#LIKE i know not everyone is like this ok i used to id as ace myself but this is
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queers im fucking lost come save me
ok but in all seriousness,
despite labeling myself as aroace for a hot minute and finding comfort in that label and the community for a time—shit doesnt feel quite right anymore.
i have had ONE EX. one.
i genuinely think i was in love with him. i only felt what i felt with him,,,WITH HIM. nobody else. I felt the butterflies/giddiness, i loved his laugh, his smile, hearing him, his jokes, all the names he would call me, how much he said he loved me, our late night discord calls, having him around, just. him. when he rarely spoke abt shit that was bothering him it hurt me so bad, like i would hurt with him. and the mere THOUGHT of ME hurting him made me wanna sob.
as you can probably guess by the fact we’re exes, we’re not together anymore. it hurts. hell, my stomach tangled a bit as i typed that out. (could be cause recently someone who used to be a friend went and dated him and then got upset at me for getting upset at them but this ain't abt them.)
we broke up in like june last year, and i felt so fucking horrible about it bc it basically ended w him yelling at me over text at how horrible i am at listening and how i treated him more like a therapist—which i will admit i did. i sucked for that. it makes sense why tho, i was working through a lot of shit at the time, doesn’t justify it at all though. i should’ve treated him better. im desperately trying to fix it in my current relationships so that never happens again.
then again, he also treated me badly. he said things that really fucked with my sense of trust in people and just made me scared to get close with anyone like that ever again, or in general bc i was convinced everyone had some ulterior motive w me or secretly didnt give a shit abt me—but also i felt *I* was the problem. like every relationship im in is gonna end horribly bc im just that bad. its taken a lot to say that i feel loved by and trust my current friends, as well as trying to recognize that I deserve love, and im glad i can say that im getting better ^^
but,,,idk anymore
i concluded i was aroace almost a year after we broke up. there were a couple reasons. for one, i only really got that close w him. i dont really know if ive had a crush or what that feels like—in fact i think i faked one in elementary, the whole reason i got w my ex was bc he was flirting w me and it made me feel nice. (also bc i was worried he would be my only shot at love but i digress) i feel off when people talk about heading to poundtown or anything like that, the same with crushes—just crushes tho relationships i totally get—and i still struggle to wrap my head around attraction and how people just can look at someone without even knowing them at ALL and go “you. i want you.”
i wrote off how i felt when i was with him as simply some non-romantic form of attraction and called it a day.
but recently ive been reflecting on that, and i think i was wrong. the way that even now i get all these emotions by merely talking abt my ex says something. how upset seeing that "friend" going ahead and dating him after barely knowing him and just how angry i was says something. the way i cried seeing my best friend get a whole small crate of presents from their partner for their bday bc i was THAT JEALOUS says something. the way i yearn for affection and to be loved again says something. the way im starting to miss being in love again says something. the way i would always want some sort of relationship—even when i identified as aroace—but just never thought it would happen bc i didn't feel pretty enough, or mentally well enough, deserving of one, or like id ever be lucky enough to find someone who makes me feel that way again and how scared and sad that makes me,,,says something.
now in terms of poundtown—legit dunno. closest to that I've done w anyone was neck kisses from my ex, which i did really enjoy—but also i legit identified as ace like the whole time we were together and the few times he made jokes like that i felt uncomfy. plus the only way i feel i could be ok w going further w something like that is if its either excessively gentle or the most unserious thing ever. so tbh if i had to take a guess on how i feel abt that—not too keen on it.
I'm debating a couple labels, bi, aroace, bi and ace, demirose, and demirose and bi, but tbh i feel bi kinda fits the most? (maybe???) but also it doesn't. idk if its the fear of opening my mind to me being in a relationship despite my fear of intimacy and commitment or just that I'm aroace and this is my brain telling me to stop overthinking shit—but i know i wanna figure this shit out
if anyone has like legit any words of advice PLEASE send it my way. i will take even the tiniest crumb of guidance cause i am more lost than a child in ikea.
thanks to anyone who read all this <3
#queer#lgbt#lgbtq#lgbtqia#lgbtq community#queer community#in need of advice#queer advice#aroace#aromantic#asexual#bisexual#questioning#help. me.#utterly confused 💥
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Okay so I just got an ide for a ROTTMNT/TMNT 2012 crossover fanfic but I'm shit at writing so uhm here's the idea if anyone wants to write it. If you do write it please credit me/tag me/message me lol. You don't have to ask for permission just like, make sure I know about it/can read it thamks
Anyway, the actual idea is as follows:
Okay okay so it's set post-movie (like a few months later ) and everyone's recovering and healing their trauma and all that right? So they're all doing pretty ok but Leo's doing like worse than the others ptsd/mentally-wise and is very wary about like the concept of time/dimension travel.
So, Raph, Mikey and Donnie, being the good brothers they are, don't being up the topic around him, but they talk about it when he's not around cuz Donnie's making a multi-dimensional gun because since he's proved time travel, he also wants to prove dimensional travel.
Anyway so he finishes the gun, right? And so he takes his brothers (minus Leo) to test it out somewhere secluded. And it works!! And alternate veraions of him, his brothers, April, Splinter and even Casey (all 2012 mind you) come through the portal!! And everyones confused and excited so they introduce themselves and clear everything up and all that. So then the 2012 gang turn around to go home but the portal closed and the gun's not working for whatever reason. Shit.
Raph offers they stay with them, and then Mikey reminds them of Leo and everyone (-2012) is like 'Oh shit what are we gonna do'
And so they decide on a plan. The 2012 gang are going to stay in their lair until they find a way to send them back and tell Rise! Splinter about it, but make sure Rise! Leo, under NO CIRCUMSTANCE, finds out.
And the whole fanfic is them trying to navigate life while keeping the 2012 gang a secret from Rise Leo
In the end (think like a month more or less later) Leo finds out and freaks out but like a week later Rise Donnie sends them back to their universe so yeah. The Rise gang did get the 2012 gang's phone numbers tho so possible chatfic about that too??? Idk
Alyo since we're here basic headcannons about the Rise and 2012 gang!!
Rise:
Raph: -Oldest at 16 (I like to think the movie happened a year after the show)
-Genderqueer, He/She pronouns, any terms (Fem, Masc, GN), AMAB
-Likes women (technically not straight)
-anywhere between 6'10 and 7'5
-ADHD and Anxiety
-Mom friend/sibling
Donn: -Second oldest at 15
-Nonbinary, They/It/Tech, GN/Masc terms, AMAB
-Aroace or nblw (Non-Binary love women) can't decide
-6'4
-Autism and Social Anxiety
-Very sarcastic
Leon: -Second youngest at 15 (He's the younger twin)
-Transmasc, He/They and possibly Star/Starself, GN/Masc terms, AFAB
-Gay, the closet is made of glass (dating Usagi)
-6'2
-ADHD and Insomnia
-Flamboyant af
Mike: -Youngest at 14
-Genderfluid, if you don't know then use They/Pizza/Sparkle/Brush, terms depend on what they feel like that day but if you don't know use GN terms, AMAB
-Panromantic Ace
-5'10
-ADHD and a bit of Autism
-Therapist friend but at the same time unhinged friend
April: -19 y.o
-Female, She/They, Fem and GN terms, can’t decide whether AFAB or AMAB
-Lesbian, there was never a closet in the first place (dating Sunita and Cass)
-5’6
-Probably ADHD lol
-Chaotic big sister energy
Cass: -19
-Demigirl, Any pronouns, any terms, AFAB
-Lesbian (dating April and Sunita)
-5’8
-OCD and ADHD
-Unhinged and throws hands any chance she gets
Casey Jr: -14
-Questioning but definitely Masc, He/Him pronouns as of now, Masc/GN terms, AMAB
-Questioning but definitely Ace
-5’9
-ADHD and Anxiety
-Has like 3 moms and 2 dads
2012
Raphael: -Second oldest at 19
-Transmasc, He/Him, Masc terms, AFAB
-Straight (dating Mona Lisa)
-5’0
-Anger Issues with a side of OCD
-Angry tiny
Donnie: -Second youngest at 19 (they’re quadruplets)
-Non-Binary, They/He, GN terms, AMAB
-Bisexual (dating his Casey)
-5’6
-ADHD and OCD
-Wants to be unhinged but his Leo wont let him
Leo: -Oldest at 19
-Bigender, He/She/They, Any terms, AFAB
-Bisexual (And does NOT have a crush on Karai, it was gender envy)
-5’1
-ADHD
-Acts all serious infront of his Splinter but when he’s gone he’s more silly
Mikey: -Youngest at 19
-Genderfluid, if you dont know then They/Pizza pronouns and GN terms, AMAB
-Aroace
-4’9
-ADHD and Autism
-Chaotic af
April: -19
-Girl, She/Her and sometimes They/Them, Fem terms, AFAB
-Bisexual
-5’2
-Bit of Autism
-She’s either done with the Turtles’ shenanagins or she’s doing the shenanagins no inbetween
Casey: -20
-Transmasc, He/Him, Masc/GN terms, AFAB
-Bisexual (dating his Donnie)
-5’8
-ADHD
-Super chaotic lmao
I don’t have enough headcannons for the Splinters for them to have their own category but basically:
Gender/Pronouns: -Rise! Splinter - Man, He/Him, AMAB
2012! Splinter - Man, He/Him, AMAB
Sexualities: -Rise! Splinter - Bisexual
2012! Splinter - Straight
Heights: -Rise! Splinter - 3’5
2012! Splinter - 6’1
Anyway thats it lol, make sure to tell me where I can find your fic of this if you decide to write it (or any animations/drawings of it either) <3
peace y’all
#rottmnt#tmnt 2012#au#tmnt 2012 rottmnt crossover#cassandra jones#casey jones#casey jones jr#Leonardo#donatello#raphael#michelangelo#master splinter#april o'neil#sunita
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heya, do u think youll be posting the results of the trigun self ship survey anytime soon? i was genuinely curious what the results were like so id love to see what u got 0v0
I'm glad to see someone remembered--i sort of forgot my "one month" cutoff, so then I was like "well, maybe everyone forgot about it"--guess not!
