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scissryng · 1 year

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𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐝𝐨𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐲. e. williams x reader

𝐫𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐰𝐡𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐟𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝟐

summary: yn and Ellie smoke and talk about everything relationship related. something very real and needed after yn’s disappearance.

word count: 3.8K

warnings: violence.

tag list: @evangelinejxy @zahrwa @machetegirl109

Madelaine was a girl you could only explain with a 2014 grunge Pinterest board. Her brown hair appeared black at certain angles, which confused you, and it made you angry how well she suited the changing colors. She was Snow White except she wore black tights and black shorts and boots that crawled up her knees. Her long sleeve was tight against her skin and you could see her nipples poking through the material. She was this aesthetic looking girl that was everything you wanted to be.

Ellie had the girl you wished to be and she didn’t even love her. This felt like a slap to the face, a kick to the stomach, and stomp on the head, a thorough beating. It felt like all of your nightmares were jumping you.

You shook her hand and offered a curt smile. You were angry at Madelaine somehow. She was perfect and she seemed nice, but Ellie didn’t love her. So what on earth was she doing wrong? Was she perfect for absolutely no reason?

“YN,” you said, which took the smile on her lips and dragged it to the ground. You retrieved your hand and stuck both into your butt pockets. “I see my name fucks everyone up, huh?”

She shook her head. “No, I’ve just never seen you before. Ellie never showed me any pictures after I asked.”

You raised your eyebrows. “You wanted to see me?”

“I wanted to know what you looked like,” she clarified.

You nodded. “Ah. Well here I am. Infamous YN YLN.”

“You’re gorgeous,” she said, which shattered your already breaking heart.

When you were with Ellie, you were a silent 18 year-old girl who made no effort in getting to know more than five people. Your people consisted of Dina, Jesse, Ellie, and Ellie’s dealer, who was quite nice for a guy with gang-related tattoos and a scary face. Besides them, you didn’t speak to the people Ellie brought around. You were okay with them, but you didn’t become friends. You would just say hi and bye, nothing more. So for Madelaine to shake your hand and call you beautiful was both endearing and horrifying.

You nodded once more. “You are too.”

“No, hush.”

You playfully rolled your eyes albeit wanted to truthfully roll them. She knew she was beautiful, there was no lie about that. Maybe that’s one of the reasons Ellie didn’t love her.

You needed to smoke before your mind went haywire and you exploded. You were being an asshole again and you told yourself you’d be kind. “Do you smoke?” you asked Madelaine.

“Cigarettes?” she replied with her eyebrows knitted together.

Your eyes widened and you chuckled. “No. Weed.”

“Oh,” she popped. “No. I don’t do drugs. They mess with my mind.”

“Well that’s alright. If you don’t mind, I’ll be out front with a blunt.” You glanced behind you at Ellie rocking back and forth against the fence. “Weed’s on Dina if you’re up to smoke.”

“Oh Ellie doesn’t smoke,” Madelaine nipped.

“Oh?” You raised an eyebrow at Ellie. “You don’t?”

Ellie stared back at you with a locked jaw. Her hands were deep in her pockets but even then you could tell they were in fists. No words came out of her mouth. Not even a head shake.

“No,” Madelaine replied. For her. For the tough girl who used to be able to answer for herself. “She doesn’t like that stuff.”

“Since when?” you laughed.

“Since we started dating. I made her stop. It was nasty and I didn’t like her when she smoked.”

You wobbled back to look at them both. “And she just quit?”

“Yep.”

Now you understood why Ellie might’ve hated Madelaine. She was controlling. You glanced at Ellie and squinted your eyes at her figure. She was slumping over, she looked annoyed, and she looked like she desperately wanted to smoke.

“You don’t even let her on special occasions?”

Madelaine shook her head.

“Well that’s no fun,” you said with a smile. “She should be able to smoke sometimes.”

Madelaine scoffed. “I’m sorry YN but you aren’t her girlfriend anymore. You can’t make her follow your rules.”

You looked down at the girl and tilted your head. “Madelaine, when I was with Ellie, I didn’t make her follow any shit rule. She wasn’t my fucking puppy.”

She prodded the inside of her cheek with her tongue. “Well now I see why it didn’t work out.”

Ellie stepped forward and grabbed Madelain’s arm. She pulled her aside and quietly whispered something to her. She huffed and puffed but after a minute of staring at them, she stepped away and walked to the bonfire. She looked like a baby the way she prodded off.

This left you and Ellie staring each other down. You shoved your hands back into your pockets, awkwardly drifting your thumb over your butt. Ellie looked you over as if she hadn’t done it millions of times before and sucked her lips into her mouth. She was silently observing you like she was going to strike at any moment.

