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house-of-galathynius · 2 years

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Sacred Heart - Chapter Twelve: Part One (Rowan)

Chapter Eleven

2.7k words

Song of the chapter: Strong- London Grammar

Rowan woke up on Sunday morning with a mixture of dread and excitement.

Aelin had finally allowed him to spend time with Maia and that in itself was something he had never expected so soon— especially after the icy interactions they had been having.

But his stomach filled with dread at the idea she would be spending the morning with whatever his name was. Rueben. The doctor.

Rowan had never though of himself as the jealous type. When he and Aelin had been together all those years ago, he had never felt threatened when she spoke to other guys— not even when she used to spend time with her ex-boyfriend.

And with Lyria, Rowan had never felt it. Even when he’d found out Lyria had been cheating on him; the jealousy had never appeared.

But now?

He was filled to the brim with it.

He chalked it down to the fact that it was because any man who came into Aelin’s life would have the potential to be in Maia’s life too. And he hated the idea that his daughter would have more than one father figure.

But maybe there was that small part of Rowan that knew it was more than just Maia. That his feelings about Aelin went beyond that of fatherly jealousy. That maybe Fenrys had been right when he’d told Rowan that he was still in love with her.

Rowan had refused to admit it at first. Of course he would always love Aelin. She was the first woman he had ever said those words to. She was, at one point in his life, the most important person in it… and now the mother of his first child. But maybe the love he thought was just in the background, something that he’d always have, was more.

And he’d been a fool. He’d kissed her when he was still engaged. It didn’t matter if he didn’t love Lyria anymore— even though their relationship had been empty and nothing but convenience since he’d found out about her affair— he had still been in a relationship. But that kiss had awoken something within him. He looked at Aelin now and he felt full with all the emotions that he’d had five years ago.

But when Aelin had spilled her heart out to him, telling him she still loved him, he had been stupid. He hadn’t replied. He might as well have just stomped on her heart and told her he hated her.

And then she’d said it again. She’d said she loves him, present. And instead of telling her that he loved her too and saying that he was a stupid man and letting them reunite. He had again not replied, instead begging her not to move on. To wait for him— as if that would be enough.

Rowan hated that she was with someone else. He knew that he had no right, but he hated it. He hated Reuben and his fancy job in the hospital, he hated that he was with Aelin, had seen all of Aelin and wanted more.

His phone ringing jogged him out of his thoughts and he tried not to groan as Lyria’s name flashed on the screen.

“Hi.”

“Hey. Do you have a moment?”

Rowan looked at his watch. He had to leave the city in ten minutes otherwise he’d be late. “I’m heading out in a second, so it’ll have to be quick.”

The phone crackled on Lyria’s side. “I’m going to do the paternity test now. Or not now, but next week. I spoke to Nolan and he’s willing to leave his wife and be with me… but not until he knows too.”

Rowan rolled his eyes. “How noble of him.” But then he realised his tone and he asked gently, “do you need someone to come with you?”

“Nolan is coming with me. But you’ll need to provide DNA samples.”

Oh god. Would Rowan have to see Nolan? He wasn’t sure he’d be able to behave accordingly.

“You won’t have to see him, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Okay. Well… Just let me know when I have to be there.”

He was ready to hang up but Lyria started to speak again.

“Are you going to see her?”

Rowan rubbed between his eyes. He’d been over this with Lyria. “I’m going to see Maia.”

“I never really stood a chance against her, did I?”

Rowan didn’t have time for this. “Lyria, you cheated on me. Twice. I’m not sure what you expected. But I’m not with Aelin, I’m not getting back together with her. She’s seeing someone else.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Rowan glanced at his watch again. “I have to go. Text me when you have the details for the test.”

He hung up and sighed. He had loved Lyria. After he had left Aelin he wasn’t sure he would ever be able to feel the same again— and sure, Lyria didn’t give him the same spark as Aelin had. But she had been comfortable and nice. He had fallen in love easily, although he had been clear to Lyria that he didn’t want to rush any aspect of their relationship. And maybe it was the lack of spark that made Lyria cheat, or maybe she just wasn’t as good of a person as he’d thought. But in some ways he was relieved it was over.

It took Rowan an hour to get to Aelin’s house. When he pulled up outside there was an unfamiliar car already parked there and Rowan could see the faint outline of someone inside. As Rowan stepped out of his car he got a good look at the person and realised it must have been Reuben. Rowan scrunched up his face and shook his head. Not the type of man that he had imagined Aelin going for. He was far too pretty and he looked way too pretentious for Aelin, the way he sat and the smug look he gave Rowan as he went past… it screamed asshole.

Rowan went to the front door where he rang the bell and waited a couple of seconds before Aelin answered.

Rowan tried not to look too enamoured when she opened the door. She was wearing a white sundress, hugging her in all the right spots, all her curves being shown off. The white of the dress complimented her tan skin and with her blonde hair flowing freely down her back, she looked like divine. He was in awe of her beauty and was frozen for a moment as he took her in.

But it took Rowan all of a second to snap out of it when he realised that the dress was not for him and how it would give easy access to Reuben. That his hands would be the ones to touch her— even though Rowan wished they would be his.

“Hey.” She said slowly.

He smiled tightly. “Hey.”

Aelin opened the door wider. “Maia is in the garden. I’ve left some instructions on the kitchen counter for you, along with various numbers. There’s food in the fridge and drinks and whatever. I’ll be back in like three or four hours. If you need backup, my parents are ten minutes away.”

He nodded. “We’ll be fine.”

Aelin looked nervous, but she nodded anyway. “I know.”

She glanced around Rowan to Rueben. Her smile brightened and she gave him a little wave. Rowans chest tightened. He used to be the one who would make her smile brighter, the one she would dress up for. He turned just in time to see Rueben blow her a kiss and Rowan’s jaw twitched.

“You should probably go before pretty-boy here get’s too lonely.”

Aelin glared at Rowan, but pulled her jacket from the hook and then placed her bag over a shoulder. She loitered at the door before finally taking a step down and looking up to Rowan. “Okay. Look after my baby.” She pleaded.

“Our baby.” He corrected, feeling a little satisfied. It was something that Rueben didn’t have.

“Sure… our baby.” Those words sent a jolt through Rowan. Aelin didn’t seem to notice his change in stance. “I’ll text you when I’m heading back.”

She gestured for Rowan to come in and before she could walk off, he stopped her and pulled her in for a hug. He didn’t know why he did it, maybe it was because he genuinely was grateful for the opportunity to see Maia, or whether he was making a point to Reuben, who Rowan knew was watching them from the car.

Aelin pulled away quickly and gave him a quick smile. “Well, have fun.”

“We will.”

Rowan watched her walk away, guiltily checking her out as she did. His chest burned when she got in the car and leant over the console and kissed him. His hands held her face gently and they held the kiss for a second too long for Rowan’s liking. He was sure that Rueben was making a point too.

He found it hard to tear himself away, only when his daughter shouted from the other end of the house did he finally close the door.

Rowan truly was having fun with Maia. Spending time just the two of them was something he hadn’t expected so soon; but Aelin had surprised him and he was thankful to her for trusting him. But his mind was somewhere else the entire time he was there. He couldn’t stop thinking about Rueben and Aelin. His mind thinking of all the things he could do to her— the ways in which he could touch her, the ways he could taste her.

Maia seemed to notice his distance and she had tried to pull him back to reality. For a five year old, she was very astute to the changes in his emotions.

“Daddy?”

Rowan looked down to his daughter and smiled brightly at her. “Sorry, I got distracted.” Distracted thinking about Aelin. Again.

“Maybe we can play this later. I’m hungry anyway!” Maia exclaimed. She pulled his hand and he allowed her to pull him into the kitchen where he made them both some lunch and then let Maia colour for a while.

Rowan realised this was the first time in five years he had been in the house alone. When he’d lived here with Aelin it had only been for a few months and the house had been a building site. But now it was a proper home— the home that him and Aelin had planned together.

He didn’t know whether she had realised, but she had done everything that they had talked about. Down to the colour of the rug in the living room and the tile in the bathrooms.

He left Maia in the living room, telling her he would be right back and he snuck off into the house. Whilst he had been upstairs a couple of times since being back, he’d never really allowed himself to look around. He noted the family pictures on the walls, admiring the photos of Aelin and Maia. His stomach flipped at the sight of a very pregnant Aelin with her parents. He had never been able to see her throughout the pregnancy and though her eyes held a sadness to them that he knew was because of him; she still looked incredible.

He eventually tore himself away from the photos and walked past Maia’s room and past the main bathroom until he poked his head around the corner of what looked to be a study. The room was pristine, the furniture and everything in it’s perfect place. He glanced around a little more and then went further down the hall and opened the door to what he remembered as the spare room.

This room was tidy too, the duvet and pillows all neatly arranged. The only thing marring the room was the large white box that was placed on the edge of the bed.

Rowan didn’t think of himself as the nosy type, but something drew him further into the room and he halted in front of the bed. His heart skipped a beat a little as he saw the swirling writing of a bridal shop name in Orynth. Was this what he thought it was?

His hand brushed the top of it and the lid shifted slightly, revealing a sliver of soft white fabric.

Rowan couldn’t help himself as he removed the lid completely and blew out a breath and carefully pulled the dress from where it was resting.

He let the fabric unfold itself and stared as the dress spread out. His stomach sank as he examined the beautiful piece of clothing. The intricate flowers that were sewn onto the skirt, the delicate lace and pearls. Rowan swallowed once and then, with all the care in the world, folded it back up and placed it back into the box, closing it back up quickly.

He’d assumed she would have sold it, or thrown it out. It occurred to him briefly that she might have used it if she had married— but it seemed that he’d been wrong. She’d kept it, she had made sure it was packed neatly away and had made sure it was looked after all these years.

Rowan didn’t need to see anything else… he didn’t want to see anything else. His heart was breaking because Aelin hadn’t been lying when she’d said she had been hanging on for five years— that there was a part of her that had been hoping he would walk back into their lives.

He strode from the room and closed the door.

Every moment since meeting Aelin again had been filled with nothing but regret and it was just as prominent now than it ever had been. He wished he’d stayed, he hadn’t lied to her about that. He wish he had come back from that walk the morning of their wedding day and found Aelin, to talk to her… to hear her voice and know that his fears were insignificant.

Maia’s voice brought him back to reality and he forgot about looking around the house, instead focusing on the best thing in his life. Maia had brought more happiness to him in the last couple of weeks than he had felt in a long time and even if everything else went to hell, at least he had her.

Maia had demanded he cut some carrots up so they could feed the horses at the bottom of the garden, and he watched on in wonder as his daughter carefully fed them and talked to them like they were her best friends. He let her stroke them gently and then he’d suggested they water the garden for Aelin— which Maia had been more than excited to do.

Although it had felt like five minutes since he’d arrived, when he checked the time he was shocked to discover it had been four hours. He had no messages from Aelin and he felt himself get angry at the fact that she hadn’t bothered to check in. So he found her number and bluntly asked when they would be pack. He debated ringing her, but he wasn’t sure he’d be able to keep his cool if he spoke to her.

Rowan and Maia headed indoors and she set up her dolls on the living room floor and Rowan spent the next thirty minutes playing pretend. Every car that past had him listening for the opening or closing of doors and when he finally heard them and Aelin eventually came in, he pretended to not hear a thing. Instead, laughing along with Maia.

From the corner of his eye he saw Aelin lean against the doorframe and when he turned to look at her he felt himself fill with disappointment and hurt. He didn’t even need to ask her to know what they had been up to; he was able to note the flush on her cheeks, the slight messiness to her hair. He felt the burning jealousy within, trying to consume him.

But he plastered on a big smile for Aelin, not wanting to give away his true feelings. And he thanked the heavens for Maia and her distraction.

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acourtofthought · 1 year

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Good morning!

Oh I had the displeasure of reading that Lucien's bond is false to Elain because it's the same as Lyria's and Rowan's.

They forget that Rowan swore an oath to Maeve, which is what she wanted. Did Azriel take any oaths? It's a joke.

Lyria and Rowan were in love and were going to have a child. Elain and Lucien aren't even alone together.

What was the intention of the Cauldron, Mother or even Koschei to do something like that and in the end come to nothing? because Elain is not with Lucien, and she is closer to Azriel. And she has the choice to refuse.

It's not the same as it was with Rowan who lost his wife and child. It's important to say that Aelin has always been very respectful of Rowan and Lyria's history, as well as Aelin's history with her former lovers, and that's something Azriel doesn't do.

Azriel doesn't mind hurting Elain when he says Grayson could be killed (okay we hate that human) and Lucien who did nothing but be polite and respectful towards her.

I can't understand what Azriel did so well or the load he has that deserves to be rewarded. Rhysand and Cassian suffered waiting for their mates, and they deserved it in the end because they gave space and respected their past and their choices.