But, you know what? Since you asked, I'll post the results here.
I got a total of 39 responses (which is a lot smaller than I'd hoped, but that's OK).
First off, Demographics!
Most people taking the survey are 21-26, with 17-20 coming in second, 27-33 coming in third, and a small part of people in the 13-16 range.
Gender identity was both surprising and unsurprising. I had to use the genderfluid/genderqueer/nonbinary option as a "catchall" because there would have been too many identities to list off overall. But that and "cisgender female" were both tied at 38.5%.
Sexuality had a big variety of responses! Most people voted bisexual, but a lot of people also filled in their own answers (to varying degrees of ace/aro spectrum).
In terms of terms, most people liked self-insert and self-shipper.
Media consumption wasn't surprising, with most people watching both the original Trigun and the newest Trigun Stampede.
Most people self insert or self ship with Vash the Stampede and Nicholas D. Wolfwood, with the third place dropping severely with Millions Knives. It drops even more severely to Milly Thompson and Livio the Double-Fang, tied at 15 votes. I respect whoever filled in a response just to say "if Vash breathes the wrong way I will rearrange his guts."
And the most important character ends up pretty similarly, I'd say--Vash is the king crown at 46.2%. He's pretty important to us.
Since there's a lot of dynamics questions, I'll put them below the cut.
Most people find themselves liking all parts of a character.
Most people noted their relationship being in the 2-6 month range. Though four responders said theirs was longer than 8 years! That's dedication!
This question was honestly hard for me to parse, but this is just about how people craft the relationship in an imagine/fantasy/art/writing/etc.
Most people felt towards a more long-term relationship style. (I should have included an "it's complicated" answer, because I feel like it would have made sense for some.)
Now, for the true/false portion! Less people responded to this.
...And that's it! The images might get compressed, so click them for better quality.
Overall, I think I got the answers I was expecting--there's a lot of skew towards a cisgender female reader insert, which can be kind of sad or almost feel unfair to those who don't fall into that category. I think if more people were encouraged to write about a different scope, or if we really hammered home that gender neutral doesn't just mean lady-lite, maybe there could be some more content for all of us.
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Hello, for the character ask game, can I ask Megumi, Yosano and Cheng Xiaoshi? Thx :D
megumi
Sexuality Headcanon: pan king megumi my beloved. also definitely on the ace spectrum!
Gender Headcanon: cis or he/they nb or transmasc all work with me
A ship: ITAFUSHI!!! MY BELOVED BOYS
A BROTP: him and nobara duh. gege bring them back. they were so precious i could die
A NOTP: uhh. s.ukufushi or g.ojofushi is Not my cup of tea
A random headcanon: hes not good at comforting people so instead he brings his shikigami out for them! and he and tsumiki used to walk his divine dogs together for fun/when shes feeling down :)
General Opinion: MEGUMI!! I LOVE YOU MEGUMI WAUGH. hes the sweetest boy ever and hes so spiky and tough on the outside but on the inside he has so much love to give. also anyone who says hes annoying for wanting to give up on life. i will FIND YOU. hes been through so much. hes had his autonomy stripped and then his powers were used to hurt everyone he loves. the fact that hes even hanging on rn is so impressive i need to give him a big hug MEGUMI GET BEHIND ME!!
-
yosano
Sexuality Headcanon: lesbian or bi or anything works but she definitely Likes Women
Gender Headcanon: transfem yosano. points aggressively. see my vision
A ship: dont have one
A BROTP: her and ranpo!!! the siblings ever i could cry. and her and dazai is very compelling to me. also her and chuuya for the giggles
A NOTP: ok look. i actually liked k.ousano when i first heard about it bc they could be so interesting if you look at [gestures vaguely] their positions in life, their organisations, their morals, very clashing personalities, rs with mori etc etc. but most of the fandom sees them as ‘ooh hot dom lesbians’ or smth similar, and they’re treated as a throwaway ship/just made completely ooc to make it work and im just like. ?? so it kinda ruined the ship for me lol. theyd hate each other and thats what makes it interesting for me. they wouldnt fall in love at first sight
A random headcanon: she has a lower back tattoo! and she also gave herself a belly button piercing bc she was convinced being a medical doctor qualifies her for that, and ranpo is an enabler. but it worked out in the end
General Opinion: YOSANO AKIKO!! I LOVE YOU!! i actually didnt care much for her at all until season 4 and her backstory (dare i say best one in bsd) was shown. then i was like WOAV. and she rose up my ranking so fast. i love that shes KIND and a protector and not afraid to be fierce, and i also love that she cherishes life so much. youd think being able to bring life back so easily means she’d disregard it more but NO! gestures to her fight with kajii. i think she deserves the freaking WORLD shes my everything <33
-
cheng xiaoshi
Sexuality Headcanon: i dont think he’d label himself. just queer :)
Gender Headcanon: also no labels! he goes by he/him but he plays around with gender expression (growing up with qiao ling will do that to you)
A ship: shiguang my beloveds… best ship ever… romantic or qpr or secret third option. they are just meant to be okay
A BROTP: of course him and qiao ling. he calls her qiao ling jie like i could CRY. they are the world to me
A NOTP: i cant see him with anyone other than lu guang lol they are soulmates. so any other ship ig
A random headcanon: his favourite colour is blue :) and other than bball he also really enjoys volleyball. and back in uni, him and xu shanshan are karaoke besties!!! they both have really good singing voices
General Opinion: CHENG XIAOSHI! THE CHARACTER EVER!! god hes just so kind and selfless and despite everything hes been through he has. SO MUCH EMPATHY. and of course that could be because of his powers but i also think that it’s because cxs is HIMSELF. yes he has access to the person’s feelings and memories, but not everyone can really put themselves in other peoples shoes so easily you know? they could feel it, but cxs understands it. id destroy worlds for him haha…
send me characters!
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idk i went back and forth on whether to post this bc i dont make a lot of posts and idk why i expect people to care but also i do want to tell someone and have other people know so.
super long confusing musings on my sexuality and stuff under the cut. its long so u dont have to read it but id like it if u could like the post if u wanted please n thank u 💖💖
like ok so for a long time now ive id'ed as an ace lesbian and felt at home with that and now bc of circumstances and reasons ive started thinking again.
but a part of me has always felt so disconnected from other lesbians like they all understood something i didnt and i loved the solidarity and community of being a lesbian but i didnt really understand such a big part of it. wrt being in love and sex and all. like i think i confused wanting that closeness and intimacy as being the same thing as feeling it.
and like i guess the turning point of that is that like i do want companionship and someone in my life but the way i want it is never the way other people do even through casual dating etc like sex and romance...the way i want those things are so specific to me and its feels like a venn diagram thats a circle and no one else is ever going to share that with me. maybe someday but its such a slim window to fit into that i cant expect it of other people right now.
but ive been reading abour qprs bc thats another thing ive been super critical on in the past (and i still kinda cringe hearing it) and i mean on one hand qweerplatonic feels like one of those tumblrisms thats code for "my discord relationship" and i feel like when you have a community based on a lack of something people fill the vacuum with like. fandoms and strawman comics. like im adult that pays taxes i dont have squishes on anyone.
but like that aside. i do get it. i like my independence and not having to compromise on things and it would be nice to have a life partner who is similar in those things but still wants the emotional intimacy and exclusivity and commitment of a partner. and qpr is like the best way to explain what i need to other people ig
and in that way i finally understood that like. being acearo is a very specific way to want a connection with someone and u do need words for that so u can find other people like u bc most people dont feel like that and its not wrong to want words to explain what u want to other people and if qpr is the best way to phrase it then i guess im stuck with it.
and then its like so do i feel attraction??? have i ever? but im still gay?? how can i be gay and also acearo? but it makes sense to me bc like i want a partner someday and it is more than a friendship. like in the past ive had very intense girl friendships that blurred the line where we would cuddle and hold hands and talk abot getting married and everyone negged us about dating/thought we were dating and ive always been the one to shy away from it when it came down to finally confront it.
but then when it comes time to say if were gfs i just....dodge the question forever. and i feel guilty about stringing ppl along like that bc i know they want something more than that and im ignoring it. like ive always been happiest in that gray undefined zone thats more than friendship but not quite dating.
like ive always been free with affection and then uncomfortable when someone (understantably) wants it to mean something more. ive always been the one whos not as into the other person while theyre enamoured with me. like my ex just used to gaze at me and say they love me and id be like .....thanks....you too! bc i did love them and i thought we wanted the same things. but it was complicated.
ALL THIS is to say that if i do enter in some kind of life partnership somehow it would still be with a woman or non binary person most likely bc i feel most comfortable with them and still dont like men in that way. so im still gay?
but u know. i identified as bi before as a lesbian before and then an ace lesbian so right now im in a phase of my life where aromantic asexual lesbian is the best way to describe me and im okay with that. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone else but me. it can be contradictory and confusing and "incorrect" but like if thats what i feel descibes me best then thats how im gonna be. its lonely but its also freeing because at least now i realize that i know what i want and i can have what i want if i meet the right person someday.
flowers for u if u read this far down💐💐💐💐💐💐 thank u to anyone who read any of that.
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Twisted Wonderland as Matt Rose stuff
Sleep Talking:
—
Deuce about Epel: My boyfriend once cupped my crotch in his sleep and said, “Two out of five stars.”
Jack: “Oh Walmart, Oh Walmart, Oh Walmart” Non stop for a half an hour
Ashton about his siblings: “..but he’s single on facebook!” My 12 year old stepsister…
Ace: “FLOYD GRAB THE FILES!”
Idia: “I’m gonna fuck Bill Gates CERVICALLY with a Playstation Four!”
Azul: “Its the monkeys problem if they cant finish the contract.”
Jade about Floyd: “I have to get past the Pikachu to get to the filing cabinet to see if I’m a robot or not.” Then he whipped a plate at the wall.
