#Kai's rambles | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kaija-rayne-author · 7 months

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I went thrifting with the kids a couple of days ago and I'm still in so much pain it's making me teary. I don't cry easy. My therapist scolds me about it. 5 hours of shopping with two well behaved kids and I sat down through most of it. I could really use a wheelchair, but I can’t afford one. It would have to be electric, because my EDS is degenerative.

Guess I'm stuck in bed again.

I really wish people would understand that I would give so much to be able to just... live. Even the limited existence I had before covid was better than it is now. I can't go to a movie, or the zoo, or the aquarium. I leave the house for supplies and medical care. That is literally it. I risk my immunocompromised life every time I leave the house because people won't mask. I risk my minor children's lives and my partner's too. We're all immunocompromised.

I used to hike, ride horses, dance, bike, practice 3 types of martial arts.

Then I caught swine flu and my body gave up. I was diagnosed with me/cfs (which is now usually considered a post viral illness, meaning you got sick with a virus and never got better).

Then 3 years ago, I caught version 6 of the first wave of covid. I barely survived, but I never got better.

I honestly can't imagine how people can be so blasé about viruses. They can absolutely destroy your life. They've destroyed mine. I was healthy! I exercised and ate well! I was vaccinated! (Antivaxxers fuck off. I have science degrees, you're really badly misinformed.) I did everything right and it still took me down.

There's nothing you can do behavior wise that will guard you from viruses except masking, vaccinations, and social distancing. Setting up air cleaning options helps too, but since we can't even get people to mask, I'm not holding my breath on that one. (Har, har, I'm hilarious.) Vaccinations are imperative, but they don't do anything for transmission. They exist so that if you do get it, you have a better chance of survival.

And humanity could have defeated this illness 3 years ago. Except because selfish people wanted their 'normal' back... we didn't. PSA? Your 'normal' sucked a lot for disabled people already. It's worse now.

I do the best I can, but it has robbed me of so much. My scientific career, my ability to make a living that doesn't mean just scraping by well under the poverty line.

I can't hike anymore, or bike, the brain knowledge of my decades in martial arts and dance is still there, but I probably couldn't take a hit anymore. Being around horses again is an impossible dream.

Hell, just getting out of bed some days is an impossible dream.

I have nightmares of being without a mask, and people walk around bare faced.

I fucking guarantee there isn't a 'fun' thing on this planet that is worth living like I do.

The worst isn't when the virus kills you, it's when you survive it and have so little ability left.

And more people survive SC19 than die from it. They survive, but millions of people are already disabled from it and the numbers rise every day.

How are people not fucking terrified? How?

#SC19 #chronic pain #chronic illness #me/cfs #long covid #disability #my disabled life #kai's rambles #about kai

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listen-to-the-inner-walrus · 9 months

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so in an attempt to actually use positive thinking, anytime i fuck up and my brain reacts as if ive cause a minor apocalyptic event, i compare my fuck up to the 4 minute fuck up committed by the crew of the uss william d porter.

and only today, as i was having to explain what happened to my mom when i was explaining the whole comparison thing, did i realise that most people dont know about it and ive decided that needs to change because its objectively hilarious.

...which is a weird thing to say about an event that occured on a warship in 1943, specifically november 14th.

see the uss william d porter was a fletcher-class destroyer but you dont need to know what that means, just that she had guns that went bang bang and that she was escorting another ship, the uss iowa, to cairo.

while they were on their way there, they performed some gun trials like testing the anti-aircraft guns or the torpedos. and while they were running a torpedo drill, the crew of the porter managed to fire a live torpedo straight at the iowa which you know, in terms of a list of things to do while escorting a ship, shooting a torpedo at them is not on that list.

especially if the president of the united states is on board.

yeah so fdr was on board and the gun trials were actually his idea, and part of the trials was that they were conducted under radio silence.

and that means the crew of the porter couldnt just call the iowa to be like "move out the way, we accidentally shot a torpedo at you."

but they did have signal lamps and you know, the signalman on board was trained to signal this exact kind of message.

