#LIKE I WASNT THE CHOSEN MUN OMG

[escxpiism]

triggers: murder, suicide, drugs, grooming

with butterfly wings.

“ this is it, the deed is done, silence drowns the sound. before i leaped, i should’ve seen the view from halfway down. ”

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‘too much heroin.’

but that hadn’t stopped luke. “ i can’t do this without you, ” he had said, that same pleading look that had ensnared her in the first place. he would then look to the drink he had offered her after two days of starvation and one of dehydration. and she would understand.

laced with barbiturate amobarbita.

and she would look at it. horror. intrigue. a terribly lethal devotion she had once had reemerging. and he would bring out a syringe and a shoelace. and he would tie the shoelace right above the crook of his elbow. and he would look at her again. “ this is the end of the line, alice. i need you. ”

and her mind would run a mile a minute. she loves him. she understands now. she doesn’t want him to be alone. but she hates him. he has taken a year from her in this 45º cellar. he has taken her youth at seventeen. and she hates herself. she fell for him. and she hates him. and she loves him. and she thinks about the drink. and she doesn’t think about the drink.

and he looks at her with sorrow. with guilt. maybe. and he places the key to the door and the chain in front of her. slightly out of reach. but close enough to prove to her that this was the end of the line. and he says “ if you ever loved me... i need you. ”

and she has loved him. she thinks. and she’s not afraid to die. but she’s terrified of death. and it makes no sense. and she wishes she could rewind time to the night she met luke. she wishes she had never asked him his name. because wasn’t that her first mistake ?

colt king cobra.

he is sad. he is impatient. he looks to the drink again, syringe still in one hand, hovering over the crook of his arm. “ i don’t want to do this, alice... ” but he has to do it. so he thinks. he leaves her alone in the room, key out of reach, drink still tempting.

was this a test ? one she’d failed miserably ? was the key a fake ? the questions that she wanted to ask all faded away when he returned. there was something behind his back.

he returned to his position. he faced alice. he picked the syringe up with his free hand. “ this isn’t what i wanted to do... ” but it was his last resort. his other hand comes into view. in it, he has a gun. “ i need you to do this. we’re going to do it together. ” and the gun is pointed towards her. and he looks to her drink. “ i want you to feel good. i want us to feel good. ”

there isn’t a hint of a joke in his eyes. she is terrified. she is enamored. she wants to do this for him. she does not want to die. she does not want to live. but she relents. she lifts the offered drink. there is no taste, but she knows he has put something in it. he spoke like it. he acted like it. he was kind like that. he was cruel like that.

and he breaks skin with the syringe. and he finds a vein. and he injects. and his muscles loosen.

for a doctor, he is not a wise man.

‘with his feet.’

there is a surge in her. and there is a surge in him. their eyes meet. their eyes are lit by hellfire. it’s a slow competition as the drugs settle quickly, but it’s a competition. in that moment, he is nothing but someone who wants to kill her. and she is nothing but someone he pretends he needs.

narrowly, she is able to grab the gun before him. and it is animal instinct that prompts her to aim for his head, a skill he has acquired from her father, and shoot. shoot. shoot. shoot. shoot. shoot.

a strange case.

she aches. visions of all the good times, and visions of all the bad times, blur together at once. and she is guilty.

for all the shots she took, there was only one bullet.

#suicide tw #murder tw #grooming tw #alice . #alice | musings ! #<- not rly but?? #alice | sp ! #BUT OMG OK THE WAY I WROTE THIS UP LIKE A WEEK AGO JIC #THE ONLY PART THAT SHLD BE KNOWN IS THE GUN BUT. Y'ALL GET WHY SHE LOVES COURTNEY LOVE NOW?? #LIKE I WASNT THE CHOSEN MUN OMG #also. let it be known. it isnt 45º 2 add 2 the 'punishment' that's j........ how cold wine cellars usually are lkJFHDALBSDJNKM #(also def not my best writing but i aldifajdnks j wanted the DETAILS. OUT THERE.)