If baby can’t play with dada
Then baby will join dada~💙
not sure i can provide an explanation
Oh my god, someone hug LXC please, the poor boy.
Lan Xichen finds a beginning after the end.
It takes time.
The months following A-Yao’s betrayal sting against the edges of his ribs, sinking in to pierce his heart sharper than any blade. He does not hardly eat, he cannot sleep for the nightmares that come to haunt him.
A gentle voice, a pleasant smile, dripping honey as he drives the pain home over and over again each night, leaving Lan Xichen to wake in cold sweats with the whisper of “I would never hurt you, er-ge” in his mind. A perfect illusion shattering to embed itself in his mind and burrow into his soul, leaving trails of blood and heartache in their wake. “I would never hurt you.”
But oh, how he had hurt him.
And it takes time.
Time for the memories to fade, for the meditations to actually work in helping calm his troubled spirit. Time for him to be able to see the flash of gold against the world and not feel like his heart has been ripped out, shredded to dust by the man he once called brother.
It takes time, but he does it.
The first day he leaves his seclusion, he feels like he’s not ready. He’s been gone too long, he isn’t sure what awaits him, he worries others will see the weakness behind his brittle, faded smile. He is not ready. But he steps, one foot in front of the other until he finds himself before his council, taking his place as the sect leader once more.
And he worries, when the days begin to come easier. Is it wrong to move on? To say goodbye and find peace, even as his sworn brothers fight in undeath? But he breathes, and it is gone.
They are dead- but he is not. They would not want him to act as if he were.
And he worries, when there is a stirring in his heart when they come near, new and bright and wonderful. He worries when they say something and it prompts him to smile. Not a polite, political smile, but a true, genuine, bright smile, that comes with aching, breathless ribs and laughter like the sun.
A smile that shattered under the stones of the Guanyin Temple.
And he breathes, basking in the sun as it sinks beneath the horizon, watching as they smile with him, almost too good to be true. And the worry that gnaws on his bones eases some.
It takes time. It will always take time, after the pain A-Yao caused him. After the seeds of haunting doubts he managed to sew in the hours before his death. Days. Weeks. Months.
He stutters and hides away, confused and unsure. How can he know? If he could not see the deception in his sworn brother’s heart, how will he find it in another’s? How can he know that caring, true caring, will not lead him back to the depths of pain?
It takes time, to let another into his heart again.
But it happens.
“You delight me,” he whispers in the breath after their lips have parted, the moon high above them, his ribbon tied around their wrists. “Surely you must be my perfect match.”
“I am far from perfect,” they say softly back, fitting against his side like a matched puzzle piece. “But for you, I would try.”
For a moment, his mind flashes back to a man who he thought was perfect once, only to bring the pain later when all his flaws were brought to light. There is a comfort in the way they have never tried to hide their flaws- their shortcomings.
“I do not want perfection,” he confesses, the truth laid bare between them. “I merely want you. Perfectly imperfect you, if you can accept a perfectly imperfect me.”
“Ah, now that, A-Huan, I can do.”
It takes time. Healing always does, and his wounds are still not quite scarred over. But with them, it is that much easier.
With them, he can start looking forward to the future again.
Lan Qiren: All my disciples including my beloved Wangji and Xichen are good, obedient, proper gentlemen who would never break the rules-
Wei Wuxian: HOLD MY BEER-
JC : Lan Xichen Are you teased me?
LCX: Haha i’m sorry, Wanyin.
listen no thots bc ive just spilled three-quarters a glass of wine on my keyboard and so im typing on borrowed time, but I think trans xichen AND trans mingjue have Interesting connotations for 3zun
A story for Xichen and Mingjue, in another time and another place.
The Beifeng, the mighty empire of the north, invaded more than a year ago, moving inexorably south and east.
In order to buy peace, the chief of the Lan clan has given the Beifeng warlord a gift, his second oldest son in marriage. However, when Xichen finds out he makes a plan.
He, too, can give a gift to the Beifeng warlord, and he will not regret it.
It’s complete on AO3 here.
Notes: Check the tags if you’re concerned about the pairings ;)
For translations of the entirely fictitious Beifeng language, you’ll have to scroll to notes. I’m only going to translate something that’s not clear in the text. Sadly, there’s just not any other good way to do it on Tumblr!
Huaisang looked nervous, and it was not an expression that sat easily on his face. He paced in Xichen’s tent, ignoring his questions until Xichen finally set down his book and grabbed Huaisang’s arm.
“Anati, I am going to throw you out of my tent and into a snowbank if you do not tell me what bothers you.”
It was an idle threat, and they both knew it. Xichen was far too happy to do any such thing, and everyone knew it. He did try not to walk through every day with a foolish smile on his face, but he knew he failed most of the time, especially the days he woke to the sight of Mingjue’s face next to his. Especially on the days Mingjue stopped to see Xichen while he was working in the hospital to kiss his forehead. Especially on the days they put on their warmest clothes and rode out across the frozen plains together. Xichen was not so childish as to think they would never have any conflicts, but he was also not so naïve as to think the love he felt was common. It certainly wasn’t something he’d ever seen before.