This theory makes no sense to me. It's usually followed by Elain / Az and Vassa / Lucien as the real mates and Elucien was given a fake mating bond to distract them from their real mates. But Lucien is now in extremely close proximity to his "real" mate. As is Elain. And neither Elain or Lucien are really interacting with one another so......what would be the point of a fake bond between them? Fake bonds are meant to trick to people into being together yet Lucien and Elain are still not together. And he didn't need to be mates with Elain in order to witness her vision which caused him to go after Vassa considering he was being SA in Spring and abused by Tamlin. That was reason enough for him to follow Feyre to the NC without adding a bond to the mix. Not to mention the fake bond existed for Rowan and Lyria. With Elucien's bond, Az can scent it. Mor used her gift of truth on Lucien. The King of Hybern was surprised by the fact that Elain came out of the Cauldron with a bond. And if the King was working with Koschei, I'm sure he would have freed him from his lake with the Cauldron rather than leaving him there. We've also been given zero reason to think that Koschei was manipulating the King to do his bidding. If that were the case than why would he have cut a deal with Papa Archeron to allow Vassa to go fight the King of Hybern? If the King was dead than Koschei could no longer manipulate him. There's about a hundred things that don't add up with this theory.

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toestalucia · 11 days

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ok brief last event talk<3

Gallivan: I'm a corpse. There's no need to see me as a sacrifice.

thats the line i was talking about. lines that fks up gran <-guy who should be dead

like gallivans case is very different (he wasnt going to stay alive anyway?), but that doesnt stop gran from seeing him as alive either way? if anything gran struggles to accept the truth -> "we have to save you too" even though there's no way. (btw they should playable eurel cuz guy who was revived and guy who was on the brink of death is a fate ep thatd make me dizzy)

As Gallivan hurtles toward the ground, Captain and Elmott leap forward to save him. They reach out—only to grasp helplessly at thin air.

like.........(lines that were really important to me actually. <-still haunted by the weird 'lyria&captain let shinsa leave' decision

CONTINUING ON

captain being asked to end risette in mireille's event (fkd up) and abramelin holding onto the phoenix & thus being in the line of fire (also fkd up). i go over this so many times but gran does nooooot like the idea of others dying (pulls out the list of times captain has jumped off islands/ships to save ppl), and personally being the reason is like. worse. on that scale. obviously. hold on i thought about act3 aauuurrghhhhhhhhh okay anyway? in both those cases gran ends up not having to do it, but they were ready to do it. which i have no further words on but i do think about it sometimes (and both times it happened went 'oh no'). top100 things that are sure to haunt gran

#stardust speaking !#btw the eurel & fran scene under the moon was alrdy cool but then doing it again with gallivan & pituca??!?!?!? rly liked those shots #on one hand i should talk about it more properly on the other i talk about this literally. so much. LMFAO #gran is scared of dying and gran is scared of others dying thats always what it comes back to #sooooo personally. but the first hit not ending the phoenix i.....partly.....think should be cuz captain wavered<333 NOT entirely. but.#i do like them recognizing they werent fully resolute #<-which is Bad too cuz they know everyone was putting their all into everything & things couldve ended Terrible. but.#i might not fully commit to that i just think about those things from time to time #i love making posts where u have to squint to see what i mean (busy thinking about promise of wizard while writing literally anything)

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manonblaqkbeak · 3 years

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Complicated

Fking finally lol. I’ve had absolutely no motivation to read or write these last few days, but I finally started this last night and finished it now. Here’s Day 15--a bad day, and part 3 of the mini-series i have going for this month.

Part 1 Part 2

cw: none that i can think of, but if theres anything, pls dont hesitate to let me know!

1.5k words

enjoy!! :)

Aelin had been sitting in her car for the last twenty minutes, staring at the motel door. She had no idea what she was going to say to Sam, but she knew she had to say something.

Something like, “I'm sorry that your biological daughter calls another man daddy and papa.” Maybe Aelin should have put a stop to it once Olive had started calling Rowan that, but hearing Olive say daddy in her tiny voice with a wide smile on her face made Aelin's heart flutter, and the sweet look of joy when Rowan heard her say it made Aelin think that it wouldn't be too bad.

She had got caught up in the fantasy of it all, but it was hard not to be sucked down into. She still loved Rowan and they had been dating seriously for the last six months. They had been friends for five months after she saw him at the nursery, and things had been going so damned well. Rowan and Egan had moved into Aelin's place two months ago—the four bedroom house previously owned by Aelin's parents before they moved into a small home—and she got along fantastically with Egan; he had a bit more of an understanding that Aelin wasn't his biological mother, since Rowan still had the photos of Lyria during the pregnancy, and she was determined to never replace Lyria, but when he called her 'ma' or 'Lin', her face would break into a smile so big she thought that it would be a permanent fixture on her face.

Aelin wasn't stupid, however, she knew that people thought that she and Rowan were moving too fast—namely her parents and Aedion, but when she and Rowan talked about the future, it felt solid, like it wasn't just a fanciful notion, but something real that was only a few steps away from being able to hold in her hands.

She had never been with someone that was so loyal to her, someone that cared for her in the way that Rowan did. That looked past her outer beauty and saw Aelin for who she was, and encouraged her to go for what made her happy.

It wasn't always perfect, they had arguments for time to time, but they worked it out, and that had shocked Aelin at first, that Rowan actually wanted to work together to fix the issue, that he actually communicated instead of just letting the arguments fade away. It wasn't like that at all with Chaol, part of the reason why their relationship crashed and burned.

So she hardly thought twice about what it meant to have Olive call Rowan 'daddy', that to Aelin, she was just building a family and a future, but she was starkly reminded that her boyfriend indeed was not her daughters father when Olive called Rowan 'papa' in the middle of the lunch that Sam was invited to at their place and the silence that had descended between the three adults.

Aelin almost choked on the pizza that she was in the middle of inhaling when Olive said that, her daughter sitting on Rowan's lap because she had been fussy and didn't want to sit in her booster seat. Olive and Egan were blissfully unaware of the awkwardness that was emanating from Aelin, the brown haired boy paying attention only to the TV that was playing his favourite cartoon, and Olive had simply wanted more of Rowan's attention.

Aelin glanced at Sam and found that the look in his eyes was utterly unreadable, which was unusual since Sam was easy to read, but for the first time in the years that Aelin knew him, she had no idea how to decipher his expression.

Rowan had opened his mouth, to say what Aelin wasn't sure, when Sam waved him off, and resumed the conversation revolving around the classic car that Rowan was fixing in his rare free time. So Rowan, knowing that it wasn't the right place to have that conversation, continued where he left off before Olive uttered that word that had never felt wrong before but suddenly left Aelin wanting to sink into the floor.

And when Sam had left after lunch, Aelin had decided that temporarily avoiding the topic was the best move, and after helping Rowan clear the table, Aelin had given Olive a quick bath in order to think about anything else.

All Aelin had been able to think about was what if somehow, by letting Olive calling Rowan her dad, she had doomed her daughter into developing daddy issues, that she would grow up confused on how to feel about her biological father when all her life she had called another man dad.

Aelin banged her head against the steering wheel, wondering how a good, decent day had gone to a complicated mess in a matter of hours.

She stayed there for a while, until she realised that she needed to be the adult she was and left the car, knocking loudly on the white motel door.

The door flew open and Aelin was greeted by Sam, a small smile on his face. “I was wondering how long you were going to sit out there for.” Having no idea what to say to that, Aelin stayed silent and went inside when Sam invited her in.

Aelin worried at her lip, and sat at the tiny table by the TV. She truly had no idea what to say.

Sam sat across from her and took her hands in his. Aelin looked up and found nothing but openness in his warm brown eyes. “I'm not mad, if that's what you're thinking.”

Aelin blinked at him. While Sam wasn't a violent man, she wasn't expecting that. “How?” she managed to get out after a moment. “How could you not be mad? Your daughter is calling another man 'papa'.”

“I'm hardly Olive's father, Aelin, I'm aware that I'm not the most active dad, I've seen her only a handful of times since her birth and she's nearly two. It's clear that Rowan loves her, and that she loves him. I actually saw all four of you earlier today, at the park,” Sam added. “I was feeling nervous, like I always do before I see Olive, so I went to the park to have my breakfast. I heard your laugh and I turned, ready to call out to you, when I saw that you were having a picnic and I realised that you already had a family, that Rowan and Egan are your family, and that Rowan is Olive's father in the way that counts, in the way that matters, and that I'm just an intruder in your lives.”

Gripping his hands, Aelin shook her head. “Sam, you can't think like that, you're not an intruder. You're Olive's biological father, you're important.”

“And I'll always be grateful that I had a hand in creating her, but Aelin, I want you to look inside yourself and tell me truthfully, in ten years time, who do you see by your side, Olive's side? Because I know that it isn't me.” And it wasn't, Aelin didn't to look inside herself to know that. She was already thinking deeply about her future long before Sam's visit.

“I want you to know though,” Aelin said abruptly, “that I didn't deliberately set out to have Olive see Rowan as her father, that I did talk about you from time to time, but I-I don't think that she could make the connection that the voice on the end of the phone belongs to you. But I promise that if see ever asks about you, I'll tell her, I won't hide anything from her.”

“I know that you will,” Sam said, “just maybe tell her in a nice way that she's the result of a broken condom.”

Aelin laughed, feeling light for the first time since this whole thing started. “I will. Although I think I'll have to consult Google for that.”

Sam nodded, because even he knew that there were no books that could help with that conversation. “But if she never asks about me, then don't tell her.”

“Sam—”

“If Olive wants to believe for the rest of her life that Rowan is her biological father, then I'm okay with that. I'd rather her be happy than confused. Because when I heard Olive call Rowan 'papa', it felt right, like it made sense. And I know that's how you feel, too. And I know it makes no sense, but Olive somehow just looks like she's Rowan's daughter, you know? And I don't want to get in the way of that.”

Sam was far too nice for his own good. People as kind as him were hard to find. It was a miracle that in this life that she had met two men like that.

Aelin wiped at her eyes, the tears falling suddenly and fast. “How are you so nice when your father is a piece of shit?”

Sam snorted and handed her a tissue. “Years of therapy.” He took a deep breath, and in his brown eyes, the eyes that she had once fallen for so deeply, Aelin saw acceptance. “There's also something else...I was doing some soul searching before you came over, and I...I know that I'm not on the birth certificate and that I don't really have a say—”

“Sam, of course you have a say. Like I said earlier, you're Olive's biological father. You might not be on the birth certificate, but if you have opinions, then you can share them with me, I won't bite your head off.”

Sam gave her a tiny smile. “And I appreciate that, I do. But what I was going to say is this: if ever in the future Rowan wants to adopt Olive, then you and he have my blessing.”

Aelin stared at him for a long moment, letting the words sink in, and then the tears started again and Aelin's body shook with the force of her sobs. Because if Sam's father wasn't Arobynn, then she would have had the family that Sam was wholeheartedly accepting that she had with Rowan. And that he was willing to stand aside to let Olive have the father that she deserved.

Sam came over to her, hugging her to him as Aelin sobbed into his shoulder, running his hand up and down her back. Aelin had never let herself cry like this in front of him, she never really liked crying like that, but she couldn't help herself and couldn't stop herself for a long while. It was a good ten minutes later when the tears slowly subsided and Sam slowly pulled back, giving her a once over with his kind eyes.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes,” Aelin said, loudly blowing her nose with a handful of tissues. “I just...I wasn't sure what I was expecting to happen here tonight. Never did I think that you would offer something like that, Sam.”

“I would be just like Arobynn if I forced you to be unhappy, and I never want to be like him.”

“You're not,” Aelin said, “you'll never be like him. I hope one day, Sam, you'll be able to have a family of your own.”

Sam kissed her cheek, the gesture sending her back to when they were teenagers. “I hope so, too.”

Aelin stayed for a little while longer, just talking and reminiscing about the old times. And when she went home, she kissed him on the cheek, thanked him again, and told him that he would always have a special place in her heart, because without him, she wouldn't have Olive.

Sam repeated the sentiment, and wished her nothing but happiness with Rowan, and that he was glad she found him.

Aelin was glad she found Rowan, too.

X X X X X X

Aelin walked into her house, and was greeted by two ecstatic children, acting like they hadn't seen her for years. Aelin smiled and gave them their hugs that they desperately wanted. She went over to the kitchen counter where Rowan was preparing dinner—grilled cheese, that she knew very well had veggies hidden within, because Egan acted like vegetables were the world's most evil thing to exist—and kissed him on the cheek. He kissed her temple in response, and Aelin breathed in the homely scent of him.

“How did everything go with Sam?” he asked, moving about the kitchen to start the side salad.

“Great, and there's something very important that I have to tell you.” Rowan raised a silver brow, but Aelin kissed his cheek again and promised to tell him later.

X X X X X X

Aelin was more than ready to climb into bed and fall asleep, but she needed to tell Rowan about her conversation with Sam, so when they got settled and comfortable, Aelin told him what her ex-partner said.

Rowan was stunned for a moment, and she hadn't even told him the best part. “Truthfully, I was mentally preparing myself for Sam to punch me in the face after lunch, but to hear what he said to you, I feel like a fool for ever thinking that he would resort to that.”

