckles.

“I can tell,” I can’t help but grin at her; I think this might be the first time I’ve seen her visibly intoxicated. Oh god, maybe she did flirt with Bruce then?! All the more reason to make sure he stays away from her tonight…

“Well… Beer?” She asks me and looks up at the beer list on the wall behind the counter.

“Yeah, let’s get something interesting,” I suggest, noticing a couple of foreign ones. “How about the Icelandic stout?”

“You get that, I’ll get the Hungarian pilsner.”

We put our orders in, get our drinks, and move down the bar counter to make room for other people.

“How’s the pilsner?” I ask a minute later.

“Pretty good. How’s your Iceland juice?”

“Mhm, yeah, you can really taste the Iceland in this one,” I grin and hold the glass out for her.

“What does Iceland taste like?” She laughs.

“Try it.”

“Oh, it’s really good! Oh, shit!” She ducks suddenly, almost spilling my beer before I grab it from her hand; then, I feel a tug on my sleeve and realise she’s trying to drag me away from the bar, so I let her.

“What?” I stare at her wide eyes when we stop in front of the stage.

“Chris. You know how many people I have to keep avoiding now?” Eva’s face goes up as she gives me an exasperated look. “Three! Chris, Mike, and fuckin’ Kristine…”

“But you don’t really have to, do you? I mean, what’s gonna happen? Nothing,” I bob my head as I take her beer and bring it up to my lips for a taste.

“But I’m just so tired of this shit… These aren’t even my break ups and I don’t want anything to do with them.”

“Wait, but didn’t I see you with Matt and Kim tonight?”

“Yeah, Chris wasn’t here earlier… I’d just rather not say hi to him than have to pretend to be friendly, you know?”

“Is it that bad though?” I nod my head in the general direction where she had just spotted Cornell.

Eva lets out a long sigh, takes her beer back, and drinks a sip before speaking. “He kissed Gwen.”

“What??”

“Yeah…”

“Wow, that’s pretty shitty.” For some reason, it’s not something I would have expected from Chris, but then again, what do I know?

“Yeah. So that’s why Kat keeps saying that the whole thing is not a big deal, it’s just a kiss, they weren’t really together… But it’s just really shitty, I think. Chris really didn’t need to go for that level of assholiness.”

“And he’s a musician, too!” I gasp dramatically, covering my mouth, but Eva rolls her eyes at me and takes my drink again.

“But you know what I mean, right? Normal people don’t act like that!”

“EVA!” Andy shrieks from the side of the stage so loudly that several people around us flinch. “Eva! Next Friday, our place, bring your own booze! And make sure Kat’s there too, that’s Xana’s orders!”

“Okay!” Eva gives him a thumbs up before he disappears somewhere again.

“Andy decided the other day that it’s time to stop hibernating and start partying. No other occasion,” I explain. “So…normal people as in, non musicians?”

“Duh!”

“Eva…” I laugh out as I retrieve my drink…one of the drinks, whichever one.

“You ever dated a musician?”

“Uh…no…”

“So stop questioning my first-hand knowledge, Jeff!” Eva laughs.

“Fine! Any other sensitive topics I should know about?”

She thinks for a moment before her face splits into a grin. “I don’t really like dolphins.”

“What? What’s your problem with dolphins? What did they do?”

“They’re a little creepy…”

“Please explain?” I feel an amused grin stretch my mouth.

“I guess it’s not just dolphins, it’s most sea creatures.”

“What’s creepy about sea creatures?”

“You know how deep the oceans are?? And we’ve barely grazed the surface, literally. What are they all doing down there!?”

“My fuckin’ god, is this who we’re supposed to trust when they say trust science?” I pop my eyes dramatically.