Lilia (Im fleshing this one out a bit) about silver: Once Silver walked out into the living room while asleep, came up to me and asked, “Father, why are deer the only animals that dont get fat?” I had to think about that one
Rashad: “I wanna be a fifth avenue peanut~”
Cater: “The clown has no penis”
Epel: “I just wanna… deep breath.. Kick so much ass”
Ruggie: Randomly yelled, “DUNKIN DOUNUTS!”
Neige: “Small hands… inaudible Very small. How are they that small?”
Floyd: “No but the fish that was looking at me was a weird looking fish”
Che’nya: “Possum, possum, possum!” (with jazz hands)
Riddle: “Satan, love, share the damn yogurt”
Leona: sometimes I just randomly yell “FUCK” and wake myself up
Vil: Once I said, “eat the fucking veggie roll!” And then I cried
Rook (changed this one too) I once said, “I wanna be waterboarded with cheese!” In this mocking “Oh yeah daddy” type voice
Sebek: “I’m Spider-Man and i’m going to kill your family”
Trey: “ok ok, two bowls of butter”
Esther: “No no no no, use Snorlax. It has better special defense”
Crowley: “Get the fucking jetpacks ready”
Sam: I once sand Britney Spears “Circus” at the top of my lungs in my sleep and startled myself awake
Crewel (Switched this one up) I once grabbed Sams ass thinking it was a light switch
Kalim: “Don’t be so racist to spotted mice!”
Jamil: “I could have sex with everyone in New York in 8 hours”
—
not knowing how to pronounce stuff
Ruggie: I pronounce malady as m’lady
Malleus: my whole life I have been pronouncing tarot cars like carrot
Rashad: I used to pronounce Ibs (pounds) as Ill-a-balls
Kalim: I’ve been reading and saying hyperbole as ‘hyperbowl’ for fucking years
Epel: Pronounced crepe as “creep-ayy”
Rook: (changed it up) Ever since i’ve started speaking English i’ve been pronouncing melancholy as “Milan-chili”
Vil: I’ve been calling laptops labtops my whole life until 2 days ago
Leona: I’ve been pronouncing “hospice” like perfume for prostitutes all along and no one has corrected me.
Azul: I’ve been pronouncing ratio like ‘patio’ this whole time
Floyd: Unil recently, ive been pronouncing lingerie as “ling-eerie”
Deuce: TIL the correct pronunciation of persimmon. I’ve been pronouncing it like the name of a fucking Digimon
Riddle: “Satisfy. I pronounced and spelled it as statisfy until a couple days ago
Ace: I found out that “oui” is pronounced like “wee” i’ve been pronouncing it like “ooey” my entire life
Neige (changed): A friend had to correct me when I said eppy-toam for epitome. She was an English major
Lilia: I'm over 50 and still have trouble with “khaki”
Cater: my entire life I’ve been pronouncing cement as semen-t and no one corrected me.. Til now
Jamil: Well this is embarrassing Ive been pronouncing ‘priates’ like ‘pilates’ for the last 17 years
Silver: grotesque. It came up one time while watching a movie when I was younger and I asked my friends, “What the hell is grote-squee imagery?”
Idia: Yall pronounce sk8 like skate??? Ive been pronouncing it like skate eight the whole time!
Arie: Guys the cheese isnt “Monetary Jack” ITS MONTEREY JACK?!!!! IVE BEEN PRONOUNCING IT LIKE ITS RELATED TO MONEY MY WHOLE LIFE
Jade: Lack toast and tolerant. I had no idea what the hell it had to do with dairy until I was corrected
Floyd: I once asked my dad what “reptile disfunction” was
Esther (changed): A monstero lounge waiter told me that id been pronouncing my own surname wrong and I honestly feel like my whole life has been a lie
Sebek: I've always called them brussel sprouts instead of brussels sprouts
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Everyone’s talking about how the right label is going to feel right. My OCD ass has no idea what feels right bc everything will be questioned. Everything. I just feel like shit and I wish I would get to feel proud of who I am, instead my mind is torturing me with questioning 24/7. Can I even be ace when I just can’t stop thinking I’m missing out when I won’t have sex like ever? Sex makes me feel icky, I don’t even like to hold someone’s hand, yet I feel this pressure. Like I just HAVE to have sex or I’ll never know. To me, sex is like something that I just need to get done. I know how toxic it is and I didn’t mean to rant like this but I'm drowning in these thoughts.
Yeah definitely OCD symptoms can make it a lot harder to tell if a label feels right or not. You can still use a label though even if you have self doubts, intrusive thoughts, etc. about it.
So for example it's OK to say 'I have a lot of doubts but I still want to keep using this label' and keep using it. I think in general asexuality especially is just difficult because you're defining an absence of something, and that will always be more difficult than defining something that's tangibly there. This is a great comic that can help a bit with those feelings too.
If 'feels right' isn't useful advice for you, sometimes other ways of assessing may help more. For example do you want to use this label? Usually there's a reason why people are drawn to labels. Another can be do you think using this label would be useful for you? Do you relate to the label?
Another way of looking at things that can be particularly helpful for people who are dealing with intrusive thoughts or doubt can be trying to look at labels in a more subjective way. So instead of wondering if you have it right, look at it as though there isn't a right or wrong answer. Identity is subjective, what labels we use and what labels resonate with us has as much to do with personality, life experiences, etc as it can with what patterns our orientations follow.
You definitely don't have to try sex to ID as ace, and a lot of aces have never tried it. There definitely is a lot of societal pressure to have sex or try sex, and it's very easy to internalize. But the reality is that you don't have to, and you can say no to sex for absolutely any reason. I know you probably already know this logically, but somehow hearing someone else say it too can help you feel it more emotionally.
So hopefully this is useful for you, all the best and good luck!
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top three with. doctor who. talk about the silly little doctors Now
LETS GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO tbh id kind of forgotten i reblogged that
3 male characters I love:
JAMIE MCCRIMMON MY BEST FRIEND
12th doctor. the doctor is never male and i like them in general but 12 is probably my favorite
um. uh. um. um. uhhhhhh. christ theres GOTTA be someone i like more than mickey or rory i mean theyre good but theyre not top favorites. WILF. RIGHT. WILF. WILFRED MOTT. GRANDPA WIN
3 female characters I love:
ACE!!!!!!!!
DONNA NOBLE!!!!!!!!!
Ahh god. Fuck. Theres too many I could put here. uhmmm. Ok im going to say rose tyler. She MIGHT. have a slight edge over bill potts. but ouuugghh i love bill. im not sure,. one of them. WAIT WHAT ABOUT MISSY. theres too many incredible women and girls in doctor who. If i had to pick one ummmm i guess I’ll say rose though. she’s classic
3 romantic ships I love:
the doctor and the master whatever the fuck they have going on
2/jamie this clown and scottish dude are gay as hell
uhhh. yeah lets say doctorrose. they too are classic
(Honorary mention to Ace and all of her Girlfriends Of The Week <3)
3 platonic dynamics I love:
TEN & DONNA!!!!!!!!!! OUUUUUUUGGGGHHHHHHHHHH *POWERS UP*
probably seven & ace… uncledadpa moments
christ i had something a second ago and then i lost it. why are amy and rory suddenly all i can think of THEY ARE MARRIED. ok i think im gonna say 11 & amy not a big fan of…. ALL the ways they were written in the show…… but the overarching concept of. to the doctor amy is always the little girl he accidentally left behind and he needs to make it up to her & to amy the doctor is always her childhood imaginary friend and they’re both trying to live in a fairytale and it is NOT actually ideal for them. It’s good
3 favorite moments in canon:
OUT OF SIXTY FUCKING YEARS OF TELEVISION?!?!?!?!?!?! ok lightning round off the top of my head
the scene in the unicorn and the wasp where the doctor gets cyanide poisoned and has to play charades with donna and agatha christie to try and tell them what he needs
in the god complex where the doctor amy and rory all get startled by people showing up and everyone is talking at once and the doctor goes IVE NEVER BEEN THREATENED WITH A TABLE LEG BEFORE! NO WAIT I TELL A LIE…. while rory is going ITS OKAY, WE’RE NICE! and amy looks at him like hes insane. i find it very funny
when ten sacrifices himself to save wilf but first he has to have a little mental breakdown about it because he knows what the right thing to do is but he’s also kind of fucked in the head and feels like he deserves to live. and then as hes very slowly dying of radiation poisoning we get that kinda cheesy montage that goes on WAY too fucking long of him doing little secret things to help out all the companions he’s had since the start of the revival series and it’s so self indulgent and wrung out and it kinda slaps
theres so many others and probably a lot of scenes i like way more than these but these r the first ones that came to mind so i will restrain myself
3 favorite headcanons:
gender and sexuality r different for time lords. bc theyre aliens. so of course it would be. but the doctor is also queer by their standards
erm. uh. fuck. shit. what else is there.
Susan is still alive and doing fine <3
Christ i dont know. I got nothin. Doctor who canon is so fucked i could probably take something that’s technically canon and then call it a headcanon anyway. Uh. No i got nothing there either.
K9 is a good dog. There
3 least favorite things about it:
NO NOSTALGIABAIT!!! STOP IT!!! PUT DAVID TENNANT BACK WHERE YOU FOUND HIM. WHY DID YOU HAVE TO PUT HIM RIGHT BETWEEN THE FIRST FEMALE DOCTOR AND THE FIRST BLACK DOCTOR <3 HE WAS ON THE SHOW FOR FOUR YEARS PUT HIM BACK
AND NO MORE DALEKS OR CYBERMEN UNTIL THE WRITERS CAN LEARN TO USE THEM PROPERLY! USE THEM AS REPRESENTATIONS OF FASCISM AND FEARS OF NEW TECHNOLOGY RESPECTIVELY OR DONT USE THEM AT ALL. STOP INCLUDING THEM JUST BECAUSE THEYRE THE BIG RECOGNIZABLE DOCTOR WHO VILLAINS.