“If he was more like his father, he definitely would have. But Sam is the polar opposite of Arobynn, and truly wants nothing more than for people to be happy.” Rowan smiled and took Aelin's hand in his, and Aelin relished in the comforting touch. “And there's something else,” Aelin added, and it was ridiculous, but a tiny part of her was nervous, that told her that Rowan wouldn't want Sam's blessing, that he wouldn't want to legally be Olive's father. “Sam told me that if you ever wanted to adopt Olive, then you have his blessing, because he wants nothing more than for Olive to be loved and cared for, and he sees that you're the one that can help provide her with that.”

Rowan looked at Aelin, and her own eyes watered when she saw that his were filling up. “I would be honoured to do that, Aelin. It would make me the happiest man in the world to have that privilege. And after we're married, we can start the process, and maybe one day, when Egan's a little older and he has a better understanding, you can adopt him too, because I know you like him just as much as I love Olive.”

“I do,” Aelin said, choking up. “That would be—” Aelin stopped, her mind finally catching up with what he just said. “Did you just propose to me?”

Rowan cracked a smile and kissed her. He pulled away just so, their noses touching. “Not yet, I haven't found the right ring.”

Aelin laughed joyfully, even as her tears overflowed. “Just to let you know, I'm not helping you out this time. You'll have to figure it out on your own.”

Rowan kissed her again and again. “Don't worry, I've already got a few choices in mind.”

“Good. Make sure its sparkles.”

“I will,” Rowan said, and took her into his arms.

It wasn't too bad of a day, after all.

#rowaelin #rowaelinmonth #my work #im jst glad i got it done lol

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bard-llama · 3 years

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Ciri contemplating on the Geopolitical chessboard that has formed: "Let's see, we have Meve in Lyria and Rivia, Anais could take up Free... Well, whatever... Temeria, Adda has a strong claim in Redenia, Skellige seems fine under Cerys, the Free Pontar Valley has Saskia, Kaedwen is leaderless, we don't care about Dol Blathanna... Stennis in Aedirn is a problem, but I'll find some way to get rid of him." Vooris is confused on why she would like to get rid of such a sycophant.

Ooooh, I like that! Like, politically, I think Ciri has to marry Morvran Voorhis, because we know that the Nilfgaardian nobles are displeased with the war and how much Emhyr has committed to it. So bringing in a daughter no one has ever heard of? Yeah, she would have to marry someone that appeases the noble families or she would face civil war.

Morvran was groomed by Emhyr as a potential successor (+ his dad was part of a plot to remove Emhyr and place Morvran on the throne, but he wasn't involved in it. Still, I might be a lil pissed if my mentor hanged my dad, even if my dad betrayed me). But we know that Ciri will be a very different ruler from Emhyr. She takes the throne wanting to make real change the way a lone witcher cannot, which likely means she'd enact a number of social reforms, even if she has to fight the nobility to get it through.

But all that is to say, Morvran's expectations of what his Empress will be like are probably wildly inaccurate at first, so he'd be very confused why she would get rid of someone who can so clearly easily be controlled.

But she doesn't want tools, she wants people. She wants to be able to make life better for peasants and nonhumans and other such marginalized groups. She wants to see leaders of other kingdoms that care about their people. That are reasonable and can be worked with. (That they all happen to be women is a happy 'coincidence'. But uh... turns out that in patriarchial societies, women tend to do a better job of not thinking with their cocks).

So there's the Free Pontar Valley with Saskia. There's Enid an Gleanna/Francesca Findabair in Dol Blathanna, Meve in Lyria and Rivia, and Adda the White in Redania/Kaedwen (Redania invaded Kaedwen and took over under Radovid). That's a lot of the North's real estate. All that's really left is Aedirn, like you said. And Stennis would be a problem, but it kinda depends on what state Aedirn is in. By which I mean, if Nilfgaard took over Aedirn after Demavend's death, even if Stennis was left alive (the coward probably ran from battle), then Aedirn would just need to be governed locally by someone loyal to Nilfgaard. Which some could maybe argue Stennis is, but uh... yeah, we know better. Also, he's a shit leader and if he was governor, then Aedirn is falling into ruin, esp after the invasion. So getting rid of him would be more like getting rid of an irritating beaurocrat. She could probably even do it without killing him, but where's the fun in that? Or maybe she extradites Stennis to Saskia and they put him on trial for the attempted assassination?

On the other hand, if Stennis takes over the throne after his father dies in W2 and somehow manages to not get taken over by Nilfgaard (which actually is possible, but only if we ignore the probable canon that Nilfgaard takes Lyria and Rivia too). Then you've got several strong (potentially) rulers and one weak link in the chain. But if Ciri wants to conquer Aedirn, then her army has to get there. Which is important for several reasons.

1) After the Nilfgaardian War + the White Frost, her army is... probably not in the best state. And Nilfgaard enlists their infantry, meaning if you're a farmer or whatever of eligible age and fitness, you are now fighting on the front for Nilfgaard. But a lot of their infantry dies (because they're inexperienced and not soldiers), which means suddenly her realm doesn't have enough farmers to bring in the crops or to sow new ones for next year. That's likely part of why Nilfgaard was demanding grain as tribute from conquered villages. But locally, they probably destroyed most of the crops ('cause walking an army over a farm will do that), so there's already gonnna be (already are) issues with famine in her empire.

2) If Ciri did somehow put together the fighting force to take Aedirn, she has to get there. This is getting super long, so I'll put the map under a cut, but the only direct way from her territory (i.e. all of Nilfgaard below the Yaruga + Temeria and Temeria's protectorates (Brugge, Sodden, etc.)) into Aedirn is north of the Mahakaman Mountains, through Iorveth's forest. Which means she's have to march her army all the way to the northern tip of her territory and then establish supply lines through a forest that is filled with monsters and murdrous squirrels (well, maybe).

Okay, I guess technically a second way to get to Aedirn would be to go by sea and then sail up the Pontar. But transporting infantry by sea is a huge undertaking, so it's still not terribly practical.

And, frankly, their ability to sail up the Pontar could be limited. Because they probably lost a lot of their navy during the White Frost thing, but also, it's in Redania's best interests to prevent Nilfgaard from accessing the Pontar. Even if it means blockading the busiest trade route in the north. Which doesn't exactly help with the famines.

Besides, even if Ciri's army could make land on the Aedirnian shore of the Pontar. That is a very narrow strip of land. Dol Blathanna is kind of on Nilfgaard's side, so they might agree (or not be asked) to letting an army travel over their land.

There is a river off the Pontar that goes to Vengerberg, so potentially she could make land there. But once again, that means supply lines dependent on waterways that she doesn't control.

So how does Ciri take Aedirn? Well, I'd say 2 ways, maybe 3:

1) Send in a covert strike team to assassinate Stennis and sweep in during the chaos. Which is good in that the strike team could probably get to Aedirn easily enough. But if she's going to occupy territory, she needs her army. Which leads to:

2) Try to encourage Meve to take over Aedirn, maybe even promise trade agreements and/or support to make it happen. The bright side: all that extra territory is not Ciri's problem and Stennis is still gone. The downside: well, if Meve is the expansionist sort (i don't know her well enough to say one way or another), then potentially Meve might try to conquer Dol Blanthanna (bad for northern stability and geopolitics, but not that big of a deal to Ciri personally) and might try to push Nilfgaard's border further south, because she knows that having an expansionist on your border signals future fighting.

3) Or, Ciri could negotiate with Meve, get permission to bring her army through Rivia to get to Aedirn. Some problems with this: Meve really kinda hates Nilfgaard, so is not likely to be inclined to agree. Ciri would have to establish supply lines through Rivia, which would at any time be subject to Meve's whims, plus probably attacks from the locals, who both hate Nilfgaard and might be short on food.

Hahaha, this is a very long and political answer, so sorry about that, but theorizing like this is really fun!

Maps:

Here’s the best map we have for the continent:

And here’s a map with some very messy political territories highlighted.

Okay, sorry it’s horribly messy, but essentially what we can see is that Nilfgaard owns the western side of the continent all the way up to the Pontar. Above the Pontar, Redania owns a HUGE chunk of land spanning east beyond Nilfgaard’s reach. Nilgaard owns everything south of the Yaruga and the territory west of the Mahakaman Mountains below the Pontar. (Just an interesting note: Mahakam was a Temerian protectorate, so technically Nilfgaard owns them. But having a city inside a mountain is not the same as getting an army across said mountains.) On the eastern side of the Mahakaman Mountains, we have the main territories that Nilfgaard doesn’t own. First, the northern border of Nilfgaard in the east is with Lyria and Rivia. Then there’s the huge chunk of land that belongs to Aedirn, except Aedirn might not have an heir to rule. And above that (previously a protectorate of Aedirn) is Dol Blathanna aka the elven state that Scoia’tael aren’t allowed in. Then, on the other side of a mountain range, the Free Pontar Valley lies between the Pontar and Dol Blathanna.

Which is all to say: Aedirn’s fate is very questionable, but they’re actually in a pretty good location to avoid being conquered by Nilfgaard.

#empress ciri #ciri #cirilla fiona elen riannon #saskia #queen meve #adda the white #francesca findabair #the witcher #geopolitics #politics #fic planning #ask

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loisfreakinglane · 2 years

Note

okay now give me your 5-10 femslash ships!!!!

oh my goodness gracious what a god tier ask thank you

THERES SO MUCH ROMANCE TO BE HAD!

1. amanita/nomi- partners in every scene! i fucking love their undying support for each other but also their scheming and investigating! SO MANY CUTE ANTICS!

2. eretria/lyria- legit perfect fantasy ship of dreams, the warrior girl with a super mysterious past and the princess running from her throne COMPLETE WITH A 'WILL YOU BE MY QUEEN' MARRIAGE PROPOSAL!!!!!!! they're so in love but they have to fight for each other and the whole world i am sO

3. olivia/tory [into the drowning deep] - this was a slow burn for sure but once we hit that climax and it finally hit me they were legit COMMITTING to this ship but also the mermaids were full on attacking and i was terrified we were all about to die EVEN ME!?!?! yeah they still stick in my heart and by god i hope the adaptation gets out of development hell and also they don't fuck up this casting plz plz

4. amy/lucy diamond [d.e.b.s.] - this movie is classic camp perfection and this ship dynamic is EVERYTHING. and whats more, is no matter how silly this movie is, the core chemistry and romance are entirely genuine and believable and I think that's what makes this movie work so unbelievably well. ALSO THEY'RE SO CUTE!

5. amira/sadie [princess princess ever after] - this is the cutest fucking comic and the romance is ADORABLE and I love the aesthetics and the storyline for these girls so much. two such different princesses falling in such presh adorbs love with each other...... I adore them

6. princess jing/xiao wei [painted skin THE RESURRECTION] - BEAR WITH ME I LOVE THEM the princess and the demon who needs her heart to survive GOD I DESERVED A MAKEOUT THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN LEGIT CANON

7. emily/maya [pll] - THEY WERE SO IN LOVE AND THEY DESERVED A HAPPY ENDING, such a god tier high school girls in love ship for me, and it should have been emilys flagship romance!!!!! her love stories peaked here for me i’m just saying

8. ha ni/hye young [surplus princess] - the way this was the core relationship of this series, and THE MOST important relationship ha ni had and should have been the love she needed to become human. I fucking love them and while I’m down for that love being platonic it absolutely should FOR ME have been a slow burn romance between a selfish internet and food obsessed mermaid girl and her human bff (AND THEY WERE ROOMMATES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

9. celia/evelyn [the seven husbands of evelyn hugo] - god this fucking book and the LITERAL DECADES these two spent in their dramatic fucking on again off again epic romance, I sobbed and laughed over these two I wanted to yell at both of them on occasion and I will neeeeever recover. and if the adaptation fucks them up I will lose my goddamn mind

10. gwen/mj [marvel comics] - THE LOVE IN MY HEART AND SOUL FOR A FUCKING DOOMED LOVE GOD GOD GOD TELL GWEN I MISS HER TOO

some major contenders tho! brittany/santana [glee] babs/tabs [gotham] isabela/manny [the five juanas] lenia/margrethe [mermaid] maddie/ryn [siren] isabelle/kat [strange empire] annalise/eve [htgawm] diane/goldie [goldie vance] KIDEN/LAURA [MARVEL] kate/renee [dc] cindy/diamond [dark angel] buffy/cordy [btvs] i’m sorry i will never stop i love romance!!!!!!! important aside tho I am AGGRESSIVELY stanning cheryl/toni and wildmoore from afar, even if I can’t bring myself to watch those shows in full (at this point? maybe ever? who even knows. me vs the cw)

#personal #herasyndlla #i'm positive i've forgotten sO MANY SUPER IMPORTANT ONES I WILL KICK MYSELF FOR LATER #but this is off the cuff

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captainsy-cookiemonster · 4 years

Text

Breathe

part 1

Just a little modern continent mafia arranged marriage au i had in my head. so far a smut one-shot, dunno if i'll continue.

Arranged marriage between my OC Lizzy (Often referred to by a pet name so it can also be read as Geralt x Reader) and mob!boss Geralt.

