I woke up hyperaware of every inch of my body. A bone must be missing, a tooth or two my hair feels like an extension of the pillow that i hide my dreams underneath
And my head is too heavy with the weight of everything I said i will think about later…
Childhood, adolescence, adulthood
It all overlaps sometimes, and I worry that my childhood is all I’m going to grow up to live and relive.
I worry that it’s a punishment,
Like Prometheus; that I’ll spend my nights picking at it trying to cleanse myself from all that a young version of me wasn’t strong enough to process
only to wake up and realize I’m carrying it between my ribs again.
To be pregnant with another girl that will relive my life like I’m reliving my mothers.
I’m overthinking again
Stages of life like gates to the many graveyard’s that I have built inside me.
A sanctuary
A place of residence to all the feelings i had no time to over analyze.
I digged my phone from underneath the pillow, something must be said..
A phantom of the words that are trying to escape is at hands reach..
An Aura. A migraine.
Its 04:51 am. The sun didn’t rise yet, why am I awake again?
Thoughts are fighting each other for a way out, like a newborn waiting to be called by a name, any would be fine; as long as it gets acknowledgment.
On my way to the bathroom, i stumbled upon keywords
Some that I believe i missed the night before..
When anxiety was eating another pathway for itself. A way out, out of my brain
Necrosis.
I spent the past couple of months studying all that can go wrong in a woman’s body.
Starting from puberty highlighting child bearing period and ending with menopause.
It’s all prewritten
And I get mad with rage because improvisations are treated like a sin that can never be forgiven.
I watched women bleeding incomplete lives from between their legs, that without shedding a tear.
We’re used to that, aren’t we ?
Bleeding.
And incomplete lives.
Distant dreams of motherhood bleeding classic tragedies into an ink jar
to be hand written as another passage in the wrenching history of all the fabricated religious books that swore by women.
•••
•Quotes: Blythe Baird/ Paul Guest/Molly McCully Brown/ Uma Thurman/ Sylvia Plath/ Joel Coen/ Emily Rose Cole
•Original context: Sinligh
•Art reference:
1.painting by Domenico Induno. 2. Painting by Henry Asencio. 3.painting by graham dean. 4. Art by Patricia Cronin. 5. Art by Amelie, Maison d'art. 6. Spirit Body Consciousness by Byron Tik. 7. Painting by Francesca Strino 8. Charles-August Mengin (detail)
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