...and uh never mind, the signalman did manage to successfully tell the iowa that a torpedo was coming toward them but wasnt as successful when it came to the direction the torpedo was coming from.

not all hope is lost though because the signalman could still use the signal lamp to correct his previous mistake and-, never mind, he announced that the porter was reversing, which she wasnt.

yeah so at catastrophic mistake number 3, they broke radio silence to warn the iowa and she managed to turn out of the way just in time which meant no one got hurt. and even though the inquiry into the incident led to chief torpedoman (fantastic job title btw) lawton dawson being sentences to hard labour, fdr intervened and waved away his sentence, saying it was all an accident.

but yeah, so thats my new measure for "how much did i really fuck up?" and when i compared accidentally picking up a pencil case without a tag on it in wilko, turns out it was a very minor fuck-up. yes, the cashier had to ask another worker to grab a duplicate so they could scan the barcode, but i didnt nearly kill the president during wartime via accidental friendly fire

#kai rambles #so like #i enjoy ships and learning about them and looking at them but like #i dont really care for warships #i dont hate them viscerally like i do cruise ships but i never really care for them #apart from the ones that were just like either ridiculously designed like the hms captain or the vasa or the novgorod #or the ones where just insane shit happened like with the william d porter #like this isnt even the extent of the porters unfortunate incidents like shr was sank by a kamikaze attack that MISSED #but somehow ended up below the ship and exploded and just like yeeted the porter out of the water #william d porter #uss william d porter #ww2 #world war 2 #world war ii #warships #again warships are really not my thing but god some of them are so fucking funny #uss iowa #fdr #franklin d. roosevelt #this suddenly got so many notes in like less than 24 hours what the fuck #shipposting

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vampcubus · 4 months

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discomfort character. keep that mf away from me or so help me

#‧₊🧛🏻‍♀️˚⊹ ashi rambles #zeke yeager…#kai chisaki…

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dungeonpuppykai · 2 months

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Pairing: Dark Daddy!Rafe Cameron | Naive Little!Reader.

Warning(s): Dubcon, cold shower, waterboarding, possessive!Rafe, Dark!Rafe, toxic relationship, dumbification, dacryphilia, manhandling, fear kink, dark ddlg, allusion to spanking, he's mean okay? Browse at your own discretion.

Rafe does not like his little girl smelling like anyone or anything other than him.

But she's too stupid to understand it, even though he has explained it to her many, many times with all the patience he could muster.

So now?

He will teach her.

"Daddy, please–"

"Shut up" a cigarette dangled from Rafe's lips as he pushed the younger in the bathroom by her hair, the force he used causing her head to loll forwards.

"B–"

He pulled her head back roughly to level her ear with his mouth. "Not one word, little girl" she had been too engrossed with pleading her case to notice where he had brought her. But now that he pushed her inside the shower, the girl looked around her in confusion as her body scrambled about due to the raw strength it was being subjected to.

She resisted the urge to voice her distress, knowing how easily irritable her boyfriend became when he was unhappy.

But this, this was something new.

Y/n had no idea what was brewing in his head but with the rather ample knowledge of how creative and cruel Rafe got during the times when he felt like she needed adjustment or maintenance, she could not help but feel scared.

Even though her boyfriend always assured her that he was the only person who she wasn't to fear because all he wanted to do was to protect her since she was too little and dumb to do it on her own, it did not feel that way when he got angry.

Like, right now.

Rafe took a drag of his cigarette before exhaling the smoke in her face after turning her around with the grip he had on her head. "Smell yourself" Y/n blinked up at him in confusion at first but hurriedly grabbed her shirt when he raised a dangerous eyebrow at her. "And tell me, what do you smell like?"

Tears glistened in her eyes at his tone and she whimpered, ducking her head a little and moving the shirt up the rest of the way until it touched her nose. Her hands trembled as she took a sniff.

"Well?"

These kinds of situations were tricky.

She never knew what he wanted to hear.

And wrong answers only damned her further.

The girl opened and closed her mouth a couple times, unsure. Rafe shut his eyes and took a deep breath, the action causing her to panic as she raked her mind for an answer, aware that he did that whenever he was struggling to remain composed.

And he only bothered with that for her.

"Sweetheart" he cradled her face closer with his other hand, the nicotine stick between his fingers dangerously close to her cheek. "My question isn't gonna answer itself…" The sudden tenderness in his words as he tried to remain as calm as he could manage caused her to sob in both guilt and fear, shaking a little as she spoke.

This was why Y/n was one of those girls who preferred not to piss their Daddies off.

Rafe was too scary when he got like that.

"... D- Dunno… D- Daddy…" His features scrunched in annoyance and he craned his neck back to take a long drag of his cigarette, causing her bottom lip to wobble.