* * *

Seems counter-intuitive, not being able to trust your girlfriend whom you share a home with. And if I couldn’t trust her, then who can I trust? Because following that logic, nothing is set in stone, no one has any obligations to look out for my best interest. Or am I digging too deep there? I mean, I’ve always trusted Steve to be my friend and whatever the hell that entails, but what if he wants to quit the band one day? Or worse, what if he starts secretly playing in a different band. ABBA cover band, namely. Who’s to say that wouldn’t happen?? Anyone can change their mind, anyone can leave at any point. Even if I just moved apartments at some point, there’s no guarantee that Kat will still be my friend. If I write a song that Danny doesn’t like, nothing will stop him from throwing the towel in and walking away. It’s really horrible when you think about it. This is probably why people get married; to legally imprison their spouse. Because otherwise—

“Are you okay?” Steve pops his head in through the door and narrows his eyes at me.

“No…” I lean back in my chair so that I’m balancing on just two legs, causing the French music magazine I’d picked up a couple of days ago to slip down from my lap and onto the floor.

“You’re being weird. What’s going on?”

“I’m wondering whether I should call Kat,” I say before I can think but yeah, I agree, that.

“Well…why not?”

“She’s gonna move out…”

“What? When? Where?”

“…you’re gonna meet a guy who can perform all our songs while solving a Rubick’s Cube…”

“Oh.”

“…everything can collapse in a matter of seconds, everything is pointless, there is no meaning, we’re all going to die alone.”

“Hm. Uh… Okay…” The rest of Steve’s body appears in the doorway as he pauses to collect his thoughts. I mean, my point is pretty hard to argue against. “I think you should call her.” He walks over to the telephone, untangles its cord, brings it over to me, and leaves without saying another word.

“Fine, I’ll call her, if you insist,” I mumble although Steve’s long gone at this point. I dial the number and wait, my mind going completely and utterly blank as I do.

“Hello?”

“Hi, who’s this?” I ask.

“Huh? Who’s this?”

“Hi, this is Mark.”

“Oh… You fucking weirdo. How’s Europe?” Eva audibly cheers up.

“Really cold, actually. Should have gone for the Caribbean.”

“You’ll know next time. So what’s up, why are you calling?”

“I wanted to talk to Novak, actually…”

“No surprise there… KATIE!” Eva calls the redhead, not bothering to move the receiver away from her mouth as she does.

Some rustling and mumbling later, Kat’s voice reaches me loud and clear, as if she was right next to me: “Mark Arm.”

“Katie Novak,” I answer and feel my smile grow.

“Did you leave the stove on?”

“What?”

“Is that why you’re calling?”

“No, you dirtbag!” I laugh out.

“You’re a dirtbag.”

“No, you’re a dirtbag.”

“I actually have a degree in dirtbags and I’m qualified to diagnose that you are in fact a dirtbag.”

“I’ve missed your dirtbagginess.” It slips out just like that.

“Is that why you’re finally calling almost four weeks into tour?” she asks.

“Hey! Tell me you miss me too!”

“But you haven’t told me you miss me,” Kat plays dumb. “I do though. It’s weirdly quiet here without your big, bare feet stomping all over the place.”

“Hey, walking barefoot is very soothing.”

“You’re so bizarre, Mark.”

“Thank you. So all the macho energy has been wiped from your residence, huh?”

“Macho? Surely, you don’t mean yourself?” Kat cackles.

“Well, maybe I shouldn’t say ‘all’ when you’re still there.”

“How dare you,” she utters dramatically and yet, completely flatly, the way only she knows how.

“Comes naturally to me. So…how’s life?”

“Quiet, like I said. Although Stone and I did make an interesting bet.”

“On what?”

“Eva and Jeff. Remember, they get along now,” Kat enunciates and I can just see her eyes big with that dazed stare. “But Stone thinks they’re going to throw their rags together.”

“Excuse me, they’re going to what?”

“Bump uglies. Do the nasty…” She trails off. “How interesting that there’s all these horrible euphemisms for sex. Just the sound of them turns you off.”

“So you don’t think they’re going to?” I ask, my face locked in a dumb Cheshire cat grin.

“I don’t see it. Just because Eva doesn’t hate his guts anymore…”

“You know, Stone will probably do anything in his power now to get them together.”

