Texts I sent a friend the first time I watched The Boys, Season 2:
- Gird your loins
- I’m dying to know more about Black Noir
- Ugh ffs Homelander smarming about on stage at Translucents funeral
- It’s an empty box but I suppose how would people know cause invisible corpse
- WHY IS ANNIE SINGING AT THE INVISIBLE PERVS FUNERAL
- Aw no straight in with Sad Kevin
- Oh ok angry drunk Kevin
- Ugh not these Samaritans Embrace fuckers again
- Oh Annie. Parroting the company line. I hope she’s gonna fuck them all over
- SAD HUGHIE OH NO
- BILLY JOOOOOELLLL
- Aw Kimiko is learning
- Her lil smile
- Oooh Hughie is a liiiiiar
- Meeting on the subway like a couple shifty teenagers
- Oh I forgot they microchipped the supes like dogs
- Oh nooooo young love angst
- Oh no a Sad Kevin incident
- Aaaaand he’s been arrested
- A nice archer bailed him out
- Omfg the fake Butcher re-enactment
- Oh do NOT tell me this crazy bastard is gonna drink the frozen breast milk
- Oh fuck he is
- What the FUCK, HOMELANDER
- This visually impaired ninja seems nice
- That probably means he’s gonna turn out to be a dick
- OH FUCK
- Homelander what the fuuuuuck
- Ok what the shit is happening here in the motel
- WHAT
- What the fuuuuuck
- I – MM is making a dolls house? That’s so cute
- Oh shit smuggled people
- Homelander is nuts with power
- Uhhhh who is Carol and why is she staring at Kevin while he sleeps
- Finally an archer who is honest about how useless they can be once they run out of arrows
- Oh noooo are they gonna try brainwash Kevin with homeopathic stuff? And why do they keep offering him Fresca
- OH FUCK ME NOT ANOTHER RELIGION THING
- Oh Hughie has grown a pair since last season. Good for him
- Where’s Butcherrrrrrrr
- Body gore porn dude is called Gecko that’s too cute a name for him
- Stormfront seems like fun
- She’s gonna be pissing off Homelander so much I like her already
- OH WHAT THE FUCK THE CIA LADYS HEAD EXPLODED
- I like Stan
- Giving Homelander the dressing down he needs
- I know it’s convenient for Toni to wear the padded suit all the time but does Homelander ever wear anything else
- Oh hiiii Becca I still think you’re a bitch and Butcher deserved better
- BUTCHERRRRR YASSSSS
- “Daddy’s home”
- I’m dead. It’s official.
- The fuckin smirk and the voice I’m fuckin dead
- OH NO KEVIN IS TRYING THE CHURCH THING
- Is he making shroom tea
- Why is Patton Oswalt voicing Kevin’s gills this is delightful
- Atrain is awake again that’s not good
- I’m cracking up at Sad Kevin and his singing gills
- Homelander is gone way off the deep end oh boy
- Awwww soft Maeve in the hospital with her girlfriend
- I want to like Becca but I can’t shake the bad feeling
- Homelander is a terrible father
- I mean I know he has no role models to base his parenting on, but yikes
- It’s like if Scar was raising Simba instead of Mufasa
- ….are the gang raiding a party city store
- I love how Frenchie always looks a mix of horrified and amazed whenever Kimiko kills someone
- AWWW IT’S HER BROTHER YAY
- Oh shiiiiiiiit
- Butcher STOP JUST SHOOTING PEOPLE
- You were right this season is weird
- I like Kimiko’s brothers bedazzled denim jacket
- Butcher don’t punch Hughie wtf
- Starting with Hughie listening to the same song again, nice
- Butcher is terrible at apologising it’s so cute
- I’m sorry did Hughie just fall over trying to throw a punch
- The kid’s a dandelion omg
- Why are they on a boat? Did Karl just decide “I like being on boats lemme go on a boat”?