It was only after he had exhaled did he chuckle slowly, nodding to himself. "Of course, how could I forget?" Looking back down at her, he wiped her tears with the pad of his thumb, nails scratching her scalp in a comforting manner where he held her hair. "You're too stupid to know anything, aren't you, baby?"

The girl went to agree just for the sake of pleasing him but before she could respond, he was hauling her under the shower head and hitting the handle at the coldest setting.

"So let me just teach my little girl this time around."

Y/n screeched as heavy drops of ice cold water splashed against the top of her head and then the rest of her body like millions of tiny shards of ice, trickling down the rest of her alarmed skin in a way that stiffened every muscle in her body.

Her spine tightened inwards.

"DADDY!" Half of her cry drowned under the unrelenting burst of the shower head, her hands weakly trying to tap and push at his hard arms that did not budge.

Their strengths were incomparable.

The sizes of their bodies did not and would not matter regardless of how big or small she was.

Rafe was too strong, especially when his mind numbing rage was pumping through his veins.

Like right now.

"I know, baby, I know" he was unfazed by her gasping and thrashing around for air and comfort as he sucked at his cigarette, his buzzed head glittering with the droplets that had sprayed on him. "You wanna thank Daddy for making the effort to set you straight, I know."

Y/n's lungs burnt for oxygen as she choked on the icy water, blindly tapping about with widened eyes that stung under the chilling water. Her nostrils ached whenever she tried to breathe, since the unforgiving water seeped in quicker than the air she so desperately needed.

A loud, strangled gasp escaped her when Rafe jerked her out by the hold he had placed on her neck, bringing her face in close proximity to his so she could hear his menacing whisper.

"Since you are too stupid to remember that I don't like it when you smell like anything other than me everytime," to make matters worse, you smelt like your male bestfriend's -whom Rafe could not stand to save his own life- body spray. "Maybe if I show you what will happen the next time I smell asshole on you, you will actually try to use that tiny brain before getting close to anyone other than your Daddy."

The male remained unbothered when she coughed out water in his face to try and clear her system so she could speak, the drops causing his cigarette to hiss. "S- Sorry– Daddy- Sorry–"

Rafe snorted. "Oh, yes. Sorry you will be," her eyes widened and she screamed only to have it get muffled again when he pushed her back under the unforgiving stream, "by the time I get done with you." It was not that he didn't trust his baby or doubted her loyalty, it was everyone else.

The fucked up world that was too dangerous for his precious little special girl.

Who seemed to brush his concerns and worries off like they were nothing.

Silly little thing.

He was not one to be taken lightly.

And she would learn that for good by the time the night was through.

"Hmm…" Y/n was shivering and wheezing when he pulled her away from the vicious downpour again. "Let's see–"

"Daddy, please! I am sorry! Swear I am!" He only cocked his head to the side and raised an eyebrow at her pleading sob.

"I told you to shut up" Y/n's heart hammered against her ribcage and breathing nearly ceased when he pulled her even closer, squeezing her throat for emphasis. "Didn't I?"

"Sorr–" she was too panicked and cold to properly process anything.

Rafe clicked his tongue in disapproval as he shook his head, snorting before sucking on his cigarette again. "Oh, bunny" using his free hand to push the drenched strands away from her face, he sighed. "Your little mind has forgotten all its manners, hasn't it?" And she was shoved under the water again.

"Constant back talk as if it's not already bad enough that you still don't smell like my good little girl" her nails were turning white from how they dug into the skin of his hand that forced her still.

Rafe kept her in for the longest duration this time around, only pulling her out when her body nearly went limp.

Though she was dunked back in the moment he saw light return to her eyes.

The male kept at it for a good few minutes, constantly stripping her of all dignity and freewill before allowing her a shred of solace only to snatch it away again the moment hope would try to rekindle in the flushed face that he adored so much.

As much as Rafe loved Y/n, he liked her best when she was in her place.

Which was under him and at his whim.

"Hm" he took a sniff of her shaking and panting tired form when he thrusted her body towards himself this time. "This will do" nodding to himself in approval he shut the shower off.

She was ordered to strip from her drenched clothes. The girl obeyed, the only task on her mind to make her Daddy happy again by pleasing him.

Because he was right.

He looked out for her and protected her all the time, the least she could was to follow her rules and be good for him.

Daddy was always right.