Huaisang sank down onto a round pillow and sighed. “Anakau wants me to tell you something, but I’m a coward, and I don’t want to.”
Huaisang was in no way a coward, but he looked truly miserable, and Xichen’s heart stopped. All he could think was that Huaisang had heard some news about his family, or something terrible had happened to his brother, and his grip on Huaisang’s wrist tightened.
“Tell me,” he whispered hoarsely.
“We have had an offer from the Jin clan, an offer of good faith. They wish us to end our current advancement on their city and consider negotiations. I do not wish to accept anything…” Huaisang paused, his face darkening. “I’m sorry, I can’t explain more, but we are considering it, at least for the duration of winter. It would buy us time.”
Xichen let out a whooshing breath of relief, but Huaisang looked unhappy still.
“It is an offer like…like the Lan clan made.”
Xichen sat back and instinctively pulled on the stony, impassive mask he had not needed in months. “Mingjue wants to accept?”
Did he have a right to feel betrayed? Icy fingers crawled up Xichen’s back as he considered the terms of the treaty. For his pleasure. Given first consideration. In equal status. Pledge of life bond. No, they were breaking no terms, but he had thought…
It didn’t matter what he had thought. He reminded himself of the facts. He was a gift, not a choice. And he had no choices either. He could not go home to his father.
Xichen dug his thumbnail into his palm to focus his thoughts and still his expression into neutrality, but he must have looked betrayed, because Huaisang shook his head, words rushing out of him.
“It would not be like you. No one could be like you. There are reasons this is important, and they don’t have anything to do with you. Anakau is not happy with me, but it…I think we should accept a conditional agreement, a trial period of sorts, as though we are seeing if the situation suits. It would only be for three months, and it would not be real, Xichen. You are not being replaced.”
This last was said with such guilty vehemence, some of Xichen’s hurt faded, but not all of it. Perhaps not replaced, but he can’t imagine this won’t change things.
thinking about lan xichen and how maybe it’s worse when no one condemns you
ah yes, temperance, the card of *looks at smudged writing* centrism and indecisiveness
love and pain go hand in hand
Laura Marling, New Romantic
I love how LXC saw his brother misbehave for the second time in his entire life and immediately deduced that WWX was back. I imagine his conversation with his uncle went something like this:
LQR: I don’t understand what has gotten into Wangji.
LXC, who knows how hard his brother simps for WWX: Take a guess.
LQR, having war flashbacks to WWX’s time in the Cloud Recesses, pale: No.
LXC, who’s watched his brother mope and be unhappy for 13 years: Yes.
I was scrolling through the WangXian tag on Tumblr when I came across a post that I eventually scrolled past but it seems to have planted a germ of an idea that I just can’t shake loose and I tried and I tried and then I procrastinated some more for good measure but it didn’t work. So, here I am trying to present my thoughts with some degree of coherency.
The post that was the impetus for this post, talks about LWJ’s punishment after the events at Nightless City just before WWX’s death. That post raises the question of how LWJ could forgive his uncle and brother for a punishment that would have killed a lesser cultivator.
The moment I read the post I disagreed with it but I couldn’t quite put my finger on why but since I have been thinking about it for the past few days, I now know exactly why I disagreed with the post in the first place.
Before we proceed, I would like to make it clear that while what I’m about to say tracks across every canon of MDZS, I’m going to pick the details from the novel verse because it’s more detailed with regards to this particular aspect of the story, and also if you have only watched The Untamed/CQL and not read the novel (albeit only in its translated form) it might be easier to fall into the type of thinking that lead to the previous post in the first place.
Ideally, I should just link to the original post but since I found the post while I was scrolling through Tumblr’s tag for WangXian and initially tried to ignore it completely because I didn’t quite understand why that particular idea was troubling me, I don’t think it would be easy to find it again and since I’m disagreeing with the post I don’t want the author of the post to find this because even when we try to be rational our first response to being disagreed with is hurt or anger and I don’t want anyone to feel that way. These are just my thoughts and you might agree or disagree with them but I feel like I should put them out there since the idea will not leave me alone.
So, let’s get into it.
LWJ is given thirty-three discipline whips for each of the thirty-three GusuLan elders he gravely injured to protect WWX.
When WWX sees LWJ scars in the novel these are his thoughts-
Usually, with only one or two strikes of the discipline whip, it would already be enough of a punishment for the bearer to remember it for their whole life, never to make the same mistake ever again. The amount of scars on this person’s back accumulated thirty at the least. Just what sort of monstrous crime did he commit for him to be whipped so many times? If it really was a monstrous crime, why didn’t they kill him?