The longer Ellie stared, your craving intensified. You took a step to your right and cleared your throat. “C’mon,” you said, jutting your head towards the house, “let’s go bother Dina for some weed.”

Ellie followed behind you as you searched the house for Dina. After a minute of searching and coming up empty handed, you started yelling. This quickly caught everyone’s attention. It was funny how everyone turned their heads to see you desperate and afraid Dina had somehow taken her bright personality to another party. People spat out directions like ‘Over there!,’ or ‘She’s in the bathroom,’ even though there were about two and a half bathrooms in the house; and when you searched every bathroom, someone finally said, ‘She’s right here!’

A random girl was locking arms with your best friend and you pulled her away. You and Ellie tucked her into a corner and badgered her for her weed stash.

“YN,” she said, pushing your crawling fingers away from her sides. “Stop tickling me! My stash is in my room. In my closet on the highest shelf. It’s in a Toms shoe box.”

You kissed her cheek and gave her side one last pinch. “Thanks D, I owe you.”

She hummed and you quickly grabbed Ellie by the elbow. You pulled her up the crowded stairs and down the hall to the right, where Dina’s room was locked… and you were the only one with the key.

You dug into your bra and retrieved the purple key, shoving it into the lock and twisting and turning it. You finally opened the door and hauled Ellie inside. You slammed the door shut and twisted the lock. You dropped the key back between your boobs and ran to the closet, climbing over Dina’s heavy dresser to grab the Toms box decorated in pink duct tape. You took off the lid and smiled at the sight of the pre-rolls enclosed in a clear mason jar.

“How many do you think we’ll smoke?”

Ellie hummed. “Er… I’d say one is fine.”

You slowly turned to her with a hand tightly wrapped around Dina’s closet railing. “One?”

Ellie’s mouth fell open and she rolled her eyes. “Did you not hear what Madelaine said?”

“That her puppy doesn’t smoke weed anymore because it alters brain chemistry or some shit?”

“Ding-fucking-ding,” she said, her voice deep and annoyed.

You scoffed and took one singular pre-roll out of the jar. You placed the lid back onto the box and stuffed it in its respective place on the shelf. You snatched a lighter off her dresser and walked over to her bed.

You sat on the bed and slapped the space beside you. “C’mon over here and sit,” you said, to which dragged Ellie over. She acted like she didn’t want to sit next to you–a slouching back with a pair of dragged feet–but as she sat down, she inched her way closer to your body.

You placed the joint in your mouth and sparked the end of it with the hot pink lighter. You inhaled until the tip was cherry red and proceeded to do so as you removed the joint from your lips. You exhaled the cloud of smoke and passed the joint to Ellie, who was both mesmerized and hungry.

“Are you a lightweight now too?” Ellie asked as she stuffed the joint between her lips.

You shrugged. “Currently, no. But maybe next month.”

“What do you mean?” Ellie rasped, the sound of smoke lingering in her throat vibrating through her words.

“Every once in a while I give myself a tolerance break for a certain drug. Last month it was alcohol. Instead of drinking a shit ton, I smoked a shit ton. So right now I have a high weed-tolerance, but a low alcohol-tolerance.”

Ellie hummed. “And why do you do it?”

You took the joint from her nimble fingers and raised it up to your lips. “Feels like I’m doing some heroic shit for my body.”

“And does it work?”

You inhaled, exhaled, and chuckled. “I don’t fucking know.”

She laughed. The sound reminded you of moments you didn’t want to reminisce on just yet. So you took another hit and asked, “So what’s up with your girlfriend?”

Ellie sighed. She placed her feet on the ledge of the bed and hugged her knees. “It’s too complicated to talk about. I don’t even know how to explain it.”

You shoved her shoulder with your own and looked over at her. “Before we dated we were best friends. And even when we did, you were one of my only friends. So spit it out. I don’t care if I have to figure it out in my head.”

She nodded and leaned against your warm body. “She has a strange mentality,” she began, her hands picking at her jeans and the patch of skin at her knee. “When we first started talking, I didn’t realize. And when we first started dating, I brushed off her weird remarks and lack of communication ‘cause I really did like her. She’s gorgeous, you know that, and she makes killer first impressions. When I first started noticing the strange things she would say, like, “You’re almost like a guy so you wouldn’t understand this,” I would just laugh it off because if I said anything about it, I’d end up overthinking it.” She exhaled a string of breaths that continued for a couple of seconds. She dropped her head and your mind kept telling you to pick it up for her and kiss away the wrinkle between her eyebrows. But Ellie sniffled and you quickly realized this topic was more serious than you thought. Madelaine truly was a monster. “I used to think that when I pointed out more shitty things about her, that I was only finding a reason to leave her. But I wasn’t. She just was an asshole.”