"You're lucky I care for you, baby" her uncontrollable tears were warm against her cheeks in contrast to everything else. "So I will teach your pea brain the same old thing again" discarding the finished cigarette, he reached for his belt before undoing the buckle.

The girl just stared at the floor quietly; trembling and meek.

Though she could not maintain the silence for very long and was forced to break it when her chest rumbled at the sight of his belt snaking out of the hoops of his jeans. Soft sobs fell from her lips as she hugged her arms.

Oh, no.

"Go ahead now~" Rafe nodded towards the door as he helped himself to a new cigarette. "In the bed, face down and ass up."

#rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron x you #rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron imagine #rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe outer banks #rafe imagine #rafe x reader #dark rafe cameron x reader #rafe cameron x female reader #rafe cameron x y/n #rafe cameron x smut #kais rambles

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nikibogwater · 7 months

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Life-Saving Minecraft Tips that I almost never see anyone else using (am I just bad at the game...?)

Always carry a bucket of water in your hotbar, especially if you're going caving.

Keep a Warped Fungus handy when traversing the Nether. Hoglins can't attack you if you're standing near a Warped Fungus. I also like to keep a Flower Pot on me just in case I run into a pack of Hoglins somewhere I can't place the fungus directly on the ground.

Use potions. Idk if it's just the kinds of lets-players I watch or what, but I can't believe how many people are sleeping on these.

Night Vision for the Deep Dark (Nether Wart + Golden Carrot). Keeps you from waking up the Warden with a single careless torch placement, and also negates the Darkness effect if you activate a Shrieker.

Invisibility Potions for death runs back to your items (Night Vision Potion + Fermented Spider Eye)

Slow Falling for the Ender Dragon fight (Nether Wart + Phantom Membrane)

Fire Resistance negates like 85% of the danger in the Nether (Nether Wart + Magma Cream)

Adding some Redstone Dust to any potion will increase the duration of its effects to 8 minutes. Three max-duration potions will keep you covered for a little more than one full day-night cycle.

Wool blocks are soundproof (but carpets aren't 😕). Completely covering a Skulk Sensor or Chest with wool blocks before interacting with it will prevent chain reactions from other Sensors.

Set up a safe base with a bed at world spawn (usually around coordinates 0, 0) so that you don't have to sprint buck naked through the night if you lose your respawn point.

I actually like to put my main base near world spawn because I easily get disoriented when trying to navigate by coordinates alone, and it's much simpler for me to just follow a Compass back home (I think that's an exclusive-to-Niki problem tho. I've never heard of anyone else wanting to do this 😅).

This is only tangentially related, but I can remember a time when Zombies dropped Feathers instead of Rotten Flesh. You'd think I wouldn't die so often, having played this game for almost 13 years...

#niki rambles #gaming #minecraft #shoutout to my friend Kay who absolutely refuses to google anything about this game #she both amazes and terrifies me

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sensitive-neuvi-enthusiast · 6 months

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Wearing a skirt for the first time in front of Choso. Your plush thighs on display as the fabric did little to hide the outline of your panties. Weren't you cold? Was his first thought-but his second was more than disrespectful. He felt bad, but he couldn't help it ): just like he couldn't help the way he went home that night. Pictures of you in that little skirt in his mind, flashing like one of his favorite movies. It was no wonder he found himself panting and moaning, forehead braced against the wall as his hand fisted his weeping cock. Paying special attention to the thick vein that curved around his length. Picturing it was your pretty hand or mouth doing it to him. He'd never cum so hard before. ):

My pussy wrote this too.

#jjk smut #choso x reader #choso smut #jjk choso #kai rambles

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l1-b1 · 2 months

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Sketches of Nya from Hands of Time and Skybound!!

The outgrown Bob haircut phase

#i want a Nya suit to have Black as the main colour in her suit again pls #pls pls pls #Anyway this haircut is the point where she starts considering growing her hair out #hands of time and Skybound changed aspects of who she was and her life so it seemed natural for her to let herself physically change as well #fanart #lego ninjago #ninjago #lego ninjago fanart #ninjago fanart #ninjago nya #nya smith #nya jiang #Nya means sm to me and her character development and change through time matters sm to me #i think her hair has had many phases #representing who she was who she is and who she will be #Skybound was her turning point she was now apart of the team and not just kais sister of jays girlfriend #she was nya so she wanted to change her appaerence so she could put a distance between her past self #idk this is just a ramble nya just makes me insane