(…….exceptions made for when daleks are used for comedy i may say it annoys me when they get watered down but i still think its great when theyre funny. also that one new years special was actually a very good occasion to have a dalek without it meaning anything but that’s besides the point okay anyway)
ALSO THE WEEPING ANGELS. THEY WERE SCARY IN THEIR FIRST APPEARANCE AND THEN THE WRITERS KEPT ADDING NEW THINGS TO THEM TO TRY AND MAKE THEM MORE SCARY AND IT JUST BACKFIRED. IT MADE THEM SUCK
basically i hope for a future where doctor who writers actually take to heart the whole “Moving Forward and Embracing Change” part of the show. if you bring back stuff that hasn’t appeared since classic who be sure you’re DOING something with it that means anything and not just going “Look! This species still… exists!”. write good stories instead of having recognizable villains show up because they’re recognizable. and FORGET ABOUT THE TENTH DOCTOR ERA ALREADY. DAVID TENNANT WAS GOOD. HIS DOCTOR WAS GOOD. MOST OF THE SHOW FROM THEN IS GOOD. AND ITS OVER. ITS BEEN OVER FOR TEN YEARS. STOP MILKING THE TENTH DOCTOR AND PUTTING ALL THE FOCUS ON HIM. PLEASE. PL
doctor who good :)
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the need for lgbt people and spaces to be allowed to be sexual without shame, fear, or scrutiny, and to openly discuss how and why people have sex, isnt only absolutely not an attack on lgbt asexuals - but also, demanding that discussions about sexuality be toned down or silenced for the comfort of asexual people is in fact completely contrary to the aims of asexual activism imo.
eventually, lgbt people demanding the right to have safe, free sex without shame shares a major similarity with the demand of asexuals to be able to safely and freely not have sex without shame: choice. we are all asking for the choice to live our relationship to our sexuality without being unfairly policed, pressured, or shamed. this ties in with the general idea of sexual liberation - when sex is not taboo, when sex is not shameful, when its a subject we can comfortably communicate about and share information about, thats an environment where we can discuss boundaries, where we can discuss desire, where we can figure out our relationship to sex and know what we do or dont want from it, and where asexuals can share their experiences and thoughts on sexuality and others can come to understand their perspectives - it seems like in order to reach a greater understanding of the asexual experience and of what asexuals need from their community and from others necessitates a shameless, open discussion of sex! the freedom to have sex IS the freedom to not have sex. its about being able to make informed, safe choices about what we want our sex lives to be.
personally as a stone butch, while i havent ided as asexual in a number of years, i want to have this conversation about boundaries, about having stricter boundaries around sex and intimacy than most people, and about the shame and incomprehension we may face from partners, friends, our lgbt communities because we have those boundaries. i can see a space where sharing this perspective w asexuals and understanding each others experiences would be super interesting and probably would lead to a lot more new ideas and things to think about. but we cant have these conversations if we assume the topic of sex must be sanitized out of the lgbt community bc bringing up sex is apparently excluding asexuals.
which, like. asexuality has a very direct link to sex. in its most commonly used definition, 'asexual' literally describes someones relationship to sex. if someone tells me theyre asexual, theyre literally telling me something about how they feel about sex and whether or not they feel a desire to have sex with people. we cant discuss asexuality without discussing sex! and if we want to have these conversations about sexual freedom, we cant simultaneously say that thats ok, but other lgbt people talking about their relationship to sex is forcing it onto others or exclusionary or offensive. at that point thats just classic homophobia.
if any discussion of sex makes you uncomfortable thats fair (though itd probably be a good idea to find out why and whether this is indicative of an underlying trauma?) and youre free to avoid the topic for yourself but i dont think you can claim thats a need for the whole asexual community or that its detrimental to ace people to discuss sex in spaces theyre in. open, judgment-free information and conversation about sex = better for everyone...
(obligatory this-should-be-obvious disclaimer that not all convos about sex are appropriate in all spaces and at all times and with everyone, etc, clearly not what im saying.)
#maybe this wont make sense tomorrow morning idk im high#these are just my thots rn......#i am generally talking about aces who are also l g b and or t btw cause im talking about intracommunity issues#97#long post
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OK SOO . i’m sure you’ve answered this b4 and i prob didn’t see but! favorite doctor and/or companion? ^-^
HOAHOHOHOHOHO
FAVE DOCTOR !
this is such a tough one cam you have no IDEA . to make this easier for myself im seperatin both of these by nuwho n classic who .
nuwho doctor - while i absolutely ADORE the five nuwho doctors in their own rights (except eleven i like him least), id have to go w nine . i dont even know why ! theyre jus a bit rougher than the rest of the nuwho doctors n i LOVE them w jack n rose n theyre soso sweet !!! even if a little insane n bonkers i love them :]
nuwho companion - evil question . um . either donna noble or bill potts i think ?? no yeah its bill AGHUIDSJGLKSDG canon lesbian !!! shes SO FUCKIN COOL she doesnt take shit from anyone n . well shes not completely disagreeable but she CAN hold herself in an argument w the doctor . eventually she gets turned into a cyberman which fuckign killed me emotionally BC SHE WAITED TWO YEARS FOR THE DOCTOR TO SAVE HER N THEY WERE TWO HOURS LATE . she did get kinda turned into a puddle at the end n got to date puddle girl which was a sweet end i think :] i really love her n i wish she got to live though SHE DESERVED TO LIVE !
classic who doctor - hands down five . i dont dislike any doctors other than maybe the sixth doctor but i fuckin LOVE the fifth doctor SO MUCH !!! theyre a single mother basically . theyre also so fuckin fruity . like obvi all of the doctors r bc theyre all canonically pan ace n under the nonbinary spectrum (they r so me) but somethin ab the fifth doctor.... anyway everyones always tryin to kill them in every single serial n its so funny n also their relationship w tegan n nyssa is so funny to me bc tegan is similar to bill in the sense she can hold an argument w the doctor while nyssa on the other hand is more passive n kinda jus . does what the doctor says i suppose ? anyway tegan n nyssa r canonically datin im p sure ?? anyway
classic who companion - ADRIC !!!! i love jamie mccrimmon also BUT FUCKIN ADRIC . HOLY SHIT . adric makes me so sad but i love him so much . his brother died in front of him he stowed away on the tardis he loves k9 he can never return to his universe (he is from espace . everythin else in the show is from nspace) he was kidnapped by the master n used as a battery he nearly died in literally every serial he was in up until earthshock where he ACTUALLY died tryin to stop a ship from crashin into the earth n wipin out the dinosaurs N HIS FUCKING STAR BROKE ROWE . HIS STAR OF MATHEMATICAL EXCELLENCE BROKE . HE WAS 15 ROWE . NYSSA N TEGAN N THE FIFTH DOCTOR WATCHED HIM DIE TRYIN DESPERATELY TO SAVE HIM BUT THE TARDIS CONSOLE WAS BROKEN N HE DIED NOT KNOWIN WHETHER HE WAS RIGHT N UAGHGHHHGHGH
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🏳️⚧️💜💚
for the queer ask game :]
🏳️⚧️
they're many pretty ones but the omni and the aroace flags stand out to me i love those so much
💜
I've identified as ace for the longest, when i was first realizing i was queer it was actually the last thing i realized but none of the other labels i assigned to myself when I did actually fit today lmao (i used to think i was bi and cisgender PFFFTHAHAHA i was wrong as shit but that's ok)
omni's been there for awhile but not as long as ace i don't think
no joke ever since i first got a sex ed lesson in like 5th grade I'd been dreading they day id have to had sex and then years later i realize i don't have to WOOHOO!!!! so if you count that as knowing than yes by a longshot ace
💚
my two best friends are aroace and everyone else im friends with irl is some form of queer actually now that i think of it
except my one ally cishet friend actually the second person I'd ever came out to 👍
i know queer people from school but im not friends with them more acquaintances but there's many of us in our grade yippie
so to put it in numbers like uh 4 people. 6 if you count people i only kind of know
and i just remembered i think one of my older family members is trans but I'm not sure my family keeps referring to them as different names and pronouns and I'm not sure which one is correct or how that person's related to me but if you count that person 7
#im assuming that random cousin of mine is trans and old people in my family are confused#i dont think its on purpose most of them correct themselves eventually when they say it wrong
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A sample of the kind of thing I create, hoping to show folk that wellness therapies and practices can be fun and tailored to your own interests.
One of my goals with Elaurian is to expand what wellness therapies look like. Affirmations can be geeky and specific and all about your interests. Meditations can be set on a starship, or in Narnia or through the eyes of your favourite animal. Massage can be performed to drum and bass or Garth Brooks or AC/DC (but not in my case to The Smiths or Morrisey, I have to protect my own wellbeing too!)
I have Star Trek and Avatar The Last Airbender affirmations coming soon, any suggestions gratefully received......
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ID - On a green background in black writing...
Tolkien inspired affirmations - Not everyone finds affirmations helpful and not everyone who uses them finds them all helpful, take what you need from these!
I will let myself cry when I need to, for not all tears are an evil
I celebrate a simple life wherever and whenever possible
Even the smallest person can change the course of the future
To help make a merrier world I choose to value food and cheer and song over hoarded gold
If all we have to do is decide what to do with the time given us then I choose to do good
“Despair is only for those who see the end beyond all doubt” I will trust to hope and keep it alive
Sharing a burden is often the best way to carry it, I will allow others to help me as I would help them
“It's the job that's never started as takes longest to finish.”
Even in the darkness there is light, I am grateful for the things that bring light to my darkness
I will be my own Samwise Gamgee when need be
All that is gold does not glitter, I trust my instincts but also stay ready to change my mind
“Deeds will not be less valiant because they are unpraised”, doing the right thing is worth it even if no one ever knows about it
As Boromir teaches, we all make mistakes, it takes real strength to admit it and try to make amends
“Even the very wise cannot see all ends” - sometimes a decision does not end up the way I thought it would and that’s ok
Like Frodo I will not shy away from doing what is necessary, and I will ask for and accept what help I need to do it
#Lord of the Rings#Tolkien#Affirmations#Neuroqueering Wellness#Wellness Therapies#Geekery#Geek Affirmations#Geeky Wellness#Neuroqueer Wellness#Neuroqueer
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running on 5hrs of sleep cr*mps so bad im out of my fucking mind and every bone and muscle in my body is screaming for mercy but i live here now and today i got to give hugs to 2 ppl i love and missed so much and i’ll get to give more hugs to more ppl i love and miss so much soon. so nothing else matters actually.