“Stone doesn’t know Eva very well. Nobody outside of her person can make this happen. Anyway, enough of poking our noses into other people’s business. How’s tour going?”

“Well,” I stare off into the distance – or rather, at a wall that was once white but is all the different shades of brown and grey now. I quickly sort through my mind, looking for something worth recapping. “We stayed at a really nice hotel a few nights ago,” I start, confident that this will make Kat laugh just as much as it did me and Steve.

“Oh yeah? Five stars, I’m sure?”

“Yeah, yeah, one of those five star youth hostels.”

“Did the pillows actually have pillowcases on them this time?” She references another tour story I had shared with her.

“Not sure, we didn’t use the beds. Steve and I got the room that reeked of urine so we slept in our clothes with the window open, in front of the bed.”

“In front? On the floor?” Kat laughs. “The floor was the better option?”

“Trust me, you would have done the same,” I shudder remembering the pretty much translucent bed sheets.

“Sounds delightful! Was breakfast included?”

“No, but the amenities were top notch! We went down the hall to use the toilet… That’s what the Europeans call it! And there was, how you say it, merde spread all over the walls.”

“Mm, lovely. Did someone paint a beautiful mural with it?”

“It did look like someone might have tried painting a gremlin, now that I think about it… Anyway, Steve and I peed out the window,” I finish my story and hear Kat laugh again.

“How riveting! So what’s the final verdict? Out of five?”

“Out of five? Negative four, I would say,” I conclude while my fingers find the frayed edge of a hole in my jeans and start messing with it. I should probably explain why I’m calling… Not that I really have any kind of coherent explanation to speak of. And not that Kat seems to care. But I feel like I should try at least… “I’m not calling you for any reason so if you have anything better to do, feel free to hang up at any time,” is what I say. As good as anything I could have come up with, I guess.

“Me? Have anything to do on a Thursday evening? Please…”

“So you’re still leading the hermit life, I take it?”

“Wow, little harsh…”

“Gwen did say you spend a lot of time at home.”

“Pft. Whatever…” Kat mumbles and I assume that’s a yes. “I’ve just not been feeling like going out every time she does. Not keeping up with Miss Social Butterfly doesn’t make me a hermit.”

“And yet, you sound very defensive.”

“So?”

“I’ll call you from the next hostel with a review. Give you something to look forward to.”

“How gracious of you, truly.”

“Keep up the snark and I’ll think twice about calling you at all.”

“Oh no, whatever would I do,” Kat drawls flatly and I chuckle.

“Oh,” I remember something all of a sudden. “If you break into my place and look in the top drawer of the side table in the bedroom, you’ll find a couple of Lou Reed tickets in there for tomorrow night. Seeing as I’m currently on tour, I can’t go myself… Top drawer. That’s the only one you’re allowed to open.” And I’m also just now realising that maybe Novak and I don’t have the clearest of boundaries… But I paid good money for those tickets! Context. Context is important, right?

“Is this a set up?”

“Nah, Lukin’s got way too many drug hiding spots in my apartment. I couldn’t risk involving the law enforcement.”

“Plus, I know your real last name.”

“My alternative last name,” I correct her.

“Well…thanks! I’ll pay you back,” she mumbles, a note of awkwardness slicing through her words loud and clear.

“Honestly, no need to. Consider it a repayment for all the times I borrowed food from you. Anyway, now you can say hi to Lou Reed yourself!”

“You know I won’t…”

“Bring him a cupcake.”

“Why on earth…”

“Hey, quick question, are you moving anytime soon?”

“No… Why?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah…”

“Okay,” I say, fully aware of how ridiculous this is. I just wanted to double check, okay.

“Did you leave the stove on after all? Should we move?..”

#as per use i didn't proof read this so good luck #fanfiction #80s #grunge #seattle #alice in chains #jerry cantrell #sean kinney #mother love bone #jeff ament #stone gossard #andy wood #soundgarden #chris cornell #mudhoney #mark arm