Summary: Lizzy is the daughter of a mob boss, kept out of the business, growing up as her daddy's little girl. When Lizzy and Jaskier's father dies, another clan starts to invade the Pankratzes' territorium. An arranged marriage to Geralt of Rivia is the only way to save both of the families' businesses from the new clan. Lizzy is okay with that, her fiancé is a handsome man, the only problem is: Lizzy is very shy, and literally unable to breathe, evertime she meets Geralt's eyes. He has an idea how to fix that.

Warnings: findering, powerplay, dom/sub relationship (not that heavy in the first part), male!dom, fem!sub, light bondage, multiple orgasms, loss of virginity, age gap (not that big), arranged marriage

Word count: about 7,000

Constructive criticism always welcome : )

This is for @princess-of-riviaa

___________________________________________________________

I had never expected for it to go like this. Even though family is important in our business, marrying for love was rarely a given. I had always thought that I would be spared. I have always been my ‘daddy’s little girl’. He kept me out of the business, so I couldn’t know that my family was on the brink of ruin when he died, three months ago.

Now that he’s dead and my older brother Julian - nicknamed Jaskier – is in charge, struggling to find his footing, with another clan was pushing us back, out of our territories. Yes, us. Not only my family is affected by this new clan. Lyria is divided into two halves, one run by my family, the Pankratzes; the other half was run by my future husband, Geralt of Rivia.

This leads me back to him. Every thought that I have leads me to the same thing – or person. Him.

Our marriage is more or less arranged. Jaskier had suggested that should our families unite we could push back the new clan, since he doesn’t know how to do it on his own, our father having left behind only a little group men. Who suggested that it would be best to do so through a marriage, I don’t know, but I know that somebody set us up. Well, Geralt had told me on our very first date.

In total, there had been four. Geralt is a busy man and he doesn’t have much for me except for meetings he holds with my brother. On the dates we had though, he had been a total gentleman, pulling out chairs in fancy restaurants and all that stuff.

I have no reason to complain, even though I feel like I’m too young to marry. I just turned twenty-one, while my fiancé was at the end of his twenties. The age gap doesn’t bother me too much, but thanks to how my dad treated me my entire life, I still don’t really feel like an adult, but more like an old teenager.

But I could also have it so much worse. My fiancé is, luckily, a total sweetheart – at least to me. This is not usual for a mob boss, especially not for one who took over for his father at the tender age of nineteen.

He is also very handsome, not that I pay too much attention to that, but it’s a benefit having a caring AND handsome man at your side, who will also become the most powerful man in Lyria someday. If I am more or less required to marry that man, then it’s good that he is nice. He is tall, at least 6’ 1” and broad, strong muscles not hidden by his tailored three-piece suits – making me feel tiny every time I stand next to him, with my total height of 5’5”. He has silvery-white hair that reaches down to his shoulders – weird for a man of his age, but, I don’t know, I found that extremely sexy. Strong jaw and cheekbones make his face look like chiselled to perfection by the gods themselves – and it probably is. And his eyes, oh his eyes. Every time I look at them, I forget how to breathe. The intensity of his stare makes my lungs stop working. Like literally, I have to look away if I don’t want to suffocate, if only that wasn’t so hard. They are golden, like liquid honey, shining with a glint of amusement every time I’m near him – he likes making me flustered. And I drown in his eyes. Every. Single. Time.

That is another reason I’m not so sure about the wedding; I’m still in the phase of the relationship where I blush and giggle at everything he says, unable to look at him for too long if I want to breathe. I like him, maybe even love him already, but I still feel like we’re moving too fast; our entire relationship developed within the last two months!

He on the other hand is so confident, about our relationship as well as his business, but he leaves me my space, realizing that I am not completely ready. He doesn’t force me to do anything –we only ever kissed twice, on our last two dated, when he dropped me off at my house – and I’m thankful for that. I said he’s sweet.

But he can also be oh so authoritarian. Ever since we got engaged, my brother lets me participate in meetings of the two bosses, because, the way Jaskier sees it, as a mob boss’ wife I have to at least know what’s going on in our territory. Geralt, to me, seems like he would rather I remain in that bubble of innocence I was brought up in, but he respects my wish to be informed about the business. It’s the reason I have to marry him (so early in our relationship) after all.

So, back to the meetings… they argue a lot, but never too serious; Jaskier being inexperienced and acting how our father would want him to, and Geralt all professional and knowing full well what to do. And, oh gods, when he speaks all serious about the business, or commanding his men, it makes my innocent virgin mind wander places my father would be very disappointed about.

But what can I do? That handsome man’s deep voice booming through the room, telling my brother to let him handle the situation, that he knows what to do. Ugh. It makes me clench my thighs together, and as this happens a lot, by now I know he had noticed. I see it in the little side-glances he gives me then, trying to supress a smirk but failing. When that happens I would realize that I had been staring, lower my gaze to my lap or shoes and blush violently. And he knows full well what he’s doing to me; enjoys it, even.

We are over at his house now; the three of us in his large office, for a change not discussing business, but our upcoming wedding. It would be in a two weeks at Geralt’s residence. Part of me is excited. I can’t wait to finally be his. Another part dreads the day I would be married off to a man I barely know. This combination makes my head spin.

All of the sudden, the murmur of conversation stops.

“Lizzy? Liz!” I hear my brother’s voice calling out, ripping me from my trance. I look up at him to see both men staring at me, expectantly. Jaskier has his arms outstretched to his sides in a questioning gesture standing in front the big desk, while Geralt is seated behind it in his chair, still so tall and broad, facing me and arching a perfect eyebrow. My breath hitches at the sight and I feel so tiny sitting on the office couch, blushing like the virgin I am under the stare of this perfect and dominant man.

Tearing my eyes from my fiancé to my brother, I just shoot him a questioning look. He pinches the bridge of his nose, fed up with my lack of concentration.

“Your dress…” he sighs exasperatedly.

Geralt only smirks, knowing that whatever the exact reason I hadn’t been paying attention, he had been big part of it.

“Oh, err, yes… my dress. It arrived yesterday, along with the shoes and the jewellery. Everything fits perfectly,” I stuttered out, hoping it was the answer he expected. Jaskier sighed, letting his shoulders drop and turned to face Geralt.

“A hopeless case,” he mutters to himself. It wasn’t the answer he wanted.

“Oh, we know, sweetheart,” my fiancé’s voice rumbled through my entire body, making me shiver slightly.

I look up at him, signifying that he had my attention, but not meeting his eyes, not wanting to suffocate. And when he looks at me with his brow arched like that, an arrogant smirk plastered on his face, I sure as hell wouldn’t be able to breathe. I concentrate on his lips instead – plush and pink – remembering what they had felt like against my own and wondering how they’d feel against other parts of my skin. My own thoughts cause my blush to deepen. I avert my eyes from his lips, trying to get rid of my thoughts. My eyes landed on his hands, clasped together, his slightly stubbled chin resting on top.

No! No, Lizzy, you will not wonder how they’d feel like around your throat or grabbing your hips so tight it’ll leave bruises. I repeat: you will not!

“The question was,” he continues, the smirk now stretching to a cocky smile, again knowing full well what he does to me, “when you’ll bring it all over, seeing that the wedding will be held here. It would only make sense for you to get ready here as well.” He explains it as if I was stupid.

“I-I’ll have it brought over here tomorrow,” I try to sound confident but fail miserably. This man’s effect on me makes me want to hate him, honestly, just that I can’t. Usually I’m not a girl to be at a loss of words – in any situation – my father having raised me sheltered, yes, but into a confident young woman. But around Geralt my mind goes blank.

“No offence to your men,” Geralt speaks up again, directed at Jaskier. “But,” he turns his head back to me, “would you really trust anyone other than yourself with this important task? I have heard that women tend to be very sentimental about their wedding dresses.”

There was something else behind his suggestion, but I couldn’t quite figure out what. Was it desire? Lust even? Was he tired of waiting?

My thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Come in,” Geralt’s voice booms. Again, I clench my thighs together at the command that isn’t even directed towards me.

The door opens and two men enter, holding a third between them. The third man is blindfolded and struggling against the other men’s grip, a bruise forming on his jaw as blood trickles down his nose and lip, staining the grey carpet.

Geralt knits his eyebrows together. This simple change of his expression makes the gorgeous man look intimidating already.

“Very sorry to interrupt, Sir. We caught him stealing goods,” explains one of the men.

Geralt sighs and rises to his feet. “Get him to the basement. I’ll deal with him once I’m done here,” he commands.

His voice is cold. It makes me recall why his men called him ‘The Butcher’. He may be sweet when it comes to me, polite when he talks to my brother, but when it’s about business he is coldblooded, calculating and merciless.

The men nod and drag the thief behind them, leaving the room.

Geralt speaks up again, warmth returning to his voice as he addresses Jaskier and me, “I’m afraid we have to cut this short. Seems like I have … business to attend to.”

He walks over to my brother, shaking his hand. “Sorry I can’t show you out. Until next time, Julian.” Jas returns the farewell and then Geralt walked towards me.

I rise to my feet at his approach, only to almost fall back as he stops less than a foot in front of me. I lower my gaze, but he lifts his hand to place his thumb and index finger under my chin, forcing me to look up at him. He stares down into my eyes, smiling when he hears my breath catch in my throat, sees my chest stop moving and the pulse in my neck quicken.

“And we’ll see each other tomorrow, my sweet,” he whispers, the low rumble of his voice making me shiver as I struggle to breathe. He chuckles at that and leans down to press a kiss to my cheek. I feel my face burn as he steps back. “Good night, darling,” he says sweetly as he leads me to the door, a hand on the small of my back, making my skin tingle, Jaskier following.

“Night… Geralt,” I breathe out, now finally able to, not trusting my voice to be any louder.

Jaskier leads the way towards the big entrance of Geralt’s mansion. Behind us, I hear his steps echoing on the stone floor as he makes his way towards the basement.

Once we reach home, it’s late and I go to my room immediately, undress and fall into my bed, not bothering to put on pyjamas. I fall into a dreamless sleep.

-+-+-+-+-

When I wake up the next morning, it feels as if only minutes had passed since I got into bed. Stretching and yawning, I drag my feet over the floor towards my bathroom and get ready for the day. I get into the shower and think about everything that could happen today.

I’m nervous. No, I am beyond nervous. That glint I had seen in his eyes yesterday, when he forced me to look at him, stealing the air out of my lungs, I can identify it now. It was desire.

This will be the first time in a while that it was just Geralt and I, alone, and I’m anxious about what he has planned. What will happen? What are his plans exactly? Surely not getting the wedding dress and everything to his place, I could bring that stuff when I get there on the day of our wedding. So, why is he so keen to get me come over?

Stepping out of the shower, I spread my favourite lotion on my freshly shaven skin, hoping it would moisturise it enough not to form dry spots or pimples as my skin usually tended to. Once I’m completely done getting ready, I collect everything I would wear at the wedding – dress, shoes, jewellery, and yes, also lingerie – and make my way towards the garage, loaded with three big boxes and a garment bag. I pick the SUV, hoping it would be big enough to transport everything wrinkle-free. In the kitchen, I find our driver and tell him which car.

“We’ll leave at noon,” I tell him and go back to my room. I know I should stay in the kitchen and eat something, but I’m just too nervous. So nervous that I’m afraid I could throw everything back up if I ate something.

My nerves are now fluttering, but there’s no turning back from what was going to happen in two weeks, no delaying. A few minutes before noon, I get up from my bed and give me a once-over in the mirror. I look and smell good; this fact gives me at least a little confidence. I smile and make my way to the garage once again, bumping into my brother on the way.

“Text me when you’re there,” is all he says before continuing his way to his office. After a few steps, he stops and calls out for me. “Hey! And don’t do anything I wouldn’t do,” he adds with a wink.

I blush and look to the floor. There is little he wouldn’t do when a handsome man or beautiful woman is involved. I keep walking and soon enough reach the car.

“Where to?” the driver asks.

“Geralt,” was all I manage to say, now that I can’t hide from my fate anymore.

It’s not that I don’t like him, or don’t want to marry him, but the thought of only the two of us alone… I don’t know. I’m scared to embarrass myself in front of him. He can be intimidating; both in the violent way – as I was just reminded yesterday – but also because he’s so much more experienced than I am. I grew up sheltered, was home-schooled, never had contact to men other than my family and our, err, staff. He on the other hand sure must have had a fair share of relationships, or flings at least.

“Miss, we’ve arrived.” The driver’s voice rips me from my thoughts.

“Thank you,” I whisper as I text Jaskier that I had arrived safely. “Can you wait here? I’m sure it won’t take long.”

“Sure, Miss. Do you want help with the dress?”

“No,” I give him a smile through the rear-view mirror. “I’ll be fine by myself. Thank you.”

Or, at least I hope so. I pull the boxes from the trunk and make my way towards the big entrance door.

Before I can knock, it opens to reveal on of Geralt’s men. With an ‘Allow me, Miss’ and ‘follow me’ he takes the garment bag from me and leads me inside, up the big, modern staircase and along a long corridor. He stops outside the door at the far end, knocking twice, sharply so.