#i spent like 2.5 hrs trying to reorganize my furniture only to keep everything i. the same place it was originally in im insane 😭 and like t#today’s as so fucking weird. like i am convinced i have covid and am goi ng to die but also it’s fucking awesome to like. live and do things#actually. to like eat around other ppl and walk places and be in a place that makes me happy. im overwhelmed and ditzy but apparently not#frazzled like i used to be and thank god for that and like im literaly ehre and ive barely even seen it again yet wtf. also some big news#today stole my thunder and will set the precedent for like the rest of my life i thjnk but im here im here im here and it’s huge and huge th#things happened today and i was sad leaving the buildi ng BUT LIKE FOR NO REASON HC GUESS WHAT??? I GDT TO COME BACK TOMORROWWWWWW 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩#AND THE NEXT DAYYYYYY 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 LIKE INSAAAABE that im just here now. wtfffff 🥺🥲🥲🥲🥲#purrs#also it’s like kinda sad bc i took SO MUCH for granted in 2019 and now that things are so constrained cuz of covid it’s like we’re clawing b#back to how things used to be and it’s bittersweet. idk. like i had the whole world in 2019 and i DIDJT even know it and i hope i’ll get bac#back some version of it but everyone is scarred forever and then so is the world and nothing will ever be the same 😃👍#also ok in other news. my ac is broken actually.. i mightve fucked up the carpet by moving furniture but whatever.. im cancelling my meal#plan bc I dont rly need it… im fucked for getting ng food delivered bc reslife staff cant store it and also aren’t responsible for shit that#happens to it so like idk WHAT im gonna do abt my mamasezz tmrrw but it’s gonna fuck w my day i think. i need to buy groceries and room#decor… my sheets still aren’t ehre. and i need to sleep so fuckinf bad. OH AND idk what im gonna do abt calling ppl bc my roommate doesn’t l#like noise but residents can’t use the meeting rooms so id have to go to the library and then walk back in the dark which . is not safe so#idk. help. anyways what was i gonna say im just rambling.. im SO tired i need to go to slee. OH YEAH im so deeply sad and so deeply happy at#the same time and feeling so many thi ng s and i wish i wasn’t in such physical distress rn bc then i might have a chance at like soaking it#in better or wherever but like fuck. ok im gonna go look at room decor or smth now i guess even tho it should be the last thing on my to do#list like the way i have ANVILS hanging over me… b it whatever bye ♥️#ask to tag#also now im in lighting on video calls and it’s so EMBARRASSING like why can u see my f*ce STOPPPPP STOP ITTTT 😭😭😭😭😭#ok uodate not 2 seconds after i posted this I cut my thumb in such a stupid way and now i can’t type w it FUCK. girls who are taking damage♥
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HQ Middle blocker kinks <3
@xxxxtanaxxxx request hq kinks but middle blocker version please 🥺
I'm gonna be honest i wasn't gonna do this buuut here it is
i have a setter one in the works and here is the ace version!
here is the setter version <3
Characters: Tsukishima Kei, Kuroo Tetsuro, Suna Rintaro, Satori Tendo, Taichi Kawanishi, Issei Matsukawa, Takanobu Aone,, Shoyo Hinata, Lev Haiba Shugo Meian (MSBY captain), and Yutaro Kindaichi
Mentioned female anatomy, but mostly gn
content warning: consensual non-con, humiliation, public sex, exhibitionism, voyeurisms, degradation, bondage, sex toys, cockwarming, edging, soft priamal/prey, mentions of house break-ins, pegging, size kink, overuse of the word Daddy, face fucking, hickeys
i think thats all?
buckle up, this is gonna be looooong.
Tsukishima Kei
Degradation
This is a given, my mans has a mouth on him, AND HE KNOWS HOW TO USE IT
He says the most vulgar things in your ears (and you love it)
His nickname for you is Cum-dump, and he calls you that so much that you’ve started to respond to it. “Hey, Cum-dump! Come here” “ok Tsukki”
And when he’s cumming? A slew of insults just come out
“You whore, oh, you fucking cum-slut, you’d let anyone do this to you won't you”
And it's not limited to this!
“You're just a hole”
“You only exist for me to fuck, Right? You're just a glorified fleshlight”
“You're only good for sucking my cock”
“I should just leave you chained to the wall so I can fuck you anytime I want, that's all you're good at so you should love it”
It won’t even be only during sex
You could literally be just studying with him and he’ll just lean over and say “ you want to be fucked right now don't you? In front of all these people, I bet you’d love it Cum-dump”
Humiliation
Goes with a dirty mouth
He’ll flip your skirt while walking in front of groups of other students
He purposely sucks hickeys where your uniform does not cover and then laughs at you because you're just such a slut.
One of his favorite things to do is have you wear a vibrator in school, only on days where you have to do something in front of the class
No worries he has the remote and turns it alllllll the way up during the middle of your presentation, you just look so cute all red!
He’ll make it better!!
You can cum in front of the class, let everyone know how much of a whore you are!
Purposeful neglect
He wants you so horny you can’t think
If that means not giving you attention for FIVE DAYS so be it.
No touching yourself and if he finds out you did he’ll ignore you for longer and you don’t want that do you?
You will wait for him to touch you.
He’ll also just ignore you.
No begging, he doesn't care, he doesn't want to hear it.
Don't touch him, stop being a brat or you won’t get off for a whole week.
Bondage
It's all about control <3
Having you tied up and immobile is the best way to show how little you are.
He’ll tie you up and put you on the couch with a vibrator and just watch movies, unable to rock your hips
This seems cruel but he’ll tie your hands up and make you eat dinner with just your mouth <3
He’ll make you watch tv with a ball gag in
He’ll have a riding crop in his hands when you study and he’ll hit your little clit/silt with it every time you get a question wrong
Kuroo Tetsuro
Pet names
Literally any kind o endearment, but mainly switches between Kitten and Baby Girl/Boy(i am swooning right now)
He WILL call you these in front of people and out loud in public
He’s called you them in front of your parents in front of Kenma in the middle of the grocery store.
So you're wondering, why does that matter? People do that all the time!
Well, he calls you them so you remember how he completely ruined your little body and how his cum is still dripping out of you <3
And its cannon that he has a sexy voice, and it drops and gets deeper when he calls you them.
Thigh highs
It doesn't matter in you have the biggest thighs ever or just a bone, if you wear any kind of thigh highs (bonus points for Cat ones) he will be ready to bust a nut
It's not only him that gets off on them, especially when he takes them off
He’ll climb over you and use his teeth to pull them down to your feet and he’ll kiss and bite his way back up to do the other one.
He also will sometimes leave them on to rail you into your bed, when this happens he puts your legs over your shoulders and squishes his head between them.
(kuroo loves thighs, and that's that)
Caregiver
He's taken care of Kenma all his life, and you bet your ass he’ll do it for you
This means he gives the best aftercare you could imagine, I’m talking bubble baths
He’ll cook for you in nothing but an apron, and he’ll tease you when you get all flushed and cute!
You had a bad day? He’ll eat you out for hours until you’re all cuddly and tired.
He’ll fuck you slow where you need it and he’ll kiss all the pain away <3
He just loves having you dependent on him makes him so happy and thankful to have you!
Threesomes
Mainly for Kenma, but he let bokuto have a turn and even convinced Tsikki to give it a try!
He really just wants to show off that you’re his what better way to show you off then let some of them get a taste of something they’d never have.
Favorite position for this? Split roasting/ Eiffel towering
He's the one who you're sucking on, and he’s so far down your throat making him suck you deeper and deeper until you’re drooling all over his balls like a good Kitten
Whoever he sharing you with would be in you following whatever Kuroo tells them to do
Rub your clit? Yes Sir.
Faster. Yup
Slowdown Kittens being bad so she doesn't get to get off <3
Suna Rinatro
Purposeful neglect
Just like Tsukki, he wants you hot and bothered all the time
He will just sit around and scroll on his phone while you’re whining :(
Just let him watch this video and he’ll get you off!
Will never tell you but you just look so cute, all needy and horny for him.
Sometimes he’ll slip you a libido pill and just watch the world burn.
He will wait until you have ruined whatever shorts you’re wearing (and he’ll take them) and THEN he will help his poor needy baby
Cockwarming
Almost every time he games, he puts you on his dick
you already know it’s happening when he takes the controller out
He says it's because he doesn't want to “leave you out”
No moving on him though, if you8 move it could distract him and you do not want him to lose, losing means being pounded into the floor until you can't think, then being ignored the rest of the day “horny sluts can sit on the floor until they need to be used”.
But if all goes well, he’ll go soft in between rounds and will suck on your neck and will let you cuddle into him during the rounds
But when Suna if feeling a bit more adventurous he will put his headset on you and fuck you with all of his friends listening
And if that's not bad enough they all clearly know what’s happening id Osamus soft coo’s and Gin’s little comments (but it's not like they want it to stop anyway)
Edging
Will literally just do this out of nowhere
You thought you were finally gonna cum, then nothing
HE WILL just do things for hours to see you cry and begging or him to just let you cum
He’ll stick four fingers in you and bring you to your climax and just leave you on the edge
He won't even have a reason, you were being good, you let him play his game and he does this?
Que pouty bby
Video/Photography
We all saw this coming-
But he takes it a step further than just having a photo collection of you
He has a personal private story with just you in it where he put videos of you riding him or sucking his dick fo you to “see how slutty you are”
that's not even it, he sends you a picture of you naked in the middle of work, with no shame either
Thus one time you were showing a coworker a shirt you had bought and he texted you and the picture showed up. It was awkward for the next few days.
But these don't even compare to how he has an entire Instagram account (private of course) of your nodes and videos of the two of you fucking.
One extra little thing is that you both watch porn together for ideas.