As we will later learn LWJ’s punishment is a little more detailed than just whipping he was also made to kneel in front of the “Wall of Discipline” following the whipping.
It’s a barbaric punishment and of course, the ones ordering it are his uncle and his brother who have both been established as characters who truly do love LWJ. So, why? Why is LWJ’s punishment so severe, well there are two reasons for that and I will discuss the lamer one first.
His punishment was severe because by this point we know that LWJ is probably one of the best cultivators of his generation if not the best (I could definitely argue for the latter, I mean this guy can fight Xue Yang wielding his sword with one hand and keep an entire horde of zombies at bay while playing his guqin with the other. And, did I mention this is happening at the same time, he literally managed to fight a horde of zombies and Xue Yang with two different cultivation methods being practised simultaneously and of course, he won but not only that there wasn’t a moment during this entire fight when that wasn’t the expected outcome). So, of course, if you want to really punish this guy the punishment has to be on par with his own physical and spiritual strength, it wouldn’t be much of a punishment he was able to do it without even breaking a sweat. I told you it was a bit lame.
Secondly and more importantly, the punishment should fit the crime. If the crime is particularly grievous, the punishment must be as well, it must be severe and in this particular story, depending on the individual’s spiritual strength a severe enough punishment might be different for different levels of cultivation. So, the real question is did LWJ deserve the punishment and the answer is an unequivocal YES.
LWJ grievously injured thirty-three GusuLan elders who were looking for him specifically so that they could find him before the other clans did because if the other clans did find him first they would kill him. After all, he saved WWX and kept him alive. The same WWX who at the Nightless City declared war on the combined might of the Cultivation World and then proceeded to kill thousands of Cultivators and then when they died he resurrected them to fight their very own comrades, that WWX.
Now, we might all argue he only fought the Cultivators because they killed all the Wen remnants and that only happened because he killed Jin ZiXuan who he technically didn’t kill but he definitely provided the opportunity and the weapon for his death because his ego couldn’t let Jin ZiXun go. At this point, we don’t know that there is another player in the mix but both these fights that ultimately take the lives of Jin ZiXuan and Jiang Yanli respectively were both started by WWX and even if we forget about the inciting event (Jin ZiXuan’s death), WWX still killed thousands of people from all clans. But, we only know these intricacies because the story is told from WWX’s perspective. LWJ doesn’t know this and neither do most of the people in the Cultivation World.
What they do know is that LWJ took WWX after he had killed thousands of cultivators and depleted the remaining Cultivators of their spiritual energy so thoroughly it took them three months to recover enough to mount a second attack. No matter how you spin it WWX is responsible for those deaths and LWJ is responsible for saving an outright murderer and then he further cemented his crimes by fighting thirty-three of his own elders and grievously injuring them in defence of said murderer when it seems like they largely made the journey to protect LWJ’s life and his reputation and not with the primary purpose of killing WWX.
So, yes he deserves his punishment and as he himself believes this -
But he (LWJ) said… that he could not say with certainty whether what you (WWX) did was right or wrong, but no matter what, he was willing to be responsible for all of the consequences alongside you.
The reason LWJ could forgive LXC and LQR for his punishment is because he didn’t need to. He understood exactly why he was being punished. At the end of the day, LWJ didn’t actually protect WWX thinking that he might be right, he protected WWX because he was intensely and irrevocably in love with him and he is ready to stand by his love right or wrong.
While these are all very valid points the real reason that post caused this disquiet to appear in me was because it was trying to paint LXC and LQR’s actions in a bad light with the power of hindsight completely forgetting that their actions were relevant in the context they happened in which brought me spiralling back to the story as a whole.
The story firmly tries to tell you that what you see and what you observe might paint a very clear narrative in your eyes but there is always a possibility that the narrative we feel is so immutable can completely change its structure if we were just able to see it in a different light as is beautifully illuminated by this story.
The other thing that we don’t realise is that in this story we aren’t depicted by LWJ or WWX or JC or JL or LSZ or even NHS and JGY for the matter. We are the mob, we are Sect Leader Yao, we are the people who are told stories that paint people in a certain light and then we can’t see them in any other light. In our very upbringing, some prejudices are a staple and we still harbour them and these influence how we interact with the world and more specifically how we judge people and their actions. This story urges us to remember that while things might seem black and white maybe unearthing the reasons behind them might make the story more grey, so the next time you decide to paint a group of people or even a particular person as wholly bad no matter how egregious their actions may seem remember the moral of Mo Dao Zu Shi, remember that there might be more to the story than meets the eye and more importantly remember that something in the future might make a success of today look like a blight on history.
If I have to be more precise, I would say the moral of this story is to be open to the possibility that we might not know the whole story and we might be wrong even when we are a 100% convinced we aren’t.
why of course! we love jelly beans heehe
here’s to your request!
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liu hai kuan posted this on weibo and wow .. shoulders 😳