“Enter.” I hear the familiar, stern voice call out.

The man opens the door and motions for me to go in. “Sir, your fiancée,” he announces from behind me.

I step further into the room. The first thing I notice is the large bed; not the owner of the deep, rich voice that has my knees go weak, who’s standing by the equally large couch in front of a modern styled fireplace. No, It’s the bed. We are in his bedroom! My nerves flutter.

Geralt only chuckles as he walks towards me, stopping right in front of me and reaching out for the man still standing in the doorway, taking the dress from him. My breath hitches at the proximity. I can smell his musk – mint and pine and him – and feel the heat radiating off his body. A shiver runs up my spine as a patch in my panties starts to dampen. Shit, keep it together, Liz!

“Thank you,” he directs at the man, who then leaves, shutting the door.

“You’re staring.” I hear him chuckle yet again. Making me flustered is a game to him, I suppose. I’m not staring at him, though. I’m staring at the bed.

“Wh-why are we i-in here?” I stutter, “Th-the whole house is-is yours. Why the bed-bedroom?”

“Hmm, sweetheart. I think you know, given you can’t stop staring,” the deep, rumbling voice fills the air. “But most of all –” he shrugs, “– Privacy.”

I finally tear my gaze off the bed and to the owner of the voice.

“You said you’d wait.” My voice is small, nothing more than a squeak, as I put the boxes of shoes and jewellery down on the couch table, while Geralt puts the garment bag away into the closet.

“Yes, I know. I did. But that was before I saw you clench your legs at everything I say, sweetheart. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I can see you want this.” He walks back towards me and grabs my face, gentle yet determined, lifting my chin to meet his gaze. “And yet, you can’t look me in the eye.”

His eyes are dark with lust now, a mischievous glint in them. I feel my breathing stop, swallowing hard. He smirks.

“Hmm, I can see why.”

But he doesn’t let go of my face, forcing me to stare back at him. When he finally lets go, I tear my eyes off him and take a step back, panting heavily.

He chuckles. “And I haven’t even touched you yet. You need to breathe, sweetheart,” he teases.

“I can’t,” is all I’m able to choke out, still breathing heavily from the lack of oxygen.

“We’ll see about that.”

I dare to look up a little, my eyes meeting his lips. They are stretched into a smirk. This man, I swear! Is he trying to kill me? Because, if he doesn’t stop, he’s going to.

One of his hands is on my chin again, gently tipping my head back until our eyes meet. My lunges refuse to work. I feel a warmth hover above my breast, as Geralt searches for a sign for him to stop in my eyes. There is none. I want this. He was right earlier: I want him. My body just refuses to work with me, – even though it wants him just as badly as my brain does – frozen by the sight in front of me. When his hand finally meets my breast I gasp, the breath catching in my throat, not reaching my lungs.

“Hmm, let’s try this again,” Geralt rumbles deeply, “If I drop my hand, will you keep looking at me?”

There is no way in hell I can look away from his intense stare, even if I wanted to, his gaze is locked on mine, and I can’t break away. I nod as much as I can with hand still on my chin. Then he drops it, running it down my cleavage, my ribs, my back and lower… I gasp aloud when he squeezes my bum, air finally filling my lungs.

“Ahh, there we go. Good girl.”

His praise makes me blush and I’m about to lower my head as his hand comes up again, stopping me.

“You are so cute when you blush,” he hums, adding darkly, “So innocent. I can’t wait to make you mine. To ruin that innocence. To lure out that dirty little girl that I know is hiding deep in there.”

Heat pools in my belly at that and I clench my thighs together, blushing even harder.

“Mhh, seems like you can’t wait either,” he breathes hotly, squeezing my breast harder and I gasp again. "But first, we need to fix your breathing, darling, don’t we? I can’t have you suffocate underneath me.”

Oh gods! My eyes go wide, my jaw dropping slightly, lips parting.

He lets go of me and steps back, even turning around as I’m breathing heavily. Once I am breathing normally again, he turns back to me.

“Do you trust me?”

I nod.

“Words.”

His voice is stern, - like the one he uses with his men – causing the heat in my belly intensify and my panties to dampen.

“Yes,” I finally bring out.

And then he is impossibly close once again, a gentle but dominant hand on my upper arm leading me closer to the large dark grey leather couch.

“Lay down. If you want to stop, say so. Got it?”

I am about to nod when I remember his command. “Yes.”

“Good,” he says, smiling proudly as he guides me to sit at first, then gently pushes me to lie down as he kneels above me, his eyes never leaving mine, not once.

“Sweetheart, I’m going to push your skirt up now, okay?” His eyes searching mine for a sign for him to stop yet again, but the lust in them dominant, still.

“Uh-huh,” I mewl, short breaths leaving and entering my lungs now.

He does as he says, tearing his gaze off my eyes. He lets his hands slide up my thighs so teasingly slow that I’m sure I’m going crazy. His hands reach the hem of the skirt, he lets his fingers slide underneath the fabric, squeezing my soft skin before continuing his way up, pushing my skirt further up.

I’m mewling for him, shallowly panting from just the thought of what he is going to do to me.

“Hmmm, lace panties. You knew this was going to happen, huh?” he groans – fucking groans! – once the skirt is pooled around my waist, his eyes now on the soaked patch in my panties, and he... licks his lips!

Finally being able to breathe, I answer, “Well, I suspected...”

He lets his fingers graze over the baby pink material on my hips, curling them to capture the waistband.

“You know… they are pretty,-” he murmurs darkly, his hot breath tickling the skin of my belly, making the muscles there clench as a shiver runs through my whole body, goose-bumps spreading. “- too bad I’m going to rip them from you.”

Before I can comprehend what he said, he pulls his hands to the side, the sound of elastic bands snapping, making me cringe.

“So much better,” Geralt sighs, pulling the light pink shreds off my body, exposing my untouched pussy to him and the cold air of the room.

Yes, untouched, well… mostly; I, uhh, I rarely touch myself, the risk of somebody bursting into my room at any given time – I’m not allowed to lock my door – way too high for me to give in to pleasure from my own hand. I had done it only four of five times in my life, all to the thought of the man who is currently kneeling above me, imagining how it may feel like. This right now, is far from what I had imagined, though – this is so much better.

He inhales deeply at the sight, his eyes then darting meet to mine, as I watch him, too captivated at the sight to turn away. I feel bare, in more than the obvious way, wanting nothing more than to push my legs together. No man had ever seen me like this, and now this animal is kneeling between my thighs, golden eyes fixed on me as if I was his prey. Oddly enough, it excited me more, making me whimper at the thought of him finally taking me.

“You’re so wet,” he breathes, voice low and rough, making me release yet another wave of wetness, “Smell so sweet.”

His hands reaching forward to palm at my thighs, inching inward, parting them wider for him.

Then he crawls up my body, eyes never leaving mine until we are on one level. His eyes tear off mine when he lowers his gaze to my lips, and I do the same, watching, as they get closer and closer until they finally meet in a gentle kiss. His plush are lips soft on my own, taking control, tongue sliding against my sensitive upper lip as he lowers himself to let me feel his weight.

The contact of my exposed lower half with his slacks makes me gasp into the kiss. Geralt’s opportunity to slide his tongue into my mouth, exploring. One of his hands wanders down my body, squeezing my still clothed breast and then continuing to my aching heat.

He breaks the kiss to stare into my eyes, wanting to see my reaction, leaving me breathless once again, as he slowly sinks one finger into my tight, wet, aching heat. I take in a sharp breath at the unfamiliar intrusion, causing the man above me to smile.

“You’re breathing,” he mutters as he pushes his fingers back and forth inside me. Oh no, I’m not only breathing, no. By the time he adds a second finger, curling them, he has me panting beneath him, all while keeping eye contact. When I feel his thumb brush over my clit, I cry out, unable to remain quiet anymore. Wet, lured sounds are all that is heard in this room, apart from my moans and panting of course. The room sounds like pure sin.

A pressure is building in my belly and my hips are rutting up against Geralt’s hand involuntarily. I’m a moaning mess beneath him, the pressure becoming too much for me. My legs are shaking and my hands are gripping onto his shoulders.

“Good girl. Cum for me,” the deep voice coos from above me, all I can see is his eyes, those beautiful golden eyes, before my eyes roll back into my head and I see stars dancing. I cry out, his words sending me over the edge, the pressure bursting, my whole body tensing and twitching as whole body and mind is filled with enormous, indescribable pleasure.

He keeps working his fingers inside me, guiding me through my first orgasm of that night (or day). I whine at the loss of him inside me, and open my eyes. But the sight in front of me is sinful. Geralt’s eyes are locked on mine as he pushes his fingers, coated with my juices, into his mouth, groaning when he tastes my essence on his tongue.

“Fuck, baby, you taste amazing,” he groans, pulling his fingers out of his mouth and licking them clean.

I stare up at him, wide-eyed and panting. Why do I find this so fucking hot?!

Dropping his hand to cradle the side of my head, supporting his weight on his elbows, he smiles down at me, proudly. “See? You can breathe, even while you look me in the eyes. Wasn’t so hard, was it?”

He’s right, I’m breathing now while staring into his eyes, panting even. He has lied down between my legs while I came down from my high, careful not to crush me, but wanting me to feel his weight on my body, his power. And now… I can feel something pocking my thigh.

“No, but something else sure is,” I giggle.

I wiggle my hips against his bulge, causing him to groan. The pressure of his hot, hard, and – what feels like – huge member, along with the sweet sound my movement elicits from him, lights the fire inside me once again. I feel weirdly confident now, after being completely vulnerable underneath him, seeing the effect it has on him.

“Okay, that’s it,” he says, more to himself, as he sits up and pulls me with him, tugging my shirt off my body as he goes, leaving me sitting in my baby pink lacy bra, matching my panties and the skirt still hiked up around my waist. His movements are quick. He reaches behind my back and undoes my bra, flinging it I-don’t-know-where.

He stands up and pulls me with him, his hands on the small of my back as he unzips my skirt, letting it pool around my feet, still in heels.

Then, he picks me up and throws me onto the bed, my shoes falling off in the process. I bounce as my body hits the soft surface, staring at him wide-eyed as he rids himself of his suit. The blazer goes first, then the vest, both items dropped to the floor. His tie however, he loosens and pulls over his head instead of undoing it, dropping it onto the bed. I clench my thighs together, already suspecting what he’ll use it for.

When he pulls off his dress shirt, revealing his toned chest and stomach, I forget everything we had just achieved in the last ten minutes. My breathing stops at the sight of his pecks, abs and biceps – I’m pretty sure I was drooling – and at the way the muscles flexed when his hand moves to push down his slacks and boxers in one go. I mean… I already knew he was well built, his suit hiding little, but really seeing him in all his glory… it makes me clench around nothing.

I gasp when his member springs free, long and thick, as it stood proudly against his stomach.

My legs widen instinctively, my body acting on its own, exposing my glistening, wet, waiting heat to the man before me. Though, I’m not sure if he’s going to fit. He really is big, huge even.

“Good girl,” he praises as he walks towards the bed, taking his time, teasing, enjoying the sight of me squirming and shaking with anticipation in his sheets. He crawls up the bed, the tie in one hand, settling between my legs, his hot and hard member nudging against my inner thigh, so close to where I so desperately need him. I roll my hips up against him, desperate for some friction. He leans down to suck on my neck and reaching for my hands, pulling them through the noose his tie created and pulling it tight. Geralt lets my tied hands drop to the pillows above my head and leans over to the side, reaching out to his bedside table. I hear a drawer open and close. And then, he sits up again, catching my gaze, his face serious despite his arousal.

“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asks, his voice sweet but somehow just as serious as his face.

“Uh-huh,” I nod, my brain too clouded from the sight above me to form a proper thought besides that I want – need – him.

Geralt smiles a little and rolls his eyes.

“Words, sweetheart. I need words. You’ll be a lot of work, I can see that already,” he mutters the last part more to himself. My hazy brain lets his remark slip, but work? What does that mean?

Finally able to form a response I breathe a ‘yes, I need you’, spreading my legs wider for him for emphasis.

He rolls the condom on his – I’ve never seen a naked man before, so I had no idea what was the average, so to me he is enormous – member, and leans down to capture my lips in a sweet kiss before pulling back.

“I’m not going to lie, this will hurt. If you want me to stop or go slower, tell me,” he mutters against the skin of my neck, right at my pulse point – he can probably feel how fast my heart is racing at this point.

I look into his eyes and take in a deep breath through my nose – proud of myself that I was able to do that now – releasing it through my mouth before answering.

“I will. I trust you.”

That is all he needs to push my leg to rest against his hip, his grip tight, and guides his length into my aching core. He pushes in slowly and I yelp out in pain. He was right, it hurts; oh and how it hurts.

He’s barely inside me, only a few inches, but the violent stinging as he stretches me, farther than his fingers could ever prepare me, brings tears to my eyes.

His eyebrow twitches. He looks almost guilty as he halts his movements, giving me time to adjust.