Satori Tendou
(i could make him a post of his own-so so many kinks for Satori)
Humiliation (mentions of pee)
This can range from calling you names to making you touch yourself in public
He’s called you a pillow princess in the middle of class, in front of your teacher
It had gotten so bad they Ushijima had to ask what a “cum-dumpster was” because Satori had called you that in front of the team.
He doesn't even introduce you as his S/O, hw=e would call you an escort or that you were just his personal fuck toy.
This kink goes so far that when you were on a double date with Semi, under the table Tendo had his hand literally in your pants.
**One of his favorite things is to make you hold your pee in until you are almost peeing yourself, isn't that embarrassing that you're a grown adult who’s about to wet yourself?
Overstimulation
He wants to see you a complete mess all over him
The main goal of all of this is to make you squirt or begin to have dry orgasms
He will not stop until he’s happy or you say your safe word (which is rare)
One orgasm just isn't enough for him :/
And it's a big boost of confidence for him!
he‘s proud to know he can make you cum so much you cant even think!
Dacryphilia
This AND overstim?
Good luck
He can't even explain why it turns him on so much.
You just look so beautiful with tears streaming down your face all fucked out
It always hits him at the worst times too, you crying over a bad grade? A pretty tear falling over your soft cheeks. Hard.
Just watched a sad movie, he’s ready to pound you into the couch.
Anal
Oh ho ho
This can be one of two things, he does it because it feels good
OR
He does it as punishment
That means no lube
No adjusting to his dick
And no extra pleasure to help you get off
He’s so mean </3
Taichi Kawanishi
This man screams pornstar
Public sex
This man is unstable
You could just be walking in public and he just decides he wants to fuck.
Who are you to stop him?
Just let him get this out real quick you can shop later.
Exhibitionism
The thought of being in the open? This man loves it
And you don't really have a choice but to love it
Every time you go to the beach he just has his dick in you, in the ocean sitting in his lap while eating lunch
He doesn't even care who sees
Children? Who cares, look away or whatever
Getting caught
It doesn't even matter who it is
If someone walks in when you're doing it he’s cumming
It's just hot
He doesn't need to explain it to you
he also makes u take nudes and had them as his homescreen for a while
Issei Matsukawa
I’d let this man kill me-
Leather/ latex
LEATHER GLOVES
He wears them when he fingers you so he can make fun of how wet you made them.
He dresses you up in these pretty little pastel dresses (gender to heel, he doesn't care, you look hot weather your a boy, girl, or not) and he wears all black (goth daddy Mattsun) and his gloves to fuck you in his leather-covered fist.
That's not even it
He has an entire bin of different colored chokers and leashes just for his pretty baby
Along with that, he has a shelf of latex thigh highs for you to wear and even has an entire outfit for you to wear and show off to him.
Ddlg/b/n-Lifestyle
This is why he has a lot of things that you wear!
He loves to take care of you all the time!
He loves to make his baby food and love to watch movies with you
And you love him so much too!
You would do anything for Daddy!
And he takes you shopping and to restaurants, and if you want literally anything big or small all you have to do is look up at him with puppy dog eyes and a “Daddy, please!!” and boom his credit card is already out.
Size kink
Big dick Mattsun-
This all comes back to the fact that you are so beautiful
And big dick little hole, who doesn't love that??
He sure does, don't worry though he always makes sure to prep you
Except if it's punishment- he doesn't like it he swears! He’d never want to hurt you!
And you’d believe it until your crying on his cock and it throbs ://
But if it still hurts, and it does, he’ll let you go your pace and sink all the way down onto his cock<3
Fun fact the first time he went into your ass he tried to with no lube and you couldn't sit for DAYS
Voyeurism (receiving)
Makki Makki Makki
I would say he was into Cuckolding but its always him doing the watching while Issei fucks you
And Makki loves it too if his constant praises and coo’s said anything about it.
And Mattsun just gets off on the fact his best friend is watching something he’ll (maybe if you're not into it) never fully have
Mattsun also likes having you tied up an watching him fuck a fleshlight of just jerking off
You look so pathetic :)
extra for big dick mattsun, he Shows all of his friends <3
I am a whore for the Seijoh 4
You bet Makki has an entire folder of pic of you, whether they are of you dripping cum or just with your legs open.
Even if he says he doesn't save them, you know Iwa has gotten off you a recording of you moaning and asking for Daddy’s cock
And Oikawa is always asking for more (the little manwhore), he says they are “references” for him, liar, he jerks off to them in his bathroom.
Takanobu Aone
It's always the quiet ones-
I just gotta get these first two out-
Consensual non-con
I can just TELL he like to pretend to break into your house
Pretend you're so scared and you don't like it
Tying you up and listening to your little cries, awwwwweeee
You were just too pretty to ignore
Just let him have a taste, stop crying he knows you want it just as much as he does
Primal/prey
He wants to feel like he earned his reward
A perfect little trophy for him to use as a toy
His dick in your tiny dripping hole is all the reward he needs
It's like you're a pretty innocent bunny and he’s a big fox just waiting for the right time to strike :)
Soft sex/ praise
I know what I said up there
But none of that means he doesn't love just setting you down on the bed with candles and rose petals and just making love
Soft music in the background and worshipping every inch of your skin
You need to be vocal though!
Tell him how pretty he is when he cums, and how perfectly his dick fits in your hole!
Tell him how soft he looks and how he is making your nipples feel like heaven.
Aftercare- bc I am also soft for aone and he is a good guy
Bubble baths and chocolate
Movies and cuddling
All of this makes him so glad that he found you
Especially when you cuddle into him all sleepily and tired.
Shoyo Hinata
oh he is so pretty-
Mutual masturbation
It's the perfect way to experience pleasure
He can see you in all your glory
All of the faces he sometimes misses when he’s fucking you!
He also learns from it!
He sees the angle your fingers go to hit that sweet spot so the next time he’s in you he knows where to aim!
(he is so precious-)
Pegging
You wanted to try it so he almost immediately agreed-
But it felt good!
The two of you reserved what one you wanted so the one he picked was almost made for him.
Plus, you look ridiculously good with the strap on-
And he voices that as much as he can!
And sometimes when he rides the strap he just watches it going in and out and in and out
(you also think this is SUPER hot but won't tell him :/)
Riding
It doesn't matter if it's you or him
Watching you fall apart on his cock without him doing a thing makes him cum harder than anything
Sometimes he gets so excited that he comes before you and makes you stay there until he’s hard again, which doesn't take long at all.
when it's him?
he’ll go for hours just to hear you tell him how good he is and how pretty he looks
Lingerie
Especially pastel babydolls
But nothing you wear could ever make you look bad in his eyes
Ok he likes it when you keep the lingerie on too like he’s fucking you and you till have a little nightgown/crop top on
Lord he will BUUUUUUSSSTTT
Lev Haiba
Size kink
Unintentionally too
He didn't even know it, but he did know that he liked that you were so much smaller than him.
He likes to put your hand to him and just look at the difference and before he knew it he was painfully hard
On the occasion, he makes fun of you saying his dick is just too big for you and you can't handle it, but then you get on your knees and he shuts up real quick
Praise kink
A given
He wants to know how good he makes you feel at all times
It doesn't have to be words either!
loud moans explanations of pleasure all drive him to move faster and faster!
Even yelling “oh god!” gets him off
He makes you feel that good huh?
Wall sex
Just playing on the size kink thing
He loves to just pick you up and fuck with reckless abandon
Gets a way better angle too- bet you didn't think he would realize that
He also likes to watch the combination of your juices drip to the floor-
Shugo Meian (MSBY captain)
Sexiest team-
Daddy/ Captain kink
Just look at him, he screams Daddy louder than you do when he’s fucking you
He takes pride in being Captain meaning he’ll fuck you for hour if the word even falls from your lips
And yes you have said it (daddy) front of the team and he did get hard, and the both of you did fuck in the locker room of the gym for an hour before you got kicked out
Even in arguments you better call him daddy, he will stop and fuck you into the ground for it
Angry or not you WILL use his title
Spanking
Will threaten you with this almost everyday
He just uses it as an excuse to touch your ass
He makes you count after each one and makes you thank him
It would look a bit like this
“Five! Thank you Daddy!” “Good Baby, five more”
But that doesn’t mean when you really deserve it that he won't unleash the wrath of god onto your poor ass
But after he’ll kiss it all better and Daddy will reward you for taking your punishment well
Controlled orgasms
By this i mean that you wont cum unless he says so
And you have to ask
Aka “Daddy please let me cum, I really want to”
And depending on what he’s feeling maybe you’ll get to cum then
And if not you’ll have to wait like a good Girl/Boy and cum when he does, which could late literally forever.
but its better than disobeying his orders, which could lead to him completely pulling out and just jerking off to cum on you :((
Deepthroating/ Face Fucking
Nothing is better to him than coming home to you on your knees and mouth open and ready
But when he’s all pent up from practice and he sees you?