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mastemamothpriest · 1 year

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JELLY JAMM POSTS IN MY TL

THANK YOU FOR MAKING ME REMEMBER MY FAVE CHILDHOOD SHOW OMG I LOVE RITA AND HER HYPERFIXATION FOR DODOS SHE IS THE BEST CHARACTER SHE IS SO ME

#jelly jamm #why are you in my TL #helly Jelly Jamm fandom #Kai's rambles #sorry for screaming I am very excited

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kaija-rayne-author · 7 months

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Ugh. I feel like absolute crap. Had to shop yesterday even though I was already flaring from the shopping trip with the kids.

I've rebounded my damned headcold or caught another when the other was just going away.

Why can't people mask ffs!

Why do all y'all want to share germs anyway, it's gross. Icky.

And dear gods it takes my immunocompromised ass forever to kick even a headcold. Give us chronically ill people a break and please mask!

The winter of 2020 I didn't even get the flu. And the flu floors me for 6 weeks every year because I'm allergic to one of the ingredients in the vaccines so I can't get it. Two way masking absolutely works.

Why wouldn't people want to avoid getting sick? It makes no logical sense. Even a headcold is miserable.

And yes, I religiously mask. It's on my face before I leave the house and it doesn't come off except in a closed vehicle or when I get home.

But there's only so much one way masking can do when you're surrounded by selfish jerks who can't bother to care about their fellow humans.

And uh, if you're one of those people who wish they could get sick just so you have an excuse to rest, you're likely already chronically ill and overextending yourself. It's a trauma reaction.

#kai's rambles #about kai #chronically ill #chronic illness #mecfs #long covid

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fishfingersalad · 8 months

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text posts cause theyre fun to make :3

#rvb #red vs blue #rvb tucker #rvb kai #rvb sister #rvb wash #agent washington #rvb donut #rvb sarge #rvb doc #rvb church #rvb carolina #rvb tex #mikeys rvb rambles

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listen-to-the-inner-walrus · 10 months

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so theres a lot of posts going round about the titanic wreck and the missing submarines; all of them that ive seen have made very good points about how shoddy the submersible seemed to be and how the company decided to wait eight hours before reporting it, and how this is a play stupid games, win stupid prizes for the ultra-wealthy who paid like 250grand a ticket for this thing.

but what i havent seen any posts about is how the titanic wreck is a gravesite and this tourism is disturbing the graves of over 1500 people.

sometimes its kinda hard to remember that those on the titanic were real people; it was over a century ago, the story has been romanticised in so many ways (like the movie), theres conspiracies theories galore that cloud everything with misinformation, but at the end of the day, those who died were real people.

do you want their names? heres a list of them; its a long read. and for fun, heres another site where you can see photos of the children and babies who died aboard.

their bodies are long gone and their lives long forgotten. all we have to remember them and honour them is the wreck itself. its all we have of them and it is their gravesite. its their tombstone.

caitlin doughty/ask a morticians video on the great lakes discusses the topic well, and why we should leave these shipwrecks alone because again, they are the gravesites of all the souls who died aboard those ships. we rarely have bodies to recover so we really are left just with the wreck.

and what really upsets me about titanic tourism is how the majority of those who died that night were not the ultra-wealthy rich folks you might picture when you think of ocean liners.

61% of the first class passengers survived

42% of the second class passengers survived

24% of the third class passengers survived

24% of the crew survived **

the majority of those who died that night were regular folk; not to be cliche, but they were just like us. titanics wreck is not only a gravesite for over 1500 people, its also a majority working class gravesite.

and look at us now. look at what were doing. the ultra-wealthy can pay the equivalent of peanuts to them to disturb a mass gravesite of the exact kind of people they exploit today to hold onto all their wealth.

its easy to point and laugh at these dumb idiots in their playstation controller submarine, seemingly held together with super glue and duct tape, but its also important to remember that what they were doing was simply disturbing a gravesite for fun. though the company does research, these guys werent down there to conduct research, they were there so they could brag about it to their friends. its like “climbing mount everest” while your sherpa does all the work.

if you cant tell, i have a lot of feelings about this. shipwrecks and ocean liners are one of my special interests and im currently building a (beginner’s) model of the titanic, for fucks sake. but i would never go down to see that wreck because its a fucking gravesite and we should not be disturbing their final resting place.

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