“Shh, you’re doing amazing. Just relax, baby. Breathe. Yes, good, just like that. Good girl,” he praises me. I nod a little, signifying for him to continue, and he pushes further in.

“Shit, you’re so tight. Fuck,” he almost hisses, audibly strained.

“No,” I pant out, “You’re just so big.”

Probably we’re both right… he’s large and I’m, well… a tight, little virgin.

He leans down to kiss me again, forcefully, making my head spin, and sheathes himself inside me with one quick thrust of his hips, splitting me open for him in one fluent movement. I cry out into the kiss and his lips leave mine, forcing himself to bite back a groan as he impales me fully, kissing away all tears that manage to spill from my eyes. Geralt rests his forehead against mine, breathing heavily. I mirror his breath, my nails digging into the fabric of his tie, hands obediently above my head.

We remain like this for a few moments, kissing until the stinging ebbs away and is replaced by hunger. I need some friction, need him to move. How is he not going crazy by now?

I roll my hips up, begging for him to do something, and Geralt catches on to my drift immediately, visibly relieved I’m ready now. He pulls his hips back a little and pushes back in, slowly. The feeling is unfamiliar but not uncomfortable, and I push my hips into his, a small moan escaping my lips.

Geralt pulls back again and after a few careful thrusts, – which admittedly hurt, but even that pain is soon replaced by nothing but pleasure –, he picks up the pace. At first, I’m trying to meet his thrusts, but as he grows faster, I find myself unable to. Soon enough, one of his hands wanders down to my hips, pinning them in place as he drills into me roughly. I let the beast of a man above me work as I struggle against the tie around my wrists. All I am able to do is moan for and clench around him, hoping I’m making him feel just as good as he’s making me. But judging from his almost animalistic groans and grunts, I think –

“Ah, shit, baby, you feel so good around my cock, so fucking tight!”

I wrap my legs around his waist, the grip on my hip tightening surely leaving marks, as I clench around his cock, causing him to groan as he sucked hickeys along my cleavage. I’m a moaning mess underneath him, struggling to keep my eyes focused on his, let alone open. But his stare was so intense as he fucks into me, that I can’t look away. As he notices me struggling, though, he slows, his thrusts becoming deeper instead, but never losing their force.

The head of his member brushes over an especially sensitive spot inside me and I cry out, seeing stars.

“Found it,” Geralt lets out a strained chuckle as my walls clench tighter around him. He concentrates on hitting that one spot within me, my moans rising in pitch as my walls continue to clench around his impossibly hard, pulsing length. I dig my nails into his tie as the pressure in my belly grows rapidly. He shifts a little, his pubic bone now brushing against my clit with his every move. A few more slow and deep thrusts, stimulating both my clit and my g-spot, all while his tongue works on my breast, predator eyes still peering up at me, are too much for me. The pressure is threatening to burst. My walls quake around his pulsing length. I am close. So fucking close.

“Come on. Let go. Cum on my cock, baby.” A voice grunts hotly into my ear, warm breath fanning the side of my face and my eyes shoot open. When did I close them? Doesn’t matter…

As my eyes open, they’re met with Geralt’s beautiful golden ones. The intensity of his stare along with his words and the sensation of him still moving deeply inside me make me lose it. Something inside me explodes, making me see galaxies. I clench hard around him, crying and moaning out, chanting his name – the only word I can remember right now. White-hot pleasure engulfs me as I feel his hips stutter then halt above me, groaning deeply as I feel him swell inside me, shooting his load into the condom.

He collapses on top of me, catching himself on his forearms not to crush my shaking and heaving body. We’re both panting and sweaty as he kisses me sweetly on the lips, before rolling off me, pulling out in the process.

I whimper a little at the loss of him, suddenly feeling empty, incomplete. He pulls off the condom and throws it away in the bathroom, then lies down next to me and pulls me onto his chest, untying my wrists. I’m still dazed from the two mind-blowing orgasms I had, absently playing with the soft curls and tracing the scars on his chest.

“That was amazing,” Geralt panted out, “You did so good, baby, took me so well.”

I blush at the praise. He had done all the work; I didn’t do anything besides letting him feel how good he made me feel. Suddenly, I’m overcome with tiredness, supressing a yawn. My fiancé chuckles, pulling me to lie in top of him. We lie in comfortable silence for a while, enjoying each other’s company and the warmth that radiated off our bodies, seeping into one another. I think I even dozed off for a few minutes – when he speaks up all of the sudden, even though it was only a whisper, I’m startled.

“Stay with me.”

I’m confused. I had done no attempt to get up, his arms around me even preventing me from doing so, even though I don’t want to leave. I wish I could lie on his chest for forever; he’s just to comfortable and warm, the embrace of his big, strong arms making me feel small and protected. My tired brain doesn’t quite understand what he means by that.

“I wasn’t going t-“

He interrupts me. “That’s not what I meant,” he chuckles at my confusion. “Stay. Move in with me. I don’t think I can wait two more weeks. I want you here with me. I can have your stuff brought over by tomorrow. And I’m sure your brother would agree with me that it would be best for our relationship if we lived together before the wedding, getting used to each other.”

He’s right. It would be better if we spent more time together, alone. Hell, if he hadn’t insisted on me coming here today, I would have suffocated on our wedding day – latest in our wedding night. I really want to stay with him, to spend every second with him, now that I wasn’t scared to choke anymore. Fuck! I think I really love him.

“Mhhh, yeah,” I hum, snuggling even closer to him, resting my head in the crook of his neck, pressing a gentle kiss to his stubbly throat, the short hair tickling my lips. I close my eyes again, slurring words, already half asleep, “I want to stay here with you, too.” Before I know it, I’m fast asleep.

=================================================

this is my first try at writing dom/sub (not that heavy in the first part, but later)

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missfay49 · 4 years

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Who is Orange?

Disclaimer: Please enjoy? Accept? Beware? This… Thing that started out as character analysis and turned into a deranged fanfic, because I experienced a literal revelation mid-way through free writing. I did not clean this up much because I’m still reeling from the theory implications myself. I cursed a lot.

What does Orange Side represent?

What do we know?

Orange is a “Dark Side”, defined as being one of the Sides hidden from C!Thomas.

The other Hidden Sides were Janus, Remus, and Virgil.

All the Hidden Sides were hidden due to a key aspect of their character that C!Thomas had to first acknowledge and then accept. Virgil required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had heightened anxiety and accept that anxiety isn’t inherently wrong, just a different form of information that can be processed. Remus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he had intrusive thoughts and accept that those thoughts don’t make him evil; they’re just thoughts. Janus required C!Thomas to acknowledge that he was capable of lying and accept that acting “selfishly” sometimes isn’t just okay, but actually critically important to managing stress.

What are the common themes here?

Confronting the reality about ourselves instead of pretending some traits don’t exist.

Understanding ourselves to be more complex than ‘good’ and ‘evil’.

Addressing mental health.

Orange Side is still hidden, but we can expect him to be something C!Thomas doesn’t want to (or isn’t ready to) acknowledge. Something that would be difficult to accept about oneself. All Hidden Sides fall under the jurisdiction of Janus, so let’s take another look at him.

In “Can Lying Be Good?” we get a lot of information about what Janus’ purpose is:

Roman: It you really don’t want to know something, he… can keep our mouths shut.

Logan: You don’t want to believe it. That’s where his power comes from. Things that you want to believe. Things that you wish were true. And things that you wish weren’t.

Deceit: What you don’t know can’t hurt you.

This all means that Orange Side is something that would cause C!Thomas distress to learn and something he subconsciously wishes weren’t true. This is not new information to most of you: the spin-off interpretations of Apathy and Pride are widely popular fandom theories, traits that are typically viewed as negative in large doses.

But the Hidden Sides being seen as something negative isn’t their only defining characteristic. They typically involve an aspect a mental health, involve societal expectations, and... what is it...

Janus is the umbrella over all the other Hidden Sides, sheltering and obscuring them from view. He is the gatekeeper in a very literal sense. What is he gatekeeping?

What is it? What is it what is it, why? What does he do? What seems bad but isn’t? What can he do? What issue is actually useful? What’s useful what’s useful WHATS USEFUL WHATS USEFUL?! WHY DOES IT HAVE TO USEFUL?

shitshitSHITSHISTHISTSTs

I KEPT ASKING MYSELF, WHAT’S USEFUL? WHAT TRAIT COULD IT BE THAT APPEARS BAD, BUT ISN’T BAD, IS ACTUALLY USEFUL. ANIEXTY WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE WAS JUST LOOKING OUT FOR US. LYING WAS OKAY BECAUSE HE JUST WANTED TO PUT C!THOMAS FIRST. INTRUSIVE CREATIVITY WAS OKAY BECAUSE DARK IDEAS OPEN UP NEW PATHS.

But the whole GODDAMN POINT is ACCEPTANCE!

You don’t HAVE to be useful to be accepted. You – yuo just BE. YOU BE!

PEOPLE don’t have to prove their Usefulness to you before you can treat them with respect. Our WORTH does not depend on what we PRODUCE. YE GODS, THE COGNITIVE DISSONANCE I JUST BROKE-

~~~

C!Thomas comes back from his self-care stay-cation. He’s ready to start production, he is rested and refreshed. BUT JUST LIKE EVERY PREVIOUS DILEMMA, it isn’t Good enough, Original enough, Fast enough. He’s done everything right, why is it still wrong? He’s accepted his anxiety, he’s accepted that things aren’t just black and white, he’s Accepted That It’s OKAY to have Dark Thoughts, he Has ACCEPTED SELF_CARE. Why Isn’t IT ENOUGH?!

“Fuck it.”

C!Thomas spins in his chair, looking at a man that looks just like him, but not quite.

“What?”

“Fuck it. Fuck them.”

“You sound like Remus,” Thomas jokes. He’s lying, of course. He’s nervous. The Side looks like a normal guy, but something about him is unsettling. The unidentified Side just presses his lips together, unimpressed.

“Um, ef w-who, exactly?” Thomas asks, but part of him already knows.

“All of them. Every person who isn’t you. Every person who expects something from you.”

“Now, you sound like Janus.” Thomas looks back at the computer screen, but the Side’s retort has him spinning around again.

“Janus is a short-sighted pseudo-rebellious minion of a capitalistic society, just like the rest of them.”

“Uh, excuse me?!”

“Isn’t it obvious? They’re all obsessed with Success. Whether they want to play by the rules, or manipulate them, or break them, whether it’s making money or pumping out good deeds, they’re still just trying to make you be successful within the framework of a system that prioritizes production over a human life.”

Thomas just stares for a moment before he can find his voice.

“Who are you?”

“Dude, seriously?” He waves his hands, palms up and presenting himself. “I’m Achilleus. I’m your motivation.”

~~~

Take a deep breath and follow me down the research black hole, where every topic I looked up was more and more terrifyingly appropriate:

Freedom

noun

the power or right to act, speak, or think as one wants without hindrance or restraint.

Self-Determination

noun

the process by which a person controls their own life.

Autonomy

noun

(in Kantian moral philosophy) the capacity of an agent to act in accordance with objective morality rather than under the influence of desires.

Autonomic Nervous System (because i believe each Hidden Side is closer to the subconscious)

noun

the part of the nervous system responsible for control of the bodily functions not consciously directed, such as breathing, the heartbeat, and digestive processes.

Inherent Value

“inherent value in the case of animal ethics can be described as the value an animal possesses in its own right, as an end-in-itself” – Animal Rights – Inherent Value, by Saahil Papar

Intrinsic Value

“Intrinsic value has traditionally been thought to lie at the heart of ethics. Philosophers use a number of terms to refer to such value. The intrinsic value of something is said to be the value that that thing has “in itself,” or “for its own sake,” or “as such,” or “in its own right.”” – Intrinsic vs. Extrinsic Value, by Michael J. Zimmerman and Ben Bradley

“Finally, his sense of respect for the intrinsic value of entities, including the non-sentient, is the Kantian notion of the inherent value of all Being. This is based on the notion that a universe without moral evaluators (e.g. humans) would still be morally valuable, and there is no reason not to regard Being as inherently morally good.” – Technology and the Trajectory of Myth, by David Grant, Lyria Bennett Moses

Motivation

“Another way to conceptualize motivation is through Self-Determination Theory … which is concerned with intrinsic and extrinsic motivation. Intrinsic motivation happens when someone does something for its inherent satisfaction.” – Second Language Acquisition Myths: Applying Second Language Research to Classroom Teaching, by Steven Brown, Jenifer Larson-Hall

Capitalism

“The flowery language of the United States Declaration of Independence would have you believe that human life has an inherent value, one that includes inalienable rights such as “life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.” But in America, a major indicator of value is actually placed on being a productive member of society, which typically means working a job that creates monetary revenue (especially if the end result is accumulated wealth and suffering was inherently involved in the process).” – The Diminished Value of Human Life in a Capitalistic Society, by Seren Sensei

Religion

“At the heart of the debate between Calvinism and Arminianism lay the insurmountable chasm between God’s sovereign election versus human self-determination.” – Sovereignty vs. Self-determination: Two Versions of Ephesians 1:3-14, by Reformed Theology

Mythology

“In Classical Greece, Achilles was widely admired as a paragon of male excellence and virtue. Later, during the height of the Roman Empire, his name became synonymous with uncontrollable rage and barbarism… He chooses kleos (glory) over life itself, and he owes his heroic identity to this kleos. He achieves the major goal of the hero: to have his identity put permanently on record through kleos…

“But is this really an accurate characterization of Achilles' pivotal decision? Is he really driven to sacrifice his life by an obsessive quest for honor and glory? One scene in the Iliad suggests the answer to both questions is no.