You ashed the joint and placed it on the ashtray beside you. You dropped your head to level with hers and whispered, “I know there’s more you want to say. You can say it, I promise I won’t say anything.”

She nodded. “YN, I know you think I should stay with her, but I know I need to leave her. This has nothing to do with you coming back but at the same time it has so much to do with you coming back.” She glanced at you and squinted. “For the year and a half I have been with her, my feelings haven’t even been considered. I haven’t been taken out on dates, I haven’t been the one receiving shit, I haven’t even gotten fucking head, YN,” she laughed manically. “She treats me like I’m a guy.”

“All because you’re masculine?”

“Exactly.”

The eye contact between you was as strong as the drugs mixing in your body. You kept looking at each other, observing one another’s matured faces and wishing you could see if more than just her freckled skin had matured. You knew she had changed–her figure took on more muscle than you could believe, her hands were even more godsent than before, and her hair was shorter, offering a better view of her chest–but to this extent? You were a melting ice cream cone begging the sun to just fade away.

“When you stare at me like that I don’t think we can have a serious conversation,” Ellie whispered.

“Well you started it,” you replied.

“Sure,” she rasped. “But truthfully, I do want to hear from you. What do you think of her?”

You rolled your eyes and steadied your hands along your thighs. “I think she’s a dumb bitch who deserves my fist in her fucking face.”

Ellie chuckled. “You’re not fighting anyone.”

“Yeah well who is she to treat you like you’re not a woman? Just because you’re a masculine woman doesn’t mean you have manly emotions or manly feelings and thoughts. And it especially doesn’t mean you don’t deserve head. Does she not want to because you don’t have a dick or something?” you exclaimed.

“Probably,” she muttered.

Ellie had never been the type to spit out what was shredding her to pieces. It struck arguments when you were together, but you worked it out every time. You could tell Madelaine didn’t care. Not about Ellie’s emotions, her mental health, nor her sexual needs. If she was in such distress every time she was with Madelaine, she needed to leave the relationship.

“Fuck her,” you spat. “Bring her to me and I’ll tear her stupid leather jacket to pieces.”

“Don’t,” Ellie said. “It cost me damn near two-hundred bucks.”

“Shut the hell up,” you said. “For what?”

“Her birthday. She kept crying about it and I was tired of hearing her yap about it, so I bought it.”

“And what did she give you in return?”

“It was a gift, YN,” Ellie clarified as if you hadn’t heard her loud and clear.

“Yeah but I don’t mean what you think I mean,” you answered. “I mean, did she fuck you for it?”

“Fuck no,” she said.

“Then fuck her and her dumbass Pinterest board aesthetic.”

Ellie cackled. She fell into your side and you leaned your laughing face against her forehead. You placed a hand on her thigh to keep you both steady but as she pulled away, your hand remained glued to her. She gazed at her burning skin and then up at you. Your throat throbbed and you swallowed the spit halting you from speaking and breathing.

Ellie tugged your hand higher up her thigh and you flinched. You pulled back and instead, placed your burning fingers between your thighs. Ellie could feel the tension tying around your necks, but she did nothing to soothe it. Instead, she made a Boy Scouts knot and pulled as tightly as she could.

“Why’d you leave?” she asked you.

You dropped your head as she had done once before and huffed. “I told you already.”

“You didn’t tell me anything; you wrote me a note.”

“And I’m sorry, but my reason is on that piece of paper.”

“But what if I want to hear you say it?” Ellie pleaded.

You slid a hand over your eyes and stopped at your chin to pinch and somehow stop yourself from crying out. The topic of leaving for two years and magically reappearing made you emotionally unsteady. You constantly thought about it, but you rarely spoke of it. Speaking of it somehow made everything worse.

“I don’t know how to tell you.”

“Well like you said, we used to be best friends. You can tell me anything.”

You looked up at her through your eyelashes and found the calmness within her eyes. You nodded and stood up. If Ellie didn’t like your answer, you wouldn’t have to fight her away if you needed to leave. You could simply walk out of the door. It was easier this way.

“Well I don’t know. You broke me when you said what you said. Calling me insecure and bashing me for having trust issues made me go insane. I mean…” You drew in as much air as you could and held it at the bottom of your stomach. “I loved you, Ellie. I loved you so much my heart fucking hurt every time I thought about our relationship. You were so good to me. You listened to me and you tended to every desire I had. You didn’t just want me for sex. You wanted me for my brain and my feelings and emotions. And you were patient!” you exclaimed. “You were so patient. But then you said I was insecure and I didn’t trust you. But I did. I did trust you, Ellie. With my heart. But I was a terrible overthinker; and every person I had been with before you treated me like I was just a person and not their significant other. Like I was just a ragdoll they could shove their dick or fingers into and I’d be alright for the next few days. They would leave me for someone else and come back to me. So when you would go home every other month, I was scared you would find someone else and leave me at college to find out you didn’t love me anymore.”