Rip your throat, you aren't talking for a few days
He’ll literally fuck your face no question
He’ll put his dick so far down your throat you could feel it in your stomach
Yutaro Kindaichi
Hate sex
He just makes everyone angry
And he gets off on it
You look so fucking delectable all red faced and angry
Makes him want to just slam into right then and there
Dom/Sub
Clearly he wants to be in control
Controlling someone is just such a turn-on for him
Looking all pretty doing exactly what he wanted you too <3
Hickeys
Wants to show off that you are his
What better way than marking up your neck with pretty bruises
Plus he likes how you get all shy when people look at them
#haikyuu smut#tsukishima kei#tsukishima x reader#kuroo tetsurou#kuroo x reader#suna rintarou#suna x reader#tendo satori#tendo x reader#tendou satori#tendou x reader#taichi kawanishi#kawanishi x reader#taichi x reader#issei matsukawa#matsukawa smut#matsukawa x reader#mattsun#aone takanobu#aone x reader#shoyo hinata#hinata x reader#lev haiba#lev x reader#lev haiba x reader#shugo meian#meian x reader#shugo x reader#kindaichi yuutarou#kindaichi x reader
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callout for @genderfluidlucifer
google docs
tw for transmisogyny + TERFs + emotional manipulation
Transmisogyny
Lucifer is a huge transmisogynist who will complain 24/7 about how TERFs hurt the ace community, but the moment @randomclustermissile , a trans girl (who is not an exclusionist at all) tries to point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles (in the most vague and general way possible, without pointing fingers nor calling anyone names) Lucifer will immediatly jump to block her and so they did with me (another inclusionist) and i have to suppose to everyone else who agreed with that post, even arriving to vagueing about us in private group chats to suggest that we were “sympathizing with exclusionists”. all because we dared point out transmisogyny in inclusionist circles. lucifer is TME but apparently they think they’re the authority on TERFs and their talking points but actual trans women are not, according to them, since this is the stuff that they would go and spew to other people. (screenshots from @enbyoctoling)
here’s more examples of Lucifer (again, a transmasc person) going deep in detail about how according to them, TERFs/SWERFs hate aro/ace people and are an active threat to us
1. link
[Image ID: Three screenshots of a post by Genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot is of a paragraph that reads, "Hey. So I can actually answer this. Anon your commentary about how you thought terfs would approve of sex repulsed aces is sort of it. Except...not. Basically terfs hate ace people for not wanting sex in the approved by terfs way. Terfs are actually extremely interested in [forcing] amatonormativity onto everyone. Because for as sex negative as terfs are...they don't want to actually acknowledge or change the fact that amatonormativity is at the root cause of rape culture and misogyny."
The second screenshot is a zoomed in section of the post that reads, "So yeah no I have NO idea where exclus allies are getting this idea from that terfs would even remotely care about the sexual rights of ace people. Terfs generally hate any sexualities in the LGBTQ+ acronym that aren't LGB because they can't force a gender binary onto those sexualities. At least, not as easily. That's why it's actually a massive sign of someone who doesn't call themselves a terf being a crypto terf if they use the term LGB in a positive manner. Along with the term SGA, as it is deliberately exclusive of nonbinary and not inherently SGA centric queer-aligned sexualities. /END ID]
link to the full post, these are just excerpts but the whole thing is just a very long rant about how TERFs hate ace people and so on (i think it’s worth noticing that although the actual post is kinda long, trans women are never once brought op in a conversation about TERFs issues and the only time transmisogyny is mentioned is not relevant to the conversation)
2. link
[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is nothorses. It reads, "Because apparently I have to say it: Testosterone is not a 'violent' hormone. It doesn't make you 'more aggressive' or a worse person, it doesn't make you 'dangerous,' or 'toxic.' Transmascs do not need to be 'warned of the dangers of T.' We do not need to spend our transitions terrified that we're going to become a danger to those around us - that HRT is going to turn us into a monster.
Everyone experiences mood swings during hormonal shifts (pregnancy, menstruation, menopause, estrogen HRT, etc.) and while you might have grumpy moments or feel anger/frustration that you need to learn to handle differently, that doesn't make you a bad person.
Testosterone can change the way you access/process emotions somewhat, but if you're already thoughtful about how you handle your feelings and treat others, you're going to be fine. It's normal to lash out on occasion, by accident, then apologize and work to do better. It doesn't make you a bad person. Everyone on HRT is prone to this, and everyone experiencing hormonal changes is prone to this.
Getting HRT should be positive and affirming; you should not have to spend your entire transition terrified of becoming a monster."
The post then has a reblog by captainlordauditor that reads, "The big danger of T is that needle ouchy." /END ID]
here’s them reblogging from known transmisogynist user @nothorses (once again, the irony that a post about how testosterone is seen as the "aggressive hormone" does not mention transfem at all which are literally the main victims of this rethoric in the first place)
3. link (1), link (2)
[Image ID: Two screenshots of posts by genderfluidlucifer. The first screenshot reads, "Queer exclus: We're not repackaging terf rhetoric! Saying that is transmisogynistic! Also queer exclus: Remove the plus from LGBT!" and has tags that say, "I will pay these people to grow some god damn self awareness. Imagine being this dense. Queer discourse." The post has 15 notes.
The second screenshot reads, "Honestly it is so stupid and frustrating to see ace exclus continue to deny that the ace discourse was started by terfs. Proof was given countless times. And a big name terf like galesofnovember even admitted to starting it. Those of you who demand proof but ignore all of this never wanted proof to begin with." and is tagged with, "ace discourse. The post has 38 notes. /END ID]
heres another two post of theirs conflating TERFs with ace exclusionism
4. link
[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblogged post by furbearingbrick. The original poster is boxlizard, Lucifer's old account. The original post reads, "By the way for people still in denial about it, here's galesofnovember, a terf, admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement. She's taking credit for it. Normally if the victims of this behavior weren't ace/aro or other queer identities y'all be ready to rightfully lynch her. But since it's us, y'all just still wanna stamp your feet and go, 'Nuh uh!' instead of acknowledging facts." The part that says, "admitting that she intended to start the ace exclus movement" is a link to a galesofnovember post.
There is then a reblogged addition from furbearing brick that reads, "archived versions of the receipts" and has two links to the webarchive. The tags read, "Bringing this back since it's apparently still relevant. Terfism mention. Aphobia mention. Queerphobia mention. Blocklist." and has 1,455 notes. /END ID]
this is their post that ive already talked about but basically they found a 52 notes post made by a TERF in 2012 and this one person said "i dont know why i dont get to be the princess of the anti-ace-brigade" and apparently they are convinced that this means TERFs started the ace exclusionism movement and that this is one of their goals. which is insane when TERFs in real life only care about making life miserable for transfem people first and foremost.
5.link
[Image ID: A screenshot of a reblog by genderfluidlucifer. The original poster is yu-gay-fudo. It reads, “Just in case you happen to be unaware, some of the “radfem lite” they post to warm you up to their rhetoric, just off the top of my head:
- Ace/aro exclusionism
- Bi exclusionism or claims that bi people are “less queer” bc of “straight passive privilege”
- Saying you have to be dysphoric to identify as transInvalidating nonbinary people
- Calling queer a slur regardless of context, saying people can’t identify as queer, and saying that it can’t be reclaimed
- “Mogai hell”, “kweer”, or otherwise mocking less common labels and claiming they are “just cishets who want to feel special”
- Excluding sex workers from feminist discussions or claiming that sex work is inherently evil
- Basically anyone who thinks they can determine what other people identify as”. The tags read, "queerphobia tw. twerfs tw. no id." and has 70,727 notes. It was reblogged on March 22nd, 2021 /END ID]
another example of conflating radfems to things that, while wrong, have little to nothing to do with them because being a radfem, again, is something very specific that has all to do with transfem oppression.
Emotional manipulation
Lucifer has done nothing but block, break boundaries, spread lies and vague about people, some of which were even mutuals with them knowing they would see the posts. when confronted about it Lucifer's only answer was "just say you hate me and block me" but they actually ended up blocking everyone first, making it impossible for anyone to set some boundaries with them or even just to calmly confront them about anything.
[proof: Io(popncourse) and Lucifer had a disagreement in a shared discord server, which prompted Lucifer to vague Io in a vent post. Io confronted them, as being vagued is one of buns triggers, to which Lucifer initially agreed to delete the vent post, but then proceeded to victimize themself and immediatly blocked Io. later on, Jude(malewifedeckard) was confronted by Lucifer, then after Jude told them “I’m worried that you’ll vague me just like you did with Io” they proceeded to block Jude and vagued about him too. when Io made a post (which was not a callout, it was just bun setting buns boundaries) explaining what Lucifer did, Lucifer immediatly jumped to victimize themself, acting like they were being called out and straight-up lying, even going so far as to say that no one tried to hear them out, which is a blatant lie if you consider the aforementioned Io and Jude’s attempts at doing so, with Lucifer immediatly blocking and cutting ties with the both of them. ]
(screenshots taken by @popncourse and @malewifedeckard)
as seen in the proof above Lucifer’s behaviour is not ok because they don’t accept any kind of confrontation and immediatly jump to blocking, and after blocking, they'd immediatly go and vague about the people who confronted them pacificly, spreading more lies and painting themself as the victim and even arriving to say “no one hears me out at all” which is simply not something you can say when you block people who are trying to hear you out in the first place.
this is by no means an invitation to go and harass them, send them hate or anything like that. i absolutely don’t want anything even remotely hateful or negative to be sent their way after this post.
this post was only made because:
1. as an ace person who fully supports the inclusion of aspec identities in the lgbt+ community i don’t want to support an enviroment that costantly downplays transmisogynistic oppression in order to be taken seriously. there are hundreds of ways to make aspec activism without acting like we(as in TME aspecs)are the victims of a system that seeks for the annihilation of transfemenine people in real life everyday. i especially don’t want to support TME individuals who act transfem-friendly but then block any transfem who tries to speak on transmisogyny without a second thought.
2. Lucifer’s behaviour has hurt two friends of mine and i don’t want to associate with someone who actively breaks people’s boundaries without taking accountability when messing up.
3. i cannot associate with someone who spreads lies about me accusing me of sympathizing with exclusionists all while having me blocked so that i can’t see it nor defend me. they complain about people not hearing them out but they’re the very first person who does not try to hear people out, and instead jumps to spread baseless rumors. this is not someone i can nor want to associate with.
(image descriptions provided by @malewifedeckard)
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☆ [nostalgic] summer romance!au chenle
happy (once again late) birthday lele ! ~
find others here: johnny | haechan | taeil | taeyong | mark | jaemin | yangyang | yuta | sicheng
maybe the heat has gotten to chenle
when he sits down on the last step of the long staircase nestled between your building and the twenty four hour grocery store
the stairs lead up to the next block, where you can hear the vague sounds of kids playing on the street. one of the voices might be haechan, he’s shouting for someone to come back
but you look at chenle and he’s looking at his knees
freshly bruised from where he and jisung both fell off their bikes a couple days ago, it’s starting to scab and he looks like he’s trying not to pick at it
“sorry, you want me to do what?”
“don’t make me say it again.”
he mutters and he won’t look at you
you know even if you ask him too - he’s probably the most stubborn person you’ve ever met - he won’t
“no, i didn’t hear - well i did, but i mean - you’re crazy.”
“you can just say no.”
he shifts his gaze from his knees up to the sky and then after you wait patiently for another minute he finally does look at you
“do you really hate the idea of it?”
“it’s not that. it’s just.......if you really like this person, you should just fall into it naturally with them. you shouldn’t have to practice - you should just do it when it feels right.”
his mouth twitches like he’s about to scowl and roll his eyes and stomp away
because that’s what he does when things don’t go his way but instead he just stares at you and says;
“i won’t know what feels right until ive at least tried it.”
you should argue back, you and chenle are notorious for always bantering and quarrelling and leaving all of your friends either annoyed or doubling over with laughter
but you can’t think of something witty to say. something at least convincing because he makes a point
but also
how is he not embarrassed to ask me of all people that?
sighing, you’re the one who looks away and over your shoulder up the stairs
no one is around - their voices are - but they’re distant and chenle is close
so close that bruised knee of his could brush yours if he just inched a little to his left
“fine.”
you give in and turn your shoulders back toward him
“you might as well practice with me, anyone else and you might actually catch another crush on top of the one you have now.”
chenle half smirks and you don’t register the emotional shift in the light brown of his eyes
you just think he’s going along with your joke - well not really a joke, more like a statement
and that’s how you end up leaning in, one hand on the stairs as if to keep your balance even while sitting down
and the other on the side of chenle’s cheek
you hover just a moment before you kiss him - a split, wordless millisecond of hesitation - and then you let your lips gently press to his
it isn’t even a real kiss but it is the first moment of the rest of a summer you never expected
of course, you and chenle tell no one about this weird, awkward, beyond the boundaries of friendship thing you are doing
mostly because if you did haechan and jaemin would not let it go, not until you were all rolling in your graves and jisung would probably be scarred with crippling doubt of where every friendship of his stood
so you only naturally have to sneak around
chenle is a good liar though, well better than you who has trouble even looking renjun in the eyes when chenle says you and him have to leave a little earlier from the backyard barbeque someones throwing because oh right, you forgot your allergy medicine at home and chenle promised some old lady across the street he’d feed her cat while she was on holiday
they’re half-assed, badly timed lies but it is summer
and if you and chenle don’t want to have fun with the rest of the group then so be it
you guys just get teased and called debbie-downers and then you’re home free
well home free in a sense that you know have some time to sit on the rug of your bedroom and kiss
for the sake of learning
“where do i put my hands?”
chenle asks one time and you move instinctively to put one of his palms on the side of your waist.
that’s where i like to be held-
you drop his hand as soon as the thought crosses your mind and stutter out
“well, that’s more a question for your crush. different people like it in different places.”
he nods and thinks for a second
“we’ve only kissed a couple of times but i think i like putting my hand on your waist.”
his palm ends up just where you had wanted to lead it and when a little swell of butterflies flutters in your stomach at the fact, you quell the feeling and shove it deep deep deep down
this persists throughout the weeks, and each time you try and introduce chenle to a tier higher of kissing, if that makes sense
you’ve got down the leaning in, the hand position, the tilting your head, the emergency breath mints, the lead up or lead out, the avoid nose smashing or teeth clanking and then there’s only really one last thing you can graduate too and it’s
“tongue?”
you almost hark on the ice-cream sandwich you’re eating when jaemin says the word
“yeah, he got his tongue pierced. are you ok?”
renjun turns his long gaze to you, the poor ice-cream melting all over the wrapper and on your fingers
“fine, yeah, it’s just - super hot. i think im gonna go home and lay under the ac.”
your eyes go from renjun to jaemin to chenle who gives a little nod and stands up from his side of the table with a groan
“sorry guys, i got a text from my mom. i gotta go now too.”
no one says anything. renjun taps his fingers and doesn’t look away from you as jaemin tries desperately to convince you both to stay and when you both say no he sticks his tongue out and asks you a question that you thought would sooner come out of anyone elses mouth
“are you two like hooking up behind our backs or something, you’re always gone when we’re having the most fun!”
you think you might really fall over - renjun, sure you could have seen him figuring it out. haechan - definitely. even jeno......but
jaemin?
“what? like i’d ever hook up with them.”
chenle’s voice comes out, high and mocking
it’s pretty good and you almost believe it for a second - turn around and tell him hey, you’ve been making out with me this whole entire month so if you want to end up practicing on a stuffed animal back home you better take that back!
when you realize - right, he’s covering up
you scrunch up your nose and chuck the icecream into the trash
“right, like id ever let him touch me.”
jaemin is convinced, he goes back to laughter and obliviousness, but renjun chuckles when you pass by and the undertone of it makes you shake even in the heat
“renjun knows.”
you and chenle are not in your room for once, you’re outside in a small park that’s been abandoned as the summer moon switches places with the summer sun
chenle is swinging back and forth and you’re leaning against the side of the swing set nervously biting your lip
“he gave me a look when we left.”
“are you going to teach me it by the way?”
“teach you what?”
you hear the swing come to a stop and he stands up, you don’t know if now the summer heat is getting to you
because when you look at him he looks different
he looks handsome, not just cute and sweet like you’re used to seeing him - all round faced and smiley - he’s gotten taller and is still so naturally thin it brings out the defining cuts of the sharper parts of his face
you look away immediately when you start cataloging all of this in your brain
people only do that with people they like, you don’t look at your friends and start painting their best features in your head like a psycho ........ ok not a psycho but someone that’s.....that’s in ......
“you know, how to actually kiss. not little pecks or whatever, like actual deeper kissing.”
it is obvious what he’s asking and you are pretty sure it’s just his drive to be better at all this for that person he likes
but you feel shy about it, even a little uncomfortable with the idea of being slightly closer to someone who is using you as what could be compared with a scientific mannequin
a how-to user guide, a one time trial period
you feel light headed and when chenle comes into your personal space and reaches out to hold you, you jerk back
“stop - wait.”
he listens
“w-who do you even like, you never told me.”
“why’s that important?”
his eyes widen a little and you are racing through a hundred different excuses and reasons to prolong this conversation
“well i want to know. i mean, i mean everything we practiced you’re going to use with them so i just i guess i feel like im at least entitled to know that.”
“it’s a secret, it doens’t matter either way.”
“do i know them?”
chenle frowns, “no. they don’t live near here. anyway are you ok why-”
you walk backwards, up until your back hits the fence that runs around the little park
chenle’s ticked off look turns into genuine concern and he stops a couple of feet from you and asks this time if you’re really ok, if you don’t want to do this anymore than that’s all you have to say-
he’s speaking, in almost something akin to a whisper, and the sound along with the dawning of the evening makes you remember that first kiss you gave him on the stairs
his bruised knee, haechan’s voice in the distance, the long steps leading up to the entire world and away from chenle
if you really had felt nothing for him but friendship, you would have gotten up and told him to stop playing around
you would have trotted up those steps and joined everyone else
you would have never leaned in and kissed him first
but you had and the secret that you’d stowed as far back in your heart as possible had slowly, with each day of this summer, been pulled out and out and out
and now it was big and shining and the only thing you could think about anymore
i like chenle
and everytime he kisses me
he’s thinking of someone else
“i can’t, i can’t do that with you.”
you finally find the words and then clutch your fingers into fists at your side when chenle gives you a sad look you almost never see him wear
“it’s not that i don’t want to, i do. i want to. and not to help you learn or whatever but because i really just........want to.”
that sad look is turning into something you’re too scared to look at - but you know he’s following your train of thought now
“and you should want to do that with the person you like, not a replace-”
“it’s you.”
he cuts in before you finish your sentence and like a train going at full speed you brake and everything crashes in at once
“-ment......sorry, what?”
“it’s you. you’re the person i like.”
“but- you - practice- you - what?”
the starstruck look on your face makes chenle laugh and you can’t believe the audacity, buy you also want an answer so when he wipes away his chuckling he nods
“it was you all along. do you think i’d ever want to spend days making out with someone i didn’t like?”
when you had thought something had been wrong with him on the day he’d asked you to do this the first time, you really had thought either he’d gotten heatstroke or been brainwashed
it was so unlike chenle to 1) admit he needed to practice something and 2) want to practice it with someone he wasn’t at least fond of
so really, maybe something had been wrong with you, when you had failed to see that his whole plan this time was
“you just wanted an excuse to kiss me all summer?”
he shrugs and grins, “it was nice right?”
you can’t argue or lie or disagree - it was nice - and now you’re standing here in this park with no one around and you think maybe you shuold teach chenle the last and final thing about kissing
so you finally let him come closer and with his hand on your waist, just where you like it, he leans in again
but just before you do anything else you pull back and mumble
“jaemin is going to freak out when we tell him he was right, we have been sneaking out around behind everyones back to make out.”
“yeah but renjun definitely knows right?”
you nod, right, maybe that’ll soften the shock for everyone
(it doesn’t)
and sometimes you also get another wave of shock, even after dating chenle for so long
not much has changed - you still like to push each other and tease and pretend like you aren’t head over heels in love with each other
if only because that’s one way to show that you are, in fact, very much attached
and because even when you kiss in front of the group - jaemin still says it blows his mind
the only person who keeps reminding everyone that he saw this coming, even before you and chenle spent that summer locking lips
is renjun who looks at you and chenle and is like, “one day ill probably be helping plan their wedding.”
you and chenle look at each other and pretend to gag, wedding? no way? to each other? you’d both rather die!
and then you grin and kiss and tickle noses and disappear into a bubble of your own
every time you get to be alone though you whisper against his cheek that you love him, he knows exactly how to make you happy
and he reminds you hey - you taught me everything i know, that one summer all that time ago.
#we love this trope at least i do#nct scenarios#nct au#chenle scenarios#chenle au#nct dream scenarios#nct dream au#nct#chenle#nct imagines#nct dream imagines#chenle imagines#happy birthday kiddo!!!!!!!!#zhong chenle au#nostalgic!au
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