“When Achilles leaves the battlefield after his dispute with Agamemnon, the Trojans gain the upper hand on the Greeks. Desperate to convince their best warrior to return, Agamemnon sends an envoy of Achilles' closest friends to his tent to persuade him to reconsider his decision. During this scene, Achilles calmly informs his friends that he is no longer interested in giving up his life for the sake of heroic ideals. His exact words are below:

“The same honor waits for the coward and the brave. They both go down to Death, the fighter who shirks, the one who works to exhaustion (IX 386-388)…

“Not only does Achilles reject the envoy's offers of material reward, but he rejects the entire premise that glory is worth a man's life.” – making sense of a hero’s motivation, by Patrick Garvey

Achilles (/əˈkɪliːz/ ə-KIL-eez) or Achilleus (Ancient Greek: Ἀχιλλεύς, [a.kʰilˈleu̯s])

Achilles realizes his own inherent self-worth, thereby freeing himself from the expectations of others; societal or otherwise. Only once we are free can we find the balance between our own needs and the needs of others in a way that breeds neither anger nor resentment in either.

~~~

But that’s... that’s just... a theory. Huh.

#sanders sides theory #orange side #orange side theory #sanders sides #character thomas #cursing tw #swearing tw #dark sides #the others #janus sanders #virgil sanders #remus sanders #orange sanders #caps tw #name theory #long post #missfay #my writing

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house-of-galathynius · 2 years

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Sacred Heart - Chapter Eleven

Chapter Ten

5.3k words

Song of the chapter: He Ain’t You - Allegra

Thursday came around faster than Aelin had anticipated. After her disastrous meeting with Rowan she had sent an email to Lyria explaining she could no longer work on their wedding and had heard nothing back from her.

Rowan on the other hand, had happily picked Maia up from school on Monday and Aelin had let them spend time together whilst she had pottered around the garden and caught up on house chores that had been piling up. And despite Rowan’s admission, he had been civil and had thanked Aelin with a short hug and promised he would sort everything out.

That had been three days ago, and it had been silent from his end too. But Aelin wasn’t going to push it, she didn’t need to get involved unless completely necessary and she was couldn’t keep getting invested in how he was feeling.

Instead of focusing on that drama, she had gone to Lysandra and Aedion’s during her lunch breaks and relieved her stress by cuddling Theo until Lysandra had to pry her son out of Aelin’s arms and shoo her back to the office.

Reuben had been working nights but their conversations had been constant and they’d even managed to call each other a few times before he had to rush off. Talking to Reuben made her feel like she was a teenager again. He made her giggle like a school girl and she was constantly blushing to everything he said— she was glad he couldn’t see her face because she couldn’t help but think he would be put off by it.

On the day of their date she had taken a half day at work and had enlisted the help of Lysandra and Elide and they all had gone over to Lysandra’s. Aelin had taken the time to get ready and let her friends pick an outfit for her. Aelin prided herself on her style and always looking good, but having her friends opinions were important, especially when it came to going on the first date she’d been on in at least two years.

“I think you need to try on the black dress again.” Lysandra said from the chair in the corner, where Theo was tucked in her arms being fed

Aelin smoothed down the baby blue slip dress she had on and turned in the mirror to inspect. She scrunched her nose up at the suggestion of the black one she had tried on about three times.

“I think the black is too… sexy? We’re not going clubbing, we’re just going for dinner and then a walk along the river.” She turned to her friends. “But I can chuck a denim jacket over this and wear the sandals and it’s semi-casual, but smart enough.”

Elide studied her for a second. “How about the white jeans and the dark blue top with the heels?”

“I can’t walk far in those shoes. What about the blue sandals?”

Lysandra nodded. “I think that could work. Then take the cardigan in case it get’s chilly after dinner.”

Aelin glanced at her phone and her eyes widened when she saw the time. She hastily changed into the outfit and brushed through her hair and then switched her bags and took one last look in the mirror.

“You look hot, Aelin.” Lysandra laughed as she calmed down Theo who had started to cry.

Elide nodded in agreement. “She’s right. You look amazing so don’t stress.”

Aelin blew out a breath. “I’m really nervous. It’s been so long since I’ve dated.”

“Just be yourself. You’ll be fine.”

Aelin laughed lightly. “Thanks for that pep talk.” She smoothed her hair down and then turned to her friends. “Okay. Wish me luck.”

Her friends shouted their good luck to her and she was out the door and in a taxi on the way to the restaurant. They were going to a Korean barbecue place which Aelin had suggested and he’d been more than happy to go. He’d then suggested they take a walk along the river and try and catch the sunset. It all sounded super romantic and Aelin was terrified. Romance hadn’t really been on her agenda for a while and she wasn’t sure how she was meant to act. Her experiences since Maia had been born were far and few between and most of them involved getting drunk and going home with whoever paid her attention— not exactly model mother behaviour.

The restaurant was busy when she walked in. She didn’t immediately spot Rueben, but the waitress informed her that he was already seated and showed her over to their table.

Rueben had scrubbed up well, he looked nothing like he did at the hospital— but she guessed that working in healthcare was not the place to be looking your best all the time.

“Hey.” She smiled at him as she approached the table and he stood to greet her. She wasn’t sure whether to go in for a hug or not, but she didn’t need to think about it too hard when he went in and kissed her cheek and pulling a chair out for her.

“You look lovely.”

Aelin felt herself blush and focused on sitting down before she replied. “You look great, too. Not like someone who’s just done three night shifts.”

He laughed. “Sleeping the entire day and some coffee will do wonders.”

Their conversation over dinner was surprisingly easy. Aelin had worried that the easy flow they had over the phone and text would disappear once they saw each other in person. But they never seemed to run out of conversation and Aelin was laughing at all his jokes— and he at hers. She almost forgot about all the shit that was going down in her life as they sat and chatted. Aelin was sure the beer they were drinking helped too.

Rueben was the ultimate gentleman, who didn’t flinch when Aelin offered to pay for half of the dinner. She’d had a couple of bad experiences where guys would get angry that she even offered. But Reuben had just smiled and said okay. Aelin felt like he was almost too good to be true— where had this man been?

After they paid they wandered the streets of Orynth before finding their way down to the river. Aelin had to admit that it was one of her favourite spots in Orynth. Especially in the spring and summer when the sun would make the water glisten and bathe the whole place in it’s warm orange glow— like it was doing now.

“You know, I’ve lived in this city for almost ten years and I’ve never actually watched the sunset from the river.”

Aelin raised a brow. “It’s the best spot in the whole of Orynth. Unless you hike up to the top of the hill and watch from the park. That’s pretty nice too.”

“Maybe our next date we can go there. Make a picnic and enjoy the evening up in the heights.”

Aelin warmed at the prospect of another date. She knew this one had gone well, but you could never know with people.

“That would be great.” She smiled at him and he moved a little closer, his hand grazing her own. Aelin was trying not to overthink it as she let her pinky graze his back, nor did she overthink when he didn’t shy away and their hands joined together. She looked over at the water, a smile playing on her face as she got used to the weight of his hand, the softness of his skin on hers.

“How’s Maia?”

They walked past the bridge that crossed to the newer side of Orynth and kept walking down towards the edge of the city, where the tree’s lined the pathways and the river twisted around a bend.

“She’s good. No more injuries, thank god.”

Rueben laughed and Aelin realised she really liked the sound of it.

“That’s good to hear. Although, is it bad that part of me wanted you to come back in?”

Aelin laughed lightly. “And why is that?”

He nudged her gently. “Because you’re beautiful and I wanted an excuse to see you again. And maybe so I could’ve asked you out.”

“Well it was a good thing you were working when my friend was having her baby.” Aelin glanced up at him and he was already staring back her, his eyes soft.

“I’m very thankful she came in when she did.” His smile fell slightly and his face went serious for a second, but he held her gaze and Aelin could feel her heart start to beat faster. “Would it be okay if I kissed you?”

They had stopped their walking and were stood by the edge of the river. Their hands were still entwined and Aelin felt nervous again. Not in a bad way, but in the way that you did when you were about to share your first kiss with someone. The way she had felt with Rowan when they had first been together.

“It’s okay if you want to say no.” Reuben said quietly.

Aelin just shook her head. “You can kiss me.” She whispered back.

He waited just a moment, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. And then he was leaning forward and Aelin was going up on her tip-toes and their lips met in a sweet, short kiss. But it left Aelin tingly and warm, and feeling like she could have a million more.

Rueben smiled at her as they pulled away. “My apartment isn’t far from here and I have a balcony which overlooks the river, although no sunset view unfortunately… but I do have a cold bottle of wine in the fridge if you fancy it. Or we can just have coffee and enjoy as much of the evening sun as I get. I promise I have no ulterior motives. I just—“ he smiled and kissed her again softly, “I don’t want this evening to end yet.”

Aelin felt herself blushing again and then she found herself nodding and smiling. “You clearly know the way to my heart.”

“That’s what I was hoping to hear.”

Aelin let him lead the way back to his apartment. Which really wasn’t far from where they were. She was almost awestruck when she saw the beautiful old building and felt herself falling in love with the high ceilings and the hardwood floors throughout. And his balcony had the most gorgeous view over the river and the newer side of Orynth.

“This place must cost a fortune.” She said as he poured her a glass of wine and sat down next to her on the loveseat. The sun was still shining over them and Aelin settled into the seat.

“It wasn’t cheap. But I actually rented this with a couple of friends when we were in university. I was lucky because the landlady decided to sell it and I had just inherited some money which I had planned to invest in stocks, but I had fallen in love with this place, so I put in an offer.” He took a sip of wine, “it was a lowball offer. I mean, she could have easily got at least fifty or sixty grand over the asking price. But she knew me and she knew how much I loved the place so I got it for a steal.”

“You really were lucky.”

“Definitely. I can imagine being here for a while.”

Aelin didn’t want to get ahead of herself… but she could see herself living here too. Maybe if she hadn’t had Maia and was on her own… she could live here with him. They could bask in the sun in the evenings, or have coffee in the mornings. She looked to Rueben who was already watching her with a soft gaze. She leaned over and kissed him once and then they sipped on their wine for a while, both of them watching the sun as it started to hide behind the buildings. The evening was still warm, and so neither rushed to go inside. Nor did Aelin rush to say goodbye.

“So, I’m sorry if this too personal… but I’m curious about Maia’s father. You haven’t really mentioned him and so I assumed you’re not together.”

Aelin’s smile fell. “I’m not the kind of person to cheat. So no, we’re not together.”

“But he’s still around? I just wanted to figure out the situation.”

Aelin sighed and put her wine down. “Do you want the full version or the quick one?”

Rueben laughed and tucked Aelin under his arm, so that they were cuddled together. “Whichever you want. I’ve got the whole night to listen.”

Aelin felt a shiver go through her at his words, but ignored it.

“Whatever you’re comfortable with, Aelin.” He kissed her gently and Aelin felt herself leaning into it, deepening it ever so slightly before pulling away.

“He left me at the altar five years ago. He didn’t know I was pregnant and I didn’t want to tell him because I was angry. I raised Maia on my own for those five years. And then just over a month ago I took on a new client and it happened to be him.”

Reuben sucked in a breath. “That’s rough.”

Aelin nodded, but continued. “We pretended we didn’t know each other in front of his fiancée and then shit happened and he found out about Maia and now he’s kind of back in our lives and I’m trying to figure out how to deal with it all.” Aelin gave Rueben a nervous smile. “I realise I come with a lot of baggage and I won’t be offended if you don’t want to be involved in it all.”

Rueben just shook his head and laughed. “I don’t know if you realise this, but I’m kind of really into you. And maybe this is me being too forward, but I’m past the point of casual flings and serial dating, so for me I tend to date for it to turn into the long term. I know it’s a lot… but I figured you’d be in a similar position considering Maia and everything.”

Aelin was speechless for a moment. How many times had she wished that the guy she was dating would say these words to her? How many times had she wished she could find someone who was interested in the long term and not just for a night? And now this man was sitting beside her, saying all the words she wanted to hear and it felt like things were falling into place around her. She ignored the voice in the back of her mind screaming Rowan’s name.

“I don’t want to be the kind of mother who brings home different men every couple of months. So yeah… I’m in a similar position.”

Rueben picked up his glass, then motioned to Aelin’s. She picked it up too and Rueben smiled widely as he clinked them together and said, “here’s to us, then.”

Aelin wasn’t really certain whether it was the wine or just the fact that Rueben was perfect and the date was perfect, but she didn’t hesitate when he closed the gap between them again and kissed Aelin like their lives depended on it. His lips were soft and they were gentle yet passionate as he kissed her harder. Their tongues swept against each other and Aelin found herself crawling onto his lap, Rueben’s hands coming to rest on her waist.