- I see what you mean about Homelander being scary
- He’s completely insane
- Why does this storyboard guys shirt say assbinder
- Chace Crawford is an excessively veiny man
- BLACK NOIR IS CRYING
- Or possibly laughing
- Hard to tell when they have no face
- Annie actually leaked all the compound V stuff good for her
- FRENCHIE KISSED HUGHIE
- Homelander is gonna get this kid killed tryna make him fly
- Honestly the kid looks more like Hughie
- OH MY GOD HE PUSHED HIM OFF THE ROOF
- OH MY SWEET FUCKING JESUS HOMELANDER YOU CAN’T DO THAT
- Oop there’s the laser eyes
- Oh Homelander is back at the Tower and freaking Maeve out
- OH FUCK THE BROTHER IS LOOSE
- Hughie don’t do it
- Oh ok I thought he was gonna jump off the boat
- Kevin and the cult weirdos are up to something
- Hughie no you don’t call the girl you like crying over Billy Joel lyrics
- Oh god boyo you don’t then drop the L word in the same voice message!
- He’s hopeless
- Oh nooooo Kevin is attacking the boat goddammit Kevin
- OH FUCK A WHALE
- For fuck sake Kevin
- Ewwwww
- Butcher what the fuck
- Hughie having a nervous breakdown inside of a whale
- No but why is Karl so hot covered in blood
- Actually I didn’t even need to include the blood part of that question
- Oh boy here we go, the 7 show up to find Sad Kevin crying over spilt whale
- ….why is Stormfront tryna get all up in Homelander’s ass?? I thought she was cool but now she’s all lemme suck that radioactive dick
- OH NO
- Poor Kevin he’s worked so hard to accept his gills and now Homelander has knocked him back down
- Oooo dear Atrain is having a heart attack again this isn’t good
- Oh fuck is Hughie gon get caught
- Oh no it’s Annie it’s ok
- OH FUCK
- ANNIE WHY
- THAT’S YOUR HUGHIE
- OH MAN KIMIKO’S BROTHER IS BADASS YES SQUASH THE SMUG PRICK
- Oh I do NOT like Stormfront holy fuckin shit what’s wrong with this woman
- Poor Kimiko
- What’s with the random woman talking about calling off her wedding?
- Why is Frenchie taking drugs
- FUCK SAKE FRENCHIE DON’T TRY KISS A GIRL WHEN SHE’S GRIEVING
- What the FUCK is thiiiiis
- Is he dreaming or is this the shapeshifter tryna stay alive by granting Homelander some sick wish
- Yikes I feel bad for Doppelganger
- I am fascinated by whoever and whatever the fuck Black Noir is
- MM sees right through everyone’s bullshit
- I feel so bad for Annie
- Ooooo Atrain getting fired
- MM having to put up with Hughie and Annie having a we didn’t start the fire singalong 😂
- Ok who’s in the weird group therapy sesh with these women with strange views on love
- Vending machine date so cute
- Omfg ahahahaha the girl with the Ed Sheeran tattoo
- I really want to like Becca cause she stands up to Homelander but I can’t shake the suspicions about her
- I feel bad for Butcher
- Homelander is a scary good liar
- Oh shit interviewer lady is pulling out the diversity questions
- OH FUCK
- HE’S OUTED MAEVE
- Poor Maeve what the fuck
- Ugh Stormfront
- Shut your racist hole bitch
- Oh shit Kimiko on the warpath
- Frenchie! Kimiko listen to him he’s tryna help
- MM is doing a lotta sharing this episode
- Ohhhh something bad is gonna come out about this Liberty lady they’re looking for oh fuck
- Wait WHAT. STORMFRONT IS LIBERTY
- Stormfront is like 70????
- She’s really good with social media for an old bird
- Ohhh fuck Homelander is pisssssssssed
- Christ you’d know Homelander was an only child
- Bitch you better not be fucking Butcher over
- I FUCKIN KNEW IT
- BECCA YOU RAGING BITCH
- Got her goodbye fuck then called the supercops on him cause he’s a little broken? FUCK BECCA
- Oh no Annie don’t give Hughie the “we can’t do this” talk
- Pick your emo ass up and stop being melodramatic
- All these women are chatting to Kevin?? Why??
- Also this most recent one is super weird
- THEY WERE INTERVIEWING TO BE KEVINS WIFE
- This cult thing is so fuckin weird omfg
- KEVIN GET YOUR SAD BUTT OUT OF THE CULT
- Oh gross not the Doppelganger shit again
- Doppelganger is really bad at flirting
- ….
- WHAT THE SHIT
- Nonononono don’t do the selfcest
- Not even Homelander is that fucked up
- This is super weird
- Why is Homelander crying
- OH SHIT HE KILLED HIM
- Uhhhh are they doing a lesbian scene in a vcu movie
- Christ that was terrible and way too on the nose
- “Strong female lesbians”
- Homelander you himbo fuck what other kind of lesbian do you get
- I feel bad for Ashley
- She just wants to do her job well
- Poor Butcher. His lil heart is broken
- Oh no baby you’re hurt and upset? That’s so sad let me suck your dick about it
- Oh no what’s he gonna do
- BUTCHER WHAT THE SHIT
- I mean it’s really fuckin hot but still
- There’s always a cut on the cheekbone
- “They’ve been moving her around like a Catholic priest” omg HUGHIE
- Aww he called Hughie his canary
- Oh shit are Frenchie and Kimiko missing?
- KEVIN GOT MARRIED
- BILLY HAS AN AUNTIE
- Doggiiiiie
- Awwwww soft Butcher with his dog
- Aaaand now I feel bad for Atrain cause he’s being kicked to the curb
- Oh gross this interview with Kevin and his cult wife
- This is so cringe holy fuck
- Bring back the Patton Oswalt gills
- Why are the gangsters discussing musicals specifically Hamilton
- FUCKING HELL KIMIKO PEELED OFF THAT GUYS FACE
- Ahahaha the boys showed up at Butchers aunties house
- The dog’s name is Terror that’s so cute
- Hahahaha Hughie was holding the fuck pig
- Why is there a sniper on the roof
- Oh shit it’s Black Noir
- Ugh what does Annie’s mom want and why is Stormfront being her friend
- Oh hey it’s dickless
- These two writer dudes are hella irritating
- Poor Elena getting dragged into this shit
- Yes Maeve scheme against his ass
- Heartbroken Butcher is so tired
- He needs a hug
- Hughie give Butcher a hug please
- Why is Kimiko in a church
- Oh hey its Frenchie’s other girlfriend
- Oh ok Kimiko is doing hits that’s fair
- The old man just looking away like “I do not see it”
- Aw no Frenchie don’t break up with Kimiko
- Oh fuck off Cult Kevin
- Stormfront again?????
- Does this bitch ever fuck off
- DID SHE JUST CALL ATRAIN GARBAGE
- Wait why is Homelander giving an unapproved speech
- This is gonna end in someone getting murdered isn’t it
- OH FUCK
- That’s a lot more murder than I expected
- Ohhhh phew ok he was just daydreaming
- Ashley is gonna go bald from stress
- I adore grumpy Butcher
- Omg auntie Judy is a drug dealer I love her
- Ohhhh shit Homelander is having a nervous breakdown
- BOBBY FROM X-MEN????
- Uhhhh why is Homelander talking to Stormfront this can’t be good
- Ooh MM set a trap this gon be good
- BUTCHER HAS A BROTHER???? THAT HUGHIE IS LIKE
- Oop Lenny is dead
- The random explosions as Black Noir trips the traps
- Oh shit Butcher locked the others out to face Black Noir alone
- YES MM
- OH NO MM
- YES HUGHIE
- Oh fuck did he KO Butcher
- Shiiiit shit shit shit
- Yes Butcher save your Hughie
- Oh good they all survived
- For fuck sake Kevin stop with the cult shit
- Maeve please save Kevin from the cult
- Annie why are you sneaking around don’t do it
- There’s a lot of shots of Annie’s bum
- What the fuck is Sage Grove
- Stormfront needs to go choke on a bag of dicks
- Oh fuck no not Homelander again
- Uhhhhhhh
- Stormfront x Homelander was not what I was expecting
- These two have the WEIRDEST relationship
- They’re gonna do some really fucked up supe bdsm shit aren’t they
- Frenchie is Betty White. Fair enough
- Wait what is happening. Why is Annie letting Frenchie at her with a lil saw
- Ohhh the chip
- “This might sting a little” FRENCHIE IT’S A FUCKIN SAW
- Oh fuck that’s a big chip
- Oh look it’s loves psychotic dream
- Well that’s suitably gross
- Aww Kimiko hugging Annie
- Butcher is so menacing I love him
- Kevin tryna be helpful to his buddies he’s so cute
- NO! NO BAD KEVIN! STOP TRYING TO MAKE PEOPLE JOIN YOUR CULT
- Kimiko with her brass knuckle
- Oh man, flowers??? Homelander has it BAD
- Annie back the fuck off and leave Butcher alone
- OH SHIT IT’S STORMFRONT AT THE HOSPITAL NOOOO
- What the fuck is going on at this hospital
- OH FUCK BOBBY FROM X-MEN IS LAMPLIGHTER
- Oh shit who got let out
- What does Cindy do
- OH SHIT SHE’S THE HEAD BURSTER
- Aaaaaaand now they’re all out
- Good job, guys
- Ewwwwww acid vomit
- OH NO HUGHIE
- Are you kidding me?? Annie can’t go all Starlight unless there’s a power source in the immediate vicinity??
- What kinda fuckin shite superpower is that
- Aha Butcher agrees with me
- Ok so I’m guessing Homelander went berserk on set
- Uhhhh apparently Cult Lunch is a therapy sesh?
- Atrain get outta there
- This cult leader guy is an arsehole
- Hospital escape lookin like a horror survival game
- Awwww flashbacks to happy times
- Omfg Butcher with the slicked back hair
- Welp, Annie just killed a guy
- Oh shit a baby seat
- Annie is gonna have a bad case of the guilts now
- Oh fuck ok Lamplighter killed the kids by accident
- So Frenchie went to save his friend instead of tailing
- Oh god that’s the penis isn’t it
- Stormfront to the…rescue? Maybe? She’s gonna kill Lamplighter isn’t she
- Oh, no ok she didn’t kill him
- Aw no sad Butcher cause Hughie’s hurt
- Oh nooooo Elena found a video from the plane
- Mallory gon kill sad Lamplighter?
- Stormfront is coming clean to Homelander? Whaaaa
- She was buddies with the Nazis??? SHE WAS MARRIED TO THE VOUGHT FOUNDER GUY
- Oh fuck the head burster is still alive
- A montage of how Stormfront is brainwashing people into racist attacks, nice
- I hate Annie’s mom so much
- Black Noir has just fuckin LAMPED Annie
- Butchers mum called him 😂😂
- Oh shit his dad died
- Why are Hughie and Lamplighter watching knock off supe porn
- Oh boy a racist rally
- Homelander just threw Annie under the bus
- Hughie that’s a really weird pep talk
- And he’s gonna get Lamplighter killed
- BUTCHERS MUM IS ADORABLE
- Oh shit it’s Denethor
- And he’s not dead
- Oh fuck he’s why Lenny died?
- Shit Lenny shot himself
- Butcher was SAS???
- WHERE ARE MY PICS OF BUTCHER IN HIS ARMY UNIFORM
- Ah fuck he’s bringing stepmommy Stormfront to meet the kid
- I have an urge to run my fingers through Butchers beard
- Frenchie and Kimiko are too cute she’s teaching him her sign language
- Is this a cult birthday party?
- Poor Eagle the Archer. He pissed off the cult so he’s gon be excommunicated
- Uhhhh kiddo made a Lego film?
- Good for him
- I know it shouldn’t be sexy when Butcher starts threatening to brutally murder people in his growly voice, I know, but hear me out: sexy growly voice
- 11/10 would let Karl Urban murder me
- Oh FUCK Lamplighter killed himself
- Poor Hughie
- Why do all the bad things happen to him, like having to saw off a dead guy’s hand with a broken whiskey decanter
- Annie versus Black Noir, beat his/her ass girl!
- HUGHIE COME SAVE YOUR ANNIE
- YAY MAEVE
- Black Noir has an almond allergy that’s such an off the wall weakness
- Annie’s favourite chocolate bar saved her life
- Well Maeve did, technically. But still
- Omg Hughie accidentally saving Annie’s mom
- Hughie and Annie are too cute
- Oh shiiiiit Homelander screwed the pooch and showed the kid everything
- HAHA SUCK IT BECCA
- OH SHIT HEADS ARE BURSTING ALL OVER THE PLACE
- Butcher in his lil jumper
- For a non-American, this school safety psa video is supremely weird
- BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURALS CHARACTER IS CALLED BOB
- BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURALS CHARACTER IS JUST BOBBY FROM SUPERNATURAL BUT FANCY
- Annie’s mom critiquing her choice in boyfriends while in mortal danger is gas
- And typical
- The lads going nuts with weapons they’re so happy look at them
- And Butcher in his lil jumper again he looks so comfy
- I would very much like to cuddle him in the soft jumper and give him beard scritches
- Annie ffs let Hughie enjoy his Billy Joel, that’s a good choice
- Ahahaha Maeve just called Hughie a twink
- She’s not wrong
- Oh fuck off Becca
- Uuuuugh OF COURSE Mr Edgar is in with the cult
- Oop Atrain overheard all of that
- Poor Ashley she’s going bald from stress
- The kid is gonna have a meltdown
- Poor Hughie with his mom leaving
- I wonder if she’ll pop up at some point and turn out to be a supe that would be fun
- ATRAIN YOU CAN’T JUST APPEAR IN A CAR LIKE THAT YOU COULDA KILLED SOMEONE
- Hold the phone is Homelander actually being a good dad for a minute
- What the actual fuck is Stormfront on with this white genocide shit
- Ahahaha the news broke
- �� Uh oh the Vought soldiers got caught by Homelander
- OH SHIT
- MM BETTER BE OK
- Becca fuckin constantly squawking about Ryan is so annoying
- WHY IS KIMIKO LAUGHING
- It’s adorable but still
- Oh FUCK she snapped her neck
- She’ll be fine
- She’s like a wolverine, snapped neck won’t keep her down
- AYYYYY MAEVE
- The lads just watching them kicking the shit out of her like uhhh
- Oh hey Becca did something useful and stabbed the Nazi in the eye
- Huh. The kid melted Stormfront
- Good for him
- AHAHAHA YES HE GOT BECCA TOO
- BYEEEEE FELICIAAAAA
- I mean yeah, heartbroken sad Butcher isn’t nice to see, but Becca sucked
- Aaaand now Homelander covered in blood has arrived to listen to Stormfront babble in German
- This is like in those scenes where it’s like oh who will the dog go to
- Ayyy Atrain got back into the 7
- Aww poor Kevin getting rejected again
- See Kevin this is why we don’t join cults
- Annie thought he was breaking up with her, girl don’t be daft
- Butcher and the kid, not awkward at all
- The one lesson Butcher can teach a kid – “don’t be a cunt”
- Aww happy endings for all the boys
- Aaaaand a “happy ending” for Homelander too by the looks of it
- Oh ffs a corrupt politician in with the cult, what a surprise
- HIS HEAD BURST
- Wait the politician lady is the head burster? I’m so confused
- Confusion may have been aided by it being almost 3am
- Hughie getting a real job, bless him
- Too bad it’s with the head burster
- Oh this is such a good song to end the season with
- Welp, now begins the long wait for season 3, I guess
- Should I sleep or find fic to read
- Body says sleep, heart says fic
- That’s a lie, heart says Butcher
- ….Butcher fics it is
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