bruce allowing a reporter to do an article on him and wayne manor. so he shows the reporter around, and shows them the kids bedrooms.
starting with dick's old room, its fairly messy with a lot of photos of his friends and gym equipment. the reporter makes a joke about how most of the photos are redheads. bruce explains how dick stays here a lot so he leaves a lot of his stuff here but doesn't actually live here anymore.
then they go to jason's room where bruce just pretends to be super sad the whole time. emotional moment. the reporter like, gets down on her knees and does a little prayer for jason and jason is just, hiding in the cupboard trying not to laugh because he forgot he wasn't meant to be here today.
then tim's room. where tim is currently playing video games with cassie, bart, and conner. the reporter makes a comment about the bi flag above his bed and tim just stares at her threateningly in case she was about to say something homphobic, the distraction causes tim to die in the game, kon starts to swear as he was teamed up with tim, making bruce threaten to call his dad (kon: which one?) the room is also an absolute tip, and bruce basically just argues with tim about tidying up.
then to duke's room, which he has only just started moving into so its filled with boxes, but it is very overwhelmingly yellow and a little banner on the door that says "y'all need therapy, not me tho. im totally fine." and the door is covered in bee stickers (courtesy of steph, damian, and tim)
then to damian's room, where he is very casually sitting stiffly on his bed with a sword. the reporter is just. very confused. and damian turns his head and tells bruce to kick tim's friends out the house, and bruce is just like, "you're meant to be in school!?" and damian just utters the word "useless" and just carries on staring at his sword until they leave.
they then go to cass' room which has a little flippable picture of her (one side is her smiling, and the other is her with an angry face- basically just telling ppl if she wants them coming in the room- the sign is on the angry face one) and they enter to find her making out with steph. a lot of awkwardness and panic. steph goes on a rant about privacy and disrespect for wlw couples and calls bruce an "entitled, homophobic, billionaire brat." bruce makes them leave the door partially open and cass just rolls her eyes then shuts it fully when they've left.
later on in the tour, they go to the library and jason is just there reading. so jason does an absolutely terrible english accent and pretends to be alfred's grandson, offering them tea and calling them tossers. the reporter somehow buys it tho and they move on.
in the kitchens is duke, kate, and dick arguing about who's actually been kicked out the kitchen as someone threw away the list of ppl with kitchen bans. so now dick is burning stuff in the oven which kate is trying to salvage and its basically that scene in community and they're just full on panicking.
in the living room is luke helping to fix a wheel on barbara's chair. haley (dog) is scratching the sofa while trying to get into a comfy sleeping spot and a very disturbing horror film is playing on the tv super loudly. while bruce and the reporter are in the room, the main character survives and luke and barbara boo the tv repeatedly.
then when the reporter is leaving, alfred is behind them as they go out the front door, holding onto a cow with damian behind him shouting at him for not letting him have the cow inside.
the reporter is just. so so confused. she never goes back to the manor and doesn't submit the report because who would actually believe this is the bruce wayne's daily life??
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Rating the batfam by their clown tolerance
1. The worst is of course Jason as he has the heaviest trauma, he just can't stand the huge painted smiles and laugter
2. Then Bruce because he faced the Joker and his goons more times than the others, he punches on instinct when seeing a clown
3. Duke is after Bruce only because he doesn't have literal decades of beef with clowns but is very similar to Jason
4. Next is Tim, as the Robin after Jason he had instilled being wary of clowns
5. With Cass it's not as personal but she's on alert all the time and intentionally or not, clowns makes her tense
6. Damian thinks that clowns are stupid and silly and not worth of his time or attention
7. There was 7 clowns at Haley's circus and Dick considered all of them his family and this is the only association that matters. Besides, Joker and his goons don't even have eggs, they're not real clowns
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I adore Dick and Babs but imagine working with these two. The two smartest people in the room and they won't let you forget it. The two most shameless flirts who aren't afraid to clog your coms with fluff. The two with the longest history of working together, who are telepathically-linked and will not fill you in on what's going on. The two biggest workaholics who can be (almost) as hard on you as they are on themselves. The two who invented "we're not dating" behaviour that will make couples question if they are "dating". I'd be a bit scared to ask for their help tbh.
Also, just wanted to post these Young Justice cartoon screencaps because they're the only reason I watched season 3.
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To Aphrodite: was it hard raising Phobos and Deimos considering that they aren't love gods like the rest of your children and take more from their father to?
"No, it was pretty easy."
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Can I kiss you?
[DP x DC fic]
[Love at first... murder? - part 1]
Next >>
Ao3
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“—so sorry! I swear I didn’t mean to kill him! It was an accident! He just jumped me out of nowhere and I have had bad experiences with clowns in the past so when I saw it was a clown trying to kidnap me I kinda just panicked and punched him! I swear, dude, I didn’t mean to hit him so hard—“
Jason, much too calmly, likely in some form of shock, rises from the crouched-down position he had been in to check the clown corpse’s pulse.
He had seen the poor, still rambling, twink getting grabbed from a distance and was about to step in as Red Hood, not even having been aware it was the Joker who —shouldn’t he have been in Arkham? There has been no announcement of him breaking out yet— had grabbed the guy until he had run close enough to the scene.
Which was after the guy had already been startled so badly by the Joker trying to kidnap him that he sucker punched the Joker into the wall of the alley so hard the clown died.
Said twink then realized what he had done and that he had a witness, that witness being Red Hood himself, and had started his frenzied speech on how it was an accident and to please don’t take him to jail he’s only just started his scholarship at Gotham U. and he can’t have murder on his track record yet.
Breathless, Jason looks at the nervous twink in front of him, who's still trying to plead his case, and who just obliterated the Joker with a punch.
Before his brain can catch up to his mouth, he’s already cutting the distressed monologuing off.
“Can I kiss you?” He blurts out.
Danny, taken off guard, breaks out of his panicked—oh, Ancients, I just killed someone— stupor and lets out a startled laugh.
“Take me out to dinner first” came the automatic joking reply, Danny still largely in shock of what he did.
Jason, either not picking up on the joking tone or ignoring it, nods seriously, already trying to come up with the best place for a dinner date with the cute twink to thank him for his service to the city.
Danny, who has calmed down slightly by now, glances between the red-helmed vigilante and the clown corpse. His gaze lands on Red Hood and he hesitantly speaks up again.
“So, uh, what happens now? Do I need to go to the station to make a statement orrrr?” He pauses awkwardly.
Jason, who’s still trying to figure out whether the Bat Burger would be a good place for a first date or not, doesn’t reply.
“I’ve got school in the morning and I only have like,” he pauses to check his phone for the time, “3 more hours before I have to be up for my first lesson. Soooo, I’m just gonna go. That cool?”
Again, he waits for a reply. But it doesn’t come.
“Right. Cool cool. Uh, see you later? Mr. Red Hood dude sir?” Danny gives a clumsy and awkward salute before turning tail and speed-walking away.
It’s not until 30 minutes later, once Jason has finally decided on the perfect place to take the guy to dinner to, that he realizes the twink is gone.
Fuck, he forgot to ask for the guy’s name.
…
And number.
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