When you stopped walking back and forth and looked at Ellie, you froze. Her face was red and splotchy and tears were running down her cheeks. She was no longer cradling her knees, but on the edge of the bed, arms on her thighs and eager to stand.

You walked to her and sat down in front of her. She followed suit and sat down, her hands reaching for sweaty ones. She separated your thumbs and placed them on her lips. She kissed the pads of your thumbs. Over and over again. It felt like cheating. It probably was, but neither of you could pull away.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered against your skin. You grasped her cheeks and caressed her jaw with your remaining fingers, trying to brush away her tears. “I’m sorry I didn’t take my time to understand why you had a hard time trusting me. I should’ve known.”

You shook your head. “You didn’t know and I never made an effort to tell you. This wasn’t entirely your fault.”

“I shouldn’t have lashed out, though.”

“And I shouldn’t have left,” you whispered. “I should have talked to you about it instead of leaving.”

“And you left because…”

“I had to work on all of my unresolved problems. I was a mess, and I did have trust issues I failed to work on, and I was a raging insecure idiot. So you weren’t lying, but I guess the truth hurt like hell.”

Ellie nodded. “I was still an idiot for yelling at you and scaring you off. I might have made you realize something, but I shouldn’t have bashed you for it. I should have sat down and brought up something that hurt me. So we could calmly talk about it.”

“Yeah well now what can we do?” you said. Your thumbs were now traveling around her lips, touching the crevices and smoothing over her smile lines. Or lack thereof.

“Nothing,” she answered. “But–”

“I think you should break up with her,” you spat. Ellie’s eyes exploded. “You should leave her. She’s no good for you.”

“I know, I know, but it’s not as easy as we say it is.”

“Well I can help.”

“YN.”

“Ellie.”

She pulled your hands away from her face and placed them on her hips. She hovered over you as she sat on her knees, and with her own pair of hands, graced your face. You looked up at her, confused and drenched with tears. She slowly leaned in and you shut your eyes–if she was going to cheat, you didn’t want to see her as she did it.

You could feel her breath panning against your mouth and you hummed. She was going to kiss you after two years.

She was.

Until a terrifying knock shook you both out of your shoes. You pulled away and stood up, dusting yourself off before the doom–Madelaine–bursted in. You dusted yourself off on your way to the vibrating door, and unlocked it. You opened the creaking wood and smiled at the angry Madelaine.

“Hey,” you said with a smile.

You couldn’t catch her punch as your tears were still invading your eyes. But when you wiped your eyes away and dodged her next wobbling punch, you struck her right in the jaw.

Holy shit, you thought, I just knocked out Ellie’s shitty girlfriend.

And holy shit thought Ellie too. She quickly grabbed you and wiped your bloody face, holding you away from Madelaine, who was slowly dragging herself up. She pointed at you, spitting out blood and curses.

You laughed. “Fuck you!” you shouted over Ellie’s shoulder. “You controlling bitch!”

“You’re the homewrecker!” she shouted back.

“You can’t wreck a home that’s already broken, you psycho.”

Madelaine got up and walked over to you and Ellie. She dug her finger into Ellie’s chest and pushed her away. Thankfully, Ellie pushed her away and said, “Just sit down and talk. Why the fuck did you have to punch her?Are you fucking crazy?”

“The fuck?” Madelaine spat. “You were going to have sex with her while your girlfriend was outside crying.”

“I wasn’t going to have sex with her, Maddie,” Ellie whined.

“Yeah well from what I heard out here, you were.”

You stood by and watched, saying nothing but wanting to throw another punch at her stupid face.

“I wasn’t going to fuck her! But whatever you heard out there was fucking true! So while I wasn’t going to fuck her, I am going to break up with you.”

Madelaine’s jaw trembled. You looked down at her figure–her red hand was balled up into a fist, ready to swing again, but this time into Ellie’s face. She raised her fist into the air and as she was about to knock it into Ellie’s jaw, you pulled her forearm and pulled her onto the ground beside you.

Ellie stepped back as your fist collided with her cheek. This was enough to calm her down for the next couple of seconds. She laid on the floor like a baby, but with blood and tears instead of just tears.

You looked up at the people surrounding the room. The audience was too in shock to pull out a phone, and for that you were grateful. People would have thought you were fighting over a girl. Which, to an extent, you were. But to you, you were fighting someone to defend your best friend.

“Someone come get this bitch and calm her the fuck down,” you shouted, pulling everyone out of their wide-eyed stare. Dina, who was pushing against everyone, dragged Madelaine out of the room with only an enthusiastic “Good job” coming out of her mouth.

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