Aelin really wished she’d worn the dress. The kiss deepened further and she was moving on top of him and he was groaning quietly at the feel of it. There was something about the slow and exciting rush of taking each others clothes off. She loved the way Rueben brushed his hands down her arms, the way his fingers caressed her stomach as he lifted her top over her. Aelin revelled in the hardness of his stomach, but also the smooth, soft nature of his skin. She loved the thrill of exploring someone’s body for the first time.

Rueben kept kissing her in between undoing her trousers and Aelin fumbling with his own shirt.

“I need to grab—“ he was cut off by her kiss and they smiled against each others lips as Aelin kissed him again. “Stay here, don’t you dare move.”

Aelin slipped off his lap, her breathing heavy as she undid her bra and slid her trousers off. The wine definitely helped as she felt confident and beautiful. Especially when Reuben came back and he paused to look at her, before whispering, “holy shit,” and coming over to shower her with more kisses. Aelin closed her eyes and let her mind go quiet as she let Reuben explore her.

He kissed over her breasts and up her neck, back to her mouth as he brought her on top of him again and this time she was the one to groan at the feel of him beneath her. The fabric of her underwear so thin that she could feel everything. Rueben’s hand went down to her centre and she gasped as he began to rub gently in circles.

“We don’t have to do anything, I just…” Rueben was silenced as Aelin kissed him hard and encouraged undress completely.

“I want to.” She gasped out. She wasn’t lying, she needed to find release in something… in someone. Even if there was a small part of her that was screaming to stop— to think about what she was doing, to think about Rowan and his confession and the fact he was back in her life.

Aelin just kissed Rueben harder, her hands running down his chest and then back to his head where she ran her hands through his hair.

She was feeling so much and so fast that she didn’t even see or feel Rueben slip on the condom. But she let him direct her over the top of him and they both groaned as she slipped down onto him and he filled her before starting to move. He kissed her neck, his hands exploring every inch of her body as they moved together.

Aelin dug her nails into his shoulders and gripped tight as she started to move faster and then Rueben was moving faster too, their bodies joining together and gods. Aelin hadn’t felt this good in such a long time.

She bent her head down and captured Rueben’s lips with her own and it was hot and messy but it only turned them on more and before she knew it she was coming undone above him, Rueben following behind her shortly.

They were both breathing heavily as they slowed to a stop, Rueben not immediately moving out of her. Instead he kissed her softly and let his hands run over her body.

“You really are beautiful, Aelin.”

And she felt it. For the first time in such a long time, she hadn’t thought about the scar on her stomach nor had she minded the stretch marks that ran across her either. Rueben had made her feel perfect and she never wanted to come down from this high.

“Should we shower?” He laughed.

She looked down at them and she saw the sweat shining on both their bodies and laughed along with him whilst nodding.

Rueben pulled out of her and she felt the emptiness immediately. Her body was almost crying out for him again and she could tell by the heat in Reuben’s eyes that he felt the same way.

It took them no time to start round two under the stream of the shower. Rueben pinning Aelin against the wall as he moved in her at a more steady but no less frantic pace. She was writhing at his touch and the feel of him in her, her body on fire with the sensation of it all.

When they’d eventually managed to pull themselves apart for long enough, he had handed Aelin a t-shirt and some boxer shorts and they had curled up together in his king-sized bed and kissed for a while before finally pulling away. Aelin had rested her head on his chest and his hand drew circles on her back as they lay in comfortable silence.

“Do you need to get home?”

Aelin shook her head. “Maia is with her grandparents for the night.”

“So I can have you to myself?”

Aelin grinned into his chest. “Yes.”

He kissed her head. “I’m sorry if we went too fast today. But you are doing something to me, Aelin. And I can’t stop myself.”

Aelin thought she felt the same. The desperate way they had devoured each other was surely a sign that he was doing something to her. Although she wasn’t sure if her heart was fully agreeing with her body.

“I’ve got Sunday off. Maybe we can do something?” Rueben said quietly.

Aelin’s stomach sank. “Maia and I tend to do something on Sunday’s. It’s always been the one day I reserve for her without fail.”

Rueben nodded. “I get it. Well, I can take you out for dinner next week then. Or even just lunch when you’re free.”

Aelin was surprised and relieved that he hadn’t pushed meeting Maia. She knew he had already technically met her, but she found herself liking him more for not forcing it. She said as much to him.

“I can’t dictate this stuff. You have to feel comfortable with me meeting her. And her father maybe should have a say too.”

Fuck. She hadn’t even given Rowan a second thought… but he was right. He’d definitely have something to say about it. And from his reaction to her going on a date, he probably wasn’t going to be in any hurry to let Reuben into Maia’s life.

“Yeah, he probably should have a say.”

Rueben kissed her again and then once more on her forehead. “As long as I get to see you, then I’m happy.”

Aelin grinned and kissed him again. And it didn’t take long for Rueben to have her on her back and moaning his name.

Aelin really struggled to leave bed that morning. Rueben had tried his best to keep her there for as long as he could, and although he failed, he had joined her in the shower and they had used the time wisely.

Aelin was feeling satisfied and happier than she had in a long time as she kissed him goodbye and made the walk of shame to work.

She hadn’t anticipated staying at his place, so she was wearing the same outfit she had gone out in last night and she was just thankful that Elide would be the only one to notice… which she did.

“Oh my god. You stayed with him!” Elide had squealed when Aelin had entered the office.

Aelin just grinned and nodded.

“So it must’ve gone well then?”

“It did. He was such a gentleman and he has this amazing apartment along the river and honestly I hadn’t planned on staying… but with the wine and the sun…”

Elide clapped her hands together and grinned. “So how was the sex?”

Aelin’s cheeks went red.

“That good, huh?”

“You have no idea.” Aelin took a seat at her desk and Elide sat in a chair opposite. “We may have done it on his balcony and in the shower… twice.”

Elide giggled. “Holy shit. How do you even manage that?”

Aelin shrugged. “Once just didn’t feel like enough. I mean, it was spread over several hours, but I don’t know.”

“I hope you used protection.” Elide laughed.

“Of course. I’m not sure I have the mental capacity to deal with being pregnant just yet.”

“So he wants to see you again”

Aelin smiled and nodded. “We both agreed we didn’t want it to be just some fling. He was super honest about it all, and he also wasn’t pressuring me about Maia and wanting to see her and it was refreshing. He’s fun and handsome and I think I can see it going somewhere.”

“So you talked a lot?”

Aelin paused. They of course had talked… but she couldn’t really remember what it was about. She chalked it up to getting distracted with the sex and the newness and exciting nature of a new relationship. “We talked enough, I guess. I honestly don’t remember… but we discussed what we wanted from each other.” She smiled at Elide, hiding the small panic she had in her chest.

“I’m happy for you. It’s been a long time since I’ve seen you this cheerful. The sex probably helps with that.”

“What?” The low, stormy voice asked from the doorway.

Aelin looked up from her computer and Elide whirled her head around and both their smiles disappeared as they beheld Rowan.

Elide stood from her chair and gave Aelin an apologetic, guilty look and left the office. She brushed past Rowan who didn’t even give her a second look.

Aelin cleared her throat and Rowan took it as an invitation to come into her office. He closed the door with more force than necessary and stopped in front of her desk, his eyes dark and his fists clenched tightly as he stared at Aelin.

“What are you doing here?”

He ignored her question. “What did she mean the sex probably helps?”

Aelin tore her gaze from his and scrolled through her emails.

“Aelin.” His voice was low. “What was Elide talking about?”

“Nothing you need to worry yourself with.”

“Is this the guy you’re dating?” He growled out.

Aelin sighed. “Yes, Rowan. It is.”

“Didn’t you say you’d just started seeing him?”

Aelin rolled her eyes. “It’s none of your business.”

“It is my business because he might meet Maia one day and she is my business.”

“Jesus, Rowan. My sex life has nothing to do with you or your relationship with Maia.”

There was silence. Then, “so you are sleeping with him?”

“Why does it matter?” She gave him a stern look then said, “clearly you already know the answer. Why bother torturing yourself with asking me.”

“I just find it baffling when you told me you loved me. Not even a week ago, if I remember correctly. And now you’re fucking other guys?”

Aelin stood abruptly. “I’m not fucking other guys. I went on a date with someone, it went well, we went home together. But we’re serious about it and it’s not just some fling.”

“You slept with him after one date?”

“I’m not having this conversation with you.”

“What a good example you’re setting for Maia.”

Aelin was livid. “Fuck you.”

Rowan stopped Aelin from leaving her office, his tall frame blocking the door.

“Move.”

He crossed his arms. “Who is he?”

Aelin tapped her foot and looked anywhere but at him.

“For gods sake, Aelin. Answer the damn question.”

He was relentless. “His name is Rueben. He is a doctor at Orynth General.”

“Does he know you have a daughter?”

“Yes.”

Rowan seemed to be at a loss for words for a moment. Aelin took a step away from him and decided it wasn’t worth the argument. Instead she sat down at her desk and continued looking through her emails. She was half way through replying to one, when her phone pinged and she looked down to see Reuben’s name. She smiled to herself and opened the message.

The apartment is empty without you.

Also, I had a really great time. When are you free?

She was typing back with a smile on her face when Rowan came back over from the door.

“Is it him?”

She put the phone down. “Why exactly are you here?”

Rowan narrowed his eyes at her then took a seat in the armchair. “I wanted to update you on Lyria.”

Aelin sighed. “I don’t want to know, Rowan. Unless it has something to do with Maia, then I really don’t want to hear about your drama.”

“We’ve broken up.”

Aelin stilled. She glanced up at Rowan who didn’t look the least bit upset.

“What about the baby?”

Rowan shrugged. “She’s going to get a paternity test when it’s born. If it’s mine then of course I’ll be there to help her… and if it’s not,” he ran a hand through his hair, “then I guess I dodged a bullet.”

Aelin nodded once.

“She’s pissed at you of course. And I’m sure you can expect a long email from her.”

Aelin rolled her eyes. It wasn’t like she hadn’t had annoyed brides before. She could handle Lyria.

“If that’s all you came to tell me… then you can go. I have work to do.”

“You know, I still haven’t heard from the lawyers you keep talking about.”

Aelin groaned internally. Was he never going to leave? “I’m getting round to it.”

Rowan merely smirked and then sat back in the chair further, crossing on leg over the other. “I’d like to see Maia this weekend.”

Aelin gave him a wary look and just shook her head. “We’ve been over this.”

“I know. But you know I’ll look after her, you know I’d never let her get hurt. But I want some time with her, without you. We can do it at your house, or at your parents… but I just want some time.”

Aelin was about to say no when she thought about it for a second more… If Rowan wanted to spend time alone with Maia, and Maia was desperate to see Rowan— there was no reason for her to stop them. She could set them up at her house, a place that is familiar to Maia and somewhere that was close to her parents. And then Aelin could see Reuben again. She felt a small amount of guilt for feeling like she was handing off her kid to go and see him, but it could work. It’s not like it would be an everyday occurrence.

So she nodded. “Okay.”

Rowan looked shocked. “Okay?”

Aelin shrugged. “Sure. She wants to see you too and it means I can see Reuben. I think it’s a win win.”

Rowan shook his head. “No. You can’t go and see your fuck-buddy whilst I’m with her.” The words came out quickly and stern.

“First of all, he’s not my fuck-buddy. Second of all, why not?”

“We should be spending time as a family.”

Aelin laughed incredulously. “You just said you wanted to see her on your own. But as soon as I say I might see Reuben you suddenly want me there too?” She eyed Rowan curiously and watched as various emotions flashed across his face. And then it occurred to her, “are you jealous?”

Rowan sat up then. He let out a short laugh. “Why would I be jealous?”

Aelin leant back in her chair. “Because you’re being really weird about me dating again. And you’ve done nothing but insult Reuben since the moment you found out about him.”

“I’m not jealous.”

Aelin smiled brightly. “Great. Then you can have Maia on Sunday and I will go on a date with Rueben.”

Rowan narrowed his eyes. “Fine.”

“Fine. I’ll see you on Sunday.”

Rowan took that as his cue to leave and he slowly dragged his way out of the office. Elide came rushing back in and Aelin filled her in on what he said. Her friend was grinning like the Cheshire Cat as Aelin told her the story.

Elide gave Aelin a knowing glance as she left her office and with a wiggle of her eyebrows was gone.

Aelin spent the rest of the day mulling over everything. Her mood would have been awful if it hadn’t been for the texting back and forth with Reuben and then the phone call with him on her lunch break. She was smiling from ear to ear, even as she raced home to see Maia. Because despite the fun she had had with Reuben, she had missed her baby.

But it seemed Maia was far too excited about seeing Rowan on Sunday than she was with seeing Aelin. So even when she informed Maia that she wouldn’t be there and it would just be her and Rowan, she didn’t seem to care at all— which made it all the more easier for Aelin to organise the date with